|
Break up Artist The
|
| 00:00:16 |
# It doesn't matter who you are # |
| 00:00:20 |
# I wish upon a shooting star # |
| 00:00:22 |
# That you will be the one # |
| 00:00:25 |
# Who comes to rescue me # |
| 00:00:27 |
"I love you"-- the most powerful |
| 00:00:31 |
We hear it |
| 00:00:34 |
and it always turns us |
| 00:00:36 |
wild, playful and with limited |
| 00:00:41 |
Love is a many splendored thing. |
| 00:00:44 |
Love is eternal until it ends. |
| 00:00:47 |
And that is where I come in. |
| 00:00:51 |
Being in love is the bestest, even |
| 00:00:56 |
My parents said they found love in the |
| 00:01:04 |
Hi, Tyler. You look, like, |
| 00:01:09 |
I made you this. |
| 00:01:12 |
Wow, Britney. Thanks. |
| 00:01:17 |
I'm dumping you. |
| 00:01:23 |
Britney has cooties! |
| 00:01:26 |
Britney has cooties! |
| 00:01:29 |
Nuh-uh. I was gonna dump him anyways. |
| 00:01:33 |
Britney has cooties! |
| 00:01:37 |
Britney has cooties! |
| 00:01:39 |
Um, sorry. |
| 00:01:45 |
Love blows! |
| 00:01:56 |
Love... blows. |
| 00:02:01 |
You're a great person, but this |
| 00:02:06 |
It's time to move on... |
| 00:02:10 |
for me, for us. |
| 00:02:15 |
Sweetie, don't cry. This isn't good-bye. |
| 00:02:19 |
Okay? It's hello-- |
| 00:02:24 |
Wait. Who are you again? |
| 00:02:26 |
I'm Britney. Your ex-boyfriend, |
| 00:02:30 |
Oh, no. |
| 00:02:30 |
It's nothing personal. |
| 00:02:34 |
I'm Britney Brooks, |
| 00:02:38 |
But seriously, I mean, you |
| 00:02:41 |
You were doomed from day one. |
| 00:02:49 |
So how'd it go? |
| 00:02:51 |
She was a stage-three crier, Robyn. I |
| 00:02:55 |
Ohh. Okay, your next client's |
| 00:02:58 |
She needs to break |
| 00:03:00 |
She can't stand being |
| 00:03:03 |
Gary's just-- |
| 00:03:07 |
He's a liar, huh? |
| 00:03:10 |
No, no. He farts a lot, |
| 00:03:13 |
Oh. |
| 00:03:15 |
Wow. I mean, that was just |
| 00:03:20 |
Even I want to break up |
| 00:03:22 |
Here. Um-- |
| 00:03:25 |
On the back |
| 00:03:29 |
He's a gastroenterologist. |
| 00:03:32 |
Why would I need a stomach doctor? |
| 00:03:39 |
With your mother? |
| 00:03:44 |
We're gonna need something |
| 00:03:47 |
Okay. |
| 00:03:48 |
Look, Marissa, |
| 00:03:51 |
but that's what |
| 00:03:53 |
Men think all their past |
| 00:03:56 |
with fresh roses |
| 00:03:58 |
I like nougat. |
| 00:04:02 |
All right. |
| 00:04:05 |
First, you need to get through the five |
| 00:04:08 |
Stage one is denial. |
| 00:04:09 |
He can't break up |
| 00:04:12 |
Then anger. |
| 00:04:13 |
That fool, how dare |
| 00:04:16 |
Next is bargaining. |
| 00:04:18 |
Well, you know, maybe if I |
| 00:04:22 |
he'd realize I rock. |
| 00:04:25 |
Then depression. |
| 00:04:26 |
Maybe I don't rock. |
| 00:04:30 |
And finally, acceptance. |
| 00:04:33 |
Screw him. I do rock. |
| 00:04:37 |
Wow. I've never seen someone go |
| 00:04:42 |
Honey, you're gonna |
| 00:04:47 |
With my mother! |
| 00:04:58 |
Splitzville, Incorporated. |
| 00:05:00 |
When you're done kissing him, |
| 00:05:02 |
This is Tiffany. |
| 00:05:07 |
And we're also running a weekly special on |
| 00:05:12 |
Never ever wear silk to a break-up meeting, |
| 00:05:16 |
Clients looking to end it all |
| 00:05:18 |
I mean, they're actually |
| 00:05:21 |
What's wrong with that? |
| 00:05:23 |
The heart is a "special ed" |
| 00:05:26 |
And when you use something for the |
| 00:05:30 |
Ooh! Air kisses. |
| 00:05:34 |
Come on, Brit. |
| 00:05:37 |
By blood only. |
| 00:05:41 |
with the metabolism |
| 00:05:44 |
I mean, her MySpace occupation |
| 00:05:51 |
Oh. |
| 00:05:54 |
Oh, hey, Brit. We're going |
| 00:05:57 |
If you stop giving off that |
| 00:06:01 |
Why bother? |
| 00:06:03 |
Ninety-nine percent of all relationships |
| 00:06:06 |
And of the one percent who actually |
| 00:06:10 |
You have a half a hundredth percent |
| 00:06:15 |
Oh. Forgot. This is my boyfriend, Mike. |
| 00:06:21 |
Ash's new B.F., huh? |
| 00:06:23 |
Let me guess-- a plastic surgeon, |
| 00:06:27 |
No, I teach art to disadvantaged |
| 00:06:31 |
Actually, you know what? I just |
| 00:06:34 |
The winner gets 250 grand, |
| 00:06:37 |
So, if you guys ever have any |
| 00:06:42 |
Mm-mmm. |
| 00:06:46 |
Are you gonna come |
| 00:06:47 |
No, I'm just here |
| 00:06:49 |
I'm not actually |
| 00:06:52 |
because of a medical condition |
| 00:06:57 |
I've gotta go, sweetheart. |
| 00:07:00 |
I miss you already. |
| 00:07:05 |
Really nice to meet |
| 00:07:08 |
Wow, Ash, not bad. This one |
| 00:07:11 |
You'll be sick of him |
| 00:07:14 |
You're just jealous 'cause a man in |
| 00:07:18 |
Just once. Come out with us. |
| 00:07:22 |
I ended a lot of relationships today. |
| 00:07:29 |
Fine. |
| 00:07:41 |
Uh, you're giving off the "I'm |
| 00:07:45 |
No, it's the "I just paid 11 |
| 00:07:52 |
Brit, these guys are from that new |
| 00:07:57 |
They're rich and available. |
| 00:08:00 |
Before you begin, you should know that I don't |
| 00:08:07 |
Oh. Okay, that was rude. |
| 00:08:10 |
No, that was honest. Rude is trying to set |
| 00:08:15 |
Come on. Come, come. |
| 00:08:28 |
Um, these guys aren't |
| 00:08:34 |
Let's scare her up |
| 00:08:41 |
Chick dancing, guys? No. |
| 00:08:47 |
Hey, you're hot. |
| 00:08:51 |
Have I seen you |
| 00:08:53 |
Yeah. Yeah, you have. |
| 00:08:57 |
- That's why I don't go there anymore. |
| 00:09:00 |
Yeah. |
| 00:09:02 |
Hey, where are you going? |
| 00:09:07 |
Stupid guys. |
| 00:09:14 |
Hi. I'm looking |
| 00:09:16 |
Look, the rumors are false. I'm not |
| 00:09:20 |
I'm so sorry it's late. |
| 00:09:25 |
It's okay. Come on in. |
| 00:09:28 |
I'm a convenience store-- |
| 00:09:31 |
Rick is just |
| 00:09:33 |
I mean, he's so kind |
| 00:09:37 |
And his body, |
| 00:09:42 |
I mean, he does yoga. |
| 00:09:44 |
His Downward Dog, it's just-- |
| 00:09:49 |
I mean, I'm treating him like |
| 00:09:53 |
not like that fancy, nutrient-rich |
| 00:10:03 |
Can't I just break up |
| 00:10:06 |
It's a bad idea. Look, men |
| 00:10:09 |
with an ability to convince us that they can |
| 00:10:14 |
that the second chance will be different |
| 00:10:18 |
Listen. As an independent |
| 00:10:21 |
I will be completely immune to all |
| 00:10:27 |
I'm the break-up artist. |
| 00:10:30 |
Thank you. |
| 00:10:39 |
How do you handle this business? |
| 00:10:42 |
I mean, it's gotta be so depressing |
| 00:10:46 |
Strong humans like me have a duty to |
| 00:10:51 |
the ones who make tissue |
| 00:10:59 |
Plus, I never take |
| 00:11:29 |
You couldn't be anything else? |
| 00:11:33 |
I'll be back before you know it. |
| 00:11:35 |
Oh, my love, I shall miss you |
| 00:11:40 |
I love you, sweetheart. |
| 00:11:43 |
Hey, come on. |
| 00:11:52 |
Thank God you're here. |
| 00:11:55 |
We thought you left with |
| 00:11:57 |
I even watched the news this morning |
| 00:12:00 |
Your 1:00 just canceled. They said |
| 00:12:05 |
Probably another freelance dumper. |
| 00:12:08 |
You don't mess with the best, |
| 00:12:12 |
She always talks about herself |
| 00:12:16 |
Tiffany hates that. |
| 00:12:44 |
Uh, excuse me. |
| 00:12:47 |
Rick, right? Britney. |
| 00:12:50 |
Look, uh, Sally, |
| 00:12:53 |
she thinks you're a great |
| 00:12:56 |
but, well, she's just |
| 00:13:00 |
So, that's why she's |
| 00:13:04 |
Uh-- |
| 00:13:09 |
No, it's-- it's me. |
| 00:13:14 |
I should have treated |
| 00:13:18 |
The truth is, I never really felt |
| 00:13:21 |
I guess that's why I've been spending |
| 00:13:25 |
I run this dating |
| 00:13:27 |
E-Mate. Yeah, I know you guys. |
| 00:13:32 |
Sally really is amazing. |
| 00:13:36 |
It's probably why |
| 00:13:38 |
even though I knew |
| 00:13:40 |
She's the first girl who ever |
| 00:13:44 |
Yeah, well, we all believe in |
| 00:13:48 |
Santa Claus, wrinkle cream, |
| 00:13:55 |
Look, you're gonna |
| 00:13:58 |
Pain is temporary. |
| 00:14:06 |
By the way, um-- |
| 00:14:09 |
Love your outfit. |
| 00:14:11 |
Chartreuse is the perfect color |
| 00:14:14 |
Thank you. |
| 00:14:17 |
Um, look, |
| 00:14:19 |
here's, uh-- |
| 00:14:22 |
And, uh, it was really nice |
| 00:14:51 |
Stage-four crier? |
| 00:14:53 |
No, not at all. I-- |
| 00:14:55 |
I've seen all sorts |
| 00:14:58 |
fear, confusion, |
| 00:15:03 |
but never anything |
| 00:15:05 |
He actually said |
| 00:15:11 |
But he's a guy. Men never |
| 00:15:14 |
I know. I mean, okay, let's say |
| 00:15:18 |
Why kind of a girl would take |
| 00:15:22 |
Ugly nose. Fake boobs. |
| 00:15:27 |
Eating disorder. |
| 00:15:29 |
He needs to get |
| 00:15:33 |
Hey, Brit-Brit. |
| 00:15:35 |
Can you call |
| 00:15:38 |
I don't have room on my speed dial. |
| 00:15:42 |
So, I forgot to tell Allan I'm leaving him |
| 00:15:47 |
I'm supposed to meet him at |
| 00:15:50 |
Laters. |
| 00:15:54 |
Brit, we had |
| 00:15:57 |
They both say this other new |
| 00:16:00 |
Should we be worried? |
| 00:16:03 |
Also found this message |
| 00:16:07 |
TiVo His Girl Friday |
| 00:16:09 |
Uh-uh-uh. |
| 00:16:16 |
Um, you two go take care of |
| 00:16:21 |
Go. Go, go, go, go! |
| 00:16:30 |
I, uh, just wanted |
| 00:16:33 |
Oh. |
| 00:16:36 |
If Sally and I had broken up face-to-face, |
| 00:16:40 |
and curling up in the fetal position, |
| 00:16:44 |
It's no worries. |
| 00:16:48 |
Listen, I know this |
| 00:16:50 |
but, uh, I'm not a guy who |
| 00:16:54 |
Would you join me |
| 00:16:58 |
Uh-- |
| 00:17:01 |
Oh, uh, company policy |
| 00:17:09 |
Wow. That so did not go |
| 00:17:13 |
Uh, I'm sorry. |
| 00:17:16 |
It's just, uh, you know, |
| 00:17:20 |
Obviously, |
| 00:17:22 |
And I guess I'm just |
| 00:17:24 |
When I see someone I like, |
| 00:17:27 |
It always seemed to work for my hero, |
| 00:17:34 |
You okay? |
| 00:17:42 |
Uh-- |
| 00:17:47 |
Damn, Gary. |
| 00:17:51 |
But Lindsay really |
| 00:17:54 |
And, you know, |
| 00:17:59 |
No, actually, it is you. |
| 00:18:10 |
When Britney said you were |
| 00:18:12 |
wouldn't sleep with you, |
| 00:18:15 |
She said, "Save your breath because you'll |
| 00:18:20 |
No. No, no, I am not laughing, sir. |
| 00:18:24 |
Come on. It is funny. |
| 00:18:26 |
Hello? Hello, sir? |
| 00:18:30 |
What the hell, Brit? |
| 00:18:32 |
You're supposed to be a quick |
| 00:18:36 |
Instead, you're Dr. Phil-ing |
| 00:18:38 |
Relax. I'm on top of it. |
| 00:18:41 |
This other break-up service is |
| 00:18:44 |
business is slower than |
| 00:18:49 |
Hey. Sometimes things |
| 00:18:52 |
- Plus, these bills are just starting to-- |
| 00:18:55 |
What? No, I'm sorry. |
| 00:18:58 |
I'll see you guys tomorrow. |
| 00:19:07 |
I asked if I could use the bathroom an |
| 00:19:11 |
Go pee, sweetie. |
| 00:19:22 |
We even owe |
| 00:19:24 |
Ohh. Hi! |
| 00:19:27 |
Are you stuck in a bad relationship |
| 00:19:30 |
Yes. For 27 years. But that's not |
| 00:19:35 |
I'm Bob Green. I'm Britney's account |
| 00:19:40 |
I'm here regarding her |
| 00:19:43 |
What about them? |
| 00:19:44 |
She hasn't made any. |
| 00:19:52 |
Rick? Hello? |
| 00:20:04 |
I never believed in love |
| 00:20:07 |
until I saw you. |
| 00:20:11 |
You deserve that storybook movie |
| 00:20:16 |
and I want to be |
| 00:20:19 |
I know I came on too strong, |
| 00:20:24 |
There's just something |
| 00:20:29 |
I wish I could quit you. |
| 00:20:32 |
No, don't quit me. |
| 00:21:24 |
Let's make |
| 00:21:44 |
Wait. I think I have |
| 00:21:46 |
Frankly, my dear, |
| 00:22:26 |
- Britney? Britney Brooks? |
| 00:22:29 |
Sorry. Chuck Charleston. |
| 00:22:32 |
Oh. |
| 00:22:35 |
and I just totally recognized you. |
| 00:22:37 |
No way. I'm actually |
| 00:22:40 |
Oh, thank you. |
| 00:22:43 |
Oh, Rick raves about you, about how |
| 00:22:48 |
Yeah. |
| 00:22:51 |
And it scares him. |
| 00:22:53 |
That's why he feels it's best |
| 00:22:56 |
What? Uh-- I'm sorry. |
| 00:23:00 |
Why, uh-- Why would he |
| 00:23:05 |
Yeah. |
| 00:23:07 |
Yeah. |
| 00:23:09 |
Are you breaking up with me? |
| 00:23:12 |
Well, it's nothing personal. |
| 00:23:15 |
Chuck Charleston, |
| 00:23:18 |
Okay. |
| 00:23:19 |
You used the "nip it |
| 00:23:22 |
That's mine. I invented it. |
| 00:23:25 |
You are in a lot |
| 00:23:27 |
Wait. Look, it's not him. |
| 00:23:30 |
No, wait. It's not him-- |
| 00:23:33 |
Careful! |
| 00:23:37 |
That's pumpernickel! |
| 00:23:39 |
All right. Beat it, chuckles. |
| 00:23:44 |
Evidence. Evidence. |
| 00:23:48 |
Sorry about that, Brit. |
| 00:23:53 |
Our business? |
| 00:23:54 |
Yeah. |
| 00:24:00 |
You're the other |
| 00:24:04 |
You pretended to like me? |
| 00:24:07 |
Whoa, whoa. I was just doing market research, |
| 00:24:11 |
I couldn't know |
| 00:24:13 |
Besides, I was told you were this |
| 00:24:17 |
possibly not even into dudes. |
| 00:24:20 |
Anyway, Brooksy, |
| 00:24:22 |
Love is the one thing in this |
| 00:24:25 |
E-Mate brings 'em together, |
| 00:24:28 |
I control both ends of love's production. |
| 00:24:32 |
You're Microsoft-ing |
| 00:24:35 |
Britney, I'm sorry. |
| 00:24:37 |
It's just business. |
| 00:24:41 |
That's my line too, |
| 00:24:45 |
Hmph. |
| 00:24:48 |
It's okay. You've been in this |
| 00:24:53 |
Compose yourself and leave with dignity. |
| 00:25:09 |
Loser. |
| 00:25:16 |
You know, for years |
| 00:25:18 |
that life goes on |
| 00:25:21 |
but now I realize there aren't |
| 00:25:24 |
Nope. All the good fish |
| 00:25:26 |
The ones left swimming have been |
| 00:25:31 |
Come on. |
| 00:25:44 |
Oh, I love this song. |
| 00:25:46 |
Turn it off! |
| 00:25:48 |
God, I am so done with Rick. |
| 00:25:52 |
He's a lying, immature, |
| 00:25:56 |
Do you think, if I lost |
| 00:26:02 |
Oh. |
| 00:26:04 |
We need to tell her |
| 00:26:06 |
Not while she's in a serial stage. |
| 00:26:13 |
Air kisses all. |
| 00:26:18 |
You need to dump Mike for me. |
| 00:26:22 |
He's got all these expensive-looking |
| 00:26:26 |
but he, like, |
| 00:26:29 |
Ah, the nerve! |
| 00:26:32 |
Britney needs a break right now, Ash. |
| 00:26:37 |
No, no. |
| 00:26:40 |
If one more person tells me to |
| 00:26:45 |
I'm gonna start taking things |
| 00:26:47 |
Yeah. I'm gonna jump |
| 00:26:50 |
If Rick wants a break-up |
| 00:26:53 |
You do not mess |
| 00:27:04 |
Mmm. |
| 00:27:07 |
Britney, hey. It's really great to |
| 00:27:11 |
Mike, Ashley is-- |
| 00:27:13 |
Amazing. I know, I know. |
| 00:27:17 |
Ashley, an angel? |
| 00:27:21 |
She may be the Antichrist. |
| 00:27:24 |
You have really |
| 00:27:27 |
You and Ashley, you both have |
| 00:27:31 |
Every time she looks at me, |
| 00:27:33 |
you know, peeling back |
| 00:27:39 |
Ashley's breaking up with you. |
| 00:27:45 |
What? |
| 00:27:47 |
Yeah, it's, uh-- |
| 00:27:49 |
I'm sorry, but it's over. |
| 00:27:53 |
Wait a minute. |
| 00:27:56 |
But I totally recommend the lobster |
| 00:28:08 |
I should've been nicer to her. |
| 00:28:12 |
Been there-- |
| 00:28:16 |
Do you think, if I gained |
| 00:28:22 |
Oh, no! Ashley! |
| 00:28:26 |
Steven, you're past due |
| 00:28:32 |
They did? |
| 00:28:36 |
Okay. Bye. |
| 00:28:39 |
Rick's stupid company |
| 00:28:41 |
all our immature 20-something, |
| 00:28:44 |
I mean, |
| 00:28:48 |
Come on. |
| 00:28:50 |
Come on. |
| 00:28:52 |
It's okay. |
| 00:28:54 |
We will. |
| 00:29:02 |
He was in no condition |
| 00:29:08 |
Wait a second. |
| 00:29:13 |
You're Ashley's sister. You know |
| 00:29:18 |
Listen, I will-- |
| 00:29:20 |
I will pay you anything you |
| 00:29:22 |
Okay? Anything. I've got |
| 00:29:27 |
We'll take it! |
| 00:29:28 |
What? |
| 00:29:31 |
No, no. I don't get people |
| 00:29:34 |
That'd be like Al Gore |
| 00:29:36 |
Britney, but you don't understand. |
| 00:29:38 |
Just tell me |
| 00:29:41 |
Money. Do you make a lot? |
| 00:29:42 |
I'm a Y.M.C.A. art teacher. |
| 00:29:46 |
Mm-hmm. Strike one. |
| 00:29:49 |
I'm a vegan. |
| 00:29:50 |
Strike two. Ashley only enjoys |
| 00:29:55 |
Do you like to travel? |
| 00:29:57 |
I've been to Bakersfield once. |
| 00:30:00 |
Strike three. Sorry, can't help you. |
| 00:30:03 |
Please. You don't understand. Listen, |
| 00:30:06 |
and you're oddly attractive in a "George from |
| 00:30:10 |
but you have the one thing that Ashley |
| 00:30:15 |
So-- |
| 00:30:28 |
The Arrowhead guy too? |
| 00:30:30 |
Yeah. Your last few |
| 00:30:34 |
We're gonna have to |
| 00:30:38 |
Or I lose everything. |
| 00:30:42 |
This is why love blows. |
| 00:30:46 |
We'll fix it, Brit. |
| 00:30:50 |
And I'll give back the stapler |
| 00:31:03 |
Sorry, girls, |
| 00:31:13 |
That's good. |
| 00:31:24 |
That's nice. |
| 00:31:38 |
Okay, guys, that's it. |
| 00:31:44 |
Good work. |
| 00:31:55 |
I knew it. I knew the power |
| 00:32:00 |
Yeah, love. |
| 00:32:04 |
Uh, yeah, sure. |
| 00:32:07 |
I mean, I'd pay anything to get |
| 00:32:14 |
I'm sorry. Really. |
| 00:32:19 |
I painted this when I was with Ashley. |
| 00:32:22 |
I had this artistic explosion in my |
| 00:32:27 |
You got whipped in a week? |
| 00:32:30 |
I even sold two of my pieces. I never |
| 00:32:34 |
And now-- |
| 00:32:38 |
all I can paint is this. |
| 00:32:44 |
Yeah. I need Ashley back, |
| 00:32:48 |
I need my muse back. These kids are expecting |
| 00:32:51 |
How am I supposed to lead them |
| 00:32:57 |
That's why I'm here. |
| 00:32:59 |
What? You're gonna help-- |
| 00:33:05 |
Oh! Yes! |
| 00:33:07 |
Thank you. Thank you. |
| 00:33:10 |
Okay. |
| 00:33:11 |
Rule number one. |
| 00:33:12 |
Do not ever hug me again. |
| 00:33:16 |
Oh. |
| 00:33:18 |
Yeah? |
| 00:33:22 |
Really? Even if I have a-- |
| 00:33:25 |
Rule number three: |
| 00:33:31 |
Within this building lies the |
| 00:33:34 |
west of an MTV Real World |
| 00:33:36 |
Hold your own in here |
| 00:33:39 |
I'm allergic to dogs, |
| 00:33:42 |
but I have a cat. |
| 00:33:45 |
See, women like that are similar to |
| 00:33:51 |
So, consider this practice-- |
| 00:33:54 |
Britney, I don't want her. |
| 00:33:57 |
Yeah, and Ashley loves |
| 00:34:00 |
men with the balls |
| 00:34:03 |
God, how'd you meet |
| 00:34:06 |
Oh, she, uh-- |
| 00:34:09 |
said that I was hot, |
| 00:34:11 |
Adorable. |
| 00:34:14 |
Well, if you can't handle hitting |
| 00:34:16 |
how do you expect to handle being |
| 00:34:20 |
a girl who's your muse? |
| 00:34:46 |
Very nice. Maybe there |
| 00:34:49 |
Well, that girl's married, but |
| 00:34:54 |
So, good? |
| 00:34:57 |
Huh? |
| 00:34:57 |
Ashley doesn't want a guy who |
| 00:35:01 |
Get back out there and prove to me |
| 00:35:13 |
Oh, uh, here. |
| 00:35:15 |
Let me get that. Yeah? |
| 00:35:17 |
Yes. Thank you so much. |
| 00:35:20 |
Say thank you, Leah. |
| 00:35:23 |
Uh, I'm Mike. |
| 00:35:26 |
Nice to meet you. |
| 00:35:28 |
Give him a kiss. It's okay. It's okay. |
| 00:35:34 |
I'm so sorry. I'll get him. |
| 00:35:37 |
Leah! Come back! |
| 00:35:41 |
Leah! |
| 00:35:44 |
If people find out |
| 00:35:46 |
No, we're jobless, Tiff. |
| 00:35:49 |
This is a necessary evil. |
| 00:35:53 |
But-- But an outlet store? |
| 00:35:57 |
I'd be buying retail-- |
| 00:36:01 |
I wasn't looking at her chest. |
| 00:36:05 |
Something written on her ass too! |
| 00:36:13 |
Excuse me, ma'am, |
| 00:36:16 |
A big, fat jerk! |
| 00:36:18 |
Agreed. We can make that significant |
| 00:36:22 |
Hi, Sarah. I'm Rick Barnes, |
| 00:36:25 |
I represent Pat, and while he apologizes |
| 00:36:29 |
he feels that you've got |
| 00:36:32 |
That's why he thinks it's best for |
| 00:36:36 |
- Are you breaking up with me? |
| 00:36:38 |
Yeah. |
| 00:36:42 |
Dude, check out my other site-- E-Mate. |
| 00:36:47 |
Ladies. |
| 00:36:50 |
Mm-mmm. |
| 00:36:52 |
Time to get our game faces on. |
| 00:37:00 |
Oh, sorry. Wrong game. |
| 00:37:10 |
He'll dump you as soon |
| 00:37:23 |
Oh, if it isn't the Matisse of mucus. |
| 00:37:26 |
I just didn't know you were gonna so quickly |
| 00:37:30 |
You and Ashley go together about |
| 00:37:33 |
Okay? Let it go. |
| 00:37:35 |
Are you kidding me? No. I need |
| 00:37:39 |
Love is an illusion created by |
| 00:37:43 |
to peddle chocolates and those candy |
| 00:37:47 |
Love and 6.50 |
| 00:37:49 |
- What does that even mean? |
| 00:37:52 |
Ashley doesn't want |
| 00:37:54 |
She must have been in an appletini-induced |
| 00:37:58 |
Okay, well, |
| 00:38:00 |
Help me become the man she wants. |
| 00:38:03 |
I will be your blank canvas so |
| 00:38:07 |
Okay, you took that metaphor |
| 00:38:13 |
Well? |
| 00:38:18 |
Fine. Come on. |
| 00:38:20 |
Cary Grant. Gregory Peck. |
| 00:38:23 |
Those were real men-- |
| 00:38:31 |
I mean, you see the way |
| 00:38:34 |
Every movement is confident and |
| 00:38:39 |
except they actually |
| 00:39:14 |
I didn't say |
| 00:39:21 |
I didn't. I just-- |
| 00:39:23 |
Get out! Go! |
| 00:39:27 |
Okay. Okay. I thought you |
| 00:39:30 |
All right, that 10 grand, |
| 00:39:33 |
I do not accept Visa |
| 00:39:35 |
Yeah, okay, anything. |
| 00:39:38 |
Steven Salon. Noon today. |
| 00:39:42 |
First thing we need to do |
| 00:39:44 |
Steven Salon. |
| 00:39:48 |
Promise you won't mess |
| 00:39:53 |
Yeah? |
| 00:40:03 |
Ashley considers celebrity |
| 00:40:06 |
With an Esquire cut, |
| 00:40:10 |
I look like a gigolo. |
| 00:40:11 |
It takes hours to look |
| 00:40:18 |
I can barely breathe in this. |
| 00:40:21 |
Okay, you know, |
| 00:40:24 |
It needs to be tight. |
| 00:40:28 |
Do you even work out? |
| 00:40:32 |
Kidding. |
| 00:40:34 |
How tall are you? |
| 00:40:36 |
About 6"1'. |
| 00:40:39 |
Really? |
| 00:40:41 |
About 5"11'. |
| 00:40:43 |
You're gonna need |
| 00:40:44 |
Ashley likes her men tall, |
| 00:40:48 |
I got a deal on the shirt. |
| 00:40:52 |
Bucks? For-- |
| 00:40:56 |
Oh, Britney, I can find a three |
| 00:41:01 |
200 bucks. |
| 00:41:03 |
If Ashley smells the stench |
| 00:41:06 |
not even God himself |
| 00:41:13 |
The hot dog is in the bun. |
| 00:41:15 |
Over. |
| 00:41:18 |
Camouflage doesn't help you |
| 00:41:22 |
Sorry. But remember to end all |
| 00:41:26 |
Okay, Britney |
| 00:41:29 |
Britney fired us. |
| 00:41:32 |
If we can follow Rick and figure |
| 00:41:35 |
then we can take him down! |
| 00:41:37 |
And then Britney will un-downsize us. |
| 00:41:40 |
P-Please, Robs. |
| 00:41:43 |
and I don't want to let her |
| 00:41:46 |
Which is why we need |
| 00:41:51 |
Incognito, sweetie. Incognito. |
| 00:41:57 |
Okay. Let's catch up with the hot dog. |
| 00:42:08 |
Try a divorce. |
| 00:42:10 |
The hot dog is leaving |
| 00:42:13 |
Stop with the hot dog-- |
| 00:42:20 |
You, uh-- You need |
| 00:42:24 |
These can be tricky. |
| 00:42:26 |
The good news is |
| 00:42:29 |
All right. Booyaka. |
| 00:42:32 |
Around twice. Right? Through the loop. |
| 00:42:35 |
Thanks, bro. I'm meeting my girl |
| 00:42:40 |
We've been having... issues. |
| 00:42:44 |
Really? Let's talk. |
| 00:42:54 |
She swears nothing happened. |
| 00:42:56 |
I know chicks, all right? And where |
| 00:43:00 |
End things now |
| 00:43:03 |
We've been together a year. I don't know |
| 00:43:09 |
Thankfully, my friend, |
| 00:43:32 |
Look, there's Rick. |
| 00:43:36 |
This must be Rick's place. |
| 00:43:40 |
Oh, this is kinda bigger |
| 00:43:45 |
Kind of a lot bigger. |
| 00:43:58 |
I want a hot dog. |
| 00:44:02 |
What have we got? |
| 00:44:04 |
500 new clients this month, sir. |
| 00:44:07 |
Good, good. Just make sure we keep |
| 00:44:10 |
Oh, and, uh, |
| 00:44:13 |
She's done. |
| 00:44:21 |
You got dumped because you liked Ashley |
| 00:44:28 |
Relationships need balance. It's gotta |
| 00:44:31 |
Girls need to think you think |
| 00:44:34 |
or else they think that they can have you, |
| 00:44:39 |
Look, if you want to win Ashley back, you need |
| 00:44:44 |
And considering your level of whippedness, |
| 00:44:50 |
Okay, well, then shouldn't |
| 00:44:52 |
Yeah! Whoo! Yeah! |
| 00:44:55 |
women? |
| 00:44:57 |
As a straight male, you're naturally |
| 00:45:01 |
You need to act the same way |
| 00:45:03 |
- So I have to be an ass? |
| 00:45:08 |
Can I buy you a drink? |
| 00:45:12 |
Uh, no, you can't. Um-- |
| 00:45:15 |
You wanna shoot |
| 00:45:18 |
Mm-mmm. |
| 00:45:22 |
Ass. |
| 00:45:24 |
- Very nicely done-- |
| 00:45:27 |
Look, I'm sorry. |
| 00:45:30 |
I just got out of a |
| 00:45:38 |
It was great to meet you. |
| 00:45:41 |
And I'll call you right |
| 00:45:44 |
That wasn't aloof. I thought you |
| 00:45:48 |
I'm sorry, Britney, |
| 00:45:50 |
And I'm pretty sure |
| 00:45:54 |
That is just what we tell |
| 00:45:56 |
This isn't me, Britney. This |
| 00:46:01 |
The first time |
| 00:46:03 |
my head said this was |
| 00:46:06 |
My heart said, "Follow her, you fool." |
| 00:46:12 |
Love is not a choice. Yes, it is. |
| 00:46:17 |
If I can control my urges for mini chimichangas, |
| 00:46:21 |
You're supposed to be |
| 00:46:24 |
I'm trying to create a Rembrandt |
| 00:46:29 |
I don't like the new Mike. |
| 00:46:31 |
Yeah, well, Ashley |
| 00:46:37 |
Paul, I can't believe |
| 00:46:40 |
It's not. My name's Jeff. |
| 00:46:44 |
I went to UCLA. |
| 00:46:47 |
Weren't you a business major? |
| 00:46:49 |
Oops. My bad. |
| 00:46:54 |
Hey. The craziest thing |
| 00:46:57 |
I'm sitting here waiting for you, |
| 00:47:01 |
Hey, Jeffy, you big stud. |
| 00:47:04 |
Jeff and I have been together |
| 00:47:08 |
Judy, I-- |
| 00:47:11 |
Remember how we used to |
| 00:47:17 |
I'm surprised |
| 00:47:20 |
Judy, baby, I promise. |
| 00:47:22 |
I've never seen her before. |
| 00:47:24 |
Why would you-- |
| 00:47:26 |
Tiff. Tiff. |
| 00:47:29 |
The chicken has flown |
| 00:47:31 |
Engage! Over. |
| 00:47:33 |
Yeah. |
| 00:47:35 |
Okay, you can |
| 00:47:38 |
Are you okay, miss? |
| 00:47:40 |
'Cause I work for Splitzville, |
| 00:47:43 |
I-- |
| 00:47:45 |
Hello. E-Dump? |
| 00:47:47 |
I need to get rid of my |
| 00:47:51 |
The chicken |
| 00:47:53 |
Why did the chicken-- |
| 00:47:55 |
Oh. |
| 00:47:58 |
Oh, no. |
| 00:48:04 |
Come on. |
| 00:48:11 |
Air kisses. |
| 00:48:14 |
Look, if you're looking for |
| 00:48:17 |
I'm gonna have |
| 00:48:19 |
No. I'm not dumping |
| 00:48:24 |
Are you okay? |
| 00:48:27 |
New guy? Wonderful. |
| 00:48:30 |
No, he so is, and he's renting |
| 00:48:34 |
I wanted to see what |
| 00:48:36 |
Oh. Um-- |
| 00:48:41 |
Well, I guess |
| 00:48:44 |
No, I-I really... |
| 00:48:49 |
could use |
| 00:48:55 |
This is so exciting, Brit. |
| 00:48:58 |
I always wished we were closer. |
| 00:49:01 |
Yeah. And when |
| 00:49:03 |
you're not half hideous. |
| 00:49:09 |
Hi, honey. |
| 00:49:17 |
Britney? |
| 00:49:20 |
Britney, wait. |
| 00:49:24 |
Sorry? For what? |
| 00:49:26 |
For ruining my business |
| 00:49:29 |
Or is this just a blanket apology |
| 00:49:32 |
and future mea culpas |
| 00:49:34 |
Yeah. That one. |
| 00:49:35 |
The least you could've done was hired |
| 00:49:39 |
Then I would've gotten |
| 00:49:41 |
It's not my fault. |
| 00:49:44 |
Ashley has this aura, like she |
| 00:49:48 |
She's not pretending! |
| 00:49:49 |
Listen, I'm opening up |
| 00:49:51 |
strictly for the removal |
| 00:49:54 |
And I need someone to run |
| 00:50:01 |
Had to pick the red. |
| 00:50:05 |
Ew! Ew. My sister? |
| 00:50:09 |
Ew! |
| 00:50:13 |
It's not that big-- |
| 00:50:44 |
The contrast is amazing. |
| 00:50:51 |
Just keep goin', guys. |
| 00:50:56 |
Mike. Come on. |
| 00:51:00 |
Come on. |
| 00:51:03 |
Good job, guys. |
| 00:51:09 |
Ashley. You look amazing. |
| 00:51:12 |
It's really good to see you. |
| 00:51:16 |
We should totally |
| 00:51:17 |
Totally hang out? |
| 00:51:20 |
What are you, 12? Oh, are you |
| 00:51:23 |
Would you please stop |
| 00:51:25 |
All right? You're gonna |
| 00:51:29 |
Get focused, okay? No compliments. |
| 00:51:33 |
Ashley is your muse. |
| 00:51:36 |
And I need that money. |
| 00:51:39 |
Now just do what we rehearsed. Don't forget |
| 00:51:43 |
Assy. Right. |
| 00:51:45 |
She's coming. |
| 00:51:50 |
Okay, walk slowly. |
| 00:51:54 |
I said cool, |
| 00:52:02 |
Yeah. |
| 00:52:05 |
Yeah, well, uh, |
| 00:52:08 |
All right. Yeah. |
| 00:52:11 |
Mike. |
| 00:52:17 |
Oh. Uh, what's up-- |
| 00:52:21 |
Ashley. |
| 00:52:23 |
You got a haircut. |
| 00:52:26 |
Had it styled. |
| 00:52:28 |
I like your shirt. |
| 00:52:35 |
Yes. |
| 00:52:37 |
- Esquire says-- |
| 00:52:39 |
that once you cut the tags off |
| 00:52:42 |
Plus pink is the new white, so I've |
| 00:52:47 |
Thankfully, black is still the new black-- |
| 00:52:49 |
Thankfully, black is still the new black, |
| 00:52:55 |
Miro amor, mirame |
| 00:53:00 |
What? |
| 00:53:08 |
Uh, I was just Spanglishing. |
| 00:53:11 |
I was-- I was, uh-- I was just |
| 00:53:16 |
You start your sentence in English. |
| 00:53:18 |
Oh. Of course. |
| 00:53:21 |
I've been doing that for... mucho tampon. |
| 00:53:26 |
Uh, well, I've gotta go, |
| 00:53:30 |
- Hello. |
| 00:53:32 |
Pivot. Walk away. |
| 00:53:37 |
Okay, if she stares at you for |
| 00:53:40 |
Four, three, two, one. |
| 00:53:45 |
Ah! |
| 00:53:51 |
# I'm so gonna pull this off |
| 00:53:54 |
# Then I'm gonna get 10 grand |
| 00:53:58 |
# I'm gonna save my place, yeah |
| 00:54:02 |
# Then I'll take his business |
| 00:54:08 |
Oh, my God! I am so-- |
| 00:54:11 |
- Britney? |
| 00:54:15 |
Um-- I'm okay. Really. |
| 00:54:17 |
You-You dropped something. |
| 00:54:38 |
This is E-Dump. Are you dumping |
| 00:54:47 |
Let me tell you, girls. |
| 00:54:49 |
two break-up specialists |
| 00:54:52 |
Welcome to E-Dump. |
| 00:54:55 |
Look! Brit! |
| 00:54:59 |
- This is not what it looks like. |
| 00:55:03 |
Good. 'Cause it looks like |
| 00:55:16 |
Ta-da! |
| 00:55:21 |
This is just a little thank-you |
| 00:55:26 |
Rick used to shower me |
| 00:55:31 |
Now every time I see them, |
| 00:55:33 |
and I remember |
| 00:55:36 |
Rick ruined red roses |
| 00:55:40 |
He also ruined bubble baths, |
| 00:55:43 |
and most of my music collection, |
| 00:55:49 |
Ashley killed |
| 00:55:53 |
Also, uh, hammocks, |
| 00:55:55 |
banana pancakes |
| 00:55:58 |
I lost French food, diet |
| 00:56:02 |
Da Vinci is dead to me. So are butterfly |
| 00:56:06 |
The beach, Pictionary, sweet tea, |
| 00:56:11 |
Sunsets, sleeping in, strawberries |
| 00:56:14 |
Rick ruined |
| 00:56:26 |
Maybe I should |
| 00:56:45 |
Have I really got you |
| 00:56:47 |
Oh! Jack! |
| 00:56:51 |
Rick's company is huge, |
| 00:56:55 |
And now they have |
| 00:57:00 |
Well, they're a heartless |
| 00:57:05 |
You dumped people |
| 00:57:07 |
Will you stop with that |
| 00:57:12 |
You know, if the writers of these movies |
| 00:57:16 |
they'd have no idea |
| 00:57:19 |
and you wouldn't have any idea |
| 00:57:26 |
You see, when a person has love |
| 00:57:29 |
whether it's a painting... |
| 00:57:31 |
or a business that helps people |
| 00:57:34 |
it becomes a force of nature. |
| 00:57:37 |
A passionate person fueled by love |
| 00:58:15 |
Just use that other color. |
| 00:58:27 |
All right. Can I grab |
| 00:58:30 |
Thank you. |
| 00:58:32 |
All right, guys, we're gonna do some |
| 00:58:34 |
Just like this, all right? |
| 00:58:37 |
Because we are happy, |
| 00:58:42 |
Hi. |
| 00:58:45 |
Uh, keep goin', guys. |
| 00:59:12 |
I went to that frat house |
| 00:59:14 |
I got at least five new names. |
| 00:59:20 |
And where would |
| 00:59:25 |
I mean, I should add the new names. |
| 00:59:28 |
Well, leave them |
| 00:59:31 |
No one sees the client list |
| 00:59:37 |
Oops. |
| 00:59:47 |
Mmm! Thanks. |
| 00:59:51 |
No ways. |
| 00:59:55 |
Sorry. Oops. |
| 00:59:58 |
Right. |
| 01:00:04 |
What about her? |
| 01:00:06 |
Uh, purse doesn't match? |
| 01:00:09 |
No. You're not supposed to |
| 01:00:11 |
Oh. Oh! |
| 01:00:16 |
Well, I remembered how much you |
| 01:00:18 |
Yeah, but, last night, |
| 01:00:21 |
I mean, I wouldn't have |
| 01:00:24 |
Okay, hang on. Stop. |
| 01:00:26 |
So, first, you're pissed |
| 01:00:29 |
Now you're mad at me for leaving. |
| 01:00:32 |
Well, how am I sup-- |
| 01:00:40 |
Well, I'm sorry? |
| 01:00:43 |
Congratulations. |
| 01:00:46 |
Passed what? |
| 01:00:49 |
See, our logic is way more advanced |
| 01:00:52 |
yet we expect you to understand |
| 01:00:55 |
That makes no sense. |
| 01:00:58 |
But you kept your cool |
| 01:01:01 |
"Always apologize to a girl |
| 01:01:03 |
Especially when you didn't |
| 01:01:07 |
So, hang on. |
| 01:01:10 |
that was part |
| 01:01:12 |
Yeah, of course. |
| 01:01:16 |
Bah. |
| 01:01:21 |
That guy was progressively |
| 01:01:24 |
Who dresses him? |
| 01:01:30 |
Have you ever considered working |
| 01:01:33 |
People don't need help falling in love. |
| 01:01:36 |
They have the Internet and |
| 01:01:39 |
But they do need someone to help |
| 01:01:43 |
'Cause no matter |
| 01:01:45 |
what your ex is really saying is, |
| 01:01:51 |
Getting dumped is like |
| 01:01:54 |
I'm just the kiss from Mom |
| 01:01:58 |
I really hope that one day you and |
| 01:02:01 |
Love is just a leftover emotion |
| 01:02:05 |
I mean, when your house is under |
| 01:02:08 |
then yeah, love and all that |
| 01:02:10 |
But today we have wireless everything. |
| 01:02:15 |
We don't need |
| 01:02:21 |
So, what about them? |
| 01:02:23 |
Probably been together |
| 01:02:25 |
Their youthful good looks |
| 01:02:27 |
They've already gotten on |
| 01:02:29 |
And I'm sure they're not |
| 01:02:33 |
So how do you explain the fact |
| 01:02:35 |
How else |
| 01:02:40 |
Senility and Viagra. |
| 01:02:44 |
I'm just saying. |
| 01:02:48 |
While I agree that her shirt |
| 01:02:51 |
it also had a very humorous |
| 01:02:53 |
so clearly my client was looking |
| 01:02:55 |
So it's over. Deal with it. |
| 01:02:59 |
Well, pardon me. |
| 01:03:02 |
I don't know how I didn't see |
| 01:03:06 |
Mm-mmm-mmm. |
| 01:03:10 |
Oh. Just as I thought. |
| 01:03:16 |
I'm on my way to Crunch |
| 01:03:19 |
Mm-hmm? |
| 01:03:23 |
Okay. |
| 01:03:25 |
Good work, Steven. |
| 01:03:32 |
Where's the client list? |
| 01:03:39 |
He's not talking. |
| 01:03:41 |
That's because |
| 01:03:47 |
Let me go! |
| 01:03:50 |
Is somebody thirsty? |
| 01:03:52 |
I've got a blueberry schnapps. |
| 01:03:57 |
Or maybe-- maybe you'd |
| 01:04:02 |
No. No, no. |
| 01:04:04 |
Oh, this is so-- Mmm! |
| 01:04:06 |
Where is the client list, Chuck? |
| 01:04:08 |
I can't! I can't! |
| 01:04:13 |
No. |
| 01:04:15 |
Oh, right here. |
| 01:04:18 |
Oh! Monsters! |
| 01:04:20 |
Monsters! |
| 01:04:22 |
No! No! |
| 01:04:27 |
Okay! Okay! |
| 01:04:30 |
Okay. Just put them away. |
| 01:04:36 |
The client list |
| 01:04:40 |
So please stop. |
| 01:04:47 |
Come on. |
| 01:05:03 |
I'll pay, okay? |
| 01:05:06 |
Bob had a full head of hair when he married |
| 01:05:10 |
She nags him, restricts |
| 01:05:13 |
and she's on the Olympic sex |
| 01:05:16 |
Sucks for Bob. Move. |
| 01:05:19 |
He obviously needs |
| 01:05:21 |
but E-Dump is getting |
| 01:05:23 |
So I thought I'd outsource a |
| 01:05:27 |
No. |
| 01:05:29 |
Just listen to me, |
| 01:05:31 |
Look, I came |
| 01:05:33 |
Yeah? Well, you already did. |
| 01:05:36 |
Please, just accept |
| 01:05:38 |
and these delicious nougats |
| 01:05:41 |
I'm here to help, all right? |
| 01:05:44 |
I'm staring |
| 01:05:46 |
Britney. Britney, |
| 01:05:50 |
For Ashley's sake. I-- |
| 01:05:53 |
Why is every man |
| 01:05:56 |
Just let me give you a job, all right? |
| 01:05:59 |
You can run your own little |
| 01:06:01 |
It'll solve |
| 01:06:03 |
Britney, please. I-- |
| 01:06:05 |
I don't wanna fight with |
| 01:06:10 |
Get out. |
| 01:06:22 |
I mean, it's perfect irony |
| 01:06:25 |
The break-up artist |
| 01:06:29 |
I'm broke. My only hope is to get |
| 01:06:34 |
I mean, he's nice and |
| 01:06:37 |
He just lacks Rick's charm. |
| 01:06:40 |
I'm surprised my sister |
| 01:06:42 |
I mean, God, |
| 01:06:48 |
Sorry. There's just |
| 01:06:53 |
Well, I know it looks |
| 01:06:55 |
but I have every faith that |
| 01:06:59 |
If you want the money now, |
| 01:07:01 |
No. |
| 01:07:01 |
I don't take money I didn't |
| 01:07:12 |
Ashley liked you |
| 01:07:15 |
She thought |
| 01:07:18 |
Okay. Rick's got cash, |
| 01:07:21 |
We can fake your coolness, |
| 01:07:23 |
and maybe we can make you seem a |
| 01:07:28 |
First we're gonna need |
| 01:07:43 |
Twenty-five bucks. |
| 01:07:50 |
The emo kids |
| 01:07:58 |
I just came to help. |
| 01:08:01 |
Yeah, well, your help's why I'm |
| 01:08:10 |
Brit, this hasn't been |
| 01:08:13 |
I miss you. |
| 01:08:15 |
And Tiff's so crushed, she's going |
| 01:08:20 |
Look, this file contains |
| 01:08:23 |
many of whom |
| 01:08:26 |
Swing half of them back to |
| 01:08:35 |
I'll take them all. |
| 01:08:42 |
So, we got the money. |
| 01:08:49 |
Uh-oh. |
| 01:08:57 |
Is that all you got? |
| 01:08:59 |
I can't feel my abs anymore. I think |
| 01:09:03 |
Did Romeo rest |
| 01:09:06 |
Ross never gave up |
| 01:09:08 |
Right now, another man is wining |
| 01:09:13 |
a horrible, disgusting |
| 01:09:17 |
Three! |
| 01:09:24 |
You ready? |
| 01:09:26 |
All right. Okay. |
| 01:09:30 |
Good for dinners and daytime |
| 01:09:33 |
Yes. |
| 01:09:38 |
Any movies |
| 01:09:41 |
Nice. |
| 01:09:51 |
Come on. |
| 01:09:54 |
First meeting |
| 01:09:56 |
Birthdays and bar mitzvahs. |
| 01:09:59 |
Shoot. I knew that. |
| 01:10:10 |
Oh. Sh-- I know. I looked. |
| 01:10:13 |
Ow! Okay. |
| 01:10:17 |
Oop. |
| 01:10:19 |
And I want summaries of all |
| 01:10:21 |
How's your fitness? |
| 01:10:22 |
It only takes me 12 minutes |
| 01:10:25 |
Nice. |
| 01:10:29 |
Oh, guys. I'm so sorry. |
| 01:10:32 |
Hey. Oh, come on. |
| 01:10:34 |
Oh, come on, guys. |
| 01:10:38 |
Hey. Hey, you know, I'll come |
| 01:10:41 |
All right? We're gonna |
| 01:10:48 |
You know what, Britney? |
| 01:10:50 |
I'm done with the practice. I'm done |
| 01:10:53 |
Okay. You're ready. |
| 01:11:54 |
Britney, you-- |
| 01:11:56 |
You knew everywhere |
| 01:11:58 |
No. It's all you, Mike. I'm so proud |
| 01:12:02 |
Oh. Okay. |
| 01:12:05 |
You think I should her now? |
| 01:12:08 |
As soon as you pick up that |
| 01:12:10 |
No more balance. |
| 01:12:19 |
You're so good. |
| 01:12:47 |
Mike? |
| 01:12:51 |
Hi. |
| 01:12:54 |
Uh, hey. |
| 01:12:56 |
Ashley. |
| 01:13:00 |
Were, uh-- |
| 01:13:04 |
Mmm. |
| 01:13:06 |
So what do you want, |
| 01:13:08 |
No, no. |
| 01:13:11 |
He, like, has a Mercedes. |
| 01:13:13 |
Hmm. Well, have a good night. |
| 01:13:22 |
Oh. |
| 01:13:24 |
Mmm! Hi. |
| 01:13:31 |
This is three grand |
| 01:13:36 |
What, is that a lot? |
| 01:13:38 |
Nah, I just sold |
| 01:13:41 |
You just sold |
| 01:13:44 |
Half a mil. |
| 01:13:46 |
Really? You just sold |
| 01:13:49 |
Yeah. It was a bad week. |
| 01:13:51 |
I totally misread you. |
| 01:13:55 |
You really come off as that |
| 01:13:59 |
Yeah. Yeah, that's, uh, just an act... |
| 01:14:02 |
to keep away all the chicks |
| 01:14:05 |
Those are the worst. |
| 01:14:08 |
Yeah. |
| 01:14:11 |
That's your stop. |
| 01:14:26 |
I'll call you tomorrow. |
| 01:14:31 |
Laters. |
| 01:14:36 |
Good work. |
| 01:14:40 |
What's wrong? |
| 01:14:47 |
She, uh-- |
| 01:14:51 |
She kissed me. |
| 01:14:55 |
Oh. Well-- |
| 01:14:58 |
That's a-- |
| 01:15:00 |
That's a good thing, |
| 01:15:05 |
Yeah. |
| 01:15:13 |
Just drop us off. |
| 01:15:16 |
We can't afford you |
| 01:15:21 |
# I remember when you told me # |
| 01:15:24 |
# We'd be together |
| 01:15:27 |
# But time passed so quickly # |
| 01:15:30 |
# I guess |
| 01:15:32 |
# Though my head's a mess # |
| 01:15:35 |
# I've got nothin' left |
| 01:15:38 |
# And I hate how it feels # |
| 01:15:42 |
# I want to see you again # |
| 01:15:46 |
# How could this be the end # |
| 01:15:48 |
# Don't say good-bye # |
| 01:15:51 |
# Don't say good-bye # |
| 01:15:55 |
# I know this time |
| 01:15:57 |
Sorry, guys, |
| 01:16:00 |
I know we're |
| 01:16:02 |
And that's why |
| 01:16:04 |
We're gonna put |
| 01:16:06 |
and we're gonna put |
| 01:16:09 |
Yeah. Put some |
| 01:16:11 |
And remember, guys, we're |
| 01:16:14 |
We're telling a story |
| 01:16:16 |
and we're telling a story |
| 01:16:19 |
What the hell, Mike? |
| 01:16:21 |
This is our D-day. |
| 01:16:24 |
Ashley will be at Avalon by 10:15. |
| 01:16:28 |
She asked me out. |
| 01:16:35 |
Ashley never asks anyone out. |
| 01:16:38 |
You got your muse back. |
| 01:16:41 |
What? |
| 01:16:43 |
I just thought that after the other ni-- |
| 01:16:46 |
Okay? Or else |
| 01:17:22 |
- Got your text. |
| 01:17:25 |
You need something? |
| 01:17:28 |
I need my girls back. |
| 01:17:33 |
Bouquet, bouquet! |
| 01:17:37 |
Yea! |
| 01:17:39 |
I'm so sorry that I |
| 01:17:42 |
Mmm. |
| 01:17:43 |
- But I have a secret mission tonight. |
| 01:17:45 |
You wanna get upsized? |
| 01:17:47 |
- Let's do it! |
| 01:17:48 |
Yes! Yes! |
| 01:17:52 |
Oh, I totally wanna |
| 01:17:55 |
But, yeah, no, we're gonna |
| 01:17:57 |
I totally have plans with |
| 01:18:11 |
How did you know |
| 01:18:13 |
Red ones got ruined. |
| 01:18:21 |
Keep feeding her wine, Mike. |
| 01:18:23 |
The higher her blood-alcohol level, |
| 01:18:38 |
Okay. |
| 01:18:47 |
You're right, sir. |
| 01:19:01 |
Oh. I've gotta go |
| 01:19:03 |
If the waitress comes, |
| 01:19:05 |
Merlot-- 73.5 degrees. |
| 01:19:17 |
Okay. Very nicely done. |
| 01:19:19 |
Go to the appetizer page. |
| 01:19:23 |
Follow the script, |
| 01:19:27 |
Okay. What if she does |
| 01:19:30 |
Desserts. Here. |
| 01:19:36 |
Okay. |
| 01:19:45 |
Uh-- Okay, static. |
| 01:19:49 |
What's going on with the sound? |
| 01:19:52 |
You know what? |
| 01:19:54 |
You have taught me well. |
| 01:19:57 |
No. We're screwed I |
| 01:20:00 |
Here you go. |
| 01:20:01 |
Hi. |
| 01:20:03 |
Oh. Mm-mmm. |
| 01:20:06 |
Match the diode up with its ionic |
| 01:20:11 |
Tiff? |
| 01:20:14 |
And he's wearing pink. |
| 01:20:16 |
- Shoot. She's coming! Battle stations. |
| 01:20:26 |
After dinner, you should |
| 01:20:29 |
It's Atkins-friendly here. |
| 01:20:31 |
The last time |
| 01:20:33 |
you so gave off this |
| 01:20:37 |
"I give my salary |
| 01:20:40 |
I am so glad |
| 01:20:45 |
Yeah, well, uh, you know, |
| 01:20:50 |
When I meet someone, I prefer to |
| 01:20:54 |
Ashley! |
| 01:20:56 |
You're being set up. |
| 01:20:58 |
This, uh, guy paid your sister |
| 01:21:02 |
What? |
| 01:21:03 |
Ashley, I understand your concern. |
| 01:21:05 |
Look! |
| 01:21:08 |
- Oh, crap. |
| 01:21:12 |
- What the hell's going on, Mike? |
| 01:21:20 |
Brit-Brit? |
| 01:21:24 |
Ladies? |
| 01:21:27 |
How could you? |
| 01:21:30 |
She's just jealous, all right? |
| 01:21:34 |
But I love you, Ashley. |
| 01:21:41 |
Ashes, no! |
| 01:21:43 |
He-He has fashion sense, |
| 01:21:56 |
Honey. It's really expensive. |
| 01:22:00 |
Hey! Back! |
| 01:22:05 |
So the ring is huge. |
| 01:22:09 |
Don't quit on me. |
| 01:22:11 |
I can't-- |
| 01:22:14 |
Britney, all the games, |
| 01:22:17 |
I don't-- I don't even |
| 01:22:20 |
What? |
| 01:22:23 |
Last night |
| 01:22:26 |
I-I didn't feel that spark |
| 01:22:29 |
It didn't feel as good |
| 01:22:34 |
That wasn't a real kiss. It-- |
| 01:22:38 |
Britney, the second |
| 01:22:40 |
my mind exploded with thoughts and |
| 01:22:44 |
My body tingled. |
| 01:22:46 |
They were probably chapped. |
| 01:22:49 |
Britney, you took charge of my life. |
| 01:22:53 |
You... knew me. |
| 01:22:56 |
No! No, I'm illiterate. |
| 01:23:02 |
You're incredible. |
| 01:23:06 |
I'm in love with you. |
| 01:23:08 |
No. |
| 01:23:09 |
No. |
| 01:23:11 |
Don't. Don't. |
| 01:23:15 |
Just give it a chance. |
| 01:23:22 |
I can't date clients. |
| 01:23:28 |
You know what, Britney? If you want |
| 01:23:31 |
It's the logical choice, but I |
| 01:23:34 |
You had to. Okay, listen. |
| 01:23:37 |
So for just once in your life, |
| 01:23:42 |
Okay? |
| 01:23:48 |
I-- It's-- |
| 01:23:54 |
It's me. |
| 01:23:59 |
I'm sorry. |
| 01:24:08 |
Cary Grant, Gregory Peck-- |
| 01:24:10 |
those were real men, |
| 01:24:13 |
- Rule number one: Do not hug me. |
| 01:24:18 |
- Is that all you got? |
| 01:24:21 |
Considering your level of whippedness, |
| 01:24:24 |
And that's for ditching me |
| 01:24:27 |
Ow! |
| 01:24:29 |
# To guide you and lead you |
| 01:24:36 |
# Into light # |
| 01:24:48 |
# Gotta know |
| 01:24:51 |
# Wanna know |
| 01:24:54 |
# With pain inside # |
| 01:25:00 |
# It's okay not to show it # |
| 01:25:03 |
# Takes some time |
| 01:25:05 |
# All the hurt |
| 01:25:11 |
Robs? |
| 01:25:16 |
Perfect. That would be perfect, girl. |
| 01:25:20 |
I know what you're thinking. |
| 01:25:22 |
You're thinking, |
| 01:25:25 |
"How could she pass up |
| 01:25:29 |
A great guy with |
| 01:25:33 |
But I didn't earn |
| 01:25:35 |
And I didn't |
| 01:25:39 |
He needs to be |
| 01:25:41 |
someone-- |
| 01:25:44 |
someone who still |
| 01:25:47 |
I just asked |
| 01:25:51 |
Oh. Um-- |
| 01:25:53 |
Nope. That's-- |
| 01:25:57 |
And you should've |
| 01:26:00 |
Shut up. |
| 01:26:03 |
Why do girls keep dumping |
| 01:26:07 |
Look at |
| 01:26:09 |
At least you kept him |
| 01:26:11 |
He would've never |
| 01:26:13 |
Yeah. I mean, Mike's money might |
| 01:26:17 |
At least I can still look |
| 01:26:21 |
if I had a mirror. |
| 01:26:23 |
Mmm. We'll do one |
| 01:26:26 |
Okay. |
| 01:26:30 |
It's gonna be okay. |
| 01:26:34 |
Come on. |
| 01:26:47 |
All right, come on in. |
| 01:26:51 |
You know, people tell me |
| 01:26:54 |
You foreclose and rip people |
| 01:26:56 |
Does that make you happy? |
| 01:26:59 |
No. |
| 01:27:03 |
Hi. |
| 01:27:23 |
I paid off the bank. |
| 01:27:27 |
What? Why? |
| 01:27:31 |
You paid me to help you get |
| 01:27:35 |
I-- I didn't earn |
| 01:27:38 |
Oh, Britney. I hired you |
| 01:27:44 |
I'm very happy |
| 01:28:01 |
It's incredible. |
| 01:28:06 |
The kids and I worked on |
| 01:28:09 |
Just came together like all great |
| 01:28:18 |
He liked you. |
| 01:28:21 |
You were great around the house, |
| 01:28:25 |
and a generous, |
| 01:28:28 |
But he just needs |
| 01:28:31 |
a little less evil. |
| 01:28:35 |
Plus 1997 called and it wants its |
| 01:28:42 |
Unlike E-Dump, we offer a special |
| 01:28:47 |
that offers discounts on all |
| 01:28:49 |
When the clock strikes 4:00, |
| 01:28:53 |
Wait. Okay. |
| 01:28:56 |
Gary? Hi. |
| 01:28:59 |
I just felt like |
| 01:29:02 |
Yeah, I miss you too. |
| 01:29:04 |
And now back to the financial news. |
| 01:29:06 |
Shares of E-Mate took an |
| 01:29:08 |
The company's effort to break |
| 01:29:11 |
Now that company |
| 01:29:16 |
I realized I have |
| 01:29:18 |
as well as ending them. |
| 01:29:20 |
So I rebranded my company... |
| 01:29:22 |
and dedicated it to all aspects |
| 01:29:31 |
Love Rocks. This is Britney. |
| 01:29:34 |
Well, how can he |
| 01:29:36 |
Stop putting out |
| 01:29:41 |
But I still enjoy going |
| 01:29:48 |
Ah! |
| 01:29:50 |
Sorry to hear |
| 01:29:52 |
Yeah, the break-up business-- |
| 01:29:55 |
This isn't over, Brooks. |
| 01:29:58 |
I'll be back, especially now |
| 01:30:02 |
Yeah, about that. |
| 01:30:04 |
She doesn't really see this |
| 01:30:07 |
It's not her. |
| 01:30:11 |
Seems there are lots |
| 01:30:14 |
than fall out of it. |
| 01:30:16 |
Love blows. |
| 01:30:21 |
And that is the story |
| 01:30:25 |
Thanks for choosing us, sir. |
| 01:30:27 |
# Singin' na-na, na-na # |
| 01:30:31 |
# It's a beautiful life # |
| 01:30:33 |
And it's all |
| 01:30:36 |
My muse. |
| 01:30:39 |
# It's a beautiful life # |
| 01:30:42 |
# Yes, it is |
| 01:30:45 |
Hi. I'm Ashley. |
| 01:30:48 |
Okay, so maybe love |
| 01:30:50 |
than I gave it credit for. |
| 01:30:52 |
Yep, I love love again. |
| 01:30:55 |
As some dead British guy once said that |
| 01:30:59 |
than never to have |
| 01:31:01 |
Love is always in our hearts. |
| 01:31:05 |
But in case you did, |
| 01:31:08 |
I'm Britney Brooks, the love consultant. |
| 01:31:11 |
# What a beautiful life # |
| 01:31:14 |
# Yes, it is # |
| 01:31:16 |
# Na-na, na-na # |
| 01:31:19 |
# What a beautiful life # |
| 01:31:23 |
# Oh, na-na, na-na # |
| 01:31:27 |
# What a beautiful life # |
| 01:31:30 |
# Yes, it is # |
| 01:31:32 |
# Oh # |
| 01:31:54 |
# Still tryin' to |
| 01:31:59 |
# Thought we'd last forever |
| 01:32:04 |
# Singin' I love you # |
| 01:32:07 |
# Felt so right # |
| 01:32:09 |
# Now I lie awake |
| 01:32:16 |
# Everyplace I go |
| 01:32:22 |
# Reminds me of you |
| 01:32:26 |
# You took more than my heart |
| 01:32:31 |
# So please give me back |
| 01:32:37 |
# You ruined airplane flights |
| 01:32:41 |
# Bubble baths |
| 01:32:44 |
# I can't swim |
| 01:32:46 |
# Green-eyed girls |
| 01:32:49 |
# Butterfly kisses |
| 01:32:53 |
# 'Cause I left my heart # |
| 01:32:56 |
# 'Cause I left my heart # |
| 01:32:59 |
# 'Cause you broke my heart # |
| 01:33:01 |
# 'Cause you broke my heart # |
| 01:33:07 |
# In New York City # |
| 01:33:12 |
# New York City # |
| 01:33:17 |
Subtitles by LeapinLar |
