Breakfast Of Champions

en
00:02:20 Hey, folks, it's me, Dwayne Hoover,
00:02:22 slashing prices 'cause we're
00:02:25 Come on down to Exit 11 Motor Village.
00:02:27 I'm gonna slash some
00:02:29 Hey, ask anybody. You
00:02:36 I think we're onto something-
00:02:39 The deadly germ anthrax
00:02:43 - I- I- - Is there
00:02:46 - I'm sorry.
00:02:49 Sorry I made us order the
00:02:52 Your breakfast, Mrs. Hoover.
00:02:54 When your stomach is under attack,
00:02:56 fight back with
00:02:59 Now available in new orange flavor.
00:03:02 Soothing, fast relief naturally.
00:03:06 So, now how do you feel?
00:03:14 Take my hand
00:03:19 I'm a stranger in paradise
00:03:25 I'm lost in a wonderland
00:03:31 A stranger in paradise
00:03:36 stand starry-eyed
00:03:43 That's a danger in paradise
00:03:48 For mortals who stand beside
00:03:54 - An ángel like you
00:03:57 Breakfast of champions!
00:04:00 Breakfast of champions, Mr. Hoover!
00:04:29 Great news, people. Today's not the day.
00:04:32 - Hello, Lottie.
00:04:34 white Shoulders. You know I love it.
00:04:38 Dwayne? The poison bubbles almost won.
00:04:42 The poison bubbles almost won.
00:04:46 Talk to me. Please.
00:04:50 well, Hawaiian week
00:04:55 I saw your ad on TV,yes!
00:04:58 - Please say something.
00:05:01 Anything you feel like
00:05:04 People know who ya are, don't they?
00:05:08 That's right, Lottie.
00:05:13 who am I?
00:05:15 Please?
00:05:19 Oh, hi, folks. Dwayne Hoover here...
00:05:21 from Dwayne Hoover's
00:05:23 we're searching the seven seas to find you
00:05:26 - Are you sorry?
00:05:29 and reel yourself in a good deal.
00:05:31 - You can trust Dwayne Hoover.
00:05:36 - I'm sorry as heck.
00:05:39 well, what should I say, Celia?
00:05:42 I mean, I'm just- I'm
00:05:46 Each Monday, millions
00:05:49 A sign.
00:05:51 Anything really, Celia.
00:05:55 I mean, all day long and-
00:06:00 Not much, you know? I mean-
00:06:04 Boy-
00:06:07 There are days when I just
00:06:11 - what?
00:06:16 - I know what you can say, Dwayne.
00:06:20 - You can say- -
00:06:22 Good-bye, Blue Monday.
00:06:27 I have never experienced such
00:06:30 - Oh. - I can finally say,
00:06:43 No, no. No, no, Nippy.
00:06:46 No, no! No! No, Nippy!
00:06:48 I swear I'm armed! I'll shoot!
00:06:51 Hey!
00:06:54 Nippy!
00:06:55 Hey!
00:06:57 Nippy! Nip!
00:07:04 This is how dogs get themselves killed.
00:07:21 Wedding day
00:07:31 In, oh, so many ways Ha!
00:07:36 Oh, wedding day
00:07:39 If I saw you on your wedding day
00:07:50 Dear Mr. Kilgore Trout.
00:07:55 My name is Eliot Rosewater,
00:07:58 and this is a fan letter.
00:08:03 Plague on wheels is the greatest novel-
00:08:06 Plague on wheels is the greatest
00:08:09 "I promise to make you famous. You
00:08:13 what the hell? I mean,
00:08:15 It must be from a kid of 14.
00:08:19 My first fan letter ever, and I'll
00:08:23 watch this.
00:08:28 Two hundred novels, 2,000 short stories.
00:08:33 Never heard back from
00:08:37 except that wide-open beaver outfit,
00:08:40 and they didn't pay me doodley-squat.
00:08:42 And then I get a fan letter.
00:08:44 well, I'll burn you out of my body bag.
00:08:47 I'll be glad when it's over.
00:08:54 Can't wait till my head's as
00:08:57 onto this damaged planet
00:09:01 Empty as a child's,
00:09:06 a very young child's.
00:09:11 That's why I wrote those stories, Bill.
00:09:15 Get rid of all the junk
00:09:36 Hey, folks, it's me
00:09:40 Hey, folks, it's me, Dwayne Hoover.
00:09:44 Going bananas down here. Dwayne Hoover.
00:09:47 Dwayne Hoover. Hey, folks, it's me.
00:09:50 Dwayne Hoover.
00:09:52 There he goes, Grace. He's drivin'
00:09:56 I'm tellin' ya, Grace! He knows!
00:10:00 He doesn't know a damn thing, Harry.
00:10:02 Now, will you please get
00:10:06 Oh.
00:10:11 I'm telling you, Grace, Dwayne Hoover-
00:10:15 Dwayne Hoover knows everything.
00:10:18 Harry, that is such bullshit.
00:10:21 Dwayne Hoover doesn't
00:10:23 He doesn't know his wife is suicidal.
00:10:26 He doesn't know. Besides, who
00:10:28 Oh, well, I care,
00:10:33 because I'm his sales manager,
00:10:36 and I'm telling you that Dwayne Hoover is
00:10:47 - Come here, big boy.
00:10:50 - I got somethin'you want. - I've
00:10:53 I know him the way a combat
00:10:57 Jesus, he knows me.
00:10:59 - Harry, first of all, listen to me.
00:11:01 You were never in the army.
00:11:03 Second of all, we're the only people in this
00:11:08 You should be proud.
00:11:10 Grace, I try, but I can't.
00:11:15 Oh,Jesus. I'm the
00:11:19 Me! I mean, look. I got a sex problem.
00:11:24 I'll tell you who has
00:11:26 How many orgasms do you think Dwayne
00:11:31 I don't care how many times
00:11:34 I have 87, and you have 36.
00:11:37 People like Dwayne Hoover
00:11:40 Now, that is sick.
00:11:42 Let's move to Hawaii and get a condo
00:11:46 Oh, Grace, you know we can't.
00:11:49 Think how long it's taken
00:11:52 Maui.
00:11:58 Maui.
00:12:00 - Maui.
00:12:18 Hey!
00:12:21 Get out of the car, asshole!
00:12:24 why, you're Mr. Dwayne Hoover.
00:12:26 I bought my new car down
00:12:28 - where am I?
00:12:31 - What is happening here?
00:12:34 But the guys are gettin'it cleaned up.
00:12:37 You can go on through if you want to, but
00:12:40 - Be nice and safe. - Hey! You can't
00:12:45 That was Mr. Hoover from Exit 11.
00:12:47 Doggone it. My wife's never
00:12:55 - what's that?
00:12:59 Two in one week. You ain't
00:13:09 Dear Mr. Trout, My
00:13:13 chairman of the arts festival, celebrating
00:13:18 Memorial Center for the
00:13:21 It would be our most profound honor...
00:13:24 for you to be one of our
00:13:27 out-of-town
00:13:29 This check for dollar1,000
00:13:33 and an honorarium.
00:13:36 - why all this sudden interest
00:13:39 Some mistake's been made. No question.
00:13:41 Maybe they've invited me because
00:13:45 Ever show you my
00:13:48 If they really want Kilgore Trout,
00:13:52 Ah. Yeah.
00:13:56 High school dance.
00:13:58 Believe it or not, once
00:14:02 Me. Hey.
00:14:05 Yeah, it's quite a good fit, huh?
00:14:07 Hey, Bill, what is that?
00:14:12 Cha, cha, cha
00:14:19 Cha, cha-
00:14:21 I'm too old for all that.
00:14:24 why go all the way out to Midland City
00:14:29 I'm my only fan.
00:14:31 Anyway, if I went out
00:14:35 out loud from my own stuff.
00:14:37 Means I'd have to go to those
00:14:40 and dig out some of my published work.
00:14:45 They don't want nothin'
00:14:48 Unhappy failures need not apply.
00:14:52 Maybe unhappy failures is
00:14:57 Show those provincials what nobody's
00:15:02 Someone who's devoted his entire
00:15:05 and didn't find doodley-squat.
00:15:08 The creator who's failed
00:15:11 Think there's anybody in Midland City
00:15:16 Anybody at all, huh?
00:15:18 Maybe it's my missión, Bill.
00:15:38 Dwayne?
00:15:47 Yeah.
00:16:04 Happy, happy birthday
00:16:06 From your staff all who
00:16:08 we wish you happy birthday
00:16:10 So we could party too Hey!
00:16:24 See? See, Francine?
00:16:26 What'd I tell you?
00:16:28 - I've never seen this Dwayne before.
00:16:30 Dwayne may be the most charming man in
00:16:34 I don't find him so charming anymore.
00:16:38 Oh, Harry. Dwayne Hoover has fewer
00:16:42 - But why me?
00:16:44 why me?
00:16:46 Dwayne? Honey!
00:16:51 - Not now, Francine.
00:16:53 - Just leave me alone, please.
00:16:56 - I was embarrassed.
00:16:58 Please? After all, it's your birthday.
00:17:00 Don't touch me. They're all watching.
00:17:02 Nobody can see what we're
00:17:06 Hey!
00:17:08 - Francine.
00:17:11 - why are you pouring cream on
00:17:14 It's La Creme. It's
00:17:17 I only like sugar on my
00:17:20 I don't like when you're
00:17:24 and you've been sharp
00:17:27 It's beginning to make me think that the
00:17:35 what things? what's Harry saying?
00:17:38 Oh, that you've changed, that
00:17:42 I swear, Francine, this is why I go home
00:17:46 and my dog hates my guts.
00:17:49 Dwayne Hoover, am I losing you?
00:17:52 The only thing anyone's losing
00:17:59 If you don't like me anymore, Dwayne
00:18:04 Truth, truth, truth.
00:18:07 Damn, Rosemary, take them damn pills!
00:18:10 You're turnin' me into plutonium!
00:18:14 - You're looking especially well
00:18:17 we are having a private-
00:18:20 Francine! I mean, sir! I'm sorry-
00:18:22 we are having a private
00:18:24 we gotta get outta here right now!
00:18:26 Get your hands off me, murderer! I
00:18:28 Vernon, this is a demerit
00:18:31 I know things that could
00:18:33 My head spins all the time.
00:18:36 we gotta get outta here right now!
00:18:39 Oh, I can't stand that
00:18:46 That was a real violation of protocol.
00:18:54 Dwayne? Dwayne?
00:18:59 Hey, I didn't know Vernon had
00:19:04 - Rosemary!
00:19:06 - Francine.
00:19:08 - Francine, please.
00:19:10 don't you think, Dwayne?
00:19:12 - Francine, please be quiet.
00:19:15 - Harry was right.
00:19:23 I'm sorry.
00:19:25 I'm sorry, Francine. I didn't mean it.
00:19:28 - Sit down, please.
00:19:31 Mr. Hoover, I am crossing the
00:19:35 Hey, Dwayne Hoover. How ya doin'?
00:19:37 I will behave in a professional manner
00:19:42 A thousand dollars.
00:19:46 A lot of paper a thousand dollars.
00:19:49 who in their right mind would
00:19:52 why me?
00:19:59 And they think I can write? I can write?
00:20:03 I'll show 'em.
00:20:05 Howdy, partners! Dwayne Hoover here!
00:20:07 And the stampede is on at Dwayne
00:20:11 It's Hawaiian week, and that means great
00:20:15 So don't get left out in the dust!
00:20:17 Come on down and check out our
00:20:20 whoo!
00:20:22 That's right. It is Hawaiian week-
00:20:26 why is wayne Hoobler smilin'?
00:20:28 wayne Hoobler gettin' out today?
00:20:30 That there is Dwayne
00:20:33 My name and his sound so much alike.
00:20:35 - You can trust Dwayne-
00:20:37 Can't trust nobody,
00:20:41 Oh, no, I trust Dwayne Hoover,
00:20:43 and I'm gonna work for him at Exit
00:20:48 I'm gonna live happily
00:20:50 Gonna say fairyland, wayne Hoobler?
00:20:53 Hell, no. No, honest. Swear.
00:20:56 Gallop on down to Dwayne
00:20:59 - All you know is from watchin' TV.
00:21:03 You can't even count money.
00:21:06 Let me tell you something.
00:21:08 The creator of the universe
00:21:12 and I'm gonna work for Dwayne
00:21:16 warden's ready for you, Hoobler.
00:21:26 where in hell do they get
00:21:30 There's absolutely nothing about a
00:21:34 in the body of this novel.
00:21:37 E
00:21:40 No women, for cryin' out loud.
00:21:45 That's why I didn't get paid for it.
00:21:49 All I got was
00:22:06 watch it, perverted bastard.
00:22:33 My God! "The Dancing Fool. "
00:22:35 I never realized this
00:22:37 This must be more than 30 years old.
00:22:42 It's for an arts festival.
00:22:50 "what is the purpose of life?"
00:22:52 To be the eyes and ears and conscience
00:22:56 Ya fool!
00:23:02 Let's go over their descriptions
00:23:05 For all I know they may
00:23:07 For all I know they may have been
00:23:10 You have some blood on your nose.
00:23:13 A small leak can sink a
00:23:17 That gas moved fast like a
00:23:28 Hey! Don't be a caveman!
00:23:30 Escape to the future, and come on down
00:23:34 I'll make ya a mammoth deal!
00:23:36 That's right, folks. It's Hawaiian
00:23:39 That's me, Dwayne Hoover-
00:23:41 to make you a great deal on a
00:23:44 - Your stop, Hoobler.
00:23:47 I'm gonna slash some
00:23:49 During Hawaiian Week we're
00:23:52 and that's no monkey business.
00:23:54 That means great savings on
00:23:56 I'm talkin' luxury with attitude, folks.
00:23:59 Yes, sirree, Bob.
00:24:01 Luxury with style. Luxury
00:24:05 - Pan to Le Sabre.
00:24:07 Harry,you're on!
00:24:11 Oh, hi.
00:24:13 I'm Harry Le Sabre, sales
00:24:17 As Dwayne Hoover just told you folks,
00:24:20 it's Hawaiian week here.
00:24:22 Tell them about the bird shit
00:24:25 we're loaded with new cars and trucks!
00:24:29 Hawaiian week celebrates
00:24:31 So come on down and drive
00:24:34 plus a cash rebate of dollar1,149...
00:24:38 and become eligible for
00:24:42 - Dwayne.
00:24:44 it's not too late to enter!
00:24:46 It's
00:24:50 let us prove to you that
00:24:55 is good for you...
00:24:57 too!
00:25:00 I'd like to see you in my
00:25:02 Cut, cut. Harry, what the
00:25:05 - Do you think we got anything?
00:25:08 Harry, you spoiled the whole thing.
00:25:12 - Mr. Hoover!
00:25:14 Mr. Hoover, I'm sorry about
00:25:16 My wife, you know, she's - She sees
00:25:20 - I understand.
00:25:23 - I'll go home for hours and talk
00:25:26 - Mr. Hoover! How ya doin' there, sir?
00:25:28 It's a pleasure to finally meet ya.
00:25:31 - Good morning.
00:25:33 It's from yourJuly 4 Firecracker Sale.
00:25:36 Had it in my wallet since I was nine.
00:25:38 The good Lord meant for us to work so
00:25:42 - Mine is wayne Hoobler.
00:25:45 Isn't that beautiful? I'm gonna have my
00:25:49 Never told anyone that though.
00:25:52 - Good morning.
00:25:54 It's a great morning,
00:25:56 Stop shaking my hand now, young man.
00:25:58 You know, you look great. Hop on in.
00:26:03 - That's the- -
00:26:06 - That's what I told Eli. -
00:26:10 My God.
00:26:20 Fairyland!
00:26:21 No.
00:26:24 Harry! Harry!
00:26:26 Come over here. I need to
00:26:30 I didn't really say that.
00:26:33 Dwayne, what can I say?
00:26:37 I always knew you'd find out someday.
00:26:39 But we've been friends far too long
00:26:43 - Harry! Harry, Harry.
00:26:45 - Do you see this young man
00:26:48 Take good care of him.
00:26:50 Dwayne, I don't know what made
00:26:53 - Grace said it's
00:26:57 - we'll discuss it in my office, okay?
00:27:03 The inquisition.
00:27:06 - Harry, put 'er there.
00:27:08 - wayne Hoobler.
00:27:11 - Hoobler, yes. It's a pleasure.
00:27:14 - That your office back there?
00:27:16 Let's go take a look.
00:27:24 For some reason, this looks like it's turning
00:27:27 so let's keep everything nice and-
00:27:29 Excuse me, Mr. Hoover.
00:27:31 Ever since breakfast yesterday I've
00:27:35 and I've decided I feel I should quit.
00:27:38 I think it'll be easier on both of us.
00:27:46 You don't have to be crazy to
00:27:49 That's just to keep people from being
00:27:57 I'm sorry, Dwayne.
00:28:00 I know you're just tense.
00:28:03 You're under a lot of pressure.
00:28:05 You remember how you were last year during
00:28:10 Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.
00:28:14 I swear, some people will
00:28:20 Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't referring
00:28:25 Dwayne, I have a little
00:28:31 Just a gift to take with you.
00:28:35 And, um,
00:28:39 I forgive you for yesterday,
00:28:44 snooks.
00:28:49 I've been watching Dwayne Hoover
00:28:51 Nine years old.
00:28:53 Did he ever say anything
00:28:57 - He said you'd give me what I need.
00:29:00 well, I wonder what the
00:29:06 No, please. Put that down.
00:29:12 That's much, much better.
00:29:16 Now, why don't you fill
00:29:20 and, uh, let's see
00:29:23 what would you like?
00:29:25 - Haaaa... way- - A sports
00:29:28 Yeah, metallic gray purple. That
00:29:31 That should make life in the passing
00:29:34 Hawaii.
00:29:37 Hawaii. It's Hawaiian week.
00:29:39 You're eligible for
00:29:41 - I don't want to go there.
00:29:44 I want to stay here!
00:29:46 That's all right. You don't
00:29:49 Now, uh, do you have a trade-in?
00:29:53 - A trade?
00:29:55 Yes, sir, I'm a homemaker. Honest.
00:29:58 Oh. A homemaker, huh?
00:30:01 Oh, uh, well, maybe a sports
00:30:07 How about a Crown Victoria?
00:30:11 Little old lady only drove
00:30:14 - You have that for me?
00:30:18 - I'll get you the keys.
00:30:21 - what?
00:30:22 - what'd you say?
00:30:24 - I didn't say nothin'. Must
00:30:26 Goddamn it. I distinctly
00:30:30 why'd you say that? Please, help
00:30:35 Is that the image? Is that
00:30:38 For God's sake, man!
00:30:42 Please don't tell Dwayne Hoover.
00:30:44 Look, I'm not lost, I swear! I
00:30:47 Colors? what colors?
00:30:49 For Christ sake, you have
00:30:51 This is a conservative black suit!
00:31:06 Oh. Oh.
00:31:09 Much, much better.
00:31:12 - Now, sit down, Mr. Hoover.
00:31:14 - " Bler"?
00:31:16 - Oh. - You see, the good Lord
00:31:19 so that both of us would
00:31:22 Hoobler. Mr. Hoobler.
00:31:25 Now, listen to me.
00:31:28 Now, there are ways to hide
00:31:32 But you
00:31:37 tell anyone about our little talk today.
00:31:40 - Yes, sir.
00:31:42 - And thank you, sir.
00:31:44 - Can you do me
00:31:46 Tell Dwayne Hoover I'll be here
00:31:49 No, no, no. No. wait.
00:31:52 Bright and early! It's my calling!
00:31:54 You can't come back!
00:32:02 One, two, three, four. Hmm. Ah. Ah.
00:32:11 Ah!
00:32:14 Ah.
00:32:26 Hello?
00:32:28 Dwayne knows. Everybody knows.
00:32:30 He wants to see me in his office.
00:32:33 - Just take a relax.
00:32:38 - Maui beckons.
00:32:42 This is very, very
00:32:44 Harry, what is important is what is, and you
00:32:50 Don't blow it. I love you.
00:32:56 Ah! Don't blow it, yeah.
00:33:32 Dear Mr. Hoover,
00:33:34 Sugar Creek Estates, of which you are the
00:33:38 will be the subject of a public forum
00:33:42 beneath the development site.
00:34:07 Midland City, come on.
00:34:11 Oh, how can you stand
00:34:13 Oh, shut the door!
00:34:15 Oof! Oof.
00:34:19 Oh, it's all poisoned now.
00:34:24 Think of the shit most
00:34:28 Raspberry air freshener,
00:34:33 plastic doughnuts.
00:34:35 I used to be a conservationist.
00:34:37 Used to weep and wail when I heard
00:34:40 from helicopters and all
00:34:43 I laugh about it now. I say, "
00:34:47 You gotta be kiddin' me.
00:34:50 You ever read a story
00:34:52 About a planet that becomes too unpleasant
00:34:56 - Gil what?
00:34:58 - Extinct.
00:35:02 I understand that to mean
00:35:05 - Steal a mirror?
00:35:08 The holes between two universes.
00:35:10 Don't get too near to that leak. You don't
00:35:14 - Maybe you should take some more
00:35:17 The only solution to any problem
00:35:21 All right, that's 23.50 for the diesel.
00:35:24 Don't forget to clean
00:35:26 - The what?
00:35:28 - The mirror! - Oh, the
00:35:35 what are you lookin' at?
00:35:48 Ah!
00:36:26 Just a-
00:36:30 Just a gosh-darn minute!
00:36:38 Okay!
00:36:41 Dwayne! Uh-
00:36:46 Hey, how's my old army buddy?
00:36:52 As well as can be expected, Harry.
00:36:55 How about you? You
00:37:01 No. No, I, uh-
00:37:05 I don't know how to say it, but-
00:37:09 I guess it started with the
00:37:18 I don't know. Maybe it was
00:37:21 or Mother's bra in the laundry...
00:37:24 or sister's slip, this silk-
00:37:27 Vernon Garr's wife, Rosemary, thinks Vern
00:37:32 - what do you think
00:37:36 God!
00:37:39 That's just-
00:37:46 we play around.
00:37:48 Horsey. Dressy. Grace and I.
00:37:52 It's fun, but it's-
00:37:56 It's a private thing.
00:37:59 we don't-
00:38:02 Not-
00:38:05 what's wrong-
00:38:08 we don't have any children, so, you
00:38:12 Harry, sit down, please.
00:38:15 Sit down!
00:38:17 Okay. Damn it. Oh, geez-
00:38:21 Sit down!
00:38:24 That's good.
00:38:28 You did sit down.
00:38:32 why did you sit down, Harry?
00:38:37 Because you asked me to, Dwayne.
00:38:40 Right. Good.
00:38:43 I asked you to sit down, and you
00:38:47 People ask you to do things, and
00:38:50 Uh, what are you saying, Dwayne?
00:38:55 what are you saying, Harry?
00:38:58 well, what I'm saying is that I-
00:39:03 I guess that...
00:39:06 I don't really understand
00:39:09 Is that why you're telling
00:39:14 Oh, no, no, no. I just said you're
00:39:17 It's
00:39:21 - You meant it as a compliment.
00:39:23 So you weren't happy
00:39:26 Are you sure this doesn't have
00:39:28 that only you know that
00:39:30 I want the truth!
00:39:32 Good God, Dwayne, no! Come
00:39:37 You weren't in the
00:39:39 You stayed home.
00:39:43 I was in the Signal Corps.
00:39:46 You were not in the army.
00:39:51 Harry.
00:40:00 I have never let the fact that you have
00:40:05 - Have I, Harry?
00:40:08 - Because you can't help that.
00:40:10 - It's not your fault.
00:40:12 - You can't change that,
00:40:15 But this is Hawaiian week.
00:40:19 Yeah.
00:40:21 I suggest you go get with Vernon Garr.
00:40:23 Have him get you some cotton waste.
00:40:25 Soak it in blue Sunoco.
00:40:27 And I want you to burn
00:40:32 - Do you understand what I'm saying?
00:40:35 Now, look, in the old days,
00:40:39 when we first started selling new
00:40:42 Under those circumstances, it was perfectly
00:40:47 Hey, you could dress like a mortician.
00:40:49 You could dress like my
00:40:53 But doggone it, Harry!
00:40:57 You seem to be forgetting something!
00:40:59 we are selling the most aggressively
00:41:04 for people that are looking for
00:41:08 But look at you. You're
00:41:13 Now, Harry, I have some good news.
00:41:15 Modern science has given us a whole
00:41:19 with exciting names like red,
00:41:24 - Ah.
00:41:38 why don't you come right
00:41:41 Say what, Harry?
00:41:45 That I like to wear women's clothes.
00:41:50 - Is that what you like, Harry?
00:41:56 Yeah.
00:42:00 No. No.
00:42:03 No, no, no, no. well-
00:42:11 Not exactly.
00:42:14 Then why do you want me to say you
00:42:17 I don't, Dwayne. I don't.
00:42:21 Then what are you saying?
00:42:23 I'll change. I'll change.
00:42:26 - You'll change?
00:42:30 - I have your word on that?
00:42:32 It's Hawaiian week. I've got
00:42:34 Yes, you can.
00:42:36 - So you
00:42:38 - And don't you worry about me changing.
00:42:41 - That's fair, isn't it?
00:42:43 - That's not too much to ask.
00:42:46 Good God, no.
00:42:49 And I wanna be friends like before.
00:42:55 - Friends?
00:42:58 - Buddies?
00:43:01 - Buddies.
00:43:05 - You can go, Harry.
00:43:09 - Right now.
00:43:13 Yes, yes, Dwayne.
00:43:19 Buddies.
00:43:32 Francine.
00:43:36 He said I dress like an undertaker.
00:43:40 Oh, I thought he was gonna bring up-
00:43:42 Just remember, Harry. Dwayne
00:43:47 Ah!
00:43:52 From the most beautiful
00:43:55 comes the most exotic
00:43:59 Hawaiian Tropic.
00:44:01 Natural oils, tropical fruits,
00:44:04 flora, nuts and protective sun screens.
00:44:08 Created by one man for one reason.
00:44:12 White is for laundry.
00:44:18 "Thank you for calling Dwayne
00:44:20 the number-one dealership
00:44:23 where we are celebrating Hawaiian week
00:44:27 This is Francine Pefko.
00:44:29 Francine.
00:44:32 Dwayne?
00:44:34 I want you to walk out of here
00:44:38 and go to the Best western
00:44:41 Mr. Hoover!
00:44:45 You ought to have some crazy teenager who
00:44:49 I don't want a crazy
00:44:59 - who's this knucklehead, Harry?
00:45:02 He's a friend of Dwayne's.
00:45:04 - Take good care of him, will ya?
00:45:07 How ya doin', buddy?
00:45:10 - Four-door, 429-
00:45:14 what say?
00:45:16 This key entry thing-
00:45:19 Oh! Be right back, fellas.
00:45:24 Maybe stop for a... snack.
00:45:30 I'll be here when you get back,
00:45:33 You could fry an egg on
00:45:43 Extinct. Gilgongo.
00:45:47 The bull elephant makes
00:45:51 for what he knows to be
00:45:55 Slouching, as it were,
00:45:58 to what's his own personal Bethlehem.
00:46:08 Gilgongo!
00:46:10 Oh, I love the smell of
00:46:16 Hmm. TV helps me relax.
00:46:20 we sure do want you relaxed, Francine.
00:46:25 - Hmm!
00:46:27 Now why would a thin
00:46:30 love a woman so heavy?
00:46:33 - Come up here. - Now, welcome
00:46:37 with Mr. Monty Rapid.
00:46:40 Thank you, my old friend Virgil, and
00:46:44 Today it is my great privilege to
00:46:48 - Mr. Fred T. Barry, one of Midland City's great leaders,
00:46:53 also one of its wealthiest.
00:46:55 - Mr. Barry has joined
00:46:58 No, Francine, don't. Don't.
00:47:00 I know I promised never to say it,
00:47:02 but it's a promise I can't
00:47:06 Francine, please!
00:47:08 I know the subject is painful for you,
00:47:12 ever since your wife
00:47:15 - That's enough!
00:47:17 Can you tell the listening audience what they
00:47:22 Art, Monty. They can expect art.
00:47:27 when I go to heaven-
00:47:29 on Judgment Day and they ask me
00:47:34 I'm gonna have to tell them, well-
00:47:37 A little art, Monty, can go a long way.
00:47:40 It was a promise I
00:47:43 and I kept breaking it all the time.
00:47:45 Francine, let's just
00:47:48 I promised never to say-
00:47:53 - Francine, please, just
00:47:55 - "The greatest living writer in the English language. "
00:47:59 - Hmm.
00:48:02 Kilgore Trout.
00:48:06 - Mr. Kilgore Trout.
00:48:09 - Kilgore Trout.
00:48:13 Kilgore Trout.
00:48:19 People, stick around.
00:48:21 We'll be right back in a rapid moment
00:48:24 Dwayne?
00:48:26 Remember when we
00:48:28 and took him for his first
00:48:32 - He was so happy.
00:48:35 Maybe that's why God created women:
00:48:37 to help men relax from time to time.
00:48:40 You feel better now, dear?
00:48:44 Good.
00:48:46 Oh, darn. Oh, I promised
00:48:50 The perfect blast, six
00:48:54 real dairy cheese.
00:48:56 You know, this would be
00:48:59 for a fried chicken franchise
00:49:06 Dwayne,you're makin'a
00:49:10 Ah!
00:49:13 Today we're turning out the
00:49:15 - Aha what?
00:49:18 Next time you want to ask me
00:49:22 and don't hint around until
00:49:26 I like to keep my lovemaking
00:49:30 Dwayne, I don't even know
00:49:33 I don't even know what it
00:49:35 - why are you doing this to me?
00:49:37 Every woman has her price, Francine.
00:49:39 Yours just happens to be
00:49:43 It's not for me. It's for you.
00:49:47 It's not for me. It's for you!
00:49:52 Harry Le Sabre was right!
00:49:55 He said you'd changed,
00:49:58 Dwayne Hoover, you have changed!
00:50:05 I'm sorry I was so
00:50:09 I don't know what's wrong with me.
00:50:11 You're the most loyal and unselfish
00:50:18 I'm so sorry.
00:50:22 Please forgive me.
00:50:28 - I'm so confused.
00:50:32 I'm just looking for somebody to
00:50:36 just a sign.
00:50:38 I just need somebody
00:50:40 well, here, baby.
00:50:42 Sit here and tell Mommy everything.
00:50:47 Okay.
00:50:49 - Then, tell me, please.
00:50:55 what life is about.
00:50:57 Oh, only God knows
00:51:02 God, God, God, God.
00:51:08 - Francine?
00:51:12 Did I ever tell you about my
00:51:15 - when you won the Golden Sales Award?
00:51:18 Mm-mm.
00:51:20 I was given a tour of
00:51:23 - Do you know what impressed me the most?
00:51:27 The place where they do everything to cars
00:51:31 I remember seeing a sign on
00:51:35 where they did all this torture.
00:51:39 It said, " Destructive Testing. "
00:51:44 I remember looking at that sign and
00:51:51 to see just how much a man
00:51:59 I've lost my way, Francine.
00:52:02 Oh.
00:52:04 Take my hand and lead
00:52:06 - You're just tired, honey.
00:52:09 we're here visiting with Fred T. Barry-
00:52:12 Maybe we should take
00:52:15 I don't need to hear what a
00:52:18 I've heard what every person in
00:52:22 which one of us would you like, Dwayne?
00:52:25 Which one of us would you like, Dwayne?
00:52:27 - Would you like, Dwayne?
00:52:29 Dwayne! what is it? Dwayne!
00:52:33 I need to hear truths
00:52:37 I may need to speak to
00:52:39 - The function of the artist is to triumph over life.
00:52:44 It certainly is.
00:52:46 what about the writers and
00:52:50 - what?
00:52:54 - Mr. Kilgore Trout.
00:52:58 Kilgore Trout.
00:53:00 Bunny, Bunny Hoover
00:53:04 Bunny, the crooner, Hoover
00:53:07 Mr. Rhythm Mover
00:53:09 Let me have a vodka cranberry, will ya?
00:53:11 - Got a bladder infection.
00:53:13 Weekdays to please at Best
00:53:17 And sometimes
00:53:20 So I don't have to scrounge
00:53:23 At the competition
00:53:26 Yeah
00:53:28 - I'm sure that's enough hair
00:53:31 Fine. Looks fine.
00:53:35 - Hi.
00:53:39 You just got here.
00:53:41 Hey, everybody, now here's a must.
00:53:45 - In the lobby it's Dwayne Hoover, the man you can trust.
00:53:49 And there's the lovely Francine Pefko,
00:53:54 - Dwayne, isn't that your son George?
00:53:57 Can do Francine, I can do
00:54:01 Can do a little treasure
00:54:04 - Come on. Let's go.
00:54:06 - we're leaving.
00:54:09 I didn't know he was in show business or
00:54:13 Bunny Hoover can do
00:54:17 Yeah
00:54:21 You're loaded with
00:54:23 - Yeah?
00:54:33 It's just a big elephant!
00:54:36 Sir? Officer?
00:54:41 Did you ever wonder how they get
00:54:46 Of course, you don't. You've got too many
00:54:50 I just pray each Sunday that I'll be
00:54:53 what is going on here?
00:54:59 Everything all right, Mother?
00:55:01 Mom? Mom!
00:55:05 Mother!
00:55:16 That's Dwayne Hoover.
00:55:20 - Hmm! Look, it's Fred T. Barry.
00:55:23 And we just saw him on televisión.
00:55:27 we've located worid Classics Library.
00:55:30 what is worid Classics Library?
00:55:33 Kilgore Trout's publisher.
00:55:37 - Mmm! Listen.
00:55:40 It's Fred T. Barry on the
00:55:45 Do you suppose that
00:55:47 Mother, who is 94 this week.
00:55:50 The keynote speaker will be none other
00:55:55 Kilgore Trout!
00:55:57 You're going to get us killed!
00:56:00 - Francine! Take a memo!
00:56:06 - Turn around,jackass!
00:56:09 I want to meet with Kilgore Trout this
00:56:12 You better start driving sensibly,
00:56:15 Just take the gosh-darn memo!
00:56:23 Oh! what kind of name is Kilgore Trout?
00:56:28 On the planet, everything
00:56:33 And the inhabitants live
00:56:38 They've evolved nail-
00:56:43 They've evolved nails under
00:56:47 They're quadrupods, and they got
00:56:51 And the sun
00:56:54 It's cold. It's a cold sun. Cold sun.
00:56:59 Chaos. It's chaos.
00:57:01 Everything's kind of
00:57:10 Eliot, I have come to
00:57:13 and the arrangements for the El Greco.
00:57:17 - Did you find the writer? Kilgore Trout?
00:57:23 wonderful. I-Is he coming
00:57:28 - Yes, Eliot, he is.
00:57:31 Eliot, do you know where
00:57:37 They appear in porno smut magazines.
00:57:41 Tell him, Howell.
00:57:44 Yes, sir. Whips and Other Trips,
00:57:49 You mean, uh, like this?
00:57:57 What I know is that Kilgore Trout...
00:58:01 should win the Nobel
00:58:09 Kilgore Trout,
00:58:11 Kilgore Trout, Kilgore Trout,
00:58:23 Kilgore Trout, Kilgore Trout.
00:58:25 Kilgore Trout, Kilgore-
00:58:39 To enhance your life, Panasonic
00:58:44 What you may not know is we also bring you the
00:58:49 The Plus Alkaline
00:58:51 - This guy looks forward
00:58:56 Twelve people were overcome
00:58:59 and were evacuated from their
00:59:03 Celia?
00:59:06 - Sure, we're having good times, but what if?
00:59:13 - They're not happy.
00:59:17 but we thought, hey, we can handle this.
00:59:19 Then John's company downsized,
00:59:23 That's right. Nobody's happy.
00:59:27 They're just trying
00:59:32 But they're together, a real family.
00:59:36 we're gonna be okay.
00:59:38 They're not a real family. They're
00:59:42 Real people worry about
00:59:45 They worry about people jumping out at them,
00:59:50 They worry about being
00:59:52 we've been taking care of
00:59:54 - Now they're happy.
00:59:58 They're not real, okay? Real people
01:00:03 They're not real.
01:00:06 They're hired to lie to you. That's their
01:00:11 Dwayne Hoover slashing prices. We're
01:00:14 Hey, ask anybody. You
01:00:18 I'd trust you, Dwayne.
01:00:20 - If only you'd tell me
01:00:26 what is that supposed
01:00:28 Is that another one of
01:00:31 Are you telling me that you're
01:00:33 'Cause if you're telling me that just go
01:00:36 I can take almost anything these days.
01:00:38 I feel pretty much alone most of the
01:00:41 what I'm trying to say is,
01:00:44 whether we're together... or apart...
01:00:51 the moments between us...
01:00:55 have always existed...
01:01:00 and will always...
01:01:09 Famalton,
01:01:11 - the easy formula for stress relief.
01:01:16 Make each day as good as the best day.
01:01:21 Mmm!
01:01:24 So you see what I'm saying
01:01:27 You just need a little guidance-
01:01:29 Jesus. That sounded like a gunshot.
01:01:32 - Mommy!
01:01:38 - Pops, don't shoot. It's me.
01:01:43 I'm interested in handling his act. This
01:01:46 Don't light that in here.
01:01:48 Fair enough. I'll be outside
01:01:51 - His name's George!
01:01:57 Did you shoot Mommy?
01:02:00 You were elected cadet colonel
01:02:04 It was the highest rank you
01:02:07 It was supposed to
01:02:10 why would I want that?
01:02:13 what men do is so often cruel and ugly.
01:02:20 You looked like your mother just then.
01:02:25 Oh, baby.
01:02:30 Go to your room.
01:02:33 Yes, sir.
01:02:58 The asshole of the universe ain't
01:03:03 - You ever seen Libertyville?
01:03:07 Yeah, about ten years ago I got
01:03:11 Got a little mad and took a swing
01:03:14 Hmm.
01:03:17 Main industry down there is pulping.
01:03:20 Got trucks bringing in hundreds of
01:03:23 to Libertyville every day.
01:03:26 - Paper pulping.
01:03:28 They got so many books down there,
01:03:31 I sat in jail for two days with
01:03:34 I still remember one of
01:03:36 This story was about as crazy
01:03:38 It was the last story I ever
01:03:41 It was about another planet
01:03:45 used a roulette wheel to decide which artwork
01:03:49 The roulette wheel is
01:03:52 - This whatever you call,
01:03:56 Yeah, the Barring
01:04:00 Hey! That's right.
01:04:04 The toilet paper you read in
01:04:07 The Barring-gaffner of Bagnialto...
01:04:10 or This Year's Masterpiece
01:04:13 - You actually read that thing?
01:04:17 Boy, what is his name? Trout?
01:04:20 He must be half
01:04:22 well, he, uh, was self-educated,
01:04:26 He didn't finish high school,
01:04:30 "All the worid's a stage. All the
01:04:33 Yeah. Didn't make any sense.
01:04:37 It was chaos.
01:04:41 You got that right.
01:04:47 why would you ever read that
01:05:01 why?
01:05:03 It takes all kinds of
01:05:07 Dwayne Hoover! Dwayne Hoover!
01:05:11 Hey, folks, it's me. Dwayne
01:05:39 Ooh!
01:05:42 Good morning, Mr. Hoover!
01:05:47 Good morning, Mr. Hoover.
01:05:55 - Dwayne Hoover!
01:05:57 Mr. Hoover, we are interested in
01:05:59 but drives like a luxury sedan.
01:06:02 Yeah, yeah, and with
01:06:04 Gonna get a TV set today. I swear,
01:06:07 Dinner, dinner, dinner.
01:06:13 - Tell me something.
01:06:15 Take a look over
01:06:18 - You see the young man...
01:06:20 wearing a suit, five, ten and a half?
01:06:22 - Yeah. -
01:06:25 Go talk to him. He'll
01:06:28 But, Mr. Hoover, we want
01:06:31 You! You! You!
01:06:33 Oh.
01:06:39 Oh. Ah.
01:06:42 Oh!
01:06:46 Okay!
01:06:52 Oh.
01:06:58 Oh, God.
01:07:11 Dwayne! Buddies.
01:07:21 Princes, pa-poo-la
01:07:25 Oh, me, oh, my-a
01:07:27 You ought to really try a
01:07:31 Hawaii! Aloha!
01:07:37 Oh, buddies?
01:07:39 Oh, Dwayne. Look. You
01:07:42 I got pink, and the leotards are green.
01:07:46 You said to-
01:07:50 Oh. Ah. Um-
01:07:54 I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
01:07:57 Ow!
01:08:00 Oh, God. Oh.
01:08:16 Ooh.
01:08:26 Francine.
01:08:28 I may ask you to slip
01:08:30 Oh, you may ask. You may ask,
01:08:33 but I wouldn't go in a million years.
01:08:40 Dwayne Hoover's Exit 11 Motor
01:08:43 Just one moment, please.
01:08:46 It's for you, Mr. Hoover. Oh, I guess
01:08:50 Unless I take a g. d. memo,
01:08:55 what are you doing?
01:08:59 Hello?
01:09:03 My name is Horace Durenwurst.
01:09:06 I'd like to ask you some questions regarding
01:09:16 If that man calls back, you
01:09:20 Tell him I've moved to
01:09:26 Oh. Oh.
01:09:35 - Hello?
01:09:39 - He just stood there.
01:09:41 The grass skirt fell off and, uh-
01:09:44 To him obviously I'm revolting.
01:09:46 Harry, how many times do I have to tell
01:09:50 Oh, God, let's just get to
01:09:53 - Yes. Yes, you know,
01:09:57 - I know I'm right.
01:10:03 You know, I'll get us
01:10:08 I'll fix the drawing. I'll
01:10:12 Oh, that's the best idea you've
01:10:16 Oh, boy, oh, boy! Look at that!
01:10:18 What's that all about, those co-ed
01:10:21 It's a science fiction novel
01:10:24 The premise is that life's an experiment
01:10:28 He wants to test a new creature he's thinking
01:10:33 The creature has the ability
01:10:36 All the other creatures
01:10:38 Robots! That does not describe
01:10:42 I'm my own boss! Right down
01:10:46 The book takes the
01:10:48 from the creator of the universe
01:10:51 That sounds nice. So where do
01:10:54 - They don't.
01:10:56 That's just... stupid.
01:10:59 I mean, who'd want to
01:11:01 Who'd want to write something
01:11:05 You know what I'm saying? Man!
01:11:07 Stupid.
01:11:12 You know those glasses
01:11:15 He doesn't need 'em. He just wears 'em
01:11:19 He's bald too.
01:11:22 That's why he combs his hair over to the
01:11:26 When the wind blows,
01:11:29 He looks like Baby Huey.
01:11:32 He's got a small penis too.
01:11:35 I suppose we all want to have
01:11:39 Anyway, here, fill out this entry form,
01:11:43 I'm not goin' anywhere, man!
01:11:45 well, that's the point. You don't
01:11:48 I'll take care of the rest.
01:11:52 - Hey, Mr. Hoover!
01:11:55 Tell him you saw me.
01:12:01 Forget it! You haven't seen me!
01:13:16 Ohh. And the winner is...
01:13:19 wayne Hoobler of Midland City.
01:13:24 well, Mr. Hoobler, if you're watching,
01:13:27 you have just won first prize...
01:13:29 which is a round-trip ticket
01:13:36 And I am sure
01:13:39 - the generous and benevolent
01:13:42 Christ, Harry, haven't
01:13:45 ...will give you a choice of islands,
01:13:47 including Maui!
01:13:50 - How about that wayne
01:13:53 Yes!
01:13:56 And now, this, this voyage-
01:13:59 this, this wonderful voyage-
01:14:02 this, this exploration into-
01:14:05 into, uh-
01:14:07 into the secret hiding places...
01:14:10 where what is the, uh-
01:14:13 Oh, my God, Harry. Shut your mouth.
01:14:15 wonderful, beautiful
01:14:17 The peace of it all and...
01:14:20 the terrible, horrible,
01:14:24 - where all the private clubs...
01:14:26 - and down and down into the sordid underbelly!
01:14:29 Down into the bottom
01:14:32 - Geez, this is live. -
01:14:34 The naming, naming! The terrible hurt!
01:14:38 But the hunger, the wonderful hunger...
01:14:41 for some sort of full play,
01:14:43 full swing, plenty of
01:14:47 No more mountains! No more mountains!
01:14:53 Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry.
01:14:56 I've got the tickets right
01:15:00 well, I had the tickets. I have
01:15:04 Oh! Oh!
01:15:07 Oh! Oh, my! Oh, my goodness.
01:15:11 - Huh?
01:15:15 - Oh, my.
01:15:18 Just go for it!
01:15:20 Um-
01:15:23 Pan to Mr. Hoover. Mr.
01:15:30 I love you like a brother,
01:15:33 We better get an ambulance.
01:15:56 Having a good day, old man?
01:15:58 I already know I look ridiculous!
01:16:03 I've made this long pilgrimage
01:16:08 Midland City, I have arrived.
01:16:41 - Yoo-hoo,
01:16:44 Are you going in there?
01:16:47 why, it's the only way to Midland City.
01:16:52 well, then, these will help.
01:16:55 I don't, don't need 'em.
01:17:01 Oh.
01:17:10 The arts festival awaits me.
01:17:33 Treat me like a cockroach, Midland City.
01:17:36 Feast your eyes...
01:17:38 on your miserable creator.
01:17:56 You've given me a life not worth living,
01:18:00 but an iron will to live!
01:18:44 Maui! Maui!
01:18:47 Maui!
01:18:52 Maui!
01:18:57 She's goin'.
01:19:02 I just have too many cars. That's all!
01:19:06 I can't forget it because I should
01:19:10 Maria, she said if she was gonna
01:19:13 and then she said she
01:19:16 who am I?
01:19:18 Mr. Hoover, sir.
01:19:21 How are you this
01:19:24 Is there anything-
01:19:26 who am I?
01:19:28 Please, someone just tell me who I am.
01:19:31 Sorry, Mr. Hoover. I did not
01:19:34 I knew that you were the owner, but I didn't
01:19:38 I should have recognized.
01:19:41 - Well, enjoy your stay
01:19:59 Mr. Trout.
01:20:02 Welcome to Midland City Arts Festival.
01:20:05 The AmeriTel Inn invites you to join us
01:20:10 to celebrate the first annual
01:20:13 I look perfect for my missión.
01:20:28 Not now. Not now.
01:20:37 The Abominable Snowman has arrived.
01:20:40 Kidnapped from the
01:20:43 Taken as slave to a
01:20:46 I've come to the arts
01:20:48 to have myself
01:20:50 as a great artist I
01:20:53 Mr. Trout, I would know you anywhere.
01:20:55 Marlo, his bags, please.
01:20:58 - Yes, ma'am.
01:21:01 - Can I take your hat?
01:21:05 - It had to be you.
01:21:08 Kilgore Trout!
01:21:11 I am Eliot Rosewater,
01:21:17 You're Rosewater?
01:21:19 You don't look like a person
01:21:22 I have gathered to this date
01:21:25 and 63 of your short stories.
01:21:28 And, of course, I've read them all.
01:21:31 - You've read that much of my stuff?
01:21:33 Please, have a seat.
01:21:41 we are proud...
01:21:43 to be the first community
01:21:46 the greatness of Kilgore Trout.
01:21:50 Midland City is ready for a renaissance.
01:21:54 And you, sir, shall be our Leonardo.
01:22:00 I regret that I must leave immediately
01:22:06 But the honor, sir,
01:22:09 has been entirely mine.
01:22:12 Let's go. I need my shot.
01:22:17 That kid has books of mine?
01:22:20 Yes, and he let me read them all.
01:22:24 I loved them.
01:22:28 More flowers than at
01:22:31 Midland City seems to be gettin'
01:22:36 well, like Mr. Rosewater said-
01:22:39 teach us to dance and sing...
01:22:41 and laugh and cry.
01:22:44 Do I look like a dancer or,
01:22:48 would a man nourished by beauty
01:22:51 My eyes are opened.
01:22:53 And I see someone who
01:22:56 through the fires of
01:23:00 and come back to tell us about it.
01:23:08 If there is anything you
01:23:13 don't be afraid to call me.
01:23:17 Ting-a-ling.
01:23:22 Hmm.
01:23:31 Dwayne.
01:23:39 Dwayne.
01:23:46 My feet are so hot.
01:23:49 I may never get this stuff off.
01:24:10 Kilgore Trout!
01:24:14 Kilgore Trout, Trout, Trout, Trout-
01:24:18 All your questions will
01:24:21 Look for me downstairs
01:24:29 Kilgore Trout.
01:24:34 Kilgore Trout.
01:24:38 And just flap it right up
01:24:43 Then I would put Day-Glo bars
01:24:48 That's what I would do. Oh, man.
01:25:04 Breakfast of champions.
01:25:08 You said that the last time
01:25:11 I say it every time I
01:25:14 That's probably why God invented
01:25:17 so people could keep saying the same
01:25:23 I just like to cheer people up.
01:25:26 That's all.
01:25:29 Okay.
01:25:32 No.
01:25:34 Mr. Hoover, would you
01:25:38 I just- I just would-
01:25:41 of you signing my wrist.
01:25:44 I want to show it to my father.
01:25:46 He's sick in the hospital, and
01:25:50 It would really impress him. It would.
01:25:52 Thanks a lot. Nothin' special.
01:25:54 Just your autograph would be great.
01:25:59 Yeah, they opened him up and
01:26:02 Don't know what we're gonna do.
01:26:06 There it is. There's that smile.
01:26:09 Just love it. we just
01:26:13 And when you said "bird
01:26:16 - Ca-ca. -
01:26:18 my dad laughed for the
01:26:21 Thanks. we just
01:26:26 Oh, God.
01:26:30 Thank you.
01:26:35 Ca-ca.
01:26:38 Dwayne, Dwayne,
01:26:41 Dwayne, Dwayne, Dwayne-
01:26:46 - Celia?
01:26:49 Talk to me, please.
01:26:51 we're not happy, Dwayne. Share
01:26:55 Bye, Blue Monday.
01:26:58 I trust you, Dwayne.
01:27:02 Are you sorry, Dwayne?
01:27:04 Perhaps before-
01:27:15 They were taking Mr. Le Sabre to the
01:27:18 The
01:27:20 Hold on, please.
01:27:22 Dwayne Hoover, Exit 11- I- I
01:27:27 I got dollar36.
01:27:31 Sold.
01:27:33 And remember, you can
01:27:43 Get out of that car!
01:27:47 Oh, it's a tilt steering wheel.
01:28:10 Ooh.
01:28:16 All right, Bunny, I got this place rigged
01:28:21 So, the table's set. All you gotta
01:28:25 - Can do, Bill. Can do.
01:28:27 You wanna give me a hug?
01:28:31 You go get 'em.
01:28:36 You know, I discovered
01:28:39 Good evening.
01:28:44 Hey, great to see you here
01:28:46 Have a scotch Have a beer
01:28:48 - It's Kilgore Trout!
01:28:54 Hey!
01:28:56 - Mr. Kilgore Trout. I'm Fay.
01:28:59 This is indeed a rare pleasure.
01:29:01 - Oh, my goodness, I just love artists.
01:29:04 Hey, feel the jive Join in the fun
01:29:07 Midland City America's number one
01:29:10 Yeah
01:29:12 That's Kilgore Trout. Play that intro
01:29:17 Now, you're not from
01:29:20 Yeah. I'm from Exit 11 Motor Village.
01:29:24 I'm wayne Hoobler.
01:29:27 wake up Get out of bed
01:29:31 There's plenty of good art just ahead
01:29:33 Be right back.
01:29:35 Now salute the man we can't do without
01:29:39 The wonderful, lovable
01:29:43 Yeah
01:29:56 Finally, Kilgore Trout?
01:29:59 - Kilgore Trout?
01:30:01 - The message, please.
01:30:03 My message! You know what message I'm
01:30:09 It's mine. What are you
01:30:11 - what are you doing?
01:30:13 Poor sir, brave sir.
01:30:15 You are an experiment of
01:30:19 You are the only creature in the
01:30:23 That's godlike with a little "g".
01:30:29 Take my hand
01:30:31 I'm a stranger in paradise
01:30:36 "You are the only one who has
01:30:40 And why. "
01:30:43 That's exactly right. How did you know
01:30:46 " Everybody else is a robot, a machine.
01:30:50 Some persons like you, while
01:30:53 And you must wonder why.
01:30:56 They are simply liking
01:30:59 All of this has made you
01:31:02 You see, this is me. I
01:31:07 If this isn't nice, what is?
01:31:10 Out of the common place
01:31:12 Into the rare
01:31:16 Somewhere in space
01:31:18 "You are surrounded by machines
01:31:23 in every conceivable way...
01:31:27 so that the Creator of the
01:31:30 - wait, there's more. There's more.
01:31:33 "The Creator of the Universe
01:31:36 not only for the capricious jostling
01:31:40 but also for the trashy stinking
01:31:44 The robots have been programmed
01:31:46 so it would be a poisonous, festering
01:31:50 He also programmed the robots to crave
01:31:54 - so it would be crowded when you got here.
01:31:57 He had the robots kill each other by the
01:32:01 They have committed every possible
01:32:04 just to get a reaction from you.
01:32:10 That's right. That's right.
01:32:17 It's workin', kid.
01:32:20 - Thank you.
01:32:22 - Thank you so much, my friend. You helped me so much.
01:32:26 - Thank you.
01:32:28 Ah, ha-ha!
01:32:30 Nice guy.
01:32:35 Won't you answer-
01:32:37 Out of my way, dancing machines!
01:32:45 Just what I'm looking for.
01:32:49 Oh, so good to see you!
01:32:54 Where are the bravery machines?
01:32:57 Got you. when you were
01:33:00 I loved the way your head
01:33:03 Now look at you.
01:33:06 - Daddy, why are you doing this?
01:33:12 You see? They don't feel a
01:33:20 Is this because of my creation? Is
01:33:25 Will you explain exactly
01:33:28 that made you want to,
01:33:32 You said it yourself
01:33:36 - Don't you remember?
01:33:40 Listen you!
01:33:45 Dwayne Hoover's gone berserk!
01:33:47 - I don't like you anymore!
01:33:50 The New York machine!
01:33:53 Get out of my way! Ha-ha!
01:33:58 They don't feel anything anyway.
01:34:00 who wants some of the car dealer, huh?
01:34:05 You're not supposed to know
01:34:12 why not?
01:34:14 If you knew the answer,
01:34:20 Dwayne? Dwayne.
01:34:24 Come on.
01:34:26 Escape. Come follow me.
01:34:38 Young man!
01:34:42 Come on out!
01:34:44 Young man!
01:34:46 Olly, olly, oxen free.
01:34:50 - Hey, Mr. Hoover.
01:34:52 - what do you say there, pal of mine?
01:34:55 Hey, hey!
01:35:00 where are ya? Ah-
01:35:03 You're
01:35:08 Hey. what the-
01:35:10 what kind of machine are you?
01:35:13 Hey, I'm wayne Hoobler.
01:35:15 And Eli said we couldn't trust
01:35:19 I never, never trust anybody!
01:35:22 Dwayne?
01:35:27 what are you, a trusting machine?
01:35:32 Yes.
01:35:34 why, yes, I am.
01:35:36 Dwayne?
01:35:42 Yes, I am!
01:35:45 I'm wayne Hoobler, and I'm home!
01:35:51 Fairyland!
01:35:56 Ahh. Fairyland! Ha-ha!
01:36:02 where is that guy?
01:36:04 Mr. Hoover! Where have you been?
01:36:09 where are all the showroom cars?
01:36:12 Headquarters called and they're very
01:36:16 - Mr. Hoov- Is everything all
01:36:19 Oh, here's the best fucking machine...
01:36:23 in all of Midland City.
01:36:25 Mr. Hoover, you are the most
01:36:28 Sure!Just wind her up and
01:36:31 And she'll keep goin' until she
01:36:35 Yes, I said I loved you, but that
01:36:39 when you were a man of
01:36:42 But you've become a
01:36:46 Fine!
01:36:49 Get the police! Go!
01:36:51 Call the police! There's
01:36:54 - Tell me what it is.
01:36:59 - Continue? - Continue. That's right.
01:37:02 Can't quit now. Gotta keep
01:37:05 - Yesterday was my birthday.
01:37:10 That's it!
01:37:14 What did you just say?
01:37:22 what did you just say?
01:37:24 Until you're dead, it's all life.
01:37:27 So make the most of it.
01:37:34 Life?
01:37:37 You're right.
01:37:40 It's all life.
01:37:42 Oh, my goodness! Are
01:37:47 So, it's you.
01:37:52 The Creator of the Universe.
01:37:54 Well, it delights me...
01:37:57 that I no longer have to suffer
01:38:00 The joke's on you, isn't it, big fella?
01:38:04 Huh? what are you gonna do
01:38:07 I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it.
01:38:11 Your kind never has to mean it.
01:38:14 Is there anything I can do for
01:38:18 Get me a Nobel prize or,
01:38:22 I'm sorry. I can't
01:38:24 I don't think I can help
01:38:28 but if there's anything
01:38:32 Free? Like Tolstoy freed his
01:38:37 Feel free? Feel free.
01:38:43 I will make the most of it.
01:38:47 Celia.
01:38:49 - Until you're dead, it's all life.
01:38:52 Free?
01:38:56 Until you're dead, it's all life.
01:40:04 wait a minute, Bunny. I know
01:40:07 - I gotta be by myself for a little while.
01:40:10 - It was great. They loved it.
01:40:13 Of course he loves you, but he's a
01:40:16 wait, Bunny. I love you!
01:41:04 Celia?
01:41:13 - Dwayne?
01:41:16 - Dwayne?
01:41:18 - Dwayne?
01:41:20 - I'm here. Over here.
01:41:26 You need these.
01:41:36 Put on the boots, Dwayne.
01:41:39 Put on the boots.
01:41:47 You can do it.
01:42:03 I'm so sorry.
01:42:07 - I'm so sorry, Celia.
01:42:16 - So sorry.
01:42:20 I understand.
01:42:47 Oh.
01:42:54 Bunny.
01:42:56 - Dad.
01:43:03 - All right, Mr. Hoover.
01:43:06 No! No!
01:43:08 - It's okay.
01:43:10 I understand now.
01:43:13 Until you're dead, it's all life.
01:43:16 Until you're dead, it's all life, Celia.
01:43:21 That's it.
01:43:24 Good-bye, Blue Monday!
01:43:27 Bye, Blue Monday.
01:43:29 - It's okay. Everything's okay.
01:43:32 I
01:43:35 I'm
01:43:37 All right, let's go. Let's move it!
01:43:39 - I love you.
01:43:41 I love you.
01:43:45 Daddy.
01:44:33 Make me young.