|
Caddyshack
|
| 00:01:23 |
All right, kids! Rise and shine! |
| 00:01:30 |
Come on, girls! Enough with the hair! |
| 00:01:53 |
Turn off that radio! |
| 00:02:07 |
I talked to Pete Scalary last night. |
| 00:02:09 |
He's going to get that training bra |
| 00:02:15 |
Danny saw me naked! |
| 00:02:17 |
You think you're cool! |
| 00:02:19 |
-Who are you? What's your name? |
| 00:02:21 |
Did you brush your teeth? |
| 00:02:23 |
Both of them. |
| 00:02:23 |
When will you get a haircut? |
| 00:02:26 |
Who is this? |
| 00:02:27 |
That's your nephew! |
| 00:02:28 |
What are we running, a restaurant? |
| 00:02:31 |
Did you get out yesterday? |
| 00:02:33 |
Twice. |
| 00:02:34 |
I caddied for Ty Webb in the morning |
| 00:02:38 |
How much is that? |
| 00:02:39 |
It's about $30 plus tips. |
| 00:02:42 |
Put it in the college fund! |
| 00:02:44 |
He's like a three-year old! |
| 00:02:45 |
You must tell him every time |
| 00:02:48 |
When you get back from Little League... |
| 00:02:49 |
...let's do some painting on this house. |
| 00:02:52 |
The Douglases got fake brick. |
| 00:02:54 |
Hooray for the Douglases! |
| 00:02:58 |
Why not give the St. Copius Scholarship |
| 00:03:01 |
I don't know about that place. |
| 00:03:04 |
He said there were only two girls |
| 00:03:07 |
I saw that! That's about $1 0 in change! |
| 00:03:10 |
I had a couple of burgers |
| 00:03:12 |
How many Cokes? |
| 00:03:13 |
Four or five. |
| 00:03:14 |
What are you, a diabetic? |
| 00:03:16 |
You're not leaving |
| 00:03:19 |
If he doesn't have something lined up |
| 00:03:22 |
...l'll ask Tom Burdick to put him on |
| 00:03:25 |
He won't work at the lumber yard! |
| 00:03:27 |
He isn't going to be a caddy all his life, |
| 00:03:30 |
"l'm alright |
| 00:03:36 |
"Why you got to give me a fight? |
| 00:03:53 |
"Who do you want? |
| 00:03:56 |
"Who are you going to ¨be today?" |
| 00:04:52 |
Hey, Mr. Webb. Can I ask you something? |
| 00:04:54 |
Sure thing. Shoot, Timmy. |
| 00:04:56 |
Danny. |
| 00:04:58 |
When you were my age, |
| 00:05:00 |
...deciding what you wanted |
| 00:05:04 |
No, I've never had that problem. Why? |
| 00:05:08 |
Forget it. I didn't think you'd understand. |
| 00:05:13 |
-Do you take drugs? |
| 00:05:14 |
-Good. So what's the problem? |
| 00:05:18 |
Did you take the Cooter Preference Test... |
| 00:05:20 |
...when you were a senior in high school? |
| 00:05:22 |
Yes, I took it. They said |
| 00:05:27 |
-What are you supposed to be? |
| 00:05:31 |
I've got to go to college. I've got to! |
| 00:05:33 |
Danny, this isn't Russia. |
| 00:05:35 |
Is this Russia? This isn't Russia, is it? |
| 00:05:37 |
I didn't think so. No, the thing is, |
| 00:05:42 |
In Nebraska? |
| 00:05:46 |
Hold on. I think I lent you $2.50 yesterday. |
| 00:05:48 |
I can't pay for everything, |
| 00:05:51 |
My dad can't afford it. |
| 00:05:52 |
I haven't told him about the scholarship |
| 00:05:55 |
I'll be working in a lumber yard |
| 00:05:57 |
What's wrong with lumber? |
| 00:05:59 |
I notice you don't spend much time there. |
| 00:06:01 |
I'm not sure where they are. |
| 00:06:10 |
I like you, Betty. |
| 00:06:12 |
That's Danny, sir. |
| 00:06:13 |
Danny. I'm going to give you |
| 00:06:16 |
There's a force in the universe... |
| 00:06:18 |
...that makes things happen. |
| 00:06:21 |
All you have to do is get in touch with it. |
| 00:06:26 |
Stop thinking. Let things happen... |
| 00:06:30 |
...and be...the ball. |
| 00:06:37 |
Where's the wedge? |
| 00:06:43 |
Find your center. |
| 00:06:45 |
Hear nothing. Feel nothing. |
| 00:06:54 |
That was kind of incredible, sir. |
| 00:06:56 |
-You try it, Danny. |
| 00:07:02 |
You try it. |
| 00:07:09 |
Just relax. Find your center. |
| 00:07:12 |
Picture the shot. Picture it. |
| 00:07:15 |
Turn off all the sound. |
| 00:07:19 |
Just let it happen. Be the ball. |
| 00:07:22 |
Be the ball, Danny. |
| 00:07:26 |
It's difficult with you talking like that. |
| 00:07:28 |
I'm not talking. Stop talking. |
| 00:07:32 |
I'm not talking now. |
| 00:07:34 |
Be the ball. |
| 00:07:43 |
Where did it go? |
| 00:07:44 |
Right in the lumber yard. It's okay. |
| 00:08:17 |
Do you know what I just saw? |
| 00:08:19 |
A gopher! |
| 00:08:21 |
A gopher? Where? |
| 00:08:22 |
Do you know what gophers can do |
| 00:08:26 |
I think they're tunneling in |
| 00:08:30 |
Czervik Construction Company? |
| 00:08:31 |
I'll slap an injunction on them so fast |
| 00:08:35 |
You get rid of those gophers... |
| 00:08:37 |
...or I'll be looking for a new greenskeeper! |
| 00:08:40 |
Aye, sir! Very clear, sir! |
| 00:08:43 |
I'll put my best man on it! |
| 00:08:50 |
I'm looking at you. |
| 00:08:55 |
I don't blame you. You're a tramp. |
| 00:08:59 |
That was right where you wanted it. |
| 00:09:01 |
You're a little monkey woman, |
| 00:09:03 |
You're a little monkey woman. |
| 00:09:06 |
...and you're mean and you're not |
| 00:09:09 |
...l bet, are you? |
| 00:09:10 |
Would you like to wrap |
| 00:09:14 |
Damn your eyes, man! |
| 00:09:16 |
I told you to cut the long grass |
| 00:09:21 |
I was unavoidably detained. |
| 00:09:24 |
You can forget about the 13th |
| 00:09:27 |
I've got a more important job for you. |
| 00:09:29 |
I want you to kill every gopher |
| 00:09:34 |
Check me if I'm wrong, |
| 00:09:36 |
...they'll lock me up |
| 00:09:38 |
Gophers! Not golfers! |
| 00:09:43 |
We can do that. |
| 00:09:44 |
We don't even need a reason. |
| 00:09:46 |
Then do it, man! |
| 00:09:48 |
I'll just do the same thing, |
| 00:09:54 |
It's not my fault nobody can understand |
| 00:10:04 |
Give me the Mets on three |
| 00:10:08 |
I'll call you back. |
| 00:10:12 |
Caddyshack. |
| 00:10:20 |
All right. I'll be right up. |
| 00:10:24 |
Take over for me. |
| 00:10:25 |
I'll be right back. |
| 00:10:35 |
So I jump ship in Hong Kong |
| 00:10:40 |
...and I get on as a looper at a course |
| 00:10:43 |
A looper? |
| 00:10:45 |
A looper. You know, a caddy, a looper... |
| 00:10:48 |
...a jock. |
| 00:10:49 |
So I tell them I'm a pro jock |
| 00:10:54 |
The Dalai Lama, himself. |
| 00:10:57 |
The 1 2th son of the Lama. |
| 00:10:59 |
With flowing robes, grace, bald, striking. |
| 00:11:05 |
I'm on the first tee with him. |
| 00:11:07 |
He hauls off and whacks one. |
| 00:11:12 |
Into a 1 0,000 foot crevice |
| 00:11:16 |
Do you know what the Lama says? |
| 00:11:21 |
"Gunga galunga. Gunga gunga da gunga." |
| 00:11:26 |
So we finish 1 8 and he's going to stiff me. |
| 00:11:29 |
And I say, "Hey, Lama! |
| 00:11:32 |
"How about a little something, |
| 00:11:36 |
And he says, "There won't be any money... |
| 00:11:38 |
"...but when you die, on your deathbed... |
| 00:11:42 |
"...you will receive total consciousness." |
| 00:11:48 |
So I've got that going for me... |
| 00:11:53 |
Your ball is right over there. |
| 00:11:56 |
Mrs. Havercamp, you go that way |
| 00:12:00 |
Mrs. Havercamp, you need this. |
| 00:12:02 |
I might, at that. |
| 00:12:11 |
Mr. Havercamp, your ball is right |
| 00:12:24 |
No, Mr. Havercamp, |
| 00:12:27 |
Sir, just bend a little that way |
| 00:12:31 |
...just straight up. That's fine. Great. |
| 00:12:44 |
That's a peach, hon! |
| 00:12:49 |
I'm hot today! |
| 00:12:55 |
Did they die on you, Tony? |
| 00:13:02 |
I can't pay you. Lou has to. |
| 00:13:04 |
Where is he? |
| 00:13:05 |
He's out. |
| 00:13:06 |
I can see he's out, numb nuts! |
| 00:13:10 |
Give me a Coke. |
| 00:13:17 |
Wait a minute! That's only 50 cents! |
| 00:13:21 |
Lou raised the price of Coke. |
| 00:13:25 |
Well, I ain't paying no 50 cents |
| 00:13:29 |
Then you ain't getting no Coke! |
| 00:13:35 |
You've had it, Noonan! |
| 00:13:39 |
Watch it, jerk! |
| 00:13:44 |
Come on out, Noonan! |
| 00:13:47 |
What's going on? |
| 00:13:48 |
Open up. Come on. |
| 00:13:53 |
Sure you don't need me for nothing? |
| 00:14:03 |
I think you and I ought to go outside |
| 00:14:08 |
My friend, you have no idea how happy |
| 00:14:12 |
I'm going to enjoy this thoroughly. |
| 00:14:14 |
I hope that means both of us. |
| 00:14:16 |
Couldn't we just arm wrestle |
| 00:14:18 |
That's my brother! Give me a hand. |
| 00:14:22 |
Whip his ass, Tony! |
| 00:14:25 |
Now, who did you say the jerk was, jerk? |
| 00:14:40 |
What is this? |
| 00:14:44 |
What does the sign say? |
| 00:14:46 |
"No bare feet." |
| 00:14:47 |
What does that sign say? |
| 00:14:48 |
"No fighting." |
| 00:14:49 |
What does it mean? |
| 00:14:50 |
No fighting. |
| 00:14:51 |
You owe me one gumball machine! |
| 00:14:56 |
Don't you see it? |
| 00:14:57 |
Well, pick it up! |
| 00:15:00 |
I'll put it right on the line. |
| 00:15:02 |
There have been a lot |
| 00:15:05 |
Fooling around on the course, |
| 00:15:07 |
...smoking grass, poor caddying. |
| 00:15:11 |
If you guys want to get fired... |
| 00:15:13 |
...if you want to be replaced by golf carts, |
| 00:15:17 |
One announcement. |
| 00:15:18 |
Carl Lipbaum died last week in summer |
| 00:15:23 |
I heard he swallowed his vomit |
| 00:15:26 |
However it happened, he was a good caddy |
| 00:15:29 |
He was a brownnose, Lou! You hated him. |
| 00:15:31 |
Shut up! That means the caddy |
| 00:15:36 |
Anyone who's interested |
| 00:15:39 |
And kiss his ass! |
| 00:15:41 |
That would help. |
| 00:15:43 |
Let's move out. We've got golfers waiting. |
| 00:15:45 |
You! Pick up that blood. |
| 00:15:51 |
What kind of grades do I need |
| 00:15:55 |
If you've been a good caddy, |
| 00:15:57 |
We're about to tee off now... |
| 00:15:59 |
...so call the hospital... |
| 00:16:00 |
...and move my appointment |
| 00:16:07 |
Just snake a tube down her nose |
| 00:16:09 |
...in four or five hours. Testing now. |
| 00:16:20 |
Don't you have homes? |
| 00:16:25 |
There's a brown Audi parked |
| 00:16:28 |
Get a tow truck over here |
| 00:16:39 |
Look at the wax build-up on those shoes! |
| 00:16:41 |
This is fine leather! |
| 00:16:44 |
I want them creamed and buffed |
| 00:16:47 |
I want them now! |
| 00:16:48 |
You've got them, Judge! |
| 00:16:50 |
Get dressed. You're playing golf today. |
| 00:16:53 |
No, I'm not, Grandpa! I'm playing tennis! |
| 00:16:55 |
You'll play golf and you'll like it! |
| 00:16:57 |
What about my asthma? |
| 00:16:58 |
I'll give you asthma! |
| 00:17:01 |
What did you shoot today? |
| 00:17:02 |
I don't keep score, Judge. |
| 00:17:04 |
How do you measure yourself |
| 00:17:06 |
By height. |
| 00:17:08 |
You should play with Dr. Beeper |
| 00:17:13 |
I mean, he's been Club champion |
| 00:17:16 |
...and I'm no slouch, myself. |
| 00:17:17 |
Don't sell yourself short, Judge. |
| 00:17:26 |
Have you heard the latest one... |
| 00:17:27 |
...about the Jew, the Catholic |
| 00:17:34 |
That's a doozie, Judge! |
| 00:17:36 |
Colored boy? |
| 00:17:37 |
You son of a bitch! I'll fix you! |
| 00:17:55 |
Here you are, kid. Park my car, |
| 00:17:59 |
...and put on some weight, will you? |
| 00:18:02 |
Hey, Wang! What's with the pictures? |
| 00:18:06 |
I think this place is restricted, |
| 00:18:10 |
I'm AI Czervik. |
| 00:18:11 |
I'm playing with Drew Scott today |
| 00:18:16 |
Give me half a dozen |
| 00:18:18 |
...and set my friend up |
| 00:18:21 |
You know, clubs, bags, shoes... |
| 00:18:23 |
...gloves, shirt, pants. |
| 00:18:25 |
Orange balls! I'll have a box of those... |
| 00:18:27 |
...and give me a box of those |
| 00:18:31 |
This is the worst-looking hat I ever saw! |
| 00:18:33 |
You buy a hat like this, |
| 00:18:38 |
It looks good on you, though. |
| 00:18:47 |
Judge Smails, Smails the Third, |
| 00:18:50 |
Who wants it? |
| 00:18:51 |
I'll take Smails if nobody wants him. |
| 00:18:54 |
Brownnose! |
| 00:18:59 |
Motormouth, take Dr. Beeper. |
| 00:19:02 |
John, you take the Bish. |
| 00:19:05 |
This is ridiculous. Let me carry that. |
| 00:19:07 |
No. I can do it. |
| 00:19:12 |
-You sure? |
| 00:19:40 |
Madonna with meatballs! |
| 00:19:49 |
Turds! |
| 00:19:50 |
How many times have I spoken to you |
| 00:19:53 |
Sorry, Grandpa, I forgot. |
| 00:19:58 |
Bishop Pickering, Dr. Beeper, |
| 00:20:01 |
Lacey's mother sent her to us |
| 00:20:04 |
It must be a nice change from dreary, |
| 00:20:07 |
Yes. I was getting really tired |
| 00:20:14 |
Double turds! |
| 00:20:16 |
So where do we tee off? |
| 00:20:21 |
We're all set to go. |
| 00:20:26 |
Are we waiting for these guys? |
| 00:20:28 |
Hey, Whitey! Where's your hat? |
| 00:20:48 |
Let's go while we're young! |
| 00:20:49 |
Do you mind, sir? I'm trying to tee off. |
| 00:20:52 |
I bet you slice it into the woods. |
| 00:20:55 |
Gambling is illegal at Bushwood, sir, |
| 00:21:03 |
Damn! |
| 00:21:04 |
Okay! You can owe me! |
| 00:21:06 |
I owe you nothing! |
| 00:21:10 |
Judge Smails, sir, can I talk to you? |
| 00:21:13 |
You want your driver? |
| 00:21:14 |
No, he's not my type. |
| 00:21:16 |
Hey, that's a joke! I'm kidding. |
| 00:21:21 |
All right, place your bets! Here we are! |
| 00:21:29 |
Don't count that! I was interfered with. |
| 00:21:34 |
What did Mr. Webb shoot this morning? |
| 00:21:36 |
He doesn't keep score, sir. |
| 00:21:38 |
I know, but just guess. 80? 75? |
| 00:21:41 |
More like 68, I think. |
| 00:21:44 |
I don't believe it. |
| 00:21:49 |
Why don't you improve your lie? |
| 00:21:51 |
Yes, yes. Winter rules. |
| 00:22:00 |
Fore! |
| 00:22:01 |
Fine shot. |
| 00:22:07 |
I should have yelled two! |
| 00:22:10 |
Why don't we walk this off, sir? |
| 00:22:14 |
What have you got in here, rocks? |
| 00:22:15 |
Are you kidding? When I was your age... |
| 00:22:18 |
...l would lug 50 pounds of ice up five, |
| 00:22:23 |
So what? |
| 00:22:25 |
So let's dance! |
| 00:22:34 |
Now, what the devil? |
| 00:22:40 |
The man is a menace! |
| 00:22:45 |
Cut that off! |
| 00:22:49 |
Music is a violation of our personal |
| 00:22:54 |
I've always been fascinated |
| 00:22:57 |
Really? What areas? |
| 00:22:59 |
All areas. Personal privacy, |
| 00:23:02 |
I'd planned to go to law school |
| 00:23:05 |
...my folks won't have enough money |
| 00:23:09 |
The world needs ditchdiggers, too. |
| 00:23:13 |
Nice try. |
| 00:23:20 |
"Great big gobs of greasy, |
| 00:23:25 |
How about a nice, cool drink, varmints? |
| 00:23:28 |
Scum, slime, menace |
| 00:23:32 |
You're a disgrace. You're varmints. |
| 00:23:34 |
You're one of the lowest members |
| 00:23:37 |
...and you'll probably |
| 00:23:42 |
Well, I have been pushed. |
| 00:23:45 |
It's about time somebody |
| 00:23:47 |
...a little lesson about morality... |
| 00:23:50 |
...and about what it's like to be a decent, |
| 00:23:56 |
Come to Carl, varmint. |
| 00:24:03 |
I guess we're playing for keeps now. |
| 00:24:05 |
I guess the kidding around |
| 00:24:08 |
I guess it's just a matter... |
| 00:24:09 |
...of pumping about 1 5,000 gallons |
| 00:24:13 |
...to teach you a lesson. |
| 00:24:14 |
Is that it? I think it is! |
| 00:24:29 |
-You guys are brothers? |
| 00:24:31 |
Is this a family business, or what? |
| 00:24:33 |
They say for ltalians this is skilled labor, |
| 00:24:37 |
No, actually, I'm a rich millionaire. |
| 00:24:39 |
My doctor told me to get out... |
| 00:24:40 |
...and carry golf bags |
| 00:24:43 |
You're a funny kid. What time |
| 00:24:51 |
Albert Einstein gave me this. |
| 00:24:54 |
Nice man. |
| 00:24:57 |
He made a fortune in physics. |
| 00:25:03 |
I'll tell you, son. My main satisfaction... |
| 00:25:05 |
...is working with young people |
| 00:25:10 |
Why don't you drop by some time? |
| 00:25:13 |
I've often thought |
| 00:25:16 |
Are you Roman Catholic? |
| 00:25:19 |
I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you can't come. |
| 00:25:25 |
Go for it. |
| 00:25:27 |
You know, I've often thought |
| 00:25:31 |
Not bad, huh? I'll have 2,000 more units |
| 00:25:35 |
I bet they'd love a great shopping mall |
| 00:25:38 |
Condos over there! Plenty of parking. |
| 00:25:40 |
Country clubs and cemeteries... |
| 00:25:42 |
...are the biggest wasters |
| 00:25:44 |
Dead people? They don't want |
| 00:25:48 |
Ask Wang. He'll tell you. |
| 00:25:51 |
...behind the Great Wall. On the good side! |
| 00:25:58 |
I want a hamburger. |
| 00:26:00 |
No, a cheeseburger. |
| 00:26:01 |
I want a hot dog. |
| 00:26:02 |
I want a milkshake. |
| 00:26:05 |
You'll get nothing and like it! |
| 00:26:16 |
Stop it. The judge will see you. |
| 00:26:17 |
Are you going out with me tonight? |
| 00:26:19 |
Yes. To my room? I've got to work |
| 00:26:22 |
Come work with me. You can bus tables. |
| 00:26:24 |
I've never done that. |
| 00:26:25 |
It's easy. You fill the water glass, |
| 00:26:29 |
If they drop a fork, |
| 00:26:31 |
I don't think I can handle that. |
| 00:26:37 |
Put me down for five. |
| 00:26:43 |
If I can just make this one.... |
| 00:26:56 |
A thousand bucks you miss that putt! |
| 00:26:59 |
Of all the nerve! |
| 00:27:28 |
I did not throw it-- |
| 00:27:29 |
If you didn't, how the hell did it get here? |
| 00:27:31 |
It slipped! |
| 00:27:33 |
What's the problem? |
| 00:27:34 |
He almost killed my wife |
| 00:27:36 |
It was an accident! |
| 00:27:39 |
I noticed your grips were worn. |
| 00:27:40 |
I should've mentioned it before. |
| 00:27:42 |
I could put some "stick-um" on there |
| 00:27:46 |
That's a good idea. |
| 00:27:50 |
Kids! Look, I'm terribly sorry |
| 00:27:54 |
I'll pay for your lunch |
| 00:27:59 |
I'll see you at the table. I'll sign your card. |
| 00:28:13 |
Thanks for helping me back there. |
| 00:28:14 |
You're a good caddy. |
| 00:28:19 |
Do you know we're giving |
| 00:28:24 |
I heard, but my grades in school |
| 00:28:27 |
There are more important things |
| 00:28:29 |
Winning the caddy tournament, |
| 00:28:32 |
...might look pretty good |
| 00:28:35 |
I'm sure going to try. |
| 00:28:37 |
This is for you. Tell Ty Webb |
| 00:28:40 |
If he's as good as he says he is, |
| 00:28:44 |
I will, sir. |
| 00:29:02 |
License to kill gophers by the government |
| 00:29:07 |
Man...free to kill gophers at will. |
| 00:29:11 |
To kill, you must know your enemy. |
| 00:29:12 |
In this case, my enemy is a varmint, |
| 00:29:18 |
Ever! They're like the Viet Cong. |
| 00:29:23 |
So what you have to do, |
| 00:29:26 |
...on superior firepower... |
| 00:29:29 |
...and superior intelligence. |
| 00:29:34 |
And that's all she wrote. |
| 00:29:59 |
Are you going to eat your fat? |
| 00:30:02 |
You're looking lovely this evening, |
| 00:30:09 |
You'd be interested to know |
| 00:30:11 |
...by the Captain of the Links |
| 00:30:14 |
They invented the game there, |
| 00:30:16 |
...without the "L" as we do. |
| 00:30:19 |
I think I have enough butter. |
| 00:30:20 |
Right. If you need any more.... |
| 00:30:26 |
So when Mona died last winter, |
| 00:30:28 |
"Al, if you keep busting your hump 1 6, |
| 00:30:31 |
"...you'll end up with a $60-million funeral! " |
| 00:30:35 |
Doll, could you scare up another round |
| 00:30:38 |
And tell the cook |
| 00:30:40 |
Here, take this for yourself. |
| 00:30:43 |
I had better food at the ballgame! |
| 00:30:46 |
I tell you, this steak still has marks |
| 00:30:51 |
Anyway, today I just stick to real estate. |
| 00:30:53 |
With the market these days, |
| 00:30:56 |
...you own a popcorn farm ! |
| 00:31:01 |
Oh, did somebody step on a duck? |
| 00:31:08 |
Ain't that right, sir? |
| 00:31:10 |
The graveyard is two blocks |
| 00:31:13 |
Dog food? I'll show him dog food! |
| 00:31:20 |
Hey, where's the bar? |
| 00:31:24 |
Waiter, here, this is for you, |
| 00:31:29 |
How about the grand you owe me? |
| 00:31:31 |
Forget about it. I'm just kidding. |
| 00:31:33 |
This is your wife? A lovely lady. |
| 00:31:36 |
Baby, you're all right. |
| 00:31:37 |
You must have been something |
| 00:31:41 |
Hey, doll, how are you? You live alone? |
| 00:31:44 |
Hey, Rabbi, nice seeing you. |
| 00:31:47 |
And this is your grandson, huh? |
| 00:31:50 |
Yeah, he's a good boy. |
| 00:31:52 |
Now I know why tigers eat their young. |
| 00:31:59 |
The dance of the living dead! |
| 00:32:01 |
I know why you came here tonight. |
| 00:32:03 |
Why? |
| 00:32:04 |
That girl. Listen, I'd put that idea right out |
| 00:32:07 |
She's been plucked more times |
| 00:32:10 |
Biggest whore on Fifth Avenue, I'm told! |
| 00:32:33 |
Pay no attention to that bush |
| 00:32:37 |
It's just a bush. |
| 00:32:39 |
Nothing to be alarmed about. |
| 00:32:45 |
This looks like it could be gravy. |
| 00:33:03 |
I smell varmint poontang. |
| 00:33:06 |
The only good varmint poontang |
| 00:33:11 |
...l think. |
| 00:33:34 |
Ty, there's someone you must meet! |
| 00:33:38 |
AI built our condo in Palm Beach. |
| 00:33:40 |
I need a drink. Nice meeting you. |
| 00:33:45 |
I think someone is giving you the big eye! |
| 00:33:56 |
Hey! Can you make a bullshot? |
| 00:33:59 |
Can you make a shoe smell? |
| 00:34:00 |
Very funny. Why don't you get yourself |
| 00:34:04 |
What people here! Look at that one. |
| 00:34:07 |
The last time I saw a mouth like that, |
| 00:34:17 |
So what brings you to this nape |
| 00:34:20 |
How come you're here? |
| 00:34:21 |
Daddy wanted to broaden me. |
| 00:34:24 |
In this place? Good luck! |
| 00:34:27 |
What do you do for excitement? |
| 00:34:30 |
Oh, l...play a lot of golf. |
| 00:34:33 |
Golf? Nixon plays golf. |
| 00:34:38 |
I bet you have a lot of interesting stories... |
| 00:34:40 |
...about your ball landing in the road. |
| 00:34:44 |
So what do you do? |
| 00:34:47 |
I enjoy...skinny-skiing... |
| 00:34:51 |
...going to bullfights on acid.... |
| 00:34:58 |
I'll bet you've got a lot of nice ties. |
| 00:35:04 |
What do you mean? |
| 00:35:07 |
You want to tie me up |
| 00:35:13 |
I've got a good idea. |
| 00:35:15 |
Let's pretend...we're real human beings. |
| 00:35:20 |
Freeze, gopher! |
| 00:36:03 |
Who is that disgusting man over there? |
| 00:36:07 |
I tell you, I never saw |
| 00:36:09 |
A guest of the Scotts. |
| 00:36:13 |
What do you say we bust up this joint? |
| 00:36:17 |
You two should get a room, you know? |
| 00:36:19 |
Ringo, play something hot, will you? |
| 00:36:21 |
And you guys...take some more lessons! |
| 00:36:32 |
Judge, give someone else a chance! |
| 00:36:35 |
Come here, honey! And loosen up! |
| 00:36:39 |
You want to make $14 the hard way? |
| 00:36:42 |
You! You! You're no gentleman! |
| 00:36:46 |
I'm no doorknob, either. |
| 00:36:48 |
I never want to see that man here again! |
| 00:37:17 |
Wait up, girls. |
| 00:37:20 |
I told you! Today is the day |
| 00:37:25 |
Go do it now! No more slacking off! |
| 00:37:28 |
I'll slack you off, you fuzzy little foreigner... |
| 00:37:31 |
...and I'll fill your bagpipes with Wheatena! |
| 00:37:37 |
Man in a boat overboard. |
| 00:37:40 |
You beast! |
| 00:37:42 |
You savage. |
| 00:37:44 |
Come on, bark like a dog for me. |
| 00:37:46 |
Bark like a dog! I will teach you |
| 00:37:58 |
I've just got to win that caddy tournament! |
| 00:38:01 |
I owe it to my folks to get that scholarship. |
| 00:38:03 |
Why do you want to go to college? |
| 00:38:05 |
I don't know. |
| 00:38:07 |
Let me tell you a story. |
| 00:38:08 |
I once knew a guy who could've been |
| 00:38:11 |
All he needed was a little time |
| 00:38:14 |
He decided to go to college instead. |
| 00:38:17 |
He went for four years. Did pretty well. |
| 00:38:20 |
At the end of his four years, |
| 00:38:24 |
You know what for? |
| 00:38:27 |
He was night-putting. |
| 00:38:30 |
...with the 1 5-year-old daughter |
| 00:38:36 |
You know who that guy was? |
| 00:38:39 |
No. |
| 00:38:40 |
Take one good guess. |
| 00:38:42 |
Bob Hope. |
| 00:38:47 |
No, that guy was Mitch Cumstein... |
| 00:38:49 |
...my roommate. |
| 00:38:50 |
He's a good guy. Don't be obsessed |
| 00:38:56 |
The Zen philosopher, Basho, once wrote: |
| 00:38:59 |
"A flute with no holes is not a flute... |
| 00:39:04 |
"...and a doughnut |
| 00:39:06 |
He was a funny guy. |
| 00:39:23 |
You missed just that one. |
| 00:39:25 |
In one physical model of the universe... |
| 00:39:27 |
...the shortest distance between two points |
| 00:39:30 |
...in the opposite direction. |
| 00:39:34 |
Unbelievable! |
| 00:39:35 |
Thank you very little. |
| 00:39:53 |
You're on the tee! |
| 00:40:08 |
Nice form. |
| 00:40:09 |
Good luck, sucker. |
| 00:40:48 |
-Shit! |
| 00:40:56 |
Okay, Danny, this is for the Gold. |
| 00:41:02 |
You ain't got it today, Noonan. |
| 00:41:32 |
Excellent round, son! |
| 00:41:40 |
I'm having a party at the Yacht Club |
| 00:41:42 |
I'm christening my new sloop. |
| 00:41:45 |
What are you doing this Sunday? |
| 00:41:46 |
-No plans. |
| 00:41:48 |
How would you like to mow my lawn? |
| 00:41:50 |
I figured a college-bound fellow |
| 00:41:55 |
And when you're finished... |
| 00:41:58 |
...why don't you drop by the Yacht Club? |
| 00:42:04 |
Smile! |
| 00:42:12 |
How about we go swimming? |
| 00:42:15 |
I don't have the swimwear. |
| 00:42:18 |
I'll teach you. |
| 00:42:19 |
Why don't you come on in |
| 00:42:28 |
Now...Maggie's pants. |
| 00:43:38 |
Hey, Bigfoot, don't trip in the water! |
| 00:43:41 |
That's it! |
| 00:43:59 |
You put your suit on! |
| 00:44:01 |
You shave your ass! |
| 00:44:22 |
Hi, Maggie. How was it? |
| 00:44:25 |
How was what? |
| 00:44:28 |
I guess it couldn't have been |
| 00:44:31 |
A lot you fucking know, D'Annunzio! |
| 00:44:35 |
All right. Stand up! |
| 00:44:37 |
All right! Okay! |
| 00:44:46 |
She's incredible! |
| 00:45:39 |
Hi, Mama. |
| 00:46:25 |
Hey, you guys, cool it! |
| 00:46:30 |
I mean it! |
| 00:46:43 |
Want some? |
| 00:46:44 |
Give me some. |
| 00:46:45 |
Who asked you? |
| 00:46:46 |
Come on! I'm asking. |
| 00:46:52 |
Hey, thanks a lot! |
| 00:47:17 |
Stop that, you two! All of you! |
| 00:47:19 |
I want you out of that pool at once! |
| 00:47:23 |
I don't want to see another caddy body |
| 00:47:27 |
Did you understand what I said? Out! |
| 00:47:31 |
Take your hands off her, young man! |
| 00:47:33 |
Put your clothes back on! |
| 00:47:34 |
Out! Didn't you hear me? |
| 00:47:36 |
Doodie! |
| 00:47:43 |
Don't touch it! |
| 00:47:56 |
Spaulding! No! |
| 00:48:02 |
Doodie! |
| 00:48:11 |
If you find anything |
| 00:48:15 |
I want the entire pool scrubbed, |
| 00:48:28 |
There it is! |
| 00:48:35 |
It's no big deal! |
| 00:49:07 |
Well, hello! Surprise, surprise! |
| 00:49:11 |
-Are you busy? |
| 00:49:13 |
Go ahead. It's nothing. |
| 00:49:14 |
I tried calling, but there is no listing |
| 00:49:17 |
What spelling did you use? |
| 00:49:19 |
Sorry about this mess. |
| 00:49:22 |
I'm getting ready for the season. |
| 00:49:25 |
Duck? |
| 00:49:26 |
No, no. Dolphin. |
| 00:49:29 |
Would you like a drink? |
| 00:49:31 |
Anything. Who's your decorator, |
| 00:49:36 |
No, I brought most of that stuff |
| 00:49:39 |
You were in the war? |
| 00:49:41 |
Uh...no.... Homo. |
| 00:49:48 |
Much better now, though. |
| 00:49:53 |
Here's an uncashed check for $70,000. |
| 00:49:56 |
Keep it. |
| 00:49:58 |
There's a bunch of them ! And a summons. |
| 00:50:03 |
It's yours. |
| 00:50:05 |
Pretty pathetic, Ty. |
| 00:50:08 |
Pathetic? Maybe for you, Lacey. |
| 00:50:11 |
For me, there's a subtle perfection |
| 00:50:15 |
I've got my own standards, my own way. |
| 00:50:17 |
My uncle says you've got a screw loose. |
| 00:50:20 |
Your uncle molests collies. |
| 00:50:22 |
And you're rather... |
| 00:50:24 |
...attractive for... |
| 00:50:28 |
...a beautiful girl with a great body. |
| 00:50:52 |
Sing me a love song. |
| 00:50:54 |
I'm going to. |
| 00:50:57 |
This stuff is terrible. |
| 00:50:58 |
It's good. You don't know how to do it. |
| 00:51:00 |
How do I do it? |
| 00:51:01 |
I'm going to show you. |
| 00:51:07 |
"l was born to love you. |
| 00:51:11 |
"l was born to lick your face. |
| 00:51:14 |
"l was born to rub you... |
| 00:51:18 |
"...but you were born to rub me first." |
| 00:51:20 |
Let's go onto the...patio. |
| 00:51:35 |
You know what this is called in the East? |
| 00:51:37 |
It's the "big rub." |
| 00:51:40 |
You're very...small-breasted. |
| 00:51:44 |
No, I was kidding. |
| 00:51:45 |
I'll work my way down. |
| 00:51:46 |
This is the lsle of Wight. |
| 00:51:48 |
Careful. I'm going to move |
| 00:51:52 |
...over to your clavula.... |
| 00:51:54 |
Will you get serious? |
| 00:51:56 |
That's a very "in" thing to say. |
| 00:52:01 |
Ow! That hurts! |
| 00:52:02 |
You're blocking! |
| 00:52:05 |
Just hold on to your choppers. |
| 00:52:07 |
I'll just get a little more oil. |
| 00:52:12 |
Now I've done it. You get that way from.... |
| 00:52:16 |
It's like reaching under the rug. |
| 00:52:17 |
You're crazy! |
| 00:52:19 |
That's what they said about Son of Sam. |
| 00:52:22 |
I'm a very qualified acupuncturist. |
| 00:52:25 |
Don't even think about it! |
| 00:52:26 |
I'm just going to eat these. |
| 00:52:28 |
I want you to know about it. |
| 00:52:32 |
The slightest prick |
| 00:52:35 |
I'll kill you! |
| 00:52:36 |
No, I did not do that. |
| 00:52:40 |
You feel looser? |
| 00:52:42 |
I feel like $1 00. |
| 00:52:46 |
Will you forget the massage... |
| 00:52:49 |
...and just kiss me, you fool. |
| 00:53:21 |
Hey, what kind of shit is this? |
| 00:53:23 |
It's the best, man. I got it from a Negro. |
| 00:53:26 |
You're probably so high already |
| 00:53:36 |
He looks like Dick Cavett. |
| 00:53:46 |
Hey, save me a toke! |
| 00:53:49 |
Got to do my "doctor" thing. |
| 00:53:55 |
All right, everybody, |
| 00:53:59 |
Come along, children. You can shake |
| 00:54:07 |
Ahoy, polloi. What did you just come from, |
| 00:54:13 |
Eat it, Spaulding! |
| 00:54:14 |
My, what a nice looking young man! |
| 00:54:19 |
He's not a member, Grandma. |
| 00:54:22 |
Judge Smails invited me at the Club. |
| 00:54:24 |
Of course. You're the young man |
| 00:54:28 |
Well, you two look like a couple of boogies. |
| 00:54:30 |
Why don't you just scamper along now? |
| 00:54:33 |
May I escort you out, ma'am? |
| 00:54:35 |
Hold on, son. Are you trying to make time |
| 00:54:39 |
I want you to meet Chuck Schick. |
| 00:54:42 |
...until he passes the bar. |
| 00:54:45 |
See you on deck, Senator! |
| 00:54:52 |
I'm going to law school, too. |
| 00:54:53 |
Really? Are you going to Harvard? |
| 00:54:55 |
No. St. Copius of Northern.... |
| 00:54:58 |
Where? |
| 00:55:00 |
Hey, Cary Grant. You want to get high? |
| 00:55:03 |
Wait a minute! I've only got a little. |
| 00:55:05 |
Then split. Okay? |
| 00:55:10 |
'Bye, Chuck. |
| 00:55:16 |
Guess I'm a little overdressed, huh? |
| 00:55:19 |
Depends on what's underneath. |
| 00:55:24 |
I have a little poem I'd like to read |
| 00:55:29 |
Spaulding, get your foot off the boat! |
| 00:55:32 |
"lt's easy to grin |
| 00:55:37 |
"...and you've got the stock market beat. |
| 00:55:40 |
"But the man worthwhile |
| 00:55:45 |
"...when his shorts are too tight |
| 00:55:51 |
Okay, Pookie, do the honors. |
| 00:55:53 |
Bless this ship and all who sail on her. |
| 00:55:57 |
I christen thee "The Flying Wasp." |
| 00:56:05 |
This is your fate line. |
| 00:56:08 |
You're going to make a lot of money |
| 00:56:10 |
Yeah? When? How? |
| 00:56:14 |
Could be in the market or on a game show. |
| 00:56:19 |
And this is your saliva line. |
| 00:56:23 |
What does it tell? |
| 00:56:25 |
How hot I can get you. |
| 00:56:30 |
Well, don't just stand there! |
| 00:56:34 |
Hey! My buddy! |
| 00:56:36 |
Full steam ahead! Over there. |
| 00:56:40 |
Move over Swanson. I'm driving! |
| 00:56:49 |
My dinghy is bigger than your whole boat! |
| 00:56:52 |
Save me a parking place! I'm coming in! |
| 00:57:02 |
Heave off! |
| 00:57:05 |
Get back, you idiot! |
| 00:57:20 |
I almost got head from Amelia Earhart! |
| 00:57:30 |
What is this? Hell's Angels? |
| 00:57:47 |
Reverse! |
| 00:58:12 |
Back! |
| 00:58:14 |
Which way is backwards? |
| 00:58:18 |
Stop! Stop! |
| 00:58:22 |
Okay. Drop anchor! |
| 00:58:30 |
Hey, you scratched my anchor! |
| 00:59:14 |
I just want you to know |
| 00:59:19 |
...you don't have to stop seeing |
| 00:59:54 |
You! |
| 00:59:56 |
Your robe, Your Honor. |
| 01:00:03 |
I don't believe anybody's home. |
| 01:00:15 |
Thanks a lot! |
| 01:00:20 |
Are we still having tea? |
| 01:00:29 |
Will you come and loofah |
| 01:00:53 |
That must be the tea. |
| 01:01:00 |
What an incredible Cinderella story! |
| 01:01:03 |
This unknown comes out of nowhere |
| 01:01:07 |
He's on his final hole. |
| 01:01:11 |
He's about 455 yards away. |
| 01:01:19 |
Well, he got out of that. |
| 01:01:24 |
The normally reserved crowd... |
| 01:01:26 |
...is going wild! |
| 01:01:32 |
For this young Cinderella |
| 01:01:34 |
...he's got about 350 yards left. |
| 01:01:37 |
...l would expect. Don't you think? |
| 01:01:41 |
He's got a beautiful back swing. |
| 01:01:46 |
He's got to be pleased with that. |
| 01:01:50 |
He's a Cinderella boy. |
| 01:01:52 |
Tears in his eyes, I guess, |
| 01:01:56 |
He's got about 195 yards left, and... |
| 01:01:59 |
...looks like he's got an eight iron. |
| 01:02:00 |
This crowd has gone deadly silent. |
| 01:02:05 |
A former greenskeeper now about |
| 01:02:12 |
It's in the hole! |
| 01:02:17 |
I was hoping to squeeze in nine holes |
| 01:02:22 |
Certainly, Your Eminency. |
| 01:02:24 |
Take my bag. |
| 01:02:46 |
You better put this on. |
| 01:02:47 |
That's a great shot. |
| 01:02:50 |
I can't believe the way you hit the ball, sir. |
| 01:02:54 |
We better start moving. |
| 01:03:04 |
Did you see that? |
| 01:03:06 |
Miracle! |
| 01:03:07 |
Nice shot, Bishop. You must have made |
| 01:03:11 |
I could break the Club record. |
| 01:03:14 |
You better come in until this blows over. |
| 01:03:25 |
So what do you think? |
| 01:03:27 |
I'd keep playing. |
| 01:03:28 |
I don't think the heavy stuff |
| 01:03:31 |
You're right. |
| 01:03:32 |
Anyway, the good Lord |
| 01:03:36 |
...the best game of my life. |
| 01:03:46 |
I'm infallible, young fella! |
| 01:03:56 |
Come on! One more hole! |
| 01:04:12 |
Ratfarts! |
| 01:04:51 |
You're here early. |
| 01:04:56 |
I kind of slept here last night. |
| 01:05:06 |
I'm in big trouble. |
| 01:05:07 |
Yeah? Me too. I'm late! |
| 01:05:13 |
Late for what? |
| 01:05:14 |
For not being pregnant! |
| 01:05:20 |
I don't hold you responsible! |
| 01:05:23 |
It's my problem. I can handle it. |
| 01:05:34 |
I'm not going to let you |
| 01:05:37 |
Whatever you decide. |
| 01:05:38 |
I'm going to have it! I've already decided! |
| 01:05:45 |
That's it, then. |
| 01:05:48 |
We'll just get married. |
| 01:05:50 |
Oh, God! That's all I need! |
| 01:05:54 |
No, I want to, all right? |
| 01:05:55 |
No, you don't! |
| 01:05:57 |
Yes, I do! |
| 01:06:01 |
Look, I don't want to get married! |
| 01:06:04 |
Come on, Maggie. You're just saying that. |
| 01:06:06 |
No, I'm not! |
| 01:06:09 |
It might not be yours. Okay? |
| 01:06:14 |
You're making this up |
| 01:06:16 |
...so I won't feel guilty. |
| 01:06:18 |
I'm not making it up! |
| 01:06:19 |
All right. Well, I'm still willing |
| 01:06:23 |
Well, thanks for nothing! |
| 01:06:31 |
You're a good egg, Noonan. |
| 01:06:37 |
Pick up that Kleenex. |
| 01:06:40 |
The judge would like to see the caddy |
| 01:06:45 |
I'm Danny Noonan. |
| 01:06:47 |
Would you come with me, please? |
| 01:07:00 |
Judge Smails, sir? |
| 01:07:01 |
Sit down, Danny. |
| 01:07:10 |
I think you know why you're here. |
| 01:07:13 |
So I'll do us the courtesy |
| 01:07:19 |
My niece is the kind of girl |
| 01:07:24 |
The last thing any of us needs now |
| 01:07:28 |
I swear I didn't tell anybody anything, sir. |
| 01:07:32 |
Good. Good. |
| 01:07:35 |
You know, despite what happened... |
| 01:07:37 |
...l'm still convinced that you have |
| 01:07:41 |
I think you can still become a gentleman |
| 01:07:44 |
...if you understand and abide by the rules |
| 01:07:54 |
There's a lot of...well, |
| 01:07:58 |
I see it in court every day. |
| 01:08:01 |
I've sentenced boys younger than you |
| 01:08:04 |
I didn't want to do it. |
| 01:08:11 |
The most important decision you can make |
| 01:08:18 |
Goodness... |
| 01:08:20 |
...or badness. |
| 01:08:23 |
I've made some mistakes in the past. |
| 01:08:29 |
I want to be good! |
| 01:08:33 |
Very good! |
| 01:08:38 |
I know how hard it is for young people |
| 01:08:43 |
Just ask my grandson, Spaulding. |
| 01:08:48 |
Are you my pal... |
| 01:08:50 |
..."Mr. Scholarship Winner"? |
| 01:08:59 |
Yes, sir! I'm your pal! |
| 01:09:04 |
How about a Fresca? |
| 01:09:16 |
Another rob roy, Bishop? |
| 01:09:18 |
You never ask a navy man |
| 01:09:22 |
...because it's nobody's |
| 01:09:24 |
...how many drinks he's had already, right? |
| 01:09:26 |
Wrong! You're drinking too much, |
| 01:09:30 |
"Excellency," fiddlesticks! |
| 01:09:33 |
My name is Fred and I'm just a man, |
| 01:09:36 |
You're not a man. |
| 01:09:39 |
There is no God! |
| 01:09:41 |
Webb, I didn't see your name on |
| 01:09:46 |
I thought you'd be the man to beat |
| 01:09:49 |
Guess you'll just have |
| 01:09:54 |
Come on, honey. Let's go. |
| 01:09:59 |
Hey, we're both starving. |
| 01:10:04 |
You have worn out your welcome, sir! |
| 01:10:08 |
Is that so? Who made you Pope |
| 01:10:10 |
Bushwood...a "dump"? |
| 01:10:12 |
Well, I'll guarantee |
| 01:10:16 |
Are you kidding? You think |
| 01:10:20 |
Why, this whole place sucks! |
| 01:10:23 |
That's right. The only reason I'm here |
| 01:10:26 |
Buy Bushwood! You...? |
| 01:10:34 |
I get no respect from anyone! |
| 01:10:35 |
Please! What's going on? |
| 01:10:37 |
He tried to choke me! You saw it. |
| 01:10:39 |
He called me a baboon. |
| 01:10:41 |
I'm calling the police! |
| 01:10:42 |
Call the chief of police! I built his condo! |
| 01:10:44 |
Out! I want him out of here! |
| 01:10:46 |
Let's go, Beeper! |
| 01:10:51 |
Judge! Come on, let's be adults here! |
| 01:10:54 |
Let's not mess the place up. |
| 01:10:56 |
Let's go to your office. |
| 01:10:57 |
I'll make some drinks for us all. |
| 01:11:20 |
Are you flipping out? |
| 01:11:21 |
No, I'm happy! I'm not pregnant! |
| 01:11:26 |
That's great. |
| 01:11:29 |
You were sweet |
| 01:11:31 |
No, I deserved it. |
| 01:11:35 |
I hate myself. |
| 01:11:37 |
That's good, isn't it? |
| 01:11:38 |
No, I've been a creep lately. |
| 01:11:40 |
You're not a creep. |
| 01:11:42 |
Yes, I am. |
| 01:11:43 |
No, you're not. |
| 01:11:44 |
All right, maybe you are a little bit. |
| 01:11:46 |
Listen, you're good deep down. |
| 01:11:53 |
I demand satisfaction! |
| 01:11:56 |
Oh, you want satisfaction? |
| 01:11:58 |
I'll tell you what's real satisfying...cash! |
| 01:12:01 |
I'll shoot you 1 8 holes for $1 0,000. |
| 01:12:07 |
Why, I could beat you with one arm. |
| 01:12:10 |
How about teams for $20,000? |
| 01:12:14 |
I beg your pardon! |
| 01:12:16 |
And I'll take Ty. |
| 01:12:18 |
Hey, fellows. Don't include me. |
| 01:12:21 |
Come on. You're an ace. |
| 01:12:26 |
I don't play golf for money... |
| 01:12:30 |
Are you religious or something? |
| 01:12:33 |
You might say that. |
| 01:12:39 |
Can I have a word with you? ln private. |
| 01:12:44 |
Sure thing, Judge. |
| 01:12:55 |
Your father and I prepped together... |
| 01:12:57 |
...went to war together, |
| 01:13:00 |
We built this Club, he and I ! |
| 01:13:02 |
Let's face it. Some people... |
| 01:13:05 |
...simply do not belong. |
| 01:13:11 |
Let's not...cave in too easy. |
| 01:13:24 |
What do you say, Ty? |
| 01:13:32 |
Let's make it $40,000. |
| 01:13:35 |
Great! |
| 01:13:40 |
My dad...never liked you. |
| 01:13:42 |
I'll see you two tomorrow morning |
| 01:13:47 |
Beautiful! |
| 01:13:54 |
I have to laugh... |
| 01:13:57 |
...because I've often asked myself... |
| 01:13:59 |
...my foe, my enemy, is an animal. |
| 01:14:04 |
...l have to think like an animal |
| 01:14:08 |
...to look like one. |
| 01:14:13 |
I've got to get inside... |
| 01:14:14 |
...this dude's pelt and crawl around |
| 01:14:18 |
Who is the gopher's ally? His friend? |
| 01:14:21 |
The harmless squirrel |
| 01:14:24 |
I'm going to use you guys |
| 01:14:38 |
Look at that. It's the gopher. |
| 01:14:58 |
There she is! |
| 01:15:04 |
This is it! It's a Titleist! |
| 01:15:23 |
All right, show yourself, little varmint! |
| 01:15:25 |
If you've got the guts! |
| 01:15:27 |
Son of a bitch. |
| 01:15:29 |
Where did you go? Oh, hi, Carl. |
| 01:15:37 |
Mind if I play through? |
| 01:15:39 |
Sure. Go right ahead. Are you getting |
| 01:15:42 |
I was just loosening up a bit. |
| 01:15:44 |
Was that your ball I heard rambling |
| 01:15:46 |
Yeah. Did you see my ball? |
| 01:15:50 |
Titleist? |
| 01:15:51 |
-That's it! |
| 01:15:54 |
Is this your place? |
| 01:15:56 |
What do you think? |
| 01:15:59 |
It's really awful. |
| 01:16:01 |
Well, I have a lot of things on order. |
| 01:16:04 |
I'm an assistant greenskeeper. |
| 01:16:05 |
They say that doesn't mean anything |
| 01:16:08 |
Can you get me a ruling on this? |
| 01:16:10 |
Make yourself comfortable. |
| 01:16:11 |
No, I don't want to stick to anything. |
| 01:16:13 |
Take this thing off. This is dirty. |
| 01:16:15 |
Don't go to any trouble. |
| 01:16:19 |
Fire her up. |
| 01:16:20 |
With my lips? |
| 01:16:22 |
Go ahead. Right back. |
| 01:16:24 |
If I could just borrow a wedge |
| 01:16:26 |
If you'd open a curtain, I could get right |
| 01:16:29 |
People say I'm an idiot... |
| 01:16:31 |
...because all I do is cut lawns for a living. |
| 01:16:34 |
People don't say that about you, |
| 01:16:36 |
Well, I'm working on it |
| 01:16:39 |
I'll be the head greenskeeper... |
| 01:16:41 |
...hopefully within six years. |
| 01:16:44 |
But I am studying this stuff, |
| 01:16:47 |
...chinch bugs. You know... |
| 01:16:50 |
...manganese. A lot of people |
| 01:16:54 |
Nitrogen.... |
| 01:16:55 |
Just open a curtain and I can just get out-- |
| 01:16:57 |
I invented my own kind of grass, too. |
| 01:17:01 |
This is registered: Carl Spackler's Bench. |
| 01:17:04 |
I've felt grass like this before. |
| 01:17:07 |
This is a hybrid. |
| 01:17:10 |
...Kentucky bluegrass, featherbed bench... |
| 01:17:13 |
...and northern California sinsemilla. |
| 01:17:16 |
The amazing stuff about this is... |
| 01:17:18 |
...that you can play 36 holes |
| 01:17:21 |
...take it home and just get stoned... |
| 01:17:23 |
...at night on this stuff. |
| 01:17:25 |
I've got pounds of this stuff. |
| 01:17:29 |
Say, let's have a little bit of this. |
| 01:17:33 |
I really don't do this very often. |
| 01:17:35 |
You'll love it. This is dynamite. |
| 01:17:38 |
Well, maybe one drag, then I've got to go. |
| 01:17:47 |
It's a little harsh. Here. Cannonball it! |
| 01:17:54 |
Cannonball it right back... |
| 01:17:59 |
...then one more of these right on top of it! |
| 01:18:09 |
Can I have a drop? Just a drop...myself? |
| 01:18:15 |
That's fine for me. That's good. |
| 01:18:18 |
Can I say something to you? |
| 01:18:23 |
You've been acting psychotically lately. |
| 01:18:27 |
Why? |
| 01:18:28 |
I've been a little under strain. |
| 01:18:32 |
...in a money match. |
| 01:18:34 |
If he bothers you, I'll take care of him. |
| 01:18:37 |
What you've got to do is cut |
| 01:18:40 |
...right at the bottom. |
| 01:18:42 |
He'll never play golf again... |
| 01:18:44 |
...because his weight displacement |
| 01:18:47 |
...all his weight is on his right foot... |
| 01:18:48 |
...and he'll push everything off to the right. |
| 01:18:50 |
He'll never come through on anything. |
| 01:18:53 |
That would work. |
| 01:18:55 |
But, seriously, no b.s... |
| 01:18:58 |
...if you ever want to rap |
| 01:19:02 |
You know...buddies. |
| 01:19:04 |
I'll drop by. You drop by my place |
| 01:19:06 |
What's your address? |
| 01:19:10 |
Do you have a pool? |
| 01:19:13 |
A pool and a pond. |
| 01:19:17 |
Natural spring. |
| 01:19:19 |
Anything would be good. |
| 01:19:23 |
You go ahead and clean up. |
| 01:19:25 |
Thanks for the dope. |
| 01:19:41 |
You carry my bag. |
| 01:19:53 |
Get back there! What do you think |
| 01:19:58 |
This is a golf course, not a parking lot! |
| 01:20:01 |
Now back this thing out of here right now! |
| 01:20:04 |
Hey, look at that! |
| 01:20:06 |
Don't play games with me. |
| 01:20:08 |
Put the steering wheel here |
| 01:20:10 |
...and get this out of here! |
| 01:20:14 |
Let's play golf! |
| 01:20:18 |
Don't do it! I didn't do that! |
| 01:20:22 |
Oh, there's my phone! |
| 01:20:23 |
Gentlemen, it's about time we.... |
| 01:20:26 |
I told you never to call me on |
| 01:20:30 |
They're all selling? Then buy! |
| 01:20:33 |
I'll tell you what, |
| 01:20:36 |
What do you want? |
| 01:20:38 |
Can I use your phone? I have a call. |
| 01:20:40 |
Is it a long distance? |
| 01:20:42 |
Gentlemen, we all know this is illegal |
| 01:20:46 |
...and I'd like to ask at this time... |
| 01:20:48 |
...if you all agree to waive all sanction |
| 01:20:53 |
...or anything that might get me fired. |
| 01:20:59 |
The match is for $20,000 each. |
| 01:21:01 |
Lowest score wins the hole |
| 01:21:06 |
I have a number of tees in my hand. |
| 01:21:09 |
Odd! |
| 01:21:10 |
Odd, it is. Your honor, Your Honor. |
| 01:21:15 |
Hey, tiger, here. Keep it fair, will you? |
| 01:21:18 |
No, I can't accept this. |
| 01:21:24 |
Driver, please. |
| 01:21:34 |
Don't smile at me a lot, okay? |
| 01:21:43 |
The Judge and Mr. Czervik |
| 01:21:49 |
What do you want to do? |
| 01:21:53 |
Five on Mr. Czech. |
| 01:22:01 |
Hello? Anybody home? |
| 01:22:05 |
Hello, Mr. Gopher! It's me, Mr. Squirrel. |
| 01:22:12 |
Just a harmless squirrel. |
| 01:22:13 |
Not a plastic explosive or anything. |
| 01:22:16 |
I'm just here to make your last hours |
| 01:22:21 |
Don't mind this. This is doctor's orders. |
| 01:22:23 |
You don't mind if I just pop in there |
| 01:22:26 |
That's right. Or in the words |
| 01:22:30 |
"Au revoir, gopher." |
| 01:22:35 |
This is going to be sweet. |
| 01:22:56 |
That kangaroo stole my ball! |
| 01:23:14 |
"What's up, Doc?" |
| 01:23:46 |
I don't understand it! |
| 01:23:51 |
Don't put yourself down, Al. |
| 01:23:53 |
You're not...you're not good. You stink. |
| 01:24:03 |
Fifty bucks the Smails kid picks his nose. |
| 01:24:12 |
All right, kid, take your time. |
| 01:24:20 |
Fifty bucks more says he eats it. |
| 01:24:24 |
Don't do it, kid! |
| 01:24:36 |
That kid will eat anything! |
| 01:24:37 |
He was hungry. |
| 01:24:38 |
What do you say, Al? Shall we press on? |
| 01:24:43 |
Hey, Judge, cheer up, will you? |
| 01:24:46 |
My boat needs exactly $20,000 worth |
| 01:24:51 |
So does your brain! |
| 01:24:55 |
Fine! $40,000 apiece! |
| 01:24:57 |
All right! You've got it! |
| 01:25:02 |
Hold on, Judge! That's my office. |
| 01:25:07 |
No. You're in for half of $80,000. |
| 01:25:11 |
Probably just a routine emergency. |
| 01:25:37 |
Why did I double it? I should have |
| 01:25:44 |
I saw Smails before. He was cheating. |
| 01:25:49 |
Nobody likes a tattletale... |
| 01:26:00 |
My arm ! It's broken! |
| 01:26:03 |
What has this buffoon done now? |
| 01:26:05 |
Okay, let's have a look. |
| 01:26:09 |
I'm afraid you forfeit. |
| 01:26:12 |
Who says so? The match is a draw! |
| 01:26:14 |
You don't play, you lose. Right, Lou? |
| 01:26:17 |
That's right, |
| 01:26:22 |
Spaulding can play out his holes. |
| 01:26:24 |
Actually, Judge, I think it's up to us |
| 01:26:30 |
Who do you want? |
| 01:26:31 |
Sonja Henie is out. |
| 01:26:36 |
Danny is an employee of the Club. |
| 01:26:38 |
He can't work and play, |
| 01:26:42 |
Makes a lot of sense. |
| 01:26:45 |
If you win, I'll make it worth your while. |
| 01:26:56 |
I'll play. |
| 01:26:57 |
You don't want that scholarship, do you? |
| 01:26:59 |
I guess I don't. |
| 01:27:00 |
I guess you don't! |
| 01:27:35 |
Don't worry. It's good luck. |
| 01:27:39 |
In Haiti! |
| 01:28:04 |
You've got to win this hole. |
| 01:28:06 |
I thought winning wasn't important. |
| 01:28:08 |
Me winning isn't! You do! |
| 01:28:10 |
Great grammar. |
| 01:28:16 |
See your future. Be...your future. |
| 01:28:20 |
Make...make it! |
| 01:28:23 |
Make your future. I'm a veg, Danny. |
| 01:28:27 |
Give me this. Take it easy, will you, Ty? |
| 01:28:47 |
Hey, Mr. Gopher? |
| 01:28:54 |
Gentlemen, this match is all even. |
| 01:29:29 |
Spaulding, this calls for the old Billy Baroo. |
| 01:29:50 |
This is a biggie! |
| 01:29:52 |
Don't let me down, Billy! |
| 01:29:53 |
Forty thousand dollars...Billy! |
| 01:30:05 |
I knew you'd do it! |
| 01:30:49 |
"Silver wings upon their chest... |
| 01:30:55 |
"...these are men, America's best." |
| 01:31:05 |
Don't worry about this one. |
| 01:31:28 |
Hey, Judge! Double or nothing |
| 01:31:30 |
Eighty thousand dollars! |
| 01:31:35 |
What's that, Judge? |
| 01:31:38 |
You're on! |
| 01:31:45 |
We're waiting! |
| 01:31:55 |
Noonan...you can do it! |
| 01:32:30 |
You lose it, buddy! |
| 01:32:35 |
Fore! |
| 01:33:20 |
It's a birdie! |
| 01:34:02 |
All right, Smails, that's 80 grand. |
| 01:34:05 |
I'll give you nothing! |
| 01:34:10 |
I figured as much! Hey, Moose! |
| 01:34:12 |
Rocco! Help the judge find his checkbook. |
| 01:34:16 |
Well, l...l will. |
| 01:34:20 |
Hey, everybody! |
