Carry On Emmannuelle

en
00:00:25 # There's a woman in my life
00:00:27 # Who doesn't care for a thing
00:00:29 # She don't wanna go out dancing
00:00:31 # She just loves to stay in
00:00:34 # She just cares about good loving
00:00:36 #Never leaves me alone
00:00:38 # If I'm not prepared for action
00:00:40 # She goes out on her own
00:00:42 # The woman is love crazy
00:00:44 # She's loving all night
00:00:46 # The woman is love crazy
00:00:48 # Won't stop for a bite
00:00:50 # The woman is love crazy
00:00:53 # She's out on her own
00:00:54 # Sometimes I work so hard
00:00:56 # I wish she'd leave me alone
00:00:58 # The woman is love crazy
00:01:00 # She's loving all night
00:01:02 # The woman is love crazy
00:01:05 # Won't stop for a bite
00:01:06 # The woman is love crazy
00:01:08 # She's out on her own
00:01:10 # Sometimes it gets so hard
00:01:12 # I just don't wanna go home
00:01:15 # If the feeling ever takes her
00:01:16 # She don't care where we are
00:01:18 # It's good loving in the disco
00:01:21 # It's good loving in the car
00:01:23 Madam... champagne?
00:01:27 Or is there anything madam would?
00:01:32 (Sighs)
00:01:37 Steward?
00:01:39 Steward?
00:01:41 Are you coming?
00:01:44 Oh, dear!
00:01:47 Oh, dear!
00:01:48 # I wish the woman liked dancing
00:01:50 # I wish she played the guitar
00:01:52 # I'd like to teach her a new game
00:01:54 # I feel a bit under par
00:01:56 # I wish she played the piano
00:01:58 # Before my knees hit the floor
00:02:00 # I've got to get her to slow down
00:02:02 # I think I've had it for sure
00:02:22 # The woman is love crazy
00:02:25 # She's loving all night
00:02:27 # The woman is love crazy
00:02:29 # Won't stop for a bite
00:02:31 # The woman is love crazy
00:02:33 # She's out on her own
00:02:35 # Sometimes I work so hard
00:02:37 # I wish she'd leave it all alone
00:02:39 # The woman is love crazy
00:02:42 # She's loving all night
00:02:43 # The woman is love crazy
00:02:46 # Won't stop for a bite
00:02:47 # The woman is love crazy
00:02:49 # She's out on her own
00:02:52 # Sometimes it gets so hard
00:02:53 # I just don't wanna go home
00:02:56 # The woman is love crazy
00:02:58 # She's loving all night
00:03:00 # The woman is love crazy
00:03:02 # Won't stop for a bite
00:03:04 # The woman is love crazy
00:03:06 # She's out on her own
00:03:08 # Sometimes I work so hard
00:03:10 # I wish she'd leave me alone
00:03:13 Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry.
00:03:20 Oh, my God!
00:03:22 I think I'd better go.
00:03:26 Um, how do you do? How do you do?
00:03:30 Theodore Valentine.
00:03:34 You know, when the flight's over,
00:03:36 you must come and have tea with me.
00:03:37 You'd love Mother.
00:03:39 She'd... she'd love you.
00:03:41 She... she's very...
00:03:42 (Tuts)
00:03:45 Mother makes me wear them. The weather...
00:03:48 Ooh!
00:03:49 My glasses! Where...
00:03:56 Oh, crikey!
00:04:00 (Unzipping)
00:04:02 Mummy! Ooh!
00:04:27 What is the purpose
00:04:30 (French accent) I beg your pardon?
00:04:33 We are having to be very careful
00:04:37 How did you get in?
00:04:39 - Oh, blimey! I'm totally British.
00:04:43 What is the purpose
00:04:47 To make ze friends, with ze British.
00:04:50 Is the purpose of your visit
00:04:53 Pleasure, definitely.
00:04:55 Ah, then you are here as a tourist?
00:04:57 I'm being reunited with my husband
00:05:01 (Clears throat) Where is your husband now?
00:05:05 He's probably in the bath.
00:05:07 No, no. I mean,
00:05:10 Oh, yes. For a long time.
00:05:13 - And how long do you intend to stay?
00:05:16 No, in our United Kingdom?
00:05:21 Does it matter? I am an EEC citizen.
00:05:24 What are you going to be doing here?
00:05:26 A little bit of this,
00:05:28 and a little bit of that.
00:05:31 Oh, please. You must not be doing that.
00:05:34 You are giving me naughty thoughts.
00:05:36 Good.
00:05:37 Er, will you be seeking employment?
00:05:40 - I hope not.
00:05:42 I am.
00:05:44 Oh, dearie me! How does he earn his living?
00:05:47 Ah, oui! In the service of his country.
00:05:50 Could you be more explicit, please?
00:05:52 Oh, oui, monsieur.
00:05:54 I can be very explicit.
00:05:56 About your husband.
00:05:59 He is a very...
00:06:01 How you say?
00:06:03 ...high-up man.
00:06:05 Is he important?
00:06:06 Not impotent.
00:06:09 He has... other interests.
00:06:12 What is his position?
00:06:13 It varies.
00:06:15 What is his profession or calling, please?
00:06:18 He is ambassador.
00:06:23 (French accent)
00:06:27 My ribs are rippling.
00:06:29 My pectorals are positively pumping.
00:06:33 And my thorax is throbbing.
00:06:35 (Twang)
00:06:39 I must get some stronger elastic.
00:07:12 - Can I help you?
00:07:14 Oh, my God!
00:07:19 I knew she'd catch up with me one day.
00:07:22 Wait a minute. What am I talking about?
00:07:25 I haven't got a mistress.
00:07:30 I don't have a mistress.
00:07:32 - You have now.
00:07:35 Well, to begin with,
00:07:41 Where?
00:07:42 Here. I am here.
00:07:44 Are you sure?
00:07:45 I'm positive I'm sure.
00:07:47 I didn't know the ambassador had a wife.
00:07:49 Now you know.
00:07:53 Madam.
00:07:58 Emmannuelle! Oh, what a wonderful surprise!
00:08:01 I was not expecting you today.
00:08:03 Otherwise I would have been at the airport
00:08:09 You must forgive my masculine odour.
00:08:13 What is that?
00:08:14 Er, weightlifting.
00:08:16 Still the same... athletic Emile.
00:08:19 A flabby ambassador with a derriere in pleats
00:08:26 You, you haven't changed.
00:08:29 I flew Concorde to surprise you.
00:08:31 Ah, la belle Concorde!
00:08:33 How I love that long nose.
00:08:37 Ah, that reminds me.
00:08:39 You have not met my wonderful
00:08:43 Loins, this is my wife Emmannuelle.
00:08:45 She has been travelling all around the world
00:08:48 Cherie, Loins.
00:08:50 His Excellency meant Lyons, madam.
00:08:57 I prefer Loins.
00:08:59 Likewise, madam.
00:09:02 May I take your coat?
00:09:07 Come. Now I'm going to show you
00:09:09 all over the houses.
00:09:12 Emmannuelle, you're naked!
00:09:15 Sacre bleu! I forgot I wasn't wearing a dress.
00:09:29 - You're a naughty butler, Loins.
00:09:32 Yes, madam.
00:09:34 Yes, I think that is more appropriate
00:09:37 for the wife of an ambassador.
00:09:39 Phwoar!
00:09:44 - Who was that, Lyons?
00:09:48 Oh, fancy!
00:09:50 Things might start looking up.
00:09:52 I shouldn't be at all surprised.
00:09:54 Hey, who was that?
00:09:57 Richmond, that was the new mistress.
00:10:00 Fancy that! Things ought to start looking up.
00:10:13 I have missed you, Emile.
00:10:15 And I you, my love.
00:10:18 But don't forget our little arrangement still
00:10:23 to my body building, I don't object
00:10:29 And... what if I should seek
00:10:32 Oh, no. I can't spare a drop of adrenaline.
00:10:35 You must think of me as a last resort.
00:10:37 - Don't you want me just a little bit?
00:10:41 Show me how good you are at weightlifting.
00:10:44 Lift me over your shoulders
00:10:48 Are you mad?
00:10:49 I've not yet learnt
00:10:52 Besides, I have a meeting
00:10:57 And I have a meeting with the ambassador now.
00:11:00 I have an appointment.
00:11:02 We haven't made love since Paris,
00:11:05 - Oh, surely it's not that long.
00:11:09 Ooh!
00:11:10 Come, bury your head in my bosom.
00:11:13 No, no. I should have to keep coming up for air.
00:11:16 I am in the mood for playing games.
00:11:19 - Try badminton, hockey, bowls.
00:11:21 Yes, bowls. The English are mad about bowls.
00:11:25 Foot-bowl. All kinds of b...
00:11:28 Excuse me, sir. I hope I'm not intruding.
00:11:31 - No, no, no. We were just discussing bowls.
00:11:36 I was having a work-up.
00:11:39 Having a work-out.
00:11:40 Yes. Will there be only fourteen guests
00:11:44 Fourteen, yes. That is correct.
00:11:47 Then I shall inform Mrs Dangle.
00:11:50 Come and lie with me, Emile.
00:11:53 No, I must finish my exercises.
00:11:58 - I can give you much nicer exercises.
00:12:05 - I am all hot for you.
00:12:08 That's what you said last time
00:12:11 Oh, yes. I couldn't find the stopcock.
00:12:15 - Caught you.
00:12:19 It is not nice to peep through keyholes.
00:12:22 Sorry.
00:12:25 You are very rude.
00:12:27 Gordon Bennett!
00:12:32 - Lift up your arms.
00:12:33 - Up, up, up.
00:12:37 There. That didn't hurt, did it?
00:12:39 - No, no, no.
00:12:42 I'm not shy, I'm circumspect.
00:12:44 Come on. Don't make a meal of it. It's my turn.
00:12:48 - But you are trembling.
00:12:51 I'll warm you up.
00:12:52 Oh, but why me?
00:12:55 - I don't want Tom or Harry.
00:12:58 She's got him in a leg lock.
00:13:01 Well, I used to do that when Henry was alive.
00:13:04 I'm sure you didn't do it after he was dead.
00:13:08 - Here, what's he doing?
00:13:11 Ooh!
00:13:12 Oh, Richmond,
00:13:15 - Do you think he ought to at his age?
00:13:19 - Here, what am I going to see?
00:13:23 Is it... is it Starsky And Hutch?
00:13:25 If you ask me, it's more like Starkers And Crutch.
00:13:32 (Crunch)
00:13:39 Hello, hello, hello. What's all this, then?
00:13:42 - It's what the butler saw.
00:13:45 At what?
00:13:48 Here, hold my hat. Come on. Get off!
00:13:51 - Turn over!
00:13:54 - Emile, I am a woman.
00:13:57 I am your wife. You should not hide from me.
00:13:59 There's not much to hide.
00:14:01 Snow White meets the incredible shrinking man!
00:14:06 I will make you love me if it's the last thing I do.
00:14:10 Aargh!
00:14:13 I think she's knackered him.
00:14:15 Get off!
00:14:17 - What is the matter?
00:14:19 Oh la la! Turn over and let me have a look.
00:14:21 No, no, not that. My back. I can't move.
00:14:25 - It's probably just cramp.
00:14:28 Straighten your legs.
00:14:30 I can't straighten anything. I'm completely bent.
00:14:34 - Bend back your toes.
00:14:36 - Don't panic.
00:14:39 Just lie still.
00:14:40 What else do you think I'm doing,
00:14:43 I give up. I'm going to get changed
00:14:46 - What for?
00:14:49 But what about me?
00:14:50 Don't worry, my dear.
00:15:07 Is that you, Theodore?
00:15:09 Who were you expecting? General Amin?
00:15:12 - I've warmed your slippers. They're in the oven.
00:15:19 Warmed them? You've roasted them.
00:15:22 Oh, Mother, I do wish
00:15:25 It's no trouble at all. I do it for your arthritis.
00:15:28 - I've never had arthritis.
00:15:31 Have you had your vitamin C tablet
00:15:34 Yes, Mother.
00:15:35 And your vitamin B tablet?
00:15:37 - Yes, Mother.
00:15:40 Yes. I've had so many pills,
00:15:44 Prevention is better than cure.
00:15:46 Dr Jones said to me, "Mrs Valentine,
00:15:50 your son Theodore is very delicate."
00:15:53 With respect, Mother,
00:15:56 He's a very clever doctor, Dr Jones.
00:15:59 If you were at death's door,
00:16:02 That's what I'm afraid of.
00:16:05 Theodore, you're sickening for something.
00:16:10 Mother, come and sit down. I want to talk to you.
00:16:13 Very well.
00:16:17 Now then, what shall we talk about?
00:16:20 Mother, I've met someone that's very dear to me.
00:16:24 Was it your Auntie Hilda, dear?
00:16:26 No, Mother. I've met this girl.
00:16:29 This wonderful girl.
00:16:31 Don't be silly. There's no such thing.
00:16:33 I think I'm in love.
00:16:34 Oh, nonsense! You're far too young.
00:16:37 I'm thirty-four, and a half.
00:16:39 But you've got your whole life in front of you.
00:16:41 You don't want to fritter it away
00:16:45 But, Mother, she's exquisite.
00:16:49 I wouldn't count on it, dear.
00:16:52 - I'm going to marry her.
00:16:57 I don't need your permission, Mother.
00:17:00 You're just like your father.
00:17:01 He went off with some slip of a girl
00:17:32 This your first time in London, is it?
00:17:34 Well, keep your ears peeled,
00:17:36 cos little old Leyland here's
00:17:40 And why not? After all, I've lived here all my life,
00:17:44 even before I was born.
00:17:46 And believe me, no-one knows better than I do
00:17:48 this is the greatest city in the world.
00:17:52 If you're feeling lonely,
00:17:55 No? Oh, well. It ain't compulsory.
00:18:01 Now up here you see is Oxford Street.
00:18:11 That's where the tourists come
00:18:15 Oh, God! Laugh-a-minute Leyland,
00:18:19 Look, love.
00:18:22 Eh?
00:18:26 Ah, well, perhaps I should put it on
00:18:30 Cos I'm driving you now, you know,
00:18:35 The hood doesn't go down,
00:18:44 Well, we're heading
00:18:49 You've heard of that, eh?
00:18:51 Cos not many people know that No.12 Downing
00:18:58 If you like that sort of thing.
00:19:00 I'm feeling very hot.
00:19:03 Yeah. I'm getting a bit warm myself.
00:19:07 Ah, now there's a sight to warm the cockles -
00:19:12 And there it is, an inspiration to mankind.
00:19:16 Nelson's Column.
00:19:20 Lady Hamilton had it built to remember him by.
00:19:22 Mind you, with a column like that,
00:19:25 how could she forget him?
00:19:27 (Leyland laughs)
00:19:39 It never fails.
00:19:42 Next time round, I think I'll start here.
00:19:44 Thank you, Lady Hamilton.
00:19:48 I want to see the guards getting changed.
00:20:22 They are very... sexy, these guards.
00:20:25 When they get a butcher's at you,
00:20:32 What is the matter with them?
00:20:36 Well, they're not allowed to, not on duty.
00:20:39 You could strip off in front of one of them guards,
00:20:42 and he wouldn't bat an eyelid.
00:20:45 We shall see about that.
00:20:49 Drive me to St James's Palace, Leyland.
00:20:51 # The woman is love crazy
00:20:53 # She's loving all night
00:20:55 # The woman is love crazy
00:20:57 # Won't stop for a bite
00:20:59 # The woman is love crazy
00:21:01 # She's out on her own
00:21:03 # Sometimes I work so hard
00:21:05 # I wish she'd leave me alone
00:21:07 # The woman is love crazy
00:21:09 # She's loving all night
00:21:11 # The woman is love crazy
00:21:14 # Won't stop for a bite
00:21:15 # The woman is love crazy
00:21:18 # She's out on her own
00:21:20 # Sometimes it gets so hard
00:21:24 # If the feeling ever takes her
00:21:25 # She don't care where we are
00:21:28 # It's good loving in the disco
00:21:29 # It's good loving in the car
00:21:32 # But if I don't keep her happy
00:21:34 # She would leave me, she would
00:21:35 # So I got to hang on in there
00:21:37 # Hang on in there, hang on in there
00:21:39 # The woman is love crazy
00:21:42 # She's loving all night
00:21:44 # The woman is love crazy
00:21:46 # Won't stop for a bite
00:21:48 # The woman is love crazy
00:21:50 # She's out on her own
00:21:52 # Sometimes I work so hard
00:21:54 # I wish she'd leave it all alone
00:21:56 # The woman is love crazy
00:21:58 # She's loving all night
00:22:00 # The woman is love crazy
00:22:03 # Won't stop for a bite
00:22:05 # The woman is love crazy
00:22:21 Hello there, ducky.
00:22:33 Emmannuelle! I hope you're going
00:22:38 Oh, yes. Chanel ¹5.
00:22:40 No, no! Tonight you must be respectable.
00:22:44 Everything you say and do
00:22:49 But this is the latest from Paris. It shows style.
00:22:52 It shows more than that. It shows
00:22:56 - Why's that so terrible?
00:22:58 How would you like it if men were to walk about
00:23:03 I would like this very much.
00:23:05 There is nothing wrong with the body.
00:23:07 There is no need to flash it all over the place.
00:23:10 I think we should all go round naked.
00:23:13 - We'd all be in bed with the flu.
00:23:16 No, no. Even Adam and Eve had a fig leaf.
00:23:19 You must dress in a way that is befitting
00:23:22 for the wife of an ambassador.
00:23:24 Especially in view of our distinguished guests -
00:23:27 the Prime Minister,
00:23:31 the Metropolitan Commissioner of Police,
00:23:34 the ambassador
00:23:39 Excuse me.
00:23:40 Field Marshal Hune, Chief of Staff,
00:23:44 the Arabian ambassador.
00:23:46 (Slurps)
00:23:48 The Lord Chief Justice of the Appeals Court
00:23:53 Admiral Sir John Hardiner,
00:23:56 not to mention all their distinguished wives.
00:23:59 - How do you do?
00:24:04 Too much bench, not enough wench.
00:24:07 I will say my wife is a better diplomat than I am.
00:24:12 Yes, I have it off with everybody.
00:24:18 Hit. Hit it off.
00:24:20 She means
00:24:22 Ah, yes. And what were you doing
00:24:26 Oh, nothing much. Sleeping around, mostly.
00:24:29 Er... she means sleeping around
00:24:38 Has it ever occurred to you
00:24:39 how easy it would be at an occasion such as this
00:24:43 to assassinate your husband?
00:24:45 Assassinate my husband?
00:24:47 Who would want to do that?
00:24:49 I would be more concerned about the method.
00:24:52 But...
00:24:54 How could anyone do such a thing
00:24:57 Easily. A weapon could be concealed
00:25:03 A lady could have a gun under her skirt.
00:25:05 Merde.
00:25:10 Assassinate my husband.
00:25:12 That is more appropriate.
00:25:17 Oh, I've dropped my earring.
00:25:20 - May I help, my dear?
00:25:27 Thank you.
00:25:38 - The cost of living must be brought down.
00:25:40 Everything's going up these days.
00:25:47 You're so right.
00:25:49 The wheel has... turned full circle in my country
00:25:54 definite trend towards the swing
00:26:08 Thank you.
00:26:10 I didn't say anything.
00:26:13 In my country, it is the duty of women
00:26:25 I'm glad you agree.
00:26:37 Tell me, Admiral,
00:26:39 how do you enjoy the Navy?
00:26:42 Frankly, I can't stand the sea.
00:27:04 Anything wrong?
00:27:05 On the contrary.
00:27:19 Ooh, my goodness! What are you doing here?
00:27:22 I'm looking for a weapon.
00:27:24 Oh! You won't find one here.
00:27:26 - I'm trying to protect you.
00:27:40 EMMANNUELLE: I decided
00:27:43 How you might say?
00:27:46 ...better.
00:29:23 EMMANNUELLE: I was satisfied.
00:29:26 None of them had a weapon to worry about.
00:29:42 These have arrived for you, madam.
00:29:44 Oh, they're lovely.
00:29:46 They most certainly are, madam.
00:29:53 "To my darling adorable Emmannuelle.
00:29:58 With all my love, Theodore."
00:30:05 Loins, who is Theodore?
00:30:07 I haven't the slightest idea, madam.
00:30:10 I don't know any Theodores.
00:30:12 Oh, well. I always forget their names
00:30:19 Tell me, Loins.
00:30:21 Do you, er...
00:30:23 believe in free love?
00:30:25 Anything free appeals to me, madam.
00:30:29 And... do I appeal to you?
00:30:35 Yes, madam.
00:30:36 Oh, Loins, you English are so frigid.
00:30:39 Perhaps not so.
00:30:42 After all, they do say
00:30:46 In the... eating?
00:30:49 Yes, madam.
00:30:52 Are you hungry, Loins?
00:30:54 I think I could manage a little nibble.
00:31:01 Coffee?
00:31:02 Pardon?
00:31:04 - Are you for coffee?
00:31:07 Yeah. He's in a world of his own, you know.
00:31:10 He hasn't been the same
00:31:13 - I think it's disgusting.
00:31:16 Oh, don't be so crude!
00:31:20 Yeah, and proud of it. Eh, Richmond?
00:31:22 - Pardon?
00:31:24 No, thanks. I'd rather have some coffee.
00:31:26 Ah, coffee.
00:31:29 Oh, here we are.
00:31:30 Here, me and Mrs Dangle,
00:31:34 Rather you than me.
00:31:36 Eh? No, not together, you berk!
00:31:38 You've been a long time
00:31:41 What have you been up to?
00:31:43 Er, nothing at all, really.
00:31:47 Loins, you forgot these.
00:31:50 (Laughs) You randy old retainer!
00:31:52 Could I have a cup of coffee?
00:31:54 You can have anything you want, madam.
00:32:01 Aye aye.
00:32:04 Steady on, Richmond.
00:32:08 It's not proper, you being down below stairs.
00:32:10 Why not? We are all human beings.
00:32:13 There should be no class distinction.
00:32:17 Here, that's incest!
00:32:19 Love is the most important thing in the world.
00:32:21 Not to me, it isn't.
00:32:23 That's because you've forgotten
00:32:27 To feel the warmth of his body
00:32:29 next to yours,
00:32:31 to feel his hot kisses on your lips.
00:32:35 You've started him off again.
00:32:38 We'll have to start putting bromide in his coffee.
00:32:42 Making love is wonderful.
00:32:48 Can't we talk about something else?
00:32:50 Oh, no, it's good to talk about it.
00:32:54 Now, I will tell you what we are going to do.
00:32:58 We will all describe
00:33:04 I couldn't possibly do that.
00:33:06 Oh, yes, you can.
00:33:09 Who is going first?
00:33:12 I'll go first.
00:33:14 - Leyland.
00:33:17 Face down, I hope.
00:33:19 My most unusual experience
00:33:22 occurred one warm balmy evening last spring
00:33:26 when this young man's fancy
00:33:29 Ooh, you fancy young men, do you?
00:33:32 Mrs Dangle.
00:33:35 Feeling in the need of company,
00:33:37 I transported myself to my favourite pub -
00:33:44 It took me but a pint to make contact
00:33:50 what would turn any civilised man into a beast.
00:33:53 Despite my natural shy reluctance,
00:34:00 to the point of desperation.
00:34:06 She whisked me off to her luxury flat in Mayfair.
00:34:13 Where to say her intentions were dishonourable
00:34:18 No sooner did we reach
00:34:23 with the chandelier poised gracefully
00:34:29 she removes my garmentation
00:34:31 in a flash.
00:34:54 Whisks me between the sheets.
00:34:56 I was about to satisfy herself
00:34:59 (Shrieks) Oh, my husband!
00:35:02 Her husband.
00:35:42 I shan't tell you exactly what happened
00:35:44 when she joined me in the closet.
00:35:48 The details... are too pornographic,
00:35:52 Suffice to say that,
00:35:55 despite the cramped confines,
00:35:57 we achieved mutual satisfaction.
00:36:12 Ho, ho, ho, ho. My hangers!
00:36:17 It seems the lady had an unusual hang-up.
00:36:20 She can only make love in a closet,
00:36:23 standing up.
00:36:24 She always arranged it that way.
00:36:26 I found out later she was known
00:36:30 Richmond, you can go next.
00:36:32 Oh, thanks.
00:36:33 No, no. After all,
00:36:37 He'd be lucky to get anything in,
00:36:40 - if you ask me.
00:36:42 - Richmond.
00:36:44 I...
00:36:45 I'm not sure that I can remember all the details.
00:36:48 Oh, come on!
00:36:50 Tell us your most amorous escapade.
00:36:53 It's that far back, he won't remember.
00:36:55 Oh, yes, I do.
00:36:58 It was during the war, when I was in the army.
00:37:02 Oh, those were dark days.
00:37:05 You never knew
00:37:11 You had to live dangerously,
00:37:18 and make every moment count.
00:37:26 I went to France to fight the enemy.
00:37:36 Ah! I surrender!
00:37:38 Dans les bois, avec moi.
00:37:40 Avec what?
00:37:42 Oh, God!
00:37:47 It's never like this in Putney.
00:37:52 (Gasps)
00:37:54 RICHMOND:
00:38:03 Komm.
00:38:14 Hands hoch, in the name of the Reich!
00:38:18 Not you, Fraulein. The British soldier!
00:38:21 Kurt, take ze prisoner away!
00:38:33 Now, Fraulein, you are quite safe.
00:38:36 Oh, thank you.
00:38:38 You are a fine-looking woman.
00:38:40 Oh, naughty, naughty!
00:38:41 - I like you.
00:38:44 - I am going to have you.
00:38:46 Yes, I am. I need to caress a beautiful woman.
00:38:50 You're going to get a hell of a shock if you do.
00:38:52 Come, I want to have you!
00:38:57 Gott im Himmel!
00:39:03 Englische Schweinhund!
00:39:15 - Yes, my daughter?
00:39:18 Oh, mon Dieu! Don't worry, my child.
00:39:23 Yes? Where will I sleep?
00:39:25 My niece won't mind you sharing her room.
00:39:27 - Your niece? But...
00:39:30 Non, it's impo... possible.
00:39:32 Come along, my child.
00:39:36 For what I am about to receive...
00:39:39 ...thanks!
00:39:44 And I stayed there till 1953.
00:39:47 LYONS: Just a minute.
00:39:49 The war ended in 1945.
00:39:51 I was in no hurry.
00:39:56 Loins. Now it's your turn.
00:39:59 Well, my most unusual amorous experience,
00:40:05 Went to see his relatives.
00:40:09 Come on, Loins. Tell us about the zoo.
00:40:12 Well, it was a lovely day.
00:40:14 (Thunderclap)
00:40:21 And all around me there was evidence
00:40:23 that spring was in the air.
00:41:27 What's the matter?
00:41:29 Come here, darling.
00:41:34 (Screams)
00:41:38 Let me out!
00:41:41 Help!
00:42:17 Here, did you get anything?
00:42:19 Pneumonia.
00:42:23 Mrs Dangle, your turn.
00:42:27 Very well.
00:42:27 I shall reveal everything.
00:42:30 - Well, if you're going to strip, I'm going.
00:42:34 My most unusual experience
00:42:38 As anyone knows, launderettes
00:42:43 LEYLAND: I didn't know that.
00:42:45 If you ever get around to washing your clothes,
00:42:49 Now, this particular day, the place was full.
00:42:53 Unattached people.
00:42:55 Course, you get all types in there.
00:42:57 But then, I prefer all types
00:43:00 to other types.
00:43:02 Through long experience,
00:43:03 and if there's one thing I've had
00:43:08 all you do,
00:43:09 if you're on the make, is you say something like,
00:43:12 Excuse me, dear,
00:43:20 And if that doesn't work, you say,
00:43:22 My, but you've got some saucy underpants.
00:43:27 But despite my unusual attractiveness
00:43:33 that day didn't get off to a very promising start.
00:43:37 But sometimes,
00:43:39 when you least expect it,
00:43:42 you see a stranger
00:43:58 # Striptease instrumental
00:44:56 I knew, when I first laid my eyes on his Y-fronts,
00:45:01 I knew...
00:45:06 ...that he
00:45:09 ...was the one.
00:45:47 Thank you, Mrs Dangle,
00:45:48 for a most unbelievable experience.
00:45:50 And now I think it's time for you, madam.
00:45:53 - Hear, hear!
00:45:55 Well, I fear, in comparison,
00:46:00 I really don't have your imagination.
00:46:02 Why, don't you believe it, darling.
00:46:05 They'll be queuing up for the film rights to yours.
00:46:07 Well, all right.
00:46:11 My most unusual amorous affair,
00:46:15 you may find it hard to believe,
00:46:17 was with my husband.
00:46:19 He has not always been the man you know.
00:46:22 Not very long ago, he was one of the dashing
00:46:26 with an appetite for the exotic amour
00:46:32 We made love in wild, crazy places,
00:46:35 beautifully,
00:46:37 elementally, in the air.
00:46:52 It was all so wonderful, so dangerous.
00:47:25 Hemingway said, "To make love beautifully
00:47:28 is to die a little each time."
00:47:30 Unfortunately, Emile very soon saw the point.
00:47:42 EMILE: Aargh!
00:47:43 Aaargh!
00:47:51 Poor Emile.
00:47:54 But now I think we all understand
00:48:14 RADIO: # The woman is love crazy
00:48:17 # She's loving all night
00:48:18 # The woman is love crazy
00:48:21 # Won't stop for a bite
00:48:22 # The woman is love crazy
00:48:25 # She's out on her own
00:48:27 # Sometimes I work so hard
00:48:28 # I wish she'd leave me alone
00:48:31 Pardon me, madam,
00:48:34 Does he have a name?
00:48:36 I believe he said Theodore Valentine.
00:48:38 Oh, yes, I remember him.
00:48:41 He's the one I don't remember.
00:48:43 Quite, madam.
00:48:45 Oh, well, better keep him waiting a moment
00:48:59 There, that should do it.
00:49:05 I do wish you wouldn't lie about
00:49:07 It's not good for the servants to see you topless.
00:49:11 - I've had no complaints.
00:49:14 I've never seen anyone so bold.
00:49:17 Ah, why don't you stay here
00:49:20 No, I haven't time. I have a meeting
00:49:25 Oh, him?
00:49:26 He doesn't have any affairs. That's his problem.
00:49:29 Unlike you, I don't judge everyone
00:49:33 You're always too busy to do the things I like.
00:49:36 I'm sure you don't need me
00:49:40 But I like doing the things I like with you,
00:49:44 Sooner or later,
00:49:46 if you insist on trying
00:49:50 And for goodness' sake, cover yourself up.
00:49:53 Tell her to cover herself up.
00:50:10 Emmannuelle?
00:50:12 Oui, monsieur.
00:50:13 It's me, Theodore.
00:50:17 Don't you remember me?
00:50:19 Non.
00:50:20 - But you haven't looked at me yet.
00:50:24 Look at me!
00:50:28 Well?
00:50:30 You look familiar.
00:50:32 Concorde.
00:50:33 Oh, oui.
00:50:35 Oh, yes.
00:50:36 That was very funny.
00:50:37 I didn't think so.
00:50:40 Didn't you? Well, I mean...
00:50:42 Wasn't it... good?
00:50:44 Well, it was...
00:50:48 ...different.
00:50:50 Didn't it mean anything to you?
00:50:52 Oh, yes. I will always fly Concorde in future.
00:50:55 Since that wonderful night, I haven't slept,
00:51:00 You don't need to clean your teeth
00:51:03 I have fallen in love.
00:51:05 Oh, you poor boy!
00:51:07 Who with?
00:51:08 Who do you think?
00:51:09 Is it anyone I know?
00:51:11 It's you, of course.
00:51:12 Oh!
00:51:14 I say, I've never felt like this
00:51:20 ...not even my own mother.
00:51:22 Emmannuelle,
00:51:23 I want to marry you.
00:51:25 Oh, I'm done. Shower time.
00:51:28 Oh, no!
00:51:32 Oh!
00:51:35 You may enter, Monsieur Concorde.
00:51:51 Did you hear what I said? I want to marry you.
00:51:53 If you want to marry me,
00:51:57 But I don't want to marry your husband.
00:51:59 I should hope not.
00:52:00 Do you love him?
00:52:01 - Sometimes.
00:52:04 Oh, yes. I'm sure I love him sometimes.
00:52:06 Well, will you be prepared to leave him for me?
00:52:09 Certainly not! Not for you or anyone.
00:52:12 Why did you give yourself to me like that
00:52:14 You mustn't think that
00:52:17 that you are entitled to any landing rights.
00:52:20 - I think I'd better go.
00:52:23 I have a free morning.
00:52:26 My towel, please.
00:52:40 Now, look, I shall never make love to you again
00:52:45 I wouldn't be too sure about that.
00:52:49 You can't tempt me again.
00:52:50 No?
00:52:52 Keep away from me.
00:52:53 - You said you love me.
00:52:56 Show me.
00:52:58 Theodore!
00:53:02 Oh, Theodore, you have wet yourself.
00:53:05 There we are, darling. All tucked in.
00:53:08 Nice and clean. Night-night.
00:53:11 Night-night, Mummy.
00:53:13 What are we going
00:53:16 Not her!
00:53:17 - Why not?
00:53:21 - Yes.
00:53:23 Yes, often, night and day.
00:53:26 Oh, you are in a state.
00:53:28 - I dreamt about her last night.
00:53:30 No, she wouldn't let me.
00:53:33 I must ring Dr Jones.
00:53:35 What can he do?
00:53:36 Well, he can give you an injection
00:53:39 What for?
00:53:40 - Well, for whatever you've got.
00:53:44 Well, I don't.
00:53:46 And I'm going to do something about it.
00:53:50 Night-night, darling.
00:53:58 Now it's time for your afternoon
00:54:12 Now, this afternoon, I'm gonna show you
00:54:17 I don't think I got any.
00:54:19 HARRY: Are you ready?
00:54:22 EMILE: I am all yours, Harry.
00:54:28 - You're at it again.
00:54:31 HARRY: Let's all lie down on the floor.
00:54:33 EMILE: Ooh, it's very hard.
00:54:36 HARRY: Now, raise your legs in the air.
00:54:39 EMILE: Ooh, no, I feel it.
00:54:42 - Who's he got in there?
00:54:49 Loins.
00:54:51 What are you doing?
00:54:52 Um, er, I was just tying my shoelace, madam.
00:54:56 Yes, and I was helping him.
00:55:00 But, Loins, your shoes have no laces.
00:55:02 Oh, I...
00:55:08 Madam, I...
00:55:12 EMMANNUELLE: I'm back.
00:55:14 Ah, yes, dear.
00:55:16 It's warm out.
00:55:20 You don't care what I do.
00:55:22 (Grunts)
00:55:24 Today...
00:55:27 Today I made love to 14 soldiers,
00:55:33 The Prime Minister announced
00:55:35 that the morale of the defence forces
00:55:39 What did you say?
00:55:42 Nothing.
00:55:44 Why haven't your muscles
00:55:46 - developed like that?
00:55:49 You'll never match that gorgeous hunk.
00:55:52 I don't expect to match him.
00:55:54 That's Harry Hernia.
00:55:58 rectus femoris in the whole of Britain.
00:56:02 Has he?
00:56:07 Bye-bye this afternoon,
00:56:12 Tonight they are going to proclaim him
00:56:15 Mr Super Muscle.
00:56:18 Do you know him?
00:56:19 Of course. Yes.
00:56:24 - I think I would like to meet him.
00:56:29 Body building.
00:56:46 - Where do you sleep?
00:56:50 - Where do you sit?
00:56:53 You either stand, squat, or lie down.
00:56:56 - Mind if I squat?
00:56:59 - Want something?
00:57:03 Drink, maybe.
00:57:05 Maybe.
00:57:06 OK.
00:57:10 Oxo or Bovril?
00:57:12 Don't you have something else?
00:57:14 Sure. How about a glass of milk?
00:57:16 No, thank you.
00:57:31 What do you want to do?
00:57:33 Depends what you... have in mind.
00:57:36 A work-out, maybe.
00:57:38 - A work-out?
00:57:40 What do you want me to do first?
00:57:42 Now come on, lady, let's take your clothes off.
00:57:48 Oh, can you help me with the zip?
00:57:51 Why, sure. Now let me get my things off.
00:57:57 Can I help you?
00:57:59 I can manage.
00:58:01 Now take a look at this.
00:58:04 It's a beaut, eh? What do you think of that?
00:58:08 Incroyable! I've never seen anything that big.
00:58:14 Now let's have a look at you.
00:58:22 Well, what's the verdict?
00:58:24 You definitely need more exercises.
00:58:27 How about making love?
00:58:29 Very good exercise.
00:58:31 Builds up your lumber,
00:58:35 But it's off my training programme.
00:58:37 - Oh, that's a pity.
00:58:39 It's the Mr Muscles contest
00:58:43 That'll make it a hat trick.
00:58:45 I'm determined to go out with a bang.
00:58:49 That's exactly what I had in mind.
00:58:54 Ambassador's residence.
00:58:57 Well, I'm sure that madam is asleep right now.
00:59:02 Very well, sir. Are you sure it's urgent?
00:59:05 Yes, well, hold on one moment, please.
00:59:19 (Clears throat) Madam?
00:59:32 Madam?
00:59:40 Wake up, madam. There is a call for you.
00:59:44 Madam, wake up, please. He says it's urgent.
00:59:47 Who is that?
00:59:50 Ah, Loins.
00:59:52 What is it?
00:59:54 Um, a phone call.
00:59:56 I believe it's a gentleman friend.
00:59:59 Tell him I'm out.
01:00:00 He already knows that you're in, madam.
01:00:03 (Sighs) Take a message.
01:00:05 I... I did.
01:00:06 - What was it?
01:00:14 Allo?
01:00:16 - Who is this?
01:00:18 Theodore. Are you alone?
01:00:20 - I'm in bed.
01:00:23 What do you want?
01:00:25 - I had to ring you.
01:00:27 Because... I want to tell you that I love you.
01:00:30 You love me?
01:00:32 Oh, Loins.
01:00:34 - Pardon? What did you say?
01:00:37 I love you.
01:00:38 Theodore, you don't fall in love
01:00:41 Why not?
01:00:43 It's out of character.
01:00:45 LYONS: Ooh.
01:00:47 Loins!
01:00:49 - Loins? You called me Loins.
01:00:52 I called Loins Loins.
01:00:54 Is Loins... Is Lyons in bed with you?
01:00:57 Ah, no. He's just a butler. Don't be silly.
01:01:01 He brought me a cup of tea.
01:01:05 I want you to promise me to give up
01:01:09 And Mother.
01:01:12 He wants me to promise
01:01:15 and come and live with him... and Mother.
01:01:22 I don't think that's a very good idea.
01:01:24 - Why not?
01:01:28 How can you say that?
01:01:30 Nobody loves you like I do.
01:01:32 You're not in a position to refuse.
01:01:34 I'm in a position to do anything I want.
01:01:37 If you don't do what I ask,
01:01:41 (Both giggle)
01:01:43 Now you're laughing at me again.
01:01:47 Goodbye, Theodore.
01:01:49 Don't call us.
01:01:51 We'll call you.
01:01:55 Oh, come on, Loins. It's time to get up.
01:01:58 Very well, madam.
01:02:05 Emmannuelle, come along! You know that...
01:02:09 Emmannuelle, what on earth are you wearing?
01:02:11 You're the one who's always complaining
01:02:15 I was hoping you would be ready.
01:02:19 I am, cheri. I'm always ready.
01:02:23 Yes... I don't want to go into the library
01:02:26 Neither do I.
01:02:27 We are supposed to be
01:02:31 I don't want to go to your function.
01:02:35 This is a football match. I am to present a cup.
01:02:39 A football match, with all those
01:02:45 Hmm, but if you don't want to go,
01:02:47 Oh, give me time to get changed.
01:02:57 What kept you?
01:02:59 (Cheering)
01:03:04 (Football rattles)
01:03:29 (Whistle)
01:03:30 (Cheering)
01:04:13 (Whistle)
01:04:16 Get out there, quick!
01:04:30 (Whistle)
01:04:39 Oi!
01:04:44 Come on. Get out. You're on.
01:04:54 (Whistle)
01:05:45 (Final whistle)
01:05:56 Where are the players?
01:05:59 (Supporters chant)
01:06:17 (Phone rings)
01:06:22 - Allo?
01:06:24 Remember the other night?
01:06:27 Well, my trainer says it's OK until Friday,
01:06:30 so how about it?
01:06:32 - Where are you?
01:06:34 outside your garden gate.
01:06:53 Oh la la, Harry!
01:06:56 I know you are a big man, but this is ridiculous.
01:07:00 - Move!
01:07:03 Get in!
01:07:17 - Start the car.
01:07:22 How do you know it's me?
01:07:25 Start the car.
01:07:26 I will not. I'm going to have dinner
01:07:30 They can wait. I'm kidnapping you.
01:07:33 That's crazy. My husband
01:07:36 Not for ransom. I'm making you my prisoner.
01:07:41 That's ridiculous.
01:07:43 I warn you. I'm desperate. Start the car.
01:07:48 Non.
01:07:49 - Why not?
01:07:51 Oh, God! Why didn't you tell me?
01:07:54 - You didn't ask me.
01:07:57 Go on.
01:08:01 Oh! Oo-hoo!
01:08:03 It was worse on the Concorde.
01:08:08 If you wanted to kidnap me properly,
01:08:11 you should have sneaked into my bedroom
01:08:15 chloroformed me,
01:08:17 and carried me over your back
01:08:20 I thought of that, only I've got a bad back.
01:08:30 - You can't drive with one hand.
01:08:34 Theodore.
01:08:35 - You're not going to kidnap me.
01:08:39 Aargh!
01:08:41 - I don't think so.
01:08:44 Who is talking about driving?
01:08:46 Ah, there, now don't! No, stop!
01:08:49 Don't!
01:08:51 Stop.
01:08:53 Don't stop.
01:08:55 Oh, Emmannuelle,
01:09:15 Emmannuelle, I may have to do
01:09:21 My editor won't be interested if it's not authentic.
01:09:24 It's authentic, all right.
01:09:28 Well, now, what else has this broad been up to?
01:09:30 It's all down there.
01:09:34 What's that?
01:09:36 Blimey! And that was with the chauffeur, right?
01:09:39 Yeah, that's right.
01:09:42 We'll need substantiation before we can run this.
01:09:45 I've got everything -
01:09:48 And all on affidavits.
01:09:52 Foreplay with the butler.
01:09:53 - Did you use a wide-angle lens on this?
01:09:58 Aha! Menage a trois
01:09:59 with a Soviet ambassador and a KGB man
01:10:03 Sounds like a case of "reds on the bed".
01:10:06 Algolagnia with the Minister of Sport.
01:10:11 - What's that?
01:10:15 Algo... algolagnia...
01:10:17 Spanking! Here, you should know about that,
01:10:22 When it used to happen to me,
01:10:26 Theodore,
01:10:28 what does "coitus interruptus
01:10:32 It means, Mother,
01:10:35 Pygmalionism: amorous attraction
01:10:42 Stone the pigeons!
01:10:44 What next?
01:10:46 Accepted her punishment
01:10:49 A bit of habeas corpus
01:10:53 Played strip Monopoly
01:10:57 and got herself in a very united state
01:11:01 Let me have a look.
01:11:05 I haven't got my glasses.
01:11:07 Aphrodite callipygous with the guest conductor
01:11:13 - Aphrodite calli... callipygous.
01:11:16 It says, "Scopophilia
01:11:22 Hm?
01:11:23 The need to watch others undress.
01:11:26 Blimey, I've had that for years!
01:11:29 - Not with an entire football team.
01:11:32 Different shaped balls.
01:11:33 Because of his wife's alleged misconduct
01:11:37 the President of the Republic has indicated
01:11:41 Because of the allegations,
01:11:44 sought political asylum in the Soviet Union...
01:11:49 "The Soviet ambassador today was sent
01:11:53 The Prime Minister said today,
01:11:57 What good is proof without the evidence?"
01:11:59 The American ambassador said,
01:12:01 "Why don't you (bleep) off
01:12:04 - Will you all stand back?
01:12:07 - Move back, please, sir. Thank you.
01:12:10 - Where's Emmannuelle?
01:12:13 The ambassador and his lady wife
01:12:18 And even if they were,
01:12:21 Hey, butler. You're the butler.
01:12:24 Yeah, tell us what the butler saw!
01:12:26 - No comment.
01:12:28 that she had an affair
01:12:32 Is that true?
01:12:34 That, sir, is quite untrue.
01:12:36 Ah, then the butler did do it!
01:12:38 (Laughter)
01:12:40 No comment.
01:12:44 Don't like Harold Hump. Can't stand him.
01:12:46 That's funny. He can't stand you, either.
01:12:49 - Will you be quiet and listen?
01:12:51 Hello, good evening, good night and welcome.
01:12:55 Not since the Keeler affair, or Watergate
01:12:57 has public interest been so aroused
01:13:01 I refer, of course, to the case
01:13:04 (Cheering)
01:13:06 Sh!
01:13:07 Now Madame Prevert has consented,
01:13:11 to be interviewed for the very first time.
01:13:13 (Applause and whistles)
01:13:22 - Madame Prevert.
01:13:23 I beg your pardon.
01:13:30 Madame Prevert, thank you for allowing me
01:13:34 - for our viewers.
01:13:36 Will you now take this opportunity
01:13:40 Non.
01:13:42 You won't take the opportunity?
01:13:45 - Which?
01:13:47 He won't catch madam.
01:13:49 Quite! Yeah.
01:13:50 Do you deny the allegations
01:13:53 No.
01:13:54 Don't you mean yes?
01:13:56 No, I mean no.
01:13:58 You don't deny the allegations at all?
01:14:02 No. Apart from a little embellishment,
01:14:06 You mean, you're not going
01:14:09 Why should I?
01:14:10 - Everybody else has.
01:14:13 - That's telling 'em, girl.
01:14:16 Shh!
01:14:17 Wait a minute. Let's get this straight.
01:14:22 Is it true or false that you actually had an...
01:14:28 True. I remember it quite well.
01:14:30 I don't always remember everyone
01:14:35 He was very charming.
01:14:37 He sandwiched me in between
01:14:41 Of course, he was a little distracted.
01:14:43 I bet he was!
01:14:45 A bit? Ha, ha!
01:14:46 So would I be.
01:14:48 Do you mind?
01:14:49 What about the other people
01:14:53 Oh, they were all a bit distracted.
01:14:58 - Really?
01:15:00 on occasions, I have to resort to variations.
01:15:03 - Do you realise what you're admitting?
01:15:07 Would you like to take this opportunity
01:15:11 - over these affairs?
01:15:13 You don't deny them and you don't regret them?
01:15:15 Yes, I don't.
01:15:17 Do you have a sense of right and wrong?
01:15:20 Oh, yes.
01:15:21 - Then you'll admit you did wrong?
01:15:24 Have you no qualms about the fact that your
01:15:29 - That's very unlikely.
01:15:31 The papers omitted to mention I'd given
01:15:36 He sandwiched me between a meeting
01:15:41 I bet he kept his eye on the ball!
01:15:43 Must be the only man
01:15:48 But why?
01:15:50 Why did you,
01:15:54 Can you think of any better way
01:15:59 Look...
01:16:02 Do you share the philosophy
01:16:06 who have said that
01:16:09 they are expanding the frontiers
01:16:12 No. This is...
01:16:14 How you say?
01:16:15 ...bullshit.
01:16:19 What about your husband?
01:16:21 Oh, he thinks it's bullshit, too.
01:16:30 What... what are you doing?
01:16:32 You talk too much.
01:16:34 We'll cut it there, OK?
01:16:37 It's live?
01:16:39 Whose bloody idea was that?
01:16:43 It's going out now, on satellite,
01:16:49 Good night. What do you think you're doing?
01:16:53 Good... good night, everybody.
01:16:55 Thank you.
01:16:56 Cut it! Cut it!
01:16:57 What are you doing?
01:16:59 Cut. Cut to the commercial
01:17:01 Cut, cut. Cut to the commercials.
01:17:10 At least it won't hurt the ratings.
01:17:18 Theodore?
01:17:20 - Theodore!
01:17:21 What are you doing?
01:17:22 Nothing, Mother!
01:17:24 You're not doing anything
01:17:27 like that disgusting boy in that novel?
01:17:29 No, Mother!
01:17:32 Well, I've got some lovely steamed chicken,
01:17:36 and mashed potatoes
01:17:41 I'm not hungry, Mother.
01:17:43 But you haven't eaten for days.
01:17:46 You're not on hunger strike, are you?
01:17:48 Yes, Mother.
01:17:49 What, because of that dreadful girl?
01:17:52 Yes, Mother.
01:17:54 Then half the country must be starving.
01:17:57 Don't you understand? I loved Emmannuelle.
01:18:01 But...
01:18:03 I can't do anything right.
01:18:14 I'm going to shoot myself.
01:18:16 Oh, no, no, darling!
01:18:19 I must. I'm a failure.
01:18:22 You're all that Mummy's got
01:18:25 I'm a complete failure.
01:18:30 - No!
01:18:35 I told you I was a failure. I missed.
01:18:39 Mummy's little teddy!
01:18:44 Ninety-nine.
01:18:45 Ninety-nine.
01:18:46 Ninety-nine. Ninety-nine.
01:18:48 - Say "ninety-nine."
01:18:51 Ninety-nine.
01:18:52 I see. This stems from the unfortunate accident
01:18:58 Yes, you got the point.
01:19:00 No, you got the point.
01:19:02 And you're finding it difficult
01:19:07 Yes. Can you help me?
01:19:09 You want me to make love to your wife?
01:19:11 Ah... no, certainly not!
01:19:15 Jolly good.
01:19:16 Please drop your trousers.
01:19:21 I'm quite sure
01:19:23 your condition is psychological, not pathological.
01:19:26 There is absolutely no reason
01:19:31 normal relationship with your wife.
01:19:33 But I've tried and tried.
01:19:37 And you can't raise any enthusiasm.
01:19:40 I can't raise anything.
01:19:44 You seem to have the right equipment.
01:19:46 You're very kind.
01:19:49 Oh, doctor, your hands are very cold.
01:19:52 Sorry.
01:19:57 Cough.
01:19:59 Yes. As I thought.
01:20:01 It's all in your mind.
01:20:03 Are you sure?
01:20:04 I'll prove it. Nurse!
01:20:06 Wait a minute.
01:20:09 She's a nurse.
01:20:15 Open your coat, please, nurse.
01:20:23 Thank you, nurse.
01:20:27 You see.
01:20:28 There's nothing wrong with you.
01:20:31 - about such a little thing.
01:20:43 You will catch a cold in your eye.
01:20:45 It is incredible.
01:20:47 - What is?
01:20:50 What is it? Who's she got in bed now?
01:20:52 You'll never believe me when I tell you.
01:20:55 - Which one?
01:20:58 Oh! Well, I suppose a change
01:21:04 That was wonderful, darling.
01:21:06 Think nothing of it.
01:21:09 It's good exercise. It builds up the lumber.
01:21:13 And your rectus abdominus.
01:21:15 - I'll tell you something else.
01:21:17 It's a lot better than pumping iron.
01:21:22 I've never stopped taking my pill since...
01:21:28 Well, the pill is only 99.99% safe, you know.
01:21:33 I'm afraid you are the unlucky 0.001.
01:21:37 I've never heard of that before.
01:21:39 I mean, I don't mind becoming a mother,
01:21:41 so long as it doesn't interrupt
01:21:44 I would respectfully suggest that a few months
01:21:51 It might do the world a world of good, too.
01:21:56 Well, that's it, then. I think we should celebrate.
01:22:00 Why not? Let's go behind the screen.
01:22:03 For why?
01:22:03 To celebrate. I've been reading
01:22:07 and I'm thinking,
01:22:10 How dare you? I am a married lady.
01:22:17 Nurse?
01:22:19 Coming, doctor.
01:22:21 - Emile, I have some news for you.
01:22:24 What would you say
01:22:27 Oh, no, no, no. We already had the inflation.
01:22:31 There's Loins, Mrs Dangle, Leyland.
01:22:36 I am talking about a baby. I am pregnant.
01:22:39 Oh, I feel faint. I must sit down. Oh!
01:22:42 Oh, I've come over queer.
01:22:46 - You don't mind?
01:22:50 So do I, but I don't understand
01:22:53 I have a confession to make to you.
01:22:55 I wanted to be the only man in your life
01:23:00 - Motherhood?
01:23:05 - What are you telling me?
01:23:10 - But I haven't stopped taking them.
01:23:14 but I got a chemist friend of mine to make up
01:23:18 - Oh la la!
01:23:21 No. So all the time
01:23:25 They weren't exactly harmless.
01:23:28 - What were they?
01:23:32 (Babies crying)
01:23:35 Hip hip... hooray!
01:23:37 Hip hip hooray!
01:23:39 (Cheering)
01:23:42 Don't they look like their father?
01:23:44 # The woman is love crazy
01:23:47 # She's loving all night
01:23:48 # The woman is love crazy
01:23:51 # Won't stop for a bite
01:23:52 # The woman is love crazy
01:23:55 # She's out on her own
01:23:57 # Sometimes I work so hard
01:24:01 # The woman is love crazy
01:24:03 # She's loving all night
01:24:05 # The woman is love crazy
01:24:07 # Won't stop for a bite
01:24:09 # The woman is love crazy
01:24:11 # She's out on her own
01:24:13 # Sometimes it gets so hard
01:24:17 # The woman is love crazy
01:24:19 # She's loving all night
01:24:21 # The woman is love crazy
01:24:24 # Won't stop for a bite
01:24:26 Captioned by Grantman Brown