Carry On Henry

en
00:00:14 # Big band version of Greensleeves
00:01:36 # Solemn drum roll
00:01:40 # Trumpet fanfare
00:01:46 Oh, come on. What's keeping her?
00:01:48 You know the Queen, sire.
00:01:51 Well, this is the last time she'll keep me waiting!
00:01:53 Yes, indeed, sire.
00:01:59 (Gurgling)
00:02:01 Oh, blimey, what a time
00:02:04 - She always was a weakly woman, sire.
00:02:08 Every time I felt like it, it was,
00:02:11 No wonder Your Majesty did not
00:02:14 Yeah, marvellous, innit?
00:02:15 After six months of married life,
00:02:19 # Trumpet fanfare
00:02:22 Nice day for it, Your Majesty.
00:02:24 Hardly any wind.
00:02:26 - Good crowd, too.
00:02:29 But I feel we can dispense with the commentary.
00:02:33 # Drum roll
00:02:47 I can manage, thank you, Cardinal.
00:02:49 I don't want you to trip and hurt yourself, ma'am.
00:02:52 # Drum roll
00:02:56 Come on, then.
00:03:20 Do you, Henry, take this woman to...
00:03:22 I do, and so does she.
00:03:30 Her figure's all right. What about her face?
00:03:32 Oh, I am assured, sire,
00:03:37 - What about her...
00:03:40 - Has she been chaste?
00:03:42 But I am assured never caught.
00:03:44 - Call me at eight o'clock.
00:03:47 Next Thursday.
00:03:52 Marie, Queen of England.
00:03:56 Oh, hello.
00:03:58 Oh! Who are you?
00:04:01 Permit me to introduce myself, madam.
00:04:04 Sir Roger de Lodgerley.
00:04:06 Oh, how do you do?
00:04:08 The King's personal equerry, madam,
00:04:12 How nice.
00:04:13 May I? Thank you.
00:04:17 Other one.
00:04:19 Splendid. And one more for luck. Ha, ha!
00:04:22 Splendid, splendid. But if I might suggest,
00:04:28 Ooh... Perfect, perfect.
00:04:31 - I can be a one when I want.
00:04:35 Now, madam, as regards your actual duties...
00:04:39 Sir Roger, you seem to forget
00:04:42 In fact, I had an excellent position there.
00:04:44 Oh, I know! And I hear
00:04:52 Still here, I see, Sir Roger?
00:04:54 I was instructing Her Majesty in procedure,
00:04:57 Thank you very much, Sir Roger.
00:04:59 I trust everything is to your satisfaction,
00:05:03 - I'll let you know later.
00:05:05 - What?
00:05:06 - Eh? Oh, no, course not.
00:05:09 I suppose you're anxious to bed your queen.
00:05:12 - Naturally.
00:05:14 - I'm only next door.
00:05:18 Hm, hm, hm! Ha, ha, ha!
00:05:23 And how's my beautiful queen, then?
00:05:25 Well and eager to please, my lord.
00:05:27 Good.
00:05:29 - Here we go, then.
00:05:32 There is something I must do first.
00:05:34 Eh? Oh, yes, right.
00:05:47 (Trickling)
00:06:04 - Well, all done, then?
00:06:07 I have waited for this moment for so long.
00:06:12 - Cor blimey!
00:06:15 - That smell! What have you been eating?
00:06:18 It is merely garlic.
00:06:20 - Garlic?
00:06:23 I adore it! And taken regularly,
00:06:28 - I don't blame 'em!
00:06:30 it is said to greatly increase
00:06:33 I've got news for you. Come the morning,
00:06:37 What means my lord?
00:06:39 Nothing. Just don't bother to make
00:06:43 Sir Roger!
00:06:44 Sir Roger, where are you?
00:06:46 Come, come, my Lord Cardinal.
00:06:49 A glass of wine to celebrate.
00:06:53 You rang, m'lord?
00:06:55 Ah, yes, Mistress Scrub.
00:06:57 Wine for myself and my Lord Cardinal.
00:07:00 Oh, yes, m'lord.
00:07:14 - Will that be all, m'lord?
00:07:17 Oh! Ooh, Your Eminence!
00:07:22 Come, let us drink to the King's marriage
00:07:26 - You will not drink?
00:07:29 My dear Cardinal, you surely don't suspect
00:07:34 would have poisoned your wine?
00:07:36 Men in our position have enemies everywhere.
00:07:39 - One cannot be too careful.
00:07:42 Satisfied?
00:07:47 To issue.
00:07:49 - Issue.
00:07:52 Oh, my God!
00:07:53 Cromwell, Wolsey!
00:07:56 Oh, ho! Methinks the issue is already in doubt.
00:08:02 I'll have your bleedin' heads for this.
00:08:04 Why, sire? What is wrong?
00:08:07 Successful?
00:08:10 Oh, well, it's all right, then.
00:08:12 Will you shut up and listen? She has got to go.
00:08:15 Go? But why?
00:08:17 Why? Because it turns out that Her most
00:08:21 wife of the Defender of the Faith,
00:08:24 Garlic? What is garlic?
00:08:26 A small bulb-bearing plant of the onion family,
00:08:30 I don't give a damn what it is!
00:08:32 All I know is I had one pong of it
00:08:35 But this need not be a serious problem, sire.
00:08:38 I'm sure if the Cardinal here
00:08:42 Oh, yes, of course. I'll go immediately.
00:08:44 I am confident he will be able to persuade her
00:08:48 Probably. But I doubt I'll ever fancy it again.
00:08:51 Enter, my lord.
00:08:57 Pardon this intrusion, madam,
00:08:59 but I come on a matter of some urgency.
00:09:02 Not at all, my lord.
00:09:04 (Coughs) Phew!
00:09:06 It was all going marvellously.
00:09:09 There she was, lying in bed waiting for it.
00:09:12 I said to myself, "At last, this is it, Harry boy."
00:09:16 - Right in the kisser.
00:09:19 But don't upset yourself, sire.
00:09:21 Pray be seated. Have a goblet of wine.
00:09:23 I tell you, it will make your spirits rise.
00:09:26 Ineed more than wine
00:09:29 Nonsense, sire. Come! Drink!
00:09:32 And it is rather a special one.
00:09:38 - What did she say?
00:09:40 - No!
00:09:42 Refuses? That settles it. Get her annulled.
00:09:45 - An old what, sire?
00:09:49 Oh, I'm afraid that would be
00:09:52 - The Pope would be livid.
00:09:55 When this match was announced, he declared
00:10:00 How would he know? He's never tried it.
00:10:03 If I may be permitted to make a suggestion,
00:10:06 This is no time to get suggestive,
00:10:08 I was merely going to say,
00:10:11 you could take preventative measures
00:10:15 Are you suggesting that I, the greatest monarch
00:10:20 should stoop to stuffing cotton wool
00:10:22 Nothing so drastic, sire.
00:10:24 But I happen to know
00:10:27 the smell is unnoticeable.
00:10:29 Do you mean me give in to her?
00:10:31 Never! Never! Not on your nelly.
00:10:34 No. I've made up my mind. Annul the marriage.
00:10:37 But the only way a marriage can be annulled
00:10:41 Yes, yes, come on, spit it out.
00:10:43 To put it bluntly, sire,
00:10:47 did you consume it?
00:10:49 Did I what?
00:10:51 Consume it.
00:10:53 Has the marriage been consumed?
00:10:56 I fancy he means consummated, sire.
00:10:59 The verb "consume" means to eat.
00:11:02 That's all you know. In my dictionary,
00:11:05 - Not that kind of nibble, you great fat ape!
00:11:09 Shut up, the two of you! The answer is no.
00:11:12 I have neither eaten, consumed or had a nibble.
00:11:14 So just you make absolutely sure
00:11:18 But wait, wait.
00:11:21 - Yes, hunting.
00:11:24 Something to eat. I'm starving. Ha, ha!
00:11:30 This is terrible, terrible.
00:11:31 I cannot risk disfavour with the Vatican again.
00:11:34 Nor I with France.
00:11:37 It would seem we must unite, my lord,
00:11:40 - Of course, but how?
00:11:43 What? If he has that,
00:11:47 Oh, dear! You really must get
00:11:51 (Hunting horn and hounds barking)
00:12:16 (Knock on door)
00:12:21 It's only me.
00:12:22 Oh, I thought it might be the King.
00:12:25 Alas, madam, he's been called out
00:12:28 I just popped in to see if there was...
00:12:30 anything you wanted.
00:12:32 Oh, yes, there is, Sir Roger.
00:12:34 But I doubt if you could supply it.
00:12:38 Oh, no!
00:12:39 Oh!
00:12:41 What a delightful odour.
00:12:44 Can it be... garlic?
00:12:46 Why, yes! Do you like it, then, Sir Roger?
00:12:50 Everyone should have it.
00:12:52 Oh, well.
00:12:53 Here, help yourself.
00:12:55 Thank you.
00:13:02 Ah, that's better. Ha, ha!
00:13:04 So now to work.
00:13:07 - Why, Sir Roger, what are you about?
00:13:10 - But to what end?
00:13:12 As the King's taster,
00:13:34 # Hunting horns
00:14:12 - We have found well today, Your Majesty.
00:14:15 At this sport, I'm always incognito.
00:14:17 - Of course. Will we wait for you, sire?
00:14:22 - Oh! Good hunting, sire.
00:14:26 Walk on.
00:14:38 (Gasps for breath)
00:14:41 Ha, ha, ha!
00:14:52 Well, well, well, my pretty.
00:14:54 Ha-ha, ha-ha!
00:14:56 - Don't be frightened.
00:14:59 - Just a hunter looking for some sport.
00:15:02 Don't let the clothes fool you. Come here.
00:15:04 Come here, come here.
00:15:06 Hey, not so fast there!
00:15:09 Call me Henry.
00:15:11 Henry, eh?
00:15:15 - Miserable what?
00:15:18 Oh, sot. Oh, he's quite a nice fellow, really.
00:15:20 Oh? You want to hear my dad go on about him.
00:15:23 The way he keeps screwing us on taxes.
00:15:25 Whatever else he does,
00:15:28 My dad says hanging's too good for him.
00:15:30 He'd like to see him fry in his own fat.
00:15:33 Really? I must meet your dad sometime.
00:15:37 My dad says him and Earl Cromwell
00:15:41 - Not half as pretty as the one I'm looking at.
00:15:44 We're not in the hay
00:15:47 That's all very well. But what am I going to get?
00:15:50 What are you going to get?
00:15:54 You know what I mean. People are prepared
00:15:58 Oh, blimey.
00:16:00 Here, I've only got a two shilling piece.
00:16:03 Oh! I haven't got any change.
00:16:07 Don't worry, darling.
00:16:09 You can owe it to me.
00:16:13 Oh! Ooh!
00:16:14 Ha, ha, ha!
00:16:19 Ooh, aren't your hands rough?
00:16:21 Eh? Oh, hang on, I'll take off my gauntlets.
00:16:24 - Oooh!
00:16:27 - Cor, you don't waste much time, do you?
00:16:31 How many petticoats have you got?
00:16:33 Blimey, it's like peeling an artichoke.
00:16:36 Ha, ha, ha!
00:16:45 So that's the way of it?
00:16:47 You varmint! I'll kill you!
00:16:50 - Hang on, just a minute.
00:16:52 Is it? Blimey!
00:16:54 Before you do anything you'll regret,
00:16:57 I happen to be... Your dad, did you say?
00:17:00 - Yes.
00:17:03 I'm off. Give me my money back!
00:17:09 (Pigs oinking)
00:17:11 Oh, blimey. In it again!
00:17:20 You may be seated.
00:17:26 Are Their Majesties not coming to dinner?
00:17:29 I doubt it. The King is still away hunting
00:17:32 and the Queen has vowed to remain in her room
00:17:37 Poor dear woman! Perhaps I could do
00:17:41 By way of verbal persuasion, I mean.
00:17:43 Any kind of persuasion from you
00:17:47 No, let her stay there and stew in her own juice.
00:17:50 Her most gracious Majesty, Queen Marie!
00:17:53 Good Lord!
00:17:55 # Trumpet fanfare
00:18:01 - Good evening, my Lord Chancellor.
00:18:06 We've not had the pleasure of your company
00:18:09 No, I've been having it in my room
00:18:13 Oh, well, Your Majesty,
00:18:18 Thank you. The King is not home yet?
00:18:20 Still away, ma'am, on urgent business.
00:18:23 State affairs, you understand?
00:18:25 Excellent. Then, Sir Roger, it is my wish
00:18:30 Ou? La, madam? No, that is the King's place.
00:18:33 Marry, Sir Roger, you did not show
00:18:40 Her Majesty jests, of course.
00:18:42 - With your permission, I will take my usual seat.
00:18:46 Pray be seated, ladies and gentlemen.
00:18:58 Mmm!
00:18:59 Quite nice.
00:19:01 A drink, ma'am?
00:19:02 - Thank you.
00:19:07 Really? Then do send him up to my room later.
00:19:12 - You're not eating?
00:19:25 (Murmuring)
00:19:28 - (Groans of disgust)
00:19:31 Oh, yes, madam.
00:19:35 Oh, that'll be the garlic.
00:19:37 (Cries of horror)
00:19:39 I sent orders to the kitchen
00:19:44 I felt it might be a step toward...
00:19:49 His Majesty, the King!
00:19:52 Ah, my dear devoted husband has returned.
00:20:02 (Sniffs)
00:20:10 She's stunk the whole place out with it!
00:20:14 A slight technical hitch, Your Majesty.
00:20:17 It better be good. Or!
00:20:27 All right, carry on eating.
00:20:31 I'm starving! What's good, Cromwell?
00:20:33 Oh, I wouldn't recommend anything tonight, sire.
00:20:36 I'd just have a cup of tea
00:20:39 Don't be silly. It looks very tasty.
00:20:42 Definitely not up to standard, sire.
00:20:46 That's exactly how I like it.
00:20:54 Sir Roger has tasted it, I suppose?
00:20:57 Oh, yes. As a matter of fact,
00:21:00 Good.
00:21:11 That does it!
00:21:13 - Out! I want her out of here now!
00:21:16 - Good.
00:21:18 where, in due course, I expect you to join me.
00:21:20 - Me join you? Hah, you'll be lucky!
00:21:24 you may be sure
00:21:27 She threatened me! Get the executioner!
00:21:29 I beg you, sire, do nothing now that you may
00:21:34 Are you telling me
00:21:36 Wars have been fought over less, sire.
00:21:52 The thing to do, sire, is to play for time.
00:21:54 Act the part of a loving husband.
00:21:57 - Impossible!
00:21:59 - Simply go through the motions.
00:22:03 Yes, that's true. It would seem the Queen has
00:22:09 Exactly. And if I do bed her, Wolsey won't be
00:22:13 Yes, well, that is liable to take time,
00:22:16 I haven't got time. I need another wife.
00:22:18 Yes, well, perhaps in the meantime
00:22:23 What other arrangements?
00:22:24 Like taking a mistress.
00:22:27 I am the King,
00:22:33 - Never spit on your own doorstep.
00:22:37 We must step cautiously.
00:22:40 Don't tell me.
00:22:42 No, I mean a hasty divorce
00:22:45 Besides, there is no immediate hurry
00:22:49 No, tomorrow will do, I suppose.
00:22:51 Tomorrow? Has Your Majesty already got
00:22:54 Well, I haven't had time to look around yet.
00:22:56 If you could keep the Queen amused for a while.
00:22:59 Just keep her mind off it.
00:23:02 She's a Frenchwoman.
00:23:05 There must be something else
00:23:07 - I have it.
00:23:09 There's that new game that's all the rage
00:23:14 Ah, yes. Tiddlywinks.
00:23:16 Tiddlywinks?
00:23:19 It was just an idea.
00:23:20 Well, it was a lousy one.
00:23:22 Cannot you understand that I want something
00:23:26 Aha! That gives me an idea, sire.
00:23:29 There is one sure way by which she would never
00:23:35 - Yes, yes, yes. What?
00:23:39 Suppose you were to be abducted
00:23:44 That's it! But who do we get to do the abducting?
00:23:49 I have the very man in mind, sire.
00:23:53 Lord Hampton of Wick.
00:23:55 That's it! Go to it, Cromwell.
00:23:57 Aye, sire. But you must go
00:24:01 Yes. Yes, I suppose I must.
00:24:04 Ah, well.
00:24:11 The things I do for England!
00:24:14 Right, gentlemen.
00:24:16 We are agreed that for the good of England,
00:24:20 But how?
00:24:23 How is it to be accomplished?
00:24:25 I've had one idea, Lord Hampton.
00:24:28 You see, I have these barrels of gunpowder.
00:24:31 If we could smuggle them into Parliament
00:24:35 and blow the lot up...
00:24:38 An excellent notion, Fawkes,
00:24:41 We all sit in Parliament.
00:24:44 (Knock on door)
00:24:47 I, Thomas Cromwell.
00:24:48 (Whispers) Cromwell. Quickly.
00:24:58 My Lord Chancellor. This is indeed an honour.
00:25:01 Yes. Having a meeting, Hampton?
00:25:04 Just the usual Friday night sewing circle,
00:25:17 Hmm, interesting.
00:25:19 You like the designs?
00:25:21 Yes, but not as much as those
00:25:25 What? My lord, I know not what you talk about.
00:25:28 Really? Then you won't be interested to learn
00:25:32 to be forcibly abducted tonight.
00:25:35 - He's what?
00:25:40 I thought you might like the job.
00:25:42 Well, of course, I would be honoured.
00:25:46 He has already removed them.
00:25:48 I see. And after he has been abducted?
00:25:51 Well, that's up to you, of course.
00:25:56 HENRY: No, no, no. You're not doing it properly.
00:25:59 QUEEN: I know how to do it.
00:26:01 Well, look, like this. Look. See?
00:26:03 Now you have a go. Into that bowl.
00:26:07 Are you sure this is really
00:26:11 Of course it is. It's traditional.
00:26:13 Before you can mate properly,
00:26:16 I thought everybody knew that.
00:26:18 Oh, very well, then.
00:26:21 - Ah! I've done it.
00:26:24 I didn't. You saw.
00:26:27 So you can come to bed with me now,
00:26:29 - Er, no, you have to tiddle first.
00:26:32 No, no, no, that was winking.
00:26:35 Look, when we began,
00:26:39 You have to wink in and tiddle out.
00:26:42 Oh, all right, then.
00:26:45 - There! Satisfied?
00:26:48 Well, that's one game to you. We start again.
00:26:52 - 20? We'll be at it all night!
00:26:56 - Well, I've had enough!
00:26:59 You can't fool me, Henry Tudor.
00:27:01 You are trying to avoid getting into bed with me.
00:27:04 How could you possibly get an idea like that?
00:27:08 I'm just putting it off, that's all.
00:27:10 - The great moment, I mean.
00:27:14 While you are putting it off,
00:27:18 to my cousin Francis, the King of France.
00:27:22 Yes, well, perhaps we have waited long enough.
00:27:35 - We won't be needing that, will we?
00:27:39 Empty the pan.
00:27:41 Leave it to the servants.
00:27:43 Yes, all right, then.
00:27:59 Well, here we are, then.
00:28:02 What shall we do now?
00:28:04 - What shall we do?
00:28:06 What do you do with all your other wives in bed?
00:28:09 Ah, let me think. Now, then...
00:28:11 With old Jane,
00:28:14 Noughts and crosses?
00:28:16 Yes, I kept giving her nought and she got cross.
00:28:18 That reminds me.
00:28:21 Ah, yes, I can't wait to hear about them.
00:28:29 You see? All guards removed.
00:28:31 I'll leave you now. But remember,
00:28:35 One moment, my lord.
00:28:38 that if anything goes wrong,
00:28:43 You have my hand on it.
00:28:45 And may good fortune attend on you.
00:28:51 Henry Tudor, I do not wish to hear
00:28:55 Come now, you're only saying that
00:28:58 But it wouldn't be right to start our married life
00:29:02 - Now, where was I?
00:29:14 - Now, let's see. That brings us to number four.
00:29:17 Henry, are you going to behave
00:29:21 - Yes, of course, dear...
00:29:25 Sire!
00:29:27 I call upon you to surrender without a struggle.
00:29:30 That's what I've been trying
00:29:33 What treason is this? It's a plot against me.
00:29:37 - How do you know?
00:29:40 We mean you no harm, ma'am.
00:29:42 All we want is the King's person.
00:29:44 There you are. What did I tell you?
00:29:48 Oh, Hampton, Hampton. Put that thing away.
00:29:51 How could you do this?
00:29:54 at the very moment
00:29:57 Oh, well, er...
00:30:00 ...we could come back later, of course.
00:30:02 Don't be stupid.
00:30:05 May I know what is to become of me?
00:30:06 You will be taken to a secret place
00:30:09 Oh, how terrible!
00:30:12 Go on, you're doing very well.
00:30:15 There you will be required to sign
00:30:18 Alas, I cannot help that.
00:30:21 That done, then you will be done -
00:30:24 to death,
00:30:26 - All right, don't overdo it.
00:30:28 Not too rough... Ah, so this is the end!
00:30:31 Farewell, dear wife.
00:30:34 You're going to let them take you
00:30:37 - Alas, I can do nothing else.
00:30:42 No, no!
00:30:55 And don't come back!
00:31:07 They've gone. You can...
00:31:09 Henry?
00:31:11 Henry...
00:31:15 Hen...
00:31:17 Henry, where are you?
00:31:22 Ah, the wretch!
00:31:24 Now, what am I going to do
00:31:33 On my life, Your Majesty,
00:31:36 my name isn't Moshe Montmorency.
00:31:39 - Yes, it's not bad.
00:31:41 Never mind the quality, feel the cloth.
00:31:44 - We've had worse. What is it?
00:31:47 - I thought it had a familiar smell.
00:31:51 The bustline and the waistline, Your Majesty.
00:31:54 - Without a lie, the goat it didn't fit as well.
00:31:58 - but the skirt's on the long side.
00:32:01 We're proud of our royal legs. We like the ladies
00:32:05 I make the skirt any higher and they won't be
00:32:09 That reminds me.
00:32:12 Your Majesty is much too modest.
00:32:28 His Excellency, the emissary of the Vatican,
00:32:32 - Conte Filippo di Pisa.
00:32:36 Please be seated, Conte.
00:32:38 You have come on the matter of the application
00:32:43 - I have, my lord.
00:32:45 And your master has given permission for it?
00:32:48 He has requested me to say
00:32:50 that he is most morally shocked
00:32:54 - by this request.
00:32:56 But under certain conditions,
00:32:59 he might be prevailed upon
00:33:02 to overlook his deep-seated
00:33:07 All right. How much this time?
00:33:08 5,000 pieces of gold.
00:33:11 5,000!
00:33:14 He is doubly shocked this time.
00:33:16 5,000! And how much have you added on
00:33:21 My lord, I must protest most strongly.
00:33:24 I'm sorry, Conte. But as a churchman, I cannot
00:33:30 5,000 is the figure. Take it or leave it.
00:33:34 Very well.
00:33:42 Well, Wolsey, the word is good?
00:33:43 I think, if it's left to me,
00:33:47 - Excellent!
00:33:49 To do so, you'll have to let me have
00:33:52 10,000?
00:33:54 It was only five last time.
00:33:56 Well, you know how it is. Inflation, rising prices.
00:33:59 - Indeed. The ever-rising cost-of-loving index.
00:34:04 Just a moment, my dear Cardinal.
00:34:08 Are you suggesting that I...
00:34:10 How dare you! You know well
00:34:14 My dear Wolsey, I learned long ago
00:34:17 there is only one man in all England
00:34:22 Well, I protest strongly at the implication
00:34:26 Oh, all right, all right.
00:34:28 You'll get your 10,000.
00:34:37 Pardon the intrusion, Your Majesty.
00:34:39 But I thought you would like to know
00:34:42 The divorce, it's on?
00:34:43 I am confident, sire, that left in my hands,
00:34:48 - Marvellous!
00:34:52 - How much?
00:34:54 - 20,000!
00:34:58 But little enough if you have it.
00:35:00 That's just the point. I haven't had it!
00:35:02 The money, I mean!
00:35:04 I shouldn't have to tell you that,
00:35:09 Beautiful, beautiful. Fit for a king.
00:35:11 20,000! What love pleasure
00:35:14 You should try it walking round the room a bit,
00:35:17 - Don't be filthy.
00:35:19 Of course we could raise a bit more by taxation.
00:35:22 Taxation? Everything's taxed to the hilt as it is.
00:35:25 - Swords taxed to the hilt. Very good!
00:35:28 I've been thinking.
00:35:32 We're back to the wife again.
00:35:33 No, a brand-new form of taxation
00:35:37 S.E.T.
00:35:39 S.E. T?
00:35:40 Sex Enjoyment Tax.
00:35:43 Sex Enjoyment Tax?
00:35:46 Exactly, Your Majesty. Like drinking or smoking.
00:35:49 Every time they have one...
00:35:51 Yes, that could bring in quite a bit.
00:35:55 Oh, I don't think so.
00:35:58 We give them a form
00:36:02 Do you think they'd stand for it?
00:36:04 Stand for it, sit for it, lie down for it.
00:36:12 Halt, madam.
00:36:15 Oh, get out of my way!
00:36:21 I trust I am not disturbing you,
00:36:24 No, no, Your Majesty.
00:36:26 I was just checking the weekly yield
00:36:30 A satisfactory one, I hope?
00:36:32 Not bad, not bad.
00:36:34 The takings are down
00:36:37 But then this business is bound
00:36:41 Yes, though precious few come my way.
00:36:43 My lord, I will come direct to business.
00:36:48 I'm afraid that's quite impossible today, ma'am.
00:36:53 I will not be put off any longer.
00:36:55 Do you realise it is three months
00:36:59 - Hasn't what?
00:37:02 Oh, yes, I quite understand of course.
00:37:06 These things take time.
00:37:08 My lord, I may seem a simple person,
00:37:11 but could you, as a man,
00:37:14 I am not married, ma'am.
00:37:16 No, but you are a man.
00:37:19 Please, ma'am!
00:37:21 Oh, come, my lord. Do you choose to forget
00:37:25 - Hampton?
00:37:28 - Oh, when you couldn't find your way out.
00:37:32 Yes, well, I... I hadn't done it before, you see.
00:37:36 Just think. We might have been there yet
00:37:38 had you not had the presence of mind
00:37:42 Yes, good old Fred.
00:37:44 Would you not like to try it again, Thomas?
00:37:48 Ma'am, I beg of you, please forget
00:37:51 Thousands of men have been carried away
00:37:56 - Yes, but not feet first.
00:37:58 Tom! Take me in your arms and kiss me!
00:38:02 No, no, wait, wait!
00:38:03 - Your Majesty, someone might come in.
00:38:06 Oh, Thomas. Tom.
00:38:08 You don't know how unsatisfying my life is.
00:38:12 I feel like a... a bottle of good wine
00:38:18 Well, for heaven's sake, put the cork back in!
00:38:21 Oh, you are a hard man, Thomas Cromwell.
00:38:23 What you're asking of me, ma'am, is wrong.
00:38:25 I am the King's friend. He trusts me.
00:38:27 And I am proud of that trust.
00:38:30 Ah...
00:38:31 But what if there were no king?
00:38:34 What do you mean?
00:38:36 If some accident were to befall him, what then?
00:38:41 Well, then, as Queen,
00:38:44 Precisely.
00:38:46 And you in his bedstead.
00:38:48 What? What are you suggesting, ma'am?
00:38:52 That I, the King's most loyal
00:38:55 should actually plot to... should stoop to...
00:38:58 What kind of accident had you in mind?
00:39:00 Ah, no, Thomas.
00:39:02 Before I divulge that,
00:39:04 I must first have pledge
00:39:08 Well, what kind of pledge could I give?
00:39:10 Just a taste of that good wine I spoke of.
00:39:14 Well, I don't usually drink before six o'clock...
00:39:17 (Lustily) Whoar!
00:39:21 Cromwell, I've just been thinking that...
00:39:25 What goes on here?
00:39:30 Nothing, sire. Nothing. I was conversing with
00:39:35 Her emotions overflowed.
00:39:38 I just caught her in time.
00:39:40 - Faint? Why should she feel faint?
00:39:44 - True, she hasn't been getting any lately.
00:39:47 Well, do something.
00:39:51 Ma'am, ma'am, you can come round now.
00:39:53 Ma'am, it's all right now. Ma'am...
00:39:55 Good heavens!
00:39:57 - What is it?
00:40:01 Is she? Well, go on, then,
00:40:04 (Scots accent) Doctor Finlay! Doctor Finlay!
00:40:06 Och, something terrible's happened...
00:40:14 The physician has nearly finished, Your Grace.
00:40:16 - He's taking his time, isn't he?
00:40:20 Doesn't it make you sick? Just when I'd decided
00:40:25 Please, sire, you must not excite yourself.
00:40:29 And brings the poison to the surface and then
00:40:35 - Boils.
00:40:37 I only said boils.
00:40:39 Oh, boils. Oh, yes.
00:40:42 Well, what's happening?
00:40:43 Your Majesty, I'm happy to report
00:40:47 - Bled her? All this time?
00:40:51 But one of my leeches is an absolute hog.
00:40:54 I am not interested in your bleedin' leeches!
00:40:56 - What about the Queen?
00:40:58 It often happens to a woman in her condition.
00:41:01 - Condition? What condition?
00:41:09 You hear that, everyone?
00:41:11 Congratulations.
00:41:13 Congratulations, sire.
00:41:15 Congratulations.
00:41:17 - Thank you. Do you think it'll be a boy?
00:41:22 At last, a son. A son and heir.
00:41:24 I know I speak for all England
00:41:28 We are proud of you.
00:41:30 Thank you. Well, I didn't really do anything.
00:41:34 That's quite right. I didn't do anything.
00:41:39 Are you sure she's going to have a baby?
00:41:42 - How did that happen?
00:41:46 - No, I do not know.
00:41:51 Let's take the birds and the bees.
00:41:54 I do not want a sex lecture. I know how.
00:41:58 Am I to understand Your Majesty has not?
00:42:01 Not as much as a nibble.
00:42:03 If I may suggest, Your Grace,
00:42:07 and I know we can be trusted to keep silent.
00:42:10 But she's mucked it all up.
00:42:12 How can I get a divorce now
00:42:15 On the contrary, sire. I think the Queen
00:42:21 She's played in someone's hands,
00:42:23 If I might have a word
00:42:28 If we can obtain definite proof of unfaithfulness,
00:42:31 the divorce will be automatic
00:42:35 - That's right. But where do we get the proof?
00:42:41 - Which man?
00:42:43 Preferably one who's been most constantly
00:42:47 Yes, someone who's had the job
00:42:53 Well, Sir Roger,
00:42:56 Certainly not, sire.
00:42:58 - Your hand on it?
00:43:01 Come, come, Sir Roger, it will be less painful
00:43:05 Never!
00:43:06 In the Tower, we have ways of
00:43:10 - You won't get a thing out of me.
00:43:13 the Queen used to you.
00:43:15 Oh, no, as a matter of fact,
00:43:18 Ha, ha, ha!
00:43:24 My Lord Cardinal,
00:43:27 - Gladly. This way, Your Majesty.
00:43:31 Nothing, if he signs a simple confession.
00:43:33 - And if he doesn't?
00:43:37 Fear not, ma'am.
00:43:41 Well spoken, Sir Roger.
00:43:43 I will not confess. And that's flat!
00:43:45 Methinks you'll change your mind, Sir Roger,
00:43:49 Take him directly below.
00:43:51 - Thomas Cromwell, you are a cruel man.
00:43:54 Why, I'm known as Cromwell the Considerate.
00:43:56 Considerate? You?
00:43:58 What about all those poor martyrs
00:44:01 - What about them?
00:44:03 Well, of course. Didn't I go round every one
00:44:09 That's right. He did, you know.
00:44:19 So, this is to be my home
00:44:22 And what, pray, is this place?
00:44:24 - The Bloody Tower.
00:44:27 No, no, that's what they call it, my lady.
00:44:30 And this is the best you can provide for...
00:44:32 a Queen of England
00:44:35 Oh, it's one of the pleasantest rooms
00:44:38 There's a lovely view from the window.
00:44:42 On a foggy day.
00:44:45 Oh, Wolsey. What is to become of me?
00:44:48 Will I ever look up to see
00:44:52 Will I ever again feel the blessed warmth
00:44:56 I really couldn't say.
00:44:59 Nay, my lord, do not try and spare my feelings.
00:45:02 You know well that as soon as
00:45:06 it will be my head on the block and phut!
00:45:09 No!
00:45:11 No, don't speak of it, madam.
00:45:15 Your lovely head for that filthy old basket.
00:45:19 Nay, my lord,
00:45:21 No. Oh, no, no.
00:45:24 I meant the basket into which your head will fall.
00:45:26 Oh, that filthy old basket, yes.
00:45:29 This might have all been avoided
00:45:33 Dear Wolsey, you have always loved me,
00:45:36 - Devotedly, ma'am.
00:45:39 Oh, certainly. What would you like?
00:45:43 Not that sort of service, my lord.
00:45:45 I would simply have you deliver a letter
00:45:49 I wouldn't dare do that.
00:45:51 I must appraise him of what has happened.
00:45:54 They're so strict on security here. Even I'm
00:45:58 - Top to bottom?
00:46:01 There is in fact only one place I could put a letter
00:46:08 And you could not bring yourself
00:46:11 Yes! Yes, I will, I will.
00:46:14 Oh, thank you, my lord.
00:46:16 Here is the letter.
00:46:24 Ah, my dear Sir Roger.
00:46:26 I believe you know what this little toy is called?
00:46:29 - The rack.
00:46:31 An ingenious invention.
00:46:35 and then each day,
00:46:39 Yes, I know.
00:46:43 - Exactly. Would you care to try it?
00:46:46 - Oh, yes. Just sign this.
00:46:49 I'll read it to you.
00:46:53 "In as much as I, Roger de Lodgerley,
00:46:56 referred to as the party of the first part,
00:46:58 did unlawfully, with malice aforethought
00:47:02 admire, covet, blandish, cosset,
00:47:06 spouse to Henry Tudor,
00:47:10 I do hereby solemnly declare, any witness
00:47:14 that the resulting issue, herein after
00:47:19 is the consequence of the joining together
00:47:21 of the party of the first part's
00:47:25 As you said, very simple.
00:47:27 - You'll sign, then?
00:47:30 Very well, then. Carry on.
00:47:42 His Excellency, the French ambassador.
00:47:46 Your Majesty!
00:47:48 My dear Duc de Poncenay.
00:47:50 I trust I do not intrude upon Your Majesty's time?
00:47:53 - Not at all. We're happy to receive you.
00:47:57 - You're welcome. Cup of tea?
00:48:03 Excellent. And what brings you to our court?
00:48:05 I am instructed by His Majesty, King Francis,
00:48:08 to offer his most profound congratulations.
00:48:12 Yes? What on?
00:48:14 Why, that your union with his cousin,
00:48:20 And how did he know that?
00:48:22 Good news travels fast, Your Majesty.
00:48:25 This is not exactly good news. I'm not really...
00:48:27 King Francis was so overjoyed
00:48:32 to give you a personal presentation
00:48:37 I dare say, but the point is...
00:48:39 50,000?
00:48:40 Gold crowns.
00:48:42 - But Your Majesty was going to say something?
00:48:45 Bon. And now perhaps I may convey
00:48:49 Yes, well, er, she's not here at the moment.
00:48:52 Oh la la. King Francis did so desire an early
00:48:58 I tell you what, you join us for dinner tonight.
00:49:03 That will be most delightful, Your Majesty.
00:49:05 Your servant, sire.
00:49:08 And yours.
00:49:12 Don't just stand there.
00:49:18 He's given in, m'lord. He's ready to sign.
00:49:20 At last! Bring him in. Bring him in.
00:49:32 My... My dear Sir Roger, I'm very glad you
00:49:51 There we are, my love.
00:49:53 Take it easy. That's it. We don't want anything
00:50:04 Your Majesty, your cousin King Francis
00:50:07 his most joyous felicitations.
00:50:10 What on? Being confined
00:50:13 What?
00:50:14 Er, now, dear, don't get excited.
00:50:17 Pay no attention. They always act
00:50:21 True, but I did not understand. What is this
00:50:25 Oh, that's just an old English tradition.
00:50:29 True, but I think you meant confined, locked up.
00:50:33 No, no, confined - knocked up. It's very different.
00:50:36 Your quaint English customs.
00:50:39 Yes, they are quaint... Yes, well, let's drink
00:50:43 Your baby?
00:50:45 - Naturally, who else's?
00:50:48 If you don't want to go straight back
00:50:52 Then if it is yours, exactly what are you trying
00:50:56 Me? I'm not trying
00:51:02 Your Majesty, I have it. The signed confession!
00:51:06 - What confession?
00:51:09 He's a liar. I don't want it. Get a retraction.
00:51:12 A retraction? You must be mad!
00:51:15 You know perfectly well that
00:51:18 What?
00:51:19 All that nonsense about the party of the first part.
00:51:24 I beg your jolly pardon, but I most certainly did!
00:51:26 Your affair with her
00:51:29 Oh, yes? Did you ever hear of a figment
00:51:33 I don't wish to know that.
00:51:34 What I want is a signed retraction.
00:51:36 A simple statement like
00:51:41 Oh, no. I am incapable of doing it.
00:51:45 Oh, even better. Impotency, yes.
00:51:47 No, no, no.
00:51:50 My dear Sir Roger, you don't want
00:51:55 - Not particularly.
00:51:58 - Not.
00:51:59 - Not.
00:52:01 Why do I always get knotted?
00:52:05 # Court music
00:52:21 You're a cunning old bastard.
00:52:24 I made a mistake, my love.
00:52:28 You're the only woman for me.
00:52:30 I just can't wait to take your loveliness
00:52:35 - Every stone of it.
00:52:38 Wait till I get you upstairs.
00:52:43 Like you did the last time?
00:52:46 Playing all night with your tiddlywink?
00:52:55 More music. More, I say!
00:52:59 Pardon, Your Majesty, but I should be
00:53:02 Of course, my dear Duc.
00:53:04 No, no, Your Majesty. I meant with Her Majesty.
00:53:08 Oh, yes, help yourself.
00:53:11 Well, everybody to his own taste.
00:53:18 Oh, Your Grace, it is indeed a joy to see
00:53:23 Yes, she's not a bad old stick, really.
00:53:27 Indeed not, sir.
00:53:29 It is well said that there's many a good tune
00:53:33 True. Particularly when you haven't had
00:53:39 What do I want another wife for?
00:53:42 Not one of them worth a second look.
00:53:50 I tell you, Wol...
00:53:54 - Wolsey.
00:53:56 - Who's that with the two beauties?
00:54:00 Not her. The fella that's just come in
00:54:03 Fellow with two beauties, my lord?
00:54:08 Ooh, I see what you mean.
00:54:13 the Earl of Bristol,
00:54:15 Oh, so those are Charlie's.
00:54:17 Why haven't I seen them at court before?
00:54:20 He's been our ambassador at the Spanish court.
00:54:25 Looks like one of them hasn't had time
00:54:28 Ha, ha! Maybe I can give her a hand with it.
00:54:37 # Musicians play
00:54:41 Mine, too.
00:54:46 - Fancy that!
00:54:49 May I have the pleasure?
00:54:51 Oh, no, I only came here to dance.
00:54:54 The King is asking you to dance, Bettina.
00:54:56 Oh, well, that's...
00:54:58 The King!
00:55:03 Please excuse her, Your Majesty.
00:55:07 That's all right. There has to be
00:55:12 Oh, well, of course, Your Majesty.
00:55:14 If I'd known who you were,
00:55:16 You keep on saying that and we'll be all right.
00:55:24 So they call you Bettina?
00:55:26 Yes, but most people
00:55:31 If I'm going to call you Bet, you must call me Maj.
00:55:34 All right, Maj.
00:55:40 You dance very well, Bet.
00:55:42 Thank you, Maj.
00:55:48 I'll bet you got plenty of it in Spain, eh?
00:55:50 Oh, no, they never let me be alone
00:55:53 No, dancing, I mean.
00:55:55 Oh, yes. But it's very different there, you know.
00:55:58 You see, there's these two things...
00:56:01 Yes, I'd noticed those.
00:56:03 - They call them castanets.
00:56:06 And all the time you're dancing,
00:56:08 they keep knocking together.
00:56:10 Yes, I'd noticed that, too.
00:56:16 It's getting chilly in here. Shall we go
00:56:20 Oh, no, I've heard what happens to girls
00:56:24 Good, that should save a bit of time.
00:56:26 Oh, but I mustn't.
00:56:29 You're the best bet I've seen in years,
00:56:32 Maj!
00:56:37 Why is he taking her out into the garden?
00:56:39 Oh, I expect just to get a little air, ma'am.
00:56:42 How many more heirs does he want?
00:56:46 HENRY: That's it. Now you're getting the idea.
00:56:49 BET: Oh! Oh, no more!
00:56:52 BET: I'm not used to that much, you know.
00:56:54 HENRY: It won't hurt. Just a bit more.
00:56:58 BET: Oh, no...
00:57:00 BET: No, no!
00:57:03 Oh, no! My mother says
00:57:07 It can lead to a girl's ruin.
00:57:09 I'm beginning to love your mother.
00:57:11 Drink inflames the ardour.
00:57:13 Yes, the more you have, the harder it gets.
00:57:16 To stop drinking, I mean. Ha, ha!
00:57:20 Ooh!
00:57:21 Oh, I can hardly believe it.
00:57:25 Well, it's the best boozer in town.
00:57:27 With all those beautiful ladies in there,
00:57:31 Well, there's a couple of things, I suppose.
00:57:33 Oh, Maj! You're only after one thing.
00:57:37 Why? What's the matter with the other one?
00:57:40 Oh, I think you're one of those men
00:57:43 Intentions. On the contrary, my dear,
00:57:45 I'm about to do you the greatest honour
00:57:50 I know, you're going to make me a lady.
00:57:53 Well, not quite.
00:57:54 - What, then?
00:57:57 Oh, no, my mother says I mustn't start kissing
00:58:01 I know where it will end.
00:58:03 No, she says I must save myself
00:58:06 - Well, that's all right. I'm a husband.
00:58:10 - You are, aren't you?
00:58:21 There!
00:58:24 - That was a little one.
00:58:26 - Now, show me a big one.
00:58:31 No wonder you're too hot.
00:58:34 Oh, no. Don't you undo those.
00:58:37 You must be joking! Go on, I won't look.
00:58:39 Oh, well, all right, then. But I'll undo them.
00:58:43 If you promise to keep your eyes shut
00:58:45 Yes, yes, of course, yes.
00:58:51 I won't be a minute.
00:58:55 There, that's better.
00:58:57 Come on, where are you?
00:59:00 Cor... Ooh!
00:59:02 Oh, Bet, my darling Bet,
00:59:05 you are beautiful.
00:59:07 - Ooh, what have I done?
00:59:11 You little devil, you!
00:59:13 Come here!
00:59:17 There must be an easier way to earn a loving.
00:59:24 Ah, good day, my love. Good day indeed.
00:59:29 And where, might I ask, have you been
00:59:32 Me? I had to go down to Bristol
00:59:35 Yes, I rather thought
00:59:39 How good it is to see my dear wife
00:59:43 And why should I not be happy, my lord,
00:59:47 Me? Really? Let's have a look.
00:59:53 It is not quite finished yet.
00:59:55 No. No, don't tell me...
00:59:57 Oh, yes. "Henry is a sh...
00:59:59 shining example to one and all."
01:00:01 Oh, now you have spoilt my little surprise.
01:00:05 And talking of surprises, my love,
01:00:08 - Yes?
01:00:11 - Isn't it a little late for that?
01:00:16 Come in, my dear.
01:00:20 There you are.
01:00:21 Now, don't say I never get you anything.
01:00:26 Go on, say your piece.
01:00:29 Your Majesty,
01:00:31 it is a great honour.
01:00:36 No, no, no. No full stop.
01:00:39 A great honour the King has done me.
01:00:41 Oh, that's right. Sorry.
01:00:43 It is a great honour the King has done me
01:00:48 By making me your lady-in-waiting.
01:00:50 Dear, oh, dear.
01:00:52 By making me your lady-in-waiting.
01:01:11 A whole month gone
01:01:12 and nothing but an occasional wave
01:01:18 Methinks, sire, it is high time
01:01:21 No, I'm in no mood for that.
01:01:23 Ooh, I have such a passion for this wench,
01:01:27 - Then make her yours.
01:01:30 But every time my eager hand lights upon
01:01:35 - Oh, then you must marry her.
01:01:39 Perhaps for nothing? Oh, no.
01:01:42 Too often have I split open a likely looking pod
01:01:48 You have not seen her without?
01:01:50 No, worst luck.
01:01:52 If I could only be sure that the...
01:01:56 ...were all they promised, I would indeed risk all.
01:01:59 Well, sire,
01:02:01 there are more ways than one to peel a banana.
01:02:05 - Over here, we have petunias.
01:02:07 - A little further down is the rose garden.
01:02:10 The gardeners are kept very busy.
01:02:14 Well, there would need to be, wouldn't there?
01:02:16 The swans should be coming up fairly shortly.
01:02:19 - Over there, you see.
01:02:22 - Oh, yes.
01:02:26 - Come over here, I'll show it to you.
01:02:28 Now, just over here, you get a beautiful view.
01:02:31 Just er... round about there, I would say.
01:02:35 Oh!
01:02:37 You twit!
01:02:40 Oh, you poor thing!
01:02:43 You're all wet through.
01:02:46 No, no, it's the wrong way round.
01:03:04 See? That is the window of the room
01:03:07 Ha, ha! Right, no mistakes this time.
01:03:09 Don't worry, sire, nothing can go wrong.
01:03:19 All right, let's go.
01:03:21 - Well, come on, come on.
01:03:24 - Giddy-up, you lazy lump!
01:03:29 No! Argh!
01:03:43 M'lord, Sir Roger's given in.
01:03:47 Thank heavens! After all these weeks of waiting.
01:04:00 Cromwell, you win again.
01:04:03 I warned you, Sir Roger. We'll go to...
01:04:07 We'll go to any lengths to get what we want.
01:04:19 You sent for me, my lord?
01:04:21 Yes, Mistress Bet. We're so well pleased
01:04:26 - Oh! Oh, how lovely!
01:04:30 It is Our most gracious Majesty's desire
01:04:35 Oh, isn't it lovely?
01:04:38 Shall I put it on?
01:04:39 Not yet. A ceremonial gown goes with it
01:04:42 - Oh. Now?
01:04:45 But surely Your Grace would not be so cruel as
01:04:49 Of course not. That's what the screen is for.
01:04:52 Oh, I'm sorry I misjudged you, my lord.
01:05:12 - Phwoar!
01:05:14 Oh, I beg your pardon, Your Majesty,
01:05:17 but I have ne'er seen one
01:05:21 Those dimpled shoulders,
01:05:24 that slender neck,
01:05:27 those shell-like ears...
01:05:29 Later. I'm going the other way.
01:05:33 Mmm.
01:05:35 Sire, I have it! I have it!
01:05:39 Quiet.
01:05:42 There. Is it all right?
01:05:44 Absolutely perfect, my dear.
01:05:46 Cromwell, you couldn't have come
01:05:50 How do you do, ma'am?
01:05:54 Future queen?
01:05:56 That's right. As from as soon as possible.
01:05:59 But I have Sir Roger's retraction here. Look.
01:06:01 Retraction, you fool! What use is that?
01:06:04 A divorce? But what of Queen Marie?
01:06:07 Your issue? The 50,000 gold crowns?
01:06:11 You charlatan! Would you put mere gold
01:06:15 Wellbeing of England?
01:06:17 Certainly. If I'm happy, everybody's happy.
01:06:21 What are you waiting for?
01:06:23 (Sobs hysterically)
01:06:31 Well, there you are, then. As you see,
01:06:35 - It's really quite...
01:06:38 Spare me the bit about the view
01:06:41 Well, it won't be for long. Just until they get
01:06:45 My lord, you are still my friend, art thou not?
01:06:48 Oh, I most definitely art, yes.
01:06:50 Then help me get word of my imprisonment
01:06:54 Oh, not another letter, please.
01:06:56 Oh, 'tis only a short one.
01:07:01 Oooh...
01:07:03 Don't worry, I'll tell him.
01:07:07 What do you mean, he won't fit into it any more?
01:07:10 The rack won't go any further, m'lord.
01:07:13 That's ridiculous. There must be some way.
01:07:16 Here, wait a minute.
01:07:18 What about the iron maiden?
01:07:20 Well, I suppose we could give it a try.
01:07:23 Hello? Anyone in there?
01:07:26 Oh, no, it says vacant. Look.
01:07:30 That's a bit of luck.
01:07:38 Would you mind? Thanks. The hat.
01:07:41 There. I think I can manage it.
01:07:45 Mind you don't prick yourself.
01:07:47 Bye-bye.
01:07:50 Don't stay in there too long.
01:07:55 Move the spikes in one inch daily.
01:08:06 - Your Majesty.
01:08:09 - I fear not, sire.
01:08:11 I know. His stamina's amazing.
01:08:14 But I don't think he can keep it up.
01:08:16 I don't think I can either.
01:08:18 How much longer
01:08:20 All right. Take a break. Back in an hour.
01:08:22 Then that is the plan, gentlemen.
01:08:24 We rescue Queen Marie from the Tower,
01:08:26 confront Henry with her,
01:08:29 and force his abdication in her favour.
01:08:31 Agreed. But how will we gain access
01:08:35 Yes. That is the main problem.
01:08:38 - Well, I still have those barrels of gunpowder.
01:08:43 Well, well, I see you're keeping busy, ma'am.
01:08:48 Yes, it is a present for my cousin Francis.
01:08:50 When it is finished, I would like you
01:08:53 Oooh!
01:08:55 Ooh, I do hope that won't be necessary, ma'am.
01:08:58 - Sir Roger has not confessed yet, then?
01:09:00 No, ma'am, it's quite extraordinary.
01:09:06 Is it true, then? He is ready to sign?
01:09:08 I think so, m'lord. At the last turn of the spikes,
01:09:13 Oh, good. Open up, then, quickly. Open up.
01:09:15 Well, well, Sir Roger.
01:09:18 - You've had enough, then?
01:09:21 There was a shocking draught
01:09:25 Well, help him out. Quickly, quickly.
01:09:30 Sign here.
01:09:32 Oh, do you mind?
01:09:35 Yes. Water, quickly. Go to the King immediately
01:09:39 Here, sign. Sign here.
01:09:55 - Sir Roger is to sign the confession.
01:10:03 Come on, love. Wake up. This is it.
01:10:05 Where's Wolsey? Where is he?
01:10:07 He said he had to go to Canterbury
01:10:10 - Try a witch! Why?
01:10:12 I should have thought
01:10:15 He doesn't mean "try" in that sense.
01:10:18 - We weren't going to do it with him, were we?
01:10:22 - But how?
01:10:26 She does. I do. I now declare us. That's it.
01:10:28 In you go. Through there.
01:10:30 - Is that all?
01:10:33 - But I don't feel married.
01:10:42 Beautiful, beautiful.
01:10:44 Every inch a queen
01:10:47 - Sh!
01:10:49 Ball's Book of English Law.
01:10:51 - Pardon?
01:10:54 that no marriage is legal unless it is performed
01:10:58 Oh, that's just Ball's... outlook.
01:11:00 - But it says it.
01:11:03 But what you don't know is that I made myself
01:11:07 - Really? When?
01:11:09 Oh, so it's all right, then. I really am Queen?
01:11:13 That's it. Bet, Queen of England.
01:11:15 You'll have to tell me what my duties are.
01:11:18 I'll do better. I'll show you.
01:11:22 (Clang!)
01:11:25 How many times do I have to tell them
01:11:29 Poor Henry. Can I do something?
01:11:32 If you can't, I've been wasting my time.
01:11:35 Hang on.
01:11:39 Oh, Bet. Sweet Bet.
01:11:41 How long have I waited for this moment?
01:11:43 Oh, dear Henry. I do hope
01:11:47 - I'm sure you won't.
01:11:49 - You've had plenty of practice.
01:11:53 (Knock on door)
01:11:56 Pardon, but it's King Francis.
01:11:59 Francis!
01:12:11 It is Francis. I'm sorry, love. I'll have to go.
01:12:21 - Fanny!
01:12:23 Oh, pardon. Lipstick.
01:12:25 How overjoyed I am to see you again,
01:12:28 And I you. I hope you did not mind
01:12:32 Not at all. I am honoured to see
01:12:36 Merci. Up ze glorious line of England!
01:12:39 And up yours. Well, I won't keep you.
01:12:42 True, true.
01:12:44 But I could not bear to leave without first paying
01:12:49 Yes... Well, now, that's not quite possible
01:12:52 - No?
01:12:55 How you so quaintly put it.
01:12:57 In ze club of ze pudding?
01:13:00 That's it. Queen's pudding. Ha, ha!
01:13:03 And no doubt she will be resting
01:13:07 Naturally. Where else?
01:13:09 You know, this will make you
01:13:13 - An absurd rumour has reached me...
01:13:16 ...zat she is being confined in ze Tower.
01:13:19 The Tower? Ha, ha!
01:13:21 Absurd, I know.
01:13:26 Ha, ha!
01:13:28 I've never heard anything so ridiculous in my life.
01:13:31 Absurd, I know. That is what I tell my advisors.
01:13:34 You see,
01:13:35 Bidet, I told you,
01:13:38 Army?
01:13:41 Just 20,000 men. They are encamped at Dover.
01:13:44 Fancy. I hope they're enjoying themselves.
01:13:48 I thought ze change would do them good.
01:13:50 They're very restless, you know.
01:13:52 They have not fought for some time.
01:13:54 Yes, I've er... just had a thought.
01:13:57 I'll pop upstairs and see
01:13:59 Oh, zat would be most kind.
01:14:02 I thought it might be. Meanwhile, I'll have
01:14:06 - Oh, zat would be delightful.
01:14:14 Get wine and food.
01:14:17 Yes, sire.
01:14:19 - Wolsey, come here!
01:14:21 Never mind. Go to the Tower fast as you can
01:14:24 - What?
01:15:06 Oh, Fawkes!
01:15:08 You and your bloody gunpowder!
01:15:11 Just a minute.
01:15:34 Come on!
01:15:45 Well, well, well. Looking after you all right,
01:15:49 Plenty of wine?
01:15:51 Where's King Francis?
01:15:52 I fear he grew impatient, my lord,
01:15:58 Oh, no!
01:16:00 Now it's war.
01:16:09 Haw-haw-haw!
01:16:15 Surprise!
01:16:18 Oh, pardon, madam!
01:16:20 Oh, that's all right.
01:16:22 I... I thought this was the Queen's bedchamber.
01:16:25 Oh, it is. Who are you, then?
01:16:28 Francis,
01:16:30 King of France.
01:16:33 At your service.
01:16:35 Oh, I say! Two kings in my room in one night.
01:16:39 - Mon Dieu, you are ravishing!
01:16:42 What we call in France, un petit raver.
01:16:45 Ooh!
01:16:46 But tell me, I must know... who are you?
01:16:49 Oh, I'm the Queen, silly.
01:16:53 Ze Queen?
01:16:58 Oh, you've met.
01:16:59 Who is this and what does she mean by...
01:17:04 Did she tell you that? She's having you on.
01:17:07 You're a naughty girl.
01:17:10 Waiting for you.
01:17:12 BOTH: Ha! Ha!
01:17:14 lunderstand. She is your mistress?
01:17:16 She is not. She's the Queen's lady-in-waiting,
01:17:19 What are you talking about? You married me.
01:17:23 Ha, ha! Married!
01:17:25 That's a laugh.
01:17:27 She's a nice, little thing
01:17:30 But she makes up for it elsewhere, eh?
01:17:32 Don't you think we ought to go back downstairs?
01:17:35 No, no. I wish to have a few words
01:17:38 My dear, are you hiding something from me?
01:17:42 In this nightgown? You must be joking.
01:17:44 Then zere is something
01:17:49 Yes, what?
01:17:50 I wish to know where Marie is.
01:17:55 - Marie?
01:17:59 Oh, she's up the spout.
01:18:01 Er, no, no. I don't zink you quite understand.
01:18:04 Where - is - she?
01:18:08 Oh! Oh, she's upstairs.
01:18:11 Upstairs?
01:18:13 That's right. In the Tower.
01:18:17 - So, it is true?
01:18:20 Don't bother!
01:18:23 I shall return...
01:18:25 with my army.
01:18:28 Big mouth!
01:18:32 Gentlemen!
01:18:34 We will rejoin ze army.
01:18:36 It is war.
01:18:38 Fanny, wait! Here, Fanny.
01:18:40 Fanny, come here. Now, let me explain.
01:18:42 You are a liar. You told me
01:18:46 - Only because I didn't want to worry you.
01:18:49 You see,
01:18:52 They were going to abduct her from the palace.
01:18:54 - And?
01:18:56 we put the lady-in-waiting in her room and
01:19:01 - I hope zis time you are telling me the truth.
01:19:05 Your Majesty...
01:19:06 Here's Wolsey. He'll tell you.
01:19:08 - Your Majesty, I have dire news.
01:19:12 - But, sire...
01:19:13 King Francis would like to know
01:19:17 - No, she isn't.
01:19:20 But she isn't there. She's been abducted.
01:19:22 Well, Henry? What game is this, huh?
01:19:26 I cannot believe it. My dear beautiful wife,
01:19:30 - And it's all your fault, you Cardinal!
01:19:33 What haven't you done? I entrusted her
01:19:37 - I've been trying to get rid of her for a year.
01:19:41 - To the Tower with him!
01:19:44 Sire, look... Mind my hat!
01:19:46 Listen, can I... I explain?
01:19:48 My lord...
01:19:57 My beloved Marie.
01:19:59 My only true love.
01:20:01 Bear up. All is not lost.
01:20:04 She may yet be found alive.
01:20:06 I hope not... er, hope all is not lost.
01:20:08 I cannot bear the...
01:20:10 thought of never holding that lissom form
01:20:15 She was a bit on the large side, Gracey.
01:20:17 But I loved her, Fanny. Every little acre of her.
01:20:20 I know how you feel.
01:20:22 I only recently lost my last queen, you know.
01:20:25 - Oh, I didn't know. How?
01:20:29 She... caught her neck in ze guillotine.
01:20:32 - Her Majesty, Queen Marie!
01:20:40 Marie!
01:20:41 Oh, dear cousin!
01:20:46 - Welcome, Francis.
01:20:51 - Well!
01:20:53 My love! My own true love,
01:20:57 You may not be so delighted once you have
01:21:00 - Sire, it is my painful duty...
01:21:04 It is enough that you have delivered
01:21:08 - I do not think you can understand...
01:21:12 - I know you're a poor man.
01:21:15 No, no modesty, my dear Hampton.
01:21:21 Kneel.
01:21:24 Hampton of Wick, we do herewith dub you
01:21:27 Lord of the Duchy of Berkshire.
01:21:30 Arise, Hampton, Prince of Berks.
01:21:37 Sire, I am sensible to the honour but...
01:21:40 And the 10,000 crowns a year that go with it.
01:21:44 I am your most loyal servant, Your Majesty.
01:21:46 You'd better be.
01:21:51 Lord Hampton!
01:21:53 Have you forgotten the purpose of your coming?
01:21:55 I am sorry, ma'am,
01:21:58 "Non fartum contra tornaetrum,"
01:22:02 which unhappily means
01:22:11 Well, I'm glad that's all settled.
01:22:14 Oh, no, you don't, Henry Tudor.
01:22:16 I am not yet finished with you
01:22:19 Now, steady, love. Not in front of the visitors.
01:22:22 You may have been able to silence him.
01:22:26 Cousin Francis, I must tell you...
01:22:28 Sire! Sire!
01:22:29 Sire, I have it.
01:22:31 Look, the confession. All signed.
01:22:34 - What confession? What do you mean?
01:22:40 Oh! Yes, well, perhaps some other time.
01:22:43 Just a minute. Let me see that.
01:22:45 So it's you that's been fermenting
01:22:48 Yes... What?
01:22:50 Do you think I would have believed it possible
01:22:54 - But I thought...
01:22:57 - No!
01:23:00 - But I have done your bidding, sire.
01:23:04 The Tower! Not the Tower!
01:23:07 Oh, I beseech you from my bowels.
01:23:09 Oh, hear! Hear!
01:23:11 Would you credit it? My own Lord Chancellor!
01:23:14 I tell you, you cannot trust anyone these days.
01:23:16 How very true.
01:23:18 And now, Marie,
01:23:22 Only that...
01:23:25 ...Henry has been
01:23:29 and will, I am certain, continue to be so
01:23:32 - Right, dear?
01:23:35 And will renounce all other seasoning
01:23:40 Naturally.
01:23:41 In that case, I can return to France reassured.
01:23:44 Good. Don't think that I'm not grateful
01:23:48 - If there's anything I can do in return?
01:23:52 - Name it. She'll be yours.
01:23:56 Mistress Bettina, who has held my fancy.
01:24:00 - Er, no, no...
01:24:04 She would make an excellent queen.
01:24:06 Do you not think so, Henry?
01:24:08 Oh, no, not her. Not for a great king like Francis.
01:24:11 Do you not think so, Henry?
01:24:13 Yes, dear. Wonderful.
01:24:28 Well, goodbye, Bet.
01:24:30 Bye, Henry. Oh, isn't it exciting?
01:24:34 Yes, innit?
01:24:36 What a good job you found out we weren't
01:24:41 Yes, wasn't it?
01:24:45 On avance!
01:24:55 - What I do for England.
01:24:59 Don't worry, they'll never get back in.
01:25:01 No, no, no, in child labour, sire.
01:25:04 Eh?
01:25:05 Blimey!
01:25:13 Where is he? I must see the little b... er, fella.
01:25:26 My son.
01:25:28 The image of you, dear.
01:25:30 Dear wife,
01:25:32 I am eternally grateful to you.
01:25:34 To show my gratitude, I shall devote
01:25:52 - Who's that?
01:25:55 Her name is Catherine Howard.
01:25:57 Mmmmm!
01:25:59 - What do you mean, it's all my fault?
01:26:03 - Rubbish! It was all your idea.
01:26:06 - It was!
01:26:08 Hypocrite!
01:26:10 Stop! Stay the execution!
01:26:12 What? Are we pardoned, sire?
01:26:15 Yes, I have urgent need of your services.
01:26:17 Oh, well, I shall only be too happy
01:26:20 Me, too, sire. You've only to command.
01:26:24 I want an immediate divorce.
01:26:26 - Yes...
01:26:28 Carry on, executioner!
01:26:30 Carry on!
01:26:33 Captioned by Grantman Brown