Chasing Amy

en
00:03:00 The seminar will begin in five minutes.
00:03:05 It will be in room "C."
00:03:08 So, uh, how about Chow Yun Fat?
00:03:11 I don't know.
00:03:15 - I just don't see him playing Madman.
00:03:17 Thank you.
00:03:25 Could you sign it:
00:03:31 Uh, you bet.
00:03:33 I love this book, man.
00:03:35 I wish I was like these guys.
00:03:38 talkin' all raw about chicks
00:03:41 I love these guys! You know what.
00:03:45 meet Cheech and Chong!
00:03:48 Yeah. I kind of
00:03:50 as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
00:03:52 Yes! Who?
00:03:57 So, do you, like,
00:04:03 I ink it, and I'm also the colorist.
00:04:05 But we both came up
00:04:08 What does that mean,
00:04:09 Well, it means that Holden
00:04:12 And then he gives it to me
00:04:15 So, basically,
00:04:18 It's, uh, it's not tracing,
00:04:22 I add depth and shading to give
00:04:25 Only then does the drawing
00:04:28 No, no, no. You go over what he draws
00:04:33 Not really. Next.
00:04:38 Hey, man,
00:04:41 Somebody draws something
00:04:44 like, right on top of it without going
00:04:48 What do you call that?
00:04:50 - I don't know, man. Tracing?
00:04:52 You want your book signed
00:04:54 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
00:04:57 Don't get all testy just because you
00:05:01 Oh, I'm secure
00:05:03 Then just say it.
00:05:05 How should I sign this?
00:05:07 I don't want you
00:05:09 I want the guy who draws Bluntman
00:05:12 - You're just the tracer.
00:05:15 Who do I sign it to?
00:05:19 You fuckin' tracer!
00:05:21 I'll trace a chalk line around
00:05:25 Would you get him
00:05:27 Hey, wait a second! He jumped me!
00:05:32 Your mother's a tracer!
00:05:34 Can I explain the audience
00:05:36 If you assault and accost them,
00:05:38 He started it,
00:05:42 He's lucky I didn't put
00:05:46 Need I remind you?
00:05:50 The Word's Up; Minority
00:05:53 - All right.
00:05:57 For years in this industry...
00:06:00 whenever an African-American
00:06:04 was introduced, usually,
00:06:08 they got slapped
00:06:11 that singled them out
00:06:16 Now, my book...
00:06:19 White Hatin' Coon...
00:06:22 don't have none
00:06:24 The hero's name is Maleekwa,
00:06:27 that established
00:06:30 while you European motherfuckers
00:06:33 all terrified of the sun.
00:06:36 He's a strong role model that
00:06:41 'cause I'm here to tell ya: The chickens
00:06:45 The black man's no longer gonna play the
00:06:49 We keepin' it real, and we gonna
00:06:54 Ah, come on!
00:06:58 Lando Calrissian
00:07:01 He got to fly the Millennium Falcon.
00:07:03 - Who said that?
00:07:06 Lando Calrissian is a positive role
00:07:10 Fuck Lando Calrissian!
00:07:13 Always some white boy
00:07:16 Those movies are about how the
00:07:22 even in a galaxy
00:07:25 Check this shit. You got
00:07:29 Nazi poster boy...
00:07:31 and then you got
00:07:33 The blackest brother
00:07:36 - What's a Nubian?
00:07:41 Now, Vader, he's a spiritual
00:07:44 Down with the force
00:07:47 Then this cracker... Skywalker...
00:07:50 and the boy decides he's gonna
00:07:53 Gets a whole Klan
00:07:56 And they gonna bust up
00:07:59 Now, what the fuck
00:08:01 - Intergalactic civil war?
00:08:06 They gonna drive out
00:08:10 to make the galaxy
00:08:13 And Jedi's the most
00:08:17 Because Vader's beautiful
00:08:20 when he pulls off his mask to reveal
00:08:25 They're tryin' to tell us that deep
00:08:31 Well, isn't that true?
00:08:43 Black rage!
00:08:44 Black rage!
00:08:46 I lay my motherfuckin' eyes on!
00:09:16 "What's a Nubian?"
00:09:19 Man, what about you? You didn't tell
00:09:22 I nearly pissed myself.
00:09:24 How do you manage to get away
00:09:26 I mean, shouldn't the cops be busting
00:09:29 - Wrong coast.
00:09:33 And, uh, Opiate gets all sorts
00:09:38 So your publisher actually
00:09:40 Condones? Honey, they insist. I need
00:09:45 Would the audience still buy
00:09:48 if they found out the book
00:09:51 - Faggot?
00:09:54 Hey, hey, hey! I'll play your victim,
00:09:58 Hooper, how come you sound like Minister
00:10:02 and the king of pop
00:10:05 Look out, boys!
00:10:07 Always before
00:10:09 I swear! Jesus!
00:10:11 The next con I attend, and they
00:10:14 if I see your name anywhere
00:10:18 Holden, Banky, this pile
00:10:22 She does that book,
00:10:24 Oh, I've read your book. It's cute.
00:10:29 Sorry about him. He's, uh,
00:10:34 Oh. You trace.
00:10:35 I really like your book. I'm surprised
00:10:42 Yeah, well, lose the dick
00:10:43 and we can get to know
00:10:46 These boys do Bluntman & Chronic, which
00:10:52 Hence, they're never on the panel
00:10:55 They slummin' it right now.
00:10:58 I promised Alyssa
00:11:00 Do the Garden Staters have
00:11:02 or can you stay for a round
00:11:06 - We're gonna go...
00:11:09 We'll go.
00:11:16 Archie. All right?
00:11:18 Archie and the Riverdale gang were
00:11:21 You can't find dysfunction in those
00:11:25 - Archie and Jughead were lovers.
00:11:28 It's true. Archie was the bitch,
00:11:32 That's why Jughead wears
00:11:36 He the king of
00:11:38 Man, I feel
00:11:41 Well, you know,
00:11:44 I mean, Archie never did quite
00:11:46 'Cause he wanted them both
00:11:49 He didn't choose one, because he was
00:11:52 - Here.
00:11:56 I want you to go down to the corner
00:12:00 - Go on.
00:12:02 Uh! I done told you to
00:12:06 Face it, girl.
00:12:11 - That's it. You!
00:12:16 Yeah, you. You are marching
00:12:19 and we're gonna pick up
00:12:22 And I'm going to prove to you
00:12:25 that Archie
00:12:28 Come on!
00:12:30 This boy is conflicted.
00:12:34 I shall play
00:12:36 You two sit tight.
00:12:43 Is he always like that?
00:12:45 Who, him? Yeah.
00:12:48 This, uh, this nun was teaching us
00:12:51 She was going on and on about
00:12:55 Father, Son,
00:12:57 Banky just goes ballistic on her.
00:13:00 An eight-year-old kid?
00:13:04 Well, have you ever seen a nun call
00:13:07 It wasn't pretty.
00:13:10 when you make a kid wear
00:13:13 Right. And your parochial
00:13:17 Oh, mostly limited to
00:13:22 Turned me into a grade school
00:13:24 Can't tell you how many mornings
00:13:26 I'd wake up next
00:13:29 - Aren't you the sharp wit?
00:13:32 I'm just a fan of
00:13:35 Probably why the extended family quit
00:13:42 Tsk. You play darts?
00:13:45 Uh, not professionally.
00:13:49 I don't know.
00:13:52 Maybe I should just sign one of those
00:13:56 Your new book seems
00:13:58 Well, it all goes back to somethin'
00:14:02 "Holden," she said, "the big bucks
00:14:07 - She was a churchgoer.
00:14:09 The cry from the heart of a real artist
00:14:13 pitying his good fortune.
00:14:16 I'm sure you can dry your eyes
00:14:19 Oh, I'm sorry. What was that? Did I
00:14:23 No, I'm happy my stuff
00:14:26 There's very little market
00:14:28 in this spandex-clad, big pecs,
00:14:33 If I sell two issues,
00:14:36 Well, it's all
00:14:38 Over- or underweight guys that don't
00:14:43 People like those two outside
00:14:46 And sadly, there are more
00:14:49 Kind of gives you a charge though.
00:14:53 And all over
00:14:55 You know, that car's seeing more action
00:14:58 - Bubbly guy. It's hard to figure out.
00:15:03 You gotta respect that kind of display
00:15:06 Sure, it's crazy.
00:15:09 But, uh, you know,
00:15:12 - It's not love.
00:15:15 That out there?
00:15:18 - Fleeting?
00:15:21 It was really nice meeting you.
00:15:25 Tell Hooper I'll call him later.
00:15:35 Shut up already.
00:15:38 You shut up!
00:15:41 Archie is not fucking
00:15:43 Deny, deny, deny.
00:15:47 - Where's Alyssa?
00:15:51 Look, he's just offering to help Archie
00:15:54 Read between
00:15:57 Fuck this. Let's go.
00:16:00 - Holden!
00:16:02 - Let's go!
00:16:06 Son of a bitch!
00:16:13 Let me guess.
00:16:16 - Who?
00:16:21 - She's all right.
00:16:49 This is one of the best streetlights
00:16:52 It's the one from across the street
00:16:54 - Looks just like it.
00:16:57 So, uh, what do you want
00:17:01 I don't know. Get a pizza.
00:17:04 You got a weird thing
00:17:07 I got a weird thing
00:17:10 Bank Holdup.
00:17:14 Hooper here. Listen, I know how
00:17:19 but there's a club shindig goin' down
00:17:23 - Where is it?
00:17:26 Oh, I don't know, Hoop.
00:17:30 We're prepping the next issue. We got
00:17:33 - I told her you wouldn't be interested.
00:17:37 Alyssa.
00:17:39 Alyssa from last night Alyssa?
00:17:41 How do you begin and end a question
00:17:43 You got skill.
00:17:46 She asked me to invite you.
00:17:49 - I'll be there.
00:17:54 - Who was that?
00:17:59 Man, when's that faggot gonna learn?
00:18:03 - Not that kind of club.
00:18:07 We? You can't go.
00:18:10 - And?
00:18:14 I care about your shit.
00:18:17 I told you. It's not
00:18:21 How does one man
00:18:24 Look, how you gonna get
00:18:28 - Like that'll happen.
00:18:33 The other night, we two,
00:18:35 we, uh, well,
00:18:38 - Oh, you had a moment.
00:18:41 We shared a moment,
00:18:44 And in that moment, one thing
00:18:49 This girl loves me,
00:18:53 Loves me. You know
00:18:56 #Ah, who's your daddy now #
00:18:59 Come on. Mmm.
00:19:01 - #Ah #
00:19:03 # It's your birthday
00:19:07 # Go, Sheila, it's your birthday
00:19:12 All right.
00:19:15 Free? I didn't invite your tired ass.
00:19:19 Takin' a piss. The guy's got
00:19:22 That's funny. He says
00:19:25 Does his mother
00:19:28 - Hey!
00:19:31 - Where is she?
00:19:33 Look at her in her net shirt. Been
00:19:38 She ain't no Deney Terrio,
00:19:42 Listen, if I'm not back by Tuesday,
00:19:45 Wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:19:49 - She got a boyfriend?
00:19:52 Then what's to know, my friend?
00:20:06 Hey, lady! You fucked up
00:20:09 Well, well, well, if it isn't Bluntman
00:20:13 Call me flattered. I heard you sent me
00:20:17 From a former hometown girl
00:20:21 - You're saying you're from the 'burbs?
00:20:24 - Get outta here! I'm from Highlands!
00:20:27 How is it that we never
00:20:29 - Did you graduate from Hudson?
00:20:31 - I went to North.
00:20:34 - So you know the tri-town area?
00:20:36 - Miller Hill?
00:20:39 - Sandy Hook?
00:20:41 - This is so cool. The mall?
00:20:45 Oh, no. Here's the big test.
00:20:48 My best friend fucked
00:20:51 - You know that girl?
00:20:57 There's a lot of chicks
00:21:00 Chicks? You're such a man.
00:21:04 You know what this is?
00:21:08 No, this is "The Rog."
00:21:12 I'm talking about us meeting.
00:21:14 Pretty slim. I haven't been back
00:21:18 - The Quick Stop girl died?
00:21:21 - Julie Dwyer. She died in the...
00:21:24 - You knew her too?
00:21:26 Wow! One friend in the asylum,
00:21:30 - You're a dangerous person to know.
00:21:35 - That's the Buffalo two-step.
00:21:38 That's what six years
00:21:40 Two towns away from each other
00:21:44 Could have been worse.
00:21:53 Okay, we're back.
00:21:55 Thank you. Thank you.
00:21:58 So, a long time ago, we used
00:22:01 who took off one day to draw
00:22:05 Maybe you've heard of her stuff?
00:22:11 But what a lot of people
00:22:13 is that she used to harbor
00:22:16 and she used to subject us to throaty
00:22:23 So, she's here tonight,
00:22:26 or maybe offer her
00:22:29 she'll come up here and treat us
00:22:32 What do ya say, Alyssa?
00:22:34 Yeah!
00:22:37 Oh, she's shy!
00:22:41 Get up here and sing, bitch!
00:22:44 All right!
00:22:47 Whoo!
00:22:49 Whoo! Yea!
00:22:54 What am I doing here?
00:23:02 She is such a cunt.
00:23:06 You guys know the one
00:23:09 All right. I should
00:23:15 This is for that
00:23:19 Ready?
00:23:22 # I'm feelin' awful #
00:23:26 # But all alone #
00:23:30 #Just missin' someone #
00:23:34 #I don't even know #
00:23:38 #But until I find him #
00:23:42 # I'll wait patiently #
00:23:47 #Just feelin' nothin' #
00:23:51 # Inside of me #
00:23:53 #And where are you, baby #
00:23:57 # Where can you be #
00:24:01 #Why aren't you here #
00:24:05 # Lovin' me #
00:24:08 # 'Cause I want to kiss you #
00:24:12 #And make you feel right #
00:24:16 #I want to lay with you #
00:24:20 #All through the night #
00:24:23 #And I wanna feel passion
00:24:27 # I wanna weep at
00:24:31 # Come make me laugh
00:24:34 #Just make me feel alive #
00:24:41 #And so I'll wait #
00:24:45 # For that glorious day #
00:24:49 #When the one I dream of #
00:24:52 # Comes my way #
00:24:56 #And when our lips touch #
00:25:00 #So tenderly #
00:25:04 # I know I'll feel
00:25:08 #Inside of me #
00:25:14 # I wanna feel passion
00:25:18 # I wanna weep at
00:25:22 # Come make me laugh
00:25:25 #Just make me feel #
00:25:29 #Alive ##
00:25:35 Yeah! Whoo!
00:25:42 Whoo!
00:26:30 Hot!
00:26:36 Now, that, my friend,
00:26:57 - What?
00:26:59 When are we gonna get a chance to see
00:27:04 - Sorry. It's just new to him.
00:27:09 No, no, I should apologize. I don't
00:27:14 but it's been a while
00:27:17 You know what?
00:27:20 Go ahead.
00:27:23 No!
00:27:25 Don't be a rag. I have to sit here and
00:27:31 Please!
00:27:39 Yes?
00:27:40 You said "fuck."
00:27:42 You said "fuck" to that girl.
00:27:45 - And?
00:27:47 Were you talking about
00:27:50 - Oh, Jesus. Would you shut up?
00:27:52 It's okay.
00:27:54 I don't know how many times
00:27:57 No, Banky, I've never
00:28:00 Then what's with
00:28:01 Shouldn't you say "eat her out" or
00:28:07 Let me ask you a question.
00:28:11 - You asking for my permission?
00:28:15 Sure.
00:28:17 So, for you,
00:28:21 You're used to the more
00:28:24 You, inside some girl you've
00:28:28 not noticing that
00:28:30 Hey, I always notice that bored look
00:28:34 Fucking is not limited
00:28:38 For me, it describes any sex
00:28:42 I don't love Kim,
00:28:45 I'm sure you don't love
00:28:47 Some of them
00:28:49 Aha, but I'll bet it's different
00:28:53 Like, you'll go down
00:28:54 - Here we go.
00:28:57 - What?
00:29:00 As stupid as you usually come off
00:29:03 you're gonna come off ten times
00:29:06 I lost my tolerance for the baggage
00:29:09 What's the big deal?
00:29:11 If you say the smell,
00:29:13 Not the smell.
00:29:16 I'm talkin' about not being
00:29:18 My mother
00:29:20 if I can't do something right,
00:29:23 Of course, my father told me she gave
00:29:27 Well, at least you blame yourself
00:29:30 No. I blame them.
00:29:33 Chicks never help you out.
00:29:37 And most of them are all self-conscious
00:29:41 And, so, most of the time, they just lay
00:29:46 I mean, not for nothin',
00:29:48 I let her know where to go
00:29:51 You gotta handle it like
00:29:55 Constant updates.
00:29:58 You are such an idiot.
00:30:00 No, no, he's got a point.
00:30:03 You know, all nervous and
00:30:07 But by the time I got
00:30:11 I've loosened up.
00:30:13 I was like one of those guys at
00:30:16 wavin' 'em this way, directin' 'em
00:30:19 And that's all I'm sayin'. It would
00:30:23 You know, pointed a guy
00:30:25 There'd be no bullshit, no wasted time
00:30:31 Permanent injuries?
00:30:33 Sure. You wanna see
00:30:37 - See that?
00:30:39 I got that from Nina Rollins,
00:30:42 I'm goin' down on her,
00:30:44 Out of nowhere, her cat jumps on her.
00:30:46 She does this big pelvic thrust, cracks
00:30:51 I had to get a crown
00:30:56 I got that beat.
00:30:59 Junior year, I'm goin' down
00:31:04 I'm totally drunk, and in the middle
00:31:09 She got so mad,
00:31:11 - Ow!
00:31:15 All right. All right.
00:31:21 That's the farthest I can
00:31:24 Again, sophomore year,
00:31:28 And for six months, I'm goin' down
00:31:32 So, one night, I change a position
00:31:36 and suddenly it's
00:31:40 She's movin' around,
00:31:43 and her legs are pressed up
00:31:46 that I don't hear her father
00:31:50 He grabs my hair and
00:31:57 Senior year,
00:32:01 I'm eatin' out Missy Kurt
00:32:04 She's layin' across the backseat. I'm
00:32:08 She's flailin' around, and she...
00:32:13 The car starts
00:32:17 And my left knee
00:32:21 like a kiddy's scissors class
00:32:41 Whoa! Hey!
00:32:43 We gotta... We gotta
00:32:45 What traffic?
00:32:48 And rush hour
00:32:51 Uh, thanks for inviting us out.
00:32:56 Come on.
00:33:03 Since you like
00:33:05 you just look at yourself naked
00:33:17 Look, here's the deal.
00:33:19 When we get in there, don't be a
00:33:21 This is business now, okay?
00:33:23 Oh, why are you in such a bad mood?
00:33:28 - Hey, knock it off, will you?
00:33:30 She just needs
00:33:32 All every woman really wants
00:33:37 Sorry.
00:33:42 See, that's why
00:33:45 Everyone needs dick.
00:33:48 See, I can buy fags,
00:33:50 You know, just plain need it.
00:33:53 Dykes?
00:33:57 But, live and let live,
00:34:00 I'm sure the gay community
00:34:03 We'd like to start off by saying that it
00:34:07 Absolute pleasure.
00:34:09 One of the reasons we started this whole
00:34:12 that do Bluntman & Chronic.
00:34:14 - Snootchie bootchies!
00:34:16 Which now brings us
00:34:20 Look, fellas, the days
00:34:22 We're interested in doing 12 half-hour
00:34:27 What do you say?
00:34:31 Are we in business?
00:34:36 The boy wonder.
00:34:38 Batman and Robin, the dynamic
00:34:43 Yeah, hi. Somebody told me
00:34:46 which is so weird, because I have
00:34:50 It's about a guy who comes
00:34:53 Hightails it
00:34:55 Ready for this?
00:34:59 This girl is gay.
00:35:04 Any interest
00:35:08 - An animated series?
00:35:10 - Well, that's great, isn't it?
00:35:13 - But you don't.
00:35:16 I don't know if that's the perception
00:35:19 I know this sounds pretentious
00:35:21 I'd like to think of us
00:35:24 I'd like to get back to doing something
00:35:27 Well, when are you
00:35:30 When we have something
00:35:34 I weirded you out
00:35:36 Uh, no, not really.
00:35:39 - Oh, come on!
00:35:42 I'd never seen that kind of thing
00:35:45 It just took a while
00:35:47 You wanna talk about it?
00:35:49 If you want to.
00:35:51 I like you, Holden.
00:35:54 I haven't liked a man
00:35:57 And it's not because I'm a man-hater
00:36:01 It's just been some time since I've
00:36:05 immediately live into
00:36:09 And I want you to feel
00:36:11 because I'd really like us
00:36:15 So if there's anything you
00:36:18 - Okay.
00:36:21 Okay. Why girls?
00:36:26 - Why men?
00:36:30 If that's the only reason
00:36:33 No, it's more than that.
00:36:35 So you've never been
00:36:37 Curious? Well, I always wondered
00:36:42 - You know what I mean.
00:36:44 - Why not?
00:36:46 - Because?
00:36:49 Well, that's how I feel. You know,
00:36:53 - Well, so, you're still a virgin then?
00:36:57 But you've only
00:36:59 So you're saying
00:37:01 until they've had intercourse
00:37:04 Isn't that
00:37:06 Again with your standards.
00:37:08 I think virginity is lost
00:37:12 - With a member of the opposite sex.
00:37:15 Because that's the standard.
00:37:18 So if a virgin is raped,
00:37:21 - No, of course not.
00:37:24 So she's had sex, but not
00:37:28 Hence, according to your definition,
00:37:31 - Okay, fine, I'll revise.
00:37:34 Virginity is
00:37:37 - Then I lost my virginity at ten.
00:37:40 'Cause, see, I fell on a fence post
00:37:44 Okay. Second revision.
00:37:47 Virginity is lost
00:37:50 Physical penetration
00:37:52 - Emotional penetration?
00:37:54 I fell in love hard with Caitlin Bree
00:37:57 Physical penetration.
00:37:58 - We had sex.
00:38:03 I move to have that remark
00:38:06 on account of it makes you come off
00:38:10 Well, where's the penetration
00:38:14 A finger? I've had my finger up my
00:38:20 Observe.
00:38:25 You're kidding me!
00:38:30 Our bodies are built to pass
00:38:33 Yeah, but I mean... Jesus!
00:38:35 - Sure, but in that good way.
00:38:39 And it's only a once-in-a-while thing
00:38:43 - How about not-so-special occasions?
00:38:46 Well, but see... Come on.
00:38:50 It's like, how can that be enough?
00:38:58 My God.
00:39:00 Let's go.
00:39:07 Come on. Come on.
00:39:09 You're really gonna have
00:39:12 Would you stop futzing with
00:39:15 - I have to get something.
00:39:17 I'm gonna shitcan you
00:39:20 Oh, my God. Who are you?
00:39:24 - What are you gonna do with all those?
00:39:26 What do you think I'm gonna do
00:39:29 You got, like, 30 books in there.
00:39:33 Variety is the spice of life.
00:39:36 Sometimes I'm in the mood
00:39:39 Sometimes I like 'em
00:39:41 Sometimes it's a spread
00:39:43 Sometimes it's girl-on-girl time.
00:39:46 Sometimes
00:39:48 Sometimes, not often,
00:39:52 I like the idea
00:39:55 Go get our tickets.
00:39:57 - His master's voice.
00:40:10 Hi.
00:40:29 One minute, five seconds.
00:40:33 What's up?
00:40:35 - Oh! Why?
00:40:39 - Shit.
00:40:43 Well, my sister's at my parents',
00:40:45 - The one that wrote the book?
00:40:47 But I was stayin' all weekend. I
00:40:52 You know, um, both of us
00:40:56 - Really?
00:40:58 I mean, you know, it's not like we're on
00:41:02 If you come pick me up,
00:41:04 Where's your apartment?
00:41:07 And then Black Beauty
00:41:11 and he finally did
00:41:16 What are you doing?
00:41:18 I think I want kids of my own
00:41:20 Listen to me. I'm not going. You're
00:41:24 - What? Why?
00:41:26 I'm gonna hang out with her.
00:41:29 Look, I'll take the bags.
00:41:31 I'll pick you up
00:41:33 Don't forget to plug the annual,
00:41:36 Call me if you get bored.
00:41:39 All aboard!
00:41:44 Explain this again.
00:41:46 How could you have grown up
00:41:48 What did you do
00:41:50 Stayed out late,
00:41:53 Not your grade school years,
00:41:56 - This looks complicated.
00:41:59 - The premise is very basic, okay?
00:42:01 You roll the ball up the rampart in an
00:42:05 The higher the score,
00:42:06 Well, what do you do
00:42:08 You trade them in
00:42:11 which are not worth nearly as much
00:42:14 - Well, what's the point?
00:42:17 And you question
00:42:20 Observe.
00:42:29 See? It's just that simple.
00:42:31 Well, why not just walk up there
00:42:34 - Well, where's the skill in that?
00:42:38 I'm sorry.
00:42:40 Just toss one.
00:42:47 Uh, I'm sorry there, man.
00:42:52 Thanks. Thanks a lot.
00:42:54 Underhand, okay?
00:42:57 And this is where you take
00:43:00 This place is like Spanish fly.
00:43:02 This will probably be the first time
00:43:04 I don't know. I'm starting to get
00:43:10 - Ten.
00:43:12 - So, what'd you do last night?
00:43:19 Some more of that, uh, skill
00:43:22 #I never will regret this #
00:43:26 #I never will, never will
00:43:28 #Never will regret this #
00:43:30 #I never will, never will
00:43:43 # Well, give us today
00:43:49 #I'm afraid #
00:43:51 # Yes, I have
00:43:54 #And I'll open the door #
00:43:56 #And I wonder
00:44:00 #And do you really need
00:44:06 # 'Cause I think I'm feeling
00:44:11 # Yes, I think I feel
00:44:15 Are you sure that
00:44:18 I thought you lived
00:44:22 It's like the umpteenth time
00:44:24 Isn't that grounds for the little pink
00:44:27 Hey! That's
00:44:29 #I think I feel
00:44:33 #A little jump start
00:44:36 #I never will, never will
00:44:39 #Never will forget this #
00:44:42 #I never will, never will
00:44:44 #Never will forget this #
00:44:47 #I never will, never will
00:44:49 #Never will forget this #
00:44:52 #I never will, never will
00:45:00 Wow. How bad do you suck?
00:45:03 How was your pseudo date?
00:45:08 - Leave it alone.
00:45:10 - No, everyone bugs you.
00:45:13 Fuckin' faggot. Did you see that?
00:45:17 Your dyke-courting ass
00:45:22 You know, you should
00:45:24 If you're gonna get so bent
00:45:27 so much so that you feel
00:45:30 try not to gay bash it,
00:45:33 You're not
00:45:35 And don't call her a dyke.
00:45:47 What the fuck
00:45:50 - I'm starting a new page?
00:45:52 What the fuck is goin' on
00:45:54 - We're just friends!
00:45:57 I beg your pardon?
00:45:59 Yeah, and apparently you don't
00:46:02 What does it matter
00:46:05 Or if I call the Whalers faggots
00:46:09 far from the sensitive ears
00:46:11 Look, man, it's
00:46:14 And I know you're not really
00:46:17 I think you should find some other way
00:46:36 What are you doing?
00:46:38 Just bear with me here. I want to
00:46:51 All right, now, see this?
00:46:56 And dead in the center is a crisp,
00:47:00 Now, at the end of each of these streets
00:47:04 - Yeah.
00:47:06 Over here we have a male-affectionate,
00:47:09 nonpolitical-agenda
00:47:12 Down here we have
00:47:16 agenda-of-rage,
00:47:20 Over here we got Santa Claus,
00:47:24 Which one is going to get
00:47:29 - What is this supposed to prove?
00:47:31 This is a serious exercise.
00:47:34 Which one is going to get
00:47:38 The male-friendly lesbian?
00:47:41 Santa Claus
00:47:43 - The man-hating dyke.
00:47:45 - Why?
00:47:47 Because the other three are figments
00:47:51 I don't need this. I'll be hiding
00:47:54 - What?
00:47:57 You know you have no shot
00:48:00 Why do you bother
00:48:03 - Because you're Holden Fucking McNeil.
00:48:06 Most persistent traveler on the road.
00:48:10 Everything's gotta be
00:48:12 And this little relationship
00:48:15 is a prime example
00:48:18 Well, I don't need a magic eight ball
00:48:21 You want a forecast? Here.
00:48:25 Oh, what a shock.
00:48:28 This relationship is affecting you,
00:48:33 The time's gonna come when I throw down
00:48:36 - Then what are you gonna say?
00:48:38 No. What would you say? Would you
00:48:42 because you've got
00:48:44 that this chick would even let you
00:48:48 Look, fuckin' asshole,
00:48:51 What the fuck, man?
00:48:53 What the fuck makes this bitch
00:48:56 'Cause I'm fuckin' in love
00:49:05 Fuck.
00:49:12 - # Well, I thought it was love #
00:49:17 # 'Cause my heart... #
00:49:23 Wish you were the one being
00:49:26 Oh, really?
00:49:28 Yeah, then maybe you could sell out and
00:49:32 We're leaving?
00:49:34 Well, it's not like
00:49:37 I've got a little business
00:49:45 Hello there.
00:49:50 Are you an authorized deal maker
00:49:54 Do you have the power
00:49:57 You wanna haggle over the price
00:50:00 No, I wanna haggle
00:50:04 - What do you mean?
00:50:09 See? That painting.
00:50:12 - What about it?
00:50:16 - So?
00:50:20 I'll give you 50.
00:50:28 Manuel, could you bring the Dyksiezski
00:50:34 My new Dyksiezski.
00:50:36 - Where are you gonna hang it?
00:50:40 Oh? You want me
00:50:42 You better hope it doesn't
00:50:44 you needed a man
00:50:46 No, no, no. You're going
00:50:50 - Yeah, right.
00:50:58 - Why?
00:51:02 It'll be a constant reminder,
00:51:05 but of our introduction, of the building
00:51:09 Make no mistake about it, my friend,
00:51:14 so you'll always
00:51:30 Why are we stopping?
00:51:32 - Because I can't take this.
00:51:35 I love you.
00:51:45 You love me?
00:51:47 I love you and not,
00:51:51 Although, I think
00:51:53 And not in a misplaced
00:51:56 Although, I'm sure
00:51:59 I love you. Very...
00:52:02 Very simple.
00:52:06 You are the epitome of everything I have
00:52:12 And I know that you think of me
00:52:13 and crossing that line is the furthest
00:52:16 you would ever consider,
00:52:17 but...
00:52:23 I just...
00:52:25 I can't stand next to you
00:52:28 I can't... I can't look into
00:52:31 that longing you only read about
00:52:34 I can't talk to you without wanting to
00:52:40 And I know this will probably queer
00:52:45 But I had to say it.
00:52:51 'Cause I've never
00:52:54 And I don't care.
00:53:00 And if bringing this to light
00:53:03 then that hurts me.
00:53:06 But, God, I just... I couldn't
00:53:09 without just getting it out there,
00:53:13 which, by the look on your face,
00:53:19 shoot down.
00:53:21 And, you know,
00:53:27 But I know... I know that some part
00:53:31 And if there's a moment of hesitation,
00:53:34 And all I ask, please,
00:53:36 you just not dismiss that and try
00:53:43 Ah.
00:53:46 Alyssa.
00:53:49 There isn't another soul
00:53:54 who has ever made me half the person
00:53:59 And I would risk this friendship for the
00:54:03 because it is there
00:54:05 You can't deny that.
00:54:17 Even if, you know...
00:54:24 Even if we never talk again
00:54:28 please know that
00:54:32 because of who you are
00:54:37 which, while I do
00:54:41 I'd never need a painting of birds
00:55:01 Oh, God.
00:55:05 Was it something I said?
00:55:08 Fuck.
00:55:16 - What are you doing?
00:55:19 - You're gonna hitch to New York?
00:55:21 - Aren't you at least gonna comment?
00:55:24 - Why?
00:55:26 You know how unfair that was.
00:55:28 What? It's unfair
00:55:30 No, it's unfortunate
00:55:32 It's unfair you felt the fuckin' need
00:55:36 Do you remember for
00:55:39 So? I mean, you know,
00:55:41 Oh! Oh!
00:55:43 You fall in love with me and
00:55:46 Nothing changes for you...
00:55:48 with the exception of feeling
00:55:51 But what about me, Holden?
00:55:54 I just can't get into
00:55:57 without throwing my whole
00:56:01 That's every relationship. There's
00:56:05 Period of adjustment?
00:56:07 There's no period of adjustment,
00:56:12 That's who I am!
00:56:14 You assume I can turn all that around
00:56:22 If this is a crush,
00:56:24 I don't think I could take it
00:56:28 Go home, Holden.
00:57:55 You're back with
00:57:59 As always behind us we got wacky...
00:58:22 I take it
00:58:24 Stay here.
00:58:28 Be right back.
00:58:51 Catholic schoolgirls.
00:58:54 The uniform's
00:58:59 I wish I'd went with more
00:59:04 As it stands, I have no "And then she
00:59:10 You seemed
00:59:13 - That's my couch you were fucking on.
00:59:18 I wanted to watch some TV.
00:59:21 wrapped around a naked
00:59:25 She had boxers on.
00:59:31 - This is all gonna end badly.
00:59:35 I know you. You're way
00:59:39 She's been around and seen things
00:59:45 We have read about them,
00:59:49 There's no "we" here.
00:59:54 You're gonna have to
00:59:56 It's one thing
00:59:58 something different when you're forced
01:00:02 When you are walking in a mall and your
01:00:07 it's gonna eat you up
01:00:10 You'll spend most of your time wondering
01:00:14 'Cause for you this isn't
01:00:18 It's about love.
01:00:21 Maybe it is
01:00:24 Somehow I doubt it.
01:00:27 Everybody's not out
01:00:30 Everybody has an agenda,
00:00:04 - My agenda is to watch your back.
00:00:07 To insure that all this time we've
00:00:10 wasn't wasted.
00:00:11 Oh, she's not gonna
00:00:17 I wasn't talkin'
00:00:22 I'm gonna go get a bagel.
00:00:25 Clean off my fucking couch
00:00:39 From what I understand,
00:00:42 someone else does all this work for you,
00:00:45 And miss these late-night cram sessions
00:00:48 - Never.
00:00:51 All she's done since
00:00:53 Yeah, you're a real help.
00:00:54 I'd like to know
00:00:57 when we haven't seen
00:00:59 - Yeah. Who you shackin' up with?
00:01:06 I'm so in love!
00:01:08 Ohh!
00:01:10 I know, I know. I feel like such a goon,
00:01:15 - We have such a great time together.
00:01:18 Someone you guys don't know.
00:01:20 That chick you left
00:01:22 They're not from around here.
00:01:24 Don't even tell me
00:01:26 Ew, a bridge-and-tunnel
00:01:28 With huge hair and acid-washed jeans.
00:01:31 For your information, they don't have
00:01:35 They're from my hometown.
00:01:42 Why are you playing
00:01:44 - What are you talking about? I'm not.
00:01:48 I met "someone." "We" have a great
00:01:53 Doesn't this tube
00:02:03 Holden.
00:02:20 Well...
00:02:24 here's to the both of you.
00:02:30 Another one bites the dust.
00:02:41 Can I ask you a question?
00:02:44 Don't even tell me
00:02:50 Why me?
00:02:54 Well, because you were givin' me
00:02:58 You know what I mean.
00:03:00 Why not you?
00:03:03 Well, I'm a guy. I mean...
00:03:08 I see you've been
00:03:11 Historically, yes.
00:03:14 Then why this?
00:03:21 Well, I've given that
00:03:25 Now that I'm being ostracized
00:03:28 I've had plenty of time
00:03:30 And what I've come up with
00:03:34 I came to this
00:03:38 You know, I didn't just
00:03:41 Men and women should be
00:03:45 that kind of thing.
00:03:47 I'm not with you because of
00:03:51 tried to instill in me
00:03:56 The way the world is,
00:03:59 how seldom it is that you meet
00:04:05 just gets you.
00:04:07 It's so rare.
00:04:09 My parents didn't
00:04:12 There were no examples set for me in
00:04:19 And to cut oneself off
00:04:22 to immediately halve your options
00:04:27 of finding that one person
00:04:31 that just seemed stupid
00:04:33 So I didn't.
00:04:36 But then you came along.
00:04:39 You, the one least likely.
00:04:43 Still am.
00:04:46 And while I was falling for you
00:04:51 because you were a guy.
00:04:54 Until I remembered why I opened the door
00:04:59 To not limit the likelihood
00:05:03 complement me so completely.
00:05:10 So, here we are.
00:05:13 I was thorough
00:05:17 And I feel justified
00:05:21 'cause I got here
00:05:25 and I have no question there was
00:05:30 For me that makes
00:05:49 Can I at least tell people all you
00:05:59 - Move!
00:06:14 - What?
00:06:29 - So?
00:06:34 - "Finger Cuffs."
00:06:37 - Weird nickname. What's your point?
00:06:42 - No. I suppose you do.
00:06:48 Remember Cohee Lundin? Left Hudson
00:06:52 Yeah.
00:06:54 Well, asshole, I ran into him
00:06:57 God, it's been ages
00:07:00 - Mentioned you were dating Alyssa.
00:07:04 Yeah. Funny thing is,
00:07:06 Shit, I know Alyssa Jones.
00:07:11 Me and Rick Derris used to hang
00:07:14 and shit, 'cause her parents were,
00:07:18 But one day Rick whips it out and
00:07:20 chasin' her around the living room;
00:07:23 You know what the crazy bitch did?
00:07:25 and starts suckin' him off right in
00:07:28 I almost died.
00:07:31 The fucked-up part was Rick, right
00:07:35 and he says "Cohee,"
00:07:37 So I'm like, "Yo,
00:07:39 I start pullin' her pants down and shit,
00:07:42 she's gonna turn around
00:07:44 But she's all into it, man!
00:07:48 She's all wet and I just start goin'
00:07:50 Me and Rick are goin' to town on
00:07:53 all moaning and shit.
00:07:55 It was fucked-up. So Rick
00:07:57 That day she had us locked in from
00:08:02 He's full of shit.
00:08:03 Cohee's a lot of things,
00:08:06 - The dude's Catholic.
00:08:09 That's what she says.
00:08:12 getting filled out like an application
00:08:15 Look, man. Cohee Lundin is
00:08:18 The fact you even believe him makes you
00:08:21 I'm getting your back,
00:08:24 People don't forget shit
00:08:26 What if it got out that she's queer as
00:08:30 - Well, I give a shit what people think.
00:08:33 All right.
00:08:37 - Fuck you!
00:08:39 Oh, it's not possible
00:08:42 Cohee I can vouch for is clean.
00:08:45 But Derris?
00:08:48 Name me one chick in our senior class
00:08:52 Let it go, okay? I'm telling you,
00:08:55 much less these two
00:08:58 And the bitch could be a bigger germ
00:09:01 Would you let it go, okay?
00:09:06 She's my goddamn girlfriend!
00:09:10 And I swear to God, if I ever hear you
00:09:14 Alyssa looks a little peaked, I'll put
00:09:22 Maybe I'll put your fuckin'
00:09:24 Yeah, maybe.
00:09:32 I've been workin' out,
00:09:36 You better be ready
00:09:41 So, where's that bitch partner
00:09:44 Sulking.
00:09:45 He's having a real problem
00:09:47 I think it's more like Banky's having a
00:09:52 and I'm just another paradigm
00:09:55 - Banky does not hate gays.
00:10:00 This latest episode between you
00:10:04 In his warped perception, he lost you
00:10:08 You make it sound like
00:10:10 Don't kid yourself.
00:10:12 That boy loves you in a way
00:10:18 - He's been digging up dirt on Alyssa.
00:10:24 And just what has Mr. Angela Lansbury
00:10:28 He heard some bullshit
00:10:33 Really?
00:10:35 Then he's barkin' up the wrong tree
00:10:39 He's not gonna make you see
00:10:41 by pointing out
00:10:43 - This one?
00:10:46 - Actually, it has kinda gotten to me.
00:10:50 Well, Banky's got
00:10:54 - He's not known for misinformation.
00:10:56 - Would that bother you?
00:10:59 At the same time?
00:11:01 Ah! Ooh!
00:11:03 Thanks for being so comforting.
00:11:06 So, what do you care?
00:11:08 That's just it, you know?
00:11:10 - But it just... It gets to me.
00:11:12 the kind of gal Alyssa is, you don't
00:11:15 of an all-girl group grope?
00:11:20 You see, that doesn't bother me, right?
00:11:24 Oh, Holden, I beg you, please. Don't
00:11:27 by falling prey
00:11:30 - Which is?
00:11:32 It's oh-so acceptable to be a gay girl
00:11:37 Got this fool picture of lipstick
00:11:40 like they all resemble Alyssa,
00:11:44 Do I detect a little
00:11:47 Gay or straight,
00:11:50 And most of those boys are scary.
00:11:52 I thought you fags were all
00:11:54 Screw that all-for-one shit.
00:11:56 I gotta deal with bein' a minority
00:11:59 and nobody's supportin'
00:12:01 While the whole of society's
00:12:05 here I sit, a reviled gay man.
00:12:07 And to top that off,
00:12:10 notoriously, the most
00:12:12 - Three strikes...
00:12:14 Are you Hooper X?
00:12:19 - Salaam alaykem, little brother.
00:12:28 Hey. You see
00:12:32 He the devil.
00:12:35 Never take your eye
00:12:46 - Fight the power, little G.
00:12:49 Word is bond.
00:12:56 Look at what I have to resort to
00:12:59 What is it about gay men
00:13:04 - As for this hang-up with Alyssa's past,
00:13:08 Maybe what's troubling you is that
00:13:12 - What does that mean?
00:13:15 like you don't know
00:13:18 Men need to believe that they're
00:13:22 Like they're the only ones
00:13:25 And it's hard
00:13:28 I let my boys run with it for a while.
00:13:30 Feed 'em some of that "I've never
00:13:33 and let them labor under the delusion
00:13:35 until I can't stand 'em no more,
00:13:38 It's a sick game.
00:13:40 The world would be
00:13:42 if people would just accept
00:13:45 and anything you can do
00:13:47 has probably been done
00:13:49 - Hey, I can accept that.
00:13:53 Do yourself a favor: Just ask the girl
00:13:58 Get it out of the way before it gets
00:14:01 Ooh! Yanni!
00:14:16 Boo! Boo!
00:14:22 Since most of these people
00:14:25 I'm going to cheer
00:14:27 I'm a big visitors fan.
00:14:29 Especially the kind that make coffee
00:14:34 That was a joke.
00:14:38 A little wacky wordplay.
00:14:41 Wha-What do you mean,
00:14:44 Was I being
00:14:46 The kind that, until recently,
00:14:52 So, uh, that was
00:14:56 Uh, yeah.
00:15:04 Hey! Foul! Foul!
00:15:08 So, nobody but me has spent the night
00:15:13 Somethin' on your mind,
00:15:15 - Just wondering.
00:15:19 I was just asking.
00:15:23 Oh, sweetie.
00:15:26 I only have eyes for you.
00:15:34 If you don't start usin' that whistle,
00:15:39 Right?
00:15:42 What's uh...
00:15:59 "Finger Cuffs"?
00:16:01 In your senior yearbook your nickname
00:16:06 - It was?
00:16:08 Shit.
00:16:12 I'd look it up, but I threw
00:16:15 - Where'd you see a North yearbook?
00:16:20 - Rick Derris?
00:16:26 Sure. We used to
00:16:28 Punch him in the fuckin' neck,
00:16:31 Come on. Come on!
00:16:34 Did you guys, like,
00:16:37 Date Rick Derris?
00:16:41 Just-Just you and Rick.
00:16:44 No. Me, Rick and, um...
00:16:47 God, what was his name?
00:16:50 Um... What was his name?
00:16:53 - What was his name?
00:16:55 Yes! Cohee! Cohee Lundin!
00:16:57 God, I haven't thought
00:17:03 Those guys used to come over to my house
00:17:07 They'd bug my sisters, look through
00:17:11 raid the fridge.
00:17:13 They really took advantage
00:17:19 This one day,
00:17:21 Rick pulled his dick out and started
00:17:25 Right in front of Cohee, man.
00:17:31 Rick pulled his dick out?
00:17:34 What did you do?
00:17:37 I blew him
00:17:44 - Excuse me?
00:17:47 That's what this little
00:17:53 Well, next time try not to
00:17:57 There's subtler ways
00:18:00 Geez, man. Even I knew
00:18:03 If you wanted background information
00:18:06 I would have gladly
00:18:08 You didn't have to go playing
00:18:17 Told ya these were
00:18:29 Hey. Hey!
00:18:34 - Hey, would you wait a minute?
00:18:37 - So it's true, right?
00:18:40 Yeah, Holden, it's true.
00:18:42 In fact, everything you heard
00:18:46 Yeah, I took on
00:18:49 You wanna hear some gems
00:18:52 I took a 26-year-old guy
00:18:55 and left to have sex with him
00:19:00 How about in college when I let Shannon
00:19:05 only to find out he broadcast it
00:19:10 They're all true. Didn't you know?
00:19:15 Did you somehow fuckin' fail
00:19:17 What the fuck's wrong with you?
00:19:19 Easily!
00:19:21 Some I did out of stupidity, some
00:19:26 But good or bad,
00:19:29 and I am not making
00:19:32 Not to you,
00:19:36 And how dare you lay a guilt trip on me
00:19:40 Who the fuck do you think
00:19:44 How the fuck am I supposed
00:19:46 How are you supposed to
00:19:49 Feel whatever the fuck you want
00:19:53 The only thing that matters
00:19:59 - I don't know how I feel about you now.
00:20:01 - Because I had some sex?
00:20:05 Yes, Holden.
00:20:08 Most of it
00:20:11 Like you never had sex
00:20:13 There is a world of fucking difference
00:20:19 and getting fucked by two fuckin' guys
00:20:23 - They fuckin' used you.
00:20:26 You don't think I would have let it
00:20:30 I was an experimental girl,
00:20:35 Maybe you knew early on
00:20:39 but, unlike you, I was not given
00:20:44 So I tried it all.
00:20:46 That is until we...
00:20:51 And suddenly I was sated.
00:20:54 Can't you take
00:20:58 You turned out to be
00:21:02 the missing piece
00:21:11 Look, I'm sorry I let you believe you
00:21:16 I should have been
00:21:19 But it just didn't... It seemed
00:21:23 that me telling you over and over how
00:21:30 Holden, I'm sorry.
00:21:32 Just don't do that.
00:21:38 Do you mean to tell me that,
00:21:43 with me sleeping with
00:21:47 you have some sort of half-assed,
00:21:50 to pubescent antics that took place
00:21:54 What the fuck
00:21:59 I want us to be something
00:22:01 And what's that?
00:22:03 A normal couple.
00:22:07 #So why don't you give
00:22:12 - Fuck!
00:22:15 #And just pretend you need me #
00:22:20 # You don't have to lie
00:22:26 #Even though
00:22:32 #And I don't need to be
00:22:36 #I don't need your comforting #
00:22:39 #I just need you with me #
00:22:45 #Stay, stay, stay with me #
00:22:49 #Stay, stay with me #
00:22:55 #Stay and don't you ever
00:22:57 The girl?
00:23:01 #Stay #
00:23:03 #Stay with me #
00:23:08 # Oh, and did she ever ##
00:23:16 Well, look at this
00:23:23 Smells like someone shit
00:23:26 What took you guys so long?
00:23:29 Bitch, don't even start, all right?
00:23:33 Toss the salad.
00:23:41 Damn, this likeness rights shit
00:23:46 How did a dirt merchant like you
00:23:49 We deal to a lot of lawyers.
00:23:52 Speaking of which...
00:23:57 No, I'll pass.
00:24:02 Yeah.
00:24:04 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:24:09 You need to throw some pussy
00:24:11 Like, throw some supervillain
00:24:14 that shoot milk or somethin',
00:24:17 and bust some moves
00:24:23 Then she has to fuck me.
00:24:27 I'll see what I can do.
00:24:31 - All right, boys. What'll it be?
00:24:35 Yo, Flo. Tell Mel to whip me up
00:24:39 You want one too? Make that two,
00:24:46 Did you ever watch that show, Alice?
00:24:50 So why the long face, horse?
00:24:54 I'm just, uh... I'm just havin'
00:24:58 Bitch pressin' charges?
00:25:00 No. I'm just, uh...
00:25:05 I'm just at a point where
00:25:08 Kick her to the fuckin' curb.
00:25:11 There's always the band... of the hand.
00:25:16 Can't do it, G.
00:25:19 Nah, there ain't no such thing. You
00:25:23 It's like Cube says: # Life ain't
00:25:30 Thanks, guys. That's just what I needed.
00:25:33 - So who is this girl?
00:25:39 Come on, man.
00:25:42 You sound
00:25:44 Maybe 'cause I got this tubby bitch
00:25:47 in my ear all the time.
00:25:49 You gotta see it. When she starts
00:25:53 this faggot starts cryin' like a little
00:25:56 Big fuckin' softie.
00:26:00 I'm tellin' ya, man.
00:26:03 I ain't playin', man.
00:26:09 Alyssa Jones.
00:26:13 Holy fuckin' shit.
00:26:16 You're dating Finger Cuffs,
00:26:21 Wait a second.
00:26:23 She was, or she is.
00:26:26 And you're dating her.
00:26:29 She ever bring bitches to bed
00:26:31 Get a little of that
00:26:34 Yeah, you know what
00:26:36 What's up? Yeah.
00:26:40 - No, man. It's not like that.
00:26:43 Right now?
00:26:47 I love her, you know?
00:26:50 I'll say. Stuffin' two guys,
00:26:54 You know, I heard
00:26:57 Eat your fuckin' bagel already
00:27:01 Look at this touchy
00:27:04 So if you're all in love and shit,
00:27:07 The problem is
00:27:10 It was bad enough when it was
00:27:12 You throw guys into the mix...
00:27:16 All that experience, you know?
00:27:19 Think "good," ya fuckin' ninny shithead,
00:27:24 Bitch tasted life. Now she's settlin'
00:27:29 Settling for my boring ass.
00:27:33 - That's what I'm here for.
00:27:38 It's like I can't get these visuals out
00:27:42 And I don't know why I can't let
00:27:46 - I look at her, I see kids, grandkids...
00:27:50 Yeah, well, I'm scarin' myself
00:27:53 that I can't get stupid shit
00:27:58 I don't know.
00:28:05 Chasin' Amy.
00:28:09 What?
00:28:14 - You're chasing Amy.
00:28:17 Fat bastard does this all the time. He
00:28:21 it'll have some huge impact
00:28:24 Jesus Christ,
00:28:26 Always yap-yap-yapping all the time.
00:28:31 I went through somethin' like what
00:28:34 - This chick named Amy.
00:28:37 A couple of years ago.
00:28:40 What, she live in Canada or something?
00:28:42 Bitch, what you don't
00:28:44 I could just about squeeze
00:28:47 Did you know I always wanted to be
00:28:50 Bet you didn't even know
00:28:54 Just tell your fuckin' story so
00:28:59 So there's me and Amy. And we're
00:29:05 Then four months down the road
00:29:07 and I ask about the ex-boyfriend which,
00:29:11 But you know how it is: You don't want
00:29:15 Stupid guy bullshit.
00:29:16 So, anyway, she starts
00:29:19 They fell in love, went out for
00:29:24 Her mother likes me better,
00:29:27 But then she drops the bomb on me,
00:29:31 It seems that a couple of times,
00:29:34 he brought some people
00:29:36 Menage a trois,
00:29:39 Now this just blows my mind, right?
00:29:42 - I was raised Catholic, for God's sakes.
00:29:47 Do somethin'.
00:29:49 So I'm totally weirded out by this,
00:29:52 I don't know how to deal with what I'm
00:29:55 if call her "slut," right,
00:29:58 I'm out for blood.
00:30:01 "What the fuck is your problem?"
00:30:05 "It was that time, that place," and she
00:30:09 because she doesn't feel
00:30:11 I'm like, "Oh, really?" I look her in
00:30:18 Fuckin' A.
00:30:20 No, idiot.
00:30:23 I wasn't disgusted with her,
00:30:25 You know, at that moment I felt small,
00:30:29 like I'd never be on her level, never be
00:30:33 But what I did not get,
00:30:37 She wasn't lookin' for that guy anymore,
00:30:42 But by the time I figured this all
00:30:46 All I had to show for it was foolish
00:30:52 She was the girl.
00:30:56 But...
00:31:01 I pushed her away.
00:31:09 So I've spent every day
00:31:16 So to speak.
00:31:18 Enough of this fuckin' melodrama.
00:31:23 There's one bitch in the world,
00:31:27 Get up, tons of fun.
00:31:32 - Catchin' a bus to Chi-town.
00:31:35 Business, yo. How many more of those
00:31:39 Uh, I don't know.
00:31:42 I don't know how much longer
00:31:45 Yeah, good.
00:31:48 There's a million people who'd love
00:31:52 But that ain't like us at all,
00:31:55 runnin' around like
00:31:57 Sayin'... What's that shit
00:32:00 Oh, um...
00:32:03 "Snootchie-bootchies." Who the fuck
00:32:10 It's a big world, G.
00:32:13 - Till then, keep your unit on ya.
00:32:17 No, no, no, no, no.
00:32:21 Knock that shit off!
00:32:25 Jedi bitch. Man, what do you always have
00:32:29 - Man, shut up.
00:33:20 Okay.
00:33:22 You guys are probably wondering
00:33:27 knowing that we have shit
00:33:31 I just figured you wanted
00:33:34 You know, by telling her
00:33:37 so you wouldn't have to
00:33:39 - Fuck you.
00:33:43 Okay, enough.
00:33:47 Enough.
00:33:50 Now, I've been going over and
00:33:54 and I've dissected it
00:33:57 Banky, there's tension between you and I
00:34:02 You hate me dating Alyssa and you want
00:34:06 How perceptive.
00:34:08 Alyssa,
00:34:12 you and I have hit a wall...
00:34:14 'cause I don't know how to deal
00:34:19 That's a nice way
00:34:21 I'd have said
00:34:29 I'm only gonna
00:34:35 Now,
00:34:37 I know I'm to blame one way
00:34:42 Alyssa, with you
00:34:46 because you've had such a big life
00:34:49 and my life's been
00:34:52 - That doesn't matter to me.
00:34:55 I have to get
00:34:58 Banky, I know why you're having such
00:35:03 It's something that's been
00:35:06 I guess I just didn't
00:35:11 You're in love with me.
00:35:15 What?
00:35:17 You're attracted to me. Just as, in
00:35:21 It makes sense. We've been together
00:35:25 Well, I gotta get goin'.
00:35:28 I gotta catch the last few minutes
00:35:39 It's somethin' you're
00:35:43 And that would explain
00:35:45 your homophobia,
00:35:48 Jesus, just 'cause a guy's
00:35:51 Bank. Stop.
00:35:54 Deal with it.
00:35:59 Okay.
00:36:06 Now, you guys are probably
00:36:10 that I've been going over and over
00:36:14 What does one have
00:36:16 Don't.
00:36:17 And when I did some
00:36:21 it came to me
00:36:23 And it all made sense.
00:36:29 I know what we have to do.
00:36:32 And then you, Banky,
00:36:37 all of us...
00:36:41 Please don't say it.
00:36:46 We've all gotta
00:36:58 I mean, look,
00:37:00 That would take care
00:37:04 Alyssa, with you, I won't feel
00:37:07 because I'll have done something
00:37:12 And it will be with you, which will
00:37:16 Banky, you can take that leap...
00:37:17 that everyone else but you
00:37:21 And it'll be with me,
00:37:23 We've been everything to each other
00:37:25 and now we'll have been
00:37:28 And it won't be a total leap for you
00:37:30 And when it's over, all that hostility
00:37:35 because you'll have shared in something
00:37:38 It'll be cathartic.
00:37:40 This will keep us together.
00:37:54 What do ya say?
00:38:11 Sure.
00:38:28 You know I need this.
00:38:31 You know it'll help.
00:38:34 No.
00:38:36 Thank Christ.
00:38:41 Sorry.
00:38:49 No? I thought
00:38:53 You did?
00:38:58 Sweetheart, you've done stuff
00:39:01 This should be
00:39:03 You don't want this.
00:39:08 No, I do want this. This has
00:39:13 I mean, how can you not? No?
00:39:18 You can take it from two guys
00:39:21 but I ask you to share an experience
00:39:25 - I can't.
00:39:29 I'll be there. And when it's over we'll
00:39:33 'cause we'll have been
00:39:35 Then we'll be on the same level and
00:39:39 Oh, Holden.
00:39:45 That time is over for me.
00:39:47 I've been there
00:39:49 and I didn't find
00:39:53 I found that it you.
00:39:57 Doing this won't help you forget
00:40:01 - It'll create more.
00:40:05 Yes, it will!
00:40:11 Maybe you'll see me
00:40:15 Maybe you'll despise me for going along
00:40:21 Maybe I'll moan differently,
00:40:23 and then you'll resent Banky
00:40:27 Or you'll alienate him
00:40:30 You'll grow to blame and hate me for
00:40:35 Or what if... and God,
00:40:39 but what if I saw something
00:40:43 you know, and I fell in love
00:40:48 I've been down roads
00:40:52 Many times.
00:40:57 I know you feel doing this
00:41:02 and give you experience.
00:41:05 But I've had
00:41:10 And I can't accompany you
00:41:14 I'm past that now.
00:41:22 Or maybe I just love you
00:41:26 And I feel hurt and let down that you
00:41:32 Because I would never
00:41:48 Regardless,
00:41:50 I can't be
00:41:53 Or you.
00:42:00 I love you.
00:42:04 I always will.
00:42:07 Know that.
00:42:16 But I'm not
00:42:24 He's yours again.
00:43:25 A blast from the past.
00:43:27 Do you know how much it's
00:43:30 You sign it, it'll
00:43:32 You sell it
00:43:34 I don't know if it's true,
00:43:36 but I heard once there was
00:43:38 - There was going to be.
00:43:41 You're lookin' at it.
00:43:44 - That would have been awesome!
00:43:47 So is that what happened
00:43:50 You got into a fight over
00:43:52 - It was more complicated than that.
00:43:56 I don't know.
00:43:59 So, you guys don't
00:44:01 No. Not really.
00:44:05 Yeah. That happened to me once.
00:44:09 And we got into a fight over who looked
00:44:14 Anyway, I disbanded the club and struck
00:44:20 I'm rambling on now.
00:44:24 that you probably shouldn't
00:44:26 Guess not. Some doors just
00:44:31 Oh, like the door to death
00:44:34 which you did on your own.
00:44:36 See? You don't need that McNeil guy,
00:44:40 Look at your line work. Look at all the
00:44:44 Look at how you draw a fart.
00:44:46 And tell me you're not better off
00:44:49 I mean, you were just carrying
00:44:52 you know what I'm saying?
00:44:54 - You're so right.
00:44:58 Well, keep up the good work, man.
00:45:05 See ya.
00:45:10 Yeah.
00:45:14 Bye.
00:45:27 Okay. Who's next?
00:45:31 Hi.
00:45:40 Thanks for readin' it.
00:45:43 I can't believe this place.
00:45:47 You wanted to come.
00:45:49 God, I can't believe you call
00:45:51 Look at this guy over here
00:45:54 - He's a Vulcan.
00:45:56 A Vulcan. Jesus, potzer.
00:45:58 Why don't you take a walk
00:46:01 Okay, I will.
00:46:21 Um, this isn't
00:46:23 It's mine.
00:46:27 I saved you a copy.
00:46:32 Hi.
00:46:34 Hi.
00:46:36 How've you been?
00:46:38 Uh, good. Really good.
00:46:43 Good.
00:46:52 The new issue's selling
00:46:55 Yeah, well, it's because it's
00:46:59 Thank you.
00:47:03 I haven't even seen this yet.
00:47:06 Uh, oh, about a month ago.
00:47:10 Self-financed,
00:47:12 Will I enjoy it?
00:47:16 You might.
00:47:36 Looks like
00:47:43 I finally had
00:47:52 Well, I'm gonna go.
00:47:55 Yeah.
00:47:58 I mean, it can get ugly. I just saw
00:48:10 You know, read that,
00:48:13 I will.
00:48:19 If you get the chance, call me. I'd like
00:48:24 Okay.
00:48:28 Okay.
00:48:33 It was really nice
00:48:35 It was really nice
00:48:52 - Who was that?
00:48:55 Who was that?
00:49:07 Oh, just some guy I knew.
00:49:24 Next. So, what do you want
00:49:29 #I was tappin' my foot
00:49:35 # To my favorite band
00:49:40 #I said hey, don't push me
00:49:45 # When I was face to face
00:49:50 #And she gave me this look
00:49:53 I could not believe #
00:49:55 #And the cold stare remained
00:50:02 # Yeah, I do believe anger
00:50:08 #But you destroy today
00:50:12 # When you're young
00:50:15 #It comes off offensive #
00:50:17 #And it's hard to repay the
00:50:23 # The lasting relationship
00:50:28 # Who wears the pants
00:50:35 #She's your girlfriend
00:50:39 #I guess if that's the way
00:50:45 # There we were
00:50:50 # You, your girlfriend and me #
00:51:17 #I've known you forever
00:51:22 #So easily amused
00:51:26 #Ain't my jealousy
00:51:32 #She's a bit like a book
00:51:37 #And I wish you the best
00:51:41 # To say
00:51:48 # Yeah, she's your girlfriend
00:51:54 #Does she look at you
00:51:59 #And here we are
00:52:04 # You, your girlfriend and me #
00:52:10 #She's your girlfriend
00:52:15 #Better just take her home
00:52:20 # When she walks out that door
00:52:39 Man, what do you always have
00:52:42 - Man, shut up.