Clerks 2

en
00:00:01 (quiet, noble melody playing)
00:00:08 (music fades)
00:00:19 (car approaching)
00:00:29 (keys jingling)
00:00:40 (flames crackling)
00:00:51 (flames crackling)
00:00:59 Yeah, I got a fire
00:01:01 Yeah.
00:01:11 (steam hissing)
00:01:24 (hissing and crackling)
00:01:38 (debris rattling)
00:01:49 (bell dings)
00:01:52 Terrorists?
00:02:00 I left the coffee pot
00:02:06 Shit!
00:02:08 Now where am I gonna
00:02:10 when my mom's home?
00:02:13 (Talking Heads' "Nothing
00:02:44 (horn honks)
00:02:45 # Here we stand #
00:02:49 # Like an Adam and an Eve #
00:02:53 # Waterfalls #
00:02:57 # The Garden of Eden #
00:03:01 # Two fools in love #
00:03:05 # So beautiful... #
00:03:06 So, ready for your big last day?
00:03:08 I am.
00:03:10 When do you and your old lady
00:03:11 Tomorrow morning.
00:03:13 Car's all packed up.
00:03:14 You gonna do anything crazy
00:03:15 before you leave
00:03:17 How long have you known me?
00:03:18 If I were you,
00:03:20 across the side of the building
00:03:22 Why?
00:03:24 Let 'em know
00:03:26 I'd rather let them know
00:03:27 Too late for that.
00:03:29 I'm really gonna miss you, man.
00:03:32 # Hey #
00:03:33 # Once there were parking lots #
00:03:35 # Now it's a peaceful oasis #
00:03:39 # You've got it, you've got it #
00:03:41 # This was a Pizza Hut #
00:03:43 # Now it's all covered
00:03:47 # You've got it, you've got it #
00:03:49 # I miss the honky-tonks,
00:03:55 # You've got it, you've got it #
00:03:57 # And as things fell apart #
00:03:59 # Nobody paid much attention #
00:04:03 # You've got it, you've got it #
00:04:13 # Years ago #
00:04:17 # I was an angry young man... #
00:04:21 I can't believe they haven't
00:04:23 The Lord did
00:04:25 He smited that hellhole.
00:04:27 Listen to you.
00:04:29 Do you mean to tell me
00:04:30 you don't miss
00:04:31 (scoffs):
00:04:33 Do you?
00:04:37 Of course not.
00:04:39 # I wish I had a lawnmower #
00:04:43 # You've got it, you've got it #
00:04:54 # #
00:05:17 # #
00:05:30 # #
00:05:51 # I dream of cherry pies #
00:05:53 # Candy bars
00:05:58 # You've got it, you've got it #
00:06:00 # Don't leave me stranded here #
00:06:02 # I can't get used
00:06:10 (heavy metal music playing)
00:06:17 (whistles)
00:06:18 # Grandma, what was it like #
00:06:21 # To be on that holiday site? #
00:06:25 Get the fuck out of here!
00:06:27 # Grandma said, "Do come in,
00:06:30 You know, sometimes I wish
00:06:33 instead of hanging out in front
00:06:38 Like, maybe be an animal doctor.
00:06:40 Why not me?
00:06:42 I like seals and shit.
00:06:45 Or maybe an astronaut.
00:06:48 Yeah.
00:06:49 Like, be the first motherfucker
00:06:52 or find
00:06:57 and fuck it.
00:06:59 And people'd be like,
00:07:02 Homeboy fucked a Martian once."
00:07:06 Holy shit.
00:07:08 Our first customer
00:07:10 Act cool.
00:07:11 Hold on.
00:07:16 Yeah, you guys holdir?
00:07:18 Shit, everything but coke,
00:07:21 What?
00:07:22 How about a nickel bag, man?
00:07:24 (sing-songy):
00:07:26 Put that shit in my hand.
00:07:28 # Nong, nong, nagga-
00:07:31 He likes to sing.
00:07:37 So, uh, I haven't seen
00:07:40 Where you been all this time?
00:07:41 Me and Silent Bob
00:07:43 we're cruising down
00:07:44 fucking Middletown cop
00:07:46 for Suspicion of Mischief.
00:07:48 What the fuck does that mean?
00:07:49 We were driving around
00:07:52 The cops pull us over.
00:07:53 They find two pounds
00:07:56 Prosecutor wants
00:07:58 but the judge gives us
00:08:00 Shit, rehab?
00:08:01 Yup-yup.
00:08:02 How long were you in?
00:08:03 JAY:
00:08:04 We got six months
00:08:06 as a good friend of Bill W.'s.
00:08:07 Check it out.
00:08:09 Just got it two days ago,
00:08:11 Yeah, but if you're holding
00:08:13 aren't you gonna be tempted
00:08:15 Oh, not with the power
00:08:21 Is that a fuckir Bible?
00:08:22 Hey, hey,
00:08:25 What the fuck kind
00:08:27 did you bring me to?
00:08:28 (laughs): I like them, man.
00:08:30 They're fuckir stupid.
00:08:32 You should read your Bible,
00:08:33 You'll find all types
00:08:36 Like, did you know
00:08:40 Yeah.
00:08:42 (chuckles)
00:08:45 I need two Egga-Mooby Muffins,
00:08:47 and we're almost out
00:08:48 Hold on.
00:08:50 Now, Randal!
00:08:55 (chuckling)
00:08:58 What are you writing
00:09:00 your memoirs?
00:09:01 I'm battling
00:09:02 this jackass
00:09:05 About what?
00:09:06 On how he's got
00:09:08 So does the guy who's
00:09:10 I can't help it.
00:09:12 It's this fuck in a wheelchair
00:09:13 that's always preying
00:09:15 writing these long diatribes
00:09:19 and how walkers should
00:09:21 of their functioning legs.
00:09:23 That diatribe, as you call it,
00:09:24 sounds like
00:09:25 pouring out his heart
00:09:27 Oh, fuck him, man.
00:09:28 Trying to guilt me
00:09:30 because he's all gimped out?
00:09:31 What kind of mind-fuck
00:09:33 So I've been getting
00:09:35 throwing it back
00:09:38 about how I love
00:09:39 and how I'd rather drive to
00:09:43 The guy's in a wheelchair.
00:09:45 Yeah. That's why
00:09:46 Have a good one.
00:09:48 You fuckir freak.
00:09:51 (door buzzer moos)
00:09:53 I'm not even gonna point out
00:09:56 What's the matter with you?
00:09:57 What'd I do now?
00:09:58 There's a crippled guy
00:10:00 to reach out to a world
00:10:02 and you somehow found a
00:10:04 Sure, take his side.
00:10:06 Have you become so embittered
00:10:07 that you now feel the need
00:10:09 What handicap?
00:10:11 The guy's
00:10:12 It's not like
00:10:14 Anne Frank?
00:10:16 Yeah, Anne Frank,
00:10:18 (moaning)
00:10:19 ...till the miracle worker
00:10:21 and knocked
00:10:23 (snickers):
00:10:24 about Helen Keller.
00:10:25 No, I'm not.
00:10:26 She was deaf, dumb and blind.
00:10:27 No, she wasrt.
00:10:28 Helen Keller was
00:10:31 Are you sure?
00:10:32 Yup.
00:10:33 Then who the fuck's Anne Frank?
00:10:35 Anne Frank's
00:10:37 who hid from the Nazis
00:10:38 in a secret room
00:10:40 She wrote a diary.
00:10:41 Oh, yeah.
00:10:42 Well, then, I guess
00:10:44 what with the diary, you know?
00:10:46 No, he's like Helen Keller
00:10:50 (computer beeping)
00:10:51 You always got to be right,
00:10:53 You Nazi douche bag.
00:10:55 What? What do you want?
00:10:56 No, we don't serve Cow Tippers
00:10:59 Freedom Toast is a possibility.
00:11:11 # #
00:11:16 Oh, we totally do.
00:11:20 (scoffs)
00:11:22 All right, that'll be $12.64.
00:11:23 (door moos electronically)
00:11:31 (gasps)
00:11:35 (sighs)
00:11:40 Avert your eyes, you perv.
00:11:45 That's not very hygienic.
00:11:46 That's all I'm gonna tell you.
00:11:49 (door moos electronically)
00:11:51 Emma, are you like this
00:11:52 'cause you have an
00:11:54 (sighs)
00:11:57 You just had to tell him,
00:11:58 It kind of came out one day.
00:12:00 He says it's so big,
00:12:01 it's almost like
00:12:02 which says all kinds
00:12:04 that I don't even want
00:12:06 You wouldn't want
00:12:07 with an oversized clit?
00:12:08 No, 'cause the next stop is
00:12:18 (door moos electronically)
00:12:27 # #
00:12:33 You're a little hard.
00:12:36 'Cause you're
00:12:37 I can pull back, if you want.
00:12:39 Can we pull back into our
00:12:42 Really? Goddamn it, Dante.
00:12:44 How many times
00:12:45 this fucking conversation?
00:12:47 There is no point
00:12:49 My mother has
00:12:51 that she's gonna get us
00:12:53 Your parents' generosity
00:12:54 just makes me
00:12:57 They're giving us a house.
00:12:58 Your dad's giving me
00:13:01 It just feels weird.
00:13:02 Babe, it just feels weird
00:13:05 to life shitting
00:13:07 What the fuck does that mean?
00:13:09 All I'm saying is that suddenly,
00:13:11 you have a woman that loves you,
00:13:12 a new job opportunity
00:13:14 and a fantastic life
00:13:18 You got to face it, tiger:
00:13:26 RANDAL:
00:13:32 Something wrong?
00:13:33 RANDAL:
00:13:34 Just saw you guys talking.
00:13:35 Thought I'd come out here
00:13:37 God, it must be
00:13:38 with so much downtime.
00:13:40 Downtime's important.
00:13:41 If I had to deal with all
00:13:43 nonstop, without a break,
00:13:45 I'd put my head
00:13:48 Balls, too.
00:13:50 Do you really want
00:13:51 to sit here and watch me
00:13:53 - Are you that much of a loser?
00:13:55 I was actually gonna ask
00:13:56 while I was out here.
00:13:58 I don't fucking understand
00:13:59 for your best friend.
00:14:01 He finally found a woman
00:14:03 (titters)
00:14:04 Like you even register
00:14:05 You might as well be a dude.
00:14:07 Really?
00:14:09 Yeah. You're
00:14:11 You became
00:14:12 the moment he started diddling
00:14:15 So thinking of me
00:14:17 kind of creeps you out,
00:14:18 Sweetheart, I don't think
00:14:20 I don't think of you
00:14:24 Oh, that was just wrong.
00:14:27 If you don't get
00:14:28 so that I can spend
00:14:30 next, I'm gonna show you
00:14:32 Why would you want
00:14:35 All right, all right,
00:14:37 Jesus!
00:14:43 What'd you do that for?
00:14:44 You realize he just
00:14:46 to get him into a three-way
00:14:48 EMMA: Yeah, right.
00:14:50 That mars a total fucking
00:14:52 Hey!
00:14:53 You talk tough, but when
00:14:55 I bet you get all sentimental
00:14:57 and squirt a few tears.
00:14:58 Yeah, tears of joy, maybe.
00:15:00 Jersey sucks,
00:15:01 and we are surrounded by morons.
00:15:03 On that note, I'm gonna go.
00:15:05 Whoa, whoa, whoa!
00:15:06 EMMA:
00:15:08 before we leave in the morning,
00:15:11 I love you, too.
00:15:12 (whispering):
00:15:22 Dude, I'm pretty sure
00:15:23 to get you and me together
00:15:27 (whistling lackadaisically)
00:15:38 (whistling continues)
00:15:44 (scoffs)
00:15:47 (whistling continues)
00:15:49 (door moos electronically)
00:15:51 Ow.
00:15:52 Dude, how old are you?
00:15:54 (laughs)
00:15:55 You know I'm 19, Randal.
00:15:57 You wouldn't work for me
00:16:00 'Cause you said working
00:16:02 would help me build character.
00:16:04 (sighs)
00:16:06 Well, at least you spelled
00:16:08 Why the fuck are you
00:16:10 from your mother?
00:16:12 And even worse,
00:16:13 what the fuck are you
00:16:15 What is she,
00:16:17 You're not gonna bother me
00:16:19 I'm in too good a mood.
00:16:20 Because your mom
00:16:22 No, because I just read online
00:16:26 a live-action
00:16:29 And?
00:16:30 Well... I mean, as you know,
00:16:32 my online handle
00:16:34 I know that.
00:16:36 Well, so not only is it awesome
00:16:40 that there's gonna be a
00:16:43 but I'm, like,
00:16:46 with the best possible
00:16:51 for when the movie comes out.
00:16:53 Oh, you're gonna be rolling
00:16:56 Don't be gross.
00:16:58 Says the guy
00:16:59 tonsil hockey with his mother.
00:17:01 Mr. Dante!
00:17:03 Leave Elias alone, Randal!
00:17:08 Don't look at his wee-wee.
00:17:11 Dude, the Transformers sucked.
00:17:13 Oh, no, they didn't.
00:17:14 They were more
00:17:15 (scoffs)
00:17:17 They could beat the pants
00:17:18 Yeah. I'll lose sleep wondering
00:17:21 - about that or not.
00:17:22 I thought you werert even
00:17:24 in your house 'cause you're all
00:17:26 Well, as it turns out,
00:17:29 that turn into...
00:17:30 robots aren't really
00:17:35 because my pastor says
00:17:37 that machines can turn
00:17:39 and it's not a sleight
00:17:42 Transformers were
00:17:44 inasmuch as God sent
00:17:46 to die on the cross
00:17:49 and all we did to pay him back
00:17:50 was make terrible fucking
00:17:54 Nice shot.
00:17:56 Well, 'cause at Bible camp,
00:18:01 I mean, I don't know,
00:18:02 kind of, like, proved
00:18:06 Well, okay...
00:18:07 Bible camp?!
00:18:08 Since God created...
00:18:10 Since God created man,
00:18:12 and man created
00:18:17 ...the Transformers are like
00:18:20 No, sir.
00:18:23 They are an unoly curse
00:18:25 from the beast
00:18:27 I don't really want
00:18:28 The first of the fallen,
00:18:30 the spoiler of virgins,
00:18:31 the master of abortions!
00:18:34 You know I don't like to talk
00:18:35 (in high-pitched voice):
00:18:37 # Out of your chair, Grandma! #
00:18:39 # Grandma, what was it like #
00:18:41 # To be on that holiday site? #
00:18:44 # Late that night,
00:18:47 # Hearing unknown voices #
00:18:49 JAY/RANDAL:
00:18:50 (screaming)
00:18:52 (gasps)
00:18:55 (groaning):
00:19:07 # #
00:19:15 Oh, what the fuck was that?
00:19:17 What?
00:19:18 That wave.
00:19:19 I saw Becky, so I waved.
00:19:21 She'll be in here in 20 seconds.
00:19:23 And?
00:19:24 And you've got to greet her
00:19:26 before she gets in here,
00:19:28 What's that all about?
00:19:29 It's called friendship.
00:19:30 She's your boss.
00:19:31 You can't be friends
00:19:33 No, you can't be friends
00:19:35 I like my boss.
00:19:36 I think there's
00:19:38 between you two.
00:19:39 You're crazy.
00:19:40 You spend an awful lot
00:19:42 I spend an awful lot of time
00:19:44 And I've always maintained
00:19:46 you're harboring an unrequited
00:19:49 We're just friends.
00:19:50 That's what I keep telling you.
00:19:51 No, you idiot, me and Becks.
00:19:53 "Becks"?
00:19:55 I knew it.
00:19:56 You're fucking
00:19:58 Yeah, that's why I'm moving
00:20:02 Why would you want
00:20:03 with a chick your own age, man?
00:20:05 If you've got to sow
00:20:07 there's all
00:20:08 that stop in here after school.
00:20:10 First off, I'm not cheating
00:20:13 Secondly, if I was cheating
00:20:16 it wouldn't be with a teenager.
00:20:18 Why not?
00:20:19 The best part of this job
00:20:20 is all the barely-legal pussy
00:20:23 And they all look up to me,
00:20:24 'cause I've got
00:20:26 It's awesome.
00:20:29 You show me one
00:20:31 who's as buck-wild in bed
00:20:32 as her 17-year-old
00:20:34 17-year-olds
00:20:36 They're up for anything.
00:20:37 They even like it when
00:20:41 Oh... my... God.
00:20:43 What?
00:20:44 Are you serious?
00:20:45 I don't fuck around when
00:20:47 DANTE:
00:20:49 It's never my idea.
00:20:50 These young girls today
00:20:52 and they tell you
00:20:54 You never go
00:20:56 You sound like my mom.
00:20:57 Becks, do you ever
00:20:59 You never go ass to mouth.
00:21:00 You've never gone ass to mouth?
00:21:02 You never go ass to mouth.
00:21:03 I've never gone ass to mouth.
00:21:05 Not even once?
00:21:06 Not even ever.
00:21:07 You're both so repressed.
00:21:09 All right, look,
00:21:10 I know you've given
00:21:12 I haven't even put
00:21:14 That's a yes.
00:21:15 And I know you've
00:21:17 What's your point?
00:21:19 Well,
00:21:20 when you're done chowing down
00:21:22 of your lover,
00:21:23 That's just like going
00:21:25 Okay, I'm pretty sure you just
00:21:28 (chuckles):
00:21:29 Have you restocked
00:21:32 That's an Elias job.
00:21:34 That comparison
00:21:37 just made it a Randal job.
00:21:38 ELIAS:
00:21:40 Shut the fuck up, GoBot.
00:21:46 I could probably sue
00:21:49 for sexual harassment.
00:21:50 You're just making me
00:21:52 because of my firmly held
00:21:54 on the subject of ass to mouth.
00:21:56 You never go ass to mouth!
00:21:57 Would you grow up?
00:22:03 (quietly): All right,
00:22:05 'cause we're friends...
00:22:07 but sometimes,
00:22:10 it's forgivable
00:22:12 (Randal chuckles)
00:22:14 I knew it.
00:22:16 (disgusted groan)
00:22:19 I'm fuckir bored, man!
00:22:23 And boredom's the first step
00:22:40 ("Goodbye Horses"playing)
00:22:42 Oh!
00:22:49 # #
00:22:53 Would you fuck me?
00:22:57 I'd fuck me.
00:23:00 I'd fuck me hard.
00:23:03 # Ooh, ooh... ooh, ooh... #
00:23:16 (long sigh)
00:23:18 ("Goodbye Horses"plays
00:23:25 Shit.
00:23:28 Well, hello, Miss Scott.
00:23:30 Well, here he is,
00:23:34 I'm not gone yet.
00:23:35 Please. You've been
00:23:37 When do you guys leave?
00:23:39 Well, we start driving
00:23:41 Oh, uh, I left you
00:23:43 for my last check
00:23:45 So you did.
00:23:47 That's her parents's house,
00:23:50 Yes, but only until the wedding.
00:23:54 And then, from what I hear,
00:23:56 her parents
00:23:58 Nice!
00:24:00 So I guess dowries
00:24:02 Oh, yeah.
00:24:03 Her dad sweetened the pot
00:24:06 and a goat.
00:24:09 I'm gonna miss you, Hicks.
00:24:11 Yeah, I'm gonna miss you, too.
00:24:12 I still can't believe
00:24:14 you're just gonna leave
00:24:16 with Randal Graves,
00:24:18 Quit.
00:24:19 Move to Florida.
00:24:20 You could work
00:24:22 Wow, you make it
00:24:24 How can I say no?
00:24:26 Oh, yeah... 'cause it's a
00:24:29 Like it's any worse
00:24:31 Hurl the insults
00:24:33 As soon as my uncle's
00:24:35 it's not like I'm
00:24:37 - Hey, how's he doing?
00:24:39 It only took two years
00:24:41 but... his red cell count's
00:24:44 That's great.
00:24:45 Yeah, it's great for me, too.
00:24:46 Couple of weeks
00:24:48 turned into a couple of
00:24:51 But, Hicks, we can sit here
00:24:52 making small talk
00:24:54 and what it is I'm going
00:24:57 or we can treat this
00:25:02 Ding-a-ling-a-ling!
00:25:06 (chuckling)
00:25:14 Randal.
00:25:17 One ring to rule them all.
00:25:20 And you wonder why no chick'll
00:25:24 I never wondered that.
00:25:26 Yeah, 'cause you've accepted
00:25:27 that you'll never get a chick
00:25:30 I could get a chick if I wanted.
00:25:31 (laughs):
00:25:32 You can't get a chick, you mook.
00:25:34 You're too weird and sad.
00:25:40 I turn down chicks
00:25:42 Your chicks are
00:25:46 Yeah, right.
00:25:48 Uh, I know
00:25:50 of Potsie-like proportions,
00:25:53 especially nerds that are
00:25:56 (laughs quietly)
00:25:57 Chicks dig Lord of the Rings,
00:25:59 Yeah. The kind of chicks
00:26:00 that are into swords
00:26:02 and I wouldn't fuck them
00:26:05 Oh, you're so gross!
00:26:06 (door moos electronically)
00:26:09 Hey, man.
00:26:16 Welcome to Mooby's.
00:26:19 Yeah, um...
00:26:20 let's see.
00:26:21 Give me one Udderly
00:26:24 Skinny Calf and an order
00:26:27 (register beeping)
00:26:30 "One ring to rule them all."
00:26:33 (register beeping)
00:26:35 "One ring to find them."
00:26:36 Oh, Jesus.
00:26:37 "One ring to bring them all."
00:26:40 "And in the darkness bind them."
00:26:42 Yes! Dude!
00:26:44 How many times?
00:26:45 Well, um, three
00:26:47 two for Towers,
00:26:48 four for Return.
00:26:50 Five for Return.
00:26:51 Dude!
00:26:52 All right, look,
00:26:53 there's only one Return, okay,
00:26:55 and it ain't of the king...
00:26:58 Oh, Star Wars geek.
00:27:00 Oh, I'm the geek?
00:27:01 Look at you two,
00:27:03 You'll have to excuse him.
00:27:05 He's not "down"
00:27:06 Oh, what the fuck happened
00:27:09 There's only one trilogy,
00:27:10 you fucking morons.
00:27:12 You know what?
00:27:14 Maybe we should start
00:27:15 because he loves
00:27:17 so much, right?
00:27:19 (robotic monotone):
00:27:20 "My name is Anakin.
00:27:22 My shitty acting
00:27:25 (chuckles): Yeah.
00:27:27 Oh, I'm crazy?
00:27:28 Those fucking hobbit movies
00:27:31 All it was
00:27:33 Three movies of people walking
00:27:36 Here's the first movie.
00:27:43 And here's the second movie.
00:27:51 He is way off. Loser.
00:27:53 You ready for the third movie?
00:27:54 (sighs)
00:28:04 Fuckir A.
00:28:06 Even the fuckir trees walked
00:28:08 You know what?
00:28:09 I've had enough of you.
00:28:11 Your simplistic analysis
00:28:14 The Lord of the Rings
00:28:16 even the Academy recognized
00:28:17 when they gave Peter Jackson
00:28:20 an award your little friend
00:28:24 and will never win.
00:28:25 Bones.
00:28:27 Oh, sick burn.
00:28:28 Let me tell you something.
00:28:29 If Peter Jackson
00:28:32 with those "Rings" movies,
00:28:34 on the logical closure point,
00:28:36 not the 25 endings
00:28:38 What's the logical
00:28:40 Yeah, friend,
00:28:41 enlighten us.
00:28:42 When fucking Frito wakes up from
00:28:45 and the little hobbits are
00:28:48 and Sam leans in the doorway
00:28:50 and gives him
00:28:52 ELIAS:
00:28:53 Say what you will about Jesus,
00:28:54 but leave the Rings out of this.
00:28:56 I am gonna kick your ass
00:28:59 if you don't
00:29:00 That look was so gay,
00:29:03 the little hobbits
00:29:04 so he could saunter
00:29:06 and suck his fuckir cock.
00:29:07 Now, that would've been
00:29:10 Hey, faggot, they're not gay.
00:29:13 And then right after
00:29:16 right before the credits roll,
00:29:18 Sam fucking flat-out bricks
00:29:21 I swear...
00:29:23 Fuck you!
00:29:27 (laughs): I made fun of
00:29:29 it made some super-geek puke
00:29:31 Where do we keep
00:29:33 so I can have
00:29:34 In the closet with the rest
00:29:37 We have cleaning products?
00:29:40 (light jazz playing
00:29:43 Why does it smell so weird
00:29:46 Buh-bye.
00:29:48 I'm on to you.
00:29:53 You know he's not
00:29:55 once you're not here to protect
00:29:58 Well, you're the one out
00:30:00 advocating ass to mouth.
00:30:02 I wasrt advocating it,
00:30:05 I just said it was fine
00:30:07 Like you wouldn't do it
00:30:09 (scoffs):
00:30:11 Oh, I thought love
00:30:14 Ew. That came off
00:30:17 A little daytime soapish, yeah.
00:30:19 I'm sorry.
00:30:20 I don't know why I said that.
00:30:22 I actually kind of like Emma.
00:30:23 So do I.
00:30:24 So that's why
00:30:26 I can't wait until
00:30:28 so I can bust your balls as
00:30:31 You're going to be waiting
00:30:33 Oh, that's right.
00:30:35 You're the cold-hearted
00:30:37 that doesn't believe
00:30:39 I'm not saying that
00:30:41 but, yes, I do think
00:30:43 that marriage goes
00:30:45 To be loved?
00:30:46 To fuck as much as possible...
00:30:49 spread the seed around
00:30:53 And all that shit
00:30:55 and greeting cards
00:30:56 to get us to marry, have kids
00:30:59 Marriage is just
00:31:02 You're such a sappy girl.
00:31:03 - Mm.
00:31:05 you don't believe in love,
00:31:07 In romantic love,
00:31:08 no.
00:31:09 Like, I love my parents.
00:31:12 I love my car.
00:31:14 But romantic love,
00:31:17 "There's only one person
00:31:20 Come on, you know how many
00:31:23 Odds are there's always going
00:31:24 to be someone who's
00:31:26 than the person
00:31:28 So based on your theory,
00:31:29 there's someone out there
00:31:31 Oh, no,
00:31:34 Wait a second.
00:31:36 You don't think
00:31:37 (sighs):
00:31:40 you love what she represents.
00:31:42 Which is...?
00:31:43 Come on, Dante, she was
00:31:46 the time of day
00:31:47 And years later,
00:31:49 and realized how unsatisfying
00:31:52 she's finally gone
00:31:54 Oh, my God,
00:31:55 you're gonna say
00:31:57 Unconventional!
00:31:58 Ah, nice backpedal.
00:31:59 Thank you.
00:32:01 It took her a few years
00:32:03 to finally figure out
00:32:04 that every mother tries
00:32:06 but she has to learn on her own,
00:32:08 and that's that guys
00:32:10 have a lot more to offer,
00:32:12 try harder than the pretty boy.
00:32:14 What am I, some hideous
00:32:16 (laughs):
00:32:19 And Emma's a catch, too.
00:32:22 'Cause not only
00:32:24 she'll make all your decisions
00:32:26 Which is lucky,
00:32:29 at making decisions.
00:32:31 So my last day
00:32:33 what an ugly,
00:32:35 (laughs)
00:32:36 Come on, you worked
00:32:38 for, like, a decade,
00:32:40 and you've been here
00:32:43 and since day one at both jobs,
00:32:45 all you've ever said
00:32:47 to get out
00:32:49 And it wasrt until Emma walked
00:32:51 like, "Come down
00:32:52 "and I'll fuck your brains out,
00:32:54 and my daddy will give you
00:32:56 that you actually went
00:32:58 And I get it... it's...
00:33:00 she's your golden ticket, dude.
00:33:03 So, uh...
00:33:05 ...what's that make you?
00:33:09 I'm just the girl who fucks
00:33:13 in the kitchen
00:33:17 (whispers):
00:33:19 (laughing)
00:33:24 DJ:
00:33:27 J-RAM Radio.
00:33:29 So, we're never gonna talk
00:33:34 What is there to say?
00:33:37 Do you regret it?
00:33:39 Do you?
00:33:41 I regret that it was
00:33:44 Yeah, you regret it...
00:33:46 who got mayo in your cooch.
00:33:47 (both laughing)
00:33:56 What do you want me to say?
00:33:59 We were drunk, you know?
00:34:01 It just kind of happened.
00:34:03 You're just lucky
00:34:05 I'm not one of those monogamists
00:34:08 Otherwise, I might try
00:34:11 If anyone could do it,
00:34:23 Dude, your old lady's out here
00:34:26 (door creaks)
00:34:31 (whispers):
00:34:37 Come outside with me.
00:34:51 That's my surprise?
00:34:53 No.
00:34:56 # Goodbye, horses... #
00:35:06 Hey.
00:35:09 Oh.
00:35:10 So, um...
00:35:12 are you looking for
00:35:15 Because at CarsToBots. Com,
00:35:18 you can get an avatar
00:35:21 that's your picture
00:35:25 Come on, man.
00:35:26 You know I only surf
00:35:28 when there's girls around,
00:35:34 So what are you doing then?
00:35:36 Trying to secure a going away
00:35:39 Really?
00:35:40 Well, how about
00:35:44 What?
00:35:46 Uh...
00:35:49 'Cause it's, like,
00:35:52 I was thinking of something
00:35:57 Well, what's sexier than
00:36:01 A donkey show.
00:36:02 What's that?
00:36:04 You ever see a chick
00:36:06 (screeching):
00:36:08 Shh...!
00:36:10 Jesus!
00:36:11 If you spoil this,
00:36:14 You gonna keep your mouth shut?
00:36:16 (muffled):
00:36:18 God.
00:36:19 That's bestiality, Randal.
00:36:21 At its finest, I hope.
00:36:23 Who'd want to see
00:36:25 Me, Dante, you.
00:36:27 I don't want to see
00:36:29 Why would you want to see
00:36:31 Because it's fucked up.
00:36:32 And I want to see
00:36:34 if a chick with a mouthful
00:36:36 All right, here we go.
00:36:38 "Kinky Kelly and the Sexy Stud.
00:36:40 "Straight from
00:36:43 "Kelly's taking it on the road.
00:36:45 Taking it in the ass, that is."
00:36:47 You got to give it up for Oscar
00:36:50 Do they show pictures?
00:36:52 Only one of Kinky Kelly
00:36:55 Really?
00:36:56 Ow.
00:36:57 Let me borrow your cell phone.
00:36:59 Whoa.
00:37:00 Well, 'cause, I'm only
00:37:02 to call my parents
00:37:04 This is an emergency.
00:37:05 We got to lock up
00:37:07 so we can give Mr. Dante
00:37:10 You love Mr. Dante, don't you?
00:37:13 In a non-gay way.
00:37:14 Then give me your phone.
00:37:16 'Cause Mr. Dante's never
00:37:18 And it'd be nice to give
00:37:20 to Florida and gets married and
00:37:23 that prevent a guy
00:37:24 a fucked-up donkey
00:37:26 Hello.
00:37:27 Uh, I was hoping to schedule
00:37:31 Tonight.
00:37:32 Okay.
00:37:34 I'm on hold.
00:37:36 Fingers crossed.
00:37:39 We should probably
00:37:42 No.
00:37:43 BECKY:
00:37:45 That's all you ever
00:37:47 Hey, Becks.
00:37:48 Hey, Emma.
00:37:51 Great shirt.
00:37:53 Isn't it?
00:37:54 What I love even more are these.
00:37:57 These came in early,
00:37:58 and I just had to come back
00:38:00 And give you yours, of course.
00:38:02 And I have one
00:38:04 What is it?
00:38:06 Look, I know it's
00:38:07 but it would mean so much to us
00:38:10 Well... yeah.
00:38:14 Uh, I wouldn't miss it.
00:38:16 I thought we were waiting
00:38:18 before we picked a date.
00:38:19 Oh, him is so cute.
00:38:21 Him thinking again, huh?
00:38:24 If we left anything
00:38:26 nothing would ever
00:38:29 I'm just teasing.
00:38:35 Guess you got to make their
00:38:45 All right, I've got it.
00:38:46 I will see you then.
00:38:48 Thank you.
00:38:49 My friend, tonight,
00:38:51 we bring a bit of TJ
00:38:53 (door moos electronically)
00:38:55 Well, I don't know
00:38:56 I mean, how do we know
00:38:59 Like, were there any
00:39:00 Strangely, no.
00:39:02 But if you've seen pics of
00:39:05 you've seen them all.
00:39:07 Well, what if you
00:39:08 of anything like that?
00:39:10 Well, then you must be
00:39:12 'Cause what's the point in
00:39:15 if you're not using it to look
00:39:17 of dirty sex
00:39:26 Ho-ly shit.
00:39:30 You know, I've never pieced
00:39:33 You're a virgin, aren't you?
00:39:35 You know I have
00:39:36 Oh, yeah.
00:39:37 What's her name again?
00:39:39 Myra Hodgkiss.
00:39:41 You made her up, didn't you?
00:39:42 That name sounds so made-up.
00:39:44 No.
00:39:47 Seriously, Elias, have you
00:39:49 Well, that's just
00:39:51 Come on!
00:39:52 I tell you about
00:39:55 I let you smell my fingers
00:39:56 after I fucked
00:39:58 in the office
00:40:00 You kind of made me
00:40:04 Maybe you just
00:40:06 Maybe you're all about the cock.
00:40:08 No, no, I like the pussy.
00:40:10 So come on.
00:40:11 Did Myra ever give you a crack
00:40:14 Well, not that it's any
00:40:17 but she can't.
00:40:18 Why?
00:40:21 Jesus, Elias, come on.
00:40:23 You got to start
00:40:25 Because once Dante's gone,
00:40:27 you're gonna be
00:40:31 No, I'm not.
00:40:32 Who the fuck else
00:40:34 It's gonna be you and me, buddy.
00:40:36 So come on.
00:40:37 You got to start
00:40:38 Open up and tell me shit.
00:40:41 Like why haven't you
00:40:44 (sighs)
00:40:47 Well, we can't
00:40:51 What the fuck's Pillow Pants?
00:40:53 Pillow Pants is a little troll
00:41:05 Pillow Pants is her pussy troll.
00:41:09 Duh.
00:41:13 You know
00:41:15 put a pussy troll in them
00:41:20 to keep them from having
00:41:25 Sure.
00:41:26 Well, Myra's is named
00:41:30 And so, even though she totally
00:41:35 Myra says if I put
00:41:39 Pillow Pants will bite it off.
00:41:43 So I got to wait
00:41:47 gets peed out of her body
00:41:51 before we can have sex.
00:41:54 And Myra told you this?
00:41:57 Boyfriends and girlfriends
00:41:58 talk to each other
00:42:00 You'd know this
00:42:02 Have you and Myra
00:42:06 We would have already,
00:42:11 Lister Fiend is her mouth troll,
00:42:14 Women.
00:42:21 I'll be right back.
00:42:23 You are never gonna believe
00:42:27 Look who it is, Randal.
00:42:29 Randal Graves.
00:42:31 You work here, too?
00:42:32 Jesus. Anyone else from
00:42:35 RANDAL:
00:42:36 Pickle Fucker.
00:42:38 Man, look at you two
00:42:41 Nothing's changed.
00:42:42 You know, I'll bet
00:42:44 when you two aren't fighting
00:42:45 about who shot first,
00:42:48 you can still muster up
00:42:50 to make fun of other people.
00:42:52 Yeah. So hurry up and order
00:42:55 so we can make fun of you.
00:42:56 Oh, I don't know
00:42:58 to make fun of anyone
00:43:00 32 and you're
00:43:03 Before that, I'd heard
00:43:05 for, what, like, ten years?
00:43:07 We can't all be
00:43:12 Who's an Internet millionaire?
00:43:13 Elias, this is Lance Dowds.
00:43:15 We went to high school together.
00:43:16 A few years ago,
00:43:17 he built a search engine which
00:43:20 of merchandise
00:43:22 You might have heard of it...
00:43:25 Didrt that just sell to Amazon
00:43:27 RANDAL:
00:43:29 he was the Mad Ducketts guy,
00:43:32 You see, freshman year,
00:43:33 the seniors would hunt us
00:43:35 what they called initiations.
00:43:37 They'd stuff us into lockers
00:43:38 or throw us in the girls'
00:43:40 But Lance here
00:43:42 The seniors yanked
00:43:44 and shoved a pickle up his ass,
00:43:46 and made him walk ten feet.
00:43:47 The pickle fell out
00:43:50 He had to take a bite of it,
00:43:55 Ew...
00:43:57 Yeah, but don't worry...
00:43:59 His pickle was small enough
00:44:01 after only four bites.
00:44:03 I'll bet you're the only guy
00:44:05 who still remembers that,
00:44:07 Oh, I bet you still remember it
00:44:09 Pickle Fucker.
00:44:10 ELIAS:
00:44:12 in building
00:44:14 for both The Lord of the Rings
00:44:17 Because I'd moderate it
00:44:20 Ease up, Pillow Pants.
00:44:21 The dude's not into
00:44:24 Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:44:25 Don't insult the guy.
00:44:26 The GoBots are like
00:44:29 Thank you!
00:44:33 I keep telling them that.
00:44:35 Here, here's my e-mail address.
00:44:37 Drop me a line
00:44:40 Cool.
00:44:47 LANCE:
00:44:50 What do I want?
00:44:52 Uh... how about a Skinny Calf
00:44:56 I'll get your order.
00:45:05 Here you go.
00:45:07 Well, that was fast.
00:45:08 And fresh.
00:45:09 Thanks. Come again.
00:45:11 Yo, let's wrap this up
00:45:15 You know what?
00:45:16 Take mine.
00:45:18 Something tells me
00:45:22 Wow, thanks, Pickle Fucker.
00:45:24 Yo, so Pickle Fucker
00:45:27 You know,
00:45:29 It's not good for you.
00:45:30 But when I heard you guys
00:45:34 well, I just had
00:45:36 It's kind of nice
00:45:39 Just like it's
00:45:42 that some things never change.
00:45:48 Take care, clerks.
00:45:53 (imitates gunshots)
00:45:55 Ooh, sick burn.
00:45:57 (chuckles)
00:45:59 (door moos electronically)
00:46:00 Fuck this.
00:46:02 Let me borrow your car.
00:46:03 You're supposed to be working.
00:46:04 I got to get out of here
00:46:07 Let me borrow your car.
00:46:08 Elias, tell Becky
00:46:10 (door moos electronically)
00:46:12 (Elias shouting anxiously
00:46:15 Where we going?
00:46:25 You know, this tastes like
00:46:29 Sure you want to do this?
00:46:32 RANDAL:
00:46:33 This will make me feel better.
00:46:39 # Raindrops keep falling
00:46:44 # And just like the guy who's
00:00:03 # Raindrops
00:00:06 # They keep falling #
00:00:07 # But there's one thing I know #
00:00:14 # The blues
00:00:17 # Wort defeat me #
00:00:21 # It won't be long #
00:00:23 # Till happiness
00:00:32 # Raindrops keep falling
00:00:36 # But that doesn't mean my eyes
00:00:41 # Crying's not for me,
00:00:45 # I'm never gonna stop
00:00:49 # Because I'm free #
00:00:54 # Nothing's worrying... #
00:00:58 # Me. #
00:01:01 DANTE:
00:01:03 You have a license, you
00:01:06 But when you ride the go-can'ts,
00:01:08 you somehow feel
00:01:10 Look, it just centers me,
00:01:12 Kind of the way jerking off
00:01:14 I only did it that one time.
00:01:17 And it wasrt to center me.
00:01:18 Yeah, it was to come.
00:01:20 Well, I don't know about you,
00:01:22 Then why did we
00:01:24 so we can ride the go-can'ts
00:01:26 Well, I don't want to jerk off
00:01:28 What if a customer comes in
00:01:29 and my jerking off gets him
00:01:32 Suddenly, I'm fighting him off
00:01:34 as he tries to jam
00:01:36 The most likeliest of scenarios.
00:01:38 (scoffs)
00:01:39 Man, that shit Lance said
00:01:42 Oh, fuck him.
00:01:43 He's an asshole.
00:01:46 I'm sorry I let him bug me
00:01:49 At least I got a go-can't trip
00:01:53 Why do the go-can'ts help?
00:01:55 I don't know.
00:01:56 They just remind me
00:01:59 Like when?
00:02:01 Like when we were young and the
00:02:04 We're not that old.
00:02:06 Yeah.
00:02:07 But sometimes I get the feeling
00:02:08 the world kind of left us behind
00:02:11 You know...
00:02:12 you can do something about that.
00:02:14 I told you, I don't want to jerk
00:02:18 No, I mean you can
00:02:21 completely change
00:02:23 What'd be the point? Besides,
00:02:27 You're leaving.
00:02:40 (door moos electronically)
00:02:41 Thanks, you guys, thanks.
00:02:42 Come on!
00:02:43 Oh, I'm sorry.
00:02:45 Was that a number two
00:02:46 Yeah, and bovine-size it.
00:02:48 $13.84.
00:02:49 I need two Surlies
00:02:51 I'm on it.
00:02:52 How we set for fries?
00:02:53 I don't think
00:02:54 Jesus! Step away from the fryer
00:02:58 It's not my fault
00:03:00 RANDAL:
00:03:02 The machine does all the work.
00:03:04 What's a machine
00:03:05 into some giant fucking robot
00:03:08 Go home.
00:03:10 Will you just make
00:03:11 Look, I don't have all night.
00:03:13 I'm sorry, ma'am.
00:03:14 They need to get
00:03:16 They'd be...
00:03:17 They don't play around.
00:03:18 I know it.
00:03:21 That motherfucker
00:03:23 Where the fuck did you guys go?
00:03:24 You don't want to know.
00:03:26 Well, I know it's
00:03:27 but while you're
00:03:28 can't you kind of pretend
00:03:30 RANDAL:
00:03:31 Some cock stain that we went
00:03:33 showed up to remind us
00:03:35 so I wanted to get out of here
00:03:37 and blow off some steam,
00:03:38 Did he say "cock stain"?
00:03:40 What the fuck is cock stain?
00:03:42 I don't know... that's
00:03:44 White boys get the white women
00:03:47 You want to do a cock stain?
00:03:48 Do you know how often
00:03:50 that I went to school with?
00:03:52 Fuck, I had to take
00:03:54 I blew after junior prom once.
00:03:55 Yeah, I've waited on
00:03:57 I can't believe you.
00:03:58 The smartest of smart asses
00:04:00 by some fucking loser
00:04:01 giving you shit
00:04:03 Oh, fuck him, okay?
00:04:04 Sooner or later,
00:04:06 and make my mark.
00:04:07 But until then, whatever I do
00:04:11 it's all building
00:04:12 How about you build towards
00:04:15 They're coming!
00:04:16 Remember, you saved.
00:04:18 You don't use
00:04:19 Ain't nobody
00:04:21 I don't mind people snickering
00:04:22 at the stupid uniform
00:04:24 But I'll be damned
00:04:26 some self-righteous,
00:04:28 and treat me and Dante
00:04:29 like we're a couple
00:04:31 DANTE:
00:04:33 Uh, I'm-I'm sorry. He...
00:04:34 He didn't really just say
00:04:38 - What? Porch monkeys?
00:04:39 What the fuck
00:04:41 I want my money back right now.
00:04:43 Of course.
00:04:44 Here, take this on us.
00:04:46 Oh, no, no, no.
00:04:47 I'm not eating something that
00:04:48 was cooked by some
00:04:50 I will.
00:04:51 Baby, you can't taste racism.
00:04:53 What racism? Porch monkeys?!
00:04:55 - You little mother...
00:04:56 It ain't won'th it.
00:04:57 You're lucky my husband doesn't
00:04:59 jump across this counter
00:05:01 - Why?
00:05:03 I mean, ain't like
00:05:05 Hey, hey!
00:05:06 Baby, stop hitting on me!
00:05:07 See, the judge told you
00:05:08 You got to stop
00:05:10 Here, take this.
00:05:11 Please, take the food on us.
00:05:12 - We're sorry.
00:05:13 I'm gonna write
00:05:14 and all y'all getting
00:05:16 Jesus!
00:05:17 I'm gonna take the food.
00:05:18 Thank you very much.
00:05:24 Damn!
00:05:25 Fuckir porch monkey...
00:05:26 Thanks. Come again.
00:05:28 Don't leave me, baby!
00:05:29 Are you out of
00:05:31 What?! What's the big deal?
00:05:33 Since when is it a crime
00:05:35 Oh, I don't know...
00:05:37 - Why?
00:05:39 is a racial slur
00:05:40 No, it's not. "Nigger" is.
00:05:43 Randal!
00:05:44 Did Randal just call
00:05:46 Shut up, Elias!
00:05:47 I didn't just call
00:05:50 I just said that "nigger"
00:05:52 So is "porch monkey"!
00:05:53 Oh, it is not.
00:05:55 Coon, spook, spade,
00:05:59 those are racial slurs.
00:06:00 "Porch monkey" is not.
00:06:01 I am going to pretend
00:06:03 didn't happen.
00:06:04 Elias, go pick up
00:06:06 and you are this close
00:06:07 (scoffs)
00:06:09 Fuckir shoot me now.
00:06:11 (grunts angrily)
00:06:12 What are you doing?!
00:06:14 Are you trying to get fired?
00:06:15 Since when did "porch monkey"
00:06:18 When ignorant racists started
00:06:21 Oh, bullshit.
00:06:22 My grandmother used to call me
00:06:25 when I was a kid,
00:06:27 and stare at my neighbors.
00:06:28 DANTE:
00:06:29 that your grandmother
00:06:30 as a term
00:06:32 it's still a racial slur.
00:06:33 It'd be like your grandmother
00:06:36 Oh, it is not.
00:06:37 Plus, my grandmother had
00:06:38 nothing but the utmost respect
00:06:41 When I was a kid,
00:06:43 the Jewish kids well, or they'd
00:06:46 What the fuck, man?!
00:06:47 What?!
00:06:48 "Sheeny" is a racial slur, too!
00:06:50 Oh, it is not.
00:06:51 Yes, it is!
00:06:52 Well, she never called
00:06:54 She just used to say
00:06:56 (chuckling):
00:06:57 It wasrt cute! It was racist!
00:06:59 I disagree, man.
00:07:00 She was just an old-timer.
00:07:01 That's the way people talked
00:07:03 Didrt mean they were racists.
00:07:06 But my grandmother did refer
00:07:09 as a nigger knife.
00:07:11 You know, come to think of it,
00:07:13 my grandmother was
00:07:15 You think?!
00:07:16 Well, l-I still don't think
00:07:18 "porch monkey" should be
00:07:20 I mean, I've always used it
00:07:23 not lazy black people.
00:07:24 I think if we really tried,
00:07:25 we could reclaim "porch monkey"
00:07:27 DANTE:
00:07:29 The sole purpose
00:07:30 the only reason it exists
00:07:32 is to disparage an entire race.
00:07:34 And even if it could be saved,
00:07:36 you can't save it,
00:07:38 Well, listen to you.
00:07:39 Telling me I can't do something
00:07:42 You're the racist.
00:07:44 (grunts)
00:07:46 I'm taking it back. You watch.
00:07:49 (door moos electronically)
00:07:51 (chuckling):
00:07:52 What can I get for you,
00:07:55 It's cool.
00:07:58 (sighs)
00:08:03 (sighs)
00:08:15 (sighs)
00:08:24 # #
00:08:34 # #
00:08:38 Hey.
00:08:39 Hey.
00:08:40 So, are you scared
00:08:46 Um...
00:08:47 were we in the middle
00:08:50 I don't remember leaving?
00:08:51 I was just thinking about it,
00:08:55 that maybe you were waiting
00:08:57 to try and stop you
00:08:58 from going through
00:08:59 by asking if you're even ready
00:09:02 So I'm asking.
00:09:04 Are you scared
00:09:06 Well, kind of.
00:09:08 I mean, I'm not scared
00:09:10 l-I always wanted
00:09:13 but I am scared
00:09:15 Why?
00:09:19 I don't know how to dance.
00:09:23 You're kidding.
00:09:24 I wish I was.
00:09:25 You're about to tie
00:09:28 someone who doesn't
00:09:29 as well as your friends do,
00:09:30 and what you're sweating
00:09:33 Well, l-I figure
00:09:35 I mean, you're married
00:09:37 they got to get you
00:09:39 Are you kidding?
00:09:40 My parents have been married
00:09:43 and they still don't get
00:09:44 Emma's pretty,
00:09:48 and for some strange reason,
00:09:51 I mean, what am
00:09:52 pass up on that because I have
00:09:53 a few stupid doubts
00:09:55 Besides, dancing
00:09:58 the more imperative concern
00:09:59 because I only get,
00:10:00 well, presumably, one chance
00:10:04 (sighs)
00:10:05 So, what, you can't slow dance?
00:10:07 No. Anybody can slow dance,
00:10:10 but this is one of the only
00:10:12 most of Emma's extended family,
00:10:14 and I'd like to be able
00:10:16 on the dance floor, you know?
00:10:17 Like, make an impression
00:10:20 whatever it is
00:10:22 instead of all feeling like
00:10:25 who couldn't even bust a move.
00:10:28 What?
00:10:30 (laughs):
00:10:38 Come on.
00:10:43 Hey, 12-step!
00:10:47 Jay!
00:10:51 Lord?
00:10:53 Up here, jackass.
00:10:56 What the fuck are you doing
00:10:59 Yo, if you're gonna jump,
00:11:00 let me get a crack
00:11:02 Let me find out.
00:11:04 You still got your boom box?
00:11:09 Play something,
00:11:12 Something danceable.
00:11:17 Up here?
00:11:21 Are you serious?
00:11:23 You're gonna teach me
00:11:25 What? You want I should do it
00:11:27 What customers?
00:11:28 Shut up.
00:11:30 Okay, get ready for the music.
00:11:33 You feel it... here.
00:11:38 Here it comes.
00:11:40 # Grandma, what was it like #
00:11:44 # To be on the holiday site? #
00:11:48 Something a little
00:11:51 # But with them by my side
00:11:54 Thank you.
00:12:03 (Jackson Five's "ABC"
00:12:05 Yes! Okay, okay, um,
00:12:06 whatever it is I'm doing, okay?
00:12:08 - Step forward...
00:12:09 - # You went to school... #
00:12:10 To your right.
00:12:11 # Things you never,
00:12:12 To your left.
00:12:14 Turn to the right.
00:12:15 # Like "l" before "E"
00:12:16 # And why two plus two
00:12:18 # Now, now, now,
00:12:20 # Teach you, teach you #
00:12:21 # All about love, girl #
00:12:22 # All about love #
00:12:23 # Sit yourself down... #
00:12:25 Okay, you really do suck.
00:12:26 Told you.
00:12:28 Just watch me, all right?
00:12:29 # A, B, C #
00:12:31 # Easy as one, two, three #
00:12:33 # As simple as do, re, mi #
00:12:35 # A, B, C, one, two, three #
00:12:37 # Baby, you and me, girl #
00:12:39 # A, B, C #
00:12:41 # Easy as one, two, three #
00:12:43 # As simple as do, re, mi #
00:12:45 # A, B, C, one, two, three #
00:12:48 # Baby, you and me, girl #
00:12:51 # Come on and love me
00:12:54 # I'm gonna teach you
00:12:56 # Come on, come on, come on #
00:12:57 # Let me show you
00:12:59 # Reading, writing, arithmetic #
00:13:01 # Are the branches
00:13:03 # But without the roots
00:13:06 # Your education
00:13:08 # Tea-Tea-Tea-Teacher's
00:13:10 # She's gonna show you #
00:13:11 # How to get an "A" #
00:13:13 # Na-na-na-na-na-na #
00:13:14 # How to spell "me," "you,"
00:13:17 # Listen to me, baby,
00:13:19 # Oh, A, B, C #
00:13:21 # It's easy as one, two, three #
00:13:23 # As simple as do, re, mi #
00:13:26 # A, B, C, one, two, three #
00:13:28 # Baby, you and me, girl #
00:13:29 # A, B, C, it's easy #
00:13:32 # It's like counting
00:13:34 # Singing simple melodies #
00:13:38 # That's how easy love can be #
00:13:40 # That's how easy
00:13:43 # Singing simple melodies #
00:13:45 # One, two, three, you and me! #
00:13:50 # Yeah! #
00:13:53 - (Silent Bob mouthing)
00:13:55 # I think I love you #
00:13:57 # No, get up, girl #
00:14:00 # Show me what you can do #
00:14:02 # Shake it, shake it, baby #
00:14:04 # Come on, now #
00:14:05 # Shake it, shake it, baby #
00:14:07 # Ooh, ooh, shake it,
00:14:10 # One, two, three, baby #
00:14:12 # Ooh, ooh, A, B, C, baby #
00:14:14 # Na, na, do, re, mi, baby #
00:14:17 # Now that's how easy
00:14:20 - GROUP: # Whoo! #
00:14:22 # It's like counting
00:14:24 # Singing simple melodies #
00:14:27 # That's how easy love can be #
00:14:30 # Teacher's gonna teach you
00:14:32 # Come on, come on, come on #
00:14:33 # Let me show you
00:14:35 # A, B, C, it's easy #
00:14:36 # It's like counting
00:14:38 I love you, Becky.
00:14:39 # Singing simple melodies... #
00:14:40 I'm pregnant, Dante.
00:14:42 # That's how easy... #
00:14:43 (gasps, grunts)
00:14:45 Oh!
00:14:49 (door creaking)
00:14:50 (door bangs shut)
00:15:02 I'm having second thoughts.
00:15:04 About your sexuality?
00:15:07 About going to Florida.
00:15:12 Yeah, right.
00:15:13 Why now, all of a sudden?
00:15:19 Becky's pregnant.
00:15:22 She is?
00:15:24 Huh.
00:15:26 So, what, are you afraid you're
00:15:28 I'm the father.
00:15:33 This sucks, man.
00:15:35 I have pelvic piss syndrome
00:15:38 so be really fucking quiet.
00:15:42 Ew, dude, don't try
00:15:45 - JAY: What the fuck?
00:15:47 Should we have
00:15:48 Oh, fuck him! How the fuck
00:15:50 with a chick
00:15:52 Holy shit!
00:15:54 She got pregnant
00:15:55 you jerked off onto!
00:15:56 I fucking knew it!
00:15:57 No, we had sex one night
00:16:00 What?! Where?!
00:16:01 Here, on the prep station table.
00:16:03 Ew! That's my prep table.
00:16:04 I don't know what to do.
00:16:05 What did Beck say?
00:16:06 She says she wants to have it.
00:16:07 Oh, my God, so she wants
00:16:09 - with Emma and marry her?
00:16:10 She's gonna tell Emma?
00:16:11 No!
00:16:12 Wait a second...
00:16:14 - Are you that dense?
00:16:17 If Becks isn't busting
00:16:18 what's the big deal?
00:16:19 You could still
00:16:20 and live happily ever after.
00:16:22 Knowing I have a love child
00:16:24 How the fuck do you always have,
00:16:25 like, two good-Iooking
00:16:27 You're the most
00:16:29 I've ever met,
00:16:31 a pair of girls
00:16:33 Listen, you can never tell
00:16:35 Who am I gonna tell?
00:16:36 I'm serious, Randal!
00:16:37 Becky says she doesn't want
00:16:39 Then what'd you tell me for?
00:16:40 Look, you've fucked me over
00:16:42 but this is huge.
00:16:44 This is serious!
00:16:45 Promise me that you'll
00:16:47 because if you fuck me over
00:16:48 I swear to God, I will beat
00:16:51 (laughs):
00:16:53 I'm serious!
00:16:54 I'm serious, too.
00:16:56 Promise me!
00:16:57 All right!
00:16:59 JAY:
00:17:07 Can I talk to you for a minute?
00:17:08 Oh, yeah, sure.
00:17:10 May your first child
00:17:17 (huffs)
00:17:18 Becky!
00:17:19 Randal!
00:17:21 She was sweating me.
00:17:22 Ow! Shit!
00:17:24 You swung at me!
00:17:25 - You ducked!
00:17:27 Damn it!
00:17:31 Where's Becky?
00:17:33 She just left.
00:17:34 I need help here, Mr. Dante.
00:17:35 I can't wrap good,
00:17:37 You fucking snitch.
00:17:39 I'm sorry, Randal.
00:17:40 Becky!
00:17:50 Maybe she went to get
00:17:52 just to be sure.
00:17:53 How the fuck
00:17:59 Well, what the fuck
00:18:01 Follow her!
00:18:02 You-you think?
00:18:03 You're darn right, I do.
00:18:04 You two have got
00:18:05 Follow her, talk
00:18:06 then come back here.
00:18:07 An hour?!
00:18:08 L-I've found that any
00:18:10 you run the risk of saying
00:18:12 Follow her,
00:18:14 then come back here
00:18:15 You can't close up by yourself?
00:18:17 Fucking A, man,
00:18:19 Time to start acting
00:18:21 Be back here in an hour.
00:18:24 (engine starts)
00:18:37 (tires screech)
00:18:43 Hello.
00:18:45 I assume
00:18:47 Good guess. You Randal?
00:18:49 I am.
00:18:50 How long is it gonna take you
00:18:52 Got to hook up the boom box,
00:18:53 hang a few curtains
00:18:55 I've got a small smoke machine
00:18:58 Well, you might as
00:19:00 We got about an hour
00:19:01 before the guest of honor
00:19:02 So, do I, uh, get to meet Kelly
00:19:06 Nah.
00:19:07 Kelly likes privacy
00:19:09 But after the show, if you want,
00:19:10 for an extra $500,
00:19:13 Really? Sweet.
00:19:15 Yeah. So, where
00:19:17 Oh, right inside the restaurant.
00:19:20 You're kidding.
00:19:21 Not spacious enough?
00:19:24 No, it's plenty spacious.
00:19:25 Just kind of weird, isn't it?
00:19:27 Kind of weird?
00:19:28 You're in the bestiality
00:19:31 Hey, fucko...
00:19:33 ...we like to call it
00:19:34 inter-species erotica.
00:19:36 Intriguing.
00:19:37 (Smashing Pumpkins "1979"
00:19:49 # Shakedown 1979 #
00:19:56 # Cool kids never have
00:20:03 # On a live wire
00:20:09 # You and I should meet #
00:20:16 # Junebug skipping
00:20:23 # Headlights pointed
00:20:30 # We were sure we'd never see
00:20:37 # And I don't even care #
00:20:43 # To shake these zipper blues #
00:20:47 # And we don't know #
00:20:50 # Just where our bones
00:20:54 # To dust, I guess #
00:20:58 # Lamented and assured #
00:21:02 # To the lights #
00:21:03 # And towns below #
00:21:08 # Faster than #
00:21:12 # The speed of sound #
00:21:16 # Faster than #
00:21:19 # We thought we'd go #
00:21:23 # Beneath the sound #
00:21:26 # Of hope #
00:21:31 # The street heats
00:21:39 # As you see,
00:21:45 Oh, no.
00:21:48 Not again.
00:21:49 (speed-dial beeping)
00:21:51 Yeah, I have a fire
00:21:52 on Memorial Parkway
00:21:56 (door moos electronically,
00:22:03 (hissing)
00:22:05 (slow, sensual,
00:22:08 What?
00:22:11 (funky riff kicks in)
00:22:13 What the fuck is going on?
00:22:16 It's your going-away party.
00:22:17 Whoo! Whoo!
00:22:20 We's all gonna get drunk
00:22:24 Oh, my God, is Elias hammered?
00:22:27 Isn't it awesome?
00:22:28 My man smoked two blunts
00:22:31 Fuck Pillow Pants!
00:22:32 Honk if you love
00:22:34 Yo, we love pussy.
00:22:36 Tonight, before
00:22:38 we are gonna peep something
00:22:40 since we saw "Bachelor Party"
00:22:42 at your parents' house
00:22:44 What the fuck are
00:22:46 I'm gonna miss you, man.
00:22:48 I'm gonna miss you, too,
00:22:51 Yeah? Just wait.
00:22:53 (chuckling)
00:23:02 Show time!
00:23:04 (laughs)
00:23:05 Ladies and gentlemen...
00:23:06 and you, Elias,
00:23:07 straight from the debauchery
00:23:09 capital of the world,
00:23:12 Oh, God, no.
00:23:14 Oh, God, yes.
00:23:16 Get ready for some
00:23:19 DRIVER:
00:23:21 (laughs)
00:23:22 Inter-species erotica
00:23:25 straight from TJ,
00:23:26 I give you Kinky Kelly
00:23:33 # Maybe #
00:23:35 - # Just maybe... #
00:23:36 # Naughty girls
00:23:48 Don't worry.
00:23:58 # I've been told
00:24:02 # That you can't treat love
00:24:05 Any second,
00:24:07 # But I play rough
00:24:10 # 'Cause some guys like you
00:24:15 # Love was
00:24:18 # Never heard, how absurd... #
00:24:20 Any minute now.
00:24:22 # How could it be? #
00:24:24 # But now I can't believe
00:24:28 # How I feel, now you steal #
00:24:30 # My heart away from me #
00:24:33 # Used to be so good
00:24:35 # Sex was something
00:24:38 Wow, that guy's being awfully
00:24:41 Uh, Randal...?!
00:24:43 Where the fuck's the chick?
00:24:49 # Baby, don't let me
00:24:54 # Temporary love's so bad... #
00:24:55 Yo, Freddie fucking Mercury,
00:24:58 # Then along came you... #
00:24:59 Right here.
00:25:00 # Now I know it's true... #
00:25:01 I thought that's the sexy stud.
00:25:04 I'm the sexy stud.
00:25:07 # Then came you... #
00:25:10 But this donkey's a dude.
00:25:12 Kelly can be
00:25:15 # Yes, it's true #
00:25:16 # I'm in love with you #
00:25:17 # And believe it, baby #
00:25:20 # This time,
00:25:23 (groans)
00:25:24 Due to some
00:25:26 there's not gonna be any chick.
00:25:29 Well, who the fuck's
00:25:31 # Ooh, it's only you I adore #
00:25:35 # So much more
00:25:39 Oh!
00:25:40 # Yes, your love
00:25:42 I have a huge boner right now.
00:25:46 # In my heart... #
00:25:48 Oh, my God!
00:25:50 Becky!
00:25:52 Where did you go?
00:25:53 What the fuck is going on here?
00:25:56 Uh, inter-species erotica.
00:25:58 Are you okay?
00:26:00 I'm disgusted and repulsed
00:26:03 and I can't look away.
00:26:05 # Baby, don't let me
00:26:08 It's huge!
00:26:10 # Temporary love's so bad... #
00:26:11 - (donkey brays)
00:26:12 # Then along came you... #
00:26:14 We need to talk.
00:26:15 Did you see the size
00:26:17 I love you.
00:26:20 And-and I think
00:26:24 Uh, of-of course.
00:26:27 I mean, we're friends.
00:26:28 L-I think you love me
00:26:33 It's okay.
00:26:34 But l-I don't believe
00:26:37 I think you do.
00:26:40 Do you really want
00:26:42 # But it feels so good #
00:26:44 - (sighs)
00:26:46 Well, I guess the show's over.
00:26:49 I don't think so, sir.
00:26:51 # Naughty girls
00:27:01 If he's gonna jerk off,
00:27:03 I'm gonna jerk off, too.
00:27:04 I don't think
00:27:09 # So moving like you're 40 #
00:27:11 # This groove
00:27:14 # Can't you see? #
00:27:15 # I want you just for me #
00:27:17 - # Boys, make some noise... #
00:27:19 Yo, you guys
00:27:21 The big guy's gonna cornole
00:27:25 Hold that thought.
00:27:27 # Freeze, freeze,
00:27:32 (moaning)
00:27:37 I hope that donkey doesn't have
00:27:40 # Temporary love's so bad... #
00:27:42 All right, I do.
00:27:44 Do what?
00:27:46 # Then along came you... #
00:27:49 I do love you.
00:27:57 # Temporary, temporary... #
00:28:03 What kind of sick
00:28:06 watching a guy fuck a donkey?
00:28:08 # Naughty girls need love #
00:28:10 # Baby, baby #
00:28:13 (sobbing)
00:28:14 I'm sorry, Jesus.
00:28:17 (moaning)
00:28:19 # Then along came you... #
00:28:27 Dante?
00:28:39 What's going on?
00:28:41 Ooh, cake.
00:28:43 (moans)
00:28:45 Yo, I was outside taking a piss
00:28:47 Congrats!
00:28:51 You're having a baby, right?
00:28:54 No. Who said that?
00:29:00 Some asshole.
00:29:04 # Temporary, temporary... #
00:29:11 I'm sorry.
00:29:13 # Naughty girls need love... #
00:29:16 You fuck!
00:29:18 (thud, Dante groans)
00:29:21 Quick, hit that
00:29:27 Hey, want to go out sometime?
00:29:34 Emma, I don't...
00:29:37 Take him, you fucking whore.
00:29:40 (ring jingles as it bounces
00:29:44 Emma!
00:29:48 (sirens blaring)
00:29:49 Oh, no.
00:29:52 # Don't let me #
00:29:54 # Baby #
00:29:55 # Temporary love's so bad #
00:29:57 # Temporary love's
00:29:59 # Then along came you... #
00:30:01 Oh, shit, not again.
00:30:04 (moans)
00:30:05 Yo, cops are outside,
00:30:07 and I'm still on probation.
00:30:11 - (sighs)
00:30:15 What the fuck?
00:30:17 (brays)
00:30:21 Porch monkey?!
00:30:23 Oh, no, no, it's cool.
00:30:24 I'm taking it back.
00:30:25 (whooping)
00:30:27 I love pussy and beer!
00:30:30 Whoo-hoo!
00:30:36 (groans)
00:30:43 Deja fucking vu, right?
00:30:56 Jail cell design hasn't changed
00:31:01 Maybe it's time they brought in
00:31:03 Or they can make
00:31:04 a hard plastic cage
00:31:08 No, come on, dude,
00:31:09 let's keep it in the real world,
00:31:13 But you know
00:31:14 Carbonite.
00:31:18 What do you think, Dante?
00:31:21 I think I'm gonna kill you!
00:31:22 Get off of me!
00:31:24 What up?! Steel cage match!
00:31:26 You ruined my life!
00:31:27 Your life was already ruined!
00:31:30 Jesus!
00:31:31 What were you thinking?
00:31:32 A fucking donkey show?!
00:31:33 It was your going-away present!
00:31:35 DANTE:
00:31:36 I just never thought
00:31:37 SEXY STUD:
00:31:40 You can't be imprisoned
00:31:42 for watching
00:31:44 You guys'll walk.
00:31:46 The most I'll get'll be a fine
00:31:48 and a lot of disgusted looks
00:31:51 who can't appreciate
00:31:54 Hey!
00:31:55 (chuckles)
00:31:57 (sighs)
00:31:59 I miss my donkey.
00:32:03 I can't believe you.
00:32:05 I finally get my shit together.
00:32:06 I'm hours
00:32:08 and really starting my life,
00:32:11 to obliterate all that
00:32:13 Oh, yeah, it's my fault
00:32:16 I'm the engaged guy
00:32:19 You knocked up the guy
00:32:22 (chuckling):
00:32:24 Would you shut up?
00:32:25 (chuckling)
00:32:27 You're chaos incarnate, man.
00:32:28 Our whole lives,
00:32:29 you've been getting me into
00:32:32 Oh, I'm holding you back, right?
00:32:33 I remember, like, ten years ago,
00:32:35 the night we went
00:32:37 you were all like, "I need
00:32:39 You said, "Shit
00:32:42 You got all fired up about
00:32:44 and what'd you do?
00:32:45 You worked at the store
00:32:48 I took courses at Brookdale.
00:32:49 And dropped out.
00:32:50 Because you stopped going.
00:32:52 Because we were just killing
00:32:55 One semester,
00:32:56 we took Criminology,
00:32:58 What the fuck were we training
00:33:00 DANTE:
00:33:02 instead of wasting our lives in
00:33:05 RANDAL:
00:33:06 You can badmouth Quick Stop all
00:33:09 I loved working there.
00:33:10 I look back on that period
00:33:14 Now I know you're fuckir nuts.
00:33:15 Why? Because I enjoyed
00:33:19 I got to watch movies,
00:33:20 fuck with assholes,
00:33:23 all day.
00:33:24 Can you think of a better way
00:33:25 Yeah, maybe it's not
00:33:27 but it was pretty fucking good.
00:33:29 (laughs)
00:33:30 Man, that's you all over.
00:33:31 Scrape by with the bare minimum.
00:33:33 Well, I'm tired of that, Randal.
00:33:36 I'm not in high school anymore.
00:33:37 Shit, I'm not
00:33:39 I don't want to sit around
00:33:41 while eating free food.
00:33:42 That's what you want to do.
00:33:44 That's what you've
00:33:46 Well, if that's all you want out
00:33:48 but I refuse to let your shit
00:33:51 No. I'm gonna smooth
00:33:54 go to Florida
00:33:55 and start
00:34:00 And try to forget these last
00:34:10 So that's the way you see all
00:34:16 That's weird, man.
00:34:18 I thought you were
00:34:20 who got me and had my back...
00:34:22 the only person
00:34:25 'cause I assumed
00:34:26 the same way I feel about you.
00:34:29 Then, all of a sudden, one day,
00:34:32 Do you know
00:34:36 I'm looking at a future
00:34:38 because you're
00:34:40 And you're not
00:34:41 for a life
00:34:43 It's just a stupid,
00:34:45 you think you should embrace
00:34:46 because you're getting old
00:34:48 because it's the kind of life
00:34:53 You're a fucking drone, dude.
00:34:55 DANTE:
00:34:56 Then the next friend
00:34:58 can be a totally free spirit.
00:35:00 How's that?
00:35:01 You think I want to start
00:35:05 Christ.
00:35:07 Who would want me
00:35:10 I hate everyone, and everything
00:35:16 ...but you were always
00:35:19 the guy who was the yin
00:35:24 But now what the fuck am I gonna
00:35:30 I mean, shit, I really wish
00:35:31 you would've told me this
00:35:33 that one day,
00:35:34 on our friendship,
00:35:36 because if I had known
00:35:38 a few decades later...
00:35:41 I wouldn't have even bothered
00:35:43 in the first place.
00:35:48 Jesus, why don't you two
00:35:49 just fuck and get it
00:35:53 (muttering):
00:35:54 Why can't you ever say
00:35:59 Well, what the fuck
00:36:01 That's your cue, man.
00:36:14 I got nothing.
00:36:17 Jesus fucking Christ,
00:36:18 you mute fuck?!
00:36:20 You know what?
00:36:21 Like, what do you ever add
00:36:24 You got, like, one answer
00:36:27 Oh, then, man, you must love
00:36:29 'cause he's the biggest pussy
00:36:31 The dude who lives his life
00:36:33 according
00:36:34 "I got to go to Florida
00:36:36 and get married, 'cause that's
00:36:38 And the fuckir insane part is,
00:36:41 about the chick he's marrying
00:36:43 never mind the fact
00:36:44 a perfectly good chick
00:36:45 right here in Jersey
00:36:48 and even Anne fuckir Frank
00:36:51 God knows why.
00:36:53 And she likes you
00:36:55 She ain't trying
00:36:57 you'll never fit into.
00:36:58 Not to mention the fact
00:37:00 your hideous fucking CHUD
00:37:03 Jesus, if you had any sense
00:37:04 you'd fuckir stop trying
00:37:06 to bray it up
00:37:07 and live your life
00:37:10 you fuckir ass!
00:37:12 Oh, yeah?
00:37:14 You obviously have
00:37:15 on your life.
00:37:16 Tell me what you would do
00:37:18 or even what you'd do
00:37:20 Swing that judgmental pendulum
00:37:23 and tell me how you'd solve
00:37:25 What the fuck would the
00:37:27 if he were half the
00:37:28 that I'm supposed to be?!
00:37:30 I'd buy the Quick Stop
00:37:36 That's what I'd do.
00:37:38 That's what we should do.
00:37:41 Yeah, right.
00:37:43 Who-who are we, Lance Dowds?
00:37:45 Do you know
00:37:47 to buy the Quick Stop?
00:37:48 Like, 50 grand, easy.
00:37:50 And neither one of us have
00:37:59 (sighs)
00:38:01 JAY:
00:38:07 That's right.
00:38:11 You guys would be willing
00:38:13 so we can reopen the stores?
00:38:18 Sure, on two conditions.
00:38:21 One: We can hang out
00:38:23 anytime we want, and
00:38:26 And two:
00:38:28 You have to blow each other,
00:38:30 and we get to watch.
00:38:32 Then you have
00:38:38 All right, just
00:38:42 Seriously?
00:38:43 Do I stutter?
00:38:44 Yeah, seriously.
00:38:50 What do you think?
00:38:52 (sighs)
00:38:54 I almost hate to say it, but...
00:38:57 it kind of makes sense.
00:39:00 Hey, maybe that's why we spent
00:39:03 why college
00:39:04 or anything else
00:39:07 I mean, think about it, man.
00:39:09 You and me running
00:39:10 instead of working
00:39:14 Could be
00:39:18 Yeah, it really could.
00:39:26 But I don't know, man.
00:39:28 I was this close
00:39:32 Jesus.
00:39:35 You're actually gonna make me
00:39:40 (sighs)
00:39:42 Can you guys cover your ears
00:39:54 You're my best friend...
00:39:58 and I love you.
00:40:02 In a totally heterosexual way.
00:40:05 Yeah, right.
00:40:09 Please, man, don't leave me.
00:40:17 Thanks.
00:40:26 That'll be $5.79.
00:40:27 # #
00:40:38 I mean, you already taught me
00:40:41 I mean... l-I know you
00:40:47 # I am the kindest soul
00:40:54 # I have the bravest heart #
00:40:57 # That you've ever seen #
00:40:59 Is that a yes?
00:41:01 What took you so long?
00:41:04 #... I am sometimes #
00:41:06 # You see everything #
00:41:09 # You see every part #
00:41:13 # You see all my light #
00:41:16 "One ring to rule them all."
00:41:20 # You dig everything #
00:41:23 # Of which I'm ashamed #
00:41:26 # There's not anything
00:41:32 # And you're still here #
00:41:37 # What I resist #
00:41:40 # Persists and speaks #
00:41:43 # Louder than #
00:41:47 # I know #
00:41:51 # What I resist #
00:41:53 # You love, no matter #
00:41:57 # How low #
00:41:59 # Or high I go... #
00:42:01 Come on!
00:42:03 # You see everything #
00:42:06 # You see every part #
00:42:09 # You see all my light #
00:42:12 # And you love my dark #
00:42:16 # You dig everything #
00:42:19 # Of which I'm ashamed #
00:42:23 # There's not anything
00:42:29 # And you're still here #
00:42:31 # You see everything #
00:42:34 - # You see every part #
00:42:38 # You see all my light #
00:42:41 - # And you love my dark #
00:42:45 # You dig everything #
00:42:48 # Of which I'm ashamed #
00:42:51 # There's not anything
00:42:55 # And you're still here. #
00:42:58 # #
00:43:04 (song ends)
00:43:15 (traffic passing by)
00:43:29 ("Goodbye Horses"playing)
00:43:31 Oh!
00:43:37 Thanks.
00:43:40 Pack of cigarettes?
00:43:48 You know what?
00:43:50 You're not even supposed
00:43:53 (chuckles)
00:43:55 (sighs):
00:43:58 Feel what?
00:44:00 Today is the first day
00:44:03 (light acoustic intro
00:44:13 # They say misery #
00:44:17 # Loves company #
00:44:21 # We could start a company #
00:44:26 # And make misery #
00:44:29 # Frustrated, Incorporated #
00:44:37 # Well, I know
00:44:40 # I might just have the thing #
00:44:42 # I know what you'd pay #
00:44:46 # To see #
00:44:51 # Put me out of my misery #
00:44:55 # I'd do it for you #
00:44:56 # Would you do it for me? #
00:44:59 # We will always be busy #
00:45:03 # Making misery #
00:45:11 # We could build a factory #
00:45:15 # And make misery #
00:45:20 # We'll create the cure #
00:45:24 # We made the disease #
00:45:27 # Frustrated, Incorporated #
00:45:35 # Frustrated, Incorporated #
00:45:43 # Well, I know
00:45:46 # I might just have the thing #
00:45:49 # I know what you'd pay #
00:45:53 # To feel #
00:45:57 # Put me out of my misery #
00:46:01 # All you suicide kings
00:46:05 # Forever after happily #
00:46:10 # Making misery #
00:46:24 # #
00:46:34 # Did you satisfy your greed? #
00:46:39 # Get what you need? #
00:46:42 # Was it only envy? #
00:46:47 # So empty #
00:46:50 # Frustrated, Incorporated #
00:46:59 # Frustrated,
00:47:07 # Frustrated, Incorporated #
00:47:11 # Put me out of my misery #
00:47:15 # Frustrated, Incorporated #
00:47:19 # I'd do it for you,
00:47:24 # Frustrated, Incorporated #
00:47:28 # Ever after happily #
00:47:32 # Frustrated, Incorporated #
00:47:36 # Making misery #
00:47:40 # Frustrated, Incorporated #
00:47:44 # Put me out of my misery #
00:47:48 # Frustrated, Incorporated #
00:47:52 # I'd do it for you,
00:47:56 # Frustrated, Incorporated #
00:48:01 # Put me out of my misery #
00:48:04 # Frustrated, Incorporated. #
00:48:16 (song ends)
00:48:19 # #
00:48:43 # #
00:49:08 # #
00:49:33 # #
00:49:58 # #
00:50:19 SEXY STUD:
00:50:21 Hey!
00:50:23 (dramatic music stinger)
00:50:24 Snooge to the nooge!
00:50:26 (choking):
00:50:28 (grunts)
00:50:33 (whistling)