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Clerks en
00:00:44	[Telephone Ringing]
00:00:49	[Ringing Continues ]
00:01:12	Hello.
00:01:15	What?.
00:01:17	No, I don't work today.
00:01:21	I'm playing hockey at 2:00.
00:01:26	Why don't you call Randal?
00:01:29	'Cause I'm fuckin'tired!
00:01:33	I just closed last night.
00:01:38	What?.
00:01:40	I've got a hockey game!.
00:01:46	I'm not doing it.
00:01:49	Jesus.
00:01:53	What time do you think
00:01:58	Be there by 1 2:00?.
00:02:01	Swear you'll be there by 1 2:00
00:02:05	12:00 orl walk.
00:02:11	##["Clerks"]
00:02:16	[ Slurping ]
00:02:45	# It's a meaningless end
00:02:49	# Got no time
00:02:53	# Got no choice
00:02:57	# It just brings me to laughter#
00:03:01	- #Just save up
00:03:05	# Let's see whatyou'llfind
00:03:09	# I guess I'm living day-to-day#
00:03:14	#Just hope that you get
00:03:18	# I guess I'm living day-to-day#
00:03:22	# Hearwhat I say,yeah#
00:03:25	#Just save up
00:03:30	# Let's see whatyou'll find
00:03:51	# Ijust diedfora piece
00:03:55	# I'dbe glad tojust feast
00:03:59	# Andnowjust
00:04:03	# Itjust brings me to laughter#
00:04:06	#Justsave up
00:04:11	- # Let's see whatyou'll find
00:04:16	# I guess I'm living day-to-day
00:04:20	#Just hope thatyou get
00:04:24	# I guess I'm living day-to-day#
00:04:27	# Hearwhat I say#
00:05:04	# It's a meaningless end
00:05:08	# Got no time
00:05:12	# Got no choice
00:05:16	# Itjust brings me to laughter #
00:05:21	#Just save up
00:05:25	# Let's see whatyou find
00:05:30	# I guess I'm living day-to-day
00:05:34	#Just hope thatyou
00:05:36	# Hell,yeah#
00:05:39	# I guess I'm living day-to-day
00:05:41	# Hearwhat I say
00:05:44	# Ooh-hoo ##
00:05:55	Thanks.
00:05:57	- Doyou mind ifl drink this here?.
00:06:00	- You open?
00:06:03	- Pack of cigarettes.
00:06:06	- Am I sure?.
00:06:08	- Am I sure aboutwhat?.
00:06:11	- Are you serious?.
00:06:14	- What is this, a poll?.
00:06:17	I don't know.
00:06:20	Thirteen. Let's see,
00:06:23	- Am I right?.
00:06:26	That's your lung.
00:06:31	- You've gotta be shitting me.
00:06:34	- Here.
00:06:37	A trach ring. It's what they
00:06:41	-This one came out ofa 60-year-old man.
00:06:45	He smoked
00:06:48	- Used to put the cigarette
00:06:51	This is whereyou're heading. Cruddy lung,
00:06:55	- Doyou reallywant that?.
00:06:58	No, it's nevertoo late. Put the
00:07:03	- Here. Chewlies gum. Trythis.
00:07:06	It's cheaperthan cigarettes,
00:07:10	- Oh,Jesus!
00:07:13	Keep it.
00:07:15	- I'll just take the gum.
00:07:18	You made a verywise choice.
00:07:24	Ifyou're gonna drinkthat coffee,
00:07:28	I think I'll drink it
00:07:31	Ifyou're gonna drink it
00:07:35	Okay.
00:07:39	- Packof cigarettes. What's that?.
00:07:44	How long you been smoking?.
00:08:01	Yo, we need some tits and ass! Yeah!
00:08:13	I feel good today, Silent Bob.
00:08:16	And you knowwhatwe're gonna do?. We're
00:08:19	I'm gonna fuck this bitch.
00:08:22	I'll fuckanything
00:08:25	What the fuckyou lookin' at?.
00:08:28	Shit,yeah. Don't that motherfucker
00:08:31	You know, tonightwe're going
00:08:36	Remind me ifhe tries to buy something.
00:08:40	- [Girl Laughing]
00:08:44	Shit. Silent Bob, you're
00:08:47	You're cute as hell.
00:08:50	Iine up three otherguys,
00:08:54	Ew, you fucking faggot.
00:08:57	I love women!
00:08:59	Whatyou want,
00:09:02	-You sellin, man?.
00:09:06	5-0?. I never even
00:09:10	Yeah, man. I got hits, hash, coke, weed,
00:09:15	I'll take cash,
00:09:19	Come on, motherfucker.
00:09:21	You're spending what, 20, maybe
00:09:26	- Yeah.
00:09:28	Fifty-three dollars a week
00:09:32	Would you give somebody
00:09:34	That's whatyou're doing now by paying
00:09:39	We're gonna croaksometime.
00:09:41	It's that mentalitythat allows
00:09:45	Of coursewe're all gonna die someday!
00:09:49	Dowe have to actuallythrow
00:09:52	and say, "Please, Mr. Merchant of Death,
00:09:55	"sell me something thatwill
00:09:59	- andfrymylungs!"
00:10:02	No, of course
00:10:04	Notwhen you got people like
00:10:09	[Dante]
00:10:11	Here comes thespeech about howhe's
00:10:15	Let me tell you about
00:10:19	Theywere called Nazis!
00:10:21	Fuckin' Nazi.
00:10:23	They practicallywiped an entire
00:10:27	You know the people that partake
00:10:30	orthe selling ofthewares that
00:10:35	Doyou think he cares
00:10:38	- Fuck, no.
00:10:40	He smiles asyou buyyour cancer sticks
00:10:44	- I thinkyou oughta leave.
00:10:47	'Cause somebody's telling it like it is,
00:10:52	- Yeah.
00:10:55	I'm a disturbance?.
00:10:58	Here, now I am a customer.
00:11:02	I'm a customer engaged in a discussion
00:11:06	Shut upand
00:11:09	He's scared now
00:11:13	- He smells the change is coming!
00:11:16	Yeah, and the loss ofsales when
00:11:21	Man, we demand the right
00:11:24	- Oh, yeah!
00:11:26	We're gonna chew this gum,
00:11:31	Let's abolish this heinous act
00:11:33	Ifit means ruffling
00:11:35	ofsome convenience store
00:11:37	- Oh, now that's it, everybody out!
00:11:41	We have a constitutional right
00:11:45	-Yeah, but not in here.
00:11:49	Ifyou wanna stamp this thing out,
00:11:51	-Here!
00:11:54	In this area, you are responsible!
00:11:56	You encourage
00:11:58	You definitely are the source
00:12:02	For good, cancer merchant!
00:12:04	[ Chanting ]
00:12:10	[ Chanting ]
00:12:13	- [ Liquid Sprays ]
00:12:17	-Who's leading this mob?.
00:12:20	[ Coughing ]
00:12:23	[Woman]
00:12:32	Let's see some credentials.
00:12:38	You're a Chewlies gum
00:12:41	You're stirring up anti-smoking
00:12:46	Get out ofhere!
00:12:48	And you people-- Don'tyou havejobs
00:12:53	You oughta be ashamed ofyourselves.
00:12:57	Trythinking foryourselves beforeyou
00:13:01	[ Coughing, Clears Throat]
00:13:06	Uh, packof cigarettes?.
00:13:26	Looked likeTiananmen Square
00:13:31	Thankyou, Veronica. You saved me
00:13:38	Okay, champ, what's wrong?.
00:13:40	Alright, stupid question, but don'tyou
00:13:45	I have enough indignities in my life and
00:13:50	-At least theyweren't lit.
00:13:53	Then quit.
00:13:56	Please, Veronica,
00:13:58	All I'm saying is,
00:14:01	- I'm not even supposed to be here today!
00:14:04	I stopped byyour house. Your mom told me
00:14:07	The guy got sick.
00:14:10	- Don'tyou have a hockey game at 2:00?.
00:14:13	And I'm gonna play like shit because
00:14:16	-Why'dyou agree to come in then?.
00:14:19	Afterthat, I'm gone.
00:14:21	-Why don'tyou open the shutters?.
00:14:25	-You're kidding.
00:14:29	You look bushed.
00:14:31	I don't know.
00:14:34	-Whatwereyou doing up so late?.
00:14:36	Whatwereyou doing?.
00:14:38	Nothing! Do I gotta
00:14:40	Who's fighting?.
00:14:42	Who's defensive?.
00:14:45	Your boyfriend was just accosted
00:14:50	What?. What is it?.
00:14:53	- She called you, didn't she?.
00:14:56	I justwent through
00:14:58	and I haven't been having
00:15:02	What is that look?.
00:15:07	Fine. I wasn't talking to anybody,
00:15:12	Lookatyou, being
00:15:16	All right, fine.
00:15:20	All right.
00:15:23	Okay, miss pissypants, you just sit there
00:15:26	I don't even want a hug
00:15:32	I'll giveyou a dollar.
00:15:40	- Thanks.
00:15:43	Like three dollars in mixed change
00:15:46	This time in the morning,
00:15:49	-You're trusting.
00:15:52	How doyou know they're taking
00:15:56	Theoretically, people see money
00:15:59	theythink they're being watched.
00:16:01	Honestythrough paranoia.
00:16:03	Why doyou smell
00:16:05	I needed shoe polish
00:16:08	- Smell won't come off.
00:16:11	You thinkanybody can
00:16:13	Why, you wanna
00:16:15	- Can we?.
00:16:17	- I was kidding.
00:16:21	- Typically male point ofview.
00:16:24	Show some bedroom proficiency,
00:16:27	What aboutwhatwe do
00:16:30	Women as lovers are basicallythe same;,
00:16:33	- Be there?.
00:16:36	Insert somewhere close,
00:16:40	How flattering.
00:16:42	- Now, making a woman come,
00:16:48	Awoman makes a guy come,
00:16:51	A guy makes a woman come,
00:16:53	-And I actually dateyou?.
00:16:56	I'm insulted. Believe me, Don Juan,
00:17:01	Just being there, as you put it,
00:17:03	Hmm, I've touched a nerve.
00:17:05	I'm astonished you trivialize
00:17:08	Itwasn't directed atyou.
00:17:11	You're making
00:17:13	Those are my opinions
00:17:18	- How many?.
00:17:20	How many different girls
00:17:23	- Didn'twe have
00:17:25	- I don't remember. How many?.
00:17:29	It better be up to and including me.
00:17:31	-Twelve.
00:17:35	Includingyou?. Yes.
00:17:37	- Ow! What'dyou do that for?.
00:17:39	-Why'dyou hit me?.
00:17:42	Do I get to hityou
00:17:44	- Three.
00:17:46	- Three, including you.
00:17:49	- I'm not the pig you are.
00:17:51	- You!
00:17:54	-John Francin and Rob Stanslik.
00:17:57	That's whyyou should feel like a pig.
00:18:00	- You'll sleepwith anything
00:18:04	-Vegetable, meaning paraplegic.
00:18:08	- After dropping a bombshell
00:18:12	- I wantyou to comewith me on Monday.
00:18:14	To school.
00:18:17	into a scholastic program
00:18:21	- Can'twe ever have a discussion
00:18:24	You have so much potential
00:18:27	- I wishyou'd go backto school.
00:18:31	-Shit! Why'reyou getting up?.
00:18:36	Willam?.
00:18:38	Hey, Ronni.
00:18:40	What, doyou work here now?.
00:18:43	No, I was visiting my man.
00:18:47	Dante, this is Willam Black.
00:18:50	- Howyou doing?. Just the soda?.
00:18:55	Sowhereyou been, man?.
00:18:59	No, I transferred into Monmouth this year.
00:19:03	That's beautiful, man.
00:19:07	So,you still talkto Silvan?.
00:19:09	I just talked to her on Monday.
00:19:12	Oh, that's great.
00:19:14	Well,you two lovebirds
00:19:18	Bye. Take it easy.
00:19:21	- [Ronni] That was Snowball.
00:19:25	Silvan made it up.
00:19:29	What doyou mean?.
00:19:31	After he gets a blowjob,
00:19:34	into his mouth while kissing;
00:19:36	- He requests this?.
00:19:39	- Silvan can be talked into anything.
00:19:43	Likeyou said, she snowballed him.
00:19:45	- Silvan?. No, I snowballed him.
00:19:49	I'm serious.
00:19:51	-You sucked that guy's dick?.
00:19:55	You saidyou only had sexwith three
00:19:59	- Because I never had sexwith him.
00:20:02	Wewent out a few times.
00:20:05	Oh, myGod. Why did you tell me
00:20:08	Because I did only have sex
00:20:10	- It doesn't mean I didn't
00:20:14	- I'm sorry, Dante.
00:20:18	I understood thatyou had sex
00:20:21	- Please calm down.
00:20:23	- Dante, let it go!
00:20:25	Shut up a second
00:20:28	I didn't freakout like this when you
00:20:30	This is different.
00:20:43	Well?.
00:20:47	- Something like 36.
00:20:51	- Loweryourvoice.
00:20:54	Does that include me?.
00:20:57	- Uh... 37.
00:21:00	- I'm going to class.
00:21:03	-Thirty-seven! My girlfriend
00:21:08	- Whereyougoing?
00:21:11	how many guys I slept with becauseyou
00:21:14	Then you act all nonchalant about fucking
00:21:18	- No, butyou sucked enough dick!
00:21:21	- A few?.
00:21:23	Which, ifyou're too stupid to
00:21:28	All the other guys I wentwith
00:21:31	But don't lookat me like I'm
00:21:35	Why did you sucktheir dick?.
00:21:39	Because going down isn't a big deal.
00:21:41	I used to like a guy, we'd make out,
00:21:44	-But I only had sexwith the guys I loved.
00:21:47	I loveyou! Don't feel sick.
00:21:49	Everytime I kiss you,
00:21:51	- I'm going to school. Maybe later
00:21:55	Good-bye, Dante!
00:21:59	Hey, try not to suck any dick
00:22:03	Hey! Hey, you! Get back here.
00:22:16	I thought that placewas supposed
00:22:21	I've already called his house twice.
00:22:25	Hey, it's not like it's
00:22:28	I'd like to get paid
00:22:31	I walked in the other day,
00:22:34	- I'm sure hewasn't sleeping.
00:22:37	-Areyou calling me a liar?.
00:22:41	What the hell is that,
00:22:43	- Like he's some airtraffic controller?.
00:22:47	Wise ass too, huh?.
00:22:50	That's whyyou'rejockeying a register
00:22:54	instead ofworking at a steadyjob.
00:22:56	I've got no time to bullshit around here,
00:23:00	Make sure he gets that.
00:23:02	The number's 81 2. My name's Wynarski.
00:23:06	Ifyou tell me the title ofthe movie,
00:23:09	Don't hurtyourself, buddy.
00:23:15	[DoorOpens, Closes]
00:23:19	You forgotyour keys.
00:23:33	- Guy ain't hereyet.
00:23:36	- I've been here since 1 1 :00.
00:23:41	I would'vewent to Big Choice,
00:23:44	-Which one?.
00:23:46	You came forthat too?.
00:23:49	- I have first dibs.
00:23:51	Says me. I've been here for halfan hour.
00:23:54	- Ain't gonna happen, myfriend.
00:23:58	I'll betyou 20 bucksyou don't
00:24:01	-Twenty bucks?.
00:24:03	- All right, asshole. You're on.
00:24:22	You're late.
00:24:24	- What the hell areyou doing here?.
00:24:28	- Why are the shutters closed?.
00:24:30	- Bunch ofsavages in this town.
00:24:33	IfI'd knownyou were here,
00:24:36	- Whatsmells likeshoepolish?
00:24:43	- Hey, you see a set ofkeys around here?.
00:24:49	Fucking kids.
00:25:13	Some guyjust came in
00:25:16	Said the storewas closed fortwo hours
00:25:19	- Shocking abuse ofauthority.
00:25:23	especially since I rule.
00:25:26	- Is the pelican flying?.
00:25:29	I can't stand a voyeur. I'll be back.
00:25:48	- [Randal] You wantsomething
00:25:52	Whowas on your phone
00:25:54	- I was trying to call for halfan hour.
00:25:57	I wanted to useyour car.
00:26:00	You don'twanna know.
00:26:02	- You call Caitlin again?.
00:26:04	-You tell Veronica?.
00:26:08	-What doyou fight about?.
00:26:11	Shewants me to leave here and go
00:26:14	- I bet the most frequent topic
00:26:17	I'm going to offeryou some advice,
00:26:20	Forget Caitlin Bree.
00:26:22	- Seven months.
00:26:25	- How long you date Caitlin?.
00:26:27	Chick only madeyou nuts, man.
00:26:29	- Eight and a half.
00:26:31	Party atJohn Kay's, senioryear;
00:26:35	- Caitlin comes in and jumps all over me.
00:26:38	- No. In the middle ofit
00:26:41	That's not cheating.
00:26:44	- One time, I called this girl "mom."
00:26:47	- She thought I was Brad Michelson.
00:26:50	Shewas supposed to meet Brad in
00:26:53	- She didn't even know I was at the party.
00:26:55	- Great story, huh?.
00:26:57	Interesting postscript to that story.
00:27:01	- Your mother?.
00:27:03	- Chess team Alan Harris?.
00:27:07	- That's frightening.
00:27:10	In light ofthis lurid tale,
00:27:12	howyou could romanticize
00:27:14	She brokeyour heart and inadvertently
00:27:17	Therewas a lot ofgood
00:27:19	Aside from the cheating,
00:27:21	That's what high school was about:
00:27:24	-You thinkthings will
00:27:27	When she calls me now, she's a different
00:27:30	She's finishing college and about to enter
00:27:34	- Shit, I gotta place an order.
00:27:37	- I'm listening.
00:27:40	- I thinkthis is leading
00:27:44	I thinkthe arguments Veronica and I are
00:27:47	ofa subconscious desire
00:27:49	so I can pursue a more
00:27:52	- Caitlin's on the samewavelength?.
00:27:54	- I thinkall four ofyou better
00:27:58	You, Veronica, Caitlin
00:28:16	- Doyousell video tapes?
00:28:20	- "HappyScrappy Hero Pup."
00:28:23	I'm on the phonewith the distribution
00:28:26	- What's it called again?.
00:28:29	- [ Child ] HappyScrappy--
00:28:33	This is RSTVideo calling.
00:28:38	I'd like to place an order.
00:28:40	I need one each
00:28:42	"Whispers In TheWind,"
00:28:44	"Put ItWhere It Doesn't Belong,"
00:28:48	"All Tit Fucking, Volume Eight,"
00:28:51	"Ass WorshippingRimJobbers, "
00:28:55	"Cum Clean," "Cum Gargling Naked Sluts,"
00:28:59	"Cumming In Socks,"
00:29:02	"Huge BlackCocks
00:29:04	"Girls Who Crave Cock, "
00:29:07	"Men Alone II: The K.Y. Connection,"
00:29:11	oh, yeah, and, uh,
00:29:14	Yep. Oh, wait a minute.
00:29:38	Yes, I'dlike to check on
00:29:41	Today's edition.
00:29:44	It says, "Bree towed
00:29:48	No, everything's spelled fine. I was just
00:29:53	Idon'tknow, like
00:29:56	Maybe itshouldsay, "Caitlin Bray"
00:30:00	I'm a curious party.
00:30:05	I'm an ex-boyfriend, and, well...
00:30:07	I talk to herall the time and
00:30:11	That's whyI'm thinking
00:30:15	Are you sure?. Maybe there's
00:30:20	Meaninglike, someone who
00:30:24	andthis is his revenge by
00:30:29	Hello. Hello?.
00:30:38	[ Sniffing ]
00:30:41	Not on me, she says.
00:30:44	So I pull it out, and I bust
00:30:47	and I got out ofthere
00:30:49	I tell you, itwas a close call.
00:30:51	I don't care ifshe's my cousin,
00:30:54	-Lookwho it is. The fuckin' human vacuum.
00:30:58	-Just hanging with
00:31:01	- He's from Russia, too.
00:31:03	It's true. Silent Bob, am I lying?.
00:31:05	See, and Silent Bob
00:31:07	- What part of Russia?.
00:31:11	- Olaf, what part of Russia areyou from?.
00:31:16	- He only speaks Russian?.
00:31:20	- Is he staying here?.
00:31:23	- Hewants to be a metal singer.
00:31:25	Iswear. Olaf, metal.
00:31:28	That's his fucking metal face.
00:31:32	- [ Speaks Russian ]
00:31:35	- What did he say?.
00:31:38	- He reallywants to play metal?.
00:31:41	- It's called "FuckYourYankee
00:31:45	You gotta hear him sing.
00:31:48	- Come on, man, "Berserker"!
00:31:52	In English.
00:31:56	- Aah. Aah.
00:32:00	# My love foryou is like
00:32:05	#Would you like some
00:32:09	- That's fuckin'funny, man.
00:32:12	Wait, there's more.
00:32:15	# My love foryou is like
00:32:19	#Would you like to
00:32:23	[Science Fiction Movie Sounds,
00:32:28	[Sounds Stop]
00:32:45	- Come on, you fuckin' slut.
00:32:48	# My love foryou
00:32:52	#Would you like
00:32:58	That's beautiful, man.
00:33:04	Hold on to the counter
00:33:07	Usually I just turn
00:33:10	Maybewe oughta
00:33:13	They oughta put a warning on these things,
00:33:16	- I think it's coming!
00:33:21	Thanks. I thought I was going to
00:33:24	I'll throw this out
00:33:27	[ Chuckling ]
00:33:30	A littleword ofadvice: Sometimesyou
00:33:34	- [DoorOpens]
00:33:38	You know, that article's accurate?.
00:33:41	- You knowwhat I justwatched?.
00:33:44	- Return OfTheJedi.
00:33:49	What didyou like better: Jedi
00:33:53	- Empire.
00:33:55	Empire had the better ending.
00:33:57	I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off,
00:34:01	Han gets frozen, taken away by Boba Fett.
00:34:05	I mean, that's what life is:
00:34:08	All Jedi had was
00:34:11	Therewas something else going on
00:34:14	- They build another Death Star, right?.
00:34:17	The first onewas completed
00:34:20	Luke blew it up.
00:34:22	- The second onewas still being
00:34:26	Something just never sat rightwith me
00:34:29	I could never put myfinger on it,
00:34:32	-Andyou figured it out.
00:34:36	The onlypeople on boardwere
00:34:39	- Basically.
00:34:43	- And the second time around?.
00:34:47	- Itwas still under construction.
00:34:49	A construction job ofthat magnitude
00:34:52	a lot more manpowerthan
00:34:55	I'll bet they brought independent
00:34:57	- Plumbers, aluminum siders, roofers--
00:35:00	- Is thatwhatyou're getting at?.
00:35:03	To get it built quicklyand quietly,
00:35:06	You thinkthe average Storm Trooper
00:35:08	-All they know is killing.
00:35:13	- Why areyou so upset?.
00:35:18	casualties ofa war
00:35:21	Look, you're a roofer. Somejuicy
00:35:25	You got a wife and kids,
00:35:28	This is a government contract
00:35:31	Along come these left-wing militants
00:35:33	within a three-mile radius
00:35:35	Youdidn'taskforthat;
00:35:38	- You'rejust trying
00:35:41	- but what areyou talking about?.
00:35:44	Myfriend is trying to convince
00:35:49	were innocentvictims
00:35:52	I'm a contractor myself.
00:35:54	"Done And Ready
00:35:56	Speaking as a roofer,
00:36:00	- comes into play heavily
00:36:03	Threeweeks ago, I was offered a job up
00:36:06	Tons ofproperty.
00:36:09	Theytoldme ifl couldfinish it
00:36:13	- Then I realized whose house it was.
00:36:16	- Dominic Bambino's.
00:36:20	The same! The moneywas right,
00:36:24	I knewwho hewas, and based on that,
00:36:28	- Based on personal politics.
00:36:31	The nextweek, the Foresie family
00:36:35	- Myfriend was shot and killed.
00:36:40	I'm alive because Iknewthe risk
00:36:44	Myfriendwasn'tso lucky.
00:36:46	Anycontractorworking on that Death Star
00:36:50	Iftheygot killed, it's their own fault.
00:36:53	A roofer listens to this, not his wallet.
00:37:06	They say so much,
00:37:13	Are either one ofthese any good?.
00:37:16	- Sir?.
00:37:18	- Are either one ofthese any good?.
00:37:22	[ Sighs ] Well, haveyou heard anything
00:37:26	I find it's best to stay out
00:37:29	You mean you haven't heard anybody
00:37:33	Nope.
00:37:35	[ Sighs ]
00:37:39	-Well, what about these two?.
00:37:43	[ Sighs ]
00:37:46	- You weren't paying any attention.
00:37:50	I don't thinkyour manager
00:37:52	- I don't appreciateyour ruse, ma'am.
00:37:55	Your ruse.
00:37:59	I was only pointing out thatyou weren't
00:38:03	And I hope it feels good.
00:38:05	- You hopewhat feels good?.
00:38:09	There's nothing more exhilarating...
00:38:11	than pointing out
00:38:13	[ HeavySigh ]
00:38:16	-You will be missed.
00:38:22	- Hey,you're not allowed
00:38:26	Screw me?.
00:38:41	-You'll never believewhat
00:38:44	- She in here?.
00:38:48	This has been going on
00:38:50	- What's he lookingfor?
00:38:53	- Perfect dozen?.
00:38:56	- The quest isn't going well?
00:38:58	- Look at all the cartons
00:39:02	- I told him that, and he yelled at me.
00:39:04	He said it was important
00:39:07	It's not likeyou laid
00:39:10	I give him five more minutes.
00:39:13	I don't needthis.
00:39:17	Two packs of cigarettes.
00:39:22	- I'm as puzzled as you.
00:39:25	- You know him?.
00:39:29	- Let me guess. He's looking
00:39:32	- I'llbetyou a million dollars
00:39:36	I saw it happen in Food City,
00:39:40	Stock boysaidhe'dbeen looking through
00:39:43	doingallsorts
00:39:45	I askedhim whynobody called the manager.
00:39:48	two, three times a week,
00:39:50	- Get out of here.
00:39:52	They call it shell shock. Seems it
00:39:56	Theyusedto make a big dealofit,
00:39:59	because theyalwayspayforwhatever
00:40:02	Why guidance counselors?.
00:40:04	Ifyourjobwas as meaningless as theirs,
00:40:07	- Come to thinkofit,
00:40:11	It's important to have ajob
00:40:13	That's why I manually masturbate
00:40:29	[Young Girl]
00:40:57	Did you ever notice
00:41:01	Damn, that's eerie.
00:41:03	- Doyou know how much the average
00:41:07	The guythat cleans up the nudie booths
00:41:10	- "Nudie booth"?.
00:41:12	- You ever been in a nudie booth?.
00:41:15	Oh, man, it's great.
00:41:17	You go into this booth, and there's glass
00:41:19	- And they put on a show
00:41:23	Thinkoftheweirdest,
00:41:26	These chicks do it all. They insert things
00:41:30	-Any opening.
00:41:32	Thejizz-mopper's job is to clean it up
00:41:35	Practically everybody
00:41:38	I don't know ifyou know this,
00:41:41	- I will never come to this place again.
00:41:44	Using filthy language in front of
00:41:48	Oh, I-I'm sorry.
00:41:51	I don't know ifsorry
00:41:55	You've highly offended me.
00:41:57	Well, ifyou thinkthat's offensive,
00:42:01	Oh!
00:42:03	- I thinkyou can see her kidneys.
00:42:05	- You know he's only going
00:42:08	That guy's an asshole. Everybody
00:42:11	This jobwould be great
00:42:14	-Jesus! I'm gonna hear
00:42:18	You'd feel a lot better ifyou'd
00:42:21	Why?. I-I don't botherthem
00:42:24	Liar! Tell me there aren't
00:42:29	- There aren't!
00:42:31	Why don'tyou vent?. Ventyour
00:42:37	Well, I guess it isn't
00:42:40	Maybejust a group
00:42:43	-Well, let's hear it.
00:42:48	The Milk Maids?.
00:42:50	The women thatgo through everygallon
00:42:54	As ifsomewhere beyondall the other
00:42:57	that won't go bad
00:42:59	You know who I can do without?.
00:43:04	- Which ones?.
00:43:06	Whatwould you get for a six-year-old boy
00:43:10	So, doyou have
00:43:13	Doyou have that onewith that guywhowas
00:43:17	They never rent qualityflicks.
00:43:19	They always pickthe most
00:43:23	Oooh! NavySeals!
00:43:25	It's like, in ordertojoin, they have to
00:43:29	You think you get stupid questions?.
00:43:33	What doyou mean there's no ice?.
00:43:35	So, how much
00:43:41	Doyou sell hubcaps for a '72 Pinto
00:43:46	- See?. You vented.
00:43:49	- Why not?.
00:43:52	Jesus, you got a one-track mind.
00:43:55	Veronica!
00:43:59	- What happened to home by 1 2:00?.
00:44:03	- How comeyou're not in class?.
00:44:05	- So I stopped home
00:44:09	Peanut butter and jellywith the crusts
00:44:12	- It's lasagna.
00:44:15	Oh, you're the queen.
00:44:17	I'm glad you calmed down a bit.
00:44:20	- Thirty-seven?
00:44:23	Yes, I've calmed down.
00:44:27	- [SuckingSound]
00:44:35	- You had to tell him?.
00:44:39	- What did he say?.
00:44:42	And that madeyou feel better?.
00:44:44	And he said that most ofthem were college
00:44:48	- The ostrich syndrome:
00:44:51	- Thankyou for being rational.
00:44:54	- Couldn't get the shutters open?.
00:44:56	I called the locksmith.
00:44:59	Bummer. Well, I gotta head
00:45:02	-What timeyou get finished?.
00:45:06	So, I'll seeyou whenyou close then.
00:45:09	- Sure.
00:45:11	Seeyou when you close.
00:45:13	[DoorOpens, Closes]
00:45:21	[ Sucking Sound ]
00:45:24	[ Drum Beats ]
00:45:28	Ifyou're really
00:45:30	Smokeyandthe Bandit III
00:45:32	- I don't know. Burt's not in it.
00:45:37	Can you go next door?.
00:45:39	Smokey and the Bandit III,
00:45:42	Best Burtless movie ever made.
00:45:50	- Oh, what a cute cat. What's his name?.
00:45:56	Hello. Is Mr. Snyderthere?
00:46:00	Did he say he was on his way here?.
00:46:04	Yeah. The other guy
00:46:06	Mr. Snyder asked me to cover
00:46:09	He said he'd be here by 1 2:00
00:46:12	so I was justwondering if--
00:46:14	Excuse me?.
00:46:16	Vermont?.
00:46:18	No, that can't be.
00:46:21	He left atwhat time?.
00:46:24	He reallywent toVermont?. When the hell
00:46:28	He promised me he'd
00:46:31	Jesus, when does he get back?. Tuesday?.
00:46:36	I've got a hockey game at 2:00, and
00:46:38	And he's in Vermont?.
00:46:42	[ Sighing ]
00:46:45	So I'm stuck here until closing?.
00:46:48	Oh, this is just great.
00:46:52	Th--
00:46:54	No. No, I'm sorry.
00:46:59	Yeah, I know.
00:47:01	No, I-I'll be all right.
00:47:05	Well, that's all I can do, right?. Yeah.
00:47:08	-All right, thanks. Bye.
00:47:11	- Canyou fucking believe this?.
00:47:14	Not a word!
00:47:17	- So, what?. You're stuck here all day?.
00:47:19	- Why'd you apologize?.
00:47:21	I heard you apologize. Why?. You had
00:47:24	- I know!
00:47:27	- Ever backing down.
00:47:29	You always back down.
00:47:32	You come in on your day off;
00:47:35	- You knowwhat really pisses me off?.
00:47:38	- I'm going to miss the fucking game!
00:47:40	-Shut upwith that shit. It ain't helping!
00:47:44	- I'm sorry.
00:47:46	- I can't believe I'm going
00:47:50	You got a customer.
00:47:52	What? What doyou want?
00:47:59	I can't fucking believe this.
00:48:02	Yeah, hello, Sanford.
00:48:05	I can't playtoday.
00:48:09	Yeah, I know I'm not scheduled today--
00:48:13	Point is, I can't playtoday.
00:48:19	Wait a second.
00:48:23	Hold on. You feeling limber?.
00:48:43	- Pull my laces tighter, man.
00:48:46	this is one ofthe most ballsiest moves
00:48:48	I neverthoughtyou capable ofsuch
00:48:51	- I told him I had a game today.
00:48:54	- Insubordination rules.
00:48:57	- I'm gonna grab a Gatorade.
00:49:01	- So?.
00:49:03	- What doyou care, you shoe
00:49:06	- I can't have everybody
00:49:09	- You're closing the store to play hockey.
00:49:12	Will you let me maintain some semblance
00:49:15	No, I'm sayin' ifyou're gonna
00:49:17	not pussyoutwhen it
00:49:19	- He's right. As ifwe're going
00:49:22	All right!
00:49:24	- I hear Caitlin's marrying
00:49:27	- Can we not talk about this?.
00:49:30	Butyou're living in denial
00:49:32	- You going to lockthe store?.
00:49:35	Lookwhoyou're asking here.
00:49:38	-We're not playing in the street.
00:50:56	[Yelling, Wheels Rolling]
00:51:02	- Foul, man!Hit Sanford!
00:51:25	[Yelling]
00:51:30	You got nothin'!
00:51:39	- When is this period over?.
00:51:41	What, are you shitting me?.
00:51:44	-Just wait a few minutes.
00:51:47	Now, lose the skates, Dorothy Hamill,
00:51:51	- Dante, where areyou?
00:51:53	Fuck "in a second"!
00:51:57	- [Dante ] I canpass!
00:52:00	- Who areyou to make assessments?
00:52:04	- Dante,you in orout?
00:52:08	- Likeyou're any better?.
00:52:10	- Easyto say over there.
00:52:13	I'llknockyourfucking teeth
00:52:16	- You open?.
00:52:18	[Together]
00:52:22	All right, there's a stick over there.
00:52:24	Hey, Redding! Come on.
00:52:30	[Drum Roll]
00:52:39	[Electric GuitarStarts]
00:00:22	Whatthefuckyou talking about?.
00:00:25	I broughttheorangeone
00:00:28	Hey, anyballs down there?.
00:00:31	[Jay]Aboutthebiggestpair
00:00:35	- You only brought one ball?.
00:00:38	- [Redding]Dante hadthe balls.
00:00:41	Shit!
00:00:43	We gotwhat, 1 2 minutes
00:00:47	Fuck, fuck, fuck!
00:00:53	I still get free Gatorade, right?.
00:01:07	- Be careful.
00:01:10	You know, the insides ofthose has got
00:01:14	- So I'm told.
00:01:17	I had a friend that chewed glass
00:01:20	- And he got cancerfrom chewing
00:01:24	- Got hit by a bus.
00:01:30	Well, uh, that depends.
00:01:35	- Yeah, but it's for employees only.
00:01:38	But I, uh, thought maybe
00:01:41	I'm not soyoung anymore and I'm,
00:01:46	- Sure. In the back, through the cooler.
00:02:00	Say, uh, what kind oftoilet paper
00:02:04	- Thewhite kind.
00:02:07	I mean, is it rough
00:02:11	- Actually, it's kinda rough.
00:02:14	It's gonna knock the hell
00:02:17	I thought maybeyou could
00:02:20	I seeyou sell
00:02:23	-Yeah, but--
00:02:26	You said yourself
00:02:29	-Yeah, sure. Go ahead.
00:02:32	You're a lifesaver.
00:02:43	Say, young fella,
00:02:45	but, uh, maybe I could have
00:02:49	A paper or something?.
00:02:51	Sometimes it takes me a while...
00:02:53	and I like to have something
00:02:56	[Dante]
00:02:58	Thankyou, sonny boy.
00:03:14	- Think maybe I could have a magazine?.
00:03:19	One ofthe magazinesyou got
00:03:22	- The porno mags?.
00:03:25	I like the cartoons.
00:03:28	They draw some of
00:03:31	Not this one. Maybe the oneyou got
00:03:34	- They got biggertitties in there.
00:03:37	- Now leave me alone.
00:03:40	I appreciate it.
00:03:45	Hell ofa game.
00:03:47	One ball?. I close the store,
00:03:51	Hockey is hockey.
00:03:53	Twelve minutes is not a game.Jesus,
00:03:56	- Bitch, bitch, bitch.
00:04:01	- Hey, what happened
00:04:06	- No way.
00:04:09	- Know what Sanford toldme?
00:04:13	- Julie Doyer died.
00:04:15	- No, I'm serious.
00:04:17	Sanford's brother dates her cousin.
00:04:20	- How?. When?.
00:04:23	-Jesus!
00:04:26	- She died mid-backstroke.
00:04:30	Correct me ifI'm wrong, but
00:04:33	-Yeah, number six.
00:04:36	- I'm gonna go to herwake.
00:04:39	- What?
00:04:42	- Shit! What about tomorrow?
00:04:46	- You gotta watch the store.
00:04:48	- Has it occurred toyou that
00:04:52	True. But doyou know
00:04:55	- All her old classmates,
00:04:57	I'm not gonna miss what's probably
00:05:00	- You hate people!
00:05:04	Stop being an asshole.
00:05:06	- Ifyou go, I go.
00:05:09	She meant nothing toyou
00:05:11	- I'm not takingyou to this funeral.
00:05:13	- I can't close the store.
00:05:17	Exactly! Which means I can't
00:05:21	You were saying?.
00:05:23	Thanks for putting me in such
00:05:29	- Shewas prettyyoung, huh?.
00:05:32	- Embolism in a pool.
00:05:36	-That's nothing compared to
00:05:39	- He broke his neck.
00:05:43	He broke his neck
00:05:45	- Shut the hell up.
00:05:48	- Stop it.
00:05:50	- Oh, myGod!
00:05:54	- No.
00:05:57	- Because I nevertried
00:06:01	As ifa guy's a fucking pervert
00:06:04	You're as curious as the rest ofus, pal.
00:06:07	- Who found him?.
00:06:10	Itwas a mess. Hewas on his bed,
00:06:14	Mom freaked out.
00:06:18	- Made it, huh?. Dick in his mouth?.
00:06:22	Balls resting on his lips.
00:06:25	-Wow. He really made it.
00:06:31	- I can never reach.
00:06:34	-You know.
00:06:36	Yeah. Likeyou said, I guess everybody
00:06:41	I nevertried it.
00:06:45	Fucking pervert.
00:07:06	- I knew this was a bad idea
00:07:09	I can't help it. At least on the roof,
00:07:13	Nobody's there.
00:07:15	How many people ever come to the store
00:07:20	Let me in!
00:07:24	[Organ Playing]
00:07:26	[Bells Tolling]
00:08:26	- [ Door Closes ]
00:08:29	I'm tellingyou, itwasn't myfault.
00:08:31	-You knocked the casket over,
00:08:34	- Itwas an accident.
00:08:37	- So the casket fell over. Big deal.
00:08:40	I put her back in it. It's not like
00:08:43	-Just go open thevideo store.
00:08:47	Shut the fuck up,junkie.
00:08:50	[ Farting ]
00:08:51	- Would you just go open thevideo store?.
00:08:55	How manytimes have I told you
00:08:58	I'm not dealing.
00:09:00	- Haveyou got anything, man?.
00:09:04	Yo, what's with
00:09:06	Can't a guy publicly masturbate
00:09:13	- Let me borrowyour car.
00:09:16	- Fine.Just let me borrowyour car.
00:09:20	- I want to rent a movie.
00:09:23	- [ Sighs ]
00:09:25	- You work in a video store!
00:09:29	I want to go to a good video store
00:09:31	[Cat Meows]
00:09:33	And a packof cigarettes.
00:09:37	- Cute cat. What's its name?.
00:09:40	Fucking dickhead.
00:09:44	Can you imagine being halfway decent
00:09:47	- Let me borrowyour car.
00:09:49	Ifyou must.
00:09:51	We are employees ofQuickStop Convenience
00:09:54	As such, we have certain
00:09:58	- does mean manning the store
00:10:01	So playing hockey and attending wakes
00:10:04	There's a difference.
00:10:09	Now, renting videos, that's gratuitous,
00:10:11	being thatyou work
00:10:14	- Areyou open?.
00:10:16	- I don't care foryour rationale.
00:10:20	- Can I helpyou?.
00:10:23	- What's your point?.
00:10:26	You can'tjust do anything
00:10:30	"Space alien revealed
00:10:34	Report stock increase."
00:10:37	They print any kind ofshit
00:10:40	They certainly do. Three dollars.
00:10:42	- Your argument is that
00:10:45	The reason you won't let me
00:10:48	- and I'm supposed to follow it, right?.
00:10:50	I saw one one time that said...
00:10:54	"The nextweek,
00:10:56	In the nextweek's paper, they said...
00:10:59	"Wewere miraculously saved
00:11:02	by a koala-fish mutant bird."
00:11:05	[ Laughing ]
00:11:07	So I'm no more responsible for
00:11:11	Now that's stretching it. You're not
00:11:14	- Yeah, notyet.
00:11:19	I'm gonna breakyourfucking head,
00:11:22	- I'm sorry. He meant to hit me.
00:11:25	Here, let me refundyour money
00:11:28	I'll never come in here again.
00:11:30	And ifl seeyou again,
00:11:38	-What the fuckdidyou dothat for?.
00:11:40	One, I hate itwhen people can't shut up
00:11:44	- Oh,Jesus.
00:11:48	- What?.
00:11:51	I wouldn't be allowed
00:11:54	My point is that people
00:11:57	Even though I work in a video store,
00:12:00	- Agreed?.
00:12:04	I like to think
00:12:06	- Please get the hell outta here.
00:12:15	Sounds to me like somebody
00:12:18	- Excuse me?.
00:12:20	- It onlyweighs seven pounds.
00:12:24	I don't thinkso. Thatwas a grunt.
00:12:26	A deep inhalation ofoxygen
00:12:29	I'm a trainer. I knowwhat that sound
00:12:34	- I don't thinkso.
00:12:36	You made the same noise
00:12:39	Your muscles are thin,
00:12:42	-Theyare not!
00:12:44	-What areyou talkin' about?.
00:12:48	No tone either.
00:12:50	- You open?.
00:12:52	-Just the paper.
00:12:55	Hey, uh, let me askyou a question.
00:12:59	I don't know.
00:13:01	- I am-- I am not!
00:13:04	How much can you bench?.
00:13:06	- I don't know.
00:13:09	I know I can bench more than that.
00:13:11	I think the lady called it.
00:13:13	My ex-boyfriend was about his size...
00:13:15	but hewas much bulkier.
00:13:18	- Three-fifty, four.
00:13:21	Feel that.
00:13:23	Hey, that's tight.
00:13:26	Yeah. Now feel this.
00:13:28	- Oh, for God's sakes!
00:13:31	You knowyou're out ofshape.
00:13:33	Here. Take my card.
00:13:35	I can getyou on
00:13:37	- Areyou open?.
00:13:40	Excuse me. Haveyou
00:13:42	- Yeah, since 6:00 this morning.
00:13:45	I don't have love handles!
00:13:47	- We'reyou working here about 4:00?.
00:13:49	- It's probablyfrom being around
00:13:52	Ifl had towork here all day,
00:13:56	- I'm not out ofshape.
00:13:59	Dante Hicks. Why?.
00:14:01	You're Dante Hicks?.
00:14:05	- Because he's out ofshape!
00:14:08	Yeah. Doyou remember Alyssa Jones?.
00:14:11	- With Caitlin Bree!
00:14:13	You're Alyssa's sister Heather?.
00:14:15	- Yeah.
00:14:17	- Yeah.
00:14:19	A little tallerthan her?.
00:14:21	- Yeah.
00:14:24	You went to the same school.
00:14:26	- Yeah, how didyou knowthat?
00:14:28	- No, she's getting married.
00:14:31	No. To an Asian
00:14:33	Aw, shit!
00:14:35	Don't take this thewrong way,
00:14:38	- What?.
00:14:41	Whileyou twowere dating.
00:14:43	- You're Rick Daress?.
00:14:46	- You knowhim?
00:14:48	- Caitlin used to talk
00:14:51	Yeah,you were the guy
00:14:53	Wait a second. You used to fuck
00:14:58	Yeah, man. All the time.
00:15:00	[ Chuckles ] She told me
00:15:05	-The Glades motel?.
00:15:08	A buddy ofmineworked there
00:15:10	They used to film people.
00:15:13	Holy shit!
00:15:15	Aw, man, don't let it botheryou.
00:15:18	I'm surprised you didn't
00:15:20	Everybody in school knew about it.
00:15:23	Jesus Christ! What next?.
00:15:25	- Hereyou go.
00:15:27	- A fine for $500.
00:15:29	Five hundred bucks?.
00:15:31	Forviolation of NewJerseyStatute,
00:15:35	Any person who sells
00:15:38	ortobacco-related products,
00:15:41	- is regarded as disorderly.
00:15:44	According to the N.J.A.C...
00:15:47	the NewJersey Administration Code,
00:15:51	a fine ofno less than $250
00:15:55	any persons reported
00:15:57	- Ididn't do that.
00:16:00	I didn't sell any cigarettes
00:16:02	An angry mother called
00:16:05	and claimed that
00:16:07	soldherfour-year-olddaughter
00:16:10	The NewJersey Division ofTaxation
00:16:13	and sent me down
00:16:15	You claimed you wereworking here
00:16:18	The fine is doubled due to
00:16:21	But Ididn'tsellanycigarettes
00:16:23	You sold cigarettes to a four-year-old?.
00:16:26	That's sick, Dante.
00:16:28	I didn't sell cigarettes
00:16:30	The due date is on the bottom.
00:16:35	Failure to remit
00:16:38	will result in a charge
00:16:40	and a warrantwill be issued
00:16:42	- Have a nice day.
00:16:44	Hey, wait a minute!
00:16:48	Forget it. I don'twant to deal with a guy
00:16:52	Can I, uh, giveyou
00:16:55	Sure. How 'bout the beach?.
00:16:58	I like thewayyou think.
00:17:04	Jesus! What next?.
00:17:06	- [Woman] Dante?
00:17:32	- When did you get home?.
00:17:34	I can't believe it.
00:17:39	Dante, you have a customer.
00:17:45	I just saw Alyssa's
00:17:48	- Shewas with Rick Daress.
00:17:51	- How'd you get home?.
00:17:54	- I can't believeyou're here.
00:17:56	Uh, yeah. Back behind the oil.
00:17:58	Until Monday.
00:18:01	Packof cigarettes.
00:18:03	I saw the announcement
00:18:05	You know, she's marrying
00:18:07	So I'm told.
00:18:13	Man, it's fuckin' slow!
00:18:28	## [ Hip Hop]
00:18:51	You'rejust gonna close
00:18:54	I wanna talktoyou about something,
00:18:56	Something I read
00:18:58	-You saw it.
00:19:00	- It is notwhatyou think.
00:19:03	What is it, worse?. You're pregnantwith
00:19:06	-What's goin' on here?.
00:19:08	Wereyou gonna tell me,
00:19:10	I was gonna tell you, butwewere getting
00:19:14	You could've broken it
00:19:16	You could've started by
00:19:19	I know. I'm sorry, butwhen we
00:19:23	- And then he proposed last month.
00:19:25	Well, kind of. Sort of.
00:19:27	Is thatwhat theyteach you in that
00:19:30	Everybody knows about this except me!
00:19:33	I would've told you, and you would've
00:19:36	- How doyou know that?.
00:19:38	You prefer drastic measures
00:19:41	- Soyou're really getting married?.
00:19:43	- You're not really getting married?.
00:19:45	The story goes like this. He proposed to
00:19:50	and he insisted that
00:19:52	Then mymother
00:19:54	- Oh, how like her.
00:19:57	to let me know that
00:20:00	That's when I hopped a train to come back
00:20:03	- Thanks forthevote of confidence.
00:20:05	"Wreck" is a harsh term. "Disturbed"
00:20:10	Oh, I love a macho facade.
00:20:13	- What smells like shoe polish?.
00:20:17	The last thing I needed was foryou
00:20:20	- Butyou were!
00:20:23	I told you I'd been
00:20:25	Yeah, but not seriously. Christ,
00:20:28	I thinkthat constitutes something
00:20:30	- What's going on?.
00:20:33	-What?.
00:20:35	I don'twant to get married now.
00:20:39	I want to go to grad school afterthis,
00:20:42	I don'twant to be a wife first
00:20:45	when I'm gonna fit in
00:20:47	I have comewaytoo far
00:20:49	to let my education
00:20:52	And I know that's
00:20:54	Sang's just signed with a majorfirm, and
00:20:58	which would give me
00:21:00	- He's verytraditional.
00:21:02	- His name is "Sang"?. Past tense?.
00:21:06	Well, ifhe's so nice,
00:21:08	- I just toldyou.
00:21:11	Oh! Why, Mr. Hicks,
00:21:14	-Tell me I don't have something
00:21:18	- Oh,you lie!
00:21:20	I just believe in giving credit
00:21:22	and I believe I'm the impetus
00:21:24	IfI'm so nuts aboutyou, then why am I
00:21:28	Oh,Jesus.
00:21:31	I had to knockyou down
00:21:33	When I say I don'twant to get married,
00:21:36	I don'twant to marry anybody.
00:21:39	Who's asking?.
00:21:41	Well, good.
00:21:44	-Well, let's date.
00:21:47	they'd love that.
00:21:49	We can introduce the two ofthem.
00:21:51	You're serious?.
00:21:54	I wanna be
00:21:56	It's just the shock ofseeing me
00:21:58	- Believe me, you'll get over it.
00:22:01	I think it's time
00:22:03	I'm more mature,you're more mature.
00:22:06	- I'm already in thejob market.
00:22:09	Cute. Tell meyou wouldn't
00:22:11	after all the talking
00:22:13	The keyword here is "talk," Dante.
00:22:16	I thinkthe idea,
00:22:18	is a lot more idyllic than what actually
00:22:21	What arewe supposed to do?.
00:22:24	I don't know.
00:22:26	- Let me takeyou out tonight.
00:22:29	Yeah, a real date.
00:22:31	Oh, the "Dante Hicks
00:22:34	- I think I've been on that one before.
00:22:38	Well, how 'bout
00:22:40	Walk On The Boardwalk, Then Get
00:22:44	- I hearthat's kind ofa popular date.
00:22:46	God, here I am,
00:22:48	succumbing toyourwily charms, and
00:22:52	-What about Sing?. Sang.
00:22:55	- He's not invited.
00:22:57	I'm offeringyou my body,
00:23:00	He's just a boyfriend, Dante, and
00:23:04	ofwhy I came all
00:23:07	Duh! I'm about
00:23:10	And yes, allow me
00:23:13	You are the inspiration
00:23:16	thatwill probably get me ostracized
00:23:19	You ask mewho I choose.
00:23:21	I chooseyou.
00:23:24	- So, what areyou saying?.
00:23:27	- I'm just kidding!
00:23:30	- I'll ask Randal to close up
00:23:33	I thought he'd be
00:23:36	Hewent to go rent a movie.
00:23:38	Ah, screw it. I'll close up
00:23:40	You are too responsible.
00:23:44	They don't even know
00:23:46	And I should break
00:23:49	which is gonna cause
00:23:52	- Who doesn't?.
00:23:55	[ Sighs ]
00:23:58	but I will return
00:24:01	atwhich time,yes, I would love to
00:24:04	What happened to thewalk
00:24:06	I'm easy, but I'm not that easy.
00:24:08	Seeyou later, handsome.
00:24:15	Yes!
00:24:17	## [ Hip Hop]
00:24:51	- [DoorOpens]
00:24:55	"Best of Both Worlds"?.
00:24:57	Hermaphroditic porn.
00:25:00	You should see the box. Beautiful chicks
00:25:03	- And you rented this?.
00:25:06	- I got fined for selling
00:25:09	- Five hundred dollars.
00:25:11	No, I'm not.
00:25:15	Holy shit! I didn't even
00:25:17	- Living proof.
00:25:20	- I didn't. You did.
00:25:22	Yep. A little girl, maybe fouryears old.
00:25:24	- Holy shit! That girl?.
00:25:27	you've sold cigarettes
00:25:29	- Then how comeyou got the fine?.
00:25:32	- You're lyin'.
00:25:34	- Why aren'tyou
00:25:36	-You're happy?. You're
00:25:38	- No, I'm happy because
00:25:41	- I'm not. Shejust left.
00:25:43	She's not marrying that guy.
00:25:46	- You're kiddin'.
00:25:48	Well,you've had
00:25:50	Shewent home and she's getting ready
00:25:53	I feel so ineffectual.
00:25:55	Watch the storewhile I
00:25:57	What happened to
00:25:59	Well, this is myway
00:26:02	All right. You want me to bring
00:26:05	No, I might be leaving early
00:26:07	in which case,
00:26:09	All right, butyou're missin' out.
00:26:12	- I'll buythe book.
00:26:18	- Oh, he's so cute. What's his name?.
00:26:54	[ Laughing ]
00:26:59	[Woman Moaning]
00:27:04	Well,
00:27:06	scourge of
00:27:08	Ladies and gentlemen, Miss
00:27:12	You saw that article?. God, isn't it
00:27:16	- I take it she likes the guy.
00:27:20	- What areyou watching?.
00:27:23	What'dyour mom saywhenyou told her
00:27:26	She said not to come home
00:27:28	Wow! You got
00:27:30	What can I say?.
00:27:33	- Ooh, can I watch?.
00:27:35	- Can I join in?.
00:27:38	- I'm not a hermaphrodite.
00:27:41	Sowhat makes you thinkyou can maintain
00:27:45	Awoman's intuition.
00:27:47	Something inside ofme says it's time
00:27:50	Wow! Hey,you know,
00:27:53	-We both eat Chinese.
00:27:55	- Exactly.
00:27:58	Hewent home to change
00:28:00	- God, isn't he great?.
00:28:03	Oh, lord.
00:28:06	- There's no lights backthere.
00:28:09	There are, but for some reason
00:28:12	- You're kidding.
00:28:14	The boss doesn'twant to pay
00:28:16	'cause the electrician owes
00:28:19	- Such a sordid state ofaffairs.
00:28:22	torn between my loyaltyforthe boss
00:28:26	Well, I'll tryto manage.
00:28:28	Oh, hey, Caitlin?.
00:28:30	Break his heart again this time,
00:28:32	Nothing personal.
00:28:34	You areveryprotective ofhim, Randal.
00:28:37	Territoriality.
00:28:40	Oh, thatwas so cute.
00:28:44	[ Sighs ]
00:28:47	[People Screaming on TV]
00:28:49	[Clock Ticking]
00:28:51	[BedSqueaking,
00:28:55	Who eats cock?.
00:28:57	Bunch ofsavages in this town.
00:28:59	Hey, Caitlin's in the back.
00:29:01	- She's been back there a long time.
00:29:04	I told herthat.
00:29:07	Why don'tyou gojoin her?.
00:29:10	Oh, I loveyour sexytalk.
00:29:12	- "Poo-poo," "wee-wee."
00:29:14	[DoorOpening]
00:29:16	[Woman Moaning On Video ]
00:29:28	[Woman on Video ]
00:29:32	How did you get here so fast?.
00:29:34	I left like an hour ago.
00:29:36	Doyou always talk this weird
00:29:40	Maybe the Asian design major
00:29:42	- Could be.
00:29:46	Likewhat?.
00:29:48	When you just lay perfectly still
00:29:52	Am I missing something here?.
00:29:54	Okay.
00:29:55	I went backthere and Dante
00:29:58	- Hewas?.
00:30:01	He didn't say a word.
00:30:04	[ Sighs ]
00:30:07	You know. And, like,
00:30:11	Hejust sat there and
00:30:13	You dog! I didn't even
00:30:16	The fact that there
00:30:19	God, thatwas so great!
00:30:21	My legs are still shaking.
00:30:25	- Itwasn't me.
00:30:27	Yeah, right.
00:30:30	-Was ityou?.
00:30:32	-You two better quit it.
00:30:35	Oh, sowe didn'tjust
00:30:38	No.
00:30:43	Stop it.
00:30:45	I'm not fooling around.
00:30:48	-This isn't fucking funny, Dante.
00:30:51	- Whowent backthere?.
00:30:53	- I feel nauseous.
00:30:55	Well, I didn'tjust fuck myself!.
00:30:58	- God, I'm gonna be sick!
00:31:00	- Shut the fuck up!
00:31:02	- Call the police.
00:31:04	There's a stranger in our bathroom!
00:31:06	- She said she did all thework.
00:31:09	Who the fuck's in our bathroom?.
00:31:12	[Woman]
00:31:15	[Dante]Idon'tknow. Hejust came in
00:31:18	- What timewas this?.
00:31:20	What time
00:31:22	Um, like 3:00,
00:31:24	- What timewe get back from the funeral?.
00:31:27	- Wait. Whowas working here?.
00:31:29	I thoughtyou just saidyou went to
00:31:32	-Yeah, we did.
00:31:35	- Nobody. Itwas closed.
00:31:38	Well, everything happened so quickly,
00:31:41	- [Man]Can we take itnow?
00:31:49	Was he alivewhen Caitlin--
00:31:52	No. I place the time
00:31:54	Then how could she--
00:31:57	[Coroner] The bodycan
00:32:00	Didhe have the adult magazine
00:32:02	Uh, no. I gave it to him.
00:32:05	He asked me for it.
00:32:08	I can't say for certain until we get him
00:32:11	hewas masturbating,
00:32:13	That's when the girl found him.
00:32:15	Uh, something smells
00:32:17	This has got to be theweirdest thing
00:32:20	Actually, I once had to tag
00:32:25	What about Caitlin?.
00:32:27	[Coroner]Shock trauma. She's gonna
00:32:30	Myquestion is: How didshe come
00:32:33	She thought it was me.
00:32:36	What kind of convenience
00:32:42	[ Engine Running ]
00:32:51	[ Siren Blaring ]
00:32:58	[ Siren Fading ]
00:33:01	I knew that motherfucker's
00:33:07	Doyou thinkshewas talking
00:33:14	## [ Humming
00:33:22	Salsa shark.
00:33:24	"We're gonna need
00:33:28	Man goes into cage,
00:33:32	Shark's in the salsa.
00:33:35	Oh, what?.
00:33:37	You haven't said anything for, like,
00:33:40	- [ Sighs ] This life.
00:33:43	Why do I have this life?.
00:33:45	Have some chips.
00:33:47	I'm stuck in this pit,
00:33:51	working on my day off.
00:33:53	The goddamn steel shutters
00:33:55	I deal with every
00:33:58	I smell like shoe polish.
00:34:00	My ex-girlfriend is catatonic
00:34:03	and my present girlfriend
00:34:06	- Thirty-seven.
00:34:08	and ifyou don't mind,
00:34:11	- [Man] Youopen?
00:34:15	[Randal]
00:34:17	- You knowwhat the realproblem here is?
00:34:20	- You should shit or get offthe pot.
00:34:23	- Yeah, you should shit
00:34:25	I'm talking about this thing
00:34:29	- Fuckyou!
00:34:31	You sit there and blame life
00:34:33	never once accepting responsibility
00:34:36	-What responsibility?.
00:34:40	and the fact thatyou have to come in
00:34:43	- Like it's that easy.
00:34:46	There's otherjobs.
00:34:48	You're bound to be qualified for at least
00:34:51	- Leave me alone.
00:34:54	This is a life of convenience foryou,
00:34:57	would shatterthe pathetic microcosm
00:35:00	Oh! Likeyour life's any better.
00:35:02	I'm satisfied with my situation for now.
00:35:05	You, on the other hand,
00:35:07	Thankyou. Why don'tyou go back
00:35:09	- It's the same thing with Veronica.
00:35:11	You dateVeronica because it's convenient
00:35:15	But meanwhile, all you ever do
00:35:17	You carry a torch
00:35:19	- In high school, forGod's sakes.
00:35:23	Ifyou want Caitlin, then talktoVeronica
00:35:26	IfyouwantVeronica,
00:35:28	But don't pinefor one
00:35:31	Man, ifyouweren't
00:35:33	Ifl wasn't such a fucking coward.
00:35:35	It must be great to have this ability
00:35:38	-Am I right orwhat?.
00:35:40	Things happened today. Things that
00:35:43	Oh, what, the dead guy?.
00:35:47	Shit, my mom's been fuckin'
00:35:51	Caitlin and I can't be together.
00:35:53	Melodrama comin' from you seems about
00:35:57	What doyou want me to say?. "Yes, some
00:36:00	That's thewaythings are.
00:36:02	- Make 'em change.
00:36:05	Jesus, will you
00:36:07	I can't make changes in my life
00:36:10	But I don't have the ability
00:36:13	on the big money and
00:36:15	-Who areyou kidding?. You can so.
00:36:18	Soyou're gonna sit there and
00:36:23	My mothertold me once that
00:36:26	my potty lid was closed...
00:36:28	and instead ofme lifting it,
00:36:31	Lovely story.
00:36:33	The point is, I'm not
00:36:36	who'll disrupt things just
00:37:06	- [DoorOpening]
00:37:09	# Doin' coke, drinkin' beers #
00:37:13	Time to kick back, drink some beers
00:37:16	Done poisoning theyouth
00:37:18	Hell, yes, whateverthat means.
00:37:20	Now it's time to head overto Atlantic,
00:37:23	get ripped and, hopefully, get laid.
00:37:25	- [Dante]Oneseventy-nine.
00:37:28	- Yeah, you close soon?.
00:37:31	Yeah, we get off
00:37:33	- We should hang out. You get high?.
00:37:36	Wanna come to this partywith me tonight?.
00:37:38	With you?. I don't thinkso.
00:37:40	Oh, lookatyou.
00:37:43	- Nothing personal.
00:37:45	You're more
00:37:47	How doyou figure?. Hey, I can't believe--
00:37:50	Relax, bro.
00:37:52	What I mean is, you sell this shit
00:37:56	$1.79 for uh,
00:37:58	- It's notmystore.
00:38:01	-The difference is,
00:38:04	You take advantage ofpeople
00:38:08	- How much is a Pepsi here?.
00:38:11	At Food City,
00:38:13	- So?.
00:38:18	It's like, 99cents over Food City,
00:38:22	That's exploiting
00:38:25	Yo, what happened with that old guy?.
00:38:27	- He died in the bathroom.
00:38:30	I don't know. I wasn'twatching.
00:38:32	He probably saw that Caitlin chick. I know
00:38:35	Oh, come here, bitch.
00:38:37	- This whatyou want?
00:38:41	Oh, you used to go outwith her?.
00:38:43	Yeah, well, I thought
00:38:45	- Don'tyou already have a girlfriend?.
00:38:49	- Didn't I see her carrying
00:38:53	- And what, you're gonna dump her
00:38:56	I don't know, dude. That Caitlin chick's
00:38:59	doin' shit foryou all the time.
00:39:01	I saw her rubbin' your back,
00:39:04	- Didn't I see her change
00:39:07	All she did was unloosen
00:39:10	- Well, I know she does a lot foryou.
00:39:14	I had some girlfriends too, but all
00:39:18	Shit, my grandmother
00:39:20	Fuckin' a good plate
00:39:23	No, wait. I fucked up.
00:39:25	Meaning?.
00:39:27	I don't know. She was senile.
00:39:32	and shit herself.
00:39:34	Come on, Silent Bob. Let's get
00:39:37	with this fuckin' faggot Dante.
00:39:39	You cock smoker.
00:39:41	You know, there's a million
00:39:44	but they don't all bring ya
00:39:46	Most of'em just cheat on ya.
00:39:49	[Jay]
00:39:51	[Silent Bob]
00:39:55	He's right.
00:39:57	I love her.
00:40:00	So that's it. He doesn't loveyou anymore.
00:40:03	And he told you all ofthis?.
00:40:06	Pretty much. All except the latent
00:40:10	Uh-- I don't knowwhat to say.
00:40:12	Don't hold it against him. I mean, hejust
00:40:16	It's notyourfault.
00:40:19	L-Look. I don't know
00:40:23	So ifyou gotta cry or something,
00:40:26	- I'm not sad.
00:40:28	No. I'm more furious.
00:40:31	He's been killing timewhile he gets
00:40:35	Then he can't do it.
00:40:38	Wait, he didn't ask me
00:40:40	After all I've done
00:40:42	Now hewants to
00:40:44	- He can have his slut.
00:40:46	- I'm gonna talkto that asshole.
00:40:49	[ Sighs ]
00:40:52	What am I worried about?.
00:40:55	He'll probably be happy
00:40:58	I'm just looking out
00:41:00	That's what a friend does,
00:41:02	- I did him a favor.
00:41:06	Ow! What'd you do that for?.
00:41:08	Ifyou didn'twanna go outwith me
00:41:11	Instead you pussyfoot around and
00:41:14	- What areyou talking about?.
00:41:17	- Itwas only a few times.
00:41:19	freaking out because
00:41:21	- Oh, a couple?.
00:41:24	sneaking around
00:41:26	Ifyou think37 dicks are a lot,
00:41:29	I'm going to put the hookers
00:41:32	-Will you let me explain?.
00:41:34	Howyou've been waiting until
00:41:37	- It isn't like that!
00:41:39	Because I won't let it be. You want
00:41:43	- Idon't want Caitlin.
00:41:46	But I'm not going to hold your hand
00:41:48	I've tried with you, Dante.
00:41:50	I've encouragedyou toget out ofthis
00:41:53	to take charge ofyour life
00:41:55	I even transferred so maybe
00:41:57	to go back to college ifl was with you.
00:42:00	Everyone said itwas a stupid move,
00:42:02	Because I loved you
00:42:04	pull yourselfout ofthis senseless funk
00:42:06	since thatwhore dumped you
00:42:08	Nowyou wanna go backto her
00:42:11	- Idon't wanna go back--
00:42:14	You're caught, andnowyou're trying to
00:42:17	Well, I won't letyou.
00:42:19	I wantyou to follow through on
00:42:21	Andwhenshe dumpsyouagain--
00:42:26	I want to laugh in your face
00:42:28	that was whatyou gave up
00:42:30	I'm just glad that Randal had
00:42:33	- Randal?.
00:42:36	-You're spineless!
00:42:38	Fuckyou!
00:42:40	[GongRinging]
00:42:55	Dante?.
00:42:58	[Rock MusicStarts]
00:43:28	[ Grunting ]
00:43:51	How's your eye?.
00:43:53	The swelling's not that bad,
00:43:58	- How's your neck?.
00:44:03	You didn't have to choke me, you know.
00:44:05	Why did you tell Veronica that I was
00:44:08	- I thought I was doing you a favor.
00:44:11	You're always saying howyou
00:44:15	Thanks.
00:44:18	You still didn't have to choke me.
00:44:20	Oh, please.
00:44:23	-Whydoyou saythat?.
00:44:25	Randal--
00:44:27	- No, really. What did
00:44:30	Sometimes I thinkthe only reasonyou
00:44:33	- How doyou figure?.
00:44:36	Like 1 0:00, orten after.
00:44:38	You were over a halfan hour late.
00:44:41	-Yeah, to talktoyou.
00:44:45	Oh, it's not like I'm miles away.
00:44:47	Unlessyou're out rentingvideo
00:44:49	- Hermaphrodites. I rented it
00:44:54	You arguewith the customers,
00:44:57	You get us thrown out ofa funeral
00:44:59	Then to top it all off,you ruin my
00:45:03	Doyou, like, anally rape my mother
00:45:09	You knowwhat the real tragedy
00:45:12	I'm not even supposed
00:45:15	Oh, fuckyou!
00:45:18	Jesus, thereyou go,
00:45:20	I'm the source ofall your misery.
00:45:22	Who closed the store to play hockey?.
00:45:26	Who tried towin back
00:45:28	without even discussinghow
00:45:31	You wanna blame somebody?.
00:45:34	"I'm not even supposed to be here today."
00:45:38	Jesus, nobody twisted
00:45:40	You're here ofyour own volition.
00:45:42	You like to thinktheweight oftheworld
00:45:45	Iike this placewould fall apart
00:45:48	Jesus,youovercompensate forhaving
00:45:51	You push fuckin' buttons. Anybody
00:45:56	You're so obsessed with making it
00:45:59	so much more important
00:46:01	Christ, you work in a convenience store,
00:46:06	I work in a shittyvideo store,
00:46:09	You know, that guyJay's got it right, man.
00:46:13	Us, we like to make ourselves
00:46:16	than the people that come in here
00:46:20	We look down on them
00:46:22	Well, ifwe're so fuckin' advanced...
00:46:24	what arewe doin' workin' here?.
00:46:53	Hey, the floor looks pretty clean.
00:46:56	- Need a ride home?.
00:47:00	You workin' tomorrow?.
00:47:02	Same time. What aboutyou?.
00:47:04	I'm callin' out.
00:47:07	And then I'm gonna try
00:47:10	You wanna grab a bite
00:47:12	whenyou're donewith that
00:47:14	- I'll giveyou a call, letyou know.
00:47:17	Hey, good luckwith Veronica.
00:47:19	- Ifyou want, I can talkto her,
00:47:22	I think I can handle it.
00:47:24	We have a lot ofshit to talkabout.
00:47:27	- Hell ofa day.
00:47:30	Want me to do anything
00:47:33	Why don'tyou
00:47:35	- [ Scoffs ] No.
00:47:37	- No. No, no, no.
00:47:40	# Here comes Wrangler #
00:47:42	# He's one tough customer #
00:47:44	# He knows what he likes when he sees ##
00:47:52	You're closed.
00:48:23	What, you forget something?.
00:48:26	Oh, I'm sorry.
00:48:30	[Gunshot]

Clerks