Daddy Day Camp

en
00:01:38 Got some.
00:02:31 - Dad peed in his pants.
00:02:35 When I'm old,
00:02:43 Another year over. I can't believe it.
00:02:46 I can't believe our sons are 7.
00:02:48 In a couple years,
00:02:51 ...growing their hair long...
00:02:52 ...stealing your Suburban
00:02:56 Charlie, we have ourselves
00:03:00 Okay, I'll be a minute.
00:03:01 Phil. Phil.
00:03:04 Rare. Good. See?
00:03:08 Save room for cake.
00:03:18 Never mind that on the cake.
00:03:25 - Hey, Mom.
00:03:27 It was the end of Summer Olympiad
00:03:32 The final event: The relay race.
00:03:34 Coming down the stretch,
00:03:38 You were sweating sheets of rain.
00:03:39 You could barely move
00:03:41 - I was still in the lead.
00:03:43 I hand the baton to Charlie,
00:03:46 Then Lance Warner flew
00:03:50 I hated that snot-nosed little brat.
00:03:55 Honey, why is Ben going on and on
00:03:59 The permission slip's been
00:04:02 He really wants to go,
00:04:04 Well, Phil and I have talked,
00:04:08 - What do you mean?
00:04:11 All those snakes and spiders
00:04:13 Just because you had
00:04:16 ...doesn't mean
00:04:18 - What are you talking about?
00:04:22 I'm on the ground,
00:04:25 He stands there
00:04:27 Just over some stupid camp game.
00:04:30 I won't allow my son to let
00:04:34 He will know I love and support him
00:04:39 Good. Then you can love
00:04:42 You didn't hear what I just said?
00:04:44 Yes, I did, and he's not you,
00:04:50 Oh, and you're driving them.
00:05:12 There it is. Camp Canola.
00:05:16 You don't want to go to rival Canola.
00:05:18 But that's where everyone goes.
00:05:20 No, if you wanna go to camp,
00:05:24 Yeah, Camp Canola's
00:05:26 ...on a piece of swamp land.
00:05:46 At least, it used to be.
00:05:54 - Cool.
00:06:07 It's a lake. I don't remember a lake.
00:06:14 Well, this ain't nothing.
00:06:16 Wait till you see
00:06:18 Camp Driftwood.
00:06:33 What the heck?
00:06:41 Yeah, well, you're crazy, Morty.
00:06:44 ...you're ever gonna get
00:06:46 I'm doing you a favor, butthead.
00:06:51 - Are you folks lost?
00:06:56 You want to bring your kids here?
00:07:02 That's beautiful.
00:07:05 Yeah.
00:07:08 Hey, good luck with that.
00:07:18 Okay, kids, come on.
00:07:20 Didn't you hear? Camp's closed.
00:07:22 - Yes.
00:07:24 What happened?
00:07:27 Well, now seems
00:07:31 ...properly licensed and bonded.
00:07:33 They want Camp Canola
00:07:37 You guys went to Driftwood?
00:07:39 Yeah, we were here
00:07:40 Then you know. This place really used
00:07:45 And Canola was a dump.
00:07:49 ...eventually turned it over
00:07:53 What's gonna happen to Driftwood?
00:07:55 Well, soon I'm gonna have no choice
00:07:58 It's a pity. Because all he wants
00:08:03 Can you believe it?
00:08:05 That kid has been a pain in my heinie
00:08:09 I just hate to give that jerk
00:08:15 Warner? Lance Warner?
00:08:17 He wants to buy this camp
00:08:19 Our camp?
00:08:20 You bought a what?
00:08:22 Not the whole camp,
00:08:25 I know the day care center
00:08:28 ...but you've spent a lot
00:08:30 ...to accommodate more kids.
00:08:32 The Daddy Day Care brand
00:08:35 Re-purposing that brand into summer
00:08:38 Do you know how to run a camp?
00:08:40 That's just it. I'm not gonna run
00:08:43 Phil and I are just gonna help out.
00:08:45 So I'll spend as much time
00:08:48 But you hate the outdoors.
00:08:50 Yes, but I hate Lance Warner more.
00:08:54 Please just send him to Canola.
00:08:58 No. No way.
00:09:00 Listen, my father sent me to camp
00:09:06 Maybe I can give Ben
00:09:12 Just promise me you'll let...
00:09:15 ...this Uncle Morty do
00:09:17 I don't wanna have to send
00:09:20 ...to come rescue your lost butt
00:09:26 Come on, Sally, now,
00:09:30 Oh, you little tease.
00:09:32 Oh, you... I've gotcha.
00:09:37 It's another beautiful
00:09:40 Hey, that's great.
00:09:42 I can't thank you guys enough.
00:09:46 Yeah, well, with your help,
00:09:49 ...how to run a good
00:09:51 Swell. I'll see you guys
00:09:54 Say what, now?
00:09:56 Uncle Morty?
00:09:59 Excuse me. Morty, you can't leave.
00:10:03 You're supposed to be overseeing
00:10:06 I've been watching over this camp
00:10:08 It's time I took a vacation, partner.
00:10:11 Don't worry.
00:10:13 - He's the best counselor I got.
00:10:18 Wait. Come back.
00:10:29 What was that about?
00:10:32 This is my first day.
00:10:49 Charles Hinton?
00:10:51 - I'm Charlie.
00:10:54 No doubt your uncle Morty
00:10:57 ...we have against your property.
00:11:00 He just took his little fishy
00:11:02 As the business has no clients...
00:11:04 ...therefore no discernible
00:11:06 ...the bank will have no choice
00:11:09 - Foreclose?
00:11:12 Let me ask you something.
00:11:14 What if this camp could show
00:11:18 Continue.
00:11:19 We have run
00:11:22 ...successfully
00:11:24 Allow us to use the hard-earned trust
00:11:27 ...to build in new clientele.
00:11:29 I suppose I could recommend
00:11:31 ...that we extend the debt
00:11:34 Assuming, of course,
00:11:37 ...and a client base
00:11:40 We'll have it in tiptop shape
00:11:52 Yeah, you got a methane problem,
00:11:56 Gonna have to have
00:11:58 Oh, crap.
00:11:59 Yeah, you said it. Gonna need
00:12:02 ...new plumbing, the works.
00:12:06 - Hundred?
00:12:08 You know what?
00:12:12 It's your party, pally,
00:12:15 You boys best be careful.
00:12:21 - Phil.
00:13:34 Okay, here's your lunch, sweetie.
00:13:37 It's a sugar-free, wheat-free,
00:13:40 You have your Sidekick with text,
00:13:44 ...and waterproof sunscreen,
00:13:47 ...while it's still raining.
00:13:50 I'll be seven miles away.
00:13:52 And home before dinner.
00:13:54 Did you take your Xanax?
00:13:58 I don't wanna go to camp in the rain.
00:14:00 I wanna stay home
00:14:02 The brochure said there would be sun.
00:14:05 And for the love of God,
00:14:08 Take your Dramamine now
00:14:11 ...then later if you ride a horse...
00:14:13 ...or anything that bounces
00:14:16 - What about my Pepto?
00:14:19 And your Beano,
00:14:41 It's another beautiful woodchuck day.
00:14:49 Promise you'll put those games away
00:14:53 Die, alien scum, die.
00:14:57 Carl, please don't let the other kids
00:15:00 What am I? Dr. Phil?
00:15:02 I've got nothing to work with here.
00:15:06 Archibald Lawrence Mapleton?
00:15:08 Call me, Mullet. Business up front,
00:15:13 Juliette Stone?
00:15:15 Present.
00:15:19 Holy Hogwarts.
00:15:22 Watch the merchandise, dude.
00:15:46 - I still got it, huh?
00:15:54 Okay, this is it. Time to give them
00:16:12 They won't forget that.
00:16:26 Nature walkers, lotion up.
00:16:31 Okay, Robin Hoods, gather around.
00:16:33 Everybody take a bow.
00:16:35 There you go.
00:16:36 There's enough for everyone.
00:16:56 Hey, Romeo.
00:16:59 No. That's okay.
00:17:03 Right. Kill your Orc, you dork.
00:17:07 Dad, I want to be
00:17:10 I'm older than these babies.
00:17:13 I didn't sign up to be with no skirts.
00:17:16 They got cooties.
00:17:17 There's no such thing as cooties.
00:17:19 It's simply a term used to express
00:17:22 ...of those not of our gender.
00:17:35 Stop arguing.
00:17:41 You wanted to accommodate children
00:17:44 Well, at this point,
00:17:52 Look, here we have grass.
00:17:56 How many more to go?
00:17:58 Everybody gather round. Get in here.
00:18:02 Can anyone tell me
00:18:06 An oak?
00:18:08 Yeah. Sure. Okay.
00:18:11 Look over here, some berries,
00:18:14 I wouldn't eat them, though.
00:18:17 Poison ivy. Keep moving, slowly,
00:18:21 Come on, slowly. Don't touch it.
00:18:23 Careful, careful. Okay.
00:18:27 That would be a leaf.
00:18:31 Ready. Aim.
00:18:33 Wait. There's a bunny.
00:18:36 We can't shoot with a bunny
00:18:38 He's way off to the side.
00:18:40 Yes, we can. That's good eating.
00:18:43 No, it's not.
00:18:46 Wait. All right, kids, hang on.
00:18:51 So the rebel Borg rogue vessel...
00:18:54 ...circles around Barkon IV...
00:18:56 ...loops over the Enterprise
00:18:59 ...through the space nebula.
00:19:08 We passed this tree twice already.
00:19:10 Because it's a very important tree
00:19:15 We're not lost.
00:19:16 - Alligator.
00:19:21 Stop.
00:19:24 We don't have alligators
00:19:27 It's not that good a camp.
00:19:29 See, kids?
00:19:32 Air varmint.
00:19:45 I appreciate that you kids
00:19:48 ...but these knots are not supposed
00:19:52 See? Just a big, dumb empty log.
00:19:58 Bees. Scatter.
00:20:15 Now put two thumbs up.
00:20:17 You guys, two, three,
00:20:19 ...because I didn't say, "Simon says. "
00:20:22 All right, Simon Says.
00:20:24 Ben. Hey, Ben.
00:20:28 Simon says, "Wave at Daddy. "
00:20:34 Good concentration, son.
00:20:38 Good job, Dale.
00:20:49 Oh, no, so many are out right now,
00:20:57 - Can I help you?
00:21:01 Simon Says. A classic.
00:21:08 I was showing the kids here...
00:21:10 ...where the go-cart track will be...
00:21:12 ...once you and your team of idiots
00:21:16 First of all, it's not for sale.
00:21:18 Yeah, well, from what I heard,
00:21:22 Yeah, a little something
00:21:25 Ax coming down.
00:21:28 See all those kids
00:21:31 Does that look like
00:21:33 It's only day one, buddy boy.
00:21:36 Once all those kids see how much fun
00:21:40 ...they'll be jumping ship
00:21:48 And to make matters worse...
00:21:50 ...you will never be able
00:21:54 That's him. He's the Chief.
00:21:56 And you poop in your shorts.
00:21:58 Nice son you got there, Lance.
00:22:01 He ain't my kid. I hate kids.
00:22:06 First of all, there ain't gonna be
00:22:10 ...I care about building these kids up,
00:22:13 ...with some futile attempt
00:22:16 That's pathetic.
00:22:18 You won't last a month.
00:22:20 Yeah. Thirty-one days. Or 30.
00:22:24 Except for February,
00:22:29 All right, let's go.
00:22:34 Dang, he looks familiar.
00:22:39 All right, Camp Canola.
00:22:41 Let's head out.
00:22:52 Wait. Oh, good Lord.
00:22:56 Watch and learn.
00:23:04 - Mullet. Come on.
00:23:08 I want candy.
00:23:34 Dale, make sure
00:23:39 Everybody on the...
00:23:43 On the bus. Get on the bus.
00:23:50 Oh, thank God.
00:23:53 See? This is exactly
00:23:58 Get down to the bus.
00:24:02 I've gotta drop the kids off
00:24:04 We have a pool?
00:24:05 No.
00:24:10 This is the worst camp ever.
00:24:14 Thanks for coming.
00:24:18 No, no, Max.
00:24:22 Okay, off the bus.
00:24:26 Yes, off the bus. Okay. Okay. Relax.
00:24:32 What's wrong with him?
00:24:33 He was born with no sense of smell.
00:24:38 What's his problem?
00:24:40 - Mayhoffer's gonna blow.
00:24:58 Phil, we got a situation here.
00:25:01 I need backup. I repeat, backup for...
00:25:10 All right.
00:25:19 Code blue. Code blue, Phil.
00:25:27 - What else could go wrong?
00:25:47 I think we're gonna need
00:25:57 Baby...
00:25:58 ...it's just not your area of expertise.
00:26:02 You need someone
00:26:05 Someone like your father.
00:26:07 You're gonna call Grandpa?
00:26:09 No. Mommy's just making a joke.
00:26:12 I don't need Buck.
00:26:14 Kids all over town are bathing
00:26:17 It was one lousy skunk
00:26:21 Your father's a military man.
00:26:22 You told me yourself Buck knows
00:26:26 Roughing it, managing troops,
00:26:29 Yeah, and he realizes it
00:26:32 Here, baby, sponge yourself.
00:26:34 Look, I know that you two have had
00:26:38 Problems? No.
00:26:40 Nothing I ever did was good enough,
00:26:43 But other than that?
00:26:45 He could help,
00:26:48 I think it's time you give him a chance.
00:26:50 Look, baby, this is my thing, okay?
00:26:54 Phil and I got special
00:26:58 It's a fresh start and a new day.
00:27:00 Consultants?
00:27:02 Yes.
00:27:03 - It's all right here in our Idea Binders.
00:27:08 You just trust us.
00:27:11 - Syl. Come to me.
00:27:14 Be with me, think with me.
00:27:16 We could have
00:27:18 Shag carpet.
00:27:20 Like a child, a universe grows.
00:27:29 That was a waste of time.
00:27:30 Hey, don't worry.
00:27:34 ...we're gonna show them adventure,
00:27:49 Okay. See, Phil, it's all we needed.
00:27:56 Way to go, Dad.
00:27:57 What?
00:28:04 That's all we got. The other parents
00:28:09 Let's go this way, guys.
00:28:19 We only got seven kids left, Phil.
00:28:21 There's no other way
00:28:23 We can't afford to hire consultants...
00:28:25 ...much less make
00:28:27 We can't even afford to give refunds.
00:28:31 You're gonna have
00:28:34 ...and get a man in here
00:28:41 Historically,
00:28:44 When ten to the enemy's one,
00:28:48 At five times the strength,
00:28:51 Napoleon: All maneuvers were
00:28:55 Saladin: Camels...
00:28:59 Colonel here.
00:29:03 Just a sec.
00:29:05 Civilians, you're dismissed.
00:29:16 That's better. How can I help you?
00:29:18 No, no. No, the time is fine.
00:29:26 You don't say?
00:29:28 And that's how you treat
00:29:33 I'd like to apologize to you guys
00:29:36 ...in what I thought was clover.
00:29:38 Jack, I wouldn't go number two
00:29:42 I think you used that "clover"
00:29:46 If you'd all sign these waivers...
00:29:48 ...acknowledging you've been briefed
00:29:51 - Here you go. Okay.
00:29:54 With the exception
00:29:56 ...I don't believe
00:29:58 ...with confidentiality clause,
00:30:02 ...is a legally binding document,
00:30:06 It's a raid.
00:30:10 Camp Canola!
00:30:30 Get the flag.
00:30:56 I can use the second mortgage
00:30:58 ...to pay off the bills for the camp?
00:31:01 Great. No, Mr. Thumson,
00:31:04 No, business is fine. It's just...
00:31:07 You know,
00:31:15 Can I call you back?
00:31:25 What the heck is going on here?
00:31:47 Open your ear-holes, dweebers.
00:31:49 "We, the mighty troops of Fort Canola,
00:31:54 ...so that we may find...
00:31:56 ...who are the greatest warriors
00:32:02 No. No. No way.
00:32:05 You are way out of line, Lance.
00:32:07 Behold!
00:32:12 This spear of honor...
00:32:14 ...garnished with the flame of truth.
00:32:20 Now, I challenge ye...
00:32:22 ...to the XLV Annual
00:32:29 That's the 37th Olympiad to you,
00:32:33 Forty-fifth.
00:32:34 I told you before, there isn't going
00:32:39 Well, then let the onslaught continue.
00:33:08 Now's your chance.
00:33:16 Do you like World of Warcraft?
00:33:19 World of what?
00:33:22 I'm a Level 40 Blood Elf Druid.
00:33:25 I have absolutely no idea
00:33:30 Goodbye.
00:33:32 I like causing destruction,
00:33:35 Is that why you threw a paint grenade
00:33:39 What can I say?
00:33:44 Fight. Fight. Fight.
00:33:48 Fight. Fight. Fight.
00:33:51 Cut it out. Stop it. Stop fighting.
00:33:56 A ten-hut.
00:34:01 I see this unit's morale is flagging.
00:34:04 There is only one solution for that.
00:34:07 All of those who are my grandson,
00:34:10 - Come here, you little peanut.
00:34:15 Do you remember this maneuver?
00:34:17 Sneak attack at tickle point.
00:34:24 Everyone, this is my father,
00:34:28 - Reporting for duty, corporal.
00:34:33 All right, then, private.
00:34:37 Gentlemen. Ladies.
00:34:41 Among campers,
00:34:44 ...from this point forward.
00:34:47 Now...
00:34:48 ...front and center. Double time.
00:34:51 I'll make you soldiers
00:34:54 No, wait a minute. There is no mutiny.
00:34:58 This is not why I called you.
00:35:00 - Why the misconduct, soldier?
00:35:05 - Yeah.
00:35:08 Well, I'm sorry, private.
00:35:10 We should be planning
00:35:12 Meet force with force.
00:35:15 - Yeah.
00:35:18 Driftwood Day Camp.
00:35:21 Hit them at 5,
00:35:24 Yeah.
00:35:25 Okay, guys.
00:35:27 Guys, can you excuse us
00:35:33 This is not a boot camp. All right?
00:35:36 We're not looking for Colonel Hinton,
00:35:39 We're looking for Colonel Hinton,
00:35:42 ...slash King of the Outdoors.
00:35:44 We're not trying to turn these kids
00:35:50 What's wrong with being a Marine?
00:35:53 Maybe if you had enlisted...
00:35:55 ...you could work yourself out of a jam
00:35:59 Listen. Yes, I do appreciate
00:36:02 Yes, we do need your help.
00:36:04 But we don't want to get into this thing
00:36:08 - No war games?
00:36:11 Hand-to-hand combat?
00:36:15 - Guerrilla warfare?
00:36:17 No war.
00:36:19 Just help us run Driftwood,
00:36:22 Can you follow those orders, Dad?
00:36:25 That's colonel to you, private.
00:36:30 Line up.
00:37:00 In through the nose.
00:37:03 Out through the mouth.
00:37:06 In through the nose.
00:37:12 Out through the mouth.
00:37:16 The samurai warrior meditates...
00:37:19 ...to blend mind
00:37:32 Come here. Come to me.
00:37:34 Hey! Hey!
00:37:38 Hey, old man, what's with the séance
00:37:42 What? Get them out of here!
00:37:45 Get your kids out of here!
00:37:48 Somebody's gonna get hurt!
00:37:54 Relax, General Depends.
00:37:57 Shouldn't you be
00:38:00 L-27. G-13.
00:38:04 All right, boys. Let's move them out.
00:38:06 - B-7.
00:38:11 That tears it.
00:38:14 Rules of engagement...
00:38:17 ...been overruled.
00:38:29 There's the objective.
00:38:34 No, sir.
00:38:35 - Anyone wanna go home?
00:38:38 Operation MoonPie is a go.
00:38:49 It's right up here.
00:38:53 You know, I've never been up here.
00:39:11 Help. Help. Come on, y'all.
00:39:18 Go, go.
00:39:31 Where is it? Where is it?
00:39:37 Where is it?
00:39:44 Jackpot.
00:39:49 Charlie Hinton.
00:39:57 Can I help you?
00:39:58 - Hi, my name's Becca.
00:40:01 And we've come to offer you...
00:40:03 ...the Driftwood
00:40:05 In exchange for our friendship...
00:40:07 ...all we ask is
00:40:12 Did big bad Charlie send
00:40:15 ...to do his bidding for him, huh?
00:40:18 Let's put it this way:
00:40:21 ...or we take it.
00:40:23 You and what army, Petunia?
00:40:26 You had to ask.
00:40:32 Ask what?
00:40:41 What the...?
00:40:50 Get him.
00:40:52 You're messing with Lance Warner.
00:41:02 Stuck.
00:41:16 Yes.
00:41:19 Hey, Warner.
00:41:27 - Yes.
00:41:29 Sound the alarm. Red alert.
00:41:32 We're under attack.
00:41:35 Everyone to your stations!
00:41:39 The perimeter's
00:41:42 Lock the gates! Call my dad!
00:41:49 Hey, Dale, you seen Buck?
00:41:51 Supposed to be back
00:41:53 I wouldn't sweat it.
00:41:55 Your dad's like
00:42:00 Yeah, you're probably right.
00:42:06 Get back here, you little rodents.
00:42:09 Come on. Come on.
00:42:11 No! No, no, no.
00:42:16 Here's your diaper.
00:42:18 Clean yourself off.
00:42:22 Move out.
00:42:27 Let go. Get back here, you cowards.
00:42:31 No one messes with Lance Warner,
00:42:35 No one.
00:42:59 G.I. Joe is turning red.
00:43:01 Someone farted on his head.
00:43:03 G.I. Joe is turning pink.
00:43:05 Someone puked in the kitchen sink.
00:43:07 G.I. Joe is turning white.
00:43:10 The zippers on his pants
00:43:12 G.I. Joe is turning blue.
00:43:14 There are peanuts in his poo.
00:43:16 Company, halt.
00:43:18 Where have you guys been?
00:43:20 Your nature hike was supposed
00:43:23 Present colors.
00:43:31 - You didn't?
00:43:34 Robert, what happened
00:43:36 It's just a battle wound.
00:43:40 Dale, go get the first-aid kit.
00:43:42 You take these kids off our premises
00:43:45 ...and bring them back like this?
00:43:47 Affirmative.
00:43:49 See, this is exactly the thing
00:43:52 We restored our honor, Dad.
00:00:07 Huh, Charlie Hinton?
00:00:11 - That's right, I know who you are.
00:00:13 I'm really sorry about this.
00:00:15 ...my father and I were just about
00:00:18 This is your father?
00:00:22 Oh, this is classic. Oh, sure.
00:00:25 The chicken's come home
00:00:27 Now I know why you don't want
00:00:30 You're afraid of getting
00:00:33 ...in front of Lieutenant Prune Juice.
00:00:35 Colonel.
00:00:36 Oh, Colonel. Sorry.
00:00:38 Look, Lance, I'm just trying to teach
00:00:42 No, the only thing you can teach
00:00:48 Or have you forgotten?
00:00:49 "Daddy. Look at me.
00:01:02 I'm a failure. "
00:01:10 You know why my parents bought
00:01:13 No, why?
00:01:15 Because that summer
00:01:19 ...that was the best moment
00:01:22 And now, every day when I wake up,
00:01:25 And it is fantastic.
00:01:28 Peaked when you were 11,
00:01:30 See, I get it, Charlie.
00:01:32 You don't want your kid
00:01:37 Like father, like son.
00:01:44 Oh, sure. No, that's cool.
00:01:46 Yeah, because refusing to compete...
00:01:48 ...just proves to the community...
00:01:50 ...which camp they should send
00:01:52 Mine.
00:01:55 Adiós.
00:02:03 What I'd really like to do
00:02:06 Being as we're trying to set
00:02:10 ...you got yourself an Olympiad.
00:02:12 Yeah!
00:02:15 Fantastic.
00:02:23 Yeah.
00:02:26 Good, good job.
00:02:28 The great Julius Caesar
00:02:29 You were way out of line
00:02:33 If we do this, we do it my way.
00:02:37 - Affirmative.
00:02:40 Now. What do you think
00:02:47 A sleepover?
00:02:49 I thought the whole purpose
00:02:52 ...was sending the kids home
00:02:54 It was your idea to get
00:02:57 According to Buck,
00:03:00 ...is to put the kids in a new situation
00:03:03 ...to overcome stuff.
00:03:05 Well, I think someone wants
00:03:10 Listen, this Olympiad is gonna
00:03:13 Once those Canola parents see
00:03:16 ...we might drum up new customers.
00:03:18 If you think parents
00:03:21 ...based off of who wins
00:03:25 Mrs. Hinton?
00:03:31 Yes, I'm aware of who you are,
00:03:36 Is that real Tiffany crystal?
00:03:40 It is standard procedure to do...
00:03:42 ...a pre-inventory
00:03:44 But the first installment is not due
00:03:47 True. But with only six campers...
00:03:49 ...it is mathematically impossible for...
00:03:55 - What's going on?
00:03:59 We overextended ourselves
00:04:02 Now strange men are touching
00:04:04 ...messing with my mama's vase...
00:04:06 ...Mr. Thumson's threatening
00:04:08 Okay, okay.
00:04:11 - I know what I gotta do.
00:04:13 - I'll sell the camp.
00:04:15 If you believe by winning
00:04:17 ...more kids will come to the camp...
00:04:19 ...then you go kick
00:05:30 Come on. Come on, soldier.
00:05:41 Yes.
00:05:44 Ben! Hey!
00:06:26 Come on, son.
00:06:29 - I know the song.
00:06:31 You don't like being
00:06:34 ...instead of out there with poison ivy,
00:06:37 It's supposed to be a hike.
00:06:42 Okay. You're right.
00:06:50 Oh, look at her.
00:06:52 She even puts on bug spray
00:06:56 You're pathetic. Go walk with her.
00:06:59 What makes you such an expert?
00:07:02 I know I won't spend
00:07:06 Shut up. Don't make...
00:07:13 Here, buddy.
00:07:15 Stop it. Stop it.
00:07:20 Hey, Billy? What's going on?
00:07:24 Nothing.
00:07:26 No wet willies to dish out?
00:07:28 Maybe you could switch over
00:07:31 No, I already gave one to Mayhoffer.
00:07:34 It's just... I don't like sleepovers.
00:07:38 And why is that?
00:07:42 Come on, Billy, you can always trust
00:07:46 Cross my heart, hope to diet.
00:07:50 - I sometimes wet the bed.
00:07:55 I sometimes wet the bed.
00:07:59 You know what?
00:08:02 I had the same problem
00:08:04 Really? What did you do
00:08:08 An excellent question,
00:08:10 I think you'll be intrigued
00:08:19 Get that equipment up, Brown.
00:08:21 This is dumb.
00:08:23 Far? Halt.
00:08:26 Now you listen up, hippie-hair.
00:08:28 How are you gonna compete
00:08:30 ...tomorrow morning
00:08:34 We have 12 events staring at us
00:08:37 We have got to toughen up.
00:08:40 When I was your age, I used to march
00:08:44 ...just to spend the night alone
00:08:50 I used to put rocks in my backpack...
00:08:53 ...just to get stronger.
00:08:55 That's how you grow up to be a man.
00:08:59 All right. Let's head out.
00:09:01 Forward, march.
00:09:12 Hey, Ben.
00:09:14 Nothing.
00:09:26 I'm so full.
00:09:32 I'm fuller than you.
00:09:36 No one's as full as me.
00:09:41 But now I've got room for dessert.
00:09:49 Anything I can help you with?
00:09:51 Can't find the chocolate
00:09:54 What are you talking about?
00:09:59 Who wants chocolate?
00:10:04 What are we gonna roast?
00:10:23 Nice job, Hinton.
00:10:26 I gotta roast something
00:10:29 Shut up. I don't like it
00:10:32 It's not my fault.
00:10:37 Dude, trust me.
00:10:39 A star-filled sky,
00:10:43 She'll be like Silly Putty
00:10:46 What makes you such an expert?
00:10:49 Look, you know how grownups
00:10:52 ...they wish they knew then
00:10:54 - Yeah.
00:10:58 How are we ever gonna beat Canola
00:11:01 Yeah. What you gonna do, tiny?
00:11:13 I think I burned my banana.
00:11:23 - Hello.
00:11:26 How are you doing
00:11:28 Pretty good. Never roasted
00:11:32 Yes, smells are good,
00:11:36 I mean, things smell...
00:11:39 I mean, good, you smell.
00:11:42 Sorry, it must have been
00:11:46 No, no, I mean...
00:11:50 It's a nice night.
00:11:51 Starry skies, a warm fire.
00:11:55 Good food.
00:12:05 Idiot.
00:12:12 Great place you got there.
00:12:15 What are you doing?
00:12:16 Sleeping in a hollowed-out log
00:12:18 It's called camping, private.
00:12:21 Yes, right.
00:12:24 Jack, I think that banana is about
00:12:29 It's so slimy.
00:12:32 No, it's roasting.
00:12:35 Try it. You'll like it, I promise.
00:12:41 Good, right?
00:12:51 No!
00:12:57 I'm done with that.
00:12:59 That's nasty.
00:13:02 You feel better?
00:13:34 Sure you're gonna need that, son?
00:13:40 Good Lord's filling the sky
00:13:45 Just for you.
00:13:52 Don't know why you got your panties
00:13:55 We're all getting butt spackled
00:13:59 What are you talking about?
00:14:00 You don't seriously think we can beat
00:14:04 Yeah, they're gonna cream us.
00:14:06 Cream? Cream is for coffee.
00:14:10 Okay. Listen up, troops.
00:14:14 It's come to my attention some of you
00:14:18 Okay.
00:14:20 Maybe they have fancy equipment.
00:14:24 But we got something
00:14:27 ...silver-spoon brats will never have.
00:14:29 - Do you want to know what that is?
00:14:32 Driftwood spirit.
00:14:35 I didn't think you guys had it...
00:14:37 ...but the way you pulled yourselves
00:14:39 ...made me prouder
00:14:44 - We couldn't have done it without you.
00:14:47 You couldn't have done it
00:14:50 Because it's Driftwood Camp spirit
00:14:53 ...and makes it all possible.
00:14:56 You're not just a bunch of kids
00:15:00 You're a team. Team.
00:15:03 - Team.
00:15:06 - Team.
00:15:07 Team, team, team!
00:15:10 And listen, team.
00:15:11 Tomorrow, you're gonna take
00:15:15 Yeah!
00:15:17 ...those Humvee-driving...
00:15:19 ...Canola cretins and you're gonna
00:15:22 - Yeah!
00:15:25 Yeah!
00:15:28 You don't think you're setting them up
00:15:33 Well, in order to win the battle...
00:15:35 ...one must first believe
00:15:39 It's been a long time
00:15:43 A minor technicality.
00:15:46 Hey, have you guys seen Ben?
00:15:50 - Ben?
00:15:53 - Ben!
00:15:57 - Ben!
00:16:09 - Ben.
00:16:15 Guys, I found him.
00:16:17 Ben.
00:16:18 Ben, get down from there.
00:16:23 Get down. Where you been, man?
00:16:27 Listen, don't ever scare me
00:16:31 I'm okay. I just wanted to be
00:16:35 So you wandered off by yourself?
00:16:39 Grandpa said
00:16:42 ...so I thought it'd do
00:16:45 What?
00:16:49 All right, guys, listen up.
00:16:51 Let me tell you something
00:16:54 Being tough doesn't necessarily
00:16:57 Sometimes tough people grow up
00:17:01 You guys just need to be yourselves.
00:17:04 And know that
00:17:06 ...you're gonna be winners,
00:17:08 Even if we choke like you?
00:17:10 Especially if you choke like me.
00:17:13 Listen.
00:17:15 I want you guys to grow up
00:17:18 ...and accepting of people.
00:17:21 Even if they make mistakes.
00:17:24 So, Ben,
00:17:28 Just try to be your best.
00:17:32 - Okay.
00:17:33 Okay.
00:17:36 Okay, my little Olympians,
00:17:39 - Oh, come on.
00:17:45 Calling Buck, man,
00:17:47 It's the only way he knows, Charlie.
00:17:49 If that means him jeopardizing
00:17:53 I don't want Ben to grow up
00:17:58 Let's go.
00:18:30 Shoot.
00:18:43 What the heck is...? Oh, you nasty...
00:18:49 This is a mistake.
00:19:19 Wait for me.
00:19:28 Yes. It worked. I'm dry.
00:19:32 See? Told you, Billy.
00:19:35 You always fool
00:19:37 ...if you sleep in your day clothes.
00:19:39 Go play with the kids.
00:20:00 Oh, my neck. I'm so cold.
00:20:05 Feel like a human pincushion.
00:20:08 - Relax, Charlie. Look around.
00:20:14 Would you look at that?
00:20:17 They're running around,
00:20:19 Oh, Buck's gonna go on and on
00:20:23 ...and I'm way too overprotective.
00:20:26 Buck's not gonna go on and on
00:20:29 I haven't seen him all morning.
00:20:47 Sign up for camp, please?
00:20:50 Hey, do you wanna sign up...? No?
00:20:53 Well, as you can tell, we've obviously
00:20:56 ...over the last couple years.
00:20:58 I'm thinking, once we kick
00:21:02 ...this is where
00:21:04 What do you say?
00:21:08 Hey, Chuck E. Cheese!
00:21:11 Getting a little nervous?
00:21:14 Let me give you the 411
00:21:16 Okay.
00:21:18 The Olympiad starts.
00:21:22 The end.
00:21:26 Good luck, Lance.
00:21:30 I don't need luck.
00:21:39 Okay, I'll take it from here.
00:21:44 Forfeit! I forfeit!
00:21:48 - Have you seen Grandpa Buck?
00:21:52 Guys, I'm sure he'll be here.
00:21:57 Stretch.
00:22:00 No news yet on Buck.
00:22:03 But I did find this in your office.
00:22:06 "Charlie, Uncle Sam called
00:22:08 ...which is just as well, seeing
00:22:12 Your tough Colonel Buck. "
00:22:14 - I'll keep looking.
00:22:17 Is that from Grandpa?
00:22:20 Yes. Yes, it is.
00:22:23 He's not coming back?
00:22:26 Well, no.
00:22:28 He's the one that showed us
00:22:31 We're gonna get whupped.
00:22:34 I do the whupping.
00:22:35 We're doomed. Doomed, I tell you.
00:22:38 Wait, wait, wait a minute.
00:22:40 Just because Buck got called away
00:22:44 ...doesn't mean we take everything
00:22:48 - He deserted us.
00:22:51 No, no, no. He didn't.
00:22:56 "Dear Ben, Max, Juliette, Robert...
00:22:59 ...Carl, Jack, Becca, Billy,
00:23:03 Sorry to leave in the night
00:23:06 ...but it's important
00:23:10 The 103rd Airborne is staging
00:23:13 ...and let's just say they could learn
00:23:18 The 103rd was retired
00:23:21 Tell you what?
00:23:24 - We can't do this without Buck.
00:23:27 Sure we can. You know what?
00:23:30 You know why?
00:23:32 We'll pull each other up,
00:23:36 If family's so important,
00:23:39 Yeah.
00:23:59 - Going that well, huh?
00:24:03 Well, Ben seems upset
00:24:07 Yeah.
00:24:09 You know why grandkids
00:24:14 They're united by a common enemy.
00:24:18 Makes sense.
00:24:21 I'm saying, if you and Buck could unite
00:24:25 ...Ben could have
00:24:31 Go get them, coach. For all of us.
00:24:41 Good news.
00:24:49 I'll watch after the kids.
00:24:52 Thanks.
00:25:38 You missed your train.
00:25:41 I missed a train.
00:25:45 Haven't really decided
00:25:49 I thought you had
00:25:52 That's true, but next year.
00:25:56 That's about as often
00:25:59 ...come out and play
00:26:04 "Retiree. "
00:26:10 About the only action
00:26:13 ...is when college students
00:26:16 ...research papers
00:26:23 So...
00:26:25 ...you abandoned your post
00:26:28 Good soldier knows
00:26:32 You heard me last night, didn't you?
00:26:35 I guess I've had a few things
00:26:40 ...30 years or so.
00:26:43 I didn't even know you felt that way.
00:26:49 Strange, getting older.
00:26:54 Easier remembering things
00:27:02 I want you to know I'm proud
00:27:08 The way you make adjustments
00:27:10 ...like opening a day care center
00:27:17 Me, I wouldn't be able to do that.
00:27:22 I've always needed more structure.
00:27:29 I'm far from perfect, believe me.
00:27:39 I know one thing though,
00:27:43 ...unless your leathery old butt
00:28:03 Do you smell gasoline?
00:28:36 That's right.
00:28:44 Minor setback, people.
00:28:48 Wrestling?
00:28:52 He's right. I suck.
00:28:54 Yeah. And that Canola guy's
00:28:58 We're stewed.
00:29:00 Can't we just go home?
00:29:02 No one's going anywhere
00:29:05 - Grandpa Buck.
00:29:08 Okay. Hands in, soldiers.
00:29:16 It's another beautiful woodchuck day.
00:29:22 I knew you'd come back, Grandpa.
00:29:26 That's where you're wrong.
00:29:29 My dad?
00:29:34 Don't you realize he did
00:29:38 You're pretty lucky
00:29:41 ...as a father.
00:29:44 He's a better soldier than I'll ever be.
00:29:48 I could never run a camp
00:29:50 ...or watch over you
00:29:53 He may be a little overprotective...
00:29:56 ...but it's only because he loves you
00:30:07 - Colonel, we've got a problem.
00:30:12 What's the situation on the ground,
00:30:14 My calculations suggest
00:30:19 Cheaters, huh?
00:30:22 Well...
00:30:23 ...the only way to beat cheaters
00:30:28 I've got an idea.
00:30:30 Okay. Okay, okay.
00:30:33 First, we're gonna need the skunk.
00:30:36 Here we go. Come on, good D,
00:30:40 Thattaboy. There we go.
00:30:43 Ref, come on, man. I'm growing old.
00:30:48 Look, here he comes.
00:31:40 Ref. Substitution.
00:33:28 Good job, Robert. Good job.
00:33:30 Yeah, thattaway, purple.
00:33:41 That's too bad, Driftwood.
00:33:45 Good hands, though, kid.
00:33:51 We've got a sharpshooter.
00:33:58 Give me a balloon.
00:34:02 Billy? The water pump's over there.
00:34:06 No, I'm not filling it with water.
00:34:09 I've been holding this in all night.
00:34:22 You shouldn't pick on kids
00:34:29 Yeah. Good catch. Good catch.
00:34:31 It's pee! It's pee! It's pee!
00:34:35 It's pee! Mom, it's pee!
00:34:41 Yes!
00:34:47 We're the tiebreaker.
00:34:53 It's another beautiful woodchuck day.
00:35:04 Suck it up. Let's go.
00:35:06 Jeez, embarrassing.
00:35:15 Okay, let's go get them.
00:35:18 We need this one.
00:35:21 That look familiar, Charlie?
00:35:23 You lose this,
00:35:26 Yeah, well, I got my best athlete here,
00:35:30 Let's go, buddy, come on.
00:35:33 You okay?
00:35:35 I twisted my ankle when I fell.
00:35:39 - But can you climb?
00:35:44 You can forfeit, Charlie, if you like.
00:35:46 No, no, that's okay.
00:35:55 - I can do it, Dad.
00:36:01 You're gonna race that kid.
00:36:04 - Yeah, real tough.
00:36:07 Don't listen to him. Come on.
00:36:09 All right. Come on, let's go.
00:36:11 - All right.
00:36:13 Okay, Ben, listen to me.
00:36:16 Whatever you do...
00:36:19 ...don't drop the baton, okay?
00:36:24 Ben.
00:36:26 Just enjoy it.
00:36:35 Okay, here it comes.
00:36:37 All right, focus. Here we go.
00:36:41 Come on, Ben.
00:37:01 Go get him.
00:37:03 - Go Ben!
00:37:07 - Come on. Get up there.
00:37:11 - Get them little legs going.
00:37:14 Go, Ben.
00:37:16 Come on, Ben.
00:37:25 It's okay. It's okay, son.
00:37:27 I told you, you're a loser,
00:37:31 You're not a loser, Ben.
00:37:33 He greased the wall. He's cheating.
00:37:37 No, don't listen to her.
00:37:41 And she steals.
00:37:44 - You cheated.
00:37:48 Canola cheats. He's cheating.
00:37:52 He's a cheater. Canola cheats.
00:37:56 Ben, no, no. Get down from there.
00:38:00 Ben. Please, please, Ben.
00:38:04 No, no, that's dangerous.
00:38:08 Pounce, Bobby J. Here we go.
00:38:10 Up that wall.
00:38:15 Bobby J, go, go, go.
00:38:17 Go!
00:38:35 That's my baby. That is my...
00:38:38 Oh, whoa, hey, what...? Hey.
00:38:42 - Come here, buddy.
00:38:44 - I know it, buddy.
00:38:48 I love you too, son.
00:38:52 You call that Canola?
00:38:54 That was embarrassing.
00:38:57 Moron? You're the moron.
00:39:04 Wall coming down.
00:39:11 That's for telling everyone
00:39:16 I'm so excited. I'm so excited.
00:39:18 Let's go tell my mom.
00:39:21 You were really great
00:39:28 What'd I tell you?
00:39:32 Teach me everything you know.
00:39:35 Well, first you got a bird,
00:39:43 Why?
00:39:45 Why?
00:39:51 Okay.
00:39:53 - Mr. Hinton?
00:39:55 All the parents think
00:39:59 ...the best example for our children.
00:40:01 And so, if it's not
00:40:04 ...we'd like our kids to come
00:40:08 Too short notice? Don't be silly.
00:40:11 Yeah, Dale and I can sign all
00:40:19 - It was really my son who did all this.
00:40:23 Job well done.
00:40:29 Just call me Dad.
00:40:40 Hey, what do you say
00:40:42 - Yeah!