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00:00:28	Can I get you
00:00:30	Okay. Here you go.
00:00:32	- Thanks.
00:00:38	Hi, Will. Package for you.
00:00:55	I don't think anyone ever imagines
00:00:57	they'll be part of the 46%
00:01:02	Will?
00:01:04	Just heard we got the Quaker Oats account.
00:01:07	Way to go.
00:01:10	Then again,
00:01:11	I never thought I'd spend my days,
00:01:13	weeks and years working
00:01:15	trying to figure out how to get kids
00:01:21	But Tuesdays and Fridays
00:01:24	I get out of work early, and I go
00:01:29	Now, it's a great feeling when you find
00:01:32	And today, I have found
00:01:37	Bitches, they can kiss my...
00:01:40	The other perfect song.
00:02:29	Thank you.
00:02:32	You're welcome.
00:03:57	But sometimes, no matter
00:04:01	there is no right track for what awaits you.
00:04:10	- Come on, come on!
00:04:13	Will, did you know there was gonna be
00:04:16	Aren't they kind of young?
00:04:17	- Yeah! It was a total disaster.
00:04:20	There's a book!
00:04:22	"The 250 million sperm are ejaculated
00:04:25	"and begin their treacherous journey
00:04:29	"One hundred million are wiped
00:04:30	I'm gonna find Maya.
00:04:32	Do you still have sex with Daddy?
00:04:34	- What are you talking about?
00:04:35	- You know, we will go home and talk...
00:04:37	- We will go home and talk about this.
00:04:41	Stop pulling on me! I am trying
00:04:45	We need to talk.
00:04:47	Which is when the man
00:04:51	and thrusts it into a woman's vagina...
00:04:52	Okay, but Mrs. Gallagher
00:04:56	- Yeah.
00:04:58	But what I don't understand,
00:04:59	Sammy Boigon's sister said
00:05:02	I mean, how do you accidentally
00:05:06	- Hey.
00:05:08	Stop saying "penis" and "thrust."
00:05:13	Something cute.
00:05:14	- Explain how Sammy was an accident.
00:05:18	- Penis! Penis.
00:05:21	Okay, they...
00:05:23	It's not like his dad slipped
00:05:27	The accident was that Sammy's mom
00:05:32	If they didn't want a baby,
00:05:37	That's a very good question.
00:05:40	I guess you could say
00:05:45	- Was I an accident?
00:05:46	- I was, wasn't I?
00:05:49	You were completely and totally on purpose.
00:05:57	I think you should tell me
00:06:00	Why do you keep saying "my mom"
00:06:04	Well, because now that
00:06:09	she's mine, not yours.
00:06:11	- Is that so?
00:06:13	And the real story, not the,
00:06:18	"and we decided to take all that love
00:06:21	"and make a family,
00:06:24	You know something?
00:06:27	of how me and your mother met.
00:06:28	- When I'm old enough.
00:06:30	- Look. I know love isn't a fairytale.
00:06:33	Really.
00:06:36	Did you have another girlfriend
00:06:39	Come on, tell me the truth.
00:06:42	I had two serious girlfriends.
00:06:44	And then some other,
00:06:47	You know.
00:06:49	What?
00:06:50	What's the boy word for slut?
00:06:53	They still haven't come up with one yet,
00:06:57	You a vegetarian this week or not?
00:06:58	- Yeah, I am.
00:07:00	I'm guessing
00:07:02	Maybe it was some nerdy guy,
00:07:07	Or maybe
00:07:09	you were friends for the longest time,
00:07:12	and then just when you were
00:07:15	into somebody else's vagina...
00:07:16	Okay. Good night, Maya.
00:07:17	...you realized Mom
00:07:19	Bedtime!
00:07:20	You still have to tell me
00:07:23	I fell in love with her because
00:07:26	So now she's stupid and ugly and boring?
00:07:30	- Of course not.
00:07:32	- It's complicated, Maya.
00:07:36	I bet that if you just told me the story,
00:07:41	That you just love her.
00:07:44	I know this is tough for you,
00:07:47	That I'm gonna tell you this story
00:07:50	It doesn't work that way.
00:07:51	Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't.
00:07:56	No. Game over. It's time for bed.
00:07:59	No, it's not time for bed!
00:08:03	- Maya.
00:08:08	I need to know.
00:08:11	Fine! Fine!
00:08:14	I'm gonna tell you the story,
00:08:15	- but I'm not telling you who your mom is.
00:08:16	You're just gonna have
00:08:18	- Good.
00:08:19	and some of the facts,
00:08:21	- And then we'll see how smart you are.
00:08:25	- Great. Sounds good. You ready?
00:08:27	No.
00:08:31	- Take your time.
00:08:33	- I know you will.
00:08:35	- Princess pillow?
00:08:37	- You bet.
00:08:47	I'm ready.
00:08:48	Once upon a time,
00:08:51	before e-mails and cell phones
00:08:56	in 1992 to be exact,
00:09:01	there lived a young man
00:09:04	- Hey, Will, man, Happy New Year.
00:09:07	Now, this young man was deeply,
00:09:13	Let's call her...
00:09:14	- Emily!
00:09:16	Emily!
00:09:18	- Hey.
00:09:20	Ten, nine, eight...
00:09:23	Hey, guess who's gonna be the luckiest guy
00:09:28	You.
00:09:29	two, one!
00:09:31	Happy New Year!
00:09:33	They were a perfect couple.
00:09:35	Except to really understand
00:09:38	ended up marrying your mother,
00:09:40	that he had a very big,
00:09:45	All rise
00:09:48	for the President
00:09:54	William
00:09:55	Matthew
00:09:58	Hayes.
00:10:04	You wanted to be President?
00:10:06	I'm just, I don't understand why you have
00:10:09	Why can't you just work for him in Madison?
00:10:11	Well, because they don't need me here.
00:10:13	They need him, Em. Will's the man.
00:10:17	I mean, don't you know
00:10:19	Besides being incredibly hot,
00:10:22	which by the way, I totally respect.
00:10:24	- What if Charlie's right?
00:10:26	- He's functionally retarded.
00:10:30	- Change can be good.
00:10:32	So, we'll change together.
00:10:35	Okay? It's two months in New York.
00:10:38	Besides, we have a plan, right?
00:10:40	The other thing I can't believe is that
00:10:43	'cause I gotta tell you,
00:10:48	And I have absolutely no scruples.
00:10:53	Wait! I almost forgot.
00:10:57	She's the only girl I know in New York.
00:10:58	- I want you to meet her.
00:10:59	- Yes. Yes.
00:11:00	She was on my exchange program
00:11:02	and all the guys wanted to sleep with her,
00:11:05	Maybe you should mail it to her.
00:11:07	- That might be a better idea.
00:11:08	What is it?
00:11:09	Something I should have
00:11:13	I love you, William Hayes.
00:11:17	Okay. Go, go, go. Go be your brilliant self.
00:11:22	Emily sounds like she would
00:11:24	- I just don't know if she's my mom.
00:11:27	Everyone knows that the girlfriend
00:11:28	in the beginning of the story
00:11:31	Which means maybe
00:11:52	I'll never forget that day.
00:11:53	There I was, arriving in the city
00:11:57	to work on a campaign
00:12:00	And on top of that,
00:12:04	the campaign manager would realize
00:12:07	And then I'd be writing speeches,
00:12:09	and then I'd be coming up with strategy,
00:12:11	Will Hayes?
00:12:12	- Hey. Gareth Henderson.
00:12:14	- Hey, how are you?
00:12:17	I brought my C.V. and a sample of some
00:12:21	Fantastic. I cannot wait to peruse these
00:12:25	In the meantime, here's a sample
00:12:28	I'll need filled immediately.
00:12:30	Wait!
00:12:32	You want me to get coffee?
00:12:33	At some point in our lives, we all get coffee.
00:12:36	We're still walking, Hayes.
00:12:37	Have the coffee here by 10:00,
00:12:40	That means I'm gonna have to kill you.
00:12:43	- You should know that.
00:12:46	That is a cellular telephone
00:12:48	so I can get a hold of you wherever,
00:12:51	- Can somebody get me an aspirin, please?
00:12:54	Glad to have you aboard, Hayes!
00:13:00	- Hi.
00:13:02	Four weeks from now,
00:13:05	will select their next Democratic nominee
00:13:09	Now, if Bill Clinton wins,
00:13:11	I want you to all understand
00:13:14	of the commitment and the energy
00:13:19	And I mean that. That's just a fact.
00:13:21	Now, that's how important the work is.
00:13:24	That each and every one of you is...
00:13:30	What am I doing here?
00:13:33	It's the new guy.
00:13:37	- Hey.
00:13:43	- Can I get a pack of Morley Red, please?
00:13:47	3.25? These are $2.15
00:13:51	So go back to Madison.
00:13:53	- Don't forget to write.
00:13:55	Hold it! Stop. Stop right there!
00:13:58	You smoked?
00:14:00	No. Yeah.
00:14:02	But I didn't mean to tell you that.
00:14:06	Listen. I was young, and I was stupid,
00:14:11	I promise you.
00:14:12	Is there anything else you should tell me?
00:14:16	Probably not.
00:14:24	- Can I get 10 copies?
00:14:26	No, they're for Arthur.
00:14:29	So if you wouldn't mind...
00:14:31	You're the toilet paper guy.
00:14:33	Wait. Who's that?
00:14:37	Yes. I am, in fact, the toilet paper guy,
00:14:40	but feel free to call me
00:14:42	Or Todd in Accounting calls me Crystal,
00:14:47	- How many copies?
00:14:50	- These?
00:14:54	What made you become
00:14:56	I'm not. This is a money gig.
00:14:59	which is better than babysitting, which is
00:15:03	You're a Democrat, right?
00:15:05	Why does everyone have to be
00:15:08	I'm struggling with the copy machine.
00:15:09	No, hold on.
00:15:12	I am nothing.
00:15:15	Why do I have to have an opinion
00:15:18	I mean, really,
00:15:21	or Social Security, or the tax code?
00:15:23	What about civil rights or women's rights?
00:15:26	A woman's right to do what she wants
00:15:28	I do what I want with my body.
00:15:31	That's apathetic.
00:15:33	- I'm not apathetic.
00:15:35	I'm not. I just know that these bozos
00:15:39	they don't care about anything more
00:15:41	That's absolutely not true.
00:15:42	You think this guy, Bill Clinton,
00:15:45	- I do.
00:15:47	- Okay, that's where you're wrong.
00:15:49	You're wrong. He's gonna make
00:15:51	He's gonna make a difference with women.
00:15:53	- My God.
00:15:56	Read his plans on health care.
00:15:58	- Okay, or don't. You know, yeah.
00:15:59	- Yeah, I'm sorry.
00:16:00	- I'm really sorry.
00:16:02	Wake up to a new America.
00:16:03	- I believe you.
00:16:05	- Fine. You convinced me. You're nothing.
00:16:08	in front of all of you...
00:16:10	Hey! Listen up! Look up, everybody!
00:16:14	Yes, I was Bill Clinton's
00:16:17	Hey, somebody turn it up.
00:16:18	For the past two years, I have lied to the
00:16:22	The truth is, I loved him.
00:16:26	Now he tells me to deny it.
00:16:28	Well, I'm sick of all of the deceit,
00:16:35	Well, you're right about one thing.
00:16:39	- This has been fun. Yeah.
00:16:43	Bye, copy girl.
00:16:45	Oh, my God. It never ends.
00:16:47	They just keep playing it
00:16:49	- It's gonna blow over.
00:16:50	People don't really care about this stuff.
00:16:51	- That's the thing.
00:16:53	I've heard Bush has a mistress.
00:16:56	Everybody's talking about it, so why
00:16:59	She's trashy.
00:17:02	I mean, her hair alone
00:17:04	Big deal. Everyone has their weaknesses,
00:17:07	Those chubby redheads
00:17:10	- That's what Daddy likes.
00:17:12	Gareth, you are unfailingly repugnant.
00:17:14	Hey. That is a coincidence. I love women
00:17:18	You know what I love?
00:17:20	I love long-haired brunettes
00:17:22	I have no idea why.
00:17:24	I got that one, too.
00:17:26	I got a thing for guys
00:17:30	You might wanna look at that.
00:17:32	I am fine with that.
00:17:34	- To Bill and his weaknesses.
00:17:36	- To Bill.
00:17:44	Hello?
00:17:45	Hey! It's me!
00:17:47	- Is that Emily?
00:17:49	- Hi, Emily!
00:17:51	What's all that noise?
00:17:52	Nothing. That's just a couple of idiots
00:17:56	because they don't have a beautiful
00:18:01	You're drunk.
00:18:02	You're beautiful.
00:18:03	- You're horny.
00:18:07	Emily? Come to New York.
00:18:10	You'll love it here.
00:18:13	Whoa, did you just say "energy"?
00:18:17	What?
00:18:20	You're never coming back.
00:18:22	Hey, come on, now.
00:18:27	You're right. I'm sorry.
00:18:30	Did you call Summer?
00:18:32	No. I left her a message.
00:18:38	Hey. You okay?
00:18:41	Yeah. I'm just really lonely here,
00:18:43	and I miss you like crazy,
00:18:48	Yeah. I know what you mean.
00:19:12	- Hey. What are you doing up?
00:19:16	Come on, you've been staring
00:19:22	How was the rest of your evening?
00:19:24	Oh, my goodness. I'm in big trouble.
00:19:30	You know, that's usually a good thing.
00:19:32	It's hard enough to get elected
00:19:35	without having Julia Roberts
00:19:38	That is an impressive mental leap, Russ,
00:19:41	going from a one-night stand
00:19:46	Open it.
00:19:47	I know you're dying to know what's inside.
00:19:50	Just her name alone, Summer Hartley,
00:19:54	Look it! You got a tear right there! I see it.
00:19:57	Come on through. You can do it.
00:20:00	Thank you. Yes.
00:20:07	- It's a diary.
00:20:09	No! Stop! Stop right there.
00:20:14	" The boys' dorm is across
00:20:19	"The evenings are hot and sticky.
00:20:22	"We are all half-dressed,
00:20:26	"Some of us are bold. My new friend
00:20:30	"Emily is sweet
00:20:33	"and embarrassed by it all,
00:20:38	Don't stop! This is good stuff.
00:20:43	"It's our last night, and the plan has
00:20:47	"Emily and I are the last to leave,
00:20:49	"and as we reach the stairs,
00:20:54	"She looks up at me expectantly
00:21:00	- Do you?
00:21:02	Oh, my goodness!
00:21:05	What are you doing?
00:21:10	Wait a minute.
00:21:13	Is that your Emily?
00:21:15	Good night, Russell!
00:21:18	She is a freak!
00:21:20	Put the picture back!
00:21:36	Wow.
00:21:42	- Who is it?
00:21:47	You a Jehovah's Witness?
00:21:50	No.
00:21:51	Christ, you're tall.
00:21:55	Hi.
00:22:07	- Come in.
00:22:09	Close the door behind you.
00:22:12	Lock it!
00:22:14	Summer said to hang tight.
00:22:19	- What do you got in there?
00:22:24	Yeah. I'm her daddy.
00:22:41	- Drink?
00:22:44	Early. You're fresh off the boat, aren't you?
00:22:47	So tell me about yourself. What's your deal?
00:22:52	What are your dreams?
00:22:55	What do you want to be when you grow up?
00:22:58	- Sit down!
00:22:59	What do you do now? You...
00:23:00	Wait, don't tell me.
00:23:02	- No.
00:23:03	Wall Street. No!
00:23:04	You kiss ass to some fancy uptown law firm.
00:23:07	- Actually...
00:23:11	I'm working for Bill Clinton.
00:23:14	No.
00:23:16	I know who Bill Clinton is.
00:23:17	Yeah, in fact, I know more about Bill Clinton
00:23:20	- Really?
00:23:21	- What do you do?
00:23:24	I drink!
00:23:26	Drink!
00:23:28	Be a man.
00:23:32	There you go! Isn't that better?
00:23:36	Swallow!
00:23:39	So tell me about Bill Clinton.
00:23:44	Hey. Wake up.
00:23:57	You want some aspirin?
00:24:05	- You must be Will.
00:24:08	I see you drank my boyfriend
00:24:12	- He's not your father?
00:24:17	He's my thesis advisor.
00:24:19	Oh.
00:24:20	What else did he tell you?
00:24:21	He was telling me how to be a real man,
00:24:25	- boy-man I seem to be.
00:24:29	Yeah, there's a lot of drinking involved.
00:24:31	Also cursing and fighting.
00:24:34	- Sex?
00:24:35	Although that's not what we real men call it.
00:24:37	What do you call it?
00:24:40	I have something for you.
00:24:45	- Haven't talked to her in ages.
00:24:49	Uh-huh.
00:24:52	Oh, please! Daddy.
00:24:58	Oh, come on! No.
00:25:01	Oh, this is...
00:25:12	Did you read this?
00:25:15	I didn't.
00:25:20	- I read a page.
00:25:22	- Two pages at the most.
00:25:24	And the part about you and Emily
00:25:27	- Oh! That part, yeah.
00:25:33	You're a great writer. I mean...
00:25:35	I think you should keep it.
00:25:38	- I can't. It's your diary, so I can't do that.
00:25:42	I've already got it memorized,
00:25:44	Keep a hard copy.
00:25:49	I wonder why Emily gave it to you
00:25:55	Hampton?
00:25:57	- Hampton?
00:26:00	That's Hampton Roth.
00:26:02	- His book on the McGovern campaign is...
00:26:06	- You...
00:26:10	Look, have you ever actually
00:26:13	- I haven't.
00:26:16	Well, actually, I'm not judging. Look at you.
00:26:19	You're beautiful. You're sophisticated.
00:26:22	Thank you.
00:26:23	I mean, to please a woman like you,
00:26:26	- Real man.
00:26:28	- Hard to compete with that.
00:26:34	- Yep, nice to meet you.
00:26:38	I feel horrible about taking the...
00:26:53	Sorry.
00:26:56	I was just curious.
00:26:58	Hampton encourages me
00:27:03	He says it's the key
00:27:06	Yeah.
00:27:07	Summer! Daddy's hungry!
00:27:12	- Speak of the devil. Better go. Yeah.
00:27:14	Where the hell are you?
00:27:15	- Okay, bye.
00:27:17	Yeah, give us a call sometime.
00:27:21	I'd... Yeah, I'd love dinner.
00:27:23	- Yeah.
00:27:27	- Are you gonna call her?
00:27:29	- Well, what are you gonna do?
00:27:33	I'm gonna keep my eye on the ball.
00:27:37	Which may involve
00:27:39	Or foursome
00:27:42	You're not helping.
00:27:45	I never should have opened that diary.
00:27:50	What's a threesome?
00:27:52	- What?
00:27:56	That's a game that adults play sometimes
00:28:03	Whatever. So what happened with Emily?
00:28:06	Nothing. I wanted to wait
00:28:08	and then I decided to do
00:28:12	It was just one week
00:28:15	from bagels and toilet paper
00:28:23	Jesus! Mercy!
00:28:25	Hold, please.
00:28:27	What am I doing here?
00:28:33	Move over! Another foot!
00:28:38	Over, over, over!
00:28:45	Just want to let everyone know
00:28:48	They're looking good.
00:28:50	I wrote three speeches
00:28:53	How's high school?
00:28:54	He's from Texas. His name's George Bush.
00:28:58	Instead, he's the eldest son
00:29:01	and considered a key
00:29:03	Bryant, well, you forgot to mention
00:29:05	Oh, okay.
00:29:06	Man, if this guy's smart,
00:29:08	- No kidding.
00:29:10	- No.
00:29:11	Hayes! Where is Hayes? Hayes!
00:29:15	Is it true you graduated first
00:29:18	- Yeah.
00:29:20	- Come on. We're walking.
00:29:22	Here's a list of Madison graduates
00:29:24	These people earn 200 grand plus a year.
00:29:26	We have a $10,000-a-plate fundraiser
00:29:29	I can't have that, Hayes.
00:29:32	Hold on. No more coffee, bagels?
00:29:34	- We'll see how this goes, okay?
00:29:35	- What?
00:29:39	- Okay, Hayes.
00:29:41	- There's the desk.
00:29:46	Yeah, that's funny, the toilet paper.
00:29:49	That's good because it's ironic.
00:29:51	Yeah, that's right, everybody. My desk.
00:29:55	Right here, I got a desk, and I got a list.
00:29:57	And I have a phone. And this empty basket.
00:30:00	No, no, no, I really don't agree
00:30:02	that the Governor has a character problem,
00:30:06	Did you know that
00:30:08	marijuana use should be legalized?
00:30:11	Hello?
00:30:12	No, no, no, he wasn't a draft dodger.
00:30:15	Besides, did you know that
00:30:18	that the Vietnam War
00:30:22	Both legs.
00:30:23	Wow, I am sorry. You must miss them.
00:30:28	Yes, I understand your concern,
00:30:35	that the Governor comes from
00:30:39	And hope is exactly what he stands for, so...
00:30:43	No, no, I know it's corny, but I also think
00:30:46	that sometimes corny is exactly
00:30:52	That would be wonderful. No, thank you.
00:30:55	Two seats.
00:30:57	Okay, great. Thank you, Mr. Bishop.
00:31:01	Yeah, the dinner's next Thursday.
00:31:04	Yes, when I spoke with Hillary this morning
00:31:06	she said that she wanted to get to know
00:31:11	No, I think you'd definitely
00:31:14	Yeah.
00:31:17	An entire table? No, that is very possible.
00:31:20	I'll put you down for one table, then.
00:31:24	Okay, I look forward
00:31:26	Okay, thank you.
00:31:31	I just sold an entire table for $50,000.
00:31:41	That's my guy, Will. My guy.
00:31:48	Toilet paper guy! Toilet paper guy!
00:31:52	Good evening, gentlemen.
00:31:55	3.60. New tax and a new warning.
00:31:59	Christ.
00:32:01	Tell us the truth, my friend.
00:32:03	- Did that Clinton inhale or not?
00:32:06	That's like if your girlfriend catches you
00:32:09	"But we didn't do it."
00:32:11	- What, is that gonna matter to her?
00:32:14	- Hello.
00:32:18	4.25.
00:32:19	4.25? You pay $4.25
00:32:23	They don't put as many chemicals in them.
00:32:25	- So those are healthy cigarettes.
00:32:28	So if there's not as many chemicals in them,
00:32:30	they should cost less, not more,
00:32:33	They put saltpeter in your cigarettes,
00:32:36	which make them burn faster,
00:32:39	Which means, at the end of the day,
00:32:47	Copy girl,
00:32:50	is the picture of the eagle
00:32:53	Some reassuring idea about your lifestyle.
00:32:58	- You wanna bet?
00:33:00	- 20 bucks.
00:33:03	Easiest 20 bucks I ever made.
00:33:04	- Really?
00:33:05	That's funny.
00:33:07	Okay, we have to inhale at the same time
00:33:10	- Yep.
00:33:23	- It's my birthday today.
00:33:35	Why aren't you out celebrating?
00:33:38	My boyfriend, Lucas, was taking me out
00:33:42	But at last minute, he gets a gig in Philly,
00:33:56	Truth is he's far more interested in being
00:33:57	the next Kurt Cobain
00:34:01	Who's Kurt Cobain?
00:34:04	You're kidding me!
00:34:07	What?
00:34:09	Smoke.
00:34:16	Oh.
00:34:17	- Look at that.
00:34:25	- All right.
00:34:28	The satisfaction of me being right
00:34:30	and you being wrong
00:34:33	Well, I never welsh on a bet,
00:34:35	I'll take you out for dinner,
00:34:38	- What do you say?
00:34:40	No, I didn't mean it like that.
00:34:42	Like an "I feel sorry for you
00:34:43	"because it's your birthday
00:34:46	- You know, one of those.
00:34:48	You can take me to this party
00:34:51	because there's no way
00:35:01	Yeah, I'm gonna go head over...
00:35:05	Whoa.
00:35:08	I think I'm a little out of my league here.
00:35:10	Yes, you are.
00:35:17	So Emily is what, like,
00:35:20	- It's amazing how you do that.
00:35:22	The way you take the simplest statement,
00:35:24	and then you twist it with
00:35:27	- It's really, actually, impressive. I'm amazed.
00:35:30	- But I understand. I get it.
00:35:33	- See, you did it again.
00:35:34	- Yeah.
00:35:36	It's probably hard for you to imagine
00:35:39	without even the slightest hint of
00:35:43	Well, if your deal with Emily
00:35:46	then why don't you just marry her?
00:35:48	What's stopping you?
00:35:51	Nothing.
00:35:54	- Wow.
00:35:58	She gets it tomorrow. I made a reservation
00:36:00	at some fancy French restaurant
00:36:02	Oh, my God. You're doing it
00:36:06	- Yeah, I am. What's wrong with that?
00:36:10	What are you gonna say?
00:36:12	- I'm still working on it. I don't know.
00:36:15	You should practice with me.
00:36:19	I'm Emily, your college sweetheart.
00:36:24	- Emily...
00:36:26	No, I'm not getting down on my knee.
00:36:28	She'll like it.
00:36:31	- I'm not getting down on my knee.
00:36:36	- Emily.
00:36:38	Don't make me laugh. Emily,
00:36:41	will you,
00:36:43	um,
00:36:46	marry me?
00:36:48	- No.
00:36:52	Well, what do you mean,
00:36:54	I haven't seen you in weeks!
00:36:55	You don't look happy or excited
00:36:58	You're asking me to give up my freedom,
00:37:02	my joie de vivre
00:37:04	for an institution that fails
00:37:07	And why should I marry you, anyway?
00:37:10	Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfill
00:37:14	from an early age to promote
00:37:18	Oh, my God!
00:37:20	- You should've got on your knee!
00:37:26	Here.
00:37:28	I wanna marry you
00:37:31	that I want to look at
00:37:33	and the only one I wanna kiss goodnight.
00:37:36	Because the first time
00:37:40	I couldn't imagine
00:37:43	But mainly, when you love someone
00:37:49	getting married is the only thing left to do.
00:37:52	So will you...
00:37:57	Um...
00:38:01	marry me?
00:38:03	Definitely. Maybe.
00:38:07	I have to think about it.
00:38:11	Walk me home?
00:38:23	- Do you want a cup of tea?
00:38:30	Hey.
00:38:31	How come you have so many copies
00:38:33	- It's a long story.
00:38:37	It seems to be about 300 pages or so.
00:38:41	Seriously, why?
00:38:44	For my 13th birthday,
00:38:48	and instead my dad bought me
00:38:52	And inside, he wrote a beautiful inscription,
00:38:56	seeing as I was so pissed
00:38:59	which was tragic as it turned out 'cause
00:39:04	What do you mean?
00:39:06	He died three weeks later in a car accident.
00:39:09	Jesus. That's awful.
00:39:13	I'm sorry.
00:39:15	- Have you ever read it?
00:39:18	I read it every year or two.
00:39:21	It tells me different things.
00:39:24	Anyhow, when I went away to college,
00:39:29	and somewhere along the way,
00:39:32	Now, every time I pass
00:39:36	I look for the copy that my dad
00:39:40	I know I'll never find it.
00:39:41	It's stupid, but it's become this,
00:39:46	- It's not stupid.
00:39:50	What are all these?
00:39:52	Oh, these are the ones
00:39:59	"With love and hopes and dreams
00:40:07	What is this?
00:40:08	This is Kurt Cobain.
00:40:13	Yeah, I do.
00:40:16	You think it's ridiculous
00:40:19	- Yes.
00:40:21	No, no, I get the whole politician thing.
00:40:25	That's true. That's very true.
00:40:28	I just wonder if you want people
00:40:33	That's also true.
00:40:35	I should want them to hate me.
00:40:37	I'm gonna start working on that right away.
00:40:40	No, but you're off to a great start.
00:40:41	- Yeah?
00:40:43	Good.
00:40:44	What do you wanna be when you grow up?
00:40:45	I mean, you're too smart
00:40:48	- and babysitting.
00:40:49	- I don't know!
00:40:52	I don't know,
00:40:58	You know what I really wanna do
00:41:01	is I wanna go to all those places
00:41:06	I've been saving money.
00:41:08	But I can't even get it together to do that.
00:41:10	Probably because I'm stuck in a rut
00:41:12	You should dump him.
00:41:14	I know that's none of my business,
00:41:19	You are.
00:41:23	- You know what's really cool?
00:41:26	We can just sit here
00:41:29	- flirting or all the attraction stuff.
00:41:35	Very cool.
00:41:37	Yeah.
00:41:55	I got to go.
00:42:00	Dumbass!
00:43:07	- Oh, God.
00:43:09	- Told you he wouldn't be long.
00:43:13	- I took the red-eye!
00:43:17	I was just telling Emily how Arthur sent you
00:43:22	- Advance team.
00:43:24	- How'd it go? Man, it went great!
00:43:28	- Great.
00:43:30	- Are you okay?
00:43:33	- I ran up the stairs.
00:43:35	I'm going to the office. It's...
00:43:39	- And you.
00:43:41	Okay.
00:43:43	Good luck.
00:43:47	- Hi.
00:43:50	- Here.
00:43:54	Hey.
00:44:04	- It's weird. Your tongue tastes different.
00:44:08	It tastes different, your tongue.
00:44:09	- That is weird.
00:44:14	Maybe it's the tap water here.
00:44:17	Or the pH balance...
00:44:20	Told you New York was gonna change you.
00:44:24	- Could we maybe go for a walk?
00:44:27	- Just to get some air?
00:44:29	I would love that.
00:44:31	So, did I ever tell you...
00:44:32	- Oh, sorry. No, go.
00:44:35	I was gonna say, did I ever tell you
00:44:41	No.
00:44:44	Well, Dad was on his way
00:44:47	and he runs into his ex-girlfriend,
00:44:52	And they're talking,
00:44:55	and all these old feelings,
00:44:57	And he's thinking,
00:45:00	"I could run away right now
00:45:03	"be a happy man.
00:45:05	"All I have to do is kiss her."
00:45:07	But instead, he looks up,
00:45:13	and he sees my mom
00:45:17	And that moment he knows
00:45:21	You understand?
00:45:25	Am I Caroline Hopper in this story
00:45:30	Oh, my God! I'm your mom!
00:45:31	- Emily, when I saw you this morning...
00:45:33	...I knew...
00:45:34	- Just stand up, Will. Stop.
00:45:36	- Wait, wait, wait.
00:45:37	- Let's think about this.
00:45:39	It's just like the day that my...
00:45:40	Will!
00:45:42	I slept with Charlie!
00:45:50	I thought we had a plan.
00:45:53	Well, you had a plan, Will.
00:45:57	- Pretty sure we both had that plan.
00:45:59	- that I want to be part of it anymore.
00:46:00	- when we made it.
00:46:02	How do you tell someone
00:46:03	that you don't want the same things
00:46:05	- they want anymore?
00:46:06	Definitely having sex with the roommate.
00:46:11	It was cowardly, and I'm sorry.
00:46:13	Oh, good.
00:46:22	You're killing me.
00:46:26	No, I'm not. I'm letting you go.
00:46:29	'Cause if we stay together, Will,
00:46:32	I'm gonna hold you back from all these...
00:46:33	- That's not true.
00:46:36	And then, eventually,
00:46:39	- No.
00:46:40	Will, I don't want that,
00:46:45	Trust me.
00:46:51	You're gonna be just fine, Mr. Hayes,
00:46:54	without me.
00:46:57	Wow.
00:46:59	Yeah.
00:47:01	Wow.
00:47:06	Good evening. Bill Clinton may have
00:47:09	but the big question tonight is,
00:47:11	Because, after all, he is the big survivor,
00:47:14	in the New York primary
00:47:33	Goes 'round the moon
00:47:36	I see the passion in your eyes
00:47:41	Sometimes it's all a big surprise
00:47:46	'Cause there was a time when all I did
00:48:04	Hey.
00:48:06	Congratulations.
00:48:08	I hear they asked you to stay on.
00:48:11	Yeah, yeah, he did, and I am.
00:48:15	Really? Why do I feel
00:48:18	And the staplers and those scissors?
00:48:19	I'll be fine. But this song,
00:48:23	I know. What about the dancing?
00:48:29	I'm sorry about the other night.
00:48:32	It's okay. I just didn't think
00:48:35	- Or Emily, for that matter.
00:48:38	Besides, you and me,
00:48:43	Yeah. Yeah.
00:48:46	- Oil and water.
00:48:49	- That's gross. That's just gross.
00:48:51	Yeah. No, thank you.
00:48:53	- I'd be honored.
00:48:54	- They were good together.
00:48:56	and then they couldn't even be friends.
00:49:00	- I think we can, at least, manage that.
00:49:07	- Enchanté.
00:49:13	- Come on, let's dance.
00:49:15	- Why?
00:49:23	You ready?
00:49:36	Guess that's it for Emily.
00:49:38	I can't believe that
00:49:43	- I can't believe it, either.
00:49:48	- Anybody else?
00:49:50	I was too busy working on the campaign.
00:49:52	Anyway, when Clinton got elected,
00:49:54	Russell and I started our own
00:49:57	and we worked on campaigns for everybody.
00:49:59	City council, state senate.
00:50:01	We even did one for the local dog catcher.
00:50:03	That's very interesting, Dad,
00:50:07	- What about Mom?
00:50:10	- But nothing serious.
00:50:14	Well, a week after Kurt Cobain died,
00:50:17	She went traveling.
00:50:19	She traveled all over the world,
00:50:22	And she says
00:50:26	that I said to her on her birthday.
00:50:28	Anyway, we started writing postcards.
00:50:31	And before I knew it, even though
00:50:34	we became great friends.
00:50:41	It was 1994,
00:50:44	More jobs, more money.
00:50:46	That was the start of the Internet.
00:50:50	had a cell phone.
00:50:51	Can you hear me now?
00:50:52	Which they never put down.
00:50:55	And then, our old boss, Arthur Robredo
00:51:01	- This just came for you.
00:51:03	I had finally made it inside the room.
00:51:07	- Gareth.
00:51:09	Good morning.
00:51:10	Hey, let's get this party started.
00:51:12	What's the word from upstate?
00:51:14	For the first time,
00:51:17	instead of the other way around.
00:51:19	"The most endangered species in our nation
00:51:22	"isn't a big woodpecker
00:51:25	"It's the tongue in our heads!
00:51:28	"Listen to the truncated
00:51:32	"The average vocabulary is a third
00:51:35	"Words fall out of our mouths
00:51:39	"The landscape of vocabulary
00:51:42	"and grubbed up by the dribble
00:51:46	"poisoned by lazy obscenity..."
00:51:48	Will?
00:51:49	"...infantilized by
00:51:51	- Hey.
00:51:53	It's my favorite man-boy.
00:51:58	Well, thank you, thank you. That's the aim.
00:52:02	- How's Emily?
00:52:06	She's starring in
00:52:09	Oh.
00:52:10	- How's the Professor?
00:52:15	- He's funny.
00:52:19	Told me it was for my own good.
00:52:22	Everybody seems to be
00:52:27	What have you been up to?
00:52:30	I'm writing these really dumb items
00:52:35	Waiting for my big break.
00:52:37	"And 'syntax' isn't
00:52:43	- I'm gonna go listen to the Professor.
00:52:45	Nice glasses.
00:52:46	"Listen to your kids if you can."
00:52:49	Thank you.
00:52:52	William Hayes!
00:52:57	From... Don't tell me!
00:52:59	Wisconsin! Yes, the Cheese State.
00:53:04	Very nice of you
00:53:06	- I'll have another, please.
00:53:07	Yeah. Summer tells me you're writing
00:53:12	- She tells me you're dating a sophomore.
00:53:16	which, on a good day,
00:53:21	Walk with me. Why would you
00:53:24	As I recall from our first encounter,
00:53:31	Don't tell me you're just another
00:53:35	You were wonderful, darling.
00:53:39	- Nice? Yeah, he can handle himself.
00:53:42	First of all, Arthur Robredo is not a hack.
00:53:45	He was a cop, an entrepreneur.
00:53:48	He's a putz.
00:53:52	Here. Read it. It's free.
00:53:54	Beauty, ideals,
00:53:59	- It's all about power and money.
00:54:02	and you're completely obsessed
00:54:04	That's because he doesn't have any.
00:54:06	Babe, I am about the love.
00:54:09	- As you know.
00:54:10	That's why you keep me around.
00:54:11	To keep that rampant,
00:54:17	I have a thought.
00:54:19	Why don't you use that newly acquired
00:54:24	to get Summer here
00:54:29	That way Summer gets a break,
00:00:03	I guess it's the love. More of the love.
00:00:07	More love.
00:00:09	- I knew Summer would be back.
00:00:11	You know what? At first,
00:00:13	But now I'm kinda liking her.
00:00:17	I wanted to, but I couldn't
00:00:42	- Wow. This is pretty good.
00:00:52	Are you sure
00:00:54	No, it's perfect. It's absolutely...
00:00:57	You know, there's one part, though,
00:01:01	"William Hayes,
00:01:02	"Robredo's chief speech writer,
00:01:08	- Boyishly? I mean...
00:01:11	You know, I originally wrote,
00:01:13	"William Hayes has seductive eyes
00:01:17	"whose clothes you wanna rip
00:01:19	but the editor made me change it.
00:01:22	There's just no room for truth in journalism.
00:01:26	Did you always want to be a journalist?
00:01:28	No. Until I was 16, I wanted to be an actress.
00:01:33	Wow. Really?
00:01:35	Yeah, really. Is that hard to believe?
00:01:38	Well, aren't actresses needy and emotional
00:01:42	That sort of thing.
00:01:43	What are you saying? That I don't need?
00:01:47	- I'm an incredibly needy person.
00:01:49	- I'm a very needy person.
00:01:50	I'm saying I would love to hear a song.
00:01:53	- I'm sorry?
00:01:56	- You want me to sing you a song?
00:02:00	- You have a favorite?
00:02:03	- You do?
00:02:07	Okay.
00:02:11	How glad the many millions
00:02:16	Of Timothys and Williams would be
00:02:20	- I'm a William.
00:02:23	To capture me
00:02:25	But you had such persistence
00:02:29	You wore down my resistance
00:02:31	I fell
00:02:34	And it was swell
00:02:43	Will you please put it on?
00:02:49	You know, it really isn't so bad.
00:02:51	You know what the funny part is?
00:02:56	I've got a crush on you, sweetie pie
00:03:03	Frank Sinatra, Linda Ronstadt.
00:03:06	- Why?
00:03:06	Well, if you look on the back,
00:03:12	- I've Got A Crush On You.
00:03:15	- How's it going?
00:03:20	Yeah, me, too.
00:03:26	- Yeah, I'm about done.
00:03:28	The world will pardon my mush
00:03:34	'Cause I've got a crush, my baby, on...
00:04:08	Was I snoring?
00:04:16	You know what I've never done?
00:04:20	What?
00:04:22	I've never spent the whole day in bed
00:04:26	Me, neither.
00:04:28	I'm serious.
00:04:31	I always think of something
00:04:34	I'm a workaholic.
00:04:37	It's really bad.
00:04:43	Will you spend
00:04:48	We do nothing.
00:05:07	Hi, this is Summer. Please leave a message,
00:05:12	This is Dr. Levenstein
00:05:13	from the Columbia Presbyterian
00:05:16	Emergency room? Hello?
00:05:18	- Mr. Roth has had an aortal rupture.
00:05:22	Think of it like a tire blowing out
00:05:25	after going too fast for way too long.
00:05:30	How's that, Mr. Roth? Are you comfortable?
00:05:33	I make a living.
00:05:37	Come on, sweetheart, give me a smile.
00:05:43	Poor Hampton.
00:05:46	Summer's come.
00:05:51	- What's he doing here?
00:05:54	Hello.
00:05:58	One thing they've left intact.
00:06:01	No, no, no, no, no, no,
00:06:03	Don't mention osmosis.
00:06:04	It's killing me
00:06:07	Really? It's not the booze
00:06:11	- That has nothing to do with this.
00:06:14	Listen, I want you to know
00:06:19	except for one, which is for you.
00:06:22	- Sweetie, that's so kind.
00:06:27	My heart, stupid.
00:06:33	Please tell me you're not in love with him.
00:06:36	I can't do that.
00:06:42	Can I have a cigarette?
00:06:45	Not happening.
00:06:49	Nobody's dying.
00:06:53	What do you care
00:06:56	You're the one who set us up, remember?
00:06:58	Yeah, well, I kind of figured
00:07:01	You're such a sweetie.
00:07:06	- I read the Robredo piece.
00:07:11	The guy's been in New York politics
00:07:13	and all you can dig up
00:07:18	What are you saying, Hampton?
00:07:22	Do your job.
00:07:31	I can't believe
00:07:35	- Look at that.
00:07:38	We've come a long way
00:07:40	Thank you very much.
00:07:42	I don't believe it! I don't believe it!
00:07:44	Which idiot forgot to check the menus
00:07:47	There's no union seal
00:07:50	Are you serious?
00:07:51	The hotel workers won't let anybody
00:07:52	The Teamsters
00:07:54	Has anyone seen Robert Klein?
00:07:56	I was with him like an hour ago.
00:07:57	I think he was completely plastered.
00:07:59	How are we supposed to know
00:08:00	You're not gonna believe this,
00:08:03	Who cares about Chicago?
00:08:04	We do.
00:08:06	- Okay, okay.
00:08:08	Let me ask you a question.
00:08:10	- What? What are you talking about?
00:08:12	Whoa, whoa, whoa!
00:08:14	Hey, deep breath, okay?
00:08:18	see if we can use the Internet connection
00:08:20	- I'll call Klein's agent.
00:08:22	Gareth, have a drink.
00:08:23	You, I don't know who you are,
00:08:26	Be great if you wore underwear.
00:08:29	Table seven's up. Six pasta. Two fish.
00:08:36	He may not be in your union,
00:08:38	but he still happens to be
00:08:41	Remember him? So if I was you,
00:08:42	- I'd get your men off that truck and in this...
00:08:44	You can't talk to a Teamster like that!
00:08:47	- This guy...
00:08:48	Look, look, check it out.
00:08:49	I downloaded a copy of the union seal.
00:08:51	If you could just please
00:08:52	make 500 copies, use a union shop.
00:08:56	Copies? You want me to make copies?
00:09:00	Well, at some point, we all make copies.
00:09:03	That's not funny, Hayes. That's very...
00:09:05	Yeah, that's real mature.
00:09:07	I'm walking! Back in half an hour.
00:09:10	What a dick.
00:09:14	- Yeah.
00:09:16	Speaking.
00:09:17	I'm watching you right now.
00:09:19	And I know all about you
00:09:23	In fact, I know so much,
00:09:26	Really?
00:09:29	Who am I speaking with?
00:09:30	Why don't we meet, and you'll find out?
00:09:33	- Where are you?
00:09:36	I don't have a lot of experience with
00:09:42	You're getting warm.
00:09:45	You're hot.
00:09:47	You're hot.
00:09:49	You are so hot!
00:09:54	I got you!
00:09:56	I thought you were gone
00:09:58	No, I thought so, too,
00:10:01	I mean, I was camping
00:10:04	with all these really cool people,
00:10:08	brooding and sexy,
00:10:12	One night I'm dancing with Paco
00:10:15	- an incredible, deep kiss.
00:10:17	- And what do I do?
00:10:20	I start crying.
00:10:21	I mean, tears are rolling...
00:10:22	- ...down my cheeks...
00:10:24	...which he doesn't notice 'cause, of course,
00:10:27	which felt nice,
00:10:30	'cause in a flash
00:10:31	I saw our entire relationship,
00:10:35	I mean, the incredibly hot start, with Paco
00:10:40	- What are we doing here?
00:10:43	Just take a second.
00:10:44	And then the inevitable moment,
00:10:47	- Hello.
00:10:48	I don't know why it happens,
00:10:51	when all that love and admiration
00:10:53	and he'd find some way to hurt me.
00:10:56	I mean, sure, after, he'd be sorry.
00:10:58	So...
00:11:00	I decided to unlock his beautiful lips
00:11:03	remove his hand from my ass,
00:11:08	- and I walked away.
00:11:12	- I walked away, Will! From Paco!
00:11:14	- No one walks away from Paco!
00:11:17	And it felt life-changing.
00:11:19	And I realized I had to tell someone.
00:11:22	When I realized who that person was,
00:11:24	- it was so unexpected.
00:11:26	It's like when something is staring you
00:11:28	and it's like you're too blind to see it.
00:11:31	What's that?
00:11:34	I have some news for you, too.
00:11:43	Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:11:44	Don't you think it's a little weird we've been
00:11:45	writing each other for however long
00:11:47	and somehow you neglect to tell me that,
00:11:49	A, you've fallen in love,
00:11:54	Disse-te que andava
00:11:55	- I told you I was dating someone.
00:11:56	You just bought
00:11:59	I'm sorry.
00:12:00	Why would you be nervous to tell me?
00:12:05	I don't know.
00:12:07	I love this girl so much.
00:12:10	I'd just really like you to be happy for me.
00:12:14	I can be happy for you.
00:12:22	Poor April.
00:12:23	She's like the character in the story
00:12:27	Then she realized
00:12:30	She wants to be the girlfriend,
00:12:33	What do you mean?
00:12:34	Weren't you listening?
00:12:43	There's union seals
00:12:46	The weather cleared in Chicago.
00:12:50	Where's Russ?
00:12:51	Gonna meet you and Arthur
00:12:53	I'm funnier over here.
00:12:56	I can't stop my leg
00:13:05	You're early.
00:13:12	Good to see you.
00:13:14	- You look great.
00:13:15	- That's a nice tie.
00:13:20	So, the magazine asked me
00:13:24	- Great.
00:13:28	It's...
00:13:31	You just read it.
00:13:33	- You already wrote it.
00:13:44	- He did this?
00:13:46	They actually got a friend an early parole.
00:13:51	You know what?
00:13:56	and you're way ahead in all the polls.
00:13:58	Yeah, see, I don't think that's gonna matter,
00:13:59	because he's the tough-on-crime Democrat.
00:14:02	That's...
00:14:04	When people read this...
00:14:09	Summer, listen to me.
00:14:11	If you hand this in, we won't survive it.
00:14:14	I think it'll be a big deal for about a week,
00:14:16	and then the storm will pass...
00:14:17	I'm talking about you and me.
00:14:21	"Candidate Brought Down
00:14:25	- Come on.
00:14:28	I didn't do it the first time around.
00:14:31	And if I didn't write this,
00:14:35	Let them.
00:14:37	Hey, don't hand this in, okay?
00:14:45	You already did.
00:15:03	Mr. Arthur...
00:15:06	Yeah, sure.
00:15:08	I really liked Summer.
00:15:10	I can't believe
00:15:11	- Heartbreaker?
00:15:13	- Opportunist? Double-crossing...
00:15:15	- Bitch.
00:15:17	How could she do that to you?
00:15:19	It's like she said. If she didn't write it,
00:15:23	And it was the truth.
00:15:24	So did she? Did she break it?
00:15:27	What?
00:15:34	What happened when the article came out?
00:15:52	You screwed up, man.
00:15:56	Please save it.
00:15:58	Whenever I figure out whatever
00:16:00	- I'll write you a letter!
00:16:02	So I lost my girl,
00:16:08	And for a long time,
00:16:13	But I wasn't the only one with problems.
00:16:15	I did not have
00:16:20	Miss Lewinsky.
00:16:22	I never told anybody to lie.
00:16:24	- Hello?
00:16:26	These allegations are false.
00:16:28	April?
00:16:29	Yeah, April. Who'd you think it was?
00:16:33	Of course I'm watching.
00:16:36	You think he did it, don't you?
00:16:38	I don't think, I know.
00:16:42	She's so his type.
00:16:46	So, what took you so long
00:16:49	I thought I lost you.
00:16:51	- Feels like years.
00:16:56	Yeah.
00:16:58	How are you? What's doing?
00:17:00	I got a new roommate, Olivia.
00:17:04	And I'm working at a bookstore.
00:17:06	But I've been thinking about
00:17:08	Cool.
00:17:10	Hey, did I tell you that I hate my job?
00:17:12	I used to love what I do,
00:17:15	- Are you seeing anyone?
00:17:20	In fact, I haven't had sex
00:17:23	Why bother? He's having enough sex
00:17:26	Easy. Easy now.
00:17:28	Hey, maybe you should
00:17:32	You know, it's funny
00:17:34	There's a fetching young intern
00:17:38	Great. Ask her out.
00:17:41	I should, shouldn't I?
00:17:43	But I don't think I will.
00:17:47	I want the real deal.
00:17:49	Forget about the real deal.
00:17:53	What does that mean?
00:17:56	It means that you get to a certain age
00:17:59	You know, you're ready for kids
00:18:03	- Sir.
00:18:04	- Table's ready. Okay.
00:18:06	You know what I mean?
00:18:07	And the person that you're with then,
00:18:11	So you're saying it's not who, but it's when.
00:18:13	- Exactly.
00:18:15	So there's never been a guy, ever,
00:18:19	"This is him. This is the one."
00:18:22	No.
00:18:24	Okay, then why aren't you out there,
00:18:27	I am.
00:18:28	- You are?
00:18:31	Right now I'm seeing this guy, Kevin.
00:18:34	- Kevin.
00:18:35	Who the hell's Kevin?
00:18:37	Where did... How come you never,
00:18:40	I'm mentioning him now.
00:18:43	Oh, God! They have fresh mint tea.
00:18:46	I love beer.
00:18:48	It depends upon
00:18:52	If it means "there is none"
00:18:55	that is a completely true statement.
00:19:04	Hey, this is April.
00:19:06	I want to talk to you about your birthday.
00:19:10	Hello. I hope this is the right number.
00:19:14	It's Emily!
00:19:17	I'm in New York, and I was thinking
00:19:20	maybe we could get a cup of coffee
00:19:24	My number...
00:19:27	Hey, it's April. I still need to talk to you.
00:19:31	I mean, don't make me come over there
00:19:36	Okay, I'm coming!
00:19:39	God, I'm coming.
00:19:42	Yeah, I get it.
00:19:47	What are you doing in there?
00:19:50	- Is this what you're wearing?
00:19:52	It's your birthday party.
00:19:56	Oh, Christ.
00:19:57	Five minutes, okay? Five...
00:20:02	- I'm down.
00:20:04	Yeah. I just need to lie here for a sec.
00:20:08	I see you've been eating noodles.
00:20:14	Hey, everybody, he's here!
00:20:22	Thanks.
00:20:24	Hi.
00:20:28	Oh, my God! I didn't think you'd be here!
00:20:31	I couldn't miss your birthday.
00:20:34	Happy birthday, gorgeous.
00:20:36	That is a beautiful woman right there.
00:20:38	You had your chance, pal.
00:20:40	Hayes.
00:20:47	Come on.
00:20:51	- It's great to see you.
00:20:54	Homeless, I know.
00:20:57	- Where's Kelly?
00:20:59	It's her first night out
00:21:04	Congratulations.
00:21:06	Iran-Contra. Arms for oil, no problem.
00:21:10	But a little "oralness"
00:21:15	- No politics!
00:21:18	Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait! Did he say that?
00:21:20	Why not? I put my faith in him.
00:21:22	- We all did.
00:21:23	I thought he was gonna be different
00:21:25	but this guy,
00:21:29	What happens if they give him
00:21:33	- I'd vote for him again.
00:21:40	Will's a lot of fun.
00:21:41	Yeah, let's fill up the tub
00:21:43	That should be a good time.
00:21:48	Happy birthday to you
00:21:53	Happy birthday to you
00:21:58	Happy birthday, dear Will
00:22:02	- Where is he? Where's Will?
00:22:24	You missed your birthday cake.
00:22:27	- And I baked it.
00:22:32	Do you remember that song?
00:22:34	In your apartment?
00:22:36	Come as you are, as a friend
00:22:40	As a known enemy
00:22:42	- "Memory," not "enemy."
00:22:47	- Somebody had too much to drink.
00:22:51	I didn't, I didn't. I didn't.
00:22:52	- Yes, you did.
00:23:01	- God, you're beautiful.
00:23:07	What?
00:23:11	The thing is...
00:23:13	The thing is...
00:23:16	Is that I like you.
00:23:21	I've always liked you.
00:23:26	"Like."
00:23:28	That's pathetic. It's so puny.
00:23:33	"Love" on the other hand...
00:23:35	You'd run away from a word like that.
00:23:40	I love you.
00:23:45	I'm in love with you, April.
00:23:55	- Why didn't you ever tell me?
00:23:59	You know exactly why I never told you.
00:24:04	You're an idiot.
00:24:15	- Stop.
00:24:17	- Not like this.
00:24:19	Look at you, Will, you're a mess.
00:24:22	Why couldn't you have told me
00:24:25	- My shit is together.
00:24:29	You're a mess.
00:24:34	My shit is a mess?
00:24:37	That's interesting, coming from you, April.
00:24:41	You could do anything on earth,
00:24:47	What's that all about?
00:24:50	At least I tried. I went out there and I tried.
00:24:54	Look, I'm just saying this as a friend,
00:24:58	but maybe you should go out there
00:25:02	Go to rehab or life rehab
00:25:04	I don't even know if they have
00:25:07	Okay.
00:25:08	...you know, you could be
00:25:10	I should go to "life rehab"?
00:25:11	Yeah.
00:25:16	Get off my front porch!
00:25:19	April?
00:25:44	You're right.
00:25:48	It is complicated, isn't it?
00:25:51	I mean, you're in love with April,
00:25:56	and then she fell in love with you,
00:25:58	who was always really in love with Hampton.
00:26:01	And now that you're in love with April,
00:26:06	And no one's in love with you.
00:26:09	That's complicated.
00:26:12	Yep.
00:26:14	Then what happened?
00:26:36	Jane Eyre, Random House, 1943.
00:26:39	It's a beautiful edition,
00:26:43	But there's a really nice dedication inside,
00:26:48	"To my darling daughter, April.
00:26:52	- "'In secret kept, in silence sealed...'"
00:26:54	"'The thoughts, the hopes
00:26:57	"'Whose charms were broken if revealed'
00:27:00	"From your loving father."
00:27:13	- Hi, Olivia.
00:27:16	- How you been?
00:27:17	I haven't heard any of your long
00:27:19	Those were delightful, weren't they?
00:27:22	- April here?
00:27:24	- School?
00:27:26	- She started grad school at NYU.
00:27:31	If you want to wait, she'll be home soon.
00:27:32	I'd love to.
00:27:34	Make yourself comfortable.
00:27:38	- Good luck.
00:28:03	Hey.
00:28:05	How you doing?
00:28:08	Kevin.
00:28:11	Will Hayes.
00:28:14	I'm just waiting for April.
00:28:18	Are you the same Kevin
00:28:22	I hope so. Unless she's collecting Kevins.
00:28:25	Kevin, phone!
00:28:27	Anyway, I'm pretty sure I am the only Kevin
00:29:10	Do you know what you want yet?
00:29:13	- No.
00:29:21	Will?
00:29:23	William Hayes?
00:29:25	God.
00:29:27	- It is!
00:29:29	You look beautiful.
00:29:32	Believe it or not,
00:29:37	- I'm pregnant.
00:29:39	- Really?
00:29:41	- Please, sit. Congratulations.
00:29:43	Who's the lucky guy?
00:29:45	- Sam Knowles.
00:29:46	But he's basically out of the picture.
00:29:49	- He didn't make the cut, huh?
00:29:51	Well, I don't need a guy. I never really did.
00:29:56	You were about the closest I ever got.
00:29:58	No, really, when I was with you,
00:30:03	But I screwed it up.
00:30:04	- No, you didn't.
00:30:07	Listen,
00:30:09	I'm having a little party Sunday.
00:30:14	- I want you to come.
00:30:16	4:00. No excuses.
00:30:20	Will you come? Please?
00:30:23	You know, I'll see if I can make it.
00:30:25	- I really want you to.
00:30:28	I want to make amends
00:30:30	And I figure it'll take about nine months,
00:30:34	which is perfect timing.
00:30:38	- And she's off. Bye.
00:30:42	William Hayes.
00:30:43	Dad, maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
00:30:46	- What?
00:30:49	this mystery love story.
00:30:52	What if I don't like who my mom is?
00:30:53	Of course you'll like who your mom is.
00:30:55	And you don't have to wait long to find out,
00:30:58	It's Summer, isn't it?
00:31:01	No wonder you didn't want to be with her.
00:31:03	Take it easy, Maya. It's just a story.
00:31:07	And this one has a happy ending.
00:31:10	How does it have a happy ending?
00:31:13	You and my mom, whoever she is,
00:31:18	What's the happy in that?
00:31:25	Okay, you know what?
00:31:27	No!
00:31:31	Then how about a nice cup of tea?
00:31:34	If you want, I'll still continue with the story.
00:31:37	- Maya?
00:31:45	Dad?
00:31:49	I can't believe you smoked
00:31:57	But I still love you.
00:33:02	Thanks.
00:33:03	All right. All right.
00:33:06	No, no. Don't eat it yet!
00:33:10	You're in a good mood.
00:33:11	Well, I think I discovered
00:33:15	- Really?
00:33:18	- Well, who is it?
00:33:22	So the last time we saw William Hayes,
00:33:25	he had just discovered that
00:33:28	was in love with another man.
00:33:31	I know. Shocking.
00:33:34	Meanwhile, he accepted an invitation
00:33:36	to the home of his ex-girlfriend,
00:33:39	who, if she does turn out to be my mother,
00:33:43	I'm not kidding.
00:33:52	- He died last year.
00:33:55	- You heard?
00:33:57	- Yeah.
00:33:59	God. Died in his office.
00:34:01	- Heart attack?
00:34:02	I always imagined
00:34:06	What they didn't say was he was
00:34:09	- Jesus.
00:34:12	Actually, he was completely alone and
00:34:19	- You want a drink?
00:34:21	- You must miss him.
00:34:25	These are for you.
00:34:26	- Oh, Will.
00:34:31	They're beautiful.
00:34:35	So are you.
00:34:38	- Summer.
00:34:40	Don't mess with me.
00:34:42	I can see where you're going with this.
00:34:43	In a second, you're gonna
00:34:47	- Really?
00:34:49	And then you're gonna sweep me off my feet
00:34:52	Can't a girl miss a guy?
00:34:53	And you know that's gonna end badly.
00:34:54	Yeah, she can,
00:34:56	but I just don't really have time for the pain.
00:34:59	So let's just skip all that, why don't we?
00:35:02	Okay.
00:35:04	Fair enough.
00:35:06	Can we be friends?
00:35:07	- Yeah! Yeah.
00:35:09	- Shake on it? Okay.
00:35:15	You know what?
00:35:19	There's someone here I want you to meet.
00:35:22	Yeah. Come with me.
00:35:25	They're an old flame of mine,
00:35:26	and I think you guys are really gonna,
00:35:35	Emily.
00:35:38	I'm gonna put these in some water.
00:35:44	- You look...
00:35:47	You look great.
00:35:50	- Why are you in New York?
00:35:53	I took a job
00:35:57	- I called you.
00:35:59	- I've been meaning to call you back.
00:36:02	- I had lost your number.
00:36:04	- No, it's true. You know what?
00:36:07	Okay, give me your number, right now.
00:36:09	I'm gonna put it in my cell phone,
00:36:14	My number is 212-664-7665.
00:36:20	Six, six, five. See? Now I got it.
00:36:26	- Oh, no, go ahead, go ahead.
00:36:28	- Hello.
00:36:31	I'm really sorry I lost your number.
00:36:35	I just had the weirdest flash
00:36:38	one that never, ever happened.
00:36:44	What did happen to us?
00:36:46	You slept with my roommate.
00:36:49	I'm sorry.
00:36:50	If I remember correctly,
00:36:53	- The plan. Remember that?
00:36:55	Who talks like that?
00:36:56	No, it wasn't the plan.
00:37:03	and then after we broke up, I just felt lost.
00:37:07	I still feel pretty lost,
00:37:13	Yeah.
00:37:16	Yeah, I've been... Me, too.
00:37:24	Did you ever think
00:37:28	that maybe we just needed a different plan?
00:37:32	Wait! Stop! Stop right there.
00:37:36	Okay, stop. Now go forward, slowly.
00:37:40	Now here it comes.
00:37:41	There! Right there!
00:37:44	That's it! That's how I figured it out!
00:37:46	That's what Mom does when I'm upset.
00:37:48	She fluffs up my hair
00:37:50	or shine like the sun,
00:37:53	- Sounds like a great mom.
00:37:56	So you're absolutely positive,
00:38:03	walking toward us right now?
00:38:06	Absolutely.
00:38:08	Is it?
00:38:11	- Mom! Mom!
00:38:17	I'm so glad it's you.
00:38:19	- Well, who else would it be?
00:38:22	- Good morning, Will.
00:38:26	Mom, can Dad come with us to the zoo?
00:38:28	Yeah, if Dad wants to come, sure.
00:38:32	You know, I love the zoo.
00:38:37	- Guess what, Mom?
00:38:38	We learned all about sexual intercourse
00:38:41	- Really?
00:38:43	Really.
00:38:56	I love penguins.
00:38:59	Me, too.
00:39:00	Me, three.
00:39:11	Did you know that penguins mate for life?
00:39:14	Although, Mr. Monell told us
00:39:16	that sometimes the husband
00:39:19	'cause of their migraine patterns.
00:39:21	- Migratory.
00:39:23	Well, sometimes they're apart for years,
00:39:32	Do you know
00:39:33	after they find each other after all that time?
00:39:37	Throw back their heads,
00:39:39	flap their flippers
00:40:28	Okay. All right, munchkin. Let's go!
00:40:35	Hey, monster, that was fun today.
00:40:42	See you later.
00:40:47	Dad!
00:40:55	- Thanks for telling me the story.
00:41:00	- I forgot to tell you the happy ending.
00:41:05	You.
00:41:17	- Hey, I love you.
00:41:20	Go catch up to your mom, okay?
00:41:25	Are you all right?
00:41:26	Yeah?
00:41:46	Mr. President! Hey, Mr. President!
00:41:48	Will Hayes, I worked on the '92 campaign.
00:43:20	Hi. I'm looking for April.
00:43:32	Check that they have
00:43:35	- Right.
00:43:45	I can't believe you're doing this.
00:43:46	- This is great.
00:43:47	- Still smoking?
00:43:48	Me, too.
00:43:50	- Still live in the same loft?
00:43:52	Always on the cutting edge.
00:43:54	- Dating?
00:43:58	- I got divorced.
00:44:00	I heard. I'm so sorry.
00:44:02	Why?
00:44:04	You always said marriage was overrated.
00:44:05	Yeah, and you never listened to me.
00:44:09	- Is that why you and Kevin never...
00:44:13	Something always seemed
00:44:15	I don't know.
00:44:17	It's weird. It was never quite right.
00:44:22	Yeah.
00:44:24	- It's good to see you.
00:44:30	I have something for you.
00:45:14	Thank you so much.
00:45:17	How did you find it?
00:45:22	That's the difficult part to explain.
00:45:27	This is gonna sound bad.
00:45:30	I've had it for a while.
00:45:33	How long?
00:45:35	Years.
00:45:37	Many years.
00:45:40	I meant to...
00:45:42	I meant to give it to you.
00:45:44	I just...
00:45:46	I couldn't. And I don't know why.
00:45:50	I dropped it off once. I mean, I tried.
00:45:54	Hey, there is no excuse, and I'm sorry.
00:45:59	It's inexcusable.
00:46:05	- I think you should go, Will.
00:46:09	I think you should go.
00:46:25	You never gave it to her? After all that time?
00:46:29	- I know. I know.
00:46:31	I know. I know.
00:46:33	And then you just left?
00:46:36	Yep.
00:46:39	How come you changed all the names
00:46:42	What do you mean?
00:46:43	In the story, you know,
00:46:46	and Summer's that Natasha lady
00:46:50	But you didn't change April's name. Why?
00:46:56	Why are you so concerned
00:47:00	Because I want you to be happy.
00:47:03	You know,
00:47:05	I'm happy.
00:47:08	Trust me, Dad. You're not happy.
00:47:24	Put your coat on.
00:47:31	- Taxi!
00:47:39	She said something was missing
00:47:41	which means
00:47:44	- which is good news, right?
00:47:48	Could be.
00:47:51	Did you know that 35 people try
00:47:54	Most because of broken hearts.
00:47:58	I'll keep that in mind.
00:48:17	- Hello.
00:48:20	It's me, Will.
00:48:24	April?
00:48:31	What are you doing here?
00:48:36	Go on, tell her.
00:48:38	Who's that?
00:48:40	That would be my daughter, Maya.
00:48:43	That's kind of cheating, isn't it?
00:48:45	What am I supposed to do now?
00:48:49	Well, you could let us in.
00:48:54	I don't think she's gonna let us in.
00:48:58	I think you're wrong.
00:49:01	Come on, let's go. Let's go.
00:49:03	A little while longer.
00:49:06	Okay, kiddo, here's the deal.
00:49:08	I'm gonna count to 30, okay?
00:49:11	And if she doesn't let us in,
00:49:13	and we're never gonna talk about this again.
00:49:15	- Deal?
00:49:17	Ready?
00:49:19	- One, two, three...
00:49:24	...four, five, six...
00:49:29	...14, 15, 16, 17...
00:49:34	If she lets us in,
00:49:37	- And then she'll know.
00:49:39	I can't explain. She'll just know.
00:49:42	...25, 26, 27...
00:49:50	- Twenty-nine.
00:49:53	Twenty-nine and a quarter.
00:49:56	Twenty-nine and a half.
00:50:00	Twenty-nine and three-quarters.
00:50:04	What comes after that?
00:50:08	Time to go.
00:50:13	But this wasn't
00:50:15	- I know.
00:50:17	she would have heard through the intercom
00:50:21	or run down the stairs and say...
00:50:22	What story?
00:50:27	What story?
00:50:41	- I kept the book...
00:50:45	...because it was the only thing
00:51:09	- You must be Maya.
00:51:17	So what happens now?
00:51:20	You invite us inside,
00:51:24	Okay.
00:52:04	Subtitle By: Em@d

Definitely Maybe