Delta Farce

en
00:00:49 Ten hut!
00:01:01 At ease.
00:01:03 I'm often asked, "What makes a hero?"
00:01:07 Courage, selflessness, sacrifice.
00:01:11 From Bunker Hill to the Alamo,
00:01:13 Gettysburg to Normandy,
00:01:14 Korea to Khe Sanh,
00:01:18 has always answered the call of duty.
00:01:21 These are dangerous times, gentlemen.
00:01:24 Once more, America is in need
00:01:28 One wonders if there are still heroes.
00:01:31 Somebody say "hero"?
00:01:34 Hi.
00:01:35 Two Deadwood meatball subs
00:01:38 with extra tumbleweeds.
00:01:41 Ah, don't worry about that hair,
00:01:46 Sugar britches!
00:01:48 - Larry, we need to talk.
00:01:51 What is that, some kind of code
00:01:54 - Diaper table, ladies room.
00:01:56 I'm pregnant.
00:01:59 Pregnant. That's great news!
00:02:02 I just got promoted!
00:02:05 - I got an idea, come here!
00:02:07 - Just a second...
00:02:09 I gotta do this.
00:02:11 Hey, everybody? Folks,
00:02:13 my name's Larry, and I'm your server.
00:02:15 And this precious little lady right here
00:02:19 Hi.
00:02:20 And I'm happy to say
00:02:24 Oh!
00:02:26 So, on this special occasion just for today,
00:02:29 the salad bar will be free for an hour
00:02:34 Hold on. Before you all get up there
00:02:36 to get your bacon bits and your chick peas,
00:02:38 there's one more thing I need to do.
00:02:40 No, Larry. Larry, please.
00:02:42 No, honey, I want to say this
00:02:45 Larry, please! Larry, I...
00:02:47 Karen,
00:02:49 I love you with all my heart,
00:02:52 and you would make me
00:02:56 you'd be my wife.
00:02:59 Oh!
00:03:02 I...
00:03:03 No, say it in here. I want the whole world
00:03:13 It's not your baby.
00:03:22 I don't understand.
00:03:24 It means she's got a bun in her oven
00:03:27 Now, is the salad bar still free, though?
00:03:30 Why would you care?
00:03:31 Doesn't look like you've had a salad
00:03:42 I'm not telling you again. Now, get in here!
00:03:49 - Die, paleface!
00:03:52 Hey! Hey, now! Hey, now! Hey!
00:03:56 Hey! Knock that shit off!
00:03:59 Those are my good golf clubs!
00:04:01 My little Rusty. He's a dickens, isn't he?
00:04:04 He's got a nice backswing.
00:04:09 - So, how's Connie?
00:04:11 Damn it, Bill!
00:04:14 They tore up the backyard!
00:04:16 Well, what do you want me to do about it?
00:04:18 Turn the garden hose on them!
00:04:23 I guess this is the kind
00:04:25 Oh, marriage is a wonderful institution.
00:04:29 Of course, 50% of all marriages
00:04:34 That is, if you're lucky enough
00:04:38 That becomes impossible when your wife's
00:04:42 simply having coffee with a young dancer
00:04:47 Now, your life is just one series
00:04:52 You lie awake and dream
00:04:55 a murderlsuicide could bring.
00:05:00 But it's good, though. Really good.
00:05:02 Nice move by Orton!
00:05:04 Well, normally, I don't gotta pay for it,
00:05:12 Oh, my God.
00:05:15 Hey, Victor.
00:05:18 What is this?
00:05:19 When I hired you as a security guard,
00:05:22 I didn't think you was going
00:05:25 This is a storage unit, not an apartment.
00:05:28 As a former law enforcement officer, it...
00:05:30 Law enforcement?
00:05:32 You were a cop for, what, only four days
00:05:35 before you drive your car
00:05:38 - It was a nail salon.
00:05:41 Just...
00:05:42 Clean this shit up!
00:05:45 Oh,
00:05:46 and keep your eyes open.
00:05:48 Some drunk has been exposing himself
00:05:50 to the waitresses
00:05:54 The last time, the crazy bastard
00:06:02 There's a lot of deviants out there,
00:06:04 But don't you worry.
00:06:05 I'm gonna keep a eye out
00:06:08 I gotta get going.
00:06:11 Look, man, you're better off
00:06:14 Am I?
00:06:16 Larry, listen to me, it's always darkest
00:06:20 Now, you remember when I had shingles?
00:06:22 Did I give up? Nope.
00:06:24 I put my nose to the grindstone.
00:06:27 Hard work?
00:06:29 Are you kidding me?
00:06:31 You tripped at the Wal-Mart!
00:06:32 And every day I thank God
00:06:36 Because of that settlement,
00:06:40 All right, look. Here's Everett.
00:06:41 Now, come on. It's our Reserve weekend.
00:06:44 We're gonna have a great time.
00:06:47 Thanks for showing up, Everett.
00:06:51 Anybody ever tell you that loitering
00:06:54 punishable by a $50 fine
00:06:57 Hey, what's the penalty
00:07:00 It was a nail salon.
00:07:04 Well, what a great way
00:07:07 spending the weekend with two retards.
00:07:15 Nice shooting! Man.
00:07:17 What's next?
00:07:19 That bathroom scale.
00:07:20 I'm gonna blow up every nice thing
00:07:24 I got her that on Valentine's Day.
00:07:27 I'm a romantic.
00:07:29 Pull!
00:07:33 Everett!
00:07:37 What are y'all doing?
00:07:40 - Shooting shit.
00:07:41 Copy that. Going on a beer run.
00:07:49 Nice!
00:07:50 - I know. I feel better already.
00:07:53 Kind of hungry though.
00:07:55 Hooters?
00:07:58 Left! Left!
00:07:58 Left! Left!
00:07:59 Left, right, left.
00:08:03 Sir, we just received another
00:08:06 There's increased fighting
00:08:08 What?
00:08:09 Don't those Pentagon pencil-pushers know
00:08:13 What about those men down
00:08:14 I don't think they all reported in.
00:08:21 They drill at the Reserve Center
00:08:24 Perhaps you should send Sergeant Kilgore
00:08:28 Kilgore?
00:08:31 He scares the shit out of me.
00:08:34 All I'm saying is some of them girls hadn't
00:08:38 That's all I'm saying.
00:08:39 Well, what's Crystal supposed to do?
00:08:40 You know Hooters
00:08:43 Hey. Who's the new guy?
00:08:45 How you doing, GI Joe? Can I help you?
00:08:52 Sergeant Kilgore.
00:08:54 I'm looking for the men
00:08:59 - I ain't seen them.
00:09:02 Who's in charge here, soldier?
00:09:03 - I am.
00:09:06 This is
00:09:09 quite a setup you got here.
00:09:10 Oh, yeah, it's nice.
00:09:11 We're like a water-head
00:09:13 It's real comfortable.
00:09:14 We're about to watch the game.
00:09:18 I tell you what, son. You know, I like you.
00:09:22 Why don't I grab a chair,
00:09:25 and shove it up your ass!
00:09:28 Now, stand at attention,
00:09:30 From now on,
00:09:34 The honeymoon's over, numb nuts!
00:09:36 I am a warrior,
00:09:38 a killing machine,
00:09:40 and your mama's not
00:09:44 Larry's mom passed away
00:09:47 Yeah, that's true.
00:09:48 She went squirrel hunting
00:09:49 Shut up!
00:09:52 I don't know what kind
00:09:54 has been going on down here,
00:09:57 This is the Army.
00:10:00 We're just state military reserves.
00:10:03 Yeah. Smurfs.
00:10:04 And I'm a leprechaun.
00:10:06 Now, pack your gear.
00:10:09 But we're just weekend warriors.
00:10:14 Well, I'll tell you what, fat body,
00:10:16 this weekend,
00:10:18 I own your ass!
00:10:20 Son of a bitch.
00:10:24 If there was ever a worse
00:10:28 I'd like to meet him.
00:10:30 Hey, y'all.
00:10:31 I got Funyuns, beer, and Barely Legal.
00:10:35 Well, hey, there, Sarge.
00:10:39 Well, this looks like a little slice of heaven.
00:10:44 It's the army, man.
00:10:46 Welcome to Fort Davis, ladies.
00:10:52 I want another one! Come on! One more!
00:10:55 Up, up, up! Down, up!
00:10:57 All right, you're all mine now.
00:10:59 Oh, there you go. How about that? Huh?
00:11:01 You like that?
00:11:15 - Get back here!
00:11:18 Watch out! Watch out!
00:11:20 Get up there!
00:11:31 Take it like a man!
00:11:46 Get out of here!
00:11:49 You gotta stay clear...
00:11:51 - Come on, Everett. Let me hold it.
00:11:54 Look out!
00:11:58 Yeah!
00:12:06 This is a little harder than I thought.
00:12:09 But I guess it's the price you pay
00:12:14 I didn't think they could activate us.
00:12:17 I mean, if I wanted to get my ass kicked,
00:12:20 I guess it easier for
00:12:24 Accept the pain.
00:12:26 It's cleansing.
00:12:28 Plus, the weekend's almost over.
00:12:38 Besides, how much worse could it get?
00:12:45 Rise and shine, ladies!
00:12:49 Where the hell is that other fat turd?
00:12:52 Hey, speaking of turds,
00:12:53 I just left one in there
00:12:55 Stand at attention, soldier!
00:12:59 Congratulations, gentlemen.
00:13:01 We just got our orders.
00:13:03 We're going to paradise,
00:13:06 the land of sand and sun.
00:13:08 - Daytona Beach?
00:13:12 Sarge, excuse me.
00:13:15 Far be it for me to stand in the way
00:13:19 but we're supposed to go home tomorrow.
00:13:22 I mean, seriously, we only do this
00:13:25 - Yeah, and on Mondays, I cut the grass.
00:13:28 You will be the tip of the spear
00:13:30 Uncle Sam uses to shove
00:13:33 Sarge, now that's downright unsanitary.
00:13:36 You know, I read somewhere that them
00:13:39 Can it, dipshit!
00:13:41 And don't worry,
00:13:45 I plan on volunteering us
00:13:50 Now, I want every one of you
00:13:53 Now, look to the man on your left,
00:13:56 'cause your life is in his hands.
00:14:02 Shit!
00:14:03 Fallujah. No, it's not in Louisiana.
00:14:07 - It's in Iraq.
00:14:09 - 'Cause I'm going to war!
00:14:12 - Well, I can't help it.
00:14:14 Well, I don't know who's
00:14:16 God damn it, Bill!
00:14:17 Five hundred dollars?
00:14:19 Damn. Does she have four tits?
00:14:22 Well, how about a military discount?
00:14:25 Hello? Hello?
00:14:32 - Hey, what unit you with?
00:14:34 Screaming Eagles. You?
00:14:36 37th Georgia. The Sleeping Marmots.
00:14:40 What's up, y'all? How'd Connie take it?
00:14:43 Let me just put it this way.
00:14:45 Ten hut!
00:14:48 All right, you maggots,
00:14:51 we got a long road ahead of us,
00:14:53 and it won't be easy.
00:14:55 But it's my job as your
00:14:58 Gee, thanks, Sarge.
00:14:59 I know I'll feel safer standing
00:15:01 when the bullets start flying.
00:15:17 Can that shit!
00:15:21 Now, Larry,
00:15:24 Don't get too excited.
00:15:26 You beat out a mongoloid and a candy-ass.
00:15:28 He called you a candy-ass.
00:15:30 Gee, thanks, Sarge.
00:15:33 when I was secretary
00:15:37 And don't you worry about it.
00:15:39 Both those shootings
00:15:41 Keep your hands to yourself!
00:15:43 It's don't ask and don't tell
00:15:45 Now, get your candy-asses on that plane.
00:15:51 Did you hear what I said?
00:15:55 You said candy-asses. I'm a mongoloid, sir!
00:15:58 Get your ass on that plane!
00:16:01 Candy-ass.
00:16:10 Oh, sure.
00:16:11 Killing a man
00:16:14 Aside from the assorted
00:16:16 you deliver a hand-spear to a man's temple,
00:16:19 Adam's apple, kidneys, armpits,
00:16:23 or coccyx, that's the little
00:16:26 That's real informative, Everett,
00:16:28 but come on, I'm trying
00:16:30 Of course, all that pales in comparison
00:16:33 It's a strong man's attack,
00:16:38 Chuck Norris used it once
00:16:40 to kill some smart-ass intern.
00:16:44 Talk about your hush-money.
00:16:46 All right.
00:16:48 All right. That's it.
00:16:54 Let's hit it.
00:17:04 I don't think the flight attendant
00:17:07 Look, y'all, if I'm gonna die tomorrow,
00:17:10 My Uncle Dave died in his sleep.
00:17:14 Of course, all his friends died
00:17:17 trying to wake him up.
00:17:19 It was a mess.
00:17:21 Good night, Everett!
00:17:22 - Good night, Larry.
00:17:31 Who farted?
00:17:36 Severe weather alert until 0600 hours.
00:17:39 With a possible...
00:17:43 I'm losing all pressure
00:17:45 Hydraulic pressure down
00:17:53 Damn it!
00:18:13 - Oh, this is bad.
00:18:15 We're overloaded.
00:18:20 What the...
00:18:33 Hey! Wait a minute!
00:18:38 Come on!
00:18:40 Hey! Wait a minute!
00:18:47 No!
00:18:59 I'm gonna kill you miserable pissants!
00:19:04 Did you hear something?
00:19:07 That was weird.
00:19:08 For a minute there,
00:19:10 What are we gonna do
00:19:12 You fill out the paperwork,
00:19:15 Hey, you like meatloaf?
00:19:19 - Yeah?
00:19:31 Where the hell?
00:19:37 Oh, son of a bitch.
00:19:41 So, this is it, Iraq,
00:19:45 jewel of the Middle East,
00:19:47 land of the Hammurabis.
00:19:50 Iraq? Oh, damn!
00:19:52 Damn! Hey, we're in... Hey!
00:19:55 We're in Iraq! Damn!
00:19:57 Get up! Hey!
00:20:00 Bill, we're in...
00:20:04 What in the name of Siegfried and Roy
00:20:07 Don't ask.
00:20:09 Don't tell.
00:20:10 We're in Iraq!
00:20:12 We're in Iraq!
00:20:14 - All right, now, Larry, calm down.
00:20:17 There's a lot of gear scattered around.
00:20:19 Now, listen to me, Larry.
00:20:22 Now, we're in a hot zone.
00:20:24 It's time to take it up a notch.
00:20:38 Shot.
00:20:41 Leave it to Everett
00:20:45 They drop us in Iraq,
00:20:48 What the hell are we supposed to do now?
00:20:51 All right, let's calm down.
00:20:54 Let's just regroup while we're here.
00:20:58 Man down! Man down!
00:21:00 Man down! There's a man down!
00:21:14 Sarge?
00:21:17 I think he's dead, y'all.
00:21:19 K.I.A., man! K.I. A!
00:21:23 Oh, man.
00:21:25 This is gonna be a lawsuit.
00:21:35 Well,
00:21:37 I guess we ought to say a few words.
00:21:39 Bill?
00:21:40 Me? You were closer to him than I was.
00:21:43 Well,
00:21:45 all right.
00:21:49 Lord,
00:21:51 we ask that you be with Sergeant Kilgore.
00:21:55 Sure, he was a mean bastard, incapable
00:22:00 with any other human being, and...
00:22:02 Larry.
00:22:05 But, Lord...
00:22:09 - Everett!
00:22:11 What the hell are you doing?
00:22:12 When we run out of water,
00:22:15 Desert warfare 101, man!
00:22:18 Everett, now's not the time
00:22:21 We're talking to the Lord here!
00:22:25 - You want to say a few words?
00:22:29 Dear Lord,
00:22:31 I ask you to take this man,
00:22:33 for richer or for poorer,
00:22:35 as he walks through the valley
00:22:39 And also, dear Lord,
00:22:41 the Powerball's up to 90 million.
00:22:43 So, if you could help me out,
00:22:46 Amen!
00:22:47 - That was just great, Everett.
00:22:53 Powerball!
00:23:35 Come on! Get some!
00:23:37 Get some!
00:23:43 All right, ladies,
00:23:45 let's git-r-done.
00:23:50 Operation shock and awe!
00:23:53 Here we go!
00:23:54 Kill, kill, kill!
00:24:33 All right, y'all, let's fan out.
00:24:38 I'll secure the perimeter.
00:24:42 Charlie?
00:24:43 You think Everett's mom drank
00:24:45 Yeah, and I'm guessing
00:24:58 Well, what do we have here?
00:25:03 Damn!
00:25:04 You know who that is?
00:25:08 That's Saddam Hussein.
00:25:10 He's an ugly son of a bitch, isn't he?
00:25:11 Kind of looks like that fellow
00:25:14 down there at the Circle K.
00:25:15 You know, Rugburn.
00:25:17 You mean Raji?
00:25:20 Yeah, that little Indian fella.
00:25:22 He's a red-dot Indian though,
00:25:25 You're crazy.
00:25:27 Only an idiot would think that.
00:25:31 Oh, look! It's Raji from Circle K!
00:25:34 Y'all hungry?
00:25:40 What's wrong with it?
00:25:42 I got spaghetti and meat sauce.
00:25:44 So?
00:25:46 It gives me bad gas.
00:25:48 Fine. Take my beef stew.
00:25:53 Larry, what the hell is that?
00:25:55 I needed a spit cup.
00:25:59 Just eat around it.
00:26:01 That's gross. Come on.
00:26:26 Why don't you just admit it? We're lost!
00:26:29 He thinks you're lost!
00:26:31 There's a town right over this next ridge!
00:26:37 Wait a minute.
00:26:38 Nope.
00:26:40 We're lost.
00:26:42 Nothing to report from my patrols.
00:26:45 Damn it, I thought
00:26:47 When am I gonna get to shoot somebody?
00:26:49 Everett, there are specific
00:26:52 There are friendlies around.
00:26:53 You can't just run around shooting people.
00:26:56 You got your Geneva Convention
00:26:58 Rule is you don't fire
00:27:01 - You understand?
00:27:12 One shot, one kill! Get some!
00:27:16 Damn it, Everett!
00:27:19 Nice shooting!
00:27:20 Down on your knees,
00:27:28 Easy, man! This ain't Cops.
00:27:31 - I was on Cops once. Remember?
00:27:34 High speed pursuit
00:27:38 That was the best Thanksgiving ever.
00:27:41 All right, assume the position.
00:27:46 Well, congratulations, Everett!
00:27:49 You just killed yourself a donkey.
00:27:51 We don't even know
00:27:54 What do we do now?
00:28:03 - Come on. Let me blow them both away.
00:28:08 I guess since I'm squad leader,
00:28:11 Besides that, everybody knows
00:28:16 Who are you?
00:28:20 Are you Republican Guard?
00:28:23 Larry,
00:28:25 they're not deaf, they're Iraqi.
00:28:28 What we need to do is find out
00:28:33 I think you mean Kurds or Shiites.
00:28:47 Hi.
00:28:48 My name's Larry.
00:28:51 We're here to liberate your people.
00:28:55 We bring gifts of freedom and democracy.
00:28:59 Oh, sorry about your donkey.
00:29:11 Freedoms?
00:29:13 Freedom. Yeah, right.
00:29:17 - Freedoms!
00:29:19 - Freedoms!
00:29:21 Freedom, yeah!
00:29:22 - Freedoms.
00:29:24 Freedoms! Freedoms!
00:29:26 Shut up!
00:29:29 Your village?
00:29:36 Freedoms!
00:29:37 - Yeah, freedoms.
00:29:41 Get ready to be heroes.
00:29:43 I wish Sarge was here right now.
00:29:50 It's alive!
00:29:57 Iraq,
00:30:00 it's a land of miracles.
00:30:16 Where the hell am I?
00:30:21 You gotta be shitting me!
00:30:39 Son of a bitch!
00:30:51 What do you see?
00:30:54 Not much. I forgot to take off the lens caps.
00:30:57 - And he's in charge.
00:31:04 Well?
00:31:06 Iraqi insurgents. Four of them.
00:31:08 Freedoms. Freedoms.
00:31:09 Just hold on, Saddam.
00:31:13 Look, this is what I think we should do.
00:31:16 We just sit tight
00:31:18 The 101st Airborne is
00:31:20 These people are in trouble.
00:31:23 Damn right they're in trouble.
00:31:24 I had some of that Fedayin
00:31:28 Greek food goes right through me.
00:31:32 Irritable bowel syndrome.
00:31:40 It looks like she needs our help.
00:31:42 She?
00:31:44 I mean "they."
00:31:48 They appear to be C-cups.
00:31:52 All right, listen. Our orders are clear.
00:31:54 We have to engage the enemy.
00:31:56 Gentlemen,
00:31:58 you know what they say
00:32:00 That would be the Marines.
00:32:05 Stay here.
00:32:07 Don't worry about anything.
00:32:09 They are? Oh, thank God.
00:32:12 I thought for a second you wanted us
00:32:20 When this is over, I am so gonna sue you.
00:32:27 What we need is some fighting music.
00:32:34 What the hell's that?
00:32:37 Hold on.
00:32:45 Here we go.
00:32:47 God bless America!
00:33:01 - Should I shoot?
00:33:03 - Did you say fire?
00:33:05 All right, I'm gonna fire!
00:33:08 It's Rambo! Let's get out of here!
00:33:12 I'm going in!
00:33:41 On the ground, now!
00:33:43 I'm a trained killing machine!
00:33:45 Everett!
00:33:47 I think you got her, Everett!
00:33:52 Oh.
00:33:56 Where the hell's Larry?
00:33:59 I guess that coward run off, huh?
00:34:01 Not everybody's cut out
00:34:06 The other three got away,
00:34:08 Oh, hey there, Larry.
00:34:10 Thank you for the help, Everett.
00:34:11 I was just telling Bill here,
00:34:19 That Iraqi is a pretty language, ain't it?
00:34:22 Think they're friendly?
00:34:24 It's a very delicate situation
00:34:26 that calls for the soft touch
00:34:29 I am your king!
00:34:31 Bow down before me!
00:34:38 Everett, get down from there!
00:34:46 Not just a job, it's an adventure.
00:34:49 Yeah. That's the Navy,
00:35:05 Wish the Sarge was here to see this.
00:35:21 At least those idiots left me
00:35:32 Oh, Christ!
00:35:39 Oh, I'll be damned! Hey! Hey!
00:35:42 Hey, am I glad to see you!
00:35:44 Hey...
00:35:46 I don't parla any Espanola,
00:35:49 but either of you two amigos
00:35:57 I need a ride to the next town.
00:36:00 El ride-o in el car-o to el town-o.
00:36:06 Hey, tequila, eh?
00:36:07 Si. Tequila!
00:36:09 Hey, hey. All right. Okay.
00:36:16 Yeah, well...
00:36:17 You two pissants gonna give me a ride
00:36:32 Oh, good!
00:36:34 Yeah!
00:36:36 You're all right, amigo!
00:36:38 Right on!
00:36:41 Right on!
00:36:50 Hey, Everett, why don't you
00:36:53 Oh, hell, yeah!
00:36:59 Should we be worried
00:37:01 Probably.
00:37:04 Hey, man,
00:37:05 radio's had it.
00:37:07 And I did a house to house search,
00:37:10 in this little podunk town.
00:37:12 - So, what now?
00:37:15 reckon we ought to maintain
00:37:18 and then hold our position here
00:37:20 And then, we'll link up with
00:37:24 I don't even know what that means.
00:37:26 I bought it.
00:37:27 You know, I gotta say,
00:37:29 feeling pretty good.
00:37:30 A couple days ago,
00:37:32 I had more problems
00:37:35 but now I think I've found my true calling.
00:37:37 Yeah? And what might that be?
00:37:38 Well, think about it.
00:37:40 We're in Iraq,
00:37:41 the most dangerous place in the world,
00:37:43 well, except for maybe Detroit,
00:37:46 but the point is, I've been tested
00:37:50 and my troops seized their objective
00:37:56 I think I'm cut out
00:38:03 All right, Akmed.
00:38:06 Jesus.
00:38:08 I thought maybe we'd see
00:38:10 Yeah.
00:38:14 Hey!
00:38:21 Boy, them Iraqis really know
00:38:24 How are you?
00:38:25 Thank you for saving our village.
00:38:27 Hold on, Abdul! You speak English?
00:38:28 Of course! Many of us do!
00:38:31 That's right! Our people are friends
00:38:33 in freedom and democracy.
00:38:35 Oh, right.
00:38:41 - Somebody ought to get this guy a map.
00:38:43 Hey, how are you?
00:38:51 Man, that smells delicious!
00:38:54 What do you call this local delicacy?
00:38:56 - Tacos.
00:38:58 - Si, si. Tacos.
00:39:00 This is...
00:39:02 Who would have thought
00:39:03 Tell you what, if they got pork rinds,
00:39:10 That's delicious!
00:39:11 You do realize
00:39:14 I wish my wife could
00:39:25 Gentlemen, allow me to introduce myself.
00:39:28 My name is Maria Garcia,
00:39:30 and this is my father, Antonio Garcia,
00:39:34 We owe you our lives.
00:39:36 Thank you for freeing us
00:39:39 It's been far too long.
00:39:40 Oh, it's our pleasure, Mayor.
00:39:42 Bill Little, U.S. Army.
00:39:45 It's my honor to introduce you
00:39:49 He's currently the ranking officer
00:39:54 You can just call me Larry.
00:39:57 You answered our prayers today, General,
00:40:02 Oh, shoot. It's just part of the job.
00:40:05 This evening is yours.
00:40:08 Please, please, enjoy yourselves.
00:40:19 A general?
00:40:22 Well, what did you want me to say?
00:40:25 He just got fired from Cowboy Franks,
00:40:27 and his girlfriend is carrying
00:40:30 Funny.
00:40:32 I tell you what, though, she is a looker.
00:40:35 You play your cards right,
00:40:38 - War bride?
00:40:40 It's the right of every American fighting
00:40:45 My Uncle Charlie came home
00:40:48 Boy, Aunt Rose was pissed.
00:40:50 - Hey, let's have a toast.
00:40:52 The Army...
00:40:55 - Leave the driving to us.
00:40:58 That's Greyhound.
00:41:01 Might as well fess up, Haji,
00:41:04 'cause I'm gonna break you down
00:41:09 I don't know what you want.
00:41:11 I'm just a poor Mexican.
00:41:13 Oh. A foreign fighter, huh?
00:41:16 Well, that's even worse in my book.
00:41:19 I should just ship you off
00:41:24 Don't you mean Guantanamo Bay?
00:41:29 Guantanamo, Gorgonzola!
00:41:33 Hey, Everett, I think we ought to...
00:41:36 What the hell are you wearing?
00:41:38 This is my sniper suit.
00:41:39 I'm doing some serious Psyop
00:41:42 - We weren't issued any sniper gear.
00:41:45 Well, you look like a retard Chewbacca.
00:41:48 How's it going with this guy?
00:41:49 Oh, he's a tough nut to crack,
00:41:52 Let me handle it!
00:41:53 I don't know nothing.
00:41:55 Where are the weapons
00:42:00 Are you Republican Guard or Al-Qaeda?
00:42:05 Are you a Turd or a Shitite?
00:42:08 Wait a minute. What...
00:42:10 Weapons of mass destruction?
00:42:15 You guys actually think that you're in...
00:42:23 Hey, what's so funny?
00:42:25 You're not in Iraq, gringo.
00:42:30 Gringo.
00:42:32 That's what you say in...
00:42:35 Oh, my God!
00:42:36 What?
00:42:40 Are we in France?
00:42:53 Hey, buddy!
00:42:55 This is gonna sound crazy,
00:43:06 Oh.
00:43:08 Well, this is bad.
00:43:10 Really bad.
00:43:12 Slow down. It's not that big a deal.
00:43:14 We invaded Mexico.
00:43:17 And we're AWOL.
00:43:18 I mean, that alone is 10 years
00:43:22 I can't do time.
00:43:24 Prison's full of chubby-chasers.
00:43:26 Hope you got smokes.
00:43:29 You can't buy a prison bitch or a shank
00:43:33 Everett, don't you have something else
00:43:36 Yep. I'll go question the villagers.
00:43:39 See if there's been
00:43:41 We're in Mexico!
00:43:43 Roger that.
00:43:46 I'm a screw-up.
00:43:48 I finally found something I was good at,
00:43:53 We were asleep during the drop.
00:43:55 Who's to say the Army
00:43:58 Why would they want us here?
00:44:01 We committed an act of war
00:44:06 This is an international incident
00:44:09 One man's international incident
00:44:11 in the war on terror.
00:44:13 Those men weren't terrorists.
00:00:03 The U.S. Government defines terrorism
00:00:07 of force or violence to intimidate
00:00:11 often for ideological or political reasons.
00:00:16 Now, I don't know about you,
00:00:20 but those fellows sound
00:00:22 Hell, my wife could be a terrorist.
00:00:24 Look, man, these people
00:00:27 and there's nothing we can do
00:00:29 Eventually, somebody's gonna
00:00:31 So, I say we just enjoy ourselves.
00:00:33 Senor Bill?
00:00:34 We have more tacos and cervezas for you.
00:00:37 You see?
00:00:46 Everett, where did you get that cannon?
00:00:48 This is an 1875 Napoleon 12-pounder.
00:00:51 Only an amateur like yourself
00:00:54 I found it out behind a barn.
00:00:57 I thought that court order said you
00:01:00 Only in the state of Georgia.
00:01:01 General Eisenhower,
00:01:03 how come you're not at the party?
00:01:05 Oh, I'm just strategizing my next
00:01:11 Or something like that.
00:01:13 So, you thought this was Iraq.
00:01:16 How can that happen? This is Mexico.
00:01:19 Well, we kind of confused our latitudes
00:01:23 and our stalagmites with our stalactites.
00:01:26 - It's a long story.
00:01:29 You saved our village from those animals.
00:01:31 Yeah, who were those guys?
00:01:33 They are vicious bandidos.
00:01:36 Their leader is a cruel man,
00:01:40 He's preyed upon our village for years,
00:01:43 stealing our crops
00:01:46 You think they might be back?
00:01:48 No. They are cowards.
00:01:51 And now we have a brave general here
00:01:56 Well, about that, I'm...
00:01:58 I'm not actually a general.
00:02:01 I am a squad leader though,
00:02:05 One day, I hope to travel
00:02:09 And I will open a cantina
00:02:14 Well, if you need an assistant manager,
00:02:19 Maria!
00:02:21 That's my father. I must go.
00:02:24 But perhaps you will allow me the honor
00:02:29 The honor would be all mine.
00:02:32 - Good night.
00:02:34 Oh...
00:02:36 What was the name of that bandit leader?
00:02:40 His name is one that strikes fear
00:02:43 into the hearts
00:02:46 The bastard's name is Carlos Santana.
00:03:02 Let's get this party started!
00:03:04 Okay, so where's the entertainment?
00:03:07 Bring out the gringo!
00:03:09 El Jefe, I think you're really
00:03:13 We kidnapped him from a hotel in Cancun.
00:03:16 So, without further ado,
00:03:19 the Amazing Ken and Rufus!
00:03:25 Thank you. Quite a crowd.
00:03:29 Lots of Mexicans tonight.
00:03:31 Feels like I'm standing
00:03:37 Be nice, Rufus. How about a joke?
00:03:39 Okay.
00:03:41 Do you know why there were only
00:03:46 - No. Why?
00:03:50 Boo! Boo!
00:03:52 That's not funny!
00:03:53 Relax, sweetheart.
00:03:59 He's just kidding.
00:04:01 What is your name, sir?
00:04:04 I am Carlos Santana.
00:04:05 Holy shit! The singer?
00:04:08 No, not the singer!
00:04:12 Man of courage, honor. The leader of men!
00:04:16 That other guy, he is just a guitar player.
00:04:19 Yeah, well, I think you both suck.
00:04:25 You shot Rufus!
00:04:28 I was aiming for the Amazing Ken.
00:04:38 Luis, you are back.
00:04:43 Not so good, Jefe.
00:04:45 What do you mean, not so good?
00:04:47 There was a problem.
00:04:49 And we could not get your tribute.
00:04:50 What?
00:04:51 Jefe, you don't understand!
00:04:55 The American Army show up.
00:04:59 There were hundreds of them.
00:05:01 They captured Ricardo.
00:05:06 Gringo soldiers in La Miranda.
00:05:09 It was good you brought me this news.
00:05:10 Since they shut off the cable,
00:05:14 Hard to stay current.
00:05:16 I thought you were going to kill me.
00:05:19 Kill you?
00:05:22 We have shared
00:05:27 I would never kill you.
00:05:34 Paco and Hector are going to kill you.
00:05:37 Jefe, please don't kill me! Jefe! Jefe, no!
00:05:40 Jefe! Are we going to destroy La Miranda?
00:05:44 No, I don't like to work on the weekends.
00:05:47 Tonight, it's karaoke!
00:06:16 What did you guys do last night?
00:06:19 You missed a hell of a party.
00:06:21 You were partying?
00:06:22 It's part of the hero business, man.
00:06:25 For us not to partake in the celebration
00:06:28 Relax.
00:06:29 We're goodwill ambassadors
00:06:33 Everett, that's exactly why
00:06:36 Damn.
00:06:38 This always happens when I eat the worm.
00:06:41 Where were you?
00:06:44 You went and saw
00:06:48 Did y'all do the chimichanga?
00:06:50 Oh, come on, Bill. Don't be crude, man.
00:06:52 Larry's a gentleman, and Maria's a lady.
00:06:55 Did you bang her?
00:06:56 All right, listen, I was up all night thinking
00:07:01 We just can't be running around
00:07:05 So, I think we ought to just stay right here
00:07:08 - So, we're staying?
00:07:10 This ain't the infield at Talladega.
00:07:12 Since we're stuck here,
00:07:14 I figure we ought to do
00:07:17 And these folks have
00:07:20 I think it's time we return the favor.
00:07:26 - You want to change there, senorita?
00:07:31 It really breathes.
00:07:33 Iraq? You guys may want to buy a map, eh?
00:07:37 But what my father means to say
00:07:39 is that we are really appreciative
00:07:41 for what you have done
00:07:43 We know we messed up,
00:07:46 and kind of hoping
00:07:49 We'd like to stick around
00:07:51 and help restore your infrastructure.
00:07:52 Infrastructure? Okay!
00:07:55 First place you can start is this well.
00:07:57 It's been dry for years.
00:07:59 We're forced to carry water from the river.
00:08:02 Yeah. No problem.
00:08:04 Thank you for your generosity.
00:08:07 My pleasure, ma'am.
00:08:09 Here's the problem with the well.
00:08:13 It's dry.
00:08:39 That's right, boys! Can't hate number 8!
00:08:58 They love it!
00:09:14 Hey, where'd you get all those extra nails?
00:09:15 I just pulled them out of that old shed.
00:09:22 Everett!
00:09:36 You know, we're doing a lot of good.
00:09:38 They could really use
00:09:40 Copy that.
00:09:44 Oh, man. Guys, you gotta see this.
00:09:53 What do you think happened?
00:09:55 I don't know.
00:09:57 Maybe some wild critters dug him up.
00:09:59 I think it's a more logical explanation.
00:10:03 The Chupacabra.
00:10:04 - What?
00:10:06 It's a mythical hairless dog-like creature
00:10:08 that sucks the blood out
00:10:11 It's been terrorizing these parts for years.
00:10:13 Either that, or it's grave robbers.
00:10:15 I mean, you can get top dollar
00:10:20 Poor bastard. Couldn't even rest in peace.
00:10:40 I am gonna kill you deviant bastards!
00:11:07 What are you doing, Senor Bill?
00:11:09 Trying to get this dang radio working.
00:11:14 Well, why don't you just use a telephone?
00:11:17 You got a phone?
00:11:19 Well, not here in town,
00:11:26 Now, we need to keep this
00:11:28 See, it's a covert op, and we don't want
00:11:31 Why wouldn't you want him to know?
00:11:35 I do. My wife.
00:11:38 Oh, si, Senor Bill.
00:11:40 It will be our secret.
00:11:41 Good. Now, where the hell is this phone?
00:11:47 Shut up in there! Hello?
00:11:49 Hey, sweetie! It's me!
00:11:51 Why haven't you called? Are you in Iraq?
00:11:53 No. No, we had a little change of plans.
00:11:56 This better be good.
00:11:57 Yeah, it's actually a pretty funny story.
00:12:00 Quiet in there! I'm talking to your dad!
00:12:01 We're in Mexico.
00:12:03 Mexico? You better get
00:12:05 - Senor Bill?
00:12:07 A two-way whore in a rowdy...
00:12:09 No, no, no, no.
00:12:12 It's not like that at all.
00:12:15 Damn right you're not on vacation.
00:12:17 I'm working!
00:12:19 Hey, this is part
00:12:21 into a sovereign nation
00:12:24 You're a part of a government operation?
00:12:25 Yeah. Yeah, so, tell the boys,
00:12:28 Senor Bill?
00:12:30 Hang on a second!
00:12:31 Are you coming home or not?
00:12:32 No. I don't know when I'm gonna be home.
00:12:35 Well, I don't know. Hell.
00:12:37 - Wrong!
00:12:38 Connie?
00:12:40 Hello.
00:12:42 - Hey, what is...
00:12:45 Did I cut you off?
00:12:55 Shit.
00:12:56 Okay, gringo,
00:12:58 how many more men you
00:13:00 All I gotta tell you
00:13:04 And that's all you're getting.
00:13:09 I think Ruben likes you.
00:13:12 It just seems odd that a man of your stature
00:13:16 would embrace alternative lifestyles
00:13:19 You can't fire someone
00:13:22 That's discrimination!
00:13:24 You can get sued for that, eh?
00:13:26 Besides, he's my nephew.
00:13:28 You can't choose your familia.
00:13:31 So, he's here, he's queer. Get used to it.
00:13:34 I'm still not telling you anything.
00:13:37 Start talking or I'll tell Ruben
00:13:40 He wants a wife.
00:13:43 Well, there's just three of us.
00:13:46 We don't have an idea what we're doing.
00:13:48 Can you believe that? Iraq.
00:13:49 Who would make that stupid mistake?
00:13:53 You and you men
00:13:55 Oh, well, just goes to show you
00:13:59 and ingenuity can do.
00:14:01 You must have learned
00:14:03 Oh, shoot, yeah.
00:14:07 Hey, Larry! Help me out with this thing!
00:14:11 Well, most of us, anyway.
00:14:13 - I better handle this. I'll see you later.
00:14:25 I think I got it now.
00:14:32 Look out, you idiot! Not at the village!
00:14:34 - Oh, yeah.
00:14:39 Stand back!
00:14:43 Damn it! That's been happening all day!
00:14:45 I don't get it.
00:14:49 I'm gonna get this thing working
00:14:55 - Damn it. Come on, Everett!
00:14:59 Damn!
00:15:09 People of La Miranda,
00:15:12 you have disobeyed your Jefe
00:15:15 Now, come out and take your punishment!
00:15:19 Hold it right there!
00:15:21 You're in a lot of trouble, gringo!
00:15:24 I am the law here!
00:15:26 I am Carlos Santana!
00:15:29 The singer?
00:15:31 Definitely not the singer.
00:15:35 We caught your friend here
00:15:38 What?
00:15:39 You found a phone,
00:15:42 She gets moody if I don't check in.
00:15:44 She sounds like a real bitch, senor.
00:15:46 You have to set some boundaries.
00:15:50 All right, turn him loose!
00:15:52 Turn him loose?
00:15:54 What are you gonna do,
00:15:59 Nope.
00:16:02 I'm just gonna kill you.
00:16:07 Oh.
00:16:08 I hadn't thought of that.
00:16:10 Well, looks like we got ourselves
00:16:16 Actually, senor,
00:16:19 Yeah, okay.
00:16:21 Tell your people to stand back.
00:16:23 This is my town!
00:16:24 You don't give the orders here, I do!
00:16:29 In just a few minutes,
00:16:32 is gonna come down that road.
00:16:34 They are?
00:16:36 Just go with me on this.
00:16:39 Senor, I think you're bluffing!
00:16:53 Iraq, it's a land of miracles.
00:16:56 Sarge? You're alive?
00:16:58 Shut up, numb nuts.
00:17:02 Surprised to see me, maggots?
00:17:04 Can we sort this out later, Sarge?
00:17:07 - Little bit of a situation on our hands.
00:17:11 You assholes are A-W-O-L!
00:17:16 What?
00:17:17 I was just telling these armed men,
00:17:21 firepower-out-the-ass 101st Airborne
00:17:25 Are you nuts?
00:17:27 We're not even in Iraq.
00:17:28 There's no one here! We're alone.
00:17:31 Now give me that weapon.
00:17:35 This shit-hole of a country is Mexico.
00:17:36 Hey!
00:17:37 You're not exactly a box of chocolates,
00:17:41 Mind your own business, Pedro.
00:17:43 Actually, senor, this is my business.
00:17:50 Oh, shit.
00:17:59 Put your hands in the air now!
00:18:01 You have the right to remain silent!
00:18:03 You have the right to an attorney!
00:18:04 What the hell is that?
00:18:06 This is a Mark 153 shoulder-launch
00:18:12 Who wants to ride the pain train?
00:18:16 Well, boys, looks like we got ourselves
00:18:24 Hey, Sarge. You still got your testicles?
00:18:26 Everett? Everett, hand that thing over.
00:18:28 - No, I can do it.
00:18:29 I'm a trained law enforcement officer.
00:18:30 You're gonna hurt somebody.
00:18:32 Watch and learn!
00:18:33 Everett, no!
00:18:39 Incoming!
00:19:11 Hell, yeah!
00:19:26 That's what I'm talking about!
00:19:34 Not only have you saved us again,
00:19:40 - Nice shooting, Everett.
00:19:43 You know what they say?
00:19:47 No, that's the Peace Corps.
00:19:51 Hey!
00:19:52 Where's Sarge?
00:19:53 God damn it, Everett!
00:19:55 I'm gonna tear off your head
00:19:58 Say hello to my nephew Ruben.
00:20:05 Shit.
00:20:09 Do you really think this is a good idea?
00:20:12 I mean, we've already buried Sarge once,
00:20:14 and I don't know
00:20:17 emotionally speaking.
00:20:19 Look, he may be an asshole,
00:20:26 Everett, what are you doing?
00:20:28 I'm changing the terror level
00:20:31 Everett, get down!
00:20:35 Are you sure you must do this?
00:20:39 Look, once they messed with Sarge,
00:20:50 Bin Laden, here we come!
00:20:52 Shut up, Everett.
00:20:57 Lock up the prisoner!
00:20:59 Jefe, are we going
00:21:02 Tonight it's wrestling!
00:21:07 Yeah!
00:21:09 El Javalina!
00:21:12 Who's he fighting, Jefe?
00:21:14 You and Hector.
00:21:16 But, Jefe...
00:21:19 I would love to.
00:21:26 All right. Does everybody know the plan?
00:21:28 Yeah.
00:21:29 Affirmative.
00:21:31 Crack skulls and kick ass!
00:21:38 Well, we may never see him again.
00:21:41 I'm gonna miss that little mongoloid.
00:21:44 You disable the vehicles.
00:21:52 Boy, am I glad to see a friendly face.
00:21:55 I have had the darnedest time
00:21:59 I think we took a wrong
00:22:03 What you have to do is...
00:22:05 That's what I need to do right there.
00:22:26 I'm getting too fat for this shit.
00:22:53 Electric shock, huh?
00:22:56 Well, in the Mekong Delta,
00:22:58 the Vietcong stuck bamboo shoots
00:23:01 It'll take a lot more than that to break me.
00:23:05 What the hell is this?
00:23:13 It's a duet!
00:23:46 Hey, hey, hey!
00:24:18 Who else is man enough
00:24:21 Right here, amigo!
00:24:23 Who is this maricon?
00:24:25 I don't know,
00:24:27 but I like him.
00:24:38 He's got style!
00:24:40 Muchachos, a masked challenger
00:24:52 Hold on, Sarge. I'm coming.
00:25:00 Come on, Tijuana! You want some?
00:25:03 You gonna get some!
00:25:04 Hey, don't you worry about anything, man.
00:25:06 I'm a card-carrying member
00:25:08 of the Georgia
00:25:10 Just take a lookout for my trick knee.
00:25:35 Man, look at the size of that son of a bitch.
00:25:38 - He'd have ripped you a...
00:25:43 I hate Sonny and Cher.
00:25:45 Hey, Bill's down by the gate.
00:25:47 Okay.
00:25:54 What are you doing?
00:25:55 Hey, Sarge.
00:25:57 You're wearing the enemy's uniform.
00:26:01 No, I'm undercover.
00:26:03 I'm wrecking the vehicles. Here's the plan.
00:26:06 I'm putting sugar in their gas tanks.
00:26:11 I got a better idea.
00:26:13 Okay.
00:26:37 Oh!
00:26:39 I see we're playing
00:26:50 Yeah, take some of this, amigo!
00:27:07 You just bought yourself
00:27:10 Come get some!
00:27:18 I'm the king! I'm the king!
00:27:30 Get set for the full force of the U.S. Military!
00:27:34 Get them, guys!
00:27:38 Guys?
00:27:39 I know you!
00:27:41 You're that retarded guy with the bazooka!
00:27:44 It was a rocket-launcher.
00:27:45 Kill this cabron!
00:27:49 Hold it right there!
00:27:51 You gotta be kidding me!
00:27:53 You gringos are like
00:27:56 I can't get rid of you!
00:27:58 Everett, get over here.
00:28:02 You, senor, are either very brave
00:28:07 Either way, you can't kill all of us.
00:28:10 Probably not.
00:28:12 I'll just kill you.
00:28:14 Damn! I keep doing that.
00:28:17 Good job, Larry.
00:28:19 I'm out of here. You disarm them,
00:28:21 and I'll meet you back
00:28:26 All right, come on! Let's get out of here!
00:28:39 Let's go! Shotgun!
00:28:41 Damn you, Everett!
00:28:54 They're over there!
00:29:01 Look at our cars, Jefe.
00:29:03 Who would do such a thing?
00:29:05 That's vandalism!
00:29:07 Saddle up the horses
00:29:10 Come on! Move, move, move!
00:29:12 Come on! Let's go!
00:29:13 Go! Go!
00:29:14 This is the end of La Miranda.
00:29:27 You made it back.
00:29:28 I'm so glad. I was very worried.
00:29:30 There's still a certain senorita
00:29:33 Or make sweet, sweet love to her
00:29:36 as a mariachi bands serenades you
00:29:41 You saved our village
00:29:43 Well, not quite.
00:29:46 Son, make it quick. We gotta get going.
00:29:48 What? We can't leave.
00:29:51 Santana might be
00:29:53 and this village is defenseless.
00:29:55 Son, you showed me something
00:30:00 But this is out of my hands.
00:30:03 - Bill?
00:30:05 It's Mexico.
00:30:07 We did what we could do,
00:30:09 Sorry, son.
00:30:11 I'm not leaving.
00:30:12 Oh, Larry, come on!
00:30:14 Private, I'm giving you an order.
00:30:16 I think you guys forgot what our orders are.
00:30:20 We're supposed to bring
00:30:21 to people that need it.
00:30:24 I think these people need it.
00:30:27 I'm staying.
00:30:29 I'm staying to finish the job.
00:30:37 Anybody that's with me can cross this line.
00:30:43 Oh, come on, guys!
00:30:46 Sarge, look at these people.
00:30:52 They got hopes, dreams.
00:30:55 Ain't you ever had a dream?
00:30:57 Shit.
00:30:59 Hell, you got me.
00:31:03 I always wanted to be
00:31:07 Okay.
00:31:12 Don't look at me, man.
00:31:15 And what would you do if Connie
00:31:19 Would you leave them then?
00:31:22 No.
00:31:24 Damn it.
00:31:27 All right.
00:31:29 Like they say in the Army,
00:31:34 You got it right!
00:31:38 Who am I kidding?
00:31:40 I'm not going anywhere.
00:31:42 All right, then.
00:31:45 Come on, we're the Sleeping Marmots!
00:31:48 What else can Santana do to us?
00:31:51 Senor! Senor!
00:32:08 A tank?
00:32:10 Where'd they get that?
00:32:12 That's a Sherman tank, U.S. Army surplus!
00:32:16 Back in the '80s, the Mexicans traded
00:32:20 You're kidding!
00:32:21 Incoming!
00:32:26 Down!
00:32:35 Get everybody in the church!
00:32:36 - But what about...
00:32:47 We gotta take that tank out.
00:32:49 Get the rocket-launcher!
00:32:50 I got it, Sarge! It's in the bunkhouse!
00:32:53 Cover him.
00:33:06 If I die, Connie's gonna kill me!
00:33:08 We gotta take that tank out!
00:33:10 Don't we have anything
00:33:15 Cover me!
00:33:17 Cover me!
00:33:18 You heard the man! Cover him!
00:33:23 I said cover me!
00:33:27 Bitch!
00:33:50 Come on!
00:33:53 Come on!
00:33:56 Damn it! Come on!
00:34:06 Shit. That'll work.
00:34:19 It is time for us to stand up to Santana
00:34:32 Come on! Let's get them!
00:34:34 Remember the Alamo!
00:34:36 That is a sore subject around here, senor.
00:35:02 We did it. We ran them off!
00:35:05 - Where's Maria?
00:35:10 You have any more daughters?
00:35:13 Lupita.
00:35:16 I'll go find Maria.
00:35:19 Stupid gringos.
00:35:21 They may have won this battle,
00:35:23 but as usual,
00:35:26 Far enough!
00:35:28 Now let her go!
00:35:31 What do you see in this fat redneck?
00:35:33 Fat redneck?
00:35:35 I swear, on Monday,
00:35:40 Now I'll have to kill both of you.
00:35:46 It will take more than one helicopter
00:35:54 This is not good.
00:36:26 Thank you.
00:36:29 Papa! Oh, thank God!
00:36:31 Look forward and come this way, please!
00:36:33 Hey, everybody okay?
00:36:35 Oh, sure. Everybody's fine.
00:36:36 Couldn't be better.
00:36:38 Bill got shot.
00:36:39 Bill got... What?
00:36:44 Bill! You all right?
00:36:46 They got me!
00:36:50 Larry...
00:36:53 You tell them my story.
00:36:58 He was shot in the ass. He'll be fine.
00:37:03 - Sir.
00:37:05 Is there a Bill Little here?
00:37:07 Yeah. That's me.
00:37:08 Your wife's a real pain in the ass.
00:37:10 When she found out you were in Mexico,
00:37:13 Wouldn't stop till the Joint Chiefs
00:37:16 God, I love that woman.
00:37:18 Yeah. You better mow the lawn
00:37:22 Yes, sir.
00:37:24 Hey, Larry, this guy wants to talk to you.
00:37:27 Roger Grabowski,
00:37:31 You hear that? Poor bastard's a secretary.
00:37:35 Bit of a sticky situation we've got here.
00:37:37 We're in a lot of trouble, ain't we?
00:37:40 Maybe not. That is,
00:37:42 if you guys will cooperate.
00:37:45 We're all about cooperation.
00:37:47 Another victory in the war on terror
00:37:50 as the White House today
00:37:52 of Operation Sombrero
00:37:54 with strikes against terror camps
00:37:58 by U.S. Personnel operating with
00:38:02 In a shocking development,
00:38:06 was Grammy-winning musician,
00:38:09 known for such hits
00:38:12 Evil Ways, and Oye Como Va.
00:38:16 Once more, America is in need
00:38:21 One wonders if there are still heroes
00:38:27 through the challenges we face as a nation.
00:38:29 I say the answer is yes.
00:38:33 And I am proud to be standing
00:38:36 as we honor their sacrifice.
00:38:38 Ten hut!
00:38:52 What's my name?
00:38:53 Sergeant Kilgore, sir!
00:38:55 You will be a mean, lean fighting machine.
00:38:58 One, two, three!
00:39:00 Move it, fat buddy!
00:39:02 Oh, yeah! That's the way I like it!
00:39:17 Get some!
00:39:41 Hey!
00:39:43 Stop it! Stop it!
00:39:44 I'm a government employee!
00:39:49 Here you go, honey.
00:39:58 Oh, I wish I had a thousand of them
00:40:02 Any chance I can convince you
00:40:07 Actually, General, I got other plans.
00:40:35 Mr. Chile, would you like to sing a song?
00:40:38 Yes!
00:40:41 Why don't you sing something
00:40:44 Okay.
00:41:10 - You sing very good.
00:41:14 - What did you think of the last guy?
00:41:16 - No?
00:41:17 He was squeezing my stick.
00:41:19 All right, you're gonna love this. Pull!
00:41:21 Lace thong.
00:41:24 Wait a second. Those are mine!
00:41:27 When you address me, you will address me
00:41:29 as Sergeant... What is my name? Kilgore!
00:41:31 How you doing, GI Joe. Can I help you?
00:41:34 What is my name?
00:41:40 My last movie was nominated
00:41:43 I would like to say that.
00:42:00 Man, who'd have thought
00:42:04 Oh, my God, y'all!
00:42:11 Sergeant!
00:42:12 People of La Mirada...
00:42:16 People of La Miranda!
00:42:18 Tonight.
00:42:19 The end of La Mirada!
00:42:21 Shit!
00:42:33 Git-r-done!
00:42:44 Oye como va, bitches. I'm out.