|
Deuce Bigalow European Gigolo
|
| 00:01:02 |
My husband. |
| 00:01:04 |
Thank you for last night. |
| 00:01:21 |
Thank you for last night. |
| 00:01:42 |
Thank you for last night. |
| 00:02:15 |
Hey, what do you think |
| 00:02:18 |
Shit. |
| 00:02:34 |
Today, these visually-impaired senior |
| 00:02:42 |
To swim with dolphins. |
| 00:02:46 |
Hey, check this out. |
| 00:02:49 |
- What is that? |
| 00:02:51 |
That is four years of research. |
| 00:02:54 |
A technological breakthrough |
| 00:02:57 |
- What's it for? |
| 00:02:59 |
...the beaching of cetaceans. |
| 00:03:01 |
- That's whales to you and me. |
| 00:03:04 |
That's a pretty big word |
| 00:03:09 |
I'm not a man-whore. |
| 00:03:12 |
I'm a fish enthusiast. |
| 00:03:15 |
I stopped man-whoring |
| 00:03:17 |
My mom said your wife |
| 00:03:19 |
...because you tried |
| 00:03:21 |
You tell your mom I was |
| 00:03:24 |
Didn't realize there was |
| 00:03:26 |
Whatever. I bet that thing doesn't |
| 00:03:30 |
- Come on, I got it. |
| 00:03:33 |
Give that back! That's not a toy! |
| 00:03:36 |
That's the one. That's your grandma. |
| 00:03:39 |
Give me..! Come on! Give me..! |
| 00:03:51 |
Something seems to be going wrong. |
| 00:03:58 |
I gotcha! I got..! |
| 00:04:11 |
Hey, everybody. I'm home. |
| 00:04:18 |
Hi, Kate. I missed you today. |
| 00:04:22 |
The prototype's almost working. |
| 00:04:24 |
All it needs is a few |
| 00:04:31 |
Wes Takahashi in Malibu, where |
| 00:04:35 |
I hope that man rots in hell! |
| 00:04:38 |
It was some weird guy. |
| 00:04:48 |
- Hello? |
| 00:04:50 |
It's your old buddy T.J. Here. |
| 00:04:52 |
- T.J? |
| 00:04:54 |
Man, you'd love it here. It's like |
| 00:04:58 |
You wouldn't believe this. |
| 00:04:59 |
Why don't you come and let your |
| 00:05:02 |
- Oh, that's crazy. I can't. |
| 00:05:04 |
It ain't like you got something |
| 00:05:07 |
Amsterdam is so far away. |
| 00:05:09 |
Police have just released a sketch |
| 00:05:13 |
Witnesses report he is goofy-looking |
| 00:05:18 |
On the other hand, |
| 00:05:24 |
Is my wife gonna be okay in there? |
| 00:05:25 |
- She'll be fine, sir. |
| 00:05:28 |
Ladies and gentlemen, Flight 10 |
| 00:05:31 |
Excuse me. |
| 00:05:35 |
Oh, sorry. Sorry. |
| 00:05:37 |
That's okay. I always wondered |
| 00:05:41 |
- Can I borrow it? |
| 00:05:45 |
Hold on. |
| 00:05:46 |
All rows now boarding |
| 00:05:56 |
Excuse me. |
| 00:05:58 |
Okay. |
| 00:06:08 |
Hey, how many people |
| 00:06:12 |
You're sure it's safe |
| 00:06:14 |
You have nothing to worry about. |
| 00:06:19 |
What is that over there? |
| 00:06:22 |
Oh, that's just some kid with a fin |
| 00:06:25 |
- Are you sure? |
| 00:06:28 |
Do you think the hotel would let us |
| 00:06:32 |
Come on. This is Mexico. |
| 00:06:37 |
They know what they're doing. |
| 00:06:51 |
This shirt's gonna be |
| 00:06:53 |
Fuck you, American, |
| 00:06:57 |
I love America. |
| 00:07:00 |
Thank you for bringing |
| 00:07:02 |
- Shut up! |
| 00:07:07 |
Oh, hello. Sir. |
| 00:07:09 |
- Is this okay? |
| 00:07:18 |
Did I get it? |
| 00:07:20 |
Put some elbow in it. |
| 00:07:25 |
Sorry, honey. |
| 00:07:32 |
What's with all these red lights? |
| 00:07:35 |
I wonder if they know |
| 00:07:40 |
Oh, man. |
| 00:07:44 |
Ahoy there! |
| 00:07:47 |
Big Deucey in Amsterdam. |
| 00:07:50 |
Man, get on over here. |
| 00:07:53 |
Deucey. |
| 00:07:55 |
- Look at this boat. |
| 00:08:02 |
You like that? |
| 00:08:09 |
I couldn't be happier for you. |
| 00:08:11 |
Come, let me |
| 00:08:13 |
- Okay. |
| 00:08:16 |
I'm telling you, you gonna have |
| 00:08:21 |
Well, it ain't much, but it's home. |
| 00:08:26 |
It's nice. |
| 00:08:29 |
Now, if you gotta use the bathroom, |
| 00:08:33 |
This is where I live. |
| 00:08:35 |
I don't want nobody |
| 00:08:39 |
What do you think of the float-crib? |
| 00:08:42 |
T.J., I think you got a bad leak here. |
| 00:08:45 |
No, no, no. It's just high tide. |
| 00:08:48 |
Is that what I think it is? |
| 00:08:51 |
Yeah. I brought Kate. |
| 00:08:55 |
I really wanna show her |
| 00:08:57 |
Maybe buy her a wooden shoe. |
| 00:09:01 |
Deucey. |
| 00:09:03 |
Keeping that leg is kind of creepy. |
| 00:09:07 |
- You gotta move on with your life. |
| 00:09:12 |
Hey, Lil' Kim, what's up? |
| 00:09:14 |
I no more man-whore. |
| 00:09:19 |
Excuse us for a moment, Deucey. |
| 00:09:23 |
Listen up, Lil' Kim. |
| 00:09:24 |
When your little bony ass had SARS, |
| 00:09:28 |
- Go make me some money. |
| 00:09:31 |
I take my three inches elsewhere. |
| 00:09:39 |
So I thought I'd come over here |
| 00:09:41 |
Got myself a houseboat, some ho's. |
| 00:09:43 |
The only thing a woman love |
| 00:09:46 |
...is a floating man-ho. |
| 00:09:48 |
Then all these man-whore |
| 00:09:51 |
My he-bitches got too scared |
| 00:09:53 |
What kind of world do we live in... |
| 00:09:55 |
...where the streets ain't safe |
| 00:09:57 |
Here's your hashish. |
| 00:10:00 |
- Enjoy. |
| 00:10:03 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:10:07 |
I thought this was a coffee shop. |
| 00:10:08 |
Let me break it down for you. |
| 00:10:11 |
If you want coffee, you go to a café. |
| 00:10:14 |
If you want marijuana, ganji or some |
| 00:10:18 |
That's where you is now. |
| 00:10:28 |
Put that away. Cops. Cops! |
| 00:10:32 |
Hold it right there. |
| 00:10:41 |
Now, that joint looks loose. |
| 00:10:45 |
Have a good evening, huh? |
| 00:10:48 |
Oh, don't worry about it, Deucey. |
| 00:10:51 |
It's perfectly legal over here. |
| 00:10:53 |
No. I'm not smoking nothing. |
| 00:10:55 |
Oh, come on, man. |
| 00:10:57 |
- Deucey don't smoke. |
| 00:10:59 |
Well, well, well, |
| 00:11:02 |
...the gigolo with the most below. |
| 00:11:04 |
What do you want, T.J? I'm busy. |
| 00:11:06 |
I wanna introduce you to my friend, |
| 00:11:09 |
- He's a gigolo from America. |
| 00:11:16 |
Sometimes you're really funny, T.J. |
| 00:11:18 |
How much you getting |
| 00:11:21 |
I could get you more. |
| 00:11:22 |
A Filthy Ramirez? |
| 00:11:24 |
Nobody pays for that shit anymore. |
| 00:11:26 |
See you around, T.J. |
| 00:11:28 |
The Man-whore Awards |
| 00:11:29 |
You wanna win the Golden Boner? |
| 00:11:31 |
I already won it twice. |
| 00:11:33 |
Just ask your ex-fiancée. |
| 00:11:35 |
Man, why you gotta bring up |
| 00:11:39 |
I can't believe prostitution's |
| 00:11:42 |
Oh, yeah, it's big business. |
| 00:11:45 |
Man, if I had a he-bitch |
| 00:11:48 |
...put me back in the game. |
| 00:11:50 |
- Is he that good? |
| 00:11:52 |
They don't call him "Lord |
| 00:11:55 |
Man, what I wouldn't give... |
| 00:11:57 |
For Heinz's wang? |
| 00:11:59 |
No, I don't want Heinz's wang! |
| 00:12:03 |
Hey, man, keep your voice down. |
| 00:12:05 |
Talking about me wanting |
| 00:12:09 |
People would think I'm gay. |
| 00:12:11 |
Now, a pimp's only got |
| 00:12:13 |
His reputation. |
| 00:12:15 |
Here you are, gentlemen. |
| 00:12:19 |
- What is this? |
| 00:12:23 |
- Why do they call it that? |
| 00:12:25 |
...it's what the astronauts eat. |
| 00:12:30 |
I'm starving. |
| 00:12:35 |
- It's a little dry. |
| 00:12:39 |
- You sure you don't want any? |
| 00:12:42 |
Never been high, never gonna be. |
| 00:12:46 |
This is pretty good cake, though. |
| 00:12:49 |
Fucking excellent. |
| 00:13:25 |
You. |
| 00:13:30 |
Come on in here. |
| 00:13:31 |
You..? You want me to..? |
| 00:13:33 |
Yes, you. |
| 00:13:54 |
- Maybe you can help me. |
| 00:13:57 |
I don't want a man who's |
| 00:14:02 |
I like soft and weak. |
| 00:14:05 |
- You do? |
| 00:14:09 |
And went to a community college. |
| 00:14:12 |
I am, and I did. |
| 00:14:15 |
- You know what really turns me on? |
| 00:14:18 |
Is thinking about him |
| 00:14:20 |
...sitting at his computer... |
| 00:14:23 |
...and visiting different porn sites... |
| 00:14:25 |
...and taking the free tour |
| 00:14:30 |
I don't have a credit card! |
| 00:14:32 |
- Kiss my chest. |
| 00:14:36 |
Harder! |
| 00:14:38 |
- Bite me! |
| 00:14:40 |
Harder! Bite me harder! |
| 00:14:43 |
Get off of my titty, |
| 00:14:49 |
No more spacecakes for you. |
| 00:14:54 |
Hey. I'm sorry about that, T.J. |
| 00:14:59 |
What'd I tell you about |
| 00:15:01 |
Not ten minutes go by |
| 00:15:03 |
...all over my breasteses. |
| 00:15:05 |
My nipple's ruined! |
| 00:15:07 |
You're lucky I was born with a spare. |
| 00:15:12 |
There go one of my ho's. |
| 00:15:14 |
The old guy in the walker's |
| 00:15:16 |
Yeah. Why ain't his ancient ass |
| 00:15:20 |
Kaiser! Get your old ass |
| 00:15:23 |
Deucey, meet me back |
| 00:15:26 |
Bitches out here act like |
| 00:15:29 |
I raise my hand, they look at it like |
| 00:15:35 |
Feel my pimp hand. |
| 00:15:39 |
Where's the boat? |
| 00:15:52 |
Oh. You scared me. |
| 00:15:57 |
Hey. Do you know who I am? |
| 00:16:00 |
I am Heinz Hummer. I'm the gigolo |
| 00:16:04 |
I can give you a Filthy Lopez |
| 00:16:07 |
I could give you |
| 00:16:10 |
...that will make you |
| 00:16:12 |
But not now because I'm busy. |
| 00:16:19 |
Wait a second. Do I know you? |
| 00:16:24 |
"New-jizz-fizz... |
| 00:16:29 |
...ver-bur-ger-king... "? |
| 00:16:45 |
Heinz. |
| 00:16:53 |
Man, are you wasted. |
| 00:17:00 |
I gotcha. |
| 00:17:04 |
Coming up next, more weather. |
| 00:17:08 |
What's this? |
| 00:17:11 |
Hey, Heinz, wake up, check this out. |
| 00:17:15 |
Holy shit. |
| 00:17:18 |
Europe just got a little better. |
| 00:17:22 |
Damn. That old Kaiser's got legs. |
| 00:17:25 |
- You gotta keep your bitches in line. |
| 00:17:29 |
- What's he doing here? |
| 00:17:32 |
I couldn't just leave him there. |
| 00:17:34 |
I put in a good word for you. |
| 00:17:36 |
Thanks, Deucey. Much appreciated. |
| 00:17:39 |
I knew you'd come around. |
| 00:17:43 |
Oh, shit. Heinz ain't passed out. |
| 00:17:48 |
No. He can't be. |
| 00:17:52 |
I'm telling you, Heinz is dead. |
| 00:18:00 |
Watch this. |
| 00:18:08 |
Maybe he's just a heavy sleeper. |
| 00:18:16 |
I can't believe you brought |
| 00:18:19 |
- What were you thinking? |
| 00:18:22 |
This is no pot-related fatality. |
| 00:18:25 |
This man was murdered. |
| 00:18:30 |
The Man-whore Killer did this? |
| 00:18:34 |
- We gotta call the police. |
| 00:18:37 |
Goddamn, white boy. |
| 00:18:39 |
You think the police gonna believe |
| 00:18:41 |
...had nothing to do with a dead |
| 00:18:54 |
Before I toss your dumb ass |
| 00:18:57 |
...for the record, |
| 00:19:00 |
...this would have never happened. |
| 00:19:05 |
I just gotta see |
| 00:19:13 |
Goddamn! |
| 00:19:15 |
No wonder Delisha never came back. |
| 00:19:17 |
That shit's the real |
| 00:19:22 |
What's over there? |
| 00:19:25 |
- Look where his hand is. |
| 00:19:29 |
What you looking at? |
| 00:19:31 |
I ain't gay! I was only |
| 00:19:34 |
...because I heard his schlong |
| 00:19:37 |
Wait a minute. |
| 00:19:40 |
- Perv! |
| 00:19:44 |
Where is he? |
| 00:19:46 |
We now interrupt Naked Seinfeld |
| 00:19:49 |
The suspected Man-whore Killer... |
| 00:19:51 |
... has been spotted |
| 00:19:53 |
... attempting to dispose |
| 00:19:57 |
- I ain't gay! |
| 00:19:59 |
... has been identified as |
| 00:20:02 |
- You idiot. |
| 00:20:05 |
- ... and extremely... |
| 00:20:06 |
Hey. Hey, guys! How's it going? |
| 00:20:09 |
- Where is he? |
| 00:20:13 |
- Where is he? |
| 00:20:17 |
Your loyalty is impressive, sir. |
| 00:20:20 |
You've once been arrested for |
| 00:20:24 |
Look, I wasn't really man-whoring... |
| 00:20:26 |
Please, Mr. Bigalow. |
| 00:20:30 |
You were cold, you were frightened. |
| 00:20:32 |
He took you under his arm |
| 00:20:35 |
He made you feel sexy. |
| 00:20:37 |
He told you how to hide money |
| 00:20:40 |
But your friend is obviously a killer. |
| 00:20:44 |
T.J.'s not a killer. |
| 00:20:46 |
If he isn't a murderer... |
| 00:20:48 |
...then what was he doing |
| 00:20:52 |
I guess he was curious. |
| 00:20:55 |
He heard it was big and juicy... |
| 00:20:58 |
...and wanted to see for himself. |
| 00:21:01 |
A lot of guys do that. |
| 00:21:04 |
No, they don't. |
| 00:21:09 |
Okay. |
| 00:21:11 |
T.J.'s gay. |
| 00:21:13 |
- Really? |
| 00:21:18 |
...crazy-gay, you know? |
| 00:21:21 |
Musical-theater-gay. |
| 00:21:25 |
Is that why he puts lipstick... |
| 00:21:28 |
...on all his victims? |
| 00:21:32 |
Wait a minute. |
| 00:21:34 |
In the alley, I heard |
| 00:21:38 |
And I saw someone. |
| 00:21:42 |
A woman... |
| 00:21:45 |
...in a leopard coat. |
| 00:21:48 |
People see a lot of crazy things |
| 00:21:52 |
There's drugs in spacecake? |
| 00:21:55 |
Mr. Bigalow, I will find your pimp |
| 00:22:05 |
- T.J., thank God you're here. |
| 00:22:08 |
It's the only chicken |
| 00:22:10 |
So a black man's gotta be |
| 00:22:13 |
That's racist. |
| 00:22:15 |
- But you are here. |
| 00:22:21 |
- It's a nice place. |
| 00:22:24 |
...chicken and waffles? |
| 00:22:26 |
Before that, you could only |
| 00:22:29 |
But they were the first |
| 00:22:33 |
Black people all over the world will be |
| 00:22:36 |
You do know the Dutch |
| 00:22:39 |
Those motherfuckers! |
| 00:22:48 |
Who let them print this? |
| 00:22:50 |
Look, we're gonna prove |
| 00:22:54 |
I don't give a damn about that. |
| 00:22:57 |
If I'm a murderer, they'll welcome |
| 00:23:00 |
Get out of jail and |
| 00:23:02 |
But a gay pimp? |
| 00:23:04 |
- Like, where I'm going? Vermont? |
| 00:23:07 |
...I think I saw the real killer. |
| 00:23:09 |
It was a woman. |
| 00:23:11 |
Some she-john went |
| 00:23:13 |
...because she wasn't satisfied |
| 00:23:16 |
- What's a Filthy Lopez? |
| 00:23:19 |
All we do is find the she-johns that |
| 00:23:22 |
- One of them is our killer. |
| 00:23:24 |
- You gotta get back on the horse. |
| 00:23:26 |
The man-whore horse. |
| 00:23:28 |
We gonna use your |
| 00:23:30 |
Bait? Look, I'm not man-whoring. |
| 00:23:32 |
We'll find the killer |
| 00:23:34 |
Twat-sicle? Gross! No. |
| 00:23:41 |
Give this to my mama. |
| 00:23:43 |
Tell her I'm sorry I was |
| 00:23:45 |
Sorry I called her friends |
| 00:23:48 |
...when I was pleasuring myself. |
| 00:23:50 |
And tell her she don't have to worry |
| 00:23:56 |
Even if I wanted to, how are we gonna |
| 00:24:00 |
We'll go to the man-whore union. |
| 00:24:03 |
They'll be looking for me. |
| 00:24:07 |
Meeting of the Royal Order |
| 00:24:11 |
...is now in session. |
| 00:24:13 |
These are the highest paid |
| 00:24:16 |
That? That's Rodrigo. |
| 00:24:19 |
He can tie shoelaces |
| 00:24:22 |
That? That's Enzo. He's Italian. |
| 00:24:25 |
His nutsack is insured |
| 00:24:27 |
- That's 500 grand each. |
| 00:24:30 |
That's Assapopulus from Greece. |
| 00:24:32 |
He can actually kiss you |
| 00:24:35 |
I'd like to never see that. |
| 00:24:37 |
I'd like to say a few words about |
| 00:24:41 |
Who's the blond guy? |
| 00:24:42 |
Chadsworth Buckingham. |
| 00:24:46 |
His great-great-great grandmother |
| 00:24:49 |
But I know Heinz would like to be |
| 00:24:53 |
...was being a male prostitute. |
| 00:24:56 |
He was also a supercilious cunt. |
| 00:25:00 |
- Who's that guy? |
| 00:25:03 |
Heinz Hummer was |
| 00:25:06 |
- What? |
| 00:25:08 |
He was charging the same price |
| 00:25:11 |
...as he was for a |
| 00:25:14 |
- What? |
| 00:25:16 |
He was also charging the same price |
| 00:25:20 |
...as he was for |
| 00:25:25 |
As we sow, so shall we reap. |
| 00:25:29 |
Thank you, Gian-Carlo, |
| 00:25:32 |
Until this insane killer |
| 00:25:34 |
...the union is going to institute |
| 00:25:38 |
This ring locks snugly |
| 00:25:42 |
...and then communicates directly |
| 00:25:46 |
There are rings of all sizes available, |
| 00:25:50 |
Y'all know me. |
| 00:25:53 |
My name is McManus. |
| 00:25:55 |
I joined this union some |
| 00:26:00 |
To have intercourse |
| 00:26:03 |
...and two, to protect me rights |
| 00:26:06 |
But... |
| 00:26:08 |
...three years ago... |
| 00:26:10 |
...when this union |
| 00:26:14 |
...that we were to stop having |
| 00:26:19 |
...I strongly disagreed. |
| 00:26:21 |
But I did not stand up. |
| 00:26:24 |
I'm ashamed to say I stood down! |
| 00:26:27 |
And then three months later... |
| 00:26:30 |
...this union told we man-whores... |
| 00:26:33 |
...that we were to begin washing our |
| 00:26:39 |
Our private areas. |
| 00:26:42 |
And once again, I'm ashamed |
| 00:26:47 |
...I stood down! |
| 00:26:49 |
But now, sir, for what am I |
| 00:26:54 |
...when he comes to me |
| 00:26:57 |
"Daddy. Daddy. |
| 00:26:59 |
What's that thing hanging off |
| 00:27:05 |
How am I to tell him, sir? |
| 00:27:13 |
Deucey, you can do this. |
| 00:27:16 |
Due to high demand... |
| 00:27:18 |
...each member will be |
| 00:27:21 |
...to this year's Man-whore Awards. |
| 00:27:25 |
I'm Deuce Bigalow. |
| 00:27:29 |
My friend Tiberius Jefferson |
| 00:27:33 |
Homo! |
| 00:27:35 |
Now, I'm convinced |
| 00:27:40 |
...is a she-john. |
| 00:27:43 |
Which means any one |
| 00:27:47 |
Now, there are a couple hundred |
| 00:27:49 |
Now, if we all work together... |
| 00:27:52 |
...we can find out |
| 00:27:56 |
What do you say? |
| 00:28:04 |
How come you didn't |
| 00:28:07 |
Did you not just see me |
| 00:28:10 |
- What do we do now? |
| 00:28:12 |
...who just might be able to help us. |
| 00:28:18 |
Right this way, please. |
| 00:28:20 |
Deuce. |
| 00:28:24 |
Antoine? |
| 00:28:26 |
- Sit down. |
| 00:28:28 |
It's been a long time. |
| 00:28:36 |
This is the list from |
| 00:28:39 |
It's got all the clients that went out |
| 00:28:43 |
Awesome! |
| 00:28:48 |
Please be quiet. I went through |
| 00:28:52 |
- Sorry. |
| 00:28:55 |
...with the European man-whores... |
| 00:28:57 |
...you need to learn how to really |
| 00:29:00 |
- I should write some of this down. |
| 00:29:04 |
You must be able |
| 00:29:08 |
With your... |
| 00:29:10 |
Pleasure her with..? |
| 00:29:17 |
Do you want me to try? |
| 00:29:27 |
All right. |
| 00:29:30 |
Women really like that? |
| 00:29:42 |
Man-whore down. |
| 00:29:48 |
Get the list. It's in his pants. |
| 00:29:50 |
All right. I think I got it. |
| 00:29:59 |
Can't a brother stick his hand |
| 00:30:02 |
...without setting off |
| 00:30:06 |
Marlene Alsmere. |
| 00:30:09 |
What am I gonna do |
| 00:30:11 |
Distract her with your magic she-nis, |
| 00:30:14 |
The lipstick and the leopard coat. |
| 00:30:20 |
All right. Hi, I'm Deuce Bigalow. |
| 00:30:25 |
Hi, I'm Deuce... Biggest lady |
| 00:30:29 |
That's a huge bitch. |
| 00:30:35 |
Hi. |
| 00:30:39 |
Cute kids. Are they yours? |
| 00:30:41 |
Those pictures, they come with the |
| 00:30:46 |
I'm so sorry. That must be |
| 00:30:58 |
Evidence. |
| 00:31:03 |
That big ho got food everywhere. |
| 00:31:07 |
You're a nice man. |
| 00:31:09 |
Now, take off your clothes. |
| 00:31:11 |
Don't you wanna talk a little more? |
| 00:31:14 |
Take them off! |
| 00:31:19 |
"Dutch Bride. " |
| 00:31:43 |
Baby walk to Mommy. |
| 00:31:46 |
Come, come. |
| 00:31:48 |
No! Like baby! |
| 00:31:51 |
Baby walk to Mommy. |
| 00:31:56 |
Good baby. |
| 00:32:04 |
Come to Mommy. |
| 00:32:12 |
Baby hungry? Want booby? |
| 00:32:17 |
Baby never eat again. |
| 00:32:31 |
You like them big hairy balls, |
| 00:32:50 |
Bad pussy! Bad pussy! |
| 00:32:56 |
Hold it! |
| 00:32:58 |
Hold it right there. |
| 00:33:01 |
Is this truck full of marijuana? |
| 00:33:05 |
No unloading pot in the red zone. |
| 00:33:08 |
Write him up. |
| 00:33:10 |
- But, sir, it's my daughter's birthday. |
| 00:33:12 |
She's turning 13. |
| 00:33:16 |
Inspector. I got these lipsticks |
| 00:33:19 |
She was a customer of Heinz. |
| 00:33:21 |
- She could easily be the killer. |
| 00:33:24 |
...is a very rare one. |
| 00:33:26 |
Shimmer Lavender Love number 66. |
| 00:33:32 |
But... But... |
| 00:33:33 |
Sir, I have a list of the women who |
| 00:33:38 |
- Will you stop doing that? |
| 00:33:41 |
...and tell me where T.J.'s hiding? |
| 00:33:44 |
Oh, don't make me laugh. |
| 00:33:47 |
Uncle! You forgot your lunch. |
| 00:33:50 |
That's very nice. Thanks. |
| 00:33:58 |
- Let me... Let me help you with that. |
| 00:34:04 |
Excuse me for asking... |
| 00:34:06 |
...but why did you |
| 00:34:10 |
Promise you won't laugh? |
| 00:34:12 |
I promise. |
| 00:34:15 |
I have obsessive |
| 00:34:20 |
I have these little rituals |
| 00:34:23 |
I can't touch doorknobs, |
| 00:34:27 |
And when someone sneezes, |
| 00:34:30 |
I've heard of that. That's not so bad. |
| 00:34:35 |
I'm sorry. Bells make me do that. |
| 00:34:38 |
It got me kicked out of school. |
| 00:34:40 |
It's okay. Everyone's got |
| 00:34:43 |
Actually, I've got about 130. |
| 00:34:47 |
So you're above average. |
| 00:34:50 |
I mean... |
| 00:34:53 |
I'm Eva. |
| 00:34:56 |
Is that a Sudanese Sweetlips? |
| 00:34:58 |
- How did you know? |
| 00:35:02 |
They have one |
| 00:35:05 |
I heard this place is incredible. |
| 00:35:11 |
The doorknob? |
| 00:35:14 |
I'll get it. Okay. |
| 00:35:17 |
Thanks. Thank you. |
| 00:35:21 |
He's beautiful. |
| 00:35:23 |
That's really good. |
| 00:35:25 |
Thank you. |
| 00:35:39 |
Excuse me, but in America they don't |
| 00:35:45 |
Well, in Europe, we don't unilaterally |
| 00:35:50 |
What? |
| 00:35:52 |
"What?" Did I offend you? |
| 00:35:57 |
Maybe you should check my pockets |
| 00:36:00 |
What? I just asked you |
| 00:36:03 |
And then what is next? |
| 00:36:04 |
Take wine away from my children? |
| 00:36:06 |
I put out this cigarette. |
| 00:36:13 |
The nicotine in that cigarette |
| 00:36:16 |
- So they say. |
| 00:36:19 |
Poor little fishy. |
| 00:36:23 |
Hey. Why are you with that loser? |
| 00:36:36 |
You have a nice ass. |
| 00:36:42 |
I think this belongs to you. |
| 00:36:50 |
You dick! |
| 00:36:52 |
I would like to take you from behind. |
| 00:36:58 |
My penis is uncircumcised. |
| 00:37:03 |
No head. |
| 00:37:05 |
It's like a torpedo. |
| 00:37:08 |
- You pig. |
| 00:37:12 |
Did the little fishies |
| 00:37:26 |
Fuck off, you Yank! |
| 00:37:31 |
I'm staying with |
| 00:37:33 |
Then I go back |
| 00:37:36 |
Could I take you out |
| 00:37:38 |
You mean like a date? |
| 00:37:40 |
Well, yeah. |
| 00:37:47 |
Oh, the siren. |
| 00:37:51 |
Right. Right. Siren. |
| 00:37:54 |
Before I can go on a date I have to |
| 00:37:58 |
...eat two herring and drink a beer |
| 00:38:02 |
Well, that sounds doable. |
| 00:38:10 |
What is it? |
| 00:38:14 |
The accordion player? |
| 00:38:23 |
The Smelly Finger Dance. |
| 00:38:33 |
One cheek at a time. |
| 00:38:36 |
Hey, guys. I need a quick gigolo fix. |
| 00:38:41 |
I'm judging a sandcastle-building |
| 00:38:45 |
...so I can't help you. |
| 00:38:47 |
The dog ate my penis. |
| 00:38:53 |
You don't have to walk me |
| 00:38:56 |
- I don't mind. |
| 00:38:59 |
I'm kind of embarrassed of my job too. |
| 00:39:04 |
Bye, Deuce. |
| 00:39:06 |
Well, well, well. If it isn't |
| 00:39:14 |
It's Bigalow. |
| 00:39:15 |
What's your going rate, Douche? |
| 00:39:18 |
Well, I was getting $10. |
| 00:39:23 |
Okay, gigolo. Do you even know |
| 00:39:27 |
Sure I know. It's when she says: |
| 00:39:29 |
"Please stop. It's okay. You tried. |
| 00:39:35 |
Now, get off me. " |
| 00:39:41 |
I bet he doesn't even know |
| 00:39:44 |
Well, that depends. If she wants it |
| 00:39:48 |
There is no such thing |
| 00:39:53 |
Is there? |
| 00:39:55 |
It's when you stick it in their... |
| 00:39:57 |
It's pretty convenient, your friend |
| 00:40:02 |
I've got my eye on you, Small-Below. |
| 00:40:05 |
Small-Below. |
| 00:40:12 |
I'll be right down. |
| 00:40:19 |
Okay. |
| 00:40:22 |
This is the woman |
| 00:40:24 |
...the night before |
| 00:40:29 |
Don't worry about it, Sherlock Ho. |
| 00:40:36 |
Hi, you must be Lily. I'm Deuce. |
| 00:40:39 |
Nice to meet you. |
| 00:40:52 |
Would you like some bread? |
| 00:40:54 |
Oh, I can't have bread. |
| 00:40:56 |
It's makes my |
| 00:40:59 |
...and could block my throat-hole. |
| 00:41:03 |
- Excuse me for a second. |
| 00:41:11 |
Pardon me. I had to clear. |
| 00:41:14 |
Yeah. |
| 00:41:17 |
- So, what do you do? |
| 00:41:20 |
- I'm sorry. |
| 00:41:24 |
I only lasted a week. |
| 00:41:30 |
I heard that Heinz Hummer |
| 00:41:33 |
I bet you're glad he's dead. |
| 00:41:35 |
Heinz was the most |
| 00:41:40 |
I miss him and his mangina. |
| 00:41:45 |
I can't take it anymore. |
| 00:41:49 |
I'm sorry. I can see that |
| 00:41:54 |
- Here, let me get that for you. |
| 00:42:04 |
- Let's go. |
| 00:42:07 |
I started smoking again |
| 00:42:10 |
If I don't find another one pretty soon, |
| 00:42:14 |
Well, we'll just have to find |
| 00:42:17 |
- Relax. Have some wine. |
| 00:42:34 |
I don't normally drink red wine so... |
| 00:42:38 |
I have hiccups. |
| 00:42:42 |
- Gone down the wrong hole, I think. |
| 00:42:47 |
Deuce, I can't thank you enough. |
| 00:42:51 |
It's good for you, it's good for them. |
| 00:42:57 |
- I better get to work. |
| 00:43:00 |
Okay. |
| 00:43:04 |
The white zone is for loading |
| 00:43:08 |
There is no parking |
| 00:43:11 |
Thanks, Deuce. I had fun last night. |
| 00:43:14 |
The white zone... |
| 00:43:17 |
I am Rodrigo Bollas de Madera. |
| 00:43:20 |
I am here for my 12:30 |
| 00:43:25 |
Okay. How blond do you wanna go? |
| 00:43:28 |
Gwyneth. |
| 00:43:30 |
Good choice. |
| 00:43:43 |
Oh, hey. |
| 00:43:45 |
I got a real Janeane Garofalo |
| 00:43:55 |
So, Enzo... |
| 00:43:58 |
...got any she-johns |
| 00:44:00 |
Well, I did a Chili Rainbow |
| 00:44:04 |
What about you, Assapopulus? |
| 00:44:07 |
I've got the herpes so... |
| 00:44:10 |
What are you gonna do? |
| 00:44:13 |
Liar! |
| 00:44:14 |
- Mahmoud! |
| 00:44:17 |
I just realized I'm gay. |
| 00:44:23 |
Any of you guys want a blowjob? |
| 00:44:27 |
I do. |
| 00:44:30 |
Well... |
| 00:44:32 |
Okay, then. I better go |
| 00:44:37 |
You're all afraid |
| 00:44:39 |
- No. Come on. |
| 00:44:41 |
- Get down! |
| 00:44:44 |
You really should find |
| 00:44:48 |
Oh, you haven't heard. |
| 00:44:50 |
- Rodrigo's been killed. |
| 00:44:54 |
Oh, my God, why? He was just |
| 00:44:57 |
He got much more than that, |
| 00:45:03 |
Ladies and gentlemen, |
| 00:45:06 |
... has now joined the search |
| 00:45:10 |
Thank you very much. |
| 00:45:13 |
So how about this next one? |
| 00:45:17 |
The Russian women are |
| 00:45:19 |
Hair start in the front, |
| 00:45:23 |
So if you gotta give |
| 00:45:25 |
...put a clothespin on your nose. |
| 00:45:28 |
I'll keep that in mind. |
| 00:45:32 |
Wish me luck. |
| 00:45:34 |
Gasov. You mind changing that |
| 00:45:40 |
It's gonna be cold tomorrow. |
| 00:45:44 |
I have been waiting for you, |
| 00:45:50 |
Aren't you afraid to work with the |
| 00:45:54 |
What do you know about it? |
| 00:45:56 |
Apparently there's some maniac |
| 00:45:59 |
Some people say they deserve it. |
| 00:46:02 |
I think everything |
| 00:46:06 |
You're probably wondering |
| 00:46:09 |
I wasn't, but if you |
| 00:46:13 |
I grew up in Chernobyl. |
| 00:46:15 |
Chernobyl. |
| 00:46:17 |
- What a pretty name. |
| 00:46:19 |
...she work in nuclear reactor |
| 00:46:24 |
Instead of a nose, I was born |
| 00:46:30 |
A male appendage. |
| 00:46:35 |
No shit? |
| 00:46:37 |
I have always been a little |
| 00:46:41 |
Well, you shouldn't. I mean... |
| 00:46:44 |
A lot of women would love |
| 00:46:49 |
Yours is just permanent. |
| 00:46:54 |
You are sweet. |
| 00:46:56 |
And very handsome |
| 00:47:02 |
I like you. |
| 00:47:12 |
I would love to hear |
| 00:47:15 |
Well, I'll see if the penis knows any. |
| 00:47:18 |
I mean the pianist. |
| 00:47:21 |
The guy playing the piano. |
| 00:47:25 |
The band has started. |
| 00:47:48 |
Damn, no lipstick. |
| 00:47:50 |
- You smell nice. What is it? |
| 00:47:54 |
It's a knockoff of Old Spice. |
| 00:47:57 |
I like it, but I think |
| 00:48:01 |
What happens when you sneeze? |
| 00:48:05 |
Oh, Jesus, I'm sorry. |
| 00:48:09 |
Oh, good Lord. |
| 00:48:23 |
Hi. |
| 00:48:37 |
How long are you going |
| 00:48:39 |
Only until I can prove |
| 00:48:42 |
Is there someone waiting |
| 00:48:45 |
It's kind of hard to explain. |
| 00:48:48 |
Would you like to meet her? |
| 00:48:50 |
She's here in Amsterdam? |
| 00:48:53 |
It's my wife. |
| 00:48:57 |
I got her right here in my duffle bag. |
| 00:49:05 |
Kate, this is my new friend, Eva. |
| 00:49:09 |
She passed away |
| 00:49:12 |
...and this is all I have left |
| 00:49:19 |
Nice to meet you. |
| 00:49:21 |
She was very lucky to have |
| 00:49:43 |
Hey, can I see you |
| 00:49:45 |
Oh, you know, I'd really love to, |
| 00:49:50 |
- Bye. |
| 00:50:04 |
Eva. Eva. |
| 00:50:07 |
Did you just kiss me nine times |
| 00:50:10 |
No. It's because I like you. |
| 00:50:15 |
Excuse us, coming through. |
| 00:50:20 |
What are they doing |
| 00:50:22 |
They're making a movie. |
| 00:50:24 |
Cool. What kind of movie? |
| 00:50:32 |
- I better get to work. |
| 00:50:35 |
In there? You work in there? |
| 00:50:38 |
- Yeah. Well... |
| 00:50:42 |
- Thank you. |
| 00:50:44 |
...we really need you on the set. |
| 00:50:48 |
- All the guys? |
| 00:50:51 |
Bye, Deuce. |
| 00:50:53 |
I'll put your name on the list. |
| 00:51:12 |
Hey, whoa, whoa. |
| 00:51:14 |
Back of the line, buddy. |
| 00:51:15 |
Trust me, she's worth the wait. |
| 00:51:22 |
It's a closed set, |
| 00:51:24 |
Like hell I can't. |
| 00:51:27 |
Get off her, you little freak! |
| 00:51:37 |
Eva, you don't have to do this. |
| 00:51:42 |
Hey, I agreed to one midget, |
| 00:51:48 |
Deuce? |
| 00:51:50 |
Eva, you don't have to do this. |
| 00:51:53 |
Do what? |
| 00:51:55 |
- This. |
| 00:51:58 |
This. |
| 00:52:03 |
You painted that? |
| 00:52:05 |
I'm a scenic artist. |
| 00:52:07 |
So that's what you do here. |
| 00:52:13 |
Hey, little friend. |
| 00:52:19 |
Stoner Steve here! Who wants |
| 00:52:22 |
- T.J., is that you? |
| 00:52:24 |
I've went out with every girl |
| 00:52:27 |
- Find the rest of those bitches. |
| 00:52:30 |
Goddamn, white boy! Pack up that |
| 00:52:34 |
Stoner Steve! Stoner Steve Café! |
| 00:52:48 |
Hi. |
| 00:52:51 |
Hi. |
| 00:53:54 |
Hey, look at that. |
| 00:53:56 |
Look at that, right there. |
| 00:54:09 |
Are you sure? |
| 00:54:41 |
T.J., there you are. |
| 00:54:42 |
The girl with the giant ears |
| 00:54:45 |
...about some photo in the man-whore |
| 00:54:48 |
- Why aren't you in disguise? |
| 00:54:52 |
I'm in blackface. |
| 00:54:54 |
- But you're black. |
| 00:54:57 |
...as a different black guy. |
| 00:54:59 |
- You look the same. |
| 00:55:01 |
- We all look alike? |
| 00:55:03 |
You're such a racist. I got half a mind |
| 00:55:07 |
Come on. Jeez, let's go. |
| 00:55:15 |
Excuse me. This is a private club. |
| 00:55:19 |
Hey, I'm a real good man-whore. |
| 00:55:24 |
Still. I'm going to have |
| 00:55:27 |
That's what your mama said |
| 00:55:32 |
Okay, that's it. |
| 00:55:33 |
Go, go, go! |
| 00:55:40 |
Hey, your mama is in here. |
| 00:55:43 |
It's okay. I know |
| 00:55:45 |
If you're going to stick two in there, |
| 00:55:49 |
I know what I'm talking about, huh? |
| 00:55:51 |
Okay, I gotta go now, Ma. |
| 00:56:21 |
Hey, this thing is locked. |
| 00:56:32 |
Man! I only heard about this place. |
| 00:56:35 |
This is where |
| 00:56:39 |
Check it out. You know who this is? |
| 00:56:42 |
He was the first guy |
| 00:56:44 |
...by thinking about sports. |
| 00:56:48 |
This guy, here? |
| 00:56:52 |
Led a pimping expedition |
| 00:56:54 |
Froze to death |
| 00:56:57 |
The only thing left of him |
| 00:57:00 |
...which he used |
| 00:57:08 |
Now, this brother here, |
| 00:57:12 |
He's the Jackie Robinson |
| 00:57:18 |
Vladmir Suckmeov. |
| 00:57:20 |
The first man-ho in space. |
| 00:57:23 |
...the effects of zero gravity |
| 00:57:25 |
- Will you cut it out? |
| 00:57:32 |
Hey. Wait a minute. |
| 00:57:36 |
That's the blond lady with the |
| 00:57:41 |
So, what are you going to wear |
| 00:57:44 |
I thought I'd go with a tux and satin |
| 00:57:49 |
- You left the trophy case open again. |
| 00:57:52 |
Deucey. |
| 00:57:55 |
- I gotta fart. |
| 00:57:58 |
- I gotta fart. |
| 00:58:02 |
I hear something. |
| 00:58:07 |
I think the building is squeaking. |
| 00:58:11 |
Maybe it's a bird. |
| 00:58:19 |
You idiot! |
| 00:58:24 |
- Go. |
| 00:58:26 |
Security! Stop them! |
| 00:58:31 |
T.J. |
| 00:58:46 |
- Move the curtain! |
| 00:58:48 |
Somebody smoked a he-bitch! |
| 00:58:52 |
- Enzo? He kill Enzo. |
| 00:58:54 |
What is that? |
| 00:58:58 |
That is not a dick in my hand. |
| 00:59:00 |
Anybody got some antibacterial gel? |
| 00:59:12 |
Eva. Eva. |
| 00:59:14 |
- I'm in the shower. |
| 00:59:17 |
I can't hear you! |
| 00:59:19 |
In his gayest murder yet, the |
| 00:59:23 |
... murdered famed gigolo |
| 00:59:26 |
Our meteorologist Truus is sick today. |
| 01:00:20 |
What's the matter? |
| 01:00:23 |
Like what? |
| 01:00:35 |
I'll get that. I was a |
| 01:00:41 |
So is your uncle home? |
| 01:00:43 |
No. We're completely alone. |
| 01:00:47 |
Would you like some cheese? |
| 01:00:49 |
I'm lactose intolerant. |
| 01:00:51 |
Why are you so jumpy? |
| 01:00:54 |
Maybe I can help you relax. |
| 01:01:00 |
You're shaking. |
| 01:01:03 |
Maybe it's because I'm cold. |
| 01:01:05 |
I can fix that. |
| 01:01:08 |
Why don't you pour us a drink. |
| 01:01:14 |
So I guess we're all alone, huh? |
| 01:01:20 |
Yes. |
| 01:01:23 |
Deuce. You're scaring me. |
| 01:01:26 |
Eva. |
| 01:01:29 |
Listen, everything I'm about to do |
| 01:01:35 |
Oh, Deuce. |
| 01:01:37 |
Now, I don't know why... |
| 01:01:40 |
I don't know why you've done this, but |
| 01:02:12 |
Deuce? |
| 01:02:23 |
- Don't go in there. Stop! |
| 01:02:25 |
I know who the killer is. |
| 01:02:35 |
I know who the killer is. |
| 01:02:36 |
I knew sooner or later |
| 01:02:45 |
I'm sorry I have to be |
| 01:02:52 |
It's Eva. |
| 01:02:55 |
It's Eva? |
| 01:02:58 |
You mean my niece Eva? |
| 01:03:01 |
I know it sounds crazy... |
| 01:03:03 |
...but I found the lipstick. |
| 01:03:06 |
Shimmer Lavender Love number 66, |
| 01:03:10 |
And you found it in the pocket |
| 01:03:14 |
Exactly. Plus, I heard her whistling the |
| 01:03:18 |
Like: |
| 01:03:27 |
Now, you tell me. |
| 01:03:30 |
...be whistling that specific song? |
| 01:03:33 |
Maybe the song |
| 01:03:35 |
...because she overheard |
| 01:03:38 |
And maybe the real killer |
| 01:03:41 |
...very near and dear to her, |
| 01:03:46 |
Sure. Or maybe the Hamburglar did it |
| 01:03:50 |
Look, I understand this must be |
| 01:03:54 |
...to be out-thunk |
| 01:03:56 |
But we have to put |
| 01:03:59 |
...and do what's best for Eva. |
| 01:04:00 |
She's clearly ill |
| 01:04:02 |
You're absolutely right. |
| 01:04:04 |
You know, the only thing |
| 01:04:08 |
I mean, what could she |
| 01:04:10 |
Maybe because they represent |
| 01:04:15 |
...which has become a new Sodom |
| 01:04:18 |
...to smoke hash, to fornicate |
| 01:04:21 |
...or to defecate on our |
| 01:04:25 |
They don't defecate on the streets. |
| 01:04:33 |
Well, how do you know he's a tourist? |
| 01:04:42 |
Where is Eva now? |
| 01:04:45 |
She's at your house. |
| 01:04:46 |
Good. |
| 01:04:55 |
Do you really think you need |
| 01:04:58 |
She doesn't seem that dangerous. |
| 01:05:00 |
- You're not gonna hurt her, are you? |
| 01:05:06 |
- That poor guy. |
| 01:05:10 |
Tonight, the sexually-inadequate men |
| 01:05:12 |
Tonight, the sexually-inadequate men |
| 01:05:14 |
... safe in the knowledge that all |
| 01:05:18 |
... are right here under one roof, |
| 01:05:22 |
"Who is gonna walk away |
| 01:05:26 |
In this car, we have Assapopulus |
| 01:05:30 |
- Damn it. |
| 01:05:31 |
She's the woman that made me |
| 01:05:35 |
...made me go into prostitution. |
| 01:05:39 |
Uncle, you home? |
| 01:05:42 |
What a beautiful couple, |
| 01:05:46 |
"Man-Whore Awards"? |
| 01:05:48 |
Please welcome your host for this |
| 01:05:51 |
Thank you very much. Can I just say, |
| 01:05:56 |
... a night where we celebrate guys |
| 01:06:01 |
Do you know, |
| 01:06:03 |
- Oh, my God. |
| 01:06:08 |
- I'm going to kill them all. |
| 01:06:12 |
Don't you see what's happening |
| 01:06:20 |
But it's murder. |
| 01:06:24 |
During the final number, when these |
| 01:06:28 |
...I push this little button and: |
| 01:06:32 |
Bye-bye, gigolos. |
| 01:06:34 |
Shouldn't be that hard to pin the crime |
| 01:06:39 |
I won't let you! |
| 01:06:43 |
If you wanna stop me... |
| 01:06:48 |
...it's as simple as touching |
| 01:06:57 |
- Where's Eva? |
| 01:07:00 |
- I'm going there too. |
| 01:07:03 |
Yes. Yes, you should be there too. |
| 01:07:21 |
Now let me give you all |
| 01:07:22 |
Now let me give you all |
| 01:07:24 |
In Thailand, I got a job in a carnival |
| 01:07:29 |
We did six shows a day. |
| 01:07:33 |
And it's all collected in the lining |
| 01:07:37 |
My ass is like one big, |
| 01:07:43 |
Here to perform his signature move, |
| 01:07:46 |
...would you please welcome |
| 01:08:14 |
Deuce! |
| 01:08:16 |
Deuce! Right here! |
| 01:08:18 |
- Hey, Eva's right behind us. |
| 01:08:23 |
What are you doing? |
| 01:08:26 |
- He's the killer! |
| 01:08:28 |
You're with the killer! |
| 01:08:30 |
- I'm with the dealer? |
| 01:08:32 |
Eighteen-wheeler? |
| 01:08:35 |
My uncle is the killer! |
| 01:08:37 |
Oh! I'm with the... You're the k... |
| 01:08:40 |
She says that I am the killer, |
| 01:08:50 |
But why? What did man-whores |
| 01:08:52 |
What did they do to me? |
| 01:08:55 |
All my life I dreamed |
| 01:08:59 |
Yes, me. Gaspar Voorsboch. |
| 01:09:02 |
I'll never forget that day. Never. |
| 01:09:06 |
It was my first semester |
| 01:09:09 |
Now, today, class... |
| 01:09:11 |
...we shall learn how to give a lady |
| 01:09:15 |
You take an egg and you crack it. |
| 01:09:18 |
You mix them up. |
| 01:09:21 |
Now, this is a good chance |
| 01:09:24 |
- And? |
| 01:09:26 |
- Beautiful. Very nice, now. And... |
| 01:09:30 |
Canadian bacon. |
| 01:09:32 |
- What are you doing? |
| 01:09:34 |
Just a few pumps |
| 01:09:37 |
You mind if I give myself |
| 01:09:39 |
Go nuts. |
| 01:09:40 |
There we go. So there you have it. |
| 01:09:43 |
Tell me. How was your |
| 01:09:46 |
Delicious. |
| 01:09:48 |
- Elsa? |
| 01:09:57 |
They knew she was my fiancée. |
| 01:09:59 |
And tonight I will get my revenge. |
| 01:10:09 |
Leave it! |
| 01:10:22 |
I'm from Canada and I'm wasted! |
| 01:10:27 |
- Are you all right? |
| 01:10:28 |
- Are you okay? |
| 01:10:31 |
Police business. |
| 01:10:33 |
Come on, we gotta stop him. |
| 01:10:35 |
Stop! Stop! Man-whore business. |
| 01:10:38 |
Before we present the award for |
| 01:10:41 |
...let's take a moment to honor those |
| 01:11:04 |
Hey, Daddy. I was looking in your |
| 01:11:07 |
...this bracelet. |
| 01:11:10 |
Holy mother of God. |
| 01:11:13 |
That is a device that your daddy |
| 01:11:17 |
His he... |
| 01:11:19 |
His he... |
| 01:11:22 |
Happy birthday, son, |
| 01:11:25 |
Great. |
| 01:11:28 |
Let's go. Come on. |
| 01:11:29 |
Now the award you've all |
| 01:11:31 |
The Man-whore of the Year. |
| 01:11:33 |
Listen. Go get help. I'll get |
| 01:11:36 |
Okay. Good luck. |
| 01:11:38 |
Excuse me. |
| 01:11:40 |
You have to get off the stage |
| 01:11:42 |
Get the hell out of here, Douche, |
| 01:11:45 |
- There's a bomb on the stage! |
| 01:11:48 |
You're all gonna die! |
| 01:11:51 |
I'm the Man-whore Killer. |
| 01:11:53 |
Everybody out! |
| 01:11:57 |
You gotta get out of here! |
| 01:12:04 |
You'll die with the rest |
| 01:12:09 |
Those gigolos robbed me |
| 01:12:13 |
I was never able to satisfy a woman. |
| 01:12:22 |
You don't have to kill anyone, Gaspar. |
| 01:12:28 |
Those gigolos don't know |
| 01:12:30 |
Is he talking about us? |
| 01:12:36 |
Do you really think |
| 01:12:38 |
...is some guy to give her |
| 01:12:40 |
...or Turkish Snow Cone |
| 01:12:45 |
- Yes, they do, liar. |
| 01:12:48 |
A woman wants a guy who'll ask her |
| 01:12:52 |
- Or at least pretend to. |
| 01:12:55 |
What? |
| 01:12:57 |
When she's hurting... |
| 01:12:58 |
...ask her how she feels. |
| 01:13:01 |
- Cry with her. |
| 01:13:04 |
These gigolos are just |
| 01:13:07 |
I've never had any complaint |
| 01:13:13 |
I faked it. |
| 01:13:17 |
A woman doesn't care |
| 01:13:20 |
...or have a gigantic schlong |
| 01:13:23 |
This guy knows his shit. |
| 01:13:28 |
What are you doing? |
| 01:13:31 |
Anyone else? |
| 01:13:39 |
If you let a woman know you care, |
| 01:13:52 |
We will die together, man-whore. |
| 01:13:57 |
- You don't have to do this. |
| 01:14:00 |
- Give me the detonator. |
| 01:14:04 |
My penis exploded. |
| 01:14:07 |
Okay, that's a tough one. |
| 01:14:11 |
But having a penis |
| 01:14:17 |
No. No. |
| 01:14:19 |
Gaspar! |
| 01:14:30 |
Are you okay? |
| 01:14:33 |
We did it. |
| 01:14:41 |
That's the grossest thing |
| 01:14:44 |
And I've seen some |
| 01:14:46 |
- In the car. |
| 01:14:47 |
- In the car. |
| 01:14:48 |
I'll be seeing you again, man-whore. |
| 01:14:51 |
Deuce, you saved |
| 01:14:55 |
The Golden Boner belongs to you. |
| 01:14:57 |
Thanks. I'm... That's very... |
| 01:15:01 |
This belongs to you too. |
| 01:15:04 |
Hang it to the left. |
| 01:15:07 |
You gonna eat that? |
| 01:15:08 |
- Knock yourself out. |
| 01:15:14 |
So I guess this means |
| 01:15:17 |
I don't want you |
| 01:15:19 |
How much would you |
| 01:15:22 |
Well, the first one's always free. |
| 01:15:28 |
- Deuce! |
| 01:15:31 |
Oh, no. No, it's... |
| 01:15:33 |
It's just this. |
| 01:15:57 |
Deucey! |
| 01:15:59 |
Thank you, Jesus. |
| 01:16:02 |
Did anybody hurt you in there? |
| 01:16:04 |
Oh, you asking if I got ass-punked. |
| 01:16:08 |
- Not if you don't wanna talk about it. |
| 01:16:13 |
Well, you've been cleared |
| 01:16:15 |
...but people still think you're gay. |
| 01:16:17 |
Don't tell nobody I'm not gay. |
| 01:16:20 |
T.J., the gay man's pimp. |
| 01:16:23 |
I mean, I'm gonna corner the market. |
| 01:16:26 |
- Hello, darling. |
| 01:16:28 |
Love you. |
| 01:16:31 |
Let's get chicken and waffles. |
| 01:16:33 |
So the first thing a brother wants |
| 01:16:37 |
- Oh, come on. |
| 01:17:39 |
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