|
Disaster Movie
|
| 00:01:24 |
Oh, shit. |
| 00:01:46 |
You just got Wolfed. |
| 00:01:48 |
- What? |
| 00:01:50 |
...that I am getting registered. |
| 00:01:52 |
It's a lot of stuff you gotta do, |
| 00:01:55 |
Gotta get on the Internet. |
| 00:01:56 |
Gotta go to some stupid-ass website |
| 00:02:00 |
I wanted "Bam," |
| 00:02:05 |
I'm rambling, man. |
| 00:02:10 |
Is the contender ready? |
| 00:02:12 |
- Ready. |
| 00:02:16 |
Three, two, one. |
| 00:02:19 |
Things are heating up for the Wolf. |
| 00:02:21 |
I just opened a Target in Reseda... |
| 00:02:23 |
...and my own brand of BBQ sauce. |
| 00:02:26 |
I'm calling it Wolf's BBQ Sauce, |
| 00:02:33 |
You still going? |
| 00:02:35 |
I learned that in Oriental land. |
| 00:02:37 |
Whoa, yeah. U.S. A! |
| 00:02:45 |
They're so small anyway, from steroids. |
| 00:03:11 |
A saber-tooth. |
| 00:03:15 |
Amy Winehouse? |
| 00:03:21 |
Piss off. |
| 00:03:23 |
You don't wanna mess with |
| 00:03:26 |
Listen, like the dinosaurs |
| 00:03:32 |
...you, too, will soon be extinct. |
| 00:03:35 |
When? |
| 00:03:37 |
- How much time do we have? |
| 00:03:40 |
Just calm down. |
| 00:03:43 |
...I can't even hear, mate? |
| 00:03:46 |
Or maybe that was |
| 00:03:48 |
Oh, my God, it was good. |
| 00:03:53 |
It's excellent for the vocal cords. |
| 00:03:55 |
That's my little secret. |
| 00:03:57 |
- You're welcome. |
| 00:04:00 |
Let me see. |
| 00:04:02 |
Hang on a bit. |
| 00:04:05 |
There we go. |
| 00:04:07 |
All right, let's have a look-see. |
| 00:04:11 |
Everyone's on Facebook. |
| 00:04:13 |
It says... |
| 00:04:16 |
...that the end of the world |
| 00:04:25 |
Oh, God. |
| 00:04:29 |
Bottoms up. |
| 00:05:17 |
Sick. |
| 00:05:19 |
Mark my words, leather boy. |
| 00:05:22 |
Cave dweller. |
| 00:05:24 |
Beaver hunter. |
| 00:05:28 |
Your doom lies with this. |
| 00:05:35 |
- The crystal skull. |
| 00:05:39 |
Yeah, they did. Just went up |
| 00:05:50 |
Oh, boy. |
| 00:05:58 |
I knew I shouldn't have |
| 00:06:09 |
Amy. Wake up, baby. |
| 00:06:14 |
Amy. |
| 00:06:15 |
What? What the...? |
| 00:06:17 |
Flava-Flav! Yeah, boy! |
| 00:06:20 |
I've been giving your girl |
| 00:06:23 |
She's been sucking |
| 00:06:26 |
Get the hell out of here, Flava! |
| 00:06:29 |
I'm Flava-Flav! |
| 00:06:35 |
- What is that about? |
| 00:06:37 |
You said you didn't |
| 00:06:40 |
I know, but Flava? |
| 00:06:44 |
Will... |
| 00:06:47 |
...I wanna take it to the next level. |
| 00:06:54 |
I love you. |
| 00:06:57 |
I like you too. |
| 00:07:01 |
Oh, man. |
| 00:07:04 |
Look, you don't understand. |
| 00:07:06 |
I think the world is coming to an end. |
| 00:07:10 |
That's a way of saying |
| 00:07:14 |
Unbelievable. Come on, Jojo. |
| 00:07:19 |
You're taking Jojo? |
| 00:07:21 |
Goodbye, Will. |
| 00:07:25 |
Are you still coming |
| 00:07:27 |
You're 25. |
| 00:07:29 |
- I never had one. |
| 00:07:57 |
Yeah. |
| 00:08:01 |
- Hey. |
| 00:08:22 |
Amy, you came. |
| 00:08:38 |
Come on. |
| 00:08:40 |
Oh, hey, Will. |
| 00:08:42 |
- Happy Sweet 16. |
| 00:08:44 |
Take a look at these. |
| 00:08:47 |
Oh, God. |
| 00:08:51 |
Hey, Will. It's your buddy, Dr. Phil. |
| 00:08:58 |
Hey, let me show you |
| 00:09:01 |
...used to call me Dr. Phil-You-Up. |
| 00:09:04 |
Oh, hey, baby. |
| 00:09:11 |
Dyke. Come back here, I like it rough. |
| 00:09:14 |
Hey, Will, where's that |
| 00:09:17 |
Don't let her get away. |
| 00:09:19 |
She's a real quality girl, |
| 00:09:23 |
Hey, come on back here, you whore. |
| 00:09:25 |
Thanks. |
| 00:09:28 |
Yo! |
| 00:09:30 |
Let's prank his ass. He passed out. |
| 00:09:43 |
He's sleeping like a baby. |
| 00:09:44 |
We can put his hands in warm water. |
| 00:09:49 |
Or I have a better idea. |
| 00:09:50 |
- Call it. |
| 00:09:55 |
It is tails. |
| 00:10:09 |
Punch. |
| 00:10:14 |
What's up, baby? |
| 00:10:16 |
Those guys are trying |
| 00:10:18 |
- What? |
| 00:10:20 |
...so we can get the girls drunk |
| 00:10:23 |
I am McLover. |
| 00:10:24 |
- Yeah, I know. |
| 00:10:27 |
- Stop saying that. |
| 00:10:30 |
God, you are such a douche. |
| 00:10:32 |
Yeah, fake ID, what? |
| 00:10:34 |
Just get the booze. |
| 00:10:36 |
Nobody tries to steal my Goldschläger. |
| 00:10:39 |
Shoot the target. |
| 00:10:43 |
Lisa, how am I supposed to do that? |
| 00:10:55 |
- Curve the bullet. |
| 00:10:58 |
You can control the bullet |
| 00:11:07 |
Don't tell him what to do. He's my man. |
| 00:11:09 |
Back off, bitch. |
| 00:11:17 |
Shit. |
| 00:11:19 |
Get off of me. |
| 00:11:29 |
Come on, bitch. |
| 00:11:46 |
Take that, bitch. |
| 00:11:53 |
How do you like that? |
| 00:12:00 |
Pretty little thing. |
| 00:12:03 |
I should kiss you. Give me a kiss, baby. |
| 00:12:23 |
Left foot, yellow. |
| 00:12:26 |
Calvin? |
| 00:12:27 |
Calvin. |
| 00:12:29 |
- Are you gonna curve the bullet or what? |
| 00:12:32 |
Yeah. Yeah, right, right. |
| 00:12:38 |
There's a medical term |
| 00:12:44 |
- Damn. |
| 00:12:51 |
Shit. I can... I can do this. |
| 00:13:00 |
- Shit. Hurry up. |
| 00:13:03 |
Just curve the bullet. |
| 00:13:05 |
I know you have the power. |
| 00:13:24 |
Fucking hurry up. Hurry up. |
| 00:13:29 |
Nice shot, asshole. |
| 00:13:38 |
Juney, why won't you |
| 00:13:41 |
You're not exactly part of |
| 00:13:44 |
I could just grab a wire hanger |
| 00:13:50 |
Like Jamie Lynn Spears |
| 00:13:54 |
And, look, stud |
| 00:13:57 |
In fact, I just sold the baby |
| 00:14:06 |
You're a sarcastic teen |
| 00:14:23 |
- Think Amy's coming tonight? |
| 00:14:26 |
That's your girlfriend. |
| 00:14:28 |
Actually, we broke up. |
| 00:14:30 |
Oh, you want some new booty. |
| 00:14:32 |
- A little Asian freak. |
| 00:14:33 |
A little "One Night in Bangkok," |
| 00:14:36 |
I saw Memoirs of a Geisha. |
| 00:14:39 |
I'm in love with her. |
| 00:14:41 |
Then what your dumb ass |
| 00:14:43 |
It never would've worked out. |
| 00:14:45 |
It's better to end it |
| 00:14:47 |
You know what? |
| 00:14:50 |
Well, I didn't exactly have |
| 00:14:53 |
I never even knew my dad. |
| 00:14:58 |
That's your girl right there. |
| 00:15:03 |
Who's that dude she with? |
| 00:15:05 |
She started dating some |
| 00:15:12 |
Forget about her, man. |
| 00:15:18 |
Dude, what is up |
| 00:15:21 |
What better way to celebrate |
| 00:15:25 |
...than with a high school musical? |
| 00:15:35 |
Tonight, tonight |
| 00:15:39 |
Tonight, tonight, |
| 00:15:47 |
Hello, my friends |
| 00:15:51 |
It's so good to see all of you |
| 00:15:55 |
My ex-girl, Amy |
| 00:15:59 |
And the priest that molested me too |
| 00:16:03 |
That reminds me |
| 00:16:07 |
I was experimenting |
| 00:16:11 |
Hooking up with a hot |
| 00:16:15 |
I think his name was Hop Sing |
| 00:16:19 |
We'll all be friends forever |
| 00:16:23 |
Unless a random disaster |
| 00:16:27 |
We'll all be friends forever |
| 00:16:31 |
Because if that happened |
| 00:16:37 |
One, two, three, four |
| 00:16:39 |
After we split |
| 00:16:43 |
- I started foolin' around |
| 00:16:47 |
I did a black dude |
| 00:16:51 |
And the Jonas Brothers all got down |
| 00:16:55 |
Now that you're split |
| 00:16:59 |
Yeah, I'll start pimping her out |
| 00:17:03 |
- Wait, what? |
| 00:17:06 |
Snoop Dogg's got nothin' on this playa |
| 00:17:09 |
I'll get the first prize at the Playa's Ball |
| 00:17:14 |
Hey, hey, man, whoa! |
| 00:17:17 |
Yeah, it's going on and on |
| 00:17:20 |
It's the new phenomenon, whoa! |
| 00:17:23 |
Yeah, it's going on and on |
| 00:17:28 |
We'll all be friends forever |
| 00:17:32 |
Unless a random disaster |
| 00:17:36 |
We'll all be friends forever |
| 00:17:40 |
Because if that happened |
| 00:17:46 |
One, two, three, four |
| 00:17:48 |
J.T.'s here. J. T! |
| 00:17:54 |
Oh, babe |
| 00:17:57 |
If I sang you a melody |
| 00:18:00 |
Would you toss me |
| 00:18:11 |
I don't mean to be a boastful man |
| 00:18:13 |
But I've done groupies |
| 00:18:15 |
Britney, Cameron, Scarlett too |
| 00:18:17 |
They all like a taste of my fondue |
| 00:18:20 |
Come to think of it |
| 00:18:24 |
All that's left for me is Lance Bass |
| 00:18:28 |
Look, everyone. It's Jessica Simpson. |
| 00:18:45 |
My boobs are for Jesus |
| 00:18:48 |
All of this, all for Jesus |
| 00:18:51 |
Put your pants back on, Dad. |
| 00:18:52 |
Go, Romo! Oh, my God. |
| 00:18:56 |
Wait. What's it called again? |
| 00:18:59 |
What is it, a rubdown? |
| 00:19:01 |
What? A tickle down. |
| 00:19:03 |
Oh, a touchdown. |
| 00:19:06 |
Frigging jinx. |
| 00:19:09 |
Gosh. |
| 00:19:12 |
We'll all be friends forever |
| 00:19:15 |
Unless a random disaster |
| 00:19:19 |
We'll all be friends forever |
| 00:19:24 |
Because if that happened |
| 00:19:29 |
One, two, three, four, hooray! |
| 00:19:36 |
What's going on? |
| 00:19:44 |
What the hell was that? |
| 00:19:45 |
This is an emergency broadcast. |
| 00:19:48 |
This is an emergency broadcast. |
| 00:19:50 |
Shut up, everybody. Listen. |
| 00:19:52 |
Something has jolted the city. |
| 00:19:53 |
We're getting reports it could be |
| 00:19:57 |
Oh, shit. |
| 00:19:58 |
Seismologists have marked |
| 00:20:02 |
...whose residents |
| 00:20:04 |
...who dance to bad '80s music... |
| 00:20:06 |
...wear Abercrombie & Fitch, |
| 00:20:11 |
Oh, God, we're all gonna die! |
| 00:20:14 |
Take a Xanax, Fabio. |
| 00:20:17 |
You're wigging harder than a |
| 00:20:21 |
What? |
| 00:20:22 |
It's cool, Moe Dee. Sir Cries-a-Lot. |
| 00:20:26 |
You're totally giving me the stink eye. |
| 00:20:30 |
FYI, Battlecrotch Galactica... |
| 00:20:32 |
...you're grape smuggling |
| 00:20:35 |
...in Planet of the Apes. |
| 00:20:38 |
And BT-dubs, |
| 00:20:42 |
...since I shotgunned |
| 00:20:45 |
I don't understand a thing you're saying. |
| 00:20:47 |
That's because I speak in overly written, |
| 00:21:00 |
Time to get this sea monkey plastered. |
| 00:21:18 |
This is an emergency broadcast. |
| 00:21:23 |
- Amy. Are you okay? |
| 00:21:27 |
Why did you bring |
| 00:21:29 |
- Why do you care? |
| 00:21:33 |
I don't. |
| 00:21:36 |
I'm out of here. |
| 00:21:38 |
Later, bitch. |
| 00:21:41 |
You know what, Will? |
| 00:21:42 |
Every time we made love, |
| 00:21:46 |
Well, so was I. |
| 00:21:52 |
- Damn it. |
| 00:21:54 |
You gotta hear this. |
| 00:21:56 |
The quake erupted a gas main |
| 00:22:00 |
- I can live with that. |
| 00:22:04 |
- Cracker. |
| 00:22:06 |
...that asteroids are falling |
| 00:22:08 |
End of the world. |
| 00:22:10 |
And a Pinkberry |
| 00:22:17 |
It's like my dream. |
| 00:22:20 |
I repeat, a Pinkberry |
| 00:22:42 |
God, what the hell's happening? |
| 00:22:44 |
- I think it's the apocalypse. |
| 00:22:46 |
I think I just shit myself. |
| 00:23:03 |
Let's go. |
| 00:23:07 |
Oh, my God. Hannah Montana's dead. |
| 00:23:12 |
Oh, no. |
| 00:23:14 |
Well, goodbye, all my fans. |
| 00:23:18 |
Keep rocking. |
| 00:23:27 |
She is a national treasure! |
| 00:23:34 |
Also, remind your parents... |
| 00:23:37 |
...to pick up your official |
| 00:23:40 |
...Hannah Montana cheese grater... |
| 00:23:42 |
...and Hannah Montana toilet paper. |
| 00:23:45 |
And be sure to tune in |
| 00:23:48 |
...this Wednesday, 8, 7 Central. |
| 00:23:55 |
I waited in line |
| 00:23:58 |
Damn. |
| 00:24:02 |
And let me just say, those totally sexy |
| 00:24:08 |
...were leaked onto MySpace |
| 00:24:14 |
But if you'll notice in those pictures... |
| 00:24:16 |
...I'm wearing my new line of sexy... |
| 00:24:18 |
...Hannah Montana lingerie, |
| 00:24:32 |
Oh, my God. Hannah Montana |
| 00:24:35 |
Well, duh. No shit, Sherlock. |
| 00:24:38 |
All I do is wear a wig |
| 00:24:41 |
...and those dumb kids |
| 00:24:45 |
Then I get twice the pay |
| 00:24:48 |
Just a reminder, |
| 00:24:51 |
Miley Cyrus: Underage. |
| 00:24:54 |
It's available in stores now. |
| 00:24:58 |
Only 9.95. |
| 00:25:06 |
Can somebody help us? |
| 00:25:07 |
Isn't there anybody that can help? |
| 00:25:14 |
Hey, Hancock. |
| 00:25:16 |
Hancock? |
| 00:25:19 |
We need help. |
| 00:25:22 |
Wake up, you drunk motherfucker. |
| 00:25:24 |
Get your punk ass up, |
| 00:25:29 |
Asshole! |
| 00:25:36 |
Oh, hell, no. |
| 00:25:38 |
Big Willie's out of here. |
| 00:25:47 |
I need a drink. |
| 00:25:57 |
Holy shit! |
| 00:25:59 |
- It's coming this way. |
| 00:26:01 |
- Come on, guys. Let's get out of here. |
| 00:26:06 |
This way. Over here. |
| 00:26:09 |
Go, go, go. |
| 00:26:17 |
- What are we gonna do now? |
| 00:26:20 |
Look, we'll just... |
| 00:26:22 |
We'll wait out the storm here |
| 00:26:27 |
Hey. |
| 00:26:33 |
This is our hiding place. |
| 00:26:35 |
Get lost. Right, Carrie? |
| 00:26:39 |
Hello, lover. |
| 00:26:44 |
Unless you wanna fight. |
| 00:26:46 |
Look, we don't want any trouble. |
| 00:26:55 |
I never back down. |
| 00:26:56 |
- Get some. |
| 00:27:04 |
And so I thought: Could a simple |
| 00:27:08 |
...really beat the shit |
| 00:27:12 |
Like Dolph Lundgren in Rocky IV, |
| 00:27:24 |
- Yes! |
| 00:27:45 |
I'm lactating. Moo. |
| 00:27:57 |
Oh, God. |
| 00:28:05 |
- Is that your feet? |
| 00:28:06 |
And this is my baby's foot. |
| 00:28:11 |
Smell it. |
| 00:28:15 |
And taste it. |
| 00:28:17 |
Suck on my placenta. |
| 00:28:22 |
- Yeah! |
| 00:28:25 |
Carrie, darling, are you all right? |
| 00:28:27 |
Come on, ladies. |
| 00:28:36 |
- What the hell's going on? |
| 00:28:38 |
Wake up and smell the Prius. |
| 00:28:40 |
I know it's an inconvenient truth, |
| 00:28:44 |
No. No, it's not global warming. |
| 00:28:48 |
Amy Winehouse |
| 00:28:51 |
...after I fought an American Gladiator. |
| 00:28:53 |
I think it has something to do |
| 00:28:57 |
Come on. Crackhead Winehouse? |
| 00:28:59 |
You sound like a crazy man. |
| 00:29:01 |
Look, it's getting late. Let's just stay |
| 00:29:05 |
I'm freezing. |
| 00:29:06 |
We gotta take off our clothes. |
| 00:29:10 |
- What? |
| 00:29:13 |
Otherwise, we're not gonna make it |
| 00:29:17 |
Yeah. Yeah. |
| 00:29:19 |
He's right. Come on. |
| 00:29:30 |
I think my water's gonna break. |
| 00:29:37 |
Sorry. |
| 00:29:43 |
Look, I have something to tell you. |
| 00:29:46 |
- I'm a jumper. |
| 00:29:47 |
I can teleport through time and space. |
| 00:30:17 |
I hope we stay together forever. |
| 00:30:19 |
I love you. |
| 00:30:23 |
Later. |
| 00:30:28 |
I am Prince Caspian, |
| 00:30:34 |
Little help? |
| 00:30:37 |
You guys? |
| 00:30:43 |
It's the guy who ruined Star Wars. |
| 00:30:50 |
- What? |
| 00:30:56 |
- Oh, man. |
| 00:30:58 |
You're lucky a girl like that |
| 00:31:01 |
She's hot, sexy. She got a job. |
| 00:31:04 |
- Man, that girl out your league. |
| 00:31:08 |
Shit, she gotta put up |
| 00:31:11 |
Not to mention your |
| 00:31:19 |
Man, put your shirt down. |
| 00:31:21 |
All right. You're right, you're right. |
| 00:31:27 |
I never should've let her go. |
| 00:31:31 |
Jesus Christ. That was a rump shaker. |
| 00:31:34 |
Okay, here's the plan. |
| 00:31:37 |
What you say? |
| 00:31:39 |
What the hell y'all doing leaving me? |
| 00:31:45 |
Keep it moving, people. Nothing to see. |
| 00:31:48 |
All the disasters have been contained. |
| 00:31:57 |
Shit. |
| 00:32:00 |
Sick. |
| 00:32:03 |
Like I said, keep moving. |
| 00:32:11 |
I'm out of here. |
| 00:32:18 |
- What was that? |
| 00:32:21 |
- Hello? |
| 00:32:24 |
- Hello? |
| 00:32:25 |
Amy, where are you? |
| 00:32:27 |
I'm at work at the museum. |
| 00:32:30 |
- Are you okay? |
| 00:32:34 |
It's gonna be all right, I promise. Listen. |
| 00:32:36 |
There is something |
| 00:32:39 |
...and I should've told you long before. |
| 00:32:45 |
I love you. |
| 00:32:48 |
Oh, baby, I love you too. |
| 00:32:53 |
What do...? What do you say? |
| 00:32:56 |
Yes, yes, of course, yes. |
| 00:33:00 |
Say something. |
| 00:33:03 |
Say something, you stuck-up bitch. |
| 00:33:09 |
Asshole. |
| 00:33:11 |
Hello? Hello, Amy? |
| 00:33:13 |
Shit. |
| 00:33:17 |
Oh, what the...? |
| 00:33:19 |
- We gotta go back. |
| 00:33:21 |
Amy's in trouble. |
| 00:33:23 |
I let her go before. |
| 00:33:25 |
Man, you crazy. There's all kinds |
| 00:33:29 |
We don't leave right now, |
| 00:33:31 |
It's something I gotta do. |
| 00:33:33 |
You guys keep going. |
| 00:33:38 |
No, I'm your boy, man. |
| 00:33:40 |
Yeah, I mean, I'm already knocked up... |
| 00:33:42 |
...so, what other shenanigans |
| 00:33:46 |
I mean, I'm more bloated |
| 00:33:50 |
...or Vince Vaughn in Fred Claus... |
| 00:33:54 |
...or I guess Vince Vaughn in general. |
| 00:33:56 |
- So let's go. |
| 00:34:01 |
Lisa, come on. |
| 00:34:02 |
- No, guys. |
| 00:34:05 |
I really have a bad feeling about this. |
| 00:34:11 |
Lisa! |
| 00:34:13 |
They killed Lisa! |
| 00:34:15 |
- Lisa! |
| 00:34:16 |
- They killed Lisa! You bastards! |
| 00:34:19 |
Come on. |
| 00:34:28 |
I'm really sorry about your girlfriend, |
| 00:34:31 |
Lo ciento about your main squeeze, |
| 00:34:39 |
Lisa was a great girl. |
| 00:34:50 |
Lisa who? |
| 00:34:52 |
Oh, where am I? |
| 00:34:54 |
Oh, what an enchanting place. |
| 00:34:58 |
It smells like meat and stress. |
| 00:35:05 |
Wonderful. |
| 00:35:07 |
What magical creature are you? |
| 00:35:14 |
My dear prince |
| 00:35:16 |
You have rescued me |
| 00:35:24 |
Actually, you landed on my balls |
| 00:35:29 |
Let me guess. |
| 00:35:31 |
An evil witch banished you |
| 00:35:37 |
No, my silly, pasty, quirky teen. |
| 00:35:39 |
Actually, I'm just a demented |
| 00:35:44 |
- How'd you end up there? |
| 00:35:45 |
Lots and lots and lots... |
| 00:35:49 |
...of mind-altering, enchanting drugs! |
| 00:35:56 |
I don't judge. |
| 00:36:00 |
It's dangerous out there. |
| 00:36:02 |
You might wanna come with us |
| 00:36:05 |
- Okay. |
| 00:36:06 |
- Goodbye. Oh, I'm going with you. |
| 00:36:09 |
The Natural History Museum |
| 00:36:17 |
Dreams and fairy tales |
| 00:36:22 |
Talking squirrels and magic and stuff |
| 00:36:28 |
No, princess, wait. |
| 00:36:30 |
And who's that Moorish ruffian? |
| 00:36:33 |
I'm her new boyfriend. What it do? |
| 00:36:37 |
Very funny, dark peasant. |
| 00:36:41 |
- Princess, he your pimp? |
| 00:36:46 |
But that's all right. |
| 00:36:50 |
Oh, what to do? |
| 00:36:53 |
Whichever prince can vanquish |
| 00:37:05 |
You ready to step up? |
| 00:37:07 |
Wait. You mean like |
| 00:37:09 |
...where the street-dancer dude |
| 00:37:12 |
No, I was thinking |
| 00:37:14 |
...when the tough street-dancing chick |
| 00:37:18 |
I feel you. |
| 00:37:19 |
He ain't ready for me. Juney, Will, |
| 00:37:23 |
You want some? Well, here you go. |
| 00:37:34 |
Oh, a hoedown? |
| 00:37:38 |
It's crazy-shirt man. |
| 00:37:44 |
Oh, no, no, no. |
| 00:37:51 |
It's just my sleeve. |
| 00:37:53 |
Oh, come on. |
| 00:37:56 |
He's double-jointed. |
| 00:38:00 |
There must be a mirror somewhere. |
| 00:38:04 |
Make some room. Make some room. |
| 00:38:06 |
Make some room. |
| 00:38:07 |
- Come on, chubby. |
| 00:38:11 |
What? What? What? |
| 00:38:14 |
Oh, damn, that ho is all on point. |
| 00:38:26 |
That bitch better work. |
| 00:38:29 |
I think she's crowning. |
| 00:38:33 |
I want to dance. |
| 00:38:35 |
I'm not sure I can though. I'm not sure. |
| 00:38:38 |
L... Don't pressure me! |
| 00:38:43 |
I'm ready. |
| 00:38:45 |
Oh, look out. Look at her coming in. |
| 00:38:49 |
Oh, yeah. |
| 00:39:30 |
I'm out of here. |
| 00:39:33 |
Bye. |
| 00:39:34 |
She's all yours, bro. |
| 00:39:37 |
It's a twister! |
| 00:39:39 |
Run! Run! |
| 00:39:48 |
Is there anyone that can save us? |
| 00:39:50 |
We need a hero. |
| 00:40:00 |
I am Iron Man. |
| 00:40:04 |
Oh, man! That twister shat out a cow. |
| 00:40:08 |
Shit. That's so messed up. |
| 00:40:13 |
Now you're pissing me off. |
| 00:40:18 |
I'm the only badass around here. |
| 00:40:23 |
Oh, damn! |
| 00:40:25 |
Another cow? |
| 00:40:33 |
What was that? |
| 00:40:35 |
It's not nice. |
| 00:40:36 |
Look at me. Look at this. |
| 00:40:39 |
It's a lobster claw. |
| 00:40:40 |
Whatever. |
| 00:40:42 |
Look, I'm carrying a lot of baggage. |
| 00:40:49 |
Don't make me angry. |
| 00:40:54 |
There's aspects of my personality |
| 00:41:14 |
At least he didn't get hit with a cow. |
| 00:41:19 |
- Man! |
| 00:41:22 |
We're never gonna make it |
| 00:41:24 |
I know she's still alive. |
| 00:41:25 |
Hello? Jojo? |
| 00:41:28 |
Jojo? No, no, it's me. |
| 00:41:30 |
Will. Will, I'm trapped. |
| 00:41:33 |
An Egyptian statue fell on me |
| 00:41:36 |
Stay calm, Amy. Just stay calm. |
| 00:41:38 |
I'm so scared. I'm so scared. |
| 00:41:41 |
All right, Amy, listen to me. Don't panic. |
| 00:41:47 |
I will be there, I promise. |
| 00:41:52 |
Amy? Amy? |
| 00:41:56 |
Guys, I'm going back for her. |
| 00:42:01 |
You can't save her if you're dead! |
| 00:42:05 |
- I'll be there as soon as I can. |
| 00:42:07 |
Goodbye. |
| 00:42:08 |
- Amy. No! |
| 00:42:10 |
- No! Damn it! |
| 00:42:20 |
I know you think I'm crazy... |
| 00:42:22 |
...but these disasters have to do |
| 00:42:25 |
- It's like TMTH. |
| 00:42:28 |
Too much to handle. |
| 00:42:31 |
Bitch, why you don't just say that? |
| 00:42:32 |
Why everything a goddamn acronym |
| 00:42:35 |
Chilly Willy out, LL Not Cool J. |
| 00:42:38 |
Oh, do stop all of this quarreling. |
| 00:42:42 |
Now, who's hungry? |
| 00:42:53 |
Delicious. |
| 00:42:55 |
Whatever. |
| 00:42:58 |
Would you like some? |
| 00:42:59 |
No. |
| 00:43:07 |
What? |
| 00:43:09 |
Y'all, that's my Get Smart phone. |
| 00:43:21 |
You got poop. |
| 00:43:23 |
Just a smidge. |
| 00:43:28 |
Did I get it? Did I get it all? |
| 00:43:32 |
What y'all looking at me like that for? |
| 00:43:34 |
You got... Yeah. |
| 00:43:36 |
Is it right there? |
| 00:43:38 |
- It's fine. |
| 00:43:41 |
Just... I get it all the time, all over. |
| 00:43:48 |
What it do? |
| 00:43:52 |
Hey, y'all, it's Lisa's mom. |
| 00:43:56 |
I gotta tell her what happened |
| 00:44:03 |
Hi, Miss Heller. |
| 00:44:09 |
Lisa... |
| 00:44:11 |
Lisa dead. |
| 00:44:15 |
But booyah! |
| 00:44:17 |
I met this fine, hot |
| 00:44:21 |
...willing to do anything |
| 00:44:24 |
You gotta talk to her. Talk to her. |
| 00:44:27 |
Hello? Oh, yes, he's right. |
| 00:44:31 |
If you've got 5 bucks or some meth, |
| 00:44:34 |
One time I hooked up |
| 00:44:36 |
Never again. |
| 00:44:37 |
You're so cool. |
| 00:44:41 |
She's awesome. |
| 00:44:43 |
Look, we gotta get to Amy |
| 00:44:48 |
Oh, my. |
| 00:44:50 |
- Oh, no. |
| 00:44:53 |
- Neither can I. |
| 00:44:57 |
- Calvin. |
| 00:45:02 |
They're so perky. |
| 00:45:07 |
What the hell was that? |
| 00:45:53 |
Wonderful. |
| 00:45:56 |
I'm not merry, really. That didn't... |
| 00:46:00 |
I don't feel merry, I guess. |
| 00:46:38 |
Man, them guys are all right. |
| 00:46:39 |
That's cute. That's cute. |
| 00:47:14 |
Okay, you guys are not |
| 00:47:21 |
I think that one's got rabies. |
| 00:47:27 |
Where you going, punk-ass? |
| 00:47:32 |
Alvin! |
| 00:47:39 |
Get him off! |
| 00:47:42 |
Chipmunks love nuts. |
| 00:47:47 |
Get him off! What the hell? |
| 00:47:50 |
Salty. |
| 00:47:55 |
You're hitting the wrong thing! You...! |
| 00:48:00 |
I feel left out. |
| 00:48:06 |
Is that the best you got, pussy? |
| 00:48:12 |
You are such a girl. |
| 00:48:28 |
Redrum! |
| 00:48:39 |
Where'd he go? |
| 00:48:49 |
Yeah! |
| 00:48:53 |
Don't bite me. Get lost! |
| 00:49:03 |
Oh, boy, tasty vertebrae. |
| 00:49:06 |
- Juney. |
| 00:49:08 |
Let her go, man. |
| 00:49:10 |
But she's still alive. |
| 00:49:11 |
They're munching me harder... |
| 00:49:13 |
...than Rachael Ray chowing down |
| 00:49:17 |
Yeah. |
| 00:49:18 |
Even when the bitch is dying, |
| 00:49:22 |
Hey, BFFs, what's the 411 on the 911? |
| 00:49:26 |
Oh, she is rather annoying. |
| 00:49:29 |
WTH? I'm so not ROTFLOL'ing... |
| 00:49:33 |
...but please KIT, before I get 187'd. |
| 00:49:39 |
Blog you later. |
| 00:49:42 |
- Finally. |
| 00:49:44 |
That was just the amuse bouche. |
| 00:49:51 |
- Come back here, you bitches. |
| 00:49:53 |
I'll get you in your grill. |
| 00:49:55 |
Pussies. |
| 00:49:57 |
Die! |
| 00:49:58 |
Can't breathe. Need air. |
| 00:50:04 |
Shitheads! |
| 00:50:12 |
Is everybody okay? |
| 00:50:14 |
Yeah, I'm okay. |
| 00:50:16 |
Hey, baby, your knees |
| 00:50:20 |
Oh, yes, but that's not |
| 00:50:24 |
But I do have this terrible headache. |
| 00:50:28 |
Head On. |
| 00:50:30 |
Head On. |
| 00:50:33 |
Head On. |
| 00:50:36 |
Head On. |
| 00:50:38 |
I just... I just did. |
| 00:50:40 |
I said, Head On, bitch. |
| 00:50:41 |
- Apply directly to the forehead. |
| 00:50:43 |
Don't cop an attitude, slut. |
| 00:50:45 |
I said, apply Head On directly |
| 00:50:49 |
Okay, okay. Happy? |
| 00:50:52 |
Look, you little white-trash |
| 00:50:54 |
...Head On, motherfucker. |
| 00:50:55 |
Apply directly to your |
| 00:50:58 |
Okay? There. It's all over. |
| 00:51:01 |
Head on, face on, nose on, eyes on. |
| 00:51:07 |
Oh, that's great. |
| 00:51:09 |
My headache is gone... |
| 00:51:11 |
...but I still have that dreadful |
| 00:51:15 |
Sourdough anyone? |
| 00:51:17 |
- I could've did without that. |
| 00:51:24 |
- Let's go! |
| 00:51:26 |
Out of the way! |
| 00:51:36 |
Excuse me, sir. |
| 00:51:38 |
What's going on? |
| 00:51:40 |
It's a mass evacuation. Everyone |
| 00:51:44 |
Hold up, hold up. |
| 00:51:45 |
Shit. Yes. Yeah, I'm leaving. Okay? |
| 00:51:49 |
Not on my schedule today. |
| 00:51:52 |
It wasn't, "Wake up, make breakfast, jog, |
| 00:51:55 |
Not on it. Not on it. Okay? |
| 00:51:59 |
All right. |
| 00:52:01 |
Anyone who stays in town |
| 00:52:04 |
I hate rubble. |
| 00:52:05 |
I've gotta get to the Natural History |
| 00:52:09 |
If you go back after your girlfriend, |
| 00:52:12 |
I'll take those odds. |
| 00:52:15 |
Look, the evacuation bus |
| 00:52:19 |
Twenty-one hundred? |
| 00:52:22 |
- Five, carry the six... |
| 00:52:24 |
I'm gonna save you your crazy math. |
| 00:52:27 |
You start at noon, then nine hours later. |
| 00:52:29 |
That's 9. That's the time you need |
| 00:52:32 |
...or you're dead. |
| 00:52:34 |
Dead? |
| 00:52:37 |
Come on, it's already 5:3. |
| 00:52:40 |
Say again, 5:3? Oh, Jesus. |
| 00:52:42 |
Oh, God. I wasted the whole day. |
| 00:52:45 |
I was... I was on Amazon |
| 00:52:48 |
Shit. Why? Why would I |
| 00:52:52 |
Why would I pick today? |
| 00:53:00 |
- Hi. |
| 00:53:02 |
I'm Batman. |
| 00:53:03 |
I'm Enchanted Princess. |
| 00:53:05 |
True story: I had a woman one time... |
| 00:53:07 |
...tell me I was in the top four |
| 00:53:12 |
That's a true story. |
| 00:53:13 |
And she had been around the block. |
| 00:53:17 |
Would you want to watch me |
| 00:53:23 |
Goodbye. |
| 00:53:35 |
Come on, let's go. |
| 00:53:39 |
Break yourself, fool. |
| 00:53:41 |
You best be getting out of that Mach 5 |
| 00:53:52 |
You know, they say that the first kill... |
| 00:53:55 |
...is supposed to be quite difficult. |
| 00:53:57 |
But I find it easy. In fact, rather fun. |
| 00:54:01 |
Take it. Do it. |
| 00:54:09 |
Look, Ma, no eyes. |
| 00:54:11 |
I didn't have a mother! |
| 00:54:27 |
What? We're just playing |
| 00:54:34 |
Let's roll. |
| 00:54:39 |
Oh, my! |
| 00:54:52 |
Come on! |
| 00:54:55 |
Run. |
| 00:54:58 |
We gotta keep going. |
| 00:55:01 |
These glass slippers |
| 00:55:12 |
Help. Help. |
| 00:55:14 |
Amy. |
| 00:55:18 |
- You came back for me. |
| 00:55:20 |
I know. I love you too. |
| 00:55:25 |
Now get this freaking spear |
| 00:55:27 |
Yeah. |
| 00:55:29 |
- Okay. |
| 00:55:30 |
Okay. All right. |
| 00:55:32 |
She's pinned through to the floor, guys. |
| 00:55:34 |
This isn't gonna be easy. |
| 00:55:37 |
Right. |
| 00:55:43 |
- What was that for? |
| 00:55:46 |
...so she wouldn't feel pain. |
| 00:55:48 |
Good thinking. |
| 00:55:50 |
- Baby, this is for your own good. |
| 00:56:01 |
Man, you hit like a pussy. Let me try. |
| 00:56:12 |
Man, this girl can take a hit. |
| 00:56:22 |
Why? |
| 00:56:26 |
It's not working. |
| 00:56:30 |
On the count of three. |
| 00:56:31 |
One, two, three. |
| 00:56:33 |
Good job. |
| 00:56:46 |
We gotta get out of here. |
| 00:56:49 |
No. Not until we return this... |
| 00:56:55 |
...back to the altar. |
| 00:56:57 |
A magic bong. |
| 00:56:59 |
The crystal skull. |
| 00:57:02 |
Now, legend has it that if the |
| 00:57:06 |
...it's the end of the world. |
| 00:57:09 |
...asteroids, return of the Spice Girls. |
| 00:57:11 |
Yes! |
| 00:57:14 |
The apocalypse. |
| 00:57:15 |
And you know this shit |
| 00:57:18 |
I saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom |
| 00:57:20 |
Do you know what this means? |
| 00:57:22 |
Me dreaming about the skull, |
| 00:57:25 |
- That we were destined to be together? |
| 00:57:30 |
But that too. |
| 00:57:33 |
Will, we gotta get out of here. |
| 00:57:35 |
If we don't make it to them |
| 00:57:41 |
Go, Calvin. |
| 00:57:42 |
I'm staying here with Amy. |
| 00:57:47 |
- See you. |
| 00:57:49 |
Let's find that altar. |
| 00:58:18 |
What's happening? |
| 00:58:19 |
Everything in the museum |
| 00:58:25 |
Hell, no! |
| 00:58:27 |
Bully! Bully! |
| 00:58:30 |
Yes! |
| 00:58:35 |
- Let's get the hell up out of here. |
| 00:58:42 |
- The altar to the crystal skull is this way. |
| 00:58:51 |
I am Beowulf. |
| 00:58:57 |
Hello. |
| 00:59:01 |
What? |
| 00:59:03 |
I am Beowulf. |
| 00:59:06 |
- Can you put some clothes on? |
| 00:59:09 |
I fought the monster Grendel with |
| 00:59:13 |
Wait. You fight naked? |
| 00:59:17 |
I am Beowulf. |
| 00:59:19 |
That's kind of gay, bro. |
| 00:59:20 |
It's not... It's not gay. It's... |
| 00:59:22 |
No, I'm sorry. That's gay. |
| 00:59:24 |
It's not gay. It's not. |
| 00:59:26 |
It's how we do it in 57, dick. |
| 00:59:30 |
- Ask anybody. |
| 00:59:33 |
We're boating tomorrow. |
| 00:59:37 |
- Paul? |
| 00:59:41 |
He's my friend. We're also partners. |
| 00:59:45 |
- Life partner? |
| 00:59:47 |
We opened an antique shop together. |
| 00:59:50 |
- That's gay. |
| 00:59:52 |
Why are antiques gay? Because |
| 00:59:58 |
I'm Beowulf! |
| 01:00:00 |
Excuse me, are you ready |
| 01:00:09 |
Oh, hell, no, Kung Fu Panda. |
| 01:00:13 |
You shouldn't have done that. |
| 01:00:22 |
Get ready to feel the thunder. |
| 01:00:51 |
Your girl looks familiar, man. |
| 01:00:53 |
Last year, I paid her 2 bucks |
| 01:01:01 |
It's true. |
| 01:01:03 |
That's it. |
| 01:01:56 |
Oh, shit. |
| 01:02:05 |
Oh, wonderful job. |
| 01:02:09 |
My dear prince |
| 01:02:15 |
Kiss me, baby. |
| 01:02:38 |
- You a dude? |
| 01:02:42 |
No. |
| 01:02:54 |
Get him, Will. |
| 01:02:56 |
- I am Beowulf. |
| 01:02:59 |
Surrender so we can go get brunch. |
| 01:03:01 |
And I got us tickets to Jersey Boys. |
| 01:03:05 |
No. |
| 01:03:15 |
We can go to my place. |
| 01:03:16 |
I TiVo'd Dancing with the Stars, |
| 01:03:20 |
- No! |
| 01:03:24 |
I wanna take you |
| 01:03:26 |
Just me, you, |
| 01:03:30 |
Screw this. |
| 01:03:32 |
I'm Beowulf! |
| 01:03:35 |
Beowulf out. |
| 01:03:42 |
Hurry, we're running out of time. |
| 01:04:14 |
Indiana Jones? |
| 01:04:18 |
Indiana, my ass. |
| 01:04:21 |
I'll take it from here. |
| 01:04:29 |
Thanks, son. |
| 01:04:34 |
- You're my dad? |
| 01:04:37 |
- A real slut, actually. |
| 01:04:41 |
I'm sorry I walked out |
| 01:04:43 |
But I got an adventurous spirit... |
| 01:04:45 |
...and a hot-ass whore |
| 01:04:49 |
What do we have here? |
| 01:04:51 |
Is this your girl? |
| 01:04:52 |
- Yeah. |
| 01:04:56 |
And you got some shape on you. |
| 01:04:58 |
Yeah, baby. You're so nice. |
| 01:05:00 |
- And you got some ass on you. |
| 01:05:03 |
- Oh, so beautiful. |
| 01:05:06 |
If a nice ass meant a hamburger, |
| 01:05:10 |
- Oh, shit. |
| 01:05:11 |
Do you do Pilates? |
| 01:05:18 |
Don't do what your old man did. |
| 01:05:22 |
There is no cure for herpes, |
| 01:05:27 |
Thanks, Dad. |
| 01:05:47 |
- This looks easy. |
| 01:05:54 |
Oh, shit, my hip. |
| 01:06:01 |
- You know I gotta get my hustle on. |
| 01:06:06 |
I'm gonna make it. |
| 01:06:07 |
Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. |
| 01:06:09 |
Oh, shit! |
| 01:06:13 |
That hurts. Oh, shit! |
| 01:06:42 |
Why don't you just walk to the altar? |
| 01:06:48 |
Silly girl. |
| 01:06:57 |
No, don't cry. I'll be fine. |
| 01:07:45 |
I am the Guru Shitka. |
| 01:07:47 |
And we are here today |
| 01:07:50 |
...in a union of peace and happiness. |
| 01:07:53 |
And to point out, gee, |
| 01:08:01 |
Amy, do you take Will... |
| 01:08:03 |
...to be your peanut butter and jelly |
| 01:08:06 |
I do. |
| 01:08:08 |
And, Will, do you take Amy |
| 01:08:13 |
I do. |
| 01:08:17 |
Well, in that case, give her a pound. |
| 01:08:21 |
Lock it down. |
| 01:08:23 |
Break the pickle. |
| 01:08:25 |
Now, tickle my pickle. |
| 01:08:35 |
I love you, Will. |
| 01:08:37 |
I love you too, Amy. |
| 01:08:39 |
But there's something I should tell you. |
| 01:08:42 |
What is it? |
| 01:08:55 |
I'm fucking Matt Damon |
| 01:08:57 |
You're fucking Matt Damon? |
| 01:09:00 |
Well, I'm fucking Hannah Montana |
| 01:09:01 |
She's fucking Hannah Montana |
| 01:09:03 |
Backstage at my concert |
| 01:09:07 |
After school, at my locker, |
| 01:09:10 |
I'm also fucking the Flava |
| 01:09:11 |
Yeah, boy |
| 01:09:14 |
You know what time it is |
| 01:09:18 |
Yeah, I know, but it's true |
| 01:09:21 |
And I swap with Calvin |
| 01:09:24 |
And we're all fucking Hellboy |
| 01:09:27 |
Yeah, they're fucking Hellboy |
| 01:09:32 |
When I get really mad |
| 01:09:36 |
A most uncomfortable screw |
| 01:09:40 |
Who's that ringing on my bell? |
| 01:09:42 |
The bitch who's fucking Iron Man |
| 01:09:44 |
That's I-R-O-N M-A-N |
| 01:09:49 |
That's fucking great |
| 01:09:55 |
He's fucking Wolf |
| 01:09:57 |
Because I'm fucking those bitches |
| 01:10:01 |
He fucks the Sex and the City gals |
| 01:10:04 |
So I wondered: |
| 01:10:07 |
...if he knew we were fucking |
| 01:10:11 |
They're all fucking Batman |
| 01:10:13 |
At Wayne Manor, in the Batcave |
| 01:10:16 |
Riddle me this |
| 01:10:18 |
I'm fucking Amy Winehouse? |
| 01:10:20 |
He's fucking Amy Winehouse |
| 01:10:23 |
Yeah, on the down-low, low, low |
| 01:10:26 |
And I'm fucking Jessica Simpson |
| 01:10:29 |
'Cause I'm on blow, blow, blow |
| 01:10:32 |
She's fucking Jessica Simpson |
| 01:10:36 |
And I think I might have fucked |
| 01:10:40 |
Everyone's fucked me |
| 01:10:44 |
And the Mexican too |
| 01:10:47 |
Call it, heads, I'm fucking J. T. |
| 01:10:50 |
I'm fucking that male model |
| 01:10:53 |
And I like to get up |
| 01:10:56 |
It's true, J. T. Fucked my ass again |
| 01:11:03 |
I am handsome and I am cool |
| 01:11:06 |
That's why this prince |
| 01:11:13 |
- Come on |
| 01:11:15 |
- Now's the time to party |
| 01:11:17 |
- You know what time it is? |
| 01:11:19 |
- It's time to get fucked |
| 01:11:21 |
- No, fuck me |
| 01:11:23 |
He fucks all us kids in high school |
| 01:11:25 |
Under the bleachers, in the showers |
| 01:11:29 |
- I'm fucking Oprah |
| 01:11:31 |
I'm fucking Indiana's ass |
| 01:11:33 |
She's fucking Indiana |
| 01:11:37 |
He's fucking Hancock |
| 01:11:41 |
You know you like it |
| 01:11:45 |
And I'm fucking Michael Jackson |
| 01:11:48 |
Don't judge me |
| 01:11:51 |
Oh, yeah, he's fucking the Chipmunks |
| 01:11:53 |
Sad to say, but it's true |
| 01:14:17 |
You just got Wolfed. |
| 01:14:19 |
That's a little move I learned in jail. |
| 01:14:22 |
Yeah, I was in jail. |
| 01:14:23 |
Wolf wrote some bad checks in '95. |
| 01:14:26 |
Left foot, yellow. |
| 01:14:29 |
Oh, that's right, I fall. |
| 01:14:31 |
I am Beowulf. |
| 01:14:32 |
I'm the strongest man |
| 01:14:38 |
Let myself go a little bit. |
| 01:14:40 |
Got a little bit flabby. |
| 01:14:42 |
I went on that Zone Diet... |
| 01:14:44 |
...but I would eat like a whole week's |
| 01:14:49 |
...and then be back to square one. |
| 01:14:51 |
If you've got crack anywhere, |
| 01:14:55 |
If it's in your crack... |
| 01:15:00 |
"If the crack's in your crack. " |
| 01:15:03 |
You ever been |
| 01:15:05 |
- No. |
| 01:15:09 |
Do I look like Harrison Ford to you? |
| 01:15:11 |
- He your pimp? |
| 01:15:17 |
Oh, what to do? Yes, I've got it. |
| 01:15:20 |
You can be my prince of light, |
| 01:15:23 |
- Yes. No? Okay. |
| 01:15:26 |
Left foot, yellow. |
| 01:15:29 |
I got us tickets |
| 01:15:31 |
...and then I wanna |
| 01:15:34 |
No! |
| 01:15:36 |
Take it from the top again. |
| 01:15:39 |
Don't hit her so hard. |
| 01:15:42 |
Okay? |
| 01:15:44 |
Good enough for me. |
| 01:15:47 |
It's all very funny. |
| 01:15:49 |
Cut. |
| 01:15:51 |
Oh, it's my Blake, incarcerated. |
| 01:15:55 |
How are you? I love you. |
| 01:15:57 |
He did not kill those three prostitutes. |
| 01:15:59 |
They were already dead when he |
| 01:16:04 |
Look, I have to tell you something. |
| 01:16:07 |
As my voice cracks. |
| 01:16:08 |
Look, I have something to tell you. |
| 01:16:14 |
I can teleport through space and time. |
| 01:16:20 |
- What is it again? Time and space. |
| 01:16:23 |
Look, I have something to tell you. |
| 01:16:24 |
I'm not really a banker. I'm a jumper. |
| 01:16:27 |
- A what? |
| 01:16:39 |
Hey, is my singing stick on? |
| 01:16:48 |
You know, everyone wants to know |
| 01:16:52 |
It all started one night |
| 01:16:55 |
Yeah. I ain't crying no more, man. |
| 01:16:58 |
Fourteenth highest-rated show on TV. |
| 01:17:00 |
I got a time-share in Key West. |
| 01:17:03 |
Oh, baby, I make shoes |
| 01:17:08 |
And these are my boobs |
| 01:17:12 |
I want you to see me |
| 01:17:14 |
I want you to watch me |
| 01:17:16 |
I'm gonna play around with the bubbles |
| 01:17:19 |
Pretend I'm Santa Claus. |
| 01:17:22 |
Oh, son, I'm loving this. |
| 01:17:38 |
Wonderful! |
| 01:17:40 |
I'd like to get you naked |
| 01:17:43 |
Oh, shit. |
| 01:17:45 |
Do you like this shirt? |
| 01:17:47 |
Well, it's because I ripped it. |
| 01:17:50 |
I was leaning over my birthday candles. |
| 01:17:52 |
I was gonna blow them out, |
| 01:17:54 |
Instead my shirt caught on fire. |
| 01:17:56 |
Son, if you go back for your girlfriend, |
| 01:18:00 |
I'll take those odds. |
| 01:18:03 |
Do you hear that train? |
| 01:18:07 |
Son, if you go back for your girlfriend, |
| 01:18:10 |
I'll take those odds. |
| 01:18:12 |
You hear that train again? |
| 01:18:16 |
Son, if you go back for your girlfriend, |
| 01:18:20 |
I'll take those... |
| 01:18:21 |
Train. I knew it was coming too. Yeah. |
| 01:18:24 |
- Is that the train we should catch? |
| 01:18:30 |
Couple more? |
| 01:18:31 |
You're hot. Are those things real? |
| 01:18:36 |
Hey, everybody, be sure to remember |
| 01:18:40 |
It helped my skin |
| 01:18:44 |
It helped my skin |
| 01:18:50 |
It helped me. I used to have it |
| 01:18:54 |
...and all around my talking hole... |
| 01:18:55 |
...and then out of this squishy part |
| 01:18:59 |
I had it everywhere, and now it's gone. |
