|
Divided Into Zero
|
| 00:09:11 |
I am inside a car... |
| 00:09:13 |
...driving far into the |
| 00:09:18 |
I am seven years old. |
| 00:09:27 |
Exactly five weeks from now... |
| 00:09:30 |
...my father will burn to |
| 00:09:33 |
...after driving into a street divider. |
| 00:09:37 |
The steering wheel will shatter |
| 00:09:43 |
He will die in agony... |
| 00:09:48 |
...his innards exposed |
| 00:09:53 |
Five weeks from now... but not now. |
| 00:10:10 |
I will always remember him |
| 00:10:35 |
Repetition is ritual. |
| 00:10:40 |
There is nothing for me to |
| 00:10:46 |
I can only go through the |
| 00:10:59 |
Memories long faded return to |
| 00:11:06 |
Even now I disintegrate |
| 00:11:13 |
It turns my stomach |
| 00:11:20 |
In the end, I'll find myself |
| 00:11:26 |
And I shall start again. |
| 00:13:34 |
At the moment of my cesarean birth... |
| 00:13:38 |
...the doctor's scalpel sliced |
| 00:13:44 |
...opening me as he had |
| 00:13:50 |
From the stories I was told, |
| 00:13:57 |
Looking back now, I can see |
| 00:14:05 |
Whatever the case and in spite of |
| 00:14:10 |
...I've lived my life with a |
| 00:14:32 |
I can't say that I understand it... |
| 00:14:36 |
...but it is as much a part of me |
| 00:15:14 |
Every now and then I pay |
| 00:15:25 |
I have her stand over me as |
| 00:15:34 |
I breathe her taste... taste her |
| 00:15:45 |
I close my eyes and allow her |
| 00:15:51 |
Imagining her heat as a hot, white |
| 00:16:01 |
She runs across my pores, |
| 00:16:08 |
Erasing everything |
| 00:16:16 |
Soldering me back together. |
| 00:16:24 |
But I know that it's my |
| 00:16:41 |
Not long after the |
| 00:16:43 |
...I found my mother hanging |
| 00:16:49 |
There were tears still |
| 00:16:51 |
...even though she'd |
| 00:16:56 |
I could never understand |
| 00:17:01 |
Perhaps the possibility |
| 00:17:05 |
...was so far removed |
| 00:17:08 |
...that she was more afraid of healing |
| 00:17:13 |
Whatever the case, I was alone. |
| 00:17:17 |
I waited several days |
| 00:17:22 |
I watched her decompose |
| 00:23:09 |
For as long as I could remember, |
| 00:23:16 |
Now, I am as I had always |
| 00:23:27 |
I sometimes wonder if the man I was had |
| 00:23:37 |
It all seems like a faint echo |
| 00:23:44 |
As if everyone I've ever known has left to |
| 00:23:50 |
...that I will never find. |
| 00:23:56 |
I've spent a lifetime |
| 00:23:59 |
...to speak to people |
| 00:24:05 |
What's left inside of me |
| 00:24:14 |
I now know that there will |
| 00:24:20 |
They have grown to become |
| 00:24:40 |
If there is a God, my sole |
| 00:30:54 |
There is a crack in the center of me. |
| 00:31:00 |
I've lost myself deep inside of it. |
| 00:31:12 |
I can't stop my mind |
| 00:31:18 |
And all the logic in the world |
| 00:31:28 |
I don't know how it is |
| 00:31:32 |
But my values are meaningless. |
| 00:31:40 |
I'm cold in my warmth. |
| 00:31:44 |
Warm in my absence. |
| 00:32:07 |
I'm very, very afraid. |
