Dodgeball A True Underdog Story

en
00:00:25 Tired of the same old you?
00:00:27 Tired of being out of shape
00:00:31 Tired of being overweight
00:00:34 Yeah.
00:00:36 Oh, hello.
00:00:38 I'm White Goodman, owner, operator
00:00:43 I'm here to tell ya that you don't have
00:00:47 Hey, Rory. Looking good.
00:00:50 At Globo Gym we that understand "ugliness"
00:00:55 much like baldness or necrophilia,
00:00:57 and it's only your fault if you don't hate
00:01:02 That's where we come in.
00:01:05 Globo Gym employs
00:01:08 of personal alteration specialists.
00:01:11 With our competitively priced
00:01:14 we can turn that Frankenstein
00:01:17 into a Franken-fine.
00:01:20 Of course, you'll still be you in a legal sense,
00:01:22 but think of it as a thinner,
00:01:25 than you could ever become without us.
00:01:27 How do I know?
00:01:31 I'm also a client.
00:01:35 That's me, six years and 600lbs ago,
00:01:40 That all changed once I founded Globo Gym.
00:01:43 But don'tjust take my word for it. Listen
00:01:52 That feels good.
00:01:55 Oh, the tickle machine.
00:02:00 Crash, no. Crash, out.
00:02:03 Bad dog. No grundle.
00:02:07 Come on down and join the winning team,
00:02:09 because here at Globo Gym,
00:02:12 And we know it.
00:02:15 Spare me.
00:02:25 Mr La Fleur, this is Doris
00:02:28 We've been trying to reach you,
00:02:31 We'll be shutting off
00:02:35 due to an eight-month overdue account.
00:02:40 This is Seth from Videorama.
00:02:44 Drunken Hussies 3, Backdoor Patrol 5
00:03:05 Come on, baby, be there.
00:03:14 It's gonna be a good day.
00:03:28 We're just around the corner.
00:03:34 You guys are lifesavers.
00:03:36 I appreciate the effort.
00:03:44 Gimme that garbage.
00:03:51 Hey, Peter.
00:03:52 - How's my little tax shelter this morning?
00:03:56 Don't hold out on me. What's happening?
00:04:00 It's just I'm trying
00:04:04 And, like, no one's even left me a message,
00:04:08 There's someone out there for everybody.
00:04:11 - You think?
00:04:12 In some cases, there's two somebodies for
00:04:17 See you later, dater.
00:04:21 - Hey, Peter.
00:04:23 - I'm wailing on my glutes.
00:04:25 I'm gonna shock the biceps later,
00:04:29 - I like to keep my body guessing.
00:04:34 - Did you catch the game last night?
00:04:36 Amateur curling championships
00:04:39 - I had no idea.
00:04:42 I feel dumb for asking,
00:04:45 - OSQ. Obscure Sports Quarterly.
00:04:49 Started reading it in college, for the chicks.
00:04:52 - I'm glad that worked out for you.
00:04:54 - Bye.
00:04:57 When I come back,
00:05:05 - You need a spot?
00:05:07 OK, come on. Let's get this out of here.
00:05:10 - You're like a human Chinese puzzle.
00:05:14 All that weight is dangerous.
00:05:17 It'll be worth it when I make the cheerleading
00:05:21 Hang on a second. You wanna become
00:05:26 Yeah. Why?
00:05:28 Nothing. High school's
00:05:31 Plus, all anyone ever remembers is
00:05:35 I'm the laughing stock of the school.
00:05:37 I'm sure it's not that big of a deal.
00:05:43 Justin Redmond. Ready and super-psyched.
00:05:45 - Hey, Amber.
00:05:49 Good luck to you, making yourjudgments.
00:05:52 And from the girls' line,
00:05:56 00, Martha Johnstone.
00:06:06 Toss to hands, liberty and cradle out, OK?
00:06:09 I'm not wearing any panties.
00:06:14 Ready? One, two.
00:06:18 Liberty, ready?
00:06:32 - Dude.
00:06:41 - Wow.
00:06:43 - It was the worst.
00:06:47 - It'll all work itself out in the end.
00:06:50 You'll laugh at this one day.
00:06:52 Go at your own pace.
00:06:57 - Who goes there?
00:07:06 'Tis about the matter of payment
00:07:08 Steve be a touch short this month.
00:07:10 That's all right.
00:07:13 The dread pirate Steve be in no man's debt.
00:07:17 In exchange for your kindness,
00:07:23 Once I find it, that be.
00:07:25 I'm flattered by the gesture, but
00:07:30 Thanks, Peter.
00:07:32 - I'll be on the StairMaster.
00:07:35 - Next time, maybe just say "hello".
00:07:44 Hello.
00:07:46 It's not my birthday till next month,
00:07:49 I'm so sorry. Hi.
00:07:51 I'm Katherine Veatch with Hawthorne Stone.
00:07:56 - Your bank?
00:07:58 - You are very attractive for a banker.
00:08:03 Really? What kind of law
00:08:06 Sexual harassment, mostly.
00:08:09 But I also handle real estate and tax law,
00:08:13 - This place is in default?
00:08:16 You were in default
00:08:19 - I thought those were just warnings.
00:08:22 No one warned me. What happens now?
00:08:27 You have 30 days to pay the balance
00:08:31 Perfect. What's the damage?
00:08:34 $50,000.
00:08:38 Personal cheque gonna be OK? Might have
00:08:42 I do have to switch some funds. The charity
00:08:47 Mr La Fleur, I can assure you
00:08:50 Yeah.
00:08:54 It's Ms. I'll need to review all of your financial
00:08:59 Absolutely.
00:09:02 but if there was a "Ms Mr",
00:09:05 You do keep financial records?
00:09:10 You kidding? I got a closet full of 'em.
00:09:17 - Problem is I've never really filed them.
00:09:21 Just out of curiosity,
00:09:24 Come on, squeeze it, squeeze it.
00:09:27 Yeah, come on, come on. Get it up.
00:09:31 One more, bitch. One more, bitch.
00:09:34 Yeah. Yeah.
00:09:37 - Now you're my bitch.
00:09:42 Yeah, baby.
00:09:44 Involuntary spasm.
00:09:50 This a bad time? I could come back.
00:09:54 Add three pounds to the scales in the
00:09:58 Refreshment?
00:10:03 - Suffocated kumquat, perhaps?
00:10:07 - They're good. They are good.
00:10:10 Walk with me.
00:10:15 Hey, Brianna.
00:10:19 Nice job, Susie.
00:10:22 Don't slack, Trevor.
00:10:25 There's a good energy in the gym.
00:10:26 Let me guess why you're here, Pete.
00:10:28 Because I bought out
00:10:31 You've got 30 days to make $50,000,
00:10:36 I know we've had our differences...
00:10:38 Is that what you call
00:10:42 It was one night.
00:10:43 Or the strip-o-gram you sent me
00:10:47 - It was meant to be congratulatory.
00:10:50 Let's not get hung up on details.
00:10:52 - We're both professionals.
00:10:55 Last I heard, my gym makes money.
00:10:58 My gym's worth over $4 million.
00:11:02 I have shareholders.
00:11:06 - Why would I want cupholders?
00:11:08 Globo Gym is a beacon
00:11:11 A benchmark in the fitness community.
00:11:13 Your "gym" is a skid mark
00:11:18 See, Peter, I wasn't born
00:11:23 I earned this body
00:11:26 out of nothing more than
00:11:29 And a large inheritance
00:11:32 So if I choose to level Average Joe's to build
00:11:38 There's nothing you can do about it.
00:11:40 In 30 days, I'll be bulldozing that shit-heap
00:11:45 I can only hope that you, and the mongrel
00:11:51 are inside it when I do.
00:11:54 Show Mr La Fleur out.
00:11:56 Turn it up high, Reggie.
00:11:59 I wanna burn.
00:12:03 So that's the deal. We got 30 days
00:12:08 I got ten minutes. I'll open it up to some Q&A.
00:12:12 No need to raise your hands,
00:12:15 Yes, Peter, - and I'm just spitballing here -
00:12:19 but why don't we pay it off
00:12:24 Just so you know, if that's a route
00:12:28 It would be 70,000, roughly, Canadian dollars.
00:12:31 - How are we gonna come up with $120,000?
00:12:36 Technically, Peter, I'm sorry to say this,
00:12:40 It doesn't matter. We can't come up
00:12:44 Gar.
00:12:46 - It's an insurmountable amount of money.
00:12:51 We can'tjust sit back
00:12:54 Average Joe's is too important.
00:12:57 Where do you go
00:12:59 - Average Joe's.
00:13:01 Dwight, Owen, what will you do
00:13:05 - I ain't working at no airport again.
00:13:09 And, Steve, where do you go
00:13:13 - Gar. Joe's be the only place for Steve.
00:13:18 Do you see? There's no way I can go
00:13:22 They'd laugh at me there.
00:13:26 But not here, not at Joe's.
00:13:29 I need this place.
00:13:36 I got it. I know how we can raise the money.
00:13:39 - How?
00:13:57 What are the chances?
00:14:00 The girls beat us fair and square.
00:14:02 I am gonna be a gentleman about it and
00:14:08 Guys. Not to be a nay-sayer or anything,
00:14:13 is that weird guy
00:14:22 That's it, boy.
00:14:29 - That's not good.
00:14:43 Relax, Justin, it's just a cutout.
00:14:46 At Globo Gym,
00:14:50 Sign up now.
00:14:53 Do you smell that fitness? I do.
00:14:55 Rock it and shock it, baby.
00:14:57 You gotta burn it to earn it.
00:14:59 - What's in the envelope?
00:15:03 - Cool.
00:15:07 Maybe we could sell 'em for cash
00:15:11 - We're further away from saving this place?
00:15:13 - We'll never raise enough money.
00:15:16 Guys, I know this is tough to take,
00:15:18 but if an impromptu car wash
00:15:22 I guess itjust isn't in the cards.
00:15:24 Trust me here. If there was any way in
00:15:30 short of robbing a bank, I'd do it.
00:15:33 We could sell blood and semen.
00:15:35 What? Not mixed together.
00:15:37 Guys, I love the enthusiasm,
00:15:39 I love the energy here,
00:15:42 Let's celebrate the good times
00:15:45 We gotta start looking at this Irish-wake style.
00:15:51 Let me be the first
00:15:55 We gave it a hell of a run, guys.
00:15:59 I'm gonna put on "The Thong Song",
00:16:03 Wait, wait. Peter. Peter.
00:16:05 We could play dodgeball.
00:16:08 That's very nice, Gordon, but everyone's
00:16:12 There's a tournament in Las Vegas.
00:16:18 I read about
00:16:21 every year in Obscure Sports Quarterly.
00:16:23 Of course. That's a totally common thing.
00:16:26 The best part is it's open to any team
00:16:30 - How is dodgeball gonna get us the $50,000?
00:16:35 - How much?
00:16:38 Guys, we are not gonna get $50,000
00:16:41 - Why not?
00:16:45 I do. We played it in PE last year.
00:16:49 - Can you get your hands on that film?
00:16:52 Can we please try to be serious
00:16:55 You said anything we could do to raise
00:17:00 Come on, show of hands.
00:17:04 Come on.
00:17:09 Come on, Pete.
00:17:12 You guys had me at blood and semen.
00:17:19 You want it, don't you, fat boy?
00:17:22 You want that doughnut.
00:17:24 Go ahead and have a bite.
00:17:27 Just a little bite.
00:17:36 Momma.
00:17:38 - Sir, Katherine Veatch is here to see you.
00:17:43 Yes, sir.
00:17:59 Thank you.
00:18:06 Hello, Katherine. Good to see you.
00:18:10 - You asked me to come over.
00:18:15 Are you reading the dictionary?
00:18:19 You caught me. I like to break
00:18:23 So, I trust everything's going swimmingly
00:18:29 So far, yeah. There's a lot to do over there,
00:18:34 - That is a really interesting painting.
00:18:37 Yeah, that's me, taking the bull by the horns.
00:18:43 It's a metaphor.
00:18:45 - I get it.
00:18:49 Anyway, we're a pretty tight-knit tribe here,
00:18:54 So, please, whatever you do,
00:18:58 - I don't.
00:19:01 I'm White, you know.
00:19:03 W-h-i-t.
00:19:06 E.
00:19:08 Thanks, Mr Goodman,
00:19:11 They just assigned me to your account.
00:19:13 Right, well. You work for the bank. Bank
00:19:19 Point is, I would love to see your pretty
00:19:25 There's no reason we need to be shackled
00:19:27 by the strictures of
00:19:31 Unless you're into that sort of thing.
00:19:33 In which case,
00:19:36 I'm just kidding.
00:19:40 I'm just doing my job, Mr Goodman.
00:19:43 In fact, I actually prefer it over there.
00:19:48 Really? You like it with those freaks
00:19:52 They're not freaks.
00:19:56 People?
00:19:58 "People, just like you and me."
00:20:01 That is what I love about you, Kate.
00:20:05 That is rich. A real sauciness
00:20:14 We should mate.
00:20:17 - What?
00:20:18 We should date some time. Socially.
00:20:23 - Are you OK?
00:20:25 I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
00:20:29 In some cultures, they only eat vomit.
00:20:33 I never been there,
00:20:37 I'm sorry, Mr Goodman.
00:20:42 I get it.
00:20:44 Don't crap where you eat. I understand.
00:20:47 Me'Shell.
00:20:52 And, Katherine, make sure
00:20:56 They're up to something over there.
00:21:07 Über-American Instructional films,
00:21:19 Hey, there, Timmy.
00:21:21 Holy mackerel, mister.
00:21:24 How'd you like to take a break
00:21:28 and learn about dodgeball?
00:21:29 Boy, would I.
00:21:35 - Where am I, mister?
00:21:38 This is where dodgeball
00:21:42 by opium-addicted Chinamen.
00:21:44 Back then, the Chinamen threw
00:21:48 instead of the ADAA-approved balls
00:21:53 ADAA?
00:21:54 That's the American Dodgeball
00:21:58 Dodgeball is played with six players
00:22:03 The object of the game
00:22:07 Once all the players on one team are
00:22:11 Wow. I can't wait
00:22:17 Hang on a second there, sport.
00:22:20 - Patches O'Houlihan.
00:22:23 Patches O'Houlihan. Seven-time ADAA
00:22:29 - Jeepers. Really?
00:22:33 If you catch a ball that's thrown at you
00:22:37 the player who threw that ball is out,
00:22:40 Plus, another player from your team
00:22:45 - It's a two-player swing.
00:22:48 I can't wait to start my own team at school.
00:22:51 Attaboy, Tiger.
00:22:53 But remember, dodgeball is a sport
00:22:59 So, when you're picking players in gym class,
00:23:02 remember to pick the bigger,
00:23:06 That way, you can all gang up
00:23:16 Nice one, son.
00:23:19 Just remember the five Ds of dodgeball.
00:23:22 Dodge, duck, dip, dive and
00:23:25 dodge.
00:23:27 Till next time.
00:23:30 saying, "Take care of your balls
00:23:36 OK, guys. Any questions? Great.
00:23:39 I signed us up for the sub-regional qualifier
00:23:43 But we haven't even practised yet.
00:23:45 We have to qualify for the Vegas Open.
00:23:49 Everyone, just relax. I've always found
00:23:54 If anyone needs me,
00:23:57 Thanks, Peter. Appreciate that a lot.
00:23:59 OK, I think everybody knows...
00:24:05 - Don't you have an office of your own?
00:24:09 A very nice office
00:24:12 - Rub it in.
00:24:15 of 30 years of financial transactions,
00:24:20 Hard to believe I only got a semester
00:24:24 Do you realise you haven't collected
00:24:28 I'm curious. Is it strictly apathy,
00:24:32 I found that if you have a goal,
00:24:36 But if you don't have one,
00:24:40 I gotta tell you, it feels phenomenal.
00:24:44 I guess that makes sense, in a really sad way.
00:24:47 Sad? You wanna know what's sad?
00:24:50 Six grown men playing dodgeball.
00:24:53 Since I'm here, I'm gonna go ahead
00:24:57 I like to work out all the time
00:25:01 Gotta be limber and loose.
00:25:04 Hey, you guys take vitamins?
00:25:10 Dodgeball, eh?
00:25:13 If Peter La Fleur thinks a few
00:25:18 he's in for quite a surprise.
00:25:28 - Sorry I'm late, guys.
00:25:31 - Bad morning, boss?
00:25:36 - Hey, Gord, your family's here.
00:25:38 - Right over there.
00:25:40 She knows I don't like it
00:25:43 - Kids take after you.
00:25:46 I remarried three years ago.
00:25:49 - How's that working out for you?
00:25:53 Hey, honey.
00:25:56 L for love. Good times.
00:25:59 L for love? That doesn't mean love...
00:26:01 People have different translations for things.
00:26:04 That's a special bond that you have with
00:26:08 - How many teams are in this qualifier?
00:26:11 If we beat this team,
00:26:13 - Yeah.
00:26:15 - Who's the other team?
00:26:20 - Troop 417.
00:26:25 Not quite.
00:26:34 Bollocks.
00:26:41 Troop 417, ready.
00:26:43 Average Joe's, ready.
00:26:47 Set. Dodgeball.
00:27:16 I'm gonna send you to hell.
00:27:27 - I'm really sorry. Are you all right?
00:27:32 I am so sorry. Are you OK?
00:27:37 Winner - Troop 417.
00:27:39 In your face.
00:27:41 You're adopted.
00:27:48 And now, without further ado,
00:27:56 I'm sorry.
00:28:00 Unfortunately for Troop 417,
00:28:03 during the ADAA-required
00:28:07 one of your player's urine tested positive
00:28:12 and a low-grade beaver tranquilliser.
00:28:16 I'm afraid, by rule,
00:28:21 Goddamn you, Bernice.
00:28:23 By the power vested in me,
00:28:27 Dodgeball Regional Qualifying Tournament
00:28:32 Average Joe's Gym.
00:28:37 You lied.
00:28:45 All I'm saying to you, Kate, is that you can
00:28:50 I was in the neighbourhood and
00:28:54 Kate, if you wannajoin the team,
00:28:58 Thank you, Peter. I don't.
00:29:02 It is obvious that you dig me.
00:29:04 - You're hooked on La Fleur.
00:29:06 I've been through this many times. I'm sorry.
00:29:11 I'll admit that, in spite of yourself, you have
00:29:19 What? I'm not completely what?
00:29:22 Pathetic.
00:29:25 Hey, White. I didn't think
00:29:28 - Did you decide to skip arts and crafts?
00:29:33 Hello, Kate.
00:29:37 - You're not. I'm off the clock.
00:29:43 I dropped by to congratulate you
00:29:47 and introduce you to the team that
00:29:51 My team.
00:29:54 Allow me the pleasure of introducing you to
00:29:56 Blade.
00:29:59 Laser.
00:30:02 Blazer.
00:30:05 I've believe you've met
00:30:08 - We met.
00:30:13 Meet Fran Stalinofskivitchdavitovichski.
00:30:27 In her home country of Romanovia,
00:30:31 Her nuclear power plant's team won
00:30:35 which makes her the deadliest woman
00:30:41 Ball me, Blazer.
00:30:43 Show them, Fran.
00:30:49 That's just her change-up.
00:30:52 End of demo.
00:30:54 We are the Globo Gym Purple Cobras
00:30:57 and we will, we will rock you.
00:31:05 I think that guy might really be dead.
00:31:09 Wait a minute. How can you be
00:31:13 You didn't win a regional qualifying match.
00:31:16 Oh, my God. We never even won
00:31:19 Yeah. Now I remember.
00:31:21 The dodgeball chancellor's
00:31:25 I helped him shed some unwanted poundage
00:31:28 So close your rule book
00:31:30 White, we didn't come here to "rumble".
00:31:35 There's plenty of bar here
00:31:38 Team?
00:31:40 What team?
00:31:47 First of all, he is way more
00:31:50 Secondly, we don't know who our best player
00:31:56 - It could be any one of us at this point.
00:32:00 Jokey... Joke-maker.
00:32:02 But let me hit you with
00:32:05 Save yourself the embarrassment of losing
00:32:10 Alliteration aside,
00:32:14 - Yeah, you will take your chances.
00:32:18 - I know you did.
00:32:21 - I'm not sure where you're going with this.
00:32:25 - That's what I'm saying to you.
00:32:29 Touché.
00:32:33 We're gonna split,
00:32:36 And, La Fleur, best bring your bib
00:32:45 Are you all right? You OK?
00:32:49 Let's bounce. Cobras.
00:32:55 OK, guys, let's just get ourselves cleaned up
00:33:07 Hey, you.
00:33:08 That was the worst damn display
00:33:13 You want a dodgeball victory,
00:33:16 and hump it into submission.
00:33:20 OK, crazy guy. I'm gonna go home now.
00:33:23 I ain't crazy and I ain't a guy.
00:33:27 The name's Patches O'Houlihan.
00:33:30 I'm your new coach.
00:33:33 Patches O'Houlihan?
00:33:35 - Yeah. He said he wants to coach us.
00:33:38 I figured the steady hand of a seasoned
00:33:42 A'iight.
00:33:45 No. No, he's totally normal.
00:33:59 I love the smell of queef in the morning.
00:34:02 I mean normal for us.
00:34:05 Line up, ladies.
00:34:06 - What does he mean, line up?
00:34:12 If you're gonna learn to be
00:34:15 then you've got to learn
00:34:19 Dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge.
00:34:22 If you master the five Ds,
00:34:29 - Queer bait, go ahead.
00:34:32 Yeah, shouldn't we learn by dodging balls
00:34:37 That's what this sack of wrenches is for.
00:34:46 If you can dodge a wrench,
00:34:48 What?
00:35:00 Any other questions?
00:35:01 My God.
00:35:04 Yeah. Patches, are you sure
00:35:09 Necessary?
00:35:11 - Is it necessary for me to drink my urine?
00:35:15 No. But I do it anyway
00:35:20 OK.
00:35:22 If you're leading this squad, La Fleur, you've
00:35:28 Here, put that on.
00:35:30 All right, ladies, buckle up.
00:35:32 It's showtime.
00:35:36 Dodge, duck, dip. Dive.
00:35:40 Dodge.
00:35:42 Dive.
00:35:44 Dip. Dive. Dodge.
00:35:48 I've got three weeks to whip you
00:35:52 Come on. I get better runs in my shorts.
00:35:56 Catch a ball, one of their guys goes out.
00:36:01 That's the way you hurt 'em.
00:36:07 Let's go. A little hustle here.
00:36:16 That's really good, Peter.
00:36:21 Come on. Only 19 miles to go.
00:36:29 Attaboy.
00:36:32 Next man.
00:36:34 Good luck to you, Gordon.
00:36:37 Okey-dokey.
00:36:38 If you can dodge traffic,
00:36:45 You got it, Gord.
00:36:52 - I'm fine. I'm OK.
00:37:02 - Man.
00:37:09 Hell, son. You're about as useful
00:37:14 Quick feet, fast hands.
00:37:16 Catch it and throw.
00:37:19 Pick up the pace. What a bunch of females.
00:37:27 Jesus. Gimme that.
00:37:31 You couldn't hit water
00:37:34 Where's your killer instinct?
00:37:37 You gotta get mean.
00:37:41 I guess I'm not really an angry person.
00:37:48 Are you angry now?
00:37:51 - Breathe it out.
00:38:03 Little help?
00:38:13 What? Eight years of softball.
00:38:16 - Man, she gotta be a lesbian.
00:38:20 All I know is that dyke can play.
00:38:34 Come on, come on.
00:38:36 - Please.
00:38:38 Owen'll be team manager if you play.
00:38:40 - I will?
00:38:42 Look, I find White Goodman creepy,
00:38:45 All the more reason for you to join us.
00:38:47 Come on, Kate.
00:38:51 Sorry, I can't. I'm under contract.
00:38:55 Suit yourself.
00:38:57 All right, you heard Billie-Jean King.
00:39:01 We got plenty of work to do. Let's go.
00:39:07 We punch the pizza dough down,
00:39:11 Boy, is my mouth watering.
00:39:13 You want to put a big dollop
00:39:16 then use the cheese to shove it to the edge.
00:39:19 Sir, I need you to take a look at...
00:39:21 No. What...
00:39:23 What...
00:39:28 - Always knock.
00:39:30 What is so important that you need to
00:39:36 These.
00:39:42 - They're getting better.
00:39:46 I'm through playing games. It's time
00:39:51 What about the girl? She can throw.
00:39:53 I'll simply have to woo Kate
00:39:57 But rest assured, Me'Shell.
00:39:59 There's no resisting when
00:40:25 - Who is it?
00:40:29 - Surprise.
00:40:34 What... What are you doing here?
00:40:37 How do you know where I live?
00:40:39 It's called the Freedom of Information Act.
00:40:41 The hippies finally got something right.
00:40:45 Hey. I got some great news. Sit down.
00:40:51 - What is it?
00:40:53 - I'm what?
00:40:55 I told the bank that you were stealing
00:40:59 They signed some other
00:41:02 Why would you do that?
00:41:05 I'm here to begin my courtship of you, Kate.
00:41:07 - You fired me so I'd date you?
00:41:10 You are a crazy little man.
00:41:13 I know you've been hiding
00:41:16 Yeah. Nausea.
00:41:18 If you don't leave in two seconds,
00:41:23 You like the freaky stuff, huh?
00:41:27 I can be naughty, too.
00:41:30 Real, freakin' naughty.
00:41:34 - You a naughty freak?
00:41:38 This doesn't concern you, La Fleur.
00:41:40 Not nearly as much as your hair does.
00:41:43 But I believe she asked you to leave.
00:41:49 I get it. You caught the scent
00:41:53 Pity. I'll let you have
00:41:58 cos after this tournament, your gym,
00:42:05 All mine.
00:42:07 To be continued...
00:42:09 You don't get to touch me, ever.
00:42:12 OK, Romeo. Let me help you up.
00:42:15 Get off me.
00:42:20 It is over between us, Kate.
00:42:23 Nobody makes me bleed my own blood.
00:42:40 - At least that wasn't weird.
00:42:43 - Do I smell cookies?
00:42:47 Dear Barbara.
00:42:57 I like unicorns.
00:43:01 I know you said no to joining the team,
00:43:03 but I'd like you to reconsider
00:43:07 - Peter...
00:43:09 you should know you'd have
00:43:11 - Really?
00:43:15 And there's also this.
00:43:18 - OK, what's this?
00:43:22 Look at you. Two expired movie passes
00:43:26 and a coupon for one free back rub
00:43:30 - Play your cards right, could be a full body.
00:43:35 I don't want your perk package.
00:43:39 I just want to see White Goodman's face
00:43:42 - You're in?
00:43:49 Las Vegas. A city built of hot sand,
00:43:54 A city where you can get a happy ending,
00:43:57 A city home to a sporting event
00:44:01 World Series and World War II combined.
00:44:05 Live from Las Vegas, it's the Las Vegas
00:44:09 here on ESPN8 - the "Ocho" -
00:44:12 bringing you the finest in seldom-seen sports
00:44:17 If it's almost a sport, we've got it here.
00:44:20 Hello, everybody, and welcome to this year's
00:44:26 brought to you exclusively
00:44:29 We're coming to you live from
00:44:33 My name is Cotton McKnight
00:44:34 and with me, as always,
00:44:38 Yeah. Cotton, hey.
00:44:40 Everybody, 32 teams in play, that means
00:44:45 the fifth win getting you
00:44:49 Cotton.
00:44:50 There's an electricity in the air,
00:44:55 Immortality - five simple victories away.
00:44:59 They've come from all over - Kathmandu
00:45:03 to compete in the one
00:45:08 A reminder.
00:45:11 for cholera, syphilis and shingles
00:45:15 Again, dyslexic players
00:45:20 Team Blitzkrieg to the tournament floor
00:45:24 Only ADAA balls will be used.
00:45:27 Personal balls of any kind
00:45:31 - Hey.
00:45:33 Guys, I figured a real dodgeball team
00:45:38 So I threw out those old ratty ones
00:45:42 All right. Now we got our thing going on,
00:45:46 I hope everything fits.
00:45:50 - Wait.
00:45:53 This isn't right.
00:46:01 - What's this?
00:46:05 - What are we supposed to do now?
00:46:08 - We'll play in what we've got on.
00:46:10 ADAA rules require we wear
00:46:13 I don't think they require ass-less chaps, OK?
00:46:17 Everybody, calm down. We've got plenty
00:46:22 Ladies, we gotta get on the court
00:46:26 Come on, let's go.
00:46:30 I don't see any movement. Let's go.
00:46:42 How about those dodgeball dancers, folks?
00:46:44 - That is some good, clean, family fun, Cot.
00:46:48 Here comes Germany's Team Blitzkrieg.
00:46:51 The reigning European champ
00:46:54 Appeasement be damned.
00:46:56 Here comes
00:46:59 a regional qualifying team,
00:47:13 My sweet Jesus.
00:47:16 That's rad.
00:47:18 Hey, asshole, you guys suck.
00:47:21 Thank you. Nice to be in Vegas.
00:47:24 Hi. We're all here and
00:47:26 we are ready to play.
00:47:31 - OK.
00:47:35 We get our first glimpse of the Average Joe's
00:47:39 I feel like I'm watching a Cher video.
00:47:42 Average Joe's, ready.
00:00:02 Dodgeball.
00:00:04 And we're under way. Average Joe's
00:00:08 Of course, S&M gear first made
00:00:12 - from the island of Lesbos.
00:00:15 Leather and latex belong in the bedroom,
00:00:20 Where's that training?
00:00:25 Captain Peter La Fleur gets eliminated
00:00:37 This Average Joe's team
00:00:41 Midline infraction.
00:00:44 The Average Joe's catches a break there.
00:00:46 The Germans still dominating
00:00:50 Good toss by the submissive out there.
00:00:52 Just two players left for Joe...
00:00:57 Looks like Average Joe's
00:01:00 It's all up to the only player
00:01:05 What a throw.
00:01:07 Hold your phone, she's got a cannon.
00:01:09 Yes.
00:01:11 - Come on, Kate.
00:01:15 Germans have a two-one advantage.
00:01:20 How about that? A two-on-one switcheroo.
00:01:24 - Great deflection.
00:01:26 - He's ball-less now.
00:01:31 Winner. Average Joe's.
00:01:35 My sweet dick, it's magic.
00:01:38 Hey, all right.
00:01:39 My. The Germans losing in the first round
00:01:45 I feel shocked.
00:01:56 Losers.
00:02:08 You must be Daddy.
00:02:12 Average Joe's has shocked the dodgeball
00:02:16 where we'll separate the wheat from the chaff,
00:02:19 and the awkwardly feminine
00:02:23 Don't go anywhere, folks.
00:02:30 - What the hell.
00:02:39 You wanted to see me, Patches?
00:02:42 You did good out there, real good.
00:02:46 Those men and that muff-diver believe in you.
00:02:49 Kate's not a muff-diver.
00:02:53 Hey. That's for you.
00:02:57 - I can't accept this.
00:03:00 You earned it.
00:03:02 I've got some hookers in my room.
00:03:07 No, thanks, I'll just stick
00:03:10 Suit yourself, queer.
00:03:22 - Sorry.
00:03:24 Amber.
00:03:27 - The National Cheerleading Championships.
00:03:32 - We're in the finals tomorrow. And you?
00:03:35 These are my team-mates,
00:03:40 This is Amber.
00:03:42 Come on, I wanna ride the roller coaster.
00:03:45 - Hey, Derek. Sweet 'do, man.
00:03:49 - It was nice to see you. Good luck tomorrow.
00:03:56 What?
00:03:57 Don't worry about that guy, Justin.
00:04:00 He'll probably fall off the roller coaster
00:04:03 - Nice, Dwight.
00:04:06 My cousin Ray-Ray. Boop. Dead.
00:04:09 Thanks, man.
00:04:14 Let's huddle up here.
00:04:17 We got lucky in the first round.
00:04:19 We caught those dirty Krauts napping,
00:04:23 so blow out the horse hockey
00:04:27 Blockers in the centre, funnelling, aim low
00:04:33 It's like watching a bunch of retards
00:04:38 Get it together.
00:04:42 Hands in.
00:04:44 One, two, three, Joe's.
00:04:47 - Average Joe's ready?
00:04:50 Lumberjacks, ready?
00:04:52 Dodgeball.
00:04:53 Average Joe's has a tough job,
00:04:56 These woodsmen probably haven't
00:05:00 They must masturbate a lot, Cotton.
00:05:03 - Clean hit. You're out.
00:05:05 - Average Joe's looking tough.
00:05:13 There's a souvenir for a lucky fan.
00:05:18 Timber. Peter La Fleur nails him.
00:05:22 Average Joe's does some clear-cutting of
00:05:29 Globo Gym hoping to drop an A-bomb
00:05:31 I don't know how they can play
00:05:35 Peekaboo.
00:05:36 White Goodman, employing
00:05:39 tells Suzuki Toyota Oshinawa this is my dojo.
00:05:44 Is he gonna feel it tomorrow?
00:05:47 A relentless Globo Gym attack led by
00:05:52 It's gotta be the hair. It's beautiful.
00:05:55 Feathered and lethal.
00:06:01 Globo Gym says, "Domo arigato, Mr Roboto",
00:06:09 Skillz That Killz, ready?
00:06:12 Average Joe's planning
00:06:16 the inner-city champs for five years straight.
00:06:18 Skillz might be looking past Average Joe's,
00:06:23 They better check themselves
00:06:26 Right you are, partner.
00:06:32 Winner. Average Joe's.
00:06:35 And Average Joe's, not blinded by the
00:06:42 Globo Gym's making mincemeat
00:06:46 That's gotta hurt.
00:06:50 B-b-b-bull's-eye.
00:06:52 Winner. Globo Gym.
00:06:54 Sportsmanship be darned.
00:06:59 and they're going to the finals.
00:07:04 The Poughkeepsie State Flying Cougars
00:07:08 Itjust doesn't look good for 'em. The winner
00:07:14 Right in the testicles.
00:07:16 Ouch-Town. Population: You, bro.
00:07:18 Average Joe's down to their final two players.
00:07:22 La Fleur can't hold on.
00:07:25 - Time out. Gordy.
00:07:28 Time. Time is out.
00:07:30 It looks like the clock is about to
00:07:34 turning Average Joe's
00:07:36 I sure do like pumpkins, Cotton.
00:07:40 You won't hit 'em. They're too good,
00:07:43 - Yes, sir. I do.
00:07:47 - Roger that. OK.
00:07:51 - One, two, three.
00:07:54 You gotta get angry. Get angry now.
00:07:57 Gordon Pibb, alone, facing five Cougars.
00:08:01 Sayonara, auf Wiedersehen and goodbye.
00:08:18 - Dodgeball.
00:08:21 Good deflection there.
00:08:23 Hang on. And another one.
00:08:25 Three balls at once. Who knew?
00:08:28 Four on one.
00:08:31 That's it.
00:08:33 - You're kidding me.
00:08:37 Now it's two on one. Who'd have thunk it?
00:08:39 - Go, you crazy son of a bitch. Go.
00:08:46 Incredible. It's one on one.
00:08:48 - I can't believe it.
00:09:00 Winner.
00:09:01 Average Joe's wins.
00:09:04 They are going to the finals
00:09:09 - That'll buy one heck of a pumpkin.
00:09:13 I never would have dreamed it possible.
00:09:16 But with seven-time ADAA All-Star
00:09:20 I guess it must be the luck of the Irish.
00:09:27 Tomorrow we're gonna pecker-slap
00:09:31 Yeah.
00:09:31 - You really think we can beat Globo Gym?
00:09:43 My God.
00:09:45 Well, it's probably the way
00:09:49 - What?
00:09:52 We're gonna get our taints handed to us.
00:09:54 - What's a taint?
00:09:58 Maybe you should
00:10:01 Yeah.
00:10:03 They don't make a "sorry your coach just got
00:10:10 I'll be right back.
00:10:23 What?
00:10:25 We're opening a new Globo Gym in Mexico
00:10:32 Me'Shell was having some digestive
00:10:35 Will you shut that?
00:10:38 For all of us, baby.
00:10:43 So that's the deal. I give you $100,000,
00:10:48 Period.
00:10:50 End o'story.
00:10:52 You really think you can come here and buy
00:10:57 Oh, I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you
00:11:03 Look, Peter, I know what it's like.
00:11:06 Really. For all our blustery back-and-forth,
00:11:11 We're both leaders. And I like
00:11:14 I love the whole "I'm not OK, you're not OK,
00:11:19 "You can be fat as long as
00:11:22 And they love you. Whoo, do they love you.
00:11:26 You're their Fonzie, Pete.
00:11:28 "Hey." Right?
00:11:32 But do you really think it's fair for them
00:11:38 Looking to you to solve their every problem?
00:11:41 I mean, come on.
00:11:43 I know you. You know you.
00:11:47 And I know you know that I know you.
00:11:50 You're heading for a fall, Pete.
00:11:53 Sooner or later, Average Joe's is gonna close.
00:11:56 And when it does, they're gonna blame you.
00:12:02 I don't know if you've ever seen $100,000,
00:12:06 But I assure you,
00:12:12 Money. $100,000. Dodgeball game.
00:12:18 Take the money.
00:12:20 Invest it in something.
00:12:32 Just sign the contract.
00:12:39 Come on, guys. We got Peter.
00:12:42 And they got guys named Laser and Blazer
00:12:46 Gar. Steve's gotta go drain the sea monster.
00:12:50 Here. Justin, your virgin daiquiri.
00:12:53 - Thanks, Ms Veatch.
00:12:55 - Dwight says we'll get killed out there, Peter.
00:12:59 - What are we gonna do?
00:13:03 - But what do you think we should do?
00:13:06 What's the plan?
00:13:07 What do you guys want from me?
00:13:10 We're gonna play Globo Gym tomorrow
00:13:14 It's the truth. The sooner you guys get that
00:13:21 Jesus Christ.
00:13:24 He didn't mean that.
00:13:26 - Is he being serious?
00:13:30 I've never seen him like that.
00:13:35 Gar, matey, where are you headed? Peter...
00:13:39 You are not a pirate.
00:13:49 OK, guys. Let's get out of here
00:14:01 Dwight...
00:14:03 I'm gonna catch up with you guys later.
00:14:07 in the bathroom.
00:14:09 Whatever you do, wash your hands.
00:14:22 Excuse me, miss. I was wondering if...
00:14:24 You are the one who stares at me.
00:14:27 Why is this?
00:14:29 Because I think you're
00:14:40 Watch it, freak.
00:14:54 Go back to Treasure Island.
00:14:57 Fag.
00:14:59 Screw you.
00:15:13 Katie, bar the door.
00:15:17 here on ESPN8 - the "Ocho".
00:15:19 We've seen it all here, folks.
00:15:23 And it's all come down to this -
00:15:26 Average Joe's Gymnasium hopes to
00:15:30 into the heart of the dodgeball Jabberwocky
00:15:34 and walk away with $50,000
00:15:38 Hello, everybody, and welcome
00:15:42 A David-and-Goliath story
00:15:46 The championship dodgeball match
00:15:52 Peter?
00:15:56 Peter?
00:15:58 Hello?
00:16:01 Peter?
00:16:02 Come on, everybody headed down...
00:16:14 So what happens on a double fault?
00:16:16 On a double fault you go to sudden-death
00:16:21 - Whatever.
00:16:27 Justin.
00:16:29 - I've been looking for you everywhere.
00:16:33 Derek fell off the roller coaster
00:16:37 My God, that's awful.
00:16:38 We were the centre Kewpie. With no
00:16:42 - No. I'm sorry.
00:16:45 What?
00:16:47 No, no, no, no, no. I can't.
00:16:49 Please. You are the only one in Las Vegas
00:16:53 - The dodgeball championship's at noon.
00:17:01 - All right, I'll do it.
00:17:02 - I gotta tell the guys.
00:17:05 - I gotta tell the guys.
00:17:08 Average Joe's are a 50-1 underdog here today.
00:17:13 What do you think, Pep?
00:17:15 I spoke to White Goodman before the match
00:17:17 and he told me that his team
00:17:22 Right. And the stage is set for
00:17:25 So don't go anywhere, folks.
00:17:29 - I don't understand. Why would Peter leave?
00:17:33 Hey. That's not true. I don't know why Peter
00:17:38 We just have to figure it out.
00:17:42 - OK, yeah.
00:17:45 We're still missing the teenage love-puppy
00:17:49 Who's Steve the Pirate?
00:17:51 The only guy on our team
00:17:55 Wait. There's a guy on our team
00:18:01 And now, let's hear it for the West Davenport
00:18:08 Donkeys.
00:18:34 Go, Donkeys.
00:18:38 - We did it.
00:18:41 - It was perfect. You were perfect.
00:18:44 Wait. Aren't you gonna stay for the trophy?
00:18:47 I'm sorry, Amber. I got my own trophy to win.
00:19:05 Now I'm going.
00:19:13 Here come the Purple Cobras,
00:19:17 We haven't seen Average Joe's yet.
00:19:21 It could be a psychological ploy,
00:19:24 They're definitely not on the court, Cotton.
00:19:29 We'll be right back
00:19:35 Can I get a bottle of water?
00:19:39 Aren't you Peter La Fleur?
00:19:43 - Lance Armstrong?
00:19:46 - Really?
00:19:50 I just can't get enough of it. I'm really pullin'
00:19:56 I think you better hurry up
00:19:59 - Actually, I decided to quit, Lance.
00:20:04 Once I thought of quittin', when I had brain,
00:20:11 But with the support of my friends
00:20:13 and I won the Tour de France
00:20:16 But I'm sure you have a good reason to quit.
00:20:20 What are you dying from
00:20:23 Right now, it feels a little bit like shame.
00:20:28 If people never quit when the going got tough
00:20:33 Good luck to you, Peter. I'm sure
00:20:44 Steve? Steve the Pirate? "Scurvy."
00:20:48 - No. Not ringing any bells.
00:20:52 We'll play with four people. It's not
00:20:57 There's nothing I can do. Rules are rules.
00:21:01 Inform the committee and Mr Goodman
00:21:05 - Yes, sir.
00:21:10 Excuse me.
00:21:11 Sorry I'm late. You won't believe
00:21:15 You're just in time to help us forfeit.
00:21:17 Forfeit? Why?
00:21:21 Well, I don't know what to tell you, but...
00:21:24 Yes, I'm being told that Average Joe's
00:21:28 and will be forfeiting
00:21:31 It's a bold strategy, Cotton.
00:21:34 To the tournament floor we go, for the sceptre
00:21:40 Ladies and gentlemen,
00:21:43 by our governing body, the American
00:21:49 and in concurrence with our sponsors,
00:21:53 it gives me great pleasure
00:21:55 to declare the winner of this year's
00:22:00 Wait. He's here.
00:22:07 Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late.
00:22:09 We're ready to play, Your Honour.
00:22:11 Too late. Your lovable band of losers already
00:22:16 He's right. The team already forfeited.
00:22:20 Facial, La Fleur. Total facial.
00:22:23 Actually, that's not true.
00:22:25 The committee can overrule the chancellor -
00:22:30 He's right. He's right. It's a bylaw.
00:22:34 - It's a bylaw.
00:22:37 - Hang on a second here, folks.
00:22:41 We mightjust have a championship game yet.
00:22:45 Listen to this crowd.
00:22:48 Unbelievable.
00:22:50 Pepper, it's clear what the crowd wants, but
00:22:55 And it looks like they've come to a decision.
00:22:58 Joe's needs two "yes" votes to play.
00:23:01 - There's a thumbs-up. Good news for Joe's.
00:23:04 - Let's see how our second judge votes.
00:23:08 Oh, tough sledding there. It's all even. Their
00:23:15 Thumbs up. Average Joe's can play.
00:23:18 That is pure poppycock.
00:23:21 - Thank you, Chuck Norris.
00:23:26 All right, captains. Shake hands,
00:23:30 Good luck, White.
00:23:33 Cram it up your cramhole, La Fleur.
00:23:37 Prepare to be humiliated on cable television.
00:23:40 Whatever.
00:23:44 - Nice of you to show up.
00:23:47 What? I got a plan.
00:23:52 Let's play smart. Wait for two-on-ones. Cover
00:23:57 - "Aim low".
00:24:00 All I'm asking is that
00:24:03 I say we go out there, let it all hang loose,
00:24:07 I mean, it's only dodgeball, right?
00:24:09 - Put 'em in. One, two, three.
00:24:36 Globo Gym, ready?
00:24:38 Average Joe's, ready?
00:24:43 Dodgeball.
00:24:44 Championship match is under way.
00:24:51 Quick elimination there for Kate Veatch.
00:24:55 White Goodman's hit,
00:24:58 - It's caught.
00:25:00 - You're out, La Fleur.
00:25:03 And Joe's has lost
00:25:07 Dwight Baumgarten still playing hard.
00:25:09 Hits Me'Shell Jones right on the dome.
00:25:12 You're mine next time.
00:25:17 Right in the tokus.
00:25:26 - Hi.
00:25:30 - You're out.
00:25:32 but it leaves Joe's on the wrong side
00:25:37 Joe's gets an elimination. It's two on three.
00:25:40 Get out.
00:25:42 Gordo. Lose your temper. Get mad.
00:25:46 White Goodman with a catch. Gordon Pibb
00:25:50 You're out, four-eyes.
00:25:52 Well, it's all up to Average Joe's youngest
00:25:56 Word, Cotton.
00:25:58 Four Cobras and one Joe. Even a rabid
00:26:03 - Nice dodge.
00:26:08 They're just toying with the young man now.
00:26:10 He's gotta avoid getting hit. That's the key.
00:26:13 Justin, let's go.
00:26:16 What a great catch.
00:26:18 And another.
00:26:21 Just like that, a three-player swing.
00:26:25 Justin.
00:26:26 I love you.
00:26:29 I love you t...
00:26:32 Joanie loves Chachi.
00:26:34 Two players left on each side.
00:26:38 Throw out the rule book, folks,
00:26:45 Look out. La Fleur goes down -
00:26:53 How about that, folks? Kate Veatch takes the
00:26:59 As touching a moment as we've seen
00:27:05 A blatant cheap shot from White Goodman.
00:27:08 - That's court misconduct. That's a warning.
00:27:13 - You OK?
00:27:15 - Jesus. Are you sure?
00:27:17 - It was an accident. I thought she was in play.
00:27:20 We're sweating like greased monkeys.
00:27:23 Sorry, miss, but you're out.
00:27:27 Watch him, man.
00:27:28 - Hey, Peter.
00:27:31 Kick his ass.
00:27:33 - Here's the restart.
00:27:36 Looks like it's gonna be a two-on-one,
00:27:41 Usually you pay double
00:27:46 You're playing ready dodgeball.
00:27:50 Ready? Dodgeball.
00:27:52 It's a cat-and-mouse game, folks.
00:28:00 He gets the elimination.
00:28:04 My. Globo Gym wins.
00:28:09 Average Joe's has come all this way
00:28:13 They're not gonna get anything, Cotton.
00:28:17 No elimination. Double fault.
00:28:21 What? You gotta be out of your mind.
00:28:25 I'm out here busting my butt and you come in
00:28:30 ADAA Continuation Rule 113-D, sir.
00:28:34 All right. Bring it.
00:28:36 I don't believe it, folks. Sudden death.
00:28:39 Well, let me tell you,
00:28:41 a double-fault final-play elimination hasn't
00:28:47 and I think we all remember
00:28:49 Ladies and gentlemen, it's the greatest
00:28:56 Pepper needs new shorts.
00:29:00 White, Peter, this is sudden death.
00:29:04 Only striking an opposing player eliminates
00:29:09 Both feet must remain
00:29:13 You may throw any time after my call.
00:29:19 OK. Let's have a clean match.
00:29:23 This is it, La Loser.
00:29:27 You ready for the hurricane?
00:29:31 Just don't go cryin' to mama when
00:29:36 You don't go crying to your daddy
00:29:43 - White?
00:29:45 - You look awful fat in those pants.
00:29:50 This is about gamesmanship.
00:29:54 Throw late and you're eliminated.
00:30:00 This sport doesn't build character,
00:30:03 Effin' A, Cotton. Effin' A.
00:30:07 Come on, talk to me.
00:30:11 Listen up, crotch stain.
00:30:13 Remember your training
00:30:17 You can do it. I believe in you.
00:30:23 Bye-bye.
00:30:25 Right.
00:30:26 Players, turn and step in.
00:30:44 What the hell's he doing?
00:30:46 I don't know.
00:30:51 Get a load of this guy.
00:30:52 In 23 years of broadcasting
00:30:56 But it looks like Peter La Fleur
00:31:00 He will not be able to see very well, Cotton.
00:31:12 Ready?
00:31:19 Dodgeball.
00:31:27 Goodbye, Peter.
00:31:29 I always knew you were weak.
00:31:35 Air Goodman, comin' at ya.
00:31:45 Down goes Goodman.
00:31:48 Winner. Average Joe's.
00:31:55 Do you believe in unlikelihoods?
00:31:59 Average Joe's shocking the dodgeball world
00:32:02 and upsetting Globo Gym
00:32:06 Unbelievable.
00:32:07 I have been to the Great Wall of China.
00:32:12 I've even witnessed a grown man
00:32:14 But never in all my years as a sportscaster
00:32:17 have I witnessed something as improbable,
00:32:22 The little team that could, Average Joe's
00:32:26 stand before us, aglow,
00:32:31 On behalf of the American Dodgeball
00:32:36 it is my honour to present to you
00:32:46 What are you so happy about, La Fleur?
00:32:49 You signed your gym over to me last night,
00:32:53 Suck failure, freaks.
00:32:56 Peter, is that true?
00:32:59 Yeah, it's true.
00:33:01 It's true I sold Average Joe's to White.
00:33:04 It's true that every man has his price.
00:33:06 And it's also true that money won
00:33:11 - Now he's a philosophiser.
00:33:17 Your winnings, Mr La Fleur.
00:33:19 - Right on time. I appreciate it. Thank you.
00:33:23 Gosh, I totally forgot to tell you. I took the
00:33:28 and I put it on us to win.
00:33:31 Anyone? Top of your head?
00:33:34 $50,000?
00:33:35 $5 million. Peter, are you kidding me?
00:33:39 Surprise.
00:33:45 Stick it in your ear, La Fleur. I wouldn't sell
00:33:50 The gym is mine. So you can take your band
00:33:54 You're right. I can't make you
00:33:57 So I guess I'll just take your advice
00:34:01 - Say the controlling stake of Globo Gym.
00:34:05 Globo Gym is a publicly traded company.
00:34:09 So I would control Globo Gym
00:34:14 which, as of last night, is Average Joe's Gym.
00:34:20 I'm your new boss, White.
00:34:21 You can't be my boss. Nobody can.
00:34:24 - You're fired, pal.
00:34:28 You're going down, La Fleur,
00:34:31 - Another time, another time.
00:34:36 Give me that.
00:34:41 Man, the blindfold was crazy.
00:34:45 Peter.
00:34:48 Look. It's Steve the Pirate.
00:34:54 I just wanted to tell you
00:35:00 I guess you're right.
00:35:02 I'm not really a pirate.
00:35:05 I don't know, Steve.
00:35:08 If you're not a pirate,
00:35:10 who the hell am I gonna split
00:35:19 Peter...
00:35:21 Gar, Steve.
00:35:28 We missed you.
00:35:32 Hey, you.
00:35:34 Hey, you.
00:35:38 - Joyce?
00:35:40 - I thought you were in Guam.
00:35:44 You are amazing.
00:35:50 - I told you she was a lesbian.
00:35:55 Hey. I'm not a lesbian.
00:35:58 You're not?
00:36:00 No.
00:36:01 I'm bisexual.
00:36:05 Snap.
00:36:08 All right, everybody. Smile big.
00:36:16 Hi. I'm Peter La Fleur,
00:36:20 I'm here to tell you
00:36:23 But if you feel like losin' a few pounds, gettin'
00:36:29 Joe's is the place for you.
00:36:31 Don't forget that youth dodgeball classes
00:36:34 So come on down and learn a great game the
00:36:39 Right.
00:36:50 Spare me.
00:36:52 I won that tournament.
00:36:57 Fucking Chuck Norris.
00:39:58 Yeah. I hope you're all happy now.
00:40:01 Good guy wins, bad guy loses.
00:40:03 Big friggin' surprise.
00:40:07 I love happy endings.
00:40:12 You know, that's the problem
00:40:16 Can't handle any complexity in it, you know?
00:40:18 "Don't make me think,
00:40:22 All right, fine.
00:40:24 You want a little somethin'-somethin'
00:40:28 Check these boots out for size.
00:40:32 My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
00:40:34 And they're like, "It's better than yours"
00:40:36 Damn right, it's better than yours
00:40:38 I could teach you, but I'd have to charge
00:40:42 What the boys go crazy for
00:40:47 They lose their minds
00:40:48 My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
00:40:51 Damn right, it's better than yours
00:40:53 I could teach you, but I'd have to charge
00:40:58 You happy? Fatty make a funny?