|
Drop Dead Gorgeous
|
| 00:00:18 |
You can run, but you can't hide |
| 00:00:26 |
You can never |
| 00:01:09 |
Sarah Rose knows |
| 00:01:13 |
Sarah Rose knows |
| 00:01:18 |
Sarah Rose knows |
| 00:01:24 |
And she definitely knows... |
| 00:01:26 |
that you are ready for |
| 00:01:33 |
The American |
| 00:01:38 |
And now, a few words |
| 00:01:41 |
Mr. Adam West! |
| 00:01:43 |
The American |
| 00:01:46 |
has been enriching the lives of |
| 00:01:51 |
The American |
| 00:01:54 |
provides personal growth, |
| 00:01:59 |
And you might even meet |
| 00:02:02 |
Yes! |
| 00:02:04 |
At the national level... |
| 00:02:05 |
thousands of seventeen-year-old |
| 00:02:09 |
compete around the country |
| 00:02:12 |
beautiful Mount Rose, |
| 00:02:14 |
and make it all the way |
| 00:02:18 |
to compete for the title |
| 00:02:23 |
So which one of you will it be? |
| 00:02:26 |
Like sands through the hourglass |
| 00:02:35 |
God, Iris, you taped |
| 00:02:37 |
I'm sorry. |
| 00:02:44 |
Now, ladies, |
| 00:02:47 |
which is now gone forever... |
| 00:02:50 |
goes on about starting |
| 00:02:53 |
which we call the American |
| 00:02:56 |
So any of you young ladies... |
| 00:02:58 |
who'd like to start |
| 00:03:00 |
you just come right down here |
| 00:03:02 |
And, please, help yourself |
| 00:03:07 |
Showtime. |
| 00:03:10 |
Do you think |
| 00:03:12 |
that teenage beauty pageants |
| 00:03:14 |
Oh, yeah, sure. |
| 00:03:15 |
I know what some of your |
| 00:03:17 |
hairy-legged |
| 00:03:20 |
They might say that a pageant... |
| 00:03:21 |
is old-fashioned |
| 00:03:24 |
What's sick is women |
| 00:03:26 |
You betcha, Iris. |
| 00:03:27 |
No, I think you boys |
| 00:03:29 |
a little bit different |
| 00:03:31 |
For one thing, |
| 00:03:33 |
Every last one of us. |
| 00:03:35 |
And you will not find a |
| 00:03:40 |
No, that filth is better |
| 00:03:43 |
A.k. a. Minneapolis, St. Paul. |
| 00:04:08 |
Oh, yeah, sure. |
| 00:04:09 |
Freda, sure. |
| 00:04:11 |
She was the oldest |
| 00:04:13 |
Now she's as dead as a doornail. |
| 00:04:16 |
It's the damn Shriners |
| 00:04:18 |
that goddamn sign, |
| 00:04:21 |
Every year... every damn year, |
| 00:04:24 |
"Take down |
| 00:04:27 |
"you lazy sons of bitches!" |
| 00:04:42 |
Today's "to do" list includes |
| 00:04:45 |
where we are going |
| 00:04:47 |
for the physical fitness number. |
| 00:04:49 |
Nothing too showy. |
| 00:04:50 |
No. You betcha, Iris. |
| 00:04:52 |
We need that third judge. |
| 00:04:54 |
We need to think of a theme. |
| 00:04:55 |
Gladys, look out! |
| 00:04:58 |
Gosh darn it. |
| 00:05:00 |
Sidewalks? Sidewalks? |
| 00:05:03 |
Iris, stop it. |
| 00:05:06 |
The communal wine just proves |
| 00:05:09 |
That's why we Lutherans |
| 00:05:11 |
for the blood of Christ. |
| 00:05:12 |
There's a parking space |
| 00:05:15 |
Oh, no. |
| 00:05:17 |
You'd think they'd have |
| 00:05:19 |
to go with the Mall of America. |
| 00:05:21 |
It's a $200 fine! |
| 00:05:23 |
I told you I would move the car |
| 00:05:26 |
Now just run in the store |
| 00:05:30 |
All right, let's go. |
| 00:05:31 |
Wait, wait, wait. |
| 00:05:32 |
What? |
| 00:05:34 |
I think I just thought |
| 00:05:35 |
Oh, what? |
| 00:05:38 |
"Proud to be an American. " |
| 00:05:41 |
So, what was the theme |
| 00:05:44 |
Oh, that was "Buy American. " |
| 00:05:47 |
And the year before that was... |
| 00:05:49 |
"U.S.A. Is A-OK!" |
| 00:05:51 |
And can you remember the theme |
| 00:05:54 |
Can I? |
| 00:05:56 |
"Amer-I Can!" |
| 00:05:59 |
People ask me where I get this. |
| 00:06:01 |
I don't know. |
| 00:06:15 |
Hi. |
| 00:06:16 |
Just introduce yourself |
| 00:06:20 |
you're signing up |
| 00:06:21 |
OK. Hi. Hi. |
| 00:06:23 |
I'm Leslie Miller. |
| 00:06:26 |
I'm signing up 'cause, |
| 00:06:30 |
I always watch |
| 00:06:32 |
and my boyfriend |
| 00:06:35 |
For my talent, |
| 00:06:37 |
You've been talking |
| 00:06:38 |
I'm trying to tell him... |
| 00:06:40 |
Now? |
| 00:06:47 |
Hi, Pat. |
| 00:06:49 |
Go Muskies! |
| 00:06:53 |
Hi. I'm Amber Atkins, |
| 00:06:59 |
'cause my two favorite people |
| 00:07:01 |
competed in pageants... |
| 00:07:03 |
my mom and Diane Sawyer. |
| 00:07:06 |
Course, I hope I end up... |
| 00:07:08 |
a little more like Diane Sawyer |
| 00:07:21 |
Do you do |
| 00:07:23 |
Oh, my God, no. Oh, God. |
| 00:07:26 |
I just do the hair and makeup |
| 00:07:30 |
I'm lucky I have |
| 00:07:32 |
where I can practice my talent. |
| 00:07:38 |
Oh, yeah, sure. |
| 00:07:41 |
but this one |
| 00:07:46 |
When I was seventeen... |
| 00:07:50 |
I was crowned Mount Rose's |
| 00:07:56 |
and this year... |
| 00:07:58 |
drumroll, please... |
| 00:08:01 |
my lovely daughter |
| 00:08:08 |
Is this my mark? |
| 00:08:11 |
Hi. I'm Rebecca Leeman, |
| 00:08:15 |
is an important experience |
| 00:08:17 |
It... |
| 00:08:19 |
Well, it teaches you what's |
| 00:08:22 |
and it has the power |
| 00:08:25 |
in ways you've never dreamed of. |
| 00:08:37 |
My mom gave me this nine-mill |
| 00:08:40 |
Yeah. I'll always remember |
| 00:08:43 |
"Jesus loves winners. " |
| 00:08:45 |
That's why no matter what I do, |
| 00:08:54 |
Why? |
| 00:08:58 |
why all the guys chew |
| 00:09:02 |
If you're seventeen... |
| 00:09:03 |
and you're not a total fry, |
| 00:09:09 |
Have you decided what |
| 00:09:11 |
Mm-hmm. Yeah. |
| 00:09:14 |
to "New York, New York. " |
| 00:09:17 |
I just fell in love with |
| 00:09:19 |
when I was visiting |
| 00:09:22 |
He followed his dream |
| 00:09:25 |
Wait. |
| 00:09:28 |
Here's Peter as... Liza! |
| 00:09:32 |
Here's him as Madonna. |
| 00:09:39 |
As Barbara. |
| 00:09:46 |
I don't know what |
| 00:09:51 |
Kenny! Kenny, come. |
| 00:09:54 |
Oh, Kenny! |
| 00:09:57 |
Spike, my German shepherd... |
| 00:09:59 |
he went to live |
| 00:10:02 |
after he attacked me... |
| 00:10:04 |
but it wasn't his fault, |
| 00:10:06 |
I had beef jerky |
| 00:10:13 |
They remade my belly |
| 00:10:17 |
I was Mount Rose American |
| 00:10:22 |
We were at war with the Japs. |
| 00:10:26 |
Didn't even get to keep |
| 00:10:29 |
I had to turn it in for scrap. |
| 00:10:38 |
So we adopt Molly three year ago |
| 00:10:44 |
to help acclimate us |
| 00:10:47 |
To America, Dad. |
| 00:10:52 |
She all-American girl. |
| 00:10:55 |
She our Teen American Princess. |
| 00:10:57 |
Oh, Ma. |
| 00:11:06 |
English! |
| 00:11:07 |
Speak English, |
| 00:11:10 |
So, Molly, tell movie man |
| 00:11:15 |
I'll be line dancing. |
| 00:11:17 |
Country western! |
| 00:11:19 |
Clint Black, ruff! |
| 00:11:21 |
Hey, what he got that I not got? |
| 00:11:27 |
So have you decided what |
| 00:11:29 |
for the pageant yet? |
| 00:11:31 |
Yeah. I'll be doing |
| 00:11:35 |
and right now |
| 00:11:39 |
or "Soylent Green... " |
| 00:11:41 |
Well, my own version of it. |
| 00:11:44 |
You know, a lot of girls |
| 00:11:47 |
from pageants into acting. |
| 00:11:48 |
Competing for the title... |
| 00:11:50 |
of Minnesota's American Teen |
| 00:11:54 |
but I never could have won... |
| 00:11:56 |
without my Saint Paul |
| 00:11:59 |
I've been enjoying Saint Paul |
| 00:12:04 |
I grew up right next |
| 00:12:07 |
It's still the same |
| 00:12:09 |
that Walter and Vera Pularski |
| 00:12:14 |
when they raised |
| 00:12:21 |
I just love |
| 00:12:25 |
In fact, I love 'em so much... |
| 00:12:28 |
I work here now! |
| 00:12:32 |
Oh, help yourself. |
| 00:12:38 |
Thanks. |
| 00:12:40 |
You're welcome. |
| 00:12:41 |
My talent will be... |
| 00:12:43 |
an interpretive... |
| 00:12:48 |
dance... |
| 00:12:50 |
while I sign... |
| 00:12:52 |
"Through the Eyes of Love. " |
| 00:12:55 |
Yeah. Well, see... |
| 00:12:58 |
I have a dream... |
| 00:13:01 |
of spreading sign language... |
| 00:13:04 |
around the world. |
| 00:13:08 |
Mom, will you be so kind? |
| 00:13:21 |
Tammy Curry... |
| 00:13:23 |
and I'm signing up |
| 00:13:25 |
'cause of |
| 00:13:27 |
This one's for varsity soccer. |
| 00:13:29 |
I'm captain. |
| 00:13:30 |
I run track, and right here |
| 00:13:34 |
of the Lutheran |
| 00:13:35 |
Love that one. |
| 00:13:43 |
Would you say... |
| 00:13:45 |
you have a good chance |
| 00:13:47 |
Yeah. You bet I do. |
| 00:13:49 |
I mean, maybe other people think |
| 00:13:52 |
but other people didn't think |
| 00:13:55 |
Becky Leeman for president of |
| 00:13:59 |
It's just like |
| 00:14:02 |
"I'm a winner. |
| 00:14:03 |
"Nobody can stop me but me. " |
| 00:14:16 |
Well, you know, I think |
| 00:14:20 |
considering the fact |
| 00:14:22 |
It's always hard to see |
| 00:14:24 |
Especially |
| 00:14:27 |
It's just so odd and gross. |
| 00:14:31 |
You know, sometimes... |
| 00:14:32 |
it's hard to understand |
| 00:14:37 |
But the show must go on. |
| 00:14:39 |
I gotta get ahold of Ted... |
| 00:14:41 |
and ask him if we can use that |
| 00:14:43 |
so you watch |
| 00:14:45 |
You girls gonna sign up |
| 00:14:48 |
I ain't gonna be |
| 00:14:50 |
Look what happened |
| 00:14:52 |
Tammy Curry? |
| 00:14:53 |
Yeah. Everyone says |
| 00:14:55 |
She got iced |
| 00:14:57 |
and this time someone |
| 00:14:59 |
This pageant's |
| 00:15:01 |
Girls check in, |
| 00:15:03 |
Yeah, and they say smoking's |
| 00:15:10 |
And... tendu, close. |
| 00:15:14 |
Tendu, close, plié. |
| 00:15:17 |
And repeat. |
| 00:15:18 |
Tendu... |
| 00:15:19 |
Suck in the bellies, girls! |
| 00:15:21 |
And tuck in the tushes! |
| 00:15:23 |
Close those legs. |
| 00:15:25 |
You look like a bunch |
| 00:15:28 |
Other side! |
| 00:15:30 |
And tendu, close. Tendu, close. |
| 00:15:34 |
Tendu, close, plié. |
| 00:15:35 |
Yeah, you boys |
| 00:15:38 |
If I was a betting woman... |
| 00:15:40 |
and there was a line |
| 00:15:41 |
I'd lay down ten to one |
| 00:15:44 |
to Amber Atkins |
| 00:15:47 |
Oh, sweet Jesus. |
| 00:15:48 |
What a showdown this should be. |
| 00:15:50 |
If Cain and Abel... |
| 00:15:52 |
Oh, God! |
| 00:15:54 |
That's so embarrassing. |
| 00:16:02 |
My winning the Mount Rose... |
| 00:16:07 |
American Teen Princess Pageant |
| 00:16:13 |
Amber does my hair once a week. |
| 00:16:17 |
Well, it's the least I can do... |
| 00:16:20 |
for the reigning Mount Rose |
| 00:16:25 |
- Oh, God. |
| 00:16:27 |
Oh, just a little snarl. |
| 00:16:30 |
Don't tell. |
| 00:16:33 |
What? Oh, my God. |
| 00:16:36 |
Lights, camera, and me |
| 00:16:40 |
What are you guys doing here? |
| 00:16:42 |
What are you doing here? |
| 00:16:44 |
Oh, Amber, like you're |
| 00:16:49 |
Who are you? |
| 00:16:51 |
"Who are you?" |
| 00:16:56 |
She always says that. |
| 00:16:58 |
It's a little game |
| 00:17:00 |
Same dippy little look |
| 00:17:02 |
"Who are you? Who are you?" |
| 00:17:05 |
Just like that. |
| 00:17:06 |
It's me... Becky. |
| 00:17:09 |
And I brought your favorites. |
| 00:17:13 |
Real nice, Becky. |
| 00:17:16 |
She's skinny, Amber, not deaf. |
| 00:17:42 |
So, beyond this pageant |
| 00:17:46 |
and certain things |
| 00:17:49 |
Yeah, I got dreams. |
| 00:17:52 |
Sometimes I dream of winning. |
| 00:17:55 |
I dream of getting out |
| 00:17:57 |
and being a big-time reporter |
| 00:18:00 |
I mean, guys get out of |
| 00:18:03 |
for hockey scholarships... |
| 00:18:06 |
or prison. |
| 00:18:08 |
Yeah, 1963. |
| 00:18:11 |
Her beauty worked against her... |
| 00:18:13 |
when she started as a reporter |
| 00:18:16 |
Those were different times. |
| 00:18:19 |
That's my mom. |
| 00:18:21 |
Hey, Amber, |
| 00:18:23 |
Yeah. I'll get 'em in a sec. |
| 00:18:25 |
Aw, shit. |
| 00:18:27 |
They're from Los Angeles. |
| 00:18:29 |
They wanted to see my room |
| 00:18:31 |
Yeah, well, if they ask you |
| 00:18:34 |
get the money first. |
| 00:18:36 |
And go get my smokes! |
| 00:18:57 |
Hey, hey, you like it? |
| 00:18:59 |
- Open it. |
| 00:19:01 |
Yeah, the globe. |
| 00:19:02 |
Go on, |
| 00:19:04 |
Here, watch. |
| 00:19:05 |
Honey, this isn't a showroom. |
| 00:19:06 |
See, this holds three |
| 00:19:09 |
Tape cassette |
| 00:19:13 |
All right, all right. |
| 00:19:15 |
How quickly they forget |
| 00:19:18 |
Taiwan. |
| 00:19:19 |
That's enough, young lady. |
| 00:19:22 |
I beg your pardon. |
| 00:19:24 |
Lmpartial? |
| 00:19:26 |
When I'm outside these walls, |
| 00:19:29 |
president Civil Servettes, |
| 00:19:31 |
But I'm in my house now, |
| 00:19:33 |
I'm wearing my wife apron |
| 00:19:35 |
so I can safely say |
| 00:19:37 |
of the most talented contestant |
| 00:19:40 |
Oh, gosh, she's been |
| 00:19:42 |
since she was knee-high |
| 00:19:44 |
Yeah, she's damn |
| 00:19:46 |
you know, that little... |
| 00:19:48 |
the one with the glass eye... |
| 00:19:50 |
the Candy Man... |
| 00:19:51 |
- Sammy Davis, Jr. |
| 00:19:54 |
Nice one, Dad. He's dead. |
| 00:20:07 |
Yeah. Then we have |
| 00:20:09 |
Where each girl has a little |
| 00:20:12 |
with the judges |
| 00:20:15 |
Then we have the... |
| 00:20:21 |
Hello, Tony. |
| 00:20:25 |
Hey to the folks. |
| 00:20:27 |
Yeah, all right. |
| 00:20:28 |
Gladys, the Judges Interview. |
| 00:20:37 |
So you've judged a lot |
| 00:20:40 |
No. No. No way. No. |
| 00:20:43 |
Never judged a pageant |
| 00:20:47 |
No way. |
| 00:20:48 |
Never been around young girls. |
| 00:20:55 |
I mean, even if I was... |
| 00:20:58 |
I mean, why would I want |
| 00:21:00 |
I don't get off |
| 00:21:02 |
That's really |
| 00:21:07 |
Someone say something? |
| 00:21:17 |
Do you judge the pageant |
| 00:21:18 |
No. I've never judged |
| 00:21:21 |
Harold, are we on "Cops"? |
| 00:21:23 |
Are we on "Cops," Harold? |
| 00:21:25 |
Shut up, Hank. |
| 00:21:29 |
Harold, |
| 00:21:31 |
Well, Mom's dead, |
| 00:21:33 |
I will if you shut your piehole. |
| 00:21:46 |
Don't make me... |
| 00:21:47 |
Don't make me kick you |
| 00:21:49 |
Don't make me |
| 00:21:51 |
Come on! |
| 00:21:55 |
So, are you excited? |
| 00:21:56 |
Oh, you bet. |
| 00:21:57 |
We're happier than the day |
| 00:22:00 |
I get made a judge, then |
| 00:22:03 |
to paint the whole damn thing. |
| 00:22:05 |
We're going to use the money... |
| 00:22:07 |
to get our mom |
| 00:22:09 |
and to move her out |
| 00:22:16 |
Listen, guys, |
| 00:22:19 |
you just let me know because |
| 00:22:22 |
So, here we are. |
| 00:22:24 |
My place of business, |
| 00:22:26 |
the world's largest |
| 00:22:29 |
Right here, we have |
| 00:22:32 |
Farmers like that one. |
| 00:22:34 |
OK, showtime. |
| 00:22:36 |
Hey, Tim, Carla, listen... |
| 00:22:39 |
you two don't Jew me down |
| 00:22:42 |
I'll throw in a hutch |
| 00:22:44 |
See, that's my specialty. |
| 00:22:46 |
You don't pay less, |
| 00:22:50 |
The secret is... the hutch |
| 00:22:54 |
Ain't that right, Jean? |
| 00:22:57 |
Take a memo, sweetheart. |
| 00:23:12 |
Five, six, seven... and one... |
| 00:23:15 |
Get that tempo right. |
| 00:23:17 |
Come on, kick it! |
| 00:23:25 |
Just watching the young girls. |
| 00:23:28 |
Contestants. You know... |
| 00:23:30 |
like the rest of my friends |
| 00:23:38 |
Are you getting her? |
| 00:23:39 |
The third one, the blond one. |
| 00:23:41 |
Leave him alone. It's OK. |
| 00:23:49 |
It's just a camera I keep |
| 00:23:53 |
for... car accidents. |
| 00:24:00 |
I mean, you guys got a camera... |
| 00:24:02 |
and no one's accusing you |
| 00:24:22 |
So, Brett, you want to go |
| 00:24:25 |
Actually, |
| 00:24:29 |
Well, maybe Friday then. |
| 00:24:30 |
A bunch of us |
| 00:24:33 |
Well... |
| 00:24:35 |
I'm kind of busy on Friday. |
| 00:24:51 |
Give her your tray, Brett. |
| 00:24:52 |
You're holding up the line. |
| 00:24:56 |
Give it to her. |
| 00:24:58 |
Here, I'll take it. |
| 00:25:00 |
No. It's all right. |
| 00:25:02 |
Well, you're supposed |
| 00:25:10 |
Aw, man. |
| 00:25:12 |
You got some lutefisk |
| 00:25:15 |
Then it must be Wednesday. |
| 00:25:19 |
Lutefisk is codfish |
| 00:25:23 |
and soaked in lye |
| 00:25:28 |
It's best with lots of butter. |
| 00:25:31 |
I'm not really busy on Friday. |
| 00:25:35 |
I was just saying that, |
| 00:25:37 |
I know. |
| 00:25:38 |
Well... |
| 00:25:40 |
if you wanted to do something... |
| 00:25:43 |
Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. You bet. |
| 00:25:46 |
Oh, crap. |
| 00:25:47 |
I probably gotta work |
| 00:25:49 |
We're real busy |
| 00:25:51 |
Hunting season. |
| 00:25:54 |
Well, I'm cutting out of here |
| 00:25:57 |
and doing |
| 00:25:58 |
but maybe I could |
| 00:26:00 |
Yeah, sure. |
| 00:26:03 |
- All right. |
| 00:26:19 |
Oh, God. |
| 00:26:21 |
You don't think Becky |
| 00:26:23 |
Look, you shouldn't be in here. |
| 00:26:25 |
Doreen gave us hair nets. |
| 00:26:27 |
No, listen. |
| 00:26:29 |
Stop by my house tonight, OK? |
| 00:26:34 |
Go. |
| 00:26:50 |
They take out her butt? |
| 00:26:51 |
Oh, Jesus H. Christ. |
| 00:26:54 |
Oh, are we on "Cops" again? |
| 00:26:56 |
OK, be quiet. |
| 00:26:59 |
It's just the guys |
| 00:27:01 |
making the movie |
| 00:27:03 |
I told you all about 'em. |
| 00:27:05 |
I tell Annette, you talk to me |
| 00:27:07 |
you might as well |
| 00:27:10 |
You guys want a beer? |
| 00:27:11 |
No, thank you. Is Amber here? |
| 00:27:13 |
Oh, no. You just missed her. |
| 00:27:15 |
She got called down |
| 00:27:17 |
She's in a hell of a mood today. |
| 00:27:19 |
Say, you boys been |
| 00:27:21 |
Shut it, Loretta. |
| 00:27:22 |
If so, you got all the pictures |
| 00:27:25 |
- Shut it. |
| 00:27:30 |
Let's just say who should win, |
| 00:27:33 |
Why don't you just paint |
| 00:27:36 |
Best damn tapper, |
| 00:27:38 |
Most smartest? |
| 00:27:40 |
Oh, that's great. |
| 00:27:42 |
"Most smartest. " |
| 00:27:44 |
Most smartest. |
| 00:27:46 |
I'm cutting you off |
| 00:27:47 |
Excuse me, but I'm bragging up |
| 00:27:51 |
I know. Come on, let's go. |
| 00:27:52 |
Amber's gonna be the next |
| 00:27:54 |
They're making a movie here. |
| 00:27:55 |
All right, |
| 00:27:57 |
What makes you think |
| 00:27:59 |
Why do I think Becky'll win? |
| 00:28:01 |
You're talking... Don't pinch. |
| 00:28:02 |
You're talking about the richest |
| 00:28:05 |
It's front-page news |
| 00:28:07 |
Oh, great. |
| 00:28:10 |
Can one of you boys |
| 00:28:12 |
Don't fall for it. |
| 00:28:13 |
She lives two trailers down. |
| 00:28:15 |
So? Be real easy. |
| 00:28:16 |
Go on home, Loretta. |
| 00:28:18 |
Go on. The party's over. |
| 00:28:30 |
Oh, my God! |
| 00:28:31 |
Jesus Christ on a cross! |
| 00:28:34 |
Look, number one rule |
| 00:28:37 |
Never sneak up on the living. |
| 00:28:39 |
You never know who could |
| 00:28:41 |
or a skull saw in their hand. |
| 00:28:43 |
Mr. Larson's son |
| 00:28:45 |
He's buried next to my grandpa. |
| 00:28:54 |
Are you upset about Brett? |
| 00:28:55 |
Upset about Brett? |
| 00:28:57 |
Nah. Hazard of the trade. |
| 00:29:02 |
I don't really have time |
| 00:29:06 |
It's weird, though. |
| 00:29:07 |
He took it |
| 00:29:11 |
Don't often see that. |
| 00:29:15 |
So, you know, |
| 00:29:17 |
He did? |
| 00:29:19 |
Well, hunting's dangerous. |
| 00:29:22 |
So, anyways, my mom gave me |
| 00:29:24 |
for my sixteenth birthday. |
| 00:29:31 |
I need Stella now. |
| 00:29:33 |
The family's steaming |
| 00:29:35 |
Said she doesn't look nothin' |
| 00:29:37 |
Sorry. I just thought she might |
| 00:29:39 |
looking like a cheap whore. |
| 00:29:41 |
Well, this cheap whore |
| 00:29:44 |
The Clemens |
| 00:29:47 |
like he just came in |
| 00:29:48 |
Pink cheeks and... |
| 00:29:50 |
Red nose and ears. |
| 00:30:07 |
Sorry I couldn't talk to you |
| 00:30:12 |
I was scared, OK? |
| 00:30:13 |
I open my locker today |
| 00:30:17 |
and there's a picture |
| 00:30:22 |
This was written on the back: |
| 00:30:26 |
Oh, yeah, |
| 00:30:29 |
After some thorough |
| 00:30:32 |
we determined |
| 00:30:35 |
must have been smoking |
| 00:30:38 |
Well, yeah, Tammy liked |
| 00:30:41 |
but, I mean... |
| 00:30:43 |
She said the heavy vibration |
| 00:30:45 |
But I know for a fact Tammy |
| 00:30:49 |
You ask me or anyone else who |
| 00:30:52 |
Tammy was murdered. |
| 00:30:56 |
I bet Diane Sawyer never had |
| 00:31:00 |
If it's another stray bullet |
| 00:31:02 |
I'm gonna need more caps. |
| 00:31:04 |
You have to go home. |
| 00:31:05 |
There's some kind of emergency |
| 00:31:07 |
Relax. That's my ma's code... |
| 00:31:08 |
for bring home milk |
| 00:31:10 |
No. Loretta called. |
| 00:31:17 |
Oh, my God. |
| 00:31:39 |
Hey, hey, hey! Family? |
| 00:31:42 |
No, she's just screaming "Mom" |
| 00:31:45 |
She's Annette's kid, dipshit. |
| 00:31:46 |
She's alive, sweetie. |
| 00:31:55 |
I'll be right behind you |
| 00:31:57 |
Don't let that worry you, |
| 00:32:10 |
So, Doctor, is this sort |
| 00:32:15 |
This was a doozie. |
| 00:32:17 |
Right now our chief concern |
| 00:32:21 |
and then in surgery... |
| 00:32:23 |
remove this. |
| 00:32:25 |
Oh, God. |
| 00:32:27 |
Oh, Mom, it's so ugly. |
| 00:32:29 |
Ruined a brand-new pair |
| 00:32:32 |
Well, I sat down to have a beer, |
| 00:32:36 |
Next thing I know... |
| 00:32:38 |
something blows |
| 00:32:40 |
and I'm ass-up |
| 00:32:44 |
Hey, ass-wipe, quit dicking |
| 00:32:47 |
Just put another book under it. |
| 00:32:49 |
Dude, don't say "ass-wipe. " |
| 00:32:50 |
Mom's got the window open. |
| 00:32:53 |
because we only got three |
| 00:32:55 |
All right, ready. |
| 00:32:57 |
One, two... |
| 00:32:58 |
One, two, three! |
| 00:33:03 |
Shit! |
| 00:33:05 |
Let's get out of here! |
| 00:33:10 |
I shoved your tap shoes |
| 00:33:12 |
before I was blown |
| 00:33:15 |
You go find the guy |
| 00:33:17 |
He'll give 'em to you... |
| 00:33:18 |
so you can practice |
| 00:33:24 |
About that... |
| 00:33:29 |
I... Oh, my God! |
| 00:33:33 |
Oh, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. |
| 00:33:37 |
She's pregnant! |
| 00:33:39 |
Oh, Amber, wait! |
| 00:33:41 |
Come back here. |
| 00:33:43 |
And then kill you! |
| 00:33:45 |
Why don't you see |
| 00:33:47 |
left in that can |
| 00:33:51 |
- I'm quitting the pageant. |
| 00:33:54 |
I'm quitting the pageant. |
| 00:33:56 |
I was just trying to scare you |
| 00:34:00 |
Christ, the woman clung |
| 00:34:01 |
while flying through the air |
| 00:34:04 |
I know, I know. |
| 00:34:05 |
Hey, Little Miss Sad Pants |
| 00:34:08 |
How about |
| 00:34:10 |
to turn those frowns |
| 00:34:14 |
Do you think a nice cool mint |
| 00:34:16 |
if I shoved your head |
| 00:34:22 |
So what do I say? |
| 00:34:23 |
Simple, just say... |
| 00:34:29 |
I know you sacrificed |
| 00:34:31 |
relationships, dreams... |
| 00:34:33 |
your tummy, ass, and thighs... |
| 00:34:34 |
all to bring me |
| 00:34:36 |
all so I could have tap lessons |
| 00:34:39 |
the same one you were in, |
| 00:34:41 |
I'm quitting. |
| 00:34:42 |
There. Easy as pie. |
| 00:34:45 |
Oh, my God. I am so dead. |
| 00:34:47 |
Yeah, you betcha. |
| 00:34:49 |
Go on, get out! |
| 00:34:51 |
Next one in here without a pack |
| 00:34:54 |
Yeah, sure. |
| 00:34:57 |
Get out! |
| 00:35:00 |
Mom, look. Don't talk. |
| 00:35:02 |
First of all, |
| 00:35:06 |
I am not letting go |
| 00:35:09 |
Amber, I am reaching a point |
| 00:35:13 |
for the nicotine |
| 00:35:15 |
You hear me, Loretta? |
| 00:35:16 |
OK, OK... |
| 00:35:18 |
yesterday I got this picture... |
| 00:35:21 |
so I'm thinking about... |
| 00:35:24 |
you know... |
| 00:35:26 |
I'm gonna quit the pageant. |
| 00:35:28 |
What? |
| 00:35:29 |
Oh, excuse us, guys. |
| 00:35:31 |
Would you excuse us |
| 00:35:34 |
Loretta, get out of here! |
| 00:35:36 |
What's your problem? |
| 00:35:37 |
What's my problem? |
| 00:35:41 |
Nice, Ma. Real nice. |
| 00:35:42 |
Nice mouth you got there... |
| 00:35:44 |
but I'm not going |
| 00:35:45 |
You? You're not |
| 00:35:48 |
You're not the one that knows |
| 00:35:51 |
Oh, come on, Mom. |
| 00:35:52 |
First the picture of Tammy, then |
| 00:35:55 |
It's scary. |
| 00:35:56 |
Scary? |
| 00:35:59 |
Look here. Look at me. |
| 00:36:01 |
You want to look |
| 00:36:03 |
and put away wet |
| 00:36:05 |
I'm a lifer here. |
| 00:36:06 |
Best thing |
| 00:36:08 |
is to end up |
| 00:36:10 |
where they change me |
| 00:36:16 |
Honest to God, honey. |
| 00:36:17 |
If I had it to do over... |
| 00:36:20 |
I'd start walking |
| 00:36:23 |
the minute I could take |
| 00:36:25 |
You know, practically... |
| 00:36:27 |
the only thing I wouldn't do |
| 00:36:33 |
God, I hope that's you |
| 00:36:37 |
It's me. |
| 00:36:38 |
I just don't want this to be |
| 00:36:43 |
Now, this pageant's |
| 00:36:46 |
and I know you can win. |
| 00:36:49 |
Come here. |
| 00:36:51 |
Oh, I love you much. |
| 00:36:53 |
I love you much. |
| 00:36:55 |
And you're gonna win. |
| 00:36:57 |
She's gonna win. |
| 00:36:59 |
Isn't she gonna win, Loretta? |
| 00:37:00 |
You bet. |
| 00:37:01 |
You'll see. |
| 00:37:02 |
Hell no, she ain't quitting. |
| 00:37:04 |
No. Mom said if I did... |
| 00:37:06 |
she'd look up my dad |
| 00:37:08 |
So, has your mom |
| 00:37:10 |
No, she never hid the fact... |
| 00:37:12 |
that my dad |
| 00:37:15 |
What did she used to say? |
| 00:37:16 |
Once a carny, always a carny. |
| 00:37:18 |
Mom still cries |
| 00:37:20 |
or a fat lady in a tube top. |
| 00:37:23 |
The Atkins fire. |
| 00:37:25 |
Foul play? Shit, no. |
| 00:37:27 |
After some extensive |
| 00:37:29 |
we determined that it must |
| 00:37:33 |
Bad wiring? |
| 00:37:34 |
That's the biggest |
| 00:37:38 |
What, they have a sale |
| 00:37:41 |
I just need one more do-over. |
| 00:38:02 |
Now, we need to remember the |
| 00:38:06 |
to give a really good |
| 00:38:09 |
Listen up, number one. |
| 00:38:11 |
Number one. |
| 00:38:12 |
American Teen Princesses... |
| 00:38:15 |
do not cross their legs |
| 00:38:17 |
Excuse me, |
| 00:38:19 |
put your knees together. |
| 00:38:21 |
I could drive |
| 00:38:22 |
Ankles together. |
| 00:38:24 |
Hands resting |
| 00:38:27 |
Good. |
| 00:38:29 |
All right, number two. |
| 00:38:31 |
The judges are just |
| 00:38:41 |
So, are you about ready... |
| 00:38:43 |
to start the judging, |
| 00:38:49 |
I guess I could answer that. |
| 00:38:52 |
Yeah, we're ready. |
| 00:38:53 |
So we should probably get |
| 00:38:57 |
You know, |
| 00:39:01 |
If you could be any tree |
| 00:39:06 |
what kind of tree would you be? |
| 00:39:10 |
Dogwood. |
| 00:39:12 |
Bonsai. |
| 00:39:13 |
Green? |
| 00:39:14 |
I can be any kind |
| 00:39:16 |
Just give me a minute |
| 00:39:24 |
One with strong roots in |
| 00:39:28 |
a solid Christian trunk... |
| 00:39:31 |
and long leafy branches |
| 00:39:35 |
for handicapped kids |
| 00:39:38 |
You guys know |
| 00:39:42 |
I don't want to see that. |
| 00:39:47 |
Who would you pick to be |
| 00:39:50 |
Emperor Hirohito. |
| 00:39:52 |
Brett Favre. |
| 00:40:01 |
My mother, 'cause she could |
| 00:40:05 |
with one of her blue-ribbon |
| 00:40:08 |
create world peace |
| 00:40:11 |
and still find time |
| 00:40:14 |
for my dad, Lester Leeman. |
| 00:40:16 |
Do you like to swim? |
| 00:40:19 |
Yeah, I love to swim. |
| 00:40:21 |
When I was in New York, |
| 00:40:23 |
at one of my brother's shows. |
| 00:40:39 |
The tard's pants |
| 00:40:45 |
Close up shop. |
| 00:40:49 |
Are you Amber Atkins? |
| 00:40:51 |
Yes, yes, I am. Hello. |
| 00:40:57 |
Name and spell |
| 00:40:59 |
in alphabetical order. |
| 00:41:03 |
Seriously? |
| 00:41:11 |
Well... |
| 00:41:14 |
Alabama. |
| 00:41:17 |
A- I-a-b-a-m-a. |
| 00:41:20 |
Alaska. |
| 00:41:21 |
A- I-a-s-k-a. |
| 00:41:27 |
Arizona. |
| 00:41:31 |
A- r-i-z-o-n-a. |
| 00:41:34 |
West Virginia. |
| 00:41:36 |
W- e-s-t V-i-r-g-i-n-i-a. |
| 00:41:40 |
Wisconsin. |
| 00:41:42 |
W- i-s-c-o-n-s-i-n. |
| 00:41:46 |
Wyoming. |
| 00:41:47 |
W- y-o-m-i-n-g. |
| 00:41:54 |
Well, OK. |
| 00:42:01 |
With two weeks until |
| 00:42:04 |
I was practicing my talent, |
| 00:42:11 |
brushing up on current events... |
| 00:42:14 |
and running eighteen miles a day |
| 00:42:20 |
I was ready. |
| 00:42:35 |
Girls, couple of things. |
| 00:42:37 |
All right, very important. |
| 00:42:38 |
Gladys wants us to all go |
| 00:42:42 |
All right, so very important, |
| 00:42:47 |
Oh, yeah, really nervous. |
| 00:42:51 |
It's been about two months. |
| 00:42:54 |
I haven't told my boyfriend yet. |
| 00:42:57 |
How did you know? |
| 00:42:58 |
I meant nervous |
| 00:43:01 |
Oh, nervous about the pageant. |
| 00:43:06 |
There are eight thousand |
| 00:43:08 |
and fifteen hundred beads |
| 00:43:11 |
My mom had Mrs. Lopez make it. |
| 00:43:13 |
She's one of my father's |
| 00:43:17 |
He lifts them from the poverty |
| 00:43:20 |
Yeah, all my mom's clothes |
| 00:43:23 |
Forming, like, this big |
| 00:43:27 |
But in some kind |
| 00:43:30 |
our neighbor boy Kenny Hansen... |
| 00:43:31 |
found my tap costume |
| 00:43:33 |
while he was setting |
| 00:43:36 |
Here's the weird part. |
| 00:43:37 |
It was still on the hanger. |
| 00:43:41 |
This is my lucky bolt. |
| 00:43:43 |
They think that it fell |
| 00:43:46 |
The doctor said I was really |
| 00:43:49 |
'Cause otherwise it could have |
| 00:43:52 |
I know, I know. |
| 00:43:57 |
Can we switch numbers? |
| 00:44:01 |
My cousin just had a deaf baby, |
| 00:44:07 |
I need to go first. |
| 00:44:09 |
Yeah, sure. |
| 00:44:12 |
Diane Sawyer has number eight |
| 00:44:16 |
- Thanks. |
| 00:44:19 |
I can see what's mine now |
| 00:44:26 |
Finding out what's true |
| 00:44:32 |
Since I found you |
| 00:44:38 |
Looking through the eyes |
| 00:44:43 |
Of... |
| 00:44:45 |
I'm gonna be honest. |
| 00:44:47 |
This is a hard time for me... |
| 00:44:49 |
because this is the time |
| 00:44:52 |
when you realize |
| 00:44:54 |
all but one of these girls |
| 00:44:58 |
To be |
| 00:44:59 |
It's just really hard... |
| 00:45:00 |
for me to know |
| 00:45:03 |
It can't feel good. |
| 00:45:07 |
Oh, my God, oh, my God. |
| 00:45:09 |
Don't touch her. |
| 00:45:13 |
Don't move the body. |
| 00:45:15 |
She could be paralyzed |
| 00:45:16 |
and you wouldn't know it. |
| 00:45:18 |
Someone call nine-one-one. |
| 00:45:19 |
Don't say anything... |
| 00:45:21 |
'cause it might be |
| 00:45:25 |
Don't you get it? |
| 00:45:27 |
I was supposed to go first. |
| 00:45:28 |
I was contestant number one. |
| 00:45:31 |
That light was meant |
| 00:45:33 |
If Jenelle hadn't |
| 00:45:38 |
I owe my life |
| 00:45:43 |
Hey, that was your mom. |
| 00:45:45 |
She wanted you to have this. |
| 00:45:50 |
Really, Loretta? |
| 00:45:52 |
You bet. |
| 00:45:55 |
My mom wanted me to have this? |
| 00:45:59 |
Oh, shut up. |
| 00:46:00 |
I thought it might help you |
| 00:46:02 |
Loretta, never have kids. |
| 00:46:06 |
Well, God love you |
| 00:46:09 |
Your ma did want you |
| 00:46:11 |
since your other one |
| 00:46:13 |
It's just like Diane Sawyer's! |
| 00:46:16 |
Of course, it's not a size ten. |
| 00:46:18 |
Diane was a little hippy then. |
| 00:46:20 |
- Not our girl. |
| 00:46:33 |
Pain meds. |
| 00:46:34 |
Hope this thing ends |
| 00:46:39 |
We have excitement. |
| 00:46:41 |
Big excitement. |
| 00:46:42 |
Go, Molly! |
| 00:46:44 |
Go. |
| 00:46:45 |
Leslie Miller |
| 00:46:48 |
Whoo! Go, Muskies! |
| 00:47:07 |
Oh, gotta go. |
| 00:47:20 |
Thank you, thank you. |
| 00:47:22 |
Oh, my. |
| 00:47:24 |
Is that for me or my gown? |
| 00:47:31 |
Welcome to the Mount Rose |
| 00:47:35 |
While every contestant... |
| 00:47:38 |
you'll meet here tonight |
| 00:47:41 |
they all have |
| 00:47:44 |
They are all proud |
| 00:48:29 |
I chose Mount Rushmore... |
| 00:48:31 |
because to live in a country... |
| 00:48:33 |
where you can take |
| 00:48:35 |
and put faces on it, |
| 00:48:38 |
who did so much to make |
| 00:48:41 |
well, that makes me, |
| 00:48:44 |
proud to be an American. |
| 00:48:46 |
I'm Lisa Swenson, and I am proud |
| 00:48:50 |
because living in a country |
| 00:48:52 |
always keeps her flame |
| 00:48:57 |
She always keeps her flame |
| 00:49:01 |
It makes me proud |
| 00:49:03 |
God. |
| 00:49:04 |
The Washington Monument... |
| 00:49:06 |
Oh, yeah, baby! |
| 00:49:09 |
Makes me... |
| 00:49:10 |
Leslie Miller, |
| 00:49:15 |
Living in a country |
| 00:49:18 |
or where you come from, |
| 00:49:21 |
and become what you've always |
| 00:49:25 |
Amber Atkins, |
| 00:49:28 |
Atomic power makes me, |
| 00:49:32 |
proud to be an Asian-American. |
| 00:49:34 |
My uncle Phil's world's-largest |
| 00:49:38 |
in Bundy, Minnesota... |
| 00:49:40 |
it makes me proud I'm American. |
| 00:49:43 |
I kind of misunderstood |
| 00:49:51 |
A couple of notes from |
| 00:49:54 |
Gladys says a couple of youse... |
| 00:49:56 |
are getting sexy |
| 00:49:57 |
during the physical |
| 00:49:59 |
Oh, my God, |
| 00:50:02 |
Amber, we are not putting on |
| 00:50:05 |
You need to put on |
| 00:50:08 |
Let's shake a leg, ladies! |
| 00:50:10 |
It was here |
| 00:50:14 |
Wait. |
| 00:50:16 |
What am I saying? |
| 00:50:18 |
I should just ask you, Becky. |
| 00:50:21 |
Where is it? |
| 00:50:23 |
What? |
| 00:50:24 |
You heard me. Where is it? |
| 00:50:28 |
If you're getting at something, |
| 00:50:31 |
I just did. |
| 00:50:33 |
Well, then you'd better be |
| 00:50:35 |
because you're talking crazy. |
| 00:50:36 |
You bring me on some |
| 00:50:39 |
Bring it on! |
| 00:50:40 |
Well, as my mother says |
| 00:50:42 |
come and get it! |
| 00:50:43 |
I'll get it! |
| 00:50:44 |
I might even take seconds! |
| 00:50:46 |
If you want seconds, |
| 00:50:48 |
Give me your stringy ass! |
| 00:50:52 |
I think that you guys |
| 00:50:54 |
The girls are changing. |
| 00:50:56 |
All right, let's go. |
| 00:50:58 |
- I hate her! |
| 00:51:00 |
Let's give a big round |
| 00:51:02 |
for last year's |
| 00:51:05 |
in her farewell performance. |
| 00:51:07 |
Who could ever forget |
| 00:51:09 |
to "Don't Cry Out Loud" |
| 00:51:13 |
And here she is... |
| 00:51:14 |
Mary Johanson. |
| 00:51:25 |
Don't cry out loud |
| 00:51:31 |
Just keep it inside |
| 00:51:33 |
And learn how to hide |
| 00:51:38 |
Fly high and proud |
| 00:51:44 |
And if you should fall |
| 00:51:47 |
Remember you almost |
| 00:51:49 |
Had it all |
| 00:51:57 |
All right, why don't we pick up |
| 00:51:59 |
for the physical fitness number? |
| 00:52:00 |
There we go. |
| 00:52:02 |
They're wet. |
| 00:52:03 |
What? |
| 00:52:04 |
My hands are stuck. |
| 00:52:07 |
I'm kind of dizzy |
| 00:52:08 |
You know what, girls? |
| 00:52:10 |
Keep them away from you so |
| 00:52:12 |
There we go. |
| 00:52:13 |
Let's form a line. |
| 00:52:18 |
What kind of a mental retard... |
| 00:52:19 |
paints stepladders |
| 00:52:21 |
I'm the judge! |
| 00:52:24 |
Back, you cuddly retard. |
| 00:52:28 |
Go, Hank! |
| 00:52:29 |
It's OK. |
| 00:52:31 |
My dress is fine. |
| 00:52:34 |
All right, so... |
| 00:52:37 |
our other judges are... |
| 00:52:39 |
Jean Kangas... |
| 00:52:40 |
and John Dough... |
| 00:52:42 |
Opening number looked good... |
| 00:52:45 |
solid, but now you're going |
| 00:52:48 |
So, here, put a dab of this |
| 00:52:52 |
It'll help you smile... |
| 00:52:54 |
and when they're looking |
| 00:52:56 |
they won't be looking |
| 00:54:18 |
Hurry up. |
| 00:54:20 |
OK, I think we all got some. |
| 00:54:22 |
Just take it off. |
| 00:54:23 |
Here, I didn't... |
| 00:54:26 |
I think it went really well. |
| 00:54:28 |
Don't go in the bathroom. |
| 00:54:30 |
Tess blew chunks all over. |
| 00:54:32 |
She ate a really large dinner. |
| 00:54:35 |
Maybe she should've |
| 00:54:37 |
down her throat for dessert. |
| 00:54:40 |
And the winner |
| 00:54:43 |
I'd like to take you back |
| 00:54:46 |
when a peanut farmer |
| 00:54:50 |
a group of boys |
| 00:54:52 |
topped the record charts... |
| 00:54:54 |
and Gladys Leeman |
| 00:54:57 |
and she was Mount Rose |
| 00:55:08 |
Thank you very much. |
| 00:55:10 |
You know, seventeen years ago, |
| 00:55:15 |
by sewing... |
| 00:55:17 |
these culottes... |
| 00:55:18 |
Butterick pattern |
| 00:55:20 |
And can you believe it? |
| 00:55:22 |
They still fit. |
| 00:55:24 |
She had a big ass then, |
| 00:55:26 |
Our next contestant is ready, |
| 00:55:29 |
Tess Weinhaus. |
| 00:55:36 |
Yeah, it's just gone. |
| 00:55:40 |
I mean... |
| 00:55:41 |
I just wanna tap, you know? |
| 00:55:44 |
I'm not saying I'm the best |
| 00:55:49 |
shouldn't I at least |
| 00:55:51 |
The beagle is known |
| 00:55:59 |
I just wanted my mom |
| 00:56:01 |
Amber, Amber, come here. |
| 00:56:04 |
Please. I got so much Vaseline |
| 00:56:07 |
I'm going to be smiling |
| 00:56:09 |
No. Here. |
| 00:56:11 |
It's nothing special... |
| 00:56:12 |
but talent like yours doesn't |
| 00:56:15 |
Oh, Miss K. |
| 00:56:16 |
Oh, look. |
| 00:56:18 |
But none can compare |
| 00:56:23 |
the German shepherd. |
| 00:56:28 |
Aw, hell, go out there |
| 00:56:33 |
Not so hard, sweetie. |
| 00:56:35 |
Roll him over! |
| 00:56:37 |
Lay him flat! |
| 00:56:39 |
Pin his shoulders! |
| 00:56:41 |
To the mat! |
| 00:56:43 |
Roll him over! Lay him flat! |
| 00:56:45 |
Pin their shoulders |
| 00:56:47 |
Go... |
| 00:56:49 |
Muskies! Yeah! |
| 00:57:00 |
Fade in. |
| 00:57:02 |
The year... 2024. |
| 00:57:07 |
Planet... Earth. |
| 00:57:10 |
The question |
| 00:57:13 |
What is... |
| 00:57:15 |
Soylent Green? |
| 00:57:22 |
Mrs. Clark, why are you |
| 00:57:24 |
Why are you pretending |
| 00:57:26 |
Amber, I'm sorry. I really am. |
| 00:57:28 |
But you know the rules. |
| 00:57:30 |
All talent costumes |
| 00:57:32 |
by Gladys before the pageant. |
| 00:57:33 |
But doesn't someone |
| 00:57:35 |
so you can't compete |
| 00:57:37 |
Amber, I'm sorry. |
| 00:57:39 |
Oh, this... |
| 00:57:41 |
this is bullshit! |
| 00:57:43 |
Amber Atkins, that is not |
| 00:57:46 |
Good, because this isn't an |
| 00:57:49 |
This is... this is... |
| 00:57:51 |
this is Nazi Germany! |
| 00:57:57 |
Where do they get this stuff? |
| 00:58:07 |
I'm wearing this tap costume. |
| 00:58:09 |
I'm going to do |
| 00:58:11 |
Oh, really? |
| 00:58:12 |
I don't think so. |
| 00:58:17 |
I hate to be the bearer |
| 00:58:20 |
but you know the rules state |
| 00:58:22 |
at least a week in advance. |
| 00:58:25 |
I couldn't let you go out there |
| 00:58:28 |
We've got kids in the audience. |
| 00:58:30 |
I hope you understand. |
| 00:58:32 |
But you... I mean... |
| 00:58:33 |
It's not my fault. Please. |
| 00:58:36 |
I didn't do anything wrong. |
| 00:58:38 |
I know the truth, that's why. |
| 00:58:41 |
I must say... |
| 00:58:42 |
Soylent Green... |
| 00:58:44 |
is people! |
| 00:58:50 |
Now, that's my cue. |
| 00:59:32 |
I just wanted to compete. |
| 00:59:37 |
I can't believe |
| 00:59:40 |
I can't believe she said... |
| 00:59:51 |
Here. |
| 00:59:52 |
Here? What? |
| 00:59:54 |
My jacket. |
| 00:59:55 |
Take it, because I got |
| 00:59:58 |
before the pageant. |
| 00:59:59 |
Put it on. |
| 01:00:01 |
Oh, wow. |
| 01:00:02 |
Lisa, I don't think |
| 01:00:04 |
They're never going to let you |
| 01:00:06 |
Shut up, you guys. |
| 01:00:08 |
Listen, Amber... |
| 01:00:11 |
I'm not going to win. |
| 01:00:14 |
And let's be honest, the family |
| 01:00:16 |
and Peter's got |
| 01:00:19 |
Your parents will kill you. |
| 01:00:20 |
Ah, come on. |
| 01:00:23 |
but they only had me because |
| 01:00:32 |
Thank you. |
| 01:00:37 |
Now... |
| 01:00:38 |
it is with overwhelming pride... |
| 01:00:40 |
that I introduce to you |
| 01:00:42 |
who is also the president of her |
| 01:00:45 |
an honor roll student, |
| 01:00:48 |
of the Lutheran Sisterhood |
| 01:00:50 |
Ladies and gentlemen... |
| 01:00:51 |
Rebecca Ann Leeman! |
| 01:01:02 |
You know what? |
| 01:01:03 |
The rumors are true. |
| 01:01:06 |
I do have a special fella |
| 01:01:10 |
and if nobody minds... |
| 01:01:13 |
I'd like to sing a little song |
| 01:01:19 |
You're just too good |
| 01:01:23 |
To be true |
| 01:01:26 |
Can't take my eyes |
| 01:01:28 |
Off of you |
| 01:01:30 |
Bullshit. |
| 01:01:31 |
You'd be like heaven |
| 01:01:33 |
To touch |
| 01:01:35 |
I wanna hold you |
| 01:01:37 |
So much |
| 01:01:40 |
At long last |
| 01:01:42 |
Love has arrived |
| 01:01:45 |
And I thank God |
| 01:01:47 |
I'm alive |
| 01:01:50 |
You're just too good |
| 01:01:53 |
To be true |
| 01:01:55 |
Can't take my eyes |
| 01:01:57 |
Off of you |
| 01:02:00 |
I love you, baby |
| 01:02:02 |
And if it's quite all right |
| 01:02:04 |
I need you, baby |
| 01:02:06 |
To warm the lonely night |
| 01:02:09 |
I love you, baby |
| 01:02:11 |
Trust in me when I say |
| 01:02:13 |
Lisa, come on, you're next. |
| 01:02:16 |
Nah, I quit. |
| 01:02:18 |
And since my costume was OK'd |
| 01:02:20 |
I'm giving it to Amber. |
| 01:02:25 |
Let me love you, baby |
| 01:02:28 |
Let me love you |
| 01:02:46 |
Oh, boy, |
| 01:02:48 |
The voice of an angel, that one. |
| 01:02:57 |
I have just been notified |
| 01:03:00 |
Lisa Swenson has dropped out |
| 01:03:05 |
I know, |
| 01:03:08 |
and we still have one more |
| 01:03:11 |
Amber Atkins. |
| 01:04:47 |
Thank you. |
| 01:05:03 |
Well... |
| 01:05:05 |
The time has finally come... |
| 01:05:09 |
where we say good-bye |
| 01:05:12 |
so that they can go off and make |
| 01:05:16 |
of their lives. |
| 01:05:24 |
So, who gets the crown? |
| 01:05:25 |
How are you going |
| 01:05:26 |
Well, you know, we'll... |
| 01:05:29 |
compare scores |
| 01:05:32 |
because, I mean, we don't know |
| 01:05:34 |
I mean, I have no idea |
| 01:05:37 |
or Harold. |
| 01:05:39 |
- No. |
| 01:05:42 |
I know who the winner is. |
| 01:05:45 |
I know who the winner... |
| 01:05:46 |
I know who the winner is. |
| 01:05:48 |
That's it. |
| 01:05:50 |
You shut your goddamn mouth, |
| 01:05:54 |
I've had your shit |
| 01:05:57 |
Come on. |
| 01:05:59 |
Back off, college boy! |
| 01:06:03 |
Hank can't help it if he's born |
| 01:06:06 |
For fuck's sake, why didn't you |
| 01:06:15 |
Nice, John. |
| 01:06:16 |
That's real nice. |
| 01:06:18 |
You know the baby-sitter's dead. |
| 01:06:25 |
So... |
| 01:06:27 |
Anyone talk to Jenelle lately? |
| 01:06:29 |
Oh, yeah. I brought her |
| 01:06:31 |
Yeah. She's in the room |
| 01:06:34 |
Oh, she's super happy. |
| 01:06:36 |
She's happy? |
| 01:06:37 |
Oh, the blow to her head |
| 01:06:40 |
Oh, God. |
| 01:06:41 |
- Isn't that great? |
| 01:06:43 |
She's so happy. |
| 01:06:46 |
Jesus Christ! |
| 01:06:48 |
What are they doing, letting |
| 01:06:52 |
Ladies, it's time. |
| 01:07:13 |
Welcome back, everybody... |
| 01:07:16 |
and judges. |
| 01:07:17 |
Oh, gosh. |
| 01:07:19 |
We are so darn close |
| 01:07:22 |
we have all been waiting for. |
| 01:07:25 |
And now, our second runner-up... |
| 01:07:28 |
and winner |
| 01:07:30 |
for the vo-tech |
| 01:07:36 |
Leslie Miller. |
| 01:07:42 |
You rule, Leslie! |
| 01:07:57 |
Envelope, please. |
| 01:08:02 |
Our next prize, a seventy-five- |
| 01:08:05 |
will be awarded |
| 01:08:08 |
The first runner-up is... |
| 01:08:14 |
Amber Atkins. |
| 01:08:43 |
And now, finally the moment... |
| 01:08:46 |
that I know |
| 01:08:48 |
With a scholarship |
| 01:08:51 |
courtesy Leeman Furniture, |
| 01:08:54 |
next weekend, when she will be |
| 01:08:57 |
of Sarah Rose Cosmetics... |
| 01:08:59 |
Minnesota |
| 01:09:08 |
Our new... |
| 01:09:10 |
Mount Rose |
| 01:09:15 |
contestant number... |
| 01:09:18 |
You know what? |
| 01:09:20 |
Rebecca Ann Leeman! |
| 01:09:35 |
Oh, thank you so much. |
| 01:09:40 |
Bitch. |
| 01:10:00 |
Here she is |
| 01:10:02 |
Our Mount Rose |
| 01:10:04 |
American Teen Princess |
| 01:10:06 |
Look at her |
| 01:10:09 |
Doesn't she look fine? |
| 01:10:11 |
Our heart swells big |
| 01:10:14 |
As we look at her |
| 01:10:16 |
Our Mount Rose |
| 01:10:18 |
American Teen Princess |
| 01:10:22 |
One, two, three. |
| 01:10:25 |
- You got her there? |
| 01:10:27 |
We was robbed. We was robbed. |
| 01:10:29 |
It's OK. They're just |
| 01:10:32 |
She almost blew out of Loretta's |
| 01:10:35 |
Thank God for bungee cords. |
| 01:10:37 |
I got second runner-up. |
| 01:10:39 |
I got second place. |
| 01:10:41 |
- Third. |
| 01:10:43 |
- Third. |
| 01:10:51 |
Are you disappointed |
| 01:10:54 |
Yeah, well, no. |
| 01:10:57 |
At least I got to compete, |
| 01:11:02 |
I guess number eight |
| 01:11:04 |
Oh, stop. |
| 01:11:06 |
Let's go home. |
| 01:11:07 |
I'll let you drive. |
| 01:11:11 |
I hope it was worth it. |
| 01:11:12 |
No, Dad, it was worth it. |
| 01:11:14 |
Amber should've won. |
| 01:11:15 |
I tell you one thing... |
| 01:11:16 |
Peter never would've pulled |
| 01:11:18 |
Well, you know what, Dad? |
| 01:11:20 |
You know what? Peter's gay. |
| 01:11:24 |
Gay! |
| 01:11:27 |
What? |
| 01:11:29 |
So, Becky, how does it feel? |
| 01:11:30 |
Oh, well... |
| 01:11:32 |
I mean, |
| 01:11:35 |
I'm so excited. |
| 01:11:37 |
I mean, I won. |
| 01:11:40 |
I'm the winner, |
| 01:11:43 |
She's the winner, |
| 01:11:47 |
What a surprise. |
| 01:11:48 |
Gladys Leeman's finally |
| 01:11:50 |
and she'll probably |
| 01:11:51 |
all the way to nationals, too. |
| 01:11:53 |
Wonder how she's going |
| 01:11:55 |
Are you ladies going |
| 01:11:57 |
Nah. I think I'm, like, |
| 01:12:20 |
Beautiful as a whore's ass |
| 01:12:25 |
Do you need help |
| 01:12:48 |
See, Gladys had me get that |
| 01:12:51 |
in case Becky won. |
| 01:12:53 |
You know, I do a lot |
| 01:12:54 |
always offer |
| 01:12:58 |
Oh, they love that. |
| 01:12:59 |
Keep on moving through. |
| 01:13:04 |
Let's get this straight |
| 01:13:06 |
We wouldn't have been |
| 01:13:07 |
I want to have the big bag |
| 01:13:10 |
You get nothing, Hank. |
| 01:13:11 |
I want to eat a big bag |
| 01:13:14 |
There's your paint can. |
| 01:13:16 |
The next time you drink |
| 01:13:17 |
I'm just going to |
| 01:13:24 |
My pants are... |
| 01:13:42 |
You rule! |
| 01:13:59 |
Rebecca Ann Leeman. |
| 01:14:00 |
You are the one |
| 01:14:02 |
Now get up there. |
| 01:14:04 |
I don't care if you have to ride |
| 01:14:07 |
Get up there. |
| 01:14:08 |
It smells funny... like gasoline. |
| 01:14:11 |
Everything smells |
| 01:14:13 |
My dress will reek, Mother. |
| 01:14:15 |
You listen to me now, missy. |
| 01:14:16 |
This thing cost your dad |
| 01:14:18 |
so you get your ass up there. |
| 01:14:20 |
And show me some teeth. |
| 01:14:23 |
Love you, baby. |
| 01:14:35 |
You rule! |
| 01:14:39 |
Stop it! |
| 01:14:41 |
You are a bad kid! |
| 01:15:00 |
You rule! |
| 01:15:06 |
If I die from these fumes... |
| 01:15:08 |
you'll make sure and cover up |
| 01:15:13 |
And the bite marks on my ears. |
| 01:15:15 |
Yeah, sure. |
| 01:15:17 |
And I know it won't show, |
| 01:15:21 |
Yes, Leslie, OK. |
| 01:15:22 |
Help! |
| 01:15:34 |
OK, I designed the float. |
| 01:15:36 |
And what's going to happen here |
| 01:15:43 |
like a glistening lake |
| 01:15:48 |
We need more bars. |
| 01:15:49 |
This is... What? |
| 01:15:50 |
Enid ate a whole pan. |
| 01:15:52 |
She can't do anything |
| 01:15:54 |
This is exactly |
| 01:15:57 |
Choking on swan gas. |
| 01:16:01 |
Oh, great. |
| 01:16:11 |
Oh, my God. |
| 01:16:16 |
Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap. |
| 01:16:18 |
Oh, my God. |
| 01:16:19 |
Oh, crap. Oh, crap. |
| 01:16:35 |
Oh, my baby! |
| 01:16:38 |
Oh, my God! |
| 01:16:39 |
The swan ate my baby! |
| 01:16:44 |
Becky, baby, get up! |
| 01:16:48 |
We got to go to state! |
| 01:16:52 |
Gladys, let her go. |
| 01:16:55 |
No. She's not getting up. |
| 01:16:56 |
We got to... |
| 01:17:02 |
What are you looking at, huh? |
| 01:17:05 |
A whole goddamned town |
| 01:17:07 |
that's what I'm looking at! |
| 01:17:11 |
And you... |
| 01:17:14 |
You piece of shit trailer trash! |
| 01:17:16 |
That should've been you |
| 01:17:19 |
Damn it, I should've killed you |
| 01:17:21 |
just like your little friend! |
| 01:17:23 |
Tammy was one crispy critter |
| 01:17:28 |
Ding! Fries are up! |
| 01:17:31 |
Stop it! Stop it! |
| 01:17:40 |
Take it easy. |
| 01:17:41 |
Let go of me! |
| 01:17:43 |
Oh, my God, it's "Cops. " |
| 01:17:44 |
He sells reproductions! |
| 01:17:46 |
His furniture's as fake |
| 01:17:49 |
Hey, how you doing? |
| 01:17:50 |
Hey. What's up, Scott? |
| 01:17:52 |
You remember Bruce, right? |
| 01:17:53 |
Bruce, that's Roy. |
| 01:17:57 |
And that's why, dear Lord, |
| 01:18:01 |
we turn over to you |
| 01:18:04 |
whose dream of riding |
| 01:18:06 |
has brought about |
| 01:18:08 |
Maybe it's your way |
| 01:18:15 |
That's right. |
| 01:18:18 |
As acting president... |
| 01:18:20 |
of the Mount Rose |
| 01:18:22 |
it is my duty... |
| 01:18:24 |
to make you Mount Rose |
| 01:18:32 |
Turn around for the picture. |
| 01:18:34 |
You look good. |
| 01:18:39 |
What is wrong with you? |
| 01:18:41 |
I don't know. |
| 01:18:42 |
I didn't wanna win like this. |
| 01:18:43 |
You stop right there. |
| 01:18:45 |
You are a good person. |
| 01:18:47 |
Good things happen |
| 01:18:49 |
Really? |
| 01:18:50 |
No, it's pure bullshit, sweetie. |
| 01:18:53 |
You're lucky as hell, |
| 01:18:56 |
Let's get you a root-beer float. |
| 01:18:57 |
You guys want some shots? |
| 01:19:01 |
I never liked her, |
| 01:19:04 |
to die in the belly |
| 01:19:07 |
The whole thing's just kinda |
| 01:19:13 |
This came for you, sweetie. |
| 01:19:15 |
Hi, guys. |
| 01:19:16 |
It's from the state! |
| 01:19:18 |
Yeah. Open it up. |
| 01:19:21 |
It's all the stuff I get to do. |
| 01:19:24 |
OK, let's see. |
| 01:19:27 |
We get a personal consultation |
| 01:19:31 |
Oh, there'll be |
| 01:19:34 |
- Choreographer. |
| 01:19:37 |
Oh, my God. |
| 01:19:38 |
No way. Oh, my God. |
| 01:19:40 |
For Christ's sakes, |
| 01:19:43 |
We'll be staying overnight at... |
| 01:19:46 |
the Airport Howard Johnson! |
| 01:19:48 |
Right by the airport! |
| 01:19:49 |
Oh, Amber! |
| 01:19:50 |
God, that's so great! |
| 01:19:54 |
Oh, crap. I only got |
| 01:19:56 |
Let's go, let's go! |
| 01:19:58 |
I'm gonna call your mom. |
| 01:20:30 |
All right, say, "airport hotel. " |
| 01:20:32 |
Airport hotel! |
| 01:20:33 |
Coffee and doughnuts. |
| 01:20:39 |
Yeah, why don't you |
| 01:20:41 |
It lasts longer. |
| 01:20:42 |
Loretta, don't do that. |
| 01:20:43 |
All right. I'm sorry. |
| 01:20:44 |
I gotta work with these girls. |
| 01:20:46 |
OK, I'm sorry. |
| 01:21:14 |
And you are... |
| 01:21:15 |
Mount Rose |
| 01:21:18 |
Funny, you don't look dead. |
| 01:21:24 |
- OK, ladies! |
| 01:21:26 |
Ladies, listen up. |
| 01:21:28 |
And this raven beauty |
| 01:21:32 |
Hi there. |
| 01:21:33 |
And we're your Minnesota |
| 01:21:35 |
state board. |
| 01:21:37 |
That's right. |
| 01:21:38 |
We're also the cofounders of |
| 01:21:41 |
Yep. And you can get |
| 01:21:43 |
over here at the tiki bar... |
| 01:21:44 |
and we will wave the |
| 01:21:46 |
if you list a friend |
| 01:21:50 |
So... |
| 01:21:51 |
you're cute. |
| 01:21:54 |
Oh, I see you're married. |
| 01:21:55 |
If you catch this in your mouth, |
| 01:21:58 |
All right? Open wide. |
| 01:22:01 |
Oh, God, you got that |
| 01:22:03 |
Come here. |
| 01:22:05 |
Oh, you are cute. |
| 01:22:07 |
OK, due to budgetary |
| 01:22:09 |
And the fact... |
| 01:22:10 |
that the national didn't |
| 01:22:12 |
You won't be staying overnight. |
| 01:22:14 |
So everybody pay attention. |
| 01:22:16 |
You've got about eight hours |
| 01:22:19 |
Remember to count, ladies. |
| 01:22:20 |
Cross on the left |
| 01:22:23 |
On the beat, on the beat, |
| 01:22:25 |
Keep on. Keep moving it. |
| 01:22:28 |
Come on, Miss Forest Lake... |
| 01:22:29 |
take that stick out of your ass |
| 01:22:31 |
All right. Very nice. |
| 01:22:33 |
Now come on. |
| 01:22:34 |
Mom's out here in the front row. |
| 01:22:36 |
Come on. Sell it! |
| 01:22:37 |
That's very nice. |
| 01:22:39 |
Remember, figure eights, ladies. |
| 01:22:40 |
I can sum up our entire |
| 01:22:47 |
I can look at it and see... |
| 01:22:49 |
it's half full. |
| 01:22:50 |
Which in the beauty pageant biz |
| 01:22:53 |
"Where the hell is my waiter?!" |
| 01:22:55 |
- Marco! |
| 01:22:57 |
Stop with the friggin' Marco |
| 01:23:00 |
and rip your |
| 01:23:11 |
Miss Burnsville, |
| 01:23:19 |
I have a little |
| 01:23:23 |
Don't tell anyone. |
| 01:23:37 |
Oh, I don't eat shellfish. |
| 01:23:39 |
Ma always says, |
| 01:23:40 |
"that can carry its house |
| 01:23:42 |
"Who knows the last time |
| 01:23:44 |
I've done |
| 01:23:47 |
I guess my most memorable one... |
| 01:23:49 |
would have to be |
| 01:23:51 |
'cause it was in Vegas. |
| 01:23:54 |
And my roommate did Adam West. |
| 01:23:55 |
She said he was so horny. |
| 01:24:11 |
Oh, my God. |
| 01:24:30 |
I should just go home now. |
| 01:24:33 |
OK, real good. |
| 01:24:35 |
One suggestion, sweetie. |
| 01:24:36 |
Why don't you hike up your skirt |
| 01:24:40 |
Next! |
| 01:24:43 |
Oh, my God. |
| 01:24:45 |
I gotta go! |
| 01:24:47 |
You better do something |
| 01:24:49 |
Thirty million people |
| 01:24:51 |
while you run to the john. |
| 01:24:52 |
That's true. |
| 01:24:56 |
Will somebody |
| 01:24:58 |
Today, a beauty pageant |
| 01:25:05 |
Did I win? |
| 01:25:06 |
Honey, if I was a good lover... |
| 01:25:08 |
Oh, for crap sake. |
| 01:25:10 |
A salmonella dysentery |
| 01:25:11 |
now traced to improperly |
| 01:25:14 |
was believed to be the cause. |
| 01:25:22 |
Oh, my God. |
| 01:25:25 |
Oh, for Christ's sake! |
| 01:25:29 |
An ambulance? |
| 01:25:30 |
Call a priest, |
| 01:25:33 |
Joining us now |
| 01:25:35 |
a member of a documentary crew |
| 01:25:39 |
He was there |
| 01:25:43 |
Fuckin' beauty queens |
| 01:25:46 |
I've never seen anything |
| 01:25:50 |
I live in L.A. |
| 01:25:51 |
Oh, hey, Ed. |
| 01:25:53 |
That's our sound guy. |
| 01:25:55 |
Could you tell us anything |
| 01:25:57 |
Is there a controversy here? |
| 01:25:58 |
Has there been sabotage? |
| 01:26:00 |
Wait a minute. |
| 01:26:01 |
While we haven't |
| 01:26:03 |
from neighboring |
| 01:26:04 |
Iowa, Wisconsin, South Dakota. |
| 01:26:06 |
Yeah, that's right. |
| 01:26:07 |
Ohio. |
| 01:26:09 |
That bitch from Wisconsin. |
| 01:26:10 |
All right then. |
| 01:26:11 |
The important thing |
| 01:26:14 |
- Yes, we do. |
| 01:26:15 |
The Minnesota Modeling Academy |
| 01:26:17 |
Along with Sarah Rose |
| 01:26:19 |
Amber Atkins... |
| 01:26:22 |
The new Minnesota |
| 01:26:25 |
That's Amber Atkins. |
| 01:26:26 |
That's right. |
| 01:26:28 |
Amber, how do you feel? |
| 01:26:31 |
Well, I... |
| 01:26:32 |
I feel like I need |
| 01:26:36 |
Honey, is this the best day |
| 01:26:38 |
Yeah. I wish |
| 01:26:41 |
Wave hi to her. |
| 01:26:42 |
Hi, Mom. |
| 01:26:44 |
Hey, you hear that? |
| 01:26:45 |
Hi, monkey. |
| 01:26:47 |
I got some. |
| 01:26:51 |
Uh-huh. No, no. Gosh, no. |
| 01:26:53 |
You know, I still don't |
| 01:26:55 |
I just wanna say... |
| 01:26:58 |
that little bitch |
| 01:27:00 |
at the nationals... |
| 01:27:02 |
'cause I am making friends |
| 01:27:04 |
Yeah. Darn good friends. |
| 01:27:06 |
Friends who have friends |
| 01:27:09 |
Get your sweet ass |
| 01:27:11 |
Gotta go. |
| 01:27:13 |
Oh, yeah. |
| 01:27:14 |
I just can't believe it. |
| 01:27:16 |
I'm Minnesota's |
| 01:27:18 |
Our baby's going to nationals. |
| 01:27:20 |
Lincoln, Alabama, look out! |
| 01:27:23 |
I'm gonna be on TV |
| 01:27:30 |
Annette, just use your hand. |
| 01:27:31 |
They told me to practice. |
| 01:27:46 |
I did it. |
| 01:27:48 |
OK. Ready? |
| 01:27:49 |
Here's the signal I'm gonna give |
| 01:27:54 |
My little Carol Burnett. |
| 01:27:57 |
Here she is... |
| 01:27:58 |
Minnesota's |
| 01:28:00 |
and soon to be... |
| 01:28:02 |
the next America's |
| 01:28:05 |
our little Amber. |
| 01:28:29 |
So after Frank |
| 01:28:32 |
he's taking her |
| 01:30:58 |
Come on out... |
| 01:31:00 |
you little blond piece |
| 01:31:09 |
We're here in the sixth hour |
| 01:31:18 |
This is Amber Atkins... |
| 01:31:19 |
reporting live from |
| 01:31:23 |
One of our reporters |
| 01:31:25 |
Paramedics are working on her |
| 01:31:31 |
I'm Peter Atchison. |
| 01:31:33 |
And I'm Amber Atkins. |
| 01:31:34 |
For WAZB News, good night. |
