Due Date

en
00:00:38 MAN:
00:00:41 It's Friday.
00:00:44 We're at the hospital.
00:00:45 But it's not a hospital,
00:00:50 And l know that because
00:00:56 A grizzly, cooling his feet in a stream.
00:01:01 And all of a sudden,
00:01:06 ...and l can't get to you.
00:01:09 But the bear can.
00:01:13 And next thing l know...
00:01:15 ...he is holding our beautiful baby boy.
00:01:20 And here's where it gets odd. Uh....
00:01:25 He chews the cord.
00:01:27 But, strangely, l'm okay with it.
00:01:35 That's gotta be a good sign.
00:01:42 Theodore. Loved it.
00:01:44 But remember that article I told you about?
00:01:48 I don't want Teddy to think he's a failure
00:01:53 Uh, Arthur. Oh!
00:01:55 This was tough, because it's mythological.
00:01:58 But "The Name Game." Remember that?
00:02:00 "The Name Game"?
00:02:02 "Art-Art-bo-Bart, Banana-Fana-fo-Fart."
00:02:04 Brings us to Casey.
00:02:06 This whole next slew of names:
00:02:07 Casey, Jordan, Dylan, Drew, Taylor,
00:02:11 ...are all names that
00:02:13 Why don't we just cut to the chase
00:02:20 DRIVER: Yeah, Atlanta.
00:02:22 -Denver's where it's at, man.
00:02:24 They got the whole underground
00:02:28 -That so?
00:02:30 [CELL PHONE RlNGS]
00:02:31 -...on the message boards.
00:02:33 -Sorry. Hey, honey.
00:02:35 -Did you get my message?
00:02:37 I'm about halfway through it.
00:02:41 Ha, ha. I didn't want you to think l was
00:02:45 You considered them carefully.
00:02:46 It's just such a big decision, you know?
00:02:48 I know.
00:02:51 More importantly,
00:02:53 Armani Exchange.
00:02:55 I'm talking to my--
00:02:58 Okay, listen, l'm about to be dropped off.
00:03:01 -l love you, can't wait to see you.
00:03:08 DRIVER: Here you go.
00:03:11 Yep.
00:03:13 DRIVER:
00:03:15 -Goddamn it!
00:03:18 Hey, man! You just hit my car!
00:03:21 -You just knocked my door off, man.
00:03:24 First things first,
00:03:26 DRIVER: l'm in a Town Car!
00:03:28 Town Cars have the right of way always!
00:03:50 That right there is some serious damage.
00:03:52 That ain't shit!
00:03:54 DRIVER: My brother-in-law
00:03:57 You okay?
00:03:58 Sorry about my friend.
00:04:01 You smell boozy too.
00:04:03 Well, we haven't been drinking.
00:04:05 I mean, we split a six-pack.
00:04:09 You know what?
00:04:11 My father always had a saying:
00:04:14 When a day starts like this,
00:04:17 That's actually incorrect.
00:04:19 -My dad used to say it.
00:04:22 Everybody wants to be up.
00:04:24 It's easier as you go down.
00:04:28 -Hey, Shelby? We good?
00:04:31 -Okay.
00:04:32 PETER: Excuse me. Sir?
00:04:35 I can't. You're not supposed to touch
00:04:41 Handle your own baggage.
00:04:58 Bag check!
00:05:01 -This your bag, sir?
00:05:04 -l'm gonna have to search it real quick, sir.
00:05:09 Mad magazine? That's cute.
00:05:11 That's not mine.
00:05:12 -This is your bag?
00:05:16 Jackpot!
00:05:17 That's definitely not mine.
00:05:20 -You packed your bag yourself?
00:05:22 I've never done drugs in my life.
00:05:26 Maybe you a drug mule.
00:05:28 -Do l look like a drug mule?
00:05:31 -You're the expert.
00:05:34 -Who said that?
00:05:35 My eyes said something? Did my mouth?
00:05:39 Do you mind not tossing it up so much?
00:05:43 Whoo! Funky motherfucker, ain't you?
00:05:46 You are so inappropriate, it's crazy.
00:05:48 I been called a lot of things,
00:05:51 That's some fucked-up shit, yo.
00:06:12 Oh, my goodness.
00:06:15 Look at this, Sonny.
00:06:17 Fancy.
00:06:19 Died and gone to heaven.
00:06:51 Are you not aware
00:06:53 ETHAN:
00:06:55 Well, hello!
00:06:58 How you doing?
00:07:00 What brings you up to first class?
00:07:02 The seat that I procured--
00:07:04 ETHAN: Oh, sorry.
00:07:05 I was in low class, and my seat belt
00:07:09 It's called economy.
00:07:10 Lucky day. Nice to see you.
00:07:14 Sorry how we met, but, you know....
00:07:19 Oh, you know what?
00:07:21 -l think we switched our bags at the curb.
00:07:25 Your bag was confiscated.
00:07:28 Marijuana pipe.
00:07:29 Well, that's a medical apparatus.
00:07:32 -l have glaucoma.
00:07:35 Attention, in preparation for takeoff,
00:07:39 ...and if you have a laptop, please stow it.
00:07:44 They made the announcement.
00:07:47 -Yeah, I get it.
00:07:49 -l'm gonna turn it off.
00:07:51 ...because they know terrorists use their
00:07:55 Shh. Pst, pst, pst.
00:07:56 -That's not the word you want to say.
00:07:59 -You said both the words.
00:08:01 -l'm trying to tell you that l read--
00:08:05 Don't say words
00:08:08 ETHAN: I'm trying to be informative.
00:08:10 Would you and your friend mind
00:08:13 My friend?
00:08:15 I'm sorry, I need you
00:08:18 Listen. This clown,
00:08:22 That's not true.
00:08:24 -That was an accident. And he had--
00:08:26 Federal air marshal.
00:08:29 What? Why?
00:08:31 Drop the device.
00:08:32 -lt's not a device, it's a BlackBerry.
00:08:35 What are you gonna do, rent-a-cop?
00:08:37 [CROWD SCREAMS]
00:08:40 It's okay, everyone. He'll be fine.
00:08:42 It's only a rubber bullet.
00:08:44 [APPLAUDlNG]
00:08:50 Good news, Mr. Highman.
00:08:54 -Oh, good.
00:08:57 -Figures.
00:09:01 Now, if you wouldn't mind just signing this.
00:09:05 So l don't sue you.
00:09:06 Just saying we acted in accordance
00:09:08 -Sure did.
00:09:11 If you put your address there,
00:09:13 Let them land at LAX and l'll pick them up
00:09:19 -ln an hour, but you won't be on it.
00:09:21 You're on the No-Fly list.
00:09:25 -Why?
00:09:27 -You and your friend.
00:09:30 -The gentleman l just interviewed.
00:09:34 -Really?
00:09:35 -He had nice things to say about you.
00:09:39 -Regardless--
00:09:40 I have a pregnant wife, I have to get back.
00:09:45 -What am l supposed to do?
00:09:48 Yes.
00:09:49 Well, he ran across country,
00:09:53 So l have faith in you.
00:09:56 You're free to leave.
00:09:58 SARAH [OVER PHONE]:
00:10:00 PETER:
00:10:02 It's the manageable kind.
00:10:05 But it unfortunately landed me
00:10:09 What did you do, Peter?
00:10:12 Nope. I did not. l was cool,
00:10:15 I was completely in my rights.
00:10:18 You get so carried away sometimes.
00:10:20 How are you gonna get home?
00:10:22 I have a plan.
00:10:24 -But my wallet is traveling.
00:10:27 The ID's in it, l've been trying
00:10:31 But l am exhausting any
00:10:33 [CAR ALARM WAlLS]
00:10:36 Hey! I've been looking all over for you.
00:10:39 -Stay away from me.
00:10:42 Honey, this might all be solved.
00:10:46 Peter?
00:10:48 You got my stuff?
00:10:50 -l grabbed it before they zip-tied me.
00:10:53 -You get my wallet?
00:10:55 Where's my bag?
00:10:56 I saw your bag, but I didn't grab it
00:11:00 You know, I had this thing in my hand.
00:11:02 -What kind of car did you get?
00:11:06 ...because it's in my wallet
00:11:10 Oh, shoot. What a bummer.
00:11:12 Yeah, bummer.
00:11:13 Thanks for the doll.
00:11:16 Fucking idiot.
00:11:18 Hey, you wanna ride with us?
00:11:21 No, I'm fine.
00:11:23 Look, l know we got off
00:11:26 But l have a really great personality
00:11:29 Yeah, l'm sure you do.
00:11:31 I got 90 friends on Facebook.
00:11:36 I'll cover expenses.
00:11:38 You can pay me back
00:11:40 PETER: L.A.
00:11:42 It's not called Hollywood.
00:11:45 Yeah, but l'm going to Hollywood.
00:11:48 What's your name?
00:11:50 Peter.
00:11:51 My name's Ethan. Ethan Tremblay.
00:11:53 And this little guy...
00:11:56 ...this little butterball...
00:11:57 ...this is Sonny.
00:11:59 And we would be honored
00:12:04 It'll be fun.
00:12:12 [ETHAN SQUEALS AND LAUGHS]
00:12:18 JK. LOL.
00:12:21 HI. "Hop in."
00:12:28 Life's weird, isn't it? Buckle up.
00:12:33 ETHAN: You have any brothers or sisters?
00:12:37 ETHAN: You have a dog?
00:12:42 Let me ask you this:
00:12:45 -Blue.
00:12:48 Wow.
00:12:51 -Do you like hot dogs?
00:12:53 I'm more of a corn-dog man, myself.
00:12:55 I once ate a foot-long corn dog
00:12:58 I'll never do that again.
00:13:00 -At what age did you lose your virginity?
00:13:04 -l was 9 years old.
00:13:06 Great gal. Great gal.
00:13:09 Sheila Pimples.
00:13:11 I'm getting a headache,
00:13:13 It's just, l'm under a lot of pressure.
00:13:15 My wife and l are having a baby.
00:13:17 -On Friday. That's who the monkey's for.
00:13:20 -Yep. C-section.
00:13:22 -So if we could just.... Thanks.
00:13:27 I was supposed to meet
00:13:30 Luckily, he postponed.
00:13:32 -So you're an actor.
00:13:34 Yep. You know what?
00:13:36 In fact, l wouldn't mind having
00:13:39 Hey, hey, hey.
00:13:41 [CAR HORN HONKS]
00:13:43 My apologies. Look at this.
00:13:44 -Okay. If you'd just look at the road.
00:13:48 -Oh, your headshots.
00:13:50 This one, this is a laid-back guy
00:13:53 ...but he packs a piece.
00:13:54 -lnteresting.
00:13:57 This one was my father's favorite.
00:13:59 He says it really showed my spirit.
00:14:01 And l agree with him.
00:14:04 PETER:
00:14:05 That's a gang member,
00:14:08 And a nerd. A professor.
00:14:10 No. I'm Malcolm X.
00:14:21 He thinks he's human. So stupid.
00:14:26 What brought you to Atlanta?
00:14:29 -Business.
00:14:31 What kind of business?
00:14:33 Architecture.
00:14:35 -How'd you get into architecture?
00:14:38 -Because I'm trying to--
00:14:40 We're gonna be traveling.
00:14:45 Okay.
00:14:46 Ethan, what brought you to Atlanta?
00:14:50 My daddy died.
00:14:51 I went to Atlanta to go to his funeral.
00:14:53 Gee, I didn't know. l'm sorry.
00:14:56 He was a great guy, man.
00:14:59 He's the one that motivated me
00:15:02 -TV?
00:15:04 Tough business to break into.
00:15:06 So competitive.
00:15:08 I have a friend, he's in that industry.
00:15:10 -Does he work on Two and a HalfMen?
00:15:13 That's too bad.
00:15:15 ...is the reason I wanted
00:15:18 -Right.
00:15:21 PETER:
00:15:23 We are just outside Birmingham...
00:15:25 ...and we got a late start, so we will
00:15:29 Early to bed, early to rise.
00:15:31 Long 1 6- to 1 8-hour haul,
00:15:35 -Eight hours outside of L.A.
00:15:38 If we could stop at the Grand Canyon.
00:15:40 We're not going to the Grand Canyon.
00:15:42 That would be easily 1 20 miles off
00:15:45 That's too bad.
00:15:47 Daddy would've loved
00:15:50 Why do you even have this?
00:15:51 Oh, because this is my daddy.
00:15:53 These are his ashes.
00:15:57 Why are your father's ashes
00:16:00 Because he's dead, Peter.
00:16:02 -l know. l know that part.
00:16:05 I'm just saying,
00:16:09 ETHAN:
00:16:10 You broke the seal
00:16:13 You poured your father's remains in
00:16:18 That's the dumbest thing
00:16:23 [SNEEZES]
00:16:26 God. We shouldn't have come here.
00:16:30 I'm allergic to waffles.
00:16:36 ETHAN:
00:16:39 We need to make a brief pit stop
00:16:42 Actually, our next stop is Shreveport.
00:16:45 -lt's 1 0 minutes away.
00:16:48 Why you making a pit stop in Birmingham?
00:16:51 I left my glaucoma medication
00:16:53 Wait, wait, wait. Your what?
00:16:55 You mean your weed?
00:16:57 -lt's medical marijuana, Peter.
00:16:59 -Why do you make everything so dark?
00:17:02 I'm saying l really don't want to stop
00:17:05 I didn't want to play this card,
00:17:08 But guess what. Guess who's got
00:17:11 Guess who's got all the money. Me.
00:17:13 Guess who's got
00:17:16 What do you have?
00:17:19 You have a strong jaw, fine.
00:17:20 But l gotta tell you something, mister.
00:17:23 Your personality needs some work.
00:17:25 My God.
00:17:27 Now, do you want a ride
00:17:29 -Yes, please.
00:17:32 -Dad!
00:17:38 Okay. God Almighty, holy moly.
00:17:42 -Did you use the restroom?
00:17:46 [LINE RINGS]
00:17:48 SARAH: Peter?
00:17:50 -Driving how?
00:17:52 With a guy-- Please don't.
00:17:56 You're gonna drive 2000 miles
00:17:59 Say hi to--
00:18:00 Sarah? Hi, this is Ethan Tremblay.
00:18:04 I'm fine. How are you?
00:18:06 Good, good. l wanted to let you know
00:18:10 And I will have him
00:18:12 Thank you so much.
00:18:14 Hey, Sarah? One other thing.
00:18:18 I got this killer perm,
00:18:21 I'm sorry, did you say
00:18:23 Yeah, a perm. Like a permanent.
00:18:25 PETER: It's heinous.
00:18:27 -Can l just talk to my husband, please?
00:18:30 -She wants to talk to you.
00:18:32 -So that's what l'm dealing with.
00:18:34 PETER:
00:18:37 [BUZZES]
00:18:38 -Stop worrying.
00:18:40 She's very legitimate.
00:18:44 WOMAN:
00:18:45 Fantastic.
00:18:47 ETHAN:
00:18:50 Honestly, like two minutes, okay?
00:18:54 -Hey.
00:18:55 -That was fast.
00:18:57 I'm Ethan, this is Peter.
00:19:00 -Are you a cop?
00:19:03 Okay, you just look really official.
00:19:06 And you know if l ask you if you're a cop
00:19:11 That's a myth. That's actually incorrect.
00:19:13 -No, he's an architect.
00:19:16 -Wait, it's a myth?
00:19:20 Shit! I did not know that
00:19:23 -That's good news.
00:19:26 -Come in. The pharmacy's in the kitchen.
00:19:29 Hey, Peter, can you watch my kids just for
00:19:33 -Real quick.
00:19:47 Who are you?
00:19:50 I'm Peter.
00:19:51 I'm Alex. This is Patrick.
00:19:53 Great. Alex. Mommy gave you
00:19:58 What's that supposed to mean?
00:20:00 Alex is also a name for a boy.
00:20:02 So your mom kind of screwed you.
00:20:10 Sorry, my hand slipped.
00:20:19 That one l just got in. lt's an Afghan blend
00:20:23 You know, I'm not crazy about blends.
00:20:26 I find that the high is a bit shapeless.
00:20:29 A purist. Well, that's cool.
00:20:31 You'd probably love Northern Lights.
00:20:34 I mean, this has got great body.
00:20:39 Oh, that's just Barry.
00:20:42 Hey, Barry. How you doing? I'm Ethan.
00:20:45 Listen, did you remember to TiVo
00:20:48 HElDI: Yeah. lt's on there,
00:20:51 Nice perm, man. Well done.
00:20:55 Oh, thanks, bro.
00:20:58 Nobody gets perms anymore.
00:21:01 Wait, wait. Don't tell me. Is that a perm?
00:21:04 Yeah. lt's a perm. Yeah.
00:21:06 [LAUGHS]
00:21:07 Oh, my God.
00:21:10 -Where do you even get those anymore?
00:21:16 I was just kidding about--
00:21:18 BARRY: Excuse me?
00:21:21 -Oh, my God. Thank God. Because l was--
00:21:24 You got us. You got us both, man.
00:21:26 You know, only, like,
00:21:30 -That was good. Very good.
00:21:37 -Where are you from?
00:21:40 -ls that where you're going?
00:21:43 Can you take us with you?
00:21:47 No, but there's an organization
00:21:51 -What's this?
00:21:54 Why do you wear it?
00:21:55 Because I wear it.
00:21:57 -lt looks stupid.
00:21:59 Just take your hands off of me.
00:22:03 Please stop doing that.
00:22:06 Stop. Please stop doing that now.
00:22:08 -Will you please--?
00:22:10 Is that right? Well, maybe Reggie
00:22:16 Hey, quit it. l'm not kidding.
00:22:20 [PETER GRUNTS
00:22:24 You okay, bubba?
00:22:34 -What?
00:22:37 "Nothing" is right.
00:22:40 [IMITATING MARLON BRANDO]
00:22:44 "Don Corleone, give me justice."
00:22:51 But you don't even have the decency
00:22:57 And you come to my house...
00:22:59 ...on the day that my daughter
00:23:02 ...and you ask me to kill someone.
00:23:05 For money.
00:23:08 But that is not justice.
00:23:16 That's amazing.
00:23:20 When the line-- The murder.
00:23:23 [IN NORMAL VOICE] Thank you. I've been
00:23:27 Did you write that yourself?
00:23:29 No. The Mafia wrote it.
00:23:33 HElDI: Oh, that was so--
00:23:35 Play it cool, or I'll thump you again.
00:23:37 Sure, sure. You all set?
00:23:40 Yeah. Good to go.
00:23:41 How were they?
00:23:43 Pretty much. Pretty much.
00:23:46 HElDI: Oh, good.
00:23:47 I mean, they're great kids.
00:23:49 We good?
00:23:54 -See you. Good luck.
00:23:56 Good luck with your acting stuff.
00:24:26 MAN [OVER HEADPHONES]:
00:24:28 When an actor is preparing a scene...
00:24:30 ...first thing is read the scene over
00:24:33 First, before you do any work on it,
00:24:37 Read the material over and over again.
00:24:42 PETER:
00:24:45 Card's been declined.
00:24:47 -What's that?
00:24:50 -Oh, gosh.
00:24:52 You know what? l bet I tapped it out
00:24:55 Great. We'll pay cash.
00:24:57 Sixty bucks.
00:24:59 You have 60 bucks entirely?
00:25:03 -Yes.
00:25:05 -On your medicine?
00:25:08 -Two hundred bucks?
00:25:10 Sixty bucks for gas, food,
00:25:12 She's the only dealer in town.
00:25:14 What were you thinking when you spent
00:25:19 -l don't think in those terms.
00:25:22 I'm not an accountant.
00:25:24 -Are you an adult?
00:25:27 You are the most shot-out
00:25:30 How have you made it?
00:25:34 I've done that.
00:25:35 How have you survived?
00:25:38 -Mostly luck.
00:25:40 That's what l thought.
00:25:42 [DOG WHlMPERS]
00:25:43 -Fuck me.
00:25:45 -We're screwed, Ethan.
00:25:47 -You spent all our money on weed!
00:25:50 You know what? l'm gonna call my wife.
00:25:55 She can't. You don't have an lD.
00:25:57 She'll wire it to you.
00:26:01 -Let's go.
00:26:04 Get in the car.
00:26:08 Hold on one second. I'm gonna go get
00:26:17 -How do you spell the last name?
00:26:22 Here we go.
00:26:26 I just need to see an ID.
00:26:30 There you go.
00:26:36 Yeah, this doesn't say Tremblay.
00:26:38 It says Ethan Chase.
00:26:40 Oh, jeepers creepers.
00:26:43 What do you mean, "he's right"?
00:26:45 Ethan Tremblay is my stage name.
00:26:48 -Your stage name. What is your real name?
00:26:50 -lt doesn't sound like an actor's name.
00:26:54 Ethan Tremblay doesn't
00:26:56 It sounds like it was made up.
00:26:58 Yeah, l made it up.
00:26:59 Ethan, l know you made it up.
00:27:03 Why did you have my wife wire money
00:27:06 -l wasn't thinking.
00:27:08 Just trying to commit to the new name.
00:27:10 Do you guys wanna discuss this,
00:27:13 One sec. Do you have anything else
00:27:19 -Yes. Of course. Yes, yes.
00:27:20 What was I thinking?
00:27:22 PETER: He has two names.
00:27:26 But one sec.
00:27:30 -What the fuck is this?
00:27:33 It's a photo lD.
00:27:35 -No, I can't accept this either.
00:27:37 Because it's a picture of yourself.
00:27:40 ...in a beautiful turtleneck,
00:27:43 But why go to all that trouble
00:27:47 I don't know why you would,
00:27:49 So l get to call my pregnant wife and have
00:27:53 Start this whole process all over again,
00:27:57 ...and we'll be good.
00:27:58 -Absolutely.
00:28:00 We'll have to do that tomorrow.
00:28:03 It's 6:35, sir.
00:28:05 What are you, my boss?
00:28:07 I say when we close. l got reservations
00:28:11 -You have a reservation at Chili's?
00:28:15 That's actually smart. l mean,
00:28:20 Are you gonna stare at me?
00:28:21 Do your fucking job
00:28:24 -Keep dreaming, faggot. No way in hell.
00:28:27 Excuse me, Peter. Sir.
00:28:32 I'm sorry about my friend. We really just
00:28:35 ...so he can be there
00:28:39 That's such a sweet story. You know
00:28:42 ETHAN: Chili's?
00:28:45 How about l call my sergeant in Fallujah
00:28:49 Aren't you closing?
00:28:52 He's being sarcastic, Ethan,
00:28:54 ...that he's a "battle-hardened" veteran...
00:28:57 ...who did some half-assed tour
00:29:00 How dare you.
00:29:02 -Smooth move, that.
00:29:06 You fucked up. Bigtime.
00:29:08 -l fucked up?
00:29:10 I fucked up bigtime?
00:29:12 You spit on your own window.
00:29:15 -Let's get out of here.
00:29:18 What were you saying about
00:29:21 -l'm sorry. I had no idea.
00:29:24 -l'm handicapable?
00:29:26 -How could you know?
00:29:29 Can l tell you something? Honestly,
00:29:33 LONNIE: You had a bad day?
00:29:34 It's about to get a whole lot worse.
00:29:37 -Okay, now put that away before you--
00:29:40 Oh, l know that shit hurt, huh?
00:29:42 -Ah. Fucking hick.
00:29:43 LONNIE:
00:29:45 You wanna fuck up my dinner plans,
00:29:48 [PETER YELLS]
00:29:49 I call that little move "the wheelbarrow."
00:29:51 ETHAN: Peter, get up, get up.
00:29:58 -Courtesy of Western Union, huh?
00:30:01 -Oh, where you going, huh?
00:30:04 LONNIE:
00:30:05 Here comes the train.
00:30:11 [SINGlNG]
00:30:14 Time to roll to Chili's
00:30:16 And chow down with my fuckin' boys
00:30:39 You okay, buddy?
00:30:40 Don't call me that. Buddies have each
00:30:44 Peter, that man was handicapped.
00:30:46 You can call me Peter. Or Mr. Highman.
00:30:50 I'll call you Mr. Chase.
00:30:57 Why you have a stage name is beyond me.
00:31:00 What does that mean, "really an actor"?
00:31:03 A real actor is someone
00:31:05 Well, go ahead, give me an action to do.
00:31:08 -No. I don't want to.
00:31:10 Okay. l'm Julia Roberts.
00:31:12 You have terminal cancer.
00:31:14 We're engaged.
00:31:17 Break the news to me.
00:31:20 Julia Roberts...
00:31:22 ...as you know, we're engaged.
00:31:25 I have terminal cancer.
00:31:30 Awful.
00:31:31 -What?
00:31:33 -l thought that was really good.
00:31:35 I'll give you one more shot.
00:31:39 You're a coach with a spotty career.
00:31:41 You're down 31 points.
00:31:44 Bust into the locker room
00:31:46 All or nothing. Action.
00:31:48 -Stupid. That would never be in a movie.
00:31:52 Every two years.
00:32:00 Okay, guys, we need to get out there.
00:32:03 Really need to get going.
00:32:07 You're acting like a girl out there.
00:32:12 Jackson, come on, man,
00:32:15 -What are you, a girl or something?
00:32:19 She wants a divorce.
00:32:21 -The coach's wife?
00:32:24 His wife calls. She wants a divorce.
00:32:27 Ring-ring.
00:32:30 Hello?
00:32:33 Hey, fellas, it's gonna be a minute.
00:32:42 Hey, sweetheart.
00:32:45 What's that?
00:32:47 No, don't--
00:32:50 This is not a good time.
00:32:59 [SOBBlNG]
00:33:06 Because I lost my dad,
00:33:17 I don't wanna be left alone.
00:33:24 I miss him so much.
00:33:28 You can't do this.
00:34:00 I got soda. l got water.
00:34:02 Okay. Great.
00:34:08 Thank you.
00:34:10 -Crazy rain.
00:34:15 I think we're done for today.
00:34:18 Okay.
00:34:22 We'll kill it tomorrow. But this is....
00:34:32 So tell me something about your dad.
00:34:36 He was a toll-booth operator.
00:34:37 Really?
00:34:38 He was a real people person.
00:34:42 He'd come home every night and he'd laugh
00:34:46 Because he enjoyed talking to everybody
00:34:50 Oh.
00:34:53 What about you? Where's your dad?
00:34:55 Uh....
00:34:58 No idea.
00:35:02 ETHAN:
00:35:04 1 977.
00:35:06 Ooh.
00:35:08 Ouch.
00:35:11 Yep. Came into my room, said,
00:35:14 I need you to wake me up,
00:35:18 And l was ecstatic because
00:35:22 I didn't even know l existed
00:35:28 It was just a big deal. l was so excited.
00:35:30 I set the alarm clock. I could barely sleep.
00:35:35 When it went off at 5:30,
00:35:38 ...l gingerly wake him up.
00:35:42 He smiled at me.
00:35:45 First time l ever saw him...
00:35:52 ...uh, smile.
00:35:55 But he had his bags packed
00:35:58 ...and he picked them up,
00:36:02 ...and drove away.
00:36:05 Last time l ever saw him.
00:36:10 [LAUGHlNG]
00:36:15 It's so funny.
00:36:23 Oh, my gosh.
00:36:25 My dad would never do that.
00:36:43 [SQUISHING]
00:36:45 What's that sound?
00:36:48 What sound?
00:36:50 Mm.
00:36:52 No, it stopped.
00:36:55 [SQUISHING CONTINUES]
00:36:57 -Okay, it's back.
00:37:00 What? Why?
00:37:02 This is how l go to sleep.
00:37:04 Oh, don't, don't, don't. Come on, dude.
00:37:06 I'm right here next to you.
00:37:08 Just shut your eyes, Peter.
00:37:10 They're closed. The sound.
00:37:13 Just bear with me.
00:37:17 -How long is this gonna take?
00:37:19 If you keep interrupting me
00:37:23 ...but it usually just takes
00:37:25 Is that all?
00:37:38 Your fucking dog's doing it too.
00:37:40 Sonny! Stop!
00:37:44 Sonny, no. Stop.
00:37:49 Good boy.
00:38:05 [DOOR SHUTS]
00:38:07 [ETHAN GRUNTS]
00:38:41 PETER:
00:39:10 Don't even think about it.
00:39:14 Please. Don't.
00:39:16 Intolerable. lntolerable.
00:39:25 [YELLS]
00:39:27 [HONKS HORN]
00:39:31 Son of a bitch.
00:39:33 Goddamn it. No.
00:39:42 Great. This is great.
00:39:45 Fuck.
00:39:47 Don't.
00:39:51 Okay.
00:39:53 We are gathered in the presence
00:39:57 ...to celebrate the passing of one Mr.--
00:40:01 Chase. Or a.k.a. Tremblay.
00:40:05 May he forever reside and dwell
00:40:12 Amen.
00:40:15 You know, I just wanna offer
00:40:19 ...as to why you wound up
00:40:22 It's not your fault. lt's your kid.
00:40:25 He's an incredibly difficult person
00:40:28 In fact, l don't know how or why...
00:40:31 ...you didn't just strangle him
00:41:04 [CAR HORN HONKS]
00:41:08 Hey, buddy.
00:41:10 Forget something?
00:41:11 No. I got....
00:41:13 I got coffee.
00:41:15 Dunkin' Donuts.
00:41:17 Thought maybe you left me.
00:41:19 I picked up breakfast
00:41:22 -Why'd you leave my stuff out here?
00:41:28 -That makes sense.
00:41:31 Want me to drive?
00:41:33 -lt is your shift.
00:41:35 PETER:
00:41:38 -Okay.
00:41:39 Come on, Sonny.
00:41:40 Sonny, come on.
00:41:43 I was thinking, "There's no way
00:41:47 We've had our bumps in the road,
00:41:50 -Oh, please, no. lt's not my car.
00:41:54 Yeah. Come on. Get in, Sonny.
00:41:57 You know, my mind works
00:42:00 And l thought, "God, why would
00:42:04 You have a nice shower?
00:42:05 -Yes, excellent.
00:42:06 You know, rest areas
00:42:09 The nicest showers.
00:42:19 This coffee's hot.
00:42:21 -lt's hot coffee.
00:42:25 -Have we crossed the Mississippi River?
00:42:28 The Mississippi River was the river
00:42:32 That's too bad.
00:42:34 Would have been a great sendoff
00:42:36 Put his ashes in the old river. Let the ashes
00:42:42 Spend Mardi Gras there.
00:42:44 -l'm gonna get some shuteye, okay?
00:42:48 ...and women's titties.
00:42:54 -Did l snore last night?
00:42:56 Sorry. l'm a deep sleeper.
00:43:00 You know when they say, "That guy
00:43:03 I've actually slept
00:43:05 I also fell asleep during a job interview
00:43:09 I didn't sleep last night.
00:43:12 You should have masturbated...
00:43:13 ...because I had a glorious orgasm
00:43:56 [OVER RADlO]
00:43:58 And a sun to maybe dissipate
00:44:02 Shadows of the mess you made
00:44:16 [WORKERS CLAMORING]
00:44:17 [BARKS]
00:44:18 Hey! Get up!
00:44:21 Ethan, wake up! Goddamn it!
00:44:25 Son of a bitch.
00:44:27 No!
00:44:30 [PETER YELLlNG]
00:44:51 PETER:
00:44:55 [PETER YELLS AND GROANS]
00:45:02 What happened?
00:45:06 I'll see if the rental agreement's in the....
00:45:13 You know what? l have coverage.
00:45:15 That's good.
00:45:20 [ETHAN WHlSTLING]
00:45:23 -Stay away from me.
00:45:26 Am l okay? Do l look okay?
00:45:28 I have a broken arm, three cracked ribs.
00:45:30 I have seven stitches in my armpit.
00:45:34 No, not okay.
00:45:37 -Peter, I am terribly sorry.
00:45:39 Sonny's all banged up. I'm a wreck.
00:45:42 Doctor said l was in such a deep sleep
00:45:45 -l told you l was a deep sleeper.
00:45:47 Did the doctor say it is not advisable
00:45:51 I was just trying to rest my eyes
00:45:53 But seriously, next time
00:45:56 [HORN HONKS]
00:45:58 PETER: One sec.
00:46:00 My actual friend. He's come to pick me up.
00:46:04 -Oh, good. Shotgun.
00:46:07 Just me. We're done.
00:46:09 And by the way,
00:46:11 But just so my conscience is clear,
00:46:15 ...why you're not coming with us, okay?
00:46:17 It's not because you got me kicked off
00:46:21 Not because you stood by as l had my ass
00:46:26 I am certainly not leaving you here...
00:46:28 ...because you almost got me killed
00:46:32 I am leaving you here
00:46:36 I despise who you are at a cellular level.
00:46:39 I've heard that before,
00:46:41 -Great. Now hear this:
00:46:43 Beware. I'm warning you,
00:46:47 The streets are not paved with gold.
00:46:50 ...of imbeciles like you
00:46:53 "Pray you, avoid it."
00:46:55 Did you get that? That was Shakespeare.
00:46:58 Yes, l've heard of him.
00:47:00 And by the way, it's Shakesbeard.
00:47:02 Let me give you a little bit
00:47:06 Nobody who calls themselves "Hollywood"
00:47:13 That I've never heard before.
00:47:15 Sonny, you will be sorely missed,
00:47:19 [DOG WHlMPERS
00:47:23 -l have never...
00:47:25 ...in all of my 23 years!
00:47:32 -Come on, let's get out of here.
00:47:35 -We're moving out.
00:47:36 -What's going on?
00:47:38 Who's the dude you yelling at?
00:47:40 He's nobody. A guy l was traveling with.
00:47:43 He looks sad as shit.
00:47:47 -And you just spit on his dog.
00:47:50 I was seeing red because he has a way of
00:47:55 -You wanna leave him here?
00:47:56 -Pete, how long have I known you?
00:47:59 -Twenty years.
00:48:00 Your energy's off. You don't wanna mess
00:48:04 So whatever you need to do to fix between
00:48:10 Trust me.
00:48:14 Make it right.
00:48:21 Hollywood, come here.
00:48:30 -You see what l'm working with here?
00:48:34 Okay, l've calmed down a bit.
00:48:36 -You ready to apologize?
00:48:38 -Wait. Oh, no.
00:48:40 Pete, Pete, relax.
00:48:42 Fix it.
00:48:43 First of all,
00:48:46 I have no recollection
00:48:48 Now, if you're gonna travel
00:48:51 ...l gotta give you a couple guidelines.
00:48:54 If you ask me a single question,
00:48:58 -So don't do that. Do you understand?
00:49:01 Number two:
00:49:04 ...other than the fact that
00:49:08 ...l will disembowel you.
00:49:09 Make sense?
00:49:10 -Somewhat.
00:49:12 Three: lf you're allergic to waffles,
00:49:15 -Then don't take me to a Waffle House.
00:49:18 -Relax.
00:49:20 -Hold Sonny.
00:49:22 Hand me that dog, l will rip it in half.
00:49:25 You better check yourself
00:49:44 And then, his fault,
00:49:47 -A No-Fly list? You?
00:49:49 Yeah. Just got worse from there.
00:49:55 He'll just start beating off.
00:49:57 -What?
00:49:58 -No lotion?
00:50:04 Is that a drainage ditch coming up?
00:50:08 Yes, it is.
00:50:09 -Would you mind?
00:50:10 Real hard.
00:50:16 [LAUGHS]
00:50:20 Ethan, you all right?
00:50:22 Yeah, we're good.
00:50:23 Next time, don't tense up your body.
00:50:28 [LAUGHlNG]
00:50:30 -There's another one up here too.
00:50:45 PETER:
00:50:47 Yes, you can. l prefer my pickup anyway.
00:50:49 -l'll ship it back as soon as l get there.
00:50:53 You will? What are you doing in L.A.?
00:50:55 I'm not gonna miss
00:50:58 But let me ask you: Doesn't it burn you up
00:51:01 I mean, that body was so flawless,
00:51:05 How did you know we were
00:51:07 She told me. Coffee?
00:51:09 Sure.
00:51:17 What is going on?
00:51:19 What are you talking about?
00:51:20 What's with all these stories
00:51:23 They used to date in college?
00:51:25 It was like 20 years ago.
00:51:26 Yeah, but come on, you don't see it?
00:51:28 This guy's good-looking.
00:51:31 -You don't know what you're talking about.
00:51:36 I think there's something going on.
00:51:37 DARRYL: Here you go.
00:51:40 DARRYL: What's that?
00:51:43 DARRYL: Oh, yeah, that was February.
00:51:46 She didn't tell you?
00:51:47 She mentioned that she bumped into you.
00:51:50 That we were throwing them back.
00:51:54 Just sort of reliving some things,
00:51:56 -Real good girl. Fantastic.
00:51:59 February. lsn't that about
00:52:03 -No questions.
00:52:06 Nine.
00:52:09 Where you at with the names?
00:52:13 -She said that?
00:52:15 -You and his wife exchange e-mails?
00:52:18 What else do you exchange?
00:52:20 PETER: Ethan.
00:52:22 -What is he talking about?
00:52:25 This is not bothering you? The e-mails--
00:52:28 Each other's ejaculate?
00:52:29 What?
00:52:31 It's when your urine turns white.
00:52:33 Okay, new rule: You can't...
00:52:36 ...say a fucking word.
00:52:39 This is horrible. lt tastes like cat litter.
00:52:41 I think it tastes delicious.
00:52:42 You should. l was all out,
00:52:45 PETER:
00:52:47 That's his dad, it's his dad.
00:52:49 Fine. l'll buy some other coffee.
00:52:53 His dad is the coffee.
00:52:54 He passed away and his remains
00:52:58 Get him the fuck out.
00:53:01 -l get it.
00:53:03 I know. It took eight minutes, right?
00:53:05 [ETHAN WHEEZlNG AND COUGHlNG]
00:53:10 Oh, God! So stupid!
00:53:18 Where are the ashes?
00:53:21 PETER:
00:53:23 -lt was an accident.
00:53:24 -Where?
00:53:26 There's the coffee machine right there.
00:53:28 There's the can, there's the coffeemaker.
00:53:31 We're gonna retrieve this.
00:53:35 Can we just calm down?
00:53:38 Let me take it.
00:53:40 ETHAN:
00:53:41 PETER:
00:53:43 Oh!
00:53:48 [ETHAN SOBBlNG]
00:53:52 It's okay.
00:53:57 Come here, l'll help you pick it up.
00:54:00 There we go.
00:54:03 Get it back in there.
00:54:42 I'm sorry we drank your father.
00:54:46 It's okay.
00:54:49 Are you all right? Are you sure?
00:54:51 Yeah, there's plenty of him still in here.
00:54:54 Darryl only made three cups of coffee...
00:54:57 ...and l think there's about eight cups
00:55:00 Great.
00:55:06 At least he tasted good.
00:55:08 Not bad.
00:55:10 Yeah, strong.
00:55:11 He was full-flavored.
00:55:15 Robust blend.
00:55:18 He really enjoyed coffee.
00:55:22 And in the end,
00:55:26 Kind of circle of life.
00:55:28 Lion King. All that.
00:55:33 I'll tell you what, the moratorium on
00:55:38 Fire away.
00:55:40 Okay.
00:55:43 -How's your arm?
00:55:45 Do you think Darryl slept with your wife?
00:55:48 -No.
00:55:50 I mean, why would he lend you
00:55:53 ...and give you all that
00:55:56 Because he's my friend.
00:55:58 That's why.
00:56:00 Have you ever been
00:56:02 I have a question for you.
00:56:04 How did those three questions
00:56:08 I was thinking about your wife and Darryl,
00:56:12 What their baby would look like,
00:56:15 Then l thought,
00:56:18 And l thought, "Well, l should maybe
00:56:21 -...when we get to California--"
00:56:24 Next question, please.
00:56:27 PETER:
00:56:29 It's your ever-faithful and adoring husband
00:56:33 Just checking in.
00:56:34 Weird, it went to voicemail.
00:56:40 I actually talked to him...
00:56:42 ...and he told me about the lovely weekend
00:56:46 Didn't jibe with the way
00:56:48 ...so maybe with all your e-mails
00:56:51 ...you can get your story straight.
00:56:55 If there's something you need to tell me
00:56:58 ...if I'm gonna have a surprise
00:57:01 ...l would just appreciate it
00:57:05 Call me.
00:57:08 -Was l right or was I wrong?
00:57:12 The Darryl thing, your wife,
00:57:15 She's sleeping. l left a message.
00:57:18 And the casual manner with which you
00:57:23 So if you wouldn't mind not doing that
00:57:27 -l got some snacks.
00:57:29 Unfortunately, I need you to drive.
00:57:32 I'm not supposed to operate
00:57:35 I will tell you this:
00:57:37 If you blink, if you even look like you
00:57:40 ...l'm gonna put hands on you. I'm gonna
00:57:45 Wrap that thing around your neck
00:57:51 Seems a bit drastic.
00:57:53 Take off your glasses.
00:57:54 I bought them,
00:57:56 It's night. You're driving.
00:57:58 You act like you've never been
00:58:01 -Remove them.
00:58:05 -Jolt Cola? Drink it.
00:58:08 -You're not the boss of me, you know.
00:58:12 Please.
00:58:19 Attaboy.
00:58:26 By the way, when l fell asleep...
00:58:28 ...that was a one-time occurrence.
00:58:31 -l know what l'm doing. l'm a grown man.
00:58:35 ETHAN:
00:58:50 [PINK FLOYD'S "HEY YOU"
00:58:53 [SINGlNG]
00:58:57 Sitting naked by the phone
00:59:00 Would you touch me?
00:59:04 [OVER RADlO]
00:59:08 Waiting for someone to call out
00:59:16 [SINGlNG] Hey you
00:59:26 Open your heart, I'm coming home
00:59:31 [COUGHlNG]
00:59:37 This is some stuff.
00:59:43 This window is not working.
00:59:46 No, I locked them so we could get
00:59:50 That way, Sonny could get stoned.
00:59:52 [DOG SNORlNG]
00:59:56 Am l stoned?
00:59:58 Do you feel stoned?
01:00:14 [OVER RADlO]
01:00:20 No matter how he tried
01:00:28 And the worms ate into his brain
01:00:39 Hey you
01:00:49 Together we stand
01:00:52 Divided we fall
01:01:02 PETER:
01:01:05 Well, it turns out the cheese grater
01:01:10 Ha, ha!
01:01:14 The show has heart.
01:01:16 How do you know so much about this?
01:01:18 I run a fan site for the show. Not official,
01:01:23 I started it at an internet café.
01:01:25 Used to go in there and wash my feet.
01:01:27 What was the site called?
01:01:29 It'sRainingTwoAndAHalfMen.com.
01:01:32 Wow.
01:01:34 That is sublime. Can I retract every
01:01:38 Thank you, Peter. That's very sweet.
01:01:41 -Hand me a Bugle.
01:01:45 Thank you.
01:01:46 -Will you feed one to the hound?
01:01:53 Are we on the highway still?
01:01:56 ETHAN:
01:01:58 PETER:
01:01:59 ETHAN: You're getting paranoid.
01:02:03 PETER:
01:02:06 It looks like a border crossing,
01:02:09 -Oh, Lord. Gosh.
01:02:12 I thought that said Texaco.
01:02:15 -Okay, we're fine.
01:02:17 ETHAN:
01:02:19 What are you gonna tell them?
01:02:20 All I'm gonna do is say,
01:02:23 -And we're gonna ask to turn around.
01:02:26 Okay, l need you to be quiet.
01:02:30 Won't that be suspicious
01:02:33 -Let me handle everything.
01:02:35 ETHAN: Here we go.
01:02:38 ETHAN:
01:02:43 I'm sorry.
01:02:45 Hello. The weirdest thing happened.
01:02:48 Are you guys American citizens?
01:02:50 Yes. Yes, we are.
01:02:52 -The both of you?
01:02:54 Can l see your passports?
01:02:56 We don't have passports.
01:02:58 The thing is,
01:03:00 Somehow, I must have taken
01:03:05 If we could just maybe turn around
01:03:08 You wanna turn around?
01:03:10 Yeah, it was a mistake.
01:03:13 What's wrong with your friend?
01:03:17 Peter, don't do that.
01:03:18 Why are your eyes so glassy?
01:03:22 No, I have glaucoma.
01:03:23 What about your friend,
01:03:28 Answer the man. Do you have glaucoma?
01:03:32 What about the dog,
01:03:35 Because his eyes are glassy as fuck.
01:03:38 [PETER GlGGLES]
01:03:39 Shut off the car.
01:03:45 Wait right here.
01:03:49 [SPEAKS IN SPANlSH]
01:03:51 -Did l blow it?
01:03:54 You are smooth.
01:03:56 -Wow.
01:04:00 God, my heart was in my throat.
01:04:03 Could you hand me my father's ashes?
01:04:06 Wow. What's--? What are you doing?
01:04:25 PETER: We took the wrong exit,
01:04:28 No matter how many times you ask,
01:04:30 You sound like Jason Bourne, man.
01:04:32 You don't know where you're going.
01:04:36 I wanna speak to
01:04:38 I'm American, l have rights.
01:04:39 -Oh, yeah, sure.
01:04:41 Hey, Ramon.
01:04:49 [IN AMERlCAN ACCENT] Hello, sir.
01:04:52 -How can I help you?
01:04:57 What are you laughing about?
01:05:01 AGENT:
01:05:03 You bring drugs, you party.
01:05:06 I've never heard of an American
01:05:09 This would be an isolated incident.
01:05:12 [IN NORMAL VOICE]
01:05:15 Well, l apologize. l'm sorry.
01:05:17 You attempted to transport drugs
01:05:21 ...dude.
01:05:23 This is serious shit.
01:05:45 [IN SPANlSH]
01:06:04 Okay, Daddy.
01:06:07 There.
01:06:09 [CLANKING]
01:06:15 [ENGINE STARTS]
01:06:22 [YELLS]
01:06:29 Shit!
01:06:40 Son of a bitch!
01:06:48 [CAR HORNS HONKlNG]
01:06:51 Stop!
01:06:57 Help!
01:07:00 [POLlCE SlRENS WAILING]
01:07:04 Oh, shoot.
01:07:24 PATROLMAN: Pull over!
01:07:28 Pull the car over!
01:07:30 [SPEAKS IN SPANlSH]
01:07:36 Hold on, Sonny, it's about to get rough.
01:07:45 Oh, God.
01:07:55 [SCREAMS]
01:08:13 Ethan?
01:08:15 Hollywood!
01:08:33 Oh, crud.
01:08:40 Peter? Peter, are you okay?
01:08:51 PETER:
01:08:53 ETHAN:
01:08:56 I had no idea where l was going.
01:08:58 Then l see you. Remember,
01:09:01 -But you didn't look like you.
01:09:03 -God, you looked crazy!
01:09:06 -That's why l got the scarf on my head.
01:09:09 -You were a Comanche warrior.
01:09:11 -lt was the greatest ever.
01:09:14 Don't move. Ready?
01:09:15 What? Oh.
01:09:19 That's your new headshot.
01:09:22 -Yeah.
01:09:25 God, the pain is extraordinary.
01:09:28 -Will you e-mail that to me, please?
01:09:32 Okay. All right. Just not too much, Peter.
01:09:35 Rescue. A daring rescue.
01:09:40 -You came back for me.
01:09:42 You're so brave.
01:09:43 I made you a promise.
01:09:46 I'm getting you home safe, okay?
01:09:50 -l'm gonna kiss you.
01:09:51 -l'm gonna give you a smooch.
01:09:53 -Come on, baby.
01:09:54 -Give me a little smooch.
01:09:58 Sick!
01:09:59 You got it.
01:10:01 -Everything's up and down with you.
01:10:04 No way l'd see my kid
01:10:07 There's no way.
01:10:09 I love you, dude.
01:10:13 I love you too, Peter.
01:10:26 [CELL PHONE RlNGS]
01:10:28 Oh, dear.
01:10:31 Sweetheart, I am so sorry.
01:10:34 You know how I get.
01:10:38 You knew about that.
01:10:41 I know, and l know it has nothing to do
01:10:45 Just listen to me, okay? Don't say anything.
01:10:49 I would never betray you,
01:10:52 We're a family now.
01:10:55 Nothing else matters.
01:10:59 -You're so right.
01:11:03 -l love you, baby.
01:11:30 Wake up. Ethan.
01:11:32 Check it out.
01:11:52 PETER:
01:11:54 ETHAN: You sure? I could've sworn
01:11:57 PETER: Nope. Not correct. Very old.
01:12:00 Grand Canyon. Known fact.
01:12:03 Peter, l have a photogenic memory.
01:12:06 Ethan, l promise you. It's old. lt's the
01:12:11 Well, l know it's not the Hoover Dam,
01:12:15 Also incorrect.
01:12:17 It's magnificent though.
01:12:20 -You didn't have to stop, you know.
01:12:25 Let's hit the road.
01:12:27 We've got time.
01:12:30 What are you doing? Relax.
01:12:31 We should just stick with the plan,
01:12:35 But l thought this was part of the plan.
01:12:38 What am I missing, Ethan?
01:12:41 What's really going on?
01:12:43 When I said the Grand Canyon
01:12:46 "Too bad, it would've been perfect."
01:12:49 When we passed
01:12:51 "Too bad, Dad loved titties and jazz."
01:12:53 I just-- You know, we got stuff to do
01:12:57 I know it's hard to say goodbye.
01:13:00 And l didn't know your dad, but from what
01:13:04 He was a cool guy.
01:13:07 I'm just saying.
01:13:09 I'm just suggesting.
01:13:12 If you got it in you...
01:13:16 ...he deserves a grand gesture.
01:13:22 Okay.
01:13:35 Come on, Sonny.
01:13:40 Come here, sweetheart. Yeah.
01:13:59 Dad, you were like a father to me.
01:14:03 And...
01:14:08 ...l don't know how
01:14:14 But l know that you'll look after me
01:14:24 I'm gonna make you proud, Dad.
01:14:27 Okay.
01:14:29 I promise.
01:14:34 I love you.
01:14:38 Say hi to Mom.
01:14:58 Bye, Daddy.
01:15:11 He was a great guy. You would've
01:15:17 Hey....
01:15:20 There's something l've been wanting
01:15:26 I kind of want to get it off my chest. I....
01:15:33 I ditched you at the rest stop
01:15:36 -What?
01:15:40 So wrong.
01:15:42 Why would you do that?
01:15:44 Because I'm a pig. l'm an asshole.
01:15:50 Well, you know what?
01:15:53 I think that says more
01:15:56 So...
01:15:58 ...just--
01:15:59 You're something else. Thanks.
01:16:06 That's a load off.
01:16:08 Well, there's something l've been
01:16:12 Shoot.
01:16:15 I'm not really 23 years old.
01:16:19 I know.
01:16:21 It's okay.
01:16:24 The other thing is...
01:16:28 ...Peter...
01:16:31 ...l have your wallet
01:16:34 What?
01:16:36 What are you talking about?
01:16:40 Peter...
01:16:42 ...okay, listen.
01:16:45 Why would you do that?
01:16:47 I saw it on the plane
01:16:50 I was feeling vulnerable
01:16:53 And l just didn't wanna go across country
01:16:59 -lt's all here.
01:17:01 All my money, all my credit cards.
01:17:05 Everything I needed.
01:17:07 This whole time.
01:17:14 -You're okay with it?
01:17:18 What are you gonna do?
01:17:23 -Okay.
01:17:25 -Thanks, Peter.
01:17:28 Okay. Okay.
01:17:31 -You get Sonny, and l'll drive.
01:17:34 -After I fucking kill you!
01:17:37 You little thief prick.
01:17:40 Die, thief. You thief.
01:17:42 Calm down!
01:17:44 Peter, count to 1 0. It'll help. Aah!
01:17:47 [CELL PHONE RlNGlNG]
01:17:48 The phone's ringing!
01:17:51 [ETHAN COUGHlNG]
01:17:57 -Hello, dear.
01:18:00 -What?
01:18:04 -How?
01:18:06 I'm at the Grand Canyon.
01:18:09 What? Did you just say
01:18:13 Peter?
01:18:15 Mom? He's at the Grand Canyon.
01:18:18 Oh, my God.
01:18:20 -Who was it?
01:18:22 -l thought we were having a C-section.
01:18:26 You stepped on my Capezios.
01:18:30 Let's go!
01:18:32 Good God, you maniac.
01:18:48 Not gonna make it. That's great.
01:18:53 We are gonna make it.
01:18:54 There's no "we." Don't say "we."
01:19:00 -Okay, look-- No. Me first.
01:19:03 No. You can't. I told you l saw red.
01:19:05 I told you l was gonna put hands on you.
01:19:09 And l'm sorry you were
01:19:11 But l warned you.
01:19:14 -l'm sorry.
01:19:16 But in the future,
01:19:19 ...if we get into a fight,
01:19:22 -That's how l make a living. Okay?
01:19:26 Still bleeding.
01:19:28 Check the glove, there's probably
01:19:32 Clean yourself up.
01:19:35 Check this thing out.
01:19:47 Oh, shoot.
01:19:52 [SCREAMS]
01:19:55 I can't believe l did that.
01:19:58 Sorry, Peter. I'm so sorry.
01:20:01 I didn't think it was loaded. Pull over.
01:20:04 -No, I wanna keep going.
01:20:06 -l don't want to.
01:20:07 No, it didn't happen,
01:20:10 -l'm in shock!
01:20:14 ETHAN:
01:20:17 [PETER GROANlNG]
01:20:20 Don't panic! Don't panic! Don't panic!
01:20:28 [GROANS]
01:20:38 -Oh, no.
01:20:40 It's right there, yep.
01:20:41 -l'm so sorry.
01:20:43 We gotta stop the bleeding.
01:20:45 -Turn around?
01:20:48 What the fuck are you doing?
01:20:50 Turn around! Stay still. l got it.
01:20:53 You're fine. Right here.
01:20:57 It's deep.
01:20:59 We're going to a hospital.
01:21:01 Oh, God! What did l do?
01:21:03 -Stop freaking out. lt's okay.
01:21:06 Let's do a little acting exercise like we did
01:21:11 You're a sergeant,
01:21:13 ...but you promised me that you'd get me
01:21:19 Okay.
01:21:21 Action.
01:21:22 [VOMlTING]
01:21:27 -Peter.
01:21:28 I puked on the wound.
01:21:30 I know. It's okay, buddy.
01:21:31 I need you to drive, but we gotta go.
01:21:34 Okay?
01:21:41 Come on.
01:21:43 Get in the back seat, private.
01:21:47 -Excellent.
01:21:48 -Yeah, let's roll.
01:22:29 -Figured it out yet?
01:22:31 Your son's about to be born.
01:22:33 -l'll know it when I see him.
01:22:36 No. Not naming my son
01:22:39 Don't listen to him, Sonny. He loves you.
01:22:42 Sonny, no!
01:22:44 Sonny. Sorry.
01:22:47 We're heading home!
01:23:03 I made it.
01:23:05 -Okay, come on.
01:23:10 Oh, the monkey, the monkey,
01:23:14 Sonny, we'll be right back, okay?
01:23:17 Got it.
01:23:20 PETER:
01:23:21 Thank you.
01:23:25 I have an expectant father
01:23:27 PETER:
01:23:30 Then we cut left.
01:23:33 -Shoot.
01:23:35 I forgot to crack a window for Sonny.
01:23:37 -The door's off the car, Ethan.
01:23:40 See? Together we think of everything.
01:23:47 Okay, here we go.
01:23:52 -Let's get you cleaned up. Right?
01:23:54 Give me these guys.
01:23:57 It's all about to go down.
01:24:00 Give you a vest, cover up the blood.
01:24:09 Have l told you that l love your perm?
01:24:13 Thank you, Peter.
01:24:14 Look who's come around.
01:24:17 PETER:
01:24:19 No, come on, come on.
01:24:22 -Ma'am.
01:24:24 Put your handcuffs in your pocket.
01:24:27 -Here's the Rally Monkey.
01:24:30 -Ohh!
01:24:31 Sarah?
01:24:33 -Sarah?
01:24:35 -You hear that?
01:24:36 SARAH: Peter!
01:24:43 Darryl. What the fuck?
01:24:45 FATHER: Whoa, whoa. Whoa, hey.
01:24:48 You gotta go, man. You gotta go.
01:24:50 SARAH: Peter!
01:24:51 What the fuck?
01:24:55 Baby! Baby, you made it!
01:24:57 -Jesus, Peter, are you okay?
01:24:59 No, I just lost a little blood.
01:25:02 -Ohh! Oh, my God!
01:25:05 Relax. We need to find a hospital, okay?
01:25:07 -Who are you?
01:25:09 -l'm your husband's best friend.
01:25:12 Nice to meet you too.
01:25:15 Okay.
01:25:18 -Breathe.
01:25:20 [BABY CRYlNG]
01:25:23 ETHAN:
01:25:25 Look at that baby, right?
01:25:30 You see it?
01:25:31 PETER: Hey. What do we got?
01:25:34 -Look what you made.
01:25:37 Ohh. He's really cute.
01:25:40 That's a handsome boy.
01:25:42 -lt's a girl, actually.
01:25:45 -Yep.
01:25:46 Dr. Greene says it happens all the time.
01:25:48 You know, ultrasounds
01:25:50 Right.
01:25:51 -Little Rosie.
01:25:55 Little Rosie Highman.
01:25:59 No, it's such a pretty name.
01:26:00 Sarah thought you'd be okay with it.
01:26:03 -When did you talk to Sarah?
01:26:06 -You cut it?
01:26:12 I got to cut that.
01:26:13 -No.
01:26:15 -You?
01:26:16 I kept a little bit of it
01:26:19 -lt's good for sore ankles and stuff.
01:26:23 Wow. Oh, my God.
01:26:27 Oh, my God. Ethan, l dreamt this.
01:26:30 -This is crazy. I had this strange dream...
01:26:33 ...that was today.
01:26:34 And there was a bear.
01:26:37 What?
01:26:38 -And the bear chewed the cord.
01:26:40 That's spot-on if you think about it.
01:26:44 You know what l mean?
01:26:45 -l don't get it. What--?
01:26:47 It's-- It's....
01:26:50 It's gotta be a good sign.
01:26:58 I guess I'll maybe leave you
01:27:01 ...and l got that meeting with that agent.
01:27:03 -lt's Friday.
01:27:04 Yeah, good luck.
01:27:06 Oh, l wanted to give you this.
01:27:10 It has all of my information.
01:27:13 -Mm-hm.
01:27:16 -Or, you know, I could babysit.
01:27:18 I'll keep it handy.
01:27:24 We had a crazy few days.
01:27:28 That was nuts.
01:27:29 We should do it again.
01:27:32 Okay.
01:27:34 -Sure.
01:27:37 -lf I don't--
01:27:40 I might e-mail you.
01:27:42 No, no, e-mail's fine.
01:27:45 [DOG WHEEZES]
01:27:46 -Bye, Sonny.
01:27:50 Feel free.
01:27:53 -lt's been a real pleasure, Peter.
01:28:02 Thanks.
01:28:11 Hey. Ethan.
01:28:16 Welcome to Hollywood.
01:28:17 What? You want me
01:28:19 I was just saying
01:28:22 The city welcomes you.
01:28:25 Just make sure you call me tomorrow.
01:28:29 I'll call you.
01:28:38 [DOORBELL RlNGS]
01:28:40 MAN:
01:28:44 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
01:28:46 Hello?
01:28:49 Oh, hey. I'm Stu, the tutor.
01:28:52 No, I'm his father.
01:28:54 Oh.
01:28:56 I'm Stu, the tutor.
01:28:58 Right.
01:29:01 Have you been smoking pot?
01:29:03 No, sir. Not at all.
01:29:06 Perhaps you're smelling my cat.
01:29:08 [LAUGHS]
01:29:09 ALAN: Your cat?
01:29:12 You know what, he's really funny.
01:29:14 Don't get crazy.
01:29:17 Come on. You love him.
01:29:20 I survived him. There's a difference.
01:29:22 Um, uh, Charlie, this is Jake's tutor, Stu.
01:29:26 -Hey.
01:29:29 [CELL PHONE VIBRATES]
01:29:31 CHARLlE:
01:29:33 ETHAN:
01:29:35 Like clockwork. l told him
01:29:38 SARAH:
01:29:41 If she says his name, I'll freak out.
01:29:45 ETHAN:
01:29:46 Hummus?
01:29:48 Again, no thank you.
01:29:52 You got any more pot?
01:29:54 Not for $9 an hour I don't.
01:29:57 I mean, I don't know
01:35:10 Encoded by RippeR