Dumb Dumber

en
00:00:30 (tires screech)
00:00:42 Excuse me.
00:00:44 Could you tell me how to get
00:00:47 I'm supposed to be doing a lecture
00:00:49 and my driver's
00:00:51 (Austrian accent)
00:00:54 and, uh, you make a left
00:00:59 That's a lovely accent
00:01:01 - New Jersey?
00:01:05 Austria! Ha ha!
00:01:08 (Australian accent)
00:01:12 Let's put another
00:01:15 Let's not.
00:01:20 Oh.
00:01:27 ("Boom shack-a-lak"
00:01:37 # Boom shack-a-lak-a,
00:01:39 # Women them a flex
00:01:42 # 'Ca' the '60s style,
00:01:44 # Draw fe bell-bottom,
00:01:46 # Boom shak-a-lak,
00:01:49 # Here when we tell
00:01:52 # Wine your body,
00:01:56 # Dip and go down-ee
00:01:59 # Wine and go up,
00:02:03 # Bubble and a rocka
00:02:06 # You fe line it up,
00:02:10 # Do the Boom shak-a-lak
00:02:13 # I say the Boom shack-a-lak
00:02:17 # Wicked say it wicked,
00:02:21 # Ragamuffin style
00:02:24 # Dip and go downa
00:02:27 # You fe move fe your waist,
00:02:31 # Wine and go down,
00:02:35 # Get in a groove
00:02:38 # Bubble and a wine gal
00:02:40 Now, who's got
00:02:43 (dog barks)
00:02:44 Beautiful.
00:02:46 There you go, buddy.
00:02:49 Let's see.
00:02:51 Next, we got
00:02:53 (dog whines)
00:02:55 Who's got
00:02:57 Stella, beautiful.
00:02:59 Oui oui, yeah.
00:03:01 Walk away.
00:03:03 Last but not least...
00:03:06 - Who's got the foot-long?
00:03:09 There you...
00:03:11 Very funny.
00:03:13 Man: Harry, why haven't you
00:03:16 Uh, sir, I didn't
00:03:19 to a performance
00:03:21 - Get a move on it!
00:03:24 Mutt cutts.
00:03:27 (all whining)
00:03:31 (horn honks)
00:03:36 (honks)
00:03:41 (tires screech)
00:03:45 Whew.
00:03:47 Suck me sideways.
00:04:02 Hello.
00:04:05 (romantic pop music
00:04:07 Uh-uh-uh... uh...
00:04:11 I'll be out
00:04:12 (mumbles)
00:04:19 Ow.
00:04:30 (inhales)
00:04:32 (exhales)
00:04:42 Why are you going
00:04:44 Flying somewhere?
00:04:46 How'd you guess?
00:04:48 I saw your luggage.
00:04:49 Then when I noticed
00:04:51 I put two and two
00:04:53 So where're you headed?
00:04:55 Aspen.
00:04:57 Mmm... California.
00:04:59 Beautiful.
00:05:03 Name's Christmas,
00:05:06 I'm Mary Swanson.
00:05:09 This isn't my real job,
00:05:12 - No?
00:05:14 are saving up our money
00:05:16 That's nice.
00:05:19 - I got worms.
00:05:22 That's what we're going to call it...
00:05:26 We're going to specialize
00:05:28 you know,
00:05:32 What's the matter?
00:05:34 A little tense
00:05:37 Something like that.
00:05:39 There's really nothing
00:05:42 Statistically,
00:05:44 to get killed
00:05:46 you know, like in a head-on crash
00:05:49 or getting trapped
00:05:51 That's the worst.
00:05:53 well, I had this cousin.
00:05:54 Lloyd, could you keep
00:05:58 Oh. Yeah.
00:05:59 Good thinking.
00:06:01 Can't be too careful.
00:06:03 A lot of bad drivers
00:06:05 (tires screeching)
00:06:11 Hey, watch it!
00:06:16 (dogs whimpering)
00:06:19 (tires screech)
00:06:22 Okay, gang,
00:06:24 no humping, no pushing,
00:06:27 Where have you been? My dogs were
00:06:31 Now I hardly have any time
00:06:33 Don't worry about a thing,
00:06:35 - Neugeboren!
00:06:37 - Boren!
00:06:39 These pooches aren't going to
00:06:41 You know why?
00:06:42 Because I bathed them
00:06:45 And I stand by
00:06:53 (whimpering)
00:06:57 You know,
00:06:59 you might just want to run
00:07:02 Male voice:
00:07:03 Male voice:
00:07:04 loading and unloading
00:07:07 No parking.
00:07:10 Thanks.
00:07:13 Oh no, Mary.
00:07:16 I couldn't possibly
00:07:18 not after all
00:07:23 Thank you, Lloyd.
00:07:25 - Uh, good luck with your worms.
00:07:29 Hey.
00:07:32 How about a hug?
00:07:33 The white zone
00:07:35 loading and unloading
00:07:38 No parking.
00:07:47 Oh.
00:07:50 I hate goodbyes.
00:07:53 Oh.
00:07:55 (groans)
00:07:59 Uh, Lloyd...
00:08:01 Shh!
00:08:03 (whispers)
00:08:09 (romantic pop music
00:08:27 (voice wavering)
00:08:35 (sighs)
00:08:43 Woman over PA:
00:08:45 please pick up
00:08:47 Mr. Dan Mitchell, please pick up
00:08:51 She's gonna leave the briefcase
00:08:55 - You make the pickup.
00:09:07 # Goodbye, my lo... #
00:09:12 (laughs)
00:09:16 Hi!
00:09:18 Passenger Maura Tadge,
00:09:21 please pick up
00:09:23 You have a message.
00:09:25 Passenger Maura Tadge.
00:09:33 (yells)
00:09:36 Man:
00:09:40 She left it.
00:09:42 Lloyd: Excuse me!
00:09:47 Move it or lose it,
00:09:54 Hey!
00:09:57 (panting)
00:09:59 Eenie...
00:10:00 meenie... minie...
00:10:03 mo!
00:10:12 Hold that plane!
00:10:14 Sir, you can't
00:10:16 It's okay!
00:10:18 I'm a limo driver!
00:10:24 - Agh!
00:10:27 Whew...
00:10:29 (moaning)
00:10:35 (tires screech)
00:10:39 (sirens blaring
00:10:48 Hi, Lloyd.
00:10:50 Hi, Harry.
00:10:51 - How was your day?
00:10:54 Fell off
00:11:02 Who the hell you figure
00:11:04 this guy's
00:11:06 I don't know.
00:11:10 We sure as hell
00:11:17 The ulcer?
00:11:18 I'll live.
00:11:20 (bird chirping)
00:11:28 - So you got fired again, huh?
00:11:31 They always freak out when you leave
00:11:37 Yeah, well,
00:11:40 Man! You are
00:11:45 (laughing)
00:11:48 No. None taken.
00:11:52 Ha ha ha!
00:11:54 You know what really
00:11:57 I spent my life's savings
00:11:59 turning my van
00:12:01 Hi, Petey!
00:12:03 The alarm alone
00:12:05 Hey!
00:12:07 It's a shaggin' wagon.
00:12:09 What's with
00:12:15 It's a love memento.
00:12:17 The most beautiful
00:12:20 I drove her
00:12:22 Sparks flew,
00:12:25 She actually
00:12:28 Get outta here.
00:12:30 Oh, yeah yeah.
00:12:33 (humming whistle)
00:12:36 Anyway...
00:12:39 She left this
00:12:41 and flew to Aspen
00:12:44 What's in it?
00:12:48 Man... I would
00:12:50 to go rootin' around in somebody else's
00:12:54 - Is it locked?
00:12:57 (knock on door)
00:13:05 Harry: There's two of them.
00:13:09 Did you pay
00:13:13 Hey...
00:13:15 (whispering)
00:13:17 I'm sorry.
00:13:19 Okay.
00:13:28 - (slams)
00:13:31 They must have
00:13:34 Well, he's got to
00:13:36 Maybe we should
00:13:37 send him
00:13:41 I don't think he's going to get
00:13:43 I mean, the guy's got worms
00:13:46 Well.
00:13:48 Oh, I got
00:13:53 "I thought I taw
00:13:56 I did. I did."
00:13:58 (squawks)
00:14:01 (cracking)
00:14:13 I can't believe
00:14:16 and there's not
00:14:19 There is nothing,
00:14:21 Yeah, unless you want
00:14:24 Pfft!
00:14:25 Here. I'm going to
00:14:27 Okay, just get
00:14:29 This is the last
00:14:31 Hey. What do I
00:14:34 # Take a little walk
00:14:37 # Go across the tracks #
00:14:41 # Where the viaduct looms #
00:14:44 # Like a bird of doom #
00:14:46 # As it shifts
00:14:49 # Where secrets lie
00:14:54 # In the humming wires #
00:14:56 # Hey, man, you know
00:14:59 # Past the square,
00:15:01 # Past the mills,
00:15:03 (grunting)
00:15:06 # On a gathering storm #
00:15:08 # Comes a tall
00:15:10 Cripes!
00:15:12 # In a dusty black coat
00:15:21 Excuse me,
00:15:22 (tires screech)
00:15:27 Uh, do you have
00:15:30 Change?
00:15:31 No, I'm sorry.
00:15:33 Oh... well, uh,
00:15:35 could you do me a favor
00:15:38 while I go
00:15:40 - Of course.
00:15:42 Hey. I guess
00:15:46 Senior citizens,
00:15:47 although slow and dangerous
00:15:50 can still serve
00:15:53 I'll be right back.
00:16:01 - Ugh!
00:16:04 I got robbed
00:16:07 on a motorized cart.
00:16:10 I didn't even
00:16:12 Oh...
00:16:14 - Harry?
00:16:16 - No...
00:16:18 Cheer up.
00:16:20 It gets worse, Lloyd.
00:16:22 My parakeet Petey...
00:16:24 - Yeah?
00:16:27 (gasps)
00:16:30 Aw...
00:16:31 Oh, man.
00:16:33 What happened?
00:16:36 His head fell off.
00:16:38 His head fell off?
00:16:40 Yeah, he was pretty old.
00:16:46 Ugh!
00:16:47 That's it.
00:16:49 I've had it
00:16:52 We got no food.
00:16:55 (yells)
00:16:57 Okay, just calm down!
00:16:59 What the hell are we
00:17:01 We gotta get
00:17:03 Yeah? And go where?
00:17:06 I'll tell you where,
00:17:09 someplace warm...
00:17:11 a place where the beer
00:17:13 where beautiful women
00:17:15 like the salmon
00:17:19 I'm talking about
00:17:21 Aspen.
00:17:24 I don't know, Lloyd.
00:17:27 Wait a minute.
00:17:32 Wait a minute!
00:17:34 Yeah! You just
00:17:37 and find that girl
00:17:39 and you need me
00:17:42 - Right? Am I right?
00:17:44 - Am I right? Am I right?
00:17:48 So I wanna go someplace
00:17:50 who can plug us into
00:17:52 No! No no no!
00:17:54 No! I say we stay here,
00:17:57 and we keep saving our money
00:18:00 I don't know about you,
00:18:02 but I am getting
00:18:04 of-of running
00:18:05 You know what I'm sick
00:18:11 I'm sick and tired of having to
00:18:19 I'm sick and tired
00:18:22 But most of all...
00:18:29 I'm sick and tired
00:18:33 (soft piano music
00:18:34 Okay, Lloyd.
00:18:40 Aspen it is.
00:18:46 You'd better not
00:18:48 (chuckles)
00:18:52 (crying)
00:18:54 Okay okay,
00:18:57 just let it out.
00:18:59 Come on.
00:19:01 Okay.
00:19:03 (sobbing)
00:19:05 Okay, that's enough.
00:19:13 # I never met a girl #
00:19:16 # Who made me feel
00:19:19 # You're all right #
00:19:21 # Whenever I'm asked
00:19:24 # I tell them you do,
00:19:28 # I'm bringin' you
00:19:31 # So get ready,
00:19:35 # I'm gonna try
00:19:38 # So get ready, get ready,
00:19:43 # Get ready
00:19:45 Lloyd,
00:19:47 It feels like you're running
00:19:49 Would you quit it?
00:19:51 and already
00:19:53 - Sorry.
00:19:55 - We're really doing it, aren't we?
00:19:59 Hey, where'd
00:20:01 I bought them
00:20:04 Well... (stutters)
00:20:06 about all
00:20:08 We're on a very
00:20:10 This didn't come out
00:20:12 Oh.
00:20:14 No, I was able to raise
00:20:16 before we left.
00:20:18 Where did you get
00:20:21 I sold some stuff
00:20:24 The blind kid?
00:20:26 Yeah!
00:20:28 Yeah.
00:20:30 What did you
00:20:34 Stuff.
00:20:36 - What kind of stuff?
00:20:39 A few baseball cards,
00:20:42 (coughs)
00:20:45 Petey?
00:20:47 You sold my dead bird
00:20:50 Lloyd, that-that...
00:20:53 Petey didn't even
00:20:56 Harry,
00:21:02 Pretty bird.
00:21:04 Yeah. Can you say,
00:21:06 Pretty bird.
00:21:07 Yes, pretty bird.
00:21:10 Pretty bird.
00:21:16 Polly want a cracker?
00:21:21 Those rat bastards.
00:21:23 They're rubbing it
00:21:25 Man, Andre'll have
00:21:27 if we don't get
00:21:29 They must have been
00:21:31 - Why you say?
00:21:34 How the hell do
00:21:37 They gotta be pros.
00:21:40 Don't worry.
00:21:44 And I'll tell you
00:21:47 they ain't never
00:21:49 I'm going to see to that.
00:21:57 Lloyd:
00:21:59 They were a major influence
00:22:01 Yeah, I know.
00:22:05 Excuse me, Flo?
00:22:07 (both laughing)
00:22:15 Flo, like the TV show.
00:22:19 Uh... what is
00:22:22 It's the soup of the day.
00:22:24 Mm-hmm...
00:22:26 That sounds good.
00:22:29 Anything else
00:22:31 No... yeah...
00:22:33 yes yes,
00:22:35 It doesn't have
00:22:45 Happy now?
00:22:51 Feels good to mingle
00:22:53 don't it, Harr?
00:22:59 - Uh-oh.
00:23:03 (blows)
00:23:05 You spilled the salt,
00:23:08 Spilling the salt
00:23:11 We're driving
00:23:13 The last thing we need
00:23:15 Quick. Toss some salt
00:23:21 (thumps)
00:23:24 Uh-oh, too little
00:23:30 Who's the dead man
00:23:34 (crowd murmuring)
00:23:39 (humming)
00:23:44 Harry:
00:23:46 it was a terrible
00:23:48 Please, believe me.
00:23:50 to offend a man
00:23:52 Kick his ass,
00:23:57 You gonna eat that?
00:23:59 What? That?
00:24:00 Well... no,
00:24:02 Yeah.
00:24:04 (snorts, hawks)
00:24:18 Still want it?
00:24:20 Nah, you go ahead.
00:24:28 You really
00:24:32 What are you talking about,
00:24:34 Well-well, did you...
00:24:37 Hey, wait a second.
00:24:39 I think I just...
00:24:41 Yeah...
00:24:49 Follow me.
00:24:53 Whew.
00:24:58 Lloyd:
00:25:00 What the hell
00:25:01 Uh... I just want
00:25:05 for that uh...
00:25:07 a little earlier.
00:25:08 My friend Harry and I
00:25:12 like to buy
00:25:14 round of beers...
00:25:16 just to bury
00:25:18 Make it
00:25:20 Whatever you want, sir.
00:25:22 I'll have the waitress
00:25:27 - Lloyd, what are you doing?
00:25:29 We can't afford
00:25:34 Um... excuse me.
00:25:36 Sea Bass and the fellas
00:25:40 They said just put it
00:25:44 They're very nice.
00:25:47 Sea Bass said that?
00:25:49 Well, if uh...
00:25:51 that guy at the table
00:25:58 Ah! Uh.
00:26:02 All right,
00:26:05 Put these
00:26:07 You got it.
00:26:15 I'm gonna kill
00:26:19 (both laugh)
00:26:21 (both laugh)
00:26:23 That was genius, Lloyd,
00:26:25 I mean, where did you come up
00:26:28 - Saw it in a movie once.
00:26:31 So what happened?
00:26:34 into picking up his tab,
00:26:37 No, in the movie, they catch up to him
00:26:41 and slit his throat.
00:26:44 (laughing)
00:26:46 Wow.
00:26:49 - Harry?
00:26:52 I know this isn't
00:26:54 - when you get a chance to pull over...
00:26:56 - I gotta pee.
00:26:58 I'm not pulling over now.
00:26:59 But I gotta go!
00:27:01 Well-well, whiz in one of the empty beer
00:27:05 They're on the floor.
00:27:07 - Jeez, Lloyd!
00:27:11 Huh! What...
00:27:12 Shit!
00:27:14 (unzips pants)
00:27:17 - Watch the seat! Watch the seat!
00:27:18 All right!
00:27:21 (trickling)
00:27:23 Ahh...
00:27:28 Ahh...
00:27:29 - Uh-oh.
00:27:33 The bottle's almost full
00:27:36 - So stop going.
00:27:39 It stings.
00:27:41 Quick! Get me
00:27:42 - What?
00:27:44 Hurry hurry hurry
00:27:45 Come on! Come on!
00:27:47 Okay okay, here
00:27:53 - Hold that.
00:28:01 Hold that one.
00:28:03 Hurry.
00:28:05 What are you,
00:28:07 (sighs)
00:28:10 - (siren blaring)
00:28:18 - Huh?
00:28:22 No, it's a cardigan,
00:28:24 Yeah.
00:28:27 Pull your vehicle
00:28:39 License and registration,
00:28:46 You fellas were going a little fast back
00:28:51 You, uh...
00:28:53 a bit of boozing,
00:28:55 Sucking back on Grandpa's
00:28:58 No. Oh no, sir.
00:28:59 - No no no.
00:29:01 Yeah, well,
00:29:05 - That's nothing, sir.
00:29:08 Yeah well, you aware that
00:29:11 to have an open
00:29:13 here in the State
00:29:15 Come on,
00:29:16 you little pumpkin-pie-
00:29:18 Come on!
00:29:28 Sir, no, I- I...
00:29:30 No, sir, don't.
00:29:31 You'd keep
00:29:33 if you knew what was
00:29:51 Harry:
00:29:53 Get the hell
00:29:57 (coughs, retches)
00:29:59 Mary: How could they not
00:30:03 It just doesn't
00:30:05 I left the money exactly where they
00:30:08 Woman: Oh, it makes
00:30:10 We should have called
00:30:12 the minute we knew
00:30:14 Now, Helen, we've been
00:30:15 - Mr. Andre.
00:30:18 - Karl.
00:30:22 Any word yet, sir?
00:30:23 No, nothing yet,
00:30:25 (sighs)
00:30:27 I've been giving this
00:30:29 Maybe we should cancel
00:30:32 the preservation benefit
00:30:34 It would be so easy
00:30:36 No, I don't think we should do anything
00:30:38 Yeah, she's right. It's imperative that we
00:30:41 - Okay.
00:30:43 What am I
00:30:45 just go about my life
00:30:47 That's exactly
00:30:49 Yes, go skiing, go to parties,
00:30:51 Yeah, don't you see,
00:30:52 We can't let on
00:30:54 If the press or the authorities
00:30:57 the kidnappers
00:30:58 Mm. I mean,
00:31:01 what they might
00:31:09 (snoring)
00:31:20 # I saw her sitting
00:31:24 # Raindrops
00:31:27 # She didn't seem to care #
00:31:29 # She sat there
00:31:33 - # Then I knew #
00:31:37 - # She could make me happy #
00:31:41 # She could make me
00:31:43 # Flowers in her hair #
00:31:46 # Flowers everywhere #
00:31:50 # I love
00:31:53 # Oh, I don't know
00:31:55 # She simply
00:31:57 # I love
00:32:00 So he says,
00:32:02 And she says, "No, but that's
00:32:05 (all laughing)
00:32:12 Hey, man,
00:32:30 (passes gas)
00:32:42 # I knew I had to
00:32:45 # Hello hello #
00:32:46 # She smiled up at me #
00:32:50 # And she took my hand #
00:32:52 # And we walked through
00:32:56 # And I knew #
00:32:58 # I knew, I knew,
00:33:00 # She had made me
00:33:01 Whoo!
00:33:03 # Happy happy,
00:33:05 - # Flowers in her hair... #
00:33:18 - (bell rings)
00:33:20 (crunches)
00:33:29 (yelling)
00:33:33 (movements swishing)
00:33:36 (high-pitched
00:33:41 (trills)
00:33:44 (gurgling)
00:33:47 (snorts)
00:34:11 (shouts)
00:34:13 (vocalizes)
00:34:15 Ahh...
00:34:18 eh?
00:34:21 Aah!
00:34:23 Aah!
00:34:25 (heartbeat thumping)
00:34:37 - # Suddenly, the sun broke through #
00:34:41 - # I turned around, she was gone #
00:34:45 (grunting)
00:34:47 (moaning)
00:34:52 Oh! Oh!
00:34:54 (groaning)
00:34:57 (rips)
00:34:59 # Flowers in her hair #
00:35:03 # Flowers everywhere #
00:35:07 # I love
00:35:10 # Was she reality #
00:35:11 # Or just a dream
00:35:14 # I love
00:35:18 (fades)
00:35:20 - # To find a sunny day. #
00:35:26 Whoa!
00:35:30 (backfire)
00:35:32 You want me
00:35:35 No, I'm cool.
00:35:46 (water bubbling)
00:36:11 Yeah!
00:36:13 Get her!
00:36:18 (chuckles)
00:36:20 - Ohh.
00:36:22 (sighs)
00:36:23 This is the life...
00:36:26 cold beer, a hot tub
00:36:29 (laughs)
00:36:31 There's only one thing that could make this
00:36:34 What's that?
00:36:36 If you had a nice set
00:36:38 (laughs)
00:36:41 Yeah, well, it's a good thing you're not
00:36:44 or I'd be banging you
00:36:45 (both laugh)
00:36:47 I'd show you what
00:36:49 Split you like an
00:36:56 You'd probably like it too,
00:36:59 Shut up.
00:37:01 Don't tell me
00:37:08 (chuckles)
00:37:13 I don't know, Lloyd.
00:37:15 this place doesn't
00:37:17 It brings back
00:37:20 Pour quoi?
00:37:22 It was a few years ago.
00:37:25 What happened, Harry?
00:37:28 No, it was a girl.
00:37:30 - Oh.
00:37:31 Yeah, we stayed in a place
00:37:34 Wasn't this classy,
00:37:36 Felcher?
00:37:39 Yeah.
00:37:41 Oh, yeah!
00:37:42 I mean,
00:37:45 talking about her.
00:37:47 We had the most incredibly
00:37:52 I thought we were gonna be
00:37:54 and then about a week later,
00:37:56 she sends me
00:37:58 - She give you any reason?
00:38:01 She gave me
00:38:03 about me not listening to her
00:38:05 I don't know.
00:38:07 But the thing
00:38:09 is I think she was
00:38:15 Never did
00:38:22 (vacuum whirring)
00:38:40 Mental: Mr. Andre, guess who
00:38:44 - Yeah.
00:38:47 - Things I wanted to do.
00:38:49 This is where it all ends...
00:38:51 - (man muttering)
00:38:53 in a little love-nest
00:38:55 I think they're
00:38:58 What the hell are
00:39:00 I mean, is it possible
00:39:02 Highly unlikely
00:39:05 Sir, did you
00:39:07 of the concept
00:39:10 Um... me being that
00:39:14 sir.
00:39:15 Oh, you turned
00:39:18 Ho ho ho!
00:39:21 You and Shay were
00:39:23 - so we could end this shit!
00:39:25 Do you know the damage
00:39:28 Hold on a minute.
00:39:32 Hmm.
00:39:34 But that's not
00:39:36 You didn't know.
00:39:38 Get off
00:39:43 Get off the pho...
00:39:49 I'm sorry, Mr. Andre.
00:39:52 Look, Mental,
00:39:53 these jokers have got a lot of money
00:39:56 Now, I want to know who they are
00:39:59 Hey hey hey, I told you already.
00:40:02 - All right?
00:40:09 Harry:
00:40:10 Harry:
00:40:11 we've only gone
00:40:12 You know,
00:40:14 we have enough
00:40:16 Relax. We have
00:40:19 I think
00:40:21 How much
00:40:22 I don't bet.
00:40:24 What do you mean,
00:40:26 I mean I don't bet.
00:40:27 (deep voice)
00:40:29 - I never have, and I never will.
00:40:32 I'll bet you 20 bucks
00:40:35 - before the end of the day.
00:40:37 - I'll give you 3-to-1 odds.
00:40:39 - 5-to-1?
00:40:40 - 10-to-1?
00:40:42 (both chuckle)
00:40:46 I'm going
00:40:47 - Huh-uh.
00:40:50 I don't know how,
00:40:53 - Yeah. Oh, yeah.
00:40:56 Come on, Joe.
00:40:57 Let me do
00:40:59 You wouldn't even have
00:41:01 Just shut up!
00:41:02 Now, we don't even know
00:41:05 You don't kill people
00:41:07 That's a rule.
00:41:08 Now, I want you
00:41:10 lie down
00:41:11 When they pick me up,
00:41:15 Keep your shirt on.
00:41:24 Mental: Hey, hey, hey.
00:41:27 Stay down, stay down!
00:41:40 Say, uh, are you guys
00:41:43 My car died, and I'm late
00:41:48 We usually don't
00:41:52 but I'm going to go with my instinct
00:41:56 Saddle up, partner.
00:41:59 You're it.
00:42:01 - You're it.
00:42:03 Anti-quitsies.
00:42:05 - No startsies.
00:42:07 - Can too.
00:42:09 Can too. Double-stamped it.
00:42:10 Cannot. Triple-stamped it.
00:42:13 You can't triple-stamp
00:42:15 You can't triple-stamp
00:42:18 You can't triple-stamp a double-stamp.
00:42:20 Guys! Enough!
00:42:25 Hey, you wanna hear the most annoying
00:42:31 (screeches)
00:42:33 Guys! Guys! Guys!
00:42:38 Fellas,
00:42:42 listen to the radio
00:42:46 Radio?
00:42:48 Who needs a radio?
00:42:52 - # Mock- #
00:42:54 - # -ing- #
00:42:56 - # -bird #
00:42:58 - Lloyd: # Yeah #
00:43:00 Both:
00:43:02 # Don't... everybody,
00:43:05 # She's gonna buy me
00:43:09 # And if that mockingbird
00:43:13 # She's gonna buy me
00:43:17 # And if that diamond ring
00:43:21 Hey, Lloyd, look! There's some people
00:43:23 Pick 'em up!
00:43:26 (cows moo)
00:43:28 (playing
00:43:30 - Harry and Lloyd: # Mock- #
00:43:32 - # -ing- #
00:43:34 - # -bird #
00:43:36 Harry and Lloyd:
00:43:46 Harry: You want an atomic
00:43:50 Nah, you guys
00:43:53 I'll do it
00:43:55 Okay.
00:43:57 No, huh-uh, no,
00:43:59 - No, you go first.
00:44:01 - No, you go first.
00:44:04 Why don't you guys
00:44:06 like a couple
00:44:08 and go at
00:44:12 - That sounds like a dare, Harry.
00:44:15 Yeah, okay,
00:44:18 Mmm!
00:44:24 - Huh. It's not so bad.
00:44:28 Yeah. It's more
00:44:30 - Yeah.
00:44:32 Agh!
00:44:37 (both screaming,
00:44:43 Uh, if you fellas
00:44:45 I've got to use
00:44:47 Enjoy your meal,
00:44:49 (whimpering)
00:44:51 Here, Lloyd,
00:44:53 Here here.
00:44:55 It...
00:44:57 Ugh!
00:45:04 Yeah, it's Mental.
00:45:08 - to a nice meal with our boys.
00:45:11 Don't forget that your bread plate
00:45:13 Look, I can't have these guys
00:45:16 Don't worry. They ain't gonna be
00:45:19 after I dump a little rat poison
00:45:25 ("The Bear Song"
00:45:27 - Good good.
00:45:30 Here he comes.
00:45:34 Feeling better,
00:45:35 Yes, much better.
00:45:38 # The other side of the mountain was all
00:45:42 # He went back over the mountain to see
00:45:45 So why are you going
00:45:49 Why don't you eat up
00:45:51 (both snorting)
00:45:52 It just doesn't seem like
00:45:55 All I saw was one bag
00:45:58 Well, no no, the briefcase
00:46:00 Some lady left it
00:46:02 We're just bringing
00:46:04 How's your burger?
00:46:07 You mean, you don't
00:46:10 (laughing)
00:46:16 I mean,
00:46:18 talk about being in the wrong place
00:46:23 # The bear went over the mountain to see
00:46:26 # The other side of the mountain was all
00:46:29 # So he went back over the mountain to see
00:46:32 # The other side of the mountain was all
00:46:35 (kettle whistling)
00:46:43 (groaning)
00:46:46 (both laughing)
00:46:54 Are you okay, man?
00:46:56 Oh, my ulcer!
00:46:58 Quick!
00:47:01 Waitress: Maybe somebody should
00:47:03 Look, uh,
00:47:05 Don't worry.
00:47:07 I'll get
00:47:08 Out with the bad air,
00:47:10 - Out with the bad air...
00:47:16 Ugh!
00:47:20 Agh, don't!
00:47:22 Back back!
00:47:24 This is a lot easier
00:47:27 - Here.
00:47:30 Here.
00:47:33 - Lloyd: Pills!
00:47:35 - Pills are good!
00:47:37 - Pills are good!
00:47:39 There you go.
00:47:41 - There you go, big guy.
00:47:43 You want some ketchup
00:47:45 That helped us.
00:47:50 Son of a bitch!
00:48:03 Check, please.
00:48:08 I can't
00:48:09 Life's a fragile
00:48:12 One minute you're
00:48:15 the next minute
00:48:17 But he blamed me.
00:48:20 Those were
00:48:23 Not if you count
00:48:29 - You mean he was poisoned?
00:48:32 We found these
00:48:35 - Sir.
00:48:37 Waitress says he came in with
00:48:40 Now they're the ones who called the
00:48:43 - Get any idea where they were going?
00:48:46 that they were seen headed west on l-80
00:48:49 Did you get a make
00:48:53 Uh, yes, sir.
00:48:55 They're driving
00:48:59 (rock music playing)
00:49:00 (rock music playing)
00:49:02 (tires screech)
00:49:16 - # Take... #
00:49:18 # Take a picture,
00:49:24 # No need to dig
00:49:26 # For all the stuff you thought that you'd left
00:49:32 # Take my car #
00:49:35 # Drive it
00:49:37 # Take it far,
00:49:42 # Take it all #
00:49:43 # Happy, girl,
00:49:46 # Take my heart #
00:49:48 # Take take
00:49:57 Skis, huh?
00:49:58 That's right.
00:50:00 Great.
00:50:02 They yours?
00:50:05 Uh-huh.
00:50:10 Both of 'em?
00:50:13 Yeah.
00:50:15 Cool.
00:50:21 Um, excuse me,
00:50:24 you're spraying
00:50:27 Oh!
00:50:30 (whistling,
00:50:49 (door opens)
00:50:51 (door closes)
00:50:53 (footsteps approach)
00:50:57 (zips pants)
00:51:10 (door rattling)
00:51:18 - (screams)
00:51:22 If it ain't
00:51:26 And right on time.
00:51:33 (whimpering)
00:51:38 That's a lot of luggage
00:51:42 - I'm moving to Aspen.
00:51:44 I've got to get away from my boyfriend.
00:51:47 Plus, my astrologer told me that
00:51:50 from accident-prone guys,
00:51:52 Oh, well,
00:51:57 Here. It's a little loose.
00:52:00 - Mm. Thank you.
00:52:03 I've got
00:52:05 here.
00:52:13 - (gasoline ignites)
00:52:15 Sure. You know, I'm heading up
00:52:18 Maybe we could,
00:52:20 have some hot chocolate
00:52:23 Sure, why not?
00:52:26 I'm going to
00:52:27 - Let me find a pen though.
00:52:29 - Let's see.
00:52:31 - I know I have one in here somewhere.
00:52:34 just tell it to me?
00:52:36 - Well, the number's 555...
00:52:38 905... wait a minute.
00:52:41 That is so weird how
00:52:43 For God's sakes, just
00:52:46 Okay, look, uh, you gonna get pushy,
00:52:56 Find a happy place.
00:52:58 Find a happy place.
00:53:01 I'll show you
00:53:05 Here's your happy place.
00:53:15 - (yells)
00:53:18 (panting)
00:53:37 (whimpers)
00:53:40 (police radio chattering)
00:53:43 Man: Move those cars!
00:53:52 Go around, man.
00:53:54 More flags over here!
00:53:56 All right,
00:53:58 No, sir, but we're
00:54:00 A motorist saw a pooch about 30 miles
00:54:08 Look, I told you what happened, okay?
00:54:12 Yeah, okay. Sure thing, Lloyd.
00:54:14 I promise not
00:54:16 about you being
00:54:19 with a 6'4" trucker
00:54:21 (laughs)
00:54:31 Hey, look.
00:54:34 What do you say
00:54:36 I've been driving
00:54:38 I don't have the energy
00:54:41 Why should I do you
00:54:43 I'll let you kiss me.
00:54:46 I swear...
00:54:48 I'm gonna...
00:54:50 I'm... I swear to God
00:54:53 - Aw, come on...
00:54:56 (mocking)
00:55:02 I'm done.
00:55:07 (mimics truck horn,
00:55:14 (laughing)
00:55:17 Hey, guys.
00:55:20 All right.
00:55:22 Well, see you later.
00:55:26 - (snoring)
00:55:28 I got some beef jerk...
00:55:35 Some people just weren't cut out
00:55:39 ("Crash" playing)
00:55:41 # Here you go,
00:55:44 # Don't slow down,
00:55:47 # You should watch,
00:55:50 # Don't look out,
00:55:52 # So shut,
00:55:55 # 'Cause I'm not
00:55:58 # I've had enough,
00:56:01 # Enough to last
00:56:04 # With you #
00:56:06 (fades)
00:56:11 Hey!
00:56:13 I was wondering when
00:56:17 Ha!
00:56:18 Well, how long
00:56:23 I'd say
00:56:30 Huh! I expected
00:56:33 to be a little
00:56:36 I was thinking
00:56:39 That John Denver's
00:56:46 I'm only human, Harry!
00:56:49 Anybody can
00:56:52 Come on,
00:56:56 So we backtracked
00:56:58 A tad?!
00:57:00 A tad, Lloyd?
00:57:02 You drove almost
00:57:05 across the country
00:57:10 Now we don't have enough money
00:57:13 We don't have enough
00:57:15 We don't have enough
00:57:17 We don't have enough
00:57:21 Well, it's not gonna
00:57:23 to sit here
00:57:25 - We're in a hole.
00:57:27 We're just going to have to
00:57:31 Okay, all right.
00:57:33 You're absolutely
00:57:35 - # Mmm mmm mmm mmm #
00:57:37 - # Mmm mmm mmm mmm #
00:57:41 Oh, well, pardon me,
00:57:46 I guess I forgot
00:57:48 that you never,
00:57:50 (singer vocalizing)
00:58:14 Lloyd: Harry!
00:58:17 Harry!
00:58:18 Harry!
00:58:21 Harry!
00:58:25 - (engine backfires)
00:58:34 (bell rings)
00:58:36 (bird cawing)
00:58:38 Got room for one more
00:58:41 Where did you
00:58:43 Some kid
00:58:46 Traded the van for it
00:58:48 I can get 70 miles
00:58:57 You know, Lloyd,
00:59:00 you couldn't possibly
00:59:03 you go and do
00:59:07 and totally
00:59:11 Ha ha!
00:59:14 - Still wanna go to Aspen?
00:59:17 - Okay, let's go, buddy!
00:59:20 - (bell rings)
00:59:23 - Lloyd, no! West! Go west, Lloyd!
00:59:36 # Hey, Monday morning #
00:59:39 # Is only for the brave #
00:59:43 # And the blood flows
00:59:46 # Like sand as I shave #
00:59:50 # And the wind outside #
00:59:53 # And the taxi's ready... #
00:59:56 - (horn honks)
00:59:59 # That comes
01:00:02 # Is where I find
01:00:05 # It's where I find
01:00:12 I've got to...
01:00:15 to go to
01:00:17 Just go, man.
01:00:21 Oh!
01:00:24 That sure is warm.
01:00:31 # It's where I find
01:00:34 - # It's where I find my heaven #
01:00:37 # It's where I find
01:00:40 (truck horn honks)
01:00:42 # Heav... #
01:00:46 # Heaven. #
01:00:59 (both shivering)
01:01:08 (bell tolling)
01:01:28 We're there.
01:01:38 Got a little nippy
01:01:40 going through
01:01:45 Lloyd:
01:01:48 - What more could two single guys want?
01:01:51 I swallowed a big June bug
01:01:54 I'm not
01:01:55 Well, I'm starving.
01:01:57 Ho... Jeez, look at
01:02:01 Lloyd: Yeah.
01:02:03 He must work out.
01:02:06 Hey! Why don't we get busy
01:02:08 and deliver
01:02:10 If I know her as well
01:02:11 she'll invite us right in
01:02:14 Good plan.
01:02:16 I don't know.
01:02:18 What's her last name?
01:02:20 Uh...
01:02:22 You know, I don't
01:02:26 Starts with an "S."
01:02:28 S-swim, Swamie,
01:02:32 Slimin, Solmon,
01:02:35 Swenson, Swanson?
01:02:36 Maybe it's on
01:02:38 Oh, yeah!
01:02:40 Samsonite!
01:02:42 I knew it started
01:02:46 I'm not seeing
01:02:48 She must be unlisted.
01:02:53 Great.
01:02:55 So what are we
01:02:57 (fox howls)
01:03:01 - I can't feel my fi-fingers anymore.
01:03:05 They're-they're-
01:03:09 Ooh. Maybe you should
01:03:13 My hands are starting
01:03:15 Extra gloves?
01:03:19 You've had this pair
01:03:21 of extra gloves
01:03:25 Yeah. We're in
01:03:30 I'm going to kill you.
01:03:33 - What?
01:03:36 - I'm gonna kill you, Lloyd!
01:03:39 Right now,
01:03:41 Harry, you got that crazy look
01:03:45 (chuckles)
01:03:49 - What are you doing?
01:03:51 I should have done
01:03:55 Don't do anything
01:03:56 What? Foolish?
01:03:59 I'm going to toss
01:04:01 right into
01:04:03 Aah!
01:04:07 - I'm going to do it!
01:04:12 (screams)
01:04:15 Your hands
01:04:17 Aah! Ugh!
01:04:20 Harry, look!
01:04:22 Look! Look!
01:04:30 Okay, here's the plan:
01:04:32 We borrow a few bucks...
01:04:35 - and we find some reasonable lodgings.
01:04:38 And we'll keep track of all the money
01:04:41 We'll be meticulous,
01:04:43 - Whatever we borrow, we pay back.
01:04:45 - We're good for it.
01:04:49 This is
01:04:52 Presidential Suite,
01:04:54 normally reserved
01:04:56 visiting dignitaries,
01:04:57 illustrious stars
01:05:00 We have shortly coming the Emperor
01:05:03 and of course, Princess Charles and Di
01:05:06 used to frequent
01:05:08 We'll take it!
01:05:10 - (engine revs)
01:05:19 # I believe
01:05:23 # Since you came along,
01:05:26 # You sexy thing, you #
01:05:28 # I believe
01:05:31 # Since you came along #
01:05:34 - # You sexy thing #
01:05:40 There you go.
01:05:43 - There you go.
01:05:45 - There you go.
01:05:47 - There you go.
01:05:49 There you go.
01:05:53 Hi.
01:05:55 (both sobbing)
01:05:57 Narrator on TV:
01:05:59 Girl on TV:
01:06:01 Narrator:
01:06:03 he wanted to accept the gift.
01:06:06 Girl on TV:
01:06:08 Nick on TV:
01:06:10 You and me,
01:06:13 Man:
01:06:16 And no one's
01:06:19 At Pacific Bell, we believe
01:06:22 - Wow! Boy, this is livin', huh?
01:06:23 - Wow! Boy, this is livin', huh?
01:06:25 - What's on next?
01:06:28 Let me look it up.
01:06:30 Ah!
01:06:32 Lloyd, you okay?
01:06:34 Harry, it's Mary!
01:06:36 It's who?
01:06:38 Mary with
01:06:40 Mary Swanson.
01:06:43 Swanson!
01:06:46 - Wool hast anool...
01:06:49 - Host anewl... annual...
01:06:53 "Annual meeting of..."
01:06:55 t-t-t-heh...
01:06:57 t-he... t-he...
01:06:58 - The.
01:07:00 - "The Inter..." (sighs)
01:07:03 "International Preservation Society
01:07:06 ("Oh, Pretty Woman"
01:07:09 Well, come on,
01:07:11 We've got to get you
01:07:21 # Pretty woman,
01:07:24 # Pretty woman,
01:07:28 # Pretty woman #
01:07:31 # I don't believe you,
01:07:34 # No one could look
01:07:41 - (grinding)
01:07:46 # Pretty woman,
01:07:50 # Pretty woman,
01:07:54 # Pretty woman #
01:07:56 # That you look lovely
01:08:00 # Are you lonely
01:08:06 (singer growls)
01:08:12 # Pretty woman,
01:08:16 # Pretty woman,
01:08:20 # Pretty woman,
01:08:27 # Pretty woman,
01:08:31 - (scissors snipping)
01:08:35 # Pretty woman,
01:08:41 # 'Cause I need you #
01:08:45 - # I'll treat you right... #
01:08:48 # Come with me, baby #
01:08:52 # Be mine tonight... #
01:08:55 Yeah!
01:09:00 # Pretty woman. #
01:09:02 (lounge music playing)
01:09:06 Thanks, Barn.
01:09:08 Thank you, sir.
01:09:27 Okay okay okay.
01:09:28 - Ha!
01:09:30 Yes! Yes! Yes!
01:09:36 Agh!
01:09:39 - Time out!
01:09:42 Excuse me. Gentlemen, this is
01:09:45 - Good night.
01:09:49 Here. Put us down for...
01:09:52 In case we
01:09:55 (inhales sharply)
01:10:00 Jesus Christ.
01:10:03 - Them who?
01:10:04 the guys who
01:10:08 Can't you just
01:10:10 This is our
01:10:11 All we gotta do
01:10:13 is show a little class,
01:10:16 and we're in like
01:10:18 That's no problem, Lloyd.
01:10:20 oh, look at the funbags
01:10:22 I'd like to eat her liver with
01:10:25 and a nice
01:10:27 (both mimic
01:10:29 Come on, let's go get a couple bowls
01:10:32 Yeah.
01:10:34 Hey, bartender,
01:10:36 - two martinis, please.
01:10:38 Nicholas: Ladies and gentlemen,
01:10:41 The Aspen
01:10:43 is the world's
01:10:45 of 23 endangered
01:10:48 and it is with
01:10:51 that we're able to bring
01:10:54 to introduce us
01:10:56 Karl.
01:10:58 Thank you, Nick.
01:11:02 Thank you.
01:11:04 Ladies and gentlemen,
01:11:06 I give you
01:11:09 (drum roll)
01:11:13 (cymbals crash)
01:11:14 (applause)
01:11:17 These magnificent specimens
01:11:20 of the snow owl population
01:11:23 And God willing,
01:11:26 and that of
01:11:28 these wonderful creatures
01:11:31 Thank you again
01:11:37 Can I have
01:11:41 And another one
01:11:43 Lloyd, what are you doing?
01:11:46 I've never seen you
01:11:48 Keep an eye on 'em, Shay.
01:11:52 I'm ready for
01:11:54 The first time
01:11:57 I just got that old-fashioned
01:12:01 where I'd do anything
01:12:03 That's a special
01:12:05 - Yeah.
01:12:07 Oh my,
01:12:10 Wow! You weren't
01:12:13 She's an angel!
01:12:16 Well, what are
01:12:18 Get over there
01:12:25 She's just going to think
01:12:27 when she finds out
01:12:30 You know what you have?!
01:12:32 She's gonna be
01:12:35 Wait.
01:12:39 Why don't you go over
01:12:41 and introduce yourself?
01:12:43 And that way,
01:12:45 so I won't have to
01:12:47 Tell her I'm rich
01:12:49 and, uh,
01:12:52 and, uh, I have
01:12:54 No, I don't know.
01:12:56 - Come on, please.
01:12:59 - Please! Please!
01:13:02 What are you gonna do?
01:13:04 I'm going to
01:13:06 - put out the vibe.
01:13:20 Nice set of hooters
01:13:25 - I beg your pardon?
01:13:30 Oh.
01:13:32 Yeah.
01:13:34 Are you
01:13:36 Me? Oh, no.
01:13:39 - Ah.
01:13:41 is, uh, canines...
01:13:44 "dogs"
01:13:47 - Thanks.
01:13:50 - I love dogs too.
01:13:53 - So how are you involved with them?
01:13:56 I've trained them, bathed them,
01:13:59 - I've even bred them.
01:14:00 - Any unusual breeding?
01:14:02 Mostly just doggy-style.
01:14:05 One time,
01:14:08 a bulldog
01:14:10 Really?
01:14:13 Yeah. We...
01:14:16 (laughing hysterically)
01:14:27 Oh, I'm... anyway,
01:14:29 I came over here
01:14:32 I've got to introduce you
01:14:35 - I don't believe I've met your friend.
01:14:38 Well, actually, we haven't been
01:14:41 - My name is Mary Swanson.
01:14:43 Hi. Nice to meet you.
01:14:46 Hi. Harry Dunne.
01:14:48 Mm-hmm. Well,
01:14:51 I was hoping I'd get
01:14:53 - You were? Really?
01:14:57 Really. I love a man
01:15:00 and so does Mary.
01:15:03 - Really?
01:15:05 Oh. Anyway, um,
01:15:08 What are you doing tomorrow?
01:15:11 is looking for someone
01:15:13 She... what? Huh?
01:15:15 Helen, you're
01:15:17 Well, you are.
01:15:19 the snow's going to be gone
01:15:22 And, well, this may be
01:15:24 Poor thing, she never
01:15:26 Well, what do you say, Mr. Dunne?
01:15:28 Well, I don't know.
01:15:31 Oh, forget your friend
01:15:33 I think you kids'll have
01:15:36 Well, you know,
01:15:38 You know, the thing...
01:15:41 What time?
01:15:47 How come you didn't
01:15:50 Relax.
01:15:52 - I got you a date with her tomorrow.
01:15:56 - (stammers) What... I... this...
01:15:58 - I love you, man.
01:16:00 - You're kissing me.
01:16:02 - I love you!
01:16:07 This calls for
01:16:10 - You're going to be my best man, Harr.
01:16:12 - I promise.
01:16:14 You have just
01:16:16 at the head table, pal.
01:16:21 - (loud thud)
01:16:26 - Woman: Gracious sakes!
01:16:29 - Man: Good grief!
01:16:40 Hey, maybe it was
01:16:42 (mimics)
01:16:45 It was a message, Shay,
01:16:48 I mean, we killed
01:16:50 Now they killed
01:16:55 How could anybody
01:16:58 These guys aren't
01:17:00 They're good.
01:17:09 Mary Christmas.
01:17:11 Mrs. Mary Christmas.
01:17:16 - Kinda catchy, huh, Harr?
01:17:19 But, Lloyd, don't you think you might be
01:17:22 I mean, you know,
01:17:24 You know, maybe,
01:17:26 you'll find out
01:17:31 Hey!
01:17:32 Don't you ever
01:17:37 She is the love
01:17:39 The blood in my veins!
01:17:41 We belong together...
01:17:43 till the mountains
01:17:45 till the heavens
01:17:47 Or until I get sick of her
01:17:50 - You hear me?!
01:17:53 Just calm down.
01:17:55 (panting)
01:17:58 Now...
01:18:01 let me
01:18:03 Lobby bar
01:18:07 Yeah, and that's
01:18:08 She'll meet you there
01:18:12 - Okay.
01:18:16 Where're you going
01:18:20 Oh. I... you know, I just thought,
01:18:22 when you'd be off making
01:18:24 I'd be out trying my luck
01:18:27 You mean you're gonna
01:18:29 dressed in tights?
01:18:31 Oh no, these aren't
01:18:33 These are fashionable
01:18:35 Pretty revealing.
01:18:39 Really?
01:18:40 Yeah, but it's
01:18:42 No one'll notice.
01:18:44 You're right.
01:18:49 ("New Age Girl"
01:18:51 ("New Age Girl"
01:18:53 # Rah! #
01:18:56 - # I've got a New Age girl #
01:19:00 - # Environmentalist girl #
01:19:03 - # She has a crystal necklace... #
01:19:05 - Coming!
01:19:07 # Though her vibes
01:19:09 - # Heading for the crash... #
01:19:12 Man:
01:19:15 # ... and she wonders about knowing,
01:19:17 # Mary Moon #
01:19:20 - # She's a vegetarian #
01:19:24 # Mary Moon will help with all
01:19:29 - # Mary Moon, Mary Moon, Mary Moon.
01:19:32 # Mary Moon,
01:19:36 Beautiful outfit,
01:19:38 There you go.
01:19:40 # Mary Moon, despite that fact,
01:19:43 # Mary Moon, Mary Moon,
01:19:51 Hey.
01:19:53 You're a little early.
01:19:55 We don't open
01:19:58 I'm meeting
01:20:00 - Mind if I wait at the bar?
01:20:07 It's a beautiful day,
01:20:10 Yes yes, I've had a wonderful time
01:20:14 God, it feels
01:20:17 I haven't been outside that much
01:20:20 Oh, yeah?
01:20:23 Um, there's been
01:20:26 but I don't want
01:20:29 Thanks.
01:20:31 Oh, look. Frost.
01:20:37 - Harry?
01:20:43 - Are you okay?
01:20:45 I do this all the time.
01:20:51 Let's go to the top
01:21:01 - Hi, there.
01:21:05 Say, kids,
01:21:06 you wouldn't
01:21:08 a cup of warm water,
01:21:11 (slurps)
01:21:17 Excuse me.
01:21:19 Is it 10:00 A.M. Yet?
01:21:22 It's 1:00.
01:21:27 That's what I have too.
01:21:34 She's running late,
01:21:37 Just a couple hours.
01:21:40 When they're excited
01:21:43 everything has to
01:21:53 This one's on me.
01:21:57 Yippee.
01:21:59 Chablis, please.
01:22:02 Hello.
01:22:06 (belching)
01:22:10 Bad day, huh?
01:22:13 Me too.
01:22:16 'Course everything's
01:22:18 since I broke up
01:22:33 (whispers)
01:22:39 My God! You poor guy.
01:22:41 I'm fine. I saved
01:22:44 (taps)
01:22:46 Oh no, listen. This is silly.
01:22:47 No no no no no.
01:22:49 Yes. It'll only hurt for a moment,
01:22:52 - Come on, ready?
01:22:54 Come on. Go.
01:22:56 (grunting)
01:22:58 (crackling)
01:23:23 # Well, if you want,
01:23:26 # And if you don't,
01:23:30 # It's my love
01:23:34 # If you won't hold me
01:23:37 # 'Cause I'll be good
01:23:42 # I'll give you loving,
01:23:45 # A loving that's good enough,
01:23:48 # I'll love you like an oven
01:23:52 # Whoo! #
01:23:57 (loud thud)
01:24:07 # 'Cause if you don't love me,
01:24:14 # If you don't love me,
01:24:21 # If you don't love me,
01:24:25 (screams)
01:24:27 # If you don't love me,
01:24:34 Come on, come on.
01:24:36 # If you don't love me. #
01:24:38 - (chuckles)
01:24:43 What am...
01:24:45 (laughing)
01:24:48 I said to myself,
01:24:50 Run for your life before this man
01:24:53 Then do you know
01:24:56 No, and I don't care!
01:24:59 I'm going to tell you, He came home
01:25:02 and decided he wanted
01:25:04 Couldn't believe him.
01:25:05 Anyway, enough about me.
01:25:08 - How come you're here?
01:25:10 Yeah?
01:25:12 You wouldn't happen to know
01:25:16 Mary Swanson? Yeah.
01:25:19 She comes in here
01:25:22 What's that
01:25:24 She has dinner.
01:25:25 Oh. I'm sorry.
01:25:32 Uh...
01:25:33 you know where
01:25:37 Yeah, her family has the big place
01:25:41 Alpine Drive?
01:25:52 No way!
01:25:56 That's great!
01:25:58 We landed
01:26:07 I've gotta tell you,
01:26:09 today was just what I needed.
01:26:12 (slurred)
01:26:15 it was my pleasure,
01:26:17 So you'll pick me up
01:26:20 Well, no, I've got
01:26:22 to take care of first.
01:26:24 Why don't we make it
01:26:25 (laughs)
01:26:30 Okay 7:45.
01:26:34 (kisses) Bye.
01:27:21 Doesn't make
01:27:23 She told me
01:27:25 Are you sure you went
01:27:27 Oh, yeah. Yep.
01:27:31 Lobby bar.
01:27:34 Ahh... well...
01:27:38 maybe she just had
01:27:40 Oh, that pisses me off!
01:27:44 I hate when women
01:27:46 She wanted
01:27:48 She told me that!
01:27:49 Now... wait a minute!
01:27:52 She must have meant
01:27:55 Do you think?
01:27:58 Why would she have you meet her
01:28:02 I just figured she was
01:28:04 (both laughing)
01:28:10 - Oh, that's th...
01:28:12 I've been going through such pain
01:28:16 Such hell!
01:28:19 Oh, God.
01:28:21 Oh, that's good stuff.
01:28:23 Well, listen, looks like
01:28:26 so I'm just going to head out
01:28:29 Okay.
01:28:32 10:00 in the morning.
01:28:51 Hey, Harry,
01:28:54 Yeah?
01:28:56 Will you join me in a good-luck toast
01:28:59 Oh, sure thing. Whatever you think
01:29:03 Yes, sirree.
01:29:05 You know why
01:29:07 Because you're
01:29:11 Yep, that's why I want you
01:29:16 1/2 teaspoon for fast,
01:29:24 (whistling)
01:29:31 (laughing)
01:29:36 Mmm!
01:29:38 ("Auld Lang Syne"
01:29:41 To my friend Harry...
01:29:45 Oh, get out of here.
01:29:51 Mmm.
01:29:53 Mm-hmm.
01:29:56 Mmm.
01:30:08 (stomach rumbles)
01:30:13 (doorbell rings)
01:30:15 Mary: Hi, the door's open.
01:30:23 - Hi.
01:30:25 Hi, make yourself
01:30:26 I'm almost ready.
01:30:28 - Okay, sounds good.
01:30:41 (stomach violently
01:31:05 (loud sputtering)
01:31:09 (trills)
01:31:25 (sputtering continues)
01:31:28 (sighs)
01:31:30 (chuckles)
01:31:37 (panting)
01:31:52 (knocks)
01:31:54 Mary: Harry, are you
01:31:56 Be right out!
01:31:59 I hope you're not using the toilet.
01:32:02 (ominous music plays)
01:32:05 - Huh?
01:32:09 No, I was
01:32:11 Shaving?
01:32:14 Yeah, I was running
01:32:16 I thought this
01:32:21 Okay well, I'll be in the kitchen
01:32:27 Oh, Jeez!
01:32:30 - (laughing maniacally)
01:32:32 - (laughing maniacally)
01:32:45 Tomorrow on
01:32:47 inside the home of the Menendez
01:32:50 And next, we'll be
01:32:52 with the heartbreaking story
01:32:57 who was duped into
01:33:00 I just thought
01:33:07 Who are these
01:33:09 (doorbell rings)
01:33:14 - Hi!
01:33:16 Yes?
01:33:18 Remember me?
01:33:21 Uh... not really.
01:33:24 Providen...
01:33:28 I drove you
01:33:31 Oh my God!
01:33:32 Uh... Lloyd, right?
01:33:35 You remembered
01:33:39 What are you doing
01:33:41 I brought you
01:33:43 You left it at the airport,
01:33:47 - You have my briefcase?
01:33:50 Hey, I have it
01:33:52 You want to jump on the bike with me?
01:33:54 unless...
01:33:58 Oh, no no no!
01:34:00 - I don't wanna...
01:34:02 - Okay.
01:34:08 Come on, flush,
01:34:14 Mary: Harry, what are
01:34:17 - I'm just... I'm cleaning my teeth!
01:34:35 I'm cleaning my teeth.
01:34:39 I'm gargling.
01:34:41 Just give me a minute, Mary.
01:34:44 Harry, I'm sorry, but something
01:34:46 and I've got
01:34:48 It's-it's sort of an emergency.
01:34:51 - But, Mary...
01:34:54 I promise we'll do this
01:35:08 Race you to the top.
01:35:12 - Come here.
01:35:18 Yeah! Ha ha!
01:35:22 I won!
01:35:24 Look familiar?
01:35:27 I don't believe it.
01:35:29 Of course, I have it.
01:35:31 When Lloyd Christmas
01:35:33 he makes sure she gets
01:35:35 - That's my whole philosophy.
01:35:38 You mean to say
01:35:41 just for me?
01:35:43 Uh... I didn't really
01:35:50 And I know how
01:35:51 to lose a bag.
01:35:54 That is so sweet, Lloyd.
01:35:57 (kisses)
01:35:59 (romantic pop music
01:36:11 Look, Mary, I know this may
01:36:14 but I've given it
01:36:17 You're the woman I've been waiting
01:36:20 and I'm not ashamed
01:36:22 Please...
01:36:26 I'm crazy about you.
01:36:29 I've never felt this way
01:36:32 Listen to me.
01:36:35 I feel like
01:36:38 a schoolboy
01:36:41 to make sweet
01:36:53 Oh, I thought I heard
01:36:59 Mary, I- I...
01:37:07 I desperately want to make love
01:37:12 - Maybe I should be going.
01:37:15 (stutters)
01:37:17 No, I... that's not
01:37:23 Um... what I
01:37:30 God.
01:37:32 I-I like you, Mary.
01:37:37 I like you a lot.
01:37:42 I want to ask you a question
01:37:47 and I want you to give me
01:37:49 What do you think
01:37:52 of a guy like you
01:37:57 ending up together?
01:37:59 Well, Lloyd,
01:38:02 We really don't...
01:38:05 Hit me with it!
01:38:07 I came a long way
01:38:09 Just... the least you can do
01:38:12 What are my chances?
01:38:14 Not good.
01:38:21 You mean not good,
01:38:26 I'd say more like
01:38:35 So you're telling me
01:38:41 Yeah!
01:38:45 I read you.
01:38:47 (knocks)
01:38:54 Hi. We have plenty
01:38:57 Nicholas!
01:39:00 I've been looking
01:39:02 I have some news
01:39:05 Husband?!
01:39:10 What was all that
01:39:14 Aren't you going to
01:39:21 Beth: Hey, Harry,
01:39:25 What are you doing here?
01:39:31 Excuse me, gunman,
01:39:34 Don't play dumb
01:39:36 I'm the rightful owner of that briefcase
01:39:39 Oh. Well, then...
01:39:41 Nicholas, my family
01:39:45 Shut up!
01:39:48 Listen, Mr. Samsonite,
01:39:52 my friend Harry and I
01:39:54 - of fully reimbursing you.
01:39:56 You open it up.
01:40:00 Go ahead, open it up.
01:40:03 Hurry.
01:40:09 What is this?
01:40:12 Where's all the money?
01:40:14 That's as good
01:40:17 Those are IOUs.
01:40:19 Every cent's
01:40:21 Look. See this?
01:40:24 That's a car.
01:40:26 Might want to hang on
01:40:32 You're a dead man.
01:40:40 Lloyd, I'm home!
01:40:43 Look, we've got to have
01:40:47 I got a confession
01:40:48 Oh, good.
01:40:50 I'll leave
01:40:52 No. Stay.
01:40:55 Ugh!
01:41:00 Yes, I'd like a one-way ticket
01:41:03 departing as soon
01:41:06 How do you guys
01:41:09 We used to be
01:41:11 Yeah, until he turned
01:41:13 Me a backstabber?
01:41:16 You knew I was
01:41:18 And you knew I was crazy
01:41:20 - and that didn't stop you, did it?
01:41:23 - What do you mean?
01:41:26 Don't deny it, Lloyd.
01:41:28 Fraida told me the whole sleazy story,
01:41:34 Okay, what time does it...
01:41:36 Thank you...
01:41:38 Can I have
01:41:40 I guess we both learned
01:41:43 - about each other today, didn't we?
01:41:45 Maybe we're not as good of
01:41:47 I guess not.
01:41:48 I mean, if one beautiful girl
01:41:51 then maybe our friendship
01:41:53 Maybe we should
01:41:54 You just tell me
01:41:56 Right on my ass
01:41:58 Kiss it?!
01:42:00 Both cheeks, both lips,
01:42:02 - Put it right...
01:42:08 Now, which one of you losers
01:42:12 Over here...
01:42:15 I was the one that got you into
01:42:17 Come on
01:42:20 No! Wait! Wait.
01:42:23 I stole your girl, Lloyd.
01:42:25 - No, you don't.
01:42:27 - No, you don't...
01:42:29 Yesterday was one of the greatest
01:42:31 Mary and I went skiing, we made
01:42:35 Okay, kill him!
01:42:44 (sobbing)
01:42:48 You killed my best friend,
01:42:51 If it's any consolation,
01:42:53 you're about
01:42:59 (gun clicking)
01:43:01 Harry!
01:43:05 And you're
01:43:08 Lucky me.
01:43:10 Police! Open up!
01:43:13 Everybody freeze!
01:43:16 Not you, dummy!
01:43:17 Man:
01:43:19 Special Officer
01:43:22 Hey! Who?
01:43:23 Mr. Dunne,
01:43:25 We couldn't have
01:43:28 We've been
01:43:30 all the way
01:43:31 What's going on,
01:43:33 Your name is Harry,
01:43:37 Yeah, she-she grabbed me down the lobby,
01:43:40 Then they slapped
01:43:42 and gave me a gun.
01:43:46 But what if he shot you
01:43:50 What if he shot me
01:43:52 That's a risk
01:43:54 How come I didn't
01:43:56 Did you
01:43:59 # We can't play
01:44:03 # But can we still
01:44:09 # Things just can't
01:44:14 # But can we still
01:44:19 # We had something
01:44:24 # Now it's time... #
01:44:26 You were right,
01:44:28 She was definitely
01:44:31 Yeah. She's something,
01:44:35 I'm glad we were able
01:44:37 # You know
01:44:43 # Let's admit
01:44:47 - Honey!
01:44:49 - You're okay.
01:44:51 I'm sorry.
01:44:54 Oh, baby, I missed
01:44:56 Honey, there's someone
01:44:59 He's the kindest,
01:45:01 - Will you meet him?
01:45:03 He's got a gun!
01:45:08 Mary:
01:45:11 Huh?
01:45:13 I said this is
01:45:16 - Oh. Hi, Bobby.
01:45:19 - I'm so happy for you.
01:45:24 Thank you both
01:45:26 I owe you both
01:45:30 Thank you.
01:45:51 I can't believe
01:45:53 First Mary dumps us,
01:45:55 then the cops take
01:45:57 - Then our hog breaks down.
01:46:00 When are we ever
01:46:04 # Hallelujah #
01:46:07 # Hallelujah #
01:46:09 # Hallelujah
01:46:11 # Hallelujah. #
01:46:16 - Hi, y'all.
01:46:20 Hi, guys! We're going
01:46:22 and we're looking for
01:46:24 who can grease us up
01:46:31 You are in luck!
01:46:33 There's a town about
01:46:37 I'm sure you'll find
01:46:42 Okay. Thanks.
01:46:44 Bye!
01:46:53 Do you realize
01:46:56 - Hey!
01:47:00 Lloyd!
01:47:10 You'll have to
01:47:12 He's a little slow.
01:47:15 The town is
01:47:28 Wow.
01:47:30 Two lucky guys
01:47:32 are gonna be driving around
01:47:34 for the next
01:47:36 Yeah, don't worry.
01:47:38 We'll catch
01:47:40 - Just gotta keep our eyes open.
01:47:44 # Now, we've been
01:47:45 # Now, we've been
01:47:47 - You're it.
01:47:49 You're it.
01:47:51 You're it. Anti-quitsies,
01:47:53 You're it. Anti-quitsies,
01:47:56 - No erasies, none at all.
01:47:58 Yes, if you have a double-stamp,
01:48:00 - You can't triple-stamp!
01:48:02 You can't if you
01:48:04 You can't triple-stamp...
01:48:06 You can't triple-stamp
01:48:10 Lloyd! Lloyd!
01:48:14 # And now we're rolling
01:48:19 # Down the hill. #
01:48:24 # Here you go,
01:48:28 # Don't slow down,
01:48:31 # You should watch,
01:48:34 # Don't look out,
01:48:36 # So shut,
01:48:39 # 'Cause I'm not
01:48:42 # I had enough,
01:48:45 # Enough to last
01:48:48 # So what do you
01:48:51 # Got no words
01:48:53 # And if I go
01:48:56 # You know that I'll get
01:49:05 # Na-na-na-na-na,
01:49:11 # Na-na-na-na-na,
01:49:15 # Here you go,
01:49:19 # Don't slow down,
01:49:21 # You don't know
01:49:24 # You've been runnin'
01:49:27 # So shut,
01:49:30 # 'Cause I'm not
01:49:33 # I've had enough,
01:49:36 # Enough to last
01:49:39 # So what do you
01:49:42 # Got no cure
01:49:44 # And if I go
01:49:47 # You know that
01:49:50 # With you #
01:49:53 # With you #
01:49:56 # Na-na-na-na-na,
01:49:59 - # Slow down #
01:50:01 # Na-na-na-na-na,
01:50:05 - # Slow down #
01:50:24 # With you #
01:50:27 # With you #
01:50:29 # Na-na-na-na-na,
01:50:33 - # Slow down #
01:50:35 # Na-na-na-na-na,
01:50:39 - # Slow down #
01:50:41 # Na-na-na-na-na,
01:50:44 - # Slow down #
01:51:10 # Well, if you want,
01:51:14 # And if you don't,
01:51:18 # It's my love
01:51:22 # If you won't hold me
01:51:25 # Because I'll be good
01:51:29 # I'll give you lovin',
01:51:33 # A lovin' that's good,
01:51:36 # A lovin' like an oven
01:51:40 # Whoo! #
01:51:54 # 'Cause if you don't love me,
01:52:02 # Yeah, if you don't love me,
01:52:09 # If you don't love me,
01:52:16 # If you don't love me,
01:54:21 Ripped by: