|
Easy A
|
| 00:01:01 |
The rumors of my promiscuity |
| 00:01:06 |
I used to be anonymous, |
| 00:01:10 |
If Google Earth were a guy... |
| 00:01:12 |
... he couldn't find me if I was |
| 00:01:15 |
Pretty cutting-edge stuff, huh? |
| 00:01:19 |
Who am I? What does it all mean? |
| 00:01:23 |
But don't worry, |
| 00:01:26 |
Though it sure started out that way. |
| 00:01:28 |
And then it changed pretty quickly |
| 00:01:31 |
... about some very personal things. |
| 00:01:34 |
So let the record show that I, |
| 00:01:38 |
... being of sound mind, |
| 00:01:43 |
... swear to tell the truth, |
| 00:01:45 |
... and nothing but the truth. |
| 00:01:49 |
And what better way |
| 00:01:52 |
... than to broadcast them |
| 00:01:54 |
So here it is. Part one. |
| 00:01:58 |
The shudder-inducing and cliched, |
| 00:02:02 |
...of how I lost my virginity |
| 00:02:07 |
Let me just begin by saying |
| 00:02:12 |
And this is my side, the right one. |
| 00:02:15 |
George is not a sexy name. |
| 00:02:17 |
George is what you name |
| 00:02:19 |
...not the name you wanna |
| 00:02:21 |
And by that, I assume you mean? |
| 00:02:24 |
The stable and self-perpetuating |
| 00:02:27 |
...in the evolution |
| 00:02:29 |
- Right. |
| 00:02:31 |
The same. But I don't say it out loud |
| 00:02:35 |
I think you know innuendo |
| 00:02:38 |
Innuendo? What...? |
| 00:02:40 |
Rhiannon, Olive, go hit the books. |
| 00:02:44 |
Also, hugs not drugs. |
| 00:02:49 |
And any other cliches |
| 00:02:52 |
Bye, Mr. Griffith. |
| 00:02:54 |
Bye. |
| 00:02:55 |
- Watch your mouth. |
| 00:02:58 |
Mr. Griffith is my favorite teacher. |
| 00:03:01 |
Although, |
| 00:03:03 |
... I don't know if I'm still |
| 00:03:05 |
You know, these are bad for you. |
| 00:03:07 |
It leads to unwanted pregnancy, |
| 00:03:10 |
Mismatched tires on your vehicle, |
| 00:03:14 |
And here is where the trouble began. |
| 00:03:19 |
Please, please, I'm begging you. |
| 00:03:23 |
Rhi, I cannot go camping |
| 00:03:25 |
I'm sorry, but I have a date. |
| 00:03:27 |
- Okay? I told you. |
| 00:03:30 |
- You don't know him. |
| 00:03:33 |
Yes, I do. |
| 00:03:36 |
Okay. What's his name, then? |
| 00:03:37 |
Rhiannon is what you'd call |
| 00:03:40 |
She asked me to come camping |
| 00:03:43 |
... and I don't know why |
| 00:03:45 |
A little because I didn't feel like |
| 00:03:48 |
But mostly because her parents are |
| 00:03:52 |
... and I live in California. |
| 00:03:54 |
I ate dinner at her house once |
| 00:03:57 |
- This is interesting. |
| 00:03:59 |
We grew it in our victory garden. |
| 00:04:02 |
You want some dessert? |
| 00:04:03 |
No, thank you. |
| 00:04:06 |
Well, I'm not. |
| 00:04:09 |
So I lied and told her I couldn't go... |
| 00:04:11 |
... because I had a date with a friend |
| 00:04:14 |
Let's just face it, there is no such thing |
| 00:04:17 |
Yeah, well, mine is... |
| 00:04:19 |
...so I think we should just |
| 00:04:23 |
Fine, don't go camping with us. |
| 00:04:27 |
Go get your chocolate milk. |
| 00:04:30 |
- Do you want one? |
| 00:04:32 |
And here's how I really spent |
| 00:04:44 |
That's the worst song ever. |
| 00:05:32 |
But on Monday, when Rhi asked me |
| 00:05:36 |
He was charming, you know? |
| 00:05:39 |
And it feels like I got a love |
| 00:05:42 |
Okay, okay. Wait, wait. |
| 00:05:45 |
No. No, probably not. You know, |
| 00:05:49 |
A whole weekend? |
| 00:05:50 |
Yup. |
| 00:05:52 |
- Wait a minute. You didn't have...? |
| 00:05:55 |
No. No, of course not. |
| 00:05:57 |
You liar. |
| 00:06:01 |
- No, I didn't. |
| 00:06:03 |
- Tell me everything. |
| 00:06:05 |
The kind that does it, |
| 00:06:08 |
...and doesn't have the balls |
| 00:06:10 |
- What? |
| 00:06:12 |
- Rhi. |
| 00:06:14 |
You know, you call me "bitch" a lot. |
| 00:06:16 |
- It's not a term of endearment. |
| 00:06:19 |
You're not heading |
| 00:06:21 |
Tell me. |
| 00:06:23 |
Fine. |
| 00:06:25 |
We did it. |
| 00:06:27 |
Yes! |
| 00:06:28 |
Finally. |
| 00:06:31 |
I don't think letting Peter Hedlund |
| 00:06:33 |
...behind a Bed Bath & Beyond |
| 00:06:37 |
There were a lot of people walking |
| 00:06:40 |
Whatever. This isn't about me, |
| 00:06:44 |
What'd you let him do? |
| 00:06:46 |
It was normal. You know? |
| 00:06:50 |
I don't know why I did it. |
| 00:06:53 |
I guess maybe it was because |
| 00:06:55 |
... I had sort of felt superior to Rhi. |
| 00:06:58 |
But I just started piling on lie after lie. |
| 00:07:01 |
Do you know, like, Glade candles? |
| 00:07:03 |
Those kind, but they were, like, |
| 00:07:07 |
- He was sweet. He was... |
| 00:07:14 |
What the hell are you looking at, |
| 00:07:17 |
Just a couple of admitted whores. |
| 00:07:22 |
Marianne Bryant is the secretary |
| 00:07:25 |
... chairman of the Orange Blossom |
| 00:07:27 |
... and president of |
| 00:07:29 |
... a club dedicated to shoving |
| 00:07:33 |
Obviously they don't care. |
| 00:07:34 |
Last year's cause celebre was |
| 00:07:40 |
Give it up for your Blue Devils! |
| 00:07:42 |
Blue! |
| 00:07:44 |
Blue Devil! |
| 00:07:49 |
Yeah. |
| 00:07:51 |
Yeah! |
| 00:07:54 |
How can we exhibit school pride |
| 00:07:57 |
...as Satan worshippers? |
| 00:07:59 |
Now, thankfully, |
| 00:08:04 |
Give it up for the Woodchucks! |
| 00:08:06 |
Hey! Go, Woodchucks! |
| 00:08:09 |
Woodchucks! |
| 00:08:17 |
I liked Todd much better |
| 00:08:20 |
Yeah, but even dressed as a |
| 00:08:23 |
Woodchucks. |
| 00:08:27 |
Now Marianne had |
| 00:08:30 |
Me. |
| 00:08:31 |
Which brings us to part two. |
| 00:08:34 |
The accelerated velocity |
| 00:08:38 |
Which is really just my obnoxious way |
| 00:08:43 |
And, boy, did my terminological |
| 00:08:48 |
Did you hear about Olive? |
| 00:09:10 |
No way. |
| 00:09:20 |
- She's not a virgin anymore? |
| 00:09:23 |
- Olive lost her virginity. |
| 00:09:26 |
Maybe next time a certain somebody |
| 00:09:29 |
...what she says in the water closet. |
| 00:09:31 |
Yeah, about that? It's... |
| 00:09:34 |
Can I talk to you alone |
| 00:09:37 |
- You gonna be okay? |
| 00:09:42 |
Bye, Nina. |
| 00:09:45 |
What you heard in the bathroom |
| 00:09:49 |
- It's actually a funny story. |
| 00:09:53 |
Yeah, yeah. And you're Marianne. |
| 00:09:56 |
We've had nine classes together |
| 00:09:59 |
Ten, if you count Religion |
| 00:10:02 |
...because you refused to go. |
| 00:10:04 |
Yeah. Listen, I'm not the one |
| 00:10:07 |
...for your depraved behavior. |
| 00:10:08 |
There's a higher power |
| 00:10:11 |
Tom Cruise? |
| 00:10:13 |
I hope for your sake |
| 00:10:16 |
Oh, I have 17 years' worth |
| 00:10:20 |
You've made your bed. |
| 00:10:22 |
I just hope for your sake |
| 00:10:26 |
- Did I just get saved? |
| 00:10:28 |
Oh, you too. |
| 00:10:30 |
So Marianne spread the rumor. |
| 00:10:32 |
For the first time ever, my sexual |
| 00:10:36 |
Oh, you know what? I'm wrong. |
| 00:10:38 |
The first time was back |
| 00:10:41 |
... when all I wanted was a kiss from |
| 00:10:44 |
Todd and I were thrown together |
| 00:10:48 |
Luckily we had a super romantic |
| 00:10:54 |
I think this is the part... |
| 00:10:56 |
...where you're supposed to |
| 00:10:59 |
That's what I've heard, anyway. |
| 00:11:00 |
Just give me a second, okay? |
| 00:11:03 |
According to my watch, |
| 00:11:06 |
- How do you do that? |
| 00:11:07 |
Add so fast. |
| 00:11:09 |
Don't worry, I'm not nearly as smart |
| 00:11:14 |
So if we didn't do anything, |
| 00:11:22 |
Absolutely. |
| 00:11:23 |
- Thanks, Olive. |
| 00:11:27 |
I actually didn't wanna lie that time. |
| 00:11:29 |
When people thought |
| 00:11:31 |
But when they thought |
| 00:11:34 |
Hey, Olive. How's it going? |
| 00:11:36 |
I'm swell, |
| 00:11:39 |
Thanks for asking. |
| 00:11:42 |
All I could think to myself was, |
| 00:11:47 |
I'm gonna have to get |
| 00:11:49 |
... and pierce something |
| 00:11:51 |
You guys know that |
| 00:11:54 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:11:55 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:11:57 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:11:59 |
You know that. |
| 00:12:01 |
Man, I would slit my throat... |
| 00:12:04 |
...rather than say something |
| 00:12:06 |
...that you didn't want me to say. |
| 00:12:09 |
- But that is comforting. |
| 00:12:12 |
That's how I do, as they say. |
| 00:12:13 |
- I like the pants. |
| 00:12:17 |
You can have them |
| 00:12:19 |
- I'm never gonna go through puberty. |
| 00:12:22 |
But we're a family of late bloomers. |
| 00:12:24 |
I didn't until I was 14. Nor did Olive. |
| 00:12:27 |
Why does that matter? I'm adopted. |
| 00:12:29 |
What? Oh, my God. Who told you? |
| 00:12:33 |
Guys, we were gonna do this |
| 00:12:36 |
Listen to me. |
| 00:12:38 |
Sometimes, even when a man and |
| 00:12:41 |
...like your mother and I used to... |
| 00:12:43 |
...their insides just don't cooperate |
| 00:12:46 |
So, what's going on, honey? |
| 00:12:47 |
Why do you want us to take a bullet |
| 00:12:50 |
It's nothing. It's just the rumor mill. |
| 00:12:53 |
What's the rumor mill churning out |
| 00:12:56 |
You know, not really. Not really. |
| 00:12:59 |
Clever wordplay. I like it. |
| 00:13:02 |
- Only by marriage. |
| 00:13:05 |
So, what we're all gonna take away |
| 00:13:07 |
- I was here all weekend, right? |
| 00:13:11 |
Remember how I told you |
| 00:13:14 |
... if I was dressed up |
| 00:13:16 |
Well, the next day it could find me if I |
| 00:13:20 |
That's the beauty of being |
| 00:13:22 |
People hear you had sex once |
| 00:13:26 |
I really didn't mean for the lie |
| 00:13:29 |
... but I gotta admit, |
| 00:13:32 |
So, clearly Nathaniel Hawthorne |
| 00:13:36 |
Even I had trouble with him. |
| 00:13:38 |
I read him originally when I was 5, |
| 00:13:41 |
So I'm gonna break it down for you. |
| 00:13:44 |
Anson, drop me a beat. |
| 00:13:47 |
- What? |
| 00:13:49 |
Push it up. |
| 00:13:51 |
Yeah, adultery, vengeance |
| 00:13:54 |
Crimes of passion |
| 00:13:57 |
Kill the beat. |
| 00:13:59 |
It's pandering |
| 00:14:01 |
...in every bad movie |
| 00:14:05 |
Ironically, we were studying |
| 00:14:07 |
Now, isn't that always the way? |
| 00:14:09 |
The books you read in class always |
| 00:14:13 |
... with whatever angsty |
| 00:14:16 |
Except for Huckleberry Finn. |
| 00:14:19 |
... who have ever run away |
| 00:14:22 |
For those who haven't read |
| 00:14:24 |
...or for those who said you did |
| 00:14:28 |
This girl, Hester Prynne, |
| 00:14:31 |
... is besmirched and made to wear |
| 00:14:35 |
The town realizes |
| 00:14:38 |
... and she's really a good person, |
| 00:14:41 |
A whole bunch |
| 00:14:43 |
If you have a test on it, rent the movie, |
| 00:14:46 |
...not the Demi Moore version where |
| 00:14:50 |
...and takes a lot of baths. |
| 00:14:52 |
To say that one was freely adapted |
| 00:14:57 |
What we have to realize... |
| 00:14:59 |
...is that Hester lived |
| 00:15:03 |
A time when the worst crime a woman |
| 00:15:10 |
Nina. |
| 00:15:11 |
I think Hester Prynne was... |
| 00:15:13 |
Excuse my language... . A skank. |
| 00:15:16 |
A skank? So you don't think |
| 00:15:18 |
Why should I? |
| 00:15:22 |
Perhaps you should embroider a red A |
| 00:15:27 |
Perhaps you should get a wardrobe, |
| 00:15:32 |
Not my best line, |
| 00:15:35 |
... to land me in the principal's office. |
| 00:15:43 |
Seems as if someone's |
| 00:15:48 |
Seems as if someone's |
| 00:15:51 |
...she'll be saddled with |
| 00:15:53 |
I hope you at least had the good sense |
| 00:15:56 |
Why? Your parents didn't. |
| 00:15:58 |
- You're going to hell. |
| 00:16:01 |
I can assure you I won't. |
| 00:16:03 |
Good. |
| 00:16:10 |
I don't care who started it. |
| 00:16:18 |
Penderghast. |
| 00:16:21 |
So why am I just meeting you? |
| 00:16:24 |
Language like this would've |
| 00:16:26 |
This is the first time I've done anything |
| 00:16:31 |
This is foul. |
| 00:16:32 |
I know. I am so... |
| 00:16:34 |
Sorry you said it |
| 00:16:37 |
Sorry I said it, honestly. |
| 00:16:39 |
And sorry I got caught a little bit too, |
| 00:16:43 |
If you use a word like this again in my |
| 00:16:47 |
Yes, sir. Yes. |
| 00:16:48 |
I mean, this isn't one of |
| 00:16:51 |
...where teachers are called |
| 00:16:53 |
...and students |
| 00:16:56 |
...and there's a fundraising auction |
| 00:16:59 |
...where the more creative parents |
| 00:17:03 |
...about the community garden. |
| 00:17:05 |
This is public school. |
| 00:17:08 |
If I can keep the girls off the pole and |
| 00:17:12 |
Now, if you're sent to me |
| 00:17:15 |
...you're gonna be out on your fantail. |
| 00:17:18 |
Yes, sir. |
| 00:17:20 |
- Good. |
| 00:17:22 |
I mean, I got a little lost in the middle, |
| 00:17:26 |
Detention after school tomorrow. |
| 00:17:28 |
Now, out. |
| 00:17:32 |
Even though it was my slutty alter ego |
| 00:17:37 |
... it was my ass that got in trouble... |
| 00:17:39 |
... which was a place my ass |
| 00:17:47 |
Hey, Olive. |
| 00:17:49 |
Oh, my God. The illusion is shattered. |
| 00:17:52 |
They put you in the gas chamber if you |
| 00:17:55 |
I think they just fire you. |
| 00:17:58 |
- Disney World is more liberal. |
| 00:18:00 |
I always forget Disney World |
| 00:18:03 |
Are you going |
| 00:18:05 |
I hadn't planned on it. |
| 00:18:07 |
Me neither. My cousin's getting |
| 00:18:10 |
See you. Stay excellent. |
| 00:18:13 |
You too. |
| 00:18:15 |
- What's up, kid? |
| 00:18:18 |
Please tell me the rumors are true. |
| 00:18:20 |
Yes. Yes. I am a big, fat slut. |
| 00:18:22 |
No, the one where you got suspended |
| 00:18:26 |
...and punching her in the left tit. |
| 00:18:29 |
I worry about the way information |
| 00:18:32 |
Rhi? I need to tell you something. |
| 00:18:35 |
Like the exact moment |
| 00:18:38 |
- I think I'm in love with you. |
| 00:18:40 |
Tell me you left a mark |
| 00:18:43 |
- It's not true. |
| 00:18:45 |
It was the right one. |
| 00:18:48 |
Can you listen to me |
| 00:18:51 |
Okay. It didn't happen. |
| 00:18:54 |
Oh, yeah, right. Your secret's safe |
| 00:19:03 |
I got sent to the principal today. |
| 00:19:05 |
Did you win a medal or something? |
| 00:19:07 |
Not exactly. |
| 00:19:08 |
I used inappropriate language |
| 00:19:13 |
Although we're reading a book |
| 00:19:16 |
...inappropriate for our age group, |
| 00:19:20 |
What did you say? |
| 00:19:23 |
Let's just say |
| 00:19:26 |
Well, what did it start with? |
| 00:19:27 |
A snide comment |
| 00:19:30 |
No, I mean what letter |
| 00:19:33 |
- T. |
| 00:19:35 |
- T? Let us think. T, T, T. |
| 00:19:40 |
- T, T, T. |
| 00:19:55 |
- Guys. |
| 00:19:57 |
Noun. It's definitely slang. |
| 00:20:01 |
Tallywhacker? Termagant? |
| 00:20:06 |
You're just saying sounds. |
| 00:20:08 |
- Spell it with your peas. |
| 00:20:12 |
- I will take that challenge. |
| 00:20:13 |
I like that. All right. |
| 00:20:15 |
So does this have anything to do |
| 00:20:17 |
...that you mentioned the other night? |
| 00:20:20 |
Do you need to talk to us |
| 00:20:23 |
What's a twit? |
| 00:20:25 |
That's an A, honey. |
| 00:20:27 |
It'll get you sent |
| 00:20:30 |
Sit down. |
| 00:20:31 |
We're lucky that this |
| 00:20:34 |
What would my punishment |
| 00:20:36 |
- Bed without supper, I guess. |
| 00:20:40 |
- No dating. No dating. |
| 00:20:43 |
- No dating for you, young lady. |
| 00:20:45 |
I think my complete lack of allure... |
| 00:20:48 |
...already kind of |
| 00:20:50 |
I wouldn't know how to be grounded |
| 00:20:54 |
That's right. Love you. Come here. |
| 00:20:56 |
And I bet that girl was acting |
| 00:21:00 |
Oh, you have no idea. |
| 00:21:03 |
I got a B-plus |
| 00:21:06 |
That's good, honey, but everything |
| 00:21:10 |
Just kidding. |
| 00:21:13 |
Where are you from originally? |
| 00:21:16 |
So the next day I had detention... |
| 00:21:17 |
... which, thanks to recent budget cuts, |
| 00:21:21 |
I was looking forward to |
| 00:21:23 |
I had done the crime. |
| 00:21:26 |
And that would be that, |
| 00:21:29 |
Aren't there, like, |
| 00:21:31 |
Not in high school. |
| 00:21:33 |
The principal's like the captain |
| 00:21:37 |
He can even marry people. |
| 00:21:40 |
We haven't talked in a while. |
| 00:21:43 |
Fabulous. I'm crushing it. |
| 00:21:46 |
I wanna be in detention. |
| 00:21:49 |
Yeah, why are you here? |
| 00:21:50 |
From the blood I saw gushing out of |
| 00:21:54 |
Principal Gibbons is a homophobe, |
| 00:21:57 |
- So the rumors are true. |
| 00:22:01 |
I meant about |
| 00:22:05 |
So, what's with your new look? |
| 00:22:08 |
Oh, haven't you heard? |
| 00:22:12 |
You know, I did hear something. |
| 00:22:15 |
Oh, no, no, no. |
| 00:22:18 |
I also heard he gave you crabs. |
| 00:22:20 |
- People suck. |
| 00:22:26 |
He's not real. |
| 00:22:28 |
- What? |
| 00:22:32 |
Wait, you started the rumor? |
| 00:22:34 |
Indirectly, I guess sort of. |
| 00:22:36 |
Or actually, no. |
| 00:22:40 |
Well, but you're perpetuating it. |
| 00:22:44 |
Excuse me? |
| 00:22:45 |
You're not even a real slut. |
| 00:22:48 |
It's pathetic. |
| 00:22:50 |
No offense, but you could probably |
| 00:22:55 |
Are you saying that I should |
| 00:23:00 |
That's groundbreaking. You should |
| 00:23:04 |
It could be called "The Painfully |
| 00:23:07 |
...the Fake School Slut." |
| 00:23:08 |
I was just suggesting that |
| 00:23:12 |
...are onto something. |
| 00:23:14 |
Maybe that whole stuck-up, |
| 00:23:20 |
No, I think she's just |
| 00:23:22 |
And there are some of us who are |
| 00:23:26 |
Well, then you've gotta do |
| 00:23:29 |
...or decide not to care. |
| 00:23:31 |
I can't decide if you're a genius |
| 00:23:35 |
Well, don't they sort of go |
| 00:23:40 |
- So you heard any word from George? |
| 00:23:44 |
I told you, that was a one-night stand, |
| 00:23:48 |
You're being pretty cavalier |
| 00:23:51 |
Aren't you supposed to be |
| 00:23:53 |
Yes, I believe so. If I was a Gossip Girl |
| 00:23:57 |
But no, I'm not. |
| 00:24:02 |
So Brandy Carter |
| 00:24:04 |
...that you were with three guys |
| 00:24:07 |
Sounds like a lot of work. |
| 00:24:09 |
I guess that's still better than |
| 00:24:13 |
Who said that? |
| 00:24:14 |
Do you know that Brandon kid? |
| 00:24:18 |
Isn't he a homo? |
| 00:24:20 |
Yeah. |
| 00:24:28 |
Speak of the devil. Hello. |
| 00:24:30 |
I was just talking about you |
| 00:24:33 |
You know Rhiannon. |
| 00:24:36 |
She curses like a Somali sailor. Bi... |
| 00:24:38 |
- Yeah. That's the one. |
| 00:24:41 |
- Okay. |
| 00:24:44 |
Hello, what's "bi..."? What is "bi..."? |
| 00:24:46 |
- Bye. |
| 00:24:48 |
Bedazzling personality? |
| 00:24:51 |
- Big tits. |
| 00:24:55 |
Yes! |
| 00:24:56 |
All right, well, that was Brandon. He |
| 00:25:00 |
- Probably wants to borrow an outfit. |
| 00:25:03 |
Heck, yeah! |
| 00:25:06 |
Big tits! |
| 00:25:08 |
The next day, |
| 00:25:11 |
...which brings us to part three. |
| 00:25:13 |
A lady's choice |
| 00:25:30 |
Hi. Is there an Olive here? |
| 00:25:33 |
There's a whole jar of them |
| 00:25:35 |
I'm sorry, |
| 00:25:37 |
Just kidding. Come on in. |
| 00:25:40 |
Any friend of Olive's |
| 00:25:43 |
Olive, sweetie. |
| 00:25:45 |
There's a young man |
| 00:25:47 |
He said something about asking |
| 00:25:51 |
Oh, happy day, Mama! |
| 00:25:54 |
Oh, I thought I was gonna have |
| 00:25:56 |
...on booze and pills |
| 00:25:59 |
A gentleman caller, hurray! |
| 00:26:02 |
- What's that? |
| 00:26:04 |
- A boy? |
| 00:26:05 |
- Wow, a boy. |
| 00:26:08 |
A boy? |
| 00:26:10 |
A boy. |
| 00:26:13 |
Welcome. |
| 00:26:16 |
And by magic I mean nothing. |
| 00:26:18 |
- Do you wanna go out with me? |
| 00:26:20 |
Well, I mean, like, |
| 00:26:25 |
Brandon, just a couple hours ago |
| 00:26:28 |
True, but you said I should |
| 00:26:31 |
Yeah, I didn't mean with me. |
| 00:26:33 |
I mean, you're a nice guy and all, |
| 00:26:38 |
Yeah, you're not really |
| 00:26:40 |
Yeah, I know that. I got that V |
| 00:26:43 |
Do you wanna |
| 00:26:45 |
Oh, my God, dude. |
| 00:26:47 |
You completely missed the point. |
| 00:26:49 |
- That's not what I was saying. |
| 00:26:52 |
I should act straight |
| 00:26:54 |
Then I can be whoever I wanna be. |
| 00:26:57 |
You know that I didn't have sex |
| 00:27:00 |
I just told everybody I did. |
| 00:27:02 |
Actually, I told one person I did. |
| 00:27:05 |
It's like wildfire. |
| 00:27:07 |
So you're saying |
| 00:27:11 |
I should just say I had sex |
| 00:27:14 |
Yes. Yes. |
| 00:27:24 |
Oh, no. |
| 00:27:26 |
- Wai... Just... |
| 00:27:30 |
- No way! No way! |
| 00:27:33 |
- Absolutely not. |
| 00:27:35 |
- We could help each other out. |
| 00:27:38 |
You wanna maintain |
| 00:27:40 |
I don't wanna get pushed into shit |
| 00:27:44 |
How do you know I like |
| 00:27:46 |
Because at least |
| 00:27:48 |
Just one good imaginary bonk. |
| 00:27:52 |
You are on crack. All right? |
| 00:27:54 |
It doesn't have to be a bonk. |
| 00:27:56 |
It could be an imaginary butterbean, |
| 00:27:58 |
- I don't know what any of that means. |
| 00:28:02 |
You know what? |
| 00:28:04 |
- I'll pay you whatever you want. |
| 00:28:07 |
Just do what I did |
| 00:28:09 |
Who's going to believe me? |
| 00:28:13 |
You don't understand how hard it is, |
| 00:28:17 |
And every day at school |
| 00:28:22 |
And sure, we can sit |
| 00:28:24 |
...about how things |
| 00:28:27 |
...but this is today and it sucks. |
| 00:28:29 |
There's only one way around it. |
| 00:28:32 |
So please, just help me. |
| 00:28:35 |
Because I can't take another day |
| 00:28:47 |
I don't do anything half-assed. |
| 00:28:49 |
It'll have to be a public event. |
| 00:28:51 |
Melody Bostic is throwing |
| 00:28:54 |
All of your tormentors will be there. |
| 00:28:58 |
You have to do everything I say and |
| 00:29:02 |
- Thank you so much for doing this. |
| 00:29:06 |
...you know, make sure you're ready |
| 00:29:10 |
- What the hell is a lemon squeeze? |
| 00:29:14 |
How don't I know any of this? |
| 00:29:19 |
The next night was the party |
| 00:29:22 |
She is the most popular girl |
| 00:29:25 |
It's partly because she's pretty |
| 00:29:27 |
... but mostly because her parents |
| 00:29:30 |
... every time she catches them |
| 00:29:33 |
... which is every week, apparently. |
| 00:29:36 |
Brandon and I showed up |
| 00:29:39 |
I borrowed a dress from my mom, |
| 00:29:43 |
... and we put on a little show. |
| 00:29:45 |
Hey, Olive and Brandon. |
| 00:29:48 |
What's up? |
| 00:29:49 |
I hope you don't mind, but we had |
| 00:29:53 |
...like, before the cocktail party |
| 00:29:58 |
Listen, here's the sitch, |
| 00:30:01 |
Brandon was just in the middle |
| 00:30:06 |
...which is really funny. |
| 00:30:07 |
And I was wondering if there's, |
| 00:30:11 |
...where he could finish telling me |
| 00:30:14 |
...if you know what I mean. |
| 00:30:16 |
You can use my room. |
| 00:30:18 |
Down the hall to the left. |
| 00:30:21 |
Cool. |
| 00:30:25 |
Is that Olive with Brandon? |
| 00:30:27 |
I know. What the hell, right? |
| 00:30:29 |
You guys are my buddies. |
| 00:30:31 |
I'm drunk, bitches. What's up? |
| 00:30:33 |
I love your room! |
| 00:30:34 |
My sheets. Put a towel down. |
| 00:30:37 |
- Olive's gonna do a gay dude. |
| 00:30:45 |
- What are you doing? |
| 00:30:47 |
Jesus, what is with you gays? Are you |
| 00:30:51 |
What do you think I have down there, |
| 00:30:59 |
So nice. What is that, lavender? |
| 00:31:03 |
What are you doing? Can you...? |
| 00:31:06 |
Jacket off. Come on. |
| 00:31:09 |
All right. Come on. |
| 00:31:12 |
Now grunt. |
| 00:31:17 |
I said grunt, not whine. Just grunt. |
| 00:31:24 |
Moan, you know? Like, sex noises. |
| 00:31:28 |
God, you are pathetic. |
| 00:31:37 |
Good. Good. |
| 00:31:41 |
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. |
| 00:31:44 |
Oh, yeah. |
| 00:31:46 |
- Oh, yeah. |
| 00:31:52 |
- You don't have to be so aggressive. |
| 00:31:55 |
- No, I don't like that. |
| 00:31:57 |
How about that? |
| 00:31:59 |
- Little better. |
| 00:32:01 |
I like that. |
| 00:32:02 |
- This guy, he's gay, no? |
| 00:32:06 |
- Don't stop! |
| 00:32:08 |
- Don't stop. |
| 00:32:11 |
I'm not gonna stop. |
| 00:32:12 |
Now you try. You try. |
| 00:32:14 |
I'm gonna turn you around |
| 00:32:18 |
That's not gonna make people |
| 00:32:21 |
Never mind that gayness |
| 00:32:28 |
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! |
| 00:32:31 |
- That's awesome! That's perfect! |
| 00:32:33 |
That's what I'm talking about! |
| 00:32:35 |
Do you smell that? |
| 00:32:39 |
Did he just say it smelled? |
| 00:32:43 |
Isn't it supposed to smell? |
| 00:32:45 |
You're not supposed |
| 00:32:47 |
- It doesn't really smell that bad. |
| 00:32:51 |
- Don't stop. Yeah! |
| 00:32:54 |
- You ready for the grand finale? |
| 00:32:58 |
Oh, yeah. |
| 00:33:02 |
Yeah. |
| 00:33:07 |
Come on. |
| 00:33:10 |
Oh, my God. |
| 00:33:14 |
Go forth, my son. |
| 00:33:19 |
Hey. |
| 00:33:21 |
Thank you. |
| 00:33:26 |
Seriously, thanks. |
| 00:33:37 |
- Here. |
| 00:33:39 |
Evidence. |
| 00:33:45 |
What's up? |
| 00:33:53 |
Hey, man. |
| 00:33:55 |
How was she? |
| 00:33:56 |
Well, well, let's just say |
| 00:34:02 |
What? |
| 00:34:04 |
- I'm drunk. What's up, bitches? |
| 00:34:19 |
- Whoa, hey. |
| 00:34:21 |
I thought you were at |
| 00:34:24 |
It was a quick rehearsal. |
| 00:34:27 |
That was a joke. |
| 00:34:29 |
I know. |
| 00:34:31 |
Yeah, sorry. How's it going? |
| 00:34:34 |
You know, I'm... |
| 00:34:37 |
- I'm here. |
| 00:34:39 |
That rhymed. I liked it. |
| 00:34:42 |
Yeah. |
| 00:34:52 |
- I'm gonna go. |
| 00:34:55 |
- Yeah. Bye. |
| 00:34:59 |
Maybe this is gonna sound stupid... |
| 00:35:01 |
...and, believe me, it's not like |
| 00:35:04 |
...or a string quartet or anything... |
| 00:35:08 |
...but I always thought pretending |
| 00:35:11 |
...would be a little more... |
| 00:35:13 |
...I don't know, special? |
| 00:35:16 |
Judy Blume should've |
| 00:35:26 |
That is so beautiful. |
| 00:35:28 |
Never had one lesson. |
| 00:35:29 |
That boy from yesterday |
| 00:35:32 |
Well, put it in the pile of gifts |
| 00:35:36 |
- Thanks. |
| 00:35:39 |
He seemed a little incredibly gay. |
| 00:35:42 |
A dyed-in-the-wool homosexual, |
| 00:35:44 |
I just want you to know |
| 00:35:48 |
We love you no matter |
| 00:35:50 |
...of your opposite-sex sex partner. |
| 00:35:52 |
We're not dating, Mom. |
| 00:35:54 |
And don't worry about |
| 00:35:56 |
...although we were kind of hoping |
| 00:36:00 |
...so we'd have a second shot |
| 00:36:02 |
Really do it right this time. |
| 00:36:04 |
- Bye now. |
| 00:36:08 |
For a long time, actually. |
| 00:36:11 |
Dear God, dear Lord, tell me you did |
| 00:36:15 |
No. |
| 00:36:17 |
No, no, no. |
| 00:36:18 |
Your father is as straight |
| 00:36:20 |
A little too straight, |
| 00:36:23 |
I don't. Can you shut the door, please? |
| 00:36:28 |
Okay, door's right over there. |
| 00:36:31 |
- Take it down. |
| 00:36:42 |
"Just in case you don't shop at Target. |
| 00:36:46 |
Brandon." |
| 00:36:56 |
Hi, Rhi. |
| 00:36:57 |
Is it true you got with Brandon |
| 00:37:01 |
Is that what people |
| 00:37:03 |
That's what everyone |
| 00:37:06 |
Well, then I guess that... |
| 00:37:09 |
Just because you lost your virginity |
| 00:37:13 |
...throwing your cat at everybody. |
| 00:37:16 |
I had to hear from Jackie Rudetsky. |
| 00:37:20 |
Do you know |
| 00:37:21 |
Finding out you slept with some |
| 00:37:26 |
Must've been embarrassing. |
| 00:37:27 |
Why didn't you tell me |
| 00:37:29 |
I would've come with |
| 00:37:32 |
Are you really making this |
| 00:37:34 |
- You're starting to get a reputation. |
| 00:37:38 |
You're pissing me off |
| 00:37:40 |
I think it's a best friend's duty... |
| 00:37:42 |
...to let her know that everyone, and |
| 00:37:46 |
...a dirty skank. |
| 00:37:48 |
Well, do you think I'm a dirty skank? |
| 00:37:52 |
You know, I didn't wanna believe it, |
| 00:37:55 |
That is your identifier. |
| 00:37:58 |
And you're a jealous virgin. |
| 00:38:00 |
So... |
| 00:38:03 |
People thought I was a dirty skank? |
| 00:38:06 |
Fine, I'd be the dirtiest skank |
| 00:38:31 |
Shit. |
| 00:38:38 |
Is everything all right? It sounds like |
| 00:38:41 |
...which can't be true, due to the fact |
| 00:38:45 |
He's not my boyfriend. |
| 00:38:47 |
Hey, no judgment. |
| 00:38:51 |
I was gay once for a while. |
| 00:38:54 |
No big deal. We all do it. It's okay. |
| 00:38:58 |
Dad, can you just |
| 00:39:00 |
You all right, buddy? |
| 00:39:03 |
Yeah. |
| 00:39:06 |
Give them hell. |
| 00:39:52 |
- Hey, Anson. |
| 00:39:54 |
I just realized the funniest thing. |
| 00:40:01 |
What's a...? What's an anagram? |
| 00:40:03 |
Look it up, big boy. |
| 00:40:06 |
What's your problem? |
| 00:40:07 |
You wanna know |
| 00:40:09 |
No. That was a rhetorical question. |
| 00:40:13 |
We are not friends anymore. |
| 00:40:15 |
We are officially over. |
| 00:40:17 |
Oh, rats. |
| 00:40:19 |
I want my Juicy sweatshirt back. It was |
| 00:40:23 |
Burn. |
| 00:40:25 |
- Stop. |
| 00:40:47 |
What are you doing? |
| 00:40:50 |
Nothing. |
| 00:40:55 |
Don't forget, tomorrow's Earth Day. |
| 00:40:58 |
Guys, we have a problem: |
| 00:41:02 |
- We need to pray for her. |
| 00:41:04 |
But we also need to |
| 00:41:07 |
Amen. |
| 00:41:08 |
You heard what happened |
| 00:41:10 |
- I was there. I heard the whole thing. |
| 00:41:13 |
...you need to advertise, Kurt. |
| 00:41:16 |
I tried to witness to her, but this girl |
| 00:41:21 |
Anybody here think they can |
| 00:41:24 |
...what she's doing is wrong? |
| 00:41:28 |
- It's okay. |
| 00:41:32 |
No, it's not, Marianne. It's real. |
| 00:41:35 |
- It's real. |
| 00:41:36 |
Jesus tells us to love everyone. |
| 00:41:38 |
I mean, even the whores and |
| 00:41:43 |
It's so hard because they keep |
| 00:41:49 |
Make me a promise. |
| 00:41:51 |
Make God a promise, |
| 00:41:53 |
...that we will remain |
| 00:41:57 |
We promise. |
| 00:41:58 |
Awesome, awesome, awesome. |
| 00:42:01 |
I love you guys. God loves you guys. |
| 00:42:06 |
- Micah? |
| 00:42:32 |
I didn't know what they |
| 00:42:35 |
I put an A on my wardrobe |
| 00:42:38 |
Maybe it was because I was wearing |
| 00:42:41 |
Hey, Olive! |
| 00:42:45 |
You left your glass slipper |
| 00:42:48 |
Yeah, and I got pumpkin |
| 00:42:52 |
Nice. Solid joke. |
| 00:42:54 |
It sucks because we could've |
| 00:42:57 |
Oh, my God, |
| 00:42:59 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:43:02 |
Well, yeah, come on. Who doesn't |
| 00:43:08 |
Hey, Olive. |
| 00:43:10 |
Evan. Hey, what's rocking? |
| 00:43:12 |
Can I talk to you for a second? |
| 00:43:14 |
Yeah, what's up? |
| 00:43:16 |
Don't get mad, but Brandon told me |
| 00:43:19 |
Oh, well, rest assured, |
| 00:43:22 |
No, he told me the truth. |
| 00:43:25 |
I was just hoping |
| 00:43:28 |
Goodbye, Evan. |
| 00:43:30 |
Wait, wait. I can pay you. |
| 00:43:33 |
I am about six seconds away |
| 00:43:36 |
...your teeth will bleed. |
| 00:43:40 |
I don't need your permission, |
| 00:43:45 |
What? |
| 00:43:46 |
I mean, at the rate you're going... |
| 00:43:49 |
...I don't see how people |
| 00:43:52 |
- Are you threatening me? |
| 00:43:54 |
You are repugnant. |
| 00:43:57 |
That's the problem. |
| 00:44:00 |
Never mind. |
| 00:44:02 |
I'm sorry I asked. |
| 00:44:10 |
I knew it wouldn't work. |
| 00:44:13 |
I'm just a fat piece of shit. |
| 00:44:16 |
When will high school end already? |
| 00:44:24 |
Shit. |
| 00:44:26 |
I want a $100 gift card deposited |
| 00:44:30 |
Preferably to the Gap, but I will |
| 00:44:34 |
Actually, make it OfficeMax. |
| 00:44:38 |
We did not have sex, okay? |
| 00:44:41 |
I let you fondle my chest, |
| 00:44:44 |
...unmatched by anything |
| 00:44:47 |
Got it? |
| 00:44:49 |
Wait a minute. |
| 00:44:51 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:44:54 |
Can we throw in, like, some |
| 00:44:58 |
- What are you, 9? |
| 00:45:03 |
- Whatever. |
| 00:45:05 |
Thanks, Olive. |
| 00:45:07 |
You know, the sad thing is, Evan... |
| 00:45:09 |
...if you'd been a gentleman |
| 00:45:14 |
...I might've said yes. |
| 00:45:15 |
Really? |
| 00:45:18 |
Not now I don't, shit-dick. |
| 00:45:23 |
It should come as no surprise that the |
| 00:45:27 |
... spread around the school |
| 00:45:29 |
Well, faster than the first rumor |
| 00:45:36 |
Guys, come over here. |
| 00:46:04 |
She'll do stuff for money. |
| 00:46:07 |
But for people who knew the truth, |
| 00:46:10 |
And whether I liked it or not, |
| 00:46:16 |
Phil Lord gave me |
| 00:46:18 |
... so he could tell people |
| 00:46:22 |
I got $50 from T.J. Maxx |
| 00:46:25 |
... we got it on during Chemistry. |
| 00:46:28 |
Ninety dollars from Panda Express |
| 00:46:32 |
... I showed him mine, |
| 00:46:36 |
Chris Miller, |
| 00:46:38 |
... gave me $40 worth of movie passes |
| 00:46:42 |
They had an expiration date |
| 00:46:44 |
... at the stupid foreign movie theater. |
| 00:46:46 |
Hi. One for |
| 00:46:52 |
But even that is better |
| 00:46:55 |
Seriously? A coupon? Twenty percent |
| 00:47:00 |
Is that how much our imaginary tryst |
| 00:47:03 |
I fake rocked your world. |
| 00:47:05 |
- It's all I can afford. |
| 00:47:08 |
I knew he wasn't Latino, |
| 00:47:11 |
... backdoor deals |
| 00:47:14 |
- Beat it, ese. |
| 00:47:16 |
Whatever happened to chivalry? |
| 00:47:18 |
Does it only exist in '80s movies? |
| 00:47:21 |
I want John Cusack holding |
| 00:47:25 |
I wanna ride off on a lawn mower |
| 00:47:28 |
I want Jake from Sixteen Candles |
| 00:47:32 |
I want Judd Nelson |
| 00:47:35 |
... because he knows he got me. |
| 00:47:37 |
Just once, I want my life |
| 00:47:40 |
Preferably one with a really awesome |
| 00:47:43 |
... for no apparent reason. |
| 00:47:46 |
But, no. No. |
| 00:47:51 |
So instead of all that... |
| 00:47:54 |
...I get to save 15 cents... |
| 00:47:57 |
...on a bottle of Juniper Breeze |
| 00:48:00 |
So if you're still with me, |
| 00:48:05 |
...this brings us to part four. |
| 00:48:09 |
How I, Olive Penderghast, |
| 00:48:12 |
...to an actual home-wrecker. |
| 00:48:16 |
- You wanted to see me? |
| 00:48:28 |
What's going on? |
| 00:48:29 |
- I'm accessorizing. |
| 00:48:32 |
I think you're taking your reading |
| 00:48:36 |
Well, I was really hoping |
| 00:48:42 |
I'm hearing some rumors. |
| 00:48:44 |
Well, those are true. I am considering |
| 00:48:47 |
- You know what I'm talking about. |
| 00:48:50 |
When did teachers become |
| 00:48:55 |
That would be when everyone |
| 00:49:01 |
I don't know what |
| 00:49:03 |
...with documenting |
| 00:49:06 |
...but I can assure you |
| 00:49:09 |
"Roman is having an okay day... |
| 00:49:12 |
...and bought a Coke Zero |
| 00:49:16 |
Raise the roof." |
| 00:49:18 |
Who gives a rat's ass? |
| 00:49:19 |
He got a Coke Zero again? |
| 00:49:22 |
That Roman. Incorrigible. |
| 00:49:24 |
Listen, whatever this little act is about, |
| 00:49:28 |
I really think you should consider |
| 00:49:31 |
...for going the extra mile. |
| 00:49:32 |
I'm really attempting to understand |
| 00:49:35 |
...Hawthorne wrote about. |
| 00:49:39 |
If I read one more paper |
| 00:49:41 |
...who talks about how hot she is in |
| 00:49:46 |
...or, is she still married to |
| 00:49:50 |
Why don't people just watch |
| 00:49:54 |
I know you read the book. |
| 00:49:56 |
I did. |
| 00:49:58 |
Listen, I want to apologize for |
| 00:50:01 |
Truthfully, and I'll deny it |
| 00:50:04 |
...I wanted to be cheering |
| 00:50:07 |
I don't know what it is about Nina. |
| 00:50:10 |
I hate her. |
| 00:50:11 |
I won't tell. |
| 00:50:13 |
- I'll deny it if you do. |
| 00:50:14 |
- Bye-bye. |
| 00:50:16 |
Stay golden. |
| 00:50:18 |
- Hi, Mrs. Griffith. |
| 00:50:22 |
A is for "awesome." |
| 00:50:24 |
Yeah. |
| 00:50:27 |
I've never seen that girl before. |
| 00:50:28 |
That does not surprise me. |
| 00:50:30 |
But I'm the guidance counselor. |
| 00:50:34 |
Especially the ones |
| 00:50:36 |
- It's good to see you. |
| 00:50:40 |
No, stop. We're at school. |
| 00:50:44 |
- Windows. |
| 00:50:46 |
Do me a favor, though. |
| 00:50:48 |
I think she's going through a phase. |
| 00:50:50 |
That's not the girl |
| 00:50:53 |
It is. |
| 00:50:54 |
Oh, okay. Oh, this'll be good. |
| 00:50:57 |
That snotty, Jesus-freak |
| 00:51:00 |
...has been bitching |
| 00:51:02 |
They're all lies, but she could use |
| 00:51:06 |
All right. Hey, what are you doing |
| 00:51:09 |
- You won't be there? |
| 00:51:11 |
I have an after-school session. |
| 00:51:14 |
Well, be careful, all right? |
| 00:51:15 |
It was a butter knife. |
| 00:51:18 |
You know, it's a gateway knife, so... |
| 00:51:20 |
- All right, bye. |
| 00:51:22 |
I'm thinking about another gateway. |
| 00:51:27 |
Making spaghetti. |
| 00:51:29 |
- That's great. |
| 00:51:31 |
Enjoy eating your meat. |
| 00:51:32 |
- And balls. |
| 00:51:45 |
Sharpening your pencils? |
| 00:51:48 |
Getting them nice and sharp? |
| 00:51:50 |
Sharpening them up? Look at you. |
| 00:51:54 |
Sharpening those pencils. |
| 00:51:57 |
- God, that's sharp. L... |
| 00:52:03 |
Good job. |
| 00:52:04 |
Well, the reason I called you in |
| 00:52:07 |
...sort of, you know, just chat |
| 00:52:10 |
You know, there is concern |
| 00:52:13 |
Your husband. |
| 00:52:14 |
Olive, you're attempting |
| 00:52:17 |
I'm just a little confused |
| 00:52:21 |
Am I in trouble? |
| 00:52:22 |
Because, pursuant |
| 00:52:25 |
...my hemline has never been |
| 00:52:27 |
No, you're not in trouble. |
| 00:52:29 |
I wanted to make sure you knew... |
| 00:52:31 |
...if there's something |
| 00:52:33 |
...you know, you can trust me. |
| 00:52:35 |
If I open up to you, do you promise |
| 00:52:40 |
Yeah. I'm... See? |
| 00:52:43 |
That's what I do. |
| 00:52:45 |
I mean, I have a reputation to uphold. |
| 00:52:47 |
Don't you, though? |
| 00:52:50 |
All right, listen, don't tell anyone |
| 00:52:55 |
Here you go. |
| 00:52:56 |
- Here you go. |
| 00:52:58 |
Oh, you really do. Here you go. |
| 00:53:01 |
Here you go. Okay? |
| 00:53:03 |
I just don't want this thing you're |
| 00:53:07 |
Olive, do what you gotta do. Okay? |
| 00:53:09 |
Let your freak flag fly. Just make sure |
| 00:53:14 |
Listen, Mrs. Griffith, I really... |
| 00:53:18 |
The pill is not 100 percent effective. |
| 00:53:20 |
Ask some of your friends' parents. |
| 00:53:23 |
Thank you for coming in. |
| 00:53:28 |
Can you just send in the next person? |
| 00:53:35 |
You're up, hoss. |
| 00:53:37 |
Okay. Go. It's all right. |
| 00:53:42 |
Everything's gonna be okay. |
| 00:53:51 |
Don't you think it's a little strange |
| 00:53:55 |
...and still in high school? |
| 00:53:58 |
...but he is here by choice. |
| 00:53:59 |
It's his choice he's a fourth-year senior |
| 00:54:04 |
His choice. His? His? |
| 00:54:06 |
Capital H? |
| 00:54:07 |
If God wanted him to graduate, God |
| 00:54:14 |
I'm sorry. |
| 00:54:17 |
Okay. So why was he blubbering |
| 00:54:21 |
- Is he struggling with his sexuality? |
| 00:54:24 |
His parents are |
| 00:54:31 |
Okay. |
| 00:54:40 |
You know, |
| 00:54:44 |
...they get divorced, you know? |
| 00:54:46 |
And it's important to remember |
| 00:54:50 |
So I gotta go. |
| 00:54:53 |
But they go to our church. |
| 00:55:02 |
How long do these embraces usually |
| 00:55:06 |
- Are you gonna be okay? |
| 00:55:09 |
Mrs. Griffith is amazing... |
| 00:55:11 |
...and she's gonna help Micah, |
| 00:55:16 |
See? All right, that's the spirit. |
| 00:55:19 |
Okay. |
| 00:55:26 |
Wait. Why are you even |
| 00:55:31 |
I did it. |
| 00:55:34 |
I got through to you. |
| 00:55:38 |
I'm so sorry about everything I said. |
| 00:55:41 |
I mean, I really want us to be friends. |
| 00:55:46 |
Absolutely. |
| 00:55:50 |
And for a day, |
| 00:55:54 |
I was kind of starting to think |
| 00:55:57 |
Olive! |
| 00:55:59 |
- Friend. |
| 00:56:01 |
- I missed you. |
| 00:56:03 |
She texted me in first period. |
| 00:56:14 |
By second period, |
| 00:56:16 |
Olive. Olive. |
| 00:56:22 |
Tragedy struck in Wood Shop. |
| 00:56:25 |
It wasn't because |
| 00:56:27 |
... which has happened. |
| 00:56:29 |
Micah is in the hospital. |
| 00:56:32 |
The nurse didn't know |
| 00:56:36 |
There, there. |
| 00:56:45 |
It hurts so bad, Mommy. |
| 00:56:47 |
Well, it's just what I thought. |
| 00:56:50 |
No. |
| 00:56:52 |
Who have you been screwing? |
| 00:56:55 |
Tell me now |
| 00:57:00 |
Olive. Olive Penderghast! |
| 00:57:06 |
Olive. Olive Penderghast. |
| 00:57:09 |
I have to call you back. |
| 00:57:11 |
Goddamn it. |
| 00:57:16 |
Chlamydia?! |
| 00:57:20 |
That bitch! |
| 00:57:24 |
- Olive? |
| 00:57:28 |
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. |
| 00:57:34 |
I panicked. |
| 00:57:35 |
I said I got it |
| 00:57:38 |
I know, but what was |
| 00:57:42 |
You know, and then my mom |
| 00:57:45 |
I did. I tried to blame it |
| 00:57:47 |
...but my mom is not buying it. |
| 00:57:51 |
That's it. I have to tell them. |
| 00:57:54 |
No, I do not care that you |
| 00:57:58 |
I love you and I want to be with you, |
| 00:58:02 |
Not my mother, not Marianne, |
| 00:58:06 |
...or the president of the Americas! |
| 00:58:10 |
Oh, God. |
| 00:58:18 |
What? What do you want? |
| 00:58:21 |
Just go. |
| 00:58:26 |
Perfect. Just perfect. |
| 00:58:29 |
I'm sorry, I just... |
| 00:58:32 |
Did she say anything |
| 00:58:34 |
She just smacked |
| 00:58:36 |
No, that's my fault. |
| 00:58:39 |
But I messed up, okay? |
| 00:58:43 |
...goddamn messed up |
| 00:58:48 |
Goddamn. Shit, goddamn. |
| 00:58:50 |
Okay. Don't get me wrong |
| 00:58:54 |
...but I don't think you're supposed to |
| 00:58:58 |
You know what else you're not |
| 00:59:01 |
But that didn't stop me. Goddamn shit. |
| 00:59:04 |
Wait. You... Oh, my God. |
| 00:59:07 |
But I'm not... I'm not judging |
| 00:59:11 |
L... Wait, what does that |
| 00:59:15 |
You should know |
| 00:59:17 |
We haven't slept together |
| 00:59:19 |
In months, all right? |
| 00:59:20 |
Finally, this great-looking guy comes |
| 00:59:24 |
And he's not a minor. |
| 00:59:26 |
This is legal. It's legal |
| 00:59:30 |
He's not the sharpest |
| 00:59:33 |
And then he finds out |
| 00:59:36 |
And so then he's telling |
| 00:59:40 |
He didn't want me |
| 00:59:41 |
...and he doesn't wanna get in trouble |
| 00:59:45 |
I'm sorry. |
| 00:59:47 |
But I'Il... I'm gonna fix it, Olive. |
| 00:59:51 |
I'm gonna tell everyone that it's me. |
| 00:59:56 |
And, you know, whatever else I lose, |
| 01:00:03 |
Maybe it was becoming a habit |
| 01:00:06 |
... or maybe I just couldn't stand |
| 01:00:08 |
... my favorite teacher's |
| 01:00:10 |
Either way, I decided to help. |
| 01:00:13 |
I could have chlamydia. |
| 01:00:17 |
I mean, I could have easily given it |
| 01:00:21 |
I mean, who knows? |
| 01:00:23 |
Women oftentimes |
| 01:00:26 |
And the whole world knows |
| 01:00:29 |
No, you haven't. No, you haven't. |
| 01:00:30 |
Because a real whore can't admit it |
| 01:00:39 |
Call Micah. |
| 01:00:40 |
Tell him he is an ass and |
| 01:00:44 |
...tell him I confessed |
| 01:00:54 |
Getting a lot of hugs today. |
| 01:00:57 |
- You're going to hell, Olive! |
| 01:01:02 |
I guess I shouldn't be too shocked |
| 01:01:05 |
... wanted my diseased ass |
| 01:01:07 |
Save yourself, Olive. |
| 01:01:08 |
The funny thing is, the whole time |
| 01:01:11 |
... I couldn't help but think |
| 01:01:14 |
Although you gotta love |
| 01:01:16 |
That's the one thing |
| 01:01:20 |
Why are you doing this? |
| 01:01:21 |
I'm trying to make this school |
| 01:01:23 |
Start a petition to get rid |
| 01:01:26 |
New Honey Chicken at Quiznos. |
| 01:01:27 |
- Not now, Quiznos. |
| 01:01:30 |
You're going down, Olive. |
| 01:01:31 |
If this is because I'm more popular |
| 01:01:35 |
Let's not mistake popularity |
| 01:01:37 |
- You don't wanna burn, do you? |
| 01:01:45 |
Sorry. |
| 01:01:48 |
- You okay? |
| 01:01:51 |
Screw all these people, Olive. |
| 01:01:53 |
Haven't you heard? |
| 01:01:55 |
I already did. |
| 01:01:58 |
- You're going to hell, Olive! |
| 01:02:01 |
You're going to hell! |
| 01:02:08 |
So they got Rhiannon. |
| 01:02:10 |
Never underestimate the power |
| 01:02:14 |
They sense any weakness, |
| 01:02:17 |
And the whack pack |
| 01:02:20 |
But at least they have a pack. |
| 01:02:23 |
I was used to being by myself, |
| 01:02:27 |
I thought I should look into what they |
| 01:02:30 |
- Do you have a religion section? |
| 01:02:33 |
- Can I help you with something? |
| 01:02:35 |
That's in bestsellers, |
| 01:02:40 |
I didn't have time |
| 01:02:42 |
... because it's, like, 600 pages. |
| 01:02:44 |
Single-spaced. |
| 01:02:45 |
And as every war |
| 01:02:48 |
... there are many ways |
| 01:02:50 |
Except the Civil War. |
| 01:02:53 |
So I went to find an expert. |
| 01:02:55 |
But really, I just kind of |
| 01:03:01 |
Forgive me, Father, |
| 01:03:05 |
I think that's how you |
| 01:03:07 |
I'm just going off |
| 01:03:09 |
Where do I even start? |
| 01:03:13 |
I've been pretending to be... |
| 01:03:16 |
What is the Catholic way |
| 01:03:18 |
A harlot? |
| 01:03:21 |
A harlot. It's not that |
| 01:03:25 |
...the things that people have |
| 01:03:29 |
...but then again, |
| 01:03:31 |
So I was just wondering, |
| 01:03:35 |
It's just that a lot of people |
| 01:03:40 |
...and I thought it was okay |
| 01:03:48 |
It was make-believe. |
| 01:03:50 |
And no one was getting hurt... |
| 01:03:56 |
...but a lot of people hate me now. |
| 01:04:03 |
I kind of hate me too. |
| 01:04:11 |
I might be wrong... |
| 01:04:14 |
...but aren't you |
| 01:04:16 |
Tell me to say 10 Hail Marys, |
| 01:04:19 |
...advance token to nearest railroad? |
| 01:04:23 |
Should've seen that one coming. |
| 01:04:32 |
Luckily, I live in a town |
| 01:04:35 |
So I went to find one |
| 01:04:38 |
Can I help you? |
| 01:04:40 |
Yeah, I was just wondering |
| 01:04:43 |
Is it not a minister? |
| 01:04:45 |
A Reverend? A wizard? |
| 01:04:47 |
It's a pastor, and he's here. |
| 01:04:51 |
How can I help you today? |
| 01:04:52 |
I was wondering what your church's |
| 01:04:56 |
It's not a good thing. |
| 01:04:57 |
Oh, I agree, wholeheartedly. |
| 01:05:01 |
Assuming there is a hell... |
| 01:05:03 |
Oh, the Christian Church recognizes |
| 01:05:06 |
Okay, so we'II just say |
| 01:05:09 |
There is. Just so we're clear. |
| 01:05:11 |
- Okay. So for argument's sake... |
| 01:05:15 |
Right below our feet, |
| 01:05:21 |
Then what would be worse, |
| 01:05:24 |
Or is lying about adultery |
| 01:05:27 |
Come on. |
| 01:05:32 |
I'm sorry, |
| 01:05:34 |
I didn't. L... You know what? |
| 01:05:38 |
I'm just gonna go check out |
| 01:05:40 |
- God. Two frames, really? |
| 01:05:43 |
The Jews and I have a lot in common. |
| 01:05:45 |
- Just fashion-wise and stuff. |
| 01:05:48 |
Yes, I had unwittingly sought advice |
| 01:05:51 |
... of the leader of my lynch mob. |
| 01:05:53 |
What other complete and total idiot |
| 01:06:01 |
Okay, I've narrowed it down |
| 01:06:05 |
...or The Bucket List. Huge hit. |
| 01:06:08 |
Why can't we watch a movie for kids? |
| 01:06:11 |
Because the Family Member |
| 01:06:15 |
Yeah, but you get Family Member |
| 01:06:17 |
And there's a reason for that. |
| 01:06:19 |
Yeah. You pick |
| 01:06:22 |
Are you accusing me of nepotism? |
| 01:06:24 |
Okay, it's The Bucket List. |
| 01:06:27 |
I'm so happy with this decision. |
| 01:06:31 |
All right, now, honey, after we watch |
| 01:06:34 |
...remember to cross "Watch |
| 01:06:38 |
Guys. |
| 01:06:40 |
I want you to know that if you hear |
| 01:06:45 |
Olive, do we need |
| 01:06:48 |
No. It's just a thing |
| 01:06:50 |
You know, nothing you're saying |
| 01:06:53 |
Not to mention how you've been |
| 01:06:56 |
No judgment, |
| 01:06:58 |
- Mom. |
| 01:07:01 |
For governors or athletes. |
| 01:07:03 |
But stripper, nonetheless. |
| 01:07:04 |
Oh, my God. |
| 01:07:07 |
And I have no STDs, I promise you. |
| 01:07:09 |
Oh, that's great. |
| 01:07:11 |
If you hear anything |
| 01:07:13 |
...come up with some funny retort |
| 01:07:16 |
Honey, you're kind of |
| 01:07:19 |
Should we be kind of |
| 01:07:21 |
I don't think so. |
| 01:07:23 |
- You sure? |
| 01:07:26 |
Yeah. I got it all under control. |
| 01:07:30 |
- Okay. |
| 01:07:31 |
Then let's Bucket List this bitch. |
| 01:07:34 |
The Bucket List, The Bucket List. |
| 01:07:36 |
To say this whole thing |
| 01:07:38 |
...would be |
| 01:07:41 |
I actually reread The Scarlet Letter |
| 01:07:44 |
And it turns out she bore |
| 01:07:49 |
...which are two concepts |
| 01:07:53 |
With all the mythical play |
| 01:07:55 |
... I still actually hadn't been |
| 01:07:58 |
People were jumping up and down |
| 01:08:01 |
... but no one bothered |
| 01:08:04 |
I was starting to think I actually did |
| 01:08:07 |
- Until finally... |
| 01:08:10 |
Hey, Anson. What's up? |
| 01:08:12 |
I was wondering |
| 01:08:14 |
Maybe wanna go out or something? |
| 01:08:18 |
What did you have in mind? |
| 01:08:20 |
I was thinking about getting |
| 01:08:23 |
...bringing along some champagne... |
| 01:08:25 |
...and then possibly reading |
| 01:08:28 |
Or we could just go |
| 01:08:32 |
...because it's, you know, |
| 01:08:34 |
- I love The Lobster Shack. |
| 01:08:37 |
Okay. It's a date, then. |
| 01:08:40 |
- Okay. |
| 01:08:44 |
So should I still bring |
| 01:08:47 |
No, we could stick our heads |
| 01:08:49 |
...if we run out of things |
| 01:08:52 |
That was... |
| 01:08:53 |
- Cool. All right. Well... |
| 01:09:04 |
You look really beautiful. |
| 01:09:06 |
Thank you. |
| 01:09:10 |
- You're a real gentleman. |
| 01:09:11 |
Just a guy having dinner with a girl. |
| 01:09:27 |
Do you believe this whole thing |
| 01:09:31 |
I did not know it was. |
| 01:09:34 |
Medical science really |
| 01:09:36 |
...that any particular food increases |
| 01:09:40 |
...but guys just spend and spend |
| 01:09:43 |
...they think is gonna get them lucky. |
| 01:09:46 |
...what is sexy about |
| 01:09:49 |
Did you know some people actually |
| 01:09:53 |
...because it's thought to increase |
| 01:09:56 |
That's not true at all. |
| 01:09:59 |
Spanish fly. Spanish fly. |
| 01:10:01 |
- Yes. |
| 01:10:03 |
Pulverized blister beetle. What? |
| 01:10:05 |
And it's illegal in the U.S. Because |
| 01:10:09 |
...it causes painful urination, |
| 01:10:12 |
- Am I talking too much? |
| 01:10:14 |
You're just burning through |
| 01:10:17 |
Shouldn't have had coffee |
| 01:10:20 |
I'm just kidding. |
| 01:10:21 |
Your Maine lobster |
| 01:10:26 |
- I'm jealous. |
| 01:10:29 |
Let's dig in. Right? |
| 01:10:35 |
I didn't know Woodchuck Todd |
| 01:10:45 |
He's dressed like a lobster. |
| 01:10:47 |
I should start calling him |
| 01:10:55 |
Shit. |
| 01:10:57 |
- Shit, shit, shit. |
| 01:10:59 |
- Rhiannon's over there. |
| 01:11:00 |
She's been in love with you |
| 01:11:03 |
- She's my best friend. |
| 01:11:06 |
But that doesn't mean |
| 01:11:08 |
Or that I should be out with you. |
| 01:11:10 |
Rhi and I don't have |
| 01:11:12 |
- And you and I do? |
| 01:11:14 |
- Like what? |
| 01:11:17 |
If that's our connection, |
| 01:11:20 |
Haven't you? |
| 01:11:23 |
No. No, I haven't. |
| 01:11:29 |
Okay, she can't see us. |
| 01:11:31 |
Can you just...? Excuse me? Hi. |
| 01:11:34 |
I just remembered |
| 01:11:38 |
I forget that my respiratory system |
| 01:11:41 |
- I have a gift certificate. Keep the tip. |
| 01:11:43 |
I'm sorry, but we have to go. |
| 01:11:45 |
- Go. Go. Come on. Come on. |
| 01:11:48 |
Go, go, go. |
| 01:11:57 |
I'm sorry about that. |
| 01:12:02 |
I've got something for you. |
| 01:12:05 |
Two hundred dollars |
| 01:12:14 |
I didn't realize this was a... |
| 01:12:16 |
I know it sounds kind of lame, but they |
| 01:12:20 |
I bought my air compressor there. |
| 01:12:24 |
So, what did we do on this date? |
| 01:12:27 |
Whatever 200 bucks gets me. |
| 01:12:31 |
- That's not really how it works. |
| 01:12:34 |
Stop. |
| 01:12:36 |
I'm not really having sex with people |
| 01:12:39 |
I'm saying I'm having sex for money, |
| 01:12:43 |
It's okay. It's all right. Come on. |
| 01:12:45 |
- Stop. No, no. |
| 01:12:47 |
Stop! |
| 01:12:48 |
Come on, just relax. Come on, babe. |
| 01:12:51 |
God. Asshole. |
| 01:12:58 |
What are you doing? I paid you. |
| 01:13:02 |
Now you didn't. |
| 01:13:06 |
Come on, this is bullshit. |
| 01:13:14 |
Goddamn it. |
| 01:13:17 |
Hey, Olive. |
| 01:13:20 |
Todd, hi. |
| 01:13:27 |
- Hey, you all right? |
| 01:13:31 |
Like a twig, you know, or a branch, |
| 01:13:34 |
- I didn't know you wore contacts. |
| 01:13:39 |
Olive, hey. Let me drive you home. |
| 01:13:51 |
Do you wanna talk about it? |
| 01:13:58 |
What's to say? |
| 01:14:03 |
...and for the first time, |
| 01:14:05 |
What? |
| 01:14:07 |
Don't act like you don't know |
| 01:14:10 |
I know what people are saying. |
| 01:14:13 |
- Who told you? |
| 01:14:15 |
No one had to tell me that once upon |
| 01:14:18 |
...at a party in a dark room |
| 01:14:22 |
And, you know, there was |
| 01:14:27 |
I still can't believe |
| 01:14:33 |
You know, sometimes I pretend |
| 01:14:37 |
- Yeah? |
| 01:14:41 |
- Who was? |
| 01:14:43 |
- What? |
| 01:14:45 |
Yeah, it was... I think it was, like, |
| 01:14:49 |
It sucked, by the way. |
| 01:14:52 |
That bitch. |
| 01:14:55 |
Oh, my God, |
| 01:14:58 |
- How do you feel about me? |
| 01:15:01 |
That's just perfect. |
| 01:15:02 |
Wait, hold on a second. |
| 01:15:05 |
"Felt." |
| 01:15:07 |
I said "felt." |
| 01:15:10 |
Because I thought l... |
| 01:15:13 |
- No, it was "felt." |
| 01:15:15 |
How do you know where I live? |
| 01:15:17 |
We used to carpool. |
| 01:15:19 |
Yeah, in 2nd grade. What, are you |
| 01:15:23 |
Just for people who I think are cool. |
| 01:15:25 |
- You think I'm cool? |
| 01:15:28 |
And I think you're pretty and smart. |
| 01:15:31 |
Did you form this opinion |
| 01:15:34 |
Way prior. |
| 01:15:37 |
Why didn't that rumor spread? |
| 01:15:40 |
I like to keep my business to myself. |
| 01:15:42 |
Notoriety, for whatever reason... |
| 01:15:44 |
...never seems to benefit the noted, |
| 01:15:48 |
Where were you two weeks ago? |
| 01:15:55 |
Olive. |
| 01:15:57 |
If I promise not to tell anyone, |
| 01:16:06 |
No. |
| 01:16:10 |
- Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. |
| 01:16:12 |
I just mean, not like this. |
| 01:16:14 |
I don't wanna kiss you with mascara |
| 01:16:17 |
...and some horndog guy |
| 01:16:20 |
...to stick his tongue |
| 01:16:24 |
I've wanted to kiss you |
| 01:16:28 |
...but I want it to be perfect. |
| 01:16:31 |
And right now, my life is a mess. |
| 01:16:34 |
I need to get my business in order |
| 01:16:38 |
What if I told you |
| 01:16:41 |
I could help, maybe. |
| 01:17:11 |
Why now? |
| 01:17:13 |
Why are you all of a sudden |
| 01:17:16 |
I don't know. |
| 01:17:17 |
I haven't overanalyzed it, |
| 01:17:25 |
- Good night, Olive. |
| 01:17:31 |
Now that I knew there were decent |
| 01:17:34 |
... the lies had to stop. |
| 01:17:36 |
I knew there was only one person I |
| 01:17:40 |
Brandon. |
| 01:17:41 |
I'd helped him, and even though |
| 01:17:44 |
... as a straight stud, |
| 01:17:47 |
Oh, my God. Did you hear that |
| 01:17:50 |
Yeah, totally. He left his parents |
| 01:17:53 |
...and then he skipped town |
| 01:17:58 |
My apologies to Mark Twain. |
| 01:18:00 |
- Wait, huh? |
| 01:18:01 |
- You said something. |
| 01:18:03 |
You said something, |
| 01:18:05 |
- You're funny. Okay. |
| 01:18:07 |
I went to everyone I'd helped |
| 01:18:10 |
No way. I gave you money. |
| 01:18:12 |
You gave me a gift card to AutoZone. |
| 01:18:16 |
I thought it'd be aspirational. |
| 01:18:18 |
Evan, please do this for me, all right? |
| 01:18:22 |
I don't want people to know |
| 01:18:25 |
Do you know how many girls |
| 01:18:29 |
Girls are almost as dumb as boys. |
| 01:18:30 |
Oh, yes, they are. |
| 01:18:37 |
It gets worse. |
| 01:18:38 |
"Honor your father |
| 01:18:40 |
Due to his condition, Micah was sent |
| 01:18:43 |
... in Palatka, Florida. |
| 01:18:45 |
And if there's one thing worse |
| 01:18:48 |
"...be guilty of adultery." |
| 01:18:50 |
Get your hands |
| 01:18:53 |
Olive, life is full of choices. |
| 01:18:55 |
I made a bad one. |
| 01:18:58 |
But I see no other alternative |
| 01:19:02 |
My guilt stems from my indiscretion |
| 01:19:06 |
We made our choices. |
| 01:19:09 |
Or I could just tell everyone the truth |
| 01:19:14 |
Okay, first of all, he is of age, okay? |
| 01:19:17 |
It's perfectly legal |
| 01:19:19 |
I checked. He is 21 in eight months. |
| 01:19:22 |
And secondly, let's play the Who |
| 01:19:25 |
Why don't you ask yourself, if you |
| 01:19:29 |
Who would you believe? |
| 01:19:31 |
Who would you believe? Who? |
| 01:19:38 |
Thank you for coming in. |
| 01:19:43 |
Yeah, Mrs. Griffith was pure evil, but |
| 01:19:48 |
Your wife has chlamydia, |
| 01:19:51 |
...and she gave it to him, |
| 01:19:55 |
What? |
| 01:20:00 |
I'm sorry. |
| 01:20:07 |
Mr. Griffith, if you ever see this... |
| 01:20:09 |
...just know that I was wrong |
| 01:20:16 |
I shouldn't have done it. |
| 01:20:18 |
And I don't even feel bad |
| 01:20:21 |
But I hate myself for telling you |
| 01:20:27 |
With my words, even though |
| 01:20:31 |
Looking back, that's the thing |
| 01:20:42 |
So now everyone that knows the truth |
| 01:20:47 |
And Marianne Bryant and her |
| 01:20:52 |
The messed-up thing is I would not put |
| 01:20:56 |
I had a similar situation |
| 01:20:59 |
What? Everyone called you a slut? |
| 01:21:00 |
I had a horrible reputation and |
| 01:21:04 |
- Why? |
| 01:21:06 |
I slept with a whole bunch of people. |
| 01:21:11 |
- Mom. |
| 01:21:13 |
Before I met Dad, |
| 01:21:16 |
Do me a favor and just stuff this down |
| 01:21:20 |
- It's true. It is. |
| 01:21:23 |
It's true. |
| 01:21:25 |
I could do this thing. I could go... |
| 01:21:28 |
Stop. Can you stop? |
| 01:21:31 |
- Can you not see that I'm a mess? |
| 01:21:34 |
You're wonderful. |
| 01:21:36 |
And you'll handle this |
| 01:21:39 |
With an incontrovertible |
| 01:21:43 |
But you're much smarter than I am... |
| 01:21:45 |
...so you'll come out of this |
| 01:21:51 |
Thank you, Mom. |
| 01:21:53 |
- I could get my leg so far back. |
| 01:21:58 |
So it was time to put an end |
| 01:22:01 |
... by telling my side of the story. |
| 01:22:03 |
And that's why I decided |
| 01:22:05 |
So here we go. |
| 01:22:09 |
Part five. |
| 01:22:11 |
Not with a fizzle, but with a bang. |
| 01:22:13 |
Today we had yet another |
| 01:22:17 |
Todd convinced the band to play |
| 01:22:21 |
I needed to pique everyone's interest |
| 01:22:24 |
I had one outfit left and I figured |
| 01:22:28 |
Plus I really wanted |
| 01:22:31 |
... for no apparent reason. |
| 01:22:38 |
Is that Olive? |
| 01:24:04 |
This was just a free preview. |
| 01:24:06 |
For the main event, log on to |
| 01:24:12 |
And I know it interferes with |
| 01:24:15 |
...would you rather cheer on |
| 01:24:17 |
...or watch me do one? |
| 01:24:21 |
What do you think you're doing? |
| 01:24:25 |
I can't, because I have a date with the |
| 01:24:28 |
I think before you expel me, |
| 01:24:32 |
...because I think she might |
| 01:24:35 |
Go, Woodchucks! |
| 01:24:47 |
And here you all are... |
| 01:24:50 |
...waiting outside the bedroom door |
| 01:24:53 |
... listening to me pretend |
| 01:24:56 |
... paying me to lie for you... |
| 01:24:58 |
... and calling me |
| 01:25:00 |
You know, it was just like Hester |
| 01:25:03 |
Except that's the one thing |
| 01:25:06 |
How shitty it feels to be an outcast. |
| 01:25:20 |
How did you know I love this song? |
| 01:25:22 |
I guessed. |
| 01:25:24 |
I see you've been watching my live |
| 01:25:27 |
Screw them. They've had |
| 01:25:31 |
I borrowed my neighbor's mower. |
| 01:25:34 |
That almost rhymed. |
| 01:25:35 |
I know. I spent a minute on it. |
| 01:25:38 |
I'll be right down. |
| 01:25:42 |
That's Todd. |
| 01:25:44 |
Not that I owe you guys any more |
| 01:25:49 |
... and I might even lose my virginity |
| 01:25:54 |
I don't know when it'II happen. |
| 01:25:56 |
You know, it might be five minutes |
| 01:25:59 |
...or six months from now |
| 01:26:03 |
But the really amazing thing is, |
| 01:26:10 |
Come on, where's she going? |
| 01:26:12 |
I thought she was going |
| 01:26:14 |
Demi Moore took her clothes off. |
| 01:26:17 |
Come on. Are you kidding me? |
| 01:26:22 |
- Piss off. |
| 01:26:28 |
Jack? |
| 01:26:58 |
That's a mighty snug little shelter, |
| 01:27:00 |
I judge it's all right. |
| 01:27:02 |
Here, Jim, I'll take my turn |
| 01:27:04 |
No, that's all right, Huck. |
| 01:27:49 |
Blue Devils! |
