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Ed Wood en
00:00:42	Greetings, my friend.
00:00:44	You are interested
00:00:48	the mysterious,
00:00:51	That is why you are here.
00:00:54	And now,
00:00:56	we are bringing you the full story
00:01:00	We are giving you
00:01:02	based only on the secret testimony
00:01:06	who survived this
00:01:09	The incidents, places-
00:01:12	My friend, we cannot keep this
00:01:16	Can your heart stand
00:01:18	of the true story...
00:01:20	of Edward D. Wood, Jr.?.
00:04:59	It's 8: 15. We can't hold
00:05:03	Cripes, what am I gonna tell the cast?.
00:05:07	- Do you believe in ghosts?.
00:05:10	That's just kiddie
00:05:12	Onceyou're dead,
00:05:16	I don't kknow, Bill.
00:05:18	Out on that battlefield today,
00:05:22	floating above the dunes.
00:05:25	Maybe it was just fatigue or maybe
00:05:29	Ormaybe it's
00:05:34	Hey, I think
00:05:43	I offeryou mortals
00:05:47	so that you may change
00:05:49	and end this destruction.
00:05:58	What a show!
00:06:00	Paul, your second act monologue
00:06:03	- Oh, thanks, Eddie.
00:06:06	This is the big moment.
00:06:18	Oh, what does that old queen know?.
00:06:21	She didn't even show.
00:06:25	Sent her copy boy
00:06:28	- Sc-rew you, Miss Crowley.
00:06:33	What does "ostentatious" mean?.
00:06:35	Hey, it's not that bad. You can't
00:06:38	Look, he's got some
00:06:40	"The soldiers' costumes
00:06:43	- Rave of the century.
00:06:46	I've seen reviews where they didn't
00:06:49	Like that last Francis the Mule picture.
00:06:52	- Huge hit!
00:06:54	That's right. Don't take it too
00:06:58	- Do you really think so?.
00:07:00	Honey, what if I'm wrong?.
00:07:04	- What if I just don't got it?.
00:07:08	Orson Welles was only 26
00:07:12	I'm already 30.
00:07:15	Ed, you're still young.
00:07:17	This is the time in your life when
00:07:20	I know. But I'm scared it's not going
00:07:27	Oh, I hate having
00:07:36	Gosh, where's
00:07:40	I can never seem to find
00:07:48	Hey, big shot! Get offyour ass and get
00:07:52	- Sure thing, Mr Kravitz.
00:07:57	What did I tell ya about watering these
00:08:00	Don't sprinkle the damn things!
00:08:12	Hi.
00:08:14	All right, people, settle.
00:08:26	Wow!
00:08:28	These are real camels!
00:08:32	- Gosh, where'd they get real camels?.
00:08:35	Move it outta here, huh?.
00:08:42	Hey, Eddie! Come in here.
00:08:57	This is fantastic.
00:08:59	- Probably file it away and never see it again.
00:09:07	Why, if I had half the chance, I could make
00:09:13	The story opens on these
00:09:16	Nobody knows what's causing them,
00:09:19	So the military are called in
00:09:22	- You forgot the octopus.
00:09:28	Hello.
00:09:32	They say he was a girl
00:09:35	- I bet it hurt when they cut his thing off.
00:09:39	What are you ladies
00:09:41	You know that Christine Jorgensen freak?.
00:09:45	Some producer's
00:09:48	Really?. I didn't
00:09:53	Yes, I've got
00:09:56	Could you please hold?.
00:10:00	Mr Weiss?.
00:10:03	Listen, I heard about your new project and
00:10:07	Oh, you haven't!
00:10:09	Well, ifwe could get together,
00:10:12	why I'm more qualified to direct
00:10:17	Well, I'd rather not
00:10:20	All right.
00:10:22	I'll see you then.
00:10:25	Eddie, I don't understand.
00:10:27	Why are you the most qualified director
00:10:31	Oh, it's just hogwash, hon.
00:10:53	No, I loveyou likke a brother.
00:10:55	No, no, no. No, no, no.
00:11:00	Come in!
00:11:02	Look, when I said you could have the western
00:11:08	I meant California, Oregon,
00:11:11	Washington, yeah, yeah!
00:11:13	W- Oh, really?.
00:11:15	Well, screw you!
00:11:17	Hi. Can I help you?.
00:11:20	Yes. I'm Ed Wood. I'm here about
00:11:23	Well, a couple of things have changed.
00:11:26	It ain't gonna be the
00:11:28	Goddam Variety had to print
00:11:31	- Now that bitch is asking for the sky.
00:11:34	No, of course I'm gonna make the picture.
00:11:39	Those repressed Okies, they go for
00:11:42	We'll just do it without the she-male.
00:11:45	- Is there a script?.
00:11:52	It opens in nine weeks
00:11:55	Well, Mr Weiss, look no further.
00:11:57	I work fast and I'm a deal.
00:12:01	I just did a play in Hollywood and Victor
00:12:04	There's about 500 guys in this town
00:12:07	On the phone you said you had
00:12:16	Mr Weiss...
00:12:19	I have never told anyone...
00:12:21	what I'm about to tell you.
00:12:23	But I really want
00:12:28	I like to dress
00:12:32	You're a fruit?.
00:12:34	No, not at all. I love women. Wearing
00:12:38	- You're not a fruit.
00:12:42	Of course, I was wearing women's
00:12:45	Ya got to be kidding me.
00:12:48	Confidentially, I even paratrooped
00:12:51	I tell ya, I wasn't scared of being killed,
00:12:53	and having the medics
00:12:56	- So you think this qualifies you to make my movie?.
00:13:00	I know what it's like
00:13:03	and worry about what people
00:13:06	My girlfriend still doesn't know why
00:13:11	Ed, you seem like a nice kid.
00:13:14	I don't hire directors with burning
00:13:18	I make movies
00:13:20	I need someone with experience who can shoot
00:13:24	I'm sorty.
00:13:29	Can I get you
00:14:19	Too constrictive!
00:14:22	Gee, Mr Lugosi,
00:14:25	This is the most uncomfortable coffin
00:14:28	Your selection is quite shoddy.
00:14:33	- Mr Lugosi?.
00:14:36	No, no!
00:14:39	- Then who are you?. What do you want?.
00:14:42	I'm just a really big, big fan. I've seen all your movies.
00:14:49	-Mr Lugosi, why are you buying a coffin?.
00:14:53	- No!
00:14:57	Twelve cities in ten days,
00:15:00	Do you know that I saw you perform
00:15:03	- That was a terrible production. Renfield was a drunk!
00:15:07	You know, you're much scarier
00:15:11	Thankyou.
00:15:13	I even waited outside to get your
00:15:15	Well, I apologize. When I play Dracula,
00:15:18	It takes me much time
00:15:22	Oh, there's my bus.
00:15:25	- Say, don't you have a car?.
00:15:28	Too many madmen.
00:15:31	I've got a car.
00:15:38	Boy, Mr Lugosi, you must lead
00:15:42	- When is your next picture coming out?.
00:15:46	You gotta be jokin'. A great star like
00:15:50	Back in the old days, yes.
00:15:53	But now, no one gives
00:15:55	- But you're a big star.
00:15:59	I haven't worked
00:16:02	This business, this town,
00:16:06	I'm just an ex-bogeyman.
00:16:24	They don't want the classic
00:16:28	Today, it's all giant bugs.
00:16:31	Giant spiders,
00:16:34	Who would believe
00:16:35	The old ones were much spookier;
00:16:40	They were mythic.
00:16:42	- They had a poetry to them.
00:16:44	And you know what else?.
00:16:47	The women prefer
00:16:51	The women. Huh.
00:16:53	The pure horror, it both repels
00:16:57	Because in their
00:17:00	they have the agony
00:17:02	The blood-
00:17:07	You know,
00:17:11	Take my word for it.
00:17:13	Ifyou want to make out
00:17:15	you take her to see Dracula.
00:17:25	Eh, what a mess.
00:17:27	My wife of 20 years
00:17:30	I'm not much of a housekeeper.
00:17:33	- All right, I'm coming. I'll feed you, my darlings.
00:17:37	But perhaps we could get together
00:17:41	Certainly.
00:17:43	But now, the children of the night
00:17:48	Uh-
00:17:50	- Good day.
00:17:56	Sweetie, you won't believe it.
00:17:59	- You got the job!
00:18:01	- But something better happened.
00:18:05	Yes!
00:18:08	- Somebody really big.
00:18:11	No. A horror movie star.
00:18:14	- Boris Karloff?.
00:18:17	The other one.
00:18:19	You met...
00:18:22	Oh, to heck with you.
00:18:25	- Why, I thought he was dead.
00:18:30	Well...
00:18:31	sort of.
00:18:33	He's old and frail, but he's still
00:18:37	- I can't even remember the last time I saw him in a picture.
00:18:41	He's such a great actor
00:18:43	-So, did you get his autograph?.
00:18:46	It was just the two of us and we were
00:18:50	- Yeah, well, he's a bum.
00:18:53	Do you have any idea how much money
00:18:55	Dracula, The Blackk Cat,
00:18:57	Yeah?. Well, now he's a junkie.
00:18:59	- That is not true!
00:19:03	Yeah, well,
00:19:08	- Trickk ortreat!
00:19:35	Ooh, those eyes.
00:19:38	Uh, I hate it when
00:19:41	She doesn't show 'em
00:19:44	I think she's a honey.
00:19:47	Look at those jugs.
00:19:49	But he stood me up
00:19:52	I guess I shouldn't have
00:19:56	And then I went out with the WolfiMan.
00:19:59	- I didn't kknow whether to
00:20:03	you will come under
00:20:08	You will be
00:20:11	My gosh, Bela!
00:20:14	You must be double-jointed.
00:20:17	And you must be Hungarian.
00:20:21	Vampira, look at me.
00:20:24	Look into my eyes.
00:20:28	You're watching our Halloween
00:20:30	starring Bela Lugosi,
00:20:33	and a bunch of other people
00:20:40	I'm very tired.
00:20:43	I need to take my medicine.
00:20:46	- Do you want me to get it foryou?.
00:20:49	Thankyou, Eddie.
00:21:19	Oh, shit.
00:21:36	I feel much better!
00:21:38	Children! I love children!
00:21:47	Trick or treat!
00:21:51	Aren't you scared,
00:21:54	I'm going to drink
00:21:58	You're not a real vampire.
00:22:00	Those teeth don't firighten me.
00:22:04	How about these?.
00:22:08	Hey, how'd you do that?.
00:22:11	Dentures.
00:22:15	So, what was the important newsyou
00:22:19	I started thinking about what you were saying
00:22:23	What is the one thing, ifyou put it
00:22:27	- Tits.
00:22:30	Kid, you must have me
00:22:33	I don't make major motion pictures;
00:22:35	Yes! But ifyou take that crap and put
00:22:39	- Yeah. Crap with a star.
00:22:42	Something impressive.
00:22:44	Maybe the biggest money-maker
00:22:47	Fine, all right.
00:22:49	You may be right,
00:22:51	I can't afford a star,
00:22:53	All right. What if I told you
00:22:57	Who?.
00:23:04	- Lugosi?
00:23:06	- Isn't he dead?.
00:23:10	I met him recently and he really wants
00:23:12	Why would Lugosi want
00:23:16	Because he's my friend!
00:23:20	All right, fine!
00:23:22	I want a script in three days.
00:23:26	Mr Weiss, thank you so much. You won't
00:23:34	But Bunny, you're perfect for this job.
00:23:38	I need all the transsexuals
00:23:41	No, I don't care if they're not actors.
00:23:44	I want this film to tell the truth.
00:23:46	Coming!
00:23:48	I've waited all my life for this shot,
00:23:52	- Eddie, you got a new movie for me, eh?.
00:23:55	It's gonna be a great picture and you'll
00:24:00	Listen, Bunny?.
00:24:05	Listen, hit the bars, work some parties,
00:24:08	I need transvestites!
00:24:13	Eddie, what kind
00:24:17	Well, it's about how people
00:24:20	the side they show to the world, and
00:24:24	Like Jekyll and Hyde. I've always
00:24:28	I'm looking forward to this production.
00:24:31	Well, your part's
00:24:33	You're like the god that looks over all
00:24:36	I don't understand.
00:24:39	You control everyone's fate.
00:24:43	- Ah, so I pull the strings!
00:24:48	"Pull the strings. "
00:24:56	Honey!
00:24:58	I got a little surprise
00:25:00	Wipe offyour hands.
00:25:04	- I finished my script.
00:25:07	Ed, I'm so proud ofyou!
00:25:12	I'll read it as soon
00:25:14	Well, I'd really like
00:25:17	Why don't you go in the bedroom
00:25:21	Go ahead.
00:25:23	Take your time.
00:26:09	So that's where
00:26:13	How long have you
00:26:17	Since I was a kid.
00:26:19	My mom wanted a girl, so she
00:26:23	Just became a habit.
00:26:26	Jesus Christ!
00:26:28	Well, this is my way
00:26:30	What, by putting it in a fucking script
00:26:34	What kind of sick mind
00:26:37	And what about this, this
00:26:39	that's obviously me?.
00:26:41	I mean, this is our life.
00:26:43	- Of course it is. That's why you should play the part.
00:26:47	- It's a darn good role.
00:26:50	God, how can you act so casual
00:26:55	It makes me feel comfortable.
00:26:57	Oh, just like in the script.
00:27:00	Exactly.
00:27:06	So, what do you say?.
00:27:08	Do we break up?.
00:27:12	Or do you want to make
00:27:18	They make you tall, and you're flashy.
00:27:22	Okay. But they want professionalism,
00:27:25	without losing naivete,
00:27:27	Now, the good news isyou're probably going
00:27:31	But I don't want anybody else
00:27:34	'Cause there's enough
00:27:36	All right, because ifyou're not going to
00:27:39	This is George Weiss. He's done some very
00:27:43	- An important person to know.
00:27:45	- It's still a sex change film.
00:27:48	- The rest is about some schmuck who likes angora sweaters!
00:27:52	What about this title?. My poster says,
00:27:56	So change the poster. Trust me, you'll be
00:28:00	It's about this guy, he's crazy about
00:28:03	Should he tell her?. Should he not
00:28:07	Fine! Shoot whatever
00:28:10	Just make sure
00:28:14	Testing.
00:28:16	Ex. cuse me. Can I get
00:28:19	Couldyou gather around?
00:28:24	I've got something to say.
00:28:27	Everybody, we're about to embark on
00:28:30	But when it's over, we'll have a picture
00:28:34	and maybe even move
00:28:37	Excuse me, Eddie. I don't mean to
00:28:40	Good thinking. All right, we'll talk
00:28:42	Let's get that first shot off. Scene 17,
00:28:47	And... action!
00:29:06	And... cut!
00:29:08	- Print that! Let's move on!
00:29:11	What's to protect?.
00:29:15	Hey! Cops!
00:29:19	We don't have a permit.
00:29:23	Come on.
00:29:29	- What's going on with these revised pages?
00:29:33	Oh, my God!
00:29:36	Everyone!
00:29:38	Everyone, come on.
00:29:44	Listen.
00:29:46	When he walks onto the stage,
00:29:49	I know Bela Lugosi's a world-famous star
00:29:53	but look,
00:29:55	So, just treat him with respect.
00:30:05	Bela!
00:30:12	Great to see ya! 8:00 on the dot.
00:30:15	- I'm always on time.
00:30:17	We've got a big day
00:30:19	But fiirst we're gonna start out kkinda
00:30:22	Then once you're up to speed and cookin',
00:30:25	- Eddie?.
00:30:31	- What about my money?.
00:30:49	What are you people doing?.
00:31:08	All right, people.
00:31:21	Mr Lugosi,
00:31:24	but, um, can I have
00:31:27	Certainly.
00:31:33	You know which movie ofyours I love,
00:31:37	You were great
00:31:41	Karloff?.
00:31:44	Sidekick?.
00:31:47	Fuck you!
00:31:49	Karloff does not deserve
00:31:52	That limey cockksuckker
00:31:55	-What happened?.
00:31:59	You thinkk it takkes talent
00:32:02	It's all make-up and, and, grunting.
00:32:05	I agree.
00:32:07	Now, Dracula, that's a role
00:32:10	Of course!
00:32:13	It's all in the eyes
00:32:16	- and the hand.
00:32:18	You seem a little agitated. You wanna
00:32:21	Bullshit! I'm ready now.
00:32:26	We're rolling.
00:32:28	- Sound. Speed.
00:32:31	Action.
00:32:38	Beware.
00:32:41	Beware.
00:32:44	Beware of the big,
00:32:48	that sits on your doorstep.
00:32:52	He eats little boys...
00:32:55	puppy dog tails...
00:32:57	and big, fat snails.
00:33:02	Beware.
00:33:04	Take care.
00:33:08	Beware.
00:33:12	Wait!
00:33:16	Pull the string!
00:33:23	Cut.
00:33:25	Perfect.
00:33:27	But Georgie, I'm proud. I wrote,
00:33:31	just like Orson Welles did
00:33:33	Yeah, well, Orson Welles didn't
00:33:44	How can youjust walkk around likke that
00:33:48	Well, hon, nobody's bothered but you.
00:33:52	Ed, this isn't the real world! You've
00:33:55	Oh, say it a little louder.
00:34:05	Dolores.
00:34:09	I need your help.
00:34:12	My mind's in a muddle,
00:34:19	I thought I could stop
00:34:22	I tried.
00:34:39	Glen.
00:34:41	I don't fully understand...
00:34:45	but maybe together
00:35:11	Music swells.
00:35:14	It's a wrap.
00:35:20	How do you do?.
00:35:23	What's your name?.
00:35:25	Edward D. Wood,Jr.
00:35:37	He's in the
00:35:39	- You can park in the reserved section.
00:35:41	- Please, sit down.
00:35:46	So, what areyou bringing me?
00:35:50	Well, some people bring their resumes.
00:35:54	Really.
00:35:56	I just shot this baby for
00:36:00	Screen Classics?.
00:36:03	There's something
00:36:05	Nobody in town has seen this picture, so
00:36:10	Thankyou.
00:36:12	And I'm anxious to see it.
00:36:15	So, what's up next
00:36:17	I don't believe in thinking small, so
00:36:21	You ready?
00:36:25	"The Vampire's Tomb. "
00:36:28	"The Ghoul Goes West. "
00:36:33	And...
00:36:37	"Doctor Acula. "
00:36:41	Doctor Acula?.
00:36:47	"Doctor...
00:36:48	Racula. "
00:36:50	Oh, I get it.
00:36:52	I don't like it.
00:36:54	But it'll star Bela Lugosi.
00:36:57	Bela Lugosi?. Lugosi's
00:37:05	Well, I-I do have...
00:37:09	I wasn't going to
00:37:11	Lugosi's in it,
00:37:13	The lead is an ingenue.
00:37:16	A sterling, young actress-
00:37:20	The title of the film:
00:37:23	"Bride OfThe Atom"!
00:37:26	Ah.
00:37:28	Atomic age stuff, huh?.
00:37:32	I like it.
00:37:35	I tell you what, Mr Ward. Why don't
00:37:38	And my associates and I will
00:37:40	and maybe we can do
00:37:43	Takke care.
00:37:49	Pull the string!
00:37:52	What the hell is this?.
00:37:54	- Is this an actual movie?.
00:37:57	Give this man satin undies,
00:38:01	or even the lounging outfiit
00:38:03	- and he's the happiest human being in the world.
00:38:07	Wait a minute. That guy in the dress.
00:38:09	That's the guy I met today.
00:38:11	Oh, this has got to be
00:38:14	These things are his comfiort.
00:38:17	This is probably another
00:38:20	Hejust entered the street dressed in
00:38:24	But, only ifihe
00:38:27	- long hair, makke-up, clothing, the
00:38:30	Most transvestites do not want
00:38:33	This is funny.
00:38:46	Thank you.
00:38:57	Georgie, I thought Glen Or Glenda?
00:39:00	Where's the ads?. The ads are in Alabama,
00:39:04	It ain't gonna play in L.A.!
00:39:05	-Why not?.
00:39:08	- Hey, you can't talk that way about my movie!
00:39:13	I wish I hadn't blown every dime I ever
00:39:17	And if I ever see ya again,
00:39:22	Hello?.
00:39:24	Georgie?.
00:39:35	- Guess where I'm going next week?.
00:39:38	Mexico.
00:39:41	- Guess what I'm doing when I get there.
00:39:44	Wrong. I'm getting my first series
00:39:48	When those girls kick in...
00:39:50	they're gonna take out my organs
00:39:54	- Are you serious?.
00:39:59	But it wasn't until I saw your movie
00:40:03	- Goodbye, penis!
00:40:06	The "Super Swedish Angel,"
00:40:21	My gosh, look at that guy.
00:40:42	And after I'm a woman,Jean-Claude
00:40:45	- I'm going to be a June bride.
00:40:48	Can you imagine what that guy
00:40:58	Yeah, yeah!
00:41:01	Mmm. More neck.
00:41:06	- MrJohnson, congratulations on yourvictory.
00:41:10	- Did you bring my water?.
00:41:12	I'm a movie director.
00:41:14	- Movies?. Like the Mickey Mouse?.
00:41:17	- I'll get you next week!
00:41:21	Tor-
00:41:24	- You ever fancy the notion of becoming
00:41:29	Well, I think
00:41:32	Do my toes.
00:41:36	So, anyway, I've got this new script,
00:41:39	And there's a part
00:41:42	Lobo. He's tough,
00:41:45	But he's got a good heart. At the end
00:41:48	I like! When do movie shoot?.
00:41:51	Hopefully, very soon.
00:41:53	I'm just waiting for the final okay from
00:42:00	- Wood Productions.
00:42:03	- Bela?.
00:42:07	Bela?.
00:42:29	Bela?.
00:42:33	Bela!
00:42:44	Bela!
00:42:47	Bela?.
00:42:48	Eddie.
00:42:51	I didn't feel well.
00:42:55	- Come on, let me get you to the hospital.
00:42:59	Just take me
00:43:03	- Should I call a doctor?.
00:43:06	This happens all the time.
00:43:11	Is there anything I can get foryou?.
00:43:16	Goulash.
00:43:19	I don't know how to make goulash.
00:43:26	Bela, what's in
00:43:29	Morphine.
00:43:31	With a Demerol chaser.
00:43:36	Oh, Eddie.
00:43:42	I don't know what I'm going to do.
00:43:48	Don't worry, Bela.
00:43:51	I won't let you down.
00:43:57	Mr Feldman?.
00:43:59	Yeah, listen, I haven't been able
00:44:02	Yeah!
00:44:04	So, we gonna be
00:44:08	Really?.
00:44:11	Well, my next one
00:44:14	Hello. Hello.
00:44:17	I'm no good.
00:44:21	Oh, Ed, it was just
00:44:24	Bela needs a job.
00:44:27	Of course I can't.
00:44:30	Oh, that's ridiculous.
00:44:33	All I wanna do
00:44:36	The things that I find interesting.
00:44:39	Well, maybe you're not
00:44:42	Maybe you just need
00:44:47	The movie is called
00:44:50	It will star Bela Lugosi.
00:44:53	There are quarter shares
00:44:56	Yes, that's right.
00:44:59	He's still alive.
00:45:02	Huh?. Is he available
00:45:05	Well, gee, I suppose so.
00:45:08	"Greetings, I am the Count. "
00:45:12	"Greetings, I am Slick Slomopavitz,
00:45:15	"Audience laughs, applauds.
00:45:19	- "It is my home. "
00:45:23	You need a new real estate agent. "
00:45:25	"I beg to differ.
00:45:27	This casket incap-
00:45:31	No, Bela,
00:45:33	Look, why don't you just say,
00:45:36	How do they expect a Hungarian
00:45:39	This- This live television
00:45:42	Furthermore, I predict...
00:45:44	by April 19, 1970...
00:45:47	I predict... men will
00:45:51	Millions of people
00:45:53	Wow!
00:46:00	And now we take you
00:46:03	Watch out. The landlord's
00:46:25	Greetings!
00:46:28	Greetings, pal! I'm Slick Slomopavitz,
00:46:33	Hey, what a kooky place to sleep.
00:46:35	Kind of reminds me of my house.
00:46:38	Some places got a Murphy bed;
00:46:41	I still don't know where
00:46:43	I beg to differ.
00:46:45	Beg to differ?. A bloodsucker, right?.
00:46:54	Greetings!
00:47:03	Damn!
00:47:10	A bum is what he is. I told you
00:47:17	- Ah, don't worry about it, Bela. You're better
00:47:21	- Forget it! We'll make our own movie and you'll be a big star again.
00:47:24	Mr Lugosi, it is an unparalleled
00:47:29	Allow me to introduce myself.
00:47:32	It's a pleasure.
00:47:34	Ahh, cheer up. Don't lose heart
00:47:38	I predict... your next project will
00:47:42	Wow!
00:47:45	And who may you be?.
00:47:47	- Edward D. Wood, Jr.
00:47:50	- The director of Glen Or Glenda?
00:47:53	I am Criswell.
00:48:02	And bingo! Thank you, thank you, thankyou.
00:48:09	Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:48:13	Ed, uh, another whisky.
00:48:15	Dagmar, a rum and coke?.
00:48:17	Moustapha and King are Chablis.
00:48:19	Bela, would you like a wine?.
00:48:22	No.
00:48:30	Say, Cris, how'd you know we'd be
00:48:34	- I guessed.
00:48:37	I made it up.
00:48:39	It's horse shit.
00:48:42	Eddie, there's no such thing
00:48:45	People believe my folderol
00:48:49	- It's that easy?.
00:48:52	It's all about razzle-dazzle,
00:48:55	Ifyou look good and you talk well,
00:49:07	We are going to have the most terrifying
00:49:11	A ghastly creature created
00:49:15	I don't like
00:49:17	I like the ones
00:49:19	That's just what this movie is:
00:49:22	You're quite a specimen.
00:49:24	- And you're going to be in the picture?.
00:49:27	I predict Bride OfiTheAtom will be
00:49:31	And this is lovely starlet Dolores
00:49:35	My pleasure, ma'am. Now,
00:49:38	Well, in a normal studio it'd be
00:49:42	with all their wasteful overhead
00:49:45	But we're more efficient, so we could
00:49:48	Oh. Well, I shall
00:49:51	- Well, goodbye.
00:49:54	Goodbye.
00:49:59	Well, Eddie, how'd we do?.
00:50:01	We didn't make a nickel.
00:50:03	I cannot believe I'm in Hollywood.
00:50:06	- You kknow, Daddy didn't want me to
00:50:10	Ma'am, your bill
00:50:13	Oh. Uh, okkay.
00:50:16	but all I have is a fiifty;
00:50:19	- That's all right.
00:50:28	Excuse me.
00:50:30	Y es. Hollywood is,
00:50:34	Isn't it?.
00:50:35	Pleased to make your acquaintance.
00:50:38	Edward D. Wood,Jr.
00:50:40	- Hi. Wouldyou likke some water?
00:50:44	No water.
00:50:46	I'm terribly
00:50:50	You know, I work in Hollywood.
00:50:53	Really?. Wow!
00:50:55	I would love to be
00:50:57	Is that right?.
00:51:00	Have you ever thought about
00:51:03	Perhaps a small amount of money.
00:51:08	Well, my new one, I think,
00:51:11	That's all?. That seems very reasonable
00:51:18	Would you-
00:51:21	- have a look at the- at the photoplay?.
00:51:26	Oh, my.
00:51:28	This is very interesting.
00:51:31	Say, do you think it would be possible
00:51:36	Oh, you want to be an actress too.
00:51:39	There's a couple of parts I can think of
00:51:42	There's, uh, the secretary in the
00:51:47	Hmm. Those sound kind of small.
00:51:51	Here's one that looks good-
00:51:55	I'd sure likke to play her.
00:51:58	-Janet Lawton.
00:52:00	Janet Lawton is clearly
00:52:05	Can't you just see me
00:52:13	Yes!
00:52:15	You'd be perfect.
00:52:19	You bastard!
00:52:21	You two-timing,
00:52:25	Honey, it was the only way
00:52:28	Who do you think's
00:52:30	Who's been helping you type your scripts
00:52:34	- I am sorry! What did you want me to say?.
00:52:38	"No. I wrote that part for
00:52:43	Snowball, there are
00:52:46	Like what?.
00:52:50	- The secretary, the file clerk.
00:52:53	You... asshole!
00:52:59	This is gonna be Bela's laboratory,
00:53:02	just like one of those
00:53:04	I want test tubes, beakers and one
00:53:08	- You mean a Tesla coil?.
00:53:10	Right! Right.
00:53:14	- Eddie?.
00:53:16	- Which dress do you like better?.
00:53:20	Say, Bill, which dress works better
00:53:24	- Which one is the red one?.
00:53:27	I mean, I can't see the difference;
00:53:30	But I kinda like
00:53:34	At Universal, we used to shoot one
00:53:39	But Eddie can knock off
00:53:42	- He's incredible!
00:53:48	Okay, you're Dr Eric Vornoff...
00:53:52	and you're upset.
00:53:54	You've worked very hard on this experiment
00:53:58	N-No, you're not
00:54:00	You wanna keep moving.
00:54:07	And... cut!
00:54:09	Print it. Let's move immediately
00:54:11	- Tor, you in place?.
00:54:13	- Great. Roll camera!
00:54:16	Cue rainstorm.
00:54:18	And... action, Tor.
00:54:23	Okay.
00:54:26	You're upset.
00:54:28	You've worked very hard helping
00:54:32	You don't wanna
00:54:35	No, no.
00:54:37	You wanna keep moving.
00:54:46	And cut!
00:54:47	- Print it. Let's move on.
00:54:51	Looks like big baldy had a little
00:54:54	No, it's fine.
00:54:56	You know, in actuality, Lobo would have
00:55:00	All right, people, let's get ready.
00:55:04	There you are. Loretta, Tor, I wanna explain
00:55:08	Bela, you'll be sitting there. Okay?.
00:55:11	I'm not getting near
00:55:14	- One of them burned me on The Return OfiChandu.
00:55:17	- Then you'll be sitting there.
00:55:20	Great. All right, gang,
00:55:22	Loretta, you're in a trance; you glide
00:55:25	Now, Tor, you're supposed to tie her
00:55:29	and when you rub that swatch
00:55:32	So then Bela has to discipline you.
00:55:37	Action!
00:55:44	Strap her to the table.
00:55:49	Do as I command you!
00:55:53	- I'll teach you to disobey me!
00:55:56	- You will obey!
00:55:58	- Strap herin!
00:56:01	Strap her in!
00:56:04	- Wood! Your cheque bounced.
00:56:07	- No, I need it now.
00:56:09	Cut!
00:56:11	I am terribly sorry to bother you
00:56:15	but the guy that owns the stage
00:56:18	Well, then, you should
00:56:21	Yes. Exactly.
00:56:29	I kind of need it now.
00:56:34	W-What are you looking at me
00:56:37	I already gave you
00:56:40	Right.
00:56:42	And now I need
00:56:45	What other sixty thousand?.
00:56:49	The other sixty thousand
00:56:53	You misunderstood, Eddie.
00:56:55	I gave you everything I have in
00:57:15	Well, here we go again.
00:57:18	Let me tell ya,
00:57:20	It's scary. And ifyou don't like that,
00:57:23	Bela Lugosi will portray
00:57:32	And lovely, lovely, lovely
00:57:36	is reporter Janet Lawton.
00:57:38	- I don't know. Lugosi looks pretty old.
00:57:42	Which role
00:57:44	Vampira?.
00:57:47	She's standing
00:57:52	Well, she plays-
00:57:57	Excuse me one minute.
00:58:00	Pardon me. Miss Vampira?.
00:58:02	-Yes?.
00:58:05	I'm a film producer and I'm currently in
00:58:08	with Bela Lugosi and Swedish
00:58:11	I don't understand.
00:58:14	No.
00:58:16	No, I- I think my film
00:58:19	Want me to show it on my TV programme.
00:58:22	- You should call the station manager at Channel 7.
00:58:25	I don't want you to show the movie,
00:58:29	We started shooting, but after
00:58:32	Now we're having a backers party
00:58:35	So I thought perhaps you'd like to come over
00:58:38	Look, I'm with some friends
00:58:41	Please! It would
00:58:43	Come over and meet the backkers. There
00:58:47	Look, buddy, I've got real offers
00:58:50	I don't need to blow some dentist
00:58:54	Miss Vampira!
00:58:56	- Please.
00:59:00	I'm getting a bad feeling about this.
00:59:03	Yeah, I thinkk
00:59:05	Thankyou, folks, for comin' tonight,
00:59:10	And then Dr Vornoff
00:59:13	and his own octopus
00:59:16	- The end.
00:59:19	- Well, that's quite a story.
00:59:23	So, uh, you made the movie...
00:59:25	and now you wanna
00:59:28	No.
00:59:30	We shot ten minutes of the movie, and
00:59:34	Oh, son, you're too vague.
00:59:36	Billy Bob!
00:59:40	You're cuttin' 'em
00:59:42	Mr McCoy.
00:59:46	How can I make you happy?.
00:59:49	Okkay.
00:59:52	Two things.
00:59:53	Number one: I want the movie
01:00:00	Sky full of smoke.
01:00:04	Yes.
01:00:06	But it ends with Dr Vornoff
01:00:09	Not any more.
01:00:11	Numbertwo:
01:00:13	I got a son.
01:00:16	He's a little slow,
01:00:20	And somethin' tells me
01:00:28	Sounds perfect.
01:00:30	This is unbelievable.
01:00:32	I woulda bet a million bucks that
01:00:35	Yeah, well, it ain't finished yet, kid;
01:00:39	Stay out of
01:00:41	- Poodle, you made it. I wasn't sure you got my message.
01:00:45	- Today's the file clerk's big scene.
01:00:48	I see the usual gang of misfits
01:00:50	- Janet, I wantyou-
01:00:53	Str- I want you staying away
01:00:58	Why, that's Tony McCoy. He will be
01:01:01	Really.
01:01:03	- How much money did he put up?.
01:01:07	Hmm. Wood Productions,
01:01:09	Listen, the movie's getting made;
01:01:13	- Hello, Harry.
01:01:15	Oh!
01:01:18	I've heard so much about you.
01:01:20	I'm Loretta King.
01:01:23	Oh, don't be silly.
01:01:25	You still need
01:01:27	No. I'm finished.
01:01:29	- All I needed was a touch-up.
01:01:32	Uh, ladies!
01:01:36	Why don't we talk
01:01:39	Okay,Janet Lawton
01:01:41	that Dr Vornoff bought
01:01:44	so now she wants to prove that
01:01:47	Well, Eddie,
01:01:49	You're the file clerk. You're running
01:01:53	What is our relationship?. Are we good
01:01:57	Dolores, I have five days
01:02:01	Don't get goofy on me.
01:02:05	Action!
01:02:09	- Hi,Janet.
01:02:12	- Janet, still on the monster hunt?.
01:02:15	I think the boss has been
01:02:18	Something about the police wanting
01:02:21	- You've got the whole town in a panic.
01:02:24	- I said, you've got the who- - I know
01:02:29	I get it.
01:02:33	And... cut!
01:02:36	Of course it was.
01:02:38	Bra-vo!
01:02:41	- Magnifiico.
01:02:44	Naturally. Always happy to help
01:02:47	All right, everybody,
01:02:49	The prop crew has a little errand
01:03:05	Darn. I thought they kept this open.
01:03:08	Lobo will fiix..
01:03:15	Good boy.
01:03:18	- Wow!
01:03:21	- Let's get the hell outta here.
01:03:25	There it is.
01:03:27	Ri ght.
01:03:31	Fantastic.
01:03:33	It's beautifiul.
01:03:36	- You sure this is gonna work?.
01:03:38	You sure?.
01:03:41	Yes, hurty. Do it.
01:03:52	My God!
01:03:57	We killed him.
01:04:03	Tor?.
01:04:07	Better than wrestling.
01:04:09	Lights!
01:04:11	"Now,Janet, I wantyou stayin'away...
01:04:14	"firom that old Willows place.
01:04:17	"Now, Janet, I w-
01:04:19	- Great.
01:04:21	- Connie!
01:04:23	- The octopus has to live in the lake.
01:04:27	No!
01:04:29	Let me look at this.
01:04:32	Go set up
01:04:35	Eddie.
01:04:38	I don't know if I can handle
01:04:41	Nonsense. You look great.
01:04:45	All right, look.
01:04:47	Why don't you have a nice nap and
01:04:50	- Thanks, buddy.
01:04:53	All right, you kids.
01:05:10	Hey, this is looking
01:05:13	Paul, where's
01:05:17	- What octopus motor?.
01:05:22	Don't blame me! You didn't say anything
01:05:28	What's he talking-
01:05:35	Paul lost
01:05:39	All right,
01:05:41	Great.
01:05:44	Where do I go?.
01:05:46	- You'll be fighting with the octopus.
01:05:49	- Yes.
01:05:52	Well, this is gonna
01:05:55	We have to match it to the stock footage
01:05:59	Aw, for Christ's sake.
01:06:03	Ehh.
01:06:05	- Goddam, it's cold!
01:06:09	Fuckyou!
01:06:10	Hey!
01:06:22	Ahh. How do you
01:06:26	Well... somebody misplaced
01:06:30	so when you get in there and fight
01:06:33	Looks like he's killin' ya.
01:06:38	You know I turned down
01:06:40	- What?.
01:06:44	the studio offered me Frankkenstein,
01:06:49	Part wasn't sex. y enough.
01:06:52	T oo degrading
01:06:56	Bela... I have 25 scenes
01:07:01	Oh. Sorry.
01:07:04	Okay. All right.
01:07:07	All right.
01:07:11	All right,
01:07:13	- Camera!
01:07:16	- Sound!
01:07:18	Oh.
01:07:20	And... action!
01:07:44	And... cut!
01:07:49	That was perfect!
01:07:51	Come on!
01:07:53	Have a nice cup o' joe,
01:07:56	All right.
01:07:58	Mr Wood?. I only got one hour
01:08:01	Yeah, well, I got no sleep, and I feel
01:08:05	- I'm gettin' too old for this.
01:08:07	Go ahead.
01:08:09	Be careful.
01:08:13	Don't scratch
01:08:17	Bela...
01:08:19	I wanna thankyou again
01:08:21	That's fine, Eddie.
01:08:24	No, no, I want you to know how much
01:08:29	A great man like yourself shouldn't have to
01:08:34	Well, there are not a lot of fellas
01:08:37	Say, I wrote something
01:08:41	I got to thinkin' about all
01:08:45	Well, I wrote you a-
01:08:49	a new final speech.
01:08:53	Well, this is
01:08:56	I know it's a lot to give you
01:08:59	These lines...
01:09:01	I'll have no problem
01:09:05	Great.
01:09:09	All right, kids,
01:09:12	My dear
01:09:16	twenty years ago I was banned
01:09:21	I was classed as a madman, a charlatan.
01:09:25	Outlawed in the world
01:09:28	which previously
01:09:32	Now here...
01:09:34	in this forsaken
01:09:38	I have proven
01:09:41	Yes!
01:09:43	The authorities have learned
01:09:46	So I am here...
01:09:49	to bringyou home.
01:09:56	Home?.
01:09:59	I have no home.
01:10:03	Hunted.
01:10:05	Despised.
01:10:07	Living like an animal.
01:10:10	The jungle is my home.
01:10:13	But I shall
01:10:16	that I can be its master!
01:10:19	I shall perfect
01:10:23	a race
01:10:26	that will conquer
01:10:36	Cut.
01:10:39	That's a wrap.
01:10:48	Glen Or Glenda? Now, that
01:10:52	Yeah, but this new one is gonna be
01:10:54	Is that possible?.
01:11:02	Mr Bunny, what's wrong?.
01:11:03	I heard you were
01:11:07	Oh, that.
01:11:10	Mexico...
01:11:12	was...
01:11:14	a nightmare.
01:11:17	We got into a car accident;
01:11:22	Our luggage...
01:11:24	was stolen.
01:11:26	The surgeon
01:11:29	a quack.
01:11:31	If it hadn't been
01:11:36	I don't know...
01:11:38	how I would've...
01:11:41	survived.
01:12:03	Oh, wow!
01:13:05	You people are insane!
01:13:08	You're wasting your lives
01:13:10	Nobody cares!
01:13:20	Dolores!
01:13:26	Ed, it's over.
01:13:31	- Did you really mean those things you
01:13:34	- But, Poodle- - I just stuck it
01:13:38	and now that's it's done,
01:13:52	Ooh, that was
01:13:57	No, dummy, I didn't say "goose,"
01:14:01	Well, be sure to join me next week
01:14:05	Until then,
01:14:19	- Okkay, fiolkks, we're ofifithe air.
01:14:23	God, this show
01:14:25	- You got a phone call.
01:14:27	I don't know.
01:14:30	- Hello.
01:14:34	- Who?.
01:14:36	-Remember, I met you at the Brown Derby?.
01:14:39	Listen, I was wondering ifyou'd like to
01:14:42	- You mean a date?. I thought you were a fag.
01:14:46	So, how's about
01:14:48	Look, you seem like a nice guy,
01:14:51	But keep in touch. Let me know
01:15:01	Hello?.
01:15:04	Eddie, help me.
01:15:06	Bela?.
01:15:23	Bela.
01:15:28	Bela!
01:15:33	What do you want?.
01:15:37	You called me.
01:15:42	What areyou doing,
01:15:44	I'm going
01:15:46	My gosh, what happened?.
01:15:52	Eddie.
01:15:56	I got a letter
01:15:59	They're cancelling
01:16:01	unemployment.
01:16:04	It's all I've got.
01:16:06	Without it,
01:16:10	Don't you have
01:16:12	Eddie, I'm obsolete.
01:16:17	I have nothing
01:16:20	Tonight, I shall die.
01:16:28	Eddie!
01:16:30	You should come with me.
01:16:33	- I don't think that's such a good idea.
01:16:36	It'll be wonderful!
01:16:39	In the afterlife, you don't have
01:16:42	Bela...
01:16:44	I'm on your side.
01:16:48	Gimme the gun.
01:16:51	Ifyou give me the gun...
01:16:53	I'll make you a drink.
01:16:57	What are you drinking,
01:16:59	Formaldehyde.
01:17:01	Straight up,
01:17:17	Eddie.
01:17:19	I'm sorry.
01:17:23	I'm so sorry.
01:17:25	Don't worry, Bela.
01:17:27	- I'm sorry, Eddie.
01:17:39	Oh, my goodness,
01:17:42	You look like
01:17:45	My name is Bela Lugosi...
01:17:48	and I wish
01:17:50	For what reason?.
01:17:54	I have been a drug addict
01:17:58	I need help.
01:18:44	Is that angora?.
01:18:47	Um, yes.
01:18:51	Don't you think angora
01:18:54	lacking
01:18:57	Yeah, I suppose.
01:18:59	It is awfully
01:19:01	Well, it's made from
01:19:04	that live
01:19:06	Say, what are you,
01:19:10	No.
01:19:12	No.
01:19:17	I'm in pictures.
01:19:21	I'm a director, writer,
01:19:24	Aw, come on.
01:19:27	Oh, yes, they do.
01:19:29	Orson Welles and me.
01:19:31	Wow.
01:19:33	- Whatcha makin'?.
01:19:36	- Gets cold in the hospital.
01:19:39	- Has he been here long?.
01:19:43	Excuse me.
01:19:48	Excuse me, Doctor.
01:19:49	I'm with Mr Lugosi.
01:19:52	Well, there's a lot of junk in
01:19:55	Apparently he was
01:19:57	He tried to kick that and he got
01:20:00	- Is he gonna be okay?.
01:20:08	- Hi, Lillian.
01:20:12	- He does?.
01:20:13	Smile. That's it!
01:20:15	- Hey! Hey!
01:20:17	- Do the doctors sayyou're gonna get outta here?
01:20:20	Get outta here!
01:20:22	What is wrong with you people?.
01:20:25	Hey!
01:20:27	Bela, what happened?.
01:20:29	Eddie, why did you
01:20:32	After all these years, the press is
01:20:36	Bela...
01:20:38	those people are parasites;
01:20:41	Fine. Let them.
01:20:44	There is no such thing
01:20:47	Man firom New Yorkk even said
01:20:53	First celebrity ever to check
01:20:59	When I get out of here...
01:21:01	I will be healthy...
01:21:03	strong...
01:21:05	primed for my comeback-
01:21:19	Hello again.
01:21:21	- Hi.
01:21:24	No, I-I'm fine.
01:21:26	Better. Thank you for asking.
01:21:32	Not good.
01:21:35	Well, I made him some booties
01:21:41	They're black,
01:21:47	Say, have you always
01:21:50	No, I'm from back east.
01:21:53	You know- all-American small town;
01:21:57	my dad worked for the post office;
01:22:00	- Did you find it boring?.
01:22:02	I had my comic books
01:22:05	- Used to listen to radio dramas constantly.
01:22:08	- The Shadow, InnerSanctum.
01:22:10	- And the Mercury Theater with Orson Welles.
01:22:13	Boy, you know, every Saturday
01:22:15	marched down the street in our uniform
01:22:18	Oh, the spook house!
01:22:49	Aah!
01:22:51	Aaaarrr!
01:22:55	You're not gonna believe
01:22:57	It was your friend's-
01:22:59	- That's incredible; that's the first picture I ever saw.
01:23:03	- You know, I had to sleep with the lights on for a week.
01:23:07	But I never missed a Lugosi picture
01:23:11	A few years ago I actually saw him
01:23:14	It was much scarier
01:23:17	- Oh. We're stuckk.
01:23:28	Kathy...
01:23:31	I'm about to tell you something that
01:23:37	But I think it's important
01:23:46	I like to wear
01:23:51	- Huh?.
01:23:55	Panties, brassieres,
01:23:59	It's just
01:24:01	Yes, I can't believe I'm telling
01:24:05	and I don't want it getting
01:24:09	Does this mean...
01:24:13	No, I love sex
01:24:21	Okay.
01:24:25	Okay?.
01:24:28	Okay.
01:24:41	You see, we thought that Mr Lugosi
01:24:45	- Isn't he?.
01:24:52	Look, Doctor...
01:24:54	he doesn't have
01:24:57	But I'll give you everything I've got;
01:25:00	That won't even begin to cover it.
01:25:08	Bela?.
01:25:13	I've got some great news. The doctor says
01:25:20	Really?.
01:25:22	I don't feel so great.
01:25:24	No?. Well, you look
01:25:27	And, uh, the tests
01:25:30	Come on, let's get up.
01:25:34	Here we go.
01:25:36	Atta boy. Good.
01:25:46	Eddie...
01:25:48	I want to make
01:25:51	When are we going to
01:25:54	Oh... soon, Bela.
01:26:05	This is so exciting.
01:26:08	Another production.
01:26:10	Isn't it?.
01:26:12	So, Eddie, shouldn't we
01:26:16	Uh, no, no, because this
01:26:19	We're gonna do the main
01:26:22	So, what's
01:26:25	Um...
01:26:27	You're a very important
01:26:30	And you're leaving your house;
01:26:32	You're on your way to
01:26:35	Eddie. What if I'm not
01:26:39	What if I take a moment
01:26:42	to savour the beauty of life;
01:26:44	to, to smell
01:26:48	That's great.
01:26:51	Let's do a take.
01:26:56	Ed, I'm really busy.
01:26:58	- What do you want now?.
01:27:01	the world premiere of my new movie,
01:27:04	- Didn't you just make one called Bride OfiThe Atom?
01:27:07	But the distributor
01:27:09	Come on, it's gonna be a big event; Bela,
01:27:15	Uhh! I can't see.
01:27:17	These contact lenses
01:27:19	My eyes
01:27:21	Don't worry.
01:27:29	Hi.
01:27:32	Right in there. Thank God you're here.
01:27:37	Come on, come on.
01:27:39	Come on, this way.
01:27:43	Come on!
01:27:45	Come on!
01:27:47	I've never been to a movie premiere before!
01:28:01	Well,
01:28:15	Oooh!
01:28:17	At the stroke
01:28:19	the witching hour...
01:28:22	the ghouls arise...
01:28:24	firom the dead!
01:28:34	- Hey, Vampira, how 'bout a little love!
01:28:37	One of them stole my wallet!
01:28:45	- I can't see!
01:28:48	I gotta save 'em!
01:28:51	Get your heads down! Come on, let's
01:28:55	Can't see!
01:28:57	I can't see any more!
01:29:05	Hey, come on!
01:29:15	Taxi!
01:29:18	- Stop!
01:29:30	Now, that
01:29:41	Eddie...
01:29:43	last night was quite a romp.
01:29:45	Did you see that kid grab Vampira's boobies?.
01:29:48	I envied him.
01:29:52	A girlfriend who would jump
01:29:56	Yes, she is
01:29:59	None of my wives
01:30:04	Eddie,
01:30:09	These last few days
01:30:12	a good time.
01:30:15	You know, I just-
01:30:17	- I just wish you coulda seen the movie.
01:30:20	No problem.
01:30:22	I know it by heart.
01:30:31	Home.
01:30:33	I have no home.
01:30:37	Hunted.
01:30:39	Despised.
01:30:41	Living like an animal.
01:30:44	The jungle is my home.
01:30:47	But I shall
01:30:49	that I can be its master!
01:30:52	I shall perfect my own race
01:30:56	a race
01:30:58	that will conquer the world!
01:31:04	Uh, Mr Lugosi, could I have
01:31:08	- Certainly.
01:31:10	- I mean, you're just as great as you ever were.
01:31:14	I am 74,
01:31:17	When the brain is young...
01:31:19	the spirit is still...
01:31:23	like-
01:31:28	"And left the planet Mars...
01:31:30	never to return again. "
01:31:31	The end.
01:31:33	Mmm.
01:31:39	Wood Productions.
01:32:35	Hey, who's crazy idea was it
01:32:38	I heard it was in the will; it was how
01:33:16	Could you run it again?.
01:33:30	Mr Wood.
01:33:32	- Huh?
01:33:36	Could you please open up?.
01:33:38	One minute.
01:33:42	- Yes?.
01:33:48	I'm terribly sorry.
01:33:50	My-My stockbroker must've transferred
01:33:52	Come on in. I'll write you another cheque.
01:33:58	Ahh. I see you're in
01:34:01	-Yes.
01:34:05	My associates and I, we wish to produce
01:34:09	about the apostles.
01:34:11	But unfortunately,
01:34:14	Well, raising money's tough.
01:34:16	No, our church has
01:34:19	We just don't have enough
01:34:24	Well, you know
01:34:26	You produce a film in
01:34:29	and then after it's a hit, you take the profits
01:34:33	- Would that work?.
01:34:35	Let me show you
01:34:39	You see this script?.
01:34:41	Grave Robbers From OuterSpace.
01:34:43	Money in the bank.
01:34:45	Grave robbers from what?.
01:34:47	From outer space. It's science fiction.
01:34:51	Ifyou make this picture, you'll have enough
01:34:55	and pay my back rent
01:34:57	I don't know. This is, um,
01:35:02	It's a guaranteed blockbuster.
01:35:03	Mmm.
01:35:05	I understand this science fiction is
01:35:09	don't the big hits
01:35:12	-Well, we have a big star- Bela Lugosi.
01:35:16	Oh, I thought
01:35:19	Yes.
01:35:22	But...
01:35:26	-I've got the last footage he ever shot.
01:35:33	Mr Reynolds, this is the acorn
01:35:36	I'll just get a double
01:35:39	and we'll release it
01:35:42	Bunny?.
01:35:45	Yes, I got the Baptist Church of
01:35:49	Ed, I got the Lugosi doubles outside.
01:35:52	Bunny, I gotta go.
01:35:58	He's too short.
01:36:01	He's too tall.
01:36:04	He's just not
01:36:06	Well, Ed, I was thinkin' like
01:36:10	- Paul, that was Karloff.
01:36:12	- You're gonna have to try harder.
01:36:14	- Try to be a cut above. Go get 'em.
01:36:17	Keep Sunday open; the producers
01:36:26	You know, hon, when you rewrite a
01:36:31	This is the ultimate Ed Wood movie.
01:36:36	Oh, my.
01:36:37	- Eddie, lookk at this.
01:36:40	What?.
01:36:42	Poor girl's
01:36:48	I brought the script. You'll be
01:36:52	- The ghoul's wife?.
01:36:55	You should feel lucky.
01:36:57	Eddie's the only fella in town who
01:37:00	That's right. If I did,
01:37:04	Look, would it be possible to make the
01:37:08	- so people wouldn't really notice me in the movie?.
01:37:11	Yeah. How about this?. What if I don't
01:37:15	- Mute?.
01:37:17	- Dr Tom! Hiya!
01:37:20	- He's my chiropractor.
01:37:23	- Fine, thanks.
01:37:26	You're looking
01:37:28	Well, actually, my neck
01:37:31	Now, here,
01:37:39	Ooh!
01:37:45	My gosh!
01:37:48	Don't move.
01:37:53	It's uncanny.
01:37:57	Look at his head!
01:38:03	Lift up your voice
01:38:05	And let us sing
01:38:08	Alleluia, alleluia
01:38:13	He look nothin' like Bela.
01:38:16	He's kinda
01:38:18	Oh, look.
01:38:22	Oh.
01:38:24	I want to suck
01:38:27	I want to suck
01:38:31	Let's hearyou call Boris Karloff a cocksucker.
01:38:34	Shh!
01:38:36	We want these Baptists
01:38:38	Alleluia
01:38:41	Brothers and sisters...
01:38:44	we reach now in the service
01:38:48	because we are going to bear witness
01:38:52	Why couldn't we do this in the church?.
01:38:55	Because Brother Tor couldn't fit
01:38:57	Welcome to the fold,
01:39:01	- Do you accept Jesus Christ as your personal saviour?.
01:39:05	In the name of the Father,
01:39:09	Amen.
01:39:14	Welcome to the fold,
01:39:19	Praise the Lord,
01:39:25	Do you reject Satan
01:39:28	Sure.
01:39:30	In the name of the Father,
01:39:39	Praise the Lord, firiends!
01:39:42	- Do you repent fior allyour sins?
01:39:45	How do you do it?. How do you get
01:39:48	- just so you can make a monster movie?.
01:39:51	- It's a supernatural thriller.
01:40:09	I can't believe this.
01:40:26	- Ed, what am I gonna do here?.
01:40:28	- He has no hair.
01:40:33	Before we start shooting,
01:40:37	Yes. The script contains numerous
01:40:40	Now, we find the concept of digging up
01:40:44	- It is blasphemy.
01:40:49	- It's the title of the movie, for Christ's sakes!
01:40:52	Yes, about that title.
01:40:54	It strikes us
01:40:56	Why don't we change it to
01:41:00	Ha! That's ridiculous.
01:41:05	All right.
01:41:10	Medical examiner
01:41:13	Just left. The morgue wagon oughta
01:41:16	- You get their statement?.
01:41:20	Fine mess like this
01:41:22	You have
01:41:24	takke the guy and the girl backk to town;
01:41:27	What'd you give him all the lines for?.
01:41:30	Lugosi's dead and Vampira won't talk;
01:41:33	That is no answer!
01:41:36	What about glitter?.
01:41:38	When I was a headliner in Paris,
01:41:42	No!
01:41:44	- Cat's eyes!
01:41:46	- Well, I'm going to need some antennae.
01:41:48	You're the ruler of the galaxy!
01:41:56	See? No talking.
01:41:58	- Cue Dr Tom.
01:42:01	Yes, now.
01:42:09	Be sure and keep
01:42:19	Isn't it wonderful?.
01:42:22	Doesn't it strike you
01:42:25	No. He would've loved it.
01:42:27	Bela's returned
01:42:29	Just like Dracula.
01:42:43	Cut!
01:42:46	Let's go down and fiind out
01:42:49	Oh, why do I always get hooked up
01:42:52	Monsters, graves, bodies!
01:42:54	Cue flying saucer.
01:43:01	And cut! Print.
01:43:04	- That was perfect.
01:43:07	do you know anything about
01:43:10	Well, I like
01:43:12	That cardboard headstone
01:43:14	This graveyard
01:43:18	Nobody will ever
01:43:20	Filmmaking is not about the tiny
01:43:22	- The big picture?
01:43:24	How about when the policemen arrived in
01:43:28	What do you know?. Haven't you
01:43:31	Reverend, I'm here.
01:43:33	- Oh.
01:43:35	This is our choir director.
01:43:38	He's gonna play
01:43:43	Are you people insane?.
01:43:46	I make the casting decisions
01:43:49	I thought this was
01:43:51	No!
01:43:55	No?.
01:43:56	They're driving me crazy!
01:44:00	These Baptists are...
01:44:06	Okay.
01:44:09	Gotta calm down.
01:44:14	Gotta calm down.
01:44:16	Take a deep breath.
01:44:18	Relax.
01:44:25	All right, everybody.
01:44:27	Move the crypt stage left, and let's
01:44:30	Mr Wood!
01:44:33	- What do you think you're doing?.
01:44:36	Not like that
01:44:38	Remove that get-up
01:44:40	You shame our Lord.
01:44:47	That's it!
01:44:57	Take me to the nearest bar,
01:45:09	Imperial Whisky.
01:45:29	Oh, my gosh.
01:45:32	Orson Welles.
01:45:46	- Excuse me, sir?.
01:45:48	Um- Well, I'm a young filmmaker
01:45:52	I- I just wanted
01:45:56	My pleasure.
01:45:58	I'm, uh,
01:46:03	What you working on?.
01:46:05	Well, the financing just fell through
01:46:09	You know,
01:46:11	That sounds just exactly
01:46:13	It's the damn money men. They never know
01:46:17	Then they all think
01:46:19	Ain't that the truth?. Do you know that
01:46:22	- I hate when that happens.
01:46:26	It doesn't even matter if
01:46:28	Tell me about it. I'm supposed
01:46:31	but they want Charlton Heston
01:46:36	Ah, Mr Welles.
01:46:40	It is when it works.
01:46:42	You know, the one film of mine
01:46:46	The studio hated it...
01:46:48	but they didn't
01:46:51	- Ed.
01:46:54	Visions are worth
01:46:57	Why spendyour lifie
01:47:06	Thank you... Orson.
01:47:13	- Mr Reynolds.
01:47:14	We are gonna finish this picture
01:47:17	because you cannot compromise
01:47:19	- But it's our money.
01:47:21	but only ifyou shut up
01:47:24	All right, gang. Actors in positions.
01:47:38	Action.
01:47:49	Wanna give him a hand?.
01:48:09	Now that's an alien.
01:48:12	Action.
01:48:20	- What plan will you follow now?.
01:48:23	Plan 9?.
01:48:25	Plan 9 deals with
01:48:29	Long-distance electrodes shot into
01:48:33	of the recent dead.
01:48:35	You know, maybe you guys were right.
01:48:38	I want that lightning,
01:48:41	- and I've got to have more shots of the military!
01:49:05	And cut.
01:49:06	All right, friends.
01:49:09	- M-Mr. Wood?.
01:49:11	- Where's the cockpit set?.
01:49:32	But what ifwe develop
01:49:35	Then we'd be
01:49:37	"Stronger. "
01:49:39	You see?.
01:49:42	Stupid.
01:49:44	- That's all I'm gonna take outta you!
01:49:49	Cut!
01:49:51	Action.
01:49:59	Greetings, my friend.
01:50:01	We are all interested
01:50:03	for that is where you and I are going
01:50:08	And remember, my friend:
01:50:10	Future events such as these
01:50:31	And... cut!
01:50:34	That's a wrap.
01:50:52	Oh!
01:51:00	I can't get it up.
01:51:01	Eddie, you're gonna be late
01:51:04	All right,
01:51:11	Ladies and gentlemen.
01:51:13	You are about to see
01:51:15	But befiore it begins, I thinkk we
01:51:19	without whom we wouldn't
01:51:23	Eddie, take a bow!
01:52:02	Thank you.
01:52:04	I just wanna say
01:52:08	is for Bela.
01:52:58	The griefiofihis wifie's death...
01:53:00	became greater
01:53:04	The home they had
01:53:08	became a tomb-
01:53:10	a sweet memoty
01:53:15	The skky to which
01:53:18	was now only a covering
01:53:29	The ever-beautifiul filowers
01:53:33	with her own hands...
01:53:34	became nothing more than
01:53:42	Confiused by
01:53:44	the old man
01:53:46	never to return again.
01:54:03	This is the one.
01:54:06	This is the one
01:54:13	Aw, gee, honey,
01:54:16	Say, let's get married.
01:54:18	- Huh?.
01:54:20	But, Eddie, it's pouring,
01:54:23	Phooey! It's only
01:54:25	and it'll probably stop
01:54:28	Heck, it'll probably stop by the time
01:54:33	Oh!

Ed Wood