|
Epic Movie
|
| 00:00:14 |
This is the story |
| 00:00:19 |
They didn't know it yet... |
| 00:00:21 |
but there was something greater |
| 00:00:24 |
something epic. |
| 00:00:44 |
Meet our first orphan- Lucy. |
| 00:00:47 |
She had been raised by |
| 00:00:51 |
- But alas... |
| 00:00:53 |
he was murdered. |
| 00:01:00 |
Ow. |
| 00:01:02 |
Oh, please don't die. |
| 00:01:03 |
Please don't die. You're all I have. |
| 00:01:07 |
You're on my hand. |
| 00:01:12 |
Oh, sorry. |
| 00:01:15 |
It's a code. |
| 00:01:20 |
But what is it? |
| 00:01:25 |
Oh, my God! Oh, God! |
| 00:01:31 |
I didn't read the book on tape. |
| 00:01:38 |
Habeas corpus. |
| 00:01:42 |
God. |
| 00:01:49 |
Your body is in the shape |
| 00:01:52 |
Please! Please! |
| 00:01:54 |
Um, that's an "A"! |
| 00:01:58 |
It's "V"! "V"! Uh, "I"! "I"! |
| 00:02:07 |
Um, "N"! |
| 00:02:09 |
Uh- Um- |
| 00:02:13 |
Um, "I"- |
| 00:02:17 |
Oh! "C"! "C"! |
| 00:02:22 |
"I"! "I." |
| 00:02:27 |
Right! |
| 00:02:30 |
Oh, God. Oh. |
| 00:02:32 |
Oh. |
| 00:02:36 |
"So lame the hair of Tom." |
| 00:02:44 |
Wait. "Lame." |
| 00:02:46 |
"Lame" is a- |
| 00:02:48 |
"Lame" is a seven-letter word. |
| 00:02:54 |
The code is seven! |
| 00:03:17 |
Oh, thank- |
| 00:03:24 |
Right. |
| 00:03:33 |
Then there was |
| 00:03:37 |
He was living in a Mexican monastery |
| 00:03:48 |
I'm not eating that. |
| 00:03:53 |
Be grateful, Eduardo. |
| 00:03:55 |
Today I made something |
| 00:04:09 |
Nacho! |
| 00:04:13 |
Nacho! |
| 00:04:19 |
Nacho! |
| 00:04:26 |
Nacho... |
| 00:04:33 |
Nacho... |
| 00:04:39 |
cheese flavored Doritos are delicious! |
| 00:04:48 |
Ah-choo! |
| 00:04:56 |
I'm sick of this! |
| 00:04:58 |
I'm going to be |
| 00:05:04 |
You think you are better |
| 00:05:06 |
- Yes. |
| 00:05:09 |
Come. Teach him a lesson |
| 00:05:25 |
You gotta be kidding me. |
| 00:05:32 |
You like the flavor |
| 00:05:38 |
Just take his arm |
| 00:05:41 |
Chanchito, throw him off the table. |
| 00:05:53 |
Sweet! |
| 00:05:56 |
And stay out, cabrón! |
| 00:06:10 |
Our next orphan, Susan... |
| 00:06:12 |
was on her way to Namibia to |
| 00:06:21 |
- Can I get you a cocktail? |
| 00:06:24 |
Okay. |
| 00:06:27 |
More juice, please. |
| 00:07:10 |
I chose the wrong day to fly! |
| 00:07:15 |
Enough is enough! |
| 00:07:17 |
I've had it with these motherfuckin' |
| 00:07:21 |
- So have I! |
| 00:07:24 |
I've had it with these motherfuckin' |
| 00:07:28 |
- Right! |
| 00:07:31 |
with these motherfuckin' snakes |
| 00:07:34 |
Why do you keep saying that? |
| 00:07:36 |
Because Internet bloggers |
| 00:07:39 |
I've had it with these motherfuckin' |
| 00:07:42 |
All right. |
| 00:07:45 |
No, I don't think you do! |
| 00:07:48 |
I've had it with these motherfuckin' |
| 00:07:52 |
- Why are you yelling? |
| 00:07:56 |
I'm Samuel motherfuckin' Jackson! |
| 00:07:58 |
Bitch? |
| 00:08:05 |
- The designer understands these things. |
| 00:08:11 |
I'm so hot. |
| 00:08:27 |
Yes! |
| 00:08:42 |
And finally... |
| 00:08:44 |
our last orphan, Peter. |
| 00:08:46 |
He made his home among |
| 00:08:50 |
But even there he was an outcast. |
| 00:09:36 |
Hi, Mystique. |
| 00:09:41 |
Right, um, so, anyway, |
| 00:09:45 |
would you like to come |
| 00:09:51 |
As if. |
| 00:10:09 |
Nice hair, Rogue. |
| 00:10:15 |
You talkin' to my girl... |
| 00:10:18 |
numbnuts? |
| 00:10:28 |
Asshole. |
| 00:10:50 |
- Fight. Fight. Fight. |
| 00:10:54 |
What are you gonna do about it? |
| 00:11:00 |
He's unleashing his powers! |
| 00:11:05 |
He's gonna spread angel wings! |
| 00:11:19 |
More like chicken wings! |
| 00:11:26 |
Break it up. |
| 00:11:30 |
You all know Peter is too much |
| 00:11:49 |
Aah! |
| 00:12:09 |
And for these four orphans... |
| 00:12:11 |
life would never be the same. |
| 00:12:34 |
Gross. |
| 00:12:52 |
Welcome. |
| 00:12:55 |
You must be Susan. |
| 00:12:59 |
And you... are Peter. |
| 00:13:05 |
And you're Edward. |
| 00:13:08 |
And you- |
| 00:13:13 |
You're Lucy. |
| 00:13:16 |
I've been expecting you. |
| 00:13:18 |
So, come on! |
| 00:13:21 |
Ooh! |
| 00:13:49 |
I love your legendary candy. |
| 00:13:53 |
A chocolate river! |
| 00:14:01 |
Mmm! |
| 00:14:06 |
It's delicious! |
| 00:14:11 |
It's so delicious! |
| 00:14:18 |
Yea! |
| 00:14:25 |
Chocolate! |
| 00:14:29 |
That's, uh- |
| 00:14:31 |
- That's actually the sewer line. Yeah. |
| 00:14:43 |
Children, do you want to know... |
| 00:14:45 |
what makes all my candy |
| 00:14:49 |
Uh-huh. |
| 00:14:51 |
It's a special, secret ingredient. |
| 00:14:54 |
It's real human parts. |
| 00:14:59 |
There's gonna be a little itty-bitty piece |
| 00:15:02 |
inside of the Yummy Yum candy- |
| 00:15:06 |
I'm gettin' out of here. |
| 00:15:10 |
Let us out, freak! |
| 00:15:13 |
Let us out, freak! |
| 00:15:15 |
No, no. |
| 00:15:18 |
- Yes, you can. |
| 00:15:22 |
You're... mine now. |
| 00:15:48 |
Aah! |
| 00:16:07 |
Aah! |
| 00:16:31 |
Stop! Let me go! |
| 00:16:56 |
Ow! |
| 00:16:58 |
Aah! |
| 00:17:03 |
What are you doing? |
| 00:17:05 |
- Willy told me he wanted his knob polished. |
| 00:17:10 |
We've gotta get out of here. |
| 00:17:14 |
- We gotta get out of here. |
| 00:17:16 |
You just said that. |
| 00:17:18 |
Where are we gonna go? |
| 00:17:22 |
I thought this golden ticket |
| 00:17:25 |
The curator was all I had. |
| 00:17:27 |
I never had anyone. |
| 00:17:31 |
And that's why you have |
| 00:17:34 |
Yeah. |
| 00:17:36 |
And you're kinda bitchy. |
| 00:17:40 |
- Why us? |
| 00:17:43 |
We'll be stuck here till we die. |
| 00:17:45 |
Shut up, Edward. |
| 00:17:48 |
Don't tell me what to do! |
| 00:17:51 |
- Two for flinching. |
| 00:17:54 |
Leave Peter alone. |
| 00:17:59 |
I can take care of myself. |
| 00:18:04 |
Like it or not, |
| 00:18:07 |
It's obvious we don't like each other, |
| 00:18:10 |
we have to stick together. |
| 00:18:12 |
Aah! |
| 00:18:17 |
- Ow. |
| 00:18:22 |
I didn't know. |
| 00:18:24 |
- Hey! |
| 00:18:26 |
Who wants to chew my gum balls? |
| 00:18:28 |
It's Willy. Hide! |
| 00:18:48 |
Where are you? |
| 00:19:05 |
I'm gonna find you. |
| 00:19:56 |
Wow. |
| 00:20:05 |
Wow. |
| 00:20:19 |
Ooh! Oh. |
| 00:20:22 |
Ooh. |
| 00:21:06 |
Ooh. |
| 00:21:27 |
It's stuck. |
| 00:21:31 |
It's- It's stuck. |
| 00:22:01 |
You can do it! |
| 00:22:09 |
My tongue! |
| 00:22:13 |
My ba-a-a-a-ad. |
| 00:22:24 |
Where am I? |
| 00:22:26 |
The world of Gnarnia. |
| 00:22:40 |
Oh! |
| 00:22:42 |
A silent "G," as in "gnome." |
| 00:22:45 |
Or "gnarly." |
| 00:22:47 |
- For legal purposes. |
| 00:22:49 |
- I'm Mr. Tumnus. |
| 00:22:54 |
What are you? |
| 00:22:57 |
I'm a faun. |
| 00:23:02 |
- Oh, so you mean- |
| 00:23:05 |
These are my folks. |
| 00:23:07 |
Oh! |
| 00:23:11 |
- You have her goatee. |
| 00:23:16 |
- And you? |
| 00:23:19 |
Both of my parents are human. |
| 00:23:21 |
Eew. Gro-o-o-ss! |
| 00:23:24 |
Aah- No. Yeah. |
| 00:23:28 |
So, you are |
| 00:23:32 |
Uh-huh. |
| 00:23:41 |
How rude of me. |
| 00:23:44 |
Oh. Oh! Oh! |
| 00:23:47 |
I- I- |
| 00:23:57 |
Welcome to my faun crib. |
| 00:24:17 |
Come on. Let's go. |
| 00:24:27 |
Let's see what's in the fridge. |
| 00:24:32 |
Ooh! |
| 00:24:36 |
For when Diddy's in the house. |
| 00:24:50 |
Say "What's up?" to the honeys. |
| 00:25:10 |
Check out my plasma. |
| 00:25:12 |
Say hello to my little friend! |
| 00:25:16 |
Wanna play us? |
| 00:25:20 |
Scarface is the shit! |
| 00:25:24 |
I'm Tony Fauntana! |
| 00:25:26 |
You mess with me, |
| 00:25:33 |
You ain't a true player unless |
| 00:25:38 |
In the toilet, |
| 00:25:41 |
Say hello to my little friend! |
| 00:25:44 |
Wanna play us? |
| 00:25:47 |
This is my favorite part. |
| 00:25:53 |
Whew! |
| 00:25:55 |
Under the couch for when |
| 00:26:02 |
Boo-yah! |
| 00:26:05 |
On the top of her head |
| 00:26:09 |
shines my hooves. |
| 00:26:19 |
So now you all seen my crib. |
| 00:26:21 |
So get the hell out! |
| 00:26:25 |
Well, I really should |
| 00:26:27 |
No, but you, um, must stay. |
| 00:26:32 |
Oh, Mr. Tumnus, |
| 00:26:36 |
Please take this |
| 00:26:42 |
And I you. |
| 00:26:48 |
I'm sorry. |
| 00:26:50 |
Lucy... |
| 00:26:54 |
you are in danger. |
| 00:26:56 |
- What are you- |
| 00:26:59 |
Oh! What's wrong? |
| 00:27:02 |
Take this. |
| 00:27:20 |
Confirm identification. |
| 00:27:22 |
My eyes! My- |
| 00:27:26 |
Oh. |
| 00:27:28 |
Well, that's better than LASIK. |
| 00:27:34 |
The evil White Bitch who rules Gnarnia... |
| 00:27:37 |
has ordered anyone |
| 00:27:42 |
I brought you ba-a-a-ack |
| 00:27:46 |
but I couldn't do it. |
| 00:27:48 |
You are a true friend. |
| 00:27:51 |
She has plunged our |
| 00:27:54 |
Under her two terms, |
| 00:27:57 |
wiretaps, no gay marriage... |
| 00:28:00 |
not to mention her bumbling |
| 00:28:04 |
And-And the White Bitch |
| 00:28:12 |
There is a small |
| 00:28:15 |
They learned she's developing |
| 00:28:19 |
that can kill all of us. |
| 00:28:24 |
Wait, a real W.M.D., |
| 00:28:27 |
No, a real one. |
| 00:28:29 |
That sounds bad. |
| 00:28:32 |
Go now, before she finds you. |
| 00:28:33 |
- But- |
| 00:28:35 |
Go no-o-o-o-ow! |
| 00:28:37 |
This message |
| 00:28:40 |
Wait-What? |
| 00:28:50 |
Come out, come out, |
| 00:28:58 |
- Lucy? |
| 00:29:00 |
Lucy, move over. |
| 00:29:04 |
Lucy. Lu- |
| 00:29:07 |
Who lives here? |
| 00:29:15 |
Aah! |
| 00:29:28 |
This is a really big wardrobe. |
| 00:30:24 |
What a MI LF. |
| 00:30:33 |
Kneel before the queen! |
| 00:30:38 |
You're a son of Adam. |
| 00:30:40 |
A what? |
| 00:30:43 |
I'm sorry, Your Majesty. |
| 00:30:45 |
- I was following Lucy into the wardrobe and- |
| 00:30:48 |
- How many are in your family? |
| 00:30:51 |
Lucy, Peter and Susan |
| 00:30:53 |
We're all just a bunch of orphans. |
| 00:30:55 |
The prophecy! |
| 00:30:58 |
Please. |
| 00:31:01 |
Let me help you up. |
| 00:31:07 |
Wow. |
| 00:31:09 |
- Oh, you must be parched. |
| 00:31:21 |
Whoa. |
| 00:31:25 |
Wow. A 40? |
| 00:31:37 |
- Ah. |
| 00:31:43 |
Fresh dog piss. |
| 00:31:47 |
Yeah! |
| 00:31:49 |
I love this place. |
| 00:31:52 |
And this can all be your new home. |
| 00:31:54 |
With my help, you can be king. |
| 00:31:58 |
Wha-What? King? |
| 00:32:03 |
He can't be king- |
| 00:32:06 |
And you would be my queen? |
| 00:32:12 |
I've never had a girlfriend before. |
| 00:32:14 |
Oh! |
| 00:32:24 |
Ah! |
| 00:32:32 |
How about that? |
| 00:32:37 |
Oh, but first |
| 00:32:40 |
Why? You're not gonna make |
| 00:32:43 |
Oh! No. |
| 00:32:45 |
But every king |
| 00:32:54 |
But, Your Majesty- |
| 00:33:00 |
Behold, my white castle. |
| 00:33:04 |
White Castle? |
| 00:33:06 |
I feel like I've been there before. |
| 00:33:09 |
Bring me the others, |
| 00:33:14 |
Yes! |
| 00:33:35 |
Lucy? |
| 00:33:38 |
Edward! |
| 00:33:40 |
You went through |
| 00:33:43 |
- Lucy! |
| 00:33:45 |
- Edward! |
| 00:33:49 |
This is quite a hiding place. |
| 00:33:51 |
We have to go now. |
| 00:33:54 |
Oh, no, no. We should stay right here. |
| 00:33:57 |
I mean, they just got here. |
| 00:33:59 |
Hey, look! |
| 00:34:03 |
- Mm-mmm. |
| 00:34:06 |
We have to go. |
| 00:34:09 |
Mr. Tumnus? |
| 00:34:11 |
I love Sudoku! |
| 00:34:17 |
He's a goat-man... |
| 00:34:19 |
and he warned of great peril! |
| 00:34:21 |
- Oh, Lucy. |
| 00:34:23 |
If you think I'm lying, |
| 00:34:26 |
Hmph. |
| 00:34:31 |
This is gonna be |
| 00:34:36 |
Hey, look! |
| 00:34:39 |
Mm-mmm. |
| 00:34:55 |
Mr. Tumnus? |
| 00:35:01 |
Shit. |
| 00:35:03 |
- What the hell is that thing? |
| 00:35:05 |
- Holy shit! |
| 00:35:07 |
No! |
| 00:35:16 |
Something in my groin tells me |
| 00:35:20 |
My name is Harry Beaver. |
| 00:35:24 |
Mr. Tumnus is my life partner. |
| 00:35:27 |
Mmm. Sweet man. |
| 00:35:31 |
Mr. Tumnus was taken |
| 00:35:34 |
She's hot- |
| 00:35:36 |
The evil ruler. She arrested |
| 00:35:40 |
Is there anything |
| 00:35:43 |
Uh, yes. |
| 00:35:45 |
He's waiting for you |
| 00:35:48 |
- Who's Aslo? |
| 00:35:51 |
He's the true king of Gnarnia. |
| 00:35:53 |
- Not for long. |
| 00:35:56 |
The four of you will join Aslo and lead |
| 00:36:01 |
- Us? |
| 00:36:03 |
Especially you, Peter. |
| 00:36:05 |
My son, |
| 00:36:10 |
You will be the savior |
| 00:36:17 |
You are truly invincible. |
| 00:36:31 |
Oh, my God! You shot me |
| 00:36:35 |
Why would you do that? |
| 00:36:46 |
- But I can't be. |
| 00:36:49 |
Well, maybe not Superman, |
| 00:36:53 |
It's your destiny. |
| 00:36:59 |
Do you think you were |
| 00:37:02 |
Look at the clues. |
| 00:37:13 |
Oh, that's nice. |
| 00:37:30 |
We're all in the painting. |
| 00:37:36 |
But what does it mean? |
| 00:37:49 |
Right. |
| 00:37:55 |
It's a "cryptix." |
| 00:37:57 |
The curator taught me |
| 00:38:05 |
Upsy-daisy. |
| 00:38:19 |
Be careful. |
| 00:38:32 |
Well, what is it? |
| 00:38:34 |
It's our birth certificates. |
| 00:38:39 |
We all have the same last name |
| 00:38:47 |
- I don't get it. |
| 00:38:50 |
Brothers and sisters. |
| 00:38:52 |
You're a family, for Christ sakes! |
| 00:38:56 |
- Sorry. |
| 00:38:59 |
None of us ever had |
| 00:39:02 |
None of us ever had a real family before. |
| 00:39:05 |
It's true. |
| 00:39:09 |
- But our parents- |
| 00:39:12 |
Then she separated the four of you |
| 00:39:20 |
Where's Edward? |
| 00:39:25 |
Hey, honey, I'm home. |
| 00:39:27 |
Hey, buddy. |
| 00:39:29 |
Ohh! |
| 00:39:33 |
- Why? |
| 00:39:37 |
Where are the others? |
| 00:39:39 |
I thought we had something special. |
| 00:39:42 |
I even got a tattoo |
| 00:39:50 |
That looks more like |
| 00:39:53 |
Shit! |
| 00:39:59 |
I won't ask again. |
| 00:40:03 |
I told you, |
| 00:40:09 |
Tell me where they are. |
| 00:40:11 |
Never. |
| 00:40:20 |
Yeah, they went to Mr. Tumnus's house. |
| 00:40:25 |
Yes! Yes! |
| 00:40:30 |
He did it! |
| 00:40:32 |
Say it to the camera. |
| 00:40:35 |
- Say it! |
| 00:40:37 |
Schwow! Yeah! |
| 00:40:39 |
We just punk'd Edward! |
| 00:40:44 |
That was awesome! |
| 00:40:47 |
This thing up here is all me, baby! |
| 00:40:50 |
The trucker hat- |
| 00:40:52 |
I did it. You love it. |
| 00:40:56 |
- That was really funny! Oh, my gosh! Too funny! |
| 00:41:02 |
No, that was really funny though! |
| 00:41:04 |
Schwow! Schwow! Schwow! |
| 00:41:07 |
Candy-ass trucker hat! |
| 00:41:10 |
Schwow. Schwow. |
| 00:41:13 |
Silas! |
| 00:41:23 |
The kids are with Mr. Tumnus. |
| 00:41:25 |
I want you to find them |
| 00:41:29 |
Persona non grata. |
| 00:41:43 |
Urts-hay oh-say ood-gay! |
| 00:41:49 |
Ood-gay. |
| 00:41:52 |
Ooh. |
| 00:41:55 |
No. No! |
| 00:41:57 |
- Here. You goin' to prison. |
| 00:42:01 |
- Edward! |
| 00:42:03 |
- Edward! |
| 00:42:18 |
I miss the smell of you, Harry Beaver. |
| 00:42:25 |
Eew. |
| 00:42:29 |
Oh, yeah. |
| 00:42:35 |
The White Bitch did this to you? |
| 00:42:38 |
And now she has Edward. |
| 00:42:41 |
- We must rescue hi- |
| 00:42:44 |
- Holy- |
| 00:42:46 |
If she catch you, |
| 00:42:49 |
Um, that's me. |
| 00:42:55 |
"The resistance has found out... |
| 00:42:57 |
"that the White Bitch has completed |
| 00:43:00 |
and is going to launch it |
| 00:43:02 |
Let's get the hell out of here! |
| 00:43:05 |
Aslo is the only one |
| 00:43:08 |
Then take us to him. |
| 00:43:13 |
What'd you do that for? |
| 00:43:17 |
I forgot. |
| 00:43:19 |
Before you meet Aslo, |
| 00:43:23 |
Only then you can defeat |
| 00:43:26 |
and save your brother. |
| 00:43:28 |
I'll meet you at Aslo's. |
| 00:43:44 |
Someone's coming. |
| 00:43:48 |
There you will train. |
| 00:43:51 |
Go! |
| 00:43:56 |
Mr. Tumnus? |
| 00:43:58 |
I will stay behind |
| 00:44:03 |
No matter what, |
| 00:44:07 |
- Yep. |
| 00:44:10 |
Run! |
| 00:44:27 |
Stop! |
| 00:44:29 |
If you want them, |
| 00:44:34 |
Please! Help! |
| 00:44:38 |
He needs our help! |
| 00:44:41 |
- Help! |
| 00:44:43 |
He... wants us to go on. |
| 00:44:45 |
He sacrificed himself for us. |
| 00:44:48 |
Peter, if you can hear me... |
| 00:44:51 |
come back now! |
| 00:44:55 |
I definitely underestimated |
| 00:45:00 |
I'm in a lot of pain! |
| 00:45:02 |
What should we do? |
| 00:45:04 |
Uh, we can't go back. |
| 00:45:07 |
- We have to do what's best |
| 00:45:13 |
He's testing us. |
| 00:45:15 |
This is not a test! |
| 00:45:35 |
Et tu, Brute? |
| 00:46:12 |
Welcome! |
| 00:46:16 |
Aren't you a little old |
| 00:46:19 |
Nonsense. |
| 00:46:22 |
As are my two best friends, |
| 00:46:26 |
Greetings. |
| 00:46:30 |
Hope you chicks are on the pill. |
| 00:46:32 |
Harry likes to get wasted... |
| 00:46:34 |
then show off |
| 00:46:39 |
They are definitely too old |
| 00:46:43 |
We shall train you |
| 00:46:46 |
and restore peace to Gnarnia. |
| 00:46:48 |
We'll show you everything we know, |
| 00:46:51 |
the invisibility cloak. |
| 00:47:01 |
Oh, no! |
| 00:47:03 |
Where am I? |
| 00:47:06 |
- Where am I? I could be anywhere. |
| 00:47:09 |
Where am I? |
| 00:47:18 |
Step off, Potter! |
| 00:47:20 |
Right. |
| 00:47:23 |
Let the training montage begin! |
| 00:47:25 |
Cue inspirational music. |
| 00:47:27 |
Blame the cloak. |
| 00:47:30 |
- Get your hips nice and square. |
| 00:47:34 |
- All right. I'll set it up for you. |
| 00:47:37 |
- You ready? |
| 00:47:50 |
Ipso facto "patrolo!" |
| 00:47:53 |
Oh! Yeah! |
| 00:48:00 |
Confront your fear! |
| 00:48:03 |
Do not cower |
| 00:48:06 |
Let nothing stand in the way of defeating |
| 00:48:10 |
Stop being such a little nancy boy! |
| 00:48:13 |
Schoolgirl! Pussy! |
| 00:48:32 |
Congratulations, Peter. |
| 00:48:36 |
- You are now ready to meet Aslo. |
| 00:48:40 |
This crystal will finally |
| 00:48:45 |
I will start a series of earthquakes... |
| 00:48:49 |
that will collapse all of Gnarnia... |
| 00:48:52 |
and grow a new continent... |
| 00:48:54 |
where only I |
| 00:49:00 |
Yo, Bitch, that's pretty much |
| 00:49:04 |
Pretty much, yeah. |
| 00:49:20 |
It's an I.M. from Silas. |
| 00:49:25 |
"The... keeds... |
| 00:49:27 |
"have... |
| 00:49:30 |
esca-puh-duh." |
| 00:49:33 |
"Escap-puh-duh." |
| 00:49:36 |
"The keeds have esca-puh-duh." |
| 00:49:40 |
The kids have escaped! |
| 00:49:44 |
Duh! |
| 00:49:47 |
I've got to catch and kill those children |
| 00:49:53 |
See what else Edward knows. |
| 00:49:55 |
Let me out! |
| 00:49:57 |
Oh, I gotta get outta here. |
| 00:49:59 |
I'm never gonna see |
| 00:50:03 |
I'll get you out of here, mate. |
| 00:50:09 |
Captain Morgan! |
| 00:50:13 |
No! |
| 00:50:19 |
At your service. |
| 00:50:22 |
Jack Swallows? |
| 00:50:25 |
That's kinda gay, dude. |
| 00:50:27 |
Mmm. |
| 00:50:29 |
I believe in your quest, son, |
| 00:50:34 |
I've got a ship waiting for us. |
| 00:50:38 |
Shh. |
| 00:50:41 |
How are we gonna |
| 00:50:44 |
Ah! |
| 00:50:51 |
Man down! Man down! |
| 00:50:53 |
I could have faked it! |
| 00:50:59 |
Quick! |
| 00:51:17 |
Come, come! |
| 00:51:49 |
Mmm! |
| 00:51:52 |
Wow! |
| 00:51:54 |
Peter, Lucy and Susan |
| 00:51:59 |
Hey, this is awesome. |
| 00:52:01 |
Yo-ho, Ed, let me |
| 00:53:37 |
Word to the Kraken! |
| 00:53:42 |
Time is winding, old boy. |
| 00:53:45 |
So where's your family, eh? |
| 00:53:47 |
They're on their way to |
| 00:53:50 |
where he's assembled |
| 00:53:52 |
Interesting. |
| 00:53:55 |
God, you're easy. |
| 00:54:04 |
Thanks, love. |
| 00:54:09 |
Wait. So this whole thing was a setup |
| 00:54:12 |
Sorry, mate. |
| 00:54:22 |
- Oh, shit! |
| 00:54:28 |
Bugger! |
| 00:54:32 |
I'll get you for this... |
| 00:54:36 |
you-you- |
| 00:54:39 |
you... bitch. |
| 00:54:47 |
I always hated you, |
| 00:54:55 |
You think I like wearin' this |
| 00:54:59 |
So... |
| 00:55:01 |
your family's going to Aslo. |
| 00:55:04 |
Summon the troops. |
| 00:55:07 |
If it's a war they want... |
| 00:55:10 |
it's a war they will get. |
| 00:55:16 |
Let's start things off |
| 00:55:18 |
- But you'll kill millions. |
| 00:55:23 |
Come on. |
| 00:55:25 |
- My family will stop you! |
| 00:55:29 |
Ooh! |
| 00:55:45 |
Oh, shit. Oh, shit. |
| 00:55:50 |
Oh! Ooh! |
| 00:55:52 |
Oh! Ooh! |
| 00:55:55 |
Damn that Superman plot! |
| 00:56:39 |
My name Borat. |
| 00:56:42 |
This my country of Gnarnia. |
| 00:56:55 |
She is my sister. |
| 00:56:57 |
She is number four faun prostitute |
| 00:57:02 |
Nice! |
| 00:57:15 |
Aslo? |
| 00:57:17 |
Mmm! |
| 00:57:19 |
Where you goin', doll face? |
| 00:57:23 |
Screw you, Aslo! |
| 00:57:26 |
Ah, thanks a lot. |
| 00:57:30 |
You're Aslo the Lion? |
| 00:57:31 |
Li-man- |
| 00:57:35 |
- So you mean you're- |
| 00:57:39 |
But, you know, |
| 00:57:44 |
Let me guess. The prophecy family. |
| 00:57:49 |
Uh-huh. |
| 00:57:51 |
Whatever. |
| 00:57:54 |
- Yes, our brother Edward. |
| 00:57:59 |
He betrayed you, |
| 00:58:02 |
- Well, it wasn't his fault. |
| 00:58:05 |
- But the prophecy says- |
| 00:58:10 |
Fine. |
| 00:58:13 |
- Oh! |
| 00:58:14 |
But there's something |
| 00:58:23 |
What are you in here for, Mel? |
| 00:58:28 |
You know. |
| 00:58:30 |
Glug, glug. |
| 00:58:33 |
Whoo! |
| 00:58:39 |
Listen, sugar tits. |
| 00:58:42 |
I like to sleep in the buff. |
| 00:58:55 |
Wow. |
| 00:58:57 |
Yeah. |
| 00:58:59 |
- That was spectacular. |
| 00:59:03 |
Uh-oh! |
| 00:59:05 |
Dutch oven! |
| 00:59:08 |
Ooh! |
| 00:59:19 |
It's Aslo! |
| 00:59:29 |
In nomine Patris, et Filii, |
| 01:00:17 |
Huh? |
| 01:00:54 |
Come on, kids. |
| 01:01:03 |
Peter? Lucy! Susan! |
| 01:01:06 |
Oh, you guys, I've been such a prick. |
| 01:01:10 |
We already have. |
| 01:01:12 |
- We're a family now. |
| 01:01:16 |
I like the sound of that. |
| 01:01:22 |
- I love you guys. |
| 01:01:27 |
- Now get out of here! |
| 01:01:37 |
Good-bye, Aslo. |
| 01:01:57 |
What? |
| 01:01:59 |
He didn't make it. |
| 01:02:01 |
Oh, shit! A talking beaver! |
| 01:02:03 |
Wait! |
| 01:02:08 |
Oh, it's hard out here |
| 01:02:11 |
You forgetful bitch! |
| 01:02:14 |
I know. Yeah. |
| 01:02:17 |
Aslo never came back. |
| 01:02:22 |
And it gets worse. |
| 01:02:30 |
It's over. |
| 01:02:35 |
The White Bitch |
| 01:02:37 |
But we have you. |
| 01:02:39 |
You're the future |
| 01:02:42 |
It will be an honor |
| 01:02:45 |
We'll fight for you. |
| 01:02:49 |
And so will we. |
| 01:02:51 |
We'll stand behind you, Peter. |
| 01:02:54 |
That bitch has threatened |
| 01:02:59 |
We believe in you. |
| 01:03:07 |
Tomorrow, we fight. |
| 01:03:09 |
So tonight, we party! |
| 01:03:14 |
Hello, Gnarnia! |
| 01:03:45 |
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! |
| 01:03:48 |
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! |
| 01:03:51 |
Yeah! |
| 01:03:54 |
Yeah! |
| 01:03:55 |
You're up, Sis. |
| 01:03:57 |
Uh-uh. |
| 01:04:01 |
Come on. Loosen up for once. |
| 01:04:03 |
You wanna, you know, |
| 01:04:07 |
Like that. And then- |
| 01:04:11 |
No. Why? |
| 01:04:19 |
- Maybe just one. |
| 01:04:25 |
- Whoo-hoo! |
| 01:04:28 |
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! |
| 01:04:30 |
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! |
| 01:04:47 |
Hi. |
| 01:04:51 |
Hi. |
| 01:04:53 |
So, you're gonna be |
| 01:04:59 |
- That's what they say. |
| 01:05:01 |
I think that's so hot. |
| 01:05:05 |
Why don't we get out of here. |
| 01:05:12 |
Chug! Chug! Chug! |
| 01:05:15 |
Chug it! |
| 01:05:19 |
Whoo! Yeah! |
| 01:05:54 |
I'm okay. |
| 01:05:56 |
You're good? |
| 01:05:59 |
- Hmm? |
| 01:06:05 |
Oh! |
| 01:06:30 |
Oh. |
| 01:06:43 |
- You know, I've got special powers. |
| 01:06:46 |
I'm a shape-changer. |
| 01:06:49 |
I can change my form into anything. |
| 01:06:52 |
What do you like? |
| 01:06:54 |
Uh- |
| 01:06:58 |
Big hooters |
| 01:07:02 |
All right. |
| 01:07:10 |
And a ghetto booty. |
| 01:07:14 |
Like- Like a lot of junk |
| 01:07:17 |
Kinky. Mmm. |
| 01:07:25 |
Badonkadonk. |
| 01:07:27 |
- And a mono-brow! |
| 01:07:31 |
Mono-brow! Mono-brow! |
| 01:07:33 |
Okay, okay. |
| 01:07:41 |
And big, flabby grandma arms. |
| 01:07:44 |
Oh! |
| 01:07:46 |
Bingo wings, |
| 01:07:51 |
Oh, that's what I'm talking about. |
| 01:07:55 |
Come here! |
| 01:08:24 |
Where is everybody? |
| 01:08:29 |
I don't know. Maybe it had something to do |
| 01:08:34 |
We seem to be outnumbered. |
| 01:09:08 |
No. |
| 01:09:10 |
I'm not running anymore. |
| 01:09:18 |
Ow! |
| 01:09:25 |
Oh! |
| 01:09:27 |
We may not have the numbers on our side |
| 01:09:31 |
but we have something |
| 01:09:33 |
Perky breasts? |
| 01:09:38 |
The strength of our family. |
| 01:09:40 |
I'd follow you anywhere, brother. |
| 01:09:52 |
Oh, my- |
| 01:09:57 |
Revenge is... mine! |
| 01:10:02 |
Jack Swallows! |
| 01:10:09 |
Payback is a bitch, White Bitch! |
| 01:10:14 |
You owe me your soul, |
| 01:10:54 |
Oh! |
| 01:11:07 |
Oh, bugger! |
| 01:11:11 |
What a tool. |
| 01:11:16 |
Show them no mercy. |
| 01:12:07 |
Take that, Kumar! |
| 01:12:24 |
No! |
| 01:12:37 |
Oh, yes. |
| 01:12:42 |
Yes, that's right. |
| 01:12:47 |
Just like your parents did |
| 01:13:07 |
Wow. Let's slow things down |
| 01:13:21 |
Ah. |
| 01:13:23 |
Oh! Oh, dear. |
| 01:13:28 |
Oh, that's- |
| 01:13:41 |
Oh. |
| 01:14:10 |
Ooh! |
| 01:14:23 |
Let's get 'em! |
| 01:15:15 |
Oh, I'm gonna enjoy this. |
| 01:15:40 |
It's the crystal! |
| 01:15:43 |
- We're all gonna die! |
| 01:15:47 |
Give me the remote control. |
| 01:15:56 |
Yes! |
| 01:16:05 |
No, stop. |
| 01:16:11 |
I hate those fuckin' kids. |
| 01:16:13 |
The new Gnarnia |
| 01:16:16 |
complete with due process. |
| 01:16:19 |
She shall be given a fair trial, |
| 01:16:23 |
Sorry, Bitch. |
| 01:16:29 |
Right. |
| 01:16:32 |
Oh, screw her anyway. |
| 01:16:36 |
Make a beaver a hole. |
| 01:16:39 |
Hot, moist beaver comin' through. |
| 01:16:42 |
May I present |
| 01:16:45 |
Peter the Heroic. |
| 01:16:48 |
Susan the Just. |
| 01:16:51 |
Edward the Loyal. |
| 01:16:54 |
And Lucy the Dumb Shit. |
| 01:16:58 |
All hail! |
| 01:17:30 |
And so it was |
| 01:17:34 |
restored peace to Gnarnia. |
| 01:17:37 |
They were orphans no more. |
| 01:17:44 |
They ruled Gnarnia |
| 01:17:48 |
That is, until they found |
| 01:17:51 |
Let's cross streams. |
| 01:18:02 |
There we go. |
| 01:18:04 |
Oops! |
| 01:18:19 |
It's- |
| 01:18:24 |
- It's the wardrobe. |
| 01:18:28 |
It's been so long. |
| 01:18:32 |
Chuck Norris rules. |
| 01:19:15 |
We're young again! |
| 01:19:19 |
Jagshemash! |
| 01:19:22 |
You did it! |
| 01:19:29 |
Not! |
| 01:21:02 |
Oh, my- |
| 01:21:09 |
- Let us out, freak! |
| 01:21:12 |
I- |
| 01:21:17 |
No. |
| 01:21:23 |
Captain Jack Swallows! |
| 01:21:27 |
- Shit. Swallowing! |
| 01:21:30 |
No! |
| 01:21:34 |
Sorry. |
| 01:21:37 |
Wait. Can I ask you |
| 01:21:41 |
Am I- |
| 01:21:43 |
Am I, like, sucking the chrome off, |
| 01:21:46 |
- Yeah. |
| 01:21:48 |
Here we go. |
| 01:21:53 |
Oh! Hey! |
| 01:21:56 |
Mmm. Mmm! |
| 01:21:59 |
Well, guess what. |
| 01:22:02 |
- What? |
| 01:22:05 |
First- |
| 01:22:08 |
Mi, mi, mi, mi, |
| 01:22:11 |
When I'm makin' you stuff, |
| 01:22:14 |
Your mother ate it! |
| 01:22:30 |
- Where did I hit him? I hit him on the head. |
| 01:22:39 |
Shit. |
| 01:22:46 |
We'll stand behind you, Peter. |
| 01:22:49 |
That bitch has threatened |
| 01:22:51 |
Our mutant- |
| 01:22:55 |
She shall be given a fair trial... |
| 01:22:57 |
judged by a jury of her peers. |
| 01:23:00 |
We shall build a courthouse... |
| 01:23:03 |
with crushed velvet drapes |
| 01:23:08 |
I'm so hot. |
| 01:23:13 |
Oh, my gosh. I passed the yellow line. |
| 01:23:16 |
Li-man- |
| 01:23:21 |
So you mean you're- |
| 01:23:23 |
My mom went to a party |
| 01:23:25 |
She got drunk, and then |
| 01:23:29 |
It's a brutal game. |
| 01:23:31 |
Justice shall reign supreme... |
| 01:23:34 |
even for elves and fauns... |
| 01:23:38 |
albinos and the Irish. |
| 01:23:49 |
- I saw stripes! |
| 01:23:53 |
We shall revolutionize |
| 01:23:57 |
There will be no more |
| 01:23:59 |
without my consent... |
| 01:24:02 |
and without their consent. |
| 01:24:04 |
I shouldn't have had sex with Shrek! |
| 01:24:07 |
Like it or not, we're all in- |
| 01:24:11 |
- You okay? |
| 01:24:15 |
- Like it or not, we're all in this. |
| 01:24:18 |
- Oh, I can't even do it now. |
| 01:24:20 |
Damn that Shrek! |
| 01:24:24 |
Because, sweet tits, |
| 01:24:28 |
We'll be stuck here |
| 01:24:35 |
Don't t-zelle me what to d-zoo! |
| 01:24:37 |
The White Bitch is no more. |
| 01:24:39 |
Now, we shall be queens. |
| 01:24:41 |
Last night, I had sex |
| 01:24:47 |
Hey, look. |
| 01:24:52 |
I haven't got |
| 01:25:02 |
- Oh. So I was supposed to- I supposed to fall? |
| 01:25:05 |
- It's supposed to hit me, right? |
| 01:25:08 |
- Ooh! |
| 01:25:11 |
Oh. But I need something |
| 01:25:16 |
But first- Sorry. |
| 01:25:20 |
Oh, no! |
| 01:25:22 |
But kings need to boss |
| 01:25:27 |
Yes. |
| 01:25:29 |
Bring me the others, and I'll crown you |
| 01:25:43 |
I'm big. |
| 01:25:46 |
See Epic Movie... |
| 01:25:48 |
or drunk Mel Gibson will hurt me. |
| 01:25:52 |
Not! |
| 01:25:56 |
you. |
| 01:26:02 |
So now you all seen my crib. |
| 01:26:04 |
So get the hell out- Oh! |
