|
Accepted
|
| 00:00:44 |
Everyone, have your money |
| 00:00:48 |
Okay, say, "Cheers!" |
| 00:00:50 |
Say, "Beer!" |
| 00:00:52 |
Say, "Cheers!" |
| 00:00:55 |
Glen, you got to take |
| 00:00:57 |
Why? |
| 00:00:58 |
Hands, you wanna |
| 00:01:00 |
Uh, dude, you're getting |
| 00:01:02 |
and you're wearing a shirt |
| 00:01:04 |
So? |
| 00:01:05 |
Okay, whatever. |
| 00:01:08 |
Just do |
| 00:01:09 |
Give me |
| 00:01:11 |
B! |
| 00:01:12 |
What the hell |
| 00:01:14 |
Relax, pal. |
| 00:01:15 |
Five percent goes |
| 00:01:17 |
Uh, I forgot to tell you, |
| 00:01:18 |
You borrowed my keys? |
| 00:01:20 |
Well, I needed them. |
| 00:01:22 |
We're providing a vital |
| 00:01:23 |
Could we get the next in line, |
| 00:01:26 |
We're contributing to |
| 00:01:28 |
Do you know what will |
| 00:01:30 |
Every day |
| 00:01:32 |
Vice Principal Matthews |
| 00:01:33 |
He picks up |
| 00:01:35 |
and he snaps one off! |
| 00:01:37 |
Are you serious? |
| 00:01:39 |
That is a problem. |
| 00:01:40 |
Uh, okay, well, we still have |
| 00:01:42 |
So, we'll just pack everybody |
| 00:01:43 |
Okay, let's go! |
| 00:01:46 |
Shit! |
| 00:01:48 |
# America! America! ## |
| 00:01:52 |
Gaines! Gaines! Gaines! |
| 00:01:54 |
Okay, good, good. |
| 00:01:56 |
Ah, wonderful! |
| 00:01:58 |
So glad you could join us! |
| 00:01:59 |
What the hell is this? |
| 00:02:01 |
It's Glee Club |
| 00:02:02 |
We're just gettin' ready for |
| 00:02:05 |
We don't have |
| 00:02:07 |
Not yet, |
| 00:02:09 |
But as the graduating class, |
| 00:02:11 |
a legacy that inspires |
| 00:02:13 |
to take initiative |
| 00:02:16 |
I don't know, privately defacing |
| 00:02:19 |
I mean, I went |
| 00:02:20 |
about no carbs and |
| 00:02:23 |
and the pages were... |
| 00:02:24 |
...as if by some natural |
| 00:02:26 |
I need to cut |
| 00:02:28 |
and I can't open the... |
| 00:02:29 |
Whatever does it for... |
| 00:02:31 |
That's all |
| 00:02:33 |
Thank God |
| 00:02:37 |
I'm the fourth-generation |
| 00:02:38 |
to go to Harmon College, okay? Yeah. |
| 00:02:40 |
I can't do anything |
| 00:02:42 |
You know, like, I don't know, |
| 00:02:45 |
Look at you. |
| 00:02:47 |
We're all goin' |
| 00:02:48 |
This is said by the guy |
| 00:02:51 |
...by seven schools. |
| 00:02:52 |
Hey, I'm creating |
| 00:02:53 |
I got a good feeling |
| 00:02:56 |
I got in! I got in! |
| 00:03:00 |
Yeah! Yeah! |
| 00:03:03 |
Hey, I think that guy |
| 00:03:05 |
Oh, what makes you say that? |
| 00:03:06 |
I don't know. |
| 00:03:08 |
Bartleby! Hey. |
| 00:03:09 |
Hey, how are you, |
| 00:03:11 |
Good. Do you know Schrader? |
| 00:03:13 |
No, I don't think so. Oh! |
| 00:03:16 |
I actually... |
| 00:03:18 |
Oh, yeah. |
| 00:03:19 |
My shit was all crazy. |
| 00:03:21 |
Yeah. Sorry. I don't |
| 00:03:23 |
Sorry. |
| 00:03:24 |
Um, anyway, I really wanted |
| 00:03:27 |
Sure, anything. |
| 00:03:28 |
Um, you know, |
| 00:03:29 |
but, um, last minute |
| 00:03:31 |
but prom is coming up soon, |
| 00:03:32 |
And I'm actually having a |
| 00:03:35 |
Awesome! |
| 00:03:37 |
if you'd like to, um... |
| 00:03:40 |
I'd love to. |
| 00:03:43 |
Mow your lawn? |
| 00:03:45 |
Oh. |
| 00:03:48 |
Yeah. I'm really embarrassed, |
| 00:03:50 |
our mower's broken and my mom |
| 00:03:53 |
That's cool! |
| 00:03:54 |
I... Yeah. Tell your mother I |
| 00:03:56 |
Of course. |
| 00:03:57 |
Thank you so much. |
| 00:03:58 |
Thank you. Hey, babe! |
| 00:04:00 |
Sorry, I got to go. |
| 00:04:02 |
But thank you, again. |
| 00:04:03 |
You're really helping us out. |
| 00:04:05 |
And, hey, it was nice to meet, |
| 00:04:07 |
Yes, yes. It was- It was |
| 00:04:09 |
Yeah. Okay. Bye-bye. |
| 00:04:11 |
Hey, I'm sorry |
| 00:04:12 |
Hoyt Ambrose. Hoyt! |
| 00:04:14 |
Hoyt Ambrose. What's that |
| 00:04:17 |
I just need to get a car. |
| 00:04:20 |
And classic good looks. |
| 00:04:25 |
# We're not just kids |
| 00:04:29 |
# We got ideas |
| 00:04:34 |
# University |
| 00:04:39 |
"I regret... " |
| 00:04:41 |
# It's educational # |
| 00:04:50 |
I can't believe |
| 00:04:52 |
I wasn't even aiming high |
| 00:04:53 |
That was my fallback! |
| 00:04:55 |
It was my safety school, |
| 00:04:57 |
Maybe you're just |
| 00:05:00 |
Hey, time out. |
| 00:05:01 |
Too average? |
| 00:05:02 |
Okay. Okay. |
| 00:05:05 |
R- R-Remember who |
| 00:05:07 |
I didn't have to go to |
| 00:05:08 |
'cause I claimed |
| 00:05:09 |
Or what about the time I got the note |
| 00:05:12 |
and I was allowed |
| 00:05:14 |
I got the school bully, Frank |
| 00:05:16 |
because he was |
| 00:05:18 |
by pushing me up against the |
| 00:05:21 |
I mean, come on. |
| 00:05:23 |
Maybe if you didn't write an essay |
| 00:05:26 |
Well, it's true. You know? |
| 00:05:27 |
I don't have a clue what I want |
| 00:05:29 |
Mom and Dad |
| 00:05:31 |
O ye of little faith. |
| 00:05:33 |
They're not gonna kill me. |
| 00:05:35 |
I just have to spin it |
| 00:05:36 |
and put it in terms |
| 00:05:38 |
I don't understand. |
| 00:05:40 |
I don't understand, either. |
| 00:05:42 |
Okay, I figure it |
| 00:05:43 |
The average cost of college |
| 00:05:46 |
Now, according to these estimates |
| 00:05:48 |
You can pass those around. |
| 00:05:50 |
Someone with no education |
| 00:05:51 |
can expect to make about $20,000 |
| 00:05:54 |
Now, that being said, |
| 00:05:56 |
you could either |
| 00:05:59 |
or I could make $80,000. |
| 00:06:03 |
Are you saying you don't |
| 00:06:05 |
No. I'm saying that |
| 00:06:08 |
for me to go |
| 00:06:10 |
Are you huffing? |
| 00:06:12 |
Are you high? |
| 00:06:14 |
No. I'm not huffing, Mom. I'm |
| 00:06:17 |
In fact, I'm more clear and |
| 00:06:20 |
Okay, cut the crap, |
| 00:06:22 |
Society has rules. |
| 00:06:23 |
And the first rule is you |
| 00:06:26 |
You want to have a happy and |
| 00:06:29 |
If you want to be somebody, |
| 00:06:31 |
If you want to fit in, |
| 00:06:33 |
Well, you know what? Maybe |
| 00:06:44 |
What do you mean? |
| 00:06:48 |
I didn't get accepted |
| 00:06:50 |
Oh, Bartleby. |
| 00:06:52 |
Damn it. |
| 00:06:53 |
I knew he should've started |
| 00:06:56 |
like his sister. |
| 00:06:58 |
Now, she's got a shot. |
| 00:07:00 |
She's got a shot. |
| 00:07:01 |
There are plenty of successful |
| 00:07:04 |
Albert Einstein, |
| 00:07:05 |
Pocahontas never |
| 00:07:08 |
Corey Feldman |
| 00:07:09 |
They had a great run. |
| 00:07:11 |
Both Lewis and Clark. |
| 00:07:12 |
Suzanne Somers. Bono. |
| 00:07:15 |
I need to go |
| 00:07:20 |
"Check the cobbler. " |
| 00:07:22 |
You know, I really don't care |
| 00:07:26 |
You're goin' to college. |
| 00:07:31 |
I told you so. |
| 00:07:33 |
You were adopted. |
| 00:07:36 |
Everyone, |
| 00:07:38 |
I would like to propose |
| 00:07:41 |
To the Class of 2006, |
| 00:07:42 |
may the next four years |
| 00:07:45 |
be the best years |
| 00:07:47 |
Hear, hear. |
| 00:07:49 |
Hey. |
| 00:07:51 |
What's up, B? How you doin'? What's up? |
| 00:07:54 |
Dude, I swear, |
| 00:07:56 |
how excited they are to go |
| 00:07:58 |
Oh, man, I heard about the scholarship. |
| 00:08:00 |
That's insane. You're one of |
| 00:08:02 |
Uh, the best. And, uh, |
| 00:08:05 |
That sucks. |
| 00:08:07 |
I have no idea. |
| 00:08:10 |
That makes two of us, pal. |
| 00:08:11 |
It's fine, it's fine, it's |
| 00:08:13 |
Hey, Rory. What's goin' on? |
| 00:08:16 |
Um, I-I didn't get into Yale. |
| 00:08:19 |
I did- I didn't, |
| 00:08:20 |
I didn't... |
| 00:08:22 |
What? I can't |
| 00:08:24 |
Well, there's no room |
| 00:08:26 |
Too many rich kids |
| 00:08:28 |
and well-connected parents |
| 00:08:31 |
No room for Rory, |
| 00:08:32 |
since first grade |
| 00:08:34 |
Rory, who only applied |
| 00:08:36 |
I had it all planned! |
| 00:08:37 |
It was perfect, B! |
| 00:08:40 |
And now |
| 00:08:43 |
It's a goose egg! |
| 00:08:45 |
Okay. Well. |
| 00:08:47 |
God, Rory! Rory! |
| 00:08:50 |
She's handling that |
| 00:08:52 |
College |
| 00:08:54 |
All right. I got to |
| 00:08:56 |
Hang in there. |
| 00:08:58 |
Bartleby! Hey! Oh, hey, Mr. |
| 00:09:00 |
Did you have any cake? |
| 00:09:01 |
No, you know, I'm not |
| 00:09:03 |
Oh, it is a hell |
| 00:09:04 |
It is the same cake we got for Scotty |
| 00:09:07 |
Oh, ah, everything |
| 00:09:09 |
Jay! How are ya, bud? |
| 00:09:11 |
Hey, Stu. |
| 00:09:12 |
I can't imagine your pride, |
| 00:09:14 |
is headed off to a good |
| 00:09:17 |
Yeah, well, not to mention |
| 00:09:18 |
the load it takes off |
| 00:09:22 |
Dad. |
| 00:09:23 |
Nothin' like gettin' |
| 00:09:27 |
What about you, |
| 00:09:29 |
That's a good question, |
| 00:09:32 |
What's with the questions, |
| 00:09:35 |
Where you goin'? |
| 00:09:39 |
Um, I-I, well... |
| 00:09:42 |
I didn't really, uh... |
| 00:09:44 |
Bartleby screwed around and |
| 00:09:46 |
He's thrown his life away. |
| 00:09:54 |
Yeah, that's |
| 00:10:46 |
Wait. South Harmon |
| 00:10:49 |
Yeah. B, you realize that |
| 00:10:52 |
S.H.I.T.? |
| 00:10:55 |
Just finish building |
| 00:10:57 |
This is the act of a desperate, |
| 00:11:00 |
Yo, B, you have to hook me up with |
| 00:11:03 |
Are you kidding me? No way. |
| 00:11:05 |
Oh, come on. The only way this is |
| 00:11:08 |
And even then, |
| 00:11:10 |
Dude, I don't care. |
| 00:11:12 |
The minute |
| 00:11:13 |
my pop started talkin' about |
| 00:11:16 |
Help me. Please? |
| 00:11:19 |
You know something? |
| 00:11:20 |
For the safety of the public, |
| 00:11:23 |
Sweet. |
| 00:11:24 |
This is just a temporary |
| 00:11:26 |
Nothing more. |
| 00:11:28 |
Bravo, guys. Great. |
| 00:11:30 |
Let's start this fake college. And then |
| 00:11:33 |
Come on. It's a gateway crime. What? |
| 00:11:35 |
That's how these things start. |
| 00:11:36 |
You know something, Schrader, |
| 00:11:38 |
you got into |
| 00:11:39 |
And your future's |
| 00:11:41 |
and I'm psyched for you, pal, 'cause |
| 00:11:44 |
I'm talking about me coming |
| 00:11:47 |
Just finish |
| 00:11:50 |
Please. |
| 00:11:54 |
What do you say? |
| 00:11:55 |
There he is! |
| 00:11:57 |
Get off me, |
| 00:11:58 |
But we need some sort of, like, |
| 00:12:01 |
Your dad's gonna want to see |
| 00:12:04 |
Hey, kids. Honey! |
| 00:12:06 |
Hey. Hi. How are you? Hey. |
| 00:12:09 |
What's this? |
| 00:12:10 |
South Harmon Institute of |
| 00:12:12 |
Mmm? What's that? |
| 00:12:14 |
One of the most respected schools |
| 00:12:17 |
Well, what's it say? |
| 00:12:18 |
I gotta open it first. |
| 00:12:19 |
Come on, hurry. |
| 00:12:22 |
Oh. I'm nervous. |
| 00:12:27 |
"Dear Bartleby, |
| 00:12:30 |
"congratulations, |
| 00:12:33 |
I got in! |
| 00:12:34 |
Aw, thank God. Thank God. |
| 00:12:37 |
Hey-o! |
| 00:12:38 |
Honey. |
| 00:12:39 |
Hey, this is great! |
| 00:12:42 |
It's so exciting! |
| 00:12:43 |
What the hell is South Harmon |
| 00:12:46 |
Oh, it's one of Harmon |
| 00:12:47 |
I've never heard of it. |
| 00:12:50 |
Well, because |
| 00:12:51 |
It's the most discreet and |
| 00:12:54 |
You got any literature |
| 00:12:56 |
Yeah, there's a website, |
| 00:12:59 |
You did it. |
| 00:13:01 |
Wow. |
| 00:13:03 |
So you guys want to eat? |
| 00:13:11 |
Hey! I hate my life. |
| 00:13:14 |
I'm a huge tool. |
| 00:13:16 |
Have fun being hot. |
| 00:13:17 |
Bartleby! |
| 00:13:19 |
Hey, Dad, what's up? |
| 00:13:21 |
I took a look |
| 00:13:23 |
Oh. |
| 00:13:24 |
Cool. |
| 00:13:25 |
It looks unreal. |
| 00:13:26 |
Unreal? |
| 00:13:28 |
Yeah, it looks |
| 00:13:31 |
It seems |
| 00:13:32 |
Really? |
| 00:13:33 |
Here you go. |
| 00:13:38 |
First semester's tuition. |
| 00:13:41 |
That's great. |
| 00:13:43 |
Wow, thank you, Dad. |
| 00:13:45 |
Oh, sorry. Sorry. |
| 00:13:47 |
Thanks, Dad. |
| 00:13:50 |
Your mother and I |
| 00:13:58 |
What we need to do |
| 00:14:00 |
so we can fool our parents. |
| 00:14:01 |
Hey, Schrad, do you know any |
| 00:14:04 |
Oh, yeah, I do, |
| 00:14:06 |
I carry around a list |
| 00:14:07 |
of abandoned buildings |
| 00:14:09 |
Dude, I started you guys |
| 00:14:11 |
What do you want me to be, |
| 00:14:12 |
Oh, hey, guys. |
| 00:14:14 |
Hey, what's up, Glen? |
| 00:14:15 |
Hey. |
| 00:14:16 |
when did you start working |
| 00:14:18 |
Since I got boned, hard, |
| 00:14:23 |
Why, what happened? |
| 00:14:24 |
Some political crap. |
| 00:14:26 |
I got a zero on my SATs. |
| 00:14:29 |
You know |
| 00:14:30 |
just for signing |
| 00:14:37 |
All right, |
| 00:14:38 |
Now, where we gonna find a |
| 00:14:41 |
Hey, guys! I know a place. |
| 00:14:45 |
How'd you know |
| 00:14:48 |
I used to do |
| 00:14:49 |
This |
| 00:14:50 |
'Cause now I can |
| 00:14:52 |
A bird in the hand, |
| 00:14:55 |
That doesn't |
| 00:14:56 |
It's a saying. |
| 00:14:58 |
A diamond in the rough. |
| 00:14:59 |
Hope you guys |
| 00:15:04 |
Great. |
| 00:15:10 |
Hello, beautiful. |
| 00:15:15 |
Hey! Hey, guys, |
| 00:15:17 |
This is breaking |
| 00:15:18 |
Schrader, come on. |
| 00:15:22 |
Who's scared? I'm not |
| 00:15:24 |
Schrader, you were scared to |
| 00:15:27 |
I told you that |
| 00:15:29 |
Schrader, you were afraid |
| 00:15:31 |
because you were terrified |
| 00:15:33 |
That's actually |
| 00:15:34 |
She was rifling |
| 00:15:36 |
Okay, Fine, whatever, dude, stay here. |
| 00:15:38 |
Fine. I will. |
| 00:15:40 |
Okay, guys, seriously, |
| 00:15:42 |
I don't want to be here alone |
| 00:15:44 |
We don't have |
| 00:15:46 |
We just have to focus |
| 00:15:47 |
We got the-the main lobby. |
| 00:15:49 |
Dorm rooms. |
| 00:15:51 |
I think this could really |
| 00:15:53 |
Can you hold that? |
| 00:15:55 |
Guys, a little can-do |
| 00:15:57 |
maybe a smile from Schrader. |
| 00:15:58 |
It's like cleaning up |
| 00:16:00 |
Welcome to the South Harmon |
| 00:16:03 |
Atta baby. |
| 00:16:05 |
Yeah. |
| 00:16:15 |
Schrader, |
| 00:16:17 |
Um, this is embarrassing. |
| 00:16:20 |
Are you kidding? |
| 00:16:21 |
It would be really cool |
| 00:16:22 |
if you guys wouldn't tell |
| 00:16:31 |
# Had an atomic bore |
| 00:16:34 |
# In 2004 |
| 00:16:38 |
# Did some atomic tricks |
| 00:16:41 |
# In 2006 |
| 00:16:43 |
Ready, set, go. |
| 00:16:46 |
Whoo! |
| 00:16:49 |
Uh, whoa, Glen. |
| 00:16:51 |
Oh, hey, B. |
| 00:16:52 |
What are you doing here, |
| 00:16:53 |
Rory told me about it. |
| 00:16:55 |
What are you doing? We were gonna |
| 00:16:57 |
But he didn't have |
| 00:16:59 |
He got fired |
| 00:17:00 |
Is that true? Why'd you |
| 00:17:03 |
I got fired |
| 00:17:06 |
That's disgusting. |
| 00:17:07 |
Why would you |
| 00:17:08 |
'Cause I was hungry |
| 00:17:10 |
Oh, God. |
| 00:17:12 |
# Had an atomic bore |
| 00:17:16 |
# In 2004 |
| 00:17:19 |
# Did some atomic tricks |
| 00:17:22 |
# In 2000 |
| 00:17:24 |
# Five, seven |
| 00:17:27 |
# Nine |
| 00:17:29 |
# Had an atomic bore |
| 00:17:32 |
# In 2004 |
| 00:17:35 |
# Did some atomic tricks |
| 00:17:36 |
This kitchen is bitchin'! |
| 00:17:40 |
And this'll be the bath... |
| 00:17:45 |
Close the door. |
| 00:17:46 |
Close it! |
| 00:17:49 |
# Had an atomic bore |
| 00:17:52 |
# In 2004 |
| 00:17:55 |
# Did some atomic tricks |
| 00:17:59 |
# In 2006 |
| 00:18:02 |
# Got out way late |
| 00:18:05 |
# In 2008 |
| 00:18:08 |
# I'm gonna do it again |
| 00:18:14 |
# Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah # |
| 00:18:18 |
It takes 10,000 steps |
| 00:18:21 |
And this right here, |
| 00:18:23 |
this is step one. |
| 00:18:25 |
Good luck, Son. |
| 00:18:30 |
Mister Ambrose, do you know what |
| 00:18:33 |
Rejection. |
| 00:18:35 |
The exclusivity |
| 00:18:37 |
is judged primarily |
| 00:18:40 |
it rejects. |
| 00:18:42 |
Unfortunately, |
| 00:18:43 |
we have been unable to |
| 00:18:45 |
that Yale, Princeton, |
| 00:18:48 |
primarily because |
| 00:18:50 |
But all that |
| 00:18:53 |
Yale has one, |
| 00:18:55 |
And now Harmon College |
| 00:18:57 |
the prestigious entranceway |
| 00:18:59 |
A verdant buffer zone |
| 00:19:01 |
to keep knowledge in, |
| 00:19:03 |
That is a great idea, sir. |
| 00:19:06 |
Now, you, Mr. Ambrose, |
| 00:19:08 |
of the Student Community |
| 00:19:09 |
I need you to secure |
| 00:19:14 |
in the neighboring community. |
| 00:19:16 |
So that we can demolish them |
| 00:19:18 |
for the Van Horne Gateway. |
| 00:19:22 |
You know what? |
| 00:19:24 |
This actually looks |
| 00:19:25 |
Guys, I don't want to be |
| 00:19:28 |
but I think |
| 00:19:30 |
It really looks |
| 00:19:32 |
Hey, kid, |
| 00:19:34 |
Oh, I'm, uh... |
| 00:19:35 |
I took another look |
| 00:19:36 |
What's all this "be |
| 00:19:38 |
No, no, Dad, they just |
| 00:19:40 |
just to keep |
| 00:19:42 |
Yeah, well, sounds like |
| 00:19:44 |
Glen, go long. Set up |
| 00:19:47 |
The dean? Jesus. |
| 00:19:49 |
Your college does |
| 00:19:51 |
I'm good! Yes, of course |
| 00:19:53 |
Dad, you know, he's a |
| 00:19:54 |
he can't just, uh, |
| 00:19:56 |
Listen. If I'm paying for |
| 00:19:59 |
I want to make sure you have the same |
| 00:20:02 |
Dinner's at 8:00. Wait, Dad, Dad, Dad, I can't |
| 00:20:06 |
I gotta trim this corner right |
| 00:20:08 |
What's up, B? |
| 00:20:10 |
What? |
| 00:20:13 |
We gotta find a dean. |
| 00:20:15 |
In life, it's important to |
| 00:20:19 |
You think you want something because |
| 00:20:23 |
I want the Pump! |
| 00:20:25 |
I don't got the Pump. |
| 00:20:27 |
Look, oh, I got the |
| 00:20:32 |
I want the Pump! |
| 00:20:34 |
Listen, |
| 00:20:36 |
there are kids right now in Asia who |
| 00:20:40 |
so that their family can have |
| 00:20:42 |
This is the worst idea |
| 00:20:45 |
Your Uncle Ben |
| 00:20:47 |
He'll be fine. |
| 00:20:48 |
What did you do? |
| 00:20:49 |
You're the one who |
| 00:20:51 |
You know what? |
| 00:20:53 |
I'm glad my mother's dead. |
| 00:20:55 |
He's just having a bad day. |
| 00:20:56 |
Oh, my gosh. |
| 00:20:58 |
You want me to be the dean |
| 00:21:00 |
No, I want you |
| 00:21:02 |
It's just for one day. |
| 00:21:03 |
Uh, perhaps young Sherman |
| 00:21:05 |
I've retired, I'm no longer |
| 00:21:08 |
Oh, really? |
| 00:21:10 |
Yeah, well, technically, |
| 00:21:11 |
That's not true. I got fed up |
| 00:21:14 |
So I quit. |
| 00:21:15 |
I did send in my resignation |
| 00:21:17 |
in a rather |
| 00:21:19 |
You sent the dean of the |
| 00:21:22 |
It was a metaphor. |
| 00:21:24 |
For "You're full of shit!" |
| 00:21:26 |
That's not a metaphor. |
| 00:21:27 |
Oh, semantics, schmantics. |
| 00:21:29 |
Three years from now, |
| 00:21:31 |
I'm goin' to Papua New |
| 00:21:33 |
Wh-Where- |
| 00:21:35 |
I'm going off the grid. |
| 00:21:36 |
No more, uh, franchises, |
| 00:21:39 |
no more "Eh, oh, |
| 00:21:42 |
And certainly no more |
| 00:21:44 |
What's wrong with saying, |
| 00:21:47 |
When did that |
| 00:21:49 |
Okay, Ben, |
| 00:21:51 |
is just shake a couple hands |
| 00:21:53 |
say, "Hi, I'm the dean," |
| 00:21:55 |
What if we pay you? |
| 00:21:56 |
Don't sully my dignity |
| 00:21:59 |
There you are! Did you |
| 00:22:03 |
It's not my fault the kid's |
| 00:22:06 |
You're an asshole! |
| 00:22:08 |
You are an asshole. |
| 00:22:12 |
Perhaps it is time to move on. |
| 00:22:14 |
But I get to bring my house. |
| 00:22:16 |
Deal. |
| 00:22:17 |
Right or left? |
| 00:22:19 |
Whose right? |
| 00:22:21 |
You're an idiot! |
| 00:22:23 |
Go with what you feel. |
| 00:22:24 |
You got about 12 feet. |
| 00:22:28 |
Perfect. |
| 00:22:30 |
Asshole. |
| 00:22:32 |
Okay, smiles, everyone. |
| 00:22:34 |
First day at college. |
| 00:22:35 |
What's up with these colors? |
| 00:22:37 |
Glen picked 'em. |
| 00:22:39 |
Where'd you find |
| 00:22:40 |
Uh, I volunteer at an |
| 00:22:43 |
These are my students. I told |
| 00:22:46 |
they'd have to |
| 00:22:47 |
into the American |
| 00:22:48 |
Whoa! The parents are here! |
| 00:22:51 |
Okay! |
| 00:22:53 |
Okay, people, |
| 00:22:56 |
Wow. |
| 00:22:57 |
No frills around here. Oh, none at all. |
| 00:22:59 |
None of that, uh, that ivy, or gargoyles, |
| 00:23:05 |
The real deal, huh? |
| 00:23:06 |
This is it, kid. |
| 00:23:07 |
The big moment. Take this in. |
| 00:23:09 |
It's exciting, it's scary. |
| 00:23:11 |
It's really scary. |
| 00:23:15 |
Okay. |
| 00:23:16 |
What's going on here? |
| 00:23:17 |
Okay, we lost |
| 00:23:19 |
Curious campers. |
| 00:23:20 |
What are you doing? Don't |
| 00:23:22 |
Honey. |
| 00:23:25 |
Take it easy. |
| 00:23:28 |
What the devil is that? |
| 00:23:30 |
That's just a surge |
| 00:23:32 |
It's college for you. |
| 00:23:34 |
Take a left up here |
| 00:23:36 |
Oh, uh, can you |
| 00:23:37 |
I just really gotta go to the |
| 00:23:40 |
Oh, Jesus Christ. |
| 00:23:41 |
No, no, no, no, no! |
| 00:23:43 |
Uh, it's, that's, |
| 00:23:46 |
You can't go in there. |
| 00:23:47 |
Well, can't you just |
| 00:23:49 |
Diane, can't you wait |
| 00:23:50 |
Hey, I'll see you, Rasheed. |
| 00:23:53 |
You owe me 30 bucks, |
| 00:23:54 |
You jokester. |
| 00:23:56 |
Here we are. You remember |
| 00:23:58 |
Hey, hi. |
| 00:23:59 |
You look great. |
| 00:24:01 |
When I first saw it, I was |
| 00:24:02 |
I can't believe this. |
| 00:24:04 |
Mr. Gaines. |
| 00:24:06 |
Oh, thunder grip. |
| 00:24:07 |
Why are there bars |
| 00:24:10 |
Oh, that's so nobody |
| 00:24:14 |
It's fine. It's a good |
| 00:24:16 |
Not a lot of extras. |
| 00:24:18 |
Yes. We will, because of the |
| 00:24:21 |
I agree with you, sir. |
| 00:24:22 |
What are these? |
| 00:24:23 |
That's in case |
| 00:24:25 |
Uh, never mind that. |
| 00:24:27 |
Huh? |
| 00:24:29 |
Come here, honey. |
| 00:24:33 |
Which way? |
| 00:24:35 |
It's gonna be fun. |
| 00:24:37 |
You know, |
| 00:24:39 |
that college is the time |
| 00:24:42 |
expand the way |
| 00:24:45 |
when they open their minds |
| 00:24:49 |
and when they begin |
| 00:24:51 |
from the innocence of youth |
| 00:24:53 |
to the responsibilities |
| 00:24:57 |
Now isn't that |
| 00:25:06 |
W- What? |
| 00:25:08 |
Could you explain that |
| 00:25:10 |
Uh, Dean Lewis, |
| 00:25:12 |
a little bit about the |
| 00:25:14 |
Look, we throw a lot of fancy |
| 00:25:18 |
in order to attract them |
| 00:25:21 |
in the belief that they're |
| 00:25:23 |
And we all know |
| 00:25:25 |
is breeding |
| 00:25:27 |
of buyers and sellers. |
| 00:25:28 |
Buyers and sellers! |
| 00:25:30 |
Pimps and whores. |
| 00:25:33 |
And indoctrinating them into a |
| 00:25:39 |
I... |
| 00:25:42 |
I- I just don't understand. |
| 00:25:43 |
Do I have |
| 00:25:46 |
Look, there's only one reason |
| 00:25:48 |
that kids |
| 00:25:51 |
Holy shit. |
| 00:26:00 |
Which is? |
| 00:26:05 |
To get a good job. |
| 00:26:10 |
To get a good job, |
| 00:26:22 |
I couldn't agree more. |
| 00:26:26 |
It is so refreshing |
| 00:26:29 |
approach education |
| 00:26:32 |
Fuckin' A! |
| 00:26:34 |
Well, Dad. Ow. |
| 00:26:40 |
Oh, Mom. |
| 00:26:42 |
You make us proud, kiddo. |
| 00:26:44 |
I'll try, Dad. |
| 00:26:46 |
Don't worry about |
| 00:26:48 |
Bye, honey. |
| 00:26:50 |
Spread your wings. |
| 00:26:51 |
I'm gonna fly. |
| 00:26:53 |
Bye, Lizzie. |
| 00:26:57 |
Bye! |
| 00:27:02 |
So what do we do now? |
| 00:27:04 |
Well, my friend, |
| 00:27:06 |
We can do whatever we want. |
| 00:27:08 |
Gotta hand it to you, B. |
| 00:27:10 |
Kids everywhere are busting |
| 00:27:12 |
and we're killing |
| 00:27:14 |
This is way better than learning. |
| 00:27:16 |
We're learning the dire cost to |
| 00:27:20 |
We're learning political |
| 00:27:23 |
What the... |
| 00:27:29 |
Who is it? |
| 00:27:30 |
Abernathy |
| 00:27:34 |
Hi, there! |
| 00:27:35 |
What's your name? |
| 00:27:37 |
My name's |
| 00:27:38 |
But you could call me A.D.D., |
| 00:27:40 |
on account of the fact |
| 00:27:42 |
which is Attention Deficit |
| 00:27:44 |
everyone used to think it was just |
| 00:27:47 |
and my mom used to cry because |
| 00:27:49 |
like, a fully functioning |
| 00:27:51 |
like my neighbor |
| 00:27:54 |
Oh... |
| 00:27:56 |
This is no longer |
| 00:27:59 |
I'm so sorry |
| 00:28:00 |
Good luck to you, pal. |
| 00:28:03 |
Okay, okay, wh-wh-what |
| 00:28:05 |
Well, unless |
| 00:28:07 |
I'm here for orientation! |
| 00:28:10 |
Oh, you scared me for a |
| 00:28:14 |
Uh, you're looking |
| 00:28:16 |
it's just right on |
| 00:28:17 |
But good luck, have fun. |
| 00:28:19 |
No! I'm looking for South |
| 00:28:22 |
because, well, it's the |
| 00:28:24 |
and I'm looking |
| 00:28:27 |
or law or animal husbandry |
| 00:28:30 |
Did you just say |
| 00:28:33 |
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, |
| 00:28:35 |
What? |
| 00:28:49 |
# Look at all |
| 00:28:53 |
Thank you so much! |
| 00:28:56 |
# Look at all |
| 00:29:00 |
Oh, God. |
| 00:29:04 |
I'm sorry. |
| 00:29:05 |
Move, fool. |
| 00:29:07 |
Oh, look, there's my old |
| 00:29:12 |
You broke my heart! |
| 00:29:17 |
Please. |
| 00:29:20 |
Oh, uh, sorry, sorry. No |
| 00:29:23 |
It's part of our philosophy |
| 00:29:25 |
We need to mold |
| 00:29:27 |
and the first step is to |
| 00:29:28 |
sever the ties of |
| 00:29:30 |
Take him. |
| 00:29:31 |
We're just glad |
| 00:29:33 |
He's your problem now. |
| 00:29:36 |
Bye, hon. No biting! |
| 00:29:38 |
Hey, Larry. |
| 00:29:39 |
Okay, good talk. |
| 00:29:41 |
You're gonna fit right in, |
| 00:29:43 |
What are we gonna do? |
| 00:29:44 |
This is supposed |
| 00:29:45 |
Yeah, well, I guess |
| 00:29:47 |
You go check the P.O. box, I'm |
| 00:29:57 |
Hey, pledge guy, |
| 00:30:00 |
Can I take |
| 00:30:02 |
Get in there, your future |
| 00:30:04 |
Thank you. |
| 00:30:12 |
Oh, shit. |
| 00:30:13 |
Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry. Sorry. |
| 00:30:16 |
Bartleby. Hey, how are you? |
| 00:30:19 |
Good. I'm so sorry |
| 00:30:20 |
Dude, don't worry about it. It's |
| 00:30:23 |
Perfect. So, what are you doing here? |
| 00:30:25 |
I'm, I'm looking for Schrader, |
| 00:30:27 |
Uh, no, I haven't. |
| 00:30:29 |
Hey, I'm Sherman Schrader. |
| 00:30:33 |
I'll catch up with you. |
| 00:30:37 |
Hey. |
| 00:30:39 |
I'm Sherman Schrader. Okay. |
| 00:30:44 |
This is fun. |
| 00:30:46 |
while you guys shoot around |
| 00:30:49 |
Oh, shit. |
| 00:30:50 |
I got it. |
| 00:30:58 |
Oh. |
| 00:31:01 |
I used to play |
| 00:31:04 |
Uh, we disbanded. |
| 00:31:06 |
Hey, you're Sherman Schrader. |
| 00:31:09 |
Hoyt Ambrose. |
| 00:31:11 |
Yes. You are the president |
| 00:31:14 |
That's right. Right. |
| 00:31:16 |
That I do. |
| 00:31:17 |
I think about her |
| 00:31:24 |
What? |
| 00:31:28 |
I didn't mean to say that. |
| 00:31:31 |
Yeah. So, uh, Sherman's father pledged |
| 00:31:35 |
Oh, so you're the legacy. |
| 00:31:36 |
That's right. Legacy! |
| 00:31:41 |
You need... You probably |
| 00:31:43 |
Was it here? |
| 00:31:45 |
Uh, was it there? Was it... |
| 00:31:46 |
So-So do you go |
| 00:31:49 |
I don't. Uh, |
| 00:31:51 |
Did you say South Harmon? |
| 00:31:53 |
Yes, I did. |
| 00:31:54 |
Oh, what's that? |
| 00:31:55 |
Wha-What's South Harmon? |
| 00:31:57 |
South Harmon is... |
| 00:31:59 |
just a very small college. |
| 00:32:02 |
That's great. Well, |
| 00:32:03 |
Hey, sweetie. |
| 00:32:05 |
Oh, my gosh, |
| 00:32:07 |
Actually, can you just give me |
| 00:32:09 |
Hey, winner, Hoyt Ambrose. |
| 00:32:12 |
Floyd Pambrose. |
| 00:32:14 |
That's weird. |
| 00:32:16 |
Yeah, that is |
| 00:32:18 |
That's kind of crazy. |
| 00:32:19 |
Thanks. It's great. |
| 00:32:22 |
All the sexually repressed energy. Oh. |
| 00:32:23 |
I love it. A lot of anti-Semitism, |
| 00:32:26 |
I like it, I like the way |
| 00:32:28 |
Thanks. Thanks a lot. |
| 00:32:29 |
Well, hey, why don't you just |
| 00:32:31 |
Oh, no, thanks, man, |
| 00:32:33 |
I totally respect your lifestyle |
| 00:32:36 |
Your parents probably |
| 00:32:38 |
I'll see you later, Monica. |
| 00:32:41 |
I'll see you later, Thor. |
| 00:32:43 |
Uh, I mean Trent. |
| 00:32:46 |
Whoop, sorry, Goldie. |
| 00:32:51 |
Schrader, where you been? I've |
| 00:32:53 |
What the hell, man? |
| 00:32:55 |
I don't care, man. |
| 00:32:57 |
This is huge for me, |
| 00:32:59 |
You can't be here right now. |
| 00:33:01 |
Remember that time we had to |
| 00:33:03 |
Yeah, and then Lizzie was |
| 00:33:06 |
Where did these people |
| 00:33:07 |
Oh, from the chaos catalog. |
| 00:33:10 |
What is happening? I'll |
| 00:33:11 |
I told you to make the website |
| 00:33:14 |
Hey, you wanted to fool your |
| 00:33:17 |
And, also, it was your idea to put |
| 00:33:20 |
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put it as one click |
| 00:33:24 |
Oh, my... |
| 00:33:27 |
Yeah. |
| 00:33:28 |
They all paid |
| 00:33:30 |
Oh, yeah. |
| 00:33:32 |
I stopped counting |
| 00:33:34 |
That's $74,000,000. |
| 00:33:37 |
It's $1,000,000, Glen. |
| 00:33:39 |
Yeah. In human dollars. |
| 00:33:41 |
Okay, okay, okay. |
| 00:33:43 |
Hey, don't look at me. Ask |
| 00:33:46 |
B? |
| 00:33:48 |
This isn't my deal, man. |
| 00:33:49 |
I told you this was a |
| 00:33:53 |
True. |
| 00:33:55 |
We could have |
| 00:33:58 |
Wow. |
| 00:34:01 |
B, you gotta |
| 00:34:05 |
You are absolutely right, |
| 00:34:07 |
I started this, |
| 00:34:08 |
Thank you. |
| 00:34:16 |
Go. |
| 00:34:24 |
Hey. Hey, Glen! |
| 00:34:28 |
All right. |
| 00:34:34 |
Sorry. Sorry, sorry. |
| 00:34:36 |
Excuse me. I'm sorry, |
| 00:34:39 |
Can I |
| 00:34:40 |
Um, yeah, I'll be taking |
| 00:34:43 |
Just give me one second, |
| 00:34:45 |
Who the hell are you? |
| 00:34:48 |
Ah-ah. Okay. |
| 00:34:50 |
That's a good question. |
| 00:34:51 |
My name's Bartleby. Hello. |
| 00:34:53 |
Um, Gaines, |
| 00:34:56 |
And, um, you know |
| 00:34:58 |
"Acceptance is just |
| 00:35:00 |
Do you remember that? |
| 00:35:01 |
We had intended... |
| 00:35:02 |
We added that because |
| 00:35:06 |
Yeah, okay, what... I'm sorry. |
| 00:35:09 |
When I got accepted here, |
| 00:35:10 |
it was the first time my parents |
| 00:35:27 |
That's cool. |
| 00:35:35 |
Hey, uh, just show of hands, how |
| 00:35:40 |
Everybody. Uh, okay. |
| 00:35:42 |
And how many of you got in to |
| 00:35:53 |
Nobody. |
| 00:35:54 |
Nobody got in anywhere else? |
| 00:35:58 |
And you know what? |
| 00:36:01 |
I didn't get into |
| 00:36:02 |
A really, really good college. |
| 00:36:05 |
I know what it's like |
| 00:36:08 |
Rejection blows. |
| 00:36:10 |
You know what, I'm sorry, you're |
| 00:36:11 |
You didn't have |
| 00:36:13 |
You didn't play enough tennis. |
| 00:36:14 |
You didn't study hard enough for your |
| 00:36:16 |
You know what? Screw that! |
| 00:36:18 |
What's he doing? |
| 00:36:20 |
I think |
| 00:36:21 |
Shouldn't we all have |
| 00:36:23 |
At South Harmon, |
| 00:36:27 |
We say yes to your hopes. |
| 00:36:29 |
We say yes to your dreams. |
| 00:36:31 |
We say yes to your flaws! |
| 00:36:34 |
Grab a room, grab a friend, |
| 00:36:35 |
grab yourself, |
| 00:36:37 |
Welcome to South Harmon |
| 00:36:43 |
Oh, man. |
| 00:36:44 |
And welcome to S.H.I.T.! |
| 00:36:46 |
You! I love you! |
| 00:37:04 |
What are you doing? |
| 00:37:06 |
Do you realize |
| 00:37:08 |
You invited everyone to a |
| 00:37:10 |
I- I just couldn't do it, |
| 00:37:12 |
They got rejected |
| 00:37:14 |
What-What kind of message does that |
| 00:37:17 |
You don't have a college! |
| 00:37:18 |
Hey, hey, hey, |
| 00:37:20 |
Oh, we have a deal |
| 00:37:21 |
You just buy 'em |
| 00:37:22 |
When do we sign up |
| 00:37:23 |
Uh, we extended orientation. |
| 00:37:25 |
Hey, man, where the heck |
| 00:37:27 |
Uh, Glen, uh, 300 pizzas. |
| 00:37:29 |
18 pizza pockets. |
| 00:37:31 |
Hey, who do I give |
| 00:37:34 |
Who? What? |
| 00:37:38 |
I'm done fishing singles |
| 00:37:40 |
I'm a college girl now! |
| 00:37:43 |
Wow. |
| 00:37:44 |
Uh, B, hey, uh, you just |
| 00:37:48 |
Oh, God. Yeah, yeah, okay. |
| 00:37:49 |
Hey, do you guys have |
| 00:37:51 |
Yes, you know what? This is Hands |
| 00:37:53 |
He can help you with anything you |
| 00:37:56 |
Thank you, though, thank you, |
| 00:37:57 |
Uh, you guys, what are we gonna do |
| 00:38:01 |
What? What the... |
| 00:38:08 |
Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, |
| 00:38:11 |
What the hell |
| 00:38:12 |
What do you mean? |
| 00:38:14 |
Yeah, Thorgeous, |
| 00:38:17 |
Who's in charge of room |
| 00:38:20 |
Guys, I'd like you |
| 00:38:22 |
She is the resident S.H.I.T. |
| 00:38:25 |
And she'll be more than happy |
| 00:38:27 |
Okay, uh, I |
| 00:38:30 |
Follow me. |
| 00:38:31 |
Sorry about the wall. |
| 00:38:33 |
Oh, it's fine. |
| 00:38:34 |
It happens all the time. |
| 00:38:35 |
Yeah, well, we actually |
| 00:38:37 |
because you don't know |
| 00:38:39 |
It's fine. It's okay. |
| 00:38:40 |
We'll just relax, get some sleep, |
| 00:38:43 |
It will be totally calm. |
| 00:38:54 |
Ahoy! Scallywags |
| 00:39:03 |
Okay, dude, B, I'm with you |
| 00:39:05 |
But we need a plan, dude. |
| 00:39:08 |
I know. I know. |
| 00:39:13 |
You're gonna need |
| 00:39:16 |
What is... Why are the... |
| 00:39:19 |
Yo! Ah, there's my college man. |
| 00:39:22 |
How you doin', kid? |
| 00:39:23 |
Dad, now is not the-the- |
| 00:39:25 |
Hang on, |
| 00:39:26 |
Can I have this? Come |
| 00:39:28 |
Diane, pick up! |
| 00:39:31 |
Stop yellin' |
| 00:39:32 |
Oh, it feels like ages |
| 00:39:35 |
How's school so far? |
| 00:39:37 |
Oh, it's going great. |
| 00:39:39 |
Hey, someone here |
| 00:39:41 |
The-The-The old guy |
| 00:39:44 |
What the hell |
| 00:39:45 |
Sounded like he said |
| 00:39:47 |
Bartleby, are you |
| 00:39:49 |
Aw, no, no, no. |
| 00:39:51 |
You misunderstood. |
| 00:39:52 |
What took you so long? |
| 00:39:54 |
I've been building |
| 00:39:56 |
Hey, listen, I'm not paying for |
| 00:39:58 |
Tell me what classes |
| 00:40:00 |
Classes? |
| 00:40:01 |
Uh, right. I'm taking... |
| 00:40:05 |
Statistics. |
| 00:40:06 |
And, uh, business |
| 00:40:09 |
and anatomy. |
| 00:40:11 |
Anatomy? |
| 00:40:13 |
Thanks, dude. |
| 00:40:14 |
Bartleby, Bartleby! |
| 00:40:15 |
Yeah! |
| 00:40:20 |
Hey. I always wanted |
| 00:40:23 |
Couldn't get in |
| 00:40:24 |
'cause I was in the military. |
| 00:40:26 |
Oh. |
| 00:40:27 |
I was snooping around, |
| 00:40:29 |
Next thing I know |
| 00:40:31 |
does this whole |
| 00:40:33 |
Now I can't remember anything. |
| 00:40:34 |
So do you have room |
| 00:40:35 |
You know what, we already |
| 00:40:38 |
That's cool, man. |
| 00:40:40 |
It's just I-I got |
| 00:40:42 |
and I can pay you |
| 00:40:44 |
Okay, you're in. |
| 00:40:47 |
Yeah, welcome |
| 00:40:51 |
How's the processing? |
| 00:40:53 |
I just have to figure |
| 00:41:01 |
Here at Harmon College, |
| 00:41:04 |
time-tested curriculum carefully |
| 00:41:08 |
So, Mr. Gaines, you're |
| 00:41:12 |
I don't know |
| 00:41:13 |
My life is kind of, like, |
| 00:41:15 |
But I just kind of |
| 00:41:16 |
what all this |
| 00:41:18 |
Sorry. |
| 00:41:19 |
A |
| 00:41:22 |
The college that you're... Oh, |
| 00:41:25 |
Pardon me? |
| 00:41:26 |
I'd like to look around, if |
| 00:41:29 |
If that's what |
| 00:41:30 |
Thank you. It was- It was, |
| 00:41:33 |
Oh, shit. Sorry. |
| 00:41:34 |
That's all right. No. You know |
| 00:41:37 |
Leave it, |
| 00:41:39 |
And go on and take |
| 00:41:42 |
A single rate of income tax |
| 00:41:45 |
allowances and exemptions |
| 00:41:47 |
as well as |
| 00:41:49 |
through use of |
| 00:41:51 |
which theoretically |
| 00:41:53 |
an economic boom. |
| 00:41:54 |
Now if you would refer |
| 00:42:01 |
So theoretically |
| 00:42:03 |
This guy's pretty boring. |
| 00:42:04 |
Don't talk to me, man! Right, |
| 00:42:06 |
And my whole life is riding |
| 00:42:09 |
# Sunday morning |
| 00:42:13 |
This guy's... |
| 00:42:14 |
What? |
| 00:42:15 |
Earnings Before Interest, |
| 00:42:18 |
# Where do I start? |
| 00:42:21 |
Good afternoon, students, |
| 00:42:23 |
and welcome, everyone |
| 00:42:25 |
What the- What is this? |
| 00:42:26 |
We'll begin today's lecture... |
| 00:42:35 |
Okay, great, yeah. I'll see |
| 00:42:37 |
And I'll bring my notes. |
| 00:42:39 |
Bye, Monica. |
| 00:42:46 |
Monica. Hey. |
| 00:42:49 |
Bartleby. Hey, what, are you |
| 00:42:52 |
Stalking's an ugly word. |
| 00:42:53 |
I like to think of it more |
| 00:42:56 |
I'm thinking about going here, |
| 00:42:58 |
Really? Yeah. Do you |
| 00:43:00 |
Yeah. I mean, well, |
| 00:43:02 |
that I don't |
| 00:43:04 |
There was this one, though, |
| 00:43:06 |
But, um, I ended up not being |
| 00:43:08 |
What was that one |
| 00:43:10 |
Uh, ph-photography. It's... |
| 00:43:14 |
Yeah. |
| 00:43:15 |
Well, see, there's this, |
| 00:43:18 |
but they said it's only |
| 00:43:20 |
And then there's this |
| 00:43:22 |
but they said |
| 00:43:23 |
So my advisor said it would be best |
| 00:43:27 |
because certain |
| 00:43:29 |
don't apply |
| 00:43:31 |
Wow, that makes, |
| 00:43:33 |
I know. |
| 00:43:36 |
I gotta go, I'm gonna be late for |
| 00:43:38 |
It was good seeing you. Bye. |
| 00:43:42 |
Hey, uh... |
| 00:43:49 |
I'm |
| 00:43:51 |
What were you expecting? A |
| 00:43:54 |
American education |
| 00:43:56 |
You know why? |
| 00:43:58 |
Because people forget |
| 00:44:01 |
College is |
| 00:44:04 |
A service industry? |
| 00:44:05 |
As in "serve us," as opposed |
| 00:44:09 |
Look, you see |
| 00:44:11 |
They all paid |
| 00:44:13 |
Right. They all paid for an experience. |
| 00:44:14 |
What kind of experience? |
| 00:44:16 |
The hell if I know. |
| 00:44:19 |
Well, maybe |
| 00:44:21 |
Welcome to the conversation. |
| 00:44:23 |
What do I want to learn? |
| 00:44:26 |
Why are you asking me? |
| 00:44:27 |
Well, I'm asking you, Glen, |
| 00:44:29 |
that no one's ever really |
| 00:44:31 |
Well, I like pancakes and |
| 00:44:35 |
Okay, you know what, let's appropriate |
| 00:44:37 |
to learning more |
| 00:44:39 |
Huh? |
| 00:44:40 |
All right. |
| 00:44:41 |
Rory. What about you? |
| 00:44:43 |
Ever since nursery school, |
| 00:44:45 |
of every single day |
| 00:44:47 |
So what do I want to do? |
| 00:44:50 |
Nothing. |
| 00:44:51 |
Cheap, zen, beautiful. I like |
| 00:44:54 |
Summer camp I made a paperweight |
| 00:44:57 |
coveted woodcarving award |
| 00:45:00 |
ran a 4.6 forty and it's |
| 00:45:02 |
Mmm. Woodcarving, sculpting. |
| 00:45:05 |
Well, there may be |
| 00:45:06 |
You can think about that, and |
| 00:45:09 |
Schrader, what about you? Well, |
| 00:45:12 |
'Cause since |
| 00:45:13 |
I'm gonna learn how to carve |
| 00:45:16 |
Okay, ha-ha. I'll tell you |
| 00:45:18 |
All our lives we've |
| 00:45:20 |
Well, today the tide |
| 00:45:22 |
Because today |
| 00:45:24 |
What do I want to learn? |
| 00:45:26 |
What am I interested |
| 00:45:27 |
Huh? |
| 00:45:28 |
W- What? |
| 00:45:30 |
That's a good question. |
| 00:45:32 |
I thought you were |
| 00:45:34 |
Please come again! |
| 00:45:35 |
I want to meet girls. |
| 00:45:37 |
Girls. |
| 00:45:38 |
Some girls! |
| 00:45:41 |
I wanna rock! |
| 00:45:43 |
You know, and roll. |
| 00:45:44 |
Well, as you can probably |
| 00:45:46 |
is that I really want to learn |
| 00:45:48 |
More speed. |
| 00:45:50 |
Maybe something |
| 00:45:52 |
Putting them on, |
| 00:45:53 |
I'm really good at that part. |
| 00:45:56 |
I want to learn how to |
| 00:46:00 |
Okay. Well, write it on the board. |
| 00:46:05 |
Go ahead. |
| 00:46:09 |
Okay, thanks. Okay. |
| 00:46:14 |
All right. |
| 00:46:16 |
Pleasure doing business |
| 00:46:18 |
Yeah, buddy. |
| 00:46:26 |
Taxes? I'll tell you |
| 00:46:28 |
If you're rich, |
| 00:46:30 |
every buck you make |
| 00:46:35 |
Kiki Dee. |
| 00:46:38 |
New school colors and logo. |
| 00:46:40 |
Really? |
| 00:46:41 |
I won't screw it up, |
| 00:46:45 |
#... war today |
| 00:46:48 |
# I beg to dream and differ |
| 00:46:51 |
# From the hollow lies |
| 00:46:54 |
# This is the dawning |
| 00:46:56 |
# Of the rest of our lives |
| 00:47:01 |
# On holiday |
| 00:47:07 |
# Hear the drum |
| 00:47:10 |
What are you? |
| 00:47:11 |
# Another protester |
| 00:47:14 |
# Hey! |
| 00:47:15 |
# To find the money's |
| 00:47:19 |
# On holiday |
| 00:47:26 |
# Hey! |
| 00:47:27 |
# I beg to dream and differ |
| 00:47:34 |
# This is the dawning |
| 00:47:35 |
# Of the rest of our lives |
| 00:47:40 |
# On holiday |
| 00:47:42 |
Health insurance, my ass. |
| 00:47:45 |
You get sick on a Friday, they only |
| 00:47:49 |
You go to Dr. A, |
| 00:47:52 |
You break your penis, |
| 00:47:55 |
You mind if I join you? |
| 00:48:01 |
Ah, cool. Awesome. |
| 00:48:04 |
I'll see you guys later. |
| 00:48:06 |
That's pretty, uh... |
| 00:48:08 |
I know, right? |
| 00:48:09 |
That's African |
| 00:48:12 |
It's beautiful. |
| 00:48:14 |
# Sieg Heil |
| 00:48:17 |
The wood speaks to me. |
| 00:48:18 |
The wood speaks to you? |
| 00:48:21 |
# Pulverize the Eiffel towers |
| 00:48:24 |
# Who criticize |
| 00:48:26 |
Ladies and gentlemen, |
| 00:48:31 |
# Is not a way |
| 00:48:34 |
#Just cause |
| 00:48:36 |
Thank you. |
| 00:48:37 |
#Just cause # |
| 00:48:38 |
What is learning? |
| 00:48:40 |
It's opening yourself up to this great |
| 00:48:45 |
And what's the worst thing that |
| 00:48:49 |
Well, let me tell you, my |
| 00:48:52 |
but I can still sit down! |
| 00:48:59 |
I can't believe |
| 00:49:00 |
Yeah. |
| 00:49:11 |
Look what I did. |
| 00:49:13 |
Ugh. What are those? |
| 00:49:15 |
I call 'em GlenWads. |
| 00:49:16 |
They contain every delicious flavor |
| 00:49:19 |
I'm not gonna lie to you. |
| 00:49:21 |
This shit will get you high |
| 00:49:23 |
Glen, I love |
| 00:49:26 |
Glen. |
| 00:49:27 |
This is like the most... Literally the |
| 00:49:31 |
Heads up, bro. |
| 00:49:33 |
Whoa. |
| 00:49:34 |
And it's so easy to |
| 00:49:38 |
Uh, excuse me. Thanks, buddy. |
| 00:49:41 |
Hey, how's it going? |
| 00:49:42 |
Can I help you with something? |
| 00:49:44 |
Aren't you that guy? |
| 00:49:46 |
No, I don't think so. |
| 00:49:48 |
You're not? |
| 00:49:50 |
I saw you at rush. |
| 00:49:52 |
I'm eating a Wad, man. |
| 00:49:55 |
Wait-wait, let me guess. |
| 00:49:56 |
You want me |
| 00:49:58 |
banning minorities |
| 00:50:01 |
I am the chairman, |
| 00:50:03 |
of the Student Community Outreach |
| 00:50:05 |
Ah! That was my next guess. |
| 00:50:07 |
That sounds very important. |
| 00:50:09 |
As a matter of fact, it is! |
| 00:50:11 |
And Harmon wants |
| 00:50:12 |
so do you know where I |
| 00:50:15 |
I do. |
| 00:50:20 |
Well, could you tell me? |
| 00:50:22 |
Oh, yeah, I could. |
| 00:50:24 |
Okay, well, |
| 00:50:26 |
No. I'm not gonna tell you. |
| 00:50:28 |
The lease holder's not interested |
| 00:50:30 |
So thanks for asking, |
| 00:50:32 |
And enjoy the game show |
| 00:50:35 |
Oh, look out. |
| 00:50:36 |
Open it. |
| 00:50:38 |
Ah. Thank you for coming by. |
| 00:50:40 |
Have a good day. |
| 00:50:45 |
Hey! What the hell |
| 00:50:48 |
South Harmon Institute of |
| 00:51:03 |
Is this a test? |
| 00:51:09 |
Hey, Sperminator. |
| 00:51:16 |
South Harmon? |
| 00:51:17 |
Knock, knock. |
| 00:51:19 |
Oh, hey, Gwynn. |
| 00:51:21 |
Hey. Hey, what are you doing |
| 00:51:23 |
You know, you're |
| 00:51:25 |
Hey, have you ever heard of the |
| 00:51:29 |
No. How come? |
| 00:51:31 |
No reason. |
| 00:51:32 |
Hey, pledge. |
| 00:51:35 |
Hello, knights of freedom. |
| 00:51:37 |
Sperman, do you know |
| 00:51:40 |
Because it's required |
| 00:51:42 |
Drink this. |
| 00:51:44 |
No, wait. |
| 00:51:49 |
There you go. |
| 00:51:51 |
Good addition, sir. |
| 00:52:03 |
Hey, Hoyt. |
| 00:52:07 |
Oh-oh. Hoyt. |
| 00:52:10 |
Monica. Hold on. Shit! |
| 00:52:18 |
Harmon Gateway, my ass. |
| 00:52:21 |
That's the kind of group-think mob |
| 00:52:25 |
and flushing your brains |
| 00:52:27 |
B! We have a problem. |
| 00:52:33 |
Virgin daiquiri. |
| 00:52:34 |
And easy on the lime there, |
| 00:52:37 |
Comin' right up. |
| 00:52:38 |
Lizzie. |
| 00:52:40 |
You mean I can't swing by and |
| 00:52:44 |
You are in college, |
| 00:52:47 |
What is that |
| 00:52:48 |
Come on, Bartleby. |
| 00:52:50 |
I'm telling Mom and Dad. |
| 00:52:52 |
Uh, listen, |
| 00:52:54 |
$20,000. |
| 00:52:55 |
What? No way! |
| 00:52:58 |
I'm not gonna |
| 00:52:59 |
I'm not gonna |
| 00:53:00 |
How do you like that? How |
| 00:53:03 |
Fortunately, Mom and Dad |
| 00:53:05 |
Oh. I'll ask them to pick me up here. |
| 00:53:07 |
Okay, you're gonna call |
| 00:53:09 |
You are bluffing |
| 00:53:10 |
You're very good, though. |
| 00:53:12 |
Hi, Mom. |
| 00:53:13 |
Anything you want, |
| 00:53:15 |
Your Razor scooter. |
| 00:53:16 |
And a fake ID. |
| 00:53:18 |
I'm not gonna let you drink. |
| 00:53:19 |
It's so I can vote, dumbass. |
| 00:53:22 |
Oh. Okay, deal. |
| 00:53:26 |
You need a Razor scooter |
| 00:53:30 |
What do you mean, |
| 00:53:31 |
They're called the South |
| 00:53:33 |
The South Harmon |
| 00:53:35 |
What is this, |
| 00:53:37 |
No, I don't think it is, sir. |
| 00:53:39 |
Mr. Ambrose, |
| 00:53:41 |
standing between me |
| 00:53:43 |
Well, I don't know |
| 00:53:45 |
Tell me that |
| 00:53:46 |
Colleges don't just spring up |
| 00:53:49 |
You're right. |
| 00:53:51 |
I know I'm right! |
| 00:53:53 |
All right, don't worry. I'll |
| 00:53:55 |
What an excellent idea, |
| 00:53:58 |
That's the kind of thinking that |
| 00:54:28 |
Coming through! |
| 00:54:30 |
Ow! |
| 00:54:45 |
Hey, what are you |
| 00:54:46 |
I just came to thank you |
| 00:54:49 |
It was so sweet, thank you. |
| 00:54:51 |
Come on. Please, I figured, who |
| 00:54:54 |
Actually, I had a really |
| 00:54:56 |
You-You guys aren't listed |
| 00:54:58 |
and nobody really seems |
| 00:55:00 |
Yeah, yeah, we're- we're |
| 00:55:02 |
Well, let me |
| 00:55:04 |
Sure. Really? |
| 00:55:06 |
Yeah, of course. |
| 00:55:07 |
Great. |
| 00:55:08 |
Let's, let's go. |
| 00:55:11 |
Two lava flows. |
| 00:55:13 |
And keep your voice down. |
| 00:55:14 |
Okay. Thanks, buddy. Mmm. |
| 00:55:17 |
He makes a mean drink. |
| 00:55:19 |
All right. Hello. |
| 00:55:20 |
How do you like your drink? |
| 00:55:22 |
Yeah, it's really good, Glen. |
| 00:55:24 |
Does she like hers? |
| 00:55:25 |
Uh, yeah. |
| 00:55:26 |
Yeah, it's great. |
| 00:55:28 |
Okay, great, thanks. |
| 00:55:29 |
Ah, Glen. |
| 00:55:31 |
Wait. So this is |
| 00:55:32 |
Yeah, this is |
| 00:55:34 |
See, the administration wanted |
| 00:55:36 |
so we just, uh, |
| 00:55:38 |
Really? |
| 00:55:39 |
Wow, that's so cool, B. |
| 00:55:40 |
Hey, why don't you |
| 00:55:42 |
Come on. Sign up for one. |
| 00:55:43 |
It- It's painless. I insist. |
| 00:55:45 |
Even if you don't sign up for |
| 00:55:47 |
Okay. |
| 00:55:48 |
Just stop me when you see |
| 00:55:50 |
Okay. Oh, I like this one. |
| 00:55:53 |
Give me a pen. |
| 00:55:55 |
B, there can't honestly be a |
| 00:55:58 |
What about "The Decline |
| 00:56:01 |
There's a wait list |
| 00:56:08 |
What? |
| 00:56:10 |
Are-Are you okay? |
| 00:56:11 |
What? |
| 00:56:13 |
What the hell happened? |
| 00:56:14 |
An explosion of flavor! |
| 00:56:16 |
I'm working with some |
| 00:56:19 |
Wait, wait, wait. |
| 00:56:21 |
that there are no tests, |
| 00:56:24 |
or required reading, |
| 00:56:27 |
That's what I'm sayin'. Wow. Ever? |
| 00:56:29 |
Yeah. Never ever. |
| 00:56:30 |
Ask me about my wiener! |
| 00:56:32 |
Yeah, it's pretty cool. |
| 00:56:34 |
Oh, no. |
| 00:56:35 |
Ask me about my wiener! |
| 00:56:39 |
What the... |
| 00:56:40 |
Ask me about my wiener! |
| 00:56:45 |
Schrader? |
| 00:56:46 |
Oh, hey, B. Hi. |
| 00:56:48 |
And Monica. |
| 00:56:49 |
Hey. Why-Why are you wearing this? |
| 00:56:51 |
Every single brother in my |
| 00:56:54 |
President James Garfield wore |
| 00:56:57 |
Oh, yeah, |
| 00:56:58 |
He got assassinated |
| 00:57:00 |
Don't ask me |
| 00:57:02 |
Do me a favor, ask me about |
| 00:57:04 |
Schrader, no. |
| 00:57:06 |
Guys, my brothers could |
| 00:57:08 |
Just ask me |
| 00:57:10 |
Why are you doing |
| 00:57:12 |
Come on. You're... |
| 00:57:14 |
You're humiliating |
| 00:57:16 |
You know what, B. |
| 00:57:18 |
These are the happiest times |
| 00:57:20 |
Schrader. I'm so |
| 00:57:23 |
I'm happy! |
| 00:57:25 |
Hey! Ask me about my wiener! |
| 00:57:28 |
S.H.I.T. Rag. |
| 00:57:31 |
Here you go, B. |
| 00:57:32 |
The S.H.I.T. Rag? |
| 00:57:34 |
Yeah, come on, every |
| 00:57:35 |
There's a great op-ed piece in there |
| 00:57:38 |
It's really provocative. |
| 00:57:39 |
As your de facto consigliere my advice |
| 00:57:43 |
And my advice to you |
| 00:57:45 |
before you |
| 00:57:46 |
Yes, but you can't |
| 00:57:48 |
To be a real college, |
| 00:57:49 |
you have to go through the |
| 00:57:51 |
You need to be accredited. |
| 00:57:52 |
Well, yeah, |
| 00:57:54 |
Hey, B. |
| 00:57:57 |
Who's that? |
| 00:57:58 |
That's, uh, the mascot. |
| 00:58:00 |
Oh, it's the mascot? |
| 00:58:01 |
A sandwich? |
| 00:58:02 |
You're the S.H.I.T. |
| 00:58:05 |
You are taking this |
| 00:58:07 |
How so? |
| 00:58:09 |
Maybe it's the pool, |
| 00:58:12 |
That's not in the budget. I'm |
| 00:58:14 |
Those are South Harmon |
| 00:58:16 |
Yes, but you're overlooking |
| 00:58:18 |
noise permits, |
| 00:58:20 |
Come on. Insurance? |
| 00:58:31 |
Oh, shit. |
| 00:58:36 |
Wow. |
| 00:58:37 |
Yeah! |
| 00:58:39 |
Aw, shit. |
| 00:58:41 |
We gotta do it again, dudes. |
| 00:58:44 |
No, you didn't! |
| 00:58:47 |
You know what? You're absolutely |
| 00:58:50 |
And I think we need to do |
| 00:58:53 |
Thank you. |
| 00:59:05 |
# Twenty miles from nowhere |
| 00:59:08 |
# But you're keeping |
| 00:59:10 |
# Well, I'm alive |
| 00:59:12 |
# But you're keeping |
| 00:59:14 |
Is this great |
| 00:59:15 |
It's pretty cool, man, |
| 00:59:17 |
The Roaring '20s is B.K.E's |
| 00:59:20 |
And we're recreating the |
| 00:59:22 |
where Roy, |
| 00:59:25 |
crushes my skull |
| 00:59:26 |
Wow, what an |
| 00:59:28 |
Could you sign a copy |
| 00:59:31 |
I got it on eBay. |
| 00:59:33 |
You wrote a book? |
| 00:59:35 |
But that was back |
| 00:59:37 |
Come on, Glen, you can't |
| 00:59:40 |
Which one of us |
| 00:59:44 |
# You're keeping your head up |
| 00:59:46 |
# You're keeping your head |
| 00:59:56 |
Quiet, quiet, quiet! |
| 00:59:59 |
Ladies and gentlemen, let's give |
| 01:00:02 |
Bartleby Gaines. |
| 01:00:04 |
Aw, man. |
| 01:00:06 |
Thanks. Thank you. |
| 01:00:07 |
Come on up! |
| 01:00:09 |
Go. Go up there right now. |
| 01:00:15 |
How you doin'? |
| 01:00:28 |
#Hey, ho, let's go |
| 01:00:31 |
# Hey, ho, let's go |
| 01:00:39 |
# They're forming |
| 01:00:41 |
# They're going through |
| 01:00:44 |
# The kids are losing |
| 01:00:46 |
# Blitzkrieg bop! |
| 01:00:51 |
I'm going |
| 01:00:54 |
Shut up. |
| 01:00:55 |
Look, where the hell |
| 01:00:57 |
You! Hey. |
| 01:00:58 |
Hey. |
| 01:01:00 |
Aw, God, look, |
| 01:01:03 |
This is the biggest |
| 01:01:07 |
Band, hey! |
| 01:01:08 |
Ah, you want to start |
| 01:01:12 |
Hey. |
| 01:01:13 |
There's, like, some big party |
| 01:01:17 |
Oh, that son of a... |
| 01:01:19 |
# Hey, ho, let's go |
| 01:01:24 |
# Hey, ho, let's go # |
| 01:01:38 |
Hey! B, oh, my gosh, that was fantastic. |
| 01:01:41 |
Aw, my God, you saw that. |
| 01:01:42 |
I don't know |
| 01:01:44 |
Someone possessed me, and |
| 01:01:47 |
B, is there anything that |
| 01:01:50 |
Yeah, it's funny |
| 01:01:51 |
There are very few things |
| 01:01:53 |
Off the top of my head I can think |
| 01:01:56 |
not crying at |
| 01:01:57 |
It gets me. |
| 01:02:00 |
Which is good, because you |
| 01:02:02 |
for any |
| 01:02:04 |
Well, let's see if we can |
| 01:02:07 |
Let's see. |
| 01:02:10 |
This is my... Oh! |
| 01:02:12 |
I'm okay, I'm okay. I keep |
| 01:02:14 |
It happens all the time, |
| 01:02:16 |
Oh, no. |
| 01:02:17 |
And this is |
| 01:02:19 |
Mi casa. |
| 01:02:21 |
Bartleby, uh, oh, my God, |
| 01:02:25 |
Huh? It's fine. |
| 01:02:26 |
I mean, I like it 'cause |
| 01:02:29 |
Provides a good safe workspace |
| 01:02:35 |
B, this is so cheesy, |
| 01:02:40 |
There is nothing cheesy |
| 01:02:44 |
Maybe it's a little bit much. |
| 01:02:45 |
I've wanted one |
| 01:02:47 |
Wait, is everybody's room at |
| 01:02:50 |
Well, at South Harmon |
| 01:02:51 |
to kind of design |
| 01:02:52 |
Whatever you're thinking, |
| 01:02:54 |
And I was thinking |
| 01:02:56 |
How about that drink? |
| 01:02:58 |
I would love a drink. |
| 01:03:02 |
Ah, touche. |
| 01:03:06 |
# Hey, hey, hey |
| 01:03:08 |
# Don't you forget about me |
| 01:03:12 |
# Tell me |
| 01:03:14 |
# Give me everything |
| 01:03:16 |
# Love's strange |
| 01:03:18 |
# Type of thing |
| 01:03:21 |
# Slow change |
| 01:03:23 |
This party's |
| 01:03:24 |
Hey, hey, hey, shut up! |
| 01:03:25 |
All right. |
| 01:03:27 |
Co-Come on, Bartleby, |
| 01:03:30 |
Yeah, exactly, |
| 01:03:32 |
Well, I will have you know... Oh, now, |
| 01:03:34 |
now I can't go back to your |
| 01:03:37 |
That Christina Aguilera look did |
| 01:03:40 |
Yeah, you did great, |
| 01:03:41 |
I remember you making out with Pete |
| 01:03:43 |
You were at that party? |
| 01:03:44 |
Oh, even if I wasn't there, |
| 01:03:46 |
It made headline news |
| 01:03:48 |
And-And-And that day |
| 01:03:50 |
that I never thought |
| 01:03:52 |
I became envious of Pete |
| 01:03:55 |
Never thought |
| 01:03:57 |
But I was like, "He got to |
| 01:03:59 |
Well, if you wanted to kiss me so |
| 01:04:02 |
Well, 'cause the Gooch |
| 01:04:04 |
and I was a little shy, |
| 01:04:07 |
Well, you want to |
| 01:04:21 |
You look like Carly Simon! |
| 01:04:23 |
If I could bang one woman in |
| 01:04:26 |
and you look like her! |
| 01:04:28 |
Are you having fun? |
| 01:04:31 |
I'm having so much fun. |
| 01:04:32 |
Let's go find him. |
| 01:04:39 |
Oh, shit, oh, shit, |
| 01:04:45 |
Sorry. One sec. |
| 01:04:50 |
Oh, shit. |
| 01:04:54 |
Come, come with me. |
| 01:04:57 |
#... into your heart |
| 01:04:59 |
# Baby, baby, baby |
| 01:05:03 |
Hey, have you |
| 01:05:06 |
Excuse me. |
| 01:05:09 |
Shit. |
| 01:05:11 |
Monica? |
| 01:05:13 |
Oh, you know, just picking up |
| 01:05:17 |
You're telling me that |
| 01:05:19 |
Actually, Hoyt, um, |
| 01:05:22 |
I'm telling you |
| 01:05:26 |
It's none of my business? Yeah. |
| 01:05:27 |
Oh, snap! |
| 01:05:30 |
Hey, Hoyt, let me introduce |
| 01:05:32 |
The word "rejection. " |
| 01:05:35 |
But you don't have |
| 01:05:37 |
So you're not gonna like her. Ooh. |
| 01:05:39 |
You want me to give you |
| 01:05:41 |
You mean something funnier |
| 01:05:43 |
Battle Royale! |
| 01:05:48 |
Uh, shit. |
| 01:05:51 |
All right, come on, guys. |
| 01:05:54 |
Wow, Monica, you really know |
| 01:05:57 |
Have fun with these idiots! |
| 01:05:58 |
Bye-bye. |
| 01:05:59 |
Thank you for comin'. |
| 01:06:01 |
Guys, let's get |
| 01:06:05 |
# Hey, hey, hey, hey |
| 01:06:08 |
# Don't you forget about me |
| 01:06:12 |
# I'll be alone |
| 01:06:14 |
# Dancing and you know it baby |
| 01:06:17 |
# Don't you... |
| 01:06:29 |
Wet T-shirt party! |
| 01:06:35 |
# Don't you forget about me |
| 01:06:39 |
# Tell me |
| 01:06:41 |
# Giving me everything |
| 01:06:44 |
# Love's strange |
| 01:06:49 |
Mom? Dad? |
| 01:06:56 |
Gwynn. |
| 01:06:58 |
What are you doing here? |
| 01:07:00 |
I'm your escort. |
| 01:07:01 |
Induction night, |
| 01:07:04 |
B.K.E., B.K.E., brotherhood, |
| 01:07:07 |
B.K.E., B.K.E. brotherhood, |
| 01:07:11 |
Sherman Schrader, you rock! |
| 01:07:12 |
Aw, no! You guys rock! |
| 01:07:14 |
Get ready to be inducted into |
| 01:07:17 |
Yes! I want it! I want |
| 01:07:20 |
I want lilac shirts! |
| 01:07:22 |
kind of tilted to the side, |
| 01:07:26 |
I want to have sex with girls |
| 01:07:28 |
You rock! |
| 01:07:30 |
You do, yeah, you do. |
| 01:07:33 |
Do I get hair gel now, or do |
| 01:07:36 |
Did you crack him? |
| 01:07:37 |
No. |
| 01:07:39 |
We'll crack him. |
| 01:07:42 |
Sherman, do you know how long |
| 01:07:45 |
Yes, sir. |
| 01:07:47 |
153 majestic years, sir. |
| 01:07:49 |
That is correct. Because it's |
| 01:07:52 |
that brothers can share. |
| 01:07:55 |
Trust. |
| 01:07:58 |
And seriously, bro, I'm- |
| 01:08:00 |
whether or not |
| 01:08:01 |
'Cause we know you been hanging out |
| 01:08:04 |
So with your allegiance |
| 01:08:06 |
I just wanted |
| 01:08:10 |
Paddle. |
| 01:08:11 |
That's actually not a question. Shut up! |
| 01:08:14 |
Are you with them |
| 01:08:18 |
or are you with us? |
| 01:08:36 |
Decent party. |
| 01:08:37 |
# Heartbeat |
| 01:08:40 |
# Heartbeat |
| 01:08:42 |
Okay, I'll give you decent. |
| 01:08:49 |
# Don't bother |
| 01:08:51 |
# Or your mask |
| 01:08:52 |
# We won't need them |
| 01:08:55 |
Hey, where is Schrader? |
| 01:08:58 |
I don't know. I haven't |
| 01:09:00 |
I hope he's not sick. |
| 01:09:01 |
Okay. Quick, quick, quick, |
| 01:09:03 |
Hey, "quick, quick, quick," |
| 01:09:05 |
No. |
| 01:09:06 |
Yes, yes, yes. Come over here. Okay. |
| 01:09:10 |
Gotta up |
| 01:09:13 |
Okay. Get ready and now. |
| 01:09:16 |
Cheers! |
| 01:09:19 |
Schrader. |
| 01:09:22 |
Schrader, come on, open up. |
| 01:09:24 |
What are you... |
| 01:09:27 |
What the hell happened to you? |
| 01:09:31 |
Nothing. Just a little ritual |
| 01:09:34 |
What? |
| 01:09:36 |
They kicked my ass, until I |
| 01:09:40 |
Oh, shit. |
| 01:09:41 |
They took my laptop, |
| 01:09:45 |
Shit. Man, I'm sorry. |
| 01:09:47 |
All I ever wanted was a |
| 01:09:50 |
But not me, right? |
| 01:09:52 |
Not me! |
| 01:09:53 |
'Cause I'm too busy getting |
| 01:09:55 |
and being an accomplice |
| 01:09:57 |
Does the run-of-the-mill |
| 01:09:58 |
include stripping you |
| 01:10:00 |
Totally humiliating you, making you |
| 01:10:03 |
It's a tradition. |
| 01:10:05 |
Yes. I got a tradition for you. |
| 01:10:06 |
Schrader, you've been my best |
| 01:10:10 |
That's the only tradition |
| 01:10:21 |
I just messed up. |
| 01:10:24 |
How? What happened? |
| 01:10:26 |
With Schrader. |
| 01:10:27 |
I know Bartleby |
| 01:10:29 |
Oh, my God. |
| 01:10:30 |
What is it? Cops? |
| 01:10:31 |
Worse. Parents. |
| 01:10:35 |
Mom! Dad! Great! |
| 01:10:38 |
Hey, guys. |
| 01:10:39 |
Bartleby! Hiya, kid! |
| 01:10:41 |
Hey, oh, it's so good |
| 01:10:43 |
Oh, it's great to see |
| 01:10:46 |
There's five good ones right |
| 01:10:48 |
Hey, hey, Dad. |
| 01:10:50 |
Wha- What-What-What |
| 01:10:53 |
Well, Parents' Day. |
| 01:10:54 |
What a wonderful idea on the |
| 01:10:56 |
Yeah. |
| 01:10:58 |
Parents' Day. |
| 01:11:00 |
Hello, everyone. |
| 01:11:03 |
And, uh, we're very glad |
| 01:11:05 |
Um, we have a wonderful |
| 01:11:08 |
a- around the grounds |
| 01:11:10 |
Show you what we've |
| 01:11:12 |
So, welcome one and |
| 01:11:13 |
May I have |
| 01:11:15 |
Oh, shit. |
| 01:11:16 |
I knew I smelled bacon. |
| 01:11:18 |
My name is Richard Van Horne. |
| 01:11:19 |
Oh, Van Horne, yes. |
| 01:11:20 |
The-The dean of Harmon |
| 01:11:23 |
Give him a round of applause. |
| 01:11:25 |
Thank you for comin' by. |
| 01:11:27 |
They are our |
| 01:11:29 |
and we are honored |
| 01:11:31 |
Thank you for that nice introduction, |
| 01:11:35 |
Ladies and gentlemen, |
| 01:11:37 |
South Harmon |
| 01:11:39 |
is not the sister school |
| 01:11:42 |
or of anything else, |
| 01:11:43 |
More like cousins. |
| 01:11:45 |
It is not accredited. |
| 01:11:48 |
Nor is it truly |
| 01:11:53 |
Is this true, Bartleby? |
| 01:11:56 |
It is a sham, a fraud, |
| 01:11:59 |
that undermines the efforts |
| 01:12:01 |
and I invite you |
| 01:12:03 |
with the State Board |
| 01:12:05 |
To all those students |
| 01:12:08 |
good luck applying |
| 01:12:10 |
And to Mr. Gaines I say you will |
| 01:12:18 |
Wow, Parents' Day. Man, I wish |
| 01:12:22 |
Oh, that's right, I did. |
| 01:12:24 |
Oh, and by the way, |
| 01:12:25 |
if you, uh, if you see |
| 01:12:27 |
will you tell him that his |
| 01:12:29 |
when he's found |
| 01:12:31 |
Cool. Thanks, D. |
| 01:12:32 |
Er, was it G? |
| 01:12:34 |
That's right, it's F. |
| 01:12:39 |
Guys, I can explain. |
| 01:12:41 |
You have done some stupid |
| 01:12:45 |
but this... |
| 01:12:47 |
You get your stuff together. |
| 01:12:50 |
This is unconscionable. |
| 01:12:54 |
Ridiculous. |
| 01:12:57 |
Hey. |
| 01:13:01 |
So, |
| 01:13:04 |
none of this was real? |
| 01:13:06 |
That's not true. |
| 01:13:09 |
Wait, Monica. Monica, wait. |
| 01:13:11 |
Monica. |
| 01:13:16 |
Sorry, man. |
| 01:13:18 |
It's cool. We tried. |
| 01:13:24 |
# Let the drummer kick |
| 01:13:26 |
# Let the drummer kick |
| 01:13:29 |
# Let the drummer kick |
| 01:13:34 |
# Let the drummer kick |
| 01:13:37 |
# Let the drummer kick |
| 01:13:41 |
# Let the drummer kick |
| 01:13:43 |
# Let the drummer kick |
| 01:13:52 |
# Let the drummer kick |
| 01:13:54 |
# Relations |
| 01:13:56 |
# Creation |
| 01:13:59 |
# Incarceration |
| 01:14:02 |
# Determination |
| 01:14:05 |
# Equation |
| 01:14:07 |
# Humiliation |
| 01:14:10 |
# Reincarnation |
| 01:14:13 |
# Situation |
| 01:14:16 |
# Elation |
| 01:14:19 |
# Identification |
| 01:14:21 |
# Retaliation |
| 01:14:24 |
# Education |
| 01:14:27 |
# Inspiration |
| 01:14:30 |
# No substitution |
| 01:14:33 |
# Solution |
| 01:14:36 |
# Conclusion |
| 01:14:39 |
# Let the drummer kick |
| 01:14:46 |
# Let the drummer kick |
| 01:14:48 |
# Relations |
| 01:14:50 |
# Identification |
| 01:14:52 |
# Retaliation |
| 01:14:56 |
# Education |
| 01:15:00 |
# Let the drummer kick |
| 01:15:05 |
# Let the drummer kick |
| 01:15:08 |
# Let the drummer kick |
| 01:15:13 |
Have you completely |
| 01:15:15 |
Guys, the state defines |
| 01:15:18 |
with a shared common purpose |
| 01:15:20 |
Well that's us, isn't it? |
| 01:15:21 |
I mean, you know, with the word |
| 01:15:24 |
Uh, yeah. |
| 01:15:27 |
No, no. Listen, |
| 01:15:28 |
is go before |
| 01:15:30 |
with a licensed administrator, |
| 01:15:32 |
B, look, let's just cut |
| 01:15:35 |
What are we |
| 01:15:37 |
We're talking about |
| 01:15:38 |
I mean, |
| 01:15:40 |
is what's gonna |
| 01:15:42 |
then let's go for it. |
| 01:15:44 |
'Cause you gotta remember, it's |
| 01:15:46 |
It's about everyone |
| 01:15:50 |
Ah, great speech. |
| 01:15:52 |
I was inspired, |
| 01:15:54 |
Thanks a lot, |
| 01:15:56 |
What are you doing here? |
| 01:15:57 |
Aw, I don't know. I had- |
| 01:16:00 |
Some sage. Eggplant. |
| 01:16:05 |
Wait a minute. |
| 01:16:06 |
Come on! |
| 01:16:07 |
You're the one that applied |
| 01:16:10 |
Well, someone had |
| 01:16:12 |
We all can't live |
| 01:16:14 |
I disagree. |
| 01:16:16 |
You said you didn't wanna |
| 01:16:18 |
I didn't want to have |
| 01:16:20 |
I wanted to be the fourth generation |
| 01:16:23 |
But then I realized, |
| 01:16:24 |
I would much rather be the |
| 01:16:27 |
to go to the South Harmon |
| 01:16:30 |
I said it, okay? |
| 01:16:31 |
So you're saying, |
| 01:16:33 |
you're saying you want |
| 01:16:35 |
I'm sayin' I want to be |
| 01:16:37 |
I wanna be a S.H.I.T. head. |
| 01:16:38 |
Yeah, man, well, it's good |
| 01:16:41 |
Yes. |
| 01:16:43 |
Yay! |
| 01:16:44 |
All right, |
| 01:16:45 |
Thanks to this S.H.I.T. head, |
| 01:16:55 |
Don't sweat it, kid. |
| 01:16:56 |
All right, please remember, |
| 01:16:58 |
If this doesn't work, |
| 01:16:59 |
Oh, don't worry, you're |
| 01:17:01 |
Hello, sir. Um, |
| 01:17:03 |
We have a 3:00 |
| 01:17:06 |
Okay, actually your meeting room's |
| 01:17:09 |
Why the change? |
| 01:17:18 |
How did they... |
| 01:17:19 |
The whole school? |
| 01:17:21 |
I had to do something. |
| 01:17:24 |
This meeting of the State Board |
| 01:17:27 |
Today we'll be hearing |
| 01:17:30 |
for the South Harmon |
| 01:17:33 |
Your case for accreditation |
| 01:17:36 |
by Dean Richard Van Horne, |
| 01:17:38 |
representing Harmon College. |
| 01:17:44 |
Loser. Loser. |
| 01:17:45 |
In order to become accredited, |
| 01:17:49 |
a school must meet |
| 01:17:51 |
You must have a facility, |
| 01:17:56 |
Please state your case. |
| 01:17:57 |
You're on, kid. |
| 01:18:00 |
What? Wha |
| 01:18:02 |
Rule number one, |
| 01:18:04 |
Nobody knows South Harmon and |
| 01:18:08 |
So, it's showtime. |
| 01:18:09 |
Let's kick some ass. |
| 01:18:11 |
You're gonna be great, man. |
| 01:18:14 |
Sling some bull. |
| 01:18:17 |
Oh, God. |
| 01:18:18 |
Okay. |
| 01:18:20 |
Uh, |
| 01:18:23 |
ladies and gentlemen of the panel, |
| 01:18:25 |
Um, my name's Bartleby Gaines |
| 01:18:29 |
South Harmon |
| 01:18:42 |
Sorry. Friends of mine. |
| 01:18:45 |
Um, I'm- I'm sorry, |
| 01:18:46 |
w- what were those |
| 01:18:48 |
A facility, a curriculum |
| 01:18:51 |
Facility, right. |
| 01:18:52 |
Okay, well, |
| 01:18:54 |
Uh, we have a common room, |
| 01:18:57 |
Uh, we have |
| 01:18:59 |
We got a tiki bar. Umm... |
| 01:19:01 |
They have leased |
| 01:19:04 |
They have none of the |
| 01:19:06 |
or resources. |
| 01:19:07 |
Mr. Gaines, do you have a |
| 01:19:10 |
Okay, uh, |
| 01:19:15 |
No. No, we don't. |
| 01:19:17 |
A library? |
| 01:19:20 |
No. |
| 01:19:21 |
A health services center? |
| 01:19:25 |
No. |
| 01:19:28 |
Your curriculum? |
| 01:19:30 |
Our curriculum? |
| 01:19:31 |
Do you have a course book? A comprehensive |
| 01:19:35 |
Oh, yeah, absolutely. |
| 01:19:50 |
What is this? |
| 01:19:51 |
Our curriculum. These are the |
| 01:19:55 |
This is a joke. |
| 01:19:58 |
Uh, tell me, Mr. Gaines, |
| 01:20:01 |
how does one major |
| 01:20:04 |
Sir, um... |
| 01:20:05 |
I'm sorry, Mr. Gaines. |
| 01:20:06 |
I fail to see any merit |
| 01:20:08 |
or scholastic value in |
| 01:20:12 |
Okay, uh, guys, |
| 01:20:15 |
In "Taking A Walk |
| 01:20:17 |
we get to think about what |
| 01:20:19 |
in a stress-free environment. |
| 01:20:21 |
"Let It Speak To You 202" is an art |
| 01:20:24 |
by examining our |
| 01:20:27 |
In "Skateboarding 234" we built a ramp |
| 01:20:30 |
And physics. |
| 01:20:32 |
In "Rock Our Faces Off 222" |
| 01:20:34 |
we listen to the music and |
| 01:20:38 |
And we rock our faces off. |
| 01:20:44 |
They do. |
| 01:20:48 |
Do you have |
| 01:20:50 |
Yes, we do, sir. |
| 01:20:52 |
Faculty, stand. |
| 01:20:58 |
What is the meaning |
| 01:20:59 |
See, at South Harmon, sir, |
| 01:21:02 |
Aw, this is preposterous. |
| 01:21:04 |
Students are not |
| 01:21:07 |
Dean Van Horne |
| 01:21:08 |
You must have a faculty as defined by |
| 01:21:17 |
Mr. Gaines, have you |
| 01:21:25 |
Um... |
| 01:21:29 |
Present and accounted for. |
| 01:21:30 |
Oh, for God's sake. |
| 01:21:31 |
Dr. Alexander, this man has not been |
| 01:21:35 |
We were on the faculty together |
| 01:21:38 |
and he washed out. |
| 01:21:39 |
He's a drunk, he's a degenerate, |
| 01:21:42 |
Hey, asshole! You're talking |
| 01:21:45 |
Oh, sit down! |
| 01:21:47 |
Hey! Why don't you take your |
| 01:21:57 |
Settle down |
| 01:21:59 |
Dean Lewis! Sit down. |
| 01:22:03 |
Order! |
| 01:22:06 |
Couldn't help myself. |
| 01:22:07 |
So, is that it, |
| 01:22:09 |
You have one formal teacher |
| 01:22:16 |
Mr. Gaines. |
| 01:22:18 |
Answer the question. |
| 01:22:20 |
Nah, I'm not gonna |
| 01:22:22 |
'cause you guys have |
| 01:22:24 |
I'm an expert in rejection, |
| 01:22:25 |
and I can see it |
| 01:22:26 |
And it's too bad that you |
| 01:22:29 |
and not by who we are. |
| 01:22:31 |
Just because you want us |
| 01:22:33 |
when the truth is |
| 01:22:34 |
And I am damn proud |
| 01:22:39 |
Rock on! |
| 01:22:42 |
I mean, |
| 01:22:44 |
Harmon College and their |
| 01:22:47 |
But tradition of what? |
| 01:22:49 |
Of hazing kids |
| 01:22:51 |
and humiliating anyone |
| 01:22:54 |
Of putting |
| 01:22:55 |
they turn into these |
| 01:22:57 |
Your phony school demeans |
| 01:23:01 |
Why? Why can't |
| 01:23:04 |
You can have your grades, |
| 01:23:05 |
and your structure, |
| 01:23:07 |
and then we'll do things |
| 01:23:08 |
Why do we have to conform |
| 01:23:10 |
Your curriculum is a joke, |
| 01:23:14 |
You know what? |
| 01:23:15 |
'Cause you rob these kids of |
| 01:23:17 |
That's the real crime! |
| 01:23:19 |
Yeah. |
| 01:23:24 |
Well, what about you parents? |
| 01:23:25 |
Did-Did the system |
| 01:23:27 |
Did it teach you |
| 01:23:29 |
or to just play it safe, |
| 01:23:31 |
What about you guys? |
| 01:23:33 |
Did you always want to be |
| 01:23:35 |
Dr. Alexander, |
| 01:23:36 |
Or maybe no, |
| 01:23:39 |
Maybe you wanted to be |
| 01:23:41 |
Maybe you just wanted |
| 01:23:43 |
Look, I-I-I-I lied to you. |
| 01:23:46 |
I lied to all of you, |
| 01:23:47 |
Dad, especially to you. |
| 01:23:49 |
But out of that desperation, |
| 01:23:52 |
Life was full |
| 01:23:54 |
A- A-And isn't that what you |
| 01:23:56 |
As parents, I mean, is-is |
| 01:24:02 |
Well, we came here today |
| 01:24:04 |
and something |
| 01:24:06 |
I don't give a shit! |
| 01:24:08 |
Who cares about your approval? |
| 01:24:10 |
We don't need your approval to |
| 01:24:13 |
'Cause there are so few truths |
| 01:24:14 |
that when you see one, |
| 01:24:16 |
And I know that it is a truth |
| 01:24:18 |
that real learning |
| 01:24:20 |
Whether you like it or not, |
| 01:24:21 |
'Cause you don't need teachers |
| 01:24:24 |
or-or fancy highbrow traditions |
| 01:24:26 |
You just need people with a |
| 01:24:29 |
and we got that by the |
| 01:24:31 |
So you can go ahead, |
| 01:24:34 |
reject us and shoot us down, |
| 01:24:37 |
It doesn't really matter |
| 01:24:38 |
Because we'll never |
| 01:24:40 |
and we'll never stop growing, |
| 01:24:41 |
and we'll never forget the |
| 01:24:44 |
at our place. |
| 01:24:45 |
'Cause we are |
| 01:24:46 |
and we'll be |
| 01:24:48 |
and nothing you can say |
| 01:24:50 |
can take that away from us! |
| 01:24:58 |
Go ahead! |
| 01:25:05 |
Everyone, |
| 01:25:06 |
please, quiet down. |
| 01:25:08 |
Everyone, please |
| 01:25:10 |
Quiet down. Please. |
| 01:25:14 |
Thank you. |
| 01:25:30 |
Mr. Gaines, |
| 01:25:32 |
your presentation |
| 01:25:35 |
to say the least, |
| 01:25:36 |
and your methodology is |
| 01:25:38 |
questionable at best. |
| 01:25:40 |
However, |
| 01:25:41 |
the true purpose of education |
| 01:25:45 |
and the passions |
| 01:25:48 |
And in that regard |
| 01:25:52 |
This board does not |
| 01:25:55 |
but it must be |
| 01:25:58 |
Therefore, |
| 01:26:00 |
the South Harmon |
| 01:26:02 |
will be granted a one-year |
| 01:26:05 |
in which to continue |
| 01:26:10 |
Don't be so quick to judge |
| 01:26:14 |
Congratulations. |
| 01:26:30 |
Mr. Gaines? |
| 01:26:32 |
Trombone. |
| 01:26:34 |
What? |
| 01:26:35 |
I wanted to play |
| 01:26:38 |
It's never too late, sir. |
| 01:26:40 |
Thank you. |
| 01:26:51 |
Hey. |
| 01:26:52 |
What are you doing here? |
| 01:26:54 |
I don't know. There were just |
| 01:26:56 |
that I thought were real |
| 01:26:59 |
So, why can't the opposite |
| 01:27:16 |
This is not your orientation. |
| 01:27:20 |
You have been orientated |
| 01:27:23 |
Don't come up to me, go |
| 01:27:25 |
I'm not interested! |
| 01:27:28 |
I only wanted big |
| 01:27:30 |
I'd say this is pretty big. |
| 01:27:31 |
Thanks, Dad. |
| 01:27:34 |
Thanks, Pop. |
| 01:27:35 |
Okay, honey, I want you |
| 01:27:37 |
Okay, I will. I love you. |
| 01:27:41 |
Wasn't enthusiastic, |
| 01:27:43 |
And I appreciate the smile. |
| 01:27:45 |
Schrads! Hey, no time |
| 01:27:47 |
I'm teaching "Skepticism 401." |
| 01:27:50 |
At South Harmon, |
| 01:27:52 |
by clearing our minds |
| 01:27:56 |
I got 85 pork tenderloins with |
| 01:28:00 |
Eddie, we gotta pack these |
| 01:28:03 |
Pronto! |
| 01:28:04 |
And someone get a rabbi down |
| 01:28:07 |
Tomorrow we're gonna |
| 01:28:10 |
South Harmon actually |
| 01:28:12 |
to rediscover my passion |
| 01:28:13 |
So I urge you guys to do the |
| 01:28:16 |
Let it come from inside. And-And |
| 01:28:19 |
You agree? |
| 01:28:20 |
Excuse me. |
| 01:28:22 |
Whoa, whoa, whoa. |
| 01:28:23 |
If you're gonna take my picture, |
| 01:28:26 |
Um, so there wouldn't |
| 01:28:28 |
that could show me to my |
| 01:28:30 |
As fate would have it, I recall |
| 01:28:33 |
Really? They're not adjoining |
| 01:28:35 |
Oh, no, no, no. That would |
| 01:28:38 |
And do me a favor. |
| 01:28:40 |
You got four years, these are |
| 01:28:43 |
And then, you're. |
| 01:29:05 |
I told you. |
