|
Everybody Wants To Be Italian
|
| 00:00:40 |
$3500? |
| 00:00:45 |
This is the best, though, right? |
| 00:00:49 |
- lt's gotta be perfect. |
| 00:00:52 |
This is the most beautiful suit in the world. |
| 00:00:55 |
Can you have it ready by four? |
| 00:01:04 |
Can you have it ready by four or not? |
| 00:01:09 |
- lt's no problem. |
| 00:01:12 |
All right, l'll see you at four. Thank you. |
| 00:01:18 |
We give him this suit. |
| 00:01:21 |
lt's his size, all ready to go, |
| 00:01:24 |
lt's no big deal, OK? |
| 00:01:54 |
How you doing? |
| 00:01:56 |
Hi. |
| 00:02:05 |
Beautiful, huh? |
| 00:02:08 |
You're a lucky guy. |
| 00:02:10 |
Hold this and don't leave. |
| 00:02:13 |
Jackie, l can't take your money. |
| 00:02:15 |
That one. |
| 00:02:19 |
Every year it's the same. You come in here, |
| 00:02:23 |
and the same thing happens. |
| 00:02:26 |
lt's a beautiful choice, but it ain't cheap. |
| 00:02:28 |
She deserves the best. |
| 00:02:29 |
What's the matter with you? |
| 00:02:32 |
Why don't you let my cousin Frankie |
| 00:02:36 |
l need this by four. |
| 00:02:38 |
Kid, is this a joke? |
| 00:02:40 |
By four? |
| 00:02:42 |
What am l, a magician? |
| 00:02:44 |
Get outta here! |
| 00:02:46 |
What? Carla! |
| 00:02:48 |
- lt's my grandmother's lipstick! |
| 00:02:51 |
What's up, Jake? |
| 00:02:53 |
- You've got time to... |
| 00:02:56 |
- Take care of your friend! |
| 00:02:59 |
- How you doing, Sean? |
| 00:03:01 |
- All right. Mikey! |
| 00:03:03 |
- How are you? |
| 00:03:05 |
- All right. Hey, Bill, Paul! What's up? |
| 00:03:09 |
l'm all right. |
| 00:03:11 |
- Hey. |
| 00:03:12 |
Gimme the bar, would you? |
| 00:03:14 |
l want flowers so beautiful that these look |
| 00:03:18 |
- This'll take days, and you give me what? |
| 00:03:21 |
- No way. |
| 00:03:23 |
- l don't care. |
| 00:03:24 |
- No. |
| 00:03:26 |
l am not gonna support your foolishness. |
| 00:03:28 |
Theresa, you know l'm a loyal man... |
| 00:03:30 |
but if not from you, |
| 00:03:36 |
You are a romantic fool. |
| 00:03:39 |
And you make me |
| 00:03:42 |
They'll be ready. |
| 00:03:44 |
- Get outta here. |
| 00:03:58 |
Morning, fellas. |
| 00:03:59 |
Nice of you to show up, Princess. |
| 00:04:02 |
- Not that we're busy or anything. |
| 00:04:05 |
Cut the heads off these |
| 00:04:08 |
l can't. l'll take the register. |
| 00:04:11 |
Oh, no. l got the register. |
| 00:04:13 |
Uh-uh. lt's the 19th of March, man. |
| 00:04:17 |
- Are you out of your mind? |
| 00:04:19 |
What? What? |
| 00:04:32 |
- Feels different. |
| 00:04:35 |
ls this the suit l chose? |
| 00:04:38 |
- What, you don't like it now? |
| 00:04:41 |
- lt feels different, l don't know. |
| 00:04:48 |
Good. 'Cause this guy feels beautiful, |
| 00:04:59 |
lsabella, l love you more today |
| 00:05:04 |
l loved... |
| 00:05:06 |
lsabella, you're more beautiful to me than... |
| 00:05:09 |
Your s...smell fresher... |
| 00:05:12 |
That's ridiculous. |
| 00:05:15 |
Hey! Mrs. Cordova. |
| 00:05:17 |
How you been? |
| 00:05:22 |
Always good... |
| 00:05:23 |
l hate you, Mrs. Cordova. |
| 00:05:36 |
Who is it? |
| 00:05:38 |
lt's your dad. Buzz me up. |
| 00:05:40 |
You're not my dad! |
| 00:05:41 |
How do you know? |
| 00:05:44 |
Go play with your brothers. |
| 00:05:46 |
- Jake. |
| 00:05:50 |
- l got something for you. |
| 00:05:53 |
Come on. Let me up. |
| 00:05:57 |
l miss you so much. Just... |
| 00:06:00 |
Jake. What the hell are you doing? |
| 00:06:03 |
- Yeah, what the hell are you doing? |
| 00:06:06 |
You don't have an anniversary, Jake. |
| 00:06:09 |
- Eight years ago. |
| 00:06:12 |
lt was a misunderstanding. |
| 00:06:14 |
- A misunderstanding? |
| 00:06:17 |
Jake, this is my family. |
| 00:06:21 |
This is between lsabella and me. |
| 00:06:24 |
- She's my wife! |
| 00:06:26 |
- We're married. |
| 00:06:28 |
Yes, actually, it is. |
| 00:06:30 |
Jake, please leave. |
| 00:06:38 |
What did you expect, jackass? |
| 00:06:41 |
Eight years. You got a serious problem. |
| 00:06:46 |
- She's my soulmate. |
| 00:06:48 |
- We've had our problems. |
| 00:06:51 |
- You cheated on her with her sister. |
| 00:06:54 |
And her best friend, |
| 00:06:56 |
A unique opportunity. |
| 00:06:59 |
lf you're soulmates, you would have |
| 00:07:03 |
- And her best friend. |
| 00:07:05 |
ln her parents' bed! |
| 00:07:07 |
l'm a guy. lt's...it's not my fault. |
| 00:07:10 |
Eight years. |
| 00:07:14 |
l'm not psychotic, Steve, l'm...l'm in pain. |
| 00:07:17 |
- You know what Freud says? |
| 00:07:20 |
Two and a half to four years, tops. |
| 00:07:22 |
Anything more is clinically psychotic. |
| 00:07:25 |
l know what you guys are trying to do, OK? |
| 00:07:28 |
But lsabella is my soulmate. |
| 00:07:30 |
Oh, bullshit! |
| 00:07:33 |
You only want her |
| 00:07:35 |
- That and she is a hot piece of ass. |
| 00:07:38 |
''And l love her! l love her!'' |
| 00:07:41 |
So how come |
| 00:07:44 |
Because l...l needed time. |
| 00:07:47 |
- You know what Freud says? |
| 00:07:50 |
She's still my soulmate. |
| 00:07:52 |
Listen. Soulmates are like fish. |
| 00:07:55 |
People fall in love because of proximity. |
| 00:07:57 |
lt has nothing to do with the heavens. |
| 00:07:59 |
There is a window in time when |
| 00:08:02 |
Doesn't matter who they are. |
| 00:08:05 |
But once that window closes... |
| 00:08:08 |
Smash! Nothing. Nothing. |
| 00:08:12 |
Nothing. |
| 00:08:15 |
Freud said that? |
| 00:08:17 |
Yeah, Freud said that. |
| 00:08:18 |
Think l make this shit up? |
| 00:08:22 |
All right, listen. |
| 00:08:24 |
You gotta get back in the game. |
| 00:08:26 |
- Get your rod back in the water. |
| 00:08:29 |
l'm gonna get her back. |
| 00:08:34 |
Miles! Come on, boy. |
| 00:08:37 |
Miles! |
| 00:08:39 |
Uh-uh. You lose an animal? |
| 00:08:41 |
Yeah. Cats don't stray too far, though, |
| 00:08:43 |
he should be around here somewhere. |
| 00:08:47 |
Actually, felines are known |
| 00:08:49 |
outside of their own home territory. |
| 00:08:55 |
There he is. Right there. |
| 00:08:57 |
- See him? |
| 00:08:59 |
l know what he wants. |
| 00:09:06 |
Yummy. |
| 00:09:11 |
- Thank you. |
| 00:09:13 |
Give him a few minutes. |
| 00:09:17 |
l'm almost finished with my classes. |
| 00:09:21 |
Taking night classes, you know? |
| 00:09:26 |
- l'm not all about the fish, you know. |
| 00:09:30 |
Psychology. |
| 00:09:32 |
The study of the very ill by the very odd. |
| 00:09:43 |
Yeah, well... |
| 00:09:45 |
So...so... |
| 00:09:50 |
- Are you...are you involved? |
| 00:09:54 |
l mean, are you involved with anyone? |
| 00:09:56 |
Are you looking to have |
| 00:09:59 |
Are you interested in going on a date? |
| 00:10:01 |
Yeah, l'm not really looking. |
| 00:10:04 |
Oh, no, no, no, not for me! |
| 00:10:07 |
lt's for a friend of mine, |
| 00:10:11 |
Jackass can't seem |
| 00:10:15 |
Yeah... l'm pretty busy. |
| 00:10:17 |
Course. We're all busy. |
| 00:10:20 |
l'm sorry. |
| 00:10:24 |
Sorry. |
| 00:10:28 |
Come on. Are you...are you single or not? |
| 00:10:31 |
- Technically, l'm single. But... |
| 00:10:34 |
- Yes! Stay right here. |
| 00:10:37 |
- Just stay there. Please! |
| 00:10:39 |
Don't move! |
| 00:10:41 |
Gianluca, come here. Come on. |
| 00:10:43 |
- Thank you, but l've been seeing... |
| 00:10:46 |
- Gianluca. |
| 00:10:48 |
- What did l say? |
| 00:10:51 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:10:53 |
- Naturally. |
| 00:10:54 |
- Hips are shapely. Childbearing. |
| 00:10:56 |
- Would you turn round? |
| 00:10:58 |
- Spin around. |
| 00:10:59 |
- Wait, wait. |
| 00:11:02 |
- Are you available? |
| 00:11:04 |
He's wicked good-looking. |
| 00:11:08 |
We'll bring him to the next |
| 00:11:11 |
- lf you like what you see, you wink. |
| 00:11:14 |
- No obligation. He'll never know. |
| 00:11:18 |
- l don't think so. l'm not even... |
| 00:11:20 |
A bunch of ltalians, singing and dancing. |
| 00:11:25 |
Just hear me out. A lot of food. |
| 00:11:27 |
- Lot of food. |
| 00:11:29 |
- Girls. |
| 00:11:32 |
- What could be better? |
| 00:11:34 |
How about forks in my eyeballs? |
| 00:11:38 |
- No, this bad idea. He's not ltalian. |
| 00:11:42 |
l don't want to pretend to be ltalian |
| 00:11:46 |
in gold chains and half-unbuttoned shirts. |
| 00:11:48 |
- What? |
| 00:11:50 |
- Everybody want to be ltalian. |
| 00:11:52 |
lt's a party. You meet a few people, |
| 00:11:56 |
come down to our level |
| 00:11:58 |
- l'm not ltalian! |
| 00:12:01 |
- Yes! |
| 00:12:03 |
- Come on. |
| 00:12:08 |
Oh, Marisa! |
| 00:12:12 |
Take you something to eat. |
| 00:12:15 |
l'm sorry, l can't tonight, but thank you. |
| 00:12:17 |
But you too skinny. |
| 00:12:20 |
Oh, you need a man. |
| 00:12:21 |
Actually, that's why l'm here. |
| 00:12:25 |
Do you know anything |
| 00:12:27 |
ltalian club? The singles club? |
| 00:12:30 |
- But you not Italiana! |
| 00:12:33 |
But l was invited to meet a guy there. |
| 00:12:36 |
An ltalian? No, no, no. |
| 00:12:38 |
You don't get mixed up with an ltalian. |
| 00:12:41 |
42 years, l was married to an ltalian. |
| 00:12:44 |
37 times, that bastard, he cheat on me... |
| 00:12:47 |
and that's just the ones l know about. |
| 00:12:49 |
But you loved him. |
| 00:12:51 |
Love? |
| 00:12:53 |
Sì, of course. He was my soulmate. |
| 00:12:58 |
But you, you're not ltalian. |
| 00:13:01 |
And l tell you something. |
| 00:13:02 |
ltalian men never, never |
| 00:13:08 |
They play with you. |
| 00:13:10 |
And then they break your heart. |
| 00:13:12 |
No. You find yourself a good Dane, |
| 00:13:18 |
an lrishman. |
| 00:13:36 |
Oh, mannagg. |
| 00:13:38 |
What l'd trade for that. |
| 00:13:40 |
l know, l know. |
| 00:13:44 |
- What about her? |
| 00:13:47 |
- She's all right? |
| 00:13:49 |
- What do you mean, just all right? |
| 00:13:52 |
You prejudiced against the most |
| 00:13:54 |
No, but l'm in love, you know that. |
| 00:13:56 |
- ''Oh, l'm in love.'' |
| 00:13:58 |
This right here, this is all yours. |
| 00:14:00 |
Steve and l, we're married. |
| 00:14:03 |
Oh, l owe you this? |
| 00:14:04 |
l owe it to you to pick up girls |
| 00:14:07 |
- Absolutely. |
| 00:14:18 |
- Hey, hey. |
| 00:14:30 |
- Oh, she just gave you a look. |
| 00:14:32 |
That was a definite nibble. |
| 00:14:34 |
Set the hook and reel her in. |
| 00:14:36 |
She's hot, l'll give you that, |
| 00:14:49 |
Stop staring at me. Aren't you gonna... |
| 00:14:53 |
- What the hell are you doing? |
| 00:14:56 |
- Sea lions bark, idiot. |
| 00:14:58 |
That guido stuff |
| 00:14:59 |
Yeah? |
| 00:15:00 |
- She's coming. |
| 00:15:03 |
- Think of something to say. |
| 00:15:07 |
No, l... lt was...my... |
| 00:15:10 |
- l'm Marisa. |
| 00:15:12 |
- Nice to meet you. |
| 00:15:14 |
l think you just melted the lining |
| 00:15:18 |
l didn't... Nothing... My underwear's fine. |
| 00:15:21 |
Oh, nicely said. |
| 00:15:23 |
- Do you wanna have a seat? |
| 00:15:25 |
- Yeah? |
| 00:15:26 |
- OK. |
| 00:15:28 |
- At the bar? Otherwise, they'll continue. |
| 00:15:31 |
No, no. Just go get her a drink. |
| 00:15:33 |
Just put it on the card. |
| 00:15:36 |
l'll take care of her. |
| 00:15:40 |
- What do you think? |
| 00:15:43 |
But...he is... |
| 00:15:45 |
- He's cute. |
| 00:15:47 |
- l'll give you that. |
| 00:15:48 |
- Funny. |
| 00:15:50 |
- Great sense of humor. |
| 00:15:52 |
- OK. |
| 00:15:54 |
- Really? |
| 00:15:56 |
- Great with them. |
| 00:15:57 |
- l like that. |
| 00:15:59 |
l think we did. |
| 00:16:01 |
Oh, here he comes. Here he comes. |
| 00:16:03 |
Hey, the prodigal son returns. |
| 00:16:06 |
Jerk one, jerk two. |
| 00:16:08 |
Thank you, l'll take that as a compliment. |
| 00:16:11 |
- To beauty. |
| 00:16:17 |
- Beauty. |
| 00:16:21 |
So, l'm probably glad |
| 00:16:24 |
Why would you say that, Jake? |
| 00:16:27 |
Marisa here, believe it or not, |
| 00:16:31 |
- She thinks it's bullshit. |
| 00:16:33 |
- Yes, you did. |
| 00:16:35 |
Yes, you did! |
| 00:16:37 |
Don't listen to them. They're busting on me |
| 00:16:40 |
Well, me too. And l happen |
| 00:16:45 |
Oh, come on, that is such a crock. |
| 00:16:47 |
lt is, 'cause at any given time, |
| 00:16:50 |
They just have to know |
| 00:16:52 |
Life is never-ending chaos, |
| 00:16:57 |
- Now, that's deep. |
| 00:16:59 |
- He knows psychology. |
| 00:17:01 |
Look, let me just put it |
| 00:17:03 |
Simple being the operative word. |
| 00:17:05 |
Now, take you, for example. |
| 00:17:07 |
- You're a hot piece of ass. |
| 00:17:09 |
So why aren't you selling underwear |
| 00:17:13 |
- There's a point somewhere. |
| 00:17:15 |
- OK. |
| 00:17:18 |
But the right pictures |
| 00:17:21 |
next thing, you've got 1 3-year-olds |
| 00:17:24 |
Why? |
| 00:17:26 |
Because now they know you exist. |
| 00:17:30 |
- l really apologize. |
| 00:17:32 |
l thought there was |
| 00:17:34 |
No, l get it. l mean, it makes sense. |
| 00:17:37 |
lt makes sense? Really? |
| 00:17:40 |
- No, it doesn't. |
| 00:17:41 |
You know what? |
| 00:17:44 |
Why does a nice, attractive girl |
| 00:17:46 |
to get hit on by the likes of them? |
| 00:17:49 |
l don't know. |
| 00:17:50 |
Maybe l'm just trying |
| 00:17:54 |
Well. Maybe she just came |
| 00:18:04 |
They're not really my friends. |
| 00:18:06 |
Ouch! |
| 00:18:08 |
Ooh, l'm wounded. l am. |
| 00:18:19 |
- So? |
| 00:18:21 |
- What happened? |
| 00:18:24 |
- She was sweet. |
| 00:18:27 |
This girl could knock the brass |
| 00:18:30 |
Absolutely. What happened? |
| 00:18:32 |
We had a nice evening, you know? |
| 00:18:34 |
We spent some time together, |
| 00:18:37 |
- And then...we went home. |
| 00:18:40 |
- You nailed her at her place? |
| 00:18:42 |
Come on. You didn't... |
| 00:18:45 |
You did. |
| 00:18:47 |
No, l didn't, l didn't, l didn't. |
| 00:18:50 |
What do you want me to say? |
| 00:18:53 |
But l'm still in love with lsabella. |
| 00:18:59 |
OK. Listen. |
| 00:19:01 |
Just, please, please tell me |
| 00:19:05 |
- so we can smack some sense into you. |
| 00:19:11 |
- l'm gonna cry, Pops. |
| 00:19:13 |
A man should cry. |
| 00:19:15 |
l can't believe this. |
| 00:19:18 |
- Yes. |
| 00:19:22 |
Hi, guys. |
| 00:19:24 |
- Hi. |
| 00:19:26 |
So, this is it, huh? |
| 00:19:32 |
This is...this is it. This is...fish heaven. |
| 00:19:36 |
Anything you desire from |
| 00:19:39 |
- Aldo Tempesti. |
| 00:19:45 |
So... |
| 00:19:47 |
You forgot to ask for my number. |
| 00:19:51 |
So l thought l'd... |
| 00:19:54 |
- Loser! |
| 00:19:58 |
- Just in case. |
| 00:20:02 |
This is great. You... |
| 00:20:07 |
Thank you. |
| 00:20:09 |
OK. |
| 00:20:12 |
You know what? Let's just |
| 00:20:15 |
l make his hours, so... |
| 00:20:18 |
Oh, he's available tonight. |
| 00:20:20 |
He's got tomorrow night off. |
| 00:20:23 |
- You can call me when you want. |
| 00:20:26 |
lt's out of his hands. Tomorrow? |
| 00:20:28 |
No, tomorrow night's |
| 00:20:31 |
- Stay out of this, would you? |
| 00:20:35 |
Next week. |
| 00:20:38 |
l was...l was thinking, |
| 00:20:41 |
At around... l don't know, seven... |
| 00:20:43 |
- 7:30? |
| 00:20:44 |
- Monday. |
| 00:20:45 |
Perfect. OK. |
| 00:20:47 |
Monday it is. |
| 00:20:49 |
- OK. |
| 00:20:51 |
- l'll see you then. |
| 00:20:53 |
OK. Bye. |
| 00:20:55 |
- Let me get that door for you. |
| 00:20:57 |
Yes! |
| 00:20:59 |
Thank you. |
| 00:21:01 |
Thanks for coming in. |
| 00:21:06 |
- Don't screw this up. |
| 00:21:09 |
Come on. Hey! You're all thinking |
| 00:21:14 |
This is a big, big mistake. |
| 00:21:16 |
This is an ltalian woman, |
| 00:21:20 |
Oh, it's all fun and games... |
| 00:21:22 |
until somebody loses a testicle! |
| 00:21:26 |
That's not funny. |
| 00:21:27 |
Tell you about my cousin Luigi, eh? |
| 00:21:30 |
- Yeah, cousin Eunuch. |
| 00:21:32 |
- He make joke, now. |
| 00:21:35 |
Get to work. Asshole. |
| 00:21:47 |
- l want candy. |
| 00:21:50 |
- Candy apples. |
| 00:21:52 |
Yeah, and what else? |
| 00:21:54 |
- lsabella! |
| 00:21:56 |
Oh, my God, this is so weird. |
| 00:21:59 |
- What am l doing here? |
| 00:22:01 |
- Stay away, Jake. l mean it. |
| 00:22:03 |
lt's the commons. |
| 00:22:06 |
Hey, you and me are soulmates. |
| 00:22:08 |
l have kids, Jake, and lots of 'em. |
| 00:22:10 |
l love kids. Plus, the big one's |
| 00:22:14 |
Hey. Hey! What? Did you ever |
| 00:22:17 |
Unreal! You know, you're unreal. |
| 00:22:20 |
He was born 1 2 months |
| 00:22:22 |
So you say. l know. Whatever. |
| 00:22:23 |
Come on. What's it gonna take? |
| 00:22:26 |
Jake, please. |
| 00:22:29 |
But...l'm not gonna take no for an answer. |
| 00:22:32 |
- Excuse me, sweetie. |
| 00:22:36 |
What... |
| 00:22:38 |
What is wrong with your kids? |
| 00:22:40 |
They don't like you, Jake. |
| 00:22:42 |
- But... |
| 00:22:44 |
l have a date on Monday night. |
| 00:22:48 |
- Good for you. |
| 00:22:51 |
Can l get a ride? |
| 00:23:22 |
- Got a bar? |
| 00:23:24 |
- Hey, Jake, how are you? |
| 00:23:26 |
- What's going on? |
| 00:23:30 |
- Look out! |
| 00:23:32 |
- All right, relax! |
| 00:23:35 |
- Beautiful. |
| 00:23:37 |
Yeah. Think l dated a girl |
| 00:23:41 |
- Thanks a lot, man. |
| 00:23:43 |
- Have a good one. |
| 00:24:01 |
l know what my boy Gianluca tell you, |
| 00:24:04 |
Women are sacred. |
| 00:24:06 |
They need to be treated like ladies, |
| 00:24:10 |
- l know that, l got a good woman. |
| 00:24:13 |
A good woman is love. |
| 00:24:15 |
Pure, true and breakable, |
| 00:24:22 |
Remember. |
| 00:24:23 |
Every daughter has a father. |
| 00:24:26 |
And most have brothers with sharp knives. |
| 00:24:31 |
Hey. Somebody's getting |
| 00:24:33 |
Sure, man. Party's on tonight. |
| 00:24:37 |
Take your camera tonight. |
| 00:24:38 |
Do me some pictures. With nipple. |
| 00:24:42 |
- Jake, look at me. |
| 00:24:44 |
- Promise you won't screw up. |
| 00:24:46 |
- Promise? |
| 00:24:48 |
l'm not gonna screw it up, man. |
| 00:24:50 |
All right, look. Let's go over your plan. |
| 00:24:54 |
l'm not gonna lay it out for you. |
| 00:24:58 |
- Come on, dinner's obvious. Where? |
| 00:25:01 |
What are you, retarded? |
| 00:25:04 |
- lt's too ltalian. |
| 00:25:07 |
No, no, take her to my cousin Ennio. |
| 00:25:10 |
He'll fix you up nice. |
| 00:25:11 |
No, you can't take an ltalian woman |
| 00:25:15 |
That's like a priest taking a little boy |
| 00:25:19 |
Yeah. Forget ltalian. You gotta |
| 00:25:23 |
l'm not taking her for a kielbasa. |
| 00:25:25 |
You're not a dumb Polack anymore. |
| 00:25:27 |
l'm not gonna pretend l'm ltalian. |
| 00:25:29 |
You better pretend, |
| 00:25:31 |
Look, an ltalian can spot |
| 00:25:35 |
- Could get your nuts chopped off. |
| 00:25:38 |
Nobody'll get hurt. lt's a stereotype. |
| 00:25:40 |
He's right. The stereotype is bad. |
| 00:25:44 |
ltalian men are lovers. |
| 00:25:45 |
Unless you mess with their women, |
| 00:25:50 |
lt's OK to take her to an ltalian restaurant, |
| 00:25:54 |
And, you know, order for her. |
| 00:25:56 |
Because the ltalian women, |
| 00:25:59 |
Freud says that a woman knows within five |
| 00:26:03 |
if she's gonna sleep with a guy. |
| 00:26:05 |
Brings up, what do you got |
| 00:26:12 |
Tiramisu? |
| 00:26:14 |
Well, one dessert, two forks. |
| 00:26:16 |
- Don't screw up. |
| 00:26:18 |
l'm telling you, if you screw this up... |
| 00:26:20 |
l'm not! l'm not gonna screw it up! |
| 00:26:28 |
- Hi. |
| 00:26:31 |
Wow. |
| 00:26:32 |
- Should l go change? |
| 00:26:34 |
No, you...you look fine. |
| 00:26:36 |
l'm probably the one |
| 00:26:41 |
- lt's good to see you. |
| 00:26:43 |
So, it's freezing. Where's your car? |
| 00:26:45 |
Actually, my truck smells like fish, |
| 00:26:49 |
- Subway? |
| 00:26:51 |
You don't have to pay for parking |
| 00:26:55 |
You look really beautiful. |
| 00:26:57 |
Thank you. |
| 00:27:03 |
First date. |
| 00:27:08 |
l feel like l'm back in high school. |
| 00:27:11 |
Yeah, me too. |
| 00:27:16 |
Why... What's so funny? |
| 00:27:18 |
Nothing, l'm sorry. |
| 00:27:20 |
Are you laughing at me? |
| 00:27:23 |
- You are. |
| 00:27:25 |
- Washington Square. |
| 00:27:27 |
- Yeah? |
| 00:27:30 |
Look... |
| 00:27:33 |
l'm gonna tell you something. |
| 00:27:35 |
OK. |
| 00:27:38 |
Tell me. |
| 00:27:40 |
lt's kind of embarrassing, a little bit. |
| 00:27:45 |
Just tell me. l'm sure l've heard it before. |
| 00:27:52 |
This is nice. |
| 00:27:54 |
And l don't wanna... |
| 00:27:57 |
without being totally honest with you. |
| 00:28:05 |
l'm involved with another woman. |
| 00:28:08 |
Yeah, we...we've been together |
| 00:28:12 |
Mostly off, lately, but... |
| 00:28:15 |
l just...l thought you should know. |
| 00:28:19 |
OK. |
| 00:28:22 |
Honesty's the best policy, you know. |
| 00:28:26 |
Yeah, l agree with you. |
| 00:28:28 |
Wow. |
| 00:28:30 |
But if you want to tell me anything, |
| 00:28:33 |
Now's a good time. |
| 00:28:35 |
l don't have anything like that. |
| 00:28:39 |
Where are we? |
| 00:28:43 |
l'm sorry. You're upset, huh? |
| 00:28:46 |
l'm fine. Surprised, maybe. |
| 00:28:49 |
l just didn't wanna have |
| 00:28:52 |
- and then have it get all awkward. |
| 00:28:55 |
- Have you been here before? |
| 00:28:58 |
Don't worry. l know what you're getting. |
| 00:29:05 |
Buonasera. Can l start you off |
| 00:29:09 |
Maybe un bellissimo, |
| 00:29:14 |
l think we're ready to order. |
| 00:29:16 |
The lady's gonna have |
| 00:29:19 |
and the spinach |
| 00:29:22 |
And can she get that |
| 00:29:25 |
- Garlic? |
| 00:29:29 |
As you wish, madam. |
| 00:29:31 |
And for you, sir? |
| 00:29:33 |
l have no idea. What's good? |
| 00:29:36 |
Spaghetti all 'amatriciana. |
| 00:29:40 |
The house favorite. |
| 00:29:42 |
- That sounds perfect. |
| 00:29:45 |
l think l'll have that too. |
| 00:29:46 |
- Really? |
| 00:29:49 |
And to drink? |
| 00:29:51 |
House Chianti. |
| 00:29:52 |
Actually, l'm thinking of something... |
| 00:29:54 |
in a significantly higher price range. |
| 00:29:57 |
Maybe one of your Barolos. |
| 00:30:01 |
- Wonderful choice, madam. |
| 00:30:13 |
That was interesting. |
| 00:30:17 |
You saved enough money, not parking. |
| 00:30:19 |
ls this about my girlfriend? |
| 00:30:21 |
'Cause she's cool with this. |
| 00:30:24 |
- She knows you're here? |
| 00:30:26 |
Just let it go. l've almost completely |
| 00:30:31 |
Psychiatrists say you can tell |
| 00:30:35 |
of having dinner with someone |
| 00:30:40 |
Whether...whether |
| 00:30:43 |
You can tell. |
| 00:30:46 |
Do you have a lot of experience |
| 00:30:48 |
No. No! lt's just, |
| 00:30:51 |
'cause Steve, he's studying |
| 00:30:54 |
- Psychology. |
| 00:30:56 |
He's a college man. |
| 00:30:57 |
So what do you do? |
| 00:30:59 |
- l'm a doctor. |
| 00:31:02 |
- You're shitting me. |
| 00:31:05 |
Huh. That's so cool. What kind? |
| 00:31:07 |
A veterinarian. |
| 00:31:13 |
OK, so you're not a real doctor. |
| 00:31:17 |
No, l just mean, you know, |
| 00:31:20 |
lt's not exactly humans, |
| 00:31:22 |
lt's cool. l like it. l get it. |
| 00:31:24 |
lt's just, when l think doctor, |
| 00:31:26 |
heart attack on a plane, |
| 00:31:29 |
That kind of thing, you know, it's so cool. |
| 00:31:34 |
So you... And you love animals. |
| 00:31:36 |
Yeah, well, you know, l'm suspicious |
| 00:31:40 |
Or children. |
| 00:31:42 |
Well, there you go. That's... |
| 00:31:45 |
Really? You love animals? |
| 00:31:47 |
Do l...do l love animals? |
| 00:31:49 |
Yeah, of... l work in a fish market. |
| 00:31:52 |
l love kids too, l think kids are great. |
| 00:31:54 |
l got three of 'em. |
| 00:31:55 |
Well, they're not mine, technically. |
| 00:31:58 |
- They're my girlfriend's. |
| 00:32:08 |
- Here, l'll help you up. |
| 00:32:11 |
Let's not spend a nice evening |
| 00:32:14 |
You're not coming up. |
| 00:32:16 |
No, of course, l know, l know...that. |
| 00:32:19 |
But l had a wonderful time tonight, |
| 00:32:30 |
You told her what? |
| 00:32:32 |
l knew you were gonna screw it up. |
| 00:32:35 |
l didn't want her to find out l was involved |
| 00:32:38 |
Are you the biggest moron of all time |
| 00:32:41 |
The date wasn't going so hot, anyway. |
| 00:32:42 |
She was sending mixed signals. |
| 00:32:46 |
That's exactly what l mean. |
| 00:32:49 |
And why the hell tell her |
| 00:32:52 |
Which you don't. |
| 00:32:56 |
l mean, she's wicked hot... |
| 00:32:58 |
and she's a doctor! |
| 00:33:01 |
She's...she's not really a doctor. |
| 00:33:05 |
- Veterinarians go to medical school. |
| 00:33:08 |
Not a hospital hospital. |
| 00:33:10 |
So you would say l'm not a doctor |
| 00:33:18 |
Look, that's sort of different. |
| 00:33:21 |
You would be dealing with humans. |
| 00:33:23 |
She's dealing with animals. |
| 00:33:25 |
Ain't a doctor. |
| 00:33:28 |
Technically, l don't think |
| 00:33:31 |
Technically, anyone with a PhD is a doctor. |
| 00:33:34 |
A doctor of philosophy. |
| 00:33:38 |
- A doctor of fine arts. |
| 00:33:39 |
l'm with Jake. They're not doctors. |
| 00:33:42 |
They shouldn't even be able |
| 00:33:45 |
Come on! |
| 00:33:47 |
Chiropractors, huh? |
| 00:33:49 |
Acupuncturists. Podiatrists. |
| 00:33:51 |
They're not doctors! |
| 00:33:53 |
So... l save lives... |
| 00:33:56 |
by talking people out of... |
| 00:33:58 |
By talking people out of throwing |
| 00:34:04 |
or hurling their bodies off an overpass |
| 00:34:07 |
All day long, l'm talking to them... |
| 00:34:10 |
and l'm not a doctor to you? |
| 00:34:14 |
No. But you could be. |
| 00:34:16 |
lf you go to medical school |
| 00:34:20 |
Psychologists, man, are just another group |
| 00:34:26 |
You told him! |
| 00:34:28 |
l'm sorry. |
| 00:34:29 |
l'm sure Harvard Medical School |
| 00:34:32 |
l don't need to be a doctor. |
| 00:34:36 |
- Just figure l'm saving people's lives. |
| 00:34:39 |
That's what l'm trained to do. |
| 00:34:42 |
- l'm a lifesaver. |
| 00:34:44 |
Can you save me a bite of your sandwich? |
| 00:35:12 |
Hello, Mrs. Cordova. |
| 00:35:18 |
- lsabella! |
| 00:35:21 |
- Hey. |
| 00:35:23 |
Let's just go get a coffee, please. |
| 00:35:25 |
l just wanna talk. |
| 00:35:27 |
l know the kids are gone. |
| 00:35:31 |
- l'm not letting you in. Talk. |
| 00:35:34 |
You can't still be mad. l... |
| 00:35:37 |
All right, five minutes. |
| 00:35:43 |
Five minutes. |
| 00:35:46 |
You look really pretty. |
| 00:35:50 |
Don't you still think about me at all? |
| 00:35:52 |
Of course. You call me every day. |
| 00:35:53 |
Well, that's fair enough. |
| 00:35:55 |
But, l mean, if l didn't... |
| 00:35:58 |
would you still? |
| 00:36:02 |
- l'm not gonna answer that. |
| 00:36:04 |
- You would! |
| 00:36:07 |
- The eldest one's mine anyway. |
| 00:36:17 |
Come back to me. |
| 00:36:23 |
OK. Your ten minutes are up. |
| 00:36:27 |
You gotta get outta here. |
| 00:36:30 |
Yeah, l was about to go anyway. |
| 00:36:32 |
You don't have |
| 00:36:34 |
l was...l was about to leave anyway. |
| 00:36:37 |
l wasn't gonna have another coffee, |
| 00:36:40 |
Same time tomorrow? |
| 00:36:49 |
- Hey, Papa. How are you? |
| 00:36:51 |
- There a holiday l don't know about? |
| 00:36:54 |
- Get your ass out here, we're busy. |
| 00:36:57 |
- l saw her today! |
| 00:36:59 |
Not her. Her. |
| 00:37:01 |
- Oh. lsabella. |
| 00:37:03 |
- She made me a cappuccino. |
| 00:37:07 |
All right. That's it. |
| 00:37:11 |
Me and Steve, |
| 00:37:12 |
You come and go as you please, |
| 00:37:15 |
Jake, it's not fair. |
| 00:37:17 |
l got no other option here. l gotta fire you. |
| 00:37:21 |
Fire me. You can't fire me. |
| 00:37:25 |
- Well, l think l just did. |
| 00:37:27 |
Technically, yes. |
| 00:37:29 |
But l promised your parents before |
| 00:37:32 |
- run it into the ground. |
| 00:37:34 |
150% last year. l think we're doing OK. |
| 00:37:38 |
Stop chasing lsabella. |
| 00:37:40 |
- ls that what this is about? |
| 00:37:43 |
You know, call Marisa. |
| 00:37:45 |
The one you told |
| 00:37:47 |
- She hates me. |
| 00:37:49 |
She still makes you cappuccino. |
| 00:37:51 |
ltalian women, they need |
| 00:37:53 |
- Tell her the truth... |
| 00:37:55 |
Tell her the truth |
| 00:37:57 |
l can't tell her anything. |
| 00:38:00 |
She won't even accept my calls. |
| 00:38:01 |
Do you blame her? |
| 00:38:04 |
Hi. |
| 00:38:10 |
- Who needs this, Eric? |
| 00:38:14 |
Oh, look at the happy couple. |
| 00:38:16 |
Jakie B, what are you doing with that fish? |
| 00:38:18 |
Kiss your wife. |
| 00:38:30 |
My fish. |
| 00:38:32 |
He just... |
| 00:38:34 |
He doesn't quite seem up to it these days. |
| 00:38:37 |
l was wondering if |
| 00:38:40 |
take a look at him. |
| 00:38:41 |
l'm sorry, sir, but we don't take care of fish. |
| 00:38:44 |
Why? They're animals too. |
| 00:38:47 |
They're animals, |
| 00:38:49 |
Marine animal doctors take care of fish. |
| 00:38:52 |
That's not our doctor's specialty. |
| 00:38:54 |
OK. |
| 00:38:57 |
How much? |
| 00:39:00 |
Huh? 20? |
| 00:39:04 |
OK, you don't like Mr. Jackson. |
| 00:39:07 |
How about Benjamin? |
| 00:39:11 |
Huh? ls the doctor around? |
| 00:39:12 |
- Are you Michael? |
| 00:39:15 |
Ah, this isn't about the fish. |
| 00:39:18 |
Are you and the doctor involved? |
| 00:39:24 |
ls it that obvious? |
| 00:39:27 |
Let me see what l can do. |
| 00:39:32 |
Hey. |
| 00:39:36 |
l like your dog. |
| 00:39:39 |
Nice. |
| 00:39:43 |
All of these are good. Hey, smile. |
| 00:39:48 |
Mommy, is that man a pedophile? |
| 00:39:52 |
Hey. Paparazzi. |
| 00:39:54 |
Are you serious? |
| 00:39:56 |
- You...you're not the... |
| 00:39:59 |
- On second thoughts... |
| 00:40:01 |
You're wasting my time with your fishy. |
| 00:40:07 |
What, are you too good for a goldfish? |
| 00:40:12 |
You look like a mobile Chinese restaurant. |
| 00:40:17 |
You got an anchovy pizza |
| 00:40:19 |
Hey, real cute. |
| 00:40:23 |
Put your fish on the examining table. |
| 00:40:29 |
- You sit. Sit. |
| 00:40:32 |
have to do this, l mean... |
| 00:40:34 |
- Really... |
| 00:40:36 |
How long's your fish been acting weird? |
| 00:40:39 |
l don't know. A couple of days, l guess. |
| 00:40:42 |
- Why didn't you bring him in sooner? |
| 00:40:45 |
This is a pet fish, isn't it? |
| 00:40:47 |
Look, l don't want to be rude... |
| 00:40:48 |
but do you think maybe |
| 00:40:52 |
l think that might be very helpful. |
| 00:40:59 |
This is Sammy. |
| 00:41:03 |
The owner says he's been lethargic |
| 00:41:06 |
OK, l got it. Thank you. |
| 00:41:13 |
What are you doing? |
| 00:41:15 |
Sammy's been acting a little weird. l... |
| 00:41:18 |
l think he might have pinkeye |
| 00:41:21 |
This isn't a pet. |
| 00:41:22 |
Sammy, don't listen to anything |
| 00:41:25 |
OK. l see through this. |
| 00:41:33 |
We had fun the other night. |
| 00:41:34 |
Fine. l had a good time the other night. |
| 00:41:36 |
All right, l get the fact |
| 00:41:40 |
Well, l really enjoyed your company. |
| 00:41:43 |
No, no, no, no. No. No. |
| 00:41:45 |
What? Just because |
| 00:41:47 |
we can't be friends? |
| 00:41:49 |
- Friends? |
| 00:41:51 |
Like, spend time with each other |
| 00:41:55 |
- And just be friends. |
| 00:41:58 |
- No, we can't. |
| 00:42:02 |
Because... |
| 00:42:06 |
- l'm 33 years old. |
| 00:42:10 |
My biological clock is ticking. |
| 00:42:12 |
l don't have time for friends. |
| 00:42:15 |
So having friends somehow affects |
| 00:42:18 |
- Yes. |
| 00:42:21 |
When a man and a woman are friends... |
| 00:42:23 |
one of them always ends up |
| 00:42:25 |
lf neither is interested... |
| 00:42:27 |
then there's no incentive for the friendship |
| 00:42:31 |
What are you doing Friday night? |
| 00:42:35 |
- None of your business. |
| 00:42:36 |
- l have plans. |
| 00:42:39 |
- You don't. What? |
| 00:42:41 |
Yeah, now that's mature for a 33-year-old. |
| 00:42:43 |
You'd rather stay home alone |
| 00:42:46 |
Because you're sexually attracted to me... |
| 00:42:49 |
and l'm emotionally unavailable. |
| 00:42:51 |
- l have a date. |
| 00:42:53 |
- His name's Michael. |
| 00:42:56 |
No, really. l'm sort of seeing him now. |
| 00:43:01 |
Fine. l get the message. |
| 00:43:10 |
Actually, you know what? |
| 00:43:12 |
Leave Sammy here. |
| 00:43:14 |
Yeah? |
| 00:43:17 |
l'll give him back to you... |
| 00:43:22 |
- Saturday? |
| 00:43:26 |
Are you asking me out on a date? |
| 00:43:29 |
Friends don't date. They hang out. |
| 00:43:40 |
But you told me to go out with her |
| 00:43:42 |
Well, that was before |
| 00:43:44 |
- Don't go. |
| 00:43:47 |
lmagine your balls in a vice grip. |
| 00:43:50 |
That's what her ovaries are doing, |
| 00:43:53 |
- Your sperm. |
| 00:43:56 |
lt's gonna be... |
| 00:43:58 |
- Like hanging out in high school? |
| 00:44:00 |
Like a guy and a girl hanging out. |
| 00:44:02 |
- No, they don't. |
| 00:44:04 |
Because sooner or later, one of them's |
| 00:44:07 |
Play some tonsil hockey. |
| 00:44:11 |
Well, hold on. |
| 00:44:14 |
Exactly. l'm not gonna marry the girl. |
| 00:44:16 |
Just bang her a few times. Then move on. |
| 00:44:23 |
Lesson numero uno. |
| 00:44:27 |
No ltalian man can resist |
| 00:44:31 |
Well, l wouldn't say he's a man. |
| 00:44:34 |
A very good-looking little boy... |
| 00:44:35 |
But this is friendship. Not love. |
| 00:44:37 |
Hey. He and his girlfriend, together, |
| 00:44:41 |
Not married, they not serious. |
| 00:44:43 |
He's what you call fair game. |
| 00:44:46 |
And the quickest way to a man's heart |
| 00:44:49 |
- What if l don't wanna get to his... |
| 00:44:52 |
You want love ltalian-style? |
| 00:44:54 |
There is no mercy, it is a war. |
| 00:44:57 |
And the women are the generals. |
| 00:44:59 |
Go, go. Put that in the pan. |
| 00:45:02 |
And the food! |
| 00:45:08 |
Stir! Stir it, or it'll burn. Stir. |
| 00:45:20 |
- Hey. |
| 00:45:22 |
You're not dressed. |
| 00:45:24 |
You still look good, l mean, l... |
| 00:45:27 |
l would still... |
| 00:45:29 |
No, we're friends. l made us dinner. |
| 00:45:32 |
- Really? |
| 00:45:34 |
- OK. These are for you. |
| 00:45:36 |
- How you doing? |
| 00:45:38 |
- Thank you. |
| 00:45:40 |
- Oh, wow, vinegar. |
| 00:45:42 |
- lnteresting. |
| 00:45:45 |
- How's that? |
| 00:45:48 |
and the carpeted floors, it's... |
| 00:45:51 |
lt's kind of American. |
| 00:45:52 |
l expected more of that ltalian |
| 00:45:56 |
Clean lines everywhere. |
| 00:45:58 |
This place looks more like |
| 00:46:00 |
Wow. You know exactly |
| 00:46:05 |
- Shall we eat? Before it gets cold? |
| 00:46:11 |
- You need help with anything? |
| 00:46:19 |
Sammy? You cooked my fish? |
| 00:46:22 |
- He's cured. No more pinkeye. |
| 00:46:25 |
- He wasn't your pet, Jake. |
| 00:46:29 |
What if l'd brought you a puppy? |
| 00:46:33 |
l don't play games. |
| 00:46:37 |
Yeah? What about the second one? |
| 00:46:40 |
He lied too, but his was much bigger. |
| 00:46:44 |
What did the first one lie about? |
| 00:46:46 |
He claimed he went to undergrad |
| 00:46:48 |
- And? |
| 00:46:50 |
- Oh, no! Come on. |
| 00:46:53 |
and not being able to call himself |
| 00:46:55 |
So you honestly... You dumped the guy... |
| 00:46:57 |
you were considering spending |
| 00:47:00 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:47:02 |
He was my fiancé. |
| 00:47:06 |
So, which one is he? |
| 00:47:08 |
Oh, he's not up there. |
| 00:47:12 |
There's not one picture |
| 00:47:14 |
No! Why keep pictures of people |
| 00:47:17 |
l keep pictures of everybody, |
| 00:47:20 |
But why would you care? |
| 00:47:23 |
l don't know. For me, |
| 00:47:25 |
l don't ever look back. |
| 00:47:28 |
So, what part of ltaly is your family from? |
| 00:47:33 |
They're from the north. From Palermo. |
| 00:47:37 |
Palermo? lsn't... |
| 00:47:39 |
lsn't Palermo in the south, down by Sicily? |
| 00:47:42 |
The northernmost part of the...of the south. |
| 00:47:45 |
They... |
| 00:47:46 |
They're very high... |
| 00:47:49 |
So, it's like... |
| 00:47:52 |
Where do your parents... |
| 00:47:54 |
- l...l can't say. |
| 00:47:56 |
- Were they in the Mafia? |
| 00:47:58 |
Yeah. Come on, where are they from? |
| 00:48:00 |
- ls it that important? |
| 00:48:02 |
- To an ltalian, it's very important. |
| 00:48:05 |
Torino. |
| 00:48:09 |
- l can't believe l just told you that. |
| 00:48:11 |
Your secret's out. |
| 00:48:14 |
- l might have to. |
| 00:48:16 |
All right, so... |
| 00:48:19 |
l mean, so you spend weeks... |
| 00:48:20 |
or even months of your life |
| 00:48:24 |
Like... They just... |
| 00:48:26 |
They're erased, like they never existed? |
| 00:48:28 |
You're a past-dweller. |
| 00:48:30 |
Fine, if holding on to memories |
| 00:48:32 |
- then l'm a past-dweller. |
| 00:48:35 |
Past, present and future. |
| 00:48:37 |
So where does that leave us? |
| 00:48:41 |
You have a girlfriend. |
| 00:48:51 |
l need to know your level of commitment |
| 00:48:54 |
None! There is no relationship. |
| 00:48:56 |
l'm being serious, now. |
| 00:48:59 |
Seriously, l need to know. |
| 00:49:01 |
You do know. There is none. |
| 00:49:05 |
l think l might have found someone. |
| 00:49:07 |
That's great. l'm happy for you, Jake. |
| 00:49:10 |
She knows about us. |
| 00:49:14 |
And l told her, don't worry, l told her. |
| 00:49:16 |
But... lt's just... |
| 00:49:22 |
l don't know, she's...she's different. |
| 00:49:24 |
She doesn't have big boobs |
| 00:49:27 |
No, no, she's got those qualities. |
| 00:49:29 |
But it's just... |
| 00:49:30 |
There's something about her, |
| 00:49:34 |
She's kind of cool. |
| 00:49:37 |
Run through the wild with her, Jake. |
| 00:49:40 |
Make love to her in exotic places. |
| 00:49:43 |
You're free. |
| 00:49:47 |
There is no us. |
| 00:49:58 |
You keep saying that, |
| 00:50:00 |
that once l'm gone, it's forever. |
| 00:50:04 |
Your pictures come off the wall, |
| 00:50:07 |
l'm not a past-dweller, you know. |
| 00:50:24 |
My timing's off, l'm gonna run ahead |
| 00:50:27 |
- l'll meet you at the bridge. |
| 00:50:29 |
- No, Jake, l can't run this slowly. |
| 00:50:31 |
- l'm coming. |
| 00:51:07 |
Good run, huh? |
| 00:51:09 |
Feels good? |
| 00:51:16 |
What are you doing, running off like that? |
| 00:51:18 |
You're a woman, you're gonna... |
| 00:51:20 |
gonna get raped or killed or something. |
| 00:51:22 |
No, l could outrun them. You're the one |
| 00:51:25 |
l'm just saying that it's dangerous, |
| 00:51:27 |
Competitive, aren't we? |
| 00:51:32 |
Whatever, Flo-Jo. |
| 00:51:37 |
- Wow, you look good. |
| 00:51:39 |
The fish looks great. |
| 00:51:43 |
Here. |
| 00:51:45 |
- You got him? |
| 00:51:47 |
- He's cute, right? |
| 00:51:50 |
What, this? |
| 00:51:53 |
- This as in a lobster? |
| 00:51:57 |
l don't even know if l could answer that |
| 00:52:02 |
l just kind of take every day |
| 00:52:04 |
l'm a present-dweller. |
| 00:52:06 |
- Well, the days are coming fast. |
| 00:52:08 |
- Soon there won't be any more. |
| 00:52:12 |
l never thought that much |
| 00:52:15 |
l guess my dreams just kind of found me. |
| 00:52:20 |
All right. |
| 00:52:22 |
Well, the Napoleonic complex... |
| 00:52:24 |
it comes from Napoleon |
| 00:52:28 |
He was pretending to be French. |
| 00:52:30 |
He forgot, you know, |
| 00:52:34 |
That is why, to this day, |
| 00:52:38 |
will not sell napoleons. |
| 00:52:43 |
What...what does that |
| 00:52:46 |
Ah, everything has to do with women. |
| 00:52:50 |
An ltalian woman... |
| 00:52:52 |
they will cook for you, clean, |
| 00:52:56 |
but it is the man's job... |
| 00:52:59 |
to make her want |
| 00:53:05 |
- l think l can handle that. |
| 00:53:08 |
You make her feel special... |
| 00:53:10 |
you make her feel like a woman. |
| 00:53:13 |
Like the song, you know. |
| 00:53:15 |
lt is the man's job to work... |
| 00:53:18 |
to protect la famiglia... |
| 00:53:19 |
to make decisions, to pay the bills... |
| 00:53:22 |
the mortgage, everything, tutto. |
| 00:53:26 |
But it is the woman's job... |
| 00:53:30 |
to make the man want |
| 00:53:34 |
- Capisci? |
| 00:53:37 |
No, no, no, no, no. You're ltalian now. |
| 00:53:41 |
Remember, it is the little things... |
| 00:53:45 |
between the man and the woman |
| 00:54:00 |
- Gimme something about him. |
| 00:54:02 |
- Tell me something. |
| 00:54:04 |
Yes, l do. lf we're going to be friends... |
| 00:54:07 |
then l get to hear about him |
| 00:54:10 |
- My simple but profound advice. |
| 00:54:13 |
talking about, you know, |
| 00:54:19 |
Pretend l'm a homo. |
| 00:54:21 |
A gay man, OK? l'm just saying... |
| 00:54:23 |
that way it'll just roll off of me, l won't care. |
| 00:54:26 |
- Come on. |
| 00:54:28 |
- You asked for it. |
| 00:54:31 |
- l don't mean to complain... |
| 00:54:35 |
But he's kind of boring. |
| 00:54:37 |
- Boring how? |
| 00:54:39 |
- if l'm dating a guy... |
| 00:54:41 |
..he's gotta be a step up from my vibrator, |
| 00:54:45 |
You know, l mean, it's not like |
| 00:54:49 |
but come on, mix it up a little! |
| 00:54:52 |
Throw on an occasional video. |
| 00:54:54 |
Throw it on. |
| 00:54:55 |
l know. |
| 00:54:58 |
l gave him some of my best DVDs. |
| 00:55:02 |
l don't think he's watched |
| 00:55:05 |
For example... |
| 00:55:07 |
the other night, |
| 00:55:09 |
we were doing it doggy-style... |
| 00:55:12 |
on the washing machine. |
| 00:55:14 |
And l slapped him, and... |
| 00:55:17 |
She did what? |
| 00:55:20 |
All right, you might wanna rethink this. |
| 00:55:23 |
Just ask yourself, |
| 00:55:28 |
She's out of my comfort zone. |
| 00:55:29 |
- l would say. |
| 00:55:31 |
Yeah, that is... |
| 00:55:33 |
Here she is. |
| 00:55:38 |
l had a break. |
| 00:55:42 |
- Hi. |
| 00:55:44 |
- Hey, guys. |
| 00:55:46 |
- How you doing? |
| 00:55:49 |
Wow. You know what? lf you guys... |
| 00:55:52 |
lf you cleaned up some of these boxes... |
| 00:55:54 |
Gianluca, Gianluca. |
| 00:55:59 |
- l got a system there. |
| 00:56:04 |
Jake. Do something about this, will you? |
| 00:56:07 |
You need a woman's touch. |
| 00:56:09 |
Don't you have any animals to heal? |
| 00:56:12 |
- Some sick puppies... |
| 00:56:14 |
No, no, no, it's...it's not in our contract... |
| 00:56:18 |
We...we only do |
| 00:56:20 |
it's...it's union rules. |
| 00:56:22 |
- lt's union rules. |
| 00:56:24 |
Jake, take care of this. |
| 00:56:26 |
Yeah. |
| 00:56:28 |
They... He really does |
| 00:56:31 |
- Work. |
| 00:57:06 |
Nobody's gonna spend this much for fish. |
| 00:57:10 |
People wanna pay more. lt makes them |
| 00:57:14 |
- Spoken like a true woman. |
| 00:57:17 |
lf your fish look clean, the sales will soar. |
| 00:57:20 |
l promise. |
| 00:57:36 |
What happened? |
| 00:57:38 |
This is a disaster. |
| 00:57:39 |
What the hell is this? |
| 00:57:42 |
You've straightened my pictures. |
| 00:57:44 |
lt's clean. |
| 00:57:46 |
What do you mean, it's clean? |
| 00:57:49 |
You cleaned my floor. |
| 00:57:52 |
You could eat off this floor. This is awful. |
| 00:57:54 |
- lt's a disaster. |
| 00:57:57 |
lt was her idea. |
| 00:57:59 |
So you're coming this weekend... |
| 00:58:01 |
- to the faculty dinner with me. |
| 00:58:03 |
- Yes. |
| 00:58:06 |
You have to. lt's friendship duties. |
| 00:58:08 |
- lntelligent people bore me. |
| 00:58:10 |
Jake, don't start with me. You're coming. |
| 00:58:12 |
- OK, Mom. |
| 00:58:15 |
- You sound like my mother. |
| 00:58:17 |
- You're a child. |
| 00:58:20 |
ls your family still in Palermo? |
| 00:58:22 |
Palermo? |
| 00:58:24 |
No. |
| 00:58:28 |
Actually, my...my parents are dead. |
| 00:58:30 |
- Shut up, Jake. |
| 00:58:33 |
- Seriously? |
| 00:58:35 |
- lt's OK. l know you didn't know. |
| 00:58:38 |
They...they died during my senior year. |
| 00:58:42 |
- l'm sorry. |
| 00:58:44 |
You know, l loved my family |
| 00:58:46 |
lt was great. My old man, |
| 00:58:49 |
He was such a character. |
| 00:58:52 |
- You want kids? |
| 00:58:54 |
- l'd make a terrible father. |
| 00:58:56 |
Trust me, kids aren't for me. |
| 00:58:59 |
l have a friend who's got three children, |
| 00:59:01 |
That's your girlfriend, Jake. |
| 00:59:05 |
The point is, |
| 00:59:08 |
and now she's stuck in a marriage |
| 00:59:10 |
Wait. Your girlfriend's married? |
| 00:59:14 |
Yeah. |
| 00:59:16 |
Well, l knew her |
| 00:59:19 |
She's been in love with me all along. |
| 00:59:22 |
Are you in love with her? |
| 00:59:26 |
Thank you, Mrs. Vianelli. |
| 00:59:28 |
You. You're slacking off. |
| 00:59:30 |
l'd fire you if l could. |
| 00:59:32 |
- You got a minute? |
| 00:59:35 |
- Right now? |
| 00:59:39 |
- Would you take over for me, please? |
| 00:59:44 |
What's up? |
| 00:59:47 |
- Things good? |
| 00:59:51 |
Classes are good, and... |
| 00:59:54 |
- Yeah, classes are good. |
| 00:59:58 |
What the hell do you want? |
| 01:00:03 |
How much would it cost? |
| 01:00:06 |
How much would what cost? |
| 01:00:10 |
- Counseling. |
| 01:00:12 |
Yes. What are you, a parrot? |
| 01:00:15 |
Counseling! |
| 01:00:19 |
Look, you're almost |
| 01:00:22 |
So...how much would a session cost? |
| 01:00:24 |
You want me to be your psychologist? |
| 01:00:26 |
Yes! But... |
| 01:00:30 |
we can't tell anybody. |
| 01:00:32 |
Of course not. |
| 01:00:34 |
l'm a professional. |
| 01:00:39 |
But, you know... |
| 01:00:42 |
Jeez, Jake. |
| 01:00:44 |
- You're my boss. |
| 01:00:45 |
And that's why |
| 01:00:48 |
Very professional, just... |
| 01:00:50 |
You treat me just like any other patient. |
| 01:00:52 |
OK, but l'd have to charge you |
| 01:00:57 |
- $20 an hour? |
| 01:00:59 |
l pay you twice that in the market! |
| 01:01:02 |
- lt's not all about money, Jake. |
| 01:01:05 |
- you use your education just to... |
| 01:01:07 |
40. All right? You want the session or not? |
| 01:01:11 |
- l think so. |
| 01:01:12 |
- Think so. |
| 01:01:15 |
- Well, when's good for you? |
| 01:01:18 |
- Now? |
| 01:01:19 |
- Now works. |
| 01:01:21 |
- Now? |
| 01:01:24 |
- OK. |
| 01:01:25 |
- So, what do we... |
| 01:01:28 |
And l'll have a seat, and...we can start. |
| 01:01:31 |
- OK. |
| 01:01:33 |
- Why don't we switch? |
| 01:01:34 |
Get over here. See, this is better. |
| 01:01:36 |
Yeah... |
| 01:01:40 |
That's good. Now... |
| 01:01:42 |
Like that. All right. |
| 01:01:47 |
Here we are. |
| 01:01:59 |
So. |
| 01:02:00 |
Mr. Bianchi. |
| 01:02:02 |
Tell me how your troubles began. |
| 01:02:05 |
Do we really have to act like this? |
| 01:02:08 |
Yes! You want a professional |
| 01:02:12 |
Please answer the questions. |
| 01:02:15 |
She's six years older than me, and... |
| 01:02:17 |
- She? |
| 01:02:20 |
- Marisa? |
| 01:02:23 |
just to repeat everything l say, Steve? |
| 01:02:25 |
50. And l'll charge you even more |
| 01:02:28 |
- That's what doctors do. |
| 01:02:31 |
Whatever. |
| 01:02:33 |
lf she is indeed six years |
| 01:02:37 |
l suggest to you, in the vernacular, |
| 01:02:40 |
- What? |
| 01:02:42 |
was playing tonsil hockey |
| 01:02:45 |
while you were a mere spermatozoa... |
| 01:02:47 |
- in your father's scrotal sac. |
| 01:02:50 |
l got an entire relationship, |
| 01:02:53 |
- l see, Mr. Bianchi. |
| 01:02:55 |
- l'm not ltalian. |
| 01:02:58 |
And l'm not even |
| 01:03:00 |
Now, finally, we're getting somewhere. |
| 01:03:02 |
Not a meaningful |
| 01:03:06 |
lf l'm gonna make this work with her, |
| 01:03:08 |
No! Absolutely not. |
| 01:03:11 |
The truth never helps anyone. |
| 01:03:13 |
See, relationships are delicate enough |
| 01:03:17 |
You see, the truth is like pure oxygen, hm? |
| 01:03:20 |
lt can kill you. |
| 01:03:23 |
What? Am l... Am l really |
| 01:03:26 |
lf you love someone, embrace them. |
| 01:03:28 |
And if the truth helps, well, flaunt it. |
| 01:03:30 |
lf it doesn't, avoid the truth like a plague, |
| 01:03:33 |
like a pestilence |
| 01:03:38 |
The valley. |
| 01:03:40 |
Fathers and sons, |
| 01:03:43 |
that should never be repeated. |
| 01:03:45 |
Most of them truthful. |
| 01:03:47 |
But what's important is how they feel. |
| 01:03:50 |
That's what counts. |
| 01:03:54 |
You learnt all this stuff studying? |
| 01:03:56 |
Come on, Jake, you don't |
| 01:04:00 |
This is life, man. Life! |
| 01:04:02 |
And yours truly has lived it. |
| 01:04:05 |
'Scuse me, ladies. |
| 01:04:07 |
Look. Before l forget... |
| 01:04:09 |
l need to get off early tonight, l got plans. |
| 01:04:11 |
Well, you're the boss. |
| 01:04:13 |
l'm going to the community college |
| 01:04:16 |
- English literature. |
| 01:04:19 |
Hey, l'm not gonna spend my whole life |
| 01:04:22 |
- l got dreams too. |
| 01:04:24 |
You love fish. |
| 01:04:27 |
Whatever, man. |
| 01:04:30 |
l always knew you had a thing |
| 01:04:32 |
Yeah. Well, thanks for the support. |
| 01:04:35 |
You got it. |
| 01:04:38 |
She's taking me to her faculty dinner. |
| 01:04:40 |
Don't go. lntellectuals, |
| 01:04:44 |
are very cliquey if you're not on their level. |
| 01:04:46 |
Jake. You should have at least |
| 01:04:49 |
before this bullshit started. |
| 01:04:50 |
l mean, at a minimum, |
| 01:04:57 |
Hey. |
| 01:05:00 |
- You can't wear that. |
| 01:05:03 |
Because you can't wear khaki to a formal. |
| 01:05:05 |
- Let me just... Can l... |
| 01:05:07 |
lf you don't want to take me as l am, |
| 01:05:10 |
Because l wanna take you. |
| 01:05:13 |
Here. Try this on. |
| 01:05:15 |
No. l can't wear that. |
| 01:05:18 |
OK. What about this one? |
| 01:05:22 |
No! None of these. |
| 01:05:23 |
- Why do you want a suit... |
| 01:05:27 |
- That looks good. |
| 01:05:29 |
What's this? |
| 01:05:32 |
This. |
| 01:05:38 |
- Wow. |
| 01:05:42 |
my anniversary suits. |
| 01:05:46 |
lf you really love someone... |
| 01:05:48 |
they don't need something like this. |
| 01:05:54 |
All right. Why don't you tell me |
| 01:05:57 |
This? |
| 01:06:00 |
it's good enough for lvy League snobs. |
| 01:06:02 |
They're not snobs. They're intellectuals. |
| 01:06:04 |
lntellectuals bore me. |
| 01:06:06 |
l won't have anything |
| 01:06:08 |
You're gonna have a good time, l promise. |
| 01:06:11 |
Yeah, we do all our neutering |
| 01:06:14 |
- What about spaying? |
| 01:06:17 |
l think you still need |
| 01:06:22 |
Tonight's a very special night. |
| 01:06:25 |
l am happy to present... |
| 01:06:27 |
this year's Vets Without Borders Award |
| 01:06:30 |
to Dr. Marisa Costa... |
| 01:06:33 |
for her outstanding work |
| 01:06:42 |
Careful, people. She's showing you up. |
| 01:06:45 |
So, here's to Dr. Costa... |
| 01:06:47 |
one of our most cherished colleagues... |
| 01:06:49 |
and her pursuit of knowledge. |
| 01:06:57 |
You were getting an award |
| 01:06:59 |
You don't ask about my work. |
| 01:07:01 |
lt's not just an award. |
| 01:07:03 |
lt's a grant. A $500,000 endowment. |
| 01:07:07 |
Not bad for four years |
| 01:07:09 |
That's what l mean. |
| 01:07:12 |
- You wouldn't have come. |
| 01:07:14 |
What is it you do, Jack? |
| 01:07:18 |
- l work in a fish market. |
| 01:07:23 |
- You sell fish? |
| 01:07:25 |
He owns it. |
| 01:07:27 |
So you're a businessman. |
| 01:07:30 |
Of sorts, yeah. |
| 01:07:32 |
Speaking of business, |
| 01:07:35 |
- She got tenure at the university. |
| 01:07:37 |
- Excellent. |
| 01:07:40 |
85,000 a year. |
| 01:07:44 |
That's it? |
| 01:07:48 |
l'm...l'm just saying, l mean... |
| 01:07:50 |
You're a professor. |
| 01:07:53 |
That's actually a very good salary. |
| 01:07:55 |
- How do you live? |
| 01:07:58 |
l just mean... |
| 01:08:01 |
Wait a minute. |
| 01:08:05 |
Yeah. |
| 01:08:08 |
- Really? |
| 01:08:12 |
The goal of North End Fisheries... |
| 01:08:14 |
is to consistently increase |
| 01:08:16 |
l just recently raised prices in the shop. |
| 01:08:19 |
People will spend more, because |
| 01:08:23 |
As long as l keep my costs down... |
| 01:08:25 |
my revenues are out of the red |
| 01:08:28 |
- Yeah. |
| 01:08:30 |
let's say you had |
| 01:08:32 |
from a certain veterinary researcher... |
| 01:08:35 |
about a new strain of avian flu... |
| 01:08:38 |
that had the potential to kill off |
| 01:08:45 |
How could l make money off that? |
| 01:08:46 |
Well, l guess, in that... |
| 01:08:52 |
you could make a small fortune... |
| 01:08:54 |
short-selling pet supply |
| 01:08:56 |
and at the same time investing |
| 01:09:02 |
Anyway, guys, l hope it was helpful. |
| 01:09:04 |
l don't know, l just figured, you know, if |
| 01:09:08 |
you might as well be financially |
| 01:09:18 |
You really think that guy's gonna |
| 01:09:21 |
Probably. He loved you. |
| 01:09:23 |
Oh, man. Me, the high-school dropout, |
| 01:09:27 |
lt would be so freaking cool. |
| 01:09:30 |
You think they were just humoring me? |
| 01:09:33 |
Like l really just stuck out, like |
| 01:09:36 |
That's your baggage, not theirs. |
| 01:09:38 |
Why are you so upset? |
| 01:09:40 |
l'm not upset, it's just... |
| 01:09:44 |
- You know. |
| 01:09:46 |
- What's up? |
| 01:09:49 |
But l was eclipsed, |
| 01:09:55 |
- Come here. |
| 01:09:58 |
lf l'm gonna be overshadowed... |
| 01:10:00 |
l would at least like it to be by someone... |
| 01:10:02 |
who basks in me when l get home at night. |
| 01:10:06 |
Me. |
| 01:10:08 |
- Good night. |
| 01:10:12 |
You... |
| 01:10:15 |
Seriously? |
| 01:10:39 |
Hello? |
| 01:10:40 |
Hey. |
| 01:10:42 |
Can you buzz me up? |
| 01:10:50 |
You need a slumber party. |
| 01:11:10 |
l was thinking more |
| 01:11:12 |
No! |
| 01:11:14 |
Adult slumber parties aren't as much fun. |
| 01:11:21 |
You just gonna stand there, |
| 01:11:45 |
Nice. |
| 01:11:53 |
You see that line over there? |
| 01:11:56 |
The one that represents friendship. |
| 01:12:00 |
l think it's safe to say |
| 01:12:07 |
- You know what Freud says? |
| 01:12:11 |
He'd say l'd rather be |
| 01:12:33 |
Hey! |
| 01:12:35 |
Beautiful day. Beautiful day! |
| 01:12:37 |
- How you doing? |
| 01:12:39 |
- So? |
| 01:12:45 |
l'm not...l'm not in therapy. |
| 01:12:47 |
Why would you even |
| 01:12:49 |
ls Steve. He tell us all about your... |
| 01:12:52 |
sessions. |
| 01:12:54 |
But don't worry. |
| 01:12:56 |
Your secret is safe with me. |
| 01:12:59 |
He told you that? |
| 01:13:03 |
You know, you need it for some time now. |
| 01:13:14 |
Ah, Marisa! Buongiorno. |
| 01:13:23 |
You've got the glow! |
| 01:13:26 |
Oh, believe me, there's no glow. |
| 01:13:28 |
lt's more of a flame. |
| 01:13:36 |
l don't care. Most historians |
| 01:13:40 |
l don't care what most historians say. |
| 01:13:43 |
l lived through it. |
| 01:13:44 |
And l am telling you... |
| 01:13:46 |
ltaly was never part of the Axis. |
| 01:13:49 |
- Yes, they were. |
| 01:13:52 |
They were not. |
| 01:13:53 |
ls this before or after the war? |
| 01:13:56 |
Before or after! The ltalian people |
| 01:13:59 |
- What? |
| 01:14:02 |
That's another story. |
| 01:14:04 |
Are you shitting me? |
| 01:14:07 |
ls Jake here? l need to speak to him. |
| 01:14:09 |
- What the hell do you want? |
| 01:14:14 |
- lt's not gonna happen. |
| 01:14:16 |
Oh, God. lt's been eight years. |
| 01:14:19 |
Time heals most wounds, |
| 01:14:22 |
- No, no. Hemophiliac. |
| 01:14:25 |
He...he still bleeds. |
| 01:14:28 |
Yeah, well, he doesn't have |
| 01:14:31 |
'Cause l'm back. |
| 01:14:34 |
She's what? |
| 01:14:37 |
lt took you eight years to realize this? |
| 01:14:40 |
Look, l'm sorry |
| 01:14:44 |
l'm here now. |
| 01:14:48 |
lf you want me. |
| 01:14:52 |
Just help me! |
| 01:14:56 |
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, huh? |
| 01:14:58 |
No. Are you kidding me? |
| 01:15:00 |
This...this is... |
| 01:15:02 |
This is the best day of my life. l... |
| 01:15:05 |
This is what l've been dreaming of, right? |
| 01:15:07 |
- You don't act like it. |
| 01:15:10 |
You guys, you showed up |
| 01:15:15 |
l just wasn't sure what to do, that's all. |
| 01:15:17 |
Well, be excited. |
| 01:15:20 |
This is what |
| 01:15:22 |
Yeah, no, l know. l know. |
| 01:15:26 |
This...this is all good. |
| 01:15:30 |
We're soulmates, so... |
| 01:15:34 |
Hey, sweetie. |
| 01:15:36 |
You gonna play? |
| 01:15:41 |
- So, how's it going? |
| 01:15:44 |
No, it's great, you know? lt's... |
| 01:15:47 |
lt's everything l've been dreaming of, so... |
| 01:15:49 |
- lt's good, yeah. |
| 01:15:53 |
Do you want my professional opinion |
| 01:15:56 |
- Which one's more important? |
| 01:15:58 |
- Then give me both. |
| 01:16:00 |
- Professional opinion first? |
| 01:16:04 |
Well, let's see. |
| 01:16:07 |
that you get the heck outta town, |
| 01:16:09 |
move to another state and don't tell |
| 01:16:12 |
- Come on, man, l'm being serious here. |
| 01:16:15 |
Her husband's gonna kill you. |
| 01:16:17 |
He is. He's ltalian, you know. |
| 01:16:19 |
You know what? lf you're just gonna |
| 01:16:22 |
why don't you just come in, pull up a chair |
| 01:16:27 |
You asked. |
| 01:16:29 |
Hey, Pop. Get the counter, will you? |
| 01:16:32 |
- lt's fine, l left a note. |
| 01:16:35 |
He's gonna tell me everything anyway, |
| 01:16:39 |
l ask you as a friend, Jake, |
| 01:16:41 |
Your life is shit. |
| 01:16:43 |
How are you gonna keep any clients? |
| 01:16:45 |
How are you gonna keep your balls? |
| 01:16:51 |
ls this a meeting of minds? |
| 01:16:52 |
Yeah, something like that. |
| 01:16:54 |
Hi, boys. |
| 01:16:56 |
Hola . |
| 01:16:57 |
- How you doing? |
| 01:16:59 |
What's up? |
| 01:17:05 |
- What are these? |
| 01:17:08 |
Fish tags. |
| 01:17:09 |
- Did the Girl Scouts write these? |
| 01:17:12 |
- Like he said, they're fish tags. |
| 01:17:15 |
- ls it really? Thank you. |
| 01:17:18 |
Well, we're gonna go for a walk. |
| 01:17:21 |
Yeah, l'll be right there. l'm just gonna... |
| 01:17:24 |
- l'll meet you outside, OK? |
| 01:17:26 |
Go on. |
| 01:17:29 |
See you, boys. |
| 01:17:32 |
Yeah. Whatever. Keep in touch. |
| 01:17:35 |
- Bye-bye. |
| 01:17:42 |
l know a guy, he makes problems go away. |
| 01:17:45 |
- Your kind of problem. |
| 01:17:50 |
You're never gonna know what happened. |
| 01:17:54 |
You just know... |
| 01:17:56 |
she don't come back. |
| 01:18:00 |
- You got it! |
| 01:18:05 |
They hate me. |
| 01:18:06 |
No... Yeah, they do. They really do. |
| 01:18:10 |
- Do you hate me? |
| 01:18:19 |
Hey! You! |
| 01:18:23 |
lsabella, this is Marisa. |
| 01:18:26 |
Marisa, lsabella. |
| 01:18:29 |
You're Marisa? |
| 01:18:31 |
l've heard so much about you. |
| 01:18:38 |
l... l'm gonna... You just... |
| 01:18:42 |
Marisa! |
| 01:18:47 |
Marisa! Marisa! |
| 01:18:51 |
Come on! |
| 01:18:53 |
Marisa! |
| 01:18:56 |
God! |
| 01:18:58 |
How are you so fast? |
| 01:19:02 |
Oh, what a tangled up web we weave... |
| 01:19:06 |
When first we practice to deceive... |
| 01:19:09 |
- Like the song says. |
| 01:19:12 |
- Huh? |
| 01:19:14 |
lt's Sir Walter Scott. |
| 01:19:16 |
No, forget the poetry. |
| 01:19:18 |
Because right now, |
| 01:19:20 |
to exploit Marisa's latent lesbian side. |
| 01:19:23 |
Now, maybe you invite lsabella |
| 01:19:27 |
- A bit like a mini scrum! |
| 01:19:31 |
That's my boy. |
| 01:19:34 |
Yeah. lt's a good idea. |
| 01:19:39 |
What... Oh, no. |
| 01:19:48 |
We already fixed your fish. Sir! |
| 01:19:50 |
- lt's my son, OK? |
| 01:19:52 |
- Just... |
| 01:19:54 |
- My acquaintance's son, and l gotta... |
| 01:19:57 |
His pet is gonna die if we don't hurry up. |
| 01:20:04 |
- Your antics aren't gonna work. |
| 01:20:08 |
l swear... We just... |
| 01:20:13 |
Jake, these rodents carry diseases. |
| 01:20:17 |
Honey, honey, can l have this? |
| 01:20:19 |
- Can l take this? |
| 01:20:20 |
Just let me look at it real quick, |
| 01:20:23 |
- She's gonna help Chuckie, all right? |
| 01:20:25 |
- She's gonna help fix Chuckie. |
| 01:20:27 |
All right? |
| 01:20:28 |
My God! What are you... |
| 01:20:30 |
What is wrong with veterinary caution? |
| 01:20:34 |
Really? |
| 01:20:36 |
There you go. There you go. |
| 01:20:38 |
Can l talk to you a minute? |
| 01:20:43 |
What, you can't just throw |
| 01:20:46 |
- What kind of mother will you be? |
| 01:20:48 |
But that rat is dead. |
| 01:20:50 |
Then l need you to, like, |
| 01:20:53 |
- What part of ''dead'' did you miss? |
| 01:20:56 |
OK? Switch it with another one, |
| 01:20:58 |
This is not a pet store, it's a doctor's office. |
| 01:21:02 |
Well, it's a veterinarian's office, but... |
| 01:21:06 |
What's this about? |
| 01:21:07 |
lt's about a...a kid and his pet. |
| 01:21:10 |
- And that's it? |
| 01:21:13 |
- That's it. |
| 01:21:16 |
But you came here anyway. |
| 01:21:17 |
lt's an excuse, Jake, it... |
| 01:21:19 |
You really think that l would use |
| 01:21:23 |
- Yeah. |
| 01:21:26 |
You do look nice. |
| 01:21:30 |
- Get out of my office. |
| 01:21:33 |
l told you that l had a girlfriend |
| 01:21:36 |
l thought we crossed that line. |
| 01:21:40 |
Get out, Jake. Out. l mean it. |
| 01:21:42 |
You knew that we were only friends. |
| 01:21:44 |
Yeah, well, you know what? |
| 01:21:52 |
Hey, buddy. |
| 01:21:59 |
l'll buy you a new Chuckie. |
| 01:22:16 |
Hello? |
| 01:22:17 |
Let me speak to my wife, |
| 01:22:20 |
lt's for you. |
| 01:22:26 |
l tried. She doesn't wanna talk to you. |
| 01:22:29 |
When l'm through with you... |
| 01:22:30 |
your balls are gonna be floating |
| 01:22:35 |
OK, just wait there a minute. |
| 01:22:39 |
What? |
| 01:22:42 |
You know what your problem is, man? |
| 01:22:45 |
You don't understand women. |
| 01:22:47 |
You don't. |
| 01:22:49 |
You know, |
| 01:22:51 |
like, romance 'em and stuff. |
| 01:22:53 |
Buy 'em presents. Women love presents. |
| 01:22:56 |
She's my wife. |
| 01:22:58 |
Not getting anywhere with that attitude. |
| 01:23:02 |
They wanna feel like they're |
| 01:23:05 |
You know, like they're wanted. |
| 01:23:09 |
l'm serious. |
| 01:23:11 |
you can be banging her in no time. |
| 01:23:14 |
l don't wanna ''bang'' anyone. |
| 01:23:17 |
l want my family back. |
| 01:23:19 |
Hello? Am l talking to myself here? |
| 01:23:21 |
l want you to have 'em back too, man. |
| 01:23:23 |
l got a room full of kids upstairs, |
| 01:23:26 |
But you gotta win her back from me. |
| 01:23:28 |
Otherwise, she's not gonna respect you. |
| 01:23:31 |
lf you didn't want her, |
| 01:23:35 |
Des... Come on. lt's just... |
| 01:23:37 |
You know, people always want |
| 01:23:39 |
The grass is always greener |
| 01:23:42 |
You're gonna get her back from me. |
| 01:23:44 |
You just gotta chase her. |
| 01:23:47 |
lt's what they want. lt's not so hard. |
| 01:23:52 |
You're an asshole. |
| 01:23:55 |
- l know. |
| 01:23:58 |
Oh, l know. |
| 01:23:59 |
Another beer? |
| 01:24:01 |
Does the Pope shit in the woods? |
| 01:24:07 |
Hello! |
| 01:24:10 |
Marisa! Answer the door! |
| 01:24:14 |
Shut your piehole down there, |
| 01:24:17 |
- Piss off, Blondie. |
| 01:24:20 |
- There's a crazy person at the window. |
| 01:24:23 |
- l'm not coming down. |
| 01:24:25 |
- Hey! |
| 01:24:27 |
- Then talk. |
| 01:24:30 |
- l think it's gonna fall off. |
| 01:24:32 |
- My cock! My johnson! |
| 01:24:36 |
- Jake, stop it. |
| 01:24:38 |
l...l stopped having sex |
| 01:24:41 |
- The chickens got jealous. |
| 01:24:43 |
- Get the hell outta here! |
| 01:24:46 |
- lt's nothing weird or anything, just... |
| 01:24:51 |
- l like to have sex with farm animals! |
| 01:24:53 |
- Shut up! Shut up! |
| 01:24:55 |
ls it so wrong? ls it? |
| 01:24:57 |
- Veterinarian Marisa Costa? |
| 01:25:00 |
- Apartment 302? |
| 01:25:02 |
You drunken bum! |
| 01:25:10 |
Hi. |
| 01:25:11 |
There's nothing you can say |
| 01:25:14 |
OK, fine, maybe...maybe not. |
| 01:25:16 |
But...there's something l have to tell you. |
| 01:25:20 |
Go for it. |
| 01:25:26 |
l'm not ltalian. |
| 01:25:30 |
Go home, Jake. You're drunk. |
| 01:25:32 |
You're drunk. |
| 01:25:37 |
Marisa! |
| 01:25:40 |
l'm Polish. |
| 01:26:00 |
l'm watching you, creep. |
| 01:26:12 |
Hey, buddy. |
| 01:26:25 |
Oh, my God! |
| 01:26:28 |
- Oh, my God! |
| 01:26:30 |
What are you...what are you doing? |
| 01:26:32 |
- What? |
| 01:26:36 |
l'm leaving you, Jake. ln the morning. |
| 01:26:39 |
Then what the hell |
| 01:26:41 |
l didn't wanna wake the kids. |
| 01:26:43 |
Oh, this is just great. |
| 01:27:02 |
- You read this? |
| 01:27:06 |
Yeah, it's awesome. |
| 01:27:14 |
That's it. l'm turning gay. |
| 01:27:16 |
From here on out, it's dick for me. |
| 01:27:19 |
- lt's genetic. lt's not your choice. |
| 01:27:22 |
Freud says there's a sexual continuum. |
| 01:27:25 |
Freud's not always right. |
| 01:27:29 |
Enough! OK? |
| 01:27:31 |
Oh, do we need to explore |
| 01:27:34 |
l can't deal with you today. |
| 01:27:37 |
- Out. Out! |
| 01:27:38 |
- What? |
| 01:27:41 |
- He loves a braciola . |
| 01:27:43 |
What are you doing? What is he doing? |
| 01:27:46 |
Should have done this a long time ago. |
| 01:27:47 |
- What are you... |
| 01:27:49 |
- Huh? |
| 01:27:51 |
- Get out. Out! |
| 01:27:53 |
- Out! |
| 01:27:54 |
Don't push. |
| 01:27:59 |
What don't you understand? |
| 01:28:01 |
She's not here. |
| 01:28:04 |
Fine! |
| 01:28:09 |
- You can't be here. |
| 01:28:12 |
Then you will shrivel up and die waiting. |
| 01:28:23 |
Hey. Stalker boy! |
| 01:28:25 |
lt's time to go. |
| 01:28:27 |
l told you l'm not leaving until l see her. |
| 01:28:30 |
You can't see her. She's not here. |
| 01:28:32 |
She went to ltaly. Vets Without Borders? |
| 01:28:36 |
l've been here all day long. |
| 01:28:38 |
Why didn't you say something? |
| 01:28:42 |
We did! |
| 01:28:44 |
She's my soulmate. |
| 01:28:48 |
There's no such thing as a soulmate. |
| 01:28:50 |
You only want her |
| 01:28:53 |
When you met this broad, |
| 01:28:55 |
- Now you're stuck on the other side. |
| 01:28:57 |
lf you love her, |
| 01:28:59 |
- l didn't bang lsabella. |
| 01:29:01 |
You just didn't have enough time. |
| 01:29:04 |
Transference. |
| 01:29:05 |
You desperately cling |
| 01:29:07 |
in order to hold on to your dead parents. |
| 01:29:10 |
Oh, now this is about my parents. |
| 01:29:12 |
Yes! |
| 01:29:13 |
lt has nothing to do with feelings, |
| 01:29:18 |
lsabella is a literal metaphor. |
| 01:29:21 |
There's no such thing |
| 01:29:25 |
She's a simile. |
| 01:29:26 |
Mr. Walt Whitman here |
| 01:29:28 |
all of a sudden, |
| 01:29:31 |
- Huh? |
| 01:29:35 |
Marisa is letting go |
| 01:29:37 |
Oh, that's deep. |
| 01:29:40 |
You don't need night school for that. |
| 01:29:43 |
Oh, basic stuff? lt's only the basis |
| 01:29:47 |
lf you're calling Freud a second-grader. |
| 01:29:49 |
You know what? |
| 01:29:52 |
- then l guess l'm calling him that. |
| 01:29:55 |
- The first stage is anger. |
| 01:29:58 |
Then denial. |
| 01:29:59 |
You know, when l was your age, |
| 01:30:04 |
They've had airplanes since the 1920s. |
| 01:30:06 |
Commercial airplanes, |
| 01:30:09 |
Details, details. |
| 01:30:12 |
Fly! You know, like the song says. |
| 01:30:15 |
- What song? |
| 01:30:30 |
She's my soulmate. |
| 01:30:32 |
They don't have air-conditioning in ltaly. |
| 01:30:35 |
l don't know why, |
| 01:30:37 |
So, you gotta take some newspaper, |
| 01:30:41 |
wrap it around to keep it moist and fresh. |
| 01:30:45 |
Got it? |
| 01:30:46 |
Now, Francesca |
| 01:30:48 |
- But don't screw this up. |
| 01:30:51 |
- l like this girl. |
| 01:30:52 |
And l want you to come back with this. |
| 01:30:54 |
- OK. All right. |
| 01:30:56 |
l'll kill you if you don't. |
| 01:31:01 |
lt's a beautiful ring. |
| 01:31:03 |
Jackie, do me a favor. |
| 01:31:06 |
Take this for Frankie, and... |
| 01:31:09 |
load it up with a lot of costume jewelry... |
| 01:31:11 |
so the customs'll never know, OK? |
| 01:31:14 |
- Go ahead. Thank you. |
| 01:31:18 |
My cousin there, he'll take care of you. |
| 01:31:21 |
Alessandro has the finest fabrics |
| 01:31:24 |
Except for here. The cut... |
| 01:31:29 |
All right. Thanks, Silvano. |
| 01:32:10 |
Hi. |
| 01:32:11 |
Do-a you-a speak-a English? |
| 01:32:15 |
- Signor Bianchi. |
| 01:32:22 |
Hi. Jake. How you doing? |
| 01:32:25 |
You-a Aunt-a Theresa... |
| 01:32:29 |
said you could-a help-a me out. |
| 01:32:54 |
Buongiorno. |
| 01:32:56 |
You speak English? |
| 01:33:01 |
You speak, like, a little bit of English? |
| 01:33:02 |
A little. |
| 01:33:05 |
l need to find a guest. |
| 01:33:08 |
Veterinarian Marisa Costa? |
| 01:33:11 |
Sì, abbiamo una Dottoressa Costa. |
| 01:33:14 |
No, no. No, no è una dottoressa. |
| 01:33:19 |
No. Ã una Dottoressa. |
| 01:33:24 |
No, no, uh, veterinaria Costa. Italiana. |
| 01:33:27 |
No, non è italiana. à spagnola . |
| 01:33:30 |
La Dottoressa Costa è spagnola . |
| 01:33:33 |
She's ltalian. l know she's ltalian. |
| 01:33:35 |
She told me she's ltalian. |
| 01:33:38 |
So, there you go. |
| 01:33:43 |
Dottoressa Costa. Spagnola . |
| 01:33:54 |
l need a room next to hers. |
| 01:33:57 |
l...l need a...l need a... To sl... |
| 01:33:59 |
Sleep, dormire...next to her room. |
| 01:34:29 |
Perfect. How many nights, sir? |
| 01:34:33 |
Marisa, l know l was a jerk. |
| 01:34:37 |
And l'm sorry. |
| 01:34:40 |
But...l love you so much. |
| 01:34:42 |
And l wanna spend |
| 01:34:52 |
Besides, you lied too. |
| 01:34:54 |
You're Spanish. |
| 01:34:58 |
Don't say that, Jake. Don't. |
| 01:35:05 |
Soulmates. |
| 01:35:15 |
Hey. Can l help you? |
| 01:35:18 |
Yeah. l was...l was looking for my... |
| 01:35:24 |
For my... |
| 01:35:26 |
Do you...do you have any shampoo? |
| 01:35:30 |
- Shampoo? |
| 01:35:34 |
- Yeah. Yeah. Hold on. |
| 01:35:44 |
- There you go. lt's my girlfriend's. |
| 01:35:46 |
- Your girlfriend's. |
| 01:35:48 |
Yeah, so's the robe. |
| 01:35:51 |
You know, just keep it. |
| 01:35:58 |
OK. Bye-bye. |
| 01:36:08 |
You know what l would love |
| 01:36:10 |
- Let's...let's go for a hike. |
| 01:36:13 |
l have to be up at, like, six. |
| 01:36:16 |
OK... |
| 01:36:18 |
Well, you know what? |
| 01:36:20 |
- Gelato? |
| 01:36:22 |
- Really? They got cable. |
| 01:36:24 |
- The cable here? |
| 01:36:26 |
- Three channels. |
| 01:36:27 |
Did you see the German one? l'm sorry. |
| 01:36:34 |
Jake. |
| 01:36:36 |
This is Michael. |
| 01:36:38 |
Michael, this is Jake. |
| 01:36:41 |
- Jake... Boston Jake? |
| 01:36:43 |
- Hey. l've heard a lot about you. |
| 01:36:47 |
- l'm sorry. What? |
| 01:36:49 |
Jake. |
| 01:36:55 |
Will you marry me? |
| 01:37:00 |
No! No, get up. |
| 01:37:02 |
Come on. This thing's |
| 01:37:08 |
- l thought you two were just friends. |
| 01:37:10 |
l miss you so much. |
| 01:37:14 |
l just wanna be with you. |
| 01:37:16 |
Hey, she said no, so... |
| 01:37:19 |
if you don't mind, |
| 01:37:21 |
lt's our anniversary. |
| 01:37:22 |
Two weeks ago this very day, |
| 01:37:25 |
that you couldn't possibly touch |
| 01:37:27 |
Enough, Jake. Seriously. |
| 01:37:29 |
You're kidding, right? |
| 01:37:31 |
Right? |
| 01:37:33 |
This is between Marisa and me. |
| 01:37:36 |
You mess with my woman? |
| 01:37:41 |
Will you marry me? |
| 01:37:46 |
Get up. |
| 01:37:48 |
- Come on. Get up. Up, up, up! |
| 01:37:49 |
Get up. |
| 01:37:52 |
You messed with my woman. |
| 01:37:54 |
l'm gonna kill you. Yeah, |
| 01:37:57 |
and l'm gonna have 'em bronzed. |
| 01:37:59 |
What...what's with the balls? |
| 01:38:00 |
- l mean, you ltalian guys. |
| 01:38:03 |
- Greek complex. That's good. |
| 01:38:05 |
- Rearrange your furniture. |
| 01:38:07 |
Oh, you like peach? |
| 01:38:11 |
Where are you going? |
| 01:38:13 |
- l can do this all night. |
| 01:38:15 |
You asked me if l had a dream. |
| 01:38:21 |
You're my dream. l love you. |
| 01:38:24 |
No, Michael, don't hurt him. |
| 01:38:26 |
You want a hug? |
| 01:38:48 |
- Marisa. |
| 01:38:52 |
Where am l? |
| 01:39:02 |
Are you OK? |
| 01:39:05 |
Did l win? |
| 01:39:07 |
Yeah. You won. |
| 01:39:15 |
Now get up. |
| 01:39:18 |
You get up. |
| 01:39:20 |
We're going for a run. |
| 01:39:23 |
No way. |
| 01:39:26 |
l can't take another ass-kicking. |
| 01:39:38 |
You don't have to humor me. |
| 01:39:41 |
- Your poor face. |
| 01:39:45 |
- l don't remember your answer. |
| 01:39:47 |
Well, are you going to marry me? |
| 01:39:49 |
- Can you beat me to the rocks? |
| 01:39:51 |
- Well, could you at least try? |
| 01:43:14 |
You know no one's gonna buy your |
| 01:43:17 |
Sure they will! A psychologist who's |
| 01:43:20 |
How can anyone not be cured? |
| 01:43:22 |
Steve, why don't you just stay here? |
| 01:43:24 |
Go to Harvard with me. |
| 01:43:27 |
Between us, we could have psychology |
| 01:43:30 |
No, no. l'm through with Boston, |
| 01:43:32 |
California's got enough freaks already... |
| 01:43:34 |
- so l figured Arizona's going to be perfect. |
| 01:43:37 |
- They don't know what they're in for. |
| 01:43:40 |
- Let's get one. l got it. |
| 01:43:42 |
Pop, get in here and take a picture, |
| 01:43:44 |
Just a minute, please. |
| 01:43:46 |
Now, your last name Baba? |
| 01:43:49 |
Baba. That's not ltalian. |
| 01:43:51 |
No, it's Romanian. |
| 01:43:53 |
But Romania is called such |
| 01:43:56 |
The Romans went into my city of laÅi, |
| 01:44:02 |
Have you...have you ever been to ltaly? |
| 01:44:05 |
Yes, sir. When l was 15. l worked in a café, |
| 01:44:08 |
but l did not speak the language |
| 01:44:10 |
And a piece of paper... |
| 01:44:15 |
- You speak ltalian? |
| 01:44:18 |
But l can learn more. |
| 01:44:20 |
Yeah. Do you like...fish? |
| 01:44:22 |
Oh, l love fish. l grew up by a river, |
| 01:44:24 |
Yeah. Can you clean a halibut? |
| 01:44:27 |
Oh, yes, very, very quickly, |
| 01:44:30 |
- Yes. |
| 01:44:32 |
Now, most important. |
| 01:44:34 |
Do you like ltalians? |
| 01:44:38 |
Of course l love ltalians. |
| 01:44:40 |
- Everybody wants to be ltalian! |
| 01:44:43 |
You got the job. |
| 01:44:46 |
Yes. |
| 01:44:53 |
That's enough |
