|
Frequently Asked Questions About Time Travel
|
| 00:01:32 |
(Man, American accent) |
| 00:01:35 |
It'll turn your brain into |
| 00:01:38 |
Best not to think about it. |
| 00:01:40 |
Best just to get on |
| 00:01:43 |
which is destroying the enemy |
| 00:01:45 |
and have a chance to threaten us. |
| 00:01:48 |
We're expecting |
| 00:01:50 |
as the ancestors of our enemies |
| 00:01:54 |
or indeed spines. |
| 00:01:57 |
But that does not change the fact |
| 00:01:59 |
evolve into a species that may |
| 00:02:02 |
And for that reason we are going |
| 00:02:06 |
that will turn the surface of their |
| 00:02:10 |
because we are the Planetary Peace Corps |
| 00:02:15 |
Now, are you nappy-wearing motherfuckers |
| 00:02:24 |
(All wail) |
| 00:02:29 |
What? No-no-no-no! Shh! |
| 00:02:31 |
(lrish accent) |
| 00:02:35 |
- (Alarm siren) |
| 00:02:38 |
(Screaming) |
| 00:02:41 |
- Liftoff. |
| 00:02:44 |
- (Siren) |
| 00:04:04 |
(Man on PA) Due to technical difficulties, |
| 00:04:11 |
Due to technical difficulties, |
| 00:04:19 |
Two for one at Dinoburger. |
| 00:04:22 |
(Blandly) |
| 00:04:24 |
It doesn't even make any sense. |
| 00:04:27 |
Toby, don't start. |
| 00:04:29 |
All right, love? |
| 00:04:32 |
We're encouraging people to eat dinosaurs, |
| 00:04:35 |
- Why would we do that? |
| 00:04:38 |
- We should be dressed as cavemen. |
| 00:04:42 |
You were the same on the Ghost Train. |
| 00:04:44 |
That wasn't logical, either. |
| 00:04:48 |
There is no way they would team up |
| 00:04:51 |
Stop thinking! |
| 00:04:53 |
- Yeah... |
| 00:04:55 |
(Toby) |
| 00:04:57 |
We can't think much, cos a dinosaur's |
| 00:05:01 |
As far as talking goes, |
| 00:05:03 |
(Screeches) |
| 00:05:06 |
(Loud screech) |
| 00:05:08 |
(Continues screeching) |
| 00:05:11 |
Tobe, Tobe, Toby! |
| 00:05:12 |
Stop it! You want to be careful |
| 00:05:16 |
I heard of this one guy |
| 00:05:18 |
Actually thought he was a Space Ranger. |
| 00:05:20 |
Traumatised a load of kids. |
| 00:05:23 |
Oh, hello, Ray. |
| 00:05:26 |
Pete. Tobe. |
| 00:05:29 |
- It was a crappy job, anyway. |
| 00:05:31 |
- (Child) Loser. |
| 00:05:33 |
(Dying screech) |
| 00:05:38 |
So, what are you gonna do? |
| 00:05:41 |
I don't know. |
| 00:05:44 |
- taking that job at my uncle's place. |
| 00:05:47 |
- We can get you another job here. |
| 00:05:51 |
Barry Burp's Bubble Ride? |
| 00:05:54 |
- High turnover cos of the chlorine in the eyes. |
| 00:05:57 |
But there should be more to life |
| 00:06:02 |
Maybe it's time to get real. |
| 00:06:05 |
So... |
| 00:06:08 |
In an ideal world, |
| 00:06:11 |
- I don't know. Comic shop? |
| 00:06:15 |
Astronaut? |
| 00:06:17 |
Yeah, cool! |
| 00:06:19 |
But I mean your absolute dream job? |
| 00:06:24 |
No limits? |
| 00:06:26 |
Well, it's obvious. |
| 00:06:28 |
It's got to be Time Lord. |
| 00:06:29 |
Oh, come to daddy! Ooh. |
| 00:06:33 |
- Four minutes, 32. |
| 00:06:37 |
- What's this? |
| 00:06:38 |
He reckons you'll mention time travel |
| 00:06:41 |
You're making bets on me? |
| 00:06:43 |
On the day I get fired, |
| 00:06:45 |
He did. I didn't want to. |
| 00:06:48 |
I do talk about other things. |
| 00:06:49 |
What? Like sky-fi? |
| 00:06:53 |
How many times? It's not "sci-fi", Pete, |
| 00:06:57 |
or "SF", |
| 00:07:01 |
Jesus. |
| 00:07:04 |
I can! |
| 00:07:05 |
I do. |
| 00:07:08 |
Some girls are into science fiction. |
| 00:07:10 |
You see, that's your problem, Ray. |
| 00:07:14 |
With tits. |
| 00:07:16 |
(Both laugh) |
| 00:07:19 |
In fact, your ideal girl is him. |
| 00:07:23 |
I object to that! |
| 00:07:26 |
(Ray) Now that was a shit film. |
| 00:07:30 |
"Dear Hollywood, you're shit." |
| 00:07:33 |
How hard can it be to make a film |
| 00:07:35 |
I've got millions of great ideas. |
| 00:07:37 |
- Like what? |
| 00:07:39 |
Come on, |
| 00:07:42 |
OK. |
| 00:07:46 |
Right. |
| 00:07:48 |
Prepare to be amazed. |
| 00:07:51 |
Ninja Yodeller. |
| 00:07:54 |
Are you just, like, |
| 00:07:57 |
No. Yodeller by day, |
| 00:08:00 |
Oh, yeah, because the other way around |
| 00:08:04 |
No, you've got like ninjas |
| 00:08:07 |
Yodellers, really loud. |
| 00:08:11 |
Torn between two worlds. |
| 00:08:13 |
He's really thought about this. |
| 00:08:15 |
OK, you know the way sometimes |
| 00:08:19 |
like on purpose, |
| 00:08:22 |
Yeah? |
| 00:08:23 |
Is this one? |
| 00:08:26 |
Yeah, you got me. |
| 00:08:28 |
(Both laugh) |
| 00:08:30 |
- Nearly had you, though. |
| 00:08:32 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:08:34 |
Ninja yodeller. |
| 00:08:36 |
- How is your real script going? |
| 00:08:39 |
Besides, every writer |
| 00:08:43 |
Have some experiences, fresh ones, |
| 00:08:46 |
Really? I thought a writer |
| 00:08:51 |
Yeah. That's the eternal |
| 00:08:55 |
We should discuss it. |
| 00:08:57 |
- Give me that. |
| 00:08:58 |
Oh, you thieving get! |
| 00:09:01 |
- I said that! |
| 00:09:03 |
- Oh! Ray said that? |
| 00:09:05 |
Give it to me. Give me my book. |
| 00:09:07 |
Come on! |
| 00:09:12 |
(Toby) You'll see. One day I'll be famous |
| 00:09:18 |
"Dear Hollywood, please stop making |
| 00:09:24 |
"Here are a few tips to help you out. |
| 00:09:27 |
"One: story is king. |
| 00:09:31 |
- This is eating into our drinking time. |
| 00:09:34 |
Er, remakes, Jude Law... |
| 00:09:37 |
(Trumpets) |
| 00:09:38 |
"Han shot first. |
| 00:09:40 |
"More Firefly and/or Serenity. |
| 00:09:45 |
Well, that's Hollywood sorted. |
| 00:09:47 |
(Ray) Shall we move on |
| 00:09:50 |
- Pen's running out. |
| 00:09:52 |
- (Coughs) Nerds! |
| 00:09:54 |
Didn't we all agree to stop |
| 00:09:57 |
I didn't agree to anything. |
| 00:09:58 |
"Nerd" is the word they use |
| 00:10:00 |
- You should use the term..."imagineer". |
| 00:10:05 |
(Splutters, laughs) |
| 00:10:11 |
You are just threatened. |
| 00:10:13 |
You're threatened because |
| 00:10:16 |
What's to understand? |
| 00:10:18 |
- I hated it, never looked back. |
| 00:10:21 |
The first one with the big, |
| 00:10:26 |
- You mean Star Wars, don't you? |
| 00:10:30 |
No. No, they're not. |
| 00:10:33 |
- He knows. |
| 00:10:37 |
Or even an imagineer. |
| 00:10:39 |
- Better. |
| 00:10:42 |
Whose round is it? |
| 00:10:44 |
Mm-mm! |
| 00:10:45 |
- I got the last round. |
| 00:10:48 |
I paid for you to get into Scandals. |
| 00:10:50 |
I paid for the cloakroom. |
| 00:10:51 |
- I brought teabags round when you ran out. |
| 00:10:55 |
The snug's less busy. |
| 00:10:57 |
(Toby) |
| 00:11:00 |
(Toby) Thanks. |
| 00:11:08 |
(Toby) |
| 00:11:10 |
- Jesus, you took your time! |
| 00:11:12 |
- I'll get the next round. |
| 00:11:17 |
What? |
| 00:11:18 |
It's a lot of effort to go to. |
| 00:11:22 |
What are you talking about? |
| 00:11:24 |
Cassie. Next door. |
| 00:11:28 |
- Cassie? |
| 00:11:31 |
Come on, guys. |
| 00:11:34 |
- You set it up. |
| 00:11:37 |
Yeah. Look, whatever. |
| 00:11:41 |
I think I might actually |
| 00:11:44 |
I see why you think it'd be a wind-up. |
| 00:11:45 |
- You want to hear what happened or not? |
| 00:11:48 |
Go on. Make her double-jointed. |
| 00:11:50 |
Ignore him. Come on. |
| 00:11:53 |
OK. |
| 00:12:00 |
(Woman) Hello, Ray. |
| 00:12:02 |
Hi. |
| 00:12:04 |
Erm... I'm sorry. Do I know you? |
| 00:12:07 |
I'm Cassie. |
| 00:12:09 |
You don't know me, |
| 00:12:12 |
At least, I feel like I do. |
| 00:12:15 |
I've read all about you. |
| 00:12:18 |
- All about me? |
| 00:12:20 |
From your perspective, |
| 00:12:24 |
Haven't been written yet, |
| 00:12:28 |
Exactly! |
| 00:12:31 |
Ah. Ah, I see. |
| 00:12:35 |
- You're a time traveller. |
| 00:12:39 |
I didn't say I believed her. |
| 00:12:40 |
- You've invented a girlfriend! |
| 00:12:43 |
"Time-travelling hottie visits time-travel fan." |
| 00:12:46 |
It's not a bad idea. |
| 00:12:47 |
- How far back in time have you come? |
| 00:12:50 |
And where's your time machine? |
| 00:12:52 |
Inside me. |
| 00:12:53 |
Oh! That's handy, isn't it? |
| 00:12:57 |
Is it like a little pill? |
| 00:12:59 |
Uh, no, it's hard-wired into my bones which |
| 00:13:03 |
So it's flexible, |
| 00:13:07 |
Are you a space-lady? |
| 00:13:10 |
(High-pitched voice) |
| 00:13:12 |
- Phone home. |
| 00:13:14 |
No, I repair time leaks. |
| 00:13:17 |
- Sounds exciting. |
| 00:13:19 |
No, it's not. Really. |
| 00:13:21 |
It's quite dull. |
| 00:13:23 |
- This is the only perk of the job. |
| 00:13:26 |
Meeting famous people from history. |
| 00:13:29 |
Me? |
| 00:13:30 |
I read that you would be in here |
| 00:13:34 |
I just couldn't pass up a chance |
| 00:13:39 |
It's what she said. |
| 00:13:40 |
- "Ray the Great"! |
| 00:13:43 |
So, what other famous people, |
| 00:13:48 |
Have you met Einstein or Elvis? |
| 00:13:51 |
You know what you should do? |
| 00:13:55 |
- That's a classic. |
| 00:13:57 |
- You're no fun. |
| 00:14:00 |
It's trying to erase |
| 00:14:02 |
- Like Hitler. |
| 00:14:04 |
But, a lot of the time, |
| 00:14:08 |
Like, Paris Hilton? |
| 00:14:11 |
Who? |
| 00:14:12 |
Brilliant. |
| 00:14:13 |
Well, um, yeah, |
| 00:14:17 |
just because they don't like them or don't |
| 00:14:21 |
They are totally psychotic, Ray. |
| 00:14:24 |
There's even one bunch of Editors who try to |
| 00:14:29 |
I don't get it. |
| 00:14:30 |
Well, it's to avoid a decline in quality. |
| 00:14:33 |
It would be like killing, say... |
| 00:14:36 |
Kevin Costner right after |
| 00:14:38 |
- You could do Morrissey. |
| 00:14:41 |
No. Just generally. |
| 00:14:43 |
- George Lucas after Jedi? |
| 00:14:46 |
Mm-mm. You'd miss the Ewok battle. |
| 00:14:48 |
Who cares? |
| 00:14:50 |
I care. |
| 00:14:52 |
Let's see how good |
| 00:14:54 |
What is... the grandfather paradox? |
| 00:14:58 |
I... (Chuckles) |
| 00:15:01 |
I've got to be honest with you, Ray, |
| 00:15:05 |
It was like a brick. |
| 00:15:08 |
Yes. Sure. |
| 00:15:12 |
- It's only history we're messing with. |
| 00:15:16 |
I can safely talk to you because everyone |
| 00:15:21 |
So? |
| 00:15:22 |
So, no one will believe you |
| 00:15:25 |
Very clever, Ray. |
| 00:15:27 |
- Double bluff. I like it. |
| 00:15:30 |
What about Chaos Theory? |
| 00:15:33 |
Oh! Yes, of course. |
| 00:15:36 |
Chaos Theory is the idea |
| 00:15:43 |
when you take that... quantum leap... |
| 00:15:46 |
OK, erm, bit of advice. |
| 00:15:48 |
When you are talking about this stuff, |
| 00:15:53 |
OK, well, I will. |
| 00:15:55 |
I'll bear that in mind, thank you. |
| 00:15:57 |
Chaos Theory is the idea that |
| 00:16:00 |
Because you delayed |
| 00:16:02 |
all the things I was going to do |
| 00:16:05 |
That has a knock-on effect, |
| 00:16:08 |
So, so wait, that means you're |
| 00:16:12 |
which means you're going to go |
| 00:16:15 |
My God, Ray, you're right. |
| 00:16:24 |
Do you have any idea how rare it is |
| 00:16:28 |
who doesn't have everything pierced? |
| 00:16:30 |
How do you know I haven't? |
| 00:16:32 |
(Whimpers) |
| 00:16:34 |
Um, listen, |
| 00:16:37 |
I'll tell the guys what a good job you did. |
| 00:16:39 |
Have they paid you yet? |
| 00:16:41 |
Not in a stripper kind of way |
| 00:16:45 |
But you'd make a fine one. |
| 00:16:49 |
Well put. |
| 00:16:51 |
No. Thank you. I have to go actually. |
| 00:16:56 |
Oh, no. What's the rush? |
| 00:16:58 |
I've got a time leak to find, |
| 00:17:00 |
Of course. |
| 00:17:03 |
OK. Er, well... |
| 00:17:08 |
Hey, in the future maybe. |
| 00:17:11 |
Yeah, maybe. |
| 00:17:13 |
Could you? I'm sorry. |
| 00:17:17 |
Thanks. |
| 00:17:21 |
Bye, Ray. |
| 00:17:23 |
Bye. |
| 00:17:24 |
Not bad. Not bad at all. |
| 00:17:27 |
Can't really say I'm buying |
| 00:17:31 |
A bit too Terminator. |
| 00:17:33 |
No, but I like the sexy time traveller. |
| 00:17:35 |
- How does it end? |
| 00:17:38 |
- She was real. |
| 00:17:41 |
You know how you can pay a prostitute |
| 00:17:45 |
No, I don't. |
| 00:17:46 |
Someone who knows Ray well |
| 00:17:49 |
She was nice! |
| 00:17:51 |
You didn't even sleep with her. |
| 00:17:55 |
- She wasn't a prostitute. |
| 00:17:58 |
- You know why? |
| 00:17:59 |
Cos she'd have shagged you |
| 00:18:06 |
Eh? Eh? Come on. Come on. |
| 00:18:09 |
Thank you. Thank you. |
| 00:18:10 |
My name's Pete |
| 00:18:12 |
Down those and we'll catch |
| 00:18:15 |
I'm going to take a leak. |
| 00:18:17 |
(¶ Bonnie Tyler: Total Eclipse Of The Heart) |
| 00:18:19 |
- Oh! Because of the future thing? Ah. |
| 00:18:21 |
¶ Every now and then I fall apart |
| 00:18:24 |
¶ And I need you now, tonight |
| 00:18:28 |
¶ And I need you more than ever |
| 00:18:31 |
¶ And if you'll only hold me tight |
| 00:18:34 |
¶ We'll be holding on forever |
| 00:18:37 |
¶ And we'll only be making it right |
| 00:18:41 |
¶ Cos we'll never be wrong |
| 00:18:43 |
¶ Together we can take it |
| 00:18:46 |
¶ Your love is like a shadow on me |
| 00:18:52 |
¶ I don't know what to do |
| 00:18:55 |
¶ We're living in a powder keg |
| 00:18:59 |
¶ I really need you tonight |
| 00:19:02 |
¶ Forever's gonna start tonight |
| 00:19:06 |
¶ Forever's gonna start tonight |
| 00:19:09 |
¶ Once upon a time I was falling in love |
| 00:19:12 |
¶ Now I'm only falling apart |
| 00:19:16 |
¶ There's nothing I can say |
| 00:19:18 |
¶ A total eclipse of the heart |
| 00:19:27 |
¶ Now I'm only falling apart |
| 00:19:31 |
¶ There's nothing I can say |
| 00:19:33 |
¶ A total eclipse of the heart ¶ |
| 00:19:36 |
(¶ Bucks Fizz: Land Of Make Believe) |
| 00:20:08 |
(Pete) |
| 00:20:14 |
It's me. |
| 00:20:16 |
(Glass smashes) |
| 00:20:54 |
(Chatter) |
| 00:21:25 |
¶ ... total eclipse of the heart |
| 00:21:32 |
¶ A total eclipse of the heart ¶ |
| 00:21:39 |
- Are we off, then? |
| 00:21:42 |
I will see your time-travelling hottie |
| 00:21:45 |
Is that piss on your jeans? |
| 00:21:50 |
No. Not all of it. |
| 00:21:54 |
Bollocks. |
| 00:21:55 |
Couldn't this be the leak |
| 00:21:58 |
- So you believe me now, do you? |
| 00:22:01 |
After what I've just seen, |
| 00:22:03 |
Guys, I just saw my own dead face. |
| 00:22:05 |
Whoo-ooh-ooh! |
| 00:22:08 |
Go in yourself. You'll see. |
| 00:22:10 |
I don't know. I mean... |
| 00:22:13 |
It's, it's like a |
| 00:22:17 |
- You guys... |
| 00:22:20 |
- (Toby) Are you winding us up? |
| 00:22:22 |
Look, something very bad |
| 00:22:25 |
I've just had a premonition |
| 00:22:28 |
Then why don't you just leave? If you're |
| 00:22:32 |
- Go home? |
| 00:22:33 |
Because it's not tonight. The other me, |
| 00:22:38 |
Oh, I see. Little beard. |
| 00:22:41 |
A tenner says something happens |
| 00:22:43 |
Another bet? What trick have you |
| 00:22:47 |
This is great. |
| 00:22:48 |
Come on. Let's all go. |
| 00:22:50 |
No chance. I'm staying right here. |
| 00:22:52 |
Well, get my money ready. |
| 00:22:54 |
- Come on. |
| 00:23:08 |
- (Man) Are those two dead? |
| 00:23:13 |
Are those two dead? |
| 00:23:17 |
Oh. No, not yet. |
| 00:23:22 |
- Whaa! |
| 00:23:24 |
Pack it in! |
| 00:23:27 |
- Hello, Petey. Change your mind? |
| 00:23:31 |
Eurgh! It certainly smells |
| 00:23:34 |
Shit-shit-shit! |
| 00:23:36 |
If you've got anything planned, |
| 00:23:38 |
I haven't got anything planned. |
| 00:23:41 |
Nope. |
| 00:23:42 |
Oh, shit. I'm in again. Oh, shit. |
| 00:23:44 |
- Ray, check the loos. |
| 00:23:47 |
He's probably got some bloke |
| 00:23:51 |
Or something even more brilliant. |
| 00:23:56 |
Ooh! It really does stink in here. |
| 00:23:58 |
- You might as well just pay me now. |
| 00:24:03 |
- It's Pete's bullshit you can smell. |
| 00:24:06 |
This isn't a wind-up. |
| 00:24:10 |
Do you really want to see the future? |
| 00:24:12 |
I'd love to. |
| 00:24:14 |
OK. You've got to do exactly |
| 00:24:17 |
What do you mean? |
| 00:24:20 |
(All) ¶ If you'll only hold me tight |
| 00:24:22 |
¶ We'll be holding on forever... |
| 00:24:25 |
I can't believe I'm doing this. |
| 00:24:26 |
I feel like I'm doing the conga |
| 00:24:28 |
¶ Cos we'll never be wrong... |
| 00:24:30 |
- Is this really necessary? |
| 00:24:32 |
- Don't look. I can't do it. |
| 00:24:36 |
¶ Together we can make it |
| 00:24:39 |
¶ Your love is like a shadow on me |
| 00:24:43 |
Right, hold on. |
| 00:24:44 |
(Toby) For what? There must be |
| 00:24:49 |
- It's a science experiment. |
| 00:24:55 |
Now, hold on tight for this bit. |
| 00:24:56 |
¶ I don't know what to do |
| 00:25:00 |
¶ We're living in a powder keg |
| 00:25:03 |
Here's an idea. Instead of a time machine |
| 00:25:07 |
maybe they could have one with a dial, |
| 00:25:10 |
Something crazy like that. |
| 00:25:12 |
¶ I really need you tonight... |
| 00:25:14 |
Oh, God! |
| 00:25:16 |
¶ Forever's gonna start tonight... |
| 00:25:18 |
(All mumble) |
| 00:25:20 |
¶ Once upon a time |
| 00:25:23 |
¶ Now I'm only falling apart... |
| 00:25:25 |
Pete, do you really do this |
| 00:25:28 |
- Tenner says something happens. |
| 00:25:31 |
But it's gotta be something definite, |
| 00:25:35 |
Not just some bollocks weirdy feeling. |
| 00:25:38 |
OK. |
| 00:25:41 |
¶ Nothing I can say |
| 00:25:43 |
¶ A total eclipse... of the heart ¶ |
| 00:25:53 |
(Chatter) |
| 00:25:54 |
- What's that I can hear? |
| 00:25:56 |
Oh, come on. |
| 00:26:09 |
(Chatter) |
| 00:26:11 |
Oh, my God! |
| 00:26:18 |
I don't know what happened out there, |
| 00:26:22 |
I'm going to get some peanuts now. |
| 00:26:25 |
- Pay up. |
| 00:26:27 |
- What are you, 12? |
| 00:26:30 |
(Toby) |
| 00:26:32 |
Always has been, always will be. |
| 00:26:34 |
(Pete) This is eating into |
| 00:26:40 |
Oh! Hey. |
| 00:26:42 |
- Someone's got our seats, Ray. |
| 00:26:45 |
- They looked familiar, didn't they? |
| 00:26:48 |
There's spare seats in the snug. |
| 00:26:50 |
- That's not really the problem. |
| 00:26:52 |
I think you'd better go |
| 00:26:58 |
(Ray) Shall we move on |
| 00:27:00 |
(Toby) |
| 00:27:02 |
(Ray) |
| 00:27:03 |
- (Coughs) Nerds! |
| 00:27:05 |
(Ray) Didn't we all agree |
| 00:27:08 |
(Pete) |
| 00:27:10 |
(Toby) "Nerd" is the word |
| 00:27:13 |
(Ray) You should use |
| 00:27:21 |
Shall we get the fuck out of here? |
| 00:27:24 |
- So, what do we do now, Ray? |
| 00:27:26 |
- This is your thing. |
| 00:27:29 |
My thing is reading books about this shit, |
| 00:27:32 |
What about the rules? |
| 00:27:35 |
- Yeah, but it depends who you read. |
| 00:27:39 |
- Like what? |
| 00:27:43 |
Not just butterflies, |
| 00:27:46 |
because it wipes out all its descendants and you |
| 00:27:52 |
Don't sleep with anyone. |
| 00:27:54 |
- That's just sick! |
| 00:27:56 |
We haven't gone back to The Blitz. |
| 00:27:58 |
- You asked for rules, I'm giving you rules. |
| 00:28:02 |
- What else? |
| 00:28:04 |
My mind is on other things right now. |
| 00:28:06 |
No. I mean, don't touch the other us. |
| 00:28:08 |
We can't bump into |
| 00:28:12 |
Why? Couldn't we just warn them |
| 00:28:15 |
No, we can't, |
| 00:28:17 |
- A what? |
| 00:28:19 |
they don't go back in time, and if that |
| 00:28:24 |
It's a variant on the grandfather paradox. |
| 00:28:26 |
Fucking hate sci-fi. |
| 00:28:28 |
Science fiction. |
| 00:28:29 |
So, do we go back in the toilets? |
| 00:28:31 |
No! That could take us anywhere. |
| 00:28:33 |
But last time it took him back |
| 00:28:36 |
Yeah, but it also took me |
| 00:28:39 |
- He's right, it's not predictable. |
| 00:28:44 |
I think I've got an idea. |
| 00:28:47 |
(Pete) Hiding in a cupboard? |
| 00:28:50 |
(Pete) That's going to stop me being dead? |
| 00:28:53 |
We wait for the earlier us to go into the loos |
| 00:28:56 |
(Pete) How long d'you think that's gonna be? |
| 00:29:00 |
Oh, you're joking. |
| 00:29:03 |
Ow, ow. Hot! |
| 00:29:06 |
(Pete) Bugger. Ow! |
| 00:29:09 |
(Ray) |
| 00:29:11 |
(Stumbling sound) |
| 00:29:13 |
(Toby) Oh! |
| 00:29:14 |
(Ray) |
| 00:29:16 |
(Commotion) |
| 00:29:20 |
(Sighing) |
| 00:29:23 |
(Ray) |
| 00:29:33 |
- Maybe leave the light off. |
| 00:29:42 |
Anyone want a peanut? |
| 00:29:43 |
No. |
| 00:29:46 |
I really thought time travel |
| 00:29:50 |
Mm. I know what you mean. |
| 00:29:53 |
Oh! Oh, no, wait a minute. |
| 00:29:56 |
- Oh, my God! |
| 00:30:00 |
We're half an hour in the past. |
| 00:30:03 |
Oh! |
| 00:30:04 |
(Muffled conversation) |
| 00:30:07 |
(Ray) Have they paid you yet? |
| 00:30:09 |
Not in a stripper kind of way |
| 00:30:13 |
But you'd make a fine one. |
| 00:30:18 |
Wait a minute. |
| 00:30:20 |
What's this? |
| 00:30:23 |
I can-I can feel a |
| 00:30:25 |
There's... |
| 00:30:27 |
There's a whole other world back here |
| 00:30:32 |
Is there? |
| 00:30:34 |
No! |
| 00:30:36 |
Dick. |
| 00:30:39 |
I love Narnia. |
| 00:30:43 |
Bye, Ray. |
| 00:30:49 |
Cassie! Cassie! |
| 00:30:52 |
Ray, I really have to go. |
| 00:30:55 |
Oh, no, no, no! You think I'm him? |
| 00:30:57 |
I'm not him. |
| 00:31:00 |
We really need your help. First of all, |
| 00:31:04 |
Sorry about doubting you there and sorry |
| 00:31:09 |
OK. |
| 00:31:11 |
And second of all, |
| 00:31:13 |
It's in the gents. |
| 00:31:18 |
Oh, oh, very good. Very good. |
| 00:31:20 |
- So the leak is... |
| 00:31:23 |
Yes, yes! It seems the universe |
| 00:31:26 |
And it's very funny and quick too. |
| 00:31:29 |
You don't believe me. |
| 00:31:31 |
Touché. |
| 00:31:32 |
Oh, no. No, no! |
| 00:31:33 |
This is for real, OK? |
| 00:31:37 |
OK, well, I've got to go climb back |
| 00:31:42 |
Look, why else would I have two men |
| 00:31:45 |
I'll see you around, |
| 00:31:49 |
Wait, Cassie! Cassie! |
| 00:31:54 |
I think it's time we had |
| 00:31:59 |
- So you're sure we're OK out here? |
| 00:32:02 |
No one's due out in the garden |
| 00:32:05 |
- OK. Good. |
| 00:32:12 |
This is a bit of a new look for you. |
| 00:32:13 |
- Do you like it? |
| 00:32:15 |
I mean, you know, it's very nice. |
| 00:32:19 |
Well, not from my point of view. |
| 00:32:21 |
It actually took quite a bit of time |
| 00:32:24 |
- Oh, yeah? How long? |
| 00:32:28 |
So, you just went through the door, |
| 00:32:32 |
- and then came back out... |
| 00:32:35 |
Wow! |
| 00:32:38 |
Oh, thank you. |
| 00:32:42 |
So, it's erm... |
| 00:32:43 |
It's all sorted, then, |
| 00:32:47 |
Yep. All sorted. |
| 00:32:51 |
Are you sure? |
| 00:32:52 |
Ray, I didn't spend the last |
| 00:32:56 |
I'm a professional. |
| 00:32:57 |
Hmm. |
| 00:33:00 |
So, what was all this about, then? |
| 00:33:02 |
I'm sorry, I can't tell you. |
| 00:33:04 |
What. Why not? |
| 00:33:05 |
That knowledge is anachronous |
| 00:33:08 |
That sounded like you really knew |
| 00:33:11 |
I know. I know! |
| 00:33:13 |
It's great, isn't it? |
| 00:33:14 |
I did what you told me and started saying |
| 00:33:18 |
even if I don't have a clue. |
| 00:33:21 |
It's just had an amazing effect. |
| 00:33:25 |
Really? |
| 00:33:28 |
You got a promotion? |
| 00:33:29 |
Well, I got off probation. |
| 00:33:34 |
Mmm. That's pretty much the same. |
| 00:33:36 |
Yeah. |
| 00:33:39 |
And what did you reckon |
| 00:33:45 |
- Ray, you hid in a cupboard. |
| 00:33:49 |
I mean, sure, |
| 00:33:52 |
Will you stop it with the manual? |
| 00:33:58 |
So, how do we get back |
| 00:34:01 |
Well, er, we're nearly there, anyway. |
| 00:34:06 |
- So we just wait? |
| 00:34:08 |
In the cupboard? |
| 00:34:10 |
I'm afraid so. |
| 00:34:13 |
No glowing portal? |
| 00:34:15 |
No vortex? No big star ship? |
| 00:34:18 |
Just sit and wait in the cupboard? |
| 00:34:20 |
Yeah. |
| 00:34:24 |
Not exactly the glamour that |
| 00:34:27 |
I did warn you. |
| 00:34:31 |
Any chance I could wait |
| 00:34:34 |
Why? |
| 00:34:35 |
Just, erm, because... |
| 00:34:39 |
It's better than wedging myself |
| 00:34:44 |
- Not a good thing. |
| 00:34:47 |
So, we'll just hang out |
| 00:34:49 |
Yeah. That would be nice. |
| 00:34:53 |
(Door opens) |
| 00:34:56 |
I thought you said |
| 00:34:59 |
Yeah. |
| 00:35:00 |
Oh, it's... not a problem. |
| 00:35:05 |
Uh, I'm just going to go check that out and |
| 00:35:11 |
- But everything's going to be OK? |
| 00:35:23 |
Well, they do say that things |
| 00:35:29 |
Thank God. |
| 00:35:31 |
Things taste better outside. |
| 00:35:34 |
Twat. |
| 00:35:38 |
(Screaming) |
| 00:35:40 |
- Hang on. |
| 00:35:42 |
This is it. |
| 00:35:43 |
Hello, Petey. Change your mind? |
| 00:35:45 |
No. Just gonna watch from here. |
| 00:35:47 |
(Pete) Shit-shit-shit! |
| 00:35:58 |
- Where are you going? |
| 00:36:00 |
- You can't go in there! |
| 00:36:02 |
I'm sure she has, |
| 00:36:09 |
Oh, my... Just go to the ladies. |
| 00:36:12 |
Ladies? |
| 00:36:15 |
(Farting) |
| 00:36:20 |
I'm confused. |
| 00:36:21 |
(Toby) You're pissing in the ladies, |
| 00:36:24 |
So, the other versions of us |
| 00:36:28 |
Oh, you see? |
| 00:36:31 |
To me it's just crazy talk. |
| 00:36:33 |
I quite like it in the ladies. |
| 00:36:35 |
I'm so confused. |
| 00:36:37 |
Look, Pete, |
| 00:36:39 |
All you need to know is that |
| 00:36:42 |
and everything is going to be OK. |
| 00:36:51 |
Did you get that girl's number, Ray? |
| 00:36:53 |
Oh, shit. |
| 00:36:55 |
- You said she had fixed it. |
| 00:36:58 |
Maybe she didn't expect us |
| 00:37:01 |
And we didn't do that conga thing. |
| 00:37:03 |
Yeah, maybe that wasn't vital. |
| 00:37:07 |
- Oh, fuck this, lads. |
| 00:37:10 |
- Maybe he's got the right idea. |
| 00:37:14 |
Don't go in! |
| 00:37:16 |
Oh! Oh, thank God! |
| 00:37:19 |
It's so good to see you again, |
| 00:37:22 |
- What the hell happened to you? |
| 00:37:27 |
Let's never speak of this again. |
| 00:37:29 |
Er, Pete... |
| 00:37:30 |
- Have you got shit on you? |
| 00:37:33 |
They won't attack you |
| 00:37:35 |
- Who won't? |
| 00:37:38 |
Ray, what shall we do now? |
| 00:37:42 |
Don't know. |
| 00:37:43 |
- Shall we go back into the toilets? |
| 00:37:45 |
No! |
| 00:37:46 |
It's not safe. |
| 00:37:48 |
We need weapons and food. |
| 00:37:51 |
What the hell did happen to you? |
| 00:37:53 |
I really don't want to talk about it. |
| 00:37:55 |
All I will say is that weapons and food |
| 00:38:03 |
Oh! Maybe we'll have a look around |
| 00:38:06 |
Yeah. Sounds like a plan. |
| 00:38:17 |
(Coughing) |
| 00:38:27 |
(Ray) |
| 00:38:38 |
- You're a little bit excited, aren't you? |
| 00:38:41 |
Come on, it's the... It's the future. |
| 00:38:45 |
I've always wanted to go there. |
| 00:38:46 |
(Pete) |
| 00:38:48 |
No more running. No more hiding. |
| 00:38:50 |
You know, for someone |
| 00:38:54 |
he can be quite chatty, can't he? |
| 00:38:56 |
Weapons and food. |
| 00:39:32 |
Crisp, anyone? |
| 00:39:43 |
Have you checked |
| 00:39:49 |
May... |
| 00:39:51 |
...2094. |
| 00:39:54 |
How do they taste? |
| 00:39:57 |
Off. |
| 00:40:01 |
So, whose round is it? |
| 00:40:04 |
- Ah... |
| 00:40:06 |
Guys... |
| 00:40:08 |
- I think I've seen us. |
| 00:40:10 |
One time I bumped into three guys |
| 00:40:15 |
Like we are now. |
| 00:40:16 |
Only I didn't recognise us. |
| 00:40:19 |
Us? In the future? |
| 00:40:21 |
- Must have been. |
| 00:40:24 |
It's time travel. |
| 00:40:28 |
Did we look well? |
| 00:40:31 |
Yeah, I suppose so. |
| 00:40:32 |
Too busy running in the |
| 00:40:38 |
Come on. |
| 00:40:41 |
Whoa, whoa! What? |
| 00:40:45 |
I think we've all got the idea, |
| 00:40:48 |
The future is broken. |
| 00:40:49 |
We have to have a little look around. |
| 00:40:53 |
Are you serious? |
| 00:40:54 |
- Have you actually looked out there? |
| 00:40:58 |
In a bad area, windows get put through, |
| 00:41:02 |
That is the end of the fucking world! |
| 00:41:04 |
Ray, don't you want to go home? |
| 00:41:07 |
Of course I do. |
| 00:41:11 |
The way home isn't out there, |
| 00:41:16 |
I really do, and every time I go in and come out, |
| 00:41:20 |
One day I will be. |
| 00:41:23 |
Pete, exactly how long |
| 00:41:25 |
Long enough to know |
| 00:41:29 |
- That doesn't sound good. |
| 00:41:32 |
Or that. |
| 00:41:34 |
Let's just sit down, |
| 00:41:37 |
and-and-and wait for rescue, OK? |
| 00:41:42 |
Rescue? No one knows we're here. |
| 00:41:44 |
At least out there |
| 00:41:47 |
- Like who? |
| 00:41:49 |
Oh, like friendly future people |
| 00:41:52 |
You're living in a dream world, |
| 00:41:56 |
I'm going to go |
| 00:41:58 |
Thanks, Pete. |
| 00:41:59 |
Not for the fire. |
| 00:42:02 |
And when I get back, you two, |
| 00:42:06 |
because I'm not going alone again. |
| 00:42:11 |
What's up with you? |
| 00:42:13 |
What? |
| 00:42:14 |
How many times have we talked |
| 00:42:17 |
I'm not going out there. |
| 00:42:19 |
Those look like the sort of streets |
| 00:42:21 |
Besides, I haven't really got |
| 00:42:26 |
There's always something, |
| 00:42:28 |
"Oh, I couldn't send my script out, |
| 00:42:32 |
"I couldn't go to that job interview, |
| 00:42:35 |
"I can't go exploring, |
| 00:42:38 |
That last one is quite a good one. |
| 00:42:40 |
No, it's fine. You just... |
| 00:42:45 |
For rescue. |
| 00:42:49 |
And you call yourself an imagineer. |
| 00:43:41 |
Ray? |
| 00:43:43 |
Ray! |
| 00:43:44 |
Toby! |
| 00:43:47 |
Pete! |
| 00:43:48 |
What's going on? Are you OK? |
| 00:43:56 |
Is everything all right out here? |
| 00:44:00 |
Oh, my God. |
| 00:44:14 |
What does it mean, Ray? |
| 00:44:18 |
- It's us. |
| 00:44:25 |
Your woman said you'd get famous, right? |
| 00:44:28 |
Well, maybe we all do. |
| 00:44:31 |
- What for? |
| 00:44:34 |
Maybe we form a band. |
| 00:44:38 |
Can anybody play anything? |
| 00:44:41 |
Maybe we learn. |
| 00:44:43 |
And maybe it's not a band. |
| 00:44:47 |
Do you think they did it from photos |
| 00:44:51 |
- We're dressed as we are now. |
| 00:44:55 |
(Crackling) |
| 00:44:56 |
Whoa! |
| 00:44:59 |
- What was that? |
| 00:45:01 |
A noise. |
| 00:45:02 |
There is no noise. |
| 00:45:04 |
(Ray) Pete? |
| 00:45:06 |
(Clanging) |
| 00:45:07 |
Shit. What the fuck was that? |
| 00:45:11 |
- Sounded like mandibles. |
| 00:45:13 |
- It's what insects eat with. |
| 00:45:15 |
Big insects. |
| 00:45:16 |
There was another sound, |
| 00:45:18 |
(Pete) Big, moaning insects. |
| 00:45:22 |
No, wait. |
| 00:45:24 |
- It needn't be insects. It could be... anything. |
| 00:45:30 |
You know, |
| 00:45:33 |
(High-pitched noise) |
| 00:45:38 |
(Squeaking) |
| 00:45:58 |
- I think we got a little bit spooked over nothing. |
| 00:46:03 |
- What kind of things? |
| 00:46:05 |
No, no! I will not sshhh! |
| 00:46:07 |
- Toby, leave him alone. |
| 00:46:10 |
He's covered in shit and scared shitless. Don't |
| 00:46:15 |
Aren't you just a little curious |
| 00:46:18 |
Sshh! |
| 00:46:20 |
One time I came in here |
| 00:46:25 |
And I fell... |
| 00:46:27 |
It must have been when ground level |
| 00:46:32 |
I landed in a wood. |
| 00:46:35 |
If it was the past, our fossil records |
| 00:46:40 |
But I wasn't the first to fall. |
| 00:46:42 |
- You met other people? |
| 00:46:47 |
There was things in that wood |
| 00:46:52 |
The breathing. |
| 00:46:54 |
The noises. |
| 00:46:57 |
The screams. |
| 00:46:59 |
(Loud yell) |
| 00:47:00 |
(Ray) |
| 00:47:03 |
(Toby) |
| 00:47:04 |
(Pete) Shit-shit-shit! |
| 00:47:07 |
(Toby) If you have anything planned, |
| 00:47:10 |
It's us! |
| 00:47:12 |
(Pete) |
| 00:47:14 |
- We can warn ourselves. |
| 00:47:18 |
Exactly. |
| 00:47:27 |
(Toby) |
| 00:47:29 |
He's probably got some bloke |
| 00:47:31 |
Not a fucking sound. |
| 00:47:35 |
Oh. Really does stink in here. |
| 00:47:37 |
(Toby) You might as well |
| 00:47:40 |
It's like a dung-ey, zoo-ey... |
| 00:47:44 |
- It's Pete's bullshit you can smell. |
| 00:47:46 |
(Pete) |
| 00:47:49 |
- Do you really want to see the future? |
| 00:47:54 |
You've got to do exactly what I did. |
| 00:47:56 |
(Ray) |
| 00:47:59 |
(Pete) |
| 00:48:00 |
¶ A total eclipse... of the heart |
| 00:48:15 |
They've gone. |
| 00:48:16 |
(Groans) |
| 00:48:18 |
Oh, that's just great! |
| 00:48:21 |
I could have saved myself. Saved us! |
| 00:48:23 |
- Pete, we'll cease to exist! |
| 00:48:27 |
If I get the chance to warn myself again, |
| 00:48:30 |
To hell with anyone |
| 00:48:32 |
Oh, shit! |
| 00:48:35 |
- I was wondering when that would happen. |
| 00:48:38 |
Pete, no! |
| 00:48:40 |
(Shouting) |
| 00:48:48 |
What is this? |
| 00:48:49 |
OK, Ray. Keep it together. What would |
| 00:48:52 |
(Toby) There's hundreds of us. |
| 00:48:56 |
Did Pete touch himself? Is this what |
| 00:48:59 |
They aren't us, Tobe. |
| 00:49:02 |
Ah, well, that's all right, then. |
| 00:49:05 |
OK, what we need to do now |
| 00:49:10 |
(¶ Bucks Fizz: Land Of Make Believe) |
| 00:49:22 |
¶ Run for the sun, little one |
| 00:49:25 |
¶ You're an outlaw once again |
| 00:49:28 |
¶ Time to change, |
| 00:49:35 |
¶ In the land of make believe... |
| 00:49:46 |
Tobe? I think I know why everyone |
| 00:49:49 |
- Why? |
| 00:49:52 |
A fan theme night, |
| 00:49:55 |
Come on! |
| 00:49:58 |
- What makes you think that? |
| 00:50:04 |
Fans... of us. |
| 00:50:07 |
- Do you think we're here? |
| 00:50:09 |
The famous future us. |
| 00:50:11 |
Oh, my God. I hope not. |
| 00:50:17 |
- Yes. It is me. Hello! |
| 00:50:22 |
Chill out, Ray. These are my people! |
| 00:50:24 |
- No, they're not, and this isn't even our time! |
| 00:50:29 |
No, we can't. |
| 00:50:31 |
Now this is what I call a future. |
| 00:50:33 |
Well, tough. Because we are just here |
| 00:50:38 |
So you just stay where I can see you. |
| 00:50:42 |
Oh! |
| 00:50:47 |
Guys? Is it the real you? |
| 00:50:50 |
- It's the real us. |
| 00:50:52 |
- Did you touch yourself? |
| 00:50:56 |
- The whole world is full of us! |
| 00:50:59 |
Yes, Pete. |
| 00:51:02 |
I want you to promise me |
| 00:51:05 |
No. |
| 00:51:06 |
What's that? |
| 00:51:07 |
Someone slapped it on me. |
| 00:51:10 |
- He won the Pete lookalike competition. |
| 00:51:15 |
I wonder if they did one for me? |
| 00:51:24 |
OK, let's go. |
| 00:51:26 |
- Oh, guys! |
| 00:51:28 |
Look. |
| 00:51:31 |
Oh! |
| 00:51:33 |
(Toby) |
| 00:51:34 |
I'm writing. |
| 00:51:36 |
I'm Jesus... |
| 00:51:42 |
It's that letter to Hollywood. |
| 00:51:44 |
This isn't my fault as well, is it? |
| 00:51:47 |
This is probably something else, Pete. |
| 00:51:50 |
- Are you sure it's that letter? |
| 00:51:55 |
It has to be that. |
| 00:51:57 |
Someone does a painting of us |
| 00:52:00 |
Of course it sounds stupid |
| 00:52:03 |
You ripped that page |
| 00:52:06 |
- Yeah, and? |
| 00:52:11 |
Might have been. |
| 00:52:13 |
- Might have been? |
| 00:52:17 |
Every time I come up with a genius idea, |
| 00:52:19 |
or one of you says something stupid, |
| 00:52:23 |
God, it could be anything. |
| 00:52:25 |
- It doesn't matter what it is. |
| 00:52:28 |
Well, you don't do paintings of nobodies. |
| 00:52:33 |
I think it is safe to say, |
| 00:52:38 |
Then why aren't we smiling? |
| 00:52:39 |
(Toby) I don't know. |
| 00:52:43 |
- Maybe it's a memorial? |
| 00:52:46 |
His woman said she'd fixed it. |
| 00:52:48 |
She said she'd fixed the time leak |
| 00:52:52 |
If Cassie said that we are safe, |
| 00:52:54 |
I trust her. |
| 00:52:56 |
- Are you sure? |
| 00:53:00 |
- Let's go. |
| 00:53:03 |
Got to finish this drink. |
| 00:53:05 |
Where did you get that? |
| 00:53:07 |
Some waiter guy. |
| 00:53:09 |
- Like to stock up on the buffet while we're here? |
| 00:53:13 |
Oh! |
| 00:53:14 |
Hey, guys. The cavalry's here. |
| 00:53:17 |
- Cassie says hello. |
| 00:53:19 |
I trained her. |
| 00:53:21 |
But you can call me Millie. Hi! |
| 00:53:25 |
(Ray) |
| 00:53:26 |
We have been looking |
| 00:53:29 |
Oh, so... Wh... Is... Are we safe? |
| 00:53:32 |
Oh, well, officially I can't comment, |
| 00:53:37 |
(All exclaim in relief) |
| 00:53:40 |
But I still get rich and famous? |
| 00:53:42 |
Officially I cannot comment but, |
| 00:53:45 |
Yes! |
| 00:53:48 |
- So how do we get out of here? |
| 00:53:50 |
- OK. |
| 00:53:52 |
Come on! |
| 00:53:53 |
OK, a little bit weird but, erm, |
| 00:54:00 |
Come on! |
| 00:54:08 |
I thought she'd do something more |
| 00:54:12 |
Yeah, me too. |
| 00:54:14 |
So, are we back? |
| 00:54:22 |
We're back! |
| 00:54:24 |
Yeah, but at what time |
| 00:54:33 |
We can't slag off sequels. |
| 00:54:37 |
- Like? |
| 00:54:40 |
Mad Max II, Godfather II... |
| 00:54:43 |
(Ray) Yeah, well for every |
| 00:54:46 |
- I wish they'd hurry up and bugger off. |
| 00:54:50 |
Look at us. Not a care in the world. |
| 00:54:52 |
They have no idea what's in store. |
| 00:54:55 |
(Toby) |
| 00:55:02 |
OK, ladies. |
| 00:55:05 |
I think it's worth the risk. |
| 00:55:10 |
Going to get some peanuts. |
| 00:55:12 |
(Pete) Didn't shake hands. |
| 00:55:15 |
(Pete) I swear to you. |
| 00:55:22 |
Where are my crisps? |
| 00:55:24 |
The bar was a little busy. |
| 00:55:26 |
Maybe later. |
| 00:55:29 |
(Toby) |
| 00:55:31 |
(Ray) |
| 00:55:35 |
(Toby) |
| 00:55:37 |
Well, they say that |
| 00:55:40 |
- And you've travelled a lot. (Sniggers) |
| 00:55:44 |
- Are those two dead? |
| 00:55:48 |
Are those two dead? |
| 00:55:50 |
Oh, no, not yet. |
| 00:55:54 |
Finally! |
| 00:56:06 |
Are we ready, children? |
| 00:56:08 |
- Come on! |
| 00:56:12 |
(All exclaim) |
| 00:56:15 |
Well, I never! |
| 00:56:17 |
It's nuts. |
| 00:56:18 |
I never would have |
| 00:56:24 |
So, do we just leave it here? |
| 00:56:26 |
Yeah. Yeah, I assume someone |
| 00:56:33 |
I think, er... |
| 00:56:38 |
You feel good about it, Tobe? |
| 00:56:41 |
It was my idea. |
| 00:56:42 |
My idea. |
| 00:56:44 |
Our idea. |
| 00:56:45 |
You might have come up with the seed, |
| 00:56:48 |
Yes, but without our seed |
| 00:56:52 |
Yeah, you got mud. |
| 00:56:53 |
All right. |
| 00:56:56 |
Screw that! |
| 00:56:58 |
Fine by me. |
| 00:57:00 |
I need a piss. |
| 00:57:03 |
- Yes, I'll go outside. |
| 00:57:06 |
Oh-ho. Yeah. Good times. |
| 00:57:11 |
I want my own island. |
| 00:57:25 |
(Woman clears throat) Hi! |
| 00:57:27 |
Hi! |
| 00:57:28 |
(Laughs) |
| 00:57:30 |
I was, er, hoping you'd come back. |
| 00:57:32 |
Obviously not at that precise moment |
| 00:57:42 |
So, how long has it been for you |
| 00:57:45 |
Oh, another six months. |
| 00:57:48 |
Oh. |
| 00:57:49 |
This time it's for real. |
| 00:57:52 |
Yeah, it was for sorting all this out, so... |
| 00:57:57 |
- You want to ask me if I read the whole manual. |
| 00:58:02 |
Well, Ray, I am rewriting the manual. |
| 00:58:04 |
Good for you. |
| 00:58:08 |
So, erm, |
| 00:58:11 |
Oh, you know, just a quiet drink |
| 00:58:14 |
Very dull. |
| 00:58:17 |
- I did meet this one girl though. |
| 00:58:20 |
- She said she was from the future. |
| 00:58:23 |
She was just... |
| 00:58:27 |
...awful. |
| 00:58:28 |
- Oh! |
| 00:58:31 |
...great. |
| 00:58:34 |
You know, I'd never thought I'd say it but... |
| 00:58:39 |
I don't know. |
| 00:58:43 |
What are you talking about? |
| 00:58:47 |
Oh? That's very funny. |
| 00:58:49 |
Cassie, I'm deadly serious. |
| 00:58:53 |
It brought us to this pub |
| 00:58:57 |
You were searching for us. Millie and you |
| 00:59:01 |
- Causal Adjust is another name for the Editors. |
| 00:59:05 |
I told you about them. |
| 00:59:08 |
- Millie is an Editor, Ray! |
| 00:59:11 |
She brought us back here! |
| 00:59:14 |
Why do you think? To kill you! |
| 00:59:16 |
Oh, no! |
| 00:59:18 |
What do we do? |
| 00:59:19 |
OK, well, I'm going to go get help. |
| 00:59:21 |
- You just stay put. |
| 00:59:24 |
- It's not safe in there! |
| 00:59:26 |
Look, you bring help and I'll, er... |
| 00:59:30 |
I'll do what I can. |
| 00:59:31 |
Ray! |
| 00:59:34 |
Please be careful. |
| 00:59:44 |
Whoa! |
| 00:59:46 |
- Guys, we're screwed! |
| 00:59:48 |
Millie is an Editor. |
| 00:59:49 |
- A what? |
| 00:59:51 |
Remember, they kill people at their |
| 00:59:55 |
- This... This was ours. |
| 01:00:00 |
No-no-no! Wait. There's no point. |
| 01:00:03 |
They'll only find us, |
| 01:00:06 |
What do we do, Ray? |
| 01:00:08 |
That's odd. I can't get a signal. |
| 01:00:11 |
We burn this. |
| 01:00:12 |
- What? |
| 01:00:14 |
- Without this they have no reason to kill us. |
| 01:00:18 |
- Cassie said... |
| 01:00:20 |
- Tobe, I saw this place full of bodies. |
| 01:00:24 |
If you burn that, we don't get rich, |
| 01:00:27 |
We don't get dead! |
| 01:00:28 |
I've come up with a lot of ideas, |
| 01:00:31 |
- Tobe! |
| 01:00:33 |
I don't mind because I thought, |
| 01:00:37 |
one day I'd come up |
| 01:00:39 |
What if this is it? |
| 01:00:42 |
My one chance. |
| 01:00:45 |
- Don't ruin it, Ray. |
| 01:00:49 |
- You've always hated my ideas! |
| 01:00:53 |
Guys, guys! OK, guys. |
| 01:00:56 |
Just, Pete, give me the lighter. |
| 01:00:59 |
(Commotion) |
| 01:01:06 |
Pete, what's up with this? |
| 01:01:08 |
Two months in a wood trying to stay alive, |
| 01:01:11 |
OK. You keep trying. |
| 01:01:17 |
- Give me a go. |
| 01:01:18 |
- Give me a go! |
| 01:01:19 |
I'll be fine, just give me a go. |
| 01:01:21 |
Excuse me. (Clears throat) |
| 01:01:23 |
- Hi! |
| 01:01:25 |
- We're on our own. I'm offline. |
| 01:01:28 |
My time machine inside me, |
| 01:01:30 |
- Give me the letter. Just give it me. |
| 01:01:33 |
- Give me the fucking letter, Pete! |
| 01:01:37 |
And so you deny me three times. |
| 01:01:40 |
You're Judas! |
| 01:01:42 |
Excuse me! |
| 01:01:45 |
What's your point? |
| 01:01:47 |
In the Bible, |
| 01:01:50 |
You fat twat! |
| 01:01:53 |
Hey! That's enough, lads! |
| 01:01:55 |
(Man) |
| 01:01:56 |
Get off me, you bell-end! |
| 01:02:06 |
This is it. |
| 01:02:12 |
Hi! |
| 01:02:15 |
I have seen the original before, |
| 01:02:19 |
so to be here tonight with the |
| 01:02:23 |
Whew! It's just such a rush. |
| 01:02:26 |
But I am sorry to say, |
| 01:02:30 |
You don't change or add to culture |
| 01:02:34 |
This is what you're always |
| 01:02:36 |
so why not go out with a bang |
| 01:02:40 |
Get away from him, you bitch! |
| 01:02:43 |
Hello! I'm sorry. |
| 01:02:49 |
Er, yeah, which you got |
| 01:02:52 |
Centuries behind your time. |
| 01:02:54 |
So, what is it? |
| 01:02:57 |
What is it? |
| 01:03:01 |
I'll tell you... (Clears throat) |
| 01:03:04 |
It's a Mark IV Corbomite Assault Staff. |
| 01:03:07 |
The Planetary Peace Corp's best friend. |
| 01:03:09 |
It'll work in an absolute vacuum |
| 01:03:12 |
Cold fusion battery, good for 50 years. |
| 01:03:15 |
It fires homing plasma orbs that will |
| 01:03:19 |
Really? Well... |
| 01:03:23 |
You didn't, like, mention its range. |
| 01:03:25 |
I'd hit you from here. |
| 01:03:31 |
Now get off the big guy. |
| 01:03:38 |
Millie. |
| 01:03:42 |
The future generations leading from |
| 01:03:45 |
Chaos Theory on a massive scale... |
| 01:03:46 |
Oh! |
| 01:03:48 |
(Groans) |
| 01:03:50 |
(Ray) Cassie! |
| 01:03:51 |
Cassie! |
| 01:03:52 |
Right, that's it! |
| 01:03:56 |
(Screaming and commotion) |
| 01:03:58 |
Oh, stop it. Fucking stop it. |
| 01:04:00 |
Everybody freeze! |
| 01:04:02 |
- Ain't nobody going nowhere. |
| 01:04:06 |
You see any weapons, Ray? |
| 01:04:08 |
See, my time machine |
| 01:04:12 |
So, to drop my weapons |
| 01:04:15 |
yeah, 12 hours of surgery. |
| 01:04:18 |
You know what? |
| 01:04:19 |
(Southern accent) I think we're gonna |
| 01:04:23 |
Oh, unless of course, you're bluffing. |
| 01:04:26 |
Unless, of course, |
| 01:04:28 |
that is a plastic toy gun |
| 01:04:35 |
Oh, pooh. |
| 01:04:40 |
That's a nice try. |
| 01:04:43 |
I messed up, Ray. |
| 01:04:44 |
- I'm sorry. |
| 01:04:46 |
All in all, |
| 01:04:50 |
I travelled through time. |
| 01:04:52 |
You know what? |
| 01:04:54 |
I am sensing a little bit of resistance |
| 01:05:02 |
Toby, all you have to do is destroy |
| 01:05:07 |
and you get to live to write another day in |
| 01:05:13 |
Wow! |
| 01:05:14 |
Or you could give it to me |
| 01:05:19 |
What do you say? |
| 01:05:24 |
Come on, Tobe. |
| 01:05:27 |
I just need a little time to think. |
| 01:05:29 |
What is there to think about? |
| 01:05:32 |
It's not that simple! |
| 01:05:36 |
(Screaming) |
| 01:05:38 |
Uh, uh, uh-uh, uh. |
| 01:05:41 |
Now this is his choice and his alone. |
| 01:05:45 |
(¶ Bucks Fizz: Land Of Make Believe) |
| 01:05:49 |
Oh, no! The song! |
| 01:05:50 |
This fucking song! |
| 01:05:52 |
If there was one thing |
| 01:05:56 |
it would not be the song |
| 01:05:59 |
Time's up! |
| 01:06:02 |
Now, what's it gonna be? |
| 01:06:13 |
(Gasps) |
| 01:06:21 |
(Millie) Toby! |
| 01:06:31 |
Fuck you. |
| 01:06:33 |
Chuck it! |
| 01:06:39 |
Nooooooo! |
| 01:06:53 |
(Screaming) |
| 01:07:03 |
(¶ Bucks Fizz: Land Of Make Believe) |
| 01:07:53 |
(Coughs) |
| 01:08:37 |
(Glass smashes) |
| 01:08:54 |
(Distorted sound) |
| 01:09:40 |
- Wow! |
| 01:09:44 |
(Chatter) |
| 01:09:53 |
- Did you do that? |
| 01:09:55 |
With my pint? |
| 01:09:58 |
- Were we just dead? |
| 01:10:00 |
But now we're not. |
| 01:10:03 |
- No. |
| 01:10:06 |
- I knocked a pint onto this. |
| 01:10:10 |
I knocked Pete's pint onto this, |
| 01:10:13 |
so no one could read it. |
| 01:10:15 |
So, the future then changed |
| 01:10:18 |
so the Editors didn't |
| 01:10:21 |
Wow. |
| 01:10:24 |
I think you got that wrong. |
| 01:10:26 |
Why? |
| 01:10:27 |
Pete downed his pint, didn't he? |
| 01:10:34 |
Jesus! Could we focus on |
| 01:10:37 |
Well, yeah, obviously. |
| 01:10:40 |
Is that it? Is it all over? |
| 01:10:43 |
We're all OK? |
| 01:10:45 |
Yeah, I think so. |
| 01:10:47 |
Wow. |
| 01:10:49 |
I've gone off this pub a little bit. |
| 01:10:52 |
- Shall we go down The King's Head? |
| 01:10:54 |
- So, everything that happened... |
| 01:11:00 |
Including me meeting Cassie. |
| 01:11:06 |
Yeah. Come on, let's go. |
| 01:11:14 |
(Toby) I swear I will never use |
| 01:11:16 |
It's too dangerous. |
| 01:11:17 |
That's all you're taking away |
| 01:11:20 |
- No! |
| 01:11:22 |
- I suppose. |
| 01:11:24 |
You're the nerds. |
| 01:11:26 |
Well, yeah. Time resets, so the pub |
| 01:11:31 |
So, you owe me a tenner. Come on! |
| 01:11:33 |
OK, then, if time reset, |
| 01:11:48 |
Well, I did only say "suppose". |
| 01:11:55 |
It's Cassie! |
| 01:11:56 |
Ray! Oh, thank God you're alive! |
| 01:12:00 |
(Both exclaim) |
| 01:12:02 |
(Kissing sounds) |
| 01:12:08 |
Oh! So, you remember me, then? |
| 01:12:11 |
Of course I remember you. |
| 01:12:12 |
We've been going out for two years. |
| 01:12:15 |
What? Really? |
| 01:12:16 |
- Two years? |
| 01:12:18 |
That's, er... Wow! |
| 01:12:19 |
Oh, er... |
| 01:12:22 |
Right, this is Pete and Tobe. |
| 01:12:24 |
- Hiya. |
| 01:12:26 |
This is Cassie. |
| 01:12:27 |
She's my girlfriend! |
| 01:12:31 |
When you knocked that pint over, |
| 01:12:32 |
you created a feedback loop |
| 01:12:35 |
The repercussions have been enormous. |
| 01:12:38 |
Whoa! Two years, huh? |
| 01:12:41 |
Wow! |
| 01:12:42 |
So, we must have... |
| 01:12:46 |
Hmm? |
| 01:12:48 |
I don't know what you're talking about. |
| 01:12:51 |
Unless, of course, you mean sex, |
| 01:12:56 |
Lots! |
| 01:12:59 |
Was I any good? |
| 01:13:02 |
I love you but we only have |
| 01:13:04 |
- You have to come with me now! |
| 01:13:06 |
Yeah. Good luck with that, guys. |
| 01:13:08 |
- Yeah. We'll be in The King's Head. |
| 01:13:12 |
I've done enough time travel |
| 01:13:15 |
It's not time travel. |
| 01:13:18 |
- Parallel universe? |
| 01:13:20 |
- What the fuck's a portal? |
| 01:13:24 |
Why don't you two go? Someone should |
| 01:13:28 |
Besides, I thought I might go |
| 01:13:32 |
I was going to apply for that! |
| 01:13:33 |
Guys, guys! Listen to yourselves! |
| 01:13:36 |
Look! This is our one chance |
| 01:13:39 |
Yeah, we might fuck it up. |
| 01:13:42 |
To be honest, we probably will. |
| 01:13:44 |
OK, we definitely will. But... |
| 01:13:47 |
Who's with me? |
| 01:13:51 |
Please? |
| 01:13:57 |
- As long as we're back for last orders. |
| 01:14:02 |
(¶ Eskimo Disco: The Final Countdown) |
| 01:14:07 |
OK, let's do this. |
| 01:14:11 |
One... two... |
| 01:14:13 |
- I fucking hate sci-fi. |
| 01:14:15 |
Three! |
| 01:14:21 |
¶ It's the final countdown |
| 01:14:29 |
¶ The final countdown |
| 01:14:38 |
¶ We're leaving together |
| 01:14:42 |
¶ But still it's farewell |
| 01:14:46 |
¶ And maybe we'll come back |
| 01:14:49 |
¶ To earth, who can tell? |
| 01:14:54 |
- Have we gone? |
| 01:14:58 |
All right. Come on, Tobe. It's over. |
| 01:15:01 |
¶ Will things ever be the same again? |
| 01:15:05 |
Bollocks. |
| 01:15:08 |
¶ It's the final countdown |
| 01:15:16 |
¶ The final countdown |
| 01:15:33 |
¶ We're heading for Venus |
| 01:15:37 |
¶ And still we stand tall |
| 01:15:41 |
¶ Cos maybe they've seen us |
| 01:15:44 |
¶ And welcome us all, yeah |
| 01:15:48 |
¶ With so many light years to go |
| 01:15:52 |
¶ And things to be found |
| 01:15:56 |
¶ I'm sure that we'll all miss her so |
| 01:16:01 |
¶ It's the final countdown |
| 01:16:09 |
¶ The final countdown |
| 01:17:02 |
¶ It's the final countdown-down-down |
| 01:17:06 |
¶ Down-down-down-down |
| 01:17:09 |
¶ It's the final countdown |
| 01:17:17 |
¶ The final countdown |
| 01:17:25 |
¶ The final countdown ¶ |
| 01:18:58 |
Get back, freak! |
| 01:19:02 |
Help me! |
| 01:19:06 |
(Wheezes) |
| 01:19:08 |
Toby! Wait, |
| 01:19:13 |
This is all getting a |
