|
Funny People
|
| 00:00:23 |
MAN: Let's call American |
| 00:00:25 |
(WOMAN LAUGHS) and you don't |
| 00:00:27 |
GEORGE: That's a great one. |
| 00:00:29 |
MAN: Do the old lady. |
| 00:00:30 |
GEORGE: (IMITATING OLD |
| 00:00:32 |
(WOMAN LAUGHING) |
| 00:00:33 |
WOMAN: Your... Your accent went |
| 00:00:35 |
GEORGE: I went southern and then... |
| 00:00:36 |
ON PHONE: American Express. |
| 00:00:38 |
GEORGE: (IMITATING OLD WOMAN) I |
| 00:00:40 |
I'm sorry to call you in such a frenzy, |
| 00:00:44 |
but I'm very shook up. I got |
| 00:00:49 |
WOMAN: Okay, can I have |
| 00:00:51 |
GEORGE: Yes. |
| 00:00:52 |
What's your last name? |
| 00:00:54 |
Right. |
| 00:00:55 |
Okay, can you give me your name |
| 00:00:58 |
Yes. Helen. |
| 00:00:59 |
What's your last name, please? |
| 00:01:00 |
Easafawn. |
| 00:01:02 |
What? |
| 00:01:03 |
(WOMAN SNlCKERS) |
| 00:01:05 |
Helen Easafawn. |
| 00:01:07 |
E-A |
| 00:01:11 |
S-A-fawn. |
| 00:01:17 |
ON PHONE: Jerry's Famous Deli. |
| 00:01:19 |
Hi. I have no legs. May |
| 00:01:23 |
(RECEIVER CLICKS) |
| 00:01:24 |
(MAN LAUGHlNG) |
| 00:01:26 |
Now, if I get a bill and |
| 00:01:31 |
(STUTTERlNG) |
| 00:01:34 |
(ALL SNlCKER) |
| 00:01:37 |
But two times in a row I eat |
| 00:01:42 |
I can't stop going to the bathroom! |
| 00:01:46 |
MAN: Well, I'm sorry, but |
| 00:01:49 |
MAN: Ma? |
| 00:01:51 |
And my son thinks I'm crazy. |
| 00:01:53 |
Ma, who you calling? |
| 00:01:54 |
It's Jerry's. And don't |
| 00:01:57 |
Jesus Christ, get off the fucking phone! |
| 00:01:59 |
Don't talk to me that way! |
| 00:02:00 |
Get off the fucking phone! |
| 00:02:02 |
What's going on? |
| 00:02:03 |
MAN: Same thing as the last time. |
| 00:02:04 |
Did she... What'd she call you about? |
| 00:02:06 |
The roast beef? Yes. |
| 00:02:07 |
All right, she just |
| 00:02:09 |
That's all right. I suggested |
| 00:02:11 |
if it doesn't agree with her. |
| 00:02:15 |
(WOMAN SNlCKERlNG) |
| 00:02:16 |
I... I appreciate your |
| 00:02:23 |
It's delicious! |
| 00:02:25 |
MAN: Go clean up the mess! |
| 00:02:27 |
(CRYlNG) I can't. Get off of me! |
| 00:02:30 |
You son of a bitch! |
| 00:02:32 |
(ALL SNlCKERlNG) |
| 00:02:34 |
(DIAL TONE) |
| 00:02:36 |
(ALL LAUGHlNG) |
| 00:03:17 |
George? |
| 00:03:25 |
GlRL: Hi, Mr. Simmons. |
| 00:03:27 |
Ladies. |
| 00:03:30 |
George Simmons, man! |
| 00:03:33 |
Yeah, yeah. You got it ready? All |
| 00:03:35 |
Get a little tittie in there. Come on. |
| 00:03:37 |
How are you? You're really funny. |
| 00:03:39 |
Thank you. You're funnier. |
| 00:03:41 |
(SPEAKS GlBBERlSH COMlCALLY) |
| 00:03:43 |
Hello. Hi! |
| 00:03:44 |
Gentlemen. Gentlemen. Hey, what's up? |
| 00:03:46 |
GEORGE: Hey. How are you? |
| 00:04:01 |
Hey, handsome. Doctor. |
| 00:04:03 |
How are you, kid? |
| 00:04:04 |
How are you, baby? |
| 00:04:05 |
(CLEARS THROAT) |
| 00:04:07 |
The Lunestas are working, baby. |
| 00:04:09 |
Those are smooth. No hangover. |
| 00:04:11 |
Fall asleep, bam. Fucking what |
| 00:04:16 |
Why did you give me those? You |
| 00:04:19 |
George, we got the results back from |
| 00:04:23 |
and it's not what we hoped for. |
| 00:04:26 |
As I mentioned earlier, |
| 00:04:30 |
Your white blood cells were four |
| 00:04:35 |
And very low hemoglobin, |
| 00:04:38 |
I don't understand what |
| 00:04:41 |
Can you speak how people speak? |
| 00:04:44 |
You have a very serious |
| 00:04:47 |
It's a form of leukemia and I can't |
| 00:04:51 |
but I feel you have a |
| 00:05:01 |
That's George Simmons, right here. |
| 00:05:03 |
George! George! George Simmons! |
| 00:05:04 |
Hey, man! How, how you doing, |
| 00:05:07 |
(lNAUDlBLE) |
| 00:05:26 |
I'm sorry to say we're past the |
| 00:05:31 |
Iike chemotherapy and radiation |
| 00:05:36 |
DR. STEVENS: And I think it's best for |
| 00:05:45 |
CHUCK: Here you go, ma'am. Your tamales. |
| 00:05:46 |
Thanks for shopping |
| 00:05:48 |
I'm going up at the Comedy |
| 00:05:50 |
You should come watch me. |
| 00:05:52 |
Don't let him suck |
| 00:05:55 |
Nah, he's right, man. No way, |
| 00:05:57 |
I mean, it was hard |
| 00:05:59 |
I had fucking nightmares after that. |
| 00:06:01 |
That was a long time |
| 00:06:02 |
I've gotten a lot funnier since then. |
| 00:06:04 |
Then you bored my wife to sleep. |
| 00:06:05 |
I couldn't get no pussy that night, man. |
| 00:06:06 |
Don't blame me for your pussy issues. |
| 00:06:09 |
Are they gonna pay you? Pay me? No! |
| 00:06:11 |
That's just how it starts. You |
| 00:06:13 |
You gotta, you know, work |
| 00:06:15 |
My nigger, how the fuck |
| 00:06:17 |
when you got no business to show? |
| 00:06:18 |
I'm supposed to be writing jokes. |
| 00:06:20 |
I'm supposed to be doing comedy. |
| 00:06:21 |
I'm not supposed to be |
| 00:06:23 |
I hate it, man. It's |
| 00:06:26 |
You don't know about no |
| 00:06:28 |
I'm a ex-convict, man. Otto's |
| 00:06:31 |
You too good for Otto's now? |
| 00:06:33 |
I'm not too good for it. |
| 00:06:34 |
I just don't... It's not |
| 00:06:35 |
See that bridge? 1,200 bucks. |
| 00:06:38 |
Okay. |
| 00:06:39 |
On the house, man! Otto, |
| 00:06:42 |
Come on, man, look. I can't |
| 00:06:45 |
What, you gonna be on TV |
| 00:06:46 |
I am gonna be on TV. The chunky |
| 00:06:48 |
No, I'm gonna be like Seinfeld. |
| 00:06:50 |
Get the fuck out of here, man! |
| 00:06:52 |
You ain't gonna be like Seinfeld. |
| 00:06:53 |
Seinfeld's my motherfucking man! |
| 00:06:55 |
Now Kramer, |
| 00:06:57 |
Kramer gets a pass from me |
| 00:06:59 |
Well, very forgiving of you. |
| 00:07:02 |
Look, as a friend, man, |
| 00:07:04 |
You're not funny. I think I'm funny. |
| 00:07:05 |
I got new jokes, man, and they're good. |
| 00:07:08 |
Let me hear one of your new jokes. |
| 00:07:09 |
Okay, I got one like, |
| 00:07:11 |
I'm really good at Guitar |
| 00:07:14 |
and I was so good at it, I thought, |
| 00:07:16 |
Then I thought like, "I'm |
| 00:07:18 |
"maybe I should start |
| 00:07:21 |
Okay, that got me. That was humorous. |
| 00:07:23 |
I thought you'd like that. |
| 00:07:24 |
But, yo, I ain't got no dough, man. |
| 00:07:26 |
For real, if I had |
| 00:07:27 |
I'll pay your cover charge. |
| 00:07:28 |
That's the night I |
| 00:07:29 |
so you gotta pay for my bitch, too. |
| 00:07:32 |
Okay, I'll do it. Okay. If |
| 00:07:34 |
(LAUGHS) |
| 00:07:35 |
Like that? That's good. Perfect. |
| 00:07:37 |
I'll see you Saturday then. |
| 00:07:38 |
Okay, good. Thank you. |
| 00:07:39 |
Craig, listen to me. I'm |
| 00:07:41 |
I wiped your ass our entire |
| 00:07:46 |
Well, you're the one that asked |
| 00:07:48 |
I didn't mean this young! |
| 00:07:49 |
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) |
| 00:07:51 |
Last time I had a suit |
| 00:07:53 |
My bar mitzvah, it was the last... |
| 00:07:55 |
And now I got the same |
| 00:07:56 |
I think it looks good. The bar |
| 00:08:00 |
I made more money that day than |
| 00:08:02 |
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) |
| 00:08:03 |
You know, it's really sad. To |
| 00:08:07 |
MAN: This is indicative |
| 00:08:08 |
GEORGE: Yo. Yo. Shoot |
| 00:08:09 |
Both those girls just go, |
| 00:08:13 |
I swear on my life, those two |
| 00:08:15 |
"That's the guy. " It's |
| 00:08:18 |
I got off a... I got off, |
| 00:08:22 |
I mean, the train. I'm walking out... |
| 00:08:59 |
Me and Ann traded shifts. My |
| 00:09:03 |
You know, come to see how their |
| 00:09:06 |
You know, wait, you went |
| 00:09:08 |
(PHONE RINGING) |
| 00:09:11 |
LAURA: Hello? |
| 00:09:12 |
Hey, Laura, it's George. |
| 00:09:15 |
How's the northern side |
| 00:09:20 |
What do you want, George? |
| 00:09:22 |
I was wondering if |
| 00:09:24 |
I wanted to talk to you about something. |
| 00:09:28 |
Actually, I don't. I was |
| 00:09:32 |
Is it okay if I get your number |
| 00:09:36 |
I know I'm not supposed to call you. |
| 00:09:38 |
I just wanted to let you know that, |
| 00:09:42 |
that I really am so |
| 00:09:48 |
I'm sorry, I screwed up. |
| 00:09:52 |
Too bad you didn't |
| 00:09:54 |
anyway, I gotta go. Do you |
| 00:09:58 |
No, you don't have to call me |
| 00:10:01 |
but I just wanted to let you |
| 00:10:04 |
Okay. Well, all right. |
| 00:10:07 |
Okay. |
| 00:10:11 |
(CLEARS THROAT) |
| 00:10:15 |
You know, so, like, I have this joke |
| 00:10:18 |
a very attractive, blonde, |
| 00:10:22 |
You know, like, someone will take |
| 00:10:26 |
That woman's gonna be fine. |
| 00:10:28 |
You can be attractive and |
| 00:10:30 |
Yeah. |
| 00:10:31 |
And you could be unattractive and smart |
| 00:10:32 |
and make it in the world. Yeah. |
| 00:10:34 |
But it's the ugly, dumb |
| 00:10:37 |
'cause they're ignorant and an eyesore. |
| 00:10:39 |
That's funny, man. |
| 00:10:40 |
That's pretty funny. |
| 00:10:41 |
I was thinking of doing |
| 00:10:43 |
I'm not good-looking |
| 00:10:44 |
I'm kind of, like, right |
| 00:10:46 |
Like... Like, if I had a good personality, |
| 00:10:50 |
but I don't. Yeah, it doesn't work. |
| 00:10:52 |
I auditioned for Budd |
| 00:10:53 |
He okayed me and made me a regular. |
| 00:10:56 |
Budd won't even look me in the eye. |
| 00:10:57 |
Man, that's... Good for |
| 00:11:01 |
You shouldn't have lost |
| 00:11:02 |
There's nothing funny |
| 00:11:04 |
I know. It's lame, right? Yeah. |
| 00:11:06 |
No one wants to watch |
| 00:11:08 |
(SlGHlNG) Oh, God. |
| 00:11:09 |
Hey, lra. |
| 00:11:11 |
Oh, hey, Mark. Can you do me a |
| 00:11:14 |
from your shit sitcom on my |
| 00:11:16 |
(SlGHS) That is so rude of me |
| 00:11:20 |
for $25,000 on your pillow. I'm sorry. |
| 00:11:24 |
It's a dick move. |
| 00:11:25 |
It's just, they keep coming, |
| 00:11:26 |
you know, week after week. |
| 00:11:27 |
It's getting a little bit |
| 00:11:30 |
You know what? Becoming |
| 00:11:31 |
has really turned you into an asshole. |
| 00:11:33 |
Now listen, I'd love to stay here and |
| 00:11:37 |
You know that girl comedian |
| 00:11:39 |
The one with the dark |
| 00:11:41 |
Daisy, yeah. Daisy, right. |
| 00:11:42 |
Well, I bumped into her |
| 00:11:46 |
and she's sitting in our |
| 00:11:48 |
She's out there right now? |
| 00:11:50 |
She's hot and she's |
| 00:11:53 |
She's mousy like a mouse you |
| 00:11:55 |
Yeah, you've gotta get |
| 00:11:57 |
Why would you do that? |
| 00:11:58 |
What do you mean, why would I do that? |
| 00:12:00 |
I'm trying to hook you up. |
| 00:12:01 |
Well, I'm laying groundwork, man. |
| 00:12:02 |
I got a three-month plan. You |
| 00:12:04 |
I'll give you 10 days |
| 00:12:06 |
No, I need 80 more days than that! |
| 00:12:08 |
Okay, I do this because I care |
| 00:12:12 |
But I will fuck that girl |
| 00:12:16 |
Come on, dude, I'm not cute like you. |
| 00:12:18 |
I don't look like Jackson |
| 00:12:21 |
Don't do this to me. |
| 00:12:24 |
Well, then just don't fuck her! |
| 00:12:25 |
Don't you put me in this corner |
| 00:12:27 |
He'll do it, too. He'll do it. |
| 00:12:30 |
I'm gonna go out there and warm |
| 00:12:34 |
Kanye. Kanye! |
| 00:12:35 |
No. T.I. T.I. |
| 00:12:36 |
Lil Weezy. It's all about Common. |
| 00:12:38 |
Eminem. MARK: But do you guys know |
| 00:12:40 |
who the greatest rapper of all time is? |
| 00:12:42 |
(SINGING) William Shakespeare! |
| 00:12:46 |
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) |
| 00:12:47 |
I know it's silly, but it's |
| 00:12:51 |
Yeah. You know? |
| 00:12:52 |
It's just cool that |
| 00:12:54 |
I can't believe you |
| 00:12:57 |
Yeah, I can't believe it's gotten by me. |
| 00:13:00 |
Is it on a kids channel? WB? |
| 00:13:04 |
MARK: No. It's on NBC. |
| 00:13:05 |
DAlSY: Really? |
| 00:13:06 |
Ira, this is Daisy. Oh! |
| 00:13:08 |
Daisy, lra. Hi. |
| 00:13:09 |
How are you? How's it going? Good. |
| 00:13:10 |
Actually, I have a |
| 00:13:11 |
Oh! |
| 00:13:13 |
Air shake. |
| 00:13:14 |
(BOTH CHUCKLE) |
| 00:13:16 |
I've actually seen you do comedy |
| 00:13:18 |
Yeah, you're really... |
| 00:13:20 |
Oh, thanks. |
| 00:13:23 |
You know, lra just lost 20 pounds. |
| 00:13:25 |
Oh, congratulations. |
| 00:13:26 |
Yes, I did. All from my cock. |
| 00:13:28 |
Um... So... |
| 00:13:32 |
So, this episode right here |
| 00:13:36 |
Great, so does that mean we're |
| 00:13:39 |
Oh, shoot. Oh, God. |
| 00:13:41 |
You need some help with that, lra? |
| 00:13:42 |
No! No, it's... |
| 00:13:43 |
It's okay, I got it. I got it. I got it. |
| 00:13:46 |
Mmm. |
| 00:13:48 |
(SLURPlNG) |
| 00:13:50 |
I'm joking. I'll get a rag. |
| 00:13:53 |
See you in nine days, lra! |
| 00:13:55 |
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) |
| 00:13:56 |
RANDY: I went to a place recently |
| 00:13:57 |
RANDY: I went to a place recently |
| 00:13:58 |
I'm convinced is the most |
| 00:14:01 |
I've ever been to. It's a little |
| 00:14:06 |
Now, the thing at Cold Stone is... |
| 00:14:08 |
I can't believe this |
| 00:14:11 |
The sizes are "like it, " |
| 00:14:18 |
What kind of crackhead |
| 00:14:21 |
"What size you want, man?" |
| 00:14:22 |
"I don't know, man, |
| 00:14:24 |
"Put some ice cream in a |
| 00:14:26 |
"Put your dick in a Butterfinger |
| 00:14:29 |
"Put it in the cup! I need it! I'm |
| 00:14:33 |
"I'm tweaking! I'm tweaking! |
| 00:14:35 |
"I'm tweaking! I'm |
| 00:14:37 |
(SlNGlNG) That's how it's done, |
| 00:14:41 |
Killed it, man. Crowd was crazy. |
| 00:14:43 |
Is it always that wild on a Wednesday? |
| 00:14:45 |
No, they were... They |
| 00:14:47 |
I'm really stepping up my game. |
| 00:14:48 |
These bitches gotta |
| 00:14:51 |
Can't get no more free Randy. I |
| 00:14:54 |
Yeah. |
| 00:14:55 |
Just awesome. Just fucking bam! |
| 00:14:57 |
Crowd, me, bam! Crowd, |
| 00:15:02 |
(EXCLAlMlNG) |
| 00:15:03 |
You know? I'm gonna do the same thing. |
| 00:15:06 |
Bullshit! Let's get some |
| 00:15:09 |
Yellow! MAN: lra! |
| 00:15:12 |
Hey. Kevin Rooney didn't show up, |
| 00:15:14 |
so you're gonna do 10 minutes after Leo. |
| 00:15:16 |
Really? Okay. Thanks. Yeah. |
| 00:15:18 |
(MOCKlNG) "Yeah, thanks, yeah." |
| 00:15:20 |
(SCOFFS) |
| 00:15:27 |
(CLEARS THROAT) Hey. Did he just |
| 00:15:30 |
Yeah, I'm on next. Okay. |
| 00:15:32 |
and if you go long, this is |
| 00:15:34 |
(CHUCKLES) |
| 00:15:35 |
That wasn't a joke. I'm not a comic. |
| 00:15:38 |
Okay, when you get the |
| 00:15:41 |
Okay. |
| 00:15:42 |
The other night, I heard my |
| 00:15:44 |
And my balls were like, |
| 00:15:47 |
"Are you okay? |
| 00:15:48 |
(AUDlENCE LAUGHlNG) |
| 00:15:51 |
"Is he hurting you?" |
| 00:15:53 |
And my dick's like, "You |
| 00:15:55 |
"He's a great guy. He loves me. " |
| 00:15:59 |
There's always one guy that |
| 00:16:01 |
Hey. George Simmons just showed up. |
| 00:16:02 |
He wants to go on, so you are bumped. |
| 00:16:05 |
Okay, how long does he do? |
| 00:16:06 |
How the fuck should I know? |
| 00:16:07 |
He hasn't been here in five |
| 00:16:09 |
Okay. Okay. |
| 00:16:10 |
LEO : Thank you, guys! |
| 00:16:13 |
(AUDlENCE APPLAUDlNG) |
| 00:16:14 |
See that? I fucking killed |
| 00:16:16 |
Watch out, Leo, watch out. |
| 00:16:17 |
Yeah. Yeah. |
| 00:16:18 |
I was supposed to go on after |
| 00:16:20 |
Now I'm gonna go on after him. |
| 00:16:22 |
George Simmons is going |
| 00:16:23 |
I just opened for George Simmons? |
| 00:16:25 |
(SlGHS) Yeah. |
| 00:16:26 |
That's fucking awesome, man! |
| 00:16:28 |
(AUDlENCE CHEERlNG) |
| 00:16:29 |
Yeah! |
| 00:16:32 |
All right! |
| 00:16:36 |
Yeah, all right, I'm scared. |
| 00:16:38 |
I'm scared for all of you guys. |
| 00:16:40 |
You need me! You need me. |
| 00:16:45 |
Who's gonna amuse you? It's so simple. |
| 00:16:49 |
You just look at each other and say... |
| 00:16:50 |
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH) |
| 00:16:52 |
Everyone's laughing. |
| 00:16:55 |
You people are so unamusing |
| 00:17:00 |
to come and amuse you. |
| 00:17:03 |
Just sit, fucking antsy, all day long, |
| 00:17:05 |
"When are we gonna get |
| 00:17:08 |
"Amuse me. " You should be |
| 00:17:12 |
"Oh! Finally, a movie. |
| 00:17:14 |
That's the beauty of movies, by the way. |
| 00:17:15 |
You go in there and you don't |
| 00:17:17 |
And it's fun. You could |
| 00:17:20 |
And, "Maybe we don't hate each |
| 00:17:23 |
(LAUGHS) |
| 00:17:24 |
"We are connecting on that. |
| 00:17:28 |
"Hey, we're still together. |
| 00:17:30 |
"All these years later, we |
| 00:17:33 |
"During the movie, yes. When the |
| 00:17:38 |
"'Why am I still with you? |
| 00:17:43 |
"'Something's missing. "' |
| 00:17:45 |
Anyways, I have no religion. |
| 00:17:47 |
My parents did not believe in God. |
| 00:17:49 |
That was great. They passed that along. |
| 00:17:51 |
I didn't even have a fucking choice. |
| 00:17:52 |
They were like, "Nope, don't do it. " |
| 00:17:55 |
"Really? So, when Grandpa |
| 00:17:57 |
"Nope, he'll be in the ground. " |
| 00:18:00 |
"Thanks, Dad. Should |
| 00:18:02 |
"There's no way I'll have |
| 00:18:04 |
(EXCLAIMS) "Fuck you. I don't |
| 00:18:07 |
"Fags have nightmares. |
| 00:18:10 |
"If there was a God, why would |
| 00:18:14 |
"Pleasant dreams. " |
| 00:18:15 |
Simmons is getting a little dark. |
| 00:18:16 |
What is he doing? |
| 00:18:17 |
(EXHALES) |
| 00:18:19 |
(SOFTLY) When you hear |
| 00:18:23 |
that's when you know |
| 00:18:29 |
(SIGHS) |
| 00:18:31 |
Oh, boy, it's quiet in here. |
| 00:18:36 |
You hear that? |
| 00:18:40 |
I think I can hear the freeway. |
| 00:18:44 |
Hello! I'm Ira Wright. |
| 00:18:47 |
I'm not good-looking |
| 00:18:51 |
I'm kind of right in the middle. |
| 00:18:52 |
So, like, if I had a good personality, |
| 00:18:55 |
that might make it so |
| 00:18:57 |
but I don't. So... |
| 00:18:59 |
Um... Uh... |
| 00:19:02 |
Okay. George Simmons. Wow. |
| 00:19:05 |
Now what do we do? |
| 00:19:07 |
He seems unhappy with his |
| 00:19:10 |
I could really spend that. |
| 00:19:13 |
(PEOPLE LAUGHlNG) |
| 00:19:15 |
If he's depressed with his life, |
| 00:19:17 |
I live on my friend's pull-out couch. |
| 00:19:20 |
So, anyway, I... Wait, |
| 00:19:23 |
Yeah, George Simmons just shot |
| 00:19:26 |
It's sad knowing MerMan's crying inside. |
| 00:19:29 |
Uh-oh! |
| 00:19:30 |
Is he organizing a mass suicide? |
| 00:19:33 |
Are you joining him? |
| 00:19:34 |
Save some Kool-Aid for me. Just do it. |
| 00:19:37 |
Don't worry, the next guy who's coming |
| 00:19:41 |
And then Robin Williams is |
| 00:19:43 |
So, that's nice, also. |
| 00:19:45 |
I am Ira Wright, everybody. Thank |
| 00:19:49 |
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) |
| 00:19:53 |
(SlGHS) |
| 00:19:54 |
Give me a break. |
| 00:20:01 |
Yo! Hey! Hey! |
| 00:20:08 |
This fucking guy. |
| 00:20:11 |
What's up? |
| 00:20:13 |
Hey. I'm sorry. |
| 00:20:17 |
I'm parked right on the other |
| 00:20:20 |
What, you come here to make |
| 00:20:22 |
You're hard to follow. I |
| 00:20:24 |
I'm sorry about that. No, don't be. |
| 00:20:26 |
I would've done the same. |
| 00:20:30 |
Yeah, you had some funny shit. |
| 00:20:32 |
You're a good writer. |
| 00:20:33 |
Thank you. |
| 00:20:35 |
Your friend... Is that your |
| 00:20:39 |
He's my roommate. |
| 00:20:41 |
You got good stuff. |
| 00:20:44 |
Wow, that is so nice of you to say, man. |
| 00:20:46 |
That's so... I appreciate it. Hey! |
| 00:20:48 |
You know, well, I've been a |
| 00:20:50 |
We kind of grew up on your shit |
| 00:20:53 |
So, that's so nice of |
| 00:20:57 |
Thank you! |
| 00:20:59 |
Nice to meet you, man! |
| 00:21:01 |
(ENGlNE REVVlNG) |
| 00:21:02 |
You're gonna die! |
| 00:21:06 |
And I'm gonna kill you! |
| 00:21:09 |
(LAUGHlNG) |
| 00:21:10 |
(BREATHES DEEPLY) |
| 00:21:12 |
Man, that was awesome. |
| 00:21:14 |
(JAPANESE POP MUSIC PLAYING) |
| 00:21:25 |
LEO: Cats. |
| 00:21:27 |
Can you dig it? Mmm-hmm. |
| 00:21:29 |
Just a bunch of cats. |
| 00:21:31 |
Then me doing stuff. |
| 00:21:33 |
Then back to the cats doing stuff. |
| 00:21:36 |
You've gotten 700,000 hits |
| 00:21:39 |
Yep. If you put "cute kitten" in |
| 00:21:43 |
you're gonna get a |
| 00:21:45 |
And then I link that to my website |
| 00:21:46 |
and you can see my stand-up |
| 00:21:49 |
Why don't you just call it |
| 00:21:52 |
And then more people would google that. |
| 00:21:55 |
Hi. I've got two girls coming |
| 00:21:58 |
Can you fold up your bed, |
| 00:22:00 |
I don't want the place to look |
| 00:22:02 |
Okay, I'm sorry. I was |
| 00:22:03 |
(PHONE RlNGlNG) |
| 00:22:05 |
MARK: All right? Okay. |
| 00:22:08 |
Hello? |
| 00:22:10 |
Hey, this is George Simmons. |
| 00:22:12 |
(LAUGHS) |
| 00:22:13 |
Fuck you, Craig. What's happening, man? |
| 00:22:15 |
It's not your dumb-ass friend |
| 00:22:20 |
Oh! |
| 00:22:21 |
I'm sorry. Hey. Hey, |
| 00:22:24 |
Hey, hey, good job last night. |
| 00:22:27 |
You and the triple-XL version of you. |
| 00:22:30 |
Oh. Yeah. Thank... Thank you. |
| 00:22:34 |
You guys are all right. Good job. I... |
| 00:22:37 |
I'm doing this corporate gig for MySpace |
| 00:22:41 |
and I'm gonna need some jokes and shit. |
| 00:22:44 |
I was thinking maybe you guys |
| 00:22:49 |
You know, he's kind of |
| 00:22:52 |
I've got nothing going on, man. |
| 00:22:54 |
I would... I'd love to do |
| 00:22:58 |
What kind of jokes do you need? |
| 00:22:59 |
Just shit about them or |
| 00:23:02 |
When you sprinkle a little lemon |
| 00:23:06 |
That's no problem. That makes sense. |
| 00:23:08 |
So, you want to be held accountable, |
| 00:23:10 |
I'll take you to the |
| 00:23:12 |
How should l... How should l... |
| 00:23:14 |
How should l... How should l... |
| 00:23:15 |
I can give you my fax |
| 00:23:18 |
What's your e-mail? |
| 00:23:19 |
My e-mail? |
| 00:23:21 |
It's irasexira@yahoo.com. |
| 00:23:30 |
Wow. I'm just... I'm starting |
| 00:23:33 |
Don't do that. It's from high |
| 00:23:35 |
Yeah, you should change it. |
| 00:23:36 |
It's, like, 13 years old. Okay, I will. |
| 00:23:38 |
I mean change it now. |
| 00:23:40 |
Okay, I'll change it, |
| 00:23:43 |
Okay, don't say "ASAP," either. |
| 00:23:45 |
And don't say "I'm chilling" or |
| 00:23:49 |
Okay, I don't. I don't |
| 00:23:52 |
And it's not all good, so don't worry. |
| 00:23:54 |
Okay, lra. Okay. |
| 00:23:56 |
All right, lra. |
| 00:23:57 |
(LAUGHING) |
| 00:24:01 |
Guys, that was George |
| 00:24:04 |
He saw me do stand-up. |
| 00:24:06 |
He thinks I'm funny! He wants |
| 00:24:08 |
What? Yep! |
| 00:24:10 |
Why? |
| 00:24:11 |
Why? He thinks I'm funny! |
| 00:24:13 |
This doesn't make any sense at all. |
| 00:24:15 |
No? |
| 00:24:16 |
Jeez, I gotta get started. |
| 00:24:19 |
What is happening? |
| 00:24:20 |
You forgot about the bed! |
| 00:24:24 |
Friends. Friends on MySpace. Nerds. |
| 00:24:27 |
Nerds... Nerds have no |
| 00:24:29 |
The more friends on MySpace, the |
| 00:24:33 |
"How does the softball |
| 00:24:35 |
"Does everyone get picked |
| 00:24:38 |
At some point, you should have |
| 00:24:40 |
"Fuck Facebook in the face!" |
| 00:24:42 |
(BOTH LAUGH) |
| 00:24:43 |
So, like, that's funny. All right, |
| 00:24:47 |
Totally. Totally, |
| 00:24:48 |
"Leo wrote that." Yeah, |
| 00:25:04 |
Hey, lra, I think this is him! |
| 00:25:09 |
(CHUCKLES) |
| 00:25:10 |
He's got a limo! |
| 00:25:11 |
Can we go out and meet him? |
| 00:25:12 |
No, no, no. You can't say hi to him. |
| 00:25:14 |
Just let me get in |
| 00:25:16 |
before I introduce people to him. |
| 00:25:17 |
Don't kiss his ass too hard, all right? |
| 00:25:18 |
Stars hate it when you |
| 00:25:21 |
I hate it when people kiss |
| 00:25:23 |
You hate it when people |
| 00:25:24 |
I hate it. |
| 00:25:34 |
Man! |
| 00:25:35 |
Hey. I feel like we're going to prom. |
| 00:25:38 |
Okay, well, we're not. |
| 00:25:43 |
This is good. I like this one |
| 00:25:45 |
about the guy from MySpace and the guy |
| 00:25:49 |
That's funny. |
| 00:25:50 |
You're excited. |
| 00:25:51 |
I am excited. |
| 00:25:52 |
Yeah, that's good. |
| 00:25:54 |
I used to be excited. |
| 00:25:55 |
Well, it's awesome. It's exciting. |
| 00:25:58 |
(SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYlNG) |
| 00:26:01 |
(EXCLAlMS) |
| 00:26:03 |
(PEOPLE CHEERING) |
| 00:26:05 |
Wow! |
| 00:26:14 |
GEORGE: Thank you! |
| 00:26:26 |
Yeah! |
| 00:26:29 |
Brought the nice legs |
| 00:26:31 |
Hello, hello. Good to see you, sir. |
| 00:26:33 |
Welcome aboard. Thank you. |
| 00:26:35 |
The name's Dave. Hi, Dave. |
| 00:26:36 |
We may hit a few bumps up there, |
| 00:26:37 |
nothing too crazy. We'll get you there. |
| 00:26:38 |
Okay, cool! All right. |
| 00:26:39 |
Hope you enjoy Chinese food. I love it! |
| 00:26:41 |
Very good. Enjoy your flight. Thank you. |
| 00:26:44 |
Wow! |
| 00:26:50 |
You guys were a little late, so we |
| 00:26:52 |
Karen, she's a silver sun |
| 00:26:55 |
You'd best walk her |
| 00:27:00 |
Watch her watch the morning come |
| 00:27:06 |
A silver tear appearing |
| 00:27:13 |
I'm going to Carolina in my mind |
| 00:27:18 |
How'd you guys get him? |
| 00:27:19 |
Everybody's got their price. |
| 00:27:20 |
Last year, we had Roger Waters |
| 00:27:24 |
That love's the finest thing around... |
| 00:27:27 |
Okay, I thought it could |
| 00:27:30 |
"Fuck Facebook in the face!" |
| 00:27:32 |
All right. Hey, you do five |
| 00:27:35 |
What? No. No, I can't follow Fire |
| 00:27:39 |
I can't follow it, either. |
| 00:27:41 |
Oh, yeah |
| 00:27:52 |
Thank you, MySpace! |
| 00:27:57 |
Fuck Facebook! |
| 00:27:58 |
(ALL CHEERlNG LOUDLY) |
| 00:28:01 |
I can't believe that. |
| 00:28:03 |
(LAUGHlNG) Yeah! He did the Facebook... |
| 00:28:05 |
I can't follow this, man. |
| 00:28:07 |
Give me this shit. |
| 00:28:13 |
This is a pretty big room. |
| 00:28:17 |
Lot of people here. |
| 00:28:19 |
Let's have another round of |
| 00:28:30 |
Yeah, do you actually use MySpace? |
| 00:28:33 |
No, no, no. I fuck girls, Tom. |
| 00:28:37 |
I wonder if Tom and Craig from Craigslist |
| 00:28:40 |
(AUDlENCE LAUGHlNG) |
| 00:28:41 |
Who would win that fight? |
| 00:28:49 |
Tom or Craig, who's tougher? |
| 00:28:51 |
Tom has more friends, |
| 00:28:55 |
Craig has weirder friends, though. |
| 00:28:57 |
(AUDlENCE LAUGHlNG) |
| 00:28:58 |
Craig has friends that are willing to |
| 00:29:08 |
Eh? |
| 00:29:10 |
What the fuck was that all about? |
| 00:29:11 |
You did all the jokes you wrote for me. |
| 00:29:12 |
Oh, man, I know. I'm sorry. I |
| 00:29:15 |
They just wanted MySpace |
| 00:29:16 |
That's why I hired you |
| 00:29:17 |
I know, I'm sorry. That |
| 00:29:19 |
That one will work. |
| 00:29:20 |
I guarantee you. |
| 00:29:21 |
It better work. They're |
| 00:29:23 |
TOM: Mr. George Simmons! Really? |
| 00:29:29 |
Thank you. Thank you. |
| 00:29:33 |
Good evening, nerds! Yes! |
| 00:29:37 |
What about Ira, everybody? How'd |
| 00:29:40 |
That guy, man. |
| 00:29:42 |
He is such a fucking nerd, I can't |
| 00:29:47 |
Tom started MySpace just |
| 00:29:51 |
So, they say the more |
| 00:29:53 |
the less friends you have |
| 00:29:57 |
(IN HUSKY VOICE) "I have |
| 00:30:01 |
"Yes! |
| 00:30:03 |
"Isn't that great? I have so |
| 00:30:08 |
"What are you doing tonight?" |
| 00:30:09 |
"I'll be on the computer. |
| 00:30:12 |
"That's what I do. " |
| 00:30:17 |
I hate the new generation |
| 00:30:20 |
You just never get any information out |
| 00:30:25 |
"Hey, what are you |
| 00:30:27 |
All right. I know, you're chilling. |
| 00:30:31 |
"What're you doing |
| 00:30:35 |
I like dumb people, you know. |
| 00:30:38 |
"Hey, what's going on?" |
| 00:30:40 |
(AUDlENCE LAUGHlNG) |
| 00:30:42 |
"Good. " |
| 00:30:46 |
"My favorite color is butterscotch. " |
| 00:30:50 |
Do you ever get tired of singing the |
| 00:30:56 |
Do you ever get tired of |
| 00:31:00 |
Yeah, I don't like... I |
| 00:31:02 |
I don't like... A lot of |
| 00:31:04 |
I don't love them. I never know |
| 00:31:08 |
I'm always like... |
| 00:31:10 |
(AUDlENCE LAUGHlNG) |
| 00:31:12 |
You can either go hands on |
| 00:31:20 |
Yeah, it's always shocking |
| 00:31:22 |
You're like, "Really? You |
| 00:31:25 |
I got some advice for |
| 00:31:26 |
When you are performing that |
| 00:31:31 |
"You know, you're the first guy I |
| 00:31:34 |
(AUDlENCE LAUGHlNG) |
| 00:31:36 |
"Normally, normally, I get, like, halfway |
| 00:31:42 |
"but with you, I got a ball in my mouth! |
| 00:31:47 |
"That's never happened! |
| 00:31:50 |
"Look, I have him in my mouth right |
| 00:31:57 |
"Normally I have a stutter. " |
| 00:32:01 |
That wasn't a pee, that was |
| 00:32:04 |
Here's 1,000 bucks. Good job. |
| 00:32:06 |
Thank you so much, man. |
| 00:32:08 |
I've never made this much money |
| 00:32:11 |
Good. I'm thinking about |
| 00:32:14 |
Okay. |
| 00:32:15 |
And my assistant got pregnant. |
| 00:32:17 |
I didn't even know she... I |
| 00:32:20 |
the whole time, but... |
| 00:32:21 |
They can get pregnant, too. |
| 00:32:23 |
That's nice. That's very nice. Yeah. |
| 00:32:25 |
So, you want to kind |
| 00:32:28 |
Yeah! Yeah. I mean, not, not... |
| 00:32:30 |
I mean, you can write jokes for me, too, |
| 00:32:31 |
but get me sodas... |
| 00:32:32 |
Whatever you need, man! |
| 00:32:33 |
...and, like, clean |
| 00:32:35 |
How much money you make now? |
| 00:32:36 |
It depends on how many hours. |
| 00:32:38 |
Usually, I can get about... |
| 00:32:39 |
I'll give you 1,500 bucks a week. |
| 00:32:41 |
That's amazing, man. Thank you so much. |
| 00:32:43 |
You want to fuck these two girls? |
| 00:32:46 |
Hey, the JT. |
| 00:32:49 |
George. That was the |
| 00:32:51 |
Ira. |
| 00:32:52 |
Hello. Yes, Mr. Taylor. Yes, hello. |
| 00:32:54 |
You wanna fuck these girls? |
| 00:32:55 |
I filled my quota in 1982, I believe. |
| 00:33:00 |
All right, I'll have |
| 00:33:01 |
I know those girls. |
| 00:33:02 |
You do? Do you want to meet those girls? |
| 00:33:04 |
Will you fucking settle down? |
| 00:33:06 |
You're twitching like a fucking |
| 00:33:10 |
No. I would know. No? |
| 00:33:16 |
Mandy. Well, hi there. |
| 00:33:18 |
You're still swimming? |
| 00:33:20 |
I'm ready for you. |
| 00:33:22 |
Yeah. Oh, my God. |
| 00:33:25 |
Oh, God. Feel that stomach. Oh. Yeah. |
| 00:33:27 |
I like that thing. |
| 00:33:29 |
It's hard. Bam! |
| 00:33:30 |
(EXCLAlMlNG) |
| 00:33:33 |
MANDY: This house is crazy. |
| 00:33:34 |
GEORGE: Oh, yeah, you got |
| 00:33:36 |
Come here. It came furnished. |
| 00:33:38 |
Really? |
| 00:33:39 |
(GEORGE MOANlNG) |
| 00:33:40 |
GEORGE: That's my man, lra. He wrote a |
| 00:33:43 |
Make sure he shows you his |
| 00:33:46 |
(BOTH LAUGHlNG) |
| 00:33:47 |
See you, George. |
| 00:33:54 |
Hey, wanna have a contest to see who |
| 00:33:57 |
(GASPS) |
| 00:34:07 |
(SPlTS) |
| 00:34:10 |
You didn't go under. |
| 00:34:13 |
Nothing's gonna happen between us. |
| 00:34:18 |
I can't believe I'm having |
| 00:34:21 |
Yeah, he can't believe it, either. |
| 00:34:23 |
My dad loves your movies. |
| 00:34:26 |
Yeah, that's the best when |
| 00:34:30 |
(MOANlNG) |
| 00:34:32 |
(AUDIENCE CHEERING) |
| 00:34:38 |
Dad, this won't bring Mom back! |
| 00:34:41 |
I have nothing else! |
| 00:34:44 |
BOY: You're a champion, |
| 00:34:53 |
Oh! You're still here. |
| 00:34:56 |
I know that asshole. |
| 00:34:58 |
You two were just fucking, |
| 00:35:00 |
No, I have a boyfriend. |
| 00:35:04 |
Yeah. John. Yeah. |
| 00:35:06 |
Your friend took off. She |
| 00:35:09 |
Really? |
| 00:35:10 |
That's what happens in a big house. |
| 00:35:11 |
It's called "the big house problem." |
| 00:35:13 |
Your friend actually left |
| 00:35:15 |
You want to go get it with me? |
| 00:35:17 |
Oh. Okay. |
| 00:35:20 |
(MUMBLlNG) |
| 00:35:23 |
Don't you leave on me, lra. |
| 00:35:25 |
Fuck me like MerMan! |
| 00:35:27 |
Come on! Do MerMan! Do the MerMan call! |
| 00:35:30 |
Come on! |
| 00:35:31 |
(WHOOPlNG) Oh, yeah! Yeah! Oh, God! |
| 00:35:39 |
Hey. Oh. Hey. |
| 00:35:41 |
Sorry about the chick, man. I... |
| 00:35:43 |
You weren't getting it done, |
| 00:35:46 |
Oh, that's... No, she... |
| 00:35:48 |
She told me she had a boyfriend. |
| 00:35:50 |
Oh, yeah. She told me |
| 00:35:53 |
(SlNGlNG) When she was sucking my cock! |
| 00:35:56 |
(GAGGlNG) |
| 00:35:57 |
(RETCHlNG) |
| 00:36:00 |
What the fuck are you doing |
| 00:36:02 |
You gotta use it! You gotta |
| 00:36:06 |
I don't... It's normal. |
| 00:36:07 |
You want to go upstairs, man? Talk |
| 00:36:12 |
Okay, if... Yeah, if that's |
| 00:36:15 |
Yeah, yeah. Sit down, |
| 00:36:20 |
That was a good night. |
| 00:36:21 |
Yeah, that was crazy. |
| 00:36:22 |
Yeah. |
| 00:36:23 |
So, you slept with |
| 00:36:27 |
How did you do that? |
| 00:36:29 |
How did I do that? There's this... |
| 00:36:30 |
Girls like famous guys. It's a story |
| 00:36:35 |
I take advantage of it, though. |
| 00:36:36 |
Believe me, they always |
| 00:36:39 |
(YAWNlNG) That's amazing. |
| 00:36:43 |
Yeah, yeah, so let me hear |
| 00:36:46 |
That's not your real name, right? |
| 00:36:49 |
How could you tell? |
| 00:36:50 |
(CHUCKLES) |
| 00:36:51 |
You're hiding some Judaism. |
| 00:36:53 |
No, my real last name is Wiener. |
| 00:36:55 |
It's lra Wiener and everyone... |
| 00:36:57 |
It's spelled the same as "wiener" and |
| 00:37:01 |
So, that's what led you |
| 00:37:03 |
Being humiliated every |
| 00:37:07 |
(lN FEMALE VOlCE) "ls lra Wiener here?" |
| 00:37:09 |
And you were in the back. |
| 00:37:10 |
(lN KlD'S VOlCE) "Wiener. |
| 00:37:13 |
You little fruit. What |
| 00:37:16 |
What are the older |
| 00:37:20 |
My parents are divorced. |
| 00:37:21 |
They hate each other. My mother |
| 00:37:27 |
I don't know what that |
| 00:37:30 |
So, you'll never be as funny as me. |
| 00:37:32 |
Why not? |
| 00:37:33 |
Your generation has the |
| 00:37:36 |
but my generation has the, "Oh, my God, |
| 00:37:43 |
I just... You gotta break out the funny a |
| 00:37:48 |
(YAWNlNG) |
| 00:37:50 |
Are you serious? |
| 00:37:52 |
I spent my whole childhood |
| 00:37:56 |
I still haven't succeeded, |
| 00:38:04 |
Don't bail on me yet. Keep it coming. |
| 00:38:09 |
When's the first time |
| 00:38:11 |
I was at summer camp, Jewish |
| 00:38:17 |
And her name was Sharon Mizrahi. |
| 00:38:23 |
I didn't know what to |
| 00:38:26 |
She reached down and |
| 00:38:30 |
Iike she was just trying to murder it. |
| 00:38:42 |
Morning. Yeah, baby. |
| 00:38:43 |
It took me three hours, but |
| 00:38:47 |
Am I in the bathroom still? Is that it? |
| 00:38:49 |
No, no. You're good. You're safe. |
| 00:38:51 |
What do you got there? |
| 00:38:52 |
This is medicine, lra. I'm sick. |
| 00:38:55 |
One of those girls have chlamydia? |
| 00:38:57 |
Is that what it is? Yeah. |
| 00:38:59 |
I have a weird blood disease. |
| 00:39:05 |
This is experimental |
| 00:39:09 |
There's an 8% chance of |
| 00:39:14 |
Well, that's not true 'cause if it was, |
| 00:39:17 |
I would've read about |
| 00:39:18 |
You didn't hear about it because |
| 00:39:19 |
I didn't fucking run out and |
| 00:39:23 |
Well, why would you tell me? |
| 00:39:25 |
'Cause I don't really know you, lra. |
| 00:39:26 |
I think you're not gonna |
| 00:39:30 |
I don't want to start getting |
| 00:39:33 |
So, anyways, this shit's |
| 00:39:37 |
They say that's good for |
| 00:39:41 |
Why are you telling me this, George? |
| 00:39:42 |
'Cause I want you to |
| 00:39:45 |
Okay. Yeah. What? |
| 00:39:47 |
Kill me. |
| 00:39:49 |
What? |
| 00:39:50 |
Nobody knows we know each other. |
| 00:39:51 |
You're a stranger. You |
| 00:39:54 |
I got a gun in the other |
| 00:39:57 |
I'll give you $50,000. |
| 00:40:00 |
Don't make me suffer. Please, |
| 00:40:07 |
Can you at least give me, |
| 00:40:09 |
Ha! |
| 00:40:10 |
Think about it? You would do it! |
| 00:40:12 |
Oh, I hate you, man. Oh, no! |
| 00:40:15 |
Ira, I misread you. You're |
| 00:40:21 |
Screw you, man. |
| 00:40:22 |
You wanted to do it! |
| 00:40:23 |
What would you have done for |
| 00:40:25 |
You would still want to do it! |
| 00:40:27 |
That wasn't even good acting over there! |
| 00:40:29 |
What the fuck? That was good acting. |
| 00:40:30 |
Daniel Day-Lewis would've |
| 00:40:32 |
I bought that, man. Wow! |
| 00:40:35 |
Ira, you don't have to |
| 00:40:39 |
George, look. Honestly, I'm |
| 00:40:41 |
...a really gullible guy. Don't do this. |
| 00:40:42 |
Look, my friends, they |
| 00:40:44 |
One of my roommates told |
| 00:40:45 |
I believed him for three |
| 00:40:48 |
so just, please, level with me, man. |
| 00:40:50 |
Are you serious? I am serious, lra. |
| 00:40:53 |
Don't tell anybody about |
| 00:40:55 |
I want it to be our secret. |
| 00:40:57 |
Now, you're gonna make me |
| 00:41:00 |
(SOFTLY) Don't say that. |
| 00:41:01 |
Just try not to kill any of the staff |
| 00:41:03 |
while I'm gone, okay? |
| 00:41:06 |
IRA: Well, he actually tricked |
| 00:41:08 |
I mean, he's taking medicine. |
| 00:41:09 |
He's getting this special |
| 00:41:12 |
MARK: Oh, my God, that's the |
| 00:41:14 |
Yeah. I think I'm the |
| 00:41:18 |
That's what he said. I mean, he's |
| 00:41:21 |
I think he's, like, taken |
| 00:41:23 |
Not enough to let you |
| 00:41:26 |
Come on, that's not appropriate. |
| 00:41:27 |
I don't want that anyway. |
| 00:41:30 |
IRA: I just don't know. I mean, it's... |
| 00:41:32 |
It's really scary. I've never even... |
| 00:41:34 |
I don't think I've known |
| 00:41:37 |
you know, in like a major way |
| 00:41:39 |
LEO: George Simmons. He's |
| 00:41:42 |
It's like Snap, Crackle |
| 00:41:44 |
IRA: I know. |
| 00:41:45 |
Can we not talk about this right now? |
| 00:41:47 |
I'm not really good with |
| 00:41:49 |
Is that all right? |
| 00:41:51 |
I need to talk about it, |
| 00:41:53 |
I can't... I mean, that's all |
| 00:41:56 |
I'm gonna tell you this story that |
| 00:42:00 |
When I was younger, my grandfather died |
| 00:42:03 |
and we were all gathered around him |
| 00:42:05 |
and there was this one |
| 00:42:08 |
And right after he died, the candle started |
| 00:42:14 |
Wow. Yeah. |
| 00:42:15 |
And we looked around, |
| 00:42:18 |
Like, nothing in that room. |
| 00:42:22 |
And it sounds crazy, but we all thought |
| 00:42:24 |
it was him going to heaven, you know? |
| 00:42:27 |
You don't pass through |
| 00:42:29 |
I think he went to hell. |
| 00:42:30 |
(SCOFFS) |
| 00:42:31 |
What'd you just say? LEO: I just... |
| 00:42:33 |
I think your grandfather |
| 00:42:35 |
Don't do it. Are you |
| 00:42:37 |
I'm... I'm sorry to break it to you. |
| 00:42:38 |
You're gonna make fun of me right now, |
| 00:42:40 |
just after I opened up |
| 00:42:42 |
It's not my fault your |
| 00:42:44 |
It's not a big deal. |
| 00:42:46 |
Come on. Don't be a jerk to me |
| 00:42:47 |
just because I make |
| 00:42:49 |
How much do you make again? |
| 00:42:50 |
(LEO LAUGHlNG) |
| 00:42:51 |
You guys are just projecting |
| 00:42:55 |
Okay, and don't be super bummed out |
| 00:42:56 |
'cause your grandfather's playing |
| 00:42:59 |
Shit, dude, don't. |
| 00:43:01 |
(GRUNGE MUSIC PLAYlNG) |
| 00:43:04 |
GEORGE: I gotta get rid of this stuff. |
| 00:43:07 |
Man, I don't know what |
| 00:43:11 |
The more money you make, the |
| 00:43:13 |
It makes no sense. I don't see |
| 00:43:18 |
All this shit was free? |
| 00:43:20 |
You want a TV, lra? |
| 00:43:21 |
I got, like, three flat screens |
| 00:43:24 |
Sure, I can... Yeah, I can just take |
| 00:43:27 |
You know what? Don't even |
| 00:43:30 |
I got some cars in storage |
| 00:43:33 |
and just give that money to charity. |
| 00:43:35 |
I can do that, yeah. |
| 00:43:36 |
I'm gonna write a list out for you, |
| 00:43:37 |
give you a bunch of |
| 00:43:39 |
What size sneaker are you? |
| 00:43:40 |
Eleven and a half. |
| 00:43:41 |
(EXCLAlMS) You got that thick cock, |
| 00:43:45 |
Come on, pull the cock out. |
| 00:43:46 |
I'm not gonna show it to you. |
| 00:43:47 |
What the fuck's the matter with you? |
| 00:43:49 |
I'm not gonna do anything with it. |
| 00:43:50 |
I just want to know |
| 00:43:52 |
If you give me an iPod. |
| 00:43:53 |
You asshole. |
| 00:43:54 |
All right, you can |
| 00:43:56 |
but you gotta take the MerMan poster. |
| 00:43:58 |
No, I want... I love MerMan! |
| 00:44:00 |
I knew you loved MerMan. |
| 00:44:01 |
You and five-year-olds |
| 00:44:04 |
It's a smart movie. |
| 00:44:07 |
So, which, specifically, of the |
| 00:44:12 |
Which one? Yeah. |
| 00:44:14 |
All of them. |
| 00:44:16 |
All of them? Yeah. |
| 00:44:17 |
Well... |
| 00:44:19 |
How would I go about selling? |
| 00:44:22 |
Selling them? Yeah. |
| 00:44:24 |
Well, I don't know about selling |
| 00:44:27 |
You know what I'm saying? |
| 00:44:29 |
I don't want to do that. |
| 00:44:30 |
I don't want to do that, either. |
| 00:44:33 |
Just kidding. |
| 00:44:40 |
DlRECTOR: Scene D is up! Let's |
| 00:44:43 |
(BUZZlNG) |
| 00:44:44 |
And action! |
| 00:44:46 |
All right now... Bradford! |
| 00:44:48 |
Yeah? What is this? |
| 00:44:51 |
Bo's English test. |
| 00:44:53 |
Well, there's a mistake. |
| 00:44:55 |
Well, yeah, there are lots of mistakes. |
| 00:44:57 |
That's why there's an F on it. |
| 00:44:58 |
PRlNClPAL: You know, if Bo doesn't pass, |
| 00:45:02 |
Either you make this right, |
| 00:45:04 |
or you'll be spending the summer |
| 00:45:10 |
Shit. |
| 00:45:11 |
I can't be a part of this. I'm not... |
| 00:45:13 |
Yeah. I'm gonna go. |
| 00:45:15 |
This is just so painful, |
| 00:45:17 |
Yes, I want to kill myself. |
| 00:45:20 |
So, where are you from, originally? |
| 00:45:23 |
Yep. Delaware. |
| 00:45:24 |
Delaware! Our first state in the Union. |
| 00:45:27 |
Yes, it is. |
| 00:45:29 |
That's great. No sales |
| 00:45:31 |
Yeah, there's not. That's weird. |
| 00:45:33 |
You know so much about Delaware. |
| 00:45:35 |
You fucking Joe Biden? |
| 00:45:37 |
He's from Delaware. See? I knew that. |
| 00:45:40 |
Bo, you're a smart |
| 00:45:42 |
Yeah! MARK: All right? |
| 00:45:44 |
Now, I am willing to give you a |
| 00:45:46 |
Do you like music? |
| 00:45:48 |
Did you just ask me if I liked music? |
| 00:45:49 |
Yeah. That... I'm... I'm aware |
| 00:45:52 |
It's like asking me if I like food. |
| 00:45:54 |
That was my next question. |
| 00:45:56 |
Yes. Good. |
| 00:45:57 |
Wilco. Do you like Wilco? Wilco's |
| 00:46:01 |
And I was just wondering if |
| 00:46:04 |
Yeah. I'll go. I'd be |
| 00:46:06 |
Great. |
| 00:46:07 |
Okay, great, great. So, I guess |
| 00:46:12 |
Not anymore. |
| 00:46:14 |
You serious? |
| 00:46:16 |
No, I'll go. Oh, okay. Thank you. |
| 00:46:18 |
Just don't say that ever again. |
| 00:46:19 |
Okay. I won't. |
| 00:46:20 |
Yo, Teach! Yeah? |
| 00:46:23 |
Thanks. |
| 00:46:25 |
Word. |
| 00:46:26 |
(SlNGlNG) |
| 00:46:27 |
(SlNGlNG) |
| 00:46:32 |
My name is Wiener |
| 00:46:36 |
My name is Wiener My name is Wiener |
| 00:46:40 |
Don't call me Wiener |
| 00:46:42 |
Whatever. You got any |
| 00:46:45 |
Got some good ones, I think, actually. |
| 00:46:48 |
I have a thing about how, |
| 00:46:51 |
and so you bought a private jet, |
| 00:46:52 |
but you're afraid of flying, |
| 00:46:54 |
so you just drive in it. |
| 00:46:55 |
Oh, that's funny. |
| 00:46:56 |
You just go to |
| 00:46:58 |
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll come up |
| 00:47:02 |
I thought it could be funny about |
| 00:47:05 |
you're getting older and you found |
| 00:47:09 |
And it really worried you, but |
| 00:47:11 |
'cause it made your balls |
| 00:47:14 |
Like, if you gave your balls a little tweed |
| 00:47:17 |
your balls could be like a character |
| 00:47:22 |
Yeah, that's funny, that's |
| 00:47:25 |
What else you got? |
| 00:47:26 |
Actually, this just kind of happened. |
| 00:47:30 |
I'm making you an iTunes playlist. |
| 00:47:33 |
For what? Sometimes, when I'm upset, |
| 00:47:35 |
music makes me feel a little |
| 00:47:39 |
Oh, it's a |
| 00:47:40 |
I was gonna just put it on your iPod. |
| 00:47:42 |
I don't have to play it right now. |
| 00:47:43 |
For what? For when I go out |
| 00:47:45 |
Let me hear it. I don't jog |
| 00:47:50 |
(REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING) |
| 00:47:57 |
(WHlSPERlNG) lra! Ira! |
| 00:48:01 |
Okay, you don't have to make fun of it. |
| 00:48:03 |
No, Bob Marley! |
| 00:48:05 |
Yes. Everything is gonna be |
| 00:48:08 |
Bob Marley had cancer. Everything |
| 00:48:12 |
He dead now. |
| 00:48:13 |
(LAUGHS) What else you |
| 00:48:15 |
I really don't want to do this, George. |
| 00:48:16 |
Can we just... I'll... |
| 00:48:18 |
Ignore it. I'll erase it, okay? |
| 00:48:19 |
No, no, no, don't do that. Let's hear |
| 00:48:23 |
Come on. What else you got? |
| 00:48:25 |
Okay, here's the next one. |
| 00:48:26 |
(SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) |
| 00:48:27 |
(MOUTHlNG) Now I've |
| 00:48:33 |
No, I never felt like this before |
| 00:48:36 |
I don't know what to say to that one. |
| 00:48:37 |
That's... That's just... |
| 00:48:41 |
Showing me your cock was |
| 00:48:45 |
Oh, God. That's a good song. |
| 00:48:46 |
(LAUGHS) Yeah, what else? Give me |
| 00:48:50 |
(SlGHS) You sure you |
| 00:48:51 |
I don't... Yeah! Yeah, yeah. |
| 00:48:53 |
This is fun to be cheered up. |
| 00:48:55 |
(SlGHS) I'm sorry... |
| 00:48:56 |
(SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) |
| 00:49:01 |
(SINGING) Shadows are falling |
| 00:49:06 |
Keep me in your heart for a while |
| 00:49:11 |
If I leave you, it doesn't |
| 00:49:17 |
Keep me in your heart for a while |
| 00:49:22 |
When you get up in the morning |
| 00:49:28 |
Keep me in your heart for a while |
| 00:49:33 |
Just write me some jokes, |
| 00:49:36 |
Okay, I'm sorry. |
| 00:49:39 |
Keep me in your heart for a while |
| 00:49:42 |
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) |
| 00:49:43 |
So, I'm not married. I don't |
| 00:49:45 |
I just... I can't find a |
| 00:49:48 |
Like, I got friends, like, |
| 00:49:49 |
"You gotta get married. My wife. |
| 00:49:51 |
"My wife is a... She's the best cook. |
| 00:49:53 |
"My wife's the... You gotta. " |
| 00:49:54 |
And I'm like, "My |
| 00:49:57 |
(AUDlENCE LAUGHlNG) |
| 00:49:59 |
"But my wife, she's my best friend. " |
| 00:50:02 |
"Yeah, my cook's actually a |
| 00:50:05 |
This could be funny. |
| 00:50:07 |
Like, your dad didn't like you, so |
| 00:50:11 |
He'd be like, "Hey, |
| 00:50:13 |
"Not you, the dog. " |
| 00:50:16 |
"George, l... Look at this |
| 00:50:18 |
And then you come in, it's |
| 00:50:20 |
That's funny. Yeah. |
| 00:50:21 |
"Hey, George, I made a nice steak |
| 00:50:24 |
"Not you, the dog. " |
| 00:50:26 |
"Hey, George, I just put some peanut |
| 00:50:32 |
Fuck him. |
| 00:50:33 |
I miss the dry hump as a concept |
| 00:50:39 |
I miss the dry hump 'cause you don't |
| 00:50:43 |
You just need a big |
| 00:50:46 |
Be able to get your |
| 00:50:49 |
I can thigh the hell out of a girl. |
| 00:50:52 |
Sexually, I'm completely terrible, |
| 00:50:57 |
I'm very rich, by the way. I know that |
| 00:51:02 |
I got so much. |
| 00:51:03 |
(IN HUSKY VOICE) "You |
| 00:51:06 |
I have people stop me on the |
| 00:51:09 |
"You have so much!" |
| 00:51:13 |
Like, "I don't know. " |
| 00:51:14 |
(IN HUSKY VOICE) "Why you? I |
| 00:51:19 |
"Well, you're not doing it. " |
| 00:51:20 |
"No, I'm not! |
| 00:51:22 |
"Fuck you! I want all your |
| 00:51:27 |
Airplanes are the last public place |
| 00:51:29 |
Where you can fart as loud |
| 00:51:32 |
'Cause they don't... It's |
| 00:51:34 |
They just don't know it's you. |
| 00:51:35 |
Like, you could literally be |
| 00:51:38 |
and be sitting this far away from them |
| 00:51:40 |
and look them dead in the eye |
| 00:51:42 |
and just fart as loud as |
| 00:51:45 |
(IMITATING FART) |
| 00:51:46 |
"Yeah? Where's your grandson from?" |
| 00:51:49 |
My asshole's been open this |
| 00:51:54 |
Hey, can you help me with some of my |
| 00:51:58 |
Help you with some of your bits? Yeah. |
| 00:51:59 |
No. I'm not gonna help you, man. |
| 00:52:01 |
No one helped me when I started. |
| 00:52:04 |
Fucking, I'm not paying to help |
| 00:52:06 |
No, okay. You're right, you're right. |
| 00:52:08 |
There is always the one girl out |
| 00:52:12 |
Guys have that and serial killers |
| 00:52:17 |
"I had her, the trunk was |
| 00:52:22 |
"and then she got away. " |
| 00:52:26 |
I'm sick of rap songs |
| 00:52:30 |
"Bend over. Slap your ass, |
| 00:52:35 |
Yeah, I'm gonna write a song back. |
| 00:52:36 |
I'm gonna be, like, |
| 00:52:41 |
"Yeah, boy, bump that jacket off |
| 00:52:47 |
I masturbate so much with hand cream, |
| 00:52:49 |
I forget people use it for |
| 00:52:52 |
Literally, when I'm in public and |
| 00:52:55 |
I'm like, "This guy's |
| 00:52:58 |
Can I ask you something? |
| 00:52:59 |
Is your act just designed to make sure |
| 00:53:03 |
All you fucking talk about |
| 00:53:06 |
You think a girl's gonna |
| 00:53:09 |
"Could you just jack off for |
| 00:53:12 |
It's fucking insane! Do |
| 00:53:24 |
(SINGING) How will you |
| 00:53:31 |
Who will bring you joy when I'm gone? |
| 00:53:37 |
'Cause I'm one funny man |
| 00:53:42 |
I bring the comedy |
| 00:53:45 |
I am the one you go |
| 00:53:50 |
(AUDIENCE LAUGH) |
| 00:53:52 |
Put in my movies |
| 00:53:56 |
Escape, if you will |
| 00:54:05 |
He doesn't have patience |
| 00:54:08 |
He hates so many people |
| 00:54:14 |
He hates himself Fuck George Simmons |
| 00:54:21 |
He has a medium-sized penis |
| 00:54:25 |
He fucked so many girls |
| 00:54:30 |
when he's done fucking them |
| 00:54:33 |
The girl just lays there and says |
| 00:54:37 |
I should have fucked Jean-Claude |
| 00:54:43 |
Fuck, yeah! Fuck, yeah! |
| 00:54:49 |
George Simmons soon will be gone |
| 00:54:57 |
And he will not miss you people at all. |
| 00:55:02 |
Our relationship has |
| 00:55:05 |
You always wanted too much from |
| 00:55:11 |
Leave me alone. Don't |
| 00:55:17 |
Peace! |
| 00:55:19 |
(AUDlENCE WHOOPlNG) |
| 00:55:23 |
(BREATHlNG HEAVlLY) |
| 00:55:32 |
IRA: Oh, my God, it's George Simmons! |
| 00:55:34 |
What are you doing |
| 00:55:37 |
I couldn't sleep. I want |
| 00:55:38 |
I couldn't sleep. I want |
| 00:55:41 |
I can't get this thing ever to work. |
| 00:55:43 |
I was up all night, man. I had a |
| 00:55:47 |
I'm fucking hot one |
| 00:55:49 |
and the alc don't work for shit. |
| 00:55:52 |
It's always going up to the roof. |
| 00:55:56 |
What time is it? |
| 00:55:57 |
It says 3:00. |
| 00:55:59 |
It's 3:00? God damn it! I can't |
| 00:56:06 |
All right, let's start my goddamn day. |
| 00:56:10 |
I don't got time for this shit. |
| 00:56:11 |
Let me have that |
| 00:56:16 |
They keep telling me that |
| 00:56:19 |
I don't even have the fucking number |
| 00:56:23 |
Do you want me to try calling them? |
| 00:56:24 |
You should have fucking called them! |
| 00:56:25 |
Where the fuck were you last night? |
| 00:56:28 |
You'll call them. |
| 00:56:29 |
I'm sorry, man. |
| 00:56:31 |
Just tell me what you need, |
| 00:56:32 |
You pay for all of this stuff |
| 00:56:36 |
Nothing! I don't even think I'm sick! |
| 00:56:39 |
These guys are trying |
| 00:56:42 |
I want to go to the doctor. |
| 00:56:45 |
What the fuck is happening? |
| 00:56:49 |
This medicine does not |
| 00:56:53 |
Okay. I'll call them right now. |
| 00:56:55 |
Now. We gotta go now. |
| 00:56:57 |
I'll call them right now, okay? |
| 00:56:58 |
Yeah. I'll meet you downstairs. |
| 00:57:03 |
(ENGINE REVVING ONSCREEN) |
| 00:57:08 |
Please put away the video game. |
| 00:57:13 |
I'm sorry. |
| 00:57:14 |
Fucking playing Centipede? |
| 00:57:15 |
What the fuck were you playing? |
| 00:57:17 |
Just a driving game. |
| 00:57:20 |
Hello, Mr. Simmons. |
| 00:57:21 |
Hey, yeah, Doctor, good to see you. |
| 00:57:22 |
How are you? I brought my friend. |
| 00:57:23 |
This is my... Well, my lover, |
| 00:57:28 |
How are you? What's |
| 00:57:30 |
Well, your immune system is in the |
| 00:57:34 |
The medicine is trying |
| 00:57:36 |
but in the process it |
| 00:57:38 |
and disrupts healthy |
| 00:57:41 |
and multiple lymphatic systems, |
| 00:57:43 |
so you're getting |
| 00:57:46 |
And we hope the disease is vanquished |
| 00:57:48 |
before it and the medicine does |
| 00:57:51 |
Okay. |
| 00:57:53 |
Your accent is very thick. |
| 00:57:56 |
You ever notice your accent |
| 00:57:57 |
makes things sound worse than |
| 00:58:02 |
You could give good news, |
| 00:58:04 |
"What happened? Am I still dying?" |
| 00:58:06 |
I'm just trying to help you. |
| 00:58:08 |
I know you sound like a |
| 00:58:11 |
but here I keep thinking you're |
| 00:58:17 |
I'm sure your sense of humor will |
| 00:58:21 |
There he goes again. All so terrifying |
| 00:58:26 |
You are a very funny man. |
| 00:58:28 |
Are you mad that you died |
| 00:58:31 |
I don't understand the reference. |
| 00:58:35 |
He kind of looks like those two |
| 00:58:37 |
(CHUCKLES) |
| 00:58:38 |
I assure you I was not in The Matrix. |
| 00:58:41 |
Why did you eat Bjorn |
| 00:58:44 |
If you have no other questions, |
| 00:58:48 |
You have other patients that you have |
| 00:58:52 |
How many patients do you frighten a day? |
| 00:58:53 |
And I am slowly getting |
| 00:58:56 |
by these humorous |
| 00:59:01 |
So, I think you and... |
| 00:59:02 |
We have discussed this and I am very, |
| 00:59:03 |
very sympathetic to your recovery, |
| 00:59:06 |
and I hope we will succeed |
| 00:59:10 |
I've been trying to build this |
| 00:59:12 |
for, like, six months and I gotta... |
| 00:59:14 |
IKEA? That's very funny. |
| 00:59:27 |
Hey. Yo, Teach. Hey. |
| 00:59:30 |
How's... How was the taping? |
| 00:59:32 |
Great. Great, yeah. I'm happy with it. |
| 00:59:35 |
I think the ending really murdered. |
| 00:59:37 |
Was it a very special episode? |
| 00:59:41 |
You remember Daisy, right? |
| 00:59:44 |
Yeah, of course. |
| 00:59:46 |
Hey. |
| 00:59:47 |
MARK: I'm sorry. |
| 00:59:48 |
I didn't know you'd |
| 00:59:50 |
I thought maybe you'd be spending |
| 00:59:53 |
Guess it's been more than 10 days, huh? |
| 00:59:57 |
(SOFTLY) Yeah, I gave you an extra 11. |
| 01:00:00 |
What are you guys talking about? |
| 01:00:02 |
Nothing. Doesn't matter. It's cool. |
| 01:00:04 |
Don't give a shit. Totally fine. |
| 01:00:11 |
Hey. I saw the new Harry Potter movie. |
| 01:00:15 |
Harry's getting old. |
| 01:00:16 |
He's, like, older than my dad. |
| 01:00:17 |
They should call him Harold Potter. |
| 01:00:19 |
That Hermione's got |
| 01:00:25 |
Whoa! |
| 01:00:26 |
Did you two just bone? I'm |
| 01:00:30 |
This is exciting. Think |
| 01:00:34 |
(SlGHS) |
| 01:00:35 |
Why is lra so upset? |
| 01:00:36 |
It's been, like, way after 10 days. |
| 01:00:39 |
He can't call dibs on |
| 01:00:42 |
We were supposed to go |
| 01:00:45 |
We are going out on |
| 01:00:48 |
We're not anymore! No! |
| 01:00:49 |
Really? |
| 01:00:50 |
'Cause after you fuck my roommate |
| 01:00:54 |
What are you talking about? |
| 01:00:57 |
Just so you know how I'm |
| 01:01:00 |
You're a girl who met a |
| 01:01:02 |
And he's not even that famous! |
| 01:01:04 |
What if like a real good-looking |
| 01:01:07 |
What if I lived with, you know, |
| 01:01:12 |
I don't know. I probably would |
| 01:01:14 |
Don't say that. |
| 01:01:15 |
I'm sorry! Lower the bar a little bit. |
| 01:01:17 |
I can't believe that! |
| 01:01:19 |
(GROANS) |
| 01:01:20 |
If a hot girl walked over here, naked, |
| 01:01:26 |
You would have sex with her. |
| 01:01:27 |
No, I'd feel really uncomfortable. |
| 01:01:30 |
And then I might ask |
| 01:01:32 |
Okay, then you're the first guy in the |
| 01:01:37 |
I thought you were the kind of |
| 01:01:40 |
and then have sex with a guy. |
| 01:01:41 |
I didn't think you would just... |
| 01:01:42 |
I'm an independent woman. |
| 01:01:44 |
I'm allowed to fuck people. |
| 01:01:47 |
Well, if I had known that, I would |
| 01:01:50 |
Well, if I had known that, I would |
| 01:01:52 |
Give me a break. I don't even know you. |
| 01:01:54 |
This is the longest |
| 01:02:03 |
Don't be mad at me. I |
| 01:02:08 |
I gave you three weeks. |
| 01:02:13 |
I thought you were joking, man. |
| 01:02:14 |
I'm gonna be honest with you. |
| 01:02:17 |
We... We... We want to fuck |
| 01:02:21 |
That's how it works. |
| 01:02:22 |
If I didn't sleep with every girl |
| 01:02:25 |
I wouldn't sleep with anybody. |
| 01:02:27 |
It's a communication |
| 01:02:30 |
I don't care. The fact |
| 01:02:32 |
I can never do anything |
| 01:02:36 |
So, you're really not gonna chase |
| 01:02:41 |
Yeah. |
| 01:02:43 |
Huh. |
| 01:02:45 |
It's kind of insulting, on some level. |
| 01:02:49 |
Wanna go to Wilco with me? |
| 01:02:53 |
I wish I could, but I'm |
| 01:02:56 |
I might play his little |
| 01:03:02 |
(SlGHS) |
| 01:03:03 |
I hope I get it. |
| 01:03:10 |
GEORGE: Give me something. You didn't |
| 01:03:14 |
IRA: Well, l, you know, |
| 01:03:16 |
but honestly, I don't know how |
| 01:03:18 |
They keep on wanting to buy all of them |
| 01:03:20 |
and it's hard for me to... |
| 01:03:22 |
Don't get a stomach-ache |
| 01:03:24 |
Give it to a charity. Move on. |
| 01:03:26 |
Okay. |
| 01:03:27 |
I just want to be happy about |
| 01:03:28 |
giving something away, you know. |
| 01:03:29 |
Okay. |
| 01:03:30 |
So... |
| 01:03:33 |
There's something I've really |
| 01:03:36 |
Uh-oh. |
| 01:03:38 |
Yeah. |
| 01:03:39 |
I feel as though you need to tell someone |
| 01:03:45 |
I don't want to do that. |
| 01:03:47 |
George, people care about you. |
| 01:03:48 |
You have to let them be there for you. |
| 01:03:51 |
I tell somebody, then it's all gonna |
| 01:03:56 |
Everything's already changed, George, |
| 01:03:58 |
and the truth is soon you're |
| 01:04:02 |
and you are gonna want |
| 01:04:05 |
I mean, have you... Have you |
| 01:04:07 |
My parents are in their mid-70s. |
| 01:04:09 |
They would drop dead if |
| 01:04:12 |
Friends. You must want |
| 01:04:14 |
I don't really have any friends. |
| 01:04:16 |
I have people I shoot the |
| 01:04:18 |
but there's nobody |
| 01:04:20 |
I've got showbiz friends. |
| 01:04:22 |
Andy Dick isn't a friend. |
| 01:04:25 |
You're my closest friend, |
| 01:04:28 |
(SlGHS) |
| 01:04:29 |
You have to tell someone |
| 01:04:31 |
I can't be the only one who knows. |
| 01:04:33 |
I've never dealt with |
| 01:04:34 |
All my grandparents are alive. |
| 01:04:37 |
Listen, this is not your job |
| 01:04:40 |
I'm just trying to talk |
| 01:04:43 |
As a man, you are crying right now. |
| 01:04:45 |
I'm not crying. |
| 01:04:47 |
People are gonna think we just |
| 01:04:49 |
Stop doing what you're doing. |
| 01:04:51 |
Okay, I'll stop. |
| 01:04:52 |
You're causing a scene. You're |
| 01:04:56 |
Open your eyes. Stop crying. |
| 01:04:59 |
(BREATHlNG HEAVlLY) |
| 01:05:00 |
You're making noises now? You |
| 01:05:03 |
(SPLUTTERS) |
| 01:05:04 |
Jesus, you're spitting on my shrimp, |
| 01:05:06 |
you asshole. I'm sorry. |
| 01:05:07 |
(SNlFFLES) |
| 01:05:08 |
God, I'm sorry. |
| 01:05:09 |
Come on. Wipe it off. |
| 01:05:11 |
Jesus Christ. |
| 01:05:14 |
I'm sorry, I just don't know. |
| 01:05:16 |
This is the worst. |
| 01:05:18 |
Why didn't I just get hit |
| 01:05:21 |
You ruined The Palm, you fucking ass. |
| 01:05:26 |
This could have been |
| 01:05:30 |
Should I get you ice chips or something? |
| 01:05:31 |
No, I'm good. |
| 01:05:34 |
You never had any kids, huh? |
| 01:05:35 |
No. No. We didn't get to that. |
| 01:05:37 |
I have three. |
| 01:05:39 |
I know. |
| 01:05:40 |
Three kids to carry on the Dick legacy. |
| 01:05:42 |
How the hell did you have any kids |
| 01:05:46 |
I sucked my own dick and |
| 01:05:51 |
I mean, knowing that. Most people |
| 01:05:54 |
Some of those people don't even |
| 01:05:57 |
the Dr. Death call, you know. |
| 01:05:58 |
(lN HUSKY VOlCE) "This is Dr. |
| 01:06:01 |
(RASPlNG) "Don't be afraid, George. |
| 01:06:03 |
"It's just Death calling. |
| 01:06:08 |
Yeah. Fuck negativity. |
| 01:06:10 |
Fuck it in the ass |
| 01:06:13 |
I wish I wasn't so fucking |
| 01:06:16 |
Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry |
| 01:06:19 |
You were a terrible brother. |
| 01:06:20 |
You just left us and you didn't care. |
| 01:06:22 |
You didn't give a shit about us. |
| 01:06:24 |
You don't even give |
| 01:06:26 |
Am I supposed to visit |
| 01:06:28 |
I thought that's why you moved |
| 01:06:30 |
You're so fucking selfish. |
| 01:06:32 |
I know. |
| 01:06:33 |
You've only seen my |
| 01:06:36 |
I send him fucking DVDs all the time. |
| 01:06:39 |
He doesn't want your DVDs. |
| 01:06:41 |
He wants you to be a part of his life. |
| 01:06:43 |
He wants to be a part of yours. |
| 01:06:45 |
Wow. This has been great. |
| 01:06:47 |
I want to call Dad now and |
| 01:06:51 |
What did we ever do to you? I'm not Dad. |
| 01:06:57 |
You are right. |
| 01:06:59 |
You're very, very nice, and |
| 01:07:03 |
I'm sorry I don't know you anymore. |
| 01:07:06 |
I'm glad you don't know me. |
| 01:07:09 |
I wish I did. |
| 01:07:11 |
You'd be let down, believe me. |
| 01:07:22 |
Oh, man. |
| 01:07:30 |
Oh, God. |
| 01:07:35 |
Who's that? |
| 01:07:36 |
That's the girl I was gonna marry... |
| 01:07:38 |
(DOORBELL RlNGS) |
| 01:07:40 |
...but then she smartened up. |
| 01:07:43 |
So, she's 10 and she's six. |
| 01:07:45 |
GEORGE: So cute. |
| 01:07:48 |
Jeez, she looks like |
| 01:07:50 |
Yeah. |
| 01:07:51 |
What's the matter? Your guy |
| 01:07:54 |
That's all Laura. |
| 01:07:57 |
They fight a lot, but they're cute. |
| 01:07:59 |
Yeah. Thank you so much for coming here. |
| 01:08:03 |
I wanted to come. I wanted to see you. |
| 01:08:05 |
You didn't have to come here. |
| 01:08:06 |
You didn't have to. I know |
| 01:08:09 |
I'm just... I'm just... I'm so sorry. |
| 01:08:12 |
I'm so sorry about everything I did. |
| 01:08:15 |
You don't have to be sorry. |
| 01:08:18 |
Everything worked out for the best. |
| 01:08:20 |
It's good. Look at your |
| 01:08:22 |
Yes. It's the best life. |
| 01:08:28 |
I haven't been... You don't hate it. |
| 01:08:29 |
I'm addicted to it, I |
| 01:08:32 |
Hello, Wayne. This is |
| 01:08:35 |
I don't think today is a good day |
| 01:08:39 |
Maybe tomorrow. So, I'll give you a call |
| 01:08:42 |
Thank you. I'll talk to you soon. |
| 01:08:46 |
You have a family now. |
| 01:08:48 |
I'm so happy. You did the |
| 01:08:51 |
You got a good life. |
| 01:08:53 |
And... And I just got |
| 01:08:56 |
I hate that it could |
| 01:08:59 |
Don't do that, please? |
| 01:09:00 |
I'm sorry. I just fucking... |
| 01:09:02 |
You... I could have |
| 01:09:05 |
How could you cheat on me? I was so hot. |
| 01:09:09 |
You were. You were so hot. I don't know. |
| 01:09:11 |
I was hot! |
| 01:09:12 |
I don't even know what |
| 01:09:15 |
I was just a stupid idiot. I |
| 01:09:20 |
What was wrong with you? I |
| 01:09:21 |
I only remember you. I don't know. |
| 01:09:23 |
I don't even know who they |
| 01:09:26 |
They're not in my brain, ever. |
| 01:09:30 |
The only thing that happened was us. |
| 01:09:32 |
And you ran away 'cause you had to. |
| 01:09:34 |
I had to go. |
| 01:09:36 |
At the time, I just |
| 01:09:40 |
Yeah. But you know what I realized? |
| 01:09:42 |
I love my husband, |
| 01:09:45 |
but it's just not the same. |
| 01:09:49 |
And I loved you so much and... |
| 01:09:54 |
I know, I know, I know, I know. |
| 01:09:56 |
I have the same thing. |
| 01:09:59 |
Don't feel bad. Don't feel bad. |
| 01:10:02 |
I love you. I love |
| 01:10:05 |
And the crazy thing is |
| 01:10:09 |
I hate... |
| 01:10:10 |
He's like an Australian you. |
| 01:10:13 |
I fucking hate this guy. Is he crazy? |
| 01:10:17 |
It's just that you were the one. |
| 01:10:20 |
Just you are... Were... Are the love... |
| 01:10:28 |
Love of my life. And I just love you. |
| 01:10:40 |
Yeah, the hug was a mistake, wasn't it? |
| 01:10:46 |
You're not sick, are you? |
| 01:10:48 |
You're just doing that |
| 01:10:52 |
(LAUGHS) |
| 01:10:54 |
There are those hands again. |
| 01:10:56 |
My big hands. |
| 01:10:58 |
Always made my penis look small. |
| 01:11:00 |
(LAUGHlNG) |
| 01:11:01 |
Thank you, hands, for that complex. |
| 01:11:05 |
Yes. Jeez. |
| 01:11:08 |
The two of them together, it |
| 01:11:14 |
(PLAYING ROCK MUSIC) |
| 01:11:22 |
Yeah. |
| 01:11:25 |
That was worth it. |
| 01:11:27 |
We're into overtime |
| 01:11:29 |
(LAUGHS) Jeez, that came quick. |
| 01:11:31 |
I wish that you guys |
| 01:11:33 |
and I didn't have to |
| 01:11:37 |
All right, so let's keep going then. |
| 01:11:40 |
(PLAYING SOFT ROCK MUSIC) |
| 01:11:53 |
(SINGING) All my |
| 01:11:59 |
Lost like some forgotten dream |
| 01:12:05 |
Seems like all I... |
| 01:12:06 |
Diego. Yes, George? |
| 01:12:08 |
The roses look terrific. |
| 01:12:10 |
Thank you. They sure look beautiful. |
| 01:12:11 |
Only a guy with a big cock like |
| 01:12:16 |
Don't need to be alone |
| 01:12:22 |
No need to be alone |
| 01:12:29 |
It's real love It's real |
| 01:12:34 |
Yes, it's real love |
| 01:12:37 |
You doing stand-up at all? |
| 01:12:38 |
This is actually the first time |
| 01:12:41 |
But I will sometimes, in my house, |
| 01:12:43 |
in front of my kids, |
| 01:12:45 |
Not good stuff. It's a lot |
| 01:12:47 |
But, you know, all kidding aside, |
| 01:12:49 |
I know you're in a terrible situation, |
| 01:12:50 |
but even with that, you |
| 01:12:53 |
(ALL LAUGHlNG) |
| 01:12:57 |
(SINGING) The Kingdom of |
| 01:13:02 |
I don't expect for you |
| 01:13:07 |
We watched your last movie on video. |
| 01:13:09 |
A man who is funny |
| 01:13:12 |
You don't... You don't have |
| 01:13:14 |
I'll tell you who was a great comedian. |
| 01:13:16 |
Please say me. Who? |
| 01:13:17 |
Jackie Gleason. |
| 01:13:18 |
Yeah, of course. |
| 01:13:20 |
You like him 'cause you |
| 01:13:22 |
(ALL LAUGH) |
| 01:13:24 |
Gleason was terrific. |
| 01:13:28 |
All right. Thank you, Pop. I know. |
| 01:13:30 |
(SINGING) It's real |
| 01:13:32 |
It's real love, oh, yeah |
| 01:13:35 |
(lNAUDlBLE) |
| 01:13:37 |
It's real love, yeah |
| 01:13:43 |
It's real love It's real |
| 01:13:52 |
I think I played it all wrong, lra. |
| 01:13:55 |
(SlGHS) |
| 01:13:56 |
I played it all wrong. |
| 01:14:04 |
Okay. He's here. We saw each |
| 01:14:07 |
Stop. Let me answer it. Mark, man. |
| 01:14:10 |
Move, bitch! |
| 01:14:11 |
Hey, George Simmons. Hey. |
| 01:14:12 |
Hey, what's up? |
| 01:14:14 |
Happy Thanksgiving. Hey! |
| 01:14:15 |
Mark. Leo is the name I got. |
| 01:14:17 |
How are you? Yeah, yeah. Yo Teach...! |
| 01:14:18 |
That's right! Yeah, right. |
| 01:14:21 |
Oh, boy. |
| 01:14:22 |
That movie's the best 'cause |
| 01:14:26 |
and then you learn to be a |
| 01:14:29 |
It takes becoming a baby to |
| 01:14:32 |
Yeah. Can we get you |
| 01:14:34 |
No, no, no. Let me just walk |
| 01:14:37 |
(LAUGHS) |
| 01:14:39 |
Hey, I'm Bo. |
| 01:14:40 |
What's up, Bo? I'm an actor, so... |
| 01:14:42 |
Oh, good, good, good, good, good, good. |
| 01:14:46 |
GEORGE: I've seen your act a lot. |
| 01:14:48 |
Really? Where? |
| 01:14:49 |
Schmira, he has that... What's that, |
| 01:14:53 |
DAlSY: The YouTube. GEORGE: Yeah. |
| 01:14:54 |
George and Daisy are here? |
| 01:14:57 |
I didn't think George would |
| 01:15:00 |
I invited her. |
| 01:15:01 |
Are you still sleeping with Daisy? |
| 01:15:03 |
No, I'm not sleeping with Daisy! |
| 01:15:04 |
I have a new girlfriend now. I'm |
| 01:15:08 |
Her name's Carla something. |
| 01:15:11 |
Can I sit next to George at dinner? |
| 01:15:13 |
Sit wherever the hell |
| 01:15:15 |
I feel like if I can just |
| 01:15:18 |
it'll do huge things for me, like... |
| 01:15:20 |
What, you wrote jokes for Thanksgiving? |
| 01:15:21 |
I didn't write jokes. |
| 01:15:22 |
I just wrote down my funniest anecdotes |
| 01:15:24 |
and punched them up here and there. |
| 01:15:26 |
Okay, I can't hide in the |
| 01:15:31 |
My man. The Schmira. |
| 01:15:33 |
Thanks for coming, man. |
| 01:15:35 |
This is the best. Where's your bedroom? |
| 01:15:37 |
Well, get ready for a hike, |
| 01:15:40 |
No. It's... Yeah, it's pretty lame. |
| 01:15:42 |
Did you go to that Wilco show? |
| 01:15:43 |
Yeah, did you? |
| 01:15:44 |
(LAUGHS) No, actually, I |
| 01:15:47 |
I made 100 bucks profit, so... |
| 01:15:49 |
Oh. So, you owe me 50. |
| 01:15:53 |
Okay, I guess I do. Rain check, okay? |
| 01:15:56 |
Money order. |
| 01:15:57 |
Money order? That'll work. Yeah. |
| 01:15:58 |
PayPal? Are you on |
| 01:16:00 |
Look at that, back and |
| 01:16:03 |
You're like Marc Anthony and J. Lo. |
| 01:16:05 |
You know, we actually had a date, |
| 01:16:09 |
so Schmira broke it off. |
| 01:16:11 |
GEORGE: You kidding me? |
| 01:16:12 |
Don't worry, lra. You know you're a |
| 01:16:15 |
Look at him. He's got |
| 01:16:17 |
Imagine that dong of his. |
| 01:16:19 |
I saw the tip of it one time. |
| 01:16:21 |
No, it's very normal. Yeah. |
| 01:16:23 |
So, you like big penises? |
| 01:16:24 |
Well, you know, I have a |
| 01:16:27 |
If it's skinny, you should |
| 01:16:29 |
(LAUGHlNG) |
| 01:16:30 |
Yeah. All right, well, |
| 01:16:32 |
I'm gonna leave you two alone, huh? |
| 01:16:34 |
Yeah, okay. |
| 01:16:35 |
I'm falling in love |
| 01:16:37 |
Let the awkwardness begin! |
| 01:16:38 |
MAN: Love your work. |
| 01:16:39 |
GEORGE: Yeah? Thank you |
| 01:16:42 |
I'm sorry. I owe you an apology. |
| 01:16:45 |
I basically yelled at you for cheating on me |
| 01:16:49 |
So, I'm aware of that. I know |
| 01:16:52 |
Well, it's not as weird as getting drunk |
| 01:16:54 |
and having sex with the |
| 01:16:57 |
It's okay. When I first moved |
| 01:17:01 |
(LAUGHS) So, everyone does that. |
| 01:17:02 |
He's walking. George is walking to us. |
| 01:17:04 |
Hello, ladies. |
| 01:17:06 |
So, Leo? What's the excuse |
| 01:17:10 |
What? You could have made money. |
| 01:17:12 |
I told both you guys to write jokes |
| 01:17:15 |
What, did you have to go |
| 01:17:19 |
I was just joking. I like your glasses. |
| 01:17:23 |
He wanted both of us to write jokes |
| 01:17:26 |
I apologize. It's not worth, |
| 01:17:29 |
What, you don't think I like money? |
| 01:17:30 |
You don't think I like private jets? |
| 01:17:32 |
You don't think I want a cool |
| 01:17:34 |
I just think you're doing well. |
| 01:17:36 |
You know, you're getting gigs |
| 01:17:38 |
You're gonna have |
| 01:17:40 |
You don't need to be writing |
| 01:17:43 |
I know, I'm just... I'm sorry, I just... |
| 01:17:44 |
I wanted something for |
| 01:17:47 |
It's just, you know, fuck you, lra! |
| 01:17:50 |
Just 'cause you go |
| 01:17:52 |
doesn't mean I'm gonna |
| 01:17:54 |
Fuck you, man. Look, I did the exact same |
| 01:17:58 |
You're being competitive. |
| 01:18:00 |
I'm doing it now, okay? |
| 01:18:01 |
I didn't make it |
| 01:18:03 |
Have you ever had to work for money? No. |
| 01:18:05 |
You didn't work at a coal mine, lra! |
| 01:18:07 |
You worked at a deli! |
| 01:18:10 |
I was only supposed to be on that |
| 01:18:12 |
And we were supposed to |
| 01:18:14 |
Yeah, we never did |
| 01:18:16 |
Yeah. Exactly. |
| 01:18:17 |
You know why? 'Cause I pay rent, lra! |
| 01:18:19 |
You don't pay rent. |
| 01:18:20 |
Why don't they move in? It's your fault. |
| 01:18:22 |
Hey, hey, hey. Pilgrims, lndians, |
| 01:18:28 |
It's Thanksgiving. We have |
| 01:18:31 |
I'm not fighting anymore. |
| 01:18:33 |
Thank you. LEO: You |
| 01:18:35 |
Why don't you go cup |
| 01:18:37 |
while you talk him to |
| 01:18:40 |
Leo. |
| 01:18:42 |
Sorry. |
| 01:18:43 |
I would let you do that, too. |
| 01:18:49 |
Okay. It's starting to feel |
| 01:18:53 |
Let's eat some food. |
| 01:19:00 |
I can't believe you screwed Daisy, man. |
| 01:19:05 |
What? |
| 01:19:07 |
So, does anybody want |
| 01:19:10 |
Leo's a good writer, apparently. |
| 01:19:12 |
Yeah, Leo. |
| 01:19:14 |
MAN: Leo! Do it, Leo. |
| 01:19:16 |
I'm okay, I'm okay. |
| 01:19:17 |
All right, let me go. I'll do it for us. |
| 01:19:19 |
Let me get it done. |
| 01:19:21 |
Okay, so first let's give thanks |
| 01:19:26 |
(ALL AGREElNG) |
| 01:19:27 |
It's always easier, always |
| 01:19:31 |
It's funny, I see you guys and you |
| 01:19:35 |
And I had no idea I was the old |
| 01:19:40 |
It was like when I was |
| 01:19:42 |
I had no idea until I went to the |
| 01:19:45 |
and I was like, "Wow, I |
| 01:19:48 |
(ALL LAUGH) |
| 01:19:49 |
Yeah. No, it's a... |
| 01:19:53 |
It kind of sucks being |
| 01:19:55 |
Enjoy time. Time slips |
| 01:19:59 |
I had a dinner like this 20 years ago |
| 01:20:03 |
with guys that we just, like, |
| 01:20:07 |
I never talk to them anymore. |
| 01:20:11 |
So, yeah, you don't... Things slip away. |
| 01:20:17 |
If you love somebody, |
| 01:20:21 |
I swear to you, |
| 01:20:23 |
this will be your most |
| 01:20:26 |
the one that you'll want the rest |
| 01:20:29 |
"Man, it was never as |
| 01:20:32 |
So, let this night be great. |
| 01:20:36 |
(ALL LAUGHlNG) |
| 01:20:38 |
Rock 'n' roll! |
| 01:20:40 |
Jesus, every time I'm near you |
| 01:20:44 |
Everybody feels like Danny DeVito |
| 01:20:47 |
Yeah. You're a giant. |
| 01:20:48 |
(CLEARS THROAT) |
| 01:20:49 |
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah. |
| 01:20:51 |
Um... |
| 01:20:53 |
I don't want to get your hopes up. |
| 01:20:54 |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 01:20:55 |
We put you on this experimental |
| 01:20:59 |
About 8% of all the people that we put |
| 01:21:03 |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 01:21:04 |
You actually belong to these 8%. |
| 01:21:08 |
I looked through your blood work, |
| 01:21:09 |
and I couldn't find any |
| 01:21:13 |
I don't want to speak too soon, |
| 01:21:16 |
but we may have beaten this thing. |
| 01:21:20 |
Are you fucking with me |
| 01:21:23 |
So, that's the good news, Mr. Bond. |
| 01:21:26 |
(BOTH CHUCKLE) |
| 01:21:29 |
So, this is, this |
| 01:21:32 |
Like my accent now? |
| 01:21:34 |
Now I like your accent, yeah. |
| 01:21:37 |
I was excited all morning |
| 01:21:40 |
So, what happens now? What |
| 01:21:43 |
Maybe you can make another funny |
| 01:21:47 |
Yeah. Wow. I wasn't |
| 01:21:52 |
I was getting used to being sick. |
| 01:21:53 |
I was actually thinking |
| 01:21:56 |
Get back to your life. |
| 01:22:04 |
(PHONE RINGING) |
| 01:22:06 |
IRA: Hey, this is Ira. I'm |
| 01:22:09 |
(PHONE BEEPS) |
| 01:22:10 |
(SlNGSONGY) lra, I have a secret |
| 01:22:35 |
Hi. Bonita? |
| 01:22:37 |
George. |
| 01:22:41 |
I was sick, you know that. And |
| 01:22:44 |
He said I'm not sick anymore. |
| 01:22:47 |
Oh, congratulations. |
| 01:22:52 |
I found the pants you're looking |
| 01:22:58 |
Thank you. |
| 01:23:00 |
Bye, George. |
| 01:23:03 |
George! Is it true? |
| 01:23:06 |
It's true. Yes! |
| 01:23:08 |
It's all right. All |
| 01:23:09 |
All right. |
| 01:23:11 |
(LAUGHlNG) Oh, God! Yeah! |
| 01:23:14 |
All right, baby. |
| 01:23:15 |
All right, all right. Now |
| 01:23:20 |
Hey, congratulations, |
| 01:23:22 |
Thank you. You got cured of AlDS. |
| 01:23:24 |
(LAUGHS) I didn't have AlDS. |
| 01:23:26 |
Hey, let me get you a cocktail. |
| 01:23:27 |
Hey, not an AlDS cocktail. A regular. |
| 01:23:28 |
No, I don't want a drink. I'm good. |
| 01:23:30 |
I'm gonna get one of them ribbons. |
| 01:23:33 |
You're alive? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. |
| 01:23:35 |
Unbelievable! This guy. This guy, man. |
| 01:23:38 |
You got the women, you got the |
| 01:23:42 |
Did you suck the devil's |
| 01:23:44 |
I wanna know the secret. |
| 01:23:45 |
I actually told a bunch |
| 01:23:47 |
so if you could go along with that. |
| 01:23:49 |
You did? Yes. |
| 01:23:50 |
Everybody wants to fuck me, |
| 01:23:54 |
because you don't want... |
| 01:23:56 |
The mystery is definitely |
| 01:23:58 |
Yeah? |
| 01:23:59 |
...and the reality |
| 01:24:02 |
Like not the word, but... |
| 01:24:04 |
Yeah, I look like this. Like a sandwich. |
| 01:24:06 |
Like a... There's, like, meat coming. |
| 01:24:08 |
(CHUCKLlNG) |
| 01:24:09 |
That would have been... I could get... |
| 01:24:11 |
(EXCLAlMlNG) Look at that! |
| 01:24:13 |
"Yippee-ki-yay, |
| 01:24:15 |
Shit! Shit! I didn't know you |
| 01:24:20 |
How did he... Like, how |
| 01:24:23 |
He was saying... He said that he was, like, |
| 01:24:27 |
and then he just got... |
| 01:24:30 |
That sucks 'cause I get dizzy and tired. |
| 01:24:33 |
Really? |
| 01:24:35 |
Anybody... Anybody gets sick, |
| 01:24:37 |
Now, is it contagious? |
| 01:24:39 |
No. Can you get it, like... |
| 01:24:40 |
I hope not. I don't think so. I've |
| 01:24:44 |
I feel... I hope not, too, because |
| 01:24:45 |
when you were talking, a little |
| 01:24:48 |
It did? Yeah. Not that you got it, |
| 01:24:50 |
but he spits on your lip, you |
| 01:24:52 |
I'm dead and my wife's |
| 01:24:54 |
But I think the best thing |
| 01:24:56 |
The best cure, besides the real cure, |
| 01:24:58 |
is to get back to work |
| 01:25:02 |
There are stacks of |
| 01:25:04 |
I mean, you can't swing a dead cat |
| 01:25:07 |
Oh, good. Yeah, you ready for this? |
| 01:25:09 |
Paul Rudd wants to do |
| 01:25:11 |
I think I might... I just might |
| 01:25:14 |
I was thinking maybe just, |
| 01:25:16 |
try to get myself in a |
| 01:25:19 |
another human being, a normal one. |
| 01:25:21 |
Just see if I can handle that. |
| 01:25:22 |
Funny you should say that. |
| 01:25:25 |
Brought... Invited this woman here |
| 01:25:28 |
I think you'd really |
| 01:25:29 |
She's... She's great. |
| 01:25:31 |
A real person. She's not a waitress. |
| 01:25:33 |
She's not an actress. |
| 01:25:35 |
All right, thanks. |
| 01:25:36 |
You know, the lnternet dating thing |
| 01:25:41 |
That's good. |
| 01:25:42 |
I've actually been |
| 01:25:43 |
No way. What's that? |
| 01:25:44 |
Yeah... What's a JDate? |
| 01:25:46 |
What, is that an lnternet |
| 01:25:48 |
I'm not... I don't do that shit. |
| 01:25:49 |
It's a website where Jewish |
| 01:25:53 |
Really? A whole list |
| 01:25:55 |
I didn't think Jewish |
| 01:26:00 |
Because of the Holocaust. |
| 01:26:03 |
Wow. |
| 01:26:05 |
How's this going, by the way? |
| 01:26:08 |
It's been great to meet you. |
| 01:26:11 |
You know what? I think you fucked up. |
| 01:26:16 |
How's that? |
| 01:26:17 |
I think you fucked up. I think... |
| 01:26:19 |
(SlGHS) |
| 01:26:20 |
I don't think you should |
| 01:26:22 |
Why not? |
| 01:26:24 |
I don't know. Personally, I think |
| 01:26:27 |
Honestly, man, what are... |
| 01:26:29 |
Make another bullshit movie? |
| 01:26:31 |
Fuck another chick who doesn't like you? |
| 01:26:34 |
You know? That was your |
| 01:26:36 |
Hmm. Now you're fucking stuck. |
| 01:26:38 |
Yeah. |
| 01:26:39 |
You're stuck just like me. |
| 01:26:40 |
Can't go to fucking Chuck E. Cheese. |
| 01:26:42 |
I can't go to Target, |
| 01:26:45 |
I can't go to fucking Wal-Mart, Kmart. |
| 01:26:46 |
You fucking name it, I can't go there. |
| 01:26:48 |
Yeah, that's true. |
| 01:26:49 |
Everyone in this fucking |
| 01:26:52 |
wanting to take a |
| 01:26:54 |
Yeah. Got it. |
| 01:26:55 |
E-mail that to me. |
| 01:26:56 |
I will. That's awesome. Yeah. |
| 01:26:58 |
Who the fuck is that guy right |
| 01:27:03 |
What? Ray Romano's bothering you? |
| 01:27:05 |
Who? Ray, Ray who? |
| 01:27:06 |
Ray Romano, the guy from |
| 01:27:09 |
I don't give a fuck what show he's on. |
| 01:27:10 |
I'll fuck this motherfucker up, man! |
| 01:27:12 |
Hey. Hey, Ray! |
| 01:27:14 |
Hello, Marshall. |
| 01:27:15 |
Fucking problem here, buddy? |
| 01:27:17 |
Would you like to fuck |
| 01:27:21 |
I don't get it, man. What's going on? |
| 01:27:22 |
Would you like me to fucking |
| 01:27:25 |
(WHlSPERlNG) Say no. No, man. |
| 01:27:27 |
(EXHALES) |
| 01:27:28 |
I just gotta always be on my toes, man. |
| 01:27:30 |
You know? |
| 01:27:31 |
(SCOFFS) I see that, |
| 01:27:32 |
This is why I don't go out of the house. |
| 01:27:34 |
I thought everybody loved you. |
| 01:27:38 |
So, now that you got this, this second |
| 01:27:43 |
I kind of don't want anything. |
| 01:27:46 |
So, then what are we celebrating? |
| 01:28:00 |
Clarke? |
| 01:28:01 |
(IMITATING PIRATE) Yes, it's Clarke. |
| 01:28:02 |
It's Clarke and l... I'm |
| 01:28:06 |
(LAUGHING) |
| 01:28:07 |
Yeah. |
| 01:28:08 |
I'm back from the sea. It's |
| 01:28:13 |
(lMlTATlNG PlRATE) You sound |
| 01:28:15 |
Do I sound Australian? Is |
| 01:28:19 |
That's a terrible Australian accent. |
| 01:28:22 |
What are you doing, Laura? |
| 01:28:23 |
Am I bothering you? Is he |
| 01:28:24 |
Am I supposed to hang |
| 01:28:26 |
Clarke's away for business in China. |
| 01:28:28 |
Ah! Sent him out for egg rolls again? |
| 01:28:31 |
Are you guys all right? What's going on? |
| 01:28:34 |
Mable has her recital tomorrow. |
| 01:28:36 |
She's singing Memory from Cats. |
| 01:28:38 |
Oh, yeah? |
| 01:28:39 |
You know that song, Memory? |
| 01:28:40 |
Yeah. I wish I could |
| 01:28:42 |
You can come. |
| 01:28:43 |
I can come? All right, I'm coming. |
| 01:28:45 |
Your daughter will be |
| 01:28:46 |
That I'm sitting right next |
| 01:28:49 |
Stop. How are you feeling? |
| 01:28:51 |
I'm doing good. I'm doing... |
| 01:28:53 |
It is what it is. I... |
| 01:28:55 |
So, what happened with your tests? |
| 01:28:57 |
Laura, let's not talk about all that. |
| 01:29:00 |
What did the doctor say? |
| 01:29:01 |
The Swedish Nazi? He |
| 01:29:06 |
It is what it is. I don't |
| 01:29:09 |
Come on, let's just talk about you. |
| 01:29:12 |
What are you doing, Laura? |
| 01:29:14 |
Do you want me to talk you to sleep? |
| 01:29:16 |
Oh, my God. You remember. |
| 01:29:20 |
You want me to do that for you? |
| 01:29:21 |
You will talk to me while |
| 01:29:23 |
I'll put you on speakerphone. That |
| 01:29:26 |
Let's not go to sleep yet, |
| 01:29:31 |
IRA: Hello? |
| 01:29:32 |
Hi, lra. |
| 01:29:33 |
Hey, how's it going? |
| 01:29:35 |
Ira, you're my best friend. |
| 01:29:37 |
(LAUGHS) I like you, too. |
| 01:29:38 |
You're my best friend. |
| 01:29:40 |
You sound like you're |
| 01:29:42 |
(lMlTATlNG PlRATE) I'm in a great |
| 01:29:45 |
We're gonna do a gig together! |
| 01:29:46 |
Ira and Georgie, finally on the road! |
| 01:29:49 |
Oh, we're setting sail, are |
| 01:29:53 |
We're going to the Port of San |
| 01:29:57 |
How much time am I supposed to do? |
| 01:29:59 |
Oh, they've booked you to do a minute |
| 01:30:03 |
You'll be doing two and |
| 01:30:06 |
depending on your mood, little Ira. |
| 01:30:09 |
I was invited to a... Or I |
| 01:30:14 |
for Barack Obama, when he |
| 01:30:17 |
And you could walk right |
| 01:30:21 |
And I prepared a smart |
| 01:30:25 |
"Senator Obama, when you were a student |
| 01:30:32 |
And he said something really, |
| 01:30:39 |
He said, "I'm Kanye West. " |
| 01:30:42 |
(AUDlENCE LAUGHlNG) |
| 01:30:47 |
George, you have a visitor. |
| 01:30:49 |
GEORGE: Oh. |
| 01:30:51 |
Hi. Whoa! |
| 01:30:53 |
LAURA: Hello. Wow. |
| 01:30:54 |
Hey, hi! Hey! |
| 01:30:56 |
All right. How are you? |
| 01:30:57 |
LAURA: I'm good. |
| 01:30:58 |
I'm so psyched you came. |
| 01:31:00 |
Wow, you look amazing! Thank you. |
| 01:31:02 |
Beautiful. I think I overdressed. |
| 01:31:04 |
No way. You look incredible. |
| 01:31:06 |
I just... |
| 01:31:07 |
Where... Where is he? |
| 01:31:10 |
The Clarke? He's out of town. I was |
| 01:31:14 |
but her son started throwing up, so... |
| 01:31:16 |
The husband's out of town, |
| 01:31:19 |
(LAUGHlNG) I like it. Yeah. Yeah. |
| 01:31:22 |
Anyway, I don't want to keep you |
| 01:31:24 |
or get in the way. |
| 01:31:25 |
No, don't run away. |
| 01:31:26 |
Hey, lra. |
| 01:31:27 |
Hey, how's it going? |
| 01:31:29 |
So, I'll let you go. I |
| 01:31:31 |
No cursing. Don't curse so much. |
| 01:31:33 |
Okay, all right! Nothing |
| 01:31:35 |
You just cut my set in half, but |
| 01:31:39 |
Okay, good luck. |
| 01:31:40 |
Thanks for coming. |
| 01:31:43 |
You gotta tell her I'm better |
| 01:31:47 |
You haven't told her that you're better? |
| 01:31:48 |
No, I'm not good at stuff like that. |
| 01:31:50 |
Just... She'll be cool |
| 01:31:52 |
You're giving her good |
| 01:31:56 |
We're gonna go by her |
| 01:31:57 |
(SlGHS) |
| 01:31:58 |
Yeah, we're just visiting |
| 01:32:00 |
see how she's doing, where |
| 01:32:02 |
Why did you guys break |
| 01:32:06 |
I cheated on her. |
| 01:32:07 |
Why would you cheat on her? |
| 01:32:09 |
It's easy not to cheat when no one |
| 01:32:12 |
Okay. |
| 01:32:15 |
I have a theory that Tom Cruise, |
| 01:32:20 |
have mooshed the heads |
| 01:32:22 |
(AUDlENCE LAUGHlNG) |
| 01:32:24 |
I think that this has happened. |
| 01:32:26 |
I don't think it happened in a gay way. |
| 01:32:27 |
I think it just happened out of boredom. |
| 01:32:29 |
I think just rich-dude boredom. |
| 01:32:31 |
Just like, "What have we not |
| 01:32:35 |
"I'll tell you one |
| 01:32:37 |
And I bet when it happened, it was |
| 01:32:41 |
I think of it all the time. |
| 01:32:42 |
I think first, you know, David |
| 01:32:44 |
And it was easy, just zoonk. Because |
| 01:32:49 |
And then Will Smith started |
| 01:32:51 |
and, like, wind started |
| 01:32:52 |
and paper started flying everywhere |
| 01:32:57 |
And they're like, "Come |
| 01:32:59 |
"I can't do it!" |
| 01:33:01 |
Beckham yells, |
| 01:33:02 |
(IN BRITISH ACCENT) "Don't cross the |
| 01:33:05 |
And then he does it and |
| 01:33:07 |
It's just, Flash! Ahhh! |
| 01:33:09 |
Light shoots into the sky! That's |
| 01:33:15 |
Anyway, I'm Ira Wright. Have a good |
| 01:33:25 |
IRA: Hey. How's it going? |
| 01:33:27 |
That was so good! |
| 01:33:29 |
You seem so surprised. |
| 01:33:30 |
Well, you looked so nervous before. |
| 01:33:32 |
I was, actually. |
| 01:33:33 |
That was good. That was really good. |
| 01:33:34 |
Thank you. I appreciate that. |
| 01:33:36 |
And the ball cleavage |
| 01:33:39 |
Classic stuff. Thank you. |
| 01:33:45 |
George says that he's known |
| 01:33:47 |
Yeah. How did you guys first hook up? |
| 01:33:49 |
I was the hat-check girl at |
| 01:33:52 |
So, you kind of... Yeah, yeah. |
| 01:33:53 |
That's good. What, were you |
| 01:33:56 |
I did those, like, |
| 01:34:01 |
Awesome. |
| 01:34:02 |
I always played the bitch. |
| 01:34:03 |
I wasn't that good, actually. |
| 01:34:05 |
No, you must be a great actress, |
| 01:34:06 |
'cause you're not at all bitchy, so... |
| 01:34:08 |
(LAUGHS) |
| 01:34:09 |
Thanks, lra. |
| 01:34:10 |
Okay, look, I'm not... Honestly, |
| 01:34:15 |
what I'm about to tell you because |
| 01:34:18 |
It's not 100%, but the last |
| 01:34:22 |
they couldn't find any trace of the |
| 01:34:26 |
so it seems like he might be better. |
| 01:34:29 |
What are you talking about? |
| 01:34:30 |
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen... |
| 01:34:31 |
We think he might be okay. |
| 01:34:33 |
...George Simmons! |
| 01:34:35 |
(AUDlENCE CHEERlNG) |
| 01:34:46 |
Thank you. |
| 01:34:48 |
Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. |
| 01:34:53 |
It's great to be here. |
| 01:34:57 |
It's great. It's great to be alive! |
| 01:35:01 |
Yeah, man. Thank you. Right on. Okay. |
| 01:35:04 |
MAN: Thank you for coming, George! |
| 01:35:05 |
Thank you. All right. |
| 01:35:06 |
That's very nice. Man, oh, man. |
| 01:35:10 |
Any other 40-year-olds out |
| 01:35:13 |
It's funny. In your 20s you're like, |
| 01:35:14 |
"Fuck you, man. Fuck that shit. |
| 01:35:17 |
"Fuck my parents. I don't |
| 01:35:19 |
In your 30s you're like, |
| 01:35:21 |
"Fuck that guy, that fucking asshole. " |
| 01:35:23 |
In your 40s you're like, "I'm hungry. |
| 01:35:26 |
(AUDlENCE LAUGHlNG) |
| 01:35:27 |
"What do we have in the fridge?" |
| 01:35:32 |
So, yeah, I'm fucking famous |
| 01:35:37 |
It's... You know why? |
| 01:35:40 |
Fucking I'm rich and I hate rich people. |
| 01:35:41 |
I hate everything I fucking do now. |
| 01:35:44 |
I go to Hawaii, I'm like, |
| 01:35:45 |
"You fucking snotty |
| 01:35:50 |
Buy a new car, "La-di-da, |
| 01:35:54 |
You know, I thought about giving |
| 01:35:58 |
but then I was like, "What |
| 01:36:03 |
"Mr. Charitable. " |
| 01:36:05 |
(ALL LAUGHlNG) |
| 01:36:06 |
Well, why didn't you |
| 01:36:09 |
Laura, if I told you, you might not |
| 01:36:12 |
What are you talking |
| 01:36:13 |
I knew you forgave me because I was sick |
| 01:36:15 |
and there was no other |
| 01:36:17 |
I know, but it's different now. |
| 01:36:19 |
We've been talking... |
| 01:36:21 |
Really? |
| 01:36:22 |
This is... So, what are |
| 01:36:25 |
The doctor said I'm |
| 01:36:27 |
I don't know what the |
| 01:36:28 |
but for now the guy said I'm good. |
| 01:36:32 |
(SlGHS) |
| 01:36:33 |
I'm so happy. |
| 01:36:35 |
You are happy? |
| 01:36:37 |
Mmm-hmm. God, thank you. Thank you. |
| 01:36:50 |
All right. Yeah. |
| 01:36:53 |
(SlGHS) |
| 01:36:58 |
You okay, man? |
| 01:36:59 |
Yeah, yeah, I'm good. |
| 01:37:01 |
(EXHALES) |
| 01:37:02 |
I hope they got some food. |
| 01:37:03 |
(KNOCKlNG ON DOOR) |
| 01:37:05 |
Hey, hey. |
| 01:37:06 |
Hi! Hi. |
| 01:37:08 |
I'm so glad you guys came. Hello. Hi. |
| 01:37:12 |
Good to see you. Wow. |
| 01:37:13 |
Hello, lra. |
| 01:37:14 |
Oh! Thank you. |
| 01:37:18 |
Jeez. Beautiful house! |
| 01:37:20 |
Thank you. |
| 01:37:21 |
How long have you guys been here? |
| 01:37:23 |
We've been here about five years now. |
| 01:37:25 |
(SNARLS) |
| 01:37:27 |
What's up? |
| 01:37:28 |
This is my friend, |
| 01:37:31 |
This is lngrid. |
| 01:37:32 |
Wow! George didn't |
| 01:37:36 |
GEORGE: Have you seen any of my movies? |
| 01:37:38 |
I saw the movie where |
| 01:37:40 |
So, you saw Re-Do. Can you do the face? |
| 01:37:45 |
(BOTH BABBLlNG) |
| 01:37:52 |
GEORGE: Hey, that's a good impression. |
| 01:37:54 |
Don't leave me in the playroom! |
| 01:37:56 |
This is my daughter, |
| 01:37:58 |
Oh, yeah? Let me see them. |
| 01:38:00 |
You mind if I eat a little bit |
| 01:38:05 |
Ira? I'm... I'm full. |
| 01:38:07 |
Do you guys want to play |
| 01:38:09 |
It's fun. You want to play? |
| 01:38:11 |
Let's do it! Ira? |
| 01:38:12 |
Yeah, I like peanut butter, yeah. |
| 01:38:14 |
Let's do the peanut-butter game! |
| 01:38:15 |
All right! Hooray! |
| 01:38:16 |
Peanut-butter game! |
| 01:38:19 |
Okay, just put a little bit. |
| 01:38:21 |
MABLE: Okay. GEORGE: What's she doing? |
| 01:38:22 |
A little bit. |
| 01:38:23 |
(LAUGHlNG) |
| 01:38:24 |
Okay, okay. I think that's good. |
| 01:38:26 |
This is what you guys do |
| 01:38:29 |
MABLE: There he is! GEORGE: Oh, boy. |
| 01:38:30 |
LAURA: Come on. |
| 01:38:31 |
(LAUGHlNG) |
| 01:38:32 |
GEORGE: He got her. He got her. |
| 01:38:34 |
(EXCLAlMlNG) |
| 01:38:37 |
Oh, so, you're supposed |
| 01:38:40 |
LAURA: George's turn! |
| 01:38:42 |
No. I don't want to do that. |
| 01:38:43 |
LAURA: Yeah, George's turn! |
| 01:38:45 |
No, no, George. |
| 01:38:46 |
Come on. Okay, all right! |
| 01:38:48 |
I just washed my hair this morning. |
| 01:38:50 |
BOTH: George! George! George! George! |
| 01:38:53 |
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG) |
| 01:38:54 |
Oh, God! |
| 01:38:58 |
No! |
| 01:38:59 |
Just not the... |
| 01:39:00 |
Look at this. |
| 01:39:01 |
GEORGE: That's not the game! |
| 01:39:03 |
(ALL CHEERlNG) |
| 01:39:09 |
And we have a pond with a Buddha and... |
| 01:39:12 |
Wow! |
| 01:39:14 |
(BOTH EXCLAlMlNG) |
| 01:39:17 |
Does that hurt? |
| 01:39:19 |
So, what... Who is a good... |
| 01:39:22 |
(EXCLAlMlNG) |
| 01:39:43 |
Now I go. |
| 01:39:47 |
And now I go. |
| 01:39:48 |
You can't move. You're stuck. |
| 01:39:50 |
Ira. IRA: Hey. |
| 01:39:51 |
Hey, Laura asked if we want |
| 01:39:55 |
Oh. Thank you. What... We... |
| 01:39:58 |
It's like an eight-hour drive back. |
| 01:39:59 |
We won't get home till like |
| 01:40:02 |
GEORGE: We'll figure something out. |
| 01:40:03 |
So, we're gonna go to the grocery |
| 01:40:07 |
Home-cooked meal. Perfect. |
| 01:40:09 |
Okay. So, you're okay |
| 01:40:11 |
Yeah, definitely. I'm good with kids. |
| 01:40:13 |
I was a... I was a Jewish summer |
| 01:40:16 |
(SPEAKlNG HEBREW) |
| 01:40:17 |
But I'm good with non-Jewish kids, too. |
| 01:40:20 |
Okay, so we'll be right |
| 01:40:22 |
GEORGE: Very good. |
| 01:40:31 |
Should I have worn my jogging |
| 01:40:46 |
You sure? You sure you want to do this? |
| 01:40:48 |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 01:40:49 |
Wherever my husband is, he's |
| 01:40:51 |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 01:40:52 |
Okay. |
| 01:40:55 |
Jesus. |
| 01:40:57 |
(SlGHS) |
| 01:40:59 |
Echo, echo, echo. |
| 01:41:01 |
(LAUGHlNG) |
| 01:41:06 |
You know, when I broke up with you, |
| 01:41:07 |
I tried to find somebody who |
| 01:41:14 |
But Clarke is exactly like you. |
| 01:41:18 |
It's like I'm programmed |
| 01:41:22 |
Iike there's some lesson I'm |
| 01:41:27 |
How many times did you cheat on me? |
| 01:41:30 |
I don't want to paint a picture. |
| 01:41:33 |
I was young and stupid, but |
| 01:41:39 |
How exactly have you changed? |
| 01:41:41 |
I got a peek at something most |
| 01:41:48 |
You know, I went to a |
| 01:41:50 |
That you and I would get |
| 01:41:55 |
And she also said not |
| 01:41:58 |
Well, we couldn't wait. |
| 01:42:00 |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 01:42:01 |
You loved me before anybody loved me. |
| 01:42:04 |
I know. |
| 01:42:11 |
This is the only place |
| 01:42:15 |
When is George gonna die? |
| 01:42:18 |
George is gonna die? |
| 01:42:22 |
No. Why would you guys say that? |
| 01:42:24 |
I heard my mom talking to her friend |
| 01:42:28 |
I don't want George to die. |
| 01:42:29 |
Why do you care? You just met him. |
| 01:42:31 |
Shut up. |
| 01:42:32 |
You shut up! Okay, |
| 01:42:34 |
George is not gonna die. |
| 01:42:36 |
George, he was sick, |
| 01:42:40 |
and they gave him |
| 01:42:41 |
until they found one that worked. |
| 01:42:43 |
And now he's gonna be just fine. |
| 01:42:45 |
He's gonna live a |
| 01:42:47 |
I think my mommy loves him. |
| 01:42:50 |
Well, you know, we all love him. |
| 01:42:53 |
He's made a lot of great movies. |
| 01:42:55 |
I think she loves him, like, loves him. |
| 01:42:57 |
INGRlD: Love. Love, love, love. |
| 01:42:59 |
(SlNGlNG) Love, love, love |
| 01:43:03 |
They're gonna have a |
| 01:43:09 |
They're gonna have a little MerMan baby. |
| 01:43:17 |
You saved my acting reel? I |
| 01:43:20 |
Why didn't you give this to me? |
| 01:43:22 |
'Cause I was watching it. |
| 01:43:23 |
You know, I always get the feeling |
| 01:43:26 |
LAURA: Look at my hair! |
| 01:43:28 |
No. |
| 01:43:29 |
LAURA ON TV: I am stupid. |
| 01:43:31 |
Ooh! Is my voice still that high? |
| 01:43:33 |
No! No, no, no, no. No, but they |
| 01:43:36 |
(LAUGHS) They miss the mayor. |
| 01:43:38 |
LAURA: Shut up! |
| 01:43:40 |
That was the best time in my life. |
| 01:43:42 |
I got something else for |
| 01:43:46 |
(GASPS) Please tell me you do! |
| 01:43:49 |
Are these my favorite butt jeans? |
| 01:43:50 |
Yes. Yes. Yes. |
| 01:43:52 |
Really? |
| 01:43:53 |
Yeah, you can have them back. |
| 01:43:54 |
I'm so excited! Yeah. |
| 01:43:55 |
Do you think they still fit me? |
| 01:43:57 |
I guarantee it. |
| 01:43:58 |
I'm so happy! |
| 01:43:59 |
I guarantee it. Get in those. |
| 01:44:02 |
These used to kill me. Oh, |
| 01:44:04 |
Oh, shit! |
| 01:44:06 |
They fit! |
| 01:44:07 |
They look good! Really? |
| 01:44:08 |
Yeah, that's the same ass! |
| 01:44:10 |
Fucking ass is perfect. Minus |
| 01:44:14 |
(SlNGlNG) Bump and groove it |
| 01:44:16 |
To the left now To the right, y'all |
| 01:44:19 |
Slap that shit! |
| 01:44:20 |
(BEATBOXlNG) |
| 01:44:22 |
Look at that! They're like Mom jeans. |
| 01:44:25 |
Oh, yes. If Mom needed |
| 01:44:28 |
Thank you. |
| 01:44:29 |
Yeah, get over here. |
| 01:44:35 |
Don't leave me. Don't leave me. |
| 01:44:43 |
Oh! Hey, guys, what took you so long? |
| 01:44:46 |
We were checking out |
| 01:44:48 |
Where are the groceries? |
| 01:44:49 |
We decided that eating |
| 01:44:53 |
(SOFTLY) Oh, no, you didn't. |
| 01:44:55 |
How could you do that, man? No. |
| 01:44:58 |
I didn't do anything, lra. |
| 01:44:59 |
No, I know you did it. I know you did. |
| 01:45:01 |
All that's missing is |
| 01:45:04 |
Ira, are you cranky right now? |
| 01:45:06 |
Do you need food in your belly? |
| 01:45:07 |
No. |
| 01:45:08 |
Come on, we're gonna order in a pizza. |
| 01:45:09 |
Come on, we're gonna order in a pizza. |
| 01:45:10 |
(CARTOONISHLY) Of course, Mr. Peters. |
| 01:45:13 |
I'll be at the... |
| 01:45:15 |
(COUGHS) |
| 01:45:16 |
Lunch meeting. |
| 01:45:18 |
You're serving seafood? |
| 01:45:21 |
(WHIMPERING) |
| 01:45:23 |
I love seafood! |
| 01:45:26 |
Okay, see you there! |
| 01:45:29 |
Pizza's here! Yeah. |
| 01:45:31 |
I'll be right back. Yes. |
| 01:45:33 |
I'm the pizza monster! |
| 01:45:34 |
(EXCLAlMlNG) |
| 01:45:38 |
Hi, honey! |
| 01:45:40 |
Clarke. Hi, sweetie. |
| 01:45:42 |
Hi. What are you doing here? |
| 01:45:44 |
Decided to surprise you. |
| 01:45:46 |
The guy I was meant to have the |
| 01:45:49 |
while I was waiting |
| 01:45:50 |
It was unbelievable. Wow. |
| 01:45:52 |
Next minute, this |
| 01:45:54 |
comes running past with, like, the... |
| 01:45:55 |
What's it called? A defibrillator? |
| 01:45:57 |
Starts zapping him. |
| 01:45:58 |
It was like an episode |
| 01:46:01 |
I missed you. |
| 01:46:08 |
I know you. |
| 01:46:09 |
Yes. |
| 01:46:09 |
Yes. |
| 01:46:10 |
(CLEARS THROAT) |
| 01:46:11 |
How you doing? |
| 01:46:13 |
This is George Simmons. |
| 01:46:15 |
He had a big comedy concert last night. |
| 01:46:16 |
Oh, okay. |
| 01:46:17 |
And so, I asked him to |
| 01:46:22 |
Hope that's good. I... |
| 01:46:23 |
I love the stand-up comedy. |
| 01:46:25 |
Yeah, yeah. How'd it go? |
| 01:46:27 |
They didn't... They didn't boo me |
| 01:46:31 |
Yeah, they're a bunch of |
| 01:46:34 |
Yeah. No, they were very nice. Yeah. |
| 01:46:36 |
You have a... You have |
| 01:46:39 |
and a great, great home. |
| 01:46:40 |
Thank you. |
| 01:46:42 |
Well, it's good to have you home. |
| 01:46:43 |
The kids are dying to see you if... |
| 01:46:45 |
Ira's hungry for... |
| 01:46:48 |
G'day. Clarke. |
| 01:46:49 |
Good day, I'm lra. |
| 01:46:51 |
Your husband's here. LAURA: Yeah. Yep. |
| 01:46:52 |
Ira is George's opening |
| 01:46:56 |
Really? He looks funny! |
| 01:46:59 |
Thank you. |
| 01:47:00 |
How'd you go last night? |
| 01:47:01 |
You know, they didn't boo |
| 01:47:04 |
(SOFTLY) I just said that one. |
| 01:47:05 |
It was great. Yeah. |
| 01:47:07 |
They just popped by, I gave |
| 01:47:10 |
We were gonna have |
| 01:47:11 |
It's probably better |
| 01:47:14 |
since you're only in town a few days. |
| 01:47:15 |
No, stay. That's a great idea. |
| 01:47:16 |
The more the merrier. |
| 01:47:17 |
Okay. Let's do that. |
| 01:47:19 |
Thank you. LAURA: Great. |
| 01:47:20 |
I'm gonna go say hi to the kids. |
| 01:47:21 |
Okay. Okay. |
| 01:47:23 |
(LAUGHS) That's hilarious. |
| 01:47:25 |
You can't tell him that |
| 01:47:27 |
He'll know that something |
| 01:47:29 |
I won't. Okay? |
| 01:47:30 |
'Cause I've been married for |
| 01:47:33 |
And I can't just throw |
| 01:47:35 |
Hey, we'll be fine. I'm a good |
| 01:47:40 |
Right. He hated you until he |
| 01:47:43 |
And if he knows that you were here and |
| 01:47:47 |
So, don't say anything. |
| 01:47:48 |
Okay, yeah, yeah. |
| 01:47:50 |
Of course. Sure. I'll do that. |
| 01:47:52 |
People never thought China would |
| 01:47:54 |
but I never saw it as a big |
| 01:47:57 |
You've got a billion people. |
| 01:47:58 |
We make all kinds of cool shit. |
| 01:48:00 |
They find out about the cool shit, |
| 01:48:02 |
And they're gonna want the cool shit. |
| 01:48:03 |
Cool shit's universal. |
| 01:48:05 |
China's been good, but I'm trying |
| 01:48:07 |
That's the next... That's, |
| 01:48:09 |
Wow. Wow. North Korea? North Korea. |
| 01:48:11 |
Those people would |
| 01:48:13 |
GEORGE: There you go. |
| 01:48:15 |
This is really good pizza. |
| 01:48:17 |
You know, they say, like, |
| 01:48:18 |
and I always thought |
| 01:48:20 |
but who would have thought, you know, |
| 01:48:21 |
Marin County is where they were |
| 01:48:28 |
(lRA SPEAKlNG lTALlAN) |
| 01:48:32 |
Clarke speaks fluent Chinese. |
| 01:48:34 |
Really? Do you speak |
| 01:48:37 |
Oh, well played, lra. Mandarin. |
| 01:48:39 |
Well gayed, lra. |
| 01:48:41 |
It's a bloody hard language, |
| 01:48:44 |
(SPEAKlNG MANDARlN) |
| 01:48:46 |
(SPEAKlNG MANDARlN) |
| 01:48:50 |
(BOTH SPEAKlNG MANDARlN) |
| 01:48:52 |
(REPEATlNG) |
| 01:49:01 |
That was like a scene from Deer Hunter. |
| 01:49:04 |
(BOTH SPEAKlNG VlETNAMESE) |
| 01:49:06 |
Girls, you can go and watch TV. |
| 01:49:09 |
Go on. Whatever you want to watch. |
| 01:49:13 |
So, George, how's the fight going, mate? |
| 01:49:16 |
How is it? |
| 01:49:17 |
Clarke. This is not something that |
| 01:49:22 |
He has to think about |
| 01:49:25 |
And he's taking a |
| 01:49:28 |
(CRYlNG) It's such a shame that |
| 01:49:35 |
to so many people has |
| 01:49:39 |
Shit. Shit. |
| 01:49:41 |
I'm sorry, mate. |
| 01:49:43 |
Laura. Laura. We don't |
| 01:49:47 |
I'm sick. I think about it all the time. |
| 01:49:49 |
CLARKE: Mate, I don't |
| 01:49:50 |
I would be crying in |
| 01:49:53 |
I worship guys like you, that attitude. |
| 01:49:55 |
Have you considered Eastern medicine? |
| 01:49:57 |
Well, I don't know if this is |
| 01:50:00 |
but I've been eating |
| 01:50:02 |
If Clarke thinks it's the right |
| 01:50:06 |
For the last time, |
| 01:50:08 |
(ALL LAUGHlNG) |
| 01:50:11 |
George Simmons in my house! |
| 01:50:13 |
Clarke took an herb once, and he |
| 01:50:17 |
No, it's true. I shit myself, mate, |
| 01:50:18 |
and I had a boner at the same time. |
| 01:50:20 |
(LAUGHlNG) |
| 01:50:22 |
I want to take an herb that |
| 01:50:25 |
Jesus Christ! |
| 01:50:27 |
If I were you I'd be at |
| 01:50:29 |
CLARKE: That's what I do! |
| 01:50:30 |
(GEORGE LAUGHlNG) |
| 01:50:32 |
All right! All right! We're cooking. |
| 01:50:34 |
He's really funny. Mmm-hmm. |
| 01:50:36 |
I don't know why his |
| 01:50:38 |
That's weird, isn't it? Mmm-hmm. |
| 01:50:39 |
He should put some of |
| 01:50:41 |
So, just one drink, okay? |
| 01:50:42 |
This isn't someone I want |
| 01:50:45 |
This? This is the Australian me? |
| 01:50:47 |
I'm so much better |
| 01:50:49 |
He seems like the nicest guy, ever. |
| 01:50:50 |
He's trying to cure you |
| 01:50:52 |
I can't leave her alone |
| 01:50:54 |
Save her from her beautiful |
| 01:50:56 |
and delightful kids? |
| 01:50:58 |
Her husband's a |
| 01:50:59 |
You said nothing was |
| 01:51:01 |
The dog could tell that you banged her. |
| 01:51:03 |
And I'm getting nauseous |
| 01:51:04 |
Get away from me! Get away |
| 01:51:08 |
(AUDIENCE ON TV LAUGHING) |
| 01:51:09 |
WOMAN: Tim, are you |
| 01:51:12 |
Would you like it to be a date? |
| 01:51:14 |
Hey, bro, so your doctor called |
| 01:51:16 |
and he said it is contagious, but |
| 01:51:19 |
(SCOFFS) |
| 01:51:20 |
Also, I was trying to do the laundry, |
| 01:51:22 |
but I think I need to get some |
| 01:51:24 |
What's up with all the skid |
| 01:51:27 |
Wow, I think I have a class. |
| 01:51:29 |
You guys like this show? |
| 01:51:31 |
BOTH: No! |
| 01:51:32 |
It's the worst show, ever. |
| 01:51:34 |
Good. |
| 01:51:36 |
Here you go. We're finished |
| 01:51:38 |
We're into espanola! |
| 01:51:40 |
All right. |
| 01:51:42 |
China, man. Wow. |
| 01:51:44 |
And you guys never see each |
| 01:51:47 |
Right? Rough on the kids. |
| 01:51:48 |
It's not ideal, but the |
| 01:51:51 |
(LAUGHS) |
| 01:51:53 |
You ever see this girl act |
| 01:51:56 |
You ever see this girl act |
| 01:51:56 |
Well, she's very good at |
| 01:51:58 |
so she's pretty good then, isn't she? |
| 01:51:59 |
(CHUCKLES) Yeah. I am. |
| 01:52:02 |
Can't say I watched much of |
| 01:52:05 |
Although I did see the Party |
| 01:52:07 |
It wasn't really for me, you know. |
| 01:52:09 |
Well, it was down to me and Cameron |
| 01:52:14 |
Cameron Diaz! That's my girl. |
| 01:52:17 |
She's a bloody top actress, isn't she? |
| 01:52:19 |
Hey, what was that film she was in |
| 01:52:21 |
Something About Mary! |
| 01:52:23 |
(EXCLAlMlNG) |
| 01:52:24 |
I love that movie! She's so funny! |
| 01:52:27 |
Just about shit my panties in that one. |
| 01:52:29 |
No, no, no, there's not too many girls |
| 01:52:30 |
that are this beautiful |
| 01:52:34 |
She had the whole deal. |
| 01:52:35 |
Yes, but Cameron Diaz, |
| 01:52:42 |
See, if you had've done that movie, |
| 01:52:43 |
you could have had the |
| 01:52:45 |
Look out. |
| 01:52:46 |
CLARKE: What are you |
| 01:52:47 |
You're such a dick sometimes. |
| 01:52:48 |
I'm not... Why? |
| 01:52:49 |
Because. |
| 01:52:50 |
CLARKE: I'm just saying you had |
| 01:52:53 |
I feel like I didn't |
| 01:52:55 |
Oh, please! |
| 01:52:56 |
Oh, please, what? |
| 01:52:57 |
I didn't reach my potential, either! |
| 01:52:59 |
I could have been playing footie! |
| 01:53:00 |
You weren't that good |
| 01:53:01 |
at playing footie. I was. |
| 01:53:02 |
LAURA: You weren't. |
| 01:53:04 |
You should thank me, George. |
| 01:53:08 |
All right, on that note, I'm |
| 01:53:11 |
No, come on, stay. |
| 01:53:12 |
No, it's fine. I'll split. |
| 01:53:13 |
It's early. I've been here too long. |
| 01:53:14 |
Schmira! We just started a bottle. |
| 01:53:16 |
Nah, nah, nah. You guys |
| 01:53:19 |
Thank you so much for |
| 01:53:21 |
Shoot. CLARKE: Uh-oh! Look out. |
| 01:53:23 |
God, I'm sorry, guys. |
| 01:53:24 |
CLARKE: Someone's had too much to drink. |
| 01:53:25 |
Oh, man, no. No, I just kicked your |
| 01:53:29 |
Hold it together there, |
| 01:53:30 |
It's okay. |
| 01:53:32 |
You're staying here. You're not driving. |
| 01:53:33 |
No way. We got a guest |
| 01:53:36 |
You two, plenty of room to |
| 01:53:37 |
He... You're fine to drive, right, lra? |
| 01:53:39 |
I am. I just kicked your |
| 01:53:41 |
No way! I'm not having America's favorite |
| 01:53:44 |
'cause Schmira here's |
| 01:53:45 |
George, you can drive, right? |
| 01:53:47 |
Bullshit! You're staying here. |
| 01:53:49 |
Plus, there's a game of Aussie-rules |
| 01:53:52 |
Semi-final. Saints versus Maggies. |
| 01:53:54 |
Not that American shit. |
| 01:53:56 |
One condition. You Aussie |
| 01:53:59 |
Yes, it's on... |
| 01:54:01 |
(WHOOPS) |
| 01:54:02 |
Yes! |
| 01:54:04 |
Yeah, it doesn't matter if you're |
| 01:54:06 |
you can play this game because |
| 01:54:08 |
and they can get the ball over |
| 01:54:10 |
Now watch. The little |
| 01:54:12 |
There they are. Big fuckers smack them. |
| 01:54:14 |
Little fucker. Little |
| 01:54:16 |
Now he's gonna go down to another |
| 01:54:20 |
Where are the black guys? |
| 01:54:21 |
CLARKE: This is... |
| 01:54:23 |
I hate this team. Oh, yeah? |
| 01:54:24 |
Magpies. Hate the Maggies! |
| 01:54:26 |
They're like... I don't know |
| 01:54:30 |
No helmets. No fucking helmets |
| 01:54:34 |
Love you. Just explaining the |
| 01:54:43 |
(MOUTHlNG) |
| 01:54:46 |
Yeah, we gotta get going, you know. |
| 01:54:47 |
Are you sure you can't stay? |
| 01:54:49 |
We can't stay. We can't stay. |
| 01:54:51 |
Yeah, it's my... It's my |
| 01:54:54 |
We got family coming in from all over. |
| 01:54:55 |
GEORGE: That's right. |
| 01:54:56 |
She just had a stroke. In her leg. |
| 01:54:59 |
So, you know, we gotta get back. |
| 01:55:00 |
Yeah. |
| 01:55:01 |
That's too bad you guys can't stay. |
| 01:55:03 |
It is too bad. |
| 01:55:05 |
Well, I wish I could say I was |
| 01:55:07 |
but I can't really say that, can l? |
| 01:55:09 |
Yeah, yeah, I guess you can't. |
| 01:55:11 |
You don't have to do that, honey. |
| 01:55:13 |
No, I do have to do this, honey. I do. |
| 01:55:15 |
You know what, mate? |
| 01:55:16 |
If there's one thing I've learned |
| 01:55:20 |
is to keep an open heart |
| 01:55:23 |
So, what I want to say to |
| 01:55:28 |
Thank you for playing such |
| 01:55:34 |
It's been great getting to know you. |
| 01:55:36 |
And I wish you a peaceful journey from |
| 01:55:41 |
Come here, mate. |
| 01:55:42 |
Okay, we're gonna do this. |
| 01:55:46 |
Thank you. Thank you for everything. |
| 01:55:48 |
All right. |
| 01:55:49 |
Thank you. |
| 01:55:50 |
All right, I appreciate your having us. |
| 01:55:53 |
Don't worry, Daddy. |
| 01:55:56 |
Ira told us. |
| 01:55:57 |
I didn't say that. |
| 01:55:59 |
Yes, you did. Yeah, you did. |
| 01:56:00 |
When we were coloring. IRA: No. |
| 01:56:02 |
Yeah. Yeah. |
| 01:56:03 |
IRA: That's not true, girls. |
| 01:56:04 |
No, that's not true. |
| 01:56:05 |
I don't know what they're talking about. |
| 01:56:07 |
Liar. |
| 01:56:08 |
Liar, liar, pants on fire. |
| 01:56:10 |
They were freaking out. They |
| 01:56:12 |
I just said it so they wouldn't |
| 01:56:15 |
Kids, go inside. |
| 01:56:16 |
Can we watch Borat? Yeah, you can. |
| 01:56:18 |
INGRlD: I don't wanna watch |
| 01:56:20 |
See you guys. |
| 01:56:22 |
What is going on around |
| 01:56:25 |
I never said that he was feeling better. |
| 01:56:28 |
He just took some medicine |
| 01:56:30 |
because they can't |
| 01:56:32 |
but that doesn't mean that he's better. |
| 01:56:34 |
These things are very tricky |
| 01:56:36 |
and he didn't want to tell anybody |
| 01:56:39 |
Is that true that you |
| 01:56:41 |
Yeah. No, no, no, l... |
| 01:56:43 |
Mmm-hmm. |
| 01:56:44 |
You're a terrible liar. |
| 01:56:46 |
(lMlTATlNG AUSTRALlAN ACCENT) No, |
| 01:56:51 |
It's completely innocent. |
| 01:56:53 |
I left me ring... What accent is that? |
| 01:56:55 |
...on the side table. Jamaican? |
| 01:56:57 |
Don't mock me. I don't appreciate it. |
| 01:57:00 |
Lots of people go to massage parlors. |
| 01:57:02 |
That doesn't mean I was |
| 01:57:05 |
Those hairs on me jacket must've |
| 01:57:10 |
What the hell has gotten into you? |
| 01:57:12 |
I was at a footie game! |
| 01:57:15 |
Are you taking the piss out of me? |
| 01:57:16 |
I would never lie to you, mate. Oi? |
| 01:57:22 |
I'm not playing this game with you. |
| 01:57:23 |
This is stupid. What a stupid game! |
| 01:57:26 |
Clarke, let's tell each other the truth. |
| 01:57:30 |
Just come clean with me. |
| 01:57:31 |
There's nothing to tell. |
| 01:57:32 |
There's nothing to tell? |
| 01:57:34 |
There's nothing to tell. |
| 01:57:35 |
You will never tell me the |
| 01:57:38 |
You know what? I'm not doing this. |
| 01:57:40 |
I'm not being put on a cross |
| 01:57:43 |
Enjoy each other! |
| 01:57:45 |
Go fuck your whores! |
| 01:57:47 |
"Go fuck your whores"? |
| 01:57:57 |
So, it's good that he left, and |
| 01:57:59 |
So, it's good that he left, and |
| 01:58:01 |
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. |
| 01:58:03 |
I don't need to be in a marriage |
| 01:58:08 |
I'm not worried about that. |
| 01:58:11 |
I would be scared if |
| 01:58:12 |
Are you kidding me? |
| 01:58:14 |
This is what needed to happen. |
| 01:58:15 |
I would run away. |
| 01:58:16 |
No, I'm staying here. |
| 01:58:17 |
Are you gonna run away? |
| 01:58:18 |
Where am I running to? |
| 01:58:21 |
I really need you around right now. |
| 01:58:24 |
Yeah. Yeah. |
| 01:58:25 |
Can you stay till Monday? |
| 01:58:26 |
Absolutely. |
| 01:58:28 |
Can't we just go and, like, |
| 01:58:30 |
I mean, if this is |
| 01:58:32 |
We don't have to be |
| 01:58:34 |
Can't we just go? |
| 01:58:35 |
Man, I don't... I see... |
| 01:58:37 |
Jesus Christ, every instinct in my |
| 01:58:40 |
Good. |
| 01:58:41 |
But that's what led |
| 01:58:43 |
I gotta stay here. I gotta do |
| 01:58:47 |
Right now, her husband is gonna |
| 01:58:52 |
Did you see his arms? |
| 01:58:54 |
Shut up. Don't be an idiot. |
| 01:58:56 |
I'm not being an... Imagine that |
| 01:59:00 |
and someone came into your |
| 01:59:03 |
You would murder him and then you |
| 01:59:06 |
'cause that's what |
| 01:59:08 |
Ira, this is deep shit. |
| 01:59:11 |
They make mistakes, |
| 01:59:16 |
It's not that big of a deal. |
| 01:59:19 |
She seems like a crazy actress, man. |
| 01:59:22 |
I don't know what to tell you, man. |
| 01:59:23 |
Am I not allowed to |
| 01:59:25 |
I've been living alone and |
| 01:59:28 |
This is the only girl I've ever loved |
| 01:59:30 |
and I'm not supposed to |
| 01:59:32 |
When am I supposed to be happy? |
| 01:59:34 |
Why does everyone else get to be happy? |
| 01:59:36 |
Look, George, I'm just gonna |
| 01:59:40 |
From where I'm sitting it |
| 01:59:43 |
might be coming at the cost |
| 01:59:47 |
Okay, let me respond |
| 01:59:49 |
and let you know you're not my friend. |
| 01:59:52 |
You fucking work for me! |
| 01:59:54 |
I didn't ask for your advice! You're |
| 01:59:58 |
Now go get me a fucking Diet Coke! |
| 02:00:01 |
And remind yourself |
| 02:00:03 |
Now get the fuck out of here! |
| 02:00:05 |
Fine. |
| 02:00:07 |
Don't fucking leave! Sit down |
| 02:00:10 |
Okay, fine. |
| 02:00:14 |
This is Mark. |
| 02:00:15 |
Hey, Mark, it's lra. |
| 02:00:17 |
Not too good. I didn't get the |
| 02:00:20 |
That doesn't matter. I have |
| 02:00:23 |
Where have you been? |
| 02:00:24 |
I'm in Marin County. |
| 02:00:27 |
(SlGHS) Listen, l... I |
| 02:00:30 |
Are you sitting down? |
| 02:00:31 |
Yeah. Okay. |
| 02:00:33 |
The other night I went out to drinks |
| 02:00:35 |
with the producers of my show |
| 02:00:36 |
and Leo met up with us. |
| 02:00:38 |
And they were enamored by him and |
| 02:00:40 |
And they offered him a part |
| 02:00:43 |
I saw the episode. I |
| 02:00:46 |
You watched it? I watched it. |
| 02:00:47 |
Did you love it? |
| 02:00:49 |
Yeah. He was great, right? |
| 02:00:50 |
It was fine! I have no |
| 02:00:52 |
Tell Leo, if he's got a problem, |
| 02:00:54 |
to stop being a baby |
| 02:00:56 |
Why don't you tell Leo yourself? |
| 02:00:57 |
'Cause Leo's been surveilling |
| 02:01:00 |
You dick. LEO : Fucking asshole. |
| 02:01:01 |
MARK: Leo, get off the phone! |
| 02:01:03 |
Hey, man what have you been up to? |
| 02:01:04 |
Sucking George Simmons' balls? |
| 02:01:05 |
That's cool. I've been on |
| 02:01:08 |
I'm sorry, Leo. Yo Teach...! sucks. |
| 02:01:09 |
LEO : Go lose some more weight, Ira! |
| 02:01:11 |
You look fucking weird skinny! |
| 02:01:12 |
MARK: Leo, calm down! |
| 02:01:14 |
You know what, lra? I want to |
| 02:01:16 |
so it looks like you're blowing me when |
| 02:01:19 |
IRA: That doesn't even make sense! |
| 02:01:20 |
You're gonna put |
| 02:01:22 |
Ira, we will find something |
| 02:01:26 |
Teach can have more than one friend. |
| 02:01:28 |
Can we talk about this later? |
| 02:01:29 |
I am in a serious problem. I just |
| 02:01:32 |
Just listen to me for two minutes and |
| 02:01:36 |
Will you do that? |
| 02:01:37 |
All right. If it's serious, |
| 02:01:40 |
(SlGHS) |
| 02:01:41 |
Okay. Here's what's happening. |
| 02:01:43 |
I'm witnessing a |
| 02:01:45 |
but if I do something, |
| 02:01:47 |
Are you serious? |
| 02:01:48 |
So, what I don't know, is... |
| 02:01:50 |
(DISCONNECTS) Screw you. |
| 02:01:52 |
(SlGHS) |
| 02:01:54 |
Higher! Higher! |
| 02:01:54 |
Higher! Higher! |
| 02:01:55 |
I can't. I... I can't. Yes, you can. |
| 02:01:56 |
You, you have to go |
| 02:01:58 |
through the middle. LAURA: Be |
| 02:01:59 |
Where do I put my hand? |
| 02:02:01 |
I spoke to Clarke. He's gonna be at the |
| 02:02:06 |
I'm gonna go tell him |
| 02:02:09 |
he should find another place to live. |
| 02:02:11 |
Wait, wait, wait, wait. What... |
| 02:02:13 |
You... Yeah? Good. Good. Yeah. |
| 02:02:16 |
You're gonna tell him? |
| 02:02:17 |
I just don't want him coming back here. |
| 02:02:19 |
You don't need him. No. |
| 02:02:20 |
That'll just get you sick. |
| 02:02:22 |
Good, you gotta tell him. |
| 02:02:25 |
Tonight? Yeah. |
| 02:02:26 |
Okay, okay, I'm coming down. |
| 02:02:27 |
Jump! |
| 02:02:29 |
I talked to a girlfriend of mine, |
| 02:02:30 |
and she has somebody who could show us |
| 02:02:33 |
some houses down in Los Angeles. |
| 02:02:35 |
And we'll get that whole thing going. |
| 02:02:36 |
And then I was thinking about |
| 02:02:41 |
but we should probably let them |
| 02:02:44 |
And I don't want to mess everything up. |
| 02:02:46 |
They have to finish the whole year here. |
| 02:02:48 |
Yeah, that makes sense to |
| 02:02:49 |
at the beginning of the summer, |
| 02:02:50 |
Iet them kind of transit. |
| 02:02:52 |
a little two-week tour this summer. |
| 02:02:54 |
I'm supposed to do it, |
| 02:02:56 |
No pressure on you. Look at |
| 02:03:00 |
I need to work and I want to |
| 02:03:04 |
Good. Yeah. |
| 02:03:06 |
She's whupping you, lngrid! |
| 02:03:09 |
So, she's gonna go |
| 02:03:11 |
and tell Clarke that she wants |
| 02:03:15 |
What do you think of that? |
| 02:03:18 |
(SlGHS) I don't want to tell |
| 02:03:20 |
'cause I don't want to |
| 02:03:21 |
(SlGHS) Oh, God. |
| 02:03:23 |
I'm just nervous about the kids |
| 02:03:26 |
and does he get one and Laura gets one, |
| 02:03:28 |
or am I gonna have both of them? |
| 02:03:30 |
'Cause I love the little |
| 02:03:32 |
But the older one is, like, you |
| 02:03:36 |
I think she would probably get the kids. |
| 02:03:38 |
All right, yeah. |
| 02:03:39 |
I don't think you can |
| 02:03:41 |
What are you gonna do |
| 02:03:42 |
Why so close? Really? |
| 02:03:44 |
(EXCLAlMS) |
| 02:03:45 |
Whoa, whoa, whoa! |
| 02:03:47 |
You okay, little girl? You okay? |
| 02:03:48 |
Oh, man. Are you okay? |
| 02:03:50 |
Okay. I'm gonna show |
| 02:03:52 |
Mom, you make everybody see... |
| 02:03:53 |
No, Memory from Cats. Come on! It's... |
| 02:03:55 |
No. I hate that you show it to everyone. |
| 02:03:57 |
I'll just show them the end part. |
| 02:03:58 |
(ALL LAUGHlNG) |
| 02:04:00 |
I'll just show you the ending. Okay. |
| 02:04:03 |
(SLOW SHOW TUNE PLAYING) |
| 02:04:17 |
(SINGING) Burnt-out ends of smoky days |
| 02:04:24 |
The stale cold smell of morning |
| 02:04:31 |
The streetlamp dies, |
| 02:04:38 |
Another day is dawning |
| 02:04:46 |
Touch me |
| 02:04:49 |
It's so easy to leave me |
| 02:04:56 |
Of my days in the sun |
| 02:05:00 |
If you touch me You'll |
| 02:05:04 |
(MOUTHlNG) |
| 02:05:08 |
Look, a new day has begun |
| 02:05:17 |
(AUDIENCE CHEERING) |
| 02:05:19 |
(BOTH LAUGHlNG) |
| 02:05:22 |
That was unbelievable! |
| 02:05:23 |
Isn't that good? |
| 02:05:26 |
That was insane! |
| 02:05:28 |
That was like just seeing a little |
| 02:05:32 |
That was hysterical! |
| 02:05:34 |
I got a friend who takes... |
| 02:05:38 |
If he saw that, he would shit himself! |
| 02:05:42 |
That's not supposed to be funny. |
| 02:05:44 |
I know, I know, I know. I'm... |
| 02:05:45 |
No, I think that's why it's funnier. |
| 02:05:47 |
It was so amazing. |
| 02:05:48 |
Wasn't that good? |
| 02:05:49 |
I think I started crying a little bit. |
| 02:05:51 |
Me, too. I cry every time I see that. |
| 02:05:56 |
That shit was funny up there. |
| 02:05:59 |
Okay. Wow, these guys are not |
| 02:06:03 |
Yeah. They want me to |
| 02:06:06 |
They keep bumping up |
| 02:06:08 |
I just... There's no way I'm doing it. |
| 02:06:18 |
Okay. Bye. |
| 02:06:22 |
(BOTH WHOOPlNG) |
| 02:06:24 |
Hey, George. |
| 02:06:26 |
(EXHALES) Yeah. |
| 02:06:28 |
I'm going to... I'm |
| 02:06:30 |
and grab some cigarettes, okay? |
| 02:06:31 |
I'll be back soon. |
| 02:06:32 |
What? What do you need cigarettes for? |
| 02:06:34 |
'Cause I'm addicted to them. |
| 02:06:36 |
Why? 'Cause you look like |
| 02:06:38 |
I've always smoked. I just didn't do |
| 02:06:41 |
And now that you're better... |
| 02:06:42 |
Hurry up, though, man. I'm running |
| 02:06:45 |
Okay. I'll hurry up. |
| 02:06:47 |
(SlNGlNG) Memory, all |
| 02:06:55 |
I can't wait till the morning |
| 02:07:00 |
(BREATHlNG HEAVlLY) |
| 02:07:09 |
Are my parents getting a divorce? |
| 02:07:14 |
Why... Why... Why do you ask that? |
| 02:07:17 |
Just, like, I can tell. |
| 02:07:22 |
How does that make you feel? |
| 02:07:23 |
Well, he's already away a lot, |
| 02:07:26 |
so it doesn't really |
| 02:07:30 |
Uh-huh. |
| 02:07:32 |
That wouldn't be fun. |
| 02:07:34 |
Maybe it would be better |
| 02:07:37 |
Mmm-mmm. |
| 02:07:38 |
No? |
| 02:07:39 |
That's not good. |
| 02:07:41 |
Right. |
| 02:08:04 |
Clarke? |
| 02:08:07 |
Laura, what are you doing here? |
| 02:08:11 |
I don't know. |
| 02:08:13 |
WOMAN ON PA: Mr. Way Chen, you need to |
| 02:08:17 |
(SPEAKING MANDARIN) |
| 02:08:20 |
You've reached Ira. |
| 02:08:21 |
Please leave me a message. Thank you. |
| 02:08:22 |
(BEEPS) |
| 02:08:23 |
Where are you? You gotta come back here. |
| 02:08:25 |
I think I'm getting... |
| 02:08:28 |
I need some help. Just, |
| 02:08:32 |
I don't trust you. |
| 02:08:37 |
You're not imagining anything, honey. |
| 02:08:40 |
(SlGHS) |
| 02:08:41 |
Two times. That's all |
| 02:08:44 |
And I don't want to ruin everything |
| 02:08:47 |
She couldn't even speak English. |
| 02:08:52 |
Look at our life. You're |
| 02:08:54 |
You're picking them up. |
| 02:08:56 |
And you're not a single mom. |
| 02:08:59 |
I shouldn't be in China |
| 02:09:02 |
trying to sell Oreos to people who |
| 02:09:05 |
I'm gonna get a normal job. I'm |
| 02:09:09 |
It's just gonna be you, me and the kids. |
| 02:09:12 |
All I want is a fresh start. |
| 02:09:14 |
Yeah. |
| 02:09:23 |
(GRUNTlNG) Oh. |
| 02:09:25 |
Yeah. |
| 02:09:30 |
The George Simmons thing |
| 02:09:32 |
It was nothing. He really |
| 02:09:37 |
I'm so fucking glad. Yeah. |
| 02:09:39 |
I really like him. I do. |
| 02:09:43 |
I fucking love you. |
| 02:09:54 |
Ira! |
| 02:09:57 |
Hey! |
| 02:09:59 |
What are you doing here? |
| 02:10:00 |
(CHUCKLlNG) |
| 02:10:00 |
(CHUCKLlNG) |
| 02:10:01 |
I'm going back to Los Angeles. |
| 02:10:04 |
LA? |
| 02:10:05 |
Yeah. |
| 02:10:07 |
You're in the Great China |
| 02:10:09 |
What are you doing? |
| 02:10:10 |
Oh. Shit, this is a confusing airport. |
| 02:10:13 |
I thought this was Panda Express. |
| 02:10:16 |
Well, it's good to see you guys, though. |
| 02:10:19 |
What's going on? Laura? |
| 02:10:22 |
What the hell is going on? |
| 02:10:25 |
Uh... Ask her. |
| 02:10:28 |
I was so mad at you for the |
| 02:10:30 |
that I was on my way |
| 02:10:33 |
to find another place to |
| 02:10:35 |
But then... I came here to stop her. |
| 02:10:37 |
CLARKE: Shut the fuck up. |
| 02:10:38 |
I slept with George once, but it's over. |
| 02:10:41 |
It's done. And it was no big deal. |
| 02:10:44 |
(BREATHlNG HEAVlLY) |
| 02:10:45 |
We didn't even have sex. |
| 02:10:48 |
(SlGHS) That's worse. |
| 02:10:50 |
CLARKE: Crikey. |
| 02:10:51 |
He manipulated me with his disease! |
| 02:10:55 |
Where is he? George, where is he? |
| 02:10:58 |
He's at your house. |
| 02:10:59 |
He's at our house? With our kids? |
| 02:11:03 |
LAURA: Please don't get |
| 02:11:05 |
Please don't get that look on your face. |
| 02:11:06 |
It was a mistake. I'm gonna kill him. |
| 02:11:07 |
No, no, no, no, no. |
| 02:11:09 |
I'm sorry. |
| 02:11:11 |
You're sorry? |
| 02:11:12 |
I came here to stop... Who are you? |
| 02:11:13 |
I don't know. Who are you? |
| 02:11:15 |
(SlGHS) What are you doing here? |
| 02:11:16 |
I was trying to help you. |
| 02:11:18 |
Get the fuck out of my life! |
| 02:11:19 |
Okay. |
| 02:11:21 |
Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. |
| 02:11:26 |
Where is it? Where is |
| 02:11:32 |
So stupid! Stupid shit! |
| 02:11:40 |
I wanted to tell you I miss |
| 02:11:40 |
I wanted to tell you I miss |
| 02:11:43 |
I miss your short skirts. |
| 02:11:50 |
Get the BabyBjorn. |
| 02:11:52 |
(GlRLS LAUGHlNG) We're |
| 02:11:54 |
Hey, girls. You look so cute. |
| 02:11:58 |
You, outside. |
| 02:12:00 |
Is he in trouble? |
| 02:12:01 |
Yes. |
| 02:12:09 |
What's gonna happen? I don't know. |
| 02:12:10 |
What do you think I did? |
| 02:12:12 |
Oh, shit! |
| 02:12:13 |
Your friend sold you out, mate! |
| 02:12:15 |
LAURA: No, no, no, Clarke! |
| 02:12:16 |
CLARKE: You think this |
| 02:12:18 |
What'd you think you were gonna do? |
| 02:12:19 |
Come in and just fuck up my family? |
| 02:12:21 |
IRA: Stop it! CLARKE: |
| 02:12:23 |
Stop it. Stop. No, no, no, no! |
| 02:12:24 |
GEORGE: I didn't fucking do anything! |
| 02:12:26 |
Don't kill him! Don't kill him! |
| 02:12:27 |
You stupid shit! |
| 02:12:29 |
No! |
| 02:12:30 |
Fuck, man! |
| 02:12:31 |
Come here! Run, George! |
| 02:12:33 |
Don't hurt him, you maniac! |
| 02:12:36 |
Cut the shit, guys! |
| 02:12:37 |
Stop it! |
| 02:12:40 |
IRA: Run, George! You're |
| 02:12:43 |
Get away from me! Take |
| 02:12:44 |
Get away from me, you |
| 02:12:46 |
You fucking asshole! Get away! |
| 02:12:50 |
Oh, my God. |
| 02:12:52 |
She's not happy with you! |
| 02:12:54 |
No one who's married |
| 02:12:58 |
Get in a ball, George! Get in a ball! |
| 02:13:00 |
Fight like a man! Get |
| 02:13:02 |
I don't know how to fight! I'm |
| 02:13:05 |
Should I jump in? |
| 02:13:06 |
No! No! Don't jump in! |
| 02:13:08 |
Just get away from me, man! You traitor! |
| 02:13:10 |
Go get more cigarettes, you liar! |
| 02:13:12 |
IRA: I accomplished nothing! |
| 02:13:13 |
They made up before I got there! |
| 02:13:15 |
(BOTH GRUNTlNG) |
| 02:13:16 |
Where's your helmet now, Yankee? |
| 02:13:18 |
Let's talk! Clarke! |
| 02:13:21 |
LAURA: Clarke, no! |
| 02:13:23 |
Come on, pussy! |
| 02:13:25 |
Help! |
| 02:13:27 |
All right! |
| 02:13:28 |
Stop! |
| 02:13:29 |
IRA: I got him! I got him! |
| 02:13:31 |
You don't want a piece of me, Schmira! |
| 02:13:33 |
I am gonna love this! |
| 02:13:35 |
(GROANS) |
| 02:13:36 |
God! |
| 02:13:38 |
You son of a bitch! I knew |
| 02:13:40 |
What are you doing, man? Look |
| 02:13:43 |
You've gone crazy! |
| 02:13:45 |
Get away from me, man! |
| 02:13:46 |
...named lra Wiener! Ira Wiener! |
| 02:13:49 |
You should have died! |
| 02:13:51 |
I'm never gonna die! I hope you die! |
| 02:13:52 |
I'm never gonna die, baby! Die! |
| 02:13:54 |
Boys, stop it! IRA: I |
| 02:13:56 |
I know what you're trying |
| 02:13:57 |
You're trying to distract |
| 02:13:59 |
Lackey! Lackey! |
| 02:14:01 |
IRA: Wait! |
| 02:14:02 |
Oh, shit, Clarke! Dude! |
| 02:14:04 |
Are you okay, George? |
| 02:14:05 |
Where's your stunt man now, hey? |
| 02:14:07 |
Stop it! |
| 02:14:08 |
Will you stop hitting me? |
| 02:14:12 |
I'm better now, but it can come back! |
| 02:14:16 |
Laura, tell him. Tell |
| 02:14:19 |
Tell him that you love me more |
| 02:14:23 |
Yeah, when she told you that, |
| 02:14:24 |
did she think you were dying, huh? |
| 02:14:27 |
Tell him. Tell him. Is it me or him? |
| 02:14:32 |
Him. |
| 02:14:34 |
What? Come on! Are you serious? |
| 02:14:39 |
He's my husband. We have a family. |
| 02:14:43 |
I love him. |
| 02:14:45 |
And you didn't even cry |
| 02:14:49 |
What's the matter with you? |
| 02:14:51 |
I didn't want to lie. I don't know. |
| 02:14:54 |
I've seen it on Broadway before. |
| 02:14:57 |
It wasn't as good as it. |
| 02:15:01 |
What are you guys doing on the lawn? |
| 02:15:03 |
I'm hungry! |
| 02:15:05 |
Nothing. We're just... |
| 02:15:09 |
Come on. Go back inside. |
| 02:15:17 |
Sorry, George. I'll always love you. |
| 02:15:22 |
But what are we gonna do? |
| 02:15:24 |
I love you. |
| 02:15:27 |
I'm sorry I came up here. |
| 02:15:30 |
No, I'm glad you did. |
| 02:15:33 |
Maybe when we're 70? |
| 02:15:37 |
I hope you find a way to be happy. |
| 02:15:40 |
Shit. He's coming back. |
| 02:15:43 |
LAURA: Clarke. |
| 02:15:45 |
You know what? I've just worked |
| 02:15:49 |
In the East, they call this karma. |
| 02:15:51 |
And I have brought all this |
| 02:15:55 |
That's why all this shit has happened. |
| 02:15:58 |
This had to happen. |
| 02:16:01 |
But some good shit's |
| 02:16:03 |
We have to learn from |
| 02:16:06 |
There's a good lesson here. |
| 02:16:09 |
Underneath anger is hurt, |
| 02:16:13 |
but underneath hurt is love. |
| 02:16:17 |
You feel it? |
| 02:16:22 |
Okay? |
| 02:16:23 |
Yeah. Thank you. |
| 02:16:24 |
I'm sorry about this. |
| 02:16:25 |
Yeah, yeah. Don't worry about it. |
| 02:16:44 |
Do you want me to drive? |
| 02:16:45 |
(SlGHS) |
| 02:16:46 |
No, you don't have to |
| 02:16:50 |
In fact, you're never gonna have to |
| 02:16:55 |
You're the only person |
| 02:16:57 |
that learned nothing from a |
| 02:17:00 |
You went backwards. You're worse. |
| 02:17:01 |
You know what I am? A good friend. |
| 02:17:04 |
I would never run to the |
| 02:17:07 |
I don't have that in my DNA. |
| 02:17:11 |
A friend tells you. A friend |
| 02:17:13 |
"Hey, you're in a heap of |
| 02:17:16 |
He doesn't run and |
| 02:17:19 |
Well... Wow. |
| 02:17:20 |
Good. Fire me. I don't want |
| 02:17:22 |
'cause you are fucking contagious! |
| 02:17:24 |
You think I can't get another assistant? |
| 02:17:27 |
I can't get someone else |
| 02:17:29 |
You think I'm gonna lay in my bed |
| 02:17:34 |
You're a fucking no-thought. |
| 02:17:37 |
Once you're gone it never |
| 02:17:40 |
You think getting Laura |
| 02:17:41 |
I know so. You think if |
| 02:17:43 |
you would be happy? |
| 02:17:44 |
You'll never be happy, 'cause you're |
| 02:17:48 |
Unless somehow you |
| 02:17:51 |
you're always gonna |
| 02:17:53 |
You are not funny. |
| 02:17:56 |
Well, if that means I'm less like you, |
| 02:17:58 |
then good, I don't |
| 02:18:01 |
Mission accomplished, lra. |
| 02:18:04 |
Bad career choice. |
| 02:18:06 |
Comedy usually is for funny people. |
| 02:18:10 |
Gotcha. |
| 02:18:16 |
(SlGHS) |
| 02:18:28 |
(TlRES SCREECHlNG) |
| 02:18:29 |
(GROANS) |
| 02:19:10 |
Chances are you've got a lot of stuff |
| 02:19:13 |
that you don't really need. |
| 02:19:14 |
Mary Bolster is editor-in-chief |
| 02:19:17 |
She's here to help you get |
| 02:19:20 |
Hello, Mary. MARY: Hi, Hoda. |
| 02:19:22 |
HODA: Okay, we do save things |
| 02:19:28 |
(WHlSPERlNG) Good morning. Hi. |
| 02:19:32 |
I think I'm gonna forgive him today. |
| 02:19:34 |
What? Really? Yeah. |
| 02:19:36 |
Great! That's great news! |
| 02:19:38 |
He's just gonna be so jealous |
| 02:19:41 |
I just figured it'd |
| 02:19:43 |
Well, maybe we could |
| 02:19:46 |
You know, if it comes up organically, |
| 02:19:50 |
You know? Right. |
| 02:19:52 |
I don't want to be on Yo Teach...! |
| 02:19:55 |
It's okay. I forgave you, you know? |
| 02:19:57 |
Thank you. |
| 02:19:59 |
So, how'd everything go |
| 02:20:03 |
I think I did the right thing, but George |
| 02:20:10 |
You want to talk about it? |
| 02:20:12 |
No. |
| 02:20:15 |
I kind of wish you would. It sounds |
| 02:20:20 |
Wake me up at 2:00. |
| 02:20:23 |
Well, we're glad you're back. |
| 02:20:26 |
Glad you're home. |
| 02:20:27 |
I can't believe I have |
| 02:20:31 |
Hey, man, how you doing? |
| 02:20:34 |
Hey, how you doing? Heard you were sick. |
| 02:20:35 |
You feeling better now? Over here! |
| 02:20:37 |
MAN: George, second lease on |
| 02:20:40 |
Hey, guys, come on. |
| 02:20:41 |
about another baby movie. |
| 02:20:42 |
Yeah, yeah, we're gonna shoot |
| 02:20:44 |
Gonna start that in a little |
| 02:20:59 |
It's nice up here, huh? |
| 02:21:01 |
Yeah. How'd you find it? |
| 02:21:04 |
Me and my friends, we hike |
| 02:21:07 |
"You know, that'd be |
| 02:21:08 |
"a woman if you... If you knew one." |
| 02:21:12 |
Well, now you know one. |
| 02:21:13 |
Good. |
| 02:21:25 |
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) |
| 02:21:29 |
Hey, I'm gonna give him the light. |
| 02:21:31 |
Thanks, Mark. |
| 02:21:33 |
Bailey, you're number two. |
| 02:21:42 |
Hey, lra. How you doing? |
| 02:21:44 |
Good. How you doing? |
| 02:21:45 |
RANDY: Wassup, big money? |
| 02:21:46 |
You guys know each other? |
| 02:21:47 |
Yes. I've seen this |
| 02:21:50 |
Randy, what's happening? |
| 02:21:52 |
I saw this cat down at Otto's |
| 02:21:56 |
Grilled chicken pesto. Shit was nice. |
| 02:21:59 |
Yeah, I'm working at Otto's again. |
| 02:22:02 |
GEORGE: So, you're going up? |
| 02:22:04 |
Yeah, I'm about to go |
| 02:22:08 |
Later! |
| 02:22:11 |
Thank you. Thank you. |
| 02:22:14 |
My friends are very sexually |
| 02:22:17 |
You know, we'll watch television |
| 02:22:19 |
A hot girl will come |
| 02:22:21 |
"Man, I wanna fuck the |
| 02:22:25 |
"I'm gonna fuck that girl!" |
| 02:22:27 |
And I, like, can't even say that. |
| 02:22:28 |
I can't even pretend I would do that. |
| 02:22:30 |
I see a hot girl on TV and I'm like, |
| 02:22:31 |
"Man, I would friend |
| 02:22:36 |
"I'd friend her all night! |
| 02:22:41 |
"I would drive her to the airport, man! |
| 02:22:45 |
"I would hold her purse while |
| 02:22:49 |
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) |
| 02:22:56 |
Thank you. |
| 02:22:58 |
Hi, I need a pound of turkey and a |
| 02:23:03 |
(CLEARS THROAT) |
| 02:23:04 |
Um... Yeah, I'll just be one sec, okay? |
| 02:23:06 |
Okay, thanks. |
| 02:23:09 |
(lMlTATlNG OLD WOMAN) |
| 02:23:11 |
the roast beef you gave me |
| 02:23:14 |
and I was unaware of this and fed |
| 02:23:23 |
How's it going, George? |
| 02:23:26 |
You get a break or |
| 02:23:29 |
Okay, yeah. Sure. Chuck, |
| 02:23:35 |
Shit. |
| 02:23:37 |
(CLlCKS) |
| 02:23:41 |
(SlGHS) |
| 02:23:48 |
So, you had to get |
| 02:23:52 |
Yeah. You know, I figured I |
| 02:23:57 |
Oh, I'm sorry. |
| 02:23:59 |
I get health insurance. |
| 02:24:03 |
So, I thought a lot about |
| 02:24:10 |
A few of those things |
| 02:24:15 |
You tried to help me and I'm sorry I |
| 02:24:19 |
I'm better in my body. |
| 02:24:22 |
My brain has a ways to go, though. |
| 02:24:28 |
How are you doing, |
| 02:24:35 |
I don't know, lra. |
| 02:24:41 |
I... |
| 02:24:42 |
I caught your whole set |
| 02:24:46 |
Yeah, yeah, no, you're getting a rhythm. |
| 02:24:48 |
You're starting to be the lra |
| 02:24:52 |
Thanks. Yeah, I've been getting up |
| 02:24:55 |
Yeah, you were funny, and |
| 02:24:59 |
I wrote some stuff down that |
| 02:25:03 |
You want to hear it? |
| 02:25:04 |
You what? |
| 02:25:06 |
I couldn't stop thinking of jokes |
| 02:25:10 |
I'm not saying they're |
| 02:25:15 |
You actually wrote them down! |
| 02:25:17 |
Yeah, yeah, yeah. My |
| 02:25:20 |
That thing you did about the |
| 02:25:24 |
Oh, like, "My video game..." Yeah. |
| 02:25:26 |
"My video game told me I'm fat?" |
| 02:25:28 |
Yeah, yeah, yeah. "The |
| 02:25:30 |
Right, right. You could maybe say, "l mean, |
| 02:25:35 |
Oh, that's really funny. |
| 02:25:36 |
"And the Wii is similar |
| 02:25:38 |
"She used to tell me I'm getting chubby |
| 02:25:40 |
"and then bring me chicken parmesan |
| 02:25:43 |
(LAUGHlNG) |
| 02:25:44 |
That's really funny! |
| 02:25:45 |
It's true. The video game made me |
| 02:25:49 |
All right. "Why are you so fat? |
| 02:25:50 |
"Here's four gallons of chocolate milk." |
| 02:25:52 |
That's good! She would always do that. |
| 02:25:53 |
That's good. I got one |
| 02:25:55 |
kind of, about, like, Viagra. It's |
| 02:25:59 |
"and he thought he was |
| 02:26:02 |
Yeah? "But then he realized |
| 02:26:04 |
"his own balls." |
| 02:26:05 |
(BOTH LAUGHlNG) |
| 02:26:07 |
That's funny! You got to do that! |
| 02:26:08 |
That's pretty funny, huh? |
| 02:26:10 |
You got to say that the thing... |
| 02:26:12 |
and you have a boner that there's |
| 02:26:15 |
That's funny! That's really... |
| 02:26:16 |
You do it doggy-style, your knees hurt. |
| 02:26:18 |
You get water on your knee. |
| 02:26:20 |
"l can't even hold |
| 02:26:22 |
"What would an old man do?" Yeah... |
| 02:26:24 |
(ACOUSTIC ROCK MUSIC PLAYlNG) |
| 02:28:36 |
WARREN ZEVON: Let's |
| 02:28:38 |
'cause I like it when the |
| 02:28:42 |
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYlNG) |
| 02:30:39 |
MABLE: Okay. |
| 02:30:40 |
(SLOW SHOW TUNE PLAYlNG) |
| 02:31:08 |
(SINGING) Burnt-out ends of smoky days |
| 02:31:14 |
The stale cold smell of morning |
| 02:31:22 |
The streetlamp dies, |
| 02:31:29 |
Another day is dawning |
| 02:31:36 |
Touch me It's so easy to leave me |
| 02:31:42 |
All alone with the memory |
| 02:31:50 |
If you touch me You'll |
| 02:31:57 |
Look, a new day |
| 02:32:02 |
has begun |
