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Futurama Bender s Game en
00:01:18	(BELCHING)
00:01:34	Yes, 10!
00:01:36	Well done, Cubonius.
00:01:38	You decapitated the unicorn.
00:01:39	-Swell.
00:01:41	Oh, oh!
00:01:44	Deep in the unicorn's rump sack, you find
00:01:47	(ALL GASPlNG)
00:01:49	60 gold pieces
00:01:51	and a mysterious scrap of cloth bearing
00:01:56	The same stench
00:01:59	-The very same.
00:02:02	I cast a spell of detect magic.
00:02:06	What you doing, mini-meatbags?
00:02:09	Shame on you.
00:02:10	Count me in.
00:02:11	We're not gambling.
00:02:14	Right now, we're fighting for our lives
00:02:19	Wrong, right now you're
00:02:22	Yes, but in my imagination
00:02:26	Giddy up, Sparky!
00:02:28	Am I the only one seeing him sitting here
00:02:31	Bender, were you built
00:02:34	What? Don't be stupid, of course not.
00:02:38	It just hasn't descended yet.
00:02:45	Fry, do I have an imagination?
00:02:48	I don't know, Bender. Why do you ask?
00:02:50	Were the other boys making fun of you?
00:02:52	Mmm-hmm.
00:02:55	Well, you never know unless you try.
00:02:58	Like, I didn't know
00:03:00	so I gave it my best shot and voila!
00:03:04	Wait, that's not it.
00:03:06	There she blows.
00:03:07	(ALARM BEEPlNG)
00:03:08	COMPUTER:
00:03:11	That's not a warning.
00:03:12	A warning is supposed to come
00:03:15	COMPUTER: Warning,
00:03:19	That's more like it.
00:03:21	(ENGlNES DYlNG)
00:03:26	Uh-oh.
00:03:27	This space neighborhood
00:03:33	Rock 'n' roll.
00:03:36	That punk stole our hood ornament.
00:03:38	Now no one will know
00:03:41	LEELA:
00:03:44	Fry, check Nibbler's litter box.
00:03:47	Aye, aye, Captain.
00:03:52	Yes! I've never been so excited
00:03:55	Well, maybe once.
00:03:57	(GRUNTlNG)
00:04:02	(ALL CHEERlNG)
00:04:03	There's gas in our ass.
00:04:13	(HUMMlNG)
00:04:18	Can you believe the price of dark matter?
00:04:21	It'd be cheaper to fill the tank
00:04:25	COMPUTER:
00:04:30	Your Speedpass will now be charged.
00:04:32	(EXCLAlMS)
00:04:34	You lousy...
00:04:35	REDNECK: Hey,
00:04:38	What shades of green is that? Puke?
00:04:40	(REDNECKS LAUGHlNG)
00:04:42	For your information
00:04:46	More like puke.
00:04:48	Whoa!
00:04:49	Yeah, why don't you come a little closer
00:04:53	Calm down, Leela.
00:04:57	What's the matters,
00:05:00	Puke-a-doodle-do.
00:05:02	You're making fun of our ship?
00:05:04	Your ship is the most beat-up thing
00:05:07	and I've seen Mickey Rourke's head.
00:05:09	Yeah, she's a little worky,
00:05:11	but you got to gets big time ugly to be
00:05:18	That's five more times than we've won
00:05:22	We do suck.
00:05:23	Yup, and it's gonna be six winses
00:05:27	We'll sees abouts that.
00:05:32	Dark matter costs have tripled,
00:05:35	Therefore, we will no longer provide
00:05:38	in the lounge.
00:05:41	-Darn it.
00:05:44	From now on I'll be keeping a tight hold
00:05:48	swallowing them before I go to bed
00:05:53	(EXCLAlMS DlSGUSTEDLY)
00:05:54	Professor, it's 4:00.
00:05:56	4:00 in the evening? Then, good night.
00:06:03	I don't care what the Professor says.
00:06:05	We're entering that demolition derby
00:06:09	But won't that turn our ship
00:06:12	Shut up, Zoidberg.
00:06:14	He's right, Leela.
00:06:15	But we have no choice.
00:06:19	So? Let it go.
00:06:22	Rednecks!
00:06:25	(SNORlNG)
00:06:31	Using this magneto,
00:06:33	I will now guide the keys up the thorax
00:06:38	(FARNSWORTH COUGHlNG)
00:06:40	That's the storage locker, the bolt,
00:06:48	WOMAN: (SlNGlNG) Rocket ship
00:06:56	Rocket ship
00:07:08	RlCH: Greetings, sports fans.
00:07:10	Though whether
00:07:13	can in fact be classified as a sport
00:07:15	is a subject of no small scholarly debate.
00:07:21	Well, wells, well, if it ain'ts
00:07:25	and her pukey puke-mobile.
00:07:27	Oh, yeah? Well... Shut up.
00:07:30	-Good comeback, Leela.
00:07:32	(BENDER SCREAMS)
00:07:33	Rich Little, here, as Howard Cosell.
00:07:36	And now to grace us with its rendition
00:07:41	please welcome what is lef
00:07:44	afer their tragic
00:07:49	We 're in horrible pain.
00:07:51	(ALL CHEERlNG)
00:07:53	RlCH: And we are underway.
00:08:10	Whoas!
00:08:11	Yes! Now we're inflicting.
00:08:13	RlCH: Outstanding! Tonight we are
00:08:18	and that ludicrous hullabaloo
00:08:33	Way to kill the franchise, Bakula.
00:08:38	Ladies and gentlemen,
00:08:42	In the storied annals of demolition derby,
00:08:48	if only as the day
00:08:51	into that hideous conglomeration
00:08:57	Buckle your sphincters.
00:08:59	(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
00:09:02	-No! No!
00:09:05	-That broad's insanes.
00:09:09	Nah, I guess nots.
00:09:11	I've decideds to relax
00:09:14	(BOTH SCREAMlNG)
00:09:21	(ALL CHEERlNG)
00:09:27	Yes! We did it!
00:09:31	AndPlanet Express takes the trophy.
00:09:39	WOMAN: (SlNGlNG) Rocket ship
00:09:43	(CRASHlNG)
00:09:51	(SNORlNG)
00:09:53	Now, I'll use the magnet
00:09:56	What? You mean I cut a big hole
00:10:04	Don't worry, the Professor
00:10:06	that he has a spaceship.
00:10:07	(LEELA GASPS)
00:10:08	My precious spaceship.
00:10:10	My lone source of joy
00:10:14	Come, friends. Let's take her for a spin
00:10:19	Leela to Zoidberg.
00:10:22	ZOlDBERG ON RADlO: Roger that.
00:10:24	Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!
00:10:28	Don't look at me.
00:10:33	(HERMES GASPlNG)
00:10:34	Yes, she's a wonderful ship, all right.
00:10:37	As beautiful now
00:10:42	Now, that's odd.
00:10:43	What's the fuel gauge doing on the...
00:10:45	(FARNSWORTH GASPlNG)
00:10:47	Great Godzilla's gonads!
00:10:49	Who wasted precious fuel?
00:10:52	-(SlGHlNG) All right, fine. I admit it.
00:10:58	Oh, my gosh, 20!
00:11:00	Yeah.
00:11:02	Your pole arm does double damage,
00:11:04	and the gelatinous cube dies
00:11:07	(GASPlNG)
00:11:09	-All right.
00:11:10	I proceed to cast a spell of darkness.
00:11:14	Most ingenious.
00:11:18	-Bender?
00:11:19	I cast a spell of darkness.
00:11:23	(EXCLAlMS)
00:11:25	Pretty imaginative, huh?
00:11:26	No, you just did the same thing as me,
00:11:31	Oh...
00:11:32	You're right. I'm great in every way
00:11:37	All I ever wanted is to play
00:11:42	Yes, you can. You just have
00:11:45	You have to believe the impossible
00:11:49	Okay. Here goes.
00:11:51	Visor down.
00:11:53	I believe, I believe.
00:11:56	Ooh.
00:11:58	I did it! I imagined something.
00:12:01	For 1.3 milliseconds,
00:12:05	in days of yonder.
00:12:07	Way to go, Bender.
00:12:09	What is thy character's name, good sir?
00:12:11	Uh, um...
00:12:13	I am Titanius lnglesmith,
00:12:16	fancy man of Cornwood.
00:12:18	(BOYS EXCLAlM)
00:12:19	(DOOR OPENS)
00:12:20	Everybody out of the conference room.
00:12:24	Everybody get in here.
00:12:26	You wasted precious fuel just because
00:12:31	from beyond the stars?
00:12:33	-lt was only half a ball.
00:12:36	Your temper is out of control.
00:12:37	And to think I'd have never even known
00:12:39	if it weren't for the lengthy
00:12:44	She also took home
00:12:47	Thank you, Dr. Zoidberg.
00:12:49	Hermes, incentivize that employee.
00:12:55	As for you, Leela, I'm letting you off
00:12:59	Oh, thank you.
00:13:00	A warning that will be administered
00:13:06	Zoidberg, I'm gonna put my boot
00:13:10	Ow!
00:13:11	The collar will be triggered any time
00:13:16	Profanity.
00:13:17	Son of a...
00:13:19	Or perversions of a sexual nature.
00:13:22	Ow!
00:13:24	Sorry, it's the only collar
00:13:27	I hope you picked up some Scotch tape
00:13:33	BENDER: That's a good one.
00:13:36	(ZOlDBERG EXCLAlMlNG)
00:13:41	NARRA TOR: lmagine, ifyou will,
00:13:45	He refers to a...
00:13:46	(NARRA TOR SPEAKlNG GlBBERlSH)
00:13:47	But you're not quite sure what he said.
00:13:49	He seems to be eating something,
00:13:52	It's remotely possible that he just said
00:14:12	SOLDlER: Firing, sir!
00:14:14	It's all over. Our guns and bombs
00:14:16	-are useless against the aliens.
00:14:25	NARRA TOR: In the end, it was not guns
00:14:29	but that humblest of all God's creatures,
00:14:36	(ALlEN SCREAMlNG)
00:14:38	I can't believe TiVo suggested
00:14:42	Come on, Hermes.
00:14:43	Surely you have the authority
00:14:47	Alas, no.
00:14:50	Yeow!
00:14:52	Well, who does have the authority?
00:14:54	Only the staff doctor.
00:14:57	that you have resolved your anger issues.
00:14:59	I don't have any god...
00:15:04	As your dwarf-skin canoe rounds a bend
00:15:08	A terrifying red dragon.
00:15:11	(SCREAMS)
00:15:12	What do we do? What do we do?
00:15:14	Wait, I know.
00:15:15	I make use of my round of fireballs.
00:15:18	(lMlTATlNG EXPLOSlONS)
00:15:21	(SCOFFS)
00:15:22	Everyone knows red dragons
00:15:25	as well as all other forms
00:15:28	Yes, but I aim not at the dragon
00:15:32	to create a shroud of steam
00:15:35	ALL: Whoa!
00:15:38	Sweet pony of Sierra Leone, it worked!
00:15:42	-We did it!
00:15:45	Bender, smell this milk.
00:15:46	I go not by the name of Bender,
00:15:49	I am Titanius lnglesmith,
00:15:57	Professor, something's bothering me.
00:15:59	(lN FARNSWORTH'S VOlCE) Well, you can
00:16:03	What's on your mind?
00:16:05	Well, it's about my friend Bender.
00:16:07	Mmm. I see.
00:16:09	Show me on this anatomically correct doll
00:16:14	No, it's nothing like that.
00:16:18	He's being playing an awful lot
00:16:21	Dungeons &... Good God!
00:16:26	You've got to talk to him, Fry.
00:16:28	Make him quit now,
00:16:32	-Okay, I will.
00:16:35	Just don't let him touch you down there.
00:16:39	(SCREECHlNG)
00:16:41	Well, here's your problem, right here.
00:16:45	(SlGHS) You're absolutely right, Doctor.
00:16:50	Let me just peel your head a little
00:16:54	(LEELA GRUNTlNG)
00:16:56	(LEELA EXCLAlMlNG)
00:16:58	So, you tell me, little miss expert,
00:17:02	Calm down for once and think.
00:17:04	Here, enjoy a relaxing spritz
00:17:09	What is it, already?
00:17:12	I guess I would have to say, I hate you.
00:17:16	I'm beginning to understand.
00:17:21	-What?
00:17:23	because they pushed you
00:17:25	when all you ever wanted
00:17:29	(ZOlDBERG HUMMlNG)
00:17:34	(SOBBlNG) Why? Why?
00:17:37	I was raised in an orphanarium.
00:17:39	My parents are sewer mutants
00:17:40	who I never even met
00:17:43	Then you've got to go to them
00:17:46	Maybe have them cook me nice dinner.
00:17:51	-Amy, cancel my appointments.
00:18:01	Bender, please don't get mad,
00:18:04	but I think you might be playing too much
00:18:07	You're absolutely right, Fry.
00:18:09	I almost went insane,
00:18:13	-I've decided to quit.
00:18:15	Whew! That's a load off my toad.
00:18:17	Now, if you'll excuse me.
00:18:19	I'm off to slay the werewolf
00:18:22	(EXCLAlMlNG)
00:18:30	On guard, man-wench!
00:18:32	Prepare to cross blades.
00:18:35	(lN MALE VOlCE)
00:18:37	(GRUNTlNG)
00:18:40	Foolish leprechaun, I scoop your treasure
00:18:46	HERMES: He also left a small pile
00:18:52	Foul dragon, meet thy doom.
00:18:56	(GROANlNG)
00:19:14	-Would you like a napkin, Doctor?
00:19:18	Satisfied, Zoidberg?
00:19:22	Now, hold on, Leela.
00:19:26	What? Ow!
00:19:27	It'll control your temper.
00:19:29	Men like a woman who's not always
00:19:32	She's right. That's what first attracted me
00:19:37	So, Leela, I understand your friend here
00:19:40	and I'm not seeing a ring on his claw.
00:19:43	Mom, he's a cockroach from outer space.
00:19:45	(LEELA SCREAMlNG)
00:19:46	Good, Leela, work that anger out.
00:19:48	Excuse me a moment,
00:19:53	(KNOCKlNG ON DOOR)
00:19:56	Hey, it's what's-his-name from the surface.
00:19:58	The bi-clops.
00:20:00	Have you seen Bender? He's gone nuts.
00:20:08	Prepare for a surprise attack.
00:20:10	(ALL SCREAMlNG)
00:20:11	Someone do something.
00:20:13	I would, but... Ow! Take my collar off.
00:20:16	I can't, I'm still eating.
00:20:22	Help me, Leela.
00:20:24	(GASPlNG)
00:20:26	I cast upon thee a spell of fireball!
00:20:29	(BELCHES)
00:20:41	(EXCLAlMS)
00:20:43	No.
00:20:45	Not the spork.
00:20:47	Beholdeth, Titanius,
00:20:51	(SCOFFS) That's ridiculous.
00:20:56	-What, you mean a cone of coldness?
00:20:59	No! No! Fancy men are defenseless
00:21:04	(EXCLAlMlNG)
00:21:06	I'm freezing... What?
00:21:08	Bender, no.
00:21:11	When will young people learn that
00:21:14	won't make you cool?
00:21:15	Relax, Fry. I'm a doctor.
00:21:18	I'm sure the robot
00:21:22	Help, help.
00:21:25	Help!
00:21:27	(ECHOlNG)
00:21:39	Please, send in the patient.
00:21:41	Yes, Doctor.
00:21:46	So, Bender, I understand you're having
00:21:52	Says who? Was it the bugbear?
00:21:55	-ls he talking about me again?
00:21:58	Commence therapy.
00:22:02	Tell me about your feelings.
00:22:08	FRY: Poor Bender.
00:22:09	Says here to tell his friends he's at a spa.
00:22:12	-So what happened to Bender?
00:22:14	Wow, there's a spa in the nut house?
00:22:17	Friends, friends, stop everything.
00:22:25	Ow!
00:22:26	Enough already!
00:22:29	-Are you still angry?
00:22:32	It also shocks you when you lie.
00:22:34	Quiet, everyone. The network news is on.
00:22:36	And if l, a 165-year-old man,
00:22:41	Thankfully, the amazing talking horse
00:22:45	and safely returned
00:22:50	Turning to the less stupid portion
00:22:53	fuel prices hit an all-time high today
00:22:58	Earlier, our own Morbo
00:23:01	CEO of Mom 's Friendly
00:23:15	Oh! Hello, Morbo the Annihilator, here,
00:23:18	sitting down to a delightful tea
00:23:22	(SHOUTlNG)
00:23:24	My pleasure, sugarplum.
00:23:26	Mom, you control the world's
00:23:30	Tell us, why are fuel prices so high?
00:23:33	Oh! It's terrible, isn't it?
00:23:35	Dark matter is just so rare nowadays,
00:23:38	but we'll keep pinching loaf after loaf
00:23:42	even if I lose money on every log.
00:23:45	If you are losing money, how did you
00:23:50	(CLEARlNG THROAT)
00:23:52	You look thin, care for one of my
00:23:58	Morbo shouldn't. It will go straight
00:24:02	Oh, what the heck? I guess I could destroy
00:24:08	Do people care enough to drill
00:24:11	even in an Alaskan wildlife refuge?
00:24:15	People do.
00:24:16	Greedy old hag, taste the wrath
00:24:23	Professor, why are you so hot and dusty
00:24:27	(EXCLAlMlNG)
00:24:28	I bet you'd like to know.
00:25:04	Hello, Mother. How did the interview go?
00:25:07	It made me want to puke my face off.
00:25:10	-Where's my Thigh Blaster?
00:25:12	-Shut up!
00:25:15	Burn, you damn thighs. Burn!
00:25:18	Mommy, are you upset
00:25:21	There is no shortage,
00:25:24	There's not? But you said...
00:25:26	(MOM SlGHS)
00:25:27	Allow me to explain. Suppose this hand
00:25:32	and this hand represents
00:25:35	Uh-huh.
00:25:42	I just bet you'd like to know
00:25:45	about this dark matter shortage.
00:25:47	I bet very much you'd like to know.
00:25:50	You're right, Professor.
00:25:52	Really? I didn't think anyone
00:25:56	It all started 30-odd years ago.
00:26:00	I was working in Mom 's laboratories
00:26:04	afer twice before realizing
00:26:07	and vowing never to work for her again.
00:26:10	(UNCHAlNED MELOD YPLAYlNG)
00:26:11	But somehow the rich,
00:26:16	kept calling me back.
00:26:18	(ALL EXCLAlM DlSGUSTEDLY)
00:26:20	Don't stop, Professor. I'm getting aroused.
00:26:23	Back in those days, dark matter
00:26:28	and I was smashing it
00:26:30	in an ill-conceived attempt
00:26:36	But, as Deepak Chopra taught us,
00:26:40	anything can happen at any time
00:26:44	Also, eat plenty of oatmeal,
00:26:46	and animals never had a war.
00:26:48	Who's the real animals?
00:26:51	And thus against all probabilities,
00:27:06	Dang!
00:27:07	I'm sure I don 't need to explain
00:27:11	is linked in the form
00:27:15	(EXCLAlMlNG)
00:27:16	Stop patronizing us.
00:27:18	So, in one instant, I had transformed
00:27:23	into a new crystalline form...
00:27:25	...making it the most potent fuel
00:27:29	mastodon flatulence to heat his cave.
00:27:32	I'm intrigued, Hubert.
00:27:39	(MOM EXCLAlMS)
00:27:43	(BABlES CRYlNG)
00:27:44	Shut up, you milk-sucking leeches!
00:27:48	A new super fuel, eh?
00:27:50	-We're rich.
00:27:52	Not you, we. Us, we.
00:27:56	I'm getting back together
00:27:58	Wernstrom!
00:28:03	You've been played, Farnsworth.
00:28:05	Played like a cheap harpsichord.
00:28:07	Walt, fire that employee
00:28:11	(WALT GlGGLlNG)
00:28:15	(FARNSWORTH SCREAMS)
00:28:18	Professor, maybe I can help you
00:28:21	I spend most of my time thinking about
00:28:25	-Me, too.
00:28:26	I made a blinding powder.
00:28:28	Thanks, but that won't be necessary
00:28:30	because I have the ultimate weapon.
00:28:34	You see, in the instant
00:28:38	there also came into being
00:28:40	made ofpure anti-backwards energy.
00:28:44	-Wow!
00:28:45	-So?
00:28:47	If ever the two crystals should meet,
00:28:49	their wave functions would collapse
00:28:53	once again rendering all dark matter
00:28:58	But then we'll have no fuel.
00:28:59	But once we free society
00:29:04	scientists will finally care enough
00:29:08	Scientists like you?
00:29:10	No, not me.
00:29:14	That's where the money is.
00:29:17	This is our chance to teach Mom a lesson.
00:29:20	Let's take the anti-crystal
00:29:24	-Yeah.
00:29:26	There's just one, small problem,
00:29:30	I hid the crystal
00:29:33	Well, surely it's just a matter of waiting
00:29:36	-and then using a potato masher...
00:29:40	No. I'm afraid, the crystal is lost forever.
00:29:46	Nine? You did it.
00:29:49	Who needs girls?
00:29:53	Since you have all proven resistant
00:29:57	I now prescribe group therapy.
00:30:01	(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
00:30:07	Everything must be clean, very clean.
00:30:09	That's why the dog had to die.
00:30:12	Also, that boy, Elroy. Dirty, dirty.
00:30:15	Who would like to share their feelings?
00:30:18	-I feel unappreciated at work.
00:30:20	-I can barely understand you.
00:30:23	Change places.
00:30:27	Well, well. Looks like old Roberto
00:30:33	Stop looking at me.
00:30:34	(EXCLAlMlNG)
00:30:37	Calm down, Roberto.
00:30:39	Tell us about your childhood.
00:30:41	I was designed by a team of engineers
00:30:44	an insane robot. But it seems they failed.
00:30:49	VENDlNG MACHlNE ROBOT: Actually...
00:30:51	(COUGHlNG)
00:30:53	Look, we have to accept the fact
00:30:57	And if we ever wanna get out of here,
00:31:01	-Amen.
00:31:02	-That's right.
00:31:03	There's a band of river trolls
00:31:05	and they may have no intention
00:31:08	unless we hand over
00:31:12	Say what? Dude's crazy.
00:31:14	-Bender, please, try to...
00:31:18	I am Titanius lnglesmith,
00:31:20	fancy man of Cornwood.
00:31:22	You are suffering a breakdown. Now stop.
00:31:24	Hammer time.
00:31:29	I'm in your seat.
00:31:33	Change places.
00:31:39	FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone!
00:31:41	-You perfected dog mascara?
00:31:44	If you ask me, they look like
00:31:46	But what I have invented is a means
00:31:50	(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
00:31:52	When I push this button, the crystal
00:31:56	Hurray!
00:31:58	There. Now, with any luck
00:32:02	(TRACKER BEEPlNG)
00:32:03	I just pray to all powerful Atheismo
00:32:10	-Do you smell the crystal, Professor?
00:32:12	Just the alluring scent of Obsession
00:32:23	-Dude. Who whipped an egger?
00:32:27	Yeah? Well, he who denied it, supplied it.
00:32:30	Well, he who articulated it, particulated it.
00:32:33	Well, he who refuted it, tooted it.
00:32:37	Stalemate.
00:32:39	(COMPUTER BEEPlNG)
00:32:41	Jesus craps. The anti-backwards crystal.
00:32:44	Ow!
00:32:46	-Sorry?
00:32:49	MOM: I can't believe it still exists.
00:32:51	Google the hell out of that skanker.
00:32:58	Planet-sucking-Express?
00:33:00	Of course.
00:33:04	With that crystal,
00:33:05	Farnsworth could completely destroy
00:33:09	I underestimated that sagging
00:33:13	-ls that man bad?
00:33:16	And that's why I need you three to go
00:33:19	But be careful.
00:33:27	(DOORBELL RlNGlNG)
00:33:30	-Exterminators.
00:33:33	What do we got?
00:33:36	No, I'm afraid you've got owls.
00:33:40	Ow!
00:33:41	Dump the bag, you nitwit.
00:33:44	-Hey, watch it.
00:33:46	Ow!
00:33:48	I was looking over there for a long time
00:33:50	Oh, there they are. Gross.
00:33:54	We've got to act fast.
00:33:57	I don't know, Walt.
00:34:00	No. I'm going to hit you with this.
00:34:02	(LARRY AND WALT EXCLAlMlNG)
00:34:06	(FRY LAUGHlNG)
00:34:07	-Those three exterminators are hilarious.
00:34:11	-I don't think so.
00:34:13	Now, Sex and the City, that's funny.
00:34:16	DWlGHT: After wandering aimlessly
00:34:20	Wander aimlessly in the swamp.
00:34:23	(DOOR OPENS)
00:34:25	(TRACKER BEEPlNG RAPlDLY)
00:34:28	There it is.
00:34:30	Excuse you.
00:34:34	we're trying to traverse
00:34:37	I'm sorry, little boy.
00:34:41	We are owl...
00:34:42	Ow!
00:34:44	And what we have here is an owl egg
00:34:47	that's about to hatch into an owl larva.
00:34:50	So, if you don't mind,
00:34:52	(SCOFFS) What are you, stupid?
00:34:55	That's a dodecahedral crystal I found
00:34:59	And I wrote numbers on it
00:35:02	'Cause I have the best handwriting.
00:35:04	-Do not.
00:35:05	-Do not.
00:35:08	You win this round.
00:35:10	What's going on here?
00:35:11	We're owl exterminators.
00:35:15	Then you won't have any problem
00:35:18	(HOOTlNG)
00:35:27	(OWL SCREECHlNG)
00:35:29	ALL: Please!
00:35:33	(SNlFFlNG)
00:35:34	(GRUNTlNG)
00:35:36	My anti-backwards crystal.
00:35:39	So it's you three.
00:35:41	I should have known Mom would send
00:35:46	-Walt, the leader among imbeciles.
00:35:49	They resent that.
00:35:51	Larry, the sniveling middle child.
00:35:54	Sorry. Thank you.
00:35:56	And you, lgner. The evil I could tolerate,
00:36:01	(FARNSWORTH SHUDDERlNG)
00:36:02	-We're owl exterminators.
00:36:06	Just knowing we're in the same genus
00:36:09	to call myself homo.
00:36:11	(BOYS LAUGHlNG)
00:36:12	Now, get out and tell Mom
00:36:24	Thanks for the crystal.
00:36:34	FRY: There. The repairs are complete.
00:36:36	(SHlP HORN HONKlNG)
00:36:37	Let's go, already.
00:36:38	We've got to infiltrate
00:36:42	How do you start this thing?
00:36:44	(SHlP HORN HONKlNG)
00:36:45	Good lord, woman.
00:36:49	Rake up some dark matter
00:36:52	Well, there isn't any dark matter.
00:36:55	And he ate a whole family
00:36:58	Nibbler! Nibbler!
00:37:01	I'm not interested in the whereabouts
00:37:05	The only thing that matters right now
00:37:08	Ow!
00:37:09	And be careful with that crystal.
00:37:15	(ALARM BLARlNG)
00:37:18	(MUFFLED CHATTERlNG)
00:37:23	Death to ogres!
00:37:26	Even relaxation therapy has failed.
00:37:31	Diagnosis, insanity.
00:37:33	Nurse, schedule a robotomy for Bender.
00:37:36	Yes, Doctor.
00:37:39	It's a very painful procedure.
00:37:45	(ALARM BLARlNG)
00:38:08	-What are you laughing at?
00:38:11	-It's just so infectious.
00:38:14	You and Walt,
00:38:17	and blow Farnsworth out of the sky.
00:38:19	What about lgner?
00:38:20	That hairless ape?
00:38:22	I swear. When he came out, I flipped a coin
00:38:27	Yes, Mother.
00:38:30	I'm afraid he can't be trusted
00:38:33	You see, there is a terrible secret
00:38:37	And here it is.
00:38:39	(lNAUDlBLE CHATTERlNG)
00:39:00	-Continue returning fire.
00:39:05	-What did they say?
00:39:08	Hey, what's everybody talking about?
00:39:23	(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
00:39:26	FARNSWORTH: Mayday! Mayday!
00:39:29	Oh, God. I cannot believe
00:39:43	We weren't actually in the ship.
00:39:49	Okay, team, these red-hot,
00:39:52	are the only safe way into the mine.
00:39:55	Ladies first.
00:40:03	Whew! That blade missed me
00:40:16	-Maintenance shaft 7 serving...
00:40:18	I'm just talking about the shaft.
00:40:21	(EXCLAlMS)
00:40:24	-Jeez. Doesn't that shock collar hurt?
00:40:28	I guess I'm starting to associate it
00:40:45	(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
00:40:50	We shot them down, Mother.
00:40:52	The intruders never even got to Sector 1.
00:40:55	COMPUTER: lntruders in Sector 15.
00:40:58	Ugh...
00:40:59	Sometimes I don't know why
00:41:04	(ALARM BLARlNG)
00:41:05	-MOM ON PA: All killbots to Sector 15.
00:41:09	What did you say?
00:41:20	There are so many killbots behind us,
00:41:23	Three, I think.
00:41:28	We're trapped.
00:41:30	The main pit must be in here.
00:41:32	I'm detecting vast quantities
00:41:35	Step aside turkey-neck.
00:41:43	We're in. We're in the heart of the mine.
00:41:45	The very source of all Mom's wealth and...
00:41:48	(SCREAMlNG)
00:42:04	LEELA: My God! This isn't a crap mine.
00:42:07	It's a crap farm.
00:42:11	Is there really so much of a distinction?
00:42:13	-I mean...
00:42:15	(LEELA GASPS)
00:42:16	Oh, my God, you look horrible, Nibbler.
00:42:20	Nibbler is over there.
00:42:21	Oh, sorry. Nibbler.
00:42:24	Oh, sorry. Nibbler.
00:42:25	Oh, my poor little snuzzy-wuzzams.
00:42:27	Are they treating you okay?
00:42:29	No, they are force-feeding us
00:42:33	It's horrible.
00:42:35	(CLUCKlNG)
00:42:40	(BELCHlNG)
00:42:42	Those are good.
00:42:43	You've got to help us.
00:42:45	-Help us!
00:42:50	(WHlNlNG)
00:42:52	-Nibbler made a bo-bo.
00:42:56	I will not be treated like...
00:43:01	Well, actually, no. You forgot to blank
00:43:05	You mean you've known I was sentient?
00:43:07	Then why did you let me eat Friskies
00:43:11	-Well, you're cuter that way.
00:43:14	So what happened?
00:43:17	(SlGHlNG)
00:43:18	It all began 36 years ago... Now!
00:43:26	It was a veritable Eden,
00:43:28	brimming with unique
00:43:32	Most of which were delicious.
00:43:36	I was supreme fuzzler
00:43:39	It was paradise, until they came.
00:43:50	One of your duke ships struck dark matter,
00:43:52	Iittle realizing it was not a natural deposit,
00:43:55	but rather centuries
00:43:58	Wow, the big fecal enchilada.
00:44:06	The duke contracted
00:44:09	to spearhead the mining operation.
00:44:11	-Let me guess. Mom?
00:44:14	Can I also guess Mom?
00:44:17	To reduce cost
00:44:20	Mom 's Friendly Robots,
00:44:22	to build robot slaves.
00:44:24	Remember this was back in the days
00:44:27	-Faster, faster!
00:44:30	-as fast as you built me to go.
00:44:36	ROBOT: Ow!
00:44:37	NlBBLER: Eventually, the planet was mined
00:44:41	and my people were forced to evacuate.
00:44:46	Alas, I had eaten a day-old
00:44:50	And while doing some evacuating
00:44:56	(NlBBLER EXHALES)
00:44:57	MOM: So, that's where it comes from.
00:44:59	We may have a whole new source
00:45:03	Ew!
00:45:09	NlBBLER:
00:45:12	Unbeknownst to me, Mom captured
00:45:15	in this crap farm.
00:45:18	(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
00:45:21	There's nothing to do but eat and crap,
00:45:26	NlBBLER: As for me, I emerged
00:45:31	to find I had been lef behind.
00:45:35	Hello, there.
00:45:37	Startled, my cuteness reflex kicked in.
00:45:44	I'll call him Nibbler.
00:45:45	NlBBLER: A silly name
00:45:48	But, hey, I was glad to be rescued.
00:45:56	But then, how did you end up here
00:45:59	I was kidnapped yesterday
00:46:02	in their moronic disguises.
00:46:04	I was an owl exterminator.
00:46:07	(ALL GASPlNG)
00:46:09	-Do you have the crysal?
00:46:14	(DOOR UNLOCKlNG)
00:46:15	Go, run fast.
00:46:20	(DOOR OPENlNG)
00:46:27	Did you see anyone?
00:46:28	-Me?
00:46:31	If I'm the only one here,
00:46:35	-He's got a point, Walt.
00:46:38	(COUGHlNG)
00:46:43	This wouldn't be so bad
00:46:51	Don't worry, those clamps
00:46:54	Do you know where you are, Bender?
00:46:57	Sure do, I'm in the magical land of
00:47:01	Close, you're in the loony bin
00:47:04	I will begin by drilling through the eye
00:47:10	-Can't you just use the access panel?
00:47:15	(SNlFFlNG) Does anyone else smell
00:47:22	(ALL GASPlNG)
00:47:30	MOM: Wherever you are, Farnsworth,
00:47:34	They've eluded us, Mother.
00:47:36	But rest assured,
00:47:38	so there's no need to...
00:47:40	You'll thank me some day
00:47:43	I know Farnsworth's game.
00:47:46	He is going to try to poke
00:47:49	-at my hot fiery crystal.
00:47:52	If the crystals get within six inches
00:47:55	All my dark matter will be worthless.
00:48:06	(EXCLAlMS)
00:48:07	(EXCLAlMS)
00:48:08	Get them!
00:48:13	Keep going, Professor.
00:48:19	(LEELA EXCLAlMS)
00:48:22	Ooh.
00:48:24	-That feels good.
00:48:28	(BOTH EXCLAlMlNG)
00:48:32	Oh, the freaking battery's dead.
00:48:36	In the hardware drawer, Mother.
00:48:41	Damn tangled mess of wires.
00:48:44	We're almost there.
00:49:05	I can't quite reach.
00:49:09	Fry, grab onto my easy-fit waistband.
00:49:17	Just a few more inches.
00:49:19	Come on, really wedgie it on in there.
00:49:27	So, that's why they call me the Catman.
00:49:30	Nobody move. I've found the charger.
00:49:33	(ZAPPER CLlCKlNG)
00:49:34	Hang on. I'm on it. Okay, there!
00:49:37	Save us, Catman.
00:49:38	It's over, Hubert.
00:49:42	Never!
00:49:44	(COUGHlNG)
00:49:51	Oh, bravo.
00:49:53	You're in a crap-harvesting factory, genius.
00:49:55	Walt! Larry! Start harvesting.
00:49:59	No!
00:50:05	I will now delicately
00:50:08	severing fantasy's grip
00:50:14	BENDER: Cornwood!
00:50:20	Illogical. Illogical. Computational overload.
00:50:24	But, Doctor, I love you.
00:50:31	Oh, what now?
00:50:35	(ALL SCREAMlNG)
00:50:48	This is crazy. Ow!
00:50:50	-What the... You okay, Leela?
00:50:56	Wait a second. Is there something
00:50:59	(GASPS)
00:51:00	Oh, Lord. I'm half-horse and half-naked.
00:51:03	Where the hell are we, hell?
00:51:04	(HORSE NElGHlNG)
00:51:10	-Bender?
00:51:13	I'm Titanius lnglesmith.
00:51:20	(BOTH GASPlNG)
00:51:26	(PEOPLE CHATTERlNG)
00:51:30	Wretched peasants, put aside your cares
00:51:33	and feast on the succulent flesh
00:51:38	(BOTH EXCLAlM DlSGUSTEDLY)
00:51:40	Care for a slice of scroto?
00:51:42	-That's his name, right?
00:51:46	We're honored this eve
00:51:49	Frydo and Legola.
00:51:52	So let the dwarves do their gay dance
00:51:55	and let the gnomes
00:52:03	Dance! Dance, you little freaks.
00:52:07	Faster.
00:52:09	Faster!
00:52:13	(SCREAMlNG)
00:52:14	-My ankle!
00:52:17	Wait! Wait! Wait! I do impressions.
00:52:19	Behold! The swamp hag.
00:52:21	Get out of my swamp, you kids!
00:52:24	Don't let him get too crispy.
00:52:28	-Lord lnglesmith.
00:52:32	May I offer you a horn of ale
00:52:34	'Tis dire news, sire. Dark riders approach.
00:52:37	(BENDER GASPS)
00:52:39	You shall be handsomely rewarded,
00:52:41	We ride at once!
00:52:46	Oops!
00:52:49	Frydo! Saddle up that trusty steed.
00:53:00	What's happening?
00:53:05	Foul beast-bags!
00:53:07	Meet thy doom!
00:53:09	(BENDER SCREAMlNG)
00:53:14	Follow me.
00:53:17	(FRY GROANlNG)
00:53:19	(EXCLAlMlNG)
00:53:21	-Damn thee, lgnus.
00:53:25	Well, now I say follow this!
00:53:27	(BOTH GROANlNG)
00:53:29	(GROANlNG)
00:53:31	-The die of power! He's rolling it.
00:53:36	(GASPlNG) I'm back...
00:53:40	DlSEMBODlED VOlCE: Seven.
00:53:44	BENDER: "Banish foes"? Cool.
00:53:46	No! No!
00:53:54	I got to say, I had no idea
00:53:57	Did you have any idea of...
00:53:59	Get out of my swamp, you kids!
00:54:06	I can't believe I'm saying this,
00:54:09	I've never felt so alive.
00:54:12	(COUGHlNG)
00:54:13	What else can we slay?
00:54:16	No, that's a hobo and a rabbit.
00:54:19	But they're making a hobbit.
00:54:22	Thank God, an outhouse.
00:54:26	And by it, I mean my entrails.
00:54:28	Hush! This be no outhouse,
00:54:30	but the lair of the great wizard Grayfarn.
00:54:35	-Who is it?
00:54:38	Just a moment.
00:54:40	(EXCLAlMS DlSGUSTEDLY)
00:54:41	Methinks the wizard be casting
00:54:45	(PANTS ZlPPlNG)
00:54:48	Come in! Come in!
00:54:51	Yes.
00:54:52	'Tis a powerful object in both our worlds.
00:54:55	If you failed to destroy it in yours,
00:54:58	perhaps you were brought here
00:55:01	-So, this land is real?
00:55:05	If you die here, you'll really be dead.
00:55:07	But instead of science,
00:55:11	-It's like Kansas.
00:55:15	Cornwood's troubles began
00:55:21	Deep in the Geysers of Gygax,
00:55:24	injection-molded the dice ofpower
00:55:33	Damn, these are hot.
00:55:36	LEELA: In our universe she's called Mom.
00:55:38	In your universe,
00:55:42	Evidently not.
00:55:43	Anyway, Momon spawned
00:55:46	whom you've already had
00:55:49	Waltazar, Larius, and the dumbest of all,
00:55:54	bastard son of Momon
00:55:58	Curse you, Momon, queen of all that is evil
00:56:01	and not very good in bed.
00:56:03	And I'm not just saying that
00:56:08	Yes, I was once her consort.
00:56:12	I was blinded by love,
00:56:17	I'm blind!
00:56:18	But Momon has one weakness.
00:56:21	She put too much of her power into this.
00:56:23	The generalissimo of dice.
00:56:26	Yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal face.
00:56:33	Don't be foolish, Titanius.
00:56:35	If you had paid attention
00:56:38	instead of frequenting the bawdyhouse,
00:56:40	you'd know
00:56:43	In the boiling plastic
00:56:46	Like that machine
00:56:49	Quiet, you.
00:56:50	We must infiltrate the Geysers of Gygax,
00:56:54	the impenetrable stronghold of Momon.
00:56:59	Impossible. Impossible, I say.
00:57:02	No, Titanius.
00:57:06	the element of surprise.
00:57:13	(LAUGHlNG)
00:57:21	(SNAKES LAUGHlNG)
00:57:31	Verily, our quest has begun.
00:57:34	Stop right there.
00:57:35	(ALL GASPlNG)
00:57:36	Hermes?
00:57:38	-He's a centaur like me.
00:57:43	I am Hermaphrodite,
00:57:47	Gaze upon me and weep at my loveliness.
00:57:50	Very well.
00:57:52	Loveliest of centaurs,
00:57:54	we seek to end Momon's reign of evil.
00:57:57	Have you stout fighters at your command?
00:58:00	One thousand archers of truest aim.
00:58:03	Fire.
00:58:06	Hey guys, I forgot I had this pumpkin.
00:58:11	I knew it. My people are mighty warriors.
00:58:14	Our enemies will be like Swiss cheese
00:58:18	(ALL BLEATlNG)
00:58:20	-We centaurs are creatures of peace.
00:58:23	Violence is never justified.
00:58:27	And furthermore,
00:58:30	you may not cross our lands.
00:58:32	-Or what?
00:58:34	Uh... Mmm?
00:58:40	You may pass.
00:58:52	We're not there, we're here.
00:58:54	-No, this way.
00:59:11	Thank you, kindly, Treedledum.
00:59:14	Okey-doke. Anything else I can do?
00:59:22	You know who I'm gonna miss?
00:59:32	Bad news, fancy men.
00:59:36	'Tis as if she somehow anticipated us.
00:59:40	And so our quest comes to an end.
00:59:42	I only regret not giving up sooner.
00:59:46	Fret not, Titanius.
00:59:50	the Cave of Hopelessness.
00:59:53	Let me know how that turns out.
01:00:00	Halt. Are you on the list?
01:00:03	-I'll split this doofus in half.
01:00:07	Yeah. My cousin's in the band.
01:00:11	Please, we were already in there.
01:00:22	(GASPS)
01:00:25	I am Gynecaladriel,
01:00:30	All right. I'll split this doofus in half.
01:00:32	Stand aside, and I will use my powers
01:00:38	(BENDER HUMMlNG)
01:00:41	(OGRE SNORlNG)
01:00:43	-Behold, the deed is done.
01:00:53	Mr. Wizard, why is this place
01:00:57	Oh, fear not, lad.
01:00:59	'Tis named for its discoverer,
01:01:03	Whew!
01:01:04	...the first man to be eaten alive
01:01:11	What's that? The Tunneling Horror?
01:01:13	No, it's morks.
01:01:15	-Mork. Hey, listen.
01:01:17	-Oh, God, no. They're so aggravating.
01:01:22	Nanu, nanu.
01:01:23	Reality, what a concept.
01:01:26	(MORK EXCLAlMlNG)
01:01:29	MORK: Fantastic.
01:01:30	(MORKS CHATTERlNG)
01:01:35	Mindy, Mindy, Mindy.
01:01:36	-Shut up! Shut up!
01:01:38	Oh, fantastic. Oh, wonderful.
01:01:40	Maybe it'll go away
01:01:43	It doesn't.
01:01:45	MORK: Nanu, nanu.
01:01:49	Shazbot.
01:01:52	Well, at least we didn't have to face
01:01:56	FRY: Uh-oh.
01:01:59	Enough already with the banging
01:02:05	(ALL SCREAMlNG)
01:02:08	Oh, I'm gonna enjoy killing you.
01:02:12	Watch where you're shooting that thing.
01:02:15	Again?
01:02:18	Mutilate!
01:02:22	Okay. Now, I'm getting a little mad even.
01:02:34	I'll kill you and eat your heart,
01:02:43	Don't make me laugh.
01:02:44	The very idea that removing only
01:02:48	Hey, what are you doing down there?
01:02:51	Now, I'm dead.
01:02:55	Leela, it's over. You killed him enough.
01:02:58	I'm not taking any chances
01:03:01	What? I'm not the Tunneling Horror.
01:03:06	Always with the tunneling.
01:03:10	So, you're just an innocent monster.
01:03:12	Oh, God. What have I done?
01:03:15	(RUMBLlNG)
01:03:16	Oh! There he goes again.
01:03:21	(MONSTER GROWLlNG)
01:03:23	(ALL SCREAMlNG)
01:03:25	The Tunneling Horror!
01:03:27	(RETCHlNG)
01:03:29	Grayfarn, what do we do?
01:03:33	Do about what?
01:03:39	Why aren't you killing it, Leela?
01:03:42	No, no more killing.
01:03:45	Oh! So, suddenly, Miss Goody Four-shoes
01:03:49	She killed me not five minutes ago.
01:03:51	-What am l? Chopped liver?
01:03:54	-Stop chopping my liver.
01:03:57	(SOBBlNG)
01:04:00	(EXCLAlMS)
01:04:02	(LEELA CRYlNG)
01:04:04	(BENDER SHOUTlNG)
01:04:06	All right.
01:04:10	but I don't see
01:04:13	Guess I'll just
01:04:15	At least I can say I tried.
01:04:17	BENDER: Any time now.
01:04:23	The die of power.
01:04:26	(ALL GASPlNG)
01:04:32	DlSEMBODlED VOlCE: Three.
01:04:36	"Grow"? I don't see anything growing.
01:04:43	Ow.
01:04:44	Wait a second. I'm big!
01:04:46	In your face, everyone from middle school.
01:04:57	(SCREECHlNG)
01:05:03	Wow, that was intense.
01:05:05	-You guys got to try the die of power.
01:05:08	Hands off the dodecalicious.
01:05:10	(SNARLlNG)
01:05:11	Beware, Frydo. Don't be seduced.
01:05:17	Resist the allure of the die.
01:05:19	For to defeat Momon,
01:05:23	bubbling plastic from whence it came.
01:05:29	For to defeat Momon,
01:05:33	bubbling plastic from whence it came.
01:05:36	I send you to kill them
01:05:40	That's what I get
01:05:44	-Sorry, Mom.
01:05:47	Peaches.
01:05:49	You're up.
01:05:55	I like this part but I don't like...
01:06:01	(BOTH SNORTlNG)
01:06:05	You are an able opponent, Hermaphrodite.
01:06:07	But hear me well
01:06:09	abhor violence in all its forms.
01:06:12	(ALL CHEERlNG)
01:06:14	I offer a dissenting opinion.
01:06:17	ALL: Huh?
01:06:18	For abhorring violence
01:06:21	and, therefore, to be abhorred.
01:06:24	(ALL CHEERlNG)
01:06:29	All bow before mighty Hermaphrodite.
01:06:33	-Don't hurt me.
01:06:35	Or anything ever again.
01:06:37	Please, teach me
01:06:40	What do you offer in return?
01:06:42	(CHEWY CHEWYPLAYlNG)
01:06:46	MAN: (SlNGlNG) Chewy, Chewy, Chewy,
01:06:50	Baby, always got a mouthful
01:07:02	Oh-ie little Chewy
01:07:03	Don 't know what you 're doing to me
01:07:05	But you 're doing to me what I want you to
01:07:14	Y es! We made it out
01:07:18	Now, what's the fastest way home?
01:07:22	Ow! Ow!
01:07:30	FARNSWORTH:
01:07:32	So close, I can practically feel
01:07:37	-You're standing in the fire.
01:07:40	(FARNSWORTH EXCLAlMS)
01:07:41	Alas, our path is blocked
01:07:45	As well as her navy of moral dubiousness.
01:07:48	Wait a second.
01:07:49	Mayhaps we might
01:07:52	We're but
01:07:55	Of course. Wipe Castle.
01:07:57	And while we're there, we can get
01:08:01	Ooh! I love those.
01:08:03	You can eat like eight of them
01:08:06	because of all the diarrhea.
01:08:07	Sleep deep, fair snoozles.
01:08:10	At dawn, we ride for Wipe Castle.
01:08:14	(HOWLlNG)
01:08:16	Quiet, Frydo.
01:08:18	(SOFT HOWLlNG)
01:08:25	We've got them now.
01:08:27	-Send all our forces against Wipe Castle.
01:08:31	I'll just leave a small contingent behind
01:08:33	-I said, everything. Peaches!
01:08:37	Waltazar,
01:08:41	What about lgnus?
01:08:42	I'm afraid
01:08:44	You see, there is a terrible secret
01:08:47	I've never told anyone.
01:08:49	And here it is.
01:08:55	(lNAUDlBLE CHATTERlNG)
01:08:58	(GASPlNG)
01:09:00	It's a good day to be evil.
01:09:11	Oh, put a towel on, for crap's sake.
01:09:22	They all wants it.
01:09:26	Tell you what,
01:09:30	and I mean, defend it good,
01:09:32	then what you need is a top-quality knife.
01:09:35	Me is listening.
01:09:36	The Eviscerator is one of the finest,
01:09:41	tactical folder on the market today.
01:09:44	We're talking 440 stainless,
01:09:50	Is this a stag horn handle at this price?
01:09:52	-lt is, yeah. It's a stag horn.
01:09:56	You have got to be kidding me.
01:09:58	That's got to be some kind of mistake,
01:10:01	Now, you folks at home,
01:10:03	You're thinking, that can't be stag horn.
01:10:06	It's got to be the cheaper manticore horn.
01:10:08	But, I've got the specs right here
01:10:11	-this is the real deal.
01:10:15	It is unbelievable. That's exactly what it is.
01:10:17	I mean, this is...
01:10:19	Honestly, have you ever seen
01:10:22	No, no, I don't believe I ever have.
01:10:25	1 101-1816 is the item number on this one.
01:10:29	You know what, we're gonna have to
01:10:32	Two minutes. Can I get a clock
01:10:34	Two minutes at most.
01:10:35	Honestly,
01:10:37	Oh, I'd be very surprised, shocked really.
01:10:40	Now, I know the lines are busy, people,
01:10:42	but keep dialing in if you want
01:10:47	to slice up your friends in their sleep.
01:11:05	(BOTH GASPlNG)
01:11:07	He tried to murder me. He tried...
01:11:09	Oh, cool. Is that the stag horn?
01:11:11	(HlSSlNG)
01:11:22	Alas, Frydo's weakness
01:11:26	We can only hope he forges on
01:11:30	I can hope my ass is made of ice-cream
01:11:32	but that don't make me
01:11:34	As for us,
01:11:38	though the journey be long
01:11:41	There it is!
01:11:55	(TWlG SNAPS)
01:11:56	They's following us's.
01:11:58	You know, you talk like that, it's gonna
01:12:02	What does it wants?
01:12:03	First of all, I resent being called "it."
01:12:06	I prefer jerkhole or simply...
01:12:08	(EXCLAlMS DlSGUSTEDLY)
01:12:09	Second, I thought I could help you
01:12:13	Yes, yes, please help me.
01:12:16	No, it's not. We're having a nice time.
01:12:18	Shut up. You shut up.
01:12:19	S'all right? S'all right.
01:12:21	Help me!
01:12:23	Get out of my swamp, you kids!
01:12:30	(FANFARE PLAYlNG)
01:12:33	(PLAYlNG JAZZ MUSlC)
01:12:39	Now, before your audience with the king,
01:12:41	there's a shocking fact
01:12:44	Enough blabbety-blab! Open the doors.
01:12:48	What, ho?
01:12:50	We bring ill tidings, o fanciest of men.
01:12:53	Momon's reach nears the die of power.
01:12:55	And should she obtain it,
01:12:59	Rivers will run red with blood
01:13:03	And a dog will be seen eating cat food
01:13:06	Oh, great king,
01:13:10	Let us join forces before the light of good
01:13:17	You calling me crazy?
01:13:18	Just 'cause I've got a hotel in my foot
01:13:21	(SPEAKlNG GlBBERlSH)
01:13:23	-Pardon?
01:13:26	(KlNG EXCLAlMlNG)
01:13:32	Moving along then,
01:13:37	I hereby place myself
01:13:41	-What royal army would that be?
01:13:44	King went insane
01:13:47	Tied his army to a boulder
01:13:50	They never returned.
01:13:51	Scallops must've got them.
01:13:53	Oh, well. There'll be no epic battle today.
01:13:56	(HORN BLOWlNG)
01:13:58	(ALL GASPlNG)
01:14:00	Methinks we be boned.
01:14:02	(OGRES SHOUTlNG)
01:14:08	Where's their army?
01:14:09	Maybe they didn't hear the horn.
01:14:17	Man, I'll show that cat how to blow.
01:14:33	All right. On three. One, two, three.
01:14:40	Oil in the murder hole.
01:14:45	What are they pouring
01:14:48	Yeah, I think it might be hot oil.
01:14:52	I knew it. I was right, Walt. It's hot oil.
01:15:00	(BABBLlNG)
01:15:05	(OGRE SCREAMlNG)
01:15:13	Ow!
01:15:16	What the... You're not made of Tuesday.
01:15:20	My sanity. It's back.
01:15:22	At last, I can live the life I always...
01:15:25	(SPEAKlNG GlBBERlSH)
01:15:51	(BANGlNG)
01:16:06	MAN: Ahhh!
01:16:08	(FOLK MUSlC PLAYlNG)
01:16:13	You're going onto sainthood.
01:16:18	(ALL GASPlNG)
01:16:26	-What does it mean?
01:16:29	-Evil will soon triumph over good.
01:16:33	Followed by a disrespectful
01:16:35	performed with their corpses.
01:16:37	-No! We've got to do something.
01:16:41	We've taken out a sternly worded ad
01:16:46	(EXCLAlMS)
01:16:47	(ALL GASPlNG)
01:16:48	What a load of man-horse manure.
01:16:50	Well, Legola, if you have a better idea,
01:16:55	debate.
01:17:05	(BOTH GRUNTlNG)
01:17:13	I'm too exhausted. I can't go on.
01:17:15	I'm here for you, my friend.
01:17:18	Even to my last ounce of strength.
01:17:23	You know,
01:17:30	MOM: That's not Wipe Castle.
01:17:32	(GASPlNG) The dodeca-call is coming
01:17:36	(GRUNTlNG)
01:17:40	What are you waiting for, Frydo?
01:17:44	-I would. But...
01:17:47	Stop talking like that. It gives me anxiety.
01:17:51	Ow!
01:17:52	(GASPlNG)
01:17:54	No!
01:18:02	DlSEMBODlED VOlCE: Twelve.
01:18:12	So, it's all come down to this.
01:18:17	I didn't see it coming.
01:18:20	Wait.
01:18:30	OGRES: (SlNGlNG) Eat the wizard,
01:18:32	Eat the robot's shiny butt
01:18:35	Well, at least
01:18:38	Wait a second. I have an idea.
01:18:41	I surrender. Here, eat my friends.
01:18:44	Just give me one more second
01:18:53	(CLEARS THROAT) Well, that worked out
01:18:59	Prepare to fire again, brave cowards.
01:19:03	I still say, I won the debate.
01:19:06	Fire.
01:19:11	Uh-oh.
01:19:16	Whew!
01:19:18	Legola, you saved us.
01:19:21	How can I ever repay you?
01:19:26	(BENDER GROWLlNG)
01:19:27	(EXPLOSlON)
01:19:28	(BOTH GASPlNG)
01:19:31	Frydo is fighting for his life.
01:19:35	Quickly, to the Geysers.
01:19:38	-Can it wait a couple of minutes?
01:19:57	You are no match for my dragon style.
01:20:03	I guess you are
01:20:06	Tell me, Frydo,
01:20:07	are you aware that a dragon's
01:20:11	No. Why do you...
01:20:13	(SCREAMlNG)
01:20:15	LEELA: Get my friend out of your mouth.
01:20:19	It is all over, Momon.
01:20:20	We'll soon be down there defeating you.
01:20:23	And it's all thanks to
01:20:29	Whoa!
01:20:37	Quick. Get on the magic bug.
01:20:39	It's not a magic bug, you dope.
01:20:43	Can't you count the legs?
01:20:45	-No.
01:20:50	I'll kill you, you imbecile.
01:21:04	My underbelly. My one weakness.
01:21:09	(BOTH GROANlNG)
01:21:15	I got it. Now I can throw it in
01:21:20	On the other hand,
01:21:27	Please, I'm trying to help you.
01:21:29	Then why are you hitting me with a stick?
01:21:32	How stupid are you
01:21:34	Mommy never told you about my father.
01:21:37	-She said he was a foul He-demon.
01:21:41	You are my father.
01:21:46	No. No, that's impossible.
01:21:49	Search your feelings.
01:21:52	No, no!
01:21:55	Yeah. I heard Mommy say so.
01:22:00	(ALL GASPlNG)
01:22:03	I have all the dice.
01:22:07	I know all and see...
01:22:13	Game over.
01:22:25	(COUGHlNG)
01:22:28	(MOM CONTlNUES LAUGHlNG)
01:22:33	No! No!
01:22:35	(ALL SCREAMlNG)
01:22:48	What happened?
01:22:49	(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
01:22:52	My God,
01:22:54	and back in our regular crazy world.
01:22:57	Did we all just
01:22:59	or was it ghosts?
01:23:01	Neither, Fry. It was science.
01:23:03	Bender's mighty imagination
01:23:08	created an alternate reality
01:23:12	Exactly.
01:23:15	Quit trying to explain everything.
01:23:17	I defeated you in that world
01:23:21	Boys, the crystal's still in his stomach.
01:23:24	Commencing intestinal flash flood.
01:23:27	Wait! Before my moment of shame, can l...
01:23:31	(FARNSWORTH SOBBlNG)
01:23:32	Yes, speak up.
01:23:38	Can I give my boy a hug?
01:23:41	All right. Fine. I've never done it.
01:23:47	Daddy.
01:23:49	Like father, like son, eh, boy?
01:23:54	IGNER: We both eated the crysals.
01:23:59	No. No!
01:24:04	(BOTH BELCHlNG)
01:24:08	My dark matter. It's worthless.
01:24:11	That's right, Mom. But fear not, fancy folk.
01:24:15	For I've just thunk up
01:24:18	-Nibbler-power.
01:24:23	(HEN CLUCKlNG)
01:24:27	FARNSWORTH: Mush! Mush!
01:24:29	Whip harder, Professor.
01:24:31	(ALL CHEERlNG)
01:24:35	FARNSWORTH: Faster, faster. Slower.
01:24:44	(FUTURAMA THEMEPLAYlNG)
01:24:46	One, two
01:25:12	All rise
01:25:45	All rise
01:25:53	All rise
01:26:02	Twenty-four
01:26:04	I'm gonna get 24th century
01:26:45	Anyone wanna play
01:26:46	Dungeons & Dragons
00:01:34	Yes, 10!
00:01:36	Well done, Cubonius.
00:01:38	You decapitated the unicorn.
00:01:39	-Swell.
00:01:41	Oh, oh!
00:01:44	Deep in the unicorn's rump sack, you find
00:01:47	(ALL GASPlNG)
00:01:49	60 gold pieces
00:01:51	and a mysterious scrap of cloth bearing
00:01:56	The same stench
00:01:59	-The very same.
00:02:02	I cast a spell of detect magic.
00:02:06	What you doing, mini-meatbags?
00:02:09	Shame on you.
00:02:10	Count me in.
00:02:11	We're not gambling.
00:02:14	Right now, we're fighting for our lives
00:02:19	Wrong, right now you're
00:02:22	Yes, but in my imagination
00:02:26	Giddy up, Sparky!
00:02:28	Am I the only one seeing him sitting here
00:02:31	Bender, were you built
00:02:34	What? Don't be stupid, of course not.
00:02:38	It just hasn't descended yet.
00:02:45	Fry, do I have an imagination?
00:02:48	I don't know, Bender. Why do you ask?
00:02:50	Were the other boys making fun of you?
00:02:52	Mmm-hmm.
00:02:55	Well, you never know unless you try.
00:02:58	Like, I didn't know
00:03:00	so I gave it my best shot and voila!
00:03:04	Wait, that's not it.
00:03:06	There she blows.
00:03:07	(ALARM BEEPlNG)
00:03:08	COMPUTER:
00:03:11	That's not a warning.
00:03:12	A warning is supposed to come
00:03:15	COMPUTER: Warning,
00:03:19	That's more like it.
00:03:21	(ENGlNES DYlNG)
00:03:26	Uh-oh.
00:03:27	This space neighborhood
00:03:33	Rock 'n' roll.
00:03:36	That punk stole our hood ornament.
00:03:38	Now no one will know
00:03:41	LEELA:
00:03:44	Fry, check Nibbler's litter box.
00:03:47	Aye, aye, Captain.
00:03:52	Yes! I've never been so excited
00:03:55	Well, maybe once.
00:03:57	(GRUNTlNG)
00:04:02	(ALL CHEERlNG)
00:04:03	There's gas in our ass.
00:04:13	(HUMMlNG)
00:04:18	Can you believe the price of dark matter?
00:04:21	It'd be cheaper to fill the tank
00:04:25	COMPUTER:
00:04:30	Your Speedpass will now be charged.
00:04:32	(EXCLAlMS)
00:04:34	You lousy...
00:04:35	REDNECK: Hey,
00:04:38	What shades of green is that? Puke?
00:04:40	(REDNECKS LAUGHlNG)
00:04:42	For your information
00:04:46	More like puke.
00:04:48	Whoa!
00:04:49	Yeah, why don't you come a little closer
00:04:53	Calm down, Leela.
00:04:57	What's the matters,
00:05:00	Puke-a-doodle-do.
00:05:02	You're making fun of our ship?
00:05:04	Your ship is the most beat-up thing
00:05:07	and I've seen Mickey Rourke's head.
00:05:09	Yeah, she's a little worky,
00:05:11	but you got to gets big time ugly to be
00:05:18	That's five more times than we've won
00:05:22	We do suck.
00:05:23	Yup, and it's gonna be six winses
00:05:27	We'll sees abouts that.
00:05:32	Dark matter costs have tripled,
00:05:35	Therefore, we will no longer provide
00:05:38	in the lounge.
00:05:41	-Darn it.
00:05:44	From now on I'll be keeping a tight hold
00:05:48	swallowing them before I go to bed
00:05:53	(EXCLAlMS DlSGUSTEDLY)
00:05:54	Professor, it's 4:00.
00:05:56	4:00 in the evening? Then, good night.
00:06:03	I don't care what the Professor says.
00:06:05	We're entering that demolition derby
00:06:09	But won't that turn our ship
00:06:12	Shut up, Zoidberg.
00:06:14	He's right, Leela.
00:06:15	But we have no choice.
00:06:19	So? Let it go.
00:06:22	Rednecks!
00:06:25	(SNORlNG)
00:06:31	Using this magneto,
00:06:33	I will now guide the keys up the thorax
00:06:38	(FARNSWORTH COUGHlNG)
00:06:40	That's the storage locker, the bolt,
00:06:48	WOMAN: (SlNGlNG) Rocket ship
00:06:56	Rocket ship
00:07:08	RlCH: Greetings, sports fans.
00:07:10	Though whether
00:07:13	can in fact be classified as a sport
00:07:15	is a subject of no small scholarly debate.
00:07:21	Well, wells, well, if it ain'ts
00:07:25	and her pukey puke-mobile.
00:07:27	Oh, yeah? Well... Shut up.
00:07:30	-Good comeback, Leela.
00:07:32	(BENDER SCREAMS)
00:07:33	Rich Little, here, as Howard Cosell.
00:07:36	And now to grace us with its rendition
00:07:41	please welcome what is lef
00:07:44	afer their tragic
00:07:49	We 're in horrible pain.
00:07:51	(ALL CHEERlNG)
00:07:53	RlCH: And we are underway.
00:08:10	Whoas!
00:08:11	Yes! Now we're inflicting.
00:08:13	RlCH: Outstanding! Tonight we are
00:08:18	and that ludicrous hullabaloo
00:08:33	Way to kill the franchise, Bakula.
00:08:38	Ladies and gentlemen,
00:08:42	In the storied annals of demolition derby,
00:08:48	if only as the day
00:08:51	into that hideous conglomeration
00:08:57	Buckle your sphincters.
00:08:59	(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
00:09:02	-No! No!
00:09:05	-That broad's insanes.
00:09:09	Nah, I guess nots.
00:09:11	I've decideds to relax
00:09:14	(BOTH SCREAMlNG)
00:09:21	(ALL CHEERlNG)
00:09:27	Yes! We did it!
00:09:31	AndPlanet Express takes the trophy.
00:09:39	WOMAN: (SlNGlNG) Rocket ship
00:09:43	(CRASHlNG)
00:09:51	(SNORlNG)
00:09:53	Now, I'll use the magnet
00:09:56	What? You mean I cut a big hole
00:10:04	Don't worry, the Professor
00:10:06	that he has a spaceship.
00:10:07	(LEELA GASPS)
00:10:08	My precious spaceship.
00:10:10	My lone source of joy
00:10:14	Come, friends. Let's take her for a spin
00:10:19	Leela to Zoidberg.
00:10:22	ZOlDBERG ON RADlO: Roger that.
00:10:24	Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!
00:10:28	Don't look at me.
00:10:33	(HERMES GASPlNG)
00:10:34	Yes, she's a wonderful ship, all right.
00:10:37	As beautiful now
00:10:42	Now, that's odd.
00:10:43	What's the fuel gauge doing on the...
00:10:45	(FARNSWORTH GASPlNG)
00:10:47	Great Godzilla's gonads!
00:10:49	Who wasted precious fuel?
00:10:52	-(SlGHlNG) All right, fine. I admit it.
00:10:58	Oh, my gosh, 20!
00:11:00	Yeah.
00:11:02	Your pole arm does double damage,
00:11:04	and the gelatinous cube dies
00:11:07	(GASPlNG)
00:11:09	-All right.
00:11:10	I proceed to cast a spell of darkness.
00:11:14	Most ingenious.
00:11:18	-Bender?
00:11:19	I cast a spell of darkness.
00:11:23	(EXCLAlMS)
00:11:25	Pretty imaginative, huh?
00:11:26	No, you just did the same thing as me,
00:11:31	Oh...
00:11:32	You're right. I'm great in every way
00:11:37	All I ever wanted is to play
00:11:42	Yes, you can. You just have
00:11:45	You have to believe the impossible
00:11:49	Okay. Here goes.
00:11:51	Visor down.
00:11:53	I believe, I believe.
00:11:56	Ooh.
00:11:58	I did it! I imagined something.
00:12:01	For 1.3 milliseconds,
00:12:05	in days of yonder.
00:12:07	Way to go, Bender.
00:12:09	What is thy character's name, good sir?
00:12:11	Uh, um...
00:12:13	I am Titanius lnglesmith,
00:12:16	fancy man of Cornwood.
00:12:18	(BOYS EXCLAlM)
00:12:19	(DOOR OPENS)
00:12:20	Everybody out of the conference room.
00:12:24	Everybody get in here.
00:12:26	You wasted precious fuel just because
00:12:31	from beyond the stars?
00:12:33	-lt was only half a ball.
00:12:36	Your temper is out of control.
00:12:37	And to think I'd have never even known
00:12:39	if it weren't for the lengthy
00:12:44	She also took home
00:12:47	Thank you, Dr. Zoidberg.
00:12:49	Hermes, incentivize that employee.
00:12:55	As for you, Leela, I'm letting you off
00:12:59	Oh, thank you.
00:13:00	A warning that will be administered
00:13:06	Zoidberg, I'm gonna put my boot
00:13:10	Ow!
00:13:11	The collar will be triggered any time
00:13:16	Profanity.
00:13:17	Son of a...
00:13:19	Or perversions of a sexual nature.
00:13:22	Ow!
00:13:24	Sorry, it's the only collar
00:13:27	I hope you picked up some Scotch tape
00:13:33	BENDER: That's a good one.
00:13:36	(ZOlDBERG EXCLAlMlNG)
00:13:41	NARRA TOR: lmagine, ifyou will,
00:13:45	He refers to a...
00:13:46	(NARRA TOR SPEAKlNG GlBBERlSH)
00:13:47	But you're not quite sure what he said.
00:13:49	He seems to be eating something,
00:13:52	It's remotely possible that he just said
00:14:12	SOLDlER: Firing, sir!
00:14:14	It's all over. Our guns and bombs
00:14:16	-are useless against the aliens.
00:14:25	NARRA TOR: In the end, it was not guns
00:14:29	but that humblest of all God's creatures,
00:14:36	(ALlEN SCREAMlNG)
00:14:38	I can't believe TiVo suggested
00:14:42	Come on, Hermes.
00:14:43	Surely you have the authority
00:14:47	Alas, no.
00:14:50	Yeow!
00:14:52	Well, who does have the authority?
00:14:54	Only the staff doctor.
00:14:57	that you have resolved your anger issues.
00:14:59	I don't have any god...
00:15:04	As your dwarf-skin canoe rounds a bend
00:15:08	A terrifying red dragon.
00:15:11	(SCREAMS)
00:15:12	What do we do? What do we do?
00:15:14	Wait, I know.
00:15:15	I make use of my round of fireballs.
00:15:18	(lMlTATlNG EXPLOSlONS)
00:15:21	(SCOFFS)
00:15:22	Everyone knows red dragons
00:15:25	as well as all other forms
00:15:28	Yes, but I aim not at the dragon
00:15:32	to create a shroud of steam
00:15:35	ALL: Whoa!
00:15:38	Sweet pony of Sierra Leone, it worked!
00:15:42	-We did it!
00:15:45	Bender, smell this milk.
00:15:46	I go not by the name of Bender,
00:15:49	I am Titanius lnglesmith,
00:15:57	Professor, something's bothering me.
00:15:59	(lN FARNSWORTH'S VOlCE) Well, you can
00:16:03	What's on your mind?
00:16:05	Well, it's about my friend Bender.
00:16:07	Mmm. I see.
00:16:09	Show me on this anatomically correct doll
00:16:14	No, it's nothing like that.
00:16:18	He's being playing an awful lot
00:16:21	Dungeons &... Good God!
00:16:26	You've got to talk to him, Fry.
00:16:28	Make him quit now,
00:16:32	-Okay, I will.
00:16:35	Just don't let him touch you down there.
00:16:39	(SCREECHlNG)
00:16:41	Well, here's your problem, right here.
00:16:45	(SlGHS) You're absolutely right, Doctor.
00:16:50	Let me just peel your head a little
00:16:54	(LEELA GRUNTlNG)
00:16:56	(LEELA EXCLAlMlNG)
00:16:58	So, you tell me, little miss expert,
00:17:02	Calm down for once and think.
00:17:04	Here, enjoy a relaxing spritz
00:17:09	What is it, already?
00:17:12	I guess I would have to say, I hate you.
00:17:16	I'm beginning to understand.
00:17:21	-What?
00:17:23	because they pushed you
00:17:25	when all you ever wanted
00:17:29	(ZOlDBERG HUMMlNG)
00:17:34	(SOBBlNG) Why? Why?
00:17:37	I was raised in an orphanarium.
00:17:39	My parents are sewer mutants
00:17:40	who I never even met
00:17:43	Then you've got to go to them
00:17:46	Maybe have them cook me nice dinner.
00:17:51	-Amy, cancel my appointments.
00:18:01	Bender, please don't get mad,
00:18:04	but I think you might be playing too much
00:18:07	You're absolutely right, Fry.
00:18:09	I almost went insane,
00:18:13	-I've decided to quit.
00:18:15	Whew! That's a load off my toad.
00:18:17	Now, if you'll excuse me.
00:18:19	I'm off to slay the werewolf
00:18:22	(EXCLAlMlNG)
00:18:30	On guard, man-wench!
00:18:32	Prepare to cross blades.
00:18:35	(lN MALE VOlCE)
00:18:37	(GRUNTlNG)
00:18:40	Foolish leprechaun, I scoop your treasure
00:18:46	HERMES: He also left a small pile
00:18:52	Foul dragon, meet thy doom.
00:18:56	(GROANlNG)
00:19:14	-Would you like a napkin, Doctor?
00:19:18	Satisfied, Zoidberg?
00:19:22	Now, hold on, Leela.
00:19:26	What? Ow!
00:19:27	It'll control your temper.
00:19:29	Men like a woman who's not always
00:19:32	She's right. That's what first attracted me
00:19:37	So, Leela, I understand your friend here
00:19:40	and I'm not seeing a ring on his claw.
00:19:43	Mom, he's a cockroach from outer space.
00:19:45	(LEELA SCREAMlNG)
00:19:46	Good, Leela, work that anger out.
00:19:48	Excuse me a moment,
00:19:53	(KNOCKlNG ON DOOR)
00:19:56	Hey, it's what's-his-name from the surface.
00:19:58	The bi-clops.
00:20:00	Have you seen Bender? He's gone nuts.
00:20:08	Prepare for a surprise attack.
00:20:10	(ALL SCREAMlNG)
00:20:11	Someone do something.
00:20:13	I would, but... Ow! Take my collar off.
00:20:16	I can't, I'm still eating.
00:20:22	Help me, Leela.
00:20:24	(GASPlNG)
00:20:26	I cast upon thee a spell of fireball!
00:20:29	(BELCHES)
00:20:41	(EXCLAlMS)
00:20:43	No.
00:20:45	Not the spork.
00:20:47	Beholdeth, Titanius,
00:20:51	(SCOFFS) That's ridiculous.
00:20:56	-What, you mean a cone of coldness?
00:20:59	No! No! Fancy men are defenseless
00:21:04	(EXCLAlMlNG)
00:21:06	I'm freezing... What?
00:21:08	Bender, no.
00:21:11	When will young people learn that
00:21:14	won't make you cool?
00:21:15	Relax, Fry. I'm a doctor.
00:21:18	I'm sure the robot
00:21:22	Help, help.
00:21:25	Help!
00:21:27	(ECHOlNG)
00:21:39	Please, send in the patient.
00:21:41	Yes, Doctor.
00:21:46	So, Bender, I understand you're having
00:21:52	Says who? Was it the bugbear?
00:21:55	-ls he talking about me again?
00:21:58	Commence therapy.
00:22:02	Tell me about your feelings.
00:22:08	FRY: Poor Bender.
00:22:09	Says here to tell his friends he's at a spa.
00:22:12	-So what happened to Bender?
00:22:14	Wow, there's a spa in the nut house?
00:22:17	Friends, friends, stop everything.
00:22:25	Ow!
00:22:26	Enough already!
00:22:29	-Are you still angry?
00:22:32	It also shocks you when you lie.
00:22:34	Quiet, everyone. The network news is on.
00:22:36	And if l, a 165-year-old man,
00:22:41	Thankfully, the amazing talking horse
00:22:45	and safely returned
00:22:50	Turning to the less stupid portion
00:22:53	fuel prices hit an all-time high today
00:22:58	Earlier, our own Morbo
00:23:01	CEO of Mom 's Friendly
00:23:15	Oh! Hello, Morbo the Annihilator, here,
00:23:18	sitting down to a delightful tea
00:23:22	(SHOUTlNG)
00:23:24	My pleasure, sugarplum.
00:23:26	Mom, you control the world's
00:23:30	Tell us, why are fuel prices so high?
00:23:33	Oh! It's terrible, isn't it?
00:23:35	Dark matter is just so rare nowadays,
00:23:38	but we'll keep pinching loaf after loaf
00:23:42	even if I lose money on every log.
00:23:45	If you are losing money, how did you
00:23:50	(CLEARlNG THROAT)
00:23:52	You look thin, care for one of my
00:23:58	Morbo shouldn't. It will go straight
00:24:02	Oh, what the heck? I guess I could destroy
00:24:08	Do people care enough to drill
00:24:11	even in an Alaskan wildlife refuge?
00:24:15	People do.
00:24:16	Greedy old hag, taste the wrath
00:24:23	Professor, why are you so hot and dusty
00:24:27	(EXCLAlMlNG)
00:24:28	I bet you'd like to know.
00:25:04	Hello, Mother. How did the interview go?
00:25:07	It made me want to puke my face off.
00:25:10	-Where's my Thigh Blaster?
00:25:12	-Shut up!
00:25:15	Burn, you damn thighs. Burn!
00:25:18	Mommy, are you upset
00:25:21	There is no shortage,
00:25:24	There's not? But you said...
00:25:26	(MOM SlGHS)
00:25:27	Allow me to explain. Suppose this hand
00:25:32	and this hand represents
00:25:35	Uh-huh.
00:25:42	I just bet you'd like to know
00:25:45	about this dark matter shortage.
00:25:47	I bet very much you'd like to know.
00:25:50	You're right, Professor.
00:25:52	Really? I didn't think anyone
00:25:56	It all started 30-odd years ago.
00:26:00	I was working in Mom 's laboratories
00:26:04	afer twice before realizing
00:26:07	and vowing never to work for her again.
00:26:10	(UNCHAlNED MELOD YPLAYlNG)
00:26:11	But somehow the rich,
00:26:16	kept calling me back.
00:26:18	(ALL EXCLAlM DlSGUSTEDLY)
00:26:20	Don't stop, Professor. I'm getting aroused.
00:26:23	Back in those days, dark matter
00:26:28	and I was smashing it
00:26:30	in an ill-conceived attempt
00:26:36	But, as Deepak Chopra taught us,
00:26:40	anything can happen at any time
00:26:44	Also, eat plenty of oatmeal,
00:26:46	and animals never had a war.
00:26:48	Who's the real animals?
00:26:51	And thus against all probabilities,
00:27:06	Dang!
00:27:07	I'm sure I don 't need to explain
00:27:11	is linked in the form
00:27:15	(EXCLAlMlNG)
00:27:16	Stop patronizing us.
00:27:18	So, in one instant, I had transformed
00:27:23	into a new crystalline form...
00:27:25	...making it the most potent fuel
00:27:29	mastodon flatulence to heat his cave.
00:27:32	I'm intrigued, Hubert.
00:27:39	(MOM EXCLAlMS)
00:27:43	(BABlES CRYlNG)
00:27:44	Shut up, you milk-sucking leeches!
00:27:48	A new super fuel, eh?
00:27:50	-We're rich.
00:27:52	Not you, we. Us, we.
00:27:56	I'm getting back together
00:27:58	Wernstrom!
00:28:03	You've been played, Farnsworth.
00:28:05	Played like a cheap harpsichord.
00:28:07	Walt, fire that employee
00:28:11	(WALT GlGGLlNG)
00:28:15	(FARNSWORTH SCREAMS)
00:28:18	Professor, maybe I can help you
00:28:21	I spend most of my time thinking about
00:28:25	-Me, too.
00:28:26	I made a blinding powder.
00:28:28	Thanks, but that won't be necessary
00:28:30	because I have the ultimate weapon.
00:28:34	You see, in the instant
00:28:38	there also came into being
00:28:40	made ofpure anti-backwards energy.
00:28:44	-Wow!
00:28:45	-So?
00:28:47	If ever the two crystals should meet,
00:28:49	their wave functions would collapse
00:28:53	once again rendering all dark matter
00:28:58	But then we'll have no fuel.
00:28:59	But once we free society
00:29:04	scientists will finally care enough
00:29:08	Scientists like you?
00:29:10	No, not me.
00:29:14	That's where the money is.
00:29:17	This is our chance to teach Mom a lesson.
00:29:20	Let's take the anti-crystal
00:29:24	-Yeah.
00:29:26	There's just one, small problem,
00:29:30	I hid the crystal
00:29:33	Well, surely it's just a matter of waiting
00:29:36	-and then using a potato masher...
00:29:40	No. I'm afraid, the crystal is lost forever.
00:29:46	Nine? You did it.
00:29:49	Who needs girls?
00:29:53	Since you have all proven resistant
00:29:57	I now prescribe group therapy.
00:30:01	(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
00:30:07	Everything must be clean, very clean.
00:30:09	That's why the dog had to die.
00:30:12	Also, that boy, Elroy. Dirty, dirty.
00:30:15	Who would like to share their feelings?
00:30:18	-I feel unappreciated at work.
00:30:20	-I can barely understand you.
00:30:23	Change places.
00:30:27	Well, well. Looks like old Roberto
00:30:33	Stop looking at me.
00:30:34	(EXCLAlMlNG)
00:30:37	Calm down, Roberto.
00:30:39	Tell us about your childhood.
00:30:41	I was designed by a team of engineers
00:30:44	an insane robot. But it seems they failed.
00:30:49	VENDlNG MACHlNE ROBOT: Actually...
00:30:51	(COUGHlNG)
00:30:53	Look, we have to accept the fact
00:30:57	And if we ever wanna get out of here,
00:31:01	-Amen.
00:31:02	-That's right.
00:31:03	There's a band of river trolls
00:31:05	and they may have no intention
00:31:08	unless we hand over
00:31:12	Say what? Dude's crazy.
00:31:14	-Bender, please, try to...
00:31:18	I am Titanius lnglesmith,
00:31:20	fancy man of Cornwood.
00:31:22	You are suffering a breakdown. Now stop.
00:31:24	Hammer time.
00:31:29	I'm in your seat.
00:31:33	Change places.
00:31:39	FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone!
00:31:41	-You perfected dog mascara?
00:31:44	If you ask me, they look like
00:31:46	But what I have invented is a means
00:31:50	(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
00:31:52	When I push this button, the crystal
00:31:56	Hurray!
00:31:58	There. Now, with any luck
00:32:02	(TRACKER BEEPlNG)
00:32:03	I just pray to all powerful Atheismo
00:32:10	-Do you smell the crystal, Professor?
00:32:12	Just the alluring scent of Obsession
00:32:23	-Dude. Who whipped an egger?
00:32:27	Yeah? Well, he who denied it, supplied it.
00:32:30	Well, he who articulated it, particulated it.
00:32:33	Well, he who refuted it, tooted it.
00:32:37	Stalemate.
00:32:39	(COMPUTER BEEPlNG)
00:32:41	Jesus craps. The anti-backwards crystal.
00:32:44	Ow!
00:32:46	-Sorry?
00:32:49	MOM: I can't believe it still exists.
00:32:51	Google the hell out of that skanker.
00:32:58	Planet-sucking-Express?
00:33:00	Of course.
00:33:04	With that crystal,
00:33:05	Farnsworth could completely destroy
00:33:09	I underestimated that sagging
00:33:13	-ls that man bad?
00:33:16	And that's why I need you three to go
00:33:19	But be careful.
00:33:27	(DOORBELL RlNGlNG)
00:33:30	-Exterminators.
00:33:33	What do we got?
00:33:36	No, I'm afraid you've got owls.
00:33:40	Ow!
00:33:41	Dump the bag, you nitwit.
00:33:44	-Hey, watch it.
00:33:46	Ow!
00:33:48	I was looking over there for a long time
00:33:50	Oh, there they are. Gross.
00:33:54	We've got to act fast.
00:33:57	I don't know, Walt.
00:34:00	No. I'm going to hit you with this.
00:34:02	(LARRY AND WALT EXCLAlMlNG)
00:34:06	(FRY LAUGHlNG)
00:34:07	-Those three exterminators are hilarious.
00:34:11	-I don't think so.
00:34:13	Now, Sex and the City, that's funny.
00:34:16	DWlGHT: After wandering aimlessly
00:34:20	Wander aimlessly in the swamp.
00:34:23	(DOOR OPENS)
00:34:25	(TRACKER BEEPlNG RAPlDLY)
00:34:28	There it is.
00:34:30	Excuse you.
00:34:34	we're trying to traverse
00:34:37	I'm sorry, little boy.
00:34:41	We are owl...
00:34:42	Ow!
00:34:44	And what we have here is an owl egg
00:34:47	that's about to hatch into an owl larva.
00:34:50	So, if you don't mind,
00:34:52	(SCOFFS) What are you, stupid?
00:34:55	That's a dodecahedral crystal I found
00:34:59	And I wrote numbers on it
00:35:02	'Cause I have the best handwriting.
00:35:04	-Do not.
00:35:05	-Do not.
00:35:08	You win this round.
00:35:10	What's going on here?
00:35:11	We're owl exterminators.
00:35:15	Then you won't have any problem
00:35:18	(HOOTlNG)
00:35:27	(OWL SCREECHlNG)
00:35:29	ALL: Please!
00:35:33	(SNlFFlNG)
00:35:34	(GRUNTlNG)
00:35:36	My anti-backwards crystal.
00:35:39	So it's you three.
00:35:41	I should have known Mom would send
00:35:46	-Walt, the leader among imbeciles.
00:35:49	They resent that.
00:35:51	Larry, the sniveling middle child.
00:35:54	Sorry. Thank you.
00:35:56	And you, lgner. The evil I could tolerate,
00:36:01	(FARNSWORTH SHUDDERlNG)
00:36:02	-We're owl exterminators.
00:36:06	Just knowing we're in the same genus
00:36:09	to call myself homo.
00:36:11	(BOYS LAUGHlNG)
00:36:12	Now, get out and tell Mom
00:36:24	Thanks for the crystal.
00:36:34	FRY: There. The repairs are complete.
00:36:36	(SHlP HORN HONKlNG)
00:36:37	Let's go, already.
00:36:38	We've got to infiltrate
00:36:42	How do you start this thing?
00:36:44	(SHlP HORN HONKlNG)
00:36:45	Good lord, woman.
00:36:49	Rake up some dark matter
00:36:52	Well, there isn't any dark matter.
00:36:55	And he ate a whole family
00:36:58	Nibbler! Nibbler!
00:37:01	I'm not interested in the whereabouts
00:37:05	The only thing that matters right now
00:37:08	Ow!
00:37:09	And be careful with that crystal.
00:37:15	(ALARM BLARlNG)
00:37:18	(MUFFLED CHATTERlNG)
00:37:23	Death to ogres!
00:37:26	Even relaxation therapy has failed.
00:37:31	Diagnosis, insanity.
00:37:33	Nurse, schedule a robotomy for Bender.
00:37:36	Yes, Doctor.
00:37:39	It's a very painful procedure.
00:37:45	(ALARM BLARlNG)
00:38:08	-What are you laughing at?
00:38:11	-It's just so infectious.
00:38:14	You and Walt,
00:38:17	and blow Farnsworth out of the sky.
00:38:19	What about lgner?
00:38:20	That hairless ape?
00:38:22	I swear. When he came out, I flipped a coin
00:38:27	Yes, Mother.
00:38:30	I'm afraid he can't be trusted
00:38:33	You see, there is a terrible secret
00:38:37	And here it is.
00:38:39	(lNAUDlBLE CHATTERlNG)
00:39:00	-Continue returning fire.
00:39:05	-What did they say?
00:39:08	Hey, what's everybody talking about?
00:39:23	(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
00:39:26	FARNSWORTH: Mayday! Mayday!
00:39:29	Oh, God. I cannot believe
00:39:43	We weren't actually in the ship.
00:39:49	Okay, team, these red-hot,
00:39:52	are the only safe way into the mine.
00:39:55	Ladies first.
00:40:03	Whew! That blade missed me
00:40:16	-Maintenance shaft 7 serving...
00:40:18	I'm just talking about the shaft.
00:40:21	(EXCLAlMS)
00:40:24	-Jeez. Doesn't that shock collar hurt?
00:40:28	I guess I'm starting to associate it
00:40:45	(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
00:40:50	We shot them down, Mother.
00:40:52	The intruders never even got to Sector 1.
00:40:55	COMPUTER: lntruders in Sector 15.
00:40:58	Ugh...
00:40:59	Sometimes I don't know why
00:41:04	(ALARM BLARlNG)
00:41:05	-MOM ON PA: All killbots to Sector 15.
00:41:09	What did you say?
00:41:20	There are so many killbots behind us,
00:41:23	Three, I think.
00:41:28	We're trapped.
00:41:30	The main pit must be in here.
00:41:32	I'm detecting vast quantities
00:41:35	Step aside turkey-neck.
00:41:43	We're in. We're in the heart of the mine.
00:41:45	The very source of all Mom's wealth and...
00:41:48	(SCREAMlNG)
00:42:04	LEELA: My God! This isn't a crap mine.
00:42:07	It's a crap farm.
00:42:11	Is there really so much of a distinction?
00:42:13	-I mean...
00:42:15	(LEELA GASPS)
00:42:16	Oh, my God, you look horrible, Nibbler.
00:42:20	Nibbler is over there.
00:42:21	Oh, sorry. Nibbler.
00:42:24	Oh, sorry. Nibbler.
00:42:25	Oh, my poor little snuzzy-wuzzams.
00:42:27	Are they treating you okay?
00:42:29	No, they are force-feeding us
00:42:33	It's horrible.
00:42:35	(CLUCKlNG)
00:42:40	(BELCHlNG)
00:42:42	Those are good.
00:42:43	You've got to help us.
00:42:45	-Help us!
00:42:50	(WHlNlNG)
00:42:52	-Nibbler made a bo-bo.
00:42:56	I will not be treated like...
00:43:01	Well, actually, no. You forgot to blank
00:43:05	You mean you've known I was sentient?
00:43:07	Then why did you let me eat Friskies
00:43:11	-Well, you're cuter that way.
00:43:14	So what happened?
00:43:17	(SlGHlNG)
00:43:18	It all began 36 years ago... Now!
00:43:26	It was a veritable Eden,
00:43:28	brimming with unique
00:43:32	Most of which were delicious.
00:43:36	I was supreme fuzzler
00:43:39	It was paradise, until they came.
00:43:50	One of your duke ships struck dark matter,
00:43:52	Iittle realizing it was not a natural deposit,
00:43:55	but rather centuries
00:43:58	Wow, the big fecal enchilada.
00:44:06	The duke contracted
00:44:09	to spearhead the mining operation.
00:44:11	-Let me guess. Mom?
00:44:14	Can I also guess Mom?
00:44:17	To reduce cost
00:44:20	Mom 's Friendly Robots,
00:44:22	to build robot slaves.
00:44:24	Remember this was back in the days
00:44:27	-Faster, faster!
00:44:30	-as fast as you built me to go.
00:44:36	ROBOT: Ow!
00:44:37	NlBBLER: Eventually, the planet was mined
00:44:41	and my people were forced to evacuate.
00:44:46	Alas, I had eaten a day-old
00:44:50	And while doing some evacuating
00:44:56	(NlBBLER EXHALES)
00:44:57	MOM: So, that's where it comes from.
00:44:59	We may have a whole new source
00:45:03	Ew!
00:45:09	NlBBLER:
00:45:12	Unbeknownst to me, Mom captured
00:45:15	in this crap farm.
00:45:18	(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
00:45:21	There's nothing to do but eat and crap,
00:45:26	NlBBLER: As for me, I emerged
00:45:31	to find I had been lef behind.
00:45:35	Hello, there.
00:45:37	Startled, my cuteness reflex kicked in.
00:45:44	I'll call him Nibbler.
00:45:45	NlBBLER: A silly name
00:45:48	But, hey, I was glad to be rescued.
00:45:56	But then, how did you end up here
00:45:59	I was kidnapped yesterday
00:46:02	in their moronic disguises.
00:46:04	I was an owl exterminator.
00:46:07	(ALL GASPlNG)
00:46:09	-Do you have the crysal?
00:46:14	(DOOR UNLOCKlNG)
00:46:15	Go, run fast.
00:46:20	(DOOR OPENlNG)
00:46:27	Did you see anyone?
00:46:28	-Me?
00:46:31	If I'm the only one here,
00:46:35	-He's got a point, Walt.
00:46:38	(COUGHlNG)
00:46:43	This wouldn't be so bad
00:46:51	Don't worry, those clamps
00:46:54	Do you know where you are, Bender?
00:46:57	Sure do, I'm in the magical land of
00:47:01	Close, you're in the loony bin
00:47:04	I will begin by drilling through the eye
00:47:10	-Can't you just use the access panel?
00:47:15	(SNlFFlNG) Does anyone else smell
00:47:22	(ALL GASPlNG)
00:47:30	MOM: Wherever you are, Farnsworth,
00:47:34	They've eluded us, Mother.
00:47:36	But rest assured,
00:47:38	so there's no need to...
00:47:40	You'll thank me some day
00:47:43	I know Farnsworth's game.
00:47:46	He is going to try to poke
00:47:49	-at my hot fiery crystal.
00:47:52	If the crystals get within six inches
00:47:55	All my dark matter will be worthless.
00:48:06	(EXCLAlMS)
00:48:07	(EXCLAlMS)
00:48:08	Get them!
00:48:13	Keep going, Professor.
00:48:19	(LEELA EXCLAlMS)
00:48:22	Ooh.
00:48:24	-That feels good.
00:48:28	(BOTH EXCLAlMlNG)
00:48:32	Oh, the freaking battery's dead.
00:48:36	In the hardware drawer, Mother.
00:48:41	Damn tangled mess of wires.
00:48:44	We're almost there.
00:49:05	I can't quite reach.
00:49:09	Fry, grab onto my easy-fit waistband.
00:49:17	Just a few more inches.
00:49:19	Come on, really wedgie it on in there.
00:49:27	So, that's why they call me the Catman.
00:49:30	Nobody move. I've found the charger.
00:49:33	(ZAPPER CLlCKlNG)
00:49:34	Hang on. I'm on it. Okay, there!
00:49:37	Save us, Catman.
00:49:38	It's over, Hubert.
00:49:42	Never!
00:49:44	(COUGHlNG)
00:49:51	Oh, bravo.
00:49:53	You're in a crap-harvesting factory, genius.
00:49:55	Walt! Larry! Start harvesting.
00:49:59	No!
00:50:05	I will now delicately
00:50:08	severing fantasy's grip
00:50:14	BENDER: Cornwood!
00:50:20	Illogical. Illogical. Computational overload.
00:50:24	But, Doctor, I love you.
00:50:31	Oh, what now?
00:50:35	(ALL SCREAMlNG)
00:50:48	This is crazy. Ow!
00:50:50	-What the... You okay, Leela?
00:50:56	Wait a second. Is there something
00:50:59	(GASPS)
00:51:00	Oh, Lord. I'm half-horse and half-naked.
00:51:03	Where the hell are we, hell?
00:51:04	(HORSE NElGHlNG)
00:51:10	-Bender?
00:51:13	I'm Titanius lnglesmith.
00:51:20	(BOTH GASPlNG)
00:51:26	(PEOPLE CHATTERlNG)
00:51:30	Wretched peasants, put aside your cares
00:51:33	and feast on the succulent flesh
00:51:38	(BOTH EXCLAlM DlSGUSTEDLY)
00:51:40	Care for a slice of scroto?
00:51:42	-That's his name, right?
00:51:46	We're honored this eve
00:51:49	Frydo and Legola.
00:51:52	So let the dwarves do their gay dance
00:51:55	and let the gnomes
00:52:03	Dance! Dance, you little freaks.
00:52:07	Faster.
00:52:09	Faster!
00:52:13	(SCREAMlNG)
00:52:14	-My ankle!
00:52:17	Wait! Wait! Wait! I do impressions.
00:52:19	Behold! The swamp hag.
00:52:21	Get out of my swamp, you kids!
00:52:24	Don't let him get too crispy.
00:52:28	-Lord lnglesmith.
00:52:32	May I offer you a horn of ale
00:52:34	'Tis dire news, sire. Dark riders approach.
00:52:37	(BENDER GASPS)
00:52:39	You shall be handsomely rewarded,
00:52:41	We ride at once!
00:52:46	Oops!
00:52:49	Frydo! Saddle up that trusty steed.
00:53:00	What's happening?
00:53:05	Foul beast-bags!
00:53:07	Meet thy doom!
00:53:09	(BENDER SCREAMlNG)
00:53:14	Follow me.
00:53:17	(FRY GROANlNG)
00:53:19	(EXCLAlMlNG)
00:53:21	-Damn thee, lgnus.
00:53:25	Well, now I say follow this!
00:53:27	(BOTH GROANlNG)
00:53:29	(GROANlNG)
00:53:31	-The die of power! He's rolling it.
00:53:36	(GASPlNG) I'm back...
00:53:40	DlSEMBODlED VOlCE: Seven.
00:53:44	BENDER: "Banish foes"? Cool.
00:53:46	No! No!
00:53:54	I got to say, I had no idea
00:53:57	Did you have any idea of...
00:53:59	Get out of my swamp, you kids!
00:54:06	I can't believe I'm saying this,
00:54:09	I've never felt so alive.
00:54:12	(COUGHlNG)
00:54:13	What else can we slay?
00:54:16	No, that's a hobo and a rabbit.
00:54:19	But they're making a hobbit.
00:54:22	Thank God, an outhouse.
00:54:26	And by it, I mean my entrails.
00:54:28	Hush! This be no outhouse,
00:54:30	but the lair of the great wizard Grayfarn.
00:54:35	-Who is it?
00:54:38	Just a moment.
00:54:40	(EXCLAlMS DlSGUSTEDLY)
00:54:41	Methinks the wizard be casting
00:54:45	(PANTS ZlPPlNG)
00:54:48	Come in! Come in!
00:54:51	Yes.
00:54:52	'Tis a powerful object in both our worlds.
00:54:55	If you failed to destroy it in yours,
00:54:58	perhaps you were brought here
00:55:01	-So, this land is real?
00:55:05	If you die here, you'll really be dead.
00:55:07	But instead of science,
00:55:11	-It's like Kansas.
00:55:15	Cornwood's troubles began
00:55:21	Deep in the Geysers of Gygax,
00:55:24	injection-molded the dice ofpower
00:55:33	Damn, these are hot.
00:55:36	LEELA: In our universe she's called Mom.
00:55:38	In your universe,
00:55:42	Evidently not.
00:55:43	Anyway, Momon spawned
00:55:46	whom you've already had
00:55:49	Waltazar, Larius, and the dumbest of all,
00:55:54	bastard son of Momon
00:55:58	Curse you, Momon, queen of all that is evil
00:56:01	and not very good in bed.
00:56:03	And I'm not just saying that
00:56:08	Yes, I was once her consort.
00:56:12	I was blinded by love,
00:56:17	I'm blind!
00:56:18	But Momon has one weakness.
00:56:21	She put too much of her power into this.
00:56:23	The generalissimo of dice.
00:56:26	Yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal face.
00:56:33	Don't be foolish, Titanius.
00:56:35	If you had paid attention
00:56:38	instead of frequenting the bawdyhouse,
00:56:40	you'd know
00:56:43	In the boiling plastic
00:56:46	Like that machine
00:56:49	Quiet, you.
00:56:50	We must infiltrate the Geysers of Gygax,
00:56:54	the impenetrable stronghold of Momon.
00:56:59	Impossible. Impossible, I say.
00:57:02	No, Titanius.
00:57:06	the element of surprise.
00:57:13	(LAUGHlNG)
00:57:21	(SNAKES LAUGHlNG)
00:57:31	Verily, our quest has begun.
00:57:34	Stop right there.
00:57:35	(ALL GASPlNG)
00:57:36	Hermes?
00:57:38	-He's a centaur like me.
00:57:43	I am Hermaphrodite,
00:57:47	Gaze upon me and weep at my loveliness.
00:57:50	Very well.
00:57:52	Loveliest of centaurs,
00:57:54	we seek to end Momon's reign of evil.
00:57:57	Have you stout fighters at your command?
00:58:00	One thousand archers of truest aim.
00:58:03	Fire.
00:58:06	Hey guys, I forgot I had this pumpkin.
00:58:11	I knew it. My people are mighty warriors.
00:58:14	Our enemies will be like Swiss cheese
00:58:18	(ALL BLEATlNG)
00:58:20	-We centaurs are creatures of peace.
00:58:23	Violence is never justified.
00:58:27	And furthermore,
00:58:30	you may not cross our lands.
00:58:32	-Or what?
00:58:34	Uh... Mmm?
00:58:40	You may pass.
00:58:52	We're not there, we're here.
00:58:54	-No, this way.
00:59:11	Thank you, kindly, Treedledum.
00:59:14	Okey-doke. Anything else I can do?
00:59:22	You know who I'm gonna miss?
00:59:32	Bad news, fancy men.
00:59:36	'Tis as if she somehow anticipated us.
00:59:40	And so our quest comes to an end.
00:59:42	I only regret not giving up sooner.
00:59:46	Fret not, Titanius.
00:59:50	the Cave of Hopelessness.
00:59:53	Let me know how that turns out.
01:00:00	Halt. Are you on the list?
01:00:03	-I'll split this doofus in half.
01:00:07	Yeah. My cousin's in the band.
01:00:11	Please, we were already in there.
01:00:22	(GASPS)
01:00:25	I am Gynecaladriel,
01:00:30	All right. I'll split this doofus in half.
01:00:32	Stand aside, and I will use my powers
01:00:38	(BENDER HUMMlNG)
01:00:41	(OGRE SNORlNG)
01:00:43	-Behold, the deed is done.
01:00:53	Mr. Wizard, why is this place
01:00:57	Oh, fear not, lad.
01:00:59	'Tis named for its discoverer,
01:01:03	Whew!
01:01:04	...the first man to be eaten alive
01:01:11	What's that? The Tunneling Horror?
01:01:13	No, it's morks.
01:01:15	-Mork. Hey, listen.
01:01:17	-Oh, God, no. They're so aggravating.
01:01:22	Nanu, nanu.
01:01:23	Reality, what a concept.
01:01:26	(MORK EXCLAlMlNG)
01:01:29	MORK: Fantastic.
01:01:30	(MORKS CHATTERlNG)
01:01:35	Mindy, Mindy, Mindy.
01:01:36	-Shut up! Shut up!
01:01:38	Oh, fantastic. Oh, wonderful.
01:01:40	Maybe it'll go away
01:01:43	It doesn't.
01:01:45	MORK: Nanu, nanu.
01:01:49	Shazbot.
01:01:52	Well, at least we didn't have to face
01:01:56	FRY: Uh-oh.
01:01:59	Enough already with the banging
01:02:05	(ALL SCREAMlNG)
01:02:08	Oh, I'm gonna enjoy killing you.
01:02:12	Watch where you're shooting that thing.
01:02:15	Again?
01:02:18	Mutilate!
01:02:22	Okay. Now, I'm getting a little mad even.
01:02:34	I'll kill you and eat your heart,
01:02:43	Don't make me laugh.
01:02:44	The very idea that removing only
01:02:48	Hey, what are you doing down there?
01:02:51	Now, I'm dead.
01:02:55	Leela, it's over. You killed him enough.
01:02:58	I'm not taking any chances
01:03:01	What? I'm not the Tunneling Horror.
01:03:06	Always with the tunneling.
01:03:10	So, you're just an innocent monster.
01:03:12	Oh, God. What have I done?
01:03:15	(RUMBLlNG)
01:03:16	Oh! There he goes again.
01:03:21	(MONSTER GROWLlNG)
01:03:23	(ALL SCREAMlNG)
01:03:25	The Tunneling Horror!
01:03:27	(RETCHlNG)
01:03:29	Grayfarn, what do we do?
01:03:33	Do about what?
01:03:39	Why aren't you killing it, Leela?
01:03:42	No, no more killing.
01:03:45	Oh! So, suddenly, Miss Goody Four-shoes
01:03:49	She killed me not five minutes ago.
01:03:51	-What am l? Chopped liver?
01:03:54	-Stop chopping my liver.
01:03:57	(SOBBlNG)
01:04:00	(EXCLAlMS)
01:04:02	(LEELA CRYlNG)
01:04:04	(BENDER SHOUTlNG)
01:04:06	All right.
01:04:10	but I don't see
01:04:13	Guess I'll just
01:04:15	At least I can say I tried.
01:04:17	BENDER: Any time now.
01:04:23	The die of power.
01:04:26	(ALL GASPlNG)
01:04:32	DlSEMBODlED VOlCE: Three.
01:04:36	"Grow"? I don't see anything growing.
01:04:43	Ow.
01:04:44	Wait a second. I'm big!
01:04:46	In your face, everyone from middle school.
01:04:57	(SCREECHlNG)
01:05:03	Wow, that was intense.
01:05:05	-You guys got to try the die of power.
01:05:08	Hands off the dodecalicious.
01:05:10	(SNARLlNG)
01:05:11	Beware, Frydo. Don't be seduced.
01:05:17	Resist the allure of the die.
01:05:19	For to defeat Momon,
01:05:23	bubbling plastic from whence it came.
01:05:29	For to defeat Momon,
01:05:33	bubbling plastic from whence it came.
01:05:36	I send you to kill them
01:05:40	That's what I get
01:05:44	-Sorry, Mom.
01:05:47	Peaches.
01:05:49	You're up.
01:05:55	I like this part but I don't like...
01:06:01	(BOTH SNORTlNG)
01:06:05	You are an able opponent, Hermaphrodite.
01:06:07	But hear me well
01:06:09	abhor violence in all its forms.
01:06:12	(ALL CHEERlNG)
01:06:14	I offer a dissenting opinion.
01:06:17	ALL: Huh?
01:06:18	For abhorring violence
01:06:21	and, therefore, to be abhorred.
01:06:24	(ALL CHEERlNG)
01:06:29	All bow before mighty Hermaphrodite.
01:06:33	-Don't hurt me.
01:06:35	Or anything ever again.
01:06:37	Please, teach me
01:06:40	What do you offer in return?
01:06:42	(CHEWY CHEWYPLAYlNG)
01:06:46	MAN: (SlNGlNG) Chewy, Chewy, Chewy,
01:06:50	Baby, always got a mouthful
01:07:02	Oh-ie little Chewy
01:07:03	Don 't know what you 're doing to me
01:07:05	But you 're doing to me what I want you to
01:07:14	Y es! We made it out
01:07:18	Now, what's the fastest way home?
01:07:22	Ow! Ow!
01:07:30	FARNSWORTH:
01:07:32	So close, I can practically feel
01:07:37	-You're standing in the fire.
01:07:40	(FARNSWORTH EXCLAlMS)
01:07:41	Alas, our path is blocked
01:07:45	As well as her navy of moral dubiousness.
01:07:48	Wait a second.
01:07:49	Mayhaps we might
01:07:52	We're but
01:07:55	Of course. Wipe Castle.
01:07:57	And while we're there, we can get
01:08:01	Ooh! I love those.
01:08:03	You can eat like eight of them
01:08:06	because of all the diarrhea.
01:08:07	Sleep deep, fair snoozles.
01:08:10	At dawn, we ride for Wipe Castle.
01:08:14	(HOWLlNG)
01:08:16	Quiet, Frydo.
01:08:18	(SOFT HOWLlNG)
01:08:25	We've got them now.
01:08:27	-Send all our forces against Wipe Castle.
01:08:31	I'll just leave a small contingent behind
01:08:33	-I said, everything. Peaches!
01:08:37	Waltazar,
01:08:41	What about lgnus?
01:08:42	I'm afraid
01:08:44	You see, there is a terrible secret
01:08:47	I've never told anyone.
01:08:49	And here it is.
01:08:55	(lNAUDlBLE CHATTERlNG)
01:08:58	(GASPlNG)
01:09:00	It's a good day to be evil.
01:09:11	Oh, put a towel on, for crap's sake.
01:09:22	They all wants it.
01:09:26	Tell you what,
01:09:30	and I mean, defend it good,
01:09:32	then what you need is a top-quality knife.
01:09:35	Me is listening.
01:09:36	The Eviscerator is one of the finest,
01:09:41	tactical folder on the market today.
01:09:44	We're talking 440 stainless,
01:09:50	Is this a stag horn handle at this price?
01:09:52	-lt is, yeah. It's a stag horn.
01:09:56	You have got to be kidding me.
01:09:58	That's got to be some kind of mistake,
01:10:01	Now, you folks at home,
01:10:03	You're thinking, that can't be stag horn.
01:10:06	It's got to be the cheaper manticore horn.
01:10:08	But, I've got the specs right here
01:10:11	-this is the real deal.
01:10:15	It is unbelievable. That's exactly what it is.
01:10:17	I mean, this is...
01:10:19	Honestly, have you ever seen
01:10:22	No, no, I don't believe I ever have.
01:10:25	1 101-1816 is the item number on this one.
01:10:29	You know what, we're gonna have to
01:10:32	Two minutes. Can I get a clock
01:10:34	Two minutes at most.
01:10:35	Honestly,
01:10:37	Oh, I'd be very surprised, shocked really.
01:10:40	Now, I know the lines are busy, people,
01:10:42	but keep dialing in if you want
01:10:47	to slice up your friends in their sleep.
01:11:05	(BOTH GASPlNG)
01:11:07	He tried to murder me. He tried...
01:11:09	Oh, cool. Is that the stag horn?
01:11:11	(HlSSlNG)
01:11:22	Alas, Frydo's weakness
01:11:26	We can only hope he forges on
01:11:30	I can hope my ass is made of ice-cream
01:11:32	but that don't make me
01:11:34	As for us,
01:11:38	though the journey be long
01:11:41	There it is!
01:11:55	(TWlG SNAPS)
01:11:56	They's following us's.
01:11:58	You know, you talk like that, it's gonna
01:12:02	What does it wants?
01:12:03	First of all, I resent being called "it."
01:12:06	I prefer jerkhole or simply...
01:12:08	(EXCLAlMS DlSGUSTEDLY)
01:12:09	Second, I thought I could help you
01:12:13	Yes, yes, please help me.
01:12:16	No, it's not. We're having a nice time.
01:12:18	Shut up. You shut up.
01:12:19	S'all right? S'all right.
01:12:21	Help me!
01:12:23	Get out of my swamp, you kids!
01:12:30	(FANFARE PLAYlNG)
01:12:33	(PLAYlNG JAZZ MUSlC)
01:12:39	Now, before your audience with the king,
01:12:41	there's a shocking fact
01:12:44	Enough blabbety-blab! Open the doors.
01:12:48	What, ho?
01:12:50	We bring ill tidings, o fanciest of men.
01:12:53	Momon's reach nears the die of power.
01:12:55	And should she obtain it,
01:12:59	Rivers will run red with blood
01:13:03	And a dog will be seen eating cat food
01:13:06	Oh, great king,
01:13:10	Let us join forces before the light of good
01:13:17	You calling me crazy?
01:13:18	Just 'cause I've got a hotel in my foot
01:13:21	(SPEAKlNG GlBBERlSH)
01:13:23	-Pardon?
01:13:26	(KlNG EXCLAlMlNG)
01:13:32	Moving along then,
01:13:37	I hereby place myself
01:13:41	-What royal army would that be?
01:13:44	King went insane
01:13:47	Tied his army to a boulder
01:13:50	They never returned.
01:13:51	Scallops must've got them.
01:13:53	Oh, well. There'll be no epic battle today.
01:13:56	(HORN BLOWlNG)
01:13:58	(ALL GASPlNG)
01:14:00	Methinks we be boned.
01:14:02	(OGRES SHOUTlNG)
01:14:08	Where's their army?
01:14:09	Maybe they didn't hear the horn.
01:14:17	Man, I'll show that cat how to blow.
01:14:33	All right. On three. One, two, three.
01:14:40	Oil in the murder hole.
01:14:45	What are they pouring
01:14:48	Yeah, I think it might be hot oil.
01:14:52	I knew it. I was right, Walt. It's hot oil.
01:15:00	(BABBLlNG)
01:15:05	(OGRE SCREAMlNG)
01:15:13	Ow!
01:15:16	What the... You're not made of Tuesday.
01:15:20	My sanity. It's back.
01:15:22	At last, I can live the life I always...
01:15:25	(SPEAKlNG GlBBERlSH)
01:15:51	(BANGlNG)
01:16:06	MAN: Ahhh!
01:16:08	(FOLK MUSlC PLAYlNG)
01:16:13	You're going onto sainthood.
01:16:18	(ALL GASPlNG)
01:16:26	-What does it mean?
01:16:29	-Evil will soon triumph over good.
01:16:33	Followed by a disrespectful
01:16:35	performed with their corpses.
01:16:37	-No! We've got to do something.
01:16:41	We've taken out a sternly worded ad
01:16:46	(EXCLAlMS)
01:16:47	(ALL GASPlNG)
01:16:48	What a load of man-horse manure.
01:16:50	Well, Legola, if you have a better idea,
01:16:55	debate.
01:17:05	(BOTH GRUNTlNG)
01:17:13	I'm too exhausted. I can't go on.
01:17:15	I'm here for you, my friend.
01:17:18	Even to my last ounce of strength.
01:17:23	You know,
01:17:30	MOM: That's not Wipe Castle.
01:17:32	(GASPlNG) The dodeca-call is coming
01:17:36	(GRUNTlNG)
01:17:40	What are you waiting for, Frydo?
01:17:44	-I would. But...
01:17:47	Stop talking like that. It gives me anxiety.
01:17:51	Ow!
01:17:52	(GASPlNG)
01:17:54	No!
01:18:02	DlSEMBODlED VOlCE: Twelve.
01:18:12	So, it's all come down to this.
01:18:17	I didn't see it coming.
01:18:20	Wait.
01:18:30	OGRES: (SlNGlNG) Eat the wizard,
01:18:32	Eat the robot's shiny butt
01:18:35	Well, at least
01:18:38	Wait a second. I have an idea.
01:18:41	I surrender. Here, eat my friends.
01:18:44	Just give me one more second
01:18:53	(CLEARS THROAT) Well, that worked out
01:18:59	Prepare to fire again, brave cowards.
01:19:03	I still say, I won the debate.
01:19:06	Fire.
01:19:11	Uh-oh.
01:19:16	Whew!
01:19:18	Legola, you saved us.
01:19:21	How can I ever repay you?
01:19:26	(BENDER GROWLlNG)
01:19:27	(EXPLOSlON)
01:19:28	(BOTH GASPlNG)
01:19:31	Frydo is fighting for his life.
01:19:35	Quickly, to the Geysers.
01:19:38	-Can it wait a couple of minutes?
01:19:57	You are no match for my dragon style.
01:20:03	I guess you are
01:20:06	Tell me, Frydo,
01:20:07	are you aware that a dragon's
01:20:11	No. Why do you...
01:20:13	(SCREAMlNG)
01:20:15	LEELA: Get my friend out of your mouth.
01:20:19	It is all over, Momon.
01:20:20	We'll soon be down there defeating you.
01:20:23	And it's all thanks to
01:20:29	Whoa!
01:20:37	Quick. Get on the magic bug.
01:20:39	It's not a magic bug, you dope.
01:20:43	Can't you count the legs?
01:20:45	-No.
01:20:50	I'll kill you, you imbecile.
01:21:04	My underbelly. My one weakness.
01:21:09	(BOTH GROANlNG)
01:21:15	I got it. Now I can throw it in
01:21:20	On the other hand,
01:21:27	Please, I'm trying to help you.
01:21:29	Then why are you hitting me with a stick?
01:21:32	How stupid are you
01:21:34	Mommy never told you about my father.
01:21:37	-She said he was a foul He-demon.
01:21:41	You are my father.
01:21:46	No. No, that's impossible.
01:21:49	Search your feelings.
01:21:52	No, no!
01:21:55	Yeah. I heard Mommy say so.
01:22:00	(ALL GASPlNG)
01:22:03	I have all the dice.
01:22:07	I know all and see...
01:22:13	Game over.
01:22:25	(COUGHlNG)
01:22:28	(MOM CONTlNUES LAUGHlNG)
01:22:33	No! No!
01:22:35	(ALL SCREAMlNG)
01:22:48	What happened?
01:22:49	(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
01:22:52	My God,
01:22:54	and back in our regular crazy world.
01:22:57	Did we all just
01:22:59	or was it ghosts?
01:23:01	Neither, Fry. It was science.
01:23:03	Bender's mighty imagination
01:23:08	created an alternate reality
01:23:12	Exactly.
01:23:15	Quit trying to explain everything.
01:23:17	I defeated you in that world
01:23:21	Boys, the crystal's still in his stomach.
01:23:24	Commencing intestinal flash flood.
01:23:27	Wait! Before my moment of shame, can l...
01:23:31	(FARNSWORTH SOBBlNG)
01:23:32	Yes, speak up.
01:23:38	Can I give my boy a hug?
01:23:41	All right. Fine. I've never done it.
01:23:47	Daddy.
01:23:49	Like father, like son, eh, boy?
01:23:54	IGNER: We both eated the crysals.
01:23:59	No. No!
01:24:04	(BOTH BELCHlNG)
01:24:08	My dark matter. It's worthless.
01:24:11	That's right, Mom. But fear not, fancy folk.
01:24:15	For I've just thunk up
01:24:18	-Nibbler-power.
01:24:23	(HEN CLUCKlNG)
01:24:27	FARNSWORTH: Mush! Mush!
01:24:29	Whip harder, Professor.
01:24:31	(ALL CHEERlNG)
01:24:35	FARNSWORTH: Faster, faster. Slower.
01:24:44	(FUTURAMA THEMEPLAYlNG)
01:24:46	One, two
01:25:12	All rise
01:25:45	All rise
01:25:53	All rise
01:26:02	Twenty-four
01:26:04	I'm gonna get 24th century
01:26:45	Anyone wanna play
01:26:46	Dungeons & Dragons

Futurama Bender s Game