Ghosts Of Girlfriend Past

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00:00:52 - Good morning, Connor.
00:00:55 Okay.
00:00:56 - Clear oυt.
00:01:01 Okay, ladies,
00:01:03 Just keep doing What yoυ do.
00:01:08 All right. Reset, I'll be right back.
00:01:12 And more martinis aroυnd.
00:01:14 - Connor Wants a re- light on one.
00:01:17 And the Vanity Fair cover
00:01:19 - Oh, hey, yoυ.
00:01:22 Ηey. Good morning, ladies.
00:01:24 So do yoυ wanna have dinner
00:01:26 l'd love to' bυt I can't.
00:01:28 I'm booked solid, ladies.
00:01:30 OMAΝ:
00:01:32 Yoυ want me to book them?
00:01:34 - Yes.
00:01:35 - Separately or together?
00:01:42 - Good morning, Kalia.
00:01:44 I'm Connor Mead.
00:01:45 - You're ravishing.
00:01:47 Stand here, please.
00:01:50 All right.
00:01:52 Let's get started.
00:01:55 - Um, let's cozy υp. Give me key light.
00:01:57 - Bring it over and down six inches.
00:02:00 And keep the set medic on cue jυst in case.
00:02:05 Apples.
00:02:06 - This is my wardrobe.
00:02:11 l just wanna let you know
00:02:14 Likewise. I mean, I'm not 12 years old
00:02:18 ...but I really dig your look.
00:02:20 Can We come here and strengthen up
00:02:23 Stay right there. Stay right there.
00:02:29 This is the picture?
00:02:31 - I'm half naked with an apple on my head.
00:02:35 This is the cover of Vanity Fair
00:02:38 Well' not qυite.
00:02:40 I'd like to introdυce yoυ to Kako Tatsυmi.
00:02:44 She's gonna be helping us out today.
00:02:46 And you have nothing to fear.
00:02:52 Are yoυ joking?
00:02:54 ls he ? ls he joking?
00:02:56 Kalia' chin down, eyes here,
00:03:00 - Somebody tell me he's joking.
00:03:03 Kako, on my coυnt.
00:03:08 She didn't even medal!
00:03:14 KALlA:
00:03:19 l am more than my look. I am.
00:03:21 Sweetie, yoυ are already gorgeoυs.
00:03:24 Why do you need
00:03:27 MELAΝIE:
00:03:29 - Νeed your select on the mayor's proofs.
00:03:31 And I'm jυggling three of your bυddies...
00:03:33 ...on iChat.
00:03:35 Sorry. You told me to make sυre
00:03:39 Why?
00:03:40 MELAΝIE:
00:03:42 - That's today?
00:03:44 - ...at your Uncle Wayne's old estate.
00:03:48 And I have Kiki' Charlece and Νadja
00:03:53 - Νadja. Remind me who Νadja is again?
00:03:56 - Right. Very pretty girl. Didn't say much.
00:04:01 Well' that explains it.
00:04:04 l am a toυch busy' if you coυld
00:04:08 Νo. Νo way. I'm not breaking υp With girls
00:04:11 That's where I draw the line.
00:04:14 Okay.
00:04:15 - Conference them.
00:04:17 Conference them.
00:04:20 Oh, yes, I would.
00:04:23 They're conferenced.
00:04:26 - Ηello, ladies, it's Connor Mead.
00:04:29 - Ηi.
00:04:32 Listen' I'm sincerely pressed for time
00:04:35 Well' I'm gonna have to do this in bulk.
00:04:39 lt's not gonna Work oυt for υs.
00:04:41 - Wait, are you kidding me?
00:04:43 Tell me you're not breaking up
00:04:46 But I thought things were going great.
00:04:49 Connor Mead hates womans.
00:04:50 Νo, no, no, I love Womans.
00:04:54 I love all women.
00:04:56 No. The probIem is you date a girl for
00:05:00 He takes the love and he hoard it,
00:05:05 Jesus, doesn't anyone
00:05:09 l like to have fυn.
00:05:10 All right, then don't listen to these ladies.
00:05:13 We can still hear you
00:05:16 - Right.
00:05:18 - You really need therapy.
00:05:20 Ladies, it sounds like you have
00:05:23 So I'm gonna jυmp off,
00:05:27 Kiki' Νadja, Charlece, I had an amazing time
00:05:33 l wish you all the best.
00:05:35 - Goodbye.
00:05:37 Yoυ really are as bad as they say.
00:05:40 Oh, no, dear, I am just a little bit worse.
00:05:44 Of coυrse, yoυ'd never treat me
00:05:46 Νo. I just did that for yoυ.
00:05:52 Yoυ're the biggestjerk ever.
00:05:56 Νo, really, why am I doing this?
00:05:59 Well' it υsually has something to do
00:06:02 Oh, please.
00:06:06 Well' come to papa.
00:07:01 Okay, here We go.
00:07:05 This will have gone like clockWork,
00:07:10 "You may kiss the bride."
00:07:12 Oh, We should practice that,
00:07:15 - Oh, God.
00:07:17 - Connor. Go around.
00:07:20 Ηe came.
00:07:23 - Ηe came.
00:07:25 - What's Wrong?
00:07:27 Well' you and all but one of my bridesmaids
00:07:30 - ...so he can't be that bad' right?
00:07:33 Jenny' soothe the nervoυs bride.
00:07:36 Ηey.
00:07:38 PAUL:
00:07:41 - Good to see you. Yeah.
00:07:43 - You look great.
00:07:45 What do you think about what
00:07:48 Whoa.
00:07:49 l didn't think
00:07:52 Well' I wanted to get here early...
00:07:53 ...make sure yoυ had time
00:07:56 Yoυ know, the one aboυt marriage' love,
00:08:00 Yes, I definitely thoυght about it.
00:08:02 You did? Good' good.
00:08:03 lf yoυ're having second thoughts,
00:08:07 Yoυ give me the word, I'll block.
00:08:10 - Oh, my God, yoυ're serioυs.
00:08:12 an' I'll do anything for yoυ.
00:08:15 Ηey, it's you and me
00:08:19 Why is he giving him keys?
00:08:21 - Why's he giving him keys?
00:08:24 - I'm just gonna go check on that.
00:08:26 Connor, we've talked aboυt this.
00:08:30 - You say that noW, okay?
00:08:33 Becaυse we're still,
00:08:35 - Jenny Perotti.
00:08:37 - I'll be damned.
00:08:40 - Ηey, the bride's υnsupervised.
00:08:44 - Buddy' we're not done talking aboυt this.
00:08:48 - Options.
00:08:50 Yeah, listen to me, Connor.
00:08:52 This is the biggest Weekend in Sandy's life.
00:08:57 ...l Will sneak into yoυr room
00:09:00 Νow, the first part sounds nice.
00:09:02 l can make it look like an accident.
00:09:05 Just try to be sυpportive. Νormal.
00:09:09 - I'll be on my best behavior.
00:09:12 l will, I'll be supportive. Whatever.
00:09:14 Really?
00:09:15 Come on.
00:09:17 See? I knew there wouldn't be
00:09:20 - Connor, you remember Sandra?
00:09:25 Yoυ know, it's not too late
00:09:27 Ηe's joking.
00:09:29 And you know the bridesmaids.
00:09:31 Oh, yes, I do. Deena, Donna.
00:09:34 - And, uh...?
00:09:36 Νice to meet yoυ, Denice. Ladies.
00:09:38 My groomsmen.
00:09:41 - We've heard the stories, man.
00:09:44 - An honor to be serving with you.
00:09:47 lt's "mice" to "neet" yoυ.
00:09:50 Sorry to break up the bromance,
00:09:52 ...l need yoυ right here
00:09:55 - bsolutely.
00:09:57 Yes, sorry, sarge.
00:09:59 Sarge?
00:10:01 Sergeant Major Volcom,
00:10:05 l am not a cop.
00:10:09 - Where'd you find this ray of sυnshine?
00:10:13 Sarge, this is my brother, Connor.
00:10:16 Ηe was ordained right after the war.
00:10:18 Little war called Korea.
00:10:22 Lost more men than Νam.
00:10:24 We didn't get a Wall.
00:10:27 We got a sitcom with Alan Alda
00:10:30 ..υnless you Were the one
00:10:33 The war's over, Dad. lt was a tie.
00:10:35 Yoυ know, we should probably try
00:10:38 - Ηυa.
00:10:41 Following the kiss at 1530 hours,
00:10:45 ...groom will take bride's left forearm...
00:10:47 ...rotate 180 degrees,
00:10:52 Then I will annoυnce you
00:10:55 Following which....
00:10:58 Following which,
00:11:05 Oh, Daddy.
00:11:06 - So sWeet. Oh' my God.
00:11:10 - I'm surroυnded by huggers.
00:11:13 - Νo, we're cool, man.
00:11:27 Ηey, Uncle Wayne.
00:11:33 Ah, the World's a lot less fυn
00:11:42 Oh, no. Oh, no.
00:11:45 Νo decorations in here. Νo.
00:11:48 Νo. Νo.
00:11:51 And' yes.
00:11:53 Νo.
00:11:56 - Νo! Wha ? What did ? What the ?
00:12:03 l got over 30 scented candles
00:12:05 - Oh, the Wedding scent is lavender.
00:12:08 - And people wonder why I'm not married.
00:12:11 l mean, serioυsly, Jenny, my Uncle Wayne
00:12:15 Νo, come on. Wayne loved a good party.
00:12:17 Party, yes. A wedding? Νo.
00:12:22 ...for mind- numbing, clothing- optional,
00:12:26 Do yoυ know Dean Martin
00:12:29 Ηe drank from the bidet
00:12:32 - ...in Spanish.
00:12:34 - Yeah, I remember Wayne telling υs that.
00:12:41 Yoυ know, people were taking bets
00:12:45 - Miss my kid brother's wedding?
00:12:47 The whole asshole thing yoυ do
00:12:51 - Deep doWn, you're a big sWeetheart.
00:12:55 And there's the sarcasm to cover up
00:12:59 Ηey.
00:13:01 I'm not covering anything υp.
00:13:03 And I would also be more than happy to
00:13:09 Then there's the cheap sexυal innuendo.
00:13:13 Well' don't Worry,
00:13:16 l won't tell anyone you have feelings.
00:13:22 ALL:
00:13:27 Oh, gosh.
00:13:28 - Okay. Yeah, it didn't work. Still nervoυs.
00:13:33 Sandy' what aboυt him?
00:13:36 Oh. Kids?
00:13:38 hat? They're not really married
00:13:40 Ηυa.
00:13:42 - Ηeard, υnderstood, acknowledged.
00:13:46 Save some liqυor
00:13:48 - Bye, Mrs. Mead.
00:13:55 Slow down. Slow down.
00:13:58 - Ηey.
00:14:00 If you can keep those coming
00:14:03 And noW we're off.
00:14:05 - Excυse me, Mr. Mead?
00:14:07 I just wanna tell you,
00:14:09 - Thank yoυ.
00:14:12 Νo. Νo, I'm not a wedding photographer.
00:14:15 - Right, bυt it's your brother.
00:14:19 Ηe's not good at taking pictures of people
00:14:23 - Look who's fυnny.
00:14:26 - Ah.
00:14:29 Connor Mead.
00:14:30 Νo, I woυld not like to cυt my quota.
00:14:32 - Connor.
00:14:35 - Yeah, I said, tell him to go screw himself.
00:14:38 Like when a man and a Woman-
00:14:41 - Ηi.
00:14:43 - Sit down before you-
00:14:45 What?
00:14:47 - Endive arυgυla salad. Yoυ did Well-
00:14:51 Yeah, becaυse fruit is the new crouton.
00:14:56 This is a disaster. My friends and family
00:15:00 ..to be met with some lacklυster salad.
00:15:03 Excυse me, Where are the figs?
00:15:06 Sweetie? SWeetie. Ηi.
00:15:08 - Ηi. Ηi.
00:15:10 Ηi.
00:15:11 Okay, look, you're right, okay?
00:15:14 But, υh, everyone seems
00:15:17 - Anybody missing figs?
00:15:20 - ...of flavors.
00:15:24 - A lot to recommend, this salad.
00:15:26 - There she is. All right, she's back.
00:15:30 lt's my wedding and-
00:15:34 - She kind of is.
00:15:36 l just really want everything
00:15:40 l mean, I only plan on getting married
00:15:43 Oh, sWeetie.
00:15:45 Oh, which reminds me, Connor.
00:15:47 Sandy and I Wanted to know
00:15:50 What?
00:15:52 - Yeah. We'd like that.
00:15:55 ...but it is kind of a tradition
00:15:59 - Could be super short.
00:16:02 - They kidding? Are you kidding?
00:16:04 - Νo.
00:16:05 Νo, yoυ're the only family I got here,
00:16:10 l don't think this is the best idea
00:16:12 - I'm with Jenny.
00:16:15 Νo, no, no. Come on, yoυ're my brother.
00:16:17 oυ're fυnny, you're articυlate,
00:16:19 - True, true and true. Um, I'm flattered, bυt-
00:16:24 - ...it's the least yoυ can do.
00:16:27 Who's that?
00:16:28 I'm not toasting anyone tomorrow' okay?
00:16:33 l can't toast this.
00:16:37 - Come on.
00:16:40 ls there a bread basket? You know What,
00:16:43 So, υm' when do you catch your flight?
00:16:45 Paυlie, yoυ knoW where I come out
00:16:48 To me, marriage is an archaic
00:16:52 ...that should a been abolished years ago.
00:16:55 nd love? lt's magical comfort food
00:17:00 Yeah, it makes yoυ feel all warm
00:17:02 ...but in the end, love leaves yoυ weak,
00:17:07 - Yeah, that might not make the best toast.
00:17:11 Νo. Are yoυ kidding?
00:17:13 Νo, sweetie, sweetie,
00:17:15 Better hold your next words
00:17:18 Believe me, all right? For Paul's sake'
00:17:25 And I also wish I could believe
00:17:27 ...the missile shield,
00:17:31 ut, υnfortunately, I am condemned
00:17:36 And love? Love is a myth.
00:17:38 Oh, good. Because I was afraid yoυ were
00:17:43 Truth hυrts, baby.
00:17:45 - Why don't yoυ go?
00:17:48 And I think I'll take my salad with me.
00:17:52 Mm. Some figs would've been nice.
00:18:04 This is gonna be tougher than I thought.
00:18:09 Yoυ got that right, kid.
00:18:14 Uncle Wayne?
00:18:20 Uncle Wayne.
00:18:22 - Uh....
00:18:24 Yoυ're dead.
00:18:25 Players never die, Dυtch.
00:18:30 Whoa, whoa.
00:18:32 Νever toυch a man
00:18:35 Yoυ kidding me?
00:18:41 Oh, God.
00:18:44 Aqυa Velva.
00:18:47 What are you ? What are you ?
00:18:51 I'm here to warn yoυ, kid.
00:18:53 Don't waste yoυr life like I did.
00:18:55 What are you talking about?
00:19:00 Yoυ're a legend.
00:19:03 Listen' kid. When the music stops
00:19:07 ...none of that stuff matters worth a lick.
00:19:10 Well' there was this one party. Um....
00:19:14 Νew Year's '68, Philippines.
00:19:16 Me, Stevie McQυeen,
00:19:19 ...and a pile of blow the size of a toaster.
00:19:22 Νow that was a good night.
00:19:24 Aw. That sounds like a great night.
00:19:26 Oh, no, l've had a few laυghs,
00:19:30 ...yoυ don't wanna end υp like me.
00:19:31 - What are you talking about?
00:19:34 l've been Watching yoυ'
00:19:40 Frankly, I mean, Who could blame yoυ?
00:19:42 But tonight-
00:19:48 Tonight you're gonna be visited
00:19:51 Yoυ have got to be kidding me.
00:19:54 And you're gonna be forced to feel things
00:19:58 Things like feelings, for example.
00:20:01 Remember, no matter how mυch it hυrts,
00:20:06 nd the stuff that's not for your own good,
00:20:10 Look, Uncle Wayne, yoυ-
00:20:16 Where'd he go?
00:20:24 All right, that didn'tjust happen. Okay.
00:20:36 Uh- oh.
00:20:39 Melanie! Melanie? Where are you?
00:20:43 Look, yoυ are my assistant
00:20:47 Blυe Label and give it wings, brother.
00:21:07 Yoυ feel so real.
00:21:09 Well' they are, honey. A hυndred percent.
00:21:12 I'm not sure what yoυ've heard aboυt me,
00:21:18 - You're not who I thoυght you were.
00:21:24 Connor Mead, brother of the groom.
00:21:31 - Thank yoυ.
00:21:32 - Champagne for the lady.
00:21:36 - So how long have you been divorced?
00:21:39 Please. I mean, you're ravishing.
00:21:41 Νo married woman your age
00:21:47 l've been divorced eight years now.
00:21:51 Sarge and I aren't talking just yet.
00:21:54 - lt's juvenile and sad.
00:21:57 lt's not your faυlt, okay?
00:21:59 Marriage is a corrυpt
00:22:03 l covered all of this earlier
00:22:06 I wanna ask you something.
00:22:12 I mean'
00:22:14 ...what, you've lost yoυr Way?
00:22:17 Νever mind that every night
00:22:22 ...and they fall asleep
00:22:27 Connor, spooning is nice.
00:22:31 Yeah, but not as nice as forking.
00:22:34 - Am I right?
00:22:36 Ηey, you know what the owner of this place
00:22:39 Ηe said, "Keep it light, Dυtch.
00:22:44 I never understood
00:22:47 ...bυt I believe his wisdom still holds.
00:22:52 - l like that.
00:22:56 Listen' darling, before we take this
00:23:00 l mean, technically we're not family
00:23:02 l am extremely flattered.
00:23:06 But, yes, we are definitely off- limits.
00:23:10 That's a shame. I bet you know
00:23:14 Yoυ always talk to women like this?
00:23:16 Yes.
00:23:18 - Does it work?
00:23:22 Well' while I can't be of service to yoυ,
00:23:27 Blonde, six o'clock?
00:23:32 That's the one. She's been eyeing yoυ
00:23:36 - lt's been a real pleasure talking to you.
00:23:39 Yoυ are trυly an inspiration.
00:23:44 Ηi. Excuse me.
00:23:47 Jenny, come With me.
00:23:50 Remember that guy
00:23:53 Νo, no. I told you,
00:23:55 l've been through it too many times.
00:23:58 That's Brad.
00:24:04 Okay, but this is the last time.
00:24:06 - Ηow are my teeth?
00:24:09 - Just try to play it cool. Jυst no big deal.
00:24:13 Brad. This is Jenny.
00:24:15 - Right. The hot, single doctor.
00:24:18 Paυl and Sandra
00:24:20 I know What car yoυ drive' where you
00:24:25 That is right. You're both animal people.
00:24:29 - So glad this isn't aWkward.
00:24:31 Oh, I forgot to tell you. Brad loves
00:24:36 - Do you Wanna go anywhere else?
00:24:41 - Bye.
00:24:45 - Ηey, Connor.
00:24:47 Ηow you been?
00:24:49 Well' I'm at a wedding,
00:24:53 - l've been better.
00:24:55 Well' what were you and Sandra's mom
00:25:00 Casual sex.
00:25:04 So, What's yoυr stance
00:25:07 On top. I mean- I'm for it.
00:25:11 Well' speaking ofwhich,
00:25:15 l've enjoyed the company
00:25:19 l mean, you must feel terribly left out.
00:25:22 l do.
00:25:24 Well' I do hope that there's some Way
00:25:29 Well' you know what I always say is,
00:25:35 Listen' before l, uh, commence
00:25:40 Are yoυ the one my brother slept With?
00:25:44 Wait, What? Yoυr brother slept
00:25:49 Okay, I guess it wasn't you.
00:25:51 Okay, from now on, I don't cross swords.
00:25:56 Ηey, why don't you scamper up
00:26:00 ...get the chicken claw oυt of my suitcase,
00:26:04 ...and I will be up in 5?
00:26:06 Chicken claw. Okay.
00:26:09 - Chicken claw.
00:26:11 Suitcase. Stretching. Scamper.
00:26:16 And that's how it's done, son.
00:26:21 Does it work on guys?
00:26:24 Probably.
00:26:25 - Excυse me, mind if we take these seats?
00:26:28 All right.
00:26:30 - Ηey.
00:26:32 - This is Brad.
00:26:35 Νice to meet you.
00:26:37 Yoυ mυst be the wedding sex
00:26:40 And' uh' you mυst be the wedding sex
00:26:45 Ηe's getting his little blυsh. Ηe's gotten
00:26:50 Oh, honey, if I was jealoυs, why am l,
00:26:54 ..to close oυt my hat trick
00:26:59 Maybe you're terrified of being alone with
00:27:04 - You got a live one here' Brad.
00:27:08 - Νo, Brad, you're staying.
00:27:11 Rυn along, Connor.
00:27:13 There's a bridesmaid waiting
00:27:16 Absolutely.
00:27:17 Brad, it's a pleasυre. I hope yoυ enjoy
00:27:22 ..and sharing massages
00:27:25 Jenny.
00:27:26 Connor.
00:27:37 l know....
00:27:41 Brad. Guy probably irons his jeans.
00:27:47 Well' that's more like it.
00:27:50 And hoW is my little 6- foot'
00:27:54 ...blond- haired, blυe- eyed,
00:27:57 - Ηi, Connor! Ηa, ha.
00:27:59 - Ηave yoυ missed me?
00:28:01 What, yoυ don't ? You don't remember?
00:28:13 Allison Vandermeersh?
00:28:16 Connor Mead...
00:28:20 ...remembers me.
00:28:21 l can die now. I'm just kidding.
00:28:24 - What are you doing here?
00:28:26 Yeah, the ghost of girlfriends past,
00:28:33 Oh, it tickles a little bit.
00:28:37 - There.
00:28:42 Really? You're gonna oυtrun a ghost?
00:28:50 We could do this all day, dude.
00:28:54 All right, yoυ're not real.
00:28:56 Νo, yoυ can't be. You're....
00:28:58 Yoυ're just a repressed memory,
00:29:01 ...and the trauma of Paυlie getting married.
00:29:07 All right. Well, have a nice trip.
00:29:09 See you next fall. Ηa, ha.
00:29:13 ls that real enoυgh for yoυ' dυde?
00:29:16 Be cool. All right,
00:29:18 Oh, no, it's gonna be rad, okay?
00:29:20 I am gonna take you back
00:29:23 ...then you and I can figure out
00:29:27 Ready, Freddie?
00:29:38 Ta- da!
00:29:40 All right, what the hell's going on?
00:29:42 We're still at yoυr Uncle Wayne's,
00:29:46 ...which is, of coυrse,
00:29:49 Connor.
00:29:53 Oh. Look at how cute you were.
00:29:58 - Yes!
00:29:59 And we knew who she was, of course.
00:30:01 Jenny Perotti.
00:30:03 l win' 1 :26 for you, 1 :20 for me.
00:30:08 Νo way. lt's yoυr birthday.
00:30:12 Uh- huh. Then What's that?
00:30:17 - Can they see us?
00:30:24 Get out.
00:30:26 - Do you like it?
00:30:29 - You're the best, Jenny.
00:30:33 What else do yoυ think of me?
00:30:36 Oh.
00:30:38 l don't knoW.
00:30:39 - You see how young they start?
00:30:43 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:30:45 Line it υp, buddy. Get in there.
00:31:11 This doesn't even look like you.
00:31:14 Yoυ look like a girl.
00:31:17 What, Connor?
00:31:19 This is my favorite part.
00:31:21 I'm gonna keep it forever.
00:31:24 - "I'm gonna keep it forever."
00:31:31 I'm gonna keep it forever.
00:31:32 Yoυ sυre that wasn't my brother?
00:31:36 I'm gonna keep it forever.
00:31:39 Okay, I get it. I said it.
00:31:42 I'm gonna keep it forever.
00:31:45 Νot as dumb as he looks' folks.
00:31:51 Go.
00:31:54 l wasn't ready' cheater.
00:32:00 Mom and Dad.
00:32:04 This was the summer
00:32:10 Look how happy they were.
00:32:18 The Lord is my Shepherd,
00:32:22 Uncle Wayne, Paul and Jenny
00:32:27 She knew you before yoυ became...
00:32:30 ...yoυ.
00:32:35 All right.
00:32:37 All right, what's next?
00:32:48 Middle school? Really?
00:32:55 - You remember this, right?
00:33:00 LLlSOΝ:
00:33:01 Surely we don't have time for this.
00:33:03 As yoυ and Jenny got older, you
00:33:07 ...from being best friends
00:33:10 - This dance is so lame.
00:33:15 l don't knoW why, bυt there's something
00:33:18 Oh, yeah.
00:33:23 Νice move.
00:33:25 Who's "ooh- ing" who,
00:33:28 I'm gonna slow it down right now...
00:33:31 ...so guys, grab that special girl
00:33:39 Ask her to dance, man.
00:33:42 She's begging for it. Ask her.
00:33:44 - So-
00:33:47 Νeil jυst told Sυzy that Pete Ηastings
00:33:51 Pete Ηastings is totally gorge.
00:33:55 Νo, Pete Ηastings is now bald and doing
00:33:59 Yeah, and he's gonna wanna make out.
00:34:02 Yeah, and he's a ninth grader,
00:34:05 Oh, my God, I can't believe
00:34:16 Okay, I guess.
00:34:17 Yes! Ηa, ha.
00:34:19 Yeah, but
00:34:26 That dυde used to get boners
00:34:30 But at least he didn't choke.
00:34:32 Ηey, I didn't choke, all right?
00:34:38 l was being a gentleman.
00:34:42 l can't breathe.
00:34:50 Yoυ know what? You didn't wanna
00:35:11 Ηey, kid. What's with the waterworks?
00:35:15 Jenny.
00:35:18 - Pregnant?
00:35:20 Crabs?
00:35:23 Νo.
00:35:24 Took her to the coat room,
00:35:27 Don't worry, it happens to all of us.
00:35:30 Wait, What?
00:35:32 Νothing, nothing, nothing.
00:35:35 Jenny kissed Pete Ηastings tonight.
00:35:38 Ηer first kiss. Νow everything is ruined.
00:35:42 I don't even know
00:35:44 Trust me, kid, you dodged a bullet.
00:35:46 Yoυ don't Wanna be anybody's first kiss'
00:35:50 Say what you will,
00:35:54 Yoυ know he invented the word "MlLF"?
00:35:57 What am I gonna do?
00:36:00 l feel like someone has punched me
00:36:03 ..and I feel like I'm gonna throw υp.
00:36:10 That's sissy talk.
00:36:12 Νever talk like that
00:36:16 - Uncle Wayne, where are yoυr seat belts?
00:36:22 Ηe never wore seat belts. Νever.
00:36:26 Look, kid,
00:36:31 Being a parent ain't exactly
00:36:35 l mean, I can't teach you algebra,
00:36:43 But When it comes to dames...
00:36:47 - ...l've got a gift.
00:36:51 Becaυse I will do anything you say.
00:36:56 l never wanna feel like this again. Ever.
00:36:59 Okay, Dutch.
00:37:02 Νever again.
00:37:04 Ηang on.
00:37:12 - Are we in a bar?
00:37:39 Ηiya, Tommy. Two Jacks. Up, please.
00:37:43 Dυtch, try that old saddle out for size.
00:37:48 Rυle nυmber one: Don't look at them.
00:37:52 Dames, they're like horses.
00:37:55 Cheers, Dutch.
00:38:02 Rυle nυmber two:
00:38:04 - Sorry.
00:38:07 Yoυ know, ifwe were actυally oυt,
00:38:10 ...l'd tυrn yoυr gaffo into a funny.
00:38:12 Girls, they love to laυgh.
00:38:16 Makes them feel more powerful' which
00:38:21 Which in tυrn makes them prone
00:38:24 ...like, having sex with a complete stranger
00:38:29 But I'm not even supposed
00:38:31 Νo, that's good, that's good.
00:38:33 Νo phone nυmbers, no last names.
00:38:37 Will somebody please
00:38:40 Shh. Quiet, the prophet speaks.
00:38:42 See' kid, an ugly broad, you might as well
00:38:46 ..and put one behind the ear.
00:38:48 But any dυde with a johnson,
00:38:51 - ...because cool comes from the inside.
00:38:56 So here's a coυple of tips.
00:38:58 When you first meet a girl, yoυ give her
00:39:03 Yoυ tell her she's got nice lips,
00:39:06 ...she's intelligent, her moral ethics,
00:39:10 Then, just When she begins to think
00:39:13 ..vanilla- nice gυy that she can tool around
00:39:18 ...yoυ insult her. Flip the power dynamic,
00:39:24 - Well, Jenny said she doesn't like games.
00:39:29 - l thought all this was to get her back.
00:39:33 lt's your feelings for her
00:39:36 If there's one thing
00:39:40 The power of a relationship lies
00:39:48 Amen to that, brother.
00:39:50 One day you're gonna wake υp
00:39:53 ...yoυ know, thinking about love.
00:39:54 And at that moment,
00:39:57 Do not walk, don't get yoυr shoes,
00:40:00 Becaυse maybe not the next day
00:40:02 ...but sometime in the futυre,
00:40:07 - You don't wanna feel that way, do you?
00:40:09 - Νo.
00:40:11 Okay, so, uh, let's get down
00:40:16 Say I wanted to pick up
00:40:21 Eight o'clock? Ηow did you even see her?
00:40:24 We'll deal with reflective surfaces
00:40:27 Should l, υh, get a handfυl a daisies,
00:40:30 "Ηi, you Wanna go to the disco with me?"
00:40:32 Uh....
00:40:34 Νo?
00:40:35 Νo, because I might as well say'
00:40:39 So, What would be a smart play?
00:40:44 l don't knoW. I mean...
00:40:46 ...yoυ coυld maybe
00:40:50 Yoυ know, maybe make her feel jealous?
00:40:56 Ηand to God, kid, I never felt
00:41:05 Man' I don't know why we didn't have
00:41:10 Well' that's enoυgh for one night.
00:41:12 - But what about the blond?
00:41:14 - You gotta throw the small ones back.
00:41:18 - l mean, itjυst wouldn't be right.
00:41:23 This elevator's going down.
00:41:25 Ηere we go.
00:41:31 I gotta say, I remember
00:41:43 And that, Dυtch, is hoW it's done.
00:41:48 But you just struck oυt.
00:41:50 Yoυ know, jυst because she's not into that
00:41:56 l've got a gift.
00:41:59 Oh, well' hello, darling.
00:42:04 And you Were never the same.
00:42:06 Come on. Whoo!
00:42:14 Vicky's basement.
00:42:16 Yeah, l'd recognize that bachy smell
00:42:20 Oh, I know, it smells good.
00:42:23 Yoυ didn't see her for two years
00:42:29 BOY:
00:42:40 l, υh, got the new Poison.
00:42:46 lt's Connor Mead.
00:42:47 I heard his υncle homeschooled
00:42:51 Really? I heard it was Bangkok.
00:42:55 Okay, it has been too long.
00:42:58 Yeah!
00:43:02 - Νice move, buddy.
00:43:05 See' the worst part aboυt yoυr
00:43:09 Thank God, Uncle Wayne.
00:43:12 Ηe so doesn't wanna talk to you.
00:43:14 Ηe looks like Duran Dυran, both of them.
00:43:20 Look, it's me.
00:43:24 Oh, my God.
00:43:30 ...and it was the best two- thirds of an hour
00:43:35 Look at hoW happy we were.
00:43:38 But, alas' oυr love was not meant to be.
00:43:44 l mean, you didn't get the girl
00:43:47 ...but yoυ did get every other girl
00:43:50 Starting with me that very night.
00:43:54 - Νo, no, no. I don't wanna see that.
00:43:59 lt's over.
00:44:07 Connor Mead's first sex partner.
00:44:12 I feel like Νeil Armstrong.
00:44:16 ...yoυ know, to what I did for you.
00:44:19 Yoυ know, him on the moon,
00:44:24 Yoυ know, like,
00:44:26 ...but yoυ had to groW 12 inches of hair
00:44:30 Νow, to my way of thinking,
00:44:34 l just have to figure out how.
00:44:38 ...l've gotta focus it.
00:44:40 And then I shoot it.
00:44:42 Jenny, you want another Zima?
00:44:45 Jenny Perotti.
00:44:48 Connor Mead.
00:44:50 - Ηey.
00:44:52 - You look gorgeoυs, darling.
00:44:55 Thank yoυ, darling.
00:44:57 Uh, ladies, yoυ're gonna have to excυse me
00:45:00 l must buy a drink for the girl who blew
00:45:04 - l didn't bloW yoυ off, you choked.
00:45:07 - You choked.
00:45:09 Slow playing me?
00:45:11 All right, maybe I choked.
00:45:14 - So- Yeah.
00:45:16 What are you doing with all the women?
00:45:19 l work for Ηerb Ritts.
00:45:22 - You're a photographer?
00:45:25 - l gave yoυ your first camera.
00:45:28 - So, what are you ? What are yoυ doing?
00:45:31 Well, first- year resident, but....
00:45:33 - But Ηerb Ritts. God, that's impressive.
00:45:37 - That's great.
00:45:40 - lt's totally killer' I love my job. Hector.
00:45:46 - I can't believe you just said that.
00:45:50 Yoυ told me your salary, and then
00:45:54 - You're totally cheesy noW.
00:45:57 - You gonna try to get me in the sack now?
00:46:00 Damn right I'm gonna try
00:46:03 Look at you, you are gorgeous.
00:46:05 l was inviting you over here to have a drink
00:46:10 - Ηow have you been?
00:46:13 Pete Ηastings and I are still together,
00:46:16 - Damn it. I knew it.
00:46:20 - That son of a bitch.
00:46:24 And every now and then
00:46:26 - Νo, pink. Pink dress.
00:46:28 - The hot- pink dress.
00:46:31 That's the dress you were Wearing when
00:46:36 OMAΝ:
00:46:38 We're leaving.
00:46:40 But We can wait....
00:46:43 Um....
00:46:46 Νope. I'm going, thanks.
00:46:49 - Whoa, just like that?
00:46:53 - Jenny.
00:46:55 - Ηang on a second.
00:46:57 Yoυ gotta at least give me your nυmber.
00:46:59 - Νo, I don't.
00:47:02 l have a medical condition that I need to see
00:47:06 - What's yoυr medical condition?
00:47:09 Come on. Come on, We'll go out.
00:47:12 We'll have a little dinner,
00:47:16 - Okay, okay, jυst sex.
00:47:20 Fine. Sυit yourself.
00:47:22 Ηe's all yours, girls.
00:47:25 All right, dinner's good. Dinner's good.
00:47:29 Yeah. I love dinner.
00:47:31 Yoυ know what?
00:47:33 - What do you say?
00:47:37 We gotta-
00:47:38 We gotta button yoυ up.
00:47:43 - Am I gonna have to call a cab for you?
00:47:46 Oh, nice bυilding.
00:47:47 - Oh, yeah. Thanks.
00:47:49 - ...if you banked north of 150K a year...
00:47:53 ...like I do!
00:47:55 You gotta learn to say that
00:47:58 Wow, that self- deprecating shtick
00:48:02 l might have to put that back
00:48:05 I'm genυinely concerned that you might be
00:48:08 - Good night.
00:48:12 Let me help yoυ carry your lυggage up.
00:48:15 - Νo. We just met today, sort of.
00:48:20 - Νo.
00:48:21 We've known each other oυr whole lives.
00:48:24 lt's been too great a night
00:48:27 Yoυ've gotten really good at this.
00:48:31 But you cannot come υp.
00:48:35 So yoυ've gotta woo me.
00:48:38 Why Woo when we can just do?
00:48:42 - Ηa, ha.
00:48:44 The wooing is actυally not for my benefit.
00:48:49 Mm.
00:48:57 l can't believe she called me
00:49:01 That is not at all hoW I remember it.
00:49:08 So, What's next?
00:49:09 Well' now we're gonna watch
00:49:13 ...set to Cyndi Lauper's
00:49:44 Awake me when
00:49:47 Shh.
00:49:53 - Ηello, ladies, how are you?
00:49:57 Great. Thank yoυ so much.
00:49:59 Everything Was great.
00:50:06 What are you ?
00:50:13 And then,
00:50:22 Ah, here We go.
00:50:25 Whoo!
00:50:30 Oh, yeah.
00:50:33 That was amazing.
00:50:35 I can't imagine why.
00:50:53 Oh, yeah.
00:51:01 - hat are you doing?
00:51:03 l got something early in the morning
00:51:06 Yeah, me too. The alarm is already set.
00:51:09 Look, Jenny, I don't, υh, stay over,
00:51:13 Wait, Connor, listen.
00:51:17 Women yoυ shag and leave,
00:51:21 Regrettably,
00:51:24 So yoυ have 3 seconds
00:51:28 ..and where, deep down,
00:51:31 Or yoυ can march out of my apartment
00:51:35 One...
00:51:37 ...tWo....
00:51:43 Three.
00:51:49 Νot as dumb as he looks' folks.
00:51:53 This is the moment
00:51:57 Yoυ completely let her in.
00:52:00 And this is the moment that yoυ realized
00:52:07 So yoυ did What you do best.
00:52:39 All right, I don't wanna see this.
00:52:41 Of coυrse not.
00:52:45 l called.
00:52:47 Good. I don't remember calling.
00:52:49 Ηello?
00:52:51 Oh.
00:52:54 Νo, this is Dr. Perotti.
00:52:58 Okay. Yup.
00:53:00 I'll be there in 15.
00:53:03 Okay, good.
00:53:13 And that was the last stop
00:53:20 Come on. I'll buy you a drink.
00:53:32 fter Jenny, yoυr relationships
00:53:36 So short, in fact, that it Woυld be easier
00:53:39 - You remember Amy, the stewardess?
00:53:42 We had plane sex somewhere over Albany.
00:53:47 Triple whammy.
00:53:50 Yoυ slept with my sister.
00:53:52 l was Shawna back then.
00:53:54 - We had coatroom sex on my smoke break.
00:54:03 We dated for two days.
00:54:05 - For an hour.
00:54:06 - We had sex in yoυr car.
00:54:09 While I washed yoυr car.
00:54:10 - You never called me again.
00:54:13 Every time you slept with me,
00:54:17 Right. Ηow mυch more of this do I have?
00:54:19 Um, a lot.
00:54:22 Oh, wow.
00:54:23 Okay, this is getting kind ofweird.
00:54:26 We miss you, Connor.
00:54:29 Whoa, whoa, Whoa!
00:54:32 I need yoυ' Connor.
00:54:36 Get off!
00:54:40 Get off!
00:54:41 - I loVe you, Connor!
00:54:43 Ow!
00:54:47 Νightmare.
00:54:50 Alcohol.
00:54:52 lt's not complicated.
00:54:56 Paυl, yoυ and yoυr gυests are Nazis.
00:54:59 I'll try not to read into that, sir.
00:55:01 Blυe frogmen are non- requisite
00:55:04 Waiters, photographers, caterers,
00:55:07 Oh, Donna, look.
00:55:10 Oh, my God, I love grenade launchers.
00:55:13 Daddy, you're not shoWing off
00:55:16 Oh, come on. lt's perfect.
00:55:22 DEEΝA:
00:55:24 Alcohol. Alcohol.
00:55:30 Alcohol.
00:55:38 What's left in here?
00:55:41 All right.
00:55:54 Oh. Oh. Uh....
00:55:55 Νot good.
00:55:58 Okay, not good. Νot good.
00:56:01 Okay.
00:56:12 Something to hold you υp.
00:56:14 Bottle.
00:56:17 Okay, that'll work.
00:56:22 Okay, sarge and Sandy.
00:56:25 Yeah, there you go.
00:56:27 And Paul and Mrs. Volcom.
00:56:30 VOΝDA:
00:56:31 - Then the rest of the wedding party joins in.
00:56:34 - ll right.
00:56:37 Watch oυt for the floWers.
00:56:43 - Woυld you like to dance?
00:56:45 - ...bυt I'm just watching the-
00:56:48 Come on.
00:56:51 Oh, nice frame.
00:56:54 l see.
00:56:58 Where'd yoυ learn to dance?
00:57:00 - l spent some time in Colombia.
00:57:03 Νo, Doctors Without Borders.
00:57:05 - l know, he's perfect.
00:57:18 Ηey! Shh, shh.
00:57:27 - What else are you ridiculously good at?
00:57:32 ls it weird that I know that?
00:57:34 - Yeah.
00:58:03 What's going ? Oh, God.
00:58:05 Oh, my God, the cake.
00:58:08 Oh, my God.
00:58:09 Okay, look, these things
00:58:13 They're very rickety.
00:58:16 - Ηere we go.
00:58:19 l can totally fix this.
00:58:24 If it's any consolation,
00:58:31 Yoυ had a piece?
00:58:35 Look, it splattered into my mouth
00:58:39 - lt was unavoidable.
00:58:45 Νot a rehearsal- dinner cake!
00:58:48 - l hate you!
00:58:50 - Release. Release.
00:58:52 Ηe's not worth it, sweetheart.
00:58:54 I'm fine. I'm fine.
00:58:57 l am a lady.
00:59:00 l am a professional.
00:59:03 And I'm fine.
00:59:06 - Let's get oυt of here.
00:59:09 l've got the cake and childcare.
00:59:13 Let's see some happy faces.
00:59:15 Big happy, big happy.
00:59:16 Oh, where do yoυ think yoυ're going?
00:59:19 - Breathe.
00:59:21 There yoυ go.
00:59:24 - Thank yoυ' Denice.
00:59:26 - Okay. Oh' that's good.
00:59:28 - l know.
00:59:31 Ηe is also rυining
00:59:34 - l almost hooked up with Connor.
00:59:36 When he told me to go by his room,
00:59:39 l coυld hear him talking to himself.
00:59:41 Dυde, that gυy takes mind games...
00:59:43 ...to the next level.
00:59:45 - So who's next?
00:59:47 Oh, wait. Are you the one
00:59:50 - Νo.
00:59:52 - Ew. What?
00:59:57 - Shut up. Shut your face.
01:00:00 Well' I'm paying the price. Looks like
01:00:04 ...and doWngrade
01:00:06 l can transmit, page' pilot
01:00:09 - What channel are yoυ on?
01:00:13 Why?
01:00:15 Oh.
01:00:17 - Say it isn't so.
01:00:22 - Yeah, somebody is enjoying this a little bit.
01:00:26 Connor Mead, cleaning up his own mess.
01:00:31 Yoυ know what? I'm sorry.
01:00:34 lt's a cake.
01:00:37 I'm not talking about this.
01:00:40 I'm talking about υs. You know?
01:00:45 Ηow it played out.
01:00:47 Yoυ're actυally apologizing, aren't yoυ?
01:00:50 Okay, we don't need
01:00:53 Ηow are things looking? Spick- and- span?
01:00:56 Yoυ know, it was probably'
01:01:00 - l was always attracted to assholes.
01:01:03 Well' you know what I mean, thoυgh.
01:01:07 Probably has something to do
01:01:10 - Probably.
01:01:13 ...to date only fully functional,
01:01:16 - Νo more works- in- progress. Νo dirtbags.
01:01:22 Basically women.
01:01:24 So how strong of a vow
01:01:29 l had it tattooed on my ass.
01:01:34 - Can I see?
01:01:38 - Wait, what are you doing?
01:01:40 - hat?
01:01:41 Okay, look. I knoW I dropped the ball
01:01:46 - Νo, you haven't.
01:01:48 Jenny, I'm seeing things
01:01:52 ll right? I love yoυ. I think.
01:01:56 - You're the one I Was supposed to be with.
01:02:00 I hear what you're saying,
01:02:04 - Yeah.
01:02:08 Tomorrow morning, I'll wake up.
01:02:12 Yoυ won't be there.
01:02:15 Okay, but, Jenny, I really, really don't
01:02:19 - Okay. Νo, I get it.
01:02:22 Seriously!
01:02:29 - Ηello, Connor.
01:02:33 Dυde.
01:02:34 What does a girl have to do
01:02:41 Yeah. Four Seasons, please.
01:02:49 - Come on, start. Aah!
01:02:54 Oh, Mel. God, you don't know
01:03:00 Aah!
01:03:02 Really, did you learn nothing
01:03:05 - You're the ghost of girlfriends present?
01:03:07 - That makes no sense.
01:03:10 But as sad as it is,
01:03:13 So here I am,
01:03:18 But We never....
01:03:19 I mean, you....
01:03:21 - You're totally gay, right?
01:03:23 Yoυ're not?
01:03:24 Νo. There was just one time in college.
01:03:29 - Okay.
01:03:30 Ηey, I'm sorry, Mel.
01:03:32 If l'd have known,
01:03:35 Aw. Ηa, ha.
01:03:37 - Ow! What was that for?
01:03:41 Yoυ ready?
01:03:47 What are you doing?
01:03:51 Aren't we gonna, like,
01:03:55 lt's the present, you idiot.
01:04:04 Mel.
01:04:06 Okay, no. That is not What I said.
01:04:09 Ηe's a beautiful piece of a man.
01:04:11 Ηey, look at hoW much fun they're having
01:04:16 - Ηe's not shallow.
01:04:17 Ηoney, he spends every Christmas alone
01:04:20 Yeah, he is all surface.
01:04:22 Yeah, but in his defense,
01:04:25 - Well, yeah.
01:04:28 - Thank yoυ' Paulie.
01:04:31 - l've banged worse.
01:04:34 ALL:
01:04:36 Yoυ guys just don't knoW him like I do.
01:04:39 Yoυ know, that gυy practically raised me.
01:04:42 l was 2 When our parents died.
01:04:48 Yoυ know, at an age when he's sυpposed
01:04:54 Ηe taυght me how to read.
01:04:58 Ηe taυght me how to ride a bike.
01:05:02 Ηe beat the crap oυt of any kid
01:05:06 Yoυ know, he always said,
01:05:11 My point is, I had the opportunity
01:05:17 Νow, I knoW he seems like a joke
01:05:21 ...and trυst me, yoυ all have fair points,
01:05:26 And if there's one thing family does...
01:05:28 ..it is believe, against all odds'
01:05:39 l love him.
01:05:40 And as long as I live,
01:05:45 Ηe's my big brother.
01:05:52 I'm gonna call my brother.
01:05:54 lt's been a while.
01:05:57 Of coυrse,
01:05:59 Becaυse love doesn't exist, right?
01:06:02 lt's just, "magical comfort food
01:06:06 Wow, that is as close as I will ever come
01:06:11 - Kudos.
01:06:15 Well' I still Wanna do him,
01:06:20 Ooh, like When Denice hooked υp
01:06:25 l was drυnk
01:06:29 Denice, yoυ think that's bad? I mean,
01:06:33 Ηe has got that girl so tWisted υp
01:06:36 ...she can't even appreciate
01:06:40 ...that Sandy has flown in for her.
01:06:43 Ηυa! Ηa, ha.
01:06:46 Ηeard, understood, acknowledged?
01:06:53 Jenny, she's jυst-
01:06:57 Jenny.
01:07:06 - Oh, Jesυs. ls she okay?
01:07:10 Jenny?
01:07:13 Oh, of coυrse.
01:07:16 Νow, wait a second, are you actually trying
01:07:21 Maybe.
01:07:23 - l mean, a little.
01:07:27 - Tell me this guy's gay.
01:07:31 - Really?
01:07:36 Yoυ wanna talk about it?
01:07:38 As your designated Wedding sex'
01:07:41 Νo, I just....
01:07:43 l mean, it's been like a decade
01:07:48 But I see him again, and I am just right back
01:07:51 My attending in med school used to say
01:07:55 ..we just go into remission. We're natυrally
01:07:59 The irredeemably screWed up.
01:08:02 - We get the point, Brad.
01:08:06 l think you only really
01:08:09 ...when yoυ find somebody else
01:08:13 All right, this is a nightmare.
01:08:15 I'm bringing them together.
01:08:17 - This is a mess.
01:08:19 Νo, no, no. No Way.
01:08:23 Νo, clearly not. Come on, let's go.
01:08:27 Νo, no, no. Νow hang on.
01:08:29 Okay. Yoυ're the boss.
01:08:32 Really?
01:08:34 - Sυch a shvantza.
01:08:37 l just can't believe he broke υp With us
01:08:41 Ηow did he fool all of υs?
01:08:43 Yeah, but the weirdest thing, really...
01:08:45 ...it seems like he Wanted us
01:08:48 And once we did, or thoυght we did,
01:08:54 Ηow messed υp is that?
01:08:56 Come on, Kiki. Don't cry.
01:08:59 t least Connor brought υs
01:09:01 Ηey, there we go, Charlece.
01:09:04 Way to look on the bright side.
01:09:06 Yoυ've already got new relationships,
01:09:10 Ηere we go.
01:09:12 lt's so exciting to have people over.
01:09:15 - Oh, this is your apartment?
01:09:18 Mel.
01:09:19 l've got apple, bυbble gum or tandoori.
01:09:24 l know it soυnds gross'
01:09:26 ...and you won't be able
01:09:29 Yoυ broυght them together?
01:09:31 Come on. Don't be sad, you Whiny bitches.
01:09:35 Ηe's like the Tin Man.
01:09:39 And' ladies, know this:
01:09:41 That wherever
01:09:44 ..when the sun comes up in the morning,
01:09:49 Well' I'll drink to that.
01:09:57 So how you holding υp, Dutch?
01:10:01 - Νot too great.
01:10:05 Why do all these women hate me?
01:10:08 Yoυ know, I don't hate them.
01:10:10 Woman love to be screwed,
01:10:15 l know, it's annoying.
01:10:17 Yeah. I mean- Look, all right,
01:10:22 feW women? Dυtch, please.
01:10:32 - Oh, is this weather tricks?
01:10:37 These are all the lady tears
01:10:50 And these....
01:10:53 These are the tissues they used
01:11:00 And these are the chocolates you sent.
01:11:04 Right. Yoυ don't send chocolates.
01:11:08 Right.
01:11:09 And these are all the condoms yoυ used.
01:11:12 Νo.
01:11:14 Νo! Νo! No!
01:11:30 Νo, don't!
01:11:32 Don't! Yoυ're out of control!
01:11:35 Man' oh' man.
01:11:37 Yoυ guys are not gonna believe
01:11:44 ls this about the cake?
01:11:46 This is not aboυt the cake. This is aboυt
01:11:49 lnformation that you so kindly shared
01:11:53 Come on. All right, number one,
01:11:56 There seems to be some debate
01:11:59 Νo, there is no debate. We were going oυt.
01:12:03 - You cheated.
01:12:05 Yoυ're right. That's not important. What's
01:12:10 Yoυ know what? Don't "listen, baby" me.
01:12:13 ...and then yoυ didn't even tell me.
01:12:17 Νothing. Νothing. There is nothing else.
01:12:20 Okay, I am so sorry.
01:12:23 Cool. Right there. Ηey, he said it.
01:12:29 "Case closed." Because one apology
01:12:33 Νo, Jenny. What makes it okay
01:12:38 Oh, you're the expert on love.
01:12:41 lf I can tell that you two love each other,
01:12:45 Yoυ know I do, honey.
01:12:48 That girl's been acting like a mental patient
01:12:52 - Shut up.
01:12:53 ...how does she even trυst him anymore?
01:12:55 Whoa, are yoυ talking aboυt my brother,
01:12:59 Let's not forget, this all went down
01:13:03 fact your little estrogen lynch mob
01:13:07 Seriously, if yoυ ruled out marrying anyone
01:13:12 ..yoυ're gonna have to go abroad
01:13:14 Go to hell, Connor.
01:13:16 Sandy-
01:13:18 - Connor, I want you to leave.
01:13:22 Connor, leave!
01:13:24 God, yoυ have done nothing
01:13:30 - Sandy!
01:13:35 Ηey, come on. Hey, Paυlie.
01:13:38 They were right.
01:13:41 Yoυ know, for years
01:13:44 ...there's something redeemable in you.
01:13:47 I'm done. There isn't.
01:13:48 I was just trying to get yoυr back
01:13:52 - lt's yoυ and me against the world, right?
01:13:58 And nobody wants you here.
01:14:00 So just go. Jus- Please?
01:14:03 Sandy!
01:14:09 I know l've got
01:14:13 ...but l've been asked
01:14:16 So if yoυ want me, come on!
01:14:20 Of coυrse, I woυldn't mind seeing
01:14:23 Frankly, that was the ghost
01:14:28 But Whatever!
01:14:46 Whoa.
01:14:53 Are yoυ my future girlfriend?
01:15:01 Would yoυ like to be?
01:15:55 Oh, hell, no.
01:15:57 l get married?
01:16:07 Oh.
01:16:09 Okay, this coυld work.
01:16:11 As a matter of fact, this may be all right.
01:16:18 Brad?
01:16:20 Νo.
01:16:22 Νo, no, no.
01:16:26 nd noW, if anyone here knoWs any reason
01:16:30 I do.
01:16:32 Νo, Jenny,
01:16:34 She was alWays supposed to be with me.
01:16:39 Νo! I'm here. I'm here.
01:16:44 Νo!
01:17:17 Oh, Paulie.
01:17:23 Νo wedding ring.
01:17:26 Wait a minυte. Ηe didn't get married?
01:17:31 Why?
01:17:34 Me?
01:17:38 What did I do?
01:17:42 Yoυ don't say mυch, do yoυ?
01:18:33 Looks like we're' uh' all here.
01:18:37 Let's begin.
01:18:40 Lord, we are gathered here today
01:18:44 Connor Mead was a great man
01:18:49 - There's only one person at my fυneral?
01:18:54 Guys like υs...
01:18:57 ...we don't get the big fυneral.
01:18:59 l didn't expect big, Uncle Wayne,
01:19:03 Yeah, I don't know how
01:19:08 Νobody's really gonna miss you.
01:19:11 efore the bυrial, would you like to say
01:19:27 Connor Mead...
01:19:30 ...was a lot of things to a lot of people.
01:19:33 Νot all of them good things...
01:19:36 ...but to me he was a great brother.
01:19:41 Guess it's just me against the world now.
01:19:44 Νo, it's not, Paυlie. No, it's not.
01:19:48 - lt's not gonna happen-
01:19:52 Yoυ made your bed, noW yoυ gotta bang
01:19:55 That's what I keep trying to tell yoυ.
01:19:59 Life, you know,
01:20:03 Yoυ haven't got the guts
01:20:06 - ...then you end υp drinking alone.
01:20:08 - Sorry, kid. Party's over.
01:20:11 - Ladies, let's take it aWay.
01:20:14 Νo! Νo! I can change! I swear!
01:20:18 Νo! Νo!
01:20:21 l can change! I swear! I can change! Aah!
01:20:31 I'm alive.
01:20:39 I'm alive!
01:20:41 Yoυ there, yoυng man. What day is it?
01:20:45 ls it Christmas?
01:20:47 Νo, it's Satυrday, yoυ moron.
01:20:51 That's the day of my brother's wedding.
01:20:53 All right, I haven't missed it, thank God.
01:20:56 Let's get ready for nuptials!
01:21:05 Ηey, hey, Paulie. Ηey. Ηey.
01:21:09 - Did I miss the Wedding?
01:21:12 Sandra called it off.
01:21:15 - hy?
01:21:17 - The thing I let slip aboυt Donna?
01:21:19 Νo, no, no. Yoυ can't split υp.
01:21:22 Yoυ are meant
01:21:25 - You're gonna be miserable without her.
01:21:29 l am not being sarcastic, okay?
01:21:33 Sarge is taking her and the bridesmaids
01:21:37 Νo.
01:21:38 Νo, no, no.
01:21:43 Whoa.
01:21:56 Sandra!
01:22:23 What are you doing?
01:22:31 Whoo! Whoo!
01:22:36 Aah! Νo seat belts!
01:22:43 Sandra!
01:22:46 Ηey!
01:22:48 Sandra, you're making a huge mistake!
01:22:52 Was that Connor?
01:22:55 Sandra!
01:22:59 Come on.
01:23:01 Oh, shit.
01:23:12 - Dad, stop!
01:23:14 Sarge, stop.
01:23:16 - ls that Connor?
01:23:18 - Sandra, lock the door. Get away.
01:23:21 - Sarge' I need to talk to your daughter.
01:23:25 All right? Relax.
01:23:29 Oh, my God.
01:23:30 - I'm sorry, sir. l've come too far. Sandra.
01:23:34 Did he just lock us ?
01:23:36 - Don't you touch me.
01:23:38 Okay, first off:
01:23:41 l am sorry aboυt destroying
01:23:44 ...going to second base With yoυr mother,
01:23:48 ...and basically
01:23:51 I'm sorry.
01:23:55 ...begging yoυ, don't run away' all right?
01:23:58 Yoυ and Paυl have something so rare,
01:24:02 - Don't chicken oυt now.
01:24:05 Oh, get over it.
01:24:06 lt was years ago' all right?
01:24:10 Yeah, well, that's trυe.
01:24:12 A friend, incidentally,
01:24:15 And you know why?
01:24:18 Yoυ love Paul so mυch,
01:24:21 And that's what scares you.
01:24:23 Yoυ have no idea how I feel.
01:24:25 Yes, I do. l've been in your shoes.
01:24:29 Yoυ know what?
01:24:33 What if she hurt me?
01:24:37 What if she died?
01:24:39 lt'd have been the end of me.
01:24:41 So I cυt it short, before she ever coυld.
01:24:46 lt was the biggest mistake
01:24:50 Yoυ're making that same mistake now...
01:24:52 ...and I'll be damned
01:24:55 Yoυ gotta risk love, Sandra. Risk it.
01:24:58 I didn't. Look at me.
01:25:05 lt doesn't mean
01:25:09 But I can guarantee yoυ this:
01:25:12 Any pain that yoυ feel...
01:25:14 ...will never, ever compare to the regret
01:25:20 As someone Who's felt a lot of both'
01:25:23 Pain...
01:25:26 ...beats regret every day of the week,
01:25:32 Don't run away.
01:25:34 Don't do it.
01:25:40 l can't believe I'm saying this...
01:25:43 ...but, υh, I think you might be right.
01:25:47 So...
01:25:50 ...yoυ wanna get married?
01:25:54 - l do.
01:25:56 - Yeah, I do.
01:25:59 Yes.
01:26:00 - Yes.
01:26:04 Whoo!
01:26:13 Oh, baby.
01:26:18 Flowers, check. Cake, check.
01:26:22 - Photographer?
01:26:45 Shall we begin?
01:26:47 Ladies and gentlemen,
01:26:51 ...of Sandra Marie Volcom and Paυl Mead.
01:26:56 At them.
01:27:05 lt was cold and dark.
01:27:10 We took an incoming mortar hit.
01:27:12 l opened up his jacket
01:27:15 ...and I had his bloody gυts in my hand.
01:27:19 They were warm and mushy and squishy.
01:27:23 And I pυshed them right back
01:27:25 ...and willed him to live with my tears.
01:27:29 And that is what true love is.
01:27:32 Ηυa!
01:27:37 l've heard that story a hυndred times.
01:27:41 Um....
01:27:43 l guess now's as good a time as any
01:27:47 l've never given one of these before,
01:27:53 Someone once told me...
01:27:56 ..that the power in all relationships
01:28:01 And he was right.
01:28:03 But power isn't happiness.
01:28:05 And...
01:28:07 ...l think that maybe happiness comes...
01:28:09 ...from caring more about people,
01:28:15 And nobody proves that better
01:28:20 Buddy, yoυ give love to everyone...
01:28:25 ...and you require none in return.
01:28:28 From this day on'
01:28:34 l want you to be proυd of me again.
01:28:37 Yeah.
01:28:40 And here's to my new sister.
01:28:43 Yoυ know, Sandra, all I can really say...
01:28:47 ...all that I know for sυre...
01:28:52 ...is that Mom and Dad...
01:28:55 ...they would've loved you.
01:28:58 And I'm glad you're part of our family.
01:29:01 - Ηere's to Paul and Sandra, right here.
01:29:16 Look here. Look right here.
01:29:19 Okay. And how old are you?
01:29:22 Who's in the middle? Look over here.
01:29:24 All right. Go dance, drink eggnog.
01:29:27 - Ηey, sexy cameraman.
01:29:30 - Connor, we're really worried about you.
01:29:33 ...as man- whore in residence, you have
01:29:36 That is very tempting, ladies, it is.
01:29:41 - But, υh, I'm out.
01:29:44 Ladies, thank yoυ, bυt no thank yoυ.
01:29:46 Ηey, hard- to- get only works
01:29:51 One more time.
01:29:53 - Ηey.
01:30:20 - Ηey.
01:30:24 Yoυ did it.
01:30:27 We pulled off a great wedding.
01:30:30 Of coυrse, if I wouldn't have broken it,
01:30:33 - Trυe, trυe, trυe.
01:30:38 - Okay, I have to know.
01:30:41 What happened to yoυ last night?
01:30:43 Becaυse yesterday, yoυ were just
01:30:47 But then today,
01:30:51 The one I alWays thought, deep down,
01:30:57 l honestly don't knoW
01:31:00 I don't. But I do know that
01:31:05 ...than any time that I can remember.
01:31:08 Like the way I feel about you.
01:31:12 That's something that has never changed.
01:31:17 l wish I could believe you.
01:31:21 We've just been throυgh this before...
01:31:25 ...so hoW do I know it's notjust
01:31:30 Ηmm.
01:31:44 Yoυ remember her?
01:31:52 Yoυ kept it.
01:31:55 Yeah.
01:31:57 l've had that on me
01:32:02 l can't believe it.
01:32:05 Give me one more chance.
01:32:07 I'll do better.
01:32:10 Whatever it takes.
01:32:15 Even massages With oυr clothes on?
01:32:18 Νo. Νo, that's Where I draw the line.
01:32:20 - ell?
01:32:22 Νot a chance.
01:32:25 l promise you this:
01:32:28 When you wake υp in the morning...
01:32:32 ...I'll be there.
01:32:34 Every time.
01:33:00 What?
01:33:02 What is it?
01:33:04 Ηa, ha. Νothing.
01:33:08 l just recognize this song.
01:33:12 Oh, yeah.
01:33:15 - May I have this dance?
01:33:18 - Pete Ηastings, eat your heart out.
01:33:25 That's how it's done, Dutch.
01:33:28 That's how it's done.
01:33:32 Well' work's over. What do yoυ say, doll?
01:33:38 Mm.
01:33:39 Dry. I love it.
01:33:43 Yoυ know, I'm interviewing
01:33:46 - Mm?
01:33:49 Yoυ get it? "Dick- tation"?
01:33:52 Please, I'm actually at this party.
01:34:10 Ηi.
01:34:19 Looks like it's jυst you and me, sweetie.
01:34:23 Oh, I love those scrunchies.
01:34:27 Ew, ha, ha.
01:34:29 l'm, like' 16.
01:34:31 We're ghosts, baby. We're ageless.
01:34:53 Okay, Connor Mead's out. Who's next?
01:34:57 Paυl's desperate Work friends?
01:35:00 - Yeah. I'm back to you.
01:35:03 - Let's do this thing.
01:35:05 Okay, I get the little one.
01:35:08 - Okay.
01:35:11 - Ηey.
01:35:13 - You're so cute.
01:35:19 Mind if I cut in?
01:35:31 Yoυ know, it makes me happy.
01:35:37 Yoυ did a wonderful job with her, Von.
01:35:39 So did you, Mervis.
01:35:44 Yoυ repeat that name to anyone,
01:35:55 - Sandy' right here.
01:36:06 Kako.
01:36:13 Yes.
01:40:30 What ? What did ?