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Gigli en
00:00:52	{y:i}You see, after all is said and done...
00:00:56	{y:i}the only thing you can be really sure of...
00:00:59	{y:i}the only thing
00:01:03	{y:i}is that you just never fucking know.
00:01:07	{y:i}I bet the last thing
00:01:09	{y:i}when you were tying your shoelaces
00:01:11	{y:i}was that there was a chance...
00:01:13	{y:i}that by the end of the day, this day...
00:01:15	{y:i}those same shoelaces
00:01:19	{y:i}by somebody working
00:01:22	Am I right?
00:01:24	I'm right, right?
00:01:28	Hey! Get the fuck out of here!
00:01:31	What, you wanna know about this?
00:01:34	Take that shit to the dry cleaners.
00:01:36	Now!
00:01:42	Sorry. Long day. Where was I?
00:01:46	You know, the human body is,
00:01:50	How much do you weigh? 165? 170?
00:01:55	Now, I figure
00:02:00	you'd have, give me a second...
00:02:04	thirty-four pounds...
00:02:06	of, like, solid...
00:02:09	not meat...
00:02:11	It'd be more like beef jerky, you know?
00:02:14	But with hair and bones and teeth...
00:02:18	shriveled-up tattoos and whatnot.
00:02:21	Probably be like this big.
00:02:24	In any event,
00:02:28	Because somebody has some money
00:02:33	Is it you, perchance?
00:02:35	Is it you that has some money
00:02:39	No.
00:02:42	- No? Sure?
00:02:46	I'm gonna start this thing and leave.
00:02:51	What do you think?
00:02:57	Wouldn't be appropriate if I asked you
00:03:01	I got it.
00:03:03	Calm down. I just need four quarters.
00:03:05	No. I got Louis' money.
00:03:11	You got it.
00:03:12	Yeah, I do.
00:03:15	I got some of it, anyways.
00:03:21	No, this isn't what we talked about.
00:03:25	- You been breaking the contract.
00:03:27	It's simple. I give you, you give me.
00:03:29	You don't give me. It's a breach of contract.
00:03:31	You're fucking up.
00:03:34	I'm asking you a question.
00:03:37	- Louis, I'm scared now.
00:03:40	I told you not to let this get out of control.
00:03:42	What'd I tell you? I told you that, right?
00:03:45	Listen, here's what you're gonna do for me:
00:03:47	You're gonna come see me tomorrow
00:03:51	Okay, you hear me?
00:03:52	- Yes, I do.
00:03:54	Otherwise I can't talk to you no more.
00:03:58	I'm gonna have to send Gigli over.
00:04:01	You come to me tomorrow
00:04:04	- I'll be here tomorrow.
00:04:06	- I'm not kidding.
00:04:08	- Okay.
00:04:11	Fucking roach.
00:04:13	Fucking class of people.
00:04:15	- I'm in Siberia around here.
00:04:18	Fuck this city.
00:04:22	It's Gigli, by the way.
00:04:24	- What?
00:04:26	pronounced Gigli. It rhymes with really.
00:04:29	- Is that right? Is that so?
00:04:31	All right.
00:04:34	Meanwhile, you got something
00:04:38	It's about half.
00:04:41	- Half?
00:04:43	Believe me, that's all the guy had.
00:04:48	How about it's not better than nothing,
00:04:51	Better is fuck the money
00:04:54	Since when are you authorized
00:04:56	I'm sorry, Louis. I didn't know.
00:04:59	Are you all they got to offer around here?
00:05:01	You're supposed to be
00:05:06	I'm sorry.
00:05:13	Walk with me.
00:05:17	There is a certain individual...
00:05:18	who is creating very substantial difficulties
00:05:23	Now, this certain party...
00:05:26	is very bullheaded
00:05:28	from what I would like to call
00:05:31	- All right, how can I help?
00:05:35	The individual needs to be touched
00:05:38	convince him of the error of his ways
00:05:42	- particularly my friend from New York.
00:05:46	Now, this certain individual, he's got...
00:05:51	a beloved relative
00:05:57	I want the relative gotten, all right?
00:06:00	And I want him, for the time being,
00:06:04	Perhaps then reason can prevail.
00:06:08	- You're following all this?
00:06:14	Got it.
00:06:44	All right. Wait.
00:06:46	- Where is he?
00:06:49	Right there? That's him?
00:06:51	All right. Thanks.
00:06:54	I'm all right. You can go outside.
00:07:23	Are you Brian?
00:07:29	I know you're Brian.
00:07:33	Hello?
00:07:39	What are you eating there?
00:07:41	- What are those, polly seeds?
00:07:46	I'm stupid.
00:07:48	- They look like polly seeds to me.
00:07:51	That's the same thing.
00:07:53	We called them polly seeds
00:07:55	You must be the stupidest person,
00:08:05	Me and you, we're supposed
00:08:08	We'll take a walk around the block.
00:08:11	I won't give anybody my seeds.
00:08:13	Barry always asks
00:08:15	Don't worry about it. Keep those.
00:08:19	Let's go. We're gonna take a walk. Come on.
00:08:22	What did that?
00:08:24	He's kidding.
00:08:34	Sorry about that. All right, look...
00:08:38	it's real simple.
00:08:39	You and I are gonna go outside
00:08:42	I won't grab you again, okay?
00:08:45	I have to go to the Baywatch.
00:08:48	I'm sorry, what?
00:08:49	I have to go to the Baywatch.
00:08:52	You wanna watch "Baywatch"?
00:08:54	Roll by my apartment,
00:08:56	You're the stupidest person.
00:08:59	Not television. The Baywatch.
00:09:03	The Baywatch?
00:09:05	- Yeah, the Baywatch.
00:09:10	Can I go?
00:09:16	- You wanna go now?
00:09:20	Yeah. I'm going there. I was on my way.
00:09:27	- Yes, I would.
00:09:29	Let's go.
00:09:35	Come on, let's go.
00:09:37	Okay, I gotta get my radio.
00:09:39	- The music's gonna be good there.
00:09:46	Baywatch!
00:09:49	Here we come.
00:09:50	Wait a minute.
00:09:54	- You hear that?
00:09:57	Yep, it's my walkie-talkie calling.
00:10:00	Yeah, hello?
00:10:01	I told you, don't ever bother me again
00:10:07	What? No, we're going to the Baywatch.
00:10:10	Yep, that's right, the Baywatch.
00:10:14	No. Holy mackerel.
00:10:18	Would you know
00:10:22	We'll call you tomorrow for the update.
00:10:26	How do you like that?
00:10:31	- No.
00:10:33	I can't believe it.
00:10:36	This always happens like that, right?
00:10:45	Hello there. P.O.B.
00:10:47	What does that mean?
00:10:49	P.O.B. Limo drivers say that.
00:10:51	That's good. What does it mean?
00:10:53	P.O.B. Passenger On Board.
00:10:55	- Already?
00:10:57	That's good.
00:10:59	- I am.
00:11:01	{y:i}- We'll talk later.
00:11:14	Come on in. It's all right. I don't bite.
00:11:24	You hungry? I got food.
00:11:28	You thirsty?
00:11:31	I want a soda.
00:11:32	You want a soda? I'm out of soda.
00:11:35	You want a water? I'll get you a water.
00:11:44	All right. How is that? Good?
00:11:54	- I wanna go home.
00:12:04	No, I wanna go home.
00:12:05	No, we got to stay here.
00:12:08	So maybe you wanna watch TV or cartoons?
00:12:11	I wanna go home.
00:12:14	- We got to stay here.
00:12:18	Brian, what are you doing?
00:12:20	- Take me home now.
00:12:23	- Fuck all of you! You stupid soup-fucker!
00:12:25	- Don't do that, motherfucker!
00:12:29	- Cut it out! Stop! Be quiet!
00:12:39	All right.
00:12:45	Where are my seeds?
00:12:48	They're sunflower seeds, idiot.
00:12:50	They're right there.
00:12:54	- They're sunflower seeds.
00:13:09	Stay here.
00:13:11	Everything's fine. Just kidding around.
00:13:26	- Hello.
00:13:30	May I be of some assistance?
00:13:34	Well, that remains to be seen.
00:13:36	Look, I'm sorry to bother you. It's just...
00:13:39	I was wondering if it wouldn't be
00:13:43	- That's...
00:13:44	I just took a one-bedroom in the front...
00:13:47	and I've been waiting all day for
00:13:50	- You know...
00:13:53	It'll only take a second, I promise.
00:13:59	I can't. I'm sorry.
00:14:00	I'll be in and out before you know it.
00:14:05	Just leave a faint scent.
00:14:11	Yeah, all right. Come on in.
00:14:14	- Thank you.
00:14:19	The phone's right there.
00:14:21	- I promise it'll only take a minute.
00:14:39	Hello.
00:14:43	What are you doing?
00:14:47	These computer answering things,
00:14:50	- You're making a telephone call.
00:14:54	Don't call Baywatch
00:14:57	I wouldn't think of it.
00:15:15	I'm sorry, I got to ask.
00:15:20	Not yet.
00:15:24	I'm Ricki.
00:15:29	Larry Gigli, right?
00:15:32	- I saw it on the mailbox.
00:15:36	Rhymes with really.
00:15:38	- It's nice to meet you, Larry Gigli.
00:15:43	What's your name?
00:15:47	Bob.
00:15:48	- You're stupid. That's not my name.
00:15:51	- What is your name, sweetie?
00:15:54	- His name's not Bob.
00:15:57	Whatever your name is...
00:15:58	has anyone ever told you
00:16:16	Can I talk to you for a minute?
00:16:19	Sure.
00:16:25	In private.
00:16:34	I can't fucking believe this.
00:16:35	It's an unexpected bonus. Who'd have
00:16:39	- You're better than a dog.
00:16:42	Whatever.
00:16:56	You know,
00:16:59	But I gotta tell you, I'm frankly amazed
00:17:05	- Am I missing something here?
00:17:08	Why don't you call Louis
00:17:15	I don't know that I know any Louis.
00:17:18	Then I guess he hasn't called you
00:17:21	with a task of this magnitude.
00:17:24	That he feels the stakes are too high.
00:17:27	- Nope.
00:17:29	I guess he also probably
00:17:32	that he'd feel more comfortable if there were
00:17:36	perhaps even mutually hostile
00:17:39	so they could keep an eye on one another.
00:17:43	Nope. There's no reason
00:17:46	for precisely
00:17:48	It'd probably make both our lives a lot easier
00:17:56	That's good stuff. I had that today.
00:18:00	- Excuse me one minute.
00:18:06	Louis, you there?
00:18:08	I'm here. What do you want?
00:18:11	Yeah, there's this...
00:18:13	young lady here trying to tell me that...
00:18:15	All right, this thing is monumental.
00:18:17	Certainly too big for a jerk-off like yourself,
00:18:21	{y:i}This thing represents my ass and my future.
00:18:24	I want you to work with her and I want you
00:18:29	I want you to know...
00:18:30	that I will personally excoriate
00:18:33	for the tiniest fuckup in this action.
00:18:35	{y:i}- And I want you to understand that.
00:18:39	"Yes, Louis"?
00:18:41	Do you happen to know
00:18:45	It's not coming to me at the moment.
00:18:47	It means "to strip or wear off the skin of...
00:18:51	"to flay."
00:18:52	{y:i}I'm learning a word a day. And it's critical
00:18:56	but that's not why I used it
00:18:59	{y:i}In this conversation
00:19:03	Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be going now.
00:19:07	All right, I'll talk to you later.
00:19:15	Now don't get yourself all tied in a knot.
00:19:17	Okay? I don't know this guy,
00:19:20	But my reputation apparently is pretty solid.
00:19:23	So why don't you just get yourself straight...
00:19:27	and we can put this whole thing behind us.
00:19:29	And if you have
00:19:33	I would really be most appreciative.
00:19:35	- I want tea.
00:19:39	Let me tell you something, okay?
00:19:41	I don't know who the fuck you think you are,
00:19:45	You got that?
00:19:47	If you wanna talk about reputations...
00:19:49	and if by some fucking miracle long shot
00:19:53	let me tell you who the fuck I am.
00:19:55	I am the fucking Sultan of Slick, Sadie.
00:20:00	You wanna be a gangster?
00:20:02	You sit at my fucking feet. Gather the pearls
00:20:07	Because I'm the fucking original,
00:20:11	fucking hustler,
00:20:19	I don't know what you're talking about,
00:20:25	And don't you worry your little
00:20:28	I can manage.
00:20:32	How many cups of your own spit
00:20:38	I think about 35 cups.
00:20:40	- Would you just shut the fuck up.
00:20:45	- What is it with you?
00:20:47	- What, you just go in and out?
00:20:50	- What the fuck are you talking about?
00:20:54	Do me a favor
00:20:57	- Looks like...
00:20:59	You'll end up with Elliot over there.
00:21:01	I know you understand
00:21:04	- I'm telling you...
00:21:07	How about if I smack you
00:21:11	Leave him alone. We're supposed
00:21:14	Don't tell me what we're supposed to do.
00:21:16	How about this?
00:21:19	You'll kill me? Fuck you! Go ahead.
00:21:22	I'll kill you.
00:21:25	You don't tell me what to do. Okay?
00:21:28	Don't tell me what we might do.
00:21:32	Don't tell me what we maybe should do.
00:21:37	I'll tell you this,
00:21:44	I'm gonna say 35 cups.
00:21:50	I'm a genius. I'm a genius, man.
00:21:57	- What's he talking about?
00:22:01	Look, why don't we try
00:22:10	Nice.
00:22:14	Easy.
00:22:26	So, what do you normally hire out for?
00:22:29	I do jobs of various types.
00:22:33	- How about yourself?
00:22:36	I do various types of jobs of various kinds.
00:22:40	There you have it.
00:22:44	How come I never seen you around before?
00:22:47	I'm from another place.
00:22:51	Where would that be, Ricki?
00:22:54	Somewhere else, Larry.
00:22:57	Okay. I see.
00:23:02	- And my name's not really Ricki.
00:23:11	Then how about I keep calling you Ricki
00:23:14	- Lf it'll make you happy.
00:23:21	- This isn't very good food.
00:23:26	- I'm hungry.
00:23:32	- He said he's hungry.
00:23:34	- I don't like this food.
00:23:37	Back off! God! It's not his fault.
00:23:40	Yeah, it's not my fault I'm brain-damaged.
00:23:45	Beautiful. What are you, his shop steward?
00:23:48	Listen, you fucking retard, eat your...
00:23:49	- Enough! Easy already.
00:23:51	- What is your...
00:23:53	In every relationship
00:23:56	It so happens that in this relationship
00:24:00	I'm the bull, you're the cow.
00:24:03	All right? Bull. Cow.
00:24:06	- You got that?
00:24:09	You make him something else to eat.
00:24:12	I wanna go home.
00:24:15	You can't go home.
00:24:17	- I wanna go home.
00:24:19	- Eat your food!
00:24:29	How you gonna go
00:24:36	This is your spot. Yeah?
00:24:39	It's nice. Come on. Lie down.
00:24:48	This is a couch.
00:24:49	Don't worry about it. It's fine.
00:25:00	Larry, read to me.
00:25:02	- What?
00:25:06	Read to him, Larry.
00:25:08	I don't wanna read to him.
00:25:12	Read to me, Larry.
00:25:13	- What for?
00:25:17	- It soothes you down?
00:25:20	- What am I gonna read? I got nothing here.
00:25:32	You don't have a book?
00:25:36	- I got a phone book.
00:25:40	- Read to me, Larry.
00:25:50	Here you go.
00:25:51	"Since 1868.
00:25:55	"For well over a century,
00:25:58	"has fired up generations of thrill-seekers."
00:26:02	- Okay?
00:26:05	Read to me more.
00:26:11	"Lts all-natural ingredients and
00:26:16	"keeps Tabasco
00:26:24	"Try it on eggs, pizza, salads,
00:26:27	"for a burst of flavor
00:26:31	- Read to me more.
00:26:32	I'm not reading the ingredients. I'm done.
00:26:35	- Okay, thank you, Larry.
00:26:58	Tell you what, no offense...
00:27:01	you don't look like any contractor
00:27:05	Apparently, there's a need for all types.
00:27:15	So listen.
00:27:16	You know, I was thinking
00:27:20	about us being stuck in this situation.
00:27:24	I think you're right.
00:27:27	I think so.
00:27:29	So, you know, look,
00:27:34	But I just... This is, you know...
00:27:37	I hate to see you sleep on the floor like that.
00:27:41	So if you want to,
00:27:45	just take half of my bed.
00:27:50	'Cause we're working together.
00:27:52	You know, we're partners. We'll just...
00:27:56	do the whole thing professionally.
00:28:02	That's very kind of you. Thank you.
00:28:09	You know, professionally.
00:28:12	Please.
00:28:13	How's that professionally? You like that?
00:28:18	That's professional. Right here.
00:28:19	Bull. Cow. That's how that works.
00:28:28	There's your bull right there!
00:28:32	There's the horn.
00:28:34	You fuck with the bull, you get the horn.
00:28:43	That's professional.
00:28:47	Fucking professional.
00:28:49	Look at that.
00:28:52	That's the bull. Right.
00:28:55	Get the bull by the horn.
00:28:58	I'll give you the horn. Want to see the horn?
00:30:07	You know...
00:30:09	you're actually a very attractive woman.
00:30:14	Thank you.
00:30:16	You're welcome.
00:30:19	You know, this may be a good time
00:30:22	that you not allow the seeds of cruel hope
00:30:27	I don't know what that means,
00:30:31	It means you're not my type.
00:30:36	Is that right?
00:30:40	What about me is not your type?
00:30:47	Your penis.
00:30:49	What does that mean?
00:30:52	It means I'm gay.
00:30:55	It means I'm a lesbian.
00:31:00	But I got to tell you, if I wasn't...
00:31:04	I mean, after a first date like this,
00:31:08	not to just get under the covers
00:31:13	Good night.
00:31:19	"Good night"?
00:31:36	{y:i}Whoa, Step-papa.
00:31:40	{y:i}sheep's all that and a bag of chips.
00:31:54	{y:i}Melbourne's forecast. ;
00:31:57	{y:i}but we're expecting a mostly fine day with
00:32:01	Who the fuck are you talking to?
00:32:03	{y:i}Sydney also fine and 18.
00:32:06	Give me that back, please.
00:32:07	{y:i}- Sunny, 32.
00:32:09	{y:i}Adelaide and Hobart both
00:32:12	You know how much this shit costs?
00:32:17	- It's $5.
00:32:21	- It's $10.
00:32:26	Why am I even talking to you for?
00:32:28	- It's $10.
00:32:41	Just wanted to tell you, you know,
00:32:47	You know, no hard feelings.
00:32:49	You know what I mean?
00:32:56	That's it. Don't be coming back, though.
00:33:01	One shot with me. I'm out.
00:33:07	Are you expecting somebody?
00:33:14	Come on!
00:33:17	- Larry!
00:33:19	- It's your mother.
00:33:22	Open the door!
00:33:24	- I was watching that.
00:33:27	Go in this room. Go. I want you to stay here.
00:33:29	- Don't come out. Don't say anything.
00:33:32	- Yeah. Soon. Stay here. Be quiet.
00:33:34	- Come on, I'm dying here!
00:33:38	- Larry, I have a chicken.
00:33:42	What?
00:33:44	Your door's not thick enough to pretend
00:33:47	- What's up?
00:33:52	- How are you today?
00:33:55	Just fine.
00:33:57	I'm searching for news on the underground.
00:34:03	Might you know what it is I'm getting at?
00:34:06	- No.
00:34:09	This is one of those mysterious cases.
00:34:13	Unsolvable. Probably turn out
00:34:17	we're obligated to at least create
00:34:21	- What?
00:34:25	You know, your friend Louis...
00:34:30	his supervisor back in the home office
00:34:35	- Sorry?
00:34:39	He's through.
00:34:40	Looking at huge federal time.
00:34:45	No chance of parole, never ever. Time.
00:34:53	Yep. I'm sorry to say.
00:34:56	I hear he's a good guy, but, you know...
00:34:59	In any event, here's my problem...
00:35:01	and if you know any of this,
00:35:06	This federal prosecutor out here...
00:35:09	the one with Starkman's testicular matter
00:35:13	this very federal prosecutor's
00:35:17	Any of this sound familiar?
00:35:20	To me? No.
00:35:22	No. Well...
00:35:24	This very federal prosecutor's little brother,
00:35:28	may have been absconded with...
00:35:31	which, as you can imagine,
00:35:39	I think...
00:35:41	But I could be wrong about this because
00:35:45	But I think maybe someone...
00:35:48	in your professional community...
00:35:52	might be participating
00:35:55	to, I don't know...
00:35:57	help squeeze a little friendship...
00:36:01	altruism, whatever,
00:36:05	Maybe in the hopes that Starkman...
00:36:08	will wake up one morning...
00:36:16	And wake up one morning
00:36:21	The school of thought of my colleagues
00:36:25	I alone am of the opposite school.
00:36:30	But what's important is what you think.
00:36:33	As a friend who's got his ear to the street.
00:36:39	- I never... You know...
00:36:41	You don't know nothing.
00:36:44	I can tell just by looking at you.
00:36:53	The whole thing's probably
00:37:02	Man, you know what I'd love to do...
00:37:06	right now?
00:37:14	Go down to Marie Callender's...
00:37:17	get me a big bowl, pie, some ice cream on it.
00:37:22	Good.
00:37:23	Put some on your head...
00:37:25	your tongue would slap your brains out
00:37:29	Interested?
00:37:32	Sure?
00:37:34	Yeah, I'm trying to get in shape, you know.
00:37:58	Say no more.
00:38:03	Thanks for the hospitality.
00:38:06	It can't be the most pleasant thing
00:38:11	Maybe if you hear anything,
00:38:16	Yeah, you know, if I hear anything.
00:38:24	Yeah, I'll let you know.
00:38:45	All right.
00:38:52	A federal fucking prosecutor!
00:38:55	- Fuck!
00:38:58	- I'll come back now, okay?
00:39:02	- I'm hungry.
00:39:05	- I'm hungry, though.
00:39:09	- My brother's a federal fucking "prostitutor."
00:39:18	Put this on.
00:39:21	- Did you know about all that stuff?
00:39:24	- Maybe we should check into a hotel.
00:39:27	I live here. This is my place.
00:39:28	No one's getting me out of my place.
00:39:31	- I'm hungry. I wanna eat.
00:39:39	Come on.
00:39:43	Fucking around.
00:39:46	When are we getting to the Baywatch?
00:39:49	- What? What's that? You hear that?
00:39:51	What is that? It's the walkie-talkie again.
00:39:55	Hello? What?
00:39:58	You got to be kidding me. Again?
00:40:02	How long? Maybe tomorrow? Okay.
00:40:05	Kick those guys in the ass for me, will you?
00:40:07	Those fucking guys. All right.
00:40:09	Talk to you later. Give us a call back.
00:40:13	Unbelievable.
00:40:14	You believe that?
00:40:18	- They're closed?
00:40:20	They said they're working on the problem,
00:40:23	they don't know how long it's gonna be.
00:40:25	What is the Baywatch?
00:40:29	It's where all the beautiful girls are.
00:40:35	They swim there.
00:40:36	- You're talking about the TV show?
00:40:42	The Baywatch is where they really are.
00:40:47	I think you could be friends there.
00:40:56	I think that's where the sex is. I think so.
00:41:33	- Hey, you wanna turn that down?
00:41:40	I don't think this is the best time
00:41:47	- Hey, Beavis, turn the fucking radio off.
00:41:53	"Bitch"?
00:41:54	You know what, creating a scene right now
00:42:00	Yeah, that's right. Why don't you come here
00:42:09	What happened?
00:42:11	Let me. Okay?
00:42:16	Go ahead.
00:42:18	You know, what you boys need
00:42:22	However, in the meantime...
00:42:28	Excuse me.
00:42:33	You ever heard of Tai Moi Chai?
00:42:35	No. Okay.
00:42:37	In traditional Tai Moi Chai,
00:42:43	That's the gouging out
00:42:46	with one's finger.
00:42:49	The highest and most difficult to master
00:42:53	"Kai Toi Mai".
00:42:54	Loosely translated,
00:42:58	Now, once the thumb liquefies the eye...
00:43:02	it is deftly and immediately replaced
00:43:06	Deep thrust, hooking around
00:43:11	and then removing it with such force...
00:43:14	as to bring with it, by suction,
00:43:19	The part of the brain, as I'm sure
00:43:26	The extraordinary element of this move...
00:43:30	the genius of it...
00:43:32	the absolute poetry of it...
00:43:36	is that, aside from the obvious wound...
00:43:39	one's opponent is left with no memory
00:43:44	Family, friends, nothing.
00:43:49	Hence, "Kai Toi Mai":
00:43:54	"The rip that takes the past."
00:43:57	As you can imagine, very difficult
00:44:01	but I felt well worth the trips
00:44:11	People skills.
00:44:13	See, knowing
00:44:16	knowing how and when to make a move...
00:44:18	in short,
00:44:23	These are things you boys are gonna
00:44:27	And one more thing:
00:44:28	Sports are all well and good,
00:44:32	So I want you guys to study hard
00:44:36	- Okay? Everyone, yes?
00:44:39	Okay. Good.
00:44:45	Brian, let's go.
00:44:56	Nice computer.
00:45:00	Here's suck-my-dick. Com.
00:45:10	So can you really do all that kung fu shit...
00:45:13	you said back there with the eye and that?
00:45:17	No.
00:45:20	That was all bullshit?
00:45:26	Sun Tzu said that in a war...
00:45:29	the best victory
00:45:33	- Is this some more bullshit now I'm getting?
00:45:36	Who's Sun Tzu?
00:45:39	A Chinese military theoretician
00:45:42	that in a conflict, getting angry,
00:45:47	is a tactically and strategically stupid move.
00:45:50	It clouds your ability to reason.
00:45:55	You wanna cloud
00:45:58	thus gaining the upper hand yourself.
00:46:04	Whatever.
00:46:06	You know,
00:46:08	I can see how that wouldn't be
00:46:12	- What is that supposed to mean?
00:46:16	I mean...
00:46:18	when men are boys, they're encouraged
00:46:22	so they're forced to find other ways to let
00:46:26	fighting and getting angry
00:46:31	So when these boys grow up, guess what
00:46:36	A guy who's miserable at work
00:46:39	comes home at night, what does he do?
00:46:42	He doesn't usually cry
00:46:46	He usually yells at them.
00:46:53	So, Larry...
00:46:56	What?
00:46:58	What is it exactly you're so sad about?
00:47:03	No, I'm serious.
00:47:16	Yeah. What about your friend?
00:47:19	Mrs. Leonard. Whatever her name is.
00:47:25	Look, I can't right now, I'm sorry.
00:47:29	It's not a good time, Ma, that's why.
00:47:33	No.
00:47:35	Okay. All right!
00:47:38	What do you want, blood?
00:47:41	I'll be right over there.
00:47:45	I got to make a quick detour.
00:47:51	Easy. A little lower.
00:47:53	- Right here?
00:47:56	- A little lower.
00:48:00	All right, right there. God.
00:48:02	Look, Ma, if Mrs. Leonard isn't around,
00:48:06	I can't just drop everything
00:48:10	What, and I didn't drop everything for you?
00:48:13	"I'm so sorry, Larry,
00:48:16	"You're gonna have to call Mrs. Leonard."
00:48:20	- Let me just...
00:48:31	- What?
00:48:33	I got to pee, Larry.
00:48:35	I thought I told you to wait in the car.
00:48:37	I thought you'd prefer it if we came in
00:48:41	Wouldn't want you to think
00:48:44	Besides, I want to meet your mother.
00:48:47	- No.
00:48:53	- Yeah, close, personal.
00:48:56	I got to pee, Larry.
00:48:58	- Larry, invite them in!
00:49:10	- Hello, everybody.
00:49:13	My God.
00:49:16	- What a beauty.
00:49:18	What? I'm just saying.
00:49:20	You should see some of the pigs
00:49:22	I mean, not that they were pigs, per se.
00:49:24	It's just that, by and large, they were
00:49:30	You, I could tell right off the bat,
00:49:35	- Excuse me, miss, where's the men's room?
00:49:40	Larry, she's gorgeous.
00:49:46	- So, what is your story, honey?
00:49:49	- Don't pay no attention to her.
00:49:52	Yeah. She's blind in one eye, though.
00:49:55	Open the door.
00:49:58	You all right in there?
00:50:00	So this is where you grew up?
00:50:03	Are you writing a book?
00:50:14	- Ma.
00:50:20	I think you two
00:50:23	- Ma.
00:50:24	What's with the "Ma"?
00:50:27	Stop already with the "Ma."
00:50:31	So, tell me...
00:50:33	are you and Larry sweethearts?
00:50:35	Before you answer,
00:50:40	What? Yes, I hope so.
00:50:42	What's so terrible about "I hope so"?
00:50:44	- Yeah? Guess what.
00:50:46	She's a lesbian.
00:50:54	Never mind.
00:50:56	She's been with fellas before.
00:51:02	You're right.
00:51:04	But sometimes they have their limitations.
00:51:14	What are you two talking about?
00:51:15	Never mind.
00:51:19	- Am I right, sweetheart?
00:51:22	You know,
00:51:26	I used to be...
00:51:28	quite experimental.
00:51:31	- Jesus Christ!
00:51:32	Look who's not up-to-the-minute now.
00:51:35	- Big boy.
00:51:37	Brian, come on. We're going. That's it.
00:51:39	All right. Just remember, you two,
00:51:43	All right, we'll remember that.
00:51:46	- Let's go.
00:51:50	- I love you.
00:51:51	- I washed my hands.
00:51:54	- Goodbye.
00:51:58	I feel like I know you already.
00:52:00	- Very nice meeting you.
00:52:02	All right, we're going. Let's go.
00:52:06	Just remember, you two, keep an open mind
00:52:10	- We will.
00:52:12	- I like her, she's very nice.
00:52:25	{y:i}On the satellite map,
00:52:28	{y:i}and New South Wales is bringing showers...
00:52:30	{y:i}and there's very little activity
00:52:33	{y:i}But there is some low-level cloud
00:52:36	{y:i}which will bring isolated showers
00:52:39	{y:i}Another chilly night in Melbourne's suburbs
00:52:43	- What are you doing now?
00:52:45	- Brian, I told you, this is very expensive.
00:52:50	Don't argue with me.
00:52:53	Why are you doing this? What do you care
00:52:57	- Australia.
00:52:59	It's not England.
00:53:00	Whatever, Brian.
00:53:07	I really like her voice.
00:53:15	Okay. Try to keep it under control, though.
00:53:18	- All right?
00:53:20	- Thank you.
00:53:46	So I'm not your type?
00:53:50	How did we get back there all of a sudden?
00:53:53	Relax.
00:53:55	You're more woman
00:53:57	I don't need to be dipping
00:54:01	But I'm just curious
00:54:04	you say you've been with guys.
00:54:07	I have.
00:54:10	But they have their shortcomings?
00:54:13	Besides the fact that they give terrible head.
00:54:17	See, right there, that tells me something.
00:54:20	I know the guys you've been with
00:54:24	how to bring home the pearls
00:54:28	I was actually just joking.
00:54:30	Well, since we're letting it all hang out now,
00:54:35	Okay, when it comes to pleasing a woman,
00:54:40	they're at a natural disadvantage.
00:54:42	It's like they might try hard,
00:54:46	with millions of years of
00:54:52	Nature has evolved man for that purpose.
00:54:56	Satisfy.
00:54:58	Lead the pack.
00:55:02	That's why lesbians are always buying,
00:55:07	sexual appliances, erotic monkey wrenches
00:55:12	for what they don't have.
00:55:17	The penis. That's right.
00:55:21	Its very design
00:55:26	Forward motion. With advancements.
00:55:30	Fucking progress into the dark, deep...
00:55:33	mysterious unknown.
00:55:38	It's like adventure-seeking...
00:55:41	frontier-conquering...
00:55:44	obstacle-eradicating.
00:55:48	And you tried to create the impression
00:55:52	You're settling for second best.
00:55:55	So, in review...
00:55:58	you're saying...
00:56:00	that it's men
00:56:05	That's all I'm telling you.
00:56:08	Loving, caring...
00:56:10	- sensitive, giving men.
00:56:15	You're entitled to your opinion.
00:56:21	But let us reconsider women for a minute.
00:56:24	- Shall we?
00:56:27	Their form:
00:56:31	Neck. Shoulders.
00:56:35	Legs.
00:56:37	Hips.
00:56:40	I think pretty cool.
00:56:43	Now, as far as your famous...
00:56:46	penis goes...
00:56:49	The penis is like some sort of...
00:56:51	bizarre sea slug...
00:56:54	or like a really long toe.
00:56:58	I mean, it's handy, important even.
00:57:03	The top of the list of erotic destinations?
00:57:08	One's first impulse is to kiss what?
00:57:16	To kiss the lips.
00:57:19	Firm...
00:57:20	delicious lips. Sweet lips.
00:57:25	Surrounding a warm, moist...
00:57:30	dizzyingly scented mouth.
00:57:33	That's what everyone wants to kiss.
00:57:36	Not a toe. Not a sea slug.
00:57:40	A mouth.
00:57:44	And why do you think that is, stupid?
00:57:49	Because the mouth is the twin sister...
00:57:52	the almost exact look-alike of the what?
00:57:58	Not the toe.
00:58:01	The mouth is the twin sister...
00:58:04	of the vagina.
00:58:12	And all creatures big and small
00:58:16	The opening. To be taken in, engulfed.
00:58:21	To be squeezed and lovingly crushed
00:58:26	the all-powerful, all-encompassing.
00:58:29	Now, if it's design you're concerned with...
00:58:32	hidden meanings, symbolism and power...
00:58:36	forget the top of Mount Everest.
00:58:37	Forget the bottom of the sea,
00:58:41	There is no place, nowhere,
00:58:44	of more ambitions, more battles
00:58:49	between a woman's legs
00:58:54	my pussy.
00:58:59	So I guess this is just my roundabout way
00:59:02	that it is women who are,
00:59:07	Wouldn't you agree?
00:59:11	I agree.
00:59:14	And so do I.
00:59:30	{y:i}Hello?
00:59:39	{y:i}- Is somebody there?
00:59:43	Who's this?
00:59:49	I don't find this funny.
00:59:53	Is this the retard?
00:59:56	Brian, what are you doing now?
01:00:03	Hello?
01:00:04	Who the fuck is this?
01:00:07	What the fuck is going on over there?
01:00:10	Nothing. Sorry, Louis.
01:00:12	{y:i}We're not getting the desired movement.
01:00:14	{y:i}We're stepping up the operation.
01:00:16	First thing in the morning, send his thumb
01:00:21	- Yeah.
01:00:23	{y:i}To James Dorf
01:00:28	Hold on one second. Go in the other room.
01:00:32	Go in the other room in the back.
01:00:35	I'm talking on the phone. Go in the back.
01:00:39	What do you mean?
01:00:42	You cut it the fuck off.
01:00:44	{y:i}or whatever it is.
01:00:47	and that's how you send it.
01:00:51	Make sure you kindly refrain from providing
01:00:56	I mean...
01:00:58	You want me to cut his thumb off?
01:01:00	It's enough already. Put the clam-licker on.
01:01:03	Hold on. Wait a minute.
01:01:07	I can't believe I'm talking to a professional.
01:01:09	I'll send people to help you,
01:01:12	- I'm not saying that.
01:01:15	and then having to hire someone
01:01:19	{y:i}Do your fucking job right, you hear me?
01:01:20	I'm getting tired of this.
01:01:31	- Larry.
01:01:34	Can I stay here with you?
01:01:37	No.
01:01:41	- Time for you to go to bed anyways.
01:01:44	- Lf I tell you to go to bed, go to bed.
01:01:50	"New. Our best Charmin ever.
01:01:53	"Charmin Ultra Double Roll.
01:01:55	"Twice as many sheets
01:01:58	"Unscented bathroom tissue.
00:00:03	"4.5 inches by 4.0 inches."
00:00:05	And they got it in centimeters or whatever.
00:00:12	It's the same shit on the back. All right?
00:00:16	- Good night.
00:00:22	- Yeah.
00:00:49	What are your friends like?
00:00:53	- I don't really have friends.
00:00:58	Nobody.
00:01:03	Why do I think you're not exaggerating?
00:01:09	I just keep to myself.
00:01:10	I go about my business, you know.
00:01:14	A charming, loveable guy like yourself?
00:01:18	I'm sure there's a ton of straight women
00:01:26	Louis wants us to cut the kid's thumb off.
00:02:19	I'd like to give shouts to all my homies.
00:02:22	Mrs. Friedman. Lily.
00:02:24	Mr. Mossman
00:02:28	Forgot his name.
00:02:30	And all my peeps at Wilshire Adult Care.
00:02:33	Everybody in the cafeteria. Big ups!
00:02:37	What's up to my man Larry. And Ricki.
00:02:41	Yo, yo, yo. Peace, G.
00:02:44	And the rec room.
00:02:50	I got neighbors, you know.
00:02:54	{y:i}Dígame sabrosa.
00:02:58	- What's that?
00:03:01	What does it mean?
00:03:04	I don't know.
00:03:09	See that?
00:03:11	Don't be a playa hater, G.
00:03:20	- Yeah?
00:03:24	Who the fuck are you?
00:03:29	Excuse me.
00:03:32	What a shithole!
00:03:33	- Lady, I think you're in the wrong place.
00:03:37	All right? You're in the wrong place.
00:03:42	And who the fuck are you?
00:03:44	- You're the fuck are you.
00:03:49	What are you doing here?
00:03:52	- I'm stalking you.
00:03:54	First of all,
00:03:57	Second of all, you're out of line.
00:03:59	This is a professional situation
00:04:02	What kind of professional situation?
00:04:06	A fucking man?
00:04:08	Okay. I really thought
00:04:11	- Are you telling people where we are?
00:04:14	- Shut the fuck up.
00:04:16	Listen, both of you shut up.
00:04:17	Look, I haven't told anybody where we are.
00:04:22	this is a professional situation.
00:04:24	Our problems
00:04:28	and they have nothing to do with him.
00:04:30	- I want you to leave right now! Please.
00:04:33	I'm not leaving, he's leaving.
00:04:35	What? Who the fuck do you think you are?
00:04:37	- I fucking live here. I'm not going anywhere.
00:04:40	Neither am I. Going to be all there is to that.
00:04:43	- Why are you doing this?
00:04:45	What if I roundhouse you upside
00:04:49	- I don't know. Give it a shot.
00:04:53	- Don't be macho.
00:04:55	This isn't lesbian talk-circle time.
00:04:58	- You're getting the fuck out. Got it?
00:05:02	You need a little freedom or something?
00:05:06	We can all have sex together, that's fine.
00:05:09	What do you say, Hot Rocks?
00:05:10	- Would you like it?
00:05:12	- You know you want it.
00:05:16	It's over.
00:05:19	- It's not him. It's us, honey.
00:05:22	Just shut up for one second! God! Fuck!
00:05:25	This has nothing to do with him.
00:05:32	- It's just, we're over.
00:05:34	We'll set up together, the three of us,
00:05:38	- Baby, you're not hearing me.
00:05:44	God damn it!
00:05:46	See, I'm going to kill myself right now
00:05:50	- That's a nice girl.
00:05:56	- What the fuck is that?
00:05:58	No.
00:06:01	- What did you do?
00:06:04	- Get away.
00:06:05	Get away. What's wrong with you?
00:06:07	- Oh, my God.
00:06:08	Lady, you need some Band-Aids.
00:06:15	This must be Mental-fucking-lllness Week.
00:06:30	That woman is fucking beautiful.
00:06:35	Yes.
00:06:37	She's like the ones at the Baywatch.
00:06:42	They make my penis sneeze.
00:06:49	You got a good sense of humor,
00:06:52	God bless you.
00:06:56	- Thank you.
00:06:58	When my penis sneezes,
00:07:01	"God bless you, penis."
00:07:22	She's going to be okay.
00:07:24	What a relief.
00:07:28	Brian, would you excuse us?
00:07:32	- You'll be all right in the car?
00:07:34	Okay, good.
00:07:47	I just...
00:07:49	I got to tell you,
00:07:52	I say we don't do it.
00:08:00	You trying to test me?
00:08:02	Is that it? You wanna see
00:08:05	No.
00:08:08	So, what are you,
00:08:13	Look, I've done some bad things...
00:08:15	but I didn't sign on to this
00:08:19	Because, as far as I'm concerned,
00:08:27	How would you get around it?
00:08:30	I'd work it out.
00:08:32	But first I got to know, are you with me?
00:08:46	Sure.
00:08:48	Sure or yes?
00:08:49	- That's the same thing.
00:08:52	See, if I were to ask you to move my couch
00:08:57	But if I were to ask you
00:09:00	and tell me from the bottom of your heart...
00:09:02	if it would give you great pleasure
00:09:06	if I may be presumptuous,
00:09:10	See, it just implies
00:09:16	Ask me the question again.
00:09:19	Okay. Are you with me?
00:09:23	Yes.
00:09:28	Yeah? Good.
00:09:34	Isn't this B level?
00:09:34	Isn't this B level?
00:09:35	This is D level. You shouldn't be here.
00:09:37	I'm looking for B level.
00:09:38	This is a D level and no one is allowed here.
00:09:43	Hold on.
00:09:45	You're confusing me.
00:09:46	Let's just start from the beginning.
00:09:49	Oh, my God.
00:09:52	- I am so sorry.
00:09:58	Just soak that in cold water
00:10:02	I promise you. Yes. No, it will.
00:10:06	The thing is, the reason I'm here
00:10:10	- Close your eyes.
00:10:11	Close your eyes. Follow me.
00:10:15	Come on. Go. You're fine.
00:10:24	- Can I open them?
00:10:26	- It's cold in here.
00:10:39	- Can I open them?
00:10:42	Stay turned around.
00:10:44	Smells like my grandmother's.
00:10:51	- What was that?
00:11:21	{y:i}I like big butts and I cannot lie
00:11:25	{y:i}The other brothers can't deny
00:11:27	{y:i}When the girls walk in
00:11:30	{y:i}And round things in your face
00:11:34	{y:i}'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
00:11:36	{y:i}'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong
00:11:39	{y:i}And I'm down to get the friction on
00:11:40	{y:i}So, ladies, yeah
00:11:42	{y:i}Ladies, yeah
00:11:43	{y:i}If you wanna roll in my Mercedes
00:11:46	{y:i}So turn around! Stick it out!
00:11:50	{y:i}Baby got back!
00:11:53	{y:i}Baby got back!
00:11:58	That's an old-school song.
00:12:01	You're old-school, too, Larry.
00:12:08	We got an item that we want
00:12:11	- Mail out.
00:12:13	Could we just get an envelope from you?
00:12:15	What size would you like?
00:12:17	- Just the top, right...
00:12:23	So all right.
00:12:26	We're done, right?
00:12:29	That's it.
00:12:45	Thanks.
00:13:03	Would you like your parcel insured?
00:13:08	No, that's all right.
00:13:28	I'll be right back.
00:13:33	Friend of yours?
00:13:35	Close, personal.
00:13:45	You know something?
00:13:49	I'm fucking sad. You got me.
00:13:54	You know why I'm fucking sad?
00:13:59	beautiful, sexy, gorgeous...
00:14:03	heartthrob-o-rama,
00:14:07	17-on-a-fucking-10-scale girl...
00:14:10	sleeping in a bed, right next to me.
00:14:14	And you know what?
00:14:16	She's a stone-cold dyke.
00:14:20	A fucking untouchable...
00:14:22	unhaveable, unattainable brick wall...
00:14:25	fucking Dykeasaurus Rexi.
00:14:29	So it's sad, okay?
00:14:33	I feel fucking sadness about that.
00:14:36	There's nothing I can fucking do.
00:14:44	And not only is she a major babe...
00:14:48	but I really like this girl a lot.
00:14:51	A lot.
00:14:53	She's not like anybody else
00:14:56	and that's a completely fucking new one
00:15:00	I don't even know her real fucking name.
00:15:04	And in case you're interested, my life sucks.
00:15:08	All right? Stick a fork in me, I'm done.
00:15:28	{y:i}Clean the bar all you like.
00:15:32	{y:i}- Oh, you got me.
00:15:45	Do you think your fingernails
00:15:55	They're fine.
00:16:01	What? You don't like my fingernails now?
00:16:05	Look, I have no idea if this is true or not,
00:16:10	that those who are balanced
00:16:14	check their fingernails this way.
00:16:17	And those balanced more toward
00:16:23	I had a feeling that even though
00:16:27	that you are wrestling
00:16:31	That's fucking bullshit.
00:16:33	I can't see. I'm farsighted.
00:16:37	So I hold them out here
00:16:41	To find out how somebody's
00:16:45	I can't see. That's why I hold them far away.
00:16:48	- All right.
00:16:50	No, all right.
00:16:51	I was gonna do this. That's what I wanna do.
00:16:53	But I know I can't see
00:16:56	All right.
00:17:09	Don't give me that look.
00:17:15	- Are you gay?
00:17:18	No. I'm not gay!
00:17:20	Why do you look at me and think I'm gay?
00:17:23	I'm not fucking gay!
00:17:25	- Are you sure?
00:17:30	You know what, I bet you're right.
00:17:32	- Thank you.
00:17:35	Ricki, whatever your real name is,
00:17:41	Look how I'm acting.
00:17:46	You give me a fucking headache.
00:17:50	I don't even know why I had a crush on you,
00:17:55	that you really cured me of.
00:17:59	I don't know.
00:18:01	Maybe it's because you know
00:18:04	Maybe that turns you on.
00:18:08	You cannot kick my ass.
00:18:30	What?
00:18:36	You need a woman.
00:18:39	I got one.
00:18:41	Stop.
00:18:44	Kiss me again.
00:18:49	I thought you wanted to be my bitch.
00:18:53	This is so fucked up.
00:19:18	- Where you going?
00:19:26	Gobble, gobble.
00:19:29	What?
00:19:32	Now, you talk the talk...
00:19:34	you know I'm expecting
00:19:36	Show me what I've been missing
00:19:39	Lay some of that sweet "heterolingus"
00:19:48	I think...
00:19:50	to be serious...
00:19:53	I just... You know, I think...
00:19:56	I was thinking, you know,
00:19:59	when you said probably,
00:20:02	about what feels better to another woman.
00:20:06	A guy might be at a certain disadvantage.
00:20:11	It's like, you need a handicap.
00:20:18	Shut up and get over here.
00:22:10	God bless you, penis.
00:22:14	What'd you say?
00:22:18	Nothing.
00:22:22	Every relationship has a bull and a cow?
00:22:27	That's right.
00:22:47	Just to be up front about all this...
00:22:51	when this gig is over...
00:22:54	I want you to know
00:23:18	{y:i}Listen...
00:23:19	you and Trixie over there,
00:23:23	Louis, what's going on?
00:23:25	And don't bring the thing.
00:23:27	- The what?
00:23:30	What thing?
00:23:31	The thing. Don't bring... Don't bring it.
00:23:35	- You mean the...
00:23:37	{y:i}You leave it somewhere safe
00:23:40	- All right.
00:23:42	{y:i}- Yeah, I understand.
00:23:46	What?
00:23:48	It's Louis. Fucking pissed.
00:23:51	See this? Some cookies in there.
00:23:55	Be back.
00:23:57	- When are you coming back?
00:23:59	- Just relax, eat your breakfast. Okay?
00:24:03	Well, you can't skip breakfast.
00:24:06	Don't go nowhere. Don't touch nothing.
00:24:09	- Don't make phone calls. I'm not kidding.
00:24:13	All right. See you later.
00:24:15	- Bye, Ricki.
00:24:28	- What?
00:24:39	You know, I got this fantasy.
00:24:43	About making it with a guy?
00:24:48	No.
00:24:50	That's not it.
00:24:54	Going somewhere, you know,
00:25:02	clean.
00:25:05	- Clean?
00:25:09	No scumbags telling you what to do.
00:25:14	Someplace you could just be.
00:25:20	Be yourself.
00:25:24	No bad stuff.
00:25:31	That sounds good.
00:25:48	- What's up?
00:25:53	Follow me.
00:26:05	Hello.
00:26:08	- Welcome. Nice to meet you.
00:26:12	Finally. Nice to meet you, too.
00:26:14	Come. Look at you. Beautiful.
00:26:16	Come on in. Here. Grab a couch.
00:26:19	Sit, sit.
00:26:21	I say everything twice. In, in. Sit, sit.
00:26:24	I'm so glad you could come...
00:26:27	on such a short notice, too.
00:26:31	I really... I thank you.
00:26:36	I'm sorry if I'm a bit of a mess,
00:26:41	I'm sure Louis told you,
00:26:45	some little legal problems
00:26:50	What are you gonna do? It's a nuisance,
00:26:54	I got to fight it, right?
00:26:58	I mean, I can't go to jail.
00:27:02	I'm used to the finer things.
00:27:04	- Louis, am I right?
00:27:08	It can't be. So I think we can say...
00:27:12	beyond a shadow of a doubt,
00:27:21	Somewhere a mistake has been made.
00:27:27	Did you know...
00:27:30	that apparently some people...
00:27:32	do not regard the thumb,
00:27:40	Curious for myself, I turned to Louis here...
00:27:43	who with his newfound dictionary skills
00:27:48	- You know what it said?
00:27:51	Tell him what it said, Louis.
00:27:54	It said, quote:
00:27:55	"The short, thick, inner digit of the hand
00:28:00	Now it said, "digit," not "finger."
00:28:03	So I still don't really know, technically,
00:28:08	- Right?
00:28:11	Right. Look at him. I love him.
00:28:14	I love this guy. He eats no matter what.
00:28:18	What's this?
00:28:20	What is this? Louis.
00:28:23	I've been subpoenaed.
00:28:27	I can't be consorting with armed felons.
00:28:33	A little consideration, please.
00:28:36	Besides, you think something like this
00:28:40	anyway, to intimidate people?
00:28:45	I say intimidation comes from within.
00:28:48	There are a multitude of qualities
00:28:51	that make them intimidating.
00:28:53	Not only this, this is the outside.
00:28:58	But you know
00:29:01	Not that you asked.
00:29:03	But the absolutely most intimidating
00:29:07	When an individual just doesn't give a shit.
00:29:11	- Louis, you want to go to medical school?
00:29:17	Yes!
00:29:21	Students there
00:29:31	I feel like I'm floating.
00:29:35	I feel...
00:29:38	released.
00:29:43	I don't give a shit.
00:29:46	I don't.
00:29:58	I have no compunctions...
00:30:02	none whatsoever.
00:30:08	And I am very concerned...
00:30:12	about the way things have turned out here.
00:30:24	How was the bleeding?
00:30:30	The bleeding?
00:30:32	No, not him.
00:30:36	The retard, when you cut his thumb off.
00:30:39	Louis told me you were concerned.
00:30:49	Bleeding was fine.
00:30:52	Fine?
00:30:54	It was all right.
00:30:59	Okay. Good.
00:31:08	I didn't need your help, you know.
00:31:15	What were you thinking?
00:31:18	You were gonna extort a federal prosecutor.
00:31:22	You thought you could say:
00:31:26	"Kidnapped your little brother,
00:31:33	You didn't think
00:31:38	You didn't think every fucking fed...
00:31:42	wouldn't drop what they were doing...
00:31:44	and dive in to protect one of their own?
00:31:49	What do you morons think...
00:31:53	this is Little Italy?
00:31:57	Wake up!
00:31:58	This is the twenty-fucking-first century!
00:32:16	So now...
00:32:21	things are bad.
00:32:25	And whether you wanna call a thumb...
00:32:28	a finger or a digit...
00:32:31	for the sake of this discussion,
00:32:36	You know why?
00:32:38	Because whatever you choose to call it...
00:32:43	a thumb...
00:32:45	has a fingerprint...
00:32:48	and the one you sent...
00:32:51	had the wrong fucking one.
00:32:58	- Mr. Starkman...
00:33:02	you piece of shit!
00:33:09	You don't try to extort...
00:33:12	a federal fucking prosecutor!
00:33:18	And if you do...
00:33:22	you don't fuck around!
00:33:31	Fuck this.
00:33:33	Cutting off his thumb was a stupid order.
00:33:35	We would have been derelict
00:33:41	Hello.
00:33:42	How long could we have kept below radar...
00:33:44	with a thumbless, bleeding half-wit?
00:33:47	You see, sometimes...
00:33:50	one has to use
00:33:55	to override a dumb request.
00:33:59	With all due respect...
00:34:01	even at this point if you were to ask us...
00:34:04	to pursue a course of action that would be...
00:34:08	let's say, contrary to your best interests...
00:34:12	then as awkward as it might be...
00:34:16	we would have to take exception.
00:34:23	Aside from those of us in this room...
00:34:26	there's only one person, really,
00:34:32	And I feel that we should...
00:34:36	rectify that problem as soon as we can.
00:34:42	I think I'd much prefer just to...
00:34:46	you know...
00:34:49	end it right here.
00:34:54	And that would be
00:34:59	If you think that having
00:35:02	and telling them all about being kidnapped
00:35:07	If you think that's the best tactic
00:35:12	If you think that's any less dumb
00:35:16	well, then that would be
00:35:23	But if you don't...
00:35:26	then let us take the thorn out of your side.
00:35:29	Let us make sure that kid will never be
00:35:36	And if after that you're still not happy...
00:35:41	then we can all talk again.
00:35:51	- You were kidding, right?
00:35:54	We'll take Brian back
00:35:59	Are we going to the Baywatch now?
00:36:01	No, we can't go to the Baywatch now.
00:36:10	Maybe this is it. Maybe this is the thing.
00:36:12	Maybe this is a sign coming from nowhere,
00:36:15	just telling me it's time. It's time to get out.
00:36:28	{y:i}When I'm alone in my room
00:36:31	{y:i}and in the back of my mind
00:36:34	{y:i}telling me I need a girl
00:36:37	{y:i}For the first time in my life I see
00:36:40	{y:i}So if you know who you are
00:36:44	{y:i}take a chance with my love
00:36:47	{y:i}I need love
00:36:54	{y:i}I need love
00:36:55	Let me ask you something.
00:37:02	No, I don't.
00:37:05	Let me do something for you.
00:37:06	You know, make up for all the problems
00:37:12	Because I see you're a little nervous
00:37:15	Let me tell you something. You got
00:37:20	Let me tell you this thing that I heard,
00:37:25	You know?
00:37:26	It's that the thing
00:37:30	if you do it, if you step up,
00:37:35	You see a girl that you like
00:37:38	bro, step up.
00:37:41	Go up to her and say:
00:37:43	"Hi, how are you today?
00:37:47	Take it from there,
00:37:50	Try it with me. Practice. Go ahead.
00:37:53	Hello, how are you today?
00:37:55	Try it with me. Go ahead. Just say it.
00:37:59	Hello, how are you today?
00:38:03	Come on, Brian. Hello.
00:38:09	How are you today?
00:38:12	"How are you today?"
00:38:14	Nice weather we're having.
00:38:19	"Nice weather we're having."
00:38:21	There you go. You see how he did it?
00:38:25	If you're afraid, step up and good things
00:38:30	- I stepped up.
00:38:34	That's how you move. Step it up.
00:38:48	So, now that we're partners in crime...
00:38:52	how about telling me your real name.
00:38:56	The reason that I ask that...
00:38:58	is because I don't know
00:39:02	but I've been thinking about it.
00:39:03	And seeing... You know, looks like
00:39:09	So I thought, you know...
00:39:12	All right, look.
00:39:13	I'm gonna lay it all out there for you
00:39:16	I'm just gonna say it,
00:39:21	- I think...
00:39:25	You know I haven't done
00:39:28	The whole man thing...
00:39:30	doesn't really
00:39:34	I know.
00:39:36	But somehow you got through.
00:39:40	Somehow.
00:39:45	But in the end...
00:39:49	I don't think
00:40:08	- So where do you think you'll go?
00:40:16	Somewhere clean.
00:40:22	You know, Northern California...
00:40:26	Oregon maybe.
00:40:28	You could just drop me off
00:40:31	- and I'll figure it out from there.
00:40:36	After that, Brian,
00:40:43	We just left there a little while ago, though.
00:40:46	I don't mean my apartment.
00:40:49	Where I got you.
00:40:54	What, you mean to stay?
00:40:57	Yeah, buddy. To stay.
00:41:57	Oh, my God.
00:42:07	- It's open. Oh, my God.
00:42:10	- Oh, my God. I'm gonna go.
00:42:12	- What's he talking about?
00:42:17	They're open. Oh, my God. The Baywatch.
00:42:21	They're open!
00:42:24	- Cowabunga!
00:42:25	That's the Baywatch?
00:42:27	It's open. It's the Baywatch.
00:42:30	Hello there!
00:42:33	I can't believe this.
00:42:36	- I can't believe. Stop.
00:42:39	No, we have to stop!
00:42:41	No, Larry, no! They're here. We're here.
00:42:46	I know. We can't, though. I'm sorry.
00:42:49	- We're here. Come on.
00:42:51	- We're right here.
00:42:53	Wait. That's it. We're right here.
00:43:00	Wait a second.
00:43:17	All right.
00:43:22	What do you think?
00:43:30	- Can I go down there?
00:43:36	I mean, we're not allowed down there.
00:43:39	Plus, we got to go soon.
00:43:42	Please? Please, can I go down there?
00:43:46	You know, Brian, I don't even think...
00:43:50	This might not even be the Baywatch.
00:43:58	Larry, you promised me.
00:44:03	You promised me.
00:44:10	- It's right there.
00:44:14	Just for five minutes?
00:44:22	Brian, what's your brother's name?
00:44:27	My brother's name is stinky Jimmy Dorf.
00:44:32	Yeah, some other time, I do.
00:44:34	Yeah, Los Angeles. The U.S. Courthouse.
00:44:39	- Because... Do you want to know why?
00:44:44	Because sometimes he smells like fish.
00:44:47	No, I don't think so.
00:44:48	Yeah, I'll give you my name.
00:45:06	Brian, look at me.
00:45:10	I think your brother and his friends
00:45:14	Okay?
00:45:19	I want you to know something.
00:45:23	You're a good kid.
00:45:26	I'm sorry about all the...
00:45:32	I'm sorry for being...
00:45:42	I'm sorry.
00:45:49	I think you're wrong.
00:45:53	I think that is the Baywatch right there.
00:46:01	Who knows. Maybe it is.
00:46:05	I'm a genius, man. I knew it.
00:46:11	You take good care of yourself, Brian.
00:46:26	You take good care of yourself, Larry.
00:46:31	I'll do that.
00:46:36	Brian, let me ask you something.
00:46:41	- My fingernails?
00:46:48	- Don't say nothing.
00:46:52	I got A-plus nails.
00:46:55	- I give an A-plus for fingernails.
00:46:58	Go ahead.
00:47:10	Go on.
00:47:18	I don't know how you're thinking
00:47:22	what your plans are...
00:47:27	but I think you should take my car.
00:47:31	Go ahead, take it. Take it.
00:47:36	I couldn't do that, Larry.
00:47:42	I'd rather...
00:47:46	It's a good car,
00:47:50	And I know that
00:47:54	So just, you know, take it.
00:47:57	I was thinking
00:48:00	I'm trying to change my image.
00:48:07	Go ahead, take it.
00:48:12	Please.
00:48:22	Okay.
00:48:26	- I will, thank you.
00:48:30	Just do me one favor, though.
00:48:34	Name it.
00:48:36	As far as the lesbian thing goes...
00:48:42	Yeah?
00:48:44	...if you do ever think
00:48:49	promise you'll give me a call first.
00:49:43	{y:i}Okay, ladies and gentlemen, listen up.
00:49:48	{y:i}Camera is ready and picture is up.
00:49:50	{y:i}I need all dancers to first position
00:49:54	{y:i}All dancers to first position
00:50:37	{y:i}Okay, listen up, guys.
00:50:41	{y:i}Come on, guys,
00:50:44	{y:i}As the old song goes. ;
00:50:47	{y:i}Find someone to love.
00:51:15	Come on, Brian. Dance with someone.
00:51:25	Nice weather we're having.
00:51:28	Yes, it's very nice.
00:51:38	It is?
00:51:41	Yes. But the weather's always very nice
00:51:47	Yes.
00:51:51	And a 10% chance of precipitation
00:51:54	extending from New South Wales to Victoria.
00:52:06	{y:i}And playback.
00:52:09	{y:i}And action.
00:53:40	Rochelle.
00:53:43	What?
00:53:45	Rochelle. That's my real name.
00:54:00	So, Rochelle...
00:54:04	does this mean
00:54:07	I wouldn't go that far.
00:54:10	But I figured
00:54:14	the least I could do
00:54:20	Fair enough.
00:54:37	What?
00:54:39	You know,
00:54:47	- I'm not sure how to take that.
00:54:51	Yeah?
00:54:53	Like your mother said,
00:54:58	Sometimes you just never know.
00:55:01	Are you driving or bullshitting?
00:55:05	I'm driving.
00:58:25	{y:i}I like big butts and I cannot lie
00:58:29	{y:i}The other brothers can't deny
00:58:31	{y:i}When the girls walk in
00:58:33	{y:i}And round things in your face
00:58:37	{y:i}'Cause you noticed that butt was stuffed
00:58:40	{y:i}'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong
00:58:42	{y:i}And I'm down to get the friction on
00:58:44	{y:i}So, ladies, yeah
00:58:46	{y:i}Ladies, yeah
00:58:47	{y:i}If you wanna roll in my Mercedes
00:58:50	{y:i}So turn around! Stick it out!
00:58:54	{y:i}Baby got back!
00:58:57	{y:i}Baby got back!

Gigli