Girl Next Door The

en
00:00:40 How do you want me?
00:00:42 Oh, that's good. Yeah, just...
00:00:49 I'm a little nervous.
00:00:52 You're doing great.
00:00:56 A little to the right there,
00:00:59 - Okay. Like this?
00:01:08 Yeah. Okay.
00:01:10 - You ready?
00:01:13 - You're blushing, Dorothy.
00:01:15 Oh, Kathy.
00:01:18 Okay, and big smile.
00:01:21 Kathy Regan.
00:01:23 I will always remember...
00:01:25 ...the game against Fairfield.
00:01:27 That one final kick.
00:01:29 State champion, senior year.
00:01:32 Hunter McCaffrey.
00:01:34 I will always remember...
00:01:36 ...all the great times
00:01:39 ...and macking all
00:01:42 Cindy K. Tina B.
00:01:44 Michelle H. Goddamn!
00:01:46 Just too many to remember.
00:01:49 I'll always remember
00:01:54 All the glory days with
00:01:56 I will always remember...
00:01:58 ...the math-club madmen...
00:02:01 ...making the perfect
00:02:04 ...which lasted six seconds
00:02:07 - Troy Cochran.
00:02:10 - Troy gives good head.
00:02:12 I'll always remember...
00:02:13 Seniors!
00:02:15 ...the senior prank.
00:03:23 Matthew Kidman.
00:03:33 YEARBOOK MEMORIES FORM
00:03:35 NAME: MATTHEW KIDMAN
00:03:47 Yeah, well, I told you
00:03:54 We'd like to honor
00:03:56 ...who has shown outstanding
00:04:00 We have no doubt that
00:04:02 ...of the great politicians
00:04:04 Georgetown
00:04:06 The award for
00:04:09 ...of tomorrow,
00:04:14 - I'm in! I'm in!
00:04:18 Georgetown!
00:04:58 Hey, Jenny.
00:05:01 Yeah, dude, come on.
00:05:14 SENIOR PROM
00:05:18 - Do you have the fever?
00:05:22 Why? Do you?
00:05:24 I don't know. Maybe.
00:05:27 How about you?
00:05:29 I just gotta fuck something.
00:05:31 I said, everybody say, "Ho!"
00:05:40 You know what I say?
00:05:41 I say, this prom is gonna be
00:05:51 Security's gonna be tight.
00:05:56 That's enough!
00:05:57 That's enough. I can wait.
00:06:00 I can wait, people.
00:06:04 Now, it is your
00:06:07 ...who has a few announcements
00:06:12 Thanks, Mr. Salinger.
00:06:18 All right, how you doing?
00:06:22 Okay, let's start off
00:06:25 Sam Young, baby!
00:06:28 Yeah.
00:06:31 Well, we did it.
00:06:35 ...so now we can bring the genius
00:06:38 ...and bring him here
00:06:43 Speaking of which,
00:06:47 Show that shit!
00:06:51 Show it!
00:06:53 Hi, everyone, it's Samnang.
00:06:57 Sam Young!
00:06:59 I am very excited to be
00:07:08 I told my class that I am coming
00:07:11 I am so happy.
00:07:13 - I wanna bang you!
00:07:31 How do they just skip class
00:07:34 Because they just don't care.
00:07:47 Let's go with them.
00:07:50 - Seriously, let's just do it.
00:07:53 Because, I mean,
00:07:56 I mean, we're graduating. We
00:07:59 Let's just do something.
00:08:00 I am doing something,
00:08:03 Klitz, you already got
00:08:05 I mean, it doesn't
00:08:07 Yeah, Klitz, you pussy.
00:08:08 - Well, why don't you go?
00:08:11 Beach is for fags, man.
00:08:13 - The beach is for fags?
00:08:17 You know what?
00:08:25 Everyone to the beach!
00:08:28 Let's go! Lock them
00:08:32 WESTPORT HIGH SCHOOL
00:08:35 Fuck it.
00:08:55 SCHOOL
00:08:57 Personal power means
00:09:00 ...the ability to take action.
00:09:03 STOP
00:09:05 Three steps to personal power
00:09:08 Here's number one step
00:09:09 It's called energy.
00:09:12 When you wake up feeling
00:09:15 ...do you usually
00:09:27 Oh, shit.
00:09:48 Hey! Pull it over!
00:09:53 Pull it over! Pull...
00:10:26 Oh, well, you're home early.
00:10:27 I postponed yearbook.
00:10:30 - Hi, Mr. Peterson.
00:10:32 - Mrs. Peterson.
00:10:34 - Oh, thank you.
00:10:38 Wow, you must be flying.
00:10:41 It's cool.
00:10:42 What's the speech
00:10:43 Oh, it's for this scholarship
00:10:46 ...actually go to Georgetown.
00:10:48 It's pretty expensive.
00:10:50 What kind of scholarship
00:10:52 What do they give it for?
00:10:53 It's for the student who best
00:10:58 Oh, moral fiber. Well, that's...
00:11:00 - Oh, I'm sure you'll get it.
00:11:03 I mean, there's some stiff
00:11:04 ...and they only pick
00:11:07 ...so I'll just have to blow
00:11:14 Okay, so why do I deserve
00:11:18 1. MAKE EYE CONTACT
00:11:20 ...can do for you
00:11:23 John F. Kennedy once said,
00:12:00 Look, I don't know
00:12:02 I'm just saying that
00:12:05 I mean, she was
00:12:08 I mean, she had this smile.
00:12:11 - So did you bang her?
00:12:15 That's what a man does,
00:12:17 - Yeah. Okay, Eli.
00:12:23 Oh, my God. She's so hot.
00:12:25 - What channel, dude?
00:12:28 I can see her through
00:12:30 How's the rack?
00:12:32 - God, who is this girl?
00:12:35 - Hold on. Relax.
00:12:37 Be a man and go over there.
00:12:39 Okay. Say what?
00:12:41 I don't know. Get off your
00:12:48 - Hey, what are you doing?
00:12:50 Hey, dude, seriously,
00:12:52 ...it really freaks me out
00:12:55 ...you're talking to me.
00:12:56 Just learn to like it.
00:13:04 Oh, my God.
00:13:07 What? Matt, what?
00:13:09 Matt!
00:13:17 Dude, what the fuck?!
00:13:38 Shit!
00:14:10 - Yes?
00:14:14 - Dan.
00:14:17 Matthew!
00:14:19 Matthew, come down here.
00:14:33 - What are you doing up there?
00:14:35 Come down here.
00:14:45 This is Danielle.
00:14:46 You know Mrs. Clark from
00:14:51 Danielle just told us
00:14:54 Mrs. Clark is in Africa for
00:14:58 Did you know that?
00:15:01 Anyway, Danielle just came
00:15:04 ...and she's housesitting
00:15:07 Why don't you show
00:15:18 Such a long road, you know.
00:15:29 - What are we doing?
00:15:33 What are you talking about?
00:15:37 Okay, I saw you for,
00:15:40 - An instant?
00:15:42 It was no big deal.
00:15:45 No, no, it was... It was a
00:15:50 I didn't...
00:15:55 I'm sorry.
00:15:57 I'm sorry.
00:16:00 So, what are we gonna
00:16:03 I mean, I said I was sorry.
00:16:10 What?
00:16:11 You saw me...
00:16:15 Yeah, right, like I'm gonna
00:16:21 Are you serious?
00:16:26 No.
00:16:28 No. No, never gonna happen.
00:16:34 The whole package.
00:16:36 No, come on,
00:16:40 Jesus! Come on,
00:16:45 Frigging psycho.
00:16:54 There. You happy now?
00:17:02 Yep.
00:17:05 Hey! Wait!
00:17:08 No!
00:17:12 Jesus. Sorry.
00:17:23 You're an asshole.
00:17:25 It's a little funny.
00:17:30 Come on.
00:17:32 Let me in. Let me in.
00:17:46 It's not funny.
00:17:48 It's a little funny.
00:18:01 So, what else do you do
00:18:06 - Seriously, what's your story?
00:18:09 I kind of just quit my job.
00:18:12 I want to start over.
00:18:20 So are you here
00:18:25 - What?
00:18:33 Do you have a boyfriend?
00:18:37 No.
00:18:41 Aren't you gonna ask me
00:18:46 No.01:18:45.04\01:18:46.13
00:18:48 So you're about to graduate.
00:18:53 Yeah.
00:18:54 I mean, it's just been
00:18:59 - Really?
00:19:02 So, what's the craziest thing
00:19:04 Oh, I mean, it's hard to tell,
00:19:07 I've just done so much
00:19:10 It's just off the hook,
00:19:13 You haven't done anything,
00:19:17 No.
00:19:19 It's kind of... It's kind
00:19:22 Come on, there's gotta
00:19:25 What about your girlfriend?
00:19:30 Okay.
00:19:31 We can figure this out.
00:19:34 What kind of girl?
00:19:38 Definitely someone cute.
00:19:40 Definitely.
00:19:43 Someone who can make
00:19:48 But he also needs someone
00:19:52 Someone who's gonna
00:19:54 ...things he never thought
00:19:56 Like stripping
00:20:22 - Well, thanks for the ride.
00:20:33 Well...
00:20:36 ...good night.
00:20:38 Good night.
00:20:44 "Good night"?
00:20:47 - I would have nailed her.
00:20:51 - Whatever, dude.
00:20:53 ...you know,
00:20:56 The vibe wasn't right? She comes
00:20:59 What does she have to do,
00:21:03 Come on, bitch.
00:21:05 - Damn. Should have kissed her.
00:21:10 All right, you all have
00:21:13 Good. Let's move along then.
00:21:15 Now, it's a very simple
00:21:17 Somebody give me
00:21:22 All right, if no one knows
00:21:26 Looking at this calculation,
00:21:34 Questions on this?
00:22:03 Good news, ladies and gentlemen.
00:22:51 That's Samnang Sok.
00:22:54 So we raised all
00:22:56 ...to come here and
00:22:58 - Who's "we"?
00:23:02 ...but he could be
00:23:05 You know,
00:23:15 Let's go.
00:23:22 So, what do you wanna do?
00:23:27 What?
00:23:31 I'm not stripping again.
00:23:33 Come on.
00:23:50 Danielle!
00:23:53 Come on.
00:24:08 Hey, come on,
00:24:11 How do you know
00:24:13 - I don't.
00:24:15 Seriously, this is nuts.
00:24:28 Oh, boxers.
00:24:30 I always wear boxers. You just
00:24:46 So, what's the craziest thing
00:24:53 This is right up there.
00:25:07 Oh, my God.
00:25:12 - That's Mr. Salinger.
00:25:14 That's my principal.
00:25:18 - It's not funny.
00:25:23 Hey.
00:25:27 Just go with it.
00:25:50 Dude, I'm kind of uncomfortable
00:25:53 Dude, learn to like it.
00:26:01 I'm all wet. Can I come in?
00:26:09 Hey, guys. This is Danielle.
00:26:13 You must be Eli. And Klitz.
00:26:16 Hey, come on,
00:26:18 - Can I use your bathroom first?
00:26:29 - Dude.
00:26:32 Dude.
00:26:34 I know.
00:26:51 - Dude, what are we doing here?
00:26:53 Guys, seriously, it's gonna get...
00:26:55 ...broken up, like,
00:26:58 Guys?
00:27:12 - Get the fuck out of here!
00:27:27 Go.
00:27:29 - So, what do you wanna do?
00:27:32 Hi, guys.
00:27:36 - Is this your party?
00:27:40 - I'm Hunter.
00:27:42 This is Matthew.
00:27:44 - Hey, Matt, what's up?
00:27:47 Can I get you something
00:27:49 - Yeah.
00:27:51 - Can you come here for a second?
00:27:53 No, it's cool. They're pals.
00:27:56 What's up?
00:27:57 Yeah, man, this party's
00:28:00 - Yeah, so?
00:28:04 - Really?
00:28:08 Okay, but I'm with her.
00:28:11 Oh, it's cool, dude.
00:28:17 There's the door.
00:28:43 Yo, man!
00:28:45 When's Samsung getting here?
00:28:48 - Samnang.
00:28:51 I love him.
00:28:53 Dude, I'm gonna do that little
00:28:57 Hard.
00:29:00 Cool, dude.
00:29:03 Sam Young!
00:29:09 Excuse me.
00:29:26 - Dude.
00:30:08 - What?
00:30:12 Everybody out. Let's move.
00:30:19 I said out, minions! Move! Move!
00:30:26 - So how's everything going?
00:30:29 Is everything, you know,
00:30:32 All right, what?
00:30:35 Perhaps you should have a seat.
00:30:37 Perhaps you should bite me.
00:30:40 Perhaps.
00:30:44 Matthew...
00:30:46 ...we live in a crazy,
00:30:49 Crazy, but, oh, so beautiful.
00:31:11 Excellent, grasshopper.
00:31:13 And now for the final task
00:31:21 You're gonna need a harder piece
00:31:25 - That's not her.
00:31:37 - Oh, no.
00:31:49 Matt! Matt! Dude, you're
00:31:55 Fuck! Fuck!
00:31:59 Settle down, tiger.
00:32:00 It's not funny.
00:32:03 - Dude, don't mess this up.
00:32:05 Matt, she's a porn star,
00:32:07 Take her to a motel room
00:32:10 Eli, I like this girl.
00:32:12 And you can still like her
00:32:15 I'm telling you,
00:32:18 What would JFK do?
00:32:20 Eli, I'm never gonna
00:32:22 Oh, you know what? Fine.
00:32:24 - Fine.
00:32:26 Goddamn it, Matt.
00:32:27 I swear to God, if you don't
00:32:31 Matt, please. Please, Matt.
00:32:49 - Oh, Marci, you're so funny.
00:32:54 - I just saw you naked.
00:32:57 Don't worry, honey,
00:33:00 - Let's see what else we have.
00:33:02 I just came here to say hi.
00:33:04 Hi.
00:33:06 Look at this one of him.
00:33:16 Hey, buddy.
00:33:19 - That one's the best.
00:33:22 He looks really...
00:33:24 - Here you go, Danielle.
00:33:35 - Thattagirl.
00:33:37 Oh, who's your daddy?
00:33:39 So you were going to school
00:33:43 For a while. But then I started
00:33:46 Oh, what kind of things?
00:33:50 Let me show you.
00:34:01 Jesus!
00:34:07 - Are you okay?
00:34:10 I don't feel so good.
00:34:16 What can I do to make you
00:34:34 I think I'm feeling
00:34:36 - We can go out another night.
00:34:39 - You sure?
00:34:46 - I don't know if I can do this.
00:34:49 But tonight, be the man.
00:34:52 First off, act like
00:34:55 - Hey.
00:34:58 Second, get her drunk.
00:35:03 That way the true porn star
00:35:09 Here, I... I got us something.
00:35:15 Bourbon?
00:35:18 - Are you trying to get me drunk?
00:35:21 - I thought you like to rock.
00:35:26 Last and most important...
00:35:28 ...always be touching her,
00:35:31 That tells her you came here
00:35:37 What are we doing?
00:35:40 Just chilling.
00:35:46 Hey, look.
00:35:49 MOTEL
00:35:53 Maybe we should get a room.
00:36:00 Okay.
00:36:08 Here it is.
00:36:29 This is... This is really nice.
00:36:32 TV.
00:36:35 Air conditioner.
00:36:37 Got a little lamp there.
00:36:40 Is that Monet?
00:36:46 What?
00:36:48 - What are you thinking?
00:36:55 I don't know.
00:37:06 Do you wanna fuck me?
00:37:15 Come here.
00:37:35 How do you want me?
00:37:38 Why are you doing this?
00:37:41 What?
00:37:43 This.
00:37:47 Isn't this what you want?
00:37:50 To fuck a porn star
00:37:58 So this is what
00:38:03 - Danielle, wait. I'm sorry.
00:38:05 You saw a tape,
00:38:07 "What the hell?
00:38:09 - Eli told me to do it.
00:38:13 - Why didn't you just tell me?
00:38:19 Because I loved the way
00:38:23 God, do you have
00:38:28 Forget it.
00:38:30 - Hold on.
00:38:47 ONLY 9 DAYS LEFT!
00:38:54 You're done.
00:39:02 WHY DO I DESERVE
00:39:20 Look, I'm an idiot, okay?
00:39:26 Hi. I'm coming in.
00:39:30 Look, I've just
00:39:33 I mean, the whole scholarship
00:39:36 It's killing me, you know?
00:39:38 But I'm not even
00:39:41 The only thing I care about
00:39:46 All I want is just for us
00:39:48 It's a real nice place
00:39:53 I...
00:40:07 Can we...
00:40:09 ...talk about this later?
00:40:14 Sure.
00:40:33 I like that.
00:40:35 - What?
00:40:38 Thanks.
00:40:45 Kelly.
00:40:47 Matthew.
00:40:54 - So you're friends with D, huh?
00:40:57 Well, we're-
00:41:03 Look at you.
00:41:09 - Are we going?
00:41:11 You coming with us?
00:41:12 - Where are you going?
00:41:15 No, no, I'm cool.
00:41:45 Hey, there.
00:41:47 We'll get two Scotch
00:41:50 Make it three. Actually, I'll
00:41:57 So, what grade are
00:41:59 I'm a senior.
00:42:02 Congratulations. What's next?
00:42:04 Georgetown, hopefully.
00:42:06 - Matthew wants to be president.
00:42:09 - That's great, man.
00:42:11 How do you
00:42:13 How do we know each other?
00:42:16 - We used to work together.
00:42:21 No. Strictly producer.
00:42:24 But D and I also used to go out.
00:42:30 So you guys went out?
00:42:33 Thank you.
00:42:35 Look, can we just talk?
00:42:38 Talk.
00:42:41 I don't know if this
00:42:43 - Why? What's wrong with it?
00:42:48 It's one of my favorites.
00:42:55 Hey, you got one for me?
00:43:06 - What are you doing?
00:43:08 Here.
00:43:11 And you turn it like so:
00:43:20 - Hey, where are you going?
00:43:24 Yeah.
00:43:29 So you're really into her,
00:43:32 Hey. I get it, man, believe me.
00:43:36 I just think you'd want
00:43:39 - She's my age.
00:43:44 No offense.
00:43:47 Don't worry about it.
00:43:51 Oh, my God.
00:43:54 That's my dad's
00:44:55 He comes over all
00:44:55 Really?
00:44:55 Hey, Peterson.
00:44:55 What? Dude,
00:44:55 Yeah, you. Get over here.
00:44:55 Goddamn, Peterson, haven't
00:44:55 - Do I know you?
00:44:55 - I...
00:44:55 Hey, you know my friend
00:44:55 - Matthew. Hi.
00:44:55 Why don't you buy him a dance.
00:44:55 So did you hear about
00:44:55 No, big dinner's on Thursday.
00:44:55 So, what's it for again?
00:44:55 The scholarship.
00:44:59 It's for...
00:45:01 ...moral fiber.
00:45:06 Me? A Teenage Daddy?
00:45:09 Who is this guy?
00:45:11 Klitz, shut up.
00:45:14 When you get a lap dance, were they
00:45:17 Dude. I'm trying to talk
00:45:20 Fine. Selfish bitch.
00:45:22 For teenagers, sexual intercourse
00:45:26 Jesus, what hack made this?
00:45:28 I could make a better sex-ed
00:45:31 Why don't they update this thing?
00:45:33 Special events,
00:45:36 ...place added pressure on young
00:45:39 ...and also engage
00:45:42 9 months later...
00:45:45 - Hello?
00:45:47 We're all going
00:45:49 It's gonna be a gas.
00:45:52 I can't, guys.
00:45:55 I have a baby now.
00:45:59 Because of prom.
00:46:02 Dude.
00:46:05 - What?
00:46:09 - You guys ever thought about it?
00:46:15 I just think you guys
00:46:17 - You girls are 18, right?
00:46:19 - I will be in a month.
00:46:21 - You ever been photographed?
00:46:24 Hey, you guys know Matty?
00:46:26 I hung with him last night.
00:46:30 Here's my man.
00:46:33 - How you doing?
00:46:38 Matty, you didn't tell me
00:46:41 ...at your school here.
00:46:43 Oh, shut up.
00:46:45 Hey, you know who's got
00:46:50 This fucker right here.
00:46:54 - What are you talking about?
00:46:56 Yeah, you have some?
00:46:58 Yeah, come on.
00:47:00 - Holy shit.
00:47:03 - Can l...?
00:47:05 - Hold on a sec.
00:47:07 - We got things to do.
00:47:10 - Hop in, fellas.
00:47:16 Always leave
00:47:18 Punch it!
00:47:36 Man, there is
00:47:40 You get those girls together
00:47:43 ...shoot them humping at,
00:47:45 ...game or at a prom,
00:47:48 Fuck, I'm good!
00:47:50 How do I get these ideas?
00:47:55 It's like I can't control it.
00:48:00 So, what are we doing, man?
00:48:08 You know, you really didn't
00:48:10 It's cool.
00:48:15 So you raised 25 G's just
00:48:19 No, he's Cambodian.
00:48:21 Okay, so that's 25,000
00:48:25 ...into the Operation
00:48:28 Hey, so you raised
00:48:30 - Congratulations.
00:48:32 So is this Samnang
00:48:35 Well, he did teach himself
00:48:37 ...his textbooks, so...
00:48:39 Those crazy little fuckers, man.
00:48:46 Jeannie, this is my...
00:48:49 They really compliment
00:49:02 Oh, you're Mr. Salinger?
00:49:02 Just here to make sure
00:49:02 - What?
00:49:02 Oh, thank you.
00:49:02 Thanks. I just got back
00:49:04 - Did you?
00:49:06 Okay, well, we gotta go.
00:49:10 Man, what were you doing...?
00:49:12 There's a bar,
00:49:14 You have been there.
00:49:16 - See? I knew it.
00:49:18 - This guy is unbelievable.
00:49:30 - Where you guys going?
00:49:33 We got the convention. Gotta press
00:49:38 So that's it?
00:49:41 I don't belong here.
00:49:44 What do you...? What do you mean?
00:49:48 This is what I am.
00:49:53 All right, D, let's roll.
00:50:14 - Dude, it's not your fault.
00:50:18 If I hadn't been such a dick and
00:50:21 Yeah, it was a little forward,
00:50:24 - Dude.
00:50:26 Matt, the point is,
00:50:29 There's nothing
00:50:37 Yeah, there is.
00:50:46 - Hey, Dad?
00:50:47 - I'll be late tonight.
00:50:50 - Shark Week is all week long.
00:51:05 LAS VEGAS WELCOMES
00:51:41 - Move it.
00:51:45 Big smile.
00:51:49 - Sasha!
00:51:57 - Yo, man, no press.
00:52:00 I'm still in high school,
00:52:02 This is for my high school
00:52:04 I swear to God.
00:52:09 That's right, bitch.
00:52:17 Jesus, is that her?
00:52:19 Athena.
00:52:40 Give me a second, guys.
00:52:43 - Athena!
00:52:44 - Danielle.
00:52:47 - Danielle.
00:52:49 - Work it, Athena.
00:52:55 - Look, I'm sorry. I had to come.
00:53:01 - I feel like this is all my fault.
00:53:04 - Will you at least look at me?
00:53:08 You're the best thing that
00:53:11 - Me too!
00:53:13 He's so sweet.
00:53:19 Danielle.
00:53:20 Nice job, dickwad.
00:53:23 - Danielle.
00:53:26 - Take me with you, dude.
00:53:28 Just leave me alone, please.
00:53:31 Danielle.
00:53:34 - Danielle, Danielle.
00:53:38 Look at you.
00:53:43 Just starting out,
00:53:46 No, they don't.
00:53:48 - So how's Kelly treating you?
00:53:50 Just okay?
00:53:52 Danielle, what do we know?
00:53:55 What do we know? We know
00:53:59 At the top.
00:54:04 - Nice tan.
00:54:06 - What do we say?
00:54:10 Always with the big words.
00:54:12 Danielle,
00:54:18 - What does that mean?
00:54:22 Matty. What are you doing here?
00:54:26 Look, Kelly, no offense, but I
00:54:30 ...wants to be here right now.
00:54:36 Matthew, please just go home,
00:54:41 Hey, D.
00:54:45 I'm sorry, man. Come on.
00:54:52 What's up?
00:54:55 It's not cute anymore.
00:54:57 - What?
00:54:59 - Do not piss me off.
00:55:04 Friends don't fuck
00:55:07 And that's what this is,
00:55:13 What?
00:55:15 What are you gonna do?
00:55:21 Yeah, that's what I thought.
00:55:30 Matt, seriously, man,
00:55:33 What about your thing tomorrow?
00:55:37 Sorry, I gotta do this.
00:55:45 Oh, by the way, if things get
00:55:49 What? What do you mean,
00:55:51 Just bolt.
00:55:53 Wait, what's he
00:55:58 You wanna get me a drink?
00:56:13 Hi.
00:56:20 Dude...
00:56:21 ...am I ugly?
00:56:23 What? No. No, man,
00:56:28 No, I'm ugly. I know it.
00:56:32 - So, what do you guys do?
00:56:38 - We're directors.
00:56:41 Would you guys ever wanna
00:56:45 Hell, yeah, we'll use you.
00:56:47 Baby, I'll do things to you
00:56:52 - What the fuck did you just say?
00:56:55 - And they wanna use me.
00:56:58 Guys, this is my boyfriend,
00:57:04 Hi, Mule.
00:57:10 Let's do it.
00:57:12 Man, you gotta use my girl, bro.
00:57:16 I am. I really am.
00:57:18 - You wanna give her a throw?
00:57:22 No, you know, no, I'm okay,
00:57:25 Well, come on.
00:57:28 I'm okay. I can't.
00:57:31 Fuck it. I'll feel one.
00:57:45 We're all set for tomorrow.
00:57:47 Athena will be there,
00:57:52 Not bad, huh?
00:57:56 Yo, Mule, what the hell
00:58:00 Steel, check it out, man.
00:58:05 Man, these punks ain't
00:58:07 They're in high school,
00:58:12 Okay, here's the thing...
00:58:21 Oh, shit!
00:58:27 - Come on, Klitz, come on.
00:58:38 Matty, time to go, time to go.
00:58:40 - What happened?
00:58:43 - Dude, wait up.
00:58:53 Excuse me.
00:58:54 I just wanna let you know,
00:59:00 And you're better than this.
00:59:39 IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY DREAM...
00:59:42 Yeah?
00:59:52 Need a ride to school?
00:59:57 It's all you now. I mean,
01:00:02 Why do you believe
01:00:05 I don't know. Maybe I'm stupid.
01:00:12 - Good luck tonight.
01:00:17 - Bye.
01:00:35 Will you go to prom with me?
01:00:39 What?
01:00:46 I would love to.
01:00:52 Now for the scientific
01:00:55 JOHN F. KENNEDY once said:
01:00:59 That's your speech?
01:01:02 Yeah.
01:01:04 You ready for tonight?
01:01:08 Hey, don't worry, man.
01:01:10 I have to be.
01:01:25 That bitch can't just
01:01:27 ...she don't wanna fuck
01:01:29 May I help you?
01:01:32 - Get up.
01:01:43 Stay in school.
01:01:49 Look, I have the most important
01:01:52 ...so wherever we're going,
01:01:54 ...we just have to be
01:01:56 Just so you know.
01:02:00 Here he comes.
01:02:04 - It's a cool ride, huh?
01:02:07 - Jesus!
01:02:11 Get in.
01:02:24 - Where are we going?
01:02:27 I tried to be your friend,
01:02:30 - You fuck me.
01:02:31 She didn't show up on set
01:02:34 Now I'm out 30 grand.
01:02:37 - Guess who's paying me back.
01:02:41 - Get your folks to help.
01:02:44 Look, Kelly, I'm a problem solver,
01:02:50 Let's just... Let's just think
01:02:55 Look, she'll get a job,
01:02:57 ...lawns, and over time
01:03:00 You know? This can work.
01:03:03 It'll be like a payment plan.
01:03:13 - You really care about her, huh?
01:03:16 Yeah, I don't know. If I'm gonna
01:03:20 ...I need a show of good faith,
01:03:22 - Something concrete.
01:03:28 A blowjob.
01:03:31 No. I told you she's not gonna
01:03:35 Who said anything about her?
01:03:40 Yeah, we're definitely
01:03:45 Now, you gotta ask yourself,
01:03:52 How much do you
01:04:00 I'm joking, man.
01:04:04 Relax.
01:04:07 - Damn. Do I look gay to you?
01:04:18 You wanna be president?
01:04:19 Let me tell you the first
01:04:22 Always know if the juice
01:04:26 You know what that means?
01:04:30 ...unless you're ready
01:04:38 All right, I'm sorry, okay?
01:04:43 That's gonna swell up like
01:04:50 I'm telling you,
01:04:59 I'm sorry I got upset.
01:05:05 Look, I'm not gonna be a dick.
01:05:09 I'm gonna leave you guys alone.
01:05:11 But now you're doing
01:05:24 Remember that ass-bag, Hugo,
01:05:27 We used to be partners
01:05:30 One day, I had this killer
01:05:33 ...in real-life situations.
01:05:34 You know, Real World porn.
01:05:37 I told the idea to Hugo.
01:05:40 And what does
01:05:43 Takes my best girl, starts
01:05:46 ...and the guy makes millions.
01:05:49 It's not the money
01:05:50 I mean, fuck,
01:05:53 ...but that's not it.
01:05:55 Everybody thinks Hugo's
01:05:58 It's like he's Simon,
01:06:02 Look at me, man.
01:06:10 - Look, seriously, I can't do this.
01:06:20 - Why do you want this thing so bad?
01:06:23 - I'll grab it and leave.
01:06:26 ...I have to be at
01:06:28 My whole life depends on it.
01:06:30 You want me out
01:06:32 Yes, I do.
01:06:33 - Then let's go.
01:06:36 Sometimes, if you wanna do
01:06:38 ...you gotta do
01:06:40 Yeah, but this is breaking
01:06:43 This is politics.
01:06:50 Hey.
01:06:51 After this, we're cool, okay?
01:06:56 You're all right, man.
01:07:27 Yes.
01:07:29 I'd like to report a robbery.
01:07:40 AVN BEST PICTURE 1999
01:07:42 HUGO POSH PRODUCER
01:07:44 Bang me.
01:07:49 Cradle the balls.
01:08:03 Stop! Stop! Help me!
01:08:06 Help! Oh, fuck!
01:08:13 Wait!
01:08:15 Come on!
01:08:35 Okay, so what time
01:08:38 Six o'clock.
01:08:39 - Why? What time is it now?
01:08:42 - Oh, my God.
01:08:45 We'll get there.
01:08:47 - Dude, what are you doing?
01:08:52 ...feel so good.
01:09:03 Oh, my God.
01:09:06 I just feel so weird.
01:09:09 Don't worry.
01:09:11 - What?
01:09:15 Oh, my God. Am I gonna die?
01:09:18 No, no, no. It's okay, Matt.
01:09:22 You're such a good friend, Klitzy.
01:09:26 I love you so much.
01:09:30 This is gonna be amazing.
01:09:33 Wait a second.
01:09:35 Oh, my God.
01:09:37 WELCOME TO THE SHERIDAN
01:09:42 You don't understand. It's
01:09:44 Just try not to talk
01:09:47 Talk so much?
01:09:49 - It's okay. Just go with it.
01:09:51 In a few minutes, we'll begin
01:10:02 Thank you again
01:10:04 ...promises to be a
01:10:10 Matthew Kidman?
01:10:15 My competition.
01:10:17 - Hey, what's up, Ryan?
01:10:20 Just living life, my man.
01:10:23 Mina, how are you?
01:10:25 Okay. Just a little nervous.
01:10:27 But you're a little temptress,
01:10:37 Hey, buddy. How you doing?
01:10:39 Hey. Thanks a lot,
01:11:06 Hey, there's the big daddy.
01:11:09 Matthew, what has been
01:11:12 Some serious shit.
01:11:14 But, Jesus, man,
01:11:17 Will you excuse us, please?
01:11:21 Oh, my God.
01:11:22 Just try and control yourself.
01:11:24 - Just breathe, okay?
01:11:32 I have learned a lot
01:11:36 But my best teacher
01:11:40 ...a woman who worked three
01:11:43 ...ever since
01:11:45 I will never forget the day
01:11:51 And that is why I have always
01:11:54 ...of the great
01:11:56 ...who urged us to
01:12:09 Let's see here...
01:12:11 I can't speak a
01:12:14 ...so that's out.
01:12:15 And l... I certainly
01:12:19 ...can I, Ryan? You know what?
01:12:22 It's funny, I have this whole
01:12:25 ...and I've been
01:12:28 ...but you know what?
01:12:30 I'm just gonna go with it.
01:12:35 Moral fiber.
01:12:37 So, what is moral fiber?
01:12:40 It's funny, I used to think
01:12:44 ...doing good deeds.
01:12:46 You know, basically
01:12:50 But lately, I've been seeing
01:12:54 Now I think that moral
01:12:56 ...finding that one thing
01:12:59 That one special thing
01:13:01 ...to you than anything
01:13:05 And when you find her...
01:13:08 ...you fight for her.
01:13:12 ...your future, your life...
01:13:15 You put her in front of
01:13:16 ...all of it.
01:13:18 And maybe the stuff you do
01:13:22 You know what?
01:13:26 Because in your
01:13:29 ...that the juice
01:13:34 That's what moral
01:14:00 First, I'd just like to commend
01:14:03 ...their impressive remarks.
01:14:06 This year was a
01:14:10 And as much as we'd love to give
01:14:15 And so I am proud to announce
01:14:18 ...of this year's
01:14:26 Ryan Winger.
01:15:09 Oh, God, what happened?
01:15:12 Yeah, I slipped.
01:15:14 Listen, Jeannie,
01:15:17 - I know. How exciting.
01:15:19 So I'm gonna need
01:15:21 What do you mean?
01:15:23 I mean I'm gonna need
01:15:26 - But it's already closed.
01:15:29 Your teacher came by yesterday
01:15:32 Who? What... What teacher?
01:15:34 Your student advisor.
01:15:35 The one you were
01:15:38 Mr. Salinger? What are you...?
01:15:51 Cambodia
01:15:53 Samnang, what's wrong, my son?
01:15:56 That Matthew Kidman.
01:15:59 He fucked me, Mom.
01:16:04 Son of a bitch.
01:16:09 Oh, my God.
01:16:11 - What's wrong?
01:16:13 ...didn't you ask
01:16:16 You said he was
01:16:19 Oh, my God.
01:16:23 - Jeannie, where are you going?
01:16:25 No, hold on.
01:16:28 Matthew, what's going on?
01:16:29 Look...
01:16:32 ...that guy wasn't
01:16:35 No, I know, I know.
01:16:39 We just need to keep this
01:16:43 That's a great blouse, by the way.
01:16:46 No? No, wait, wait.
01:16:49 Jeannie.
01:16:52 You think about this.
01:16:55 You didn't ask for ID.
01:16:58 And I saw you flirting
01:17:00 ...all right?
01:17:01 You'll lose your job
01:17:03 Don't threaten me,
01:17:05 I could give a fuck about you
01:17:07 I'm not getting fired.
01:17:09 Okay, okay. I'm sorry.
01:17:12 Just... No one can ever
01:17:14 If this gets out, I'll be expelled.
01:17:17 If that money isn't
01:17:19 ...I wouldn't worry about
01:17:21 I'd worry about going to jail.
01:17:25 - Jeannie...
01:17:27 Hi, Martin.
01:17:38 BANK MANAGER
01:17:57 Matthew, what's wrong?
01:17:59 Matt, is there something
01:18:04 Matthew, honey, what is it?
01:18:13 - Hi.
01:18:24 I'm in so much trouble.
01:18:39 I can't believe
01:18:45 Well, if you need that kind
01:18:48 Yeah... What are we doing?
01:18:50 I mean, I can't get you
01:18:52 I want to do it.
01:18:54 Why?
01:18:58 Moral fiber.
01:19:02 I'm in.
01:19:02 You haven't heard
01:19:04 Doesn't matter.
01:19:06 Fuck film school.
01:19:08 This is gonna be huge.
01:19:13 - No.
01:19:15 - No way.
01:19:17 ...you know I wouldn't ask for
01:19:21 Matt believe me,
01:19:23 - We'll get expelled and...
01:19:25 Do me a favor, okay?
01:19:28 Take a look at us, okay?
01:19:32 Do you know what we are,
01:19:37 - What?
01:19:42 - A tripod?
01:19:44 And you know what that means?
01:19:46 That means that if you kick out
01:19:52 Come on, baby.
01:19:58 Fuck.
01:20:02 I know it was you, Klitzy.
01:20:07 - Where is she?
01:20:12 - Hey!
01:20:15 Hi.
01:20:17 - Hey, let's get our luggage!
01:20:19 - Yeah!
01:20:22 - I'll be there in a minute.
01:20:45 So if I pull this off,
01:20:47 Kid, you pull this off I'll
01:20:51 Samnang.
01:20:53 Whatever.
01:20:54 Have a nice prom, kid.
01:20:59 - All right, minions, over here.
01:21:13 Relax, relax.
01:21:15 You know what?
01:21:22 Jesus.
01:21:27 Gentlemen, these are your
01:21:31 Ladies, we have Eli and Klitz.
01:21:36 Your name is Klitz?
01:21:39 With a K.
01:21:40 Okay, get a two-shot. Minions.
01:21:45 Yeah, that's right. Show me
01:21:48 - Nice.
01:21:50 Do those girls go to
01:21:53 Actually, no.
01:21:55 Mrs. Kidman...
01:21:57 ...they're porn stars.
01:22:16 You look...
01:22:19 You... You look really nice.
01:22:21 Thanks.
01:22:23 You really do, hon.
01:22:26 Really?
01:22:27 Thanks.
01:22:48 WELCOME
01:23:17 What are all these cameras for?
01:23:20 For video yearbook.
01:23:46 So, what should we do?
01:23:50 Yeah, look, we just gotta
01:23:53 Okay. What are you gonna do?
01:23:56 I'm gonna get our actors.
01:24:01 - Dude, make sure they can act.
01:24:04 - Just get out of here, okay?
01:24:07 You just show this little lady
01:24:11 - Minions, let's move.
01:24:13 Relax, relax.
01:24:20 Come on, play it cool,
01:24:37 Look, they're coming to you.
01:24:40 I, Matt.
01:24:41 - What's up?
01:24:44 - Can we talk to you for a second?
01:24:49 - Sorry, man.
01:24:51 No, I'll leave you guys alone.
01:25:07 What's up?
01:25:07 Hey, man, what's up
01:25:10 - What about them?
01:25:14 Are they porn stars?
01:25:17 - Yeah.
01:25:20 I knew I recognized them.
01:25:23 - Can we meet them?
01:25:29 How'd you boys
01:25:31 - What are these?
01:25:33 Sign the release
01:25:35 Come on, you guys, wait up!
01:25:41 PHOTO RELEASE
01:25:46 Are these our actors?
01:25:48 Just these two.
01:25:50 What about me, dude?
01:25:52 Sorry, bro.
01:25:58 Gentlemen.
01:26:04 As an artist, I want it
01:26:09 Holy shit.
01:26:15 - Ferrari. Ferrari. Focus. Listen.
01:26:17 - Are we...?
01:26:20 Think Meryl Streep,
01:26:31 Hey.
01:26:33 Hey.
01:26:39 Next location! Come on, move!
01:26:42 Move, move, move! Let's go!
01:26:52 - I gotta be in this.
01:27:10 Oh, come on! Take the pain!
01:27:12 Take the pain!
01:27:17 May I have a word with you?
01:27:20 - What's up?
01:27:24 Do you know what this is?
01:27:26 No, what is it?
01:27:27 Looks like a release
01:27:30 Yeah, I don't
01:27:35 Have a good night.
01:27:55 You're strong.
01:27:56 You're firm.
01:27:58 But you have a secret.
01:28:01 Show that to me.
01:28:16 Thank you.
01:28:18 For what?
01:28:21 I never went to prom.
01:28:45 Excuse me, sir?
01:28:47 We have a problem.
01:28:51 - What's wrong?
01:28:54 - What happened?
01:28:57 ...or firm.
01:28:58 Guys, I can't work like this.
01:29:01 Okay, relax.
01:29:03 There is nobody else.
01:29:04 I thought everyone's
01:29:06 Not this scene.
01:29:11 All right.
01:29:13 This is the key scene.
01:29:15 If we don't get this,
01:29:19 Yeah, well, somebody's
01:29:21 - Why are you looking at me?
01:29:25 Whoa, whoa,
01:29:27 Here's your first chance.
01:29:30 Klitz, I can't act
01:29:32 Oh, okay, fine. I'll direct.
01:29:33 - You're a director now?
01:29:35 Okay, Spielberg,
01:29:37 - It's a video camera.
01:29:39 Dude, you don't need to change
01:29:42 You know what? Take this camera
01:29:45 I'll do it.
01:29:50 I'll do it.
01:29:52 You guys have been great,
01:29:55 - I'll clean it up.
01:29:57 Your face is gonna be in this.
01:30:32 - Come here, baby.
01:30:36 Picture's up, people.
01:30:50 Are you ready, hon?
01:30:52 Yeah.
01:30:54 Okay, let's do this.
01:31:04 And...
01:31:06 ...action.
01:31:11 What the hell
01:31:17 - Nobody move!
01:31:19 Who is in charge of this?
01:31:22 I asked you people
01:31:24 Who is in charge here?!
01:31:40 Fuck it.
01:32:12 All right, everybody,
01:32:16 What's wrong?
01:32:18 I can't do this.
01:32:19 What happened?
01:32:33 What are you gonna do?
01:32:38 I don't know.
01:32:44 No.
01:32:46 I'll do it.
01:32:48 Klitz, it's cool.
01:32:50 No, no, I'm doing it.
01:32:53 Why?
01:32:55 Because we're
01:32:58 All right, here we go, people.
01:33:03 Listen, I know this
01:33:06 ...but I think
01:33:08 Yeah, right.
01:33:11 I'm serious.
01:33:14 Really cute.
01:33:16 How we doing, Klitzy?
01:33:19 Fucking great, man.
01:33:21 Let's do this.
01:33:23 And action!
01:34:15 See you guys.
01:34:19 Good night, guys.
01:34:27 So...
01:34:28 ...what's the craziest thing
01:35:47 - Hello?
01:35:49 - Eli?
01:35:51 - I can't find it.
01:35:53 Dude, I'm not kidding, okay?
01:35:56 All right,
01:35:57 No, dude, you calm down!
01:35:59 - What do you mean it's gone?
01:36:03 Somebody stole it!
01:36:05 Jesus Christ!
01:36:06 Matthew, could you
01:36:13 This is Mr. Simon.
01:36:17 He says he has something
01:36:25 Why don't you sit down.
01:36:30 Actually, if you don't mind...
01:36:32 ...may I have a word
01:36:36 Sure.
01:36:47 So how was prom?
01:36:51 - That's mine.
01:36:53 But now you go and do this?
01:36:56 Now I'm really gonna
01:36:59 I'm gonna need that back.
01:37:04 Take it from me.
01:37:09 Yeah...
01:37:11 ...what are you gonna do?
01:37:15 I don't have to do anything.
01:37:17 Hugo Posh will.
01:37:19 Yeah, he's my partner
01:37:23 So could I please
01:37:26 Fuck you!
01:37:29 Fuck you.
01:37:32 No. That money's going to Samnang.
01:37:35 You say that like I care.
01:37:39 You're giving me your half.
01:37:41 And if I don't?
01:37:44 Showtime.
01:37:52 - Okay.
01:37:56 Show them the tape.
01:37:58 I'm not fucking around.
01:38:02 I just don't care anymore.
01:38:05 This...
01:38:07 ...is gonna be interesting.
01:38:14 Dan, Marci, Mr. Salinger...
01:38:16 ...would you mind joining me
01:38:20 Great.
01:38:29 Matthew, is there anything you want
01:38:36 Okay, then. On with the show.
01:38:42 Hello. I'm April.
01:38:44 And I'm Ferrari.
01:38:46 You may recognize us as stars of
01:38:50 And today we're taking time
01:38:52 ...a very important subject.
01:38:54 - Sex.
01:38:57 Special events
01:38:59 ...place added pressure
01:39:00 ...to lose their virginity
01:39:04 I know I lost my virginity
01:39:06 ...prom. When'd you
01:39:08 - When I was 10.
01:39:11 In this video,
01:39:14 ...everything from kissing
01:39:16 And for our finale, we'll show you
01:39:20 ...using a real person.
01:39:22 No cucumbers or bananas
01:39:25 So for those of you
01:39:27 ...expecting to see a
01:39:29 ...you might as well
01:39:32 ...because you're not
01:39:34 What the fuck is this shit?
01:39:36 You're gonna see sex education.
01:39:41 The ELI EXPERIENCE
01:39:44 ADULT EDUCATION
01:39:50 This is interesting, Matthew.
01:39:56 Yeah.
01:39:57 Yeah, I think it's
01:40:03 Well, you remember those
01:40:07 Well, I'll tell you, if
01:40:10 ...we sure would've paid
01:40:15 I think it's atrocious.
01:40:20 But...
01:40:22 ...the hell with it.
01:40:25 The kids today
01:40:28 ...maybe this is the only way
01:40:34 You just might
01:40:36 I think it's pretty wild.
01:40:39 This could really sell,
01:40:43 How'd you come up
01:40:47 What can I say?
01:40:49 It's like a gift, you know?
01:40:52 It's like I can't control it.
01:40:58 We've Only.
01:41:03 YEARBOOKS
01:41:05 Courtney Booth. I will always
01:41:08 Eric Zierdal.
01:41:10 Kurt Kilgore. I will...
01:41:12 Joseph Croft.
01:41:13 I will always remember wrestling
01:41:16 Matthew Kidman.
01:41:21 ...the three legs of
01:41:24 I'm here with Hugo Posh,
01:41:28 ...the hottest-selling
01:41:31 ...being utilized in classrooms
01:41:34 Hugo, you're known primarily as
01:41:39 My business partner.
01:41:40 Let me break it down for you
01:41:42 See, Hugo Posh isn't just tits.
01:41:46 I mean, yes, he is those things,
01:41:51 What an ass-bag.
01:41:53 THE JUICE WAS
01:41:55 Fucking kid.
01:41:58 My student advisor.
01:42:00 All right, people.
01:42:02 Let's make some fucky-fucky.
01:42:04 Now, Hugo, you and your partner
01:42:07 So who is this silent partner?
01:42:10 Well, he prefers to remain
01:42:20 You better cure cancer, kid.
01:42:24 The next Einstein.
01:42:26 All right.
01:42:29 - All right.
01:42:31 - How about you, buddy?
01:42:33 ...why did you decide
01:42:36 Don't you think you're
01:42:38 Shut the fuck up!
01:42:39 Next question! Faster!
01:42:41 I got the tape! Can you see?
01:42:45 For our finale,
01:42:47 ...the proper technique...
01:42:48 ...for putting a condom
01:42:50 Is my volunteer ready?
01:42:52 Klitz's big debut.
01:42:54 Shut up, shut up!
01:43:04 Jesus, look at that guy.
01:43:07 He is huge.
01:43:15 My own scholarship
01:43:23 And of course,
01:43:25 ...the girl next door.
01:43:35 As for me...
01:43:38 ...l'm just going with it.
01:43:40 Text Fix & Ripp