Grumpy Old Men

en
00:01:41 Mr. Gustafson!
00:01:43 I have to talk to you!
00:01:49 Mr. Gustafson, will you answer
00:01:52 I know you're in there!
00:01:55 It's no use pretending this isn't
00:01:59 I can't keep coming...
00:02:02 ...back here every couple of days!
00:02:05 You have to talk to me!
00:02:09 Mr. Gustafson, I'm just trying
00:02:13 Come on and open the door!
00:02:15 I'll just keep knocking!
00:02:17 I'll come back, so you might
00:02:24 I know you're in there!
00:02:27 Think of the neighbors,
00:02:32 There's a letter for you,
00:02:37 I suggest you read it!
00:02:43 -Morning, dickhead.
00:02:45 What are you...?
00:02:47 Never mind. Just forget it.
00:02:48 Who's the guy yakking?
00:02:50 Mind your own business.
00:02:52 Mind your own business. Tie your shoe.
00:02:56 Shut up!
00:02:58 We're having a heat wave.
00:03:01 "We're having a heat wave
00:03:09 Somebody moving into
00:03:15 -You picked up on that, Sherlock.
00:03:18 I wonder if you could tell me...
00:03:21 ...where I could find Mr. Gustafson?
00:03:23 Gustafson? Sorry.
00:03:25 -Mr. John Gustafson?
00:03:32 You mean the low-life, ass-wipe,
00:03:37 Have you seen him?
00:03:39 That man's crazy. Loco.
00:03:41 Always hanging around
00:03:45 ...where men take their clothes off.
00:03:49 If he's taken his medication.
00:03:52 Medication?
00:03:53 Without it, he could be anywhere.
00:03:57 Believe me, he's a menace.
00:04:04 But have you seen him?
00:04:06 Sorry.
00:04:08 I think, perhaps....
00:04:15 If you see him...
00:04:17 ...give him this and
00:04:20 ...Mr. Snyder immediately.
00:04:22 Schneider?
00:04:23 Snyder.
00:04:24 That's me.
00:04:26 It's important.
00:04:28 Important? We'll tell him...
00:04:30 ...when we see him.
00:04:38 Watch out for that ice.
00:04:41 Very slippery.
00:04:42 Right.
00:04:45 Holy moly!
00:04:54 Jesus!
00:05:03 A men's strip joint?
00:05:10 Idiot.
00:05:38 Thirty days.
00:05:42 This is great.
00:06:17 You should have seen Mrs. Carlson's
00:06:21 Oh, cold enough for you?
00:06:24 Shut up, fat-ass!
00:06:27 It's not yet Thanksgiving and we're
00:06:31 Six inches of snow...
00:06:33 ...with travelers' advisories
00:06:37 You'd be advised to stay inside
00:06:41 ...home-cooked meal.
00:06:45 Here's what's coming up this week.
00:06:47 It's snow, snow, and more snow.
00:06:50 We've got snow coming into
00:06:53 Sunday afternoon, another cold front...
00:06:56 ...will move into our area,
00:07:34 What the hell?!
00:08:18 Holy...moly!
00:08:26 Oh, my God!
00:08:55 You're still using that beat-up
00:08:59 The Green Hornet's caught more fish
00:09:06 You see her?
00:09:08 Drives pretty fast on that snowmobile.
00:09:10 Pretty damn fast.
00:09:14 Did you hear about Eddie Hicks?
00:09:16 Hypothermia's a bitch.
00:09:18 Not quick like a stroke.
00:09:21 A stroke is no good.
00:09:24 Give me a cardiac any day.
00:09:27 You know what Jacob said?
00:09:29 Jacob said that Billy Hinshel
00:09:33 Head-on collision with a truck.
00:09:35 Cleared his car straight over the bridge
00:09:39 Lucky bastard.
00:09:40 You bet.
00:09:43 How is he anyway?
00:09:45 He's dead!
00:09:46 Died on impact!
00:09:47 Jacob...
00:09:48 ...moron. Jacob!
00:09:50 Oh, he's fine.
00:09:52 Doing real good. Busy.
00:09:54 He promised to come for Thanksgiving.
00:09:56 Is he really running for mayor?
00:09:58 Make a damn fine mayor, too.
00:10:00 It's good he looks like his mother
00:10:05 Eat my shorts.
00:10:06 Hello, Mrs. Truax.
00:10:09 Holy moly!
00:10:32 Jesus Quincy Adams.
00:10:48 I hit the cans again.
00:10:51 I heard.
00:10:52 How is the Grinch today?
00:10:54 Ain't got a pot to piss in
00:10:58 Can I get you something?
00:11:00 A six-pack of Schmidt and some bait.
00:11:02 Shiners or wax worms?
00:11:04 I can't afford shiners, get me worms.
00:11:06 The worms are 75 cents.
00:11:08 75 cents? Crime-in-Italy!
00:11:10 Chuck, we're talking about
00:11:13 You go through that every time.
00:11:16 Where are you going to get worms this
00:11:21 You could retire from selling me worms.
00:11:25 Five dollars for the beer
00:11:28 Your old gut can't handle jerky.
00:11:31 Goddamn!
00:11:33 Is Pop out there at the shanty?
00:11:36 Always.
00:11:37 And the moron?
00:11:39 Lots of ice out there, Gustafson.
00:11:41 Should be room enough for both of you.
00:11:44 Lots of ice out there, Gustafson.
00:12:18 Hi, Dad!
00:12:21 Any luck today?
00:12:22 How the hell should I know?
00:12:25 Mel, she came by the other day and...
00:12:28 ...said you'd been snapping.
00:12:31 Like a catfish.
00:12:32 I've had a lot on my mind lately.
00:12:35 I'll tell you what's on my mind.
00:12:37 It's butt-cold out here
00:12:42 Someone moved into the Clickner place.
00:12:45 A woman?
00:12:47 Did you mount her?
00:12:49 Oh, Dad!
00:12:50 Does she have big thighs?
00:12:55 Then what's the problem?
00:12:57 If I was a young fellow like you,
00:13:01 ...every woman in Wabasha.
00:13:05 Keep the change.
00:13:11 Hi, Punky.
00:13:13 Hi, John!
00:14:21 The Green Hornet strikes again!
00:14:25 Caught my limit!
00:14:27 You only snagged one.
00:14:29 Two fish are on there, you bonehead.
00:14:32 I throw back what I'm not going to eat.
00:14:35 Yeah, like that 40-pound muskie
00:14:39 It's a shame nobody ever sees you
00:14:50 You'll love it, Goldman.
00:14:55 Go to work.
00:15:07 What is it?
00:15:12 Oh, my God, they've come for me.
00:15:45 Oh, my God! I....
00:15:48 You see, I was....
00:15:51 Excuse me, but I saw your light on
00:15:55 ...if I might use your bathroom.
00:15:57 What?
00:16:02 Your toilet is broken?
00:16:03 No, thank goodness.
00:16:06 I don't know, the house seemed so empty
00:16:11 You can tell a lot about a person
00:16:14 I didn't know that.
00:16:16 There it is. I can't wait
00:16:19 -Wait a minute.
00:16:22 Give me 30 seconds
00:16:25 ...and I'll give you a complete
00:16:28 There's a guest bathroom.
00:16:30 Only be a minute.
00:17:06 So?
00:17:08 Fascinating.
00:17:12 Shouldn't you introduce yourself?
00:17:16 John Gustafson, right?
00:17:20 I took some of your mail yesterday
00:17:24 But you don't get much and...
00:17:26 ...it doesn't paint a picture.
00:17:28 Taking mail is a federal offense.
00:17:30 I know.
00:17:32 Sometimes you must go a long distance
00:17:36 ...return a short distance correctly.
00:17:38 Don't you find that?
00:17:39 I love that line.
00:17:41 It's not mine. It's from
00:17:45 I teach American literature at
00:17:48 I started yesterday.
00:17:50 Oh, I love the classics, don't you?
00:17:52 Well, I also read "Field and Stream."
00:17:55 Indeed?
00:17:56 You have a whole library
00:17:59 There's something really rugged
00:18:08 My manners! I'm sorry.
00:18:10 I'm Ariel Truax.
00:18:11 How do you do? I'm John Gustafson.
00:18:14 Yes, I know.
00:18:17 When did you move into the Clickner's?
00:18:19 I'm sure you know that.
00:18:21 Since I got here you and Max Goldman...
00:18:24 ...have been against the windows
00:18:29 Like people stick to their car windows.
00:18:32 The little suction cups they have....
00:18:34 Squirrels.
00:18:36 Been watching squirrels. One's been
00:18:40 Sure, John.
00:18:41 Here's your mail.
00:18:43 There's nothing addressed
00:18:46 By the state of your bathroom
00:18:50 Gay or straight?
00:18:53 Heterosexual or homosexual?
00:18:56 Jeez Louise....
00:18:58 It's a legitimate question.
00:19:02 Maybe in California
00:19:05 Have I upset you?
00:19:09 It's the middle of the night
00:19:12 Do you want me to leave?
00:19:14 No...yes.
00:19:19 It was very nice meeting you,
00:19:22 And now that we know each other,
00:19:26 Oh, and John...
00:19:28 ...king's rook to queen's bishop three.
00:20:04 Don't ring that up yet.
00:20:06 I need something for my lumbago.
00:20:09 It's killing you my ass. He wouldn't
00:20:13 I got a pinched sciatica make
00:20:18 Pain. He wants to talk about pain.
00:20:20 I had a gallstone big as a baseball.
00:20:25 Gallstones are for pussies.
00:20:27 When I had shingles did you see me
00:20:30 -Did you?
00:20:33 When I had my ulcers....
00:20:34 ...I was...
00:20:36 ...farting razor blades.
00:20:43 Oh, you must be Max Goldman.
00:20:46 I'm your new neighbor.
00:20:48 Pleasure.
00:20:50 Isn't it a peach of a day?
00:20:53 Here's something for you.
00:20:54 It was left at my house by accident.
00:20:57 Some of your mail.
00:21:00 Sorry.
00:21:03 Have my herbal therapy oils arrived yet?
00:21:06 This morning.
00:21:07 Special delivery from...
00:21:09 ...California.
00:21:11 Wonderful!
00:21:12 Ah, yes, there's nothing
00:21:16 ...fresh tea tree...
00:21:18 ...just soaking into your pores.
00:21:21 Don't you agree?
00:21:22 Uh, lovely.
00:21:26 It was a pleasure meeting you
00:21:29 ...be seeing a lot of one another.
00:21:39 Holy moly!
00:21:41 Now wait. You got all
00:21:44 All right. Careful, fellas.
00:21:48 Be careful. That's over 100 years old.
00:21:50 Thing might collapse.
00:21:52 Hi, sweetheart.
00:21:53 How are you?
00:21:55 -Granddaddy's little girl.
00:21:58 I'm getting rid of that.
00:22:01 Why?
00:22:02 I don't know. I don't play it much.
00:22:05 You love that piano.
00:22:07 Granddaddy's got a surprise
00:22:11 A little C-A-N-D-Y. It won't kill her.
00:22:19 Which one?
00:22:20 Which hand? This one?
00:22:23 That's the one.
00:22:26 There you are, sweetpea.
00:22:27 -How 'bout that? Here.
00:22:30 Is something wrong?
00:22:32 No, no. Nothing's wrong at all.
00:22:35 With me, uh....
00:22:45 How do I...?
00:22:46 -People are asking about you.
00:22:49 Yeah, I keep telling them
00:22:52 ...doing just fine.
00:22:56 Mike and I aren't fine.
00:22:59 That's what I thought.
00:23:04 We're separating for a while.
00:23:09 Honey, marriage isn't easy.
00:23:13 It's hard to work at it
00:23:16 Sounds familiar. Mother wondered
00:23:19 You really think I wanted two jobs?
00:23:23 ...doing it for you, Brian and Mother.
00:23:25 Dad, this isn't about you.
00:23:30 I'm sorry. I keep....
00:23:35 I'm sorry. I love you so much.
00:23:40 Well, whatever you
00:23:46 I never liked him anyway.
00:24:00 Who is that?
00:24:03 I don't know.
00:24:09 She seems to know you.
00:24:11 Well....
00:24:15 Does she always do that?
00:24:17 I don't know.
00:24:19 This is great!
00:24:40 We hope you enjoyed
00:24:43 Now stay tuned for tonight's
00:24:47 ...jackpot on Powerball.
00:24:49 Followed by local news.
00:24:51 Out of the way.
00:24:52 Come on, baby.
00:25:15 Jacob, you got my vote! That's great.
00:25:18 Come on in. Have a little TV dinner.
00:25:22 No time. I had to give you this
00:25:24 I have to deliver a lot.
00:25:26 Just have one drink.
00:25:29 I can't. Sorry. I'll call you.
00:25:31 No, close the door. Come in.
00:25:33 Wait a minute. Give me a minute.
00:25:40 $6.4 million is our estimated jackpot.
00:25:43 You could be a millionaire.
00:25:53 To win the jackpot, correctly match
00:25:58 Our first number is a--
00:26:08 What's going on?
00:26:12 Number four. Remember, to win
00:26:15 ...and the red powerball.
00:26:20 Come on!
00:26:22 Schmuck doesn't know anything.
00:26:24 A...25....
00:26:25 There's just one more white ball
00:26:33 Jesus Christ!
00:26:43 Goldman. It's Goldman.
00:26:45 You're a child.
00:26:46 Don't tell me. It isn't me.
00:26:48 Oh, it never is.
00:26:50 John started every fight since 1940.
00:26:53 'Thirty-Eight.
00:26:54 It's ridiculous.
00:27:00 Come here and apologize.
00:27:02 -Come here!
00:27:04 You're letting the cold air in.
00:27:10 Take that, you criminal.
00:27:34 I don't believe it.
00:27:36 That old trick?
00:27:37 This is between me and your father.
00:27:43 I don't say anything on one condition.
00:27:46 Put one of these in your yard.
00:27:49 I'd be proud to.
00:27:51 Hey, not one word
00:27:58 Have fun, Johnny.
00:28:17 Hey, dickhead, you win the Lottery?
00:28:21 Enjoy your shower, smart ass?
00:28:44 Got to use hot water, you schmuck.
00:28:47 You'll never get me.
00:28:51 See you later.
00:29:05 Up yours, Gustafson!
00:29:13 What the hell is that smell?
00:29:38 Watch it, bonehead.
00:29:50 Mrs. Cusack said she came in here
00:29:54 ...candles and incense.
00:29:56 She's probably a member
00:30:00 You say she's all alone?
00:30:02 What I heard. She's available...
00:30:04 ...and hot to trot.
00:30:11 Moron.
00:30:12 Putz.
00:30:16 We were talking about
00:30:18 What?
00:30:20 My new neighbor? Oh, yes, new neighbor.
00:30:24 What?
00:30:25 About 1 :30 in the morning.
00:30:28 Why would a woman come over
00:30:31 Why do you think?
00:30:35 Women...
00:30:36 ...and fish, you can't catch
00:30:40 I've laid more pipe in this town
00:30:44 You're going to go after her?
00:30:46 Oh, jeez. God no. She's too...
00:30:51 -For you, maybe.
00:30:55 Women fall too hard for me.
00:30:58 They get obsessed with me.
00:31:00 It's like one of them
00:31:03 ...that they show on
00:31:07 You guys are the biggest
00:31:11 ...entire frozen nation!
00:31:14 You're just plain chicken.
00:31:16 Both of you.
00:31:18 A beautiful woman just sitting there...
00:31:22 ...20 feet from your front yards,
00:31:25 ...to tell me you'd rather park...
00:31:28 ...your wrinkly butts...
00:31:29 ...on a frozen piece of ice, kissing up
00:31:35 Gee, listen to Casanova.
00:31:37 Yeah, he's a regular Don Juan.
00:31:40 No wonder women "don juan"
00:31:43 -That's it.
00:31:45 I'm out. I am out.
00:31:47 Hey, Max, say hello to Jake for me.
00:31:50 Why don't you come over
00:31:53 There's always plenty of bird
00:31:56 You can spend next week
00:31:58 Come over to my place,
00:32:01 Thanks.
00:32:02 But you know those old boys at the
00:32:08 Forget it. 'Bye, Chuck.
00:32:10 Moron.
00:32:11 Putz.
00:32:14 Tell me something.
00:32:16 Do I stink?
00:32:18 Not you, smart ass.
00:32:19 Didn't ask you!
00:32:24 I could smell it in the car.
00:32:26 This stink!
00:32:28 Is it me?
00:32:35 Damn!
00:32:51 What the hell is that?
00:32:54 For Christ's sake.
00:33:22 Gustafson.
00:33:30 You schmuck!
00:33:46 Disgrace the way they coach that team.
00:34:05 Stay there.
00:34:07 Stay there, you bastard.
00:34:25 -How are you, Punky?
00:34:29 Give me two packs of Camels and a cup
00:34:35 You should smoke filter cigarettes.
00:34:38 Yeah, well, I'm 94 years old.
00:34:41 What the hell do I care?
00:34:43 Thank you, dear.
00:34:59 Max is here.
00:35:11 Come on, love-muffin.
00:35:19 Thanks.
00:35:21 You're always there to save me.
00:35:24 Yeah, right.
00:35:25 When Billy Gerber locked me
00:35:28 ...you were my knight in shining armor.
00:35:30 And I got a black eye for my effort.
00:35:32 There you go.
00:35:34 I always knew, you know.
00:35:36 Knew what?
00:35:37 That you liked me since sixth grade.
00:35:40 You watched me with
00:35:43 What?
00:35:46 You never wondered why my curtains
00:35:50 I thought I was lucky.
00:35:53 I just did it to torture you.
00:35:56 Well you succeeded wonderfully.
00:35:59 How come you never asked me out?
00:36:04 Hey, Mel! Hi, Jakie!
00:36:06 Mel, is the turkey supposed
00:36:09 Oh, I better run.
00:36:14 Happy Thanksgiving!
00:36:15 How are you?
00:36:17 Good.
00:36:18 They're getting a divorce.
00:36:20 Mel and Mike are divorcing. They
00:36:25 I'm sorry to hear that.
00:36:28 So, are you seeing anyone special?
00:36:33 No, I guess not. Nobody serious.
00:36:35 What do you know?
00:36:38 We got a new neighbor, you hear?
00:36:41 Everyone in town is talking about her.
00:36:44 She hasn't been out since 11 :20.
00:36:47 What, are you clocking her?
00:36:49 She keeps odd hours.
00:36:51 Very interesting woman.
00:36:53 Sounds like a wacko to me.
00:36:57 I haven't had sex for 15 years.
00:37:08 Could I have some?
00:37:14 That was plenty.
00:37:16 Give Jakie some leftovers to take home.
00:37:18 He'll have his own.
00:37:20 That pre-cooked stuff his old man gets?
00:37:25 Why don't you go and talk to her?
00:37:28 Talk to who?
00:37:30 You spent half the meal
00:37:33 Squirrels.
00:37:34 The squirrels on her roof.
00:37:37 You're a handsome guy with a nice house,
00:37:42 Well, I got something to offer her.
00:37:48 I got zip to offer her.
00:37:51 I can't tell if this is done!
00:37:56 Do you know how many minutes
00:37:59 Getting hungry.
00:38:04 Sure be nice to have some turkey.
00:38:09 Remember the turkey
00:38:13 Damn, she was a good cook.
00:38:15 You remember the stuffing?
00:38:18 The best.
00:38:19 How about those potato latkes?
00:38:24 You said Chuck was at the V.F.W.
00:38:26 He is.
00:38:27 I don't think so.
00:38:28 What are you talking about?
00:38:30 Looks like he's making a house call.
00:38:33 What?
00:38:36 What the--
00:38:37 Hell is he doing there?
00:38:42 He's going to do it.
00:38:43 So?
00:38:44 What?
00:38:46 What is he doing in that crazy....
00:38:48 -Son of a...
00:38:58 He's in.
00:38:59 He's in. He's in.
00:39:02 Looks like Chuck's taking old one-eye
00:39:06 Oh, Jeez, Dad. What?
00:39:42 Chuck, where are you?
00:39:44 Hello, fellas.
00:39:48 Some game last night! Double overtime.
00:39:50 -Blackhawks were killers, weren't they?
00:39:57 Oh, sure. You were with
00:40:01 Yeah, how was the turkey at the V.F.W.
00:40:07 The turkey this year...
00:40:09 ...was delicious.
00:40:13 Come on!
00:40:15 We saw you!
00:40:16 What'd you do?
00:40:17 -What's it like in there?
00:40:20 Fellas!
00:40:22 Some experiences in life are too rich...
00:40:26 ...and too beautiful to put into words.
00:40:28 What does that mean exactly?
00:40:30 Could have been either of you
00:40:37 -You and she?
00:40:41 Of course not.
00:40:45 Oh, I get it.
00:40:48 Your old pal failed you, Chuck?
00:40:51 Couldn't rise to the occasion?
00:40:54 Yes, the spirit was willing--
00:40:56 But the flesh was....
00:40:57 Weak.
00:41:01 If it wasn't sex, what was it?
00:41:06 It was an awakening.
00:41:10 Ariel reminded me that I was alive.
00:41:13 That I was a man full of energy,
00:41:17 It was like being young again.
00:41:20 If only for a moment.
00:41:27 Couldn't get it up, huh?
00:41:31 Get out of here, both of you.
00:41:34 Yeah, I'll see you.
00:41:42 So long.
00:41:43 Hey, boys.
00:41:46 That's not just a woman
00:41:50 She's an angel.
00:41:53 Angel, right.
00:41:54 Take it easy.
00:41:58 See you.
00:43:18 Holy moly!
00:43:20 Look at all the crap you....
00:43:22 Excuse me. The stuff you got here.
00:43:24 Well, it's my inspiration.
00:43:25 You did?
00:43:26 You're an artist?
00:43:28 I try.
00:43:30 I used to teach courses
00:43:34 But now I'm back to
00:43:38 Berkeley, that explains it.
00:43:40 Oh, my God!
00:43:42 What?!
00:43:44 Your TV. It's got no guts.
00:43:47 I took them out.
00:43:48 How could you do that
00:43:52 This TV is a classic.
00:43:54 I could fix it for you
00:43:58 That's what I used to do.
00:44:01 That's so sweet, Max, but...
00:44:04 ...I think it works quite well...
00:44:06 ...just the way it is.
00:44:10 How the hell does she see any shows?
00:44:20 Holy moly!
00:44:26 You met Ernest.
00:44:29 Who?
00:44:30 The model was my husband.
00:44:32 He sure wasn't pleased about
00:44:35 Took quite a bit of prompting.
00:44:39 He's...?
00:44:41 Passed on.
00:44:43 Five years ago.
00:44:47 Would you like some coffee?
00:44:50 Cream and sugar?
00:45:06 You moved around a lot
00:45:09 Yes, I think it's exciting
00:45:13 ...new places, and meet new people.
00:45:17 Like you.
00:45:22 Do you paint?
00:45:24 Paint? Me?
00:45:26 Sure do.
00:45:27 I paint the shed every spring.
00:45:30 -You get it?
00:45:33 I mean, you know...
00:45:35 ...pictures, paintings.
00:45:38 What for?
00:45:40 Everyone needs some form of...
00:45:44 ...release.
00:45:46 I fish.
00:45:49 Fish?
00:45:51 Fish?
00:45:54 Oh. Yeah. Fish.
00:45:58 You can?
00:46:03 Miss Truax...
00:46:05 ...would you honor me by accompanying
00:46:13 I'd be honored.
00:46:23 See you tomorrow.
00:46:24 Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.
00:46:28 Be careful!
00:46:31 "We're having a heat wave
00:46:35 "We're having a heat wave"
00:46:40 -I can't hold it!
00:46:43 -I can't hold him, Max.
00:46:46 -I am trying! I can't hold it!
00:46:50 -I'm trying but I can't!
00:46:53 Hold on! Not on your life!
00:46:59 Pull it! You got to pull it!
00:47:06 Morning, John.
00:47:09 Morning, Punky.
00:47:13 I almost lost him.
00:47:15 Oh, Max, he's just magnificent.
00:47:18 He's a record breaker!
00:47:22 I can see the beauty in this now.
00:47:24 -Can you see it?
00:47:28 Wait till I show the guys.
00:47:30 The catch!
00:47:31 And then the release.
00:47:34 What? There's no release.
00:47:36 Ah, yes, it's beautiful.
00:47:38 No, what's beautiful is this monster
00:47:41 There can be no stuffing.
00:47:43 This is a live creature.
00:47:45 Full of courage and life.
00:47:48 Nobody'll believe me. I need a camera.
00:47:51 -I hear the water calling it back.
00:47:55 -Here we go!
00:47:57 Calling!
00:47:58 Here! Hold it!
00:48:18 Hey! Just finishing breakfast.
00:48:21 So I see.
00:48:24 Colder than a witch's titty out there.
00:48:27 Where did you get this?
00:48:30 I snagged it about an hour ago.
00:48:33 The only damn thing I caught all day.
00:48:40 Chuck, guess what Pop found?!
00:48:55 Chuck, you forgot to unlock
00:49:17 Isn't it wonderful to have
00:49:20 You're one hell of a fisherman, Ariel.
00:49:23 I learned from the best.
00:49:25 Hope you didn't mind putting them back.
00:49:28 That's okay.
00:49:31 He just keeps the ones he eats.
00:49:35 I think he never catches them.
00:49:40 I think we're going to be great friends.
00:49:44 Oh, friends. Friends is good.
00:49:46 That's good, isn't it?
00:49:49 How about some supper tonight?
00:49:53 Oh, thank you so much, but I already
00:49:58 I'll take a rain check.
00:49:59 That's a deal.
00:50:03 Until we meet again, my dear Ariel.
00:50:07 Good-bye.
00:50:10 Watch out! Don't slip!
00:50:24 Well, Gustafson, looks like
00:50:30 Yeah, you always were a lousy loser.
00:50:34 He's dead.
00:50:37 What? Who?
00:50:38 Chuck!
00:50:40 Chuck? How?
00:50:42 Last night in his sleep.
00:50:45 His sleep.
00:50:48 Lucky bastard.
00:50:50 You might have known if you hadn't
00:50:53 Hey, it ain't my fault.
00:50:57 You call yourself a friend, bastard!
00:51:00 Watch your mouth, you dumb Swede.
00:51:02 Don't tell me what to do!
00:51:04 Big man with the axe in your hand.
00:51:07 Axe? You want to clock me?
00:51:10 Come on!
00:51:10 All right. 1937 at Todd Field...
00:51:13 ...I kicked your ass after football
00:51:18 -I kicked your ass and I'll do it again!
00:51:22 Give it your best shot, shrimp.
00:51:27 It's not worth it.
00:51:30 Get out of there!
00:51:41 Damn!
00:51:43 He has the intelligence quotient
00:52:01 Shrimp thinks he can get funny with me.
00:52:05 Left hook...
00:52:07 ...right cross...
00:52:09 ...and dump him.
00:52:21 I'm going to kill him.
00:52:24 Goddamn you, Goldman, you--
00:52:29 I'm Elliot Snyder of the I.R.S.
00:52:32 I'm asking you to come to my office.
00:54:01 I was wondering where you were.
00:54:06 I was...I had a little business.
00:54:09 I hope it went all right.
00:54:13 What are you doing?!
00:54:15 Cooking.
00:54:22 Wait, I can't have anything spicy.
00:54:24 If it's too exciting, I'm up all night.
00:54:27 Good.
00:54:29 I'm making Szechuan.
00:54:36 From the moment I saw you, I could feel
00:54:41 That we shared something special.
00:54:43 Teaching.
00:54:44 Thirty-nine years, I taught
00:54:48 History, it's so romantic.
00:54:52 Great dental plan.
00:54:58 The ideas you gave those young minds.
00:55:01 Kids think they know it all, right?
00:55:04 Once in a while you reach one.
00:55:07 I did that once.
00:55:08 Really?
00:55:09 It was my New Deal lecture. I touched
00:55:15 You're so bad.
00:55:19 You know...
00:55:23 ...Chuck, he....
00:55:28 I know.
00:55:31 We can be thankful that we had
00:55:36 ...while he was here.
00:55:46 To Chuck.
00:55:49 Yes, to Chuck.
00:56:01 Thank you, John.
00:56:02 It was a wonderful evening.
00:56:03 Thank you, Ariel.
00:56:23 Pop?
00:56:24 -What?
00:56:26 -What?
00:56:28 Well, let me tell you something, John.
00:56:32 The first 90 years, or so...
00:56:35 ...go by pretty fast.
00:56:38 What?
00:56:39 The first 90 years go by fast.
00:56:41 How would you know?
00:56:43 You're just a damn kid.
00:56:44 I didn't say it, you did.
00:56:46 Well, they do. They do go fast.
00:56:49 Then one day you wake up.
00:56:51 And you realize...
00:56:54 ...that you're not 81 anymore.
00:56:56 You begin to count the minutes
00:56:59 ...and you realize that pretty soon
00:57:03 And that all you have, see,
00:57:07 That's all there is.
00:57:09 Everything! The experiences!
00:57:16 You mount the woman, son.
00:57:20 Or else...
00:57:22 ...send her out to me.
00:58:06 I happened to come by these two tickets
00:58:13 Ever play much ice hockey?
00:58:22 We had an appointment!
00:58:34 There she is. Wabasha.
00:58:40 It is just beautiful.
00:58:43 Yeah, from up here...I used to
00:58:50 What are you thinking?
00:58:52 Oh, I'm sorry.
00:58:55 The snow...
00:58:58 ...reminds me of the last Christmas
00:59:06 Are you all right?
00:59:08 Yes, an angel.
00:59:10 What?
00:59:11 I'm making a snow angel.
00:59:15 I remember.
00:59:30 Do you believe in angels?
00:59:34 They're all around us.
00:59:37 You've got to look hard, but...
00:59:39 ...they're there...
00:59:42 ...whenever anything good
00:59:46 I think I see one.
01:00:46 I'll have you mated in three moves.
01:00:49 Shouldn't we get to know each other
01:00:56 You have a wonderful smile.
01:01:00 I bring it out on special occasions.
01:01:07 Tell me who's this?
01:01:09 -What?
01:01:11 That's my dad. That's Pop.
01:01:13 This handsome guy, you know him, right?
01:01:16 My daughter Melanie and her mother,
01:01:20 She's beautiful.
01:01:21 Who are these people here?
01:01:23 Ah, that little girl is Alexandra,
01:01:27 And my son, Brian.
01:01:29 He's so handsome.
01:01:31 Lost him in Vietnam.
01:01:32 -I'm so sorry.
01:01:37 These little guys.
01:01:39 That's me and the moron.
01:01:41 Of course it's Max. He's ugly isn't he?
01:01:44 You mean you were friends?
01:01:46 I was 10, and didn't know any better.
01:01:50 What makes two men spend
01:01:53 Guess.
01:01:55 A woman.
01:01:57 How romantic.
01:01:58 No, it wasn't romantic at all.
01:02:01 Well....
01:02:04 What did I know? I was just a kid.
01:02:07 Which I am not anymore.
01:02:23 I think it's kind of late.
01:02:30 It's time for bed.
01:02:36 God, you are dumb, dumb, dumb.
01:02:44 Ariel, I'm sorry that--
01:02:51 I thought you said--
01:02:53 I said it's time for bed.
01:02:56 Well, wait, what about....
01:02:58 -What?
01:03:01 Max?
01:03:03 He's just my friend.
01:03:08 The last man I slept with
01:03:14 Wait a minute!
01:03:15 Wait a minute!
01:03:21 I'm not prepared.
01:03:24 These days they say
01:03:29 When was the last time you made love?
01:03:34 October...fourth....
01:03:39 ...1978.
01:03:43 Oh, I think we're safe.
01:04:18 Good morning.
01:04:21 Are those for me?
01:04:23 Oh, they're just beautiful. Thank you.
01:04:26 They're for you. I got them for you.
01:04:30 Thank you. How sweet!
01:04:32 That's....
01:04:36 Got them for you.
01:04:43 Snake in the grass!
01:05:29 Burn, baby, burn.
01:07:17 Holy shit! Max!
01:07:19 Stop the car, you idiot!
01:07:23 Look out!
01:07:25 Look out!
01:07:28 Max, you've really lost it!
01:07:30 Dirty little bastard!
01:08:01 He belongs in a rubber room.
01:08:10 I fixed your fishing pole!
01:08:13 Who cares about a damn fishing pole?
01:08:16 You can shove that pole!
01:08:18 You think a lousy old pole
01:08:25 Are you crazy?
01:08:28 Don't egg him on!
01:08:30 Leave him alone.
01:08:31 We'll settle this thing.
01:08:34 Cut it out!
01:08:40 Shrimp, you're not going anywhere!
01:08:45 Come on!
01:08:58 You broke my nose, schmuck.
01:09:00 I did not.
01:09:03 Look at that! What the hell
01:09:06 You stole her!
01:09:07 What?
01:09:08 She's mine.
01:09:10 -Says who?
01:09:11 She came to me!
01:09:13 You're stealing her away, just like May.
01:09:17 Could I remind you, Einstein,
01:09:20 She was to me.
01:09:21 I was married to the woman 20 years.
01:09:24 She was to me!
01:09:26 Moron!
01:09:27 If you'd ended up with May, you wouldn't
01:09:31 -She was the best.
01:09:34 So!
01:09:35 So what?
01:09:51 Well, did you?
01:09:54 You know!
01:09:56 That's a private matter.
01:09:58 Private, my foot. Did you?
01:10:00 -I can't say.
01:10:02 Okay, we did the horizontal mambo!
01:10:05 It was the greatest sex I ever had
01:10:09 I'll kill you!
01:10:12 Dirty rat!
01:10:22 Drop that fish!
01:10:28 Don't make me have
01:10:33 Now go to your shanties, all of you!
01:10:35 You're scaring the fish away!
01:10:38 Damn kids!
01:10:42 Kids! You can't live with them,
01:10:48 How you going to take care
01:10:53 How are you going to support her...
01:10:56 ...when the I.R.S. takes your house?
01:11:01 I can't wait around for another Amy.
01:11:59 This time you win.
01:12:26 If you won't keep our date,
01:12:31 You promised to come over and
01:12:35 -So like a good student--
01:12:38 A gift.
01:12:44 You inspired it.
01:12:50 I can't accept it.
01:12:53 Why not?
01:13:00 It might be a good idea if
01:13:05 For a while. And, well, give each of us
01:13:10 But I thought....
01:13:13 Goddamn it. In the first place,
01:13:17 I don't like...
01:13:19 ...you coming over here.
01:13:21 I don't like you hanging around
01:13:25 I'm not afraid to be alone like you.
01:13:28 I am not afraid to be alone!
01:13:32 ...to experience things...
01:13:34 ...and not watch them on television
01:13:37 Don't you understand?
01:13:40 I understand.
01:13:42 I understand completely.
01:13:44 You know nothing about me.
01:13:45 I do too!
01:13:47 I know the only things in life that
01:13:53 But you wouldn't understand that.
01:13:55 Because you're too pig-headed.
01:14:54 Merry Christmas.
01:14:55 Congratulations on the election.
01:14:57 That's old news. Where've you been?
01:14:59 I had all this stuff that
01:15:04 Melanie said she's going
01:15:07 For Christmas Eve. Around 9:00.
01:15:09 Why don't you drop over?
01:15:12 I'll do that.
01:15:28 This neighborhood will be a lot safer
01:15:33 -Hi, Jacob.
01:15:38 Merry Christmas, John.
01:15:45 Your cat crapped on my steps again.
01:15:48 Who says you can't train a cat?
01:15:51 It's a warning. If it happens again
01:15:56 He started it.
01:16:16 Where's Santa's favorite little girl?
01:16:19 Merry Christmas, Dad.
01:16:26 What, no twinkle lights?
01:16:31 I forgot about them this year.
01:16:35 Be polite.
01:16:39 Merry Christmas.
01:16:43 Can I put Allie in your bed?
01:16:45 Sure.
01:16:47 Come on, bedtime.
01:16:54 How've you been?
01:16:56 Lousy. Thought you two
01:17:01 Actually, it's only a separation.
01:17:04 I had to work some things out
01:17:09 Did you get it worked out?
01:17:17 As far as I can tell.
01:17:20 That's great, Mike.
01:17:23 Maybe the rest of us should put
01:17:27 ...two weeks while you fill up with
01:17:38 You know...
01:17:41 ...I need a beer.
01:17:42 Grab a beer. It's in the fridge.
01:17:47 -What's wrong?
01:17:50 Grab me one too!
01:17:52 Dad, try and understand...
01:17:54 ...he says he's all straightened out.
01:17:57 What do I know? I'm 68 years old!
01:18:02 What are you saying?
01:18:04 I don't know one damn thing,
01:18:07 The only thing in this life that you
01:18:12 If you see a chance to be happy...
01:18:14 ...grab it with both hands and
01:18:27 I can't find a bottle opener.
01:18:32 Sweetheart, I'm going to walk down
01:18:38 What?
01:18:44 Hey, Jakey. Merry Christmas.
01:18:47 Merry Christmas.
01:18:50 Is this a bad time?
01:18:52 I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong
01:18:57 You want me to go after him?
01:19:00 He'll cool off down at Slippery's.
01:19:05 What's that?
01:19:07 This is broccoli.
01:19:09 Pop didn't have mistletoe.
01:19:18 Hey, Mike. You're next big guy.
01:19:21 Hi, stinky.
01:19:25 I just came by to wish you all
01:19:28 That was sweet, Jacob.
01:19:32 Sweet...and short.
01:19:42 Good to see you, Mike!
01:19:48 Could I ask you a favor?
01:19:49 Sure.
01:19:50 Could you have a word with your dad?
01:19:53 See if they can't make up for Christmas.
01:19:59 Sure. Absolutely.
01:20:00 That would be great.
01:20:04 Merry Christmas.
01:20:06 Merry Christmas.
01:20:15 Over to Gustafson's?
01:20:21 Melanie there?
01:20:25 She look good?
01:20:28 Very. She also looks
01:20:32 What?
01:20:33 Mike's back?!
01:20:34 Looks that way.
01:20:36 Melanie said that John...
01:20:38 ...just exploded and walked out.
01:20:42 So?
01:20:43 So what's going on?
01:20:45 Nothing that shouldn't
01:20:54 He tried to steal her
01:20:58 Could you at least talk to him?
01:21:04 My door is open.
01:21:09 He started it.
01:21:12 I don't care who started it,
01:21:15 I don't like him! I never liked him!
01:21:18 It's Christmas, Pop.
01:21:20 You could go down to Slippery's
01:21:24 I'd rather kiss a dead moose's butt.
01:21:31 This 1500-pound moose
01:21:35 Reared by local volunteer firefighter,
01:21:40 He found it injured while hunting,
01:21:43 ...and raised it in his home.
01:21:45 Merry Christmas.
01:22:05 Moron.
01:22:07 Putz.
01:22:13 Jacob says Mike and Melanie
01:22:18 He doesn't know his ass from a hole
01:22:26 I got some things I wanted to tell you.
01:22:30 The reason I came down here tonight is--
01:22:34 I wanted to tell--
01:22:35 Hurry! I haven't got all night.
01:22:37 -Don't shout!
01:22:39 Bust my tuchus to come here and
01:22:46 To thank me?
01:22:48 All right, I take it back.
01:22:51 Jesus, it's impossible!
01:23:01 Look, Goldman....
01:23:05 I want to ask you something.
01:23:07 Well, what? I ain't got all night
01:23:13 Do you love her?
01:23:14 Do I love her? What does that
01:23:17 It would make the whole thing
01:23:20 You know something, I think you've
01:23:26 Do you think you walked
01:23:29 Gave me back my fishing pole
01:23:32 Fishing pole?
01:23:36 Pisses me off you broke it
01:23:39 ...I got to be realistic.
01:23:41 -What's so funny?
01:23:46 -What's it about?
01:23:48 What do you mean forget it?
01:23:50 I want to know.
01:23:52 You really want to know?
01:24:03 What about her?
01:24:06 You made me feel sorry for you.
01:24:11 She chose me!
01:24:13 She did!
01:24:14 And if anyone says otherwise
01:24:18 What's the difference?
01:24:27 What are you looking at?
01:24:42 Stupid moron!
01:24:45 Stupid idiot!
01:25:14 It makes a difference, damn it!
01:25:41 Dirty rat. Little turd.
01:25:52 Oh, my God!
01:25:59 Are you dead?
01:26:02 Not yet. But I don't want to die
01:26:07 Stay there!
01:26:09 Stay there!
01:26:11 Wait a minute. I'll be right back!
01:26:19 Help!
01:26:20 We need a--
01:26:22 It's an emergency!
01:26:23 Emergency! We need an ambulance!
01:26:32 Could you tell me--
01:26:36 Oh, nurse...nurse.
01:26:39 Nurse, could you tell me where
01:26:44 Are you friend or family?
01:26:47 What?
01:26:49 Are you friend or family, sir?
01:27:01 Friend.
01:27:37 Merry Christmas, John.
01:27:43 You putz.
01:28:01 Well, you'd better have a good reason
01:28:10 What's wrong?
01:28:12 Can I come in?
01:28:16 Sure.
01:28:32 I know you wanted to get rid of me,
01:28:45 My husband passed away at Easter.
01:28:48 If you leave me at Christmas, I won't
01:28:54 Except maybe...
01:28:55 ...Thanksgiving, and...
01:28:57 ...I really...
01:28:58 ...I'm not crazy about turkey.
01:29:03 So, what do you say?
01:29:06 Let's go.
01:29:07 All right.
01:29:19 Okay, I can wait.
01:29:29 He could be dead tomorrow!
01:29:31 I'm sorry your friend is sick...
01:29:34 ...but the court order is in
01:29:38 Check the bedroom. File the paperwork.
01:29:40 He's straight as a grizzly's dick!
01:29:45 It's not a matter of cheating!
01:29:47 It's a matter of miscalculation.
01:29:50 He got health benefits for 20 years
01:29:55 However, he omitted to inform us that...
01:29:58 ...his ex-wife had a part-time job
01:30:02 Had he done so,
01:30:04 ...that, because of her income...
01:30:07 ...a larger portion of those benefits
01:30:12 About $13,000.
01:30:15 He can raise that.
01:30:17 However....
01:30:19 ...that amount when combined with...
01:30:22 ...1 1 years worth of interest,
01:30:28 ...comes out at about $57,000.
01:30:35 He'd never find that.
01:30:39 He will when we sell his house.
01:31:07 The furniture goes to the auction house.
01:31:11 Any paperwork,
01:31:16 Beautiful day.
01:31:19 Do the world a favor and pull your lip
01:31:28 Asshole!
01:31:31 Bloodsuckers!
01:31:34 Max what's going on?
01:31:38 Anyone looking?
01:31:40 No, why?
01:31:48 We got a problem.
01:31:50 -What is it?
01:31:54 Wait a minute.
01:31:56 What?
01:31:58 Break in the door!
01:32:00 Watch this.
01:32:02 We'll see about this.
01:32:09 This isn't going to stop me,
01:32:13 I got him right where I want him.
01:32:28 Got it, just like you said.
01:32:30 You don't understand.
01:32:31 I can handle it.
01:32:34 I'm Jacob Goldman, mayor of Wabasha.
01:32:40 I have a 30-day cease-and-desist order.
01:32:55 Very well.
01:33:47 You look great.
01:33:48 Thanks, so do you.
01:33:50 I mean it. People always try to be nice
01:33:56 ...you really do look great.
01:33:57 I feel good.
01:33:59 How are you?
01:34:01 I'm good, Jacob.
01:34:05 Listen, I'm sorry about the....
01:34:08 Divorce. Thanks.
01:34:10 I'm just glad it's over and done with.
01:34:13 You must be.
01:34:19 Ready for this?
01:34:20 No, not really.
01:34:25 Listen, if you need someone
01:34:29 ...I'm staying at Pop's.
01:34:31 Thanks, Jacob.
01:34:33 I'd like that.
01:34:35 Hey, you two!
01:34:37 Get your asses in here!
01:34:41 I guess it's time.
01:34:50 Where have you been?
01:34:52 Relax. You nervous?
01:34:54 The groom is nervous.
01:34:55 -I'm not nervous, schmuck.
01:34:58 You're in a church!
01:35:41 Wait!
01:35:42 Ain't you forgetting something?!
01:35:49 That'll do it.
01:35:51 That'll do it, Dad!
01:35:54 Okay, here we go!
01:35:59 You're the greatest.
01:36:05 -I love you.
01:36:10 Here's the house.
01:36:12 Jacob paid the penalties and interest.
01:36:17 Wipe the smile off your face,
01:36:23 I'll lay eight-to-five you can't
01:36:28 You're on.
01:36:29 A sure winner.
01:36:49 You smell something?
01:36:52 What is that?
01:36:55 That dirty son of a--
01:37:11 What a putz!
01:37:19 What do you feel like tonight,
01:37:22 Tell me about it in the morning.
01:37:24 Where are you going?
01:37:26 The Daughters of the American Revolution
01:37:32 Maybe I'll get lucky.
01:37:34 Don't wait up for me.
01:38:41 What have you got there?
01:38:42 Broccoli.
01:38:44 Holy moly!
01:38:53 He's in. He's in!
01:38:56 Looks like he's going to enter
01:39:00 Coitus uninterruptus.
01:39:05 I throw back what I'm not going to eat.
01:39:07 Like that 40-pound muskie
01:39:11 It's a shame that...
01:39:14 ...that your uncle has a fish market
01:39:18 Twenty-sixth.
01:39:19 Twenty-sixth Street, you dummy!
01:39:22 You schmuck!
01:39:24 Yeah. It looks like Chuck's
01:39:29 Oh, Jesus, Dad!
01:39:36 I'm Ronald Reagan. I used to be
01:39:40 -I live across the street.
01:39:43 I was also in the movies.
01:39:49 Looks like Chuck's going to put
01:39:53 Oh, jeez, Dad!
01:39:57 That's why I came down.
01:39:58 -Spit it out!
01:40:01 I'm not!
01:40:02 Bust my tuchus to get
01:40:05 ...or on Christmas, or whatever the--
01:40:12 Looks like Chuck's...
01:40:13 ...a tomcat on the prowl.
01:40:17 My pinched sciatica would make
01:40:23 Is it? Does he? Would he? Is he--
01:40:26 Yes, he is.
01:40:29 Looks like Chuck is taking
01:40:34 Looks like Chuck's
01:40:37 That's right, you're a moron!
01:40:39 If you hadn't had Amy--
01:40:52 It looks like Chuck is taking
01:40:57 Looks like Chuck is taking the ride
01:41:13 Who left?
01:43:13 If I knew there was a nude scene,