|
100 Girls
|
| 00:01:12 |
One hundred girls. |
| 00:01:17 |
And one of them |
| 00:01:19 |
My forever soul mate. |
| 00:01:22 |
The Betty to my Barney. |
| 00:01:25 |
My cosmetic destiny. |
| 00:01:27 |
The problem is... |
| 00:01:29 |
I don't know who she is. |
| 00:01:34 |
I was leaving a highball bash |
| 00:01:44 |
Can you hit the |
| 00:01:49 |
My back was to her when |
| 00:01:53 |
I never got a chance |
| 00:02:00 |
It must've been the cloak of darkness |
| 00:02:05 |
Because that night I was smart, |
| 00:02:09 |
Did you ever notice in the movie "Willy |
| 00:02:13 |
that the Oompa Loompas |
| 00:02:15 |
Do you know what I really hate? |
| 00:02:19 |
By the time you peel it off, |
| 00:02:22 |
I sometimes wish I could |
| 00:02:25 |
Just hold each other. Like that picture |
| 00:02:29 |
That is so sweet. |
| 00:02:32 |
And that's when it happened. |
| 00:02:40 |
Our tongues tangled. |
| 00:02:42 |
And our hands began displaying |
| 00:02:49 |
Her little breasts were |
| 00:02:53 |
a champagne glass. |
| 00:03:09 |
My impressive man hood in my pants |
| 00:03:22 |
We never knew |
| 00:03:25 |
Maybe it was the mystery of if all |
| 00:03:37 |
in the morning... |
| 00:03:44 |
she was gone. |
| 00:03:50 |
I had to find her. |
| 00:03:52 |
I didn't get much support |
| 00:03:56 |
What you're getting so bad |
| 00:03:59 |
- I mean, it's just a girl. |
| 00:04:05 |
- What do you mean? |
| 00:04:08 |
who likes those silhouettes of naked |
| 00:04:11 |
You play video games watching a porn |
| 00:04:15 |
- You revel in the size of your dumps. |
| 00:04:18 |
You gotta check this out! |
| 00:04:20 |
Yeah, I do all those things. |
| 00:04:23 |
This isn't just another girl, Rod. |
| 00:04:27 |
The last intimate encounter I had |
| 00:04:32 |
Id pulled down my pants, and |
| 00:04:36 |
This is better than playing |
| 00:04:39 |
Ever since then, I've had this |
| 00:04:42 |
When I was 10 years old, |
| 00:04:45 |
I started taping my pecker so that |
| 00:04:49 |
I did the same thing, |
| 00:04:52 |
Shut up, I'm trying |
| 00:04:54 |
I've never had this kind of |
| 00:04:57 |
When I was 16, I tried talking to girls. |
| 00:05:00 |
on my hands so I had a list of topics |
| 00:05:04 |
- What's that on your hand? |
| 00:05:06 |
My romantic IQ must've mashed me, |
| 00:05:11 |
It's all sorts of things |
| 00:05:16 |
I thought I was the |
| 00:05:18 |
It wasn't as bad as senior prom, |
| 00:05:21 |
and didn't even get |
| 00:05:24 |
So you can imagine how impassioned |
| 00:05:28 |
You're pathetic, man! |
| 00:05:31 |
and you don't even get |
| 00:05:34 |
- What the hell is that? |
| 00:05:38 |
I got it out of an ad |
| 00:05:41 |
It's gonna help me increase length |
| 00:05:47 |
- Check it out, I'm up to 5 pounds. |
| 00:05:51 |
Man, I'm doing this for me. |
| 00:05:54 |
"The angle of the dangle |
| 00:05:58 |
- What's that have to do with anything? |
| 00:06:02 |
This penile power thing is gonna |
| 00:06:07 |
help me maintain |
| 00:06:10 |
and it's gonna help me |
| 00:06:13 |
- So I'm gonna do it all night long! |
| 00:06:17 |
No, man, look here. I'm serious. |
| 00:06:20 |
This is Kung Chang, right? |
| 00:06:24 |
Look. He's lifting 500 pounds |
| 00:06:28 |
Great, that's useful! is he gonna |
| 00:06:31 |
Whatever, man. |
| 00:06:33 |
So what are you gonna |
| 00:06:36 |
- She left this. |
| 00:06:44 |
No... |
| 00:06:46 |
...I don't recognize this one. |
| 00:06:53 |
What are you gonna do? You're |
| 00:06:57 |
You don't want |
| 00:07:01 |
And then there's the other thing. |
| 00:07:06 |
watching movies adapted from |
| 00:07:11 |
- You don't want that, man! |
| 00:07:14 |
Listen, when it comes to men |
| 00:07:18 |
For centuries, we've been killing |
| 00:07:22 |
and all because of all the stress |
| 00:07:26 |
But not once have they |
| 00:07:29 |
for all the millions of years |
| 00:07:33 |
while women stayed home. |
| 00:07:35 |
I couldn't understand why |
| 00:07:39 |
I suspected there was some past |
| 00:07:45 |
Man, all you gotta do is find the |
| 00:07:51 |
- Mystery solved! |
| 00:07:57 |
You're never gonna get |
| 00:08:01 |
They don't let boys in |
| 00:08:03 |
- No, this will work. |
| 00:08:06 |
0n my own testosterone, maybe. |
| 00:08:16 |
What are you doing, man? |
| 00:08:18 |
Rod, I focused all my |
| 00:08:21 |
to come up with this bold plan |
| 00:08:26 |
What are you? |
| 00:08:30 |
Something like that. |
| 00:08:32 |
Wait! The Coyote never |
| 00:08:54 |
Got you! |
| 00:08:57 |
Hi, I'm Matt, the new |
| 00:09:01 |
Had a call about some rats. |
| 00:09:10 |
Man in the hall! |
| 00:09:12 |
Getting my female suspects |
| 00:09:15 |
was as easy as giving away |
| 00:09:19 |
It was as if I was a perverted |
| 00:09:22 |
instead of Cinderella's glass |
| 00:10:16 |
I miss you. What you mean, |
| 00:10:21 |
- Get off me! |
| 00:10:25 |
- It's gonna be okay. Come on, baby. |
| 00:10:29 |
- Put that stupid shit away, alright? |
| 00:10:32 |
It's time to give |
| 00:10:36 |
Just relax, alright? |
| 00:10:38 |
You stapled my ass! |
| 00:10:40 |
- What are you doing? |
| 00:10:42 |
He was gonna kill me. |
| 00:10:45 |
a few verbal punches before |
| 00:10:48 |
- Who are you? |
| 00:10:51 |
As in "Crick without a paddle". |
| 00:10:55 |
- You're a natural born hipster. |
| 00:10:58 |
The next evolution of a jock. |
| 00:11:01 |
for a manicured goatee |
| 00:11:04 |
You're the worst kind of cool, |
| 00:11:07 |
A real fashion plate. |
| 00:11:09 |
You're living proof of those boy-toy |
| 00:11:14 |
I was a goner. |
| 00:11:17 |
What was the worse? Crick was |
| 00:11:20 |
A chain-chewer. And he chewed |
| 00:11:24 |
I hated that noise. |
| 00:11:28 |
What the hell are |
| 00:11:30 |
- I'm here so save her. |
| 00:11:33 |
How are you gonna do that? |
| 00:11:36 |
Crick wasn't wearing a shirt. |
| 00:11:40 |
on an old TV. |
| 00:11:44 |
Probably his incessant |
| 00:11:49 |
But my hands reached out like |
| 00:11:54 |
I grabbed his nipples |
| 00:12:06 |
But, somehow, through his blur |
| 00:12:12 |
He grabbed my nipples |
| 00:12:16 |
It was tit for tat. |
| 00:12:18 |
So we faced each other. |
| 00:12:22 |
Each trying to endure the |
| 00:12:26 |
Each of us waiting |
| 00:12:39 |
And... I cracked. |
| 00:12:48 |
I'll be back for your ass! |
| 00:12:59 |
Here, have some Midol. |
| 00:13:03 |
It does the trick when my nipples |
| 00:13:06 |
Thanks. |
| 00:13:10 |
Let me see. |
| 00:13:14 |
They're all bruised. |
| 00:13:17 |
They are two black eyes. |
| 00:13:20 |
We should put |
| 00:13:25 |
- You're bruised too. |
| 00:13:31 |
You're Patty, huh? You do that |
| 00:13:36 |
- That's me. |
| 00:13:39 |
- Is that what you call me? |
| 00:13:43 |
in high school, |
| 00:13:46 |
Now in college, |
| 00:13:56 |
You like my skirt, |
| 00:13:58 |
"lf her skirt were any shorter, |
| 00:14:02 |
and would have to put gloss |
| 00:14:06 |
I wasn't thinking any of that. |
| 00:14:10 |
I was lying. |
| 00:14:13 |
She may not be perfect, but she oozed |
| 00:14:19 |
She had a cuteness that set off |
| 00:14:24 |
She got my pecker to strain |
| 00:14:43 |
What? |
| 00:14:46 |
- Nothing, I'm sorry. |
| 00:14:49 |
No. I'm all better. |
| 00:14:53 |
- You don't like me. |
| 00:14:58 |
You're worried about |
| 00:15:01 |
I've never heard anything. |
| 00:15:03 |
Sure you have. "lf she still has a |
| 00:15:08 |
...she can use it as a taillight". |
| 00:15:12 |
Yes, you have. |
| 00:15:15 |
It's okay. You know, |
| 00:15:24 |
What are these? |
| 00:15:28 |
To relieve tension, like Humphrey |
| 00:15:33 |
"There's three ways to do |
| 00:15:36 |
The right way, the wrong way |
| 00:15:38 |
If you do things my way, |
| 00:15:41 |
- Those are my pinball balls. |
| 00:15:44 |
Pinball balls. I put them inside of me, |
| 00:15:51 |
Really? |
| 00:15:53 |
0kay, I'm sorry, |
| 00:16:07 |
- Hey, Matt. |
| 00:16:10 |
Penile power. |
| 00:16:13 |
It seems to be causing a little pain, |
| 00:16:18 |
- So what's plan B, Mr. Coyote? |
| 00:16:23 |
Everyday, between classes and |
| 00:16:27 |
So they let me into fixit. |
| 00:16:29 |
Man in the hall! |
| 00:16:41 |
Once inside, I just figure out |
| 00:16:47 |
Hello. This is Phil Gambone |
| 00:16:51 |
You won the morning prize. |
| 00:16:53 |
You should've been there the day |
| 00:16:56 |
It was a feast for the eyes! |
| 00:17:03 |
And there was Cynthia Dessert, |
| 00:17:09 |
She loomed as a titan in |
| 00:17:13 |
She's the perfect example of |
| 00:17:18 |
We're paralyzed by their beauty. |
| 00:17:22 |
If we're lucky to say anything to |
| 00:17:25 |
You're Matt, |
| 00:17:31 |
I need some help in my room. |
| 00:17:35 |
How can a guy have a real |
| 00:17:39 |
when we're made so helpless? |
| 00:17:41 |
In the animal kingdom, when |
| 00:17:44 |
it is a test of dominance. |
| 00:17:47 |
The first one to look away |
| 00:17:51 |
Between a man and a woman, |
| 00:17:57 |
Because, let's face it, |
| 00:18:00 |
he wants to check out |
| 00:18:03 |
A man must summon all his will not |
| 00:18:08 |
whose wondrous tips are upturned, |
| 00:18:23 |
Once a man loses |
| 00:18:26 |
the woman knows she has |
| 00:18:29 |
and she can get him |
| 00:18:32 |
Like a sexual sorceress, Cynthia |
| 00:18:36 |
You can use my desk-top PC |
| 00:18:38 |
I have an extra pizza. |
| 00:18:41 |
When you're done, I just need |
| 00:18:48 |
Thanks for getting this |
| 00:18:51 |
- Strange, it was getting only ESPN. |
| 00:18:55 |
- Anybody for a game of foosball? |
| 00:18:58 |
Come on, you guys! |
| 00:19:00 |
What about you, |
| 00:19:04 |
You wanna play? Just one game! |
| 00:19:08 |
It's a bad sign when you meet |
| 00:19:11 |
Unfortunately, |
| 00:19:14 |
Arlene suckered me into |
| 00:19:18 |
The loser of each goal will have |
| 00:19:22 |
Prepare to get naked. |
| 00:19:44 |
Beat Matt! |
| 00:19:53 |
I don't know why you girls get such |
| 00:19:56 |
- We've been emasculated all life. |
| 00:20:00 |
I'm serious. My mom taught me who |
| 00:20:05 |
She started spanking me |
| 00:20:08 |
We've been forced into |
| 00:20:12 |
You might as well be wearing |
| 00:20:16 |
Your dumb stories will not |
| 00:20:20 |
I'm trying to make a point here. |
| 00:20:24 |
I've never felt more manly then the |
| 00:20:27 |
on my hard buttocks. |
| 00:20:31 |
The tyranny of the spoon was over, |
| 00:20:35 |
Until today. |
| 00:20:49 |
My greatest fear |
| 00:20:51 |
What if one of these girls |
| 00:20:54 |
What if she saw me |
| 00:20:57 |
It's goal time. |
| 00:21:21 |
Score! |
| 00:21:25 |
Now I wanna see my trophy. |
| 00:21:50 |
Thank God I turned the |
| 00:21:53 |
otherwise my man hood would've |
| 00:21:58 |
instead of hanging out like |
| 00:22:16 |
Man, you lost to a girl? |
| 00:22:18 |
Yeah, and my pride shrank |
| 00:22:23 |
Speaking of scrotum, |
| 00:22:25 |
add a little weight. |
| 00:22:32 |
I'm up to 10 pounds, baby. |
| 00:22:40 |
I wonder why God equipped women |
| 00:22:44 |
What do you mean? |
| 00:22:47 |
Take the breasts, for example. |
| 00:22:50 |
You've the bosom... |
| 00:22:53 |
the aureole... the nipple. |
| 00:22:56 |
Three concentric circles. |
| 00:22:58 |
in other words, |
| 00:23:02 |
Its no wonder the breast |
| 00:23:06 |
- That's profound. |
| 00:23:10 |
I'm not just talking about |
| 00:23:14 |
like cleaning our ears |
| 00:23:16 |
We're grotesque to the core. |
| 00:23:20 |
It looks like God had some left-over |
| 00:23:23 |
...and he slapped in our groin. |
| 00:23:29 |
The penis is the first |
| 00:23:31 |
and it's the first |
| 00:23:34 |
The penis is a cowardly flap |
| 00:23:38 |
You wouldn't think that way if you |
| 00:23:47 |
I screwed up the air-conditioning |
| 00:23:51 |
This time is too hot, so that girls |
| 00:23:57 |
I should be getting a call |
| 00:24:04 |
- Do you have any suspects yet? |
| 00:24:07 |
Their dorm is a Whitman |
| 00:24:10 |
A virtual pot-pourri of pussy. |
| 00:24:14 |
It's more than sex. Those women |
| 00:24:19 |
Look over there. |
| 00:24:22 |
I call her Ever Tan Barbara. |
| 00:24:24 |
Who's the girl with the |
| 00:24:26 |
It's René. She writes |
| 00:24:31 |
See next door? That's Sasha. |
| 00:24:36 |
Have you seen that girl at |
| 00:24:39 |
She can be really cute, but she has |
| 00:24:43 |
Yeah, nice from afar, |
| 00:24:46 |
And you're right. Some girls watch |
| 00:24:51 |
The literary world has a term |
| 00:24:55 |
My God, let's watch it tonight. |
| 00:24:59 |
There's this girl Penny. |
| 00:25:02 |
She's always on the phone crying |
| 00:25:05 |
He wants to break up with her. She |
| 00:25:08 |
...who has a new hair-style everyday! |
| 00:25:13 |
Who's that girl with |
| 00:25:16 |
You've found Dana. |
| 00:25:21 |
- And who's the hummer on three? |
| 00:25:24 |
She sounds like some kind of |
| 00:25:27 |
So, have you got any more |
| 00:25:31 |
I have that one girl who |
| 00:25:34 |
So I stake out her room. |
| 00:25:38 |
I bet you that she's |
| 00:25:43 |
- Hurry up, the movie is at 7:30. |
| 00:25:47 |
Forget about it. We're gonna miss |
| 00:25:51 |
Saturday nights were the best |
| 00:25:55 |
They went out on dates or home for |
| 00:26:00 |
Except for Dora. She never had |
| 00:26:05 |
I did have to admit Ive seen cuter |
| 00:26:09 |
She's the kind of girl about |
| 00:26:12 |
I wouldn't even screw |
| 00:26:15 |
But I felt for her. |
| 00:26:19 |
When you're not good-looking, |
| 00:26:22 |
People treat you like |
| 00:26:26 |
They don't wanna get near, because |
| 00:26:31 |
It's cruel. |
| 00:26:33 |
This Women Studies class |
| 00:26:38 |
We get to check out |
| 00:26:43 |
I think we made |
| 00:26:46 |
Today we are gonna study |
| 00:26:49 |
that exercise gender-based |
| 00:26:52 |
Who can give me examples? |
| 00:26:55 |
The pope won't |
| 00:26:57 |
Why can a man be promiscuous, |
| 00:27:02 |
Why is it called "his story", |
| 00:27:06 |
Why women shoes are |
| 00:27:08 |
An older man can go out with a |
| 00:27:12 |
...can't go out with a young man. |
| 00:27:15 |
The boys in the back, |
| 00:27:22 |
You enrolled in my class |
| 00:27:25 |
There's a couple of you |
| 00:27:28 |
None of you ever last. |
| 00:27:30 |
Great |
| 00:27:32 |
I need to maintain at least 3.75 |
| 00:27:36 |
Now Elsa, of the SS, |
| 00:27:41 |
I'll enjoy teaching |
| 00:27:51 |
One Saturday, I got careless. |
| 00:28:02 |
Disasters truck moments after |
| 00:28:16 |
Women have a sixth sense. |
| 00:28:21 |
They see things that go |
| 00:28:28 |
From the slightest detail, she knew |
| 00:28:36 |
And I was such a fool. |
| 00:28:38 |
I had left behind the most |
| 00:29:10 |
But this girl was a pro. She could |
| 00:29:18 |
My eyes! |
| 00:29:23 |
Matthew? |
| 00:29:25 |
It's me, Wendy, |
| 00:29:29 |
We all sat in the back because |
| 00:29:37 |
I'm looking for this girl. lf you don't |
| 00:29:43 |
- I have her panties in there. |
| 00:29:45 |
- So you're gonna check every girl? |
| 00:29:50 |
This is so romantic! |
| 00:29:55 |
I'm a sucker for matchmaking! |
| 00:30:02 |
I wanna let you know, we're gonna |
| 00:30:20 |
I just want to let you know that |
| 00:30:23 |
And that's all. |
| 00:30:30 |
With the help of my faithful |
| 00:30:34 |
I waited impatiently for my mystery |
| 00:30:41 |
Finally my romantic quest was |
| 00:30:47 |
More than I could ever |
| 00:30:51 |
I was corrupt with happiness. |
| 00:30:54 |
immediately declared |
| 00:30:58 |
I think even the word |
| 00:31:01 |
I love you. |
| 00:31:03 |
She kept me frozen in suspense, |
| 00:31:11 |
Needless to say, my spirits |
| 00:31:30 |
Stop soaking, man. |
| 00:31:32 |
Don't you get it? |
| 00:31:35 |
Great. Here we go again. |
| 00:31:37 |
Hear me out, man. Women |
| 00:31:41 |
their girls to look like models, |
| 00:31:44 |
that they have to live up to this |
| 00:31:49 |
We live with the disappointment |
| 00:31:53 |
They ever take that |
| 00:31:56 |
We've been conditioned to expect |
| 00:32:00 |
And what's worse! |
| 00:32:03 |
While we get better over time, we |
| 00:32:08 |
who start wearing those bathing |
| 00:32:11 |
Then, they get those short asexual |
| 00:32:15 |
Making love to a woman turns |
| 00:32:18 |
Who gets the better |
| 00:32:20 |
I wonder what prom-night succubus |
| 00:32:24 |
had in stilled him |
| 00:32:29 |
Can you believe? I've gained a half |
| 00:32:35 |
Where do you start when you |
| 00:32:40 |
Alright, admit it. Ive measured |
| 00:32:46 |
But the evolved man that I was, |
| 00:32:50 |
- In your case, from the neck up. |
| 00:32:54 |
So, hey, what are you reading? |
| 00:32:57 |
I was just checking to make |
| 00:33:00 |
I've no clue anymore how |
| 00:33:03 |
so every week I take up a personal |
| 00:33:07 |
telling my mystery girl that I'll be |
| 00:33:09 |
in the basement |
| 00:33:12 |
So, in complete darkness, |
| 00:33:15 |
until both of us decide |
| 00:33:18 |
You sit in the dark |
| 00:33:22 |
You're a sick man. |
| 00:33:26 |
- That's it. I'm outta here. |
| 00:33:31 |
And if she's easy, |
| 00:33:34 |
My whole operation was |
| 00:33:38 |
Id already spent several |
| 00:33:41 |
and she'd yet to show up. |
| 00:33:49 |
It's me. Wendy. |
| 00:33:55 |
- She didn't come, did she? |
| 00:33:58 |
- How did you know I was down here? |
| 00:34:03 |
It's after midnight. |
| 00:34:06 |
But I thought you might want |
| 00:34:10 |
Wendy was the |
| 00:34:12 |
A testament to why women in |
| 00:34:15 |
Everything she did |
| 00:34:18 |
She was arousing in that virginal |
| 00:34:23 |
This kind of girl is scary. |
| 00:34:26 |
She's the kind of girl |
| 00:34:28 |
And even scarier, she's the kind |
| 00:34:33 |
She dresses you, feeds you... |
| 00:34:35 |
leaves notes on toilettes telling you |
| 00:34:39 |
She's scary because you could |
| 00:34:42 |
But, at the same time, |
| 00:34:46 |
you're settling for |
| 00:34:49 |
What? |
| 00:34:51 |
You're just so perfect. |
| 00:34:54 |
I hate when people say that. |
| 00:35:03 |
So my dad had polio |
| 00:35:06 |
and he had this |
| 00:35:10 |
And whenever he walked... |
| 00:35:12 |
he made this creepy... |
| 00:35:16 |
thumping noise. |
| 00:35:19 |
And just super creepy. |
| 00:35:21 |
I remember him coming |
| 00:35:25 |
walking down the long hallway |
| 00:35:28 |
I was scared because all I could |
| 00:35:35 |
So I hid under my covers. |
| 00:35:38 |
is it not sad to be |
| 00:35:42 |
I was really scared of the Wizard |
| 00:35:47 |
who does the wicked witch |
| 00:35:51 |
And that music... |
| 00:35:54 |
it scared me so much. |
| 00:35:57 |
I'd get so scared I couldn't sleep, |
| 00:36:01 |
Sometimes, do you know |
| 00:36:04 |
I remembered that Dorothy killed |
| 00:36:08 |
So I'd lie in bed and I'd |
| 00:36:15 |
And I knew that if the witch came |
| 00:36:20 |
and she'd melt. |
| 00:36:23 |
I just told you a sad story about my |
| 00:36:28 |
I'm sorry. |
| 00:36:32 |
Men have this anti-intimacy |
| 00:36:35 |
that is powered by sarcasm, |
| 00:36:39 |
Why is that? |
| 00:36:43 |
The force is strong |
| 00:36:46 |
Maybe it's because a man can fall in |
| 00:36:50 |
Maybe it's just nature's way |
| 00:36:59 |
How do you feel about |
| 00:37:02 |
Do you know that Muslim men |
| 00:37:05 |
No wonder so many of them |
| 00:37:09 |
I can't breathe! |
| 00:37:12 |
I can't see! |
| 00:37:15 |
Fascinating! |
| 00:37:17 |
Can you blame guys for being |
| 00:37:20 |
It's one big symbol |
| 00:37:26 |
Have you ever calculated how |
| 00:37:29 |
deciding on what |
| 00:37:37 |
Foxy lady! |
| 00:37:40 |
Trust me. They will get drunk, |
| 00:37:43 |
And they talk about everything |
| 00:37:46 |
So, as Francesca, |
| 00:37:49 |
reveal that she had sex |
| 00:37:55 |
Did I ever tell you about when I got |
| 00:38:02 |
0nce I got my gum stuck in the |
| 00:38:09 |
I've got you all beaten. |
| 00:38:11 |
When I was about to swallow it, |
| 00:38:18 |
Girls are way |
| 00:38:21 |
A friend had sex in an elevator. |
| 00:38:26 |
I have it. I had a boyfriend who |
| 00:38:31 |
Then he blamed when he got |
| 00:38:42 |
Francesca's night was |
| 00:38:46 |
Well, maybe you just need to try |
| 00:38:51 |
instead of hoping for hard evidence |
| 00:38:55 |
maybe you should just |
| 00:38:58 |
You might get a vibe |
| 00:39:00 |
You're right. I do need to do |
| 00:39:03 |
I need to lower my |
| 00:39:06 |
If you had a choice, would |
| 00:39:12 |
So, why is it purple? |
| 00:39:14 |
Isn't "American cheese" |
| 00:39:17 |
It's fake and processed, |
| 00:39:20 |
Tell me something... |
| 00:39:25 |
who's the idiot who invented |
| 00:39:28 |
There are dogs who sniff melanoma |
| 00:39:32 |
Have you ever noticed, they only |
| 00:39:35 |
like hurricane Andrew? You never |
| 00:39:41 |
Why older people pull their |
| 00:39:45 |
Why in golf is it good |
| 00:39:48 |
but a sub-par performance |
| 00:39:51 |
Do you know what the best phrase is? |
| 00:39:59 |
I can't speak to Cynthia as Matt. |
| 00:40:05 |
But I have a silver tongue |
| 00:40:08 |
These things are supposed to |
| 00:40:13 |
- Can I ask you a question? |
| 00:40:16 |
How often do you bikini wax? |
| 00:40:19 |
- Everyday. |
| 00:40:25 |
God, that's Sam! He cannot see me |
| 00:40:30 |
Wait, wait a second! |
| 00:40:33 |
I even got one of those plastic |
| 00:40:35 |
Hold on a second! |
| 00:40:38 |
- Come on! |
| 00:40:44 |
- So what's the big deal? |
| 00:40:49 |
The guys will do anything for me |
| 00:40:53 |
I know that. |
| 00:40:55 |
And if Sam saw me in these... |
| 00:40:57 |
I might lose my edge with him. |
| 00:41:01 |
Like at "Green Legend", |
| 00:41:03 |
- Who? |
| 00:41:06 |
No, I'm not. |
| 00:41:08 |
It'd be great if guys always |
| 00:41:10 |
No, it's a curse. |
| 00:41:14 |
nothing is a challenge for me. |
| 00:41:18 |
And if I ever actually do |
| 00:41:20 |
everyone assumes that I got there |
| 00:41:26 |
So ready to go again? |
| 00:41:34 |
It's just easier to talk to |
| 00:41:38 |
- There's nothing at stake. |
| 00:41:41 |
When you're a guy talking to a girl like |
| 00:41:45 |
She's a Super Bowl of women. |
| 00:41:51 |
And you know, if you screw up |
| 00:41:54 |
then every other girl after Cynthia |
| 00:42:03 |
And you just know you aren't good |
| 00:42:12 |
That's why I don't talk |
| 00:42:15 |
I just don't wanna know |
| 00:42:17 |
I won't ever get the opportunity to |
| 00:42:29 |
What are you reading? |
| 00:42:31 |
- Nothing. |
| 00:42:35 |
Why are you talking to me? |
| 00:42:38 |
I don't know. It's quiet |
| 00:42:41 |
- What's your name? |
| 00:42:44 |
What? |
| 00:42:46 |
- They called me so in high school. |
| 00:42:49 |
It's okay. I kind of like it. |
| 00:42:53 |
"The Poster Child for Abortion" or |
| 00:42:57 |
I was trying to be friendly. |
| 00:43:01 |
Maybe she could tell still |
| 00:43:04 |
Men wanna be quarantined |
| 00:43:07 |
We place so much emphasis |
| 00:43:10 |
we're afraid to be infected by |
| 00:43:14 |
Let's not have a pity party. |
| 00:43:25 |
Thanks for getting us the |
| 00:43:29 |
No problem. Just don't tell |
| 00:43:34 |
Anybody up for a game? How about |
| 00:43:43 |
Our grudge match escalated |
| 00:43:47 |
Girls are just users. Look at the |
| 00:43:50 |
After they're finished doing the nasty, |
| 00:43:53 |
...of her male mate. |
| 00:43:55 |
from someone who thinks a car |
| 00:43:58 |
And a person is an extension |
| 00:44:01 |
Score! |
| 00:44:05 |
We aren't filthy pigs like men. |
| 00:44:09 |
Why are you so worked up? PMS and |
| 00:44:13 |
A woman can't get mad, unless it's |
| 00:44:18 |
Yeah, but about |
| 00:44:22 |
Goal! Two - zip. |
| 00:44:28 |
America is so one-sided. Wedding |
| 00:44:32 |
What all the newly-weds get? |
| 00:44:35 |
Small trade-off for having |
| 00:44:38 |
Lazy? Then answer me this: |
| 00:44:42 |
why does the guy have to slow |
| 00:44:46 |
Who said going slower is better? |
| 00:44:50 |
And more exercise. |
| 00:44:53 |
Goal. |
| 00:44:55 |
At least, we don't start wars. |
| 00:44:59 |
Maybe if we got laid a little bit |
| 00:45:02 |
Maybe you'd get laid more often, if |
| 00:45:05 |
You've got it easy. You touch |
| 00:45:09 |
With a woman, it's like |
| 00:45:12 |
While we're on the subject, you |
| 00:45:16 |
and, when you do it, |
| 00:45:18 |
But guys are willing to go diving |
| 00:45:22 |
We're more willing to give |
| 00:45:25 |
At this remark, I thought Arlene |
| 00:45:28 |
- You're so sexist! |
| 00:45:32 |
- So are you. |
| 00:45:34 |
You sound like Louis Farrakhan |
| 00:45:38 |
But we all have prejudices. |
| 00:45:46 |
- Goal. |
| 00:45:50 |
How can you do that? |
| 00:45:53 |
My God, you cheated! |
| 00:45:55 |
This was bad. This wasn't |
| 00:45:59 |
- You cheated, admit it! |
| 00:46:04 |
Maybe that was the problem. |
| 00:46:07 |
There were no rules |
| 00:46:11 |
And this lack of rules |
| 00:46:15 |
and specially us guys like |
| 00:46:19 |
We had giant steels takes for a heart |
| 00:46:24 |
I was just as bad as Rod. |
| 00:46:27 |
when I was called on in |
| 00:46:31 |
There's no clear defined rules |
| 00:46:33 |
Each side thinks they're playing |
| 00:46:37 |
Maybe this is why men and women |
| 00:46:43 |
Rubbish! |
| 00:46:46 |
Rules that are enforced and imposed |
| 00:46:51 |
of western civilization! |
| 00:46:56 |
Saturday after midterms seemed |
| 00:47:01 |
I checked on the girl who |
| 00:47:05 |
Then I noticed that Dora |
| 00:47:09 |
Dora! |
| 00:47:37 |
Have you girls seen Dora? |
| 00:47:43 |
Have you guys seen Dora? |
| 00:47:45 |
She's up there. |
| 00:47:50 |
- Why aren't you doing anything? |
| 00:47:53 |
Id break the VCRs o those girls |
| 00:47:58 |
Let's play West. |
| 00:48:13 |
0ne more flight. |
| 00:48:31 |
Don't do it! |
| 00:48:35 |
The first time I did this, |
| 00:48:38 |
- Now nobody cares. |
| 00:48:41 |
Why are you doing this? |
| 00:48:43 |
- I was born with the greatest curse. |
| 00:48:47 |
I'm ugly and I'm |
| 00:48:51 |
- You're not ugly. |
| 00:48:56 |
No one will ever |
| 00:48:59 |
People all around me will be |
| 00:49:04 |
and getting married |
| 00:49:07 |
The closest thing |
| 00:49:09 |
is someone inviting me |
| 00:49:12 |
because they feel guilty, I might |
| 00:49:16 |
0r, if I'm lucky, |
| 00:49:19 |
an obese man or a guy with a |
| 00:49:25 |
and we'll pretend to love |
| 00:49:29 |
because we're so desperately |
| 00:49:34 |
I had a bad feeling this girl |
| 00:49:37 |
I felt terrible that I had treated her |
| 00:49:41 |
There was something inside this |
| 00:49:46 |
She was so self-aware, |
| 00:49:49 |
Maybe she noticed |
| 00:49:52 |
Come on, |
| 00:49:55 |
0nly if you admit |
| 00:49:59 |
You're probably right. |
| 00:50:02 |
You didn't have to worry. |
| 00:50:05 |
I just like to come up here sometimes |
| 00:50:14 |
I found out what Dora was reading |
| 00:50:17 |
D.H. Lawrence, Colette |
| 00:50:20 |
"Sylvester, yes, he knows |
| 00:50:24 |
But I know how |
| 00:50:28 |
I shoot hot bolts |
| 00:50:31 |
I make your ovaries |
| 00:50:36 |
Can you imagine someone |
| 00:50:42 |
Your turn. |
| 00:50:46 |
"Your Sylvester is |
| 00:50:49 |
He feels something, doesn't he? |
| 00:50:54 |
I set the shores a little wider. |
| 00:50:59 |
After me, you can take |
| 00:51:03 |
saint bernards". |
| 00:51:06 |
Being Francesca has |
| 00:51:09 |
What happened? |
| 00:51:11 |
Last night, my roommate, |
| 00:51:14 |
He didn't recognize me |
| 00:51:16 |
God! |
| 00:51:24 |
Jesus Christ! |
| 00:51:26 |
So he starts looking |
| 00:51:30 |
I know exactly what he's doing. |
| 00:51:36 |
Whenever men look at a girl, |
| 00:51:42 |
So that's what he's doing |
| 00:51:45 |
I felt... |
| 00:51:48 |
...violated. |
| 00:51:50 |
It's no wonder that women have |
| 00:51:53 |
With the way men are, women |
| 00:51:58 |
whenever they wanted. |
| 00:52:00 |
Guys are just simply always |
| 00:52:04 |
Their attitude towards it, it's like |
| 00:52:08 |
I tested the concept with Rod. |
| 00:52:29 |
So what do you |
| 00:52:32 |
What are you talking about? |
| 00:52:35 |
You just said "I love you". |
| 00:52:38 |
No, you got me wrong. |
| 00:52:43 |
- What? |
| 00:52:54 |
So he was all ready |
| 00:52:57 |
It proves men are irresponsible when |
| 00:53:03 |
I have this theory that |
| 00:53:08 |
- Shopping? |
| 00:53:12 |
They can go into a store, circle |
| 00:53:16 |
They're learning self-restraint. |
| 00:53:18 |
Men only go shopping when we |
| 00:53:22 |
Men and women treat sex |
| 00:53:24 |
- Your theory has some validity. |
| 00:53:28 |
Women are more responsible |
| 00:53:32 |
The fact of the matter is, |
| 00:53:35 |
Thank you. |
| 00:53:37 |
The irony is that women are not |
| 00:53:42 |
They have to carry out their |
| 00:53:44 |
Men are afraid of putting women to |
| 00:53:48 |
women will rise to their |
| 00:53:51 |
- I think you're right. |
| 00:53:56 |
Thank you. |
| 00:54:05 |
Care to come in and share |
| 00:54:09 |
Patty had a way of even making |
| 00:54:14 |
No, I have work to do. |
| 00:54:17 |
Look, don't be afraid. I know you |
| 00:54:22 |
Here, have some. |
| 00:54:28 |
There's some syrup to put on it. |
| 00:54:32 |
How do you know I like |
| 00:54:35 |
- By the way that you look at me. |
| 00:54:41 |
There's a certain way a man |
| 00:54:46 |
The man looks like |
| 00:54:49 |
And he treats the woman |
| 00:54:52 |
that he's waited |
| 00:54:55 |
and now he can't wait to see |
| 00:55:01 |
You don't give me that look. |
| 00:55:06 |
You know how Captain Hook |
| 00:55:09 |
from the tic-tac of his |
| 00:55:12 |
That's the way it was for me |
| 00:55:21 |
- I knew I'd find you two together. |
| 00:55:25 |
I had to get Patty |
| 00:55:27 |
The best way to do that was to |
| 00:55:32 |
You know something, Crick, |
| 00:55:35 |
The bad guys of the world really |
| 00:55:38 |
or they think they're good guys |
| 00:55:42 |
I don't know. |
| 00:55:44 |
- So you think you're a good guy? |
| 00:55:48 |
You're the one who's trying to |
| 00:55:52 |
Cool? That's another thing |
| 00:55:54 |
I was just reading that one in |
| 00:55:57 |
What is that like? A billion people |
| 00:56:02 |
If everybody is cool, |
| 00:56:05 |
You don't know what |
| 00:56:08 |
Look at you. The modern-day media, |
| 00:56:13 |
they show us what coolness is, |
| 00:56:16 |
can go out there and buy coolness, |
| 00:56:21 |
I had enough of you, buddy! |
| 00:56:28 |
Get off me! |
| 00:56:30 |
We'd never win this fight with Crick. |
| 00:56:37 |
Bastard! |
| 00:56:40 |
Get the hell off me! |
| 00:56:46 |
Bastard! |
| 00:56:54 |
I think we ditched him. |
| 00:57:05 |
Patty! |
| 00:57:24 |
- What was that? |
| 00:57:28 |
- You had them in while eating? |
| 00:57:49 |
There you are! |
| 00:57:54 |
I was a dead man. |
| 00:58:26 |
After Crick hobbled away in pain, |
| 00:58:31 |
I guess that's what |
| 00:58:33 |
Patty came on to me again, |
| 00:58:40 |
I tried to rationalize. I thought |
| 00:58:43 |
maybe this is why God |
| 00:58:46 |
so that sexually impaired like me |
| 00:58:51 |
At this moment, |
| 00:58:54 |
She was a luscious |
| 00:59:02 |
Sweet leaping Jesus! |
| 00:59:05 |
I figured that nobody on their |
| 00:59:09 |
"l wish I had made love less". |
| 00:59:12 |
We didn't make love the way |
| 00:59:15 |
where the guy slides in between her |
| 00:59:19 |
No, this was like real life. |
| 00:59:22 |
No, not that hole. |
| 00:59:25 |
I can't get in. You're sure |
| 00:59:28 |
No, here. |
| 00:59:38 |
No, we didn't |
| 00:59:41 |
We made the kind of love |
| 00:59:44 |
when bodies make that noise when |
| 00:59:52 |
Patty taught me things. |
| 00:59:57 |
You don't have to kiss me |
| 00:59:59 |
Seems like you're kissing me |
| 01:00:03 |
Look into my eyes. |
| 01:00:07 |
Concentrate on us. |
| 01:00:09 |
Id only done it twice, but now I |
| 01:00:15 |
Because while you're doing it, |
| 01:00:19 |
if not better than |
| 01:00:23 |
The feeling of that grease makes |
| 01:00:28 |
Madonna mia! |
| 01:00:30 |
That everything is right |
| 01:01:07 |
Our transcendent fusion was not |
| 01:01:14 |
My experience with her was not |
| 01:01:24 |
I used her. |
| 01:01:27 |
- I feel terrible. |
| 01:01:31 |
Did I tell you I'm up to |
| 01:01:34 |
I treated her like she was |
| 01:01:37 |
something I'd use to learn and I'd |
| 01:01:41 |
And what if the elevator girl finds |
| 01:01:46 |
Man, it's your manifest |
| 01:01:51 |
in every species, it's the male |
| 01:01:56 |
Why should it be |
| 01:01:58 |
You should embrace |
| 01:02:01 |
How are you gonna get by with |
| 01:02:04 |
I'm gonna get rich. I'll give me |
| 01:02:09 |
give her a nice car, a bunch |
| 01:02:13 |
in return, she'll take care of the |
| 01:02:18 |
What's your problem? What happened |
| 01:02:22 |
- There's no problem. |
| 01:02:27 |
There was definitely |
| 01:02:29 |
And it was the encounter with the |
| 01:02:34 |
- What's your horror story? |
| 01:02:38 |
You're the one that's got |
| 01:02:41 |
Maybe if you tried this thing, you |
| 01:02:46 |
Not only have my length and girth |
| 01:02:51 |
Just the other day, |
| 01:02:55 |
Yeah? What girl? |
| 01:02:58 |
Francesca. |
| 01:03:01 |
- Yeah, right! |
| 01:03:05 |
- In your dreams! |
| 01:03:10 |
We had sex all night long. She may |
| 01:03:15 |
I'm shepherd happy. |
| 01:03:18 |
God, I hate guys |
| 01:03:24 |
Dick! |
| 01:03:27 |
More than half of the semester had |
| 01:03:31 |
my doll of destiny, |
| 01:03:34 |
I had almost lost all hope |
| 01:03:40 |
- Matthew? |
| 01:03:42 |
My God, you know my name! |
| 01:03:47 |
- Stop trying to find me. |
| 01:03:51 |
I don't want you to find me. |
| 01:03:54 |
- Can we talk about this for a second? |
| 01:03:58 |
I don't like you. |
| 01:04:01 |
Wait, can you... |
| 01:04:08 |
I chased her like I was Popeye |
| 01:04:21 |
Got you! |
| 01:04:32 |
I lost her. |
| 01:04:44 |
- Do you wanna talk about it? |
| 01:04:49 |
My anti-intimacy force field |
| 01:04:53 |
Come on, might make you |
| 01:04:56 |
I was feeling so bad, I decided to |
| 01:05:01 |
- I lowered it. |
| 01:05:10 |
I figured she had |
| 01:05:12 |
or she was drunk that night |
| 01:05:17 |
0r I deluded myself into thinking |
| 01:05:20 |
or pre-law Adonis, and that |
| 01:05:25 |
I never thought it was |
| 01:05:28 |
- Maybe there's another reason. |
| 01:05:33 |
I should've figured it had |
| 01:05:36 |
Testosterone must really |
| 01:05:39 |
I've stored plenty of both. |
| 01:05:45 |
What do you think I am? It's midnight |
| 01:05:49 |
- Is your mom coming tomorrow? |
| 01:05:54 |
How do you get along |
| 01:05:57 |
in 9th grade, I wanted to read |
| 01:06:01 |
My mom wouldn't allow it, unless |
| 01:06:05 |
She said, "That doesn't happen in |
| 01:06:09 |
I had to get glasses. I begged my |
| 01:06:13 |
"lf I get glasses, mom, I couldn't |
| 01:06:18 |
She just never let me feel like |
| 01:06:22 |
- I still feel that way. |
| 01:06:27 |
Parents always try to turn us into |
| 01:06:31 |
I wish I could be more than |
| 01:06:42 |
That looks like fun. |
| 01:06:44 |
Wait. 0nly I'm allowed to. |
| 01:06:47 |
- Now we're even. |
| 01:07:52 |
Hi, mom. |
| 01:07:56 |
This is Matt. |
| 01:08:00 |
Finals were nearing, and so was |
| 01:08:03 |
I was running out of time. |
| 01:08:06 |
Look what it did to my |
| 01:08:09 |
This is a catastrophe! |
| 01:08:11 |
I had one last chance, |
| 01:08:15 |
If I improved myself, doing more |
| 01:08:21 |
maybe my cosmetic destiny |
| 01:08:24 |
She was out there |
| 01:08:27 |
I decided, the first step in my |
| 01:08:31 |
...was peace in the gender war. |
| 01:08:35 |
- Forget it. I'm outta here. |
| 01:08:38 |
I'll play. |
| 01:08:40 |
I was a maze by how well Arlene |
| 01:08:43 |
Arlene had a soft touch, |
| 01:08:47 |
She let my power game |
| 01:08:51 |
She was an excellent |
| 01:08:54 |
She never got pissed |
| 01:08:57 |
It's okay, you're doing good. |
| 01:09:00 |
My balls and her energy drove us |
| 01:09:04 |
Come on, Arlene, smoke them! |
| 01:09:10 |
Our masculine and feminine sides |
| 01:09:16 |
We went together, |
| 01:09:18 |
Potato chips and soda. |
| 01:09:22 |
Because Crick and his buddy had |
| 01:09:27 |
They were missing something. They |
| 01:09:31 |
There was too much ego. They spent |
| 01:09:36 |
You keep your arm |
| 01:09:43 |
- That's game, guys. |
| 01:09:47 |
You cheated! |
| 01:09:51 |
Let's see those trophies, boys. |
| 01:09:56 |
Girls, it's just because it's cold |
| 01:10:03 |
I know sometimes you think |
| 01:10:06 |
I get sensitive sometimes. Comes |
| 01:10:10 |
I know, but I wanna |
| 01:10:13 |
It's hard for me sometimes to |
| 01:10:16 |
What do you mean? |
| 01:10:18 |
I can blame my father a little bit. |
| 01:10:21 |
My dad loves ice-cream so much, |
| 01:10:25 |
More than once, ld watch him running |
| 01:10:28 |
in his underwear, |
| 01:10:31 |
How is that supposed to |
| 01:10:35 |
Back in the day, boys would go |
| 01:10:39 |
or they'd take the |
| 01:10:41 |
At their fathers' sides, |
| 01:10:44 |
in the computer age, boys are at |
| 01:10:48 |
There's no more |
| 01:10:50 |
It leaves me in the street, |
| 01:10:55 |
is his under wear eating |
| 01:10:57 |
- Some role model. |
| 01:11:00 |
If I can't grasp what a man is, |
| 01:11:05 |
I wouldn't say that. You understand |
| 01:11:08 |
Thank you. |
| 01:11:13 |
I love women. |
| 01:11:15 |
I love those emerald pools |
| 01:11:18 |
Lips. |
| 01:11:21 |
and the yawns. |
| 01:11:25 |
With skin so soft, |
| 01:11:32 |
A woman skin inspires a man's fingers |
| 01:11:42 |
It's women's bellies |
| 01:11:48 |
It's more than the only part of |
| 01:11:55 |
The belly hints at |
| 01:12:00 |
You're so near and yet so far. |
| 01:12:07 |
Everything about a woman |
| 01:12:15 |
The small triangle between her legs |
| 01:12:18 |
which points, "Go here!" |
| 01:12:21 |
Or if you follow the graceful |
| 01:12:25 |
it inevitably draws your |
| 01:12:29 |
climaxed by the nipple. |
| 01:12:32 |
God is in the details. And the |
| 01:12:39 |
Dora loved the video |
| 01:12:41 |
But I couldn't take the credit. |
| 01:12:47 |
See? |
| 01:13:04 |
So, Cynthia, why aren't you out |
| 01:13:09 |
Because my face got flattened like |
| 01:13:13 |
Sorry. |
| 01:13:15 |
It was weird that I felt comfortable |
| 01:13:18 |
that her looks |
| 01:13:21 |
She was the same girl, really. |
| 01:13:23 |
- So what are you reading? |
| 01:13:26 |
This guy was supposed to give me |
| 01:13:30 |
I was reading about these religious |
| 01:13:35 |
the phrase "walking in the water" |
| 01:13:39 |
isn't that interesting? Perhaps |
| 01:13:43 |
We thought he did, because we |
| 01:13:46 |
I hear you. But you know |
| 01:13:50 |
God loves us, right? |
| 01:13:52 |
Then why does he let bad things |
| 01:13:56 |
I don't know. I guess God has |
| 01:14:02 |
His plan for me sucks! |
| 01:14:12 |
You've got strong legs. |
| 01:14:14 |
Id been avoiding Patty for a while. |
| 01:14:19 |
But I was thinking about her. So |
| 01:14:22 |
So what do you think about |
| 01:14:26 |
- He's not my type really. |
| 01:14:29 |
I don't know. He just sort |
| 01:14:33 |
It was then that I heard the |
| 01:14:40 |
Patty, I just heard of what you've |
| 01:14:43 |
- Can we talk about this later? |
| 01:14:46 |
- Please, just let go off me! |
| 01:14:50 |
You want to some of me too? |
| 01:14:55 |
Relax, and we'll |
| 01:14:58 |
Are you a slut too? Everything |
| 01:15:03 |
Crick was chewing |
| 01:15:06 |
Like kryptonite, it drained any |
| 01:15:10 |
All that went through my mind was |
| 01:15:15 |
Do you like it? |
| 01:15:20 |
Now give us a kiss. |
| 01:15:25 |
I had to do something. |
| 01:15:27 |
This was not the night that little girl |
| 01:15:39 |
I read later that four thousand women |
| 01:15:44 |
I don't understand women. |
| 01:15:47 |
I had an inkling about their |
| 01:15:50 |
I didn't tell anyone about what |
| 01:15:55 |
And if that wasn't |
| 01:15:57 |
I discovered Rod choking the |
| 01:16:02 |
What happened to your dick? |
| 01:16:09 |
It's called hypospadias. |
| 01:16:13 |
it's not on the tip, |
| 01:16:16 |
Spooky! It's kind of like having |
| 01:16:21 |
Sort of. |
| 01:16:23 |
Don't tell anyone, alright? |
| 01:16:26 |
Specially those girls you've |
| 01:16:29 |
I showed it to a girl once, |
| 01:16:33 |
It was then I realized |
| 01:16:44 |
I haven't taken it out in front |
| 01:16:50 |
So how do you pee? |
| 01:16:54 |
I either, you know, |
| 01:16:57 |
if I'm lazy, I just give it |
| 01:17:01 |
So this was what |
| 01:17:04 |
The penile power was a way |
| 01:17:07 |
And to build himself up, |
| 01:17:11 |
Men are so insecure |
| 01:17:14 |
What pathetic |
| 01:17:16 |
- You must think I'm a total faggot. |
| 01:17:21 |
Did you ever see the James Bond flick |
| 01:17:24 |
- Yeah, what about it? |
| 01:17:28 |
- Yeah, so? |
| 01:17:31 |
And Bond made a fake one so he can |
| 01:17:36 |
You're missing the point. The 3rd |
| 01:17:40 |
So maybe your penis doesn't |
| 01:17:43 |
Maybe it makes you |
| 01:17:47 |
Cool. |
| 01:17:48 |
I had learned something |
| 01:17:51 |
His horror was my horror too. |
| 01:17:56 |
Deny we may, but we're all |
| 01:17:59 |
Every single one of them. |
| 01:18:04 |
Finals were in a week. Soon, |
| 01:18:08 |
The next semester, some would |
| 01:18:12 |
If I had any hope for finding |
| 01:18:15 |
I had to face |
| 01:18:18 |
I went to the Vault and declared |
| 01:18:25 |
I'm Matt. |
| 01:18:27 |
I explained everything done |
| 01:18:30 |
My speech must be |
| 01:18:33 |
my Ninth Symphony, |
| 01:18:36 |
My words needed to be |
| 01:18:39 |
than Martin Luther King's |
| 01:18:41 |
They had to be more miraculous than |
| 01:18:45 |
I used impressive words like |
| 01:18:50 |
It takes a big man to yearn. |
| 01:18:55 |
Without you, I'm as lonely as an |
| 01:19:01 |
I have gift anxiety. Even though I |
| 01:19:06 |
We can spend perfect days |
| 01:19:10 |
I'll never make wise cracks... |
| 01:19:12 |
when you scrape your tires against |
| 01:19:15 |
If you concede to live with me, |
| 01:19:18 |
I'll do it with my tongue |
| 01:19:21 |
I'll strike the words "hooters" and |
| 01:19:25 |
I'll love you even if you are Mimi |
| 01:19:30 |
I'll only pass gas underneath the |
| 01:19:35 |
I'll go on a low-cholesterol diet. |
| 01:19:38 |
And I won't buy a red sports car |
| 01:19:41 |
Your parents can come |
| 01:19:44 |
Even if your mom is a |
| 01:19:47 |
Your folks don't have to |
| 01:19:49 |
They can live with us. I declare, I'll |
| 01:19:55 |
I'll learn the mysteries of hot |
| 01:19:58 |
I'll never huff and puff waiting |
| 01:20:01 |
If you're a cat person, I'll never |
| 01:20:08 |
I'll happily go see flicks with you, |
| 01:20:12 |
I'll make a point to try new foods, |
| 01:20:16 |
I won't turn my nose at vegetables |
| 01:20:19 |
is disguised by having |
| 01:20:21 |
I pledge to always say "yes" when |
| 01:20:27 |
I'm gonna bring a whole new |
| 01:20:30 |
I'll be thoughtful enough to |
| 01:20:33 |
I'm gonna save every |
| 01:20:36 |
And I'll actually write you |
| 01:20:39 |
I'm never gonna expect you to |
| 01:20:42 |
and I'll never leave |
| 01:20:44 |
With me, you'll find the cap's |
| 01:20:49 |
I'll start wearing those male |
| 01:20:52 |
My belly-button will |
| 01:20:56 |
I wanna kiss your clitoris. |
| 01:21:00 |
It will be the most passionate, |
| 01:21:04 |
I declare now, |
| 01:21:08 |
If you fail to come to me... |
| 01:21:11 |
I know some part of me |
| 01:21:29 |
I'm the one, Matt! |
| 01:21:32 |
No, I'm the one! |
| 01:21:35 |
No, I'm the girl |
| 01:21:37 |
Shut up! |
| 01:21:40 |
I'm not the one, |
| 01:21:43 |
My God. |
| 01:21:46 |
I could have my choice |
| 01:21:49 |
Whoever wanted |
| 01:21:55 |
It' eat me up inside if didn't |
| 01:21:59 |
I would always wonder |
| 01:22:04 |
It was here |
| 01:22:11 |
I raced to the door of the girl |
| 01:22:21 |
There she was. |
| 01:22:26 |
I'm not the girl. |
| 01:22:30 |
She's a couple of doors down. |
| 01:22:39 |
Patty, I know it's you. |
| 01:22:47 |
- Go away. |
| 01:22:51 |
You fell in love with |
| 01:22:55 |
I'm not that girl. |
| 01:22:57 |
- I fell in love with you. |
| 01:23:01 |
I tried to make you love me, |
| 01:23:06 |
Why do you think that? |
| 01:23:09 |
By the way you look at me. |
| 01:23:16 |
Go away. |
| 01:23:18 |
is that what you really want? |
| 01:23:21 |
Yeah, that's what I want. |
| 01:23:37 |
Buck up, man. It looks like you got |
| 01:23:44 |
- Smile. |
| 01:23:47 |
that had weights on it. |
| 01:24:02 |
Check it out. |
| 01:24:05 |
It was only my first time. |
| 01:24:08 |
I told her not to use water-soluble |
| 01:24:14 |
Cynthia's having a good semester. |
| 01:24:19 |
Those heavy ant cellulite pants |
| 01:24:23 |
For an actual attacker... |
| 01:24:29 |
...you do something like that. |
| 01:24:33 |
The coach says, he's never |
| 01:24:37 |
And that concludes the martial |
| 01:24:46 |
The last day of class, I dropped the |
| 01:24:51 |
Ms. Stern, I'm sick of coming into |
| 01:24:54 |
and hearing my sex is responsible |
| 01:24:58 |
You don't give us any |
| 01:25:00 |
Part of the problem is feminist. |
| 01:25:04 |
Feminist, chauvinist, capitalist, |
| 01:25:09 |
They fight one another, instead of |
| 01:25:13 |
The only "ist" that |
| 01:25:16 |
- I agree with Matt! |
| 01:25:28 |
Elsa couldn't respond. |
| 01:25:31 |
as if she heard the distant |
| 01:25:34 |
coming to destroy her |
| 01:25:48 |
Without his tongue, Crick sounded |
| 01:25:52 |
And although Crick would |
| 01:25:54 |
he still needed to be |
| 01:25:57 |
I made the ultimate sacrifice a man |
| 01:26:01 |
You're not gonna |
| 01:26:03 |
- You go to hell! |
| 01:26:06 |
- What for? |
| 01:26:10 |
I'm going to the police. |
| 01:26:18 |
- You'll never prove it. |
| 01:26:23 |
- He did it to me too! |
| 01:26:25 |
- And me. |
| 01:26:35 |
Wendy had a big confession. |
| 01:26:38 |
I'm a lesbian. |
| 01:26:42 |
Why didn't you tell me? |
| 01:26:45 |
I was afraid of what people might |
| 01:26:50 |
Why are you telling me now? |
| 01:26:53 |
I think I can deal |
| 01:26:56 |
That's why I initially helped you |
| 01:27:00 |
I was hoping that while you |
| 01:27:04 |
you might find one for me. |
| 01:27:08 |
So I fixed her up |
| 01:27:10 |
who I discovered practiced |
| 01:27:19 |
It was a big week. also found |
| 01:27:33 |
Their night was electrifying, and |
| 01:27:49 |
I don't know what it was. |
| 01:27:52 |
Maybe it was the romantic |
| 01:27:55 |
but I decided to |
| 01:28:11 |
I've been watching you |
| 01:28:16 |
For quite some time |
| 01:28:24 |
Knowing all the ins |
| 01:28:28 |
Is would've known |
| 01:28:36 |
But all the world is |
| 01:28:41 |
Inside my head tonight |
| 01:28:50 |
I remembered what |
| 01:28:53 |
There's a certain way a man |
| 01:28:57 |
The man looks like |
| 01:29:06 |
He treats the woman as if she were |
| 01:29:11 |
and now he can't wait to |
| 01:29:14 |
Don't let this end tonight |
| 01:29:20 |
Because lm starting to fall |
| 01:29:29 |
So let me in |
| 01:29:35 |
All that I wanted from you |
| 01:29:40 |
Was something you'd never do |
| 01:29:46 |
So let me in |
| 01:29:52 |
Because I'm starting to fall |
| 01:29:58 |
They got together. |
| 01:30:01 |
Sweet leaping Jesus! |
