|
Happy Valley
|
| 00:00:18 |
That's me hanging |
| 00:00:21 |
my daughter, Maron. |
| 00:00:23 |
I guess I'm a cross between |
| 00:00:27 |
and I have been |
| 00:00:29 |
I'm privileged, I'm blessed, |
| 00:00:33 |
God, I love her. |
| 00:00:35 |
She's the only little girl |
| 00:00:37 |
that, while playing dress-up, |
| 00:00:39 |
wore my baseball cleats |
| 00:00:42 |
Where's her mother? |
| 00:00:43 |
Well, it took making this movie |
| 00:00:49 |
I don't know, |
| 00:00:50 |
but maybe every community, |
| 00:00:52 |
resembles Happy Valley. |
| 00:00:57 |
And the prescription was for, |
| 00:01:01 |
So 10 pain pills. |
| 00:01:03 |
And so I thought, |
| 00:01:07 |
The guy just writes it |
| 00:01:09 |
We'll just get a pen, |
| 00:01:10 |
and we'll just change |
| 00:01:13 |
And he's like, |
| 00:01:15 |
We can't write another one," |
| 00:01:17 |
So my buddy goes, |
| 00:01:19 |
He took out his pen, and he's |
| 00:01:23 |
Where it says at the bottom, |
| 00:01:26 |
he takes the 10, |
| 00:01:31 |
So instead of getting 10, |
| 00:01:35 |
And it looked horrible. |
| 00:01:36 |
'Cause the 10 was, like, |
| 00:01:39 |
And usually a 7 |
| 00:01:41 |
And so it was this... like |
| 00:01:45 |
I mean, it was horrible. |
| 00:01:47 |
So I'm going, |
| 00:01:48 |
We take this in, |
| 00:01:50 |
I mean, instantly you're |
| 00:01:52 |
He goes, "No. |
| 00:01:53 |
So I said, "Well, you got to be |
| 00:01:56 |
So we literally shopped around |
| 00:02:00 |
where it would be the lowest |
| 00:02:03 |
And so we went down, |
| 00:02:04 |
and there was a pharmacy |
| 00:02:06 |
We went in there, |
| 00:02:08 |
that was 104 if she was... |
| 00:02:12 |
She actually, I think, started |
| 00:02:16 |
She's the first pharmacy |
| 00:02:19 |
He goes in there |
| 00:02:21 |
It looked horrible. |
| 00:02:22 |
This lady... I don't |
| 00:02:24 |
She goes, "Okay, well, youse |
| 00:02:27 |
Oh, that's quite a few |
| 00:02:30 |
I was out in the car |
| 00:02:33 |
He was in there |
| 00:02:35 |
I thought, "He got caught." |
| 00:02:36 |
I'm just waiting |
| 00:02:38 |
All of a sudden I see |
| 00:02:40 |
He comes out going, " I told you! |
| 00:02:43 |
And he got 70 Lor... |
| 00:02:44 |
And that was the start of |
| 00:02:49 |
So if you were to look |
| 00:02:54 |
How many drugs have you taken? |
| 00:02:56 |
I've probably eaten your weight |
| 00:02:59 |
That's a lot. |
| 00:03:00 |
Well, you're not a small man. |
| 00:03:01 |
And I'm just gonna say, |
| 00:03:03 |
don't be afraid to miss a meal |
| 00:03:05 |
But no. |
| 00:03:07 |
And that's just a health issue |
| 00:03:11 |
I mean, I remember that one time |
| 00:03:14 |
You about killed me |
| 00:03:15 |
when I stepped in front of you |
| 00:03:17 |
There's no need for that, Ron. |
| 00:03:19 |
There's plenty for everybody. |
| 00:04:10 |
I've lived here most of my life. |
| 00:04:12 |
And there's a lot of things |
| 00:04:15 |
I've traveled around quite a |
| 00:04:19 |
I feel like it's a safe place |
| 00:04:21 |
It's a close-knit community. |
| 00:04:24 |
It just has a good feel to it. |
| 00:04:26 |
Utah's a beautiful state. |
| 00:04:29 |
A really nice place to come to. |
| 00:04:31 |
As they say, |
| 00:04:33 |
I'm not Mormon, but I like |
| 00:04:38 |
I like it a lot. |
| 00:04:40 |
Mostly because of the nature, |
| 00:04:41 |
We got the mountains 10 minutes |
| 00:04:46 |
It's a good place to live. |
| 00:04:48 |
You know, it's really clean, |
| 00:04:51 |
It's a whole lot different |
| 00:05:01 |
Well, I would say |
| 00:05:05 |
to when they first came across |
| 00:05:07 |
They wanted to build |
| 00:05:10 |
which is |
| 00:05:11 |
and it's the dream of every |
| 00:05:14 |
But the problem is, |
| 00:05:16 |
is in creating the Z CMI |
| 00:05:19 |
they were isolated from the rest |
| 00:05:23 |
generation after generation, |
| 00:05:24 |
they created and defined |
| 00:05:26 |
Utah definitely has |
| 00:05:29 |
Definitely. |
| 00:05:31 |
Very set in their ways. |
| 00:05:34 |
And it's this way or no way. |
| 00:05:37 |
The alcohol laws here |
| 00:05:42 |
- They make no sense. |
| 00:05:45 |
I mean, such as, you know, |
| 00:05:48 |
and you can't even |
| 00:05:51 |
unless you have more than |
| 00:05:53 |
I can drink as much... |
| 00:05:54 |
I drink a pitcher of beer, |
| 00:05:56 |
and to me it's like drinking |
| 00:05:59 |
We're sheltered, |
| 00:06:02 |
that we have no drugs, |
| 00:06:05 |
that we don't have our issues. |
| 00:06:08 |
We were the first black family |
| 00:06:12 |
And, I mean, seriously, |
| 00:06:13 |
the kids would come over |
| 00:06:16 |
And the little boy |
| 00:06:18 |
"Doesn't that wash off?" |
| 00:06:20 |
I do think that |
| 00:06:23 |
with the drug use |
| 00:06:25 |
I grew up here. |
| 00:06:26 |
I've gone through |
| 00:06:28 |
I also teach in Las Vegas. |
| 00:06:29 |
And I think |
| 00:06:31 |
people down there |
| 00:06:33 |
that there's a lot of things |
| 00:06:36 |
where here sometimes, I think, |
| 00:06:38 |
people don't want to believe |
| 00:06:41 |
could have a problem |
| 00:06:43 |
And therein lies a lot of what |
| 00:06:46 |
It comes to mind that there is |
| 00:06:51 |
and that a lot of people |
| 00:06:54 |
that there is a problem. |
| 00:06:55 |
There's a part of me |
| 00:06:58 |
there's no way it can happen |
| 00:06:59 |
because of our religious beliefs |
| 00:07:04 |
Yeah, there is an issue with |
| 00:07:07 |
And it's really hard, |
| 00:07:10 |
especially with |
| 00:07:12 |
how that's looked down upon, |
| 00:07:17 |
It's really hard for people, |
| 00:07:19 |
that deal |
| 00:07:22 |
because they don't know |
| 00:07:24 |
and they don't know where to go. |
| 00:07:25 |
They don't want to talk about it |
| 00:07:26 |
because they feel embarrassed |
| 00:07:29 |
Well, to be honest with you, |
| 00:07:31 |
I just got released |
| 00:07:34 |
I was in jail |
| 00:07:36 |
And that was two years ago, |
| 00:07:42 |
While I was in there, |
| 00:07:43 |
I saw major heroin |
| 00:07:48 |
from probably 40 inmates there. |
| 00:07:50 |
So I would definitely say |
| 00:07:53 |
The methadone, the heroin, |
| 00:07:56 |
It is... |
| 00:07:58 |
It's a pill thing. |
| 00:08:01 |
So that's one of |
| 00:08:03 |
And I think there's a part of |
| 00:08:07 |
"No. |
| 00:08:08 |
The reality of it is, |
| 00:08:11 |
Horrible. |
| 00:08:15 |
Let's see. |
| 00:08:17 |
This is still Christmas Day. |
| 00:08:19 |
I had the digital camera, |
| 00:08:24 |
Right after I took that picture, |
| 00:08:26 |
I saw this little quirk |
| 00:08:36 |
These pictures are all taken |
| 00:08:42 |
That would be... |
| 00:08:46 |
...the last Christmas |
| 00:08:53 |
When she was little, it was |
| 00:08:57 |
And everywhere Mom went, |
| 00:09:00 |
And... |
| 00:09:03 |
I don't know |
| 00:09:05 |
She always understood... |
| 00:09:06 |
We never had battles |
| 00:09:09 |
We always just, as Michael said, |
| 00:09:13 |
She got her driver's license. |
| 00:09:15 |
We wanted to go buy... |
| 00:09:17 |
So we started going |
| 00:09:21 |
Well, the car she liked |
| 00:09:26 |
and it had |
| 00:09:29 |
And teaching her how to drive |
| 00:09:33 |
was an experience. |
| 00:09:36 |
It took us |
| 00:09:38 |
to get where |
| 00:09:41 |
and felt good about it. |
| 00:09:45 |
- What? |
| 00:09:47 |
And I was the one who taught her |
| 00:09:51 |
Yes. |
| 00:09:54 |
But the thing |
| 00:09:58 |
she wrecked that car. |
| 00:09:59 |
We met in ninth grade. |
| 00:10:02 |
And we actually... |
| 00:10:04 |
We were in French class. |
| 00:10:06 |
And we were... |
| 00:10:09 |
We ended up becoming partners |
| 00:10:12 |
I forgot what it was. |
| 00:10:13 |
But we just loved each other |
| 00:10:18 |
If one of us |
| 00:10:20 |
and they didn't see |
| 00:10:22 |
they'd be, "Where's Amelia?" |
| 00:10:23 |
Or "Where's Macall?" |
| 00:10:25 |
And we were just inseparable. |
| 00:10:28 |
Amelia loved Macall. |
| 00:10:32 |
She just loved Macall. |
| 00:10:35 |
I n fact, one of the last things |
| 00:10:39 |
Michael was joking with her |
| 00:10:42 |
"Don't you think you've seen |
| 00:10:44 |
And I said that, and she said, |
| 00:10:46 |
"You can't ever |
| 00:10:50 |
And that was the last thing |
| 00:10:54 |
We didn't plan on using drugs |
| 00:10:56 |
But I ended up |
| 00:10:59 |
and I told her that my parents |
| 00:11:01 |
were going out of town |
| 00:11:03 |
And she said that she had... |
| 00:11:06 |
And she wanted to use heroin. |
| 00:11:10 |
And I told her, |
| 00:11:13 |
I saw the two girls, |
| 00:11:15 |
And I had a bad feeling. |
| 00:11:20 |
I was... |
| 00:11:22 |
I just was worried about Macall |
| 00:11:25 |
And I called Amelia up, |
| 00:11:27 |
"Amelia, will you make sure |
| 00:11:29 |
that Macall doesn't do |
| 00:11:31 |
I'm really worried about her, |
| 00:11:34 |
And Amelia said, "Yeah. |
| 00:11:37 |
We had asked Amelia |
| 00:11:40 |
about Macall and her drugs. |
| 00:11:42 |
Amelia said |
| 00:11:44 |
that she was being tested, |
| 00:11:48 |
And everything seemed |
| 00:11:52 |
She just used used them |
| 00:11:55 |
She would use them once |
| 00:11:58 |
Or when she and I were together. |
| 00:12:00 |
That whole weekend |
| 00:12:03 |
It was the first time |
| 00:12:05 |
All I remember is just |
| 00:12:09 |
And then I shot up. |
| 00:12:12 |
And that's it. |
| 00:12:14 |
And then I ended up |
| 00:12:16 |
because I wanted to be |
| 00:12:18 |
Macall had a boyfriend |
| 00:12:21 |
I don't know how he didn't know |
| 00:12:23 |
It's almost impossible |
| 00:12:27 |
LDS. |
| 00:12:29 |
I'm an Eagle Scout. |
| 00:12:32 |
Good kid in school. |
| 00:12:33 |
Averaged a 3. 3 GPA. |
| 00:12:37 |
Just a normal, you know... |
| 00:12:38 |
Normal good kid |
| 00:12:41 |
Did you ever sense |
| 00:12:43 |
I asked her. |
| 00:12:44 |
I'm like, "What's the worst |
| 00:12:47 |
Like, "How many drugs |
| 00:12:49 |
Just to find out. |
| 00:12:52 |
She said, " I've pretty much |
| 00:12:54 |
But that's in my past, |
| 00:12:58 |
It's gonna be a mystery that |
| 00:13:01 |
Because we honestly thought |
| 00:13:04 |
that Macall had gotten over |
| 00:13:09 |
You know, Amelia was there |
| 00:13:12 |
And somehow, |
| 00:13:16 |
she turns around |
| 00:13:20 |
gets Amelia |
| 00:13:28 |
This came from the police... |
| 00:13:31 |
and so we kind of assume |
| 00:13:32 |
that it has to be |
| 00:13:36 |
that Macall and Amelia |
| 00:13:42 |
Macall injected Amelia |
| 00:13:45 |
When you overdose, |
| 00:13:47 |
you usually do it |
| 00:13:49 |
Because I've overdosed myself. |
| 00:13:53 |
She never told me |
| 00:13:56 |
She never told me |
| 00:13:58 |
She just seemed like |
| 00:14:00 |
We had perfectly normal |
| 00:14:02 |
And so I just left her upstairs. |
| 00:14:04 |
And then about 3:00 or 4:00 |
| 00:14:07 |
Macall and her boyfriend |
| 00:14:09 |
and found Amelia passed out |
| 00:14:12 |
You know, then she started |
| 00:14:14 |
I'm like, "We should |
| 00:14:16 |
You know, she's unconscious. |
| 00:14:18 |
We can't even get her |
| 00:14:20 |
She's like, "No, it'll be okay. |
| 00:14:23 |
I felt for... |
| 00:14:26 |
The feeling |
| 00:14:30 |
It was just so awful. |
| 00:14:32 |
Just seeing my friend |
| 00:14:35 |
And Jasen said, |
| 00:14:40 |
And Macall said no. |
| 00:14:42 |
I was scared to death. |
| 00:14:44 |
Never seen someone like that |
| 00:14:47 |
Not knowing what's wrong and not |
| 00:14:49 |
You know, not knowing |
| 00:14:52 |
Yeah, calling 911, |
| 00:14:55 |
but I was told not to. |
| 00:14:56 |
And, so, trying to help them |
| 00:14:59 |
It's scary just not getting |
| 00:15:03 |
'cause never seen that before, |
| 00:15:06 |
It's just like, what do you do? |
| 00:15:09 |
I thought that |
| 00:15:11 |
I thought she was gonna come to. |
| 00:15:15 |
She... We ended up moving her |
| 00:15:18 |
And we fell asleep beside her. |
| 00:15:21 |
And the next morning, |
| 00:15:22 |
and she was blue and black |
| 00:15:27 |
She was gone. |
| 00:15:43 |
After that, |
| 00:15:45 |
I'm not sure exactly what took |
| 00:15:50 |
They decided that |
| 00:15:53 |
They took her body |
| 00:15:55 |
up by the "B" in "Bountiful"... |
| 00:16:00 |
Buried it. |
| 00:16:01 |
Tried to cover it with weeds |
| 00:16:07 |
And then Tuesday came, |
| 00:16:11 |
All of the news media were here |
| 00:16:15 |
wanting to talk about |
| 00:16:17 |
And... |
| 00:16:19 |
... someone said, "Did you know |
| 00:16:25 |
And I just thought, |
| 00:16:29 |
I don't need to talk anymore |
| 00:16:36 |
She's gone." |
| 00:16:38 |
And soon after that, |
| 00:16:44 |
And he sat down. |
| 00:16:50 |
And the officer |
| 00:16:53 |
- It was a chaplain. |
| 00:16:55 |
Looked at me, and he said, |
| 00:16:57 |
"We found Amelia. |
| 00:17:03 |
And the shock and the horror |
| 00:17:06 |
of hearing what you knew |
| 00:17:11 |
but you just kept hoping |
| 00:17:16 |
The shock is so painful |
| 00:17:21 |
And you just sit there |
| 00:17:26 |
Starts at the top |
| 00:17:28 |
and goes down |
| 00:17:31 |
like an electric shock. |
| 00:17:34 |
And then he showed us |
| 00:17:39 |
And... |
| 00:17:42 |
... her face was swollen |
| 00:17:47 |
And I found out later |
| 00:17:50 |
so it wasn't as bad |
| 00:17:56 |
And you're just going, |
| 00:18:00 |
What happened to Amelia? |
| 00:18:02 |
Why does her face |
| 00:18:06 |
They couldn't tell me. |
| 00:18:10 |
It was weeks... weeks... |
| 00:18:15 |
It was August. |
| 00:18:18 |
But the police told us kind of |
| 00:18:22 |
"She died peacefully |
| 00:18:25 |
You don't die peacefully |
| 00:18:28 |
and have this horrendous wound |
| 00:18:31 |
She would have had to recover |
| 00:18:36 |
The medical examiner said |
| 00:18:39 |
by when she passed out. |
| 00:18:40 |
Hitting the kitchen floor. |
| 00:18:43 |
I think it was caused |
| 00:18:46 |
The cops ended up |
| 00:18:49 |
and they asked me to submit |
| 00:18:52 |
And I said I would. |
| 00:18:54 |
Monday night she told me, |
| 00:18:57 |
'Cause she had to go in |
| 00:18:59 |
I told her that night, |
| 00:19:01 |
I'm like, |
| 00:19:02 |
I can't take this anymore." |
| 00:19:04 |
I'm like, |
| 00:19:06 |
And I guess... |
| 00:19:08 |
And then Tuesday, early morning, |
| 00:19:12 |
I called my mom. |
| 00:19:14 |
And I ended up going in |
| 00:19:16 |
and telling the whole story. |
| 00:19:18 |
So here's the big question, |
| 00:19:20 |
What do you take responsibility |
| 00:19:23 |
Everything. |
| 00:19:25 |
I know what I did was wrong. |
| 00:19:28 |
I'm not gonna try to deny |
| 00:19:30 |
There's no way |
| 00:19:33 |
And then the next morning |
| 00:19:37 |
I had woke up and I told my dad |
| 00:19:40 |
about everything |
| 00:19:43 |
I just remember being |
| 00:19:48 |
And so sad. |
| 00:19:51 |
I was so scared to tell my dad |
| 00:19:53 |
I was just in a state of shock. |
| 00:19:56 |
And he ended up crying. |
| 00:19:59 |
He told me |
| 00:20:02 |
He called my lawyer, |
| 00:20:06 |
And I had to tell him the whole |
| 00:20:09 |
And then the police came, and |
| 00:20:13 |
They dusted |
| 00:20:15 |
And they ended up arresting me, |
| 00:20:25 |
And I remember the whole thing |
| 00:20:29 |
and seeing it while |
| 00:20:32 |
And I was so scared. |
| 00:21:18 |
I wasn't thinking. |
| 00:21:20 |
I was completely lost. |
| 00:21:23 |
I was so high. |
| 00:21:30 |
I did not make good decisions |
| 00:21:34 |
I wish so badly that I could |
| 00:21:37 |
and bring back my friend. |
| 00:21:41 |
Since I've been in prison, |
| 00:21:42 |
my father hasn't |
| 00:21:44 |
I've written him. |
| 00:21:47 |
I don't know if he's out of town |
| 00:21:51 |
I don't know. |
| 00:21:52 |
What would you say to your dad |
| 00:21:53 |
If you could talk to your dad |
| 00:21:55 |
What would you say? |
| 00:21:59 |
If I could talk to my dad, |
| 00:22:03 |
And how I want nothing more |
| 00:22:19 |
Do you believe |
| 00:22:25 |
Do I believe |
| 00:22:27 |
Before that night? |
| 00:22:29 |
Hard drugs? |
| 00:22:31 |
No, she never did |
| 00:22:34 |
We know that she had smoked |
| 00:22:38 |
We know that she had done |
| 00:22:42 |
when her and Macall |
| 00:22:45 |
We know that that took place. |
| 00:22:48 |
Amelia told us, |
| 00:22:52 |
And we thought that |
| 00:22:56 |
So... |
| 00:22:58 |
And it was. |
| 00:23:00 |
Yeah. |
| 00:23:01 |
I think Macall planned it. |
| 00:23:04 |
Like I said, |
| 00:23:05 |
she'd been alone in the house. |
| 00:23:08 |
And when Jasen wanted to call, |
| 00:23:11 |
she came up |
| 00:23:13 |
why Jasen |
| 00:23:16 |
For four hours |
| 00:23:20 |
struggling to breathe, |
| 00:23:22 |
fighting for life |
| 00:23:26 |
And neither one of them |
| 00:23:32 |
...to save her. |
| 00:23:34 |
How do you feel |
| 00:23:40 |
I don't think Macall has a soul. |
| 00:23:43 |
I don't know who or what she is. |
| 00:23:45 |
I call her one of the undead. |
| 00:23:48 |
She doesn't have a soul. |
| 00:23:49 |
She doesn't care about |
| 00:23:53 |
I was told that after... |
| 00:23:56 |
When Jasen found Amelia dead, |
| 00:23:59 |
the only thing |
| 00:24:01 |
She didn't grieve. |
| 00:24:02 |
She didn't say, "Oh, dear" |
| 00:24:08 |
She said, "We've got to get |
| 00:24:10 |
before my dad gets home." |
| 00:24:37 |
Heroin or opiates |
| 00:24:43 |
can be reversed. |
| 00:24:44 |
Overdoses can be reversed |
| 00:24:51 |
They can be virtually |
| 00:24:54 |
by using Narcan and different |
| 00:24:58 |
Heroin is a central |
| 00:25:02 |
It basically shuts down |
| 00:25:05 |
It is not going to be |
| 00:25:10 |
I mean... |
| 00:25:12 |
You know, this person may |
| 00:25:19 |
You know, |
| 00:25:20 |
to see if they're breathing, |
| 00:25:22 |
they may just look like they're |
| 00:25:25 |
We're dealing with good kids. |
| 00:25:27 |
Kids that |
| 00:25:29 |
getting into a drug environment. |
| 00:25:32 |
And they're starting out |
| 00:25:36 |
that usually leads them |
| 00:25:39 |
they never would have |
| 00:25:41 |
I'd sit down |
| 00:25:43 |
"These are the things |
| 00:25:45 |
in this kind of a drug problem." |
| 00:25:46 |
Show them what the paraphernalia |
| 00:25:50 |
Usually a parent can get up |
| 00:25:52 |
and come out with a handful |
| 00:25:55 |
Marijuana pipe. |
| 00:25:57 |
This pot pipe was actually made |
| 00:26:04 |
Zig-Zags for rolling marijuana. |
| 00:26:07 |
A small scale |
| 00:26:10 |
who wants to make sure |
| 00:26:12 |
Crack pipe or crank pipe. |
| 00:26:14 |
These little glass vials you can |
| 00:26:19 |
And if you look |
| 00:26:22 |
there's these little roses |
| 00:26:26 |
They're not selling the rose. |
| 00:26:29 |
They're selling a crack pipe. |
| 00:26:31 |
Do you have |
| 00:26:32 |
How about spoons? |
| 00:26:35 |
These are things I didn't know. |
| 00:26:38 |
I'm like, "What's going on here? |
| 00:26:40 |
My kids aren't little anymore." |
| 00:26:42 |
Cellphone bills. |
| 00:26:44 |
You know? |
| 00:26:45 |
How many miles are they putting |
| 00:26:51 |
My son designed this tattoo |
| 00:26:53 |
because he wanted to be |
| 00:26:56 |
and own a tattoo parlor |
| 00:26:59 |
So I went |
| 00:27:00 |
This is supposed to be C. B. B., |
| 00:27:02 |
but I think it's a little |
| 00:27:06 |
This picture was taken |
| 00:27:08 |
We had it blown up |
| 00:27:13 |
I mean, we had a celebration of |
| 00:27:16 |
And... |
| 00:27:20 |
There was every kind |
| 00:27:25 |
From all walks of life. |
| 00:27:30 |
Every different kind |
| 00:27:33 |
... every different kind |
| 00:27:36 |
That's what he taught us, |
| 00:27:38 |
is acceptance, you know? |
| 00:27:40 |
He just wanted people |
| 00:27:44 |
and how they were |
| 00:27:47 |
Somebody who uses drugs |
| 00:27:48 |
isn't just hanging out |
| 00:27:51 |
with just a few people, |
| 00:27:52 |
It can be anybody. |
| 00:27:56 |
We were actually in Phoenix. |
| 00:27:58 |
We had gotten back from Africa, |
| 00:27:59 |
and we'd left him home alone |
| 00:28:01 |
She was watching him, |
| 00:28:04 |
And he had gone to work that |
| 00:28:08 |
And Brianne got a phone call. |
| 00:28:10 |
He didn't come home at noon? |
| 00:28:12 |
He was supposed to be home |
| 00:28:14 |
And apparently he had bought |
| 00:28:18 |
with a group of kids. |
| 00:28:20 |
He had driven to Sugarhouse |
| 00:28:25 |
He came home alone, |
| 00:28:27 |
did the coke |
| 00:28:29 |
What made him do it, why he |
| 00:28:32 |
'Cause we thought he was |
| 00:28:35 |
And he brought it home, |
| 00:28:40 |
He was alone. |
| 00:28:41 |
He got in the bathtub. |
| 00:28:43 |
They said maybe the heat on top |
| 00:28:49 |
They found him in the bathtub. |
| 00:28:51 |
Found him |
| 00:28:56 |
Just white as a sheet. |
| 00:28:58 |
And I knew when I first saw him |
| 00:29:02 |
And my son and Bree |
| 00:29:07 |
The hardest thing |
| 00:29:08 |
was go out and tell Bree |
| 00:29:12 |
Our son was Colton Ben Berger. |
| 00:29:16 |
Born on April 8, 1989. |
| 00:29:20 |
He passed away of |
| 00:29:24 |
on January 28, 2006. |
| 00:29:29 |
I think his real aspiration |
| 00:29:38 |
And he'll never... |
| 00:29:40 |
Excuse me. |
| 00:29:41 |
... have the chance to do that. |
| 00:29:48 |
I could probably walk into |
| 00:29:52 |
and find it within five minutes. |
| 00:29:57 |
You know, the problem is, |
| 00:29:59 |
Kids that were the stoners. |
| 00:30:01 |
Computer nerds. |
| 00:30:03 |
You know, just normal, |
| 00:30:05 |
that you just expect to be |
| 00:30:07 |
that were all on |
| 00:30:10 |
I have yet to find |
| 00:30:12 |
public or private, |
| 00:30:14 |
that does not have |
| 00:30:16 |
and that there is not |
| 00:30:20 |
If you were a new student |
| 00:30:23 |
and you really wanted |
| 00:30:26 |
I would bet that |
| 00:30:28 |
just a matter of hours. |
| 00:30:30 |
When this was going on, I said, |
| 00:30:33 |
It's just that simple." |
| 00:30:34 |
And he said, "You know, Dad, |
| 00:30:36 |
you can get drugs anywhere, |
| 00:30:49 |
This person writes, |
| 00:30:52 |
Hope you're running naked |
| 00:30:54 |
I love you and miss you. |
| 00:31:31 |
I'll eat my hat |
| 00:31:34 |
that's not addicted to sugar. |
| 00:31:35 |
If you are always |
| 00:31:37 |
you know that if |
| 00:31:39 |
and a little blue |
| 00:31:41 |
all you have to go |
| 00:31:44 |
and a lot of soda pop, with |
| 00:31:49 |
And so you're already training |
| 00:31:54 |
as a pharmaceutical way |
| 00:31:57 |
And I think the next stage |
| 00:32:02 |
And I think we need |
| 00:32:04 |
I think we're a nation |
| 00:32:07 |
If we want to truly help |
| 00:32:11 |
I think we need to look |
| 00:32:14 |
Is it the mind or the body? |
| 00:32:17 |
And a body will not work well |
| 00:32:21 |
I personally almost |
| 00:32:24 |
when I got hurt. |
| 00:32:25 |
Because 2:00 in the morning, |
| 00:32:30 |
as well as your physical pain. |
| 00:32:31 |
And then as |
| 00:32:33 |
the emotional pain |
| 00:32:36 |
And, you know, that pill makes |
| 00:32:39 |
I had a really good doctor, |
| 00:32:40 |
and he probably stopped me |
| 00:32:43 |
from becoming addicted |
| 00:32:45 |
So now I have to be really, |
| 00:32:48 |
And now I prefer... |
| 00:32:52 |
How does that work for you? |
| 00:32:53 |
Well, |
| 00:32:55 |
it's a major drawback. |
| 00:32:56 |
Because it makes everything |
| 00:32:59 |
'cause I'm trying to move a |
| 00:33:02 |
with just my arms. |
| 00:33:04 |
And, so, I love my food. |
| 00:33:06 |
I n a way, it's my best friend, |
| 00:33:28 |
You know, when I walk in, |
| 00:33:31 |
And to me, they're just |
| 00:33:35 |
But when you start |
| 00:33:37 |
they're 20 people you love. |
| 00:33:39 |
And they're all so different. |
| 00:33:41 |
And if that could be |
| 00:33:44 |
we wouldn't feel |
| 00:33:48 |
And the guilt. |
| 00:33:53 |
There was a time |
| 00:33:57 |
moved back in with my parents. |
| 00:33:59 |
So now and then, |
| 00:34:01 |
Just so I could go drink. |
| 00:34:03 |
And I remember one time |
| 00:34:05 |
feeling so guilty |
| 00:34:08 |
I couldn't sleep |
| 00:34:09 |
I went out and slept |
| 00:34:11 |
'Cause I didn't feel I deserved |
| 00:34:14 |
with the TV and all that. |
| 00:34:15 |
Where does that come from? |
| 00:34:17 |
The upbringing here? |
| 00:34:18 |
Oh, definitely. |
| 00:34:21 |
You know, Happy Valley |
| 00:34:24 |
I mean, the guilt is... |
| 00:34:29 |
My sister has moved |
| 00:34:31 |
and she won't come back |
| 00:34:33 |
She doesn't want to be judged |
| 00:34:37 |
I think everybody in this state |
| 00:34:41 |
and quit looking |
| 00:35:10 |
You'd be surprised |
| 00:35:12 |
and how much... |
| 00:35:16 |
how much gas his car uses. |
| 00:35:20 |
I don't know if you can see him |
| 00:35:22 |
but Greg's got one of these |
| 00:35:24 |
And when you're sick |
| 00:35:27 |
and getting drugs or whatever, |
| 00:35:28 |
he takes his little deal |
| 00:35:32 |
and he does |
| 00:35:34 |
to take his mind |
| 00:35:37 |
of being sick and going up. |
| 00:35:38 |
It's just something to do to |
| 00:35:42 |
Because I'll meet him sometimes, |
| 00:35:46 |
I mean, just shaking. |
| 00:35:50 |
When I'm out of |
| 00:35:54 |
then I'll have to go a few days |
| 00:35:57 |
of doing this, you know? |
| 00:36:02 |
And so it'll be... |
| 00:36:05 |
You know, we'll come up, |
| 00:36:07 |
for another, you know, |
| 00:36:11 |
And then there's been |
| 00:36:15 |
I've had enough pain medicine |
| 00:36:19 |
and gone a month |
| 00:36:22 |
And then you run out of that, |
| 00:36:23 |
and then you get sucked |
| 00:36:25 |
because you just can't break |
| 00:36:28 |
and getting off of opiates, |
| 00:36:33 |
Maybe I always haven't been |
| 00:36:35 |
but my kids love me. |
| 00:36:36 |
If somebody were |
| 00:36:39 |
one thing that I do know |
| 00:36:41 |
"the guy was |
| 00:36:43 |
And that's one thing |
| 00:36:45 |
That's what I live for. |
| 00:36:46 |
I think the biggest toll |
| 00:36:49 |
just if you want to |
| 00:36:50 |
is losing about |
| 00:36:54 |
because of my addiction. |
| 00:36:56 |
Just going out there |
| 00:36:57 |
and either running out |
| 00:37:00 |
and getting so sick |
| 00:37:03 |
And then kind of |
| 00:37:05 |
and people not wanting |
| 00:37:07 |
on somebody that has a problem |
| 00:37:09 |
and will have somebody else |
| 00:37:11 |
So it's had a huge effect. |
| 00:37:13 |
When my kids get up |
| 00:37:15 |
after sleeping well at night |
| 00:37:16 |
and I've been up all night |
| 00:37:19 |
and they're bouncing off the |
| 00:37:22 |
and I don't have the energy to |
| 00:37:25 |
Are you kidding me? |
| 00:37:26 |
You know how much that sucks |
| 00:37:28 |
to have them wondering, |
| 00:37:30 |
Why can't he come out |
| 00:37:32 |
Once you get to that point, |
| 00:37:33 |
you will do anything |
| 00:37:35 |
Anything. |
| 00:37:36 |
We called one of these places |
| 00:37:39 |
for detox and rehab |
| 00:37:42 |
And some of them |
| 00:37:45 |
And you got to go in there with |
| 00:37:48 |
And so I honestly did not know |
| 00:37:50 |
Is it cheaper to stay on drugs? |
| 00:37:53 |
Oh, yeah. |
| 00:37:55 |
Not only, I mean, just the |
| 00:37:59 |
You can have a pretty bad habit |
| 00:38:00 |
and do it |
| 00:38:03 |
Or, I mean, thousands |
| 00:38:05 |
for detox and rehab |
| 00:38:09 |
And, unfortunately, |
| 00:38:11 |
they don't work for people |
| 00:38:13 |
because they go in |
| 00:38:15 |
And especially in this valley, |
| 00:38:17 |
if somebody's got a problem, |
| 00:38:19 |
"Make them better, |
| 00:38:22 |
You know? |
| 00:38:24 |
So we come out |
| 00:38:26 |
We've been praying, looking for |
| 00:38:28 |
I see this sign..."Addicted? |
| 00:38:31 |
We sponsor recovery! |
| 00:38:36 |
So I come out. |
| 00:38:38 |
Come out of the gas station |
| 00:38:39 |
after literally having been |
| 00:38:42 |
praying what can I do, |
| 00:38:45 |
"Happy Valley Detox. |
| 00:38:47 |
And on the way up to the city, |
| 00:38:51 |
was on my cellphone |
| 00:38:54 |
People realize that, |
| 00:38:57 |
I've been so stressed |
| 00:39:00 |
and when I take this or that, |
| 00:39:03 |
and I'm able to deal with things |
| 00:39:05 |
Now you're stepping over |
| 00:39:07 |
of taking it for reasons of pain |
| 00:39:08 |
to reasons of depression or |
| 00:39:14 |
And then it's like now you're |
| 00:39:18 |
You get to the point |
| 00:39:20 |
whether you're taking pain |
| 00:39:22 |
or whether your mind's |
| 00:39:25 |
or whether you're just taking it |
| 00:39:27 |
And you get to a point |
| 00:39:30 |
It's absolutely out of control. |
| 00:39:33 |
"So, Sister Andersen, |
| 00:39:39 |
"Could I get some of |
| 00:39:41 |
"Sister Andersen, I need |
| 00:39:43 |
and four balloons of black, |
| 00:39:47 |
"Okay, I'll see you tonight. |
| 00:39:52 |
"Listen, you old piece of... |
| 00:39:55 |
I said 10 Valium. |
| 00:39:58 |
I'll be at the Bishop's house |
| 00:40:00 |
That's more like it. |
| 00:40:02 |
Don't ever try to short me, |
| 00:40:07 |
Can you imagine? |
| 00:40:09 |
Thanks for writing me |
| 00:40:12 |
I would never bad-mouth or say |
| 00:40:16 |
I live for the Church. |
| 00:40:19 |
But there are... |
| 00:40:22 |
There's... |
| 00:40:24 |
You can't single out the Church. |
| 00:40:27 |
It's not like it's |
| 00:40:30 |
But are there certain pressures |
| 00:40:33 |
with religion, |
| 00:40:36 |
But it just happens |
| 00:40:38 |
there's a dominant religion, |
| 00:40:41 |
But, I mean, |
| 00:40:43 |
and sit there and say, |
| 00:40:46 |
It's not. |
| 00:40:47 |
Is there pressure |
| 00:40:49 |
with always trying to be perfect |
| 00:40:52 |
and being in denial |
| 00:40:57 |
when you really got a problem, |
| 00:40:58 |
and, you know, talk about people |
| 00:40:59 |
I mean, domestic-violence |
| 00:41:02 |
and never even come clean with |
| 00:41:05 |
So it's not... Yeah. |
| 00:41:07 |
Okay, where'd he go? |
| 00:41:11 |
You think there's a chance |
| 00:41:12 |
- He's back. |
| 00:41:14 |
He wants to, and he said... |
| 00:41:16 |
He goes, " I don't want to do |
| 00:41:18 |
and have my parents see this, |
| 00:41:21 |
if I'm not doing something |
| 00:41:24 |
You know, so he really does. |
| 00:41:26 |
If you can just not start, |
| 00:41:29 |
Because once you start |
| 00:41:32 |
and you get into taking stuff, |
| 00:41:33 |
it'll take... You will... |
| 00:41:37 |
There's... |
| 00:41:39 |
If you look around, there's |
| 00:41:42 |
They're gone. |
| 00:41:44 |
You either get better |
| 00:41:47 |
That's it. |
| 00:41:48 |
There's no heroin or cocaine |
| 00:41:50 |
This is Utah. You can't get |
| 00:41:53 |
That's what they do... |
| 00:41:56 |
They won't deal |
| 00:41:57 |
No meth, nothing like that. |
| 00:41:59 |
They say meth makes people loco, |
| 00:42:02 |
Find that interesting. |
| 00:42:03 |
They won't deal with guys |
| 00:42:05 |
Yeah, because they're crazy. |
| 00:42:07 |
Yeah, they'll do anything. |
| 00:42:09 |
What do you want to do? |
| 00:42:11 |
You want to go back |
| 00:42:13 |
- Greg, can we go back? |
| 00:42:15 |
Let's go see the bachelor pad. |
| 00:42:16 |
No, 'cause if you show my room, |
| 00:42:18 |
anyone that knows me |
| 00:42:21 |
Well, no. |
| 00:42:23 |
until you decide what it is |
| 00:42:25 |
Just so we have it. |
| 00:42:27 |
That's the whole idea. |
| 00:42:29 |
I mean, if you really do |
| 00:42:31 |
I mean, that's the reality. |
| 00:42:33 |
You can do it. You don't have |
| 00:42:35 |
If you really |
| 00:42:38 |
and show them |
| 00:42:41 |
from having everything |
| 00:42:44 |
to my whole life is in |
| 00:42:48 |
I want to get high |
| 00:42:50 |
You hear that? |
| 00:42:51 |
He goes, " I want to get high as |
| 00:42:54 |
- That's fine. |
| 00:42:56 |
You want to roll? |
| 00:43:02 |
No, I got to tell you. |
| 00:43:04 |
Just from my standpoint, |
| 00:43:06 |
I can't tell you |
| 00:43:08 |
for having as much of a problem |
| 00:43:10 |
I'm willing to expose myself," |
| 00:43:13 |
He feels absolutely horrible |
| 00:43:15 |
what he's given up, you know? |
| 00:43:17 |
But like you all said, |
| 00:43:22 |
not go the same route |
| 00:43:25 |
Say you lose all your money, |
| 00:43:28 |
say you lose whatever, |
| 00:43:31 |
well, you'd think that he would |
| 00:43:33 |
want to do anything |
| 00:43:36 |
Living in that crappy |
| 00:43:38 |
Well, he'll tell you himself, |
| 00:43:41 |
Why go through the effort? |
| 00:43:43 |
I've already lost everything. |
| 00:43:57 |
It's probably tripping for you, |
| 00:43:58 |
You've never been around |
| 00:44:00 |
No? |
| 00:44:01 |
No, not none of that. |
| 00:44:04 |
Was that a trip going... |
| 00:44:07 |
- Not really. |
| 00:44:09 |
Yeah, just gonna film. |
| 00:44:11 |
Just filming. |
| 00:44:13 |
There's some heroin right there. |
| 00:44:15 |
How long have you lived here? |
| 00:44:17 |
Four years. |
| 00:44:18 |
I've been divorced |
| 00:44:20 |
and been in this room |
| 00:44:22 |
I just hide. |
| 00:44:25 |
Just go get my heroin |
| 00:44:27 |
And you know? |
| 00:44:30 |
I got married, stayed clean, |
| 00:44:33 |
went in the hospital. |
| 00:44:34 |
They gave me a whole bunch |
| 00:44:37 |
They don't work because |
| 00:44:39 |
even though you've quit, |
| 00:44:41 |
Then, pretty soon, |
| 00:44:44 |
and you're doing heroin |
| 00:44:45 |
and, you know, pretty soon, |
| 00:44:47 |
they just get sick |
| 00:44:48 |
And the last straw |
| 00:44:52 |
and then broke my leg |
| 00:44:55 |
Same thing. |
| 00:44:56 |
Then she just got sick |
| 00:44:58 |
And, I mean, |
| 00:45:02 |
All-State in three sports |
| 00:45:05 |
played college football |
| 00:45:06 |
and think of the life |
| 00:45:09 |
And many times over, |
| 00:45:12 |
I kept getting chance |
| 00:45:14 |
and... and I'm still doing it. |
| 00:45:20 |
Get a few days, and then, |
| 00:45:22 |
It just goes on. |
| 00:45:24 |
And then I have such |
| 00:45:26 |
I can do, you know, 40 times |
| 00:45:29 |
Literally enough to O. D. |
| 00:45:32 |
And so... |
| 00:45:40 |
That much right there |
| 00:45:42 |
that's never done it before. |
| 00:45:46 |
Oh, just bust up my nice room. |
| 00:45:48 |
And then I'll cook up |
| 00:45:51 |
and put it on there, too, |
| 00:45:53 |
Plus, I just ate eight Valium. |
| 00:45:56 |
And so... |
| 00:45:57 |
It's hard to imagine |
| 00:46:00 |
And it's not just the dope |
| 00:46:03 |
it's this whole thing. |
| 00:46:05 |
Going up and getting it, |
| 00:46:07 |
Getting it from the Mexicans. |
| 00:46:08 |
The cops are sitting |
| 00:46:09 |
The ride down, the ride back, |
| 00:46:12 |
Making it up, fixing it up. |
| 00:46:13 |
Literally, when I was coming |
| 00:46:15 |
it's like Christmas. |
| 00:46:16 |
You're running in here so giddy. |
| 00:46:18 |
You got to get your water, |
| 00:46:20 |
It's sad. |
| 00:46:25 |
The more you're on, |
| 00:46:28 |
And the problem is, is you feel |
| 00:46:32 |
the worst everything, |
| 00:46:35 |
You're throwing up. |
| 00:46:36 |
Runs down your pants, |
| 00:46:39 |
I n two minutes, |
| 00:46:42 |
And that's the problem, |
| 00:46:43 |
because you're so low, |
| 00:46:46 |
You know, 'cause normally |
| 00:46:48 |
or have cancer or whatever, |
| 00:46:50 |
There's nothing you can do |
| 00:46:52 |
But with this, you know |
| 00:46:53 |
you go from here to here. |
| 00:46:55 |
And so it's such a big jump |
| 00:46:57 |
that, you know, that's one of |
| 00:47:00 |
And I just hope and pray |
| 00:47:03 |
and... and for me to do this |
| 00:47:07 |
is unbelievable for me because |
| 00:47:11 |
which is, to me, |
| 00:47:13 |
because I've got to help |
| 00:47:14 |
And I think the only way |
| 00:47:16 |
is if I help people, |
| 00:47:18 |
because then I'm not doing it |
| 00:47:21 |
And I'm not showing as much |
| 00:47:26 |
and that's what getting high |
| 00:47:29 |
It makes the hurt go away, |
| 00:47:32 |
I'm willing to go through hell |
| 00:47:37 |
And Daniel... at me |
| 00:47:39 |
Like he's high and mighty |
| 00:47:42 |
and he doesn't realize that... |
| 00:47:44 |
He's getting |
| 00:47:46 |
Got the wife wanting divorce. |
| 00:47:49 |
You know, |
| 00:47:54 |
Gonna put them on |
| 00:47:59 |
Here's what morphine looks like, |
| 00:48:01 |
Here's what opium looks like. |
| 00:48:04 |
Here's what Percocet... |
| 00:48:07 |
They're almost the exact |
| 00:48:11 |
So, pay for the doctor's visit, |
| 00:48:14 |
pay for, you know, |
| 00:48:17 |
Pay for the prescription. |
| 00:48:18 |
Pay to take it |
| 00:48:21 |
or get in your car, |
| 00:48:24 |
Not get the exact same thing, |
| 00:48:28 |
for $ 10 in a little balloon. |
| 00:48:39 |
When I first came here in '86, |
| 00:48:44 |
drug deaths weren't that common. |
| 00:48:47 |
We were probably seeing |
| 00:48:52 |
The vast majority |
| 00:48:56 |
Last year, we did |
| 00:49:01 |
in this office. |
| 00:49:03 |
Of those 411, |
| 00:49:07 |
242 were pure |
| 00:49:10 |
prescription-drug-related |
| 00:49:13 |
These are drugs like oxycodone, |
| 00:49:19 |
If you add folks |
| 00:49:23 |
as well as prescription drugs, |
| 00:49:25 |
that total goes up to 270. |
| 00:49:29 |
If you think about it, pills, |
| 00:49:31 |
which is a huge problem here in |
| 00:49:34 |
it's like smoking weed, which |
| 00:49:39 |
It's something that comes |
| 00:49:40 |
For me, I think that's a little |
| 00:49:43 |
It's like, "Okay, that grows." |
| 00:49:45 |
It's not like it's okay, but |
| 00:49:49 |
But people that are |
| 00:49:50 |
they're hooked, you know? |
| 00:49:51 |
It gets you by the... |
| 00:49:53 |
and it's just, from that point |
| 00:49:56 |
You have to have it, |
| 00:49:59 |
I've seen people |
| 00:50:00 |
You know someone, a good friend, |
| 00:50:02 |
you know, and they're the person |
| 00:50:05 |
and then down the path, |
| 00:50:08 |
that they'll flip on you |
| 00:50:09 |
and do whatever they can |
| 00:50:11 |
They'll just lose their soul |
| 00:50:15 |
It was not anything |
| 00:50:19 |
to lose a child. |
| 00:50:22 |
Blake was a very outgoing kid |
| 00:50:26 |
as, you know, in elementary, |
| 00:50:28 |
Very popular. |
| 00:50:30 |
He was always kind of the leader |
| 00:50:32 |
He was doing well, you know, |
| 00:50:34 |
until he hit about his sophomore |
| 00:50:36 |
Got kicked off the team |
| 00:50:39 |
grades started to drop, |
| 00:50:42 |
He just became reclusive. |
| 00:50:45 |
He'd come home, |
| 00:50:47 |
We never thought |
| 00:50:50 |
Then we started questioning him, |
| 00:50:53 |
and once you look at him, |
| 00:50:55 |
You can see the signs. |
| 00:50:56 |
You know, he'd come home, |
| 00:50:58 |
He'd be tired. |
| 00:51:01 |
There was many times |
| 00:51:04 |
between my husband and Blake |
| 00:51:06 |
because he was so frustrated |
| 00:51:08 |
Blake would be high |
| 00:51:12 |
My youngest daughter, |
| 00:51:14 |
would come home |
| 00:51:16 |
My other son was serving |
| 00:51:18 |
so he was kind of |
| 00:51:20 |
And we all knew that eventually |
| 00:51:22 |
doing what he'd done. |
| 00:51:23 |
We knew that he couldn't do |
| 00:51:25 |
and live through it. |
| 00:51:26 |
And I was upstairs |
| 00:51:30 |
and my husband came running |
| 00:51:32 |
saying, "Suzanne, come down. |
| 00:51:36 |
And he was laying on the bed, |
| 00:51:37 |
and my first thought was that |
| 00:51:40 |
'cause he had foam coming |
| 00:51:42 |
and then I realized |
| 00:51:46 |
and that he most likely |
| 00:51:48 |
I pulled him off the bed |
| 00:51:51 |
'cause I think he was still |
| 00:51:52 |
and I remember thinking |
| 00:51:54 |
that he was gonna |
| 00:51:56 |
but you don't care, you know. |
| 00:51:57 |
And I got his mouth open |
| 00:52:04 |
It was probably |
| 00:52:06 |
I've ever had to do |
| 00:52:08 |
to sit there and look at my son, |
| 00:52:09 |
who had a gazillion tubes |
| 00:52:12 |
You know, at that point, |
| 00:52:14 |
He was just somebody |
| 00:52:16 |
And I remember thinking |
| 00:52:21 |
that he'll be better off, |
| 00:52:23 |
that he's been through so much |
| 00:52:26 |
that maybe this is |
| 00:52:30 |
The physician told us |
| 00:52:34 |
that we would be taking him |
| 00:52:36 |
later on that afternoon, |
| 00:52:37 |
so to get our family together |
| 00:52:39 |
and to get everybody there |
| 00:52:41 |
you know, say their goodbyes |
| 00:52:43 |
And it was horrible. |
| 00:52:45 |
I mean, I remember standing |
| 00:52:47 |
sliding down it, sobbing, |
| 00:52:48 |
and my daughter was sobbing |
| 00:52:50 |
and my other daughter was |
| 00:52:52 |
and grandmas and grandpas |
| 00:52:55 |
I mean, all the friends |
| 00:52:58 |
They had to call security |
| 00:53:01 |
because there were so many kids |
| 00:53:08 |
I woke up in the hospital |
| 00:53:12 |
four or five days later, |
| 00:53:14 |
and I was in the hospital |
| 00:53:17 |
They told my parents |
| 00:53:20 |
prepare to take me |
| 00:53:23 |
and I just decided that's... |
| 00:53:27 |
You only get one life, |
| 00:53:29 |
and that's not the life |
| 00:53:33 |
You know, |
| 00:53:35 |
It's hard. |
| 00:53:36 |
Like Blake said, he takes it |
| 00:53:39 |
You know, every morning I get |
| 00:53:41 |
make sure he's still breathing. |
| 00:53:43 |
And I probably will do that |
| 00:53:44 |
until he, you know, |
| 00:53:48 |
But it's... You know, it |
| 00:53:52 |
Even now that he's clean, |
| 00:53:55 |
The drug problem has gone |
| 00:53:57 |
through the Terrace in Ogden |
| 00:54:00 |
wiping friends out, |
| 00:54:03 |
I mean, it's... |
| 00:54:07 |
My perspective on it was, |
| 00:54:14 |
I mean, it's only one pill, |
| 00:54:17 |
The teenagers would get |
| 00:54:20 |
I mean, there was people |
| 00:54:22 |
old ladies that would get |
| 00:54:25 |
There was people |
| 00:54:29 |
I mean, the one day of the month |
| 00:54:31 |
where they got |
| 00:54:33 |
there'd be four or five people |
| 00:54:36 |
My whole sophomore year, |
| 00:54:38 |
with anything more |
| 00:54:43 |
and my junior year |
| 00:54:45 |
is when I started to bump it up |
| 00:54:48 |
I would start, I mean, doing |
| 00:54:51 |
and my senior year |
| 00:54:55 |
I mean, I was all over |
| 00:54:59 |
doing two or three, four, |
| 00:55:01 |
I mean, spending hundreds |
| 00:55:05 |
Well, when I was in high school, |
| 00:55:07 |
as in a whole different game |
| 00:55:11 |
I mean, |
| 00:55:13 |
for the fact |
| 00:55:17 |
But it's in the same ballpark. |
| 00:55:22 |
It kills people |
| 00:55:27 |
OxyContin is actually |
| 00:55:30 |
It's heroin into a pill. |
| 00:55:33 |
While working undercover, |
| 00:55:35 |
I found myself almost |
| 00:55:42 |
trying to figure out "What |
| 00:55:47 |
Why are they just jumping |
| 00:55:52 |
And we got into conversation |
| 00:55:55 |
One Sunday evening, |
| 00:55:58 |
I was surrounded |
| 00:56:02 |
We got on the conversation |
| 00:56:04 |
Come to find out, |
| 00:56:06 |
the overwhelming majority |
| 00:56:09 |
And so I asked them, |
| 00:56:10 |
about going to church tomorrow?" |
| 00:56:12 |
And they said, |
| 00:56:15 |
It's really not |
| 00:56:17 |
And I said, "Oh, yeah? |
| 00:56:19 |
"Well, it's a pill. |
| 00:56:21 |
It makes me feel good. |
| 00:56:23 |
It's not alcohol. |
| 00:56:25 |
I'm not sticking anything |
| 00:56:27 |
I'm just taking a pill |
| 00:56:30 |
Big deal." |
| 00:56:32 |
There are a lot of parents |
| 00:56:33 |
that just have no idea what's |
| 00:56:37 |
and it's not because they're |
| 00:56:40 |
but sometimes it's just that |
| 00:56:44 |
We had no clue. |
| 00:56:46 |
Really very good at hiding it. |
| 00:56:48 |
I mean, it's not like we're |
| 00:56:53 |
A young lady, recently married, |
| 00:56:58 |
She was involved |
| 00:57:00 |
and she was legally prescribed |
| 00:57:06 |
She found herself addicted |
| 00:57:10 |
to the Lortab and hydrocodone. |
| 00:57:12 |
So, she was altering... |
| 00:57:13 |
She was going to different |
| 00:57:16 |
receiving a prescription, |
| 00:57:19 |
but then she was altering |
| 00:57:20 |
to get her more pills. |
| 00:57:22 |
The pharmacist caught on |
| 00:57:25 |
I conducted my investigation |
| 00:57:28 |
I spoke to her husband. |
| 00:57:30 |
Come to find out, |
| 00:57:31 |
she was a very key member |
| 00:57:35 |
and he was afraid |
| 00:57:39 |
within his religious culture. |
| 00:57:41 |
But I could give you a list |
| 00:57:43 |
of so many people |
| 00:57:45 |
that are at the pharmacy |
| 00:57:48 |
or even at emergency rooms |
| 00:57:50 |
because they ran out of drugs. |
| 00:57:52 |
And you would look |
| 00:57:54 |
go, "Are you kidding me? |
| 00:57:55 |
This guys takes them, but isn't |
| 00:57:58 |
It's ridiculous. |
| 00:58:00 |
That's why so many people |
| 00:58:01 |
That's why everybody goes |
| 00:58:03 |
and hiding it every day |
| 00:58:04 |
because they don't |
| 00:58:05 |
what happens in their church |
| 00:58:07 |
or their standing |
| 00:58:09 |
or their standing |
| 00:58:10 |
We can't let it affect that, |
| 00:58:11 |
so we hide in this gray area |
| 00:58:16 |
and, you know. |
| 00:58:17 |
"Well, you know, |
| 00:58:19 |
and that's why he takes it," |
| 00:58:20 |
or "He's sick because..." |
| 00:58:23 |
And it's just because nobody |
| 00:58:26 |
for where they're at. |
| 00:58:27 |
Nobody wants to really fess up |
| 00:58:28 |
and say that I got a problem, |
| 00:58:30 |
and it's not just a bad back |
| 00:58:32 |
and that I need help. |
| 00:58:34 |
The reality of it is, |
| 00:58:36 |
is that people |
| 00:58:39 |
that which is uncomfortable |
| 00:58:53 |
During my childhood, we were |
| 00:58:57 |
and we'd always go to church. |
| 00:58:59 |
We'd always go to |
| 00:59:02 |
and have Sunday dinner, |
| 00:59:03 |
and we just had a happy family. |
| 00:59:08 |
I thought that Macall, |
| 00:59:11 |
that she was gonna go |
| 00:59:13 |
She was going to become |
| 00:59:15 |
She was going to just |
| 00:59:19 |
I was on floor |
| 00:59:22 |
and I landed short |
| 00:59:23 |
and I hyperextended my knee |
| 00:59:26 |
and I had to have surgery. |
| 00:59:28 |
It took a year to heal |
| 00:59:29 |
and I tried to go |
| 00:59:31 |
but it was too painful. |
| 00:59:33 |
It was so... |
| 00:59:34 |
Everything just wasn't right. |
| 00:59:37 |
I just couldn't get |
| 00:59:38 |
I remember Macall wanted to go |
| 00:59:40 |
She would do gymnastics, too. |
| 00:59:42 |
She wanted to go to gymnastics, |
| 00:59:44 |
and I just |
| 00:59:46 |
I started slacking |
| 00:59:48 |
and, you know, she was like, |
| 00:59:50 |
"Please, Mom. |
| 00:59:52 |
Please, please." |
| 00:59:54 |
I mean, it was one exit away. |
| 00:59:58 |
So I just ended up just staying |
| 01:00:00 |
and getting a social life |
| 01:00:04 |
And then my parents got divorced |
| 01:00:06 |
and I was living with my mother |
| 01:00:10 |
and my mom, she ended up |
| 01:00:17 |
It's not a pretty sight |
| 01:00:19 |
It's ugly, very ugly. |
| 01:00:22 |
It's just ugly, and my kids got |
| 01:00:26 |
It was just like |
| 01:00:28 |
You know, it was no big deal. |
| 01:00:30 |
No big deal at all to see me |
| 01:00:33 |
"Hold on." |
| 01:00:37 |
Before I could make breakfast, |
| 01:00:40 |
so that I could be normal |
| 01:00:44 |
Even breakfast, you know? |
| 01:00:46 |
I'd get a call |
| 01:00:48 |
when I was in junior high |
| 01:00:50 |
because I never was there. |
| 01:00:52 |
And he would leave message after |
| 01:00:57 |
And I was home tending |
| 01:01:02 |
without my mom. |
| 01:01:04 |
I wanted to go out |
| 01:01:07 |
and not take care of my sisters. |
| 01:01:11 |
I thought that using with my mom |
| 01:01:14 |
would create |
| 01:01:18 |
and... |
| 01:01:22 |
it did, but it was just in |
| 01:01:27 |
We wanted the mom |
| 01:01:29 |
The fun, outgoing mom that loved |
| 01:01:34 |
and not just do her drugs |
| 01:01:38 |
I was using heroin. |
| 01:01:41 |
I had to have it in me |
| 01:01:44 |
Otherwise, I would be sick. |
| 01:01:47 |
And I just remember waking up |
| 01:01:51 |
and feeling so sick |
| 01:01:54 |
'cause we didn't know how |
| 01:01:56 |
We broke in |
| 01:01:59 |
and I remember getting |
| 01:02:03 |
and then a piece |
| 01:02:06 |
and... |
| 01:02:08 |
and that lasted us a week. |
| 01:02:11 |
I look back on it, |
| 01:02:14 |
how fast we went through them, |
| 01:02:17 |
Being in prison... |
| 01:02:20 |
is so hard. |
| 01:02:24 |
I've been on an R&L |
| 01:02:28 |
23 hours a day. |
| 01:02:30 |
You only get out an hour a day |
| 01:02:34 |
But being off the drugs |
| 01:02:37 |
I feel so much better now |
| 01:02:39 |
than I did |
| 01:02:43 |
I honestly feel happier now. |
| 01:02:46 |
Macall is in jail right now. |
| 01:02:48 |
What would you say to her if |
| 01:02:51 |
sitting next to her |
| 01:03:03 |
I don't know. |
| 01:03:05 |
I would say that... |
| 01:03:07 |
I can't tell her what to do |
| 01:03:10 |
I want us to have a regular |
| 01:03:14 |
I want us to go get coffee |
| 01:03:17 |
I want to go to school. |
| 01:03:19 |
I want her to tell me |
| 01:03:22 |
I want... |
| 01:03:25 |
I want to come home and... |
| 01:03:29 |
come home to her, you know, |
| 01:03:33 |
or doing something normal. |
| 01:03:37 |
What? |
| 01:03:38 |
I got one for these guys. |
| 01:03:44 |
I got to sit a little lower. |
| 01:03:49 |
I remember getting a cough once |
| 01:03:52 |
and she gave me some Tussionex, |
| 01:03:56 |
and I thought it was just gonna, |
| 01:04:00 |
so I can go play ball |
| 01:04:02 |
go have fun, spend some time |
| 01:04:04 |
but I fell asleep... |
| 01:04:08 |
for two and a half days. |
| 01:04:11 |
Woke up. |
| 01:04:12 |
All three cars were gone, |
| 01:04:18 |
Part of my clothes were gone |
| 01:04:20 |
and the kids were gone |
| 01:04:23 |
And I had missed work |
| 01:04:26 |
and I think, "Wow, every time |
| 01:04:29 |
she'll give me |
| 01:04:31 |
and then I'd fall asleep |
| 01:04:35 |
She's good. |
| 01:04:39 |
Do you remember those, Lindsy? |
| 01:04:41 |
"Here, here, no problem. |
| 01:04:43 |
Just, I know you got a cough. |
| 01:04:44 |
I'd go to sleep, |
| 01:04:46 |
And just everything's gone. |
| 01:04:49 |
They've been gone on vacation |
| 01:04:52 |
"We just went to St. George. |
| 01:05:09 |
I don't know. |
| 01:05:10 |
I've been through |
| 01:05:12 |
and I feel like |
| 01:05:14 |
and so I still am just |
| 01:05:18 |
of going home |
| 01:05:29 |
And... |
| 01:05:30 |
Describe the Nancy personality |
| 01:05:35 |
and then the Nancy |
| 01:05:41 |
- Before drugs? |
| 01:05:43 |
I don't know. |
| 01:05:45 |
How do you feel about your life |
| 01:05:49 |
I miss out on everything. |
| 01:05:52 |
What did you miss out on? |
| 01:05:53 |
What do you think |
| 01:05:54 |
Be specific. |
| 01:05:58 |
I wasn't invited |
| 01:06:00 |
my eldest daughter's wedding. |
| 01:06:02 |
I didn't get to see |
| 01:06:08 |
I didn't get to see |
| 01:06:10 |
that Macall went through |
| 01:06:12 |
and all the things |
| 01:06:13 |
that she succeeded in |
| 01:06:17 |
because I was too busy |
| 01:06:21 |
I had no time for it. |
| 01:06:23 |
I had to worry about where my |
| 01:06:31 |
And Maron. |
| 01:06:33 |
And Maron's been the one |
| 01:06:36 |
that's lacked the most |
| 01:06:42 |
She's just had nanny after nanny |
| 01:06:47 |
And it's not the answer. |
| 01:06:51 |
It just keeps getting worse |
| 01:06:54 |
including your kids, |
| 01:06:58 |
the trust of everybody |
| 01:07:01 |
Worst of all, it's just the |
| 01:07:06 |
where they have to hide |
| 01:07:16 |
I don't care if I live or die. |
| 01:07:18 |
I don't even care. |
| 01:08:07 |
Hurry. |
| 01:08:25 |
Just get there, Ron. |
| 01:08:26 |
Can you drive, |
| 01:08:28 |
Okay. |
| 01:08:35 |
Describe the feeling |
| 01:08:36 |
of withdrawing the first hour |
| 01:08:47 |
Are you encouraged |
| 01:08:51 |
How does it feel? |
| 01:08:56 |
We're on Day 2. |
| 01:09:01 |
How do you feel, Nance? |
| 01:09:04 |
I feel really good. |
| 01:09:06 |
No, how do you feel, really? |
| 01:09:07 |
I don't feel good. |
| 01:09:09 |
Okay. |
| 01:09:11 |
You're doing awesome, though. |
| 01:09:20 |
Enough of this. |
| 01:09:30 |
Several weeks later. |
| 01:09:32 |
I feel... |
| 01:09:34 |
I guess like |
| 01:09:38 |
Boring. |
| 01:09:48 |
All right, that's cool. |
| 01:09:52 |
Is that how you feel every day? |
| 01:09:55 |
I got to think that there's |
| 01:09:58 |
when stuff like this happens, |
| 01:10:00 |
and, believe me, |
| 01:10:02 |
I can only speak as, |
| 01:10:06 |
that there might be |
| 01:10:08 |
One, is you're helping |
| 01:10:10 |
and, two, in the possibilities |
| 01:10:15 |
of having a conversation |
| 01:10:20 |
that you might be able |
| 01:10:22 |
as hard as it may sound. |
| 01:10:23 |
Believe me, I'm being |
| 01:10:26 |
so if you could rise above it |
| 01:10:27 |
in a way that maybe |
| 01:10:29 |
by showing the world |
| 01:10:31 |
in spite of this disaster. |
| 01:10:34 |
Oh, you want me to forgive her. |
| 01:10:37 |
I'm proposing a conversation. |
| 01:10:40 |
- I'm afraid. |
| 01:10:42 |
I'm... |
| 01:10:45 |
I'm afraid because Macall lies |
| 01:10:49 |
and I have all the lies |
| 01:10:52 |
and they're right here, |
| 01:10:55 |
they never go away. |
| 01:10:56 |
Yeah. |
| 01:10:58 |
And if she tells me more lies |
| 01:11:00 |
and puts doubts in my mind about |
| 01:11:05 |
they never go away, |
| 01:11:10 |
I know who she was and what she |
| 01:11:14 |
To hear Macall tell me |
| 01:11:17 |
I don't know |
| 01:11:20 |
I never would have imagined |
| 01:11:21 |
I would be sitting here today |
| 01:11:23 |
under these circumstances, |
| 01:11:24 |
and I'm sorry. |
| 01:11:26 |
Thank you. |
| 01:11:28 |
I feel like I had a hand |
| 01:11:31 |
and she, at one point... |
| 01:11:33 |
I remember a very sweet girl |
| 01:11:35 |
and she always spoke very highly |
| 01:11:38 |
I just want you to know that. |
| 01:11:39 |
Like, you were her... |
| 01:11:43 |
You must have loved her |
| 01:11:44 |
that she felt connected to you |
| 01:11:46 |
because she always spoke highly |
| 01:11:48 |
and I know there was times that |
| 01:11:51 |
and I know... |
| 01:11:54 |
- And I... |
| 01:11:56 |
I can tell you what happened |
| 01:12:00 |
That whole day |
| 01:12:04 |
This wasn't my feeling. |
| 01:12:07 |
I had the feeling that Amelia |
| 01:12:13 |
to keep loving her because |
| 01:12:16 |
and I fought that off |
| 01:12:20 |
I kept saying to Amelia, |
| 01:12:22 |
"But, Amelia, |
| 01:12:25 |
and you want me to forgive her?" |
| 01:12:28 |
I won't say |
| 01:12:31 |
But I would like Macall |
| 01:12:35 |
to follow through... |
| 01:12:37 |
to follow through |
| 01:12:39 |
that she made to the judge |
| 01:12:41 |
to stay drug-free, |
| 01:12:43 |
I know that Amelia |
| 01:12:46 |
that Macall had to go to jail. |
| 01:12:49 |
I know that she feels bad, |
| 01:12:51 |
and I know that she doesn't want |
| 01:12:54 |
or will not like the idea |
| 01:12:57 |
or whatever's |
| 01:12:58 |
because that's just not the way |
| 01:13:01 |
And I got to think Amelia |
| 01:13:03 |
being held hostage |
| 01:13:06 |
spiritually, physically, |
| 01:13:08 |
and, you know, |
| 01:13:11 |
is some sort of |
| 01:13:13 |
the possibility of that. |
| 01:13:14 |
And if the movie ended |
| 01:13:16 |
and it showed |
| 01:13:18 |
of initiating some possibility, |
| 01:13:21 |
imagine what that speaks |
| 01:13:24 |
It's a beautiful possibility, |
| 01:13:26 |
but it's something for you |
| 01:13:29 |
- I wouldn't rule it out. |
| 01:13:32 |
I wouldn't say, |
| 01:13:36 |
Macall's never asked us |
| 01:13:39 |
She's never come to us |
| 01:13:43 |
She's never told us |
| 01:13:47 |
How do you forgive someone |
| 01:13:53 |
Okay. |
| 01:13:58 |
I'm tired. |
| 01:14:07 |
I'm tired of lying about stuff. |
| 01:14:13 |
I'm tired of pretending |
| 01:14:24 |
I'm tired of being a fake. |
| 01:14:29 |
I'm tired of lying |
| 01:14:35 |
I'm tired of lying to my wife |
| 01:14:39 |
and just stop this whole charade |
| 01:14:43 |
when it's not. |
| 01:14:45 |
And I just want to get better. |
| 01:14:54 |
This better work, man, |
| 01:14:56 |
'cause I'm gonna be pissed |
| 01:15:00 |
Who's that up to? |
| 01:15:03 |
Who's that up to? |
| 01:15:04 |
You guys. |
| 01:15:08 |
Well, dude, if you can't tell |
| 01:15:09 |
that I'm serious about this |
| 01:15:11 |
exposing myself like this, |
| 01:15:14 |
I didn't... Just keep in mind, |
| 01:15:22 |
It was weird just how... |
| 01:15:26 |
Yesterday morning |
| 01:15:30 |
and I was sick last night. |
| 01:15:33 |
It was a rough night. |
| 01:15:35 |
So I'll be glad |
| 01:15:38 |
Over going back and forth |
| 01:15:40 |
and feeling good |
| 01:15:43 |
So, are we ready to roll? |
| 01:15:45 |
I just want to get in there |
| 01:15:47 |
I threw up. |
| 01:15:48 |
All right, so... |
| 01:15:50 |
All right. |
| 01:18:05 |
And I still love her. |
| 01:18:09 |
I wish everything was better. |
| 01:19:23 |
Macall. |
| 01:19:39 |
What? |
| 01:19:41 |
What? |
| 01:19:55 |
I'm so sorry. |
| 01:20:01 |
Me too. |
| 01:20:03 |
Me too. |
| 01:20:05 |
Do you miss her? |
| 01:20:07 |
Every day. |
| 01:20:10 |
Not a day goes by |
| 01:20:16 |
She's forgiven you. |
| 01:20:18 |
Do you feel that? |
| 01:20:20 |
Oh, I pray she does. |
| 01:20:23 |
- I think she has. |
| 01:20:26 |
All I felt for you |
| 01:20:31 |
I felt Amelia's love for you. |
| 01:20:35 |
I felt that she wanted me |
| 01:20:39 |
I didn't want to. |
| 01:20:41 |
You took her away from me, |
| 01:20:54 |
It's so hard |
| 01:20:59 |
I know. |
| 01:21:03 |
I'm so sorry. |
| 01:21:06 |
Just... |
| 01:21:08 |
You know, the pain |
| 01:21:10 |
I just can't imagine the pain |
| 01:21:11 |
that a mother would have |
| 01:21:16 |
I want to go and be with her. |
| 01:21:21 |
I think about her all the time, |
| 01:21:23 |
but I feel her with me, |
| 01:21:30 |
And I talk to her all the time. |
| 01:21:36 |
She loved you. |
| 01:21:38 |
She always, always loved you, |
| 01:21:41 |
and she always forgave you for |
| 01:21:47 |
And she forgave you for this. |
| 01:21:50 |
She did. She does. |
| 01:21:54 |
Nothing's changed. |
| 01:22:01 |
Okay? Do they let you go |
| 01:22:04 |
Yes. |
| 01:22:06 |
- So... |
| 01:22:08 |
Is it hard? |
| 01:22:10 |
Even if it's hard, okay, |
| 01:22:14 |
- I will. |
| 01:22:16 |
You've got to make up your mind |
| 01:22:17 |
you're not gonna be |
| 01:22:19 |
No. |
| 01:22:21 |
Nope. |
| 01:22:23 |
And also, we have college and |
| 01:22:28 |
Yep. |
| 01:22:33 |
So, you have time to get your |
| 01:22:37 |
Yes, I do. |
| 01:22:38 |
Then you'll be all done, |
| 01:22:40 |
so when you get out, |
| 01:22:41 |
Yeah. |
| 01:22:43 |
And make new friends. |
| 01:22:46 |
It's just the dorms |
| 01:22:48 |
Just a bit. |
| 01:22:53 |
You look a lot better |
| 01:22:54 |
Thank you. |
| 01:22:56 |
- Yeah. |
| 01:22:58 |
You looked bad. |
| 01:23:00 |
Yeah, I know. |
| 01:23:01 |
Can we have permission |
| 01:23:05 |
We can probably do that. |
| 01:23:12 |
Oh, honey. |
| 01:23:28 |
I just want to go back |
| 01:24:09 |
Hey, Dan. |
| 01:24:11 |
I'm actually driving |
| 01:24:15 |
I'm supposed to pick her up |
| 01:24:17 |
and so we have 30 minutes, |
| 01:24:19 |
to chat before we go |
| 01:24:21 |
So we'll pick you guys up |
| 01:24:25 |
So bring the crew, |
| 01:24:29 |
Today's a miracle, man. |
| 01:25:13 |
Danny, it's Ron. |
| 01:25:15 |
I just was calling you to give |
| 01:25:18 |
just tell you |
| 01:25:20 |
and I know it's not easy. |
| 01:25:22 |
And you're an awesome person, |
| 01:25:25 |
and because somebody's addicted |
| 01:25:28 |
I mean, you're a great guy. |
| 01:25:30 |
Let's stand in the future today, |
| 01:25:34 |
Let's not move |
| 01:25:35 |
and realize that there's some, |
| 01:25:37 |
you know, |
| 01:25:39 |
But if anybody can climb them, |
| 01:25:41 |
and I will be there with you |
| 01:25:43 |
So, I did this part with Nancy, |
| 01:25:46 |
and it just took |
| 01:25:48 |
and things kind of stabilized. |
| 01:25:49 |
It was very cool. |
| 01:25:51 |
So, all the things |
| 01:25:54 |
are worth |
| 01:25:57 |
if not two or three days. |
| 01:26:02 |
Hey, Danny, listen. |
| 01:26:04 |
It's Ron again, and I'm sorry to |
| 01:26:07 |
I'm just concerned. |
| 01:26:08 |
You've had your phone off |
| 01:26:12 |
I was just joking about |
| 01:26:15 |
I'm kidding. |
| 01:26:17 |
You know, |
| 01:26:19 |
or whatever I need to do |
| 01:26:21 |
But whatever you're up against |
| 01:26:24 |
you finally get to step |
| 01:26:26 |
You got a beautiful wife |
| 01:26:29 |
You got five children |
| 01:26:32 |
And this is the time that you |
| 01:26:35 |
that you haven't stepped through |
| 01:26:38 |
And I am just sending thoughts |
| 01:26:41 |
I love you. See ya. |
| 01:27:40 |
So I think about that night |
| 01:27:42 |
If, you know, I could have... |
| 01:27:43 |
If I was holding... |
| 01:27:45 |
I was holding the phone |
| 01:27:47 |
I should have dialed instead |
| 01:27:49 |
but I didn't. |
| 01:27:50 |
And we lost... You know, |
| 01:27:53 |
If only we could promise |
| 01:27:56 |
Seems we tend to let our |
| 01:28:00 |
People who actually believe that |
| 01:28:05 |
poor, victims, et cetera. |
| 01:28:10 |
You're none of those things. |
| 01:28:12 |
You are uniquely beautiful, |
| 01:28:16 |
Even a miracle. |
| 01:28:18 |
We just all sometimes forget. |
| 01:28:43 |
So when you're done experiencing |
| 01:28:47 |
come on back to that person. |
| 01:28:50 |
The beautiful soul you've always |
| 01:28:55 |
It's a choice. |
| 01:28:56 |
A choice that can be made |
| 01:28:58 |
as quick as you up |
| 01:29:00 |
Safe |
| 01:32:03 |
Subtitles by LeapinLar |
