|
Harold Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay
|
| 00:00:39 |
# I see trees of green # |
| 00:00:44 |
# Red roses too # |
| 00:00:47 |
# I see them bloom # |
| 00:00:51 |
# For me and you # |
| 00:00:53 |
# And I think to myself # |
| 00:00:58 |
# What a wonderful world # |
| 00:01:06 |
# I see skies of blue # |
| 00:01:10 |
# And clouds of white # |
| 00:01:14 |
# The bright blessed day # |
| 00:01:17 |
# The dark sacred night # |
| 00:01:20 |
# And I think to myself # |
| 00:01:25 |
# What a wonderful world # |
| 00:01:32 |
# Yes # |
| 00:01:34 |
# I think to myself # |
| 00:01:39 |
# What a wonderful # |
| 00:01:45 |
Yes, dude! |
| 00:01:47 |
What the fuck? What the fuck? |
| 00:01:49 |
I'm taking the most incredible dump |
| 00:01:52 |
You couldn't wait |
| 00:01:54 |
May I remind you that |
| 00:01:58 |
and four large orders of fries? |
| 00:02:02 |
Don't worry, in a little bit, |
| 00:02:04 |
It may be. But I'm gonna wait |
| 00:02:08 |
Well, don't wait too long. We've got |
| 00:02:11 |
Ooh, that burns. |
| 00:02:12 |
- An hour? |
| 00:02:16 |
Yeah? |
| 00:02:17 |
Nice pubes. |
| 00:02:20 |
Asshole, get out of here right now. |
| 00:02:22 |
- Wipe and leave. Wipe and leave now! |
| 00:02:25 |
I think it still has cheese on it. |
| 00:02:35 |
# Ooh wee # |
| 00:02:38 |
# Ooh wee # |
| 00:02:39 |
# La, la, la, la, la, la-la # |
| 00:02:41 |
# When I step into the party |
| 00:02:43 |
# I'm hangin' with the ballers, |
| 00:02:46 |
# I can tell you what they say, haters, |
| 00:02:48 |
# They say ooh wee # |
| 00:02:50 |
# When I'm rollin' my Mercedes |
| 00:02:53 |
# Be my Juliet |
| 00:02:55 |
# If you actin' menace |
| 00:02:57 |
# Ooh wee, ooh wee # |
| 00:03:02 |
- # Ooh wee # |
| 00:03:04 |
# In the middle of the summer, |
| 00:03:06 |
# I'm a bad motherfucker |
| 00:03:08 |
# Let me tell you what they say |
| 00:03:11 |
# They say ooh wee # |
| 00:03:15 |
- # Ooh wee # |
| 00:03:29 |
# Ooh wee # |
| 00:03:31 |
# Aiyo, aiyo # |
| 00:03:32 |
# My game's here to party |
| 00:03:34 |
# Don't make me have to cut up a thug # |
| 00:03:35 |
# Now play something for me, DJ, |
| 00:03:38 |
# Hosted by the ladies |
| 00:03:52 |
# Ooh wee # |
| 00:03:55 |
Dude. Oh, my Go... |
| 00:03:58 |
What? |
| 00:03:59 |
Maria's gonna think I'm a stalker, man. |
| 00:04:01 |
Dude, relax. I have a med school |
| 00:04:05 |
You don't see me freaking out. |
| 00:04:06 |
Don't worry, man, |
| 00:04:09 |
Oh, psyched? You think |
| 00:04:10 |
Totes, dude. Why wouldn't she be? |
| 00:04:13 |
So how does this work? |
| 00:04:14 |
We just... we show up in Amsterdam |
| 00:04:17 |
and ask if they have |
| 00:04:19 |
- I don't even know her last name. |
| 00:04:22 |
We're definitely gonna find her. |
| 00:04:24 |
Amsterdam is a very small place. |
| 00:04:25 |
Sir, I need you to step aside, please. |
| 00:04:28 |
- Did I beep? |
| 00:04:30 |
Just a random security check. |
| 00:04:31 |
If you could just step aside, please? |
| 00:04:34 |
- Random, huh? |
| 00:04:36 |
So this has nothing to do |
| 00:04:39 |
Kumar, just do what the guy says. |
| 00:04:41 |
Sir, it's our job as airport security... |
| 00:04:43 |
to search for all possible weapons |
| 00:04:46 |
So just because of the color of my skin, |
| 00:04:49 |
- No, he's... |
| 00:04:50 |
Racist? Dude, I'm black. |
| 00:04:54 |
He's black. He's not a racist. |
| 00:04:57 |
Please, dude, you're barely even brown. |
| 00:04:59 |
No, he didn't mean that. |
| 00:05:01 |
Compared to me, |
| 00:05:02 |
Hey, who you calling Matthew Perry, bitch? |
| 00:05:04 |
I'm calling you Matthew Perry, |
| 00:05:07 |
No, there's nobody here |
| 00:05:09 |
What is going on here? |
| 00:05:11 |
Sir, Matthew Perry over here thinks |
| 00:05:15 |
because I'm a minority. |
| 00:05:16 |
This is textbook racial profiling... |
| 00:05:18 |
and I'd be more than happy |
| 00:05:20 |
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. |
| 00:05:22 |
- You can move along. |
| 00:05:27 |
Hey, what are you doing? |
| 00:05:28 |
What do you mean, what am I doing? |
| 00:05:30 |
Well, you look like Matthew Perry. |
| 00:05:31 |
- He's white! |
| 00:05:33 |
Why does everything have to become |
| 00:05:36 |
'Cause this is America, dude... |
| 00:05:37 |
and as long as I have my freedom |
| 00:05:40 |
Kumar? |
| 00:05:44 |
Roldy? |
| 00:05:46 |
- Vanessa. |
| 00:05:49 |
- Good to see you. |
| 00:05:52 |
- Hi. Hey. |
| 00:05:54 |
Hey. |
| 00:05:55 |
God, it's been forever. |
| 00:05:59 |
We're actually on our way |
| 00:06:01 |
- Amsterdam? |
| 00:06:03 |
Well, you guys haven't changed. |
| 00:06:04 |
You have. You look amazing. |
| 00:06:07 |
- Doesn't she look amazing? |
| 00:06:10 |
Yeah, you look great. |
| 00:06:13 |
What am I even saying? |
| 00:06:16 |
- Kumar Patel, you're flustered. |
| 00:06:21 |
So, what's up with you? You still dating |
| 00:06:26 |
Actually, it's Brooks Brothers. |
| 00:06:28 |
Colton! How are you, buddy? |
| 00:06:31 |
- Good to see ya. |
| 00:06:32 |
And we're not dating anymore. |
| 00:06:34 |
No. We... are getting married. |
| 00:06:38 |
Congratulations, you guys. |
| 00:06:39 |
- You're fucking getting married? |
| 00:06:42 |
- When? |
| 00:06:46 |
It's going to be a perfect day. |
| 00:06:48 |
I mean, that's assuming we get |
| 00:06:50 |
This florist has been |
| 00:06:52 |
Fucking assholes. |
| 00:06:54 |
Colton's practically planning |
| 00:06:57 |
So, Rold, Brewster Keegan letting you |
| 00:07:00 |
I own that place now, Colton. |
| 00:07:03 |
Thank you so much for the hook-up. |
| 00:07:05 |
Hey, I ran into Todd, |
| 00:07:09 |
He told me you got a job |
| 00:07:11 |
Yeah! Yeah, President Bush and my dad |
| 00:07:14 |
- Oh, that's right. |
| 00:07:15 |
Yeah, yeah, when he gave my dad that |
| 00:07:17 |
- I became his right-hand man. |
| 00:07:19 |
The President's supposed to be |
| 00:07:20 |
- but you know how busy he is. |
| 00:07:22 |
Sounds like an incredible job, man. |
| 00:07:24 |
Hey, you really got |
| 00:07:27 |
If you ever need anything, I'm your man. |
| 00:07:29 |
- Thank you so much, buddy. |
| 00:07:32 |
This guy's the best. |
| 00:07:33 |
- So, sweetheart, we should get going. |
| 00:07:36 |
- Good to see you guys again. |
| 00:07:39 |
- Thank you. Take care, thank you. |
| 00:07:41 |
- Bye. |
| 00:07:57 |
Dude, I can't believe |
| 00:07:58 |
We've only been broken up two years. |
| 00:08:01 |
Plus that dude has date-rape face. |
| 00:08:03 |
I don't even know what that is. |
| 00:08:05 |
One who possesses |
| 00:08:07 |
Right. Listen... |
| 00:08:11 |
I'm sorry, bro. |
| 00:08:13 |
But we are going to Amsterdam. |
| 00:08:16 |
This is true. This is true, Roldy. |
| 00:08:19 |
# Ooh wee # |
| 00:08:25 |
- Man, this is so not like me. |
| 00:08:28 |
It's like I'm a whole new Harold. |
| 00:08:32 |
Nice. |
| 00:08:33 |
Man, I've never used a sick day before. |
| 00:08:35 |
I'm taking a whole week off |
| 00:08:38 |
And in less than eight hours, |
| 00:08:42 |
- This is nuts. This is nuts. |
| 00:08:44 |
It's gonna be exactly like Euro Trip, |
| 00:08:46 |
- It's gonna be awesome. |
| 00:09:29 |
Dude. Dude, this chick's giving me |
| 00:09:33 |
Thank you. You ruined the moment. |
| 00:09:37 |
She's all yours, buddy. |
| 00:09:38 |
- You wanna pause it? |
| 00:09:40 |
No, that's... |
| 00:09:42 |
Enjoy. |
| 00:09:54 |
Just a minute. |
| 00:09:56 |
Fuc... |
| 00:09:58 |
Hey, hey. |
| 00:10:00 |
Let me in. |
| 00:10:03 |
What are you doing? |
| 00:10:06 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:10:07 |
I'm not joining |
| 00:10:09 |
What about the really high club? |
| 00:10:13 |
- Are you retarded? |
| 00:10:15 |
You brought weed |
| 00:10:16 |
- Yep. |
| 00:10:19 |
Wait a second. You were giving |
| 00:10:21 |
Yeah. How else was I |
| 00:10:23 |
By not bringing drugs on an airplane? |
| 00:10:27 |
- Look... What are you doing? What is this? |
| 00:10:38 |
Harold Lee, I would like to introduce you |
| 00:10:43 |
Meet the smokeless bong. |
| 00:10:45 |
- You made this? |
| 00:10:48 |
When you were slaving away at work... |
| 00:10:50 |
I was actually being |
| 00:10:52 |
- Yeah, that's really productive. |
| 00:10:56 |
So you take a little weed... |
| 00:11:00 |
put it in the bowl right here and |
| 00:11:03 |
Now here's the truly genius part. |
| 00:11:05 |
Inside this mechanism, I have |
| 00:11:10 |
and some disinfectant powder, OK, |
| 00:11:13 |
so that anything it expunges |
| 00:11:16 |
- Put it away. |
| 00:11:18 |
Can you not wait |
| 00:11:20 |
It's the weed capital of the world! |
| 00:11:24 |
- No. |
| 00:11:26 |
- Take the inaugural hit, dude. |
| 00:11:27 |
Come on, man. |
| 00:11:29 |
- Then I'm gonna do it. |
| 00:11:36 |
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Turb... |
| 00:11:45 |
Terrorist! |
| 00:11:50 |
Roldy? |
| 00:11:51 |
- What the fuck is that thing in his hands? |
| 00:11:53 |
- He's just an idiot. |
| 00:11:56 |
He said he got a bomb! |
| 00:12:01 |
No, people, |
| 00:12:04 |
No, no, no, it's not a bomb. It's just a bong. |
| 00:12:15 |
Poison gas! |
| 00:12:22 |
It's marijuana! Marijuana! |
| 00:12:26 |
You picked the wrong plane, |
| 00:12:29 |
Hey! |
| 00:12:32 |
There are three air marshals |
| 00:12:35 |
We are not terrorists! |
| 00:12:39 |
Shut up! |
| 00:12:42 |
I got this one! |
| 00:12:43 |
- Roldy? |
| 00:12:44 |
I am in a great amount of pain! |
| 00:12:47 |
Everybody relax. Just calm down. |
| 00:12:51 |
Tell 'em to turn the plane around. These |
| 00:13:20 |
Secretary Fox. Glad you could make it. |
| 00:13:23 |
Think I'd miss a terrorist attack |
| 00:13:26 |
Not a fuckin' chance. |
| 00:13:33 |
Who are these people? |
| 00:13:35 |
Representatives |
| 00:13:38 |
I assume |
| 00:13:41 |
Negative. He's on an ice fishing trip |
| 00:13:45 |
I'm in charge while he's gone. |
| 00:13:47 |
Well, shouldn't he be alerted? |
| 00:13:49 |
Isn't this issue of more importance |
| 00:14:00 |
Who are you again? |
| 00:14:02 |
Dr. John Beecher, |
| 00:14:04 |
Yeah, well, listen, Dr... Dipshit. |
| 00:14:08 |
You've obviously |
| 00:14:12 |
- No, I haven't. |
| 00:14:17 |
The last thing anyone would want |
| 00:14:20 |
Now back off... |
| 00:14:23 |
and let me do my job. |
| 00:14:38 |
What's up with the guy |
| 00:14:40 |
He handicapped or something? |
| 00:14:43 |
We believe he's of Korean descent. |
| 00:14:48 |
My God. |
| 00:14:52 |
North Korea and al-Qaeda |
| 00:14:55 |
This is bigger than I thought. |
| 00:14:58 |
You couldn't wait? |
| 00:15:00 |
You couldn't fucking wait? |
| 00:15:02 |
We were about to have |
| 00:15:05 |
You know, in Amsterdam, |
| 00:15:27 |
Thought you could |
| 00:15:32 |
You thought that after 9/11 |
| 00:15:40 |
Well... |
| 00:15:45 |
guess what? |
| 00:15:47 |
What? |
| 00:15:50 |
We knew you fuckers would be back. |
| 00:15:53 |
- Holy shit! |
| 00:15:54 |
- We love America. We love America! |
| 00:15:57 |
That's a convenient thing to say... |
| 00:15:58 |
after you try and blow up a plane |
| 00:16:01 |
- No. |
| 00:16:03 |
No, you see, you have the wrong idea. |
| 00:16:05 |
My idiot friend here |
| 00:16:07 |
- on the plane. |
| 00:16:09 |
Zip it, Hello Kitty. OK? I know |
| 00:16:13 |
No. This is typical |
| 00:16:15 |
- Hey, hey, hey. Shut up. Shut up! |
| 00:16:16 |
- No, I'm trying to explain it! Harold! |
| 00:16:22 |
Do we have the right |
| 00:16:26 |
Yeah. Yeah! |
| 00:16:28 |
I'm sorry. You want rights now. |
| 00:16:31 |
You want freedoms right now. |
| 00:16:34 |
Is it time? Is it freedom o'clock? |
| 00:16:39 |
- Guess what. |
| 00:16:42 |
Where you guys are going, |
| 00:16:48 |
Well, where are we going? |
| 00:16:57 |
We're innocent men! |
| 00:17:02 |
I'm an innocent man. |
| 00:17:05 |
I donate blood. |
| 00:17:07 |
And toys for tots. |
| 00:17:14 |
And now I'm in Guantánamo Bay. |
| 00:17:16 |
See why I'm against paying taxes? |
| 00:17:19 |
Hey! Hey. |
| 00:17:21 |
Fuck you! |
| 00:17:23 |
Dude, calm down, OK? |
| 00:17:25 |
Look on the bright side. |
| 00:17:28 |
The pillow actually |
| 00:17:33 |
OK. You don't speak to me, ever. |
| 00:17:36 |
- Ever. |
| 00:17:37 |
- No! Shut up! |
| 00:17:42 |
So what are you guys in here for? |
| 00:17:45 |
For giving the United States |
| 00:17:52 |
- You guys are real terrorists? |
| 00:17:56 |
Others call us heroes. |
| 00:17:58 |
Screw that. You think you guys |
| 00:18:02 |
It's 'cause of assholes like you |
| 00:18:04 |
you fucking cowards! |
| 00:18:05 |
Well, maybe if the people in your country |
| 00:18:08 |
and started realizing what your |
| 00:18:11 |
assholes like us wouldn't exist. |
| 00:18:13 |
- Fuck you! Donuts are awesome! |
| 00:18:16 |
You like donuts? |
| 00:18:18 |
Well, wait till you see |
| 00:18:21 |
- Yeah? |
| 00:18:23 |
l... |
| 00:18:25 |
Ever hear of a cockmeat sandwich? |
| 00:18:28 |
What's a cockmeat sandwich? |
| 00:18:31 |
You're about to find out. |
| 00:18:35 |
Right about now. Sucker. |
| 00:18:41 |
All right, cockmeat sandwich time. |
| 00:18:45 |
What about them? They just got here! |
| 00:18:51 |
Big Bob's taking care of them. |
| 00:18:53 |
- Big Bob. |
| 00:18:55 |
I hope you like donuts. |
| 00:18:57 |
Let's go to work. Hey, listen, guys, enjoy. |
| 00:19:03 |
Holy shit. |
| 00:19:04 |
Oh, yeah, that's it. |
| 00:19:07 |
- This is not good. |
| 00:19:11 |
- I've never had to suck a dick before. |
| 00:19:13 |
I bet it sucks dick. |
| 00:19:17 |
Shit, dude. |
| 00:19:19 |
Please don't let it be Big Bob. |
| 00:19:21 |
Please don't let it be Big Bob. |
| 00:19:24 |
Please don't let it be Big Bob. |
| 00:19:27 |
Please don't let it be Big Bob. |
| 00:19:28 |
- Please don't let it be Big Bob. |
| 00:19:30 |
- Fuck. |
| 00:19:35 |
You boys ready |
| 00:19:39 |
No? |
| 00:19:40 |
Well, you better get hungry real fast... |
| 00:19:42 |
'cause I got a whole lot of sandwich |
| 00:19:47 |
Holy shit! |
| 00:19:48 |
- All right, let's get goin'. |
| 00:19:51 |
I got to ask you a question |
| 00:19:55 |
- All the guards in Guantánamo are gay? |
| 00:19:58 |
Ain't nothing gay |
| 00:20:01 |
You're the ones that's gay |
| 00:20:03 |
- What? |
| 00:20:05 |
creeps me out |
| 00:20:09 |
- But... |
| 00:20:10 |
- Wait... |
| 00:20:12 |
- and open your mouths. |
| 00:20:14 |
Why don't you just |
| 00:20:15 |
- Get on your fucking knees! |
| 00:20:18 |
- All right, all right, all right, all right. |
| 00:20:21 |
Hope you boys like extra mayo. |
| 00:20:24 |
- Jesus, Kumar. |
| 00:20:26 |
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. |
| 00:20:28 |
God, his dick smells like shit, dude. |
| 00:20:35 |
Holy shit! |
| 00:20:38 |
- What the hell happened? |
| 00:20:47 |
- Come on. |
| 00:20:49 |
Should we? |
| 00:20:52 |
They're gonna fucking make us |
| 00:20:53 |
We're gonna die in here. Come on. |
| 00:20:58 |
- Fuck. Fuck. |
| 00:21:01 |
- Shit. Shit. |
| 00:21:03 |
- Shit. Shit. |
| 00:21:05 |
- Oh, shit! Get out! |
| 00:21:07 |
Oh, shit. Shit. |
| 00:21:09 |
Door, door. |
| 00:21:16 |
Look, look, look. |
| 00:21:17 |
What the fuck is he doing? |
| 00:21:31 |
We've got to go |
| 00:21:36 |
It smells like burnt asshole. |
| 00:21:42 |
I can't fucking believe this. |
| 00:21:46 |
Fuck! |
| 00:21:51 |
My wrist is swelling, man! |
| 00:21:52 |
- Shut up. |
| 00:21:54 |
- Shut up! |
| 00:21:56 |
Watch out for cheetahs! |
| 00:22:01 |
- What? |
| 00:22:03 |
We hit ocean. |
| 00:22:06 |
All right. |
| 00:22:08 |
Hey, look, look! |
| 00:22:14 |
Excuse me. |
| 00:22:17 |
You guys going to America? |
| 00:22:18 |
Sí, vamos. |
| 00:22:19 |
Yes, we're going. |
| 00:22:21 |
Thank you. |
| 00:22:23 |
- Es mío. |
| 00:22:24 |
I'm telling you, Jorge... |
| 00:22:25 |
the first thing you have to do |
| 00:22:27 |
buy a device called TiVo, OK? |
| 00:22:30 |
Freedom means nothing if you're |
| 00:22:33 |
I promise you that. |
| 00:22:34 |
And now, how about you focus? |
| 00:22:36 |
We gotta figure out what to do |
| 00:22:38 |
We don't have wallets. We don't |
| 00:22:41 |
Well, I figure we're gonna land |
| 00:22:45 |
There's only one guy we know |
| 00:22:47 |
- Who do we know that... Raza. |
| 00:22:50 |
We gotta go see Raza. |
| 00:22:53 |
- Adiós. |
| 00:22:55 |
- Thanks again. |
| 00:22:58 |
Man, South Florida here we are. |
| 00:23:00 |
OK. So, now how do we get to Raza's? |
| 00:23:02 |
The professional way. |
| 00:23:04 |
- Walk? |
| 00:23:06 |
So I guess Raza's... |
| 00:23:08 |
- We'll find it, we'll find it. |
| 00:23:10 |
# Dale así, papi # |
| 00:23:12 |
# Tócame # |
| 00:23:14 |
# Ay # |
| 00:23:16 |
# Papi # |
| 00:23:18 |
# Ay # |
| 00:23:20 |
# Papi # |
| 00:23:22 |
# Ay # |
| 00:23:23 |
- Wow, Raza's place is pretty sweet. |
| 00:23:27 |
# Para abajo # |
| 00:23:28 |
# Toca, toca, toca, toca, toca # |
| 00:23:34 |
- Hi. |
| 00:23:38 |
Y'all aren't here to complain |
| 00:23:41 |
No. We're not... |
| 00:23:45 |
We're... |
| 00:23:50 |
We are here to see... |
| 00:23:51 |
- What is his name? We're here... |
| 00:23:53 |
No, we're here to see Raza. |
| 00:23:57 |
OK. Follow me. |
| 00:23:59 |
Thank you, ma'am. |
| 00:24:01 |
We'll follow... you, I guess. |
| 00:24:04 |
# Ba-dunk, ba-dunk, ba-dunk # |
| 00:24:06 |
# She got it, she got it # |
| 00:24:08 |
# Ba-dunk, ba-dunk, ba-dunk # |
| 00:24:09 |
# She said, "Boy, go ahead" # |
| 00:24:11 |
# As long as I don't touch it # |
| 00:24:13 |
# I said, "Now, why the hell |
| 00:24:17 |
Hey. |
| 00:24:19 |
- Very patriotic of you. |
| 00:24:22 |
- Hey, guys. |
| 00:24:26 |
- Hey, Raza! |
| 00:24:29 |
What's up? |
| 00:24:30 |
- Kumar and Roldy? |
| 00:24:31 |
I haven't seen you guys |
| 00:24:34 |
What are you guys doing here? |
| 00:24:36 |
Wait, what's up |
| 00:24:38 |
- Hey, no, no, question number one... |
| 00:24:40 |
...what's up with this party? |
| 00:24:42 |
There's exposed vagina |
| 00:24:44 |
Yeah. That was my idea. |
| 00:24:47 |
I don't know about you guys, |
| 00:24:50 |
Really? I always liked toplessness. |
| 00:24:53 |
- That's just me. |
| 00:24:54 |
the bottomless trend. |
| 00:24:57 |
So what are you guys doing |
| 00:24:58 |
How about you answer that question? |
| 00:25:00 |
- Where are you going? |
| 00:25:02 |
Listen. I'm really sorry |
| 00:25:05 |
- You all right? |
| 00:25:09 |
They were locked up for less than |
| 00:25:12 |
Damn it. Make sure the press |
| 00:25:15 |
Don't need the public thinking |
| 00:25:17 |
Got it, sir. |
| 00:25:18 |
It must have been either al-Qaeda |
| 00:25:20 |
Find out if they have |
| 00:25:22 |
You probably should have |
| 00:25:30 |
Do you have a problem with the way |
| 00:25:35 |
I'm just saying that... |
| 00:25:37 |
I've looked through the files |
| 00:25:41 |
They were both born |
| 00:25:43 |
Other than a couple of traffic tickets, |
| 00:25:44 |
Right. That's why |
| 00:25:47 |
But they... It's not even clear that they |
| 00:25:50 |
Shut your... |
| 00:25:59 |
You see this cute, little white girl, |
| 00:26:01 |
Yeah. |
| 00:26:02 |
Do you want her to get raped |
| 00:26:07 |
Of course not. |
| 00:26:08 |
You sure? 'Cause this is America. |
| 00:26:12 |
- Do you want to rape America? |
| 00:26:15 |
Then stop fucking with me. |
| 00:26:23 |
This is serious. |
| 00:26:25 |
She's adorable. |
| 00:26:29 |
So you guys are fucking fugitives? |
| 00:26:31 |
It's just it's Kumar's fault. |
| 00:26:33 |
If we get out of this... |
| 00:26:35 |
the chances of us remaining friends |
| 00:26:39 |
highly... boobies. Yeah. |
| 00:26:40 |
Hey, what do you think you're doing? |
| 00:26:42 |
Put that back on. And keep it on. |
| 00:26:45 |
- Sorry. |
| 00:26:47 |
Yo. What are you guys talking about? |
| 00:26:49 |
Roldy was just letting me |
| 00:26:51 |
- Yeah? |
| 00:26:53 |
What about that fuckin' time |
| 00:26:55 |
lie to your ex-girlfriend |
| 00:26:57 |
You owe us, man. |
| 00:26:58 |
- Yeah, that's right. |
| 00:26:59 |
- OK, that was a long time ago. |
| 00:27:01 |
Speaking of ex-girlfriends... |
| 00:27:03 |
isn't yours getting married |
| 00:27:05 |
How does everybody know about this |
| 00:27:07 |
Wait. |
| 00:27:09 |
Colton! Colton Graham can help us out. |
| 00:27:12 |
- No! Fuck that! |
| 00:27:13 |
No doubt. If anyone could |
| 00:27:16 |
No, I'm sorry. |
| 00:27:17 |
Wait a second. |
| 00:27:19 |
Not anymore. But the wedding is |
| 00:27:24 |
But you don't want to bother them |
| 00:27:26 |
wedding thing, right? |
| 00:27:30 |
You know, |
| 00:27:33 |
Fuck! How do we get there? We can't |
| 00:27:36 |
- I'll loan you one of my cars. |
| 00:27:38 |
But first... y'all got to get |
| 00:27:42 |
- What do you mean, spirit of... |
| 00:27:46 |
- What about you? |
| 00:27:50 |
- Oh, God! |
| 00:27:52 |
Oh, my God! |
| 00:27:53 |
- Love your dickdo, Raza. |
| 00:27:55 |
- What the fuck? |
| 00:27:58 |
I know, right? All right, boys. |
| 00:28:01 |
Your turn. Let 'em dangle. |
| 00:28:04 |
- Let's just do it. |
| 00:28:06 |
Count of three? |
| 00:28:08 |
One. |
| 00:28:10 |
Two, three. |
| 00:28:14 |
Your cocks are awesome, man! |
| 00:28:16 |
That's not even necessary. |
| 00:28:18 |
- Would you please... |
| 00:28:20 |
# My dick cost a late-night fee # |
| 00:28:23 |
# Your dick got the HIV # |
| 00:28:25 |
# My dick plays on |
| 00:28:27 |
# Your dick went straight to DVD # |
| 00:28:30 |
# My dick bigger than a bridge # |
| 00:28:32 |
# Your dick look like a little kid's # |
| 00:28:35 |
# My dick large like the Chargers, |
| 00:28:38 |
# Your shit look like you 14 # |
| 00:28:39 |
# My dick locked in a cage, right # |
| 00:28:42 |
# Your dick suffer from stage fright # |
| 00:28:44 |
# My dick so hot it's stolen # |
| 00:28:47 |
# Your dick look like Gary Coleman # |
| 00:28:49 |
# My dick pink and big # |
| 00:28:52 |
- This car is frickin' sweet. |
| 00:28:56 |
'Cause we're fugitives. |
| 00:28:58 |
Driving a yellow convertible |
| 00:29:01 |
Yo. Yo. Yo, look, he has |
| 00:29:04 |
- Would you put that down? |
| 00:29:06 |
You can play Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! |
| 00:29:08 |
Put that away. Put that away. |
| 00:29:10 |
I can't believe you can even think about |
| 00:29:14 |
You realize what would happen |
| 00:29:17 |
You have sent our sons |
| 00:29:20 |
This is an outrage! |
| 00:29:23 |
You Arabs think you can just mix in |
| 00:29:26 |
and we're not gonna find you, huh? |
| 00:29:28 |
I am not Arab! I am Indian! |
| 00:29:30 |
Look, Chief. I'm not here to argue |
| 00:29:35 |
I'm here to save lives. |
| 00:29:37 |
Ask the Lees what they know |
| 00:29:50 |
Look, we have been American citizens |
| 00:29:53 |
Now, frankly, I find this very offensive. |
| 00:29:59 |
They're using some sort of dialect |
| 00:30:04 |
But I'm pretty sure he said something |
| 00:30:09 |
Tell them we know |
| 00:30:12 |
and if they don't cooperate, |
| 00:30:16 |
Hit 'em. Yeah. |
| 00:30:23 |
We know what he said! |
| 00:30:25 |
Sir, Harold and Kumar are good boys. |
| 00:30:31 |
I'm a pretty good translator. |
| 00:30:33 |
It's total gibberish. |
| 00:30:37 |
They may be trying to stonewall us. |
| 00:30:39 |
Are you sure you speak Korean, Jack? |
| 00:30:42 |
You speak Korean? |
| 00:30:43 |
You're not fucking with Daddy, are you? |
| 00:30:45 |
Do you have a masters |
| 00:30:49 |
Because I do... |
| 00:30:51 |
and I'm offended. |
| 00:30:54 |
Good enough for me. |
| 00:30:55 |
Look, excuse me... |
| 00:30:58 |
we're not looking to hurt your sons... |
| 00:31:00 |
we just wanna know where they are. |
| 00:31:02 |
Do you know if they know anybody |
| 00:31:06 |
Their friend Raza Syed lives in Miami. |
| 00:31:10 |
But why would they be there? |
| 00:31:11 |
He's supposed to be in medical school. |
| 00:31:13 |
They are supposed to be in prison! |
| 00:31:21 |
These fuckers are goin' down. |
| 00:31:23 |
Dead. Or alive. |
| 00:31:25 |
Tell them that in your fake |
| 00:31:31 |
Shut up! You're an idiot. |
| 00:31:34 |
I don't know what you're saying, buddy... |
| 00:31:37 |
but fuck you. |
| 00:31:38 |
- Fuck me? |
| 00:31:39 |
- Listen, no, sit down. |
| 00:31:49 |
Hey, look, man, we're in Alabama. |
| 00:31:53 |
Wow, we actually get a first-hand look |
| 00:31:55 |
Hey, this wasn't supposed to be a trip |
| 00:31:59 |
This was supposed to be |
| 00:32:01 |
Remember that? Before you |
| 00:32:04 |
Just chill, OK? |
| 00:32:06 |
You'll be up in Maria's guts |
| 00:32:09 |
Hey. She's not some skank, man. |
| 00:32:13 |
I've never felt this way |
| 00:32:19 |
What the fuck? |
| 00:32:21 |
It's not like you would understand, so... |
| 00:32:34 |
# I want to be happy # |
| 00:32:38 |
# I want to be happy, just like... # |
| 00:32:40 |
Excuse me, please. |
| 00:32:47 |
What a fucking chode. |
| 00:32:49 |
Thank you, come again! |
| 00:32:57 |
- What the fuck?! |
| 00:32:59 |
You know, the whole reason |
| 00:33:01 |
is for some peace and... |
| 00:33:05 |
quiet. |
| 00:33:06 |
Look, I know, I'm sorry. I hate it |
| 00:33:09 |
It's just this fucking calculus final |
| 00:33:14 |
- Do you mind if I take a look? |
| 00:33:18 |
- You're actually very close. May I? |
| 00:33:22 |
Excuse me. |
| 00:33:28 |
I touched your breast. |
| 00:33:31 |
- It's OK. |
| 00:33:36 |
You just go... |
| 00:33:40 |
Wow. You're good at this. |
| 00:33:43 |
Thanks. |
| 00:33:44 |
What did you, like, take calculus |
| 00:33:47 |
Actually, my dad taught it to me |
| 00:33:50 |
What, are you like Doogie Howser? |
| 00:33:52 |
No. Although that would be incredible. |
| 00:33:55 |
I love that show. |
| 00:33:59 |
What are you working on there? |
| 00:34:01 |
This is just a poem |
| 00:34:04 |
It's like... |
| 00:34:06 |
- "The Square Root Of Three"? |
| 00:34:08 |
- "A poem of love by Kumar Patel." |
| 00:34:11 |
- Hey, let me read it. |
| 00:34:13 |
- Why? |
| 00:34:15 |
Then read it to me. |
| 00:34:16 |
There's no way I'm letting you see me |
| 00:34:21 |
Come on, don't be embarrassed. You |
| 00:34:26 |
Look, I'm not even gonna be |
| 00:34:29 |
That's why I'm so stressed out |
| 00:34:31 |
Stressed out, huh? |
| 00:34:33 |
Come with me. |
| 00:34:36 |
...going? |
| 00:34:41 |
What? |
| 00:34:48 |
You're smoking drugs in the library? |
| 00:34:52 |
Don't worry. It'll help you relax. |
| 00:34:55 |
Oh, boy. |
| 00:34:57 |
It's illegal. |
| 00:35:00 |
# I want your fish right by me # |
| 00:35:05 |
# That's how it has to be # |
| 00:35:08 |
Here. |
| 00:35:09 |
#... copacetic if you let it so set up # |
| 00:35:12 |
# And keep the downstream down |
| 00:35:18 |
This is poison. |
| 00:35:19 |
# My stoney, my baby # |
| 00:35:21 |
Let me help you. |
| 00:35:23 |
# Funk the groovin' thang whistlin' # |
| 00:35:26 |
# As I rip my rhymes # |
| 00:35:27 |
# Time and time again struttin' |
| 00:35:30 |
# So screw it, |
| 00:35:32 |
# Strip down and be a passenger |
| 00:35:35 |
# In askin' why I'm born |
| 00:35:37 |
# In askin' why I'm born |
| 00:35:40 |
- # It's time to find the kind # |
| 00:35:42 |
I'm Kumar. |
| 00:35:45 |
Vanessa. |
| 00:35:47 |
You're still not reading that poem. |
| 00:35:49 |
# And then I kiss my stoney baby # |
| 00:35:53 |
# My stoney, my stoney # |
| 00:35:56 |
# My stoney baby # |
| 00:35:58 |
# My stoney # |
| 00:36:01 |
# My stoney baby # |
| 00:36:03 |
Kumar. |
| 00:36:06 |
# My stoney baby # |
| 00:36:09 |
Kumar. |
| 00:36:10 |
Kumar. Kumar. |
| 00:36:12 |
- Kumar. |
| 00:36:14 |
What's going on? We're in Birmingham, |
| 00:36:17 |
What's going on? |
| 00:36:19 |
- Why did you bring us here, dude? |
| 00:36:22 |
You were supposed to be following the |
| 00:36:25 |
There's got to be like a highway |
| 00:36:28 |
Yeah, there's got to be a highway. |
| 00:36:31 |
What's going on up there? |
| 00:36:33 |
# Squad up # |
| 00:36:34 |
# My niggas # |
| 00:36:36 |
# I see some pussy-ass niggas, |
| 00:36:38 |
What the hell is this? |
| 00:36:40 |
# We knock these niggas out # |
| 00:36:41 |
# I see some pussy-ass niggas, |
| 00:36:43 |
- I'm turning around. |
| 00:36:47 |
Dude, we're not driving |
| 00:36:49 |
You know, Roldy, I really thought |
| 00:36:52 |
Dude, I'm not scared |
| 00:36:54 |
I'm scared because they're scary. |
| 00:36:55 |
And it's not like we got |
| 00:36:58 |
They're not that scary. |
| 00:37:00 |
It's my ball! |
| 00:37:03 |
Turn around. |
| 00:37:04 |
# Rob this motherfucker, |
| 00:37:07 |
# Drag this pussy nigga, |
| 00:37:10 |
# My niggas is my niggas |
| 00:37:12 |
- Fuck! It won't move! |
| 00:37:14 |
# Shoot him dead between his lips # |
| 00:37:16 |
# I see some pussy... # |
| 00:37:18 |
- That's not good. |
| 00:37:20 |
Shit, man. |
| 00:37:21 |
- Motherfucker! |
| 00:37:24 |
- Shit, this isn't good. |
| 00:37:27 |
No. No. No. |
| 00:37:30 |
They're coming over here. |
| 00:37:32 |
- Fucking shit. Why did you do that? |
| 00:37:37 |
They're getting weapons, man. |
| 00:37:40 |
All right, what do we do? |
| 00:37:41 |
Run, run, run. Run, run. |
| 00:37:49 |
Yo. Yo. |
| 00:37:52 |
- Where y'all going? Damn! |
| 00:37:55 |
Man, somebody call the police. |
| 00:38:14 |
- Yeah, that's right. You like the ride? |
| 00:38:18 |
They abandoned it last night. |
| 00:38:23 |
The witnesses' description |
| 00:38:25 |
match that of Lee and Patel. |
| 00:38:30 |
We tried bringing in Syed last night, |
| 00:38:35 |
Well, they know we're closing in on 'em, |
| 00:38:38 |
OK. No, I'll give you a call. All right. |
| 00:38:42 |
No, no, no, no! |
| 00:38:44 |
- Holy shit! |
| 00:38:46 |
- Easy. |
| 00:38:47 |
This is our witness. |
| 00:38:49 |
Put it down! Yo, put it down! |
| 00:38:51 |
You all know I got one! |
| 00:38:52 |
I got one too! |
| 00:38:56 |
So, you saw the fugitives, huh? |
| 00:39:01 |
Yeah. It was like |
| 00:39:03 |
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. |
| 00:39:07 |
I don't have a reason |
| 00:39:09 |
Really? |
| 00:39:10 |
- Get up in your face, man. |
| 00:39:13 |
That ain't right. |
| 00:39:15 |
Where's he going? |
| 00:39:19 |
What's going on? |
| 00:39:24 |
Hell no! |
| 00:39:25 |
Now why don't you tell me |
| 00:39:28 |
Is that grape soda? |
| 00:39:30 |
What the fuck, yo? |
| 00:39:34 |
- All right. |
| 00:39:37 |
This is so ignorant. |
| 00:39:38 |
- Really? |
| 00:39:40 |
Is this ignorant? |
| 00:39:42 |
Yo, that's racist, man. That's racist. |
| 00:39:45 |
Hey, Jon, are you gonna let him do that? |
| 00:39:48 |
See if he got Kool-Aid. |
| 00:39:50 |
Almost gone, witness. |
| 00:39:52 |
Sure there's not something |
| 00:39:54 |
I'm not stoppin' until you crack! |
| 00:39:56 |
I already told you |
| 00:39:57 |
All right, all right, all right. |
| 00:39:58 |
This isn't necessary! |
| 00:40:01 |
Yeah, and how can you be |
| 00:40:04 |
'Cause he doesn't have a police record. |
| 00:40:09 |
OK, then, Beech. How do you |
| 00:40:14 |
There was a Nokia 7710 |
| 00:40:17 |
We have its tracking numbers. |
| 00:40:18 |
Our satellites are running a trace on it, |
| 00:40:22 |
I'm serious about that Kool-Aid. |
| 00:40:24 |
What's going on? Where are you? |
| 00:40:25 |
Dude, that is a fucking long story. |
| 00:40:26 |
We're actually in Alabama right now, |
| 00:40:31 |
What is that sound? Are you jerking off |
| 00:40:33 |
I'm taking a glorious pee-pee. |
| 00:40:35 |
Hey, listen, you're not gonna believe this... |
| 00:40:37 |
but the other night, |
| 00:40:40 |
and I schtupped Cindy Kim. |
| 00:40:43 |
Shut the fuck up. Are you serious? |
| 00:40:45 |
Yeah, man, |
| 00:40:47 |
What is a blumpkin? |
| 00:40:48 |
It's when a girl gives you head while |
| 00:40:51 |
Really? |
| 00:40:53 |
- Hello? |
| 00:40:56 |
Hello? Come, come? |
| 00:41:00 |
Did you go? |
| 00:41:01 |
Yeah, I'm done. |
| 00:41:03 |
You said to me we were gonna |
| 00:41:06 |
I'm sorry, sweetheart. |
| 00:41:09 |
Are you talking on a cellphone |
| 00:41:12 |
Dude, it was just Goldstein. |
| 00:41:15 |
It's 'cause you had something... |
| 00:41:17 |
Nothing is more important |
| 00:41:22 |
- Do you get it? |
| 00:41:23 |
We've been walking an entire day |
| 00:41:28 |
Do you get it? |
| 00:41:29 |
- Can I say... |
| 00:41:32 |
Dude, honestly... |
| 00:41:33 |
you've got to be a little more positive |
| 00:41:37 |
- Yeah? |
| 00:41:40 |
First of all, look at this beautiful |
| 00:41:44 |
You don't get shit like this in New Jersey. |
| 00:41:48 |
God, you... |
| 00:41:49 |
Hey, look, dude. |
| 00:41:50 |
It's a baby deer. |
| 00:41:53 |
- Wow. Man. |
| 00:41:59 |
Hey. Hey. |
| 00:42:02 |
Look how cute this deer is, dude. Not |
| 00:42:06 |
I know, man. |
| 00:42:07 |
- Hey, buddy. |
| 00:42:10 |
He likes you. |
| 00:42:13 |
- Oh, my God! |
| 00:42:18 |
Sorry about that. I was in my zone. |
| 00:42:24 |
What the hell are y'all doing out here |
| 00:42:28 |
We were on our way to Texas |
| 00:42:31 |
Texas? |
| 00:42:33 |
You're a long way from Texas. |
| 00:42:36 |
No! |
| 00:42:40 |
Born in '04. |
| 00:42:43 |
Get in here. |
| 00:42:48 |
Yeah. The sun's about to go down. |
| 00:42:51 |
- Y'all need a place to stay? Ya hungry? |
| 00:42:55 |
You want to follow me? |
| 00:42:58 |
Come on. |
| 00:43:01 |
Maybe we shouldn't. |
| 00:43:03 |
It's already dead. |
| 00:43:07 |
My grandpappy |
| 00:43:09 |
Very nice, sir. |
| 00:43:12 |
This place is gonna suck. |
| 00:43:18 |
Honey, I'm home. |
| 00:43:21 |
# É verão # |
| 00:43:24 |
# Atencão # |
| 00:43:27 |
I'm in here. |
| 00:43:32 |
I wish you'd-a told me |
| 00:43:35 |
I'da straightened up in here. |
| 00:43:37 |
Fellas, this is my wife Raylene. |
| 00:43:39 |
Raylene, meet Harold and Kumar. |
| 00:43:42 |
Hello. |
| 00:43:43 |
Can't shake. |
| 00:43:47 |
- Nice to meet you. |
| 00:43:50 |
- You just make yourselves at home. |
| 00:43:52 |
Honey, something's wrong |
| 00:43:54 |
Every time I go on the online, |
| 00:43:57 |
You try unplugging the AirPort base? |
| 00:43:59 |
Yeah, I done did that but it didn't work. |
| 00:44:01 |
What you need to go online fors, |
| 00:44:03 |
I was gonna get one of them |
| 00:44:06 |
What the fuck |
| 00:44:08 |
Don't you be cussin' |
| 00:44:11 |
- Guys. |
| 00:44:12 |
We cuss all the time. |
| 00:44:13 |
Who do you think you is, hitting me? |
| 00:44:15 |
Who do you think bought you |
| 00:44:17 |
I told you I wanted a Gucci one. |
| 00:44:19 |
The Gucci bag cost more! |
| 00:44:20 |
Well, Jan Sapperstein's husband |
| 00:44:22 |
Here we go again with Jan Sapperstein. |
| 00:44:25 |
I don't give a rat's ass what that bitch got. |
| 00:44:27 |
You be happy with what you have. |
| 00:44:28 |
What I have is a husband |
| 00:44:31 |
You wanna give me shit now? |
| 00:44:32 |
- That's right! |
| 00:44:34 |
Even look at the credit card bills? |
| 00:44:36 |
...you buy?! Do you think we need |
| 00:44:39 |
- Even worse is the credit card miles. |
| 00:44:42 |
Guys, we're just gonna get out of here. |
| 00:44:43 |
Nonsense. Don't be silly. |
| 00:44:47 |
You guys have got to stay for supper. |
| 00:44:50 |
- No, we couldn't. That's... |
| 00:44:51 |
Of course, we're gonna |
| 00:45:19 |
We're close. |
| 00:45:28 |
This is news to me. |
| 00:45:31 |
You ever tried farmin' not high? |
| 00:45:34 |
You know, this is great, guys. |
| 00:45:36 |
I kind of always, |
| 00:45:38 |
that people from the South |
| 00:45:42 |
A bunch of dumb rednecks? |
| 00:45:44 |
- No. |
| 00:45:46 |
We do try to keep our inbred son in |
| 00:45:50 |
Guys, I didn't mean it like that. I was just... |
| 00:45:57 |
Look at their faces! |
| 00:46:04 |
Fuck, fuck! |
| 00:46:05 |
Shit, they found us. |
| 00:46:07 |
- What do you mean, they found you? |
| 00:46:08 |
Are you boys in some kind of trouble? |
| 00:46:10 |
All right. This is gonna sound crazy, |
| 00:46:13 |
we were on a plane to Amsterdam... |
| 00:46:15 |
and we got mistaken for terrorists |
| 00:46:17 |
and then we escaped and snuck |
| 00:46:20 |
and now we're trying to get to Texas... |
| 00:46:21 |
where there's a guy |
| 00:46:22 |
and he's getting married |
| 00:46:24 |
Yes. |
| 00:46:26 |
OK. That's cool. |
| 00:46:29 |
- I understand that. |
| 00:46:31 |
Like the government's never screwed |
| 00:46:36 |
Y'all come down here and hide |
| 00:46:38 |
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, both. |
| 00:46:39 |
Thank you, thank you. |
| 00:46:51 |
OK. This isn't creepy. |
| 00:46:57 |
What the hell is that? |
| 00:47:00 |
You're walking |
| 00:47:04 |
Ge... |
| 00:47:05 |
This song rocks, dude. |
| 00:47:13 |
Kumar. |
| 00:47:21 |
Hey, dude, there's a lighter here |
| 00:47:25 |
Jesus Christ, there's a fucking monster! |
| 00:47:27 |
God! |
| 00:47:39 |
Hey, you don't happen to have |
| 00:47:43 |
No. Why do you need a Baby Ruth? |
| 00:47:45 |
That's how Chunk won over Sloth |
| 00:47:48 |
This thing looks like Sloth? |
| 00:47:50 |
All I saw was the creature's hand. |
| 00:47:52 |
The hand looks like Sloth? |
| 00:47:54 |
The fucking hand of an evil monster, |
| 00:47:58 |
Shit. |
| 00:48:00 |
Listen, no matter what, don't let |
| 00:48:05 |
The last thing that we want to do |
| 00:48:08 |
just because it was born |
| 00:48:21 |
Don't worry. I got rid of 'em. |
| 00:48:24 |
- There's a fricking Cyclops... |
| 00:48:25 |
...in your basement, man! |
| 00:48:27 |
You met Cyrus. |
| 00:48:28 |
- Cyrus. |
| 00:48:30 |
Our son. |
| 00:48:31 |
You must have woke him up. He was |
| 00:48:34 |
I thought you were joking... |
| 00:48:36 |
when you said you had an inbred son |
| 00:48:38 |
Well, it ain't a joke. |
| 00:48:40 |
Raylene and I here are siblings, |
| 00:48:43 |
But that don't mean |
| 00:48:45 |
You boys must be awful tired |
| 00:48:48 |
Come with me, |
| 00:48:50 |
You better go back to sleep, boy! |
| 00:48:52 |
Don't make me come down there |
| 00:48:57 |
It's tough love. |
| 00:48:59 |
It's the best way. |
| 00:49:19 |
I don't know what I was thinking |
| 00:49:22 |
He is a douchebag. |
| 00:49:25 |
But it was agony pretending |
| 00:49:29 |
I bet. I bet you've been missing |
| 00:49:33 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:49:36 |
Yeah, you've been missing it? |
| 00:49:37 |
How much? |
| 00:49:39 |
- A lot. |
| 00:49:42 |
Well... |
| 00:49:44 |
- I kind of have this fantasy. |
| 00:49:48 |
I thought it'd be kinda cool |
| 00:49:53 |
Who? |
| 00:49:55 |
Hey, baby. |
| 00:50:04 |
- Yeah! |
| 00:50:05 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:50:08 |
Let's do it. |
| 00:50:09 |
- # There's something # |
| 00:50:11 |
# She's got something |
| 00:50:15 |
# Makes your heart sing # |
| 00:50:17 |
Faster, Weedy. |
| 00:50:19 |
# Something about that woman # |
| 00:50:21 |
# If you're in doubt |
| 00:50:25 |
# On a good thing # |
| 00:50:28 |
# I got to give it up # |
| 00:50:31 |
Teeth, teeth, Weedy, teeth. |
| 00:50:36 |
- Weedy! |
| 00:50:37 |
- Yeah! |
| 00:50:49 |
Putting it in the ass now, Weedy. |
| 00:50:54 |
Yeah, how about that? |
| 00:50:55 |
# Something about that woman # |
| 00:50:57 |
# She's got something |
| 00:51:00 |
# Makes your heart sing # |
| 00:51:04 |
# It's just something about that woman # |
| 00:51:07 |
# If you're in doubt |
| 00:51:10 |
# On a good thing # |
| 00:51:14 |
# I got to give it up # |
| 00:51:22 |
Wow. |
| 00:51:28 |
Dude. |
| 00:51:30 |
I just had the most |
| 00:51:32 |
Come on, man. |
| 00:51:36 |
Go back to bed, please, dude. |
| 00:52:11 |
Why did we have to leave? |
| 00:52:14 |
I don't care. It tried to fucking bite me. |
| 00:52:16 |
Jesus, every time the two of us |
| 00:52:18 |
it's fucking disaster |
| 00:52:21 |
Jesus, dude. |
| 00:52:23 |
Dude, I don't want a fucking hit! |
| 00:52:26 |
It's your solution to everything, |
| 00:52:28 |
Think about it. |
| 00:52:31 |
Hey, chill, we still have two days |
| 00:52:34 |
- What? |
| 00:52:37 |
- What? |
| 00:52:39 |
That's what this is all about, isn't it? |
| 00:52:43 |
It's not fucking funny, Kumar. |
| 00:52:47 |
Colton is the only guy |
| 00:52:49 |
I can't believe... I cannot believe |
| 00:52:52 |
I just hate that fucking asshole, OK? |
| 00:52:54 |
Yeah? I like him better |
| 00:52:57 |
- Really? |
| 00:52:59 |
You know what he got me? A job. |
| 00:53:01 |
You know what you got me? |
| 00:53:05 |
- Your job sucks. |
| 00:53:07 |
You're jealous because Vanessa |
| 00:53:09 |
What the fuck |
| 00:53:11 |
Better than you! Let me think. |
| 00:53:14 |
Potential future president, |
| 00:53:17 |
Tough. That's tough. |
| 00:53:20 |
Yeah, well at least |
| 00:53:22 |
getting plowed |
| 00:53:25 |
- What? |
| 00:53:27 |
saving herself for you, dude? |
| 00:53:28 |
Right now, she's probably got |
| 00:53:30 |
dangling in front of her throat. |
| 00:53:31 |
You know what she's gonna do with them? |
| 00:53:39 |
Fucking dick. |
| 00:53:44 |
- That's my hat. |
| 00:53:49 |
Maria, Maria, Maria, Maria. |
| 00:53:51 |
Asshole! |
| 00:53:53 |
Don't you dare say a fucking word |
| 00:53:58 |
What the fuck was that? |
| 00:54:00 |
Get up. Get up! |
| 00:54:02 |
Fuck you. |
| 00:54:13 |
Shit. |
| 00:54:18 |
Isn't that a KKK bonfire? |
| 00:54:21 |
Yeah. |
| 00:54:24 |
Yeah, I think it is. |
| 00:54:27 |
Maybe we should |
| 00:54:29 |
Yeah. Yeah, dude. |
| 00:54:31 |
Let's do that. |
| 00:54:36 |
The other day, caught a rerun |
| 00:54:39 |
You know that show? |
| 00:54:40 |
Yeah, that's the one |
| 00:54:44 |
That blond negro they got on there, |
| 00:54:47 |
He's actually pretty funny. |
| 00:54:49 |
Really? You think so? |
| 00:54:51 |
I'm not saying I wouldn't |
| 00:54:54 |
his timing, it's priceless. |
| 00:54:58 |
Hold up a second. |
| 00:55:00 |
I gotta go drain the main vein. |
| 00:55:20 |
I'll tell ya, Travis... |
| 00:55:22 |
when it comes to feeling good... |
| 00:55:24 |
I'd rate pissin' right up there |
| 00:55:29 |
I like to do all three. |
| 00:55:31 |
Yeah, I hear ya. |
| 00:55:34 |
Kenny, come on, man. |
| 00:55:38 |
You were the one who made me |
| 00:55:42 |
Hold your horses, peckerwood. |
| 00:55:45 |
Gross! You fucking pissed on me! |
| 00:55:48 |
- You racist fuck! |
| 00:55:57 |
What the nigger was that? |
| 00:56:01 |
This is fucked. We are fucked. |
| 00:56:03 |
Kenny. Travis. |
| 00:56:07 |
What in the tarnation you guys doin'? |
| 00:56:10 |
Good, you brought the keg. |
| 00:56:12 |
- Let's go! Come on! |
| 00:56:13 |
Let's go, come on! |
| 00:56:27 |
Yeah, then you put little onions on 'em |
| 00:56:30 |
Roldy, dude, I'd never thought |
| 00:56:33 |
but the Klan really knows how to party. |
| 00:56:35 |
You gotta try these dogs. |
| 00:56:37 |
- Really? |
| 00:56:38 |
Really know how to... |
| 00:56:40 |
- Dude, we've got to get out of here! |
| 00:56:42 |
All right, y'all! Come on over here |
| 00:56:46 |
- Shit, what do we do? |
| 00:56:48 |
Rufus. Next to them marshmallows... |
| 00:56:50 |
- and the graham crackers. |
| 00:56:52 |
Best s'mores we've had in a long time... |
| 00:56:55 |
that's what I'm talking about, |
| 00:56:57 |
Now. Now I want |
| 00:57:01 |
somethin'... Porch monkey, kike! |
| 00:57:03 |
...that you did |
| 00:57:06 |
I tripped a beaner while I was |
| 00:57:08 |
at the Wal-Mart the other day. |
| 00:57:12 |
Guy crashed into a bunch of wine bottles. |
| 00:57:14 |
They made him pay for 'em! Yeah! |
| 00:57:19 |
All right, all right, let's all calm down. |
| 00:57:21 |
White power here, white power here, |
| 00:57:25 |
Giving him what he deserves. |
| 00:57:27 |
Hebe! |
| 00:57:30 |
All right, I'm back. Next. |
| 00:57:33 |
It better be good. Here. |
| 00:57:39 |
Come on, dude, say something. |
| 00:57:44 |
You know what? |
| 00:57:47 |
I did knee an Indian guy in the balls. |
| 00:57:49 |
That's funny! |
| 00:57:52 |
Yeah, send them Indians back to Africa. |
| 00:57:54 |
Well, you want to hear something real |
| 00:57:58 |
I took a Korean guy's toothbrush |
| 00:58:03 |
- You did that? |
| 00:58:07 |
- But I like it! |
| 00:58:10 |
Yeah, I love bein' white. |
| 00:58:14 |
- What the... |
| 00:58:20 |
Mexicans! |
| 00:58:22 |
Lynch 'em! |
| 00:58:25 |
Come on, come on! Come on! |
| 00:58:29 |
Come on, boys, let's chase them |
| 00:58:33 |
Pussy fart! |
| 00:58:37 |
Holy shit! |
| 00:58:40 |
Should we put it out or what? |
| 00:58:44 |
Are they still behind us? |
| 00:58:46 |
I don't think so. |
| 00:58:52 |
Hey, flag down this car. |
| 00:58:54 |
Help! Help! Help! |
| 00:58:58 |
- Thank you. |
| 00:59:02 |
# Yeah # |
| 00:59:03 |
Thanks for stopping. |
| 00:59:05 |
# You better check yo self # |
| 00:59:06 |
No problem. |
| 00:59:07 |
# 'Cause I'm bad for your health, |
| 00:59:09 |
Neil? |
| 00:59:10 |
Gary and Kumar! |
| 00:59:13 |
- Yeah. |
| 00:59:14 |
Harold. Harold. |
| 00:59:15 |
Sorry, man. I forgot. |
| 00:59:19 |
What are you doing here, man? |
| 00:59:21 |
This is where God took me. |
| 00:59:24 |
We're actually trying to get to Texas. |
| 00:59:27 |
That's where I'm headed! |
| 00:59:30 |
What are the odds? |
| 00:59:32 |
Let's get out of here. |
| 00:59:33 |
- All right. |
| 00:59:35 |
Shrooms? |
| 00:59:36 |
- No. Thanks, though. |
| 00:59:38 |
Suit yourself. |
| 00:59:45 |
Gentlemen, start your engines. |
| 00:59:48 |
It's gonna be a bumpy fuckin' ride. |
| 00:59:50 |
# 'Cause shotgun bullets |
| 00:59:57 |
We found their phone. |
| 01:00:00 |
Lee and Patel made a phone call to you. |
| 01:00:05 |
Now tell us everything you know |
| 01:00:07 |
Terrorist plot? Rold and Kumar? |
| 01:00:10 |
This is ridiculous. |
| 01:00:12 |
OK, fine. Fine. |
| 01:00:15 |
Mr. Rosenberg. |
| 01:00:18 |
Mr. Gold-stein. |
| 01:00:21 |
We'll do it your way. |
| 01:00:27 |
What's this? What do we have here? |
| 01:00:57 |
It's about seven dollars? |
| 01:00:59 |
Look, don't insult us, all right? |
| 01:01:01 |
I don't know |
| 01:01:02 |
but I'm pleading the Fifth |
| 01:01:05 |
You're pleading the Fifth, huh? |
| 01:01:08 |
Beecher, give me a copy |
| 01:01:10 |
The Bill of Rights? Why? |
| 01:01:12 |
Just do it! |
| 01:01:14 |
Excuse me. |
| 01:01:18 |
Five, right? |
| 01:01:19 |
- Five alive. |
| 01:01:21 |
OK. OK. Good. |
| 01:01:26 |
You wanna know what I think |
| 01:01:37 |
There it is. |
| 01:01:45 |
That's what I think |
| 01:01:50 |
Why the hell is your ass so dirty? |
| 01:01:53 |
Don't ask questions |
| 01:01:57 |
What do ya got? |
| 01:01:58 |
Turns out the FBI was already |
| 01:02:01 |
- We got what we need. |
| 01:02:03 |
You were tapping my phone? |
| 01:02:05 |
You want to hear the tape? |
| 01:02:06 |
No. I'm sick of listening |
| 01:02:10 |
Lee and Patel are on their way |
| 01:02:14 |
I knew they'd trip up. |
| 01:02:15 |
Ready the plane. |
| 01:02:26 |
Neil, can you just focus on driving? |
| 01:02:30 |
You've had dozens of shrooms, |
| 01:02:33 |
Dude, I was able to perform |
| 01:02:36 |
I think I can handle |
| 01:02:39 |
- Wasn't that just a TV show? |
| 01:02:43 |
Did you see that unicorn? |
| 01:02:46 |
Its horn was so shiny. |
| 01:02:48 |
So, why are you guys headed to Texas? |
| 01:02:52 |
Let's just say |
| 01:02:58 |
The one that got away, huh? |
| 01:03:00 |
Yep. |
| 01:03:02 |
Sounds to me like you need a drink. |
| 01:03:05 |
Road. Neil, please, |
| 01:03:07 |
Dude, I've got it! |
| 01:03:09 |
- Yeah, but... |
| 01:03:12 |
Thanks, man. Cheers, dude. |
| 01:03:15 |
Really? Drinking? |
| 01:03:23 |
I have a lost-love story of my own. |
| 01:03:25 |
Yeah? |
| 01:03:27 |
Happened on the set of Clara's Heart. |
| 01:03:29 |
Sure, sure, yeah. |
| 01:03:31 |
I'll never forget her. |
| 01:03:35 |
She was Whoopi Goldberg's stand-in. |
| 01:03:36 |
Her skin was so soft, |
| 01:03:42 |
She had these tiny, |
| 01:03:47 |
that you just wanted |
| 01:03:51 |
Anyway, last day of shooting, I told her. |
| 01:03:54 |
I said... |
| 01:03:56 |
"T-Bird, we're gonna have to break up." |
| 01:04:00 |
Why did you do that? |
| 01:04:02 |
I didn't think I could take on |
| 01:04:07 |
It was such a big mistake. |
| 01:04:10 |
Why? I mean, with T-Bird gone... |
| 01:04:12 |
couldn't you have sex |
| 01:04:15 |
Let me be clear. |
| 01:04:16 |
There is nothing on the planet... |
| 01:04:18 |
that I love more than a hot, new pussy. |
| 01:04:20 |
- Sure. |
| 01:04:22 |
What does the P.H. stands for in N.P. H? |
| 01:04:25 |
Patrick Harris. |
| 01:04:26 |
No, common mistake. Poon handler. |
| 01:04:30 |
The point is, boys... |
| 01:04:31 |
even though I love havin' sex |
| 01:04:36 |
a day hasn't gone by |
| 01:04:42 |
Every time I see a bag of |
| 01:04:52 |
Here's to you, Tashonda. |
| 01:04:55 |
- I hope you kept the baby. |
| 01:05:25 |
# Free on my own # |
| 01:05:28 |
# That's the way I used to be # |
| 01:05:31 |
# But since I met you, baby # |
| 01:05:32 |
Hey, honey. |
| 01:05:35 |
I found something in your purse. |
| 01:05:38 |
Why would you go through my purse? |
| 01:05:40 |
Why would you have a joint... |
| 01:05:41 |
when you know |
| 01:05:44 |
I'm sorry. |
| 01:05:46 |
What with all the wedding plans, |
| 01:05:50 |
It helps me relax? |
| 01:05:52 |
Marijuana is illegal, Vanessa. |
| 01:05:55 |
Now, I thought that part of your life |
| 01:05:57 |
- It is. |
| 01:06:01 |
That's all I need to hear. |
| 01:06:05 |
Hey, baby. |
| 01:06:08 |
Look, I know things can be hectic |
| 01:06:11 |
But, you know, if you get stressed out, |
| 01:06:15 |
Snort Zoloft, OK? |
| 01:06:25 |
What the fuck? |
| 01:06:27 |
Shit. |
| 01:06:28 |
Dude, they set up a fucking roadblock! |
| 01:06:32 |
- What are you talking about? |
| 01:06:34 |
I don't know how to say this |
| 01:06:36 |
Cool. |
| 01:06:39 |
OK, well, we've got to find a way |
| 01:06:41 |
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. |
| 01:06:43 |
You act like I've never smuggled |
| 01:06:47 |
Here. Hide in that. |
| 01:06:49 |
Sorry. It's a little sticky. |
| 01:06:54 |
Shit. |
| 01:07:01 |
Yeah. |
| 01:07:04 |
What the... When were you |
| 01:07:15 |
Excuse me. |
| 01:07:17 |
Wait, Officer! |
| 01:07:20 |
- Shit. |
| 01:07:36 |
Neil Patrick Harris. |
| 01:07:41 |
Yo. |
| 01:07:44 |
It is an honor to meet you, sir. |
| 01:07:47 |
Yeah. I would imagine so. |
| 01:07:52 |
I'm sure you get this all the time... |
| 01:07:54 |
but your part in Starship Troopers |
| 01:08:01 |
Really? |
| 01:08:02 |
How? |
| 01:08:04 |
Well, no one thought the war against |
| 01:08:09 |
- But you showed the starship troopers... |
| 01:08:11 |
...that those bugs could be destroyed. |
| 01:08:14 |
A lot of people think the war on terror |
| 01:08:20 |
That's why I joined |
| 01:08:23 |
My friend, two words. |
| 01:08:28 |
If you want to know the secret of being, |
| 01:08:33 |
Please. I really need to go. |
| 01:08:35 |
Yeah, of course. I'm so sorry |
| 01:08:42 |
Bye. |
| 01:08:45 |
I love you. |
| 01:08:50 |
I love you too, Mr. Patrick Harris. |
| 01:08:53 |
What the... |
| 01:09:02 |
Holy fucking shit, that was awesome. |
| 01:09:04 |
Try having that conversation |
| 01:09:06 |
I deserve an Oscar |
| 01:09:08 |
- You do! |
| 01:09:09 |
I'm gonna take a little detour |
| 01:09:11 |
- No. |
| 01:09:12 |
But we're almost there, man. |
| 01:09:13 |
- No buts. No buts! |
| 01:09:16 |
I'm going to a whorehouse |
| 01:09:19 |
If you two don't want to get |
| 01:09:24 |
I'll get my dick wet. |
| 01:09:32 |
# Don't need nothin' but a good time # |
| 01:09:36 |
# How can I resist? # |
| 01:09:39 |
# Ain't lookin' for nothin' |
| 01:09:43 |
# And it don't get better than this # |
| 01:09:47 |
Pussy, I'm home! |
| 01:09:51 |
Hello? |
| 01:09:53 |
Well, well, well. I thought you'd never |
| 01:09:58 |
What's the matter, Sally? I thought |
| 01:10:01 |
Have you forgotten what happened |
| 01:10:05 |
Because of you, my best girl quit. |
| 01:10:07 |
Hey, I paid her good money. |
| 01:10:09 |
It's not my fault |
| 01:10:11 |
Besides, I bring you new customers. |
| 01:10:15 |
- New customers? |
| 01:10:18 |
Thank you. Thank you. |
| 01:10:20 |
Sally. Bring on the lineup. |
| 01:10:25 |
Line up in the chutes, girls. |
| 01:10:27 |
Longhorns coming through. |
| 01:10:30 |
Neil. |
| 01:10:35 |
Bigger. Bigger. Bigger. Bigger. |
| 01:10:38 |
Hello, ba... |
| 01:10:41 |
- What's your name, miss? |
| 01:10:43 |
How'd you come up with that? |
| 01:10:45 |
Well, I have huge tits. |
| 01:10:47 |
And my favorite book |
| 01:10:49 |
I guess that makes sense, yeah. |
| 01:10:52 |
Well, I hope you're ready for me, Tits... |
| 01:10:54 |
'cause I'm gonna rock out |
| 01:10:56 |
and you're gonna jam out |
| 01:10:58 |
It's gonna be magical. |
| 01:11:00 |
- The whores are on me, fellas. |
| 01:11:02 |
- thank you, but we... that's... |
| 01:11:04 |
Screw that, Roldy. |
| 01:11:06 |
but, no offense to the rest of you ladies, |
| 01:11:09 |
No, Kumar. Kumar! |
| 01:11:12 |
Roldy, you're missing out, brother. |
| 01:11:14 |
Yo, we need to get back on the road, |
| 01:11:16 |
We need... |
| 01:11:21 |
Well, now, you know, we also supply... |
| 01:11:24 |
in-room films or a magazine. |
| 01:11:30 |
Well, if you'd like |
| 01:11:32 |
we do have some... |
| 01:11:36 |
electronic devices right over there. |
| 01:11:42 |
Just have some coffee. Yeah? |
| 01:11:45 |
Why don't you lie on the bed? |
| 01:11:48 |
And tell us what you want us to do. |
| 01:11:50 |
OK. OK. |
| 01:11:54 |
Well... |
| 01:11:57 |
how about... |
| 01:12:00 |
How about you take off your clothes |
| 01:12:02 |
- We've done that before. |
| 01:12:05 |
- Yeah? |
| 01:12:06 |
# Pussy real good # |
| 01:12:08 |
- # That pussy # |
| 01:12:09 |
- # That pussy # |
| 01:12:12 |
- # That pussy # |
| 01:12:14 |
- # That pussy # |
| 01:12:16 |
- # That pussy # |
| 01:12:18 |
# That pussy # |
| 01:12:20 |
# Yo' mama don't like # |
| 01:12:23 |
# She say I'm no good # |
| 01:12:25 |
# What she don't know is # |
| 01:12:27 |
# I got you pussy-whooped # |
| 01:12:29 |
# He need this pussy # |
| 01:12:32 |
# He smell this pussy # |
| 01:12:34 |
# He wanna taste this pussy # |
| 01:12:36 |
# He gotta pay for pussy # |
| 01:12:38 |
Can you use tongue? |
| 01:12:40 |
# That pussy, pussy # |
| 01:12:43 |
# Pussy, pussy # |
| 01:12:46 |
Bump your titty on her titty. |
| 01:12:48 |
# Police pull me over # |
| 01:12:49 |
# They don't write no tickets # |
| 01:12:52 |
Boner achieved! |
| 01:12:55 |
Great. Now let's get those pants off. |
| 01:12:59 |
OK. |
| 01:13:01 |
- You are benevolent human beings. |
| 01:13:04 |
- Yeah? |
| 01:13:05 |
Yeah. You know what that means, |
| 01:13:07 |
Yeah, I do, actually. |
| 01:13:09 |
What? |
| 01:13:10 |
It means we're gonna fuck you so hard... |
| 01:13:12 |
your dick's gonna be sore for two weeks. |
| 01:13:15 |
That is exactly, exactly what it means. |
| 01:13:19 |
You know what bothers me |
| 01:13:22 |
He never once apologized |
| 01:13:25 |
I mean, I'm supposed to be with my |
| 01:13:30 |
But it's cool. |
| 01:13:34 |
Why do you think that is? |
| 01:13:36 |
Sparkle, because it's all about |
| 01:13:40 |
You know. I don't even care |
| 01:13:43 |
if he can't be a good friend to me, |
| 01:13:46 |
- It's done. |
| 01:13:49 |
A good friend is hard to come by. |
| 01:13:51 |
Venus, come on. |
| 01:13:52 |
Yeah, but if he was a real friend, |
| 01:13:56 |
That's right. |
| 01:13:57 |
Thank you, Agnes. |
| 01:14:00 |
Nail on the head. |
| 01:14:02 |
It's like right now... |
| 01:14:03 |
after all the shit that we have |
| 01:14:08 |
you know, he's in there having |
| 01:14:16 |
I never should have left her. |
| 01:14:20 |
I don't even know... |
| 01:14:21 |
I don't even know what I was thinking. |
| 01:14:24 |
I loved her so much. |
| 01:14:27 |
She was my little baby. |
| 01:14:29 |
She was my little baby. |
| 01:14:31 |
Why did I let my little baby go? |
| 01:14:32 |
Why did I let her go? |
| 01:14:34 |
You'll find someone else. |
| 01:14:36 |
No, I won't. Not like Vanessa. |
| 01:14:38 |
You'll find love again someday. |
| 01:14:40 |
Yeah, you will. |
| 01:14:43 |
Did you guys? |
| 01:14:47 |
No, we're whores. |
| 01:14:49 |
- Remember? |
| 01:14:58 |
Oh, my God. Are you OK? |
| 01:15:00 |
What the hell is going on here? |
| 01:15:01 |
That prick fucking branded me! |
| 01:15:05 |
- Stop it. |
| 01:15:07 |
Bring it. |
| 01:15:09 |
- Neil! Neil! |
| 01:15:12 |
- What... Neil! What are you doing? |
| 01:15:14 |
- But... |
| 01:15:15 |
Neil! |
| 01:15:17 |
- What about Neil, man? |
| 01:15:20 |
- Neil! Neil! |
| 01:15:23 |
- Come on! Come on! Come on! |
| 01:15:24 |
Come on! |
| 01:15:27 |
- N.P. H! |
| 01:15:30 |
Stop! Stop! |
| 01:15:33 |
Wait, wait, wait, wait! |
| 01:15:35 |
- Why? |
| 01:15:36 |
- We can't leave him back there. |
| 01:15:40 |
What was that? |
| 01:15:42 |
- Hurry up. |
| 01:15:43 |
- Hurry up. Come on, man. |
| 01:15:45 |
- All right. Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up. |
| 01:15:47 |
- Guys! |
| 01:15:49 |
It's not even funny. |
| 01:15:51 |
You can make it, dude. |
| 01:15:52 |
Oh, my God! Holy shit! |
| 01:15:57 |
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! |
| 01:16:00 |
- Neil's dead! Neil's dead! |
| 01:16:03 |
- Oh, my God! |
| 01:16:09 |
# How do I say goodbye # |
| 01:16:15 |
It's the dawn of a new day. |
| 01:16:20 |
And Neil Patrick Harris |
| 01:16:22 |
Dude, I told you. |
| 01:16:23 |
Will you please stop saying that? |
| 01:16:26 |
God. |
| 01:16:27 |
He's gone. |
| 01:16:30 |
Maybe he's got |
| 01:16:33 |
Dude, I know |
| 01:16:36 |
What's in the bag? |
| 01:16:39 |
- Holy fuck. |
| 01:16:42 |
A jar with hair in it. |
| 01:16:47 |
And, like, 12 cans of Mace. |
| 01:16:53 |
- Look, dude. |
| 01:16:56 |
Holy shit, we actually made it. |
| 01:17:05 |
This is where Colton grew up, huh? |
| 01:17:07 |
Smell that? That smells like douche. |
| 01:17:16 |
No, you will remain in this car. |
| 01:17:19 |
I will go inside alone and, if we're lucky, |
| 01:17:22 |
- Why can't I just... |
| 01:17:26 |
You leave this car, |
| 01:17:30 |
- But, Roldy, I just... |
| 01:17:32 |
Open the door |
| 01:17:35 |
Jesus. OK. |
| 01:17:40 |
- Balls. |
| 01:17:54 |
Hi, I'm a friend of Colton's. |
| 01:17:56 |
Thank you. |
| 01:18:41 |
God damn it. |
| 01:18:42 |
Vanessa? You OK? |
| 01:18:45 |
- Kumar? What are you doing here? |
| 01:18:52 |
I thought you were going to Amsterdam. |
| 01:18:54 |
Yeah, me too. It didn't work out. |
| 01:18:57 |
You all right? |
| 01:18:59 |
- Now, does this hurt when I touch it? |
| 01:19:01 |
- It does? |
| 01:19:03 |
This is just what I need. |
| 01:19:07 |
Can you move it around in a circle? |
| 01:19:10 |
OK, that's what I figured. It's just your |
| 01:19:13 |
So a little ice and massage |
| 01:19:17 |
Are you gonna tell me why you're here? |
| 01:19:19 |
Roldy and I ran into some trouble... |
| 01:19:21 |
and we figured that maybe |
| 01:19:25 |
- Still getting into trouble, huh? |
| 01:19:28 |
You remember that time that |
| 01:19:31 |
and, like, stole that monkey and put it |
| 01:19:34 |
OK, first of all, |
| 01:19:36 |
and second of all... |
| 01:19:37 |
had I known that the monkey had AIDS, |
| 01:19:40 |
What about you? |
| 01:19:41 |
You put those disgusting used tampons |
| 01:19:44 |
- Remember that? |
| 01:19:46 |
She was a bitch and you know it. |
| 01:19:51 |
What's going on here? |
| 01:19:54 |
Hey, she actually fell |
| 01:19:57 |
Yeah, I twisted my ankle. |
| 01:20:01 |
- Why aren't you in the car, Kumar? |
| 01:20:03 |
I thought I told you |
| 01:20:05 |
It's OK, man. |
| 01:20:07 |
No worries. |
| 01:20:08 |
Listen, Roldy filled me in |
| 01:20:11 |
But don't worry. I'll make sure |
| 01:20:15 |
Thanks, man. |
| 01:20:16 |
In the meantime, |
| 01:20:19 |
Ramón! |
| 01:20:21 |
Ramón. Please bring Vanessa |
| 01:20:27 |
Bye, Vanessa. Hope you feel better. |
| 01:20:31 |
- Bye. |
| 01:20:37 |
Guys. |
| 01:20:39 |
All right. |
| 01:20:42 |
All right, guys. Jet's all fueled. |
| 01:20:45 |
Sweet. |
| 01:20:53 |
Hey, Colton, I can't believe |
| 01:20:55 |
on the night before your wedding day. |
| 01:20:57 |
- I really appreciate it. Thank you. |
| 01:21:00 |
Just want to make sure |
| 01:21:03 |
Are all these planes yours? |
| 01:21:05 |
No. OK. |
| 01:21:07 |
Rold, come on, of course they are. |
| 01:21:11 |
This guy's funny. You're funny. |
| 01:21:12 |
- Yeah? |
| 01:21:15 |
Listen, I was wrong about you, dude. |
| 01:21:19 |
Dude. |
| 01:21:20 |
You know what I mean. |
| 01:21:22 |
And I'm happy for you and Vanessa. |
| 01:21:27 |
That's big of you, Kumar. |
| 01:21:28 |
- I really appreciate it. |
| 01:21:30 |
I just can't wait to get back, man. |
| 01:21:35 |
You're going back all right. |
| 01:21:38 |
This time you're not escaping. |
| 01:21:40 |
Now! |
| 01:21:42 |
Go! Move, move, move! |
| 01:21:49 |
You are a douchebag... |
| 01:21:50 |
- No. |
| 01:21:53 |
Yeah. The last thing I was letting |
| 01:21:56 |
- You did this? |
| 01:21:58 |
I thought we were friends, man. |
| 01:22:01 |
Come on, Rold. You and me? |
| 01:22:03 |
You let me cheat off you |
| 01:22:05 |
Other than that, |
| 01:22:07 |
Take 'em away, guys. |
| 01:22:09 |
When we get out of this I'm gonna |
| 01:22:11 |
Boy, you're scaring me. |
| 01:22:13 |
Well, come on, you're not |
| 01:22:15 |
you're a fucking pussy banker, |
| 01:22:17 |
- Fuck you! Fuck you! |
| 01:22:20 |
- You'd best watch your back, bitch! |
| 01:22:22 |
- Fuck you! |
| 01:22:25 |
I'm awesome. |
| 01:22:33 |
Looks like you boys picked |
| 01:22:36 |
Where's your Koran now? |
| 01:22:39 |
We're not even Muslim, you moron... |
| 01:22:41 |
and even if we were, |
| 01:22:44 |
Hey! I'm talking to you. |
| 01:22:47 |
# Metal under tension |
| 01:22:52 |
# Highway to # |
| 01:22:56 |
Man. I can't believe we're going back. |
| 01:22:58 |
Now do you see |
| 01:23:01 |
Now do you see why I hate you? |
| 01:23:04 |
I asked you specifically |
| 01:23:07 |
I told you our friendship was at stake. |
| 01:23:10 |
Vanessa fell down. |
| 01:23:11 |
- I don't want to hear the excuses! |
| 01:23:13 |
I don't want to hear the excuses! |
| 01:23:14 |
- I heard her yelling! |
| 01:23:23 |
I'm sorry. |
| 01:23:25 |
'Kay? |
| 01:23:28 |
Look at this. Look at this. |
| 01:23:30 |
I fucked up, OK? |
| 01:23:32 |
I fucked up and I always fuck up. |
| 01:23:36 |
You think? |
| 01:23:38 |
Harold... |
| 01:23:41 |
you're my best friend, dude. |
| 01:23:44 |
You mean the world to me, man. |
| 01:23:46 |
Queers. |
| 01:23:47 |
And I promise you, if we figure out... |
| 01:23:48 |
a way to get out of this, |
| 01:23:50 |
It's not just gonna be |
| 01:23:52 |
It'll be about Kumar and Harold. |
| 01:23:58 |
Harold and Kumar. |
| 01:24:01 |
I kind of like the first way better. |
| 01:24:03 |
OK, OK. Harold and Kumar. |
| 01:24:05 |
Harold and Kumar. |
| 01:24:10 |
# The hotter the intensity # |
| 01:24:14 |
It's not all your fault. |
| 01:24:16 |
Yeah, it is. I brought weed on the plane. |
| 01:24:19 |
- You got weed? |
| 01:24:25 |
No, I wish Neil Patrick Harris |
| 01:24:30 |
He totally would have |
| 01:24:34 |
You just gave me an idea, man. |
| 01:24:36 |
- What? |
| 01:24:40 |
Hey, Burl... |
| 01:24:42 |
- I actually still have some weed. |
| 01:24:45 |
- Seriously? |
| 01:24:47 |
- Hold up. |
| 01:24:49 |
Just let me... |
| 01:24:51 |
- Harold, this is definitely not... |
| 01:24:52 |
...the time to smoke. |
| 01:24:56 |
# Highway to the danger zone # |
| 01:25:02 |
# Gonna take you |
| 01:25:09 |
# Highway to the danger zone # |
| 01:25:16 |
Dude, you took Neil's Mace? |
| 01:25:18 |
Been through a lot of shit, |
| 01:25:20 |
Well, good call. |
| 01:25:25 |
Derek, can I get another water? |
| 01:25:28 |
What the fuck? |
| 01:25:32 |
- Keep your hands up. |
| 01:25:34 |
- Jesus Christ. OK, OK. |
| 01:25:36 |
It will be a cold day in hell |
| 01:25:44 |
Beecher, what are you doing? |
| 01:25:46 |
Whose side are you on? I thought |
| 01:25:49 |
Enough, Fox! |
| 01:25:52 |
You think that just because I'm smart... |
| 01:25:53 |
you can treat me |
| 01:25:57 |
It's obvious these kids are innocent. |
| 01:26:00 |
You know, it's people like you... |
| 01:26:03 |
who make the world think |
| 01:26:06 |
Well, we're not stupid! And we're not |
| 01:26:12 |
It's OK, guys. |
| 01:26:14 |
It's all over now. |
| 01:26:16 |
Everything's gonna be all right. |
| 01:26:23 |
Jesus! |
| 01:26:30 |
Fuck! |
| 01:26:32 |
I don't wanna die! |
| 01:26:34 |
Kumar! |
| 01:26:35 |
- What? |
| 01:26:38 |
Come over here. |
| 01:26:39 |
How the fuck am I supposed to do that? |
| 01:26:42 |
Swim! |
| 01:26:51 |
Holy shit. |
| 01:26:52 |
It's fucking working! |
| 01:26:59 |
Yeah! |
| 01:27:03 |
I love you, dude. |
| 01:27:09 |
Shit! |
| 01:27:12 |
Don't worry about him. I have an idea. |
| 01:27:14 |
- What? |
| 01:27:22 |
Fuck you! |
| 01:27:28 |
Man, that was so fuckin' extreme. |
| 01:27:32 |
It was. |
| 01:27:37 |
- Kumar? |
| 01:27:41 |
Our dicks are touching, aren't they? |
| 01:27:44 |
Yeah, I guess they are. |
| 01:27:47 |
- Yeah. |
| 01:27:50 |
Roldy, can you move us out of the way? |
| 01:27:55 |
I have no idea what I'm doing. |
| 01:28:05 |
Dude! |
| 01:28:09 |
The glass hurt my dick. |
| 01:28:15 |
I think I'm OK. Yeah. |
| 01:28:18 |
- Dude. Dude. |
| 01:28:20 |
- No, shit, dude. You all right? |
| 01:28:23 |
We gotta get out of here before |
| 01:28:25 |
I know. They're gonna be... |
| 01:28:29 |
Dude? Dude? |
| 01:28:31 |
What's up? |
| 01:28:37 |
- No. |
| 01:28:39 |
What the hell are y'all |
| 01:28:44 |
You'd better start giving me |
| 01:28:46 |
George? |
| 01:28:48 |
Shit. It's Cheney. Come on, you guys. |
| 01:28:52 |
That guy scares the crap out of me. |
| 01:28:55 |
- Come the fuck on. |
| 01:29:15 |
# Yeah # |
| 01:29:18 |
- This is a cool room. |
| 01:29:21 |
Yeah, this is where |
| 01:29:25 |
- Here? |
| 01:29:29 |
- So who the heck are you guys? |
| 01:29:32 |
My name is Harold Lee, sir... |
| 01:29:34 |
and this is Kumar Patel. |
| 01:29:38 |
Anyway, we were on a parachute |
| 01:29:42 |
Dude, this is weed. |
| 01:29:44 |
That's Alabama Kush. |
| 01:29:46 |
That's only the finest. |
| 01:29:47 |
So you get high and then you put |
| 01:29:51 |
- That's so hypocritical. |
| 01:29:53 |
Yeah? Well, let me ask you |
| 01:29:56 |
- You like giving hand jobs? |
| 01:29:58 |
- You like getting hand jobs? |
| 01:30:01 |
All right. Well, that makes you |
| 01:30:04 |
So shut the fuck up |
| 01:30:24 |
Hey, love. |
| 01:30:25 |
What are you doing here? It's bad luck. |
| 01:30:30 |
I just want to let you know... |
| 01:30:32 |
I had catering get an extra case |
| 01:30:34 |
in case the President comes. |
| 01:30:35 |
It's his favorite beer. |
| 01:30:36 |
- Do you think that'll be enough? |
| 01:30:39 |
Who cares? |
| 01:30:42 |
Look, were you able to work |
| 01:30:46 |
Don't worry, Chestnut. |
| 01:30:58 |
They thought you guys were terrorizers. |
| 01:31:01 |
Wait. That's not funny, man. |
| 01:31:05 |
Fuck! G. Bay? |
| 01:31:08 |
Tell me you didn't eat |
| 01:31:11 |
No. No, we did not eat the cockmeat |
| 01:31:16 |
That cockmeat sandwich. |
| 01:31:19 |
Oh, my God. |
| 01:31:22 |
- This is good shit. |
| 01:31:25 |
- I laced it with blow. |
| 01:31:27 |
So it knocks you out, and it keeps you |
| 01:31:31 |
If you like weed so much, |
| 01:31:34 |
Are you fucking kidding me? |
| 01:31:36 |
You know how pissed off |
| 01:31:39 |
Holy shit, dude. |
| 01:31:42 |
My dad's all up in my shit too, |
| 01:31:44 |
- med school thing, right? |
| 01:31:45 |
And it's not that I don't |
| 01:31:48 |
fucking... sometimes I wonder |
| 01:31:51 |
because he knows it'll make me happy... |
| 01:31:53 |
or because he wants me |
| 01:31:58 |
You just blew my fuckin' mind. |
| 01:32:11 |
- Hi. |
| 01:32:13 |
Daddy. |
| 01:32:16 |
Yeah, it's W. |
| 01:32:19 |
I don't need your friends |
| 01:32:23 |
- No, I'm not being disrespectful. |
| 01:32:26 |
I'm just saying that |
| 01:32:29 |
I mean, I don't need them to tell me |
| 01:32:32 |
Yeah, dude! |
| 01:32:34 |
Yeah, well you know what? |
| 01:32:37 |
Fuck you! |
| 01:32:41 |
- Dude, that was awesome. |
| 01:32:44 |
- No. No. |
| 01:32:45 |
- You are awesomer. |
| 01:32:47 |
Seriously. |
| 01:32:49 |
Listen, about our situation... |
| 01:32:52 |
Fuck that. Listen, guys, guys, guys. |
| 01:32:56 |
That means I get to pardon whoever |
| 01:32:59 |
Don't worry. |
| 01:33:00 |
- Holy shit. Are you serious? Thank you. |
| 01:33:04 |
Yeah. |
| 01:33:05 |
- Thank you. Thank you. |
| 01:33:09 |
But, listen, to be honest, after |
| 01:33:14 |
I don't know if we can trust |
| 01:33:18 |
- Trust the government? |
| 01:33:20 |
Heck. I'm in the government |
| 01:33:23 |
You don't have to believe in your |
| 01:33:31 |
You just have to believe in your country. |
| 01:33:34 |
Exactly. |
| 01:33:36 |
- Exactly. |
| 01:33:38 |
This is good shit, isn't it? |
| 01:33:41 |
Yeah, it is. |
| 01:33:43 |
If you guys need anything else, |
| 01:33:47 |
Actually, Mr. President, |
| 01:33:52 |
- This really came out great. |
| 01:33:55 |
I lit a lot of these candles. |
| 01:34:10 |
Great. |
| 01:34:14 |
- All clear. |
| 01:34:17 |
He's here! I knew he'd come. |
| 01:34:24 |
All right, let 'em in. |
| 01:34:29 |
- What is happen... |
| 01:34:31 |
- Harold? |
| 01:34:34 |
Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize |
| 01:34:38 |
But there is no way in hell... |
| 01:34:40 |
that I'm letting the only woman |
| 01:34:45 |
Security, get them out of here, please. |
| 01:34:47 |
These guys? |
| 01:34:51 |
Looks like I got a little more pull |
| 01:34:57 |
- What the hell is going on? |
| 01:35:00 |
Your fiancé promised |
| 01:35:02 |
But instead he arranged for us |
| 01:35:06 |
where we'd be forced |
| 01:35:13 |
- Is this true? |
| 01:35:15 |
I'll take care of this myself. |
| 01:35:19 |
- OK, wait. |
| 01:35:23 |
You son of a bitch. |
| 01:35:26 |
I loved you, man. |
| 01:35:32 |
- I can't believe this. |
| 01:35:34 |
Explain? |
| 01:35:36 |
Explain why you're putting me through... |
| 01:35:38 |
the most embarrassing moment |
| 01:35:42 |
Well, what if I did |
| 01:35:47 |
Would that make you feel better? |
| 01:35:48 |
There's nothing you can do |
| 01:35:55 |
I fear that I will always be |
| 01:36:03 |
A three is all that's good and right |
| 01:36:05 |
Why must my three keep out of sight |
| 01:36:10 |
I wish instead I were a nine |
| 01:36:11 |
For nine could thwart this evil trick |
| 01:36:16 |
I know I'll never see the sun |
| 01:36:18 |
As 1.7321 |
| 01:36:20 |
You fucking tool. |
| 01:36:22 |
Quiet, anus. |
| 01:36:27 |
Such is my reality |
| 01:36:31 |
When, hark, just what is this I see? |
| 01:36:34 |
Another square root of a three |
| 01:36:36 |
Has quietly come waltzing by |
| 01:36:39 |
Together now we multiply |
| 01:36:41 |
To form a number we prefer |
| 01:36:43 |
Rejoicing as an integer |
| 01:36:47 |
We break free from our mortal bonds |
| 01:36:49 |
And with a wave of magic wands |
| 01:36:51 |
Our square-root signs become unglued |
| 01:36:53 |
And love for me has been renewed |
| 01:37:04 |
You were right. |
| 01:37:06 |
- That was pretty lame. |
| 01:37:10 |
Look, I can't promise you |
| 01:37:15 |
And I can't promise you |
| 01:37:18 |
But what I can promise you is that... |
| 01:37:27 |
Sorry, I smoked weed |
| 01:37:29 |
I totally forgot |
| 01:37:33 |
I can promise you |
| 01:37:36 |
And I'll never try and make you |
| 01:37:40 |
So, what do you say |
| 01:37:50 |
Only if you promise to get me |
| 01:37:52 |
as soon as possible. |
| 01:37:54 |
Come here. |
| 01:37:59 |
Yeah! |
| 01:38:05 |
That's my boy! |
| 01:38:07 |
Ku! |
| 01:38:14 |
Come on. |
| 01:38:16 |
All right, hold on. First we gotta |
| 01:38:20 |
- Got to go somewhere. |
| 01:38:23 |
# Ooh, baby, do you know |
| 01:38:27 |
# Ooh, heaven is a place on earth # |
| 01:38:31 |
# They say in heaven love comes first # |
| 01:38:35 |
# We'll make heaven a place on earth # |
| 01:38:39 |
# Ooh, heaven is a place on earth # |
| 01:38:54 |
- Hey. |
| 01:38:57 |
- No luck, huh? |
| 01:39:01 |
Called every hotel in the city. |
| 01:39:04 |
I just can't find her anywhere. |
| 01:39:06 |
- We'll find her. |
| 01:39:12 |
What? |
| 01:39:14 |
Oh, my God, there she is. |
| 01:39:21 |
- Roldy, she's hot. |
| 01:39:29 |
Jesus, I'm sorry, man. |
| 01:39:32 |
- So fuck it. Forget about that. |
| 01:39:34 |
It's probably |
| 01:39:35 |
We'll go back to the Jerz... |
| 01:39:36 |
- in a couple of days, all right? |
| 01:39:39 |
No, fuck it. |
| 01:39:42 |
I came way too far. |
| 01:39:43 |
We went through too much shit to... |
| 01:39:45 |
I'm gonna talk to her. |
| 01:39:46 |
No, no, no, dude, don't go in there. |
| 01:39:47 |
- Come on. |
| 01:39:49 |
Come on, man. |
| 01:39:52 |
What the fuck are you doing? |
| 01:39:53 |
- C'est quoi ton putain de problème, toi? |
| 01:39:56 |
I didn't understand what you said. |
| 01:39:58 |
- What the fuck are you doing? |
| 01:40:00 |
- You're ruining my shot. |
| 01:40:03 |
Get off my set! |
| 01:40:05 |
I'm so confused. What's... |
| 01:40:07 |
- What's going on? |
| 01:40:10 |
For High Times magazine. |
| 01:40:13 |
Of course, you're a model. |
| 01:40:17 |
Right. I always wondered |
| 01:40:19 |
I'm sorry. So, wait a second. |
| 01:40:22 |
Are you kidding? Me? |
| 01:40:24 |
- Yeah. |
| 01:40:26 |
Anton is like totally gay. |
| 01:40:34 |
Harold, what are you doing here? |
| 01:40:38 |
I didn't want to wait ten days |
| 01:40:39 |
so I thought |
| 01:40:43 |
That is so sweet. |
| 01:40:46 |
OK. It's sweet. |
| 01:40:48 |
I've been thinking about you |
| 01:40:51 |
- You have? |
| 01:40:52 |
- I missed you so much. |
| 01:41:10 |
Fuck yeah, dude. |
| 01:41:11 |
Bang bang, Roldy. |
| 01:41:15 |
Hello, Maria. My name is Kumar. |
| 01:41:17 |
- I've heard so much about you. |
| 01:41:19 |
This is Vanessa. Vanessa, Maria. |
| 01:41:20 |
- Hey. |
| 01:41:22 |
Ladies and Roldy, how would you |
| 01:41:26 |
since we're in Amsterdam? |
| 01:41:28 |
- Yeah. |
| 01:41:29 |
- Sounds like a plan. |
| 01:41:32 |
# So in the beginning |
| 01:41:35 |
# Whose pulse felt drum, drum, drum # |
| 01:41:37 |
# He would perform praise and all # |
| 01:41:39 |
# Till one day he heard a voice call |
| 01:41:42 |
# Suspicious, he moved, |
| 01:41:44 |
# His missus he thinks |
| 01:41:47 |
# People get held back |
| 01:41:50 |
# Yeah, the voice said |
| 01:41:53 |
# Rejoice and please let me invite you |
| 01:42:00 |
# Yeah, confusing days, |
| 01:42:02 |
- # He soon became # |
| 01:42:04 |
# A knock on his door, |
| 01:42:07 |
# A knock on his door, |
| 01:42:12 |
# Yeah # |
| 01:42:16 |
# That was in the beginning # |
| 01:42:18 |
# The cops beat him |
| 01:42:20 |
# So they defeat him, |
| 01:42:23 |
# And they teach him the rest of the world |
| 01:42:25 |
# And he believes the disease |
| 01:42:28 |
# Put up your fists |
| 01:42:30 |
# Put up your fists if all you want is # |
| 01:42:37 |
# That was in the beginning # |
| 01:42:42 |
# And things change # |
| 01:42:48 |
# Yeah, yeah, yeah # |
| 01:42:50 |
# We keep holding on |
| 01:42:54 |
# And we keep going on, |
| 01:42:58 |
# And we keep holding on |
| 01:43:03 |
# And we keep going on |
| 01:43:08 |
# And we keep holding on |
| 01:43:12 |
# And we keep going on |
| 01:43:17 |
# And we keep holding on |
| 01:43:21 |
# And we keep going on |
| 01:43:27 |
- # Brothers and sisters # |
| 01:43:30 |
- # We're gonna have church tonight # |
| 01:43:33 |
# And tonight this speaker |
| 01:43:37 |
# I wake up praising God every day # |
| 01:43:41 |
# I wanna smoke some weed |
| 01:43:46 |
- # Thank you, Jesus # |
| 01:43:49 |
- # Thank you, Lord # |
| 01:43:52 |
# For lettin' me live another day, hey, hey # |
| 01:43:57 |
- # Nigger, I'm high, nigger, you high # |
| 01:43:59 |
# Let's get higher than |
| 01:44:02 |
# Watch the butterflies hit the wall # |
| 01:44:05 |
# And if you're feeling down |
| 01:44:07 |
# Weed, it takes the stress away, that's |
| 01:44:12 |
# It's nothing |
| 01:44:15 |
# Light it, pass it and take a puff # |
| 01:44:17 |
# Having a bad day, stop by my house # |
| 01:44:20 |
# 'Cause most likely |
| 01:44:22 |
# So sit down, relax and chill # |
| 01:44:24 |
# And if you don't smoke weed |
| 01:44:28 |
# What you need, girl, a fucking refill? # |
| 01:44:30 |
# A fat bag of weed |
| 01:44:33 |
# Nah, baby, I don't smoke Newports, |
| 01:44:38 |
# I wake up praising God every day # |
| 01:44:42 |
# I wanna smoke some weed |
| 01:44:47 |
- # Thank you, Jesus # |
| 01:44:50 |
- # Thank you, Lord # |
| 01:44:53 |
# For lettin' me live another day, hey, hey # |
| 01:44:58 |
# Sunday morning, Bizarre have faith |
| 01:45:03 |
# Dangerous mind, just like Coolio # |
| 01:45:06 |
# Only church I know |
| 01:45:08 |
# Write out some raps, |
| 01:45:11 |
# Grab the Hennessy, get the acid tab # |
| 01:45:13 |
# I'm glad that |
| 01:45:16 |
# Take care of my kids, |
| 01:45:19 |
# Orange mushrooms and yellow stars |
| 01:45:24 |
# Get in the lap, come on, jump in # |
| 01:45:26 |
# Bring a bottle of gin, |
| 01:45:29 |
# Fuck it! Let's go to see the point # |
| 01:45:31 |
# Bring your son along, |
| 01:45:34 |
# 'Cause rapping is a full-time job # |
| 01:45:37 |
# All I want is smoke weed |
| 01:45:39 |
# I wake up praising God every day # |
| 01:45:43 |
# I wanna smoke some weed |
| 01:45:48 |
- # Thank you, Jesus # |
| 01:45:51 |
- # Thank you, Lord # |
| 01:45:55 |
# For lettin' me live another day, hey, hey # |
| 01:45:59 |
# Break it down, yeah # |
| 01:46:02 |
# We gonna slow it down right here # |
| 01:46:04 |
# We havin' church up in here tonight |
| 01:46:09 |
# And we sittin' over here |
| 01:46:16 |
# And ladies and gentlemen, |
| 01:46:20 |
# I wake up praising God every day # |
| 01:46:24 |
# I wanna smoke some weed |
| 01:46:29 |
- # Thank you, Jesus # |
| 01:46:32 |
- # Thank you, Lord # |
| 01:46:34 |
- # Thank you, Jesus # |
| 01:46:37 |
- # Thank you, Lord # |
| 01:46:41 |
# For lettin' me live another day, hey, hey # |
| 01:46:46 |
- # Sunday morning # |
| 01:46:48 |
- # Baptist # |
| 01:46:49 |
- # Catholic, Jehovah Witness # |
| 01:46:51 |
- # Tabernacle, yeah # |
| 01:46:53 |
- # Roll me a J # |
| 01:46:55 |
# Thank you, Jesus # |
| 01:46:56 |
- # Thank you, Jesus # |
| 01:46:57 |
- # Thank you, Lord |
| 01:46:59 |
- # Thank you, Lord # |
| 01:47:01 |
- # For letting me # |
| 01:47:02 |
- # Live another day # |
| 01:47:07 |
# Come on, praise God # |
| 01:47:10 |
# Just 'cause you smoke weed |
| 01:47:13 |
- # What? # |
| 01:47:15 |
# It don't mean you don't believe in God # |
| 01:47:18 |
# Jesus will take care of you # |
| 01:47:21 |
# Jesus # |
| 01:47:22 |
# You need Jesus # |
| 01:47:39 |
Motherfucker! |
