House Bunny The

en
00:00:32 It all started 27 years ago.
00:00:36 That's an orphanage.
00:00:37 That's me in the basket.
00:00:41 I hear they did want
00:00:44 But it was fine in the orphanage.
00:00:46 That's me in the third row.
00:00:48 I wasn't very popular.
00:00:50 Of course, everybody
00:00:52 Luckily, lots of families came.
00:00:54 And everybody got to go
00:00:57 Oh, except me.
00:00:59 But I tried not to give up hope.
00:01:02 Then, one day...
00:01:04 something magical happened,
00:01:06 Do you remember the one where
00:01:09 and blew the piggies' house down?
00:01:11 And he was wearing a glass slipper,
00:01:14 Plus there was that other thing?
00:01:16 Well, the same thing happened to me...
00:01:18 only vastly different.
00:01:21 I changed.
00:01:22 And the next thing you know,
00:01:25 And then pictures were taken,
00:01:28 I always wanted.
00:01:31 Oh, I forgot to tell you,
00:01:34 Now I live in the Playboy Mansion.
00:01:36 And this is where I want to live
00:01:57 - Throw the ball to me, Kim.
00:02:03 - Hey, Lauren.
00:02:06 Hi, Hef! Hi, girls!
00:02:07 Hi, Shelley. Looking good.
00:02:11 - Marvin!
00:02:14 Thank you.
00:02:15 You guys have to try one of these.
00:02:19 That's 'cause they're mangoritas.
00:02:23 I added my own little Marvin twist to them.
00:02:25 Well, you're the best twister I know.
00:02:28 No, Shelley, you're the best twister.
00:02:31 - Shelley.
00:02:33 Why are you keeping the rich,
00:02:36 - You should introduce me.
00:02:38 Guys, this is Cassandra. She's
00:02:42 but everybody loves her,
00:02:44 and she never throws up
00:02:49 So, Shelley, are you a centerfold?
00:02:53 She wishes.
00:02:55 Yeah, I do.
00:02:59 Hopefully Hef'll give me the good news
00:03:02 I've got my "turn ons"
00:03:05 Being a centerfold is the highest,
00:03:10 It says,
00:03:15 "Unfold me."
00:03:17 I gotta tell you, it seems
00:03:20 H, it's paradise.
00:03:22 We are just one big family.
00:03:25 Why would I wanna live anywhere else?
00:04:15 I love this one. Don't you guys?
00:04:17 We'll put this on the Mansion tab
00:04:21 Aren't we just the luckiest girls
00:04:24 Yes, you are.
00:04:27 Your birthday party on Friday's
00:04:29 Shelley!
00:04:31 Oh, my God.
00:05:42 Good morning, Shelley.
00:05:44 Rise and shine, sweetheart.
00:05:48 Good morning, Marvin.
00:05:51 Good morning, Pooter.
00:05:56 Your blueberry French toast is ready.
00:05:59 Ooh-la-la.
00:06:00 That's French, right?
00:06:01 Yeah, but more important
00:06:03 I actually added something
00:06:06 Oh, Marvin,
00:06:09 Usually I don't find out
00:06:11 Oh, no. To add zest to the drink,
00:06:15 then, of course, some egg yolks,
00:06:19 All right, you twisted my arm,
00:06:22 Yeah. It just explodes your taste buds,
00:06:27 Oh, I love having my mouth enveloped.
00:06:30 What's that?
00:06:33 Is this from Hef?
00:06:36 Oh, Pooter, is it finally happening?
00:06:39 That's what I wished for
00:06:41 Oh, my gosh, I just told you my wish.
00:06:44 I'm so sorry. I didn't mean
00:06:47 My teeth couldn't stop it.
00:06:49 I take it all back, I take it all back.
00:06:53 Okay, I'm ready.
00:06:58 "Dear Shelley..."
00:07:01 Wait, there's more.
00:07:03 "Please move out
00:07:11 Move out?
00:07:17 "You have two hours to collect
00:07:23 "All my love, Hef."
00:07:27 Hef's kicking me out?
00:07:30 Why would he do that?
00:07:32 This is my home. This is my family.
00:07:36 I hate to say this, Shelley,
00:07:40 But I'm 27.
00:07:43 Yeah, but that's 59 in Bunny years.
00:07:47 But I just turned 27 last night.
00:07:50 It's almost like I'm still 26.
00:07:54 Or 58.
00:07:56 I've gotta talk to Hef,
00:08:00 Hef!
00:08:03 Hef!
00:08:05 Hef!
00:08:08 Where is he?
00:08:10 He left for Vegas, Shelley,
00:08:16 Why is this all happening?
00:08:20 Where's my pink Prius?
00:08:23 The Prius actually belongs to the company.
00:08:29 But...
00:08:36 Come on, Pooter.
00:08:38 We have to go find a new place to live.
00:08:40 Come on, now.
00:08:42 Come here, Pooter.
00:08:44 Here, let me help, Shelley.
00:08:47 Come on, Pooter.
00:08:50 That hurts! Go with Shelley, Pooter!
00:08:55 Damn it!
00:09:02 Why don't I just keep him here
00:09:06 Okay.
00:09:08 Well, don't worry, Pooter.
00:09:10 I'm gonna find us
00:09:12 and then maybe you'll wanna
00:09:15 I'm sure he will.
00:09:16 Well, you take care, Shelley.
00:09:30 Bye.
00:09:41 I know it's an embarrassment
00:09:44 but don't lose faith, Pooter.
00:09:45 I'm gonna get a great job soon...
00:09:47 and find us a super place to live,
00:09:51 I pinkie promise, Pooter.
00:10:03 Good evening, ma'am.
00:10:06 You violated Code 753.
00:10:10 I was just brushing my teeth.
00:10:12 You currently residing in this car,
00:10:15 I'm gonna have to issue
00:10:17 Would you maybe stop giving me tickets if I
00:10:21 because I used to be a Playboy Bunny,
00:10:23 because I'm 59 years old?
00:10:27 I'm gonna have to ask you to step out
00:10:32 Okay.
00:10:37 Noises.
00:10:38 I'm gonna need you to blow on this.
00:10:41 Really?
00:10:44 I guess.
00:10:52 You tried to do what?
00:10:54 To a cop?
00:10:58 Stupid!
00:10:59 I was just doing what he said.
00:11:01 He was in a uniform and everything.
00:11:03 Don't worry, sweetie.
00:11:06 You'll be back on the street
00:11:08 But I'm not a prostitute.
00:11:17 I like your tights.
00:11:20 And, you know, you should really
00:11:25 All that heavy makeup
00:11:28 I'm a dude.
00:11:30 Oh, well, you're good like that.
00:12:17 So, did you hear
00:12:20 It was unbelievable.
00:12:21 - Oh, last Saturday?
00:12:23 - Oh, my God. He makes the best margaritas.
00:12:26 - No. Really?
00:12:28 Yeah, mangoritas.
00:12:29 - Jordan's just so hot.
00:12:31 So are all his friends.
00:12:32 Yeah, seriously,
00:12:35 - No, you have not.
00:12:39 Two of them, I succeeded.
00:12:41 - Really?
00:12:42 Who knew?
00:12:44 I was so excited.
00:12:53 Looks like a mini-Playboy Mansion.
00:13:10 - Hi.
00:13:14 Hi.
00:13:16 Can I help you?
00:13:19 Yes. I would like to live here,
00:13:21 Oh, I know, right?
00:13:25 - Do you go to this school?
00:13:29 Where are the desks?
00:13:32 No...
00:13:36 And you do look like an older...
00:13:39 sluttier version of the type of girl
00:13:42 But, I'm sorry, you're not a student.
00:13:46 - But I really think it's...
00:13:51 And our piano is from Tuscany.
00:13:55 I believe that every detail
00:13:59 should be a reflection
00:14:01 Hi...
00:14:05 Not anymore.
00:14:07 We're the housemothers
00:14:10 That's so dope.
00:14:12 Do you live in the houses
00:14:14 Yes.
00:14:16 That's even dopier.
00:14:18 So, what do housemothers do?
00:14:20 We oversee the meal plans,
00:14:22 chaperone the social events,
00:14:25 Oh, my gosh. That's exactly
00:14:29 Can I be one, too?
00:14:30 I'm sorry. This is a sorority,
00:14:34 A brothel?
00:14:38 I'm looking to be like you.
00:14:40 I wanna be a housemother.
00:14:42 We have standards.
00:14:44 Standards that you clearly do not meet.
00:14:49 But I just want to...
00:14:50 - So nice.
00:15:00 Try Zeta. Their last housemother was
00:15:05 Awesome.
00:15:07 Awesome.
00:15:24 Hello?
00:15:32 Dean Simmons. Please, please.
00:15:36 This seems really unfair.
00:15:39 I don't want you to feel attacked by
00:15:42 To me, this feels really unfair.
00:15:44 Natalie. Look,
00:15:48 But the fact remains...
00:15:49 you guys have not met your requirements
00:15:53 And I'm under a lot of pressure
00:15:56 complaining that we're bending
00:15:58 By "other sororities",
00:16:02 I really don't think
00:16:05 Natalie, rules are rules.
00:16:13 Drama queen.
00:16:15 Oh, I'm sorry I scared you.
00:16:17 Do you think you could help me
00:16:19 What? Yeah.
00:16:22 Thanks.
00:16:23 I'm so sorry,
00:16:25 Oh. No, it's okay. It falls off, like,
00:16:29 Well, at least you still have T and A.
00:16:32 T and an A. Who are you?
00:16:38 My name is Shelley,
00:16:43 Well, it's nice to meet you, Shelley.
00:16:47 But, unfortunately, he...
00:16:51 It's a little too late.
00:16:53 We're about to lose our charter,
00:16:57 we won't really be needing
00:17:00 Well, why are they gonna
00:17:04 Because we get no pledges,
00:17:10 That's so sad. Why does everyone
00:17:14 Well, they have great parties, and...
00:17:17 boys actually like them.
00:17:21 I'm an expert at parties and boys.
00:17:24 Men write to me from prison,
00:17:27 I mean, I assume it's theirs, who knows?
00:17:29 I'm sorry, I'm nervous right now...
00:17:30 because I really wanna help you guys,
00:17:33 Wow, a Bunny?
00:17:35 Like a centerfold?
00:17:37 Oh, bless your heart, no.
00:17:42 "Girls of the Midwest," "Girls with GEDs",
00:17:47 But now I'm a homeless person.
00:17:51 God, I'm so sorry.
00:17:53 Good luck.
00:17:55 Wait, but I can really help you guys.
00:17:59 So if we don't get pledges,
00:18:01 - We need 30.
00:18:04 Technically, 7½ now.
00:18:07 Hey!
00:18:08 Oh, nothing a little fertilizer
00:18:13 Not you, Tanya.
00:18:16 Actually, 7¾ as of Tuesday
00:18:20 Guys, we're never gonna get
00:18:23 This is just their way
00:18:26 This is awful.
00:18:28 Hey, Joanne, just FYI...
00:18:30 you've got refrigerator magnets
00:18:33 Actually, we need that.
00:18:35 I knew that. I knew that.
00:18:37 - No, you didn't.
00:18:40 - Why do we need knee-highs?
00:18:44 Oh, my God.
00:18:49 Are they lost?
00:18:51 Nice.
00:18:53 The Leaning Panther. I like that.
00:18:57 So, are you a Zeta?
00:19:00 Oh, I wish.
00:19:03 Yeah, I do, too, because Zeta would be
00:19:08 Well, she is not a Zeta...
00:19:11 because she's our new
00:19:15 She'll be hizzy-tizzies...
00:19:18 She'll be here all the time.
00:19:21 You're hiring me?
00:19:23 Oh, give me some of that.
00:19:26 Oh, God bless her.
00:19:28 - Why are they acting like that?
00:19:32 Oh, that's boys just being boys.
00:19:36 Thank goodness.
00:19:43 Oh, my gosh! I am just so happy
00:19:48 You are not gonna be sorry.
00:19:50 So this is how we're gonna get pledges?
00:19:52 Hiring an archaically superficial
00:19:57 Well, guys like her.
00:19:59 And since guys don't like us,
00:20:04 So, in order to be in a sisterhood,
00:20:09 No, no. In order to keep our house,
00:20:14 So, I figured Shelley here could
00:20:17 Okay, look, don't get me wrong.
00:20:20 But I lived in a house
00:20:23 and I know that there's nothing better
00:20:28 sharing, talking all night,
00:20:33 baking penis cookies,
00:20:38 - Where'd you live?
00:20:47 No, that doesn't make her a hooker. Sorry.
00:20:55 She's shy. She's just...
00:20:58 She's so shy. That's Lilly,
00:21:02 Lilly.
00:21:05 And this here is Harmony.
00:21:08 Harmony.
00:21:12 And Carrie Mae.
00:21:14 Carrie Mae.
00:21:16 And then Joanne, over there.
00:21:18 Joanne.
00:21:21 Wow, you hired the Exorcist.
00:21:25 What is that?
00:21:26 Is that like a Yoda thing, or what?
00:21:29 It's fun, but, what...
00:21:31 Oh, no, no. It's just this thing I do
00:21:36 Natalie.
00:21:37 So, thank you guys so much
00:21:42 No, it's no problem.
00:21:46 Because you just...
00:21:48 This is just gonna be great.
00:21:50 But I have to go take a shower...
00:21:51 because I haven't had one since I slept
00:21:54 Sweet.
00:21:58 - Hi, girls.
00:22:00 Shelley! Hi. Where's your robe?
00:22:02 Oh, I just like to air dry.
00:22:04 Oh, she just likes to air dry.
00:22:07 My God, you're so vapid.
00:22:09 Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much.
00:22:10 You're like the hundredth person
00:22:13 Shell? Just a quick little side note...
00:22:18 I don't think that some
00:22:19 have even seen their own bodies naked...
00:22:21 so they probably don't really want
00:22:26 Well, I'm just walking around
00:22:34 Hey, Shelley, why don't you throw
00:22:37 We've got a lot of work to do.
00:22:40 This year, we are gonna get
00:22:43 Okay.
00:22:44 Oh, we also need to raise money
00:22:48 What's a phila-canopee?
00:22:50 Oh, no. It's a philanthropy.
00:22:54 It's like a charity.
00:22:56 Oh, I love charity.
00:22:58 Ne time, at the Mansion...
00:22:59 I even let Bob Saget grind on me
00:23:06 And here's a list of ideas
00:23:08 that might make us
00:23:11 So, please take a read.
00:23:14 "Start a beekeeping club."
00:23:17 We could have the masks, even.
00:23:21 "Paleolithic bake sale."
00:23:24 Hi! Dinosaurs!
00:23:29 "B. Y... M."
00:23:31 Bring your own man?
00:23:32 No. Bring your own mouse!
00:23:36 Which is better.
00:23:37 Because they're cute and they're little
00:23:39 And also, another thing that
00:23:43 It's the whole fun part of it,
00:23:47 You can make, like,
00:23:50 And you could do like Joan of...
00:23:52 Why do everyone's eyes glaze over
00:23:55 Whoa. No.
00:23:57 No, they weren't glazing.
00:24:01 Natalie, these are super,
00:24:04 Thank you. I worked really hard.
00:24:07 But we might wanna try
00:24:11 sexy.
00:24:13 Car wash. Come get your car washed.
00:24:18 Here we are at the Zeta House Car Wash.
00:24:21 I have a car,
00:24:25 I am so offended right now.
00:24:28 Come on, guys,
00:24:30 - Car wash.
00:24:32 You said you needed to raise money.
00:24:35 Well, washing cars is a fun and sexy way
00:24:41 So, car wash!
00:24:44 Car wash.
00:24:47 We're having a car wash.
00:24:49 Car wash.
00:24:51 No, I can't bend that way.
00:24:53 Hey, watch this, guys.
00:25:01 Hi, guys.
00:25:02 Dude, that's wild.
00:25:04 Oh, my God. Shelley, that's Colby.
00:25:07 Oh, that's so sweet.
00:25:11 No. We are not going out.
00:25:15 And he's coming this way.
00:25:17 Do sexy.
00:25:20 Wash these cars, you sexy bitches!
00:25:23 They are filthy. And so are you!
00:25:27 Did she just call us bitches?
00:25:29 Did she just call us sexy?
00:25:31 Wash! Wash! Wash!
00:25:33 Wash! Wash! Wash! Wash!
00:25:39 - Hey, girls.
00:25:42 Okay, that's the first time
00:25:45 Hi!
00:25:47 We're just washing cars and being sexy.
00:25:51 Mostly sexy.
00:25:52 So, does anybody want a wet T-shirt?
00:25:56 - Yeah.
00:26:04 Someone went accident in her sexy pants.
00:26:07 So, anyway, we're having some drinks
00:26:11 - Theta.
00:26:13 You wanna come over?
00:26:15 Yes.
00:26:17 Well, we are a little thirsty.
00:26:20 Maybe you guys are, too.
00:26:22 Why don't you have a drink right now?
00:26:26 I'll take a little sip.
00:26:32 I am so sorry.
00:26:35 Thought I'd help you wash
00:26:39 Well, cool.
00:26:40 So, what time can we drop by for drinks?
00:26:46 Now that you mention it,
00:26:48 the guest list is looking pretty full.
00:26:50 So, maybe next time, all right?
00:26:53 Hey, Super-brace!
00:26:55 Il can. Il can.
00:26:57 Not cool, man. Let's go.
00:27:02 Well, I think we're done here,
00:27:04 Thanks a lot, Mona.
00:27:07 The one chance I get to talk to Colby,
00:27:09 Yeah, because the whole
00:27:11 was really working out well for you.
00:27:13 Thank you.
00:27:14 My car's still dirty,
00:27:21 Do you want a car wash?
00:27:25 Me?
00:27:26 Oh, no. No. I have a bike.
00:27:29 Besides, I gotta get back to work.
00:27:31 Oh, yeah. I know all about work.
00:27:34 I'm at work right now, actually.
00:27:36 Oh, do you wash cars?
00:27:39 No. I'm the Zeta Sorority Housemother.
00:27:42 You seem a little young
00:27:45 Really?
00:27:47 You think I'm young?
00:27:49 Oh, thank you.
00:27:51 Thank you.
00:27:53 I'm sorry to invade your space,
00:27:58 So, what's your job?
00:28:01 Oh... Job.
00:28:03 I manage a nursing home.
00:28:08 It's so great you give nurses
00:28:12 Actually, it's a nursing home
00:28:16 An old folks'... Id people.
00:28:19 I know lots of old men.
00:28:21 Hairy and not hairy.
00:28:26 So, they live there?
00:28:29 Like an orphanage for old people?
00:28:31 Well, yeah. I mean, that's one way
00:28:35 Their parents are gone,
00:28:38 all by themselves,
00:28:40 and I think I'm gonna cry.
00:28:44 Listen, if you want, you know,
00:28:49 because we always need
00:28:52 and visit with the old people...
00:28:54 if you're interested.
00:28:57 Yeah. I'd love to.
00:29:01 My name is Shelley.
00:29:06 Oh, that's good to know. I'm Oliver.
00:29:09 - Oliver.
00:29:11 I like taking long walks with rude people.
00:29:20 That's funny.
00:29:22 - You're funny.
00:29:24 - Bye.
00:29:29 Guys.
00:29:31 Okay, this isn't my fault.
00:29:33 I know it was a disaster, but she's...
00:29:35 You guys, I just had the best idea
00:29:39 Philanthropy.
00:29:40 We are gonna volunteer
00:29:43 Who is Oliver?
00:29:45 He's this guy I just met.
00:29:48 And he's kind of cute, too.
00:29:51 Well...
00:29:52 I don't know if you guys can
00:29:56 And if she knows how to meet guys,
00:30:00 Then more girls'll wanna hang out with us.
00:30:04 Yeah. Hence!
00:30:06 Okay, here's what we need to do.
00:30:08 We need to get all dressed up,
00:30:11 and drink fruity drinks
00:30:15 - Why?
00:30:18 Yeah, y'old grumpy. To bond.
00:30:22 The music's playing.
00:30:25 You know what I'm saying?
00:30:26 You know? We could like play
00:30:33 We could tie our shoes together,
00:30:36 and we could throw them
00:30:39 Because I see that everywhere...
00:30:40 and it seems like people would
00:30:42 Like, "How hard can you throw?"
00:30:45 You know what I mean? Like how...
00:30:51 r we could go to a club.
00:31:07 Six Virgin Marys and one Kamikaze.
00:31:11 Here's to Zetas, to making you guys
00:31:17 Oh, Mona, that guy is totally
00:31:20 - Go flirt with him.
00:31:23 Think of it as research,
00:31:26 Get over there. Get on that horse!
00:31:28 Go, go. Go!
00:31:34 You like what you see, stud?
00:31:36 I'm not really sure
00:31:39 Let me guess,
00:31:41 Yeah, it is.
00:31:49 There's a big box of cutesicles.
00:31:51 Carrie Mae, go work your magic.
00:31:53 The only magic I've ever done
00:31:56 to stay in college for nine years
00:32:00 So, figure out a way into his heart.
00:32:03 Just go over there
00:32:11 Excuse me,
00:32:13 I have to drop off some timber.
00:32:18 Go away.
00:32:21 What'd I do?
00:32:23 It's okay. It's just,
00:32:26 men like their women
00:32:29 So, get back over there and try it again.
00:32:37 Excuse me.
00:32:39 You know where the crapper is?
00:32:41 I have to do a very mysterious thing
00:32:44 Drop off some timber.
00:32:48 I'm definitely not drunk enough
00:32:54 Well, this is good, though.
00:32:57 This is really good practice.
00:33:00 Hey, it's the Zetas.
00:33:02 - Hi.
00:33:03 I feel like we never see you guys out.
00:33:05 We never see them out, either.
00:33:08 I met you yesterday.
00:33:10 Now I'm their house mom.
00:33:12 Congratulations. That's awesome.
00:33:15 So, hey, you guys got here just in time.
00:33:17 We're doing a little karaoke contest.
00:33:22 Yeah, you guys can go next if you want.
00:33:24 Yeah! Come on!
00:33:26 Oh, girls! Always say "yes" to karaoke.
00:33:30 Yeah, we'll pick a great song for you.
00:33:32 Don't worry,
00:33:34 - Seriously, we were wretched.
00:33:37 - I don't know.
00:33:39 Just give me a second.
00:33:43 Awesome. Great.
00:33:45 You guys, karaoke is so fun!
00:33:48 You gotta get up there and do karaoke.
00:33:51 Go! Go! Get up there! Go! Go!
00:33:56 I think we can do it.
00:33:58 We can do anything better
00:34:00 I might puke, but let's do it!
00:34:02 That's the spirit!
00:34:05 All right! Get up there, you Bravehearts!
00:34:13 All right, that was Kappa Eta Sigma!
00:34:20 Next up, the Zetas?
00:34:24 Singing Like A Virgin.
00:35:38 That was not nice.
00:35:40 Awesome.
00:35:42 You wanna get cut, bitch?
00:35:44 Oh, classy. Very classy.
00:35:47 No, no, no, no, she's right, Courtney.
00:35:51 Especially since we're
00:35:53 - Oh, right.
00:35:56 Well, we heard that you were
00:35:58 so Phi lota Mu is gonna buy your crappy
00:36:03 Yes, we are going to have so many pledges,
00:36:07 Oh, but don't worry.
00:36:09 I mean, we'll still let you guys
00:36:12 You can sweep the chimney.
00:36:16 Does the little one understand human talk?
00:36:18 Oh, and I guess
00:36:20 you'll go back to being homeless.
00:36:22 I'm a housemother.
00:36:24 A Zeta housemother, and I don't like
00:36:27 Because they do understand human talk,
00:36:31 Oh, Shelley, come on.
00:36:33 Yeah, you should go.
00:36:34 It was so nice to see you.
00:36:36 But I really think that...
00:36:37 - So nice.
00:36:40 That was so humiliating, you guys.
00:36:42 I know it was awful.
00:36:44 And I am so mad
00:36:46 but we can't listen to those girls.
00:36:50 Why? They're right. We are losers.
00:36:53 Oh, we're not losers.
00:36:55 You just ignore that dumb old wall.
00:36:59 Well, you're not a loser, Shelley.
00:37:03 I just don't understand
00:37:07 Trust me.
00:37:08 You guys, I can make you way hotter
00:37:13 By the time I'm done, every girl
00:37:18 No, really, we are just a bunch of misfits.
00:37:22 Lilly just texted me from the closet.
00:37:26 Well, I hope she was being ironic.
00:37:29 Go, go, go, go, go!
00:37:31 - Are we doing this?
00:37:32 - All right.
00:37:34 You can do this.
00:37:36 If I thought you all were quitting...
00:37:40 Shelley, your heart is not in your head.
00:37:42 Your heart has its own cavity.
00:37:46 Do you understand how moronic you sound...
00:37:48 when you say your heart is gonna fall
00:37:51 Well, Mona...
00:37:53 I totally understand
00:37:57 but I don't mean it for real.
00:37:59 I don't think that my heart
00:38:03 What I mean is that sometimes
00:38:08 but you have to have part
00:38:13 My head and my heart tell me
00:38:18 We need 30 pledges,
00:38:24 By making you guys
00:38:33 I'll get it.
00:38:40 - Does that say "Zeta"?
00:38:44 This is war.
00:38:46 Enough is enough.
00:38:48 Let's do this. There's no way
00:39:05 Okay, ladies,
00:39:08 I want you to show skin
00:39:12 Arms, legs, belly and cleavage.
00:39:15 Is this how you skimplify?
00:39:16 Oh, okay. Well, maybe we could let
00:39:20 in their belly give it a try.
00:39:22 Okay, this is your most important
00:39:27 Just stay away from sharp corners.
00:39:29 This is going too far.
00:39:31 No. No way. No.
00:39:34 Just consider it like
00:39:37 "Conventional Archetypes of Beauty
00:39:47 Are you sure that's everything?
00:39:49 Because feeling good on the inside
00:39:59 Go ahead and keep that one.
00:40:01 There are three rules
00:40:05 Eye contact,
00:40:08 For example, let's pretend
00:40:11 I'm touching his arm,
00:40:15 and I'm wearing deodorant.
00:40:18 I know.
00:40:19 And I might say something like this.
00:40:22 "Oh, my gosh.
00:40:26 And then he would kiss me.
00:40:30 What do I do with my chew?
00:40:32 How long would the kiss usually be?
00:40:34 And, also, why would he kiss you,
00:40:41 Okay, ladies,
00:40:44 First, we must highlight your eyes.
00:40:47 The eyes are the nipples of the face.
00:41:37 Whoa.
00:41:47 Wow.
00:41:49 So this is what it feels like
00:41:52 We weren't exactly invisible before,
00:41:57 Check out Joanne.
00:41:58 I really like what you've done
00:42:00 - Thank you.
00:42:02 So what's next, Shelley?
00:42:03 I want all the fraternities to see
00:42:07 Kind of like a coming-out party.
00:42:11 Oh, we are not posing for Playboy.
00:42:13 No, in a calendar.
00:42:17 Everyone will see the new you,
00:42:18 and selling the calendars will help us
00:42:22 Hey, you guys, Lilly just texted me.
00:42:24 She says we look hot and this is fun.
00:42:33 Keep doing that, keep doing that.
00:42:37 I saw that in Austin Powers.
00:42:40 Yeah, work it. Think really sexy witch.
00:42:45 - Are you a good witch or a bad witch?
00:42:48 I think you're a bad witch.
00:42:50 I bet the house that falls on you
00:42:56 Work it. Work it.
00:42:58 You're like a supermodel,
00:43:20 Okay, Henry, very glad you finally learned
00:43:25 And I want to let you know
00:43:28 you want less Boggle and more bingo.
00:43:30 So I'm gonna work on it, okay?
00:43:32 Okay, what's going on with your heart?
00:43:35 Shelley, you're here.
00:43:39 - Move out of the way, man.
00:43:41 - Sideways.
00:43:43 - Hi.
00:43:46 We brought a donation
00:43:50 Oh, great. Thank you.
00:43:53 We're making calendars...
00:43:54 and before we could even
00:43:57 the printing-press guys bought up
00:43:59 Wow. Great, thank you very much.
00:44:01 This is,
00:44:06 Yes, and it doesn't stop there.
00:44:08 I hope you don't mind, but I brought a few
00:44:15 Henry, Henry, look away. Look away, okay?
00:44:18 Look at the wall.
00:44:22 You know, actually, your timing is perfect,
00:44:24 because I was about to try
00:44:28 Nobody signed up.
00:44:30 And I was at the top of the list
00:44:33 There ain't no way I'm dancing.
00:44:37 Oh, I love to dance.
00:44:39 Well, let's do it.
00:44:44 Okay, ladies, fan out and find a partner.
00:44:49 And maybe we should talk
00:44:54 Wow, this music is super, super-great,
00:44:57 but we might want to try
00:45:17 Great job, ladies.
00:45:33 Shelley, I just wanna thank you so much
00:45:36 It's just so kind.
00:45:37 Oh, well, kindness is just love
00:45:43 Hey, Oliver, ask the girl to dance.
00:45:47 - I'd love to.
00:45:51 Looking good, Jean.
00:45:54 So, listen, Shelley, I was wondering
00:45:59 Really? Yes. Yeah.
00:46:02 Great.
00:46:04 - Bitchsuck!
00:46:07 Oh, it's all good.
00:46:12 I'm so glad to be back.
00:46:14 Marvin, tell Shelley we're back
00:46:18 How about something spooky? No, funny.
00:46:19 No. How about Scarface?
00:46:22 No, you guys, I think it should be
00:46:24 Mr. Hefner, Shelley's actually gone.
00:46:38 Shelley moved to Africa
00:46:41 She left while we were gone...
00:46:42 because she says
00:46:47 I'm going to bed.
00:46:53 You look nervous.
00:46:55 I don't like when you look nervous.
00:46:58 But I just wanna mix drinks.
00:47:00 You know, my whole life,
00:47:02 is just blend.
00:47:04 And then you come along with your weird
00:47:07 - That's right, it's like this.
00:47:09 Oh, sweet bastard, that's good.
00:47:11 That's right, and I'm the only woman
00:47:14 You will not tell Hef
00:47:18 - Just do it again.
00:47:19 - Yeah, I got it, I got it. So I got it.
00:47:32 Hi. I'll take two calendars.
00:47:34 Wow. That's so generous.
00:47:37 Actually, it's in case one gets ruined.
00:47:41 Hot dogs, Zeta hot dogs. Who wants one?
00:47:44 You. You. You got one.
00:47:51 Sweet setup here.
00:47:54 We should totally have a mixer
00:47:57 Yeah.
00:48:02 We could have one with Battle...
00:48:04 What? Ne more time.
00:48:06 We could have a Battlestar Galactica night.
00:48:09 Definitely! What?
00:48:11 Battlestar Galactica. Okay.
00:48:13 She said that you guys should get together
00:48:18 Whoa.
00:48:20 You betcha. You betcha.
00:48:22 At Phi lota Mu we are very exclusive,
00:48:26 Many of our sisters are leaders on campus.
00:48:30 We have a rocking GPA
00:48:41 Hey, where are you guys going?
00:48:43 - Whose booth is that?
00:48:47 Don't be ridiculous.
00:48:50 And who would go to it?
00:48:51 - Do you want some ketchup?
00:48:53 I can totally hose you some right there.
00:48:55 No, I'm just...
00:49:01 - Excuse me.
00:49:04 - Did I do what?
00:49:09 Where are the Zetas?
00:49:10 We are the Zetas, 2008 edition.
00:49:13 And I'm in love!
00:49:27 Why'd you do that?
00:49:29 I needed to hurt someone.
00:49:34 This is so awesome, you guys.
00:49:37 It was, it was.
00:49:39 Harmony, Brian Stone was all over you, girl.
00:49:43 - And how about Mona?
00:49:44 I got numbers from four boys.
00:49:47 Liar.
00:49:48 - Careful what you research.
00:49:51 Well, Natalie, Colby was
00:49:57 Do you guys think you'll, you know...
00:50:01 No.
00:50:03 I do not think, you know, that.
00:50:07 "That"?
00:50:10 Natalie, are you a virgin?
00:50:14 No.
00:50:17 Am I a virgin? No.
00:50:20 You're a virgin!
00:50:21 Shelley! It's like an
00:50:24 That's it.
00:50:26 Oh, my gosh.
00:50:28 We always wanted
00:50:30 but we could never find
00:50:33 Natalie, it is gonna be
00:50:36 We are gonna have the most rockingest
00:50:55 Okay, quick trick, watch this.
00:50:57 We are gonna put little trails
00:51:00 mist it a little, and that way
00:51:07 Oh, she says
00:51:09 Thank you, Lilly.
00:51:11 That's the same as vapid, right?
00:51:13 Oh, it's better than vapid.
00:51:15 - Is that Juicy?
00:51:18 It's a shame nobody'd be able to see it,
00:51:22 Well, when can you take the brace off?
00:51:24 2004, actually.
00:51:28 Well, it's a good thing I asked.
00:51:30 No, I'm so fine, I mean, you know,
00:51:35 and, you know, if I took it off, I wouldn't
00:51:38 and my spine could be like a noodle. And...
00:51:41 I'm really good. I'm good. Thanks.
00:51:45 Come with me.
00:51:48 Joanne, when I was little,
00:51:50 for a whole month
00:51:53 - Thanks, guys.
00:51:54 And then one day
00:51:57 snuck up behind me
00:51:59 - Do you know what I realized?
00:52:02 No, that I was wearing it upside down.
00:52:05 I'm not really sure
00:52:08 I'm not either. But the point is,
00:52:12 You don't need to hide anymore.
00:52:14 So, okay, here he comes.
00:52:17 He runs past here every day,
00:52:19 I can tell that you like him
00:52:22 Today's the day.
00:52:25 Go. Go.
00:52:31 Run, Joanne, run!
00:53:00 Hi, Steve.
00:53:01 Oh, hey, Joanne. How are you?
00:53:05 Sure, I mean, I do now.
00:53:07 Where's your brace?
00:53:09 - It's gone.
00:53:16 Well.
00:53:18 You're pretty pleased with yourself,
00:53:21 Oh, you scared me.
00:53:25 I guess I am a little proud.
00:53:28 Well,
00:53:30 Because there's no way that I'm going
00:53:34 stand in the way of the Phi lota Mu.
00:53:37 Don't mess with me.
00:53:39 Don't mess with Phi lota Mu.
00:53:46 Man! Someone needs a mani-pedi
00:53:51 - Shelley!
00:53:52 Steve said he's gonna come
00:53:55 Steve, he's gonna come.
00:53:56 Yay! This is gonna be so much fun!
00:54:16 - Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
00:54:20 - Yes!
00:54:22 Oh, Joanne.
00:54:25 I can bend! You guys, I did it,
00:54:31 "Do you find yourself more attracted
00:54:34 "or like this?"
00:54:37 - The second one.
00:54:39 So, "Because you like my boobs...
00:54:42 "would you stand there
00:54:46 "for five minutes,
00:54:49 Yes. Yes, I would.
00:54:55 Guys! Anybody want some chips?
00:54:58 Yeah, have chips while you party.
00:55:00 Badass party. Badass.
00:55:03 So, Miss December,
00:55:08 No, actually, just my fake water...
00:55:11 Natalie, there you are.
00:55:12 Oh, Bobby and Zach from Kappa are just
00:55:16 I'm sorry, Colby,
00:55:21 - Excuse us.
00:55:23 Wait a second.
00:55:25 - Are we leaving?
00:55:27 Why?
00:55:28 I have, like,
00:55:30 So I don't really...
00:55:31 I know. Then we need to let him see
00:55:34 Always remember,
00:55:37 Right.
00:55:41 Are you Lilly?
00:55:44 That's a cute costume, Lil.
00:55:46 I was gonna ask you this,
00:55:49 I mean, this is an Aztec party...
00:55:51 you know, so those statues don't really fit,
00:55:54 which is like 2000 miles away,
00:55:57 Wait, Natalie. You're too smart.
00:56:01 Right.
00:56:03 Right.
00:56:07 Shelley, you really know all the tricks.
00:56:10 How do you do it, you know?
00:56:11 I mean, with Colby here
00:56:14 it's like we might both
00:56:18 Yeah.
00:56:25 It's supposed to be a mixer.
00:56:29 They're over there, aren't they?
00:56:32 Well, they're definitely not here.
00:56:35 I know that, dipswitch. I can see that.
00:56:41 And now,
00:56:47 It's time for this virgin to get
00:56:53 - Sacrifice! Sacrifice!
00:56:58 This is Aztec Night, the first of many
00:57:03 And for those of you girls
00:57:06 remember to make Zeta
00:57:12 The time is now.
00:57:46 Yeah.
00:57:49 I've never seen anybody
00:57:53 That was so hot.
00:57:55 I mean, I don't know anything
00:57:58 But, I mean, I do know that I had fun.
00:58:01 Yeah. I don't know anything
00:58:13 What have the Zetas become?
00:58:15 Oh, my God.
00:58:17 Popular.
00:58:39 Remember, be sexy.
00:58:40 - He's gonna love your shoes.
00:58:43 Okay, okay, he's here. Okay.
00:58:51 - Hello.
00:58:53 Wow, you look great.
00:58:55 - Thank you.
00:59:02 Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
00:59:05 - Would you mind if we walked?
00:59:11 And that's not the only thing I like.
00:59:14 No? You have a wide range of interests?
00:59:17 Oh, yes. A big range.
00:59:23 Oh, wait here for a second.
00:59:26 I think I dropped some money
00:59:29 I just don't know
00:59:32 Maybe it's over here by this manhole.
00:59:37 That's fucking hot!
00:59:41 I just went over there
00:59:46 which I had dropped the other day.
00:59:48 I think it was a dollar coin,
00:59:53 But anyway, wow.
00:59:56 Who knew steam can be hot?
00:59:59 Yeah, that's...
01:00:01 I wonder what they did
01:00:03 They probably added soothing botanicals
01:00:08 I like that word.
01:00:10 "Manhole."
01:00:13 All right. What can I get you guys?
01:00:17 Instead of the mahi-mahi,
01:00:22 because I'm not that hungry?
01:00:25 I'll ask.
01:00:28 The chicken piccata for me.
01:00:32 - Thank you.
01:00:34 "Piccata."
01:00:38 Piccata.
01:00:39 Yeah, it just rolls off the tongue,
01:00:41 Sounds like "Hotta."
01:00:43 Yeah.
01:00:45 Or "the Spanish Armada."
01:00:49 - I like to rhyme.
01:00:53 ...and Stair-Master
01:00:57 I'd show you,
01:01:03 I mean, it's just a silly old butt
01:01:09 Yep.
01:01:10 Wow, this was really good food.
01:01:16 I mean, I think my butt would still
01:01:21 Yep. My ass.
01:01:24 Oh, well, this has been fun...
01:01:26 but we should probably wrap it up,
01:01:31 Are you serious?
01:01:32 Well, what's a girl in demand
01:01:38 Okay.
01:01:39 Yeah, well, dinner's on me.
01:01:42 I'm gonna get going. I wouldn't want you
01:01:48 Wait!
01:01:50 Your biceps are huge! Kiss me.
01:01:58 Oh, my God.
01:02:04 Yeah, right.
01:02:06 Shelley's back.
01:02:07 - How'd it go?
01:02:11 Not good.
01:02:12 - What?
01:02:14 I don't think he likes me.
01:02:16 He didn't fall for any of my tricks.
01:02:20 That's impossible,
01:02:23 I did sexy,
01:02:27 You know, I worked every angle in the book.
01:02:30 But I don't know, he just stared.
01:02:33 What if Oliver is one of those guys...
01:02:36 who wants to have, like, a conversation
01:02:39 He's gay?
01:02:41 No, he's not gay.
01:02:44 Oh, I don't know.
01:02:50 I'm just saying, you know,
01:02:54 What if Oliver doesn't mind
01:02:58 - I know.
01:03:00 So I have to learn things
01:03:05 About topics?
01:03:09 - Can I even do that?
01:03:11 You can do anything
01:04:31 But you can't even tell
01:04:34 Well, don't you think I should show him
01:04:37 Give him a little philanthropy?
01:04:39 Shelley, good job.
01:04:42 You know what? You're still too sexy.
01:04:45 Nat, what if she wears your glasses?
01:04:47 Good idea. Okay, here.
01:04:50 Try these.
01:04:54 Oh, my God. Natalie, you should really
01:04:57 That's actually
01:05:00 So have you called Oliver yet?
01:05:02 Yes. He didn't seem too excited
01:05:05 but he said yes, so here goes.
01:05:08 All right. Now remember,
01:05:12 - Don't use the word "elucidate."
01:05:14 - You know what I'm talking about?
01:05:16 Talk about politics and religion.
01:05:19 - Don't stare at him too much.
01:05:21 - Bye, Shell.
01:05:23 - Don't forget to call, Shelley.
01:05:27 A nuclear nonproliferation treaty
01:05:32 Well, that's my thought.
01:05:34 - Are you okay? With your...
01:05:37 These glasses don't make me dizzy
01:05:40 Elucidate on that.
01:05:44 Well, you seem to know a lot
01:05:48 It sounds like you really read the paper.
01:05:50 Oh, all the time.
01:05:54 So, have you given any thought
01:05:58 I'm not sure yet.
01:06:01 I definitely won't listen
01:06:05 He is just so mean.
01:06:07 I usually always agree
01:06:12 Oh, you meant
01:06:17 The United States of America.
01:06:20 U.S.A. for short.
01:06:22 Fifty states, if you include Hawaii.
01:06:27 - Excuse me.
01:06:29 Can I get you anything else?
01:06:31 No, I think we're good, thanks.
01:06:33 Hey, I know where I know you from.
01:06:36 You were in Playboy.
01:06:41 Oh, heck, no!
01:06:43 No!
01:06:44 Those girls are all boobs and no brains.
01:06:47 I'm too busy in a library,
01:06:52 How...
01:06:53 Sorry. My mistake, then. Sorry.
01:06:55 No.
01:06:57 Playboy. God. Can you believe it?
01:07:01 I'm still hungry,
01:07:05 Oh, my gosh,
01:07:09 - Sorry, let me take care of that.
01:07:13 Are those index cards?
01:07:14 No. Index... They're napkins.
01:07:17 They're not index cards
01:07:21 Let me get some more napkins.
01:07:24 That's okay, really. I think...
01:07:32 Sweet balls!
01:07:36 I can't believe that happened.
01:07:38 I'm sorry about all the gravity.
01:07:41 Are you all right?
01:07:50 I'm sorry, Oliver.
01:07:54 I'm sorry.
01:07:56 I need to go.
01:08:15 Come on, Puffin,
01:08:18 Let's watch a movie,
01:08:21 I don't get it.
01:08:23 Why would Shelley just leave?
01:08:25 It's for the best.
01:08:28 I used to hear her crying
01:08:32 I think I'd like to be alone
01:08:39 I could stay with you.
01:08:42 No, just bring me more ice cream.
01:08:45 Egg! Paprika!
01:08:48 Nutmeg! Who cares? Who cares?
01:08:52 What have I done to poor Shelley?
01:08:57 You're not gonna tell him, are you?
01:08:59 No. You can't.
01:09:01 I'm gonna be the next Miss November,
01:09:05 You found my weakness,
01:09:09 but that's never gonna happen again.
01:09:13 "Oh, Mr. Hefner..."
01:09:16 Guys, remember, we only need 30, okay?
01:09:20 First up,
01:09:22 Kristen Withers.
01:09:24 Pre-med, family in Greenwich.
01:09:25 - Yeah, so cute.
01:09:27 Cute, cute. Totally.
01:09:29 - No doubt.
01:09:30 - In.
01:09:32 We just made our first pledge acceptance.
01:09:38 Okay, cool. All right. Next up, Jill Palmer.
01:09:41 Colorado, theater major...
01:09:45 - Yes.
01:09:54 Why am I such a yummy dummy?
01:09:57 Next one.
01:10:00 Nancy Nagle. English major from Florida.
01:10:05 But she does drive a Porsche.
01:10:06 I just don't know about this one.
01:10:09 I just don't feel like
01:10:18 I'm just saying, she should have spent
01:10:21 She said she broke it in a skiing accident
01:10:24 "Okay, I'm sure the nose surgeon would
01:10:28 Booya! Snap!
01:10:35 Hello?
01:10:36 Hey, Shelley, it's me.
01:10:38 - Hef?
01:10:40 Hef? Oh, is this you? Oh, my gosh.
01:10:43 How are you?
01:10:46 How is everybody at the Mansion?
01:10:49 Good news. I'm gonna make you
01:10:53 You're making me Miss November?
01:10:55 - That's right.
01:10:57 Are you totally serious,
01:11:00 If this is Hef, blink once.
01:11:03 Did you blink?
01:11:05 I'm so glad you haven't changed,
01:11:08 And I want you to move
01:11:11 It's just not the same
01:11:14 Hef, I just can't believe it.
01:11:17 Believe it, baby.
01:11:18 Okay, here's what happens.
01:11:20 We shoot the pictorial, we'll have you do
01:11:23 And then from there
01:11:26 ending with a one-week stay in Monaco.
01:11:27 We're gonna coordinate
01:11:29 with a Playboy Channel documentary
01:11:32 The exposure's going to be wonderful,
01:11:35 We're going to pull out all the stops
01:11:38 It's going to be huge.
01:11:39 Hef?
01:11:41 Yeah, baby?
01:11:44 Hef, I'm so sorry.
01:11:46 I'm so happy that you called me.
01:11:50 And I love you,
01:11:52 I can't leave my Zeta girls.
01:11:54 What?
01:11:56 I'm not going anywhere.
01:12:00 I'm home.
01:12:05 Katootoo Jihiman.
01:12:08 Sociology major from India. Everyone?
01:12:11 I remember this one.
01:12:14 I actually got that, too.
01:12:15 Not like an "I live in the wall
01:12:18 but just like a little off.
01:12:20 - Boo to Katootoo.
01:12:23 Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
01:12:26 Lilly?
01:12:27 Look at you people!
01:12:29 Honestly,
01:12:32 Judging other girls on their appearance?
01:12:36 I'm sure glad I joined when I did,
01:12:38 I don't think
01:12:41 And neither would a lot of you.
01:12:43 I can't believe that Zeta's become
01:12:47 A bunch of snooty bitches!
01:12:51 Lilly, you talked.
01:12:53 And you're British?
01:13:09 Hi, everybody. I'm home.
01:13:12 This is all your fault.
01:13:14 Yeah. You know what, Mona?
01:13:16 It all started with this fake hair
01:13:20 You know what?
01:13:22 You've turned us all into stupid bimbos.
01:13:24 - We were fine the way we were.
01:13:26 - I'm getting Cs in all my classes.
01:13:28 This isn't who I am.
01:13:30 I can't believe
01:13:31 Guys, stop. Come on, stop, stop.
01:13:33 Guys.
01:13:38 I understand, and I'm sorry.
01:13:42 So I...
01:13:44 Thank you guys for everything.
01:13:46 I'm gonna go, and I really hope
01:13:52 Shelley.
01:14:04 Hi, Hef, it's Shelley.
01:14:06 I was just kidding, silly.
01:14:08 I can't wait to be back
01:14:12 This is the happiest day of my life.
01:14:16 Dear Oliver...
01:14:17 I'm so sorry I couldn't tell you
01:14:20 It was way too embarrassing
01:14:24 I am leaving the Zeta house
01:14:28 And I know that what I've decided to do
01:14:33 but I have joined the Peace Corps...
01:14:35 and I'm going off to work in the mountains
01:14:40 I'm going to meet lots
01:14:43 I'm sure it'll be very hot
01:14:45 And even though it's going to be super-hot,
01:14:47 I will be bundled up in clothes,
01:14:50 I only tell you that because
01:14:53 about me getting sunburned.
01:14:57 Hef told me what you did, and I don't think
01:15:01 You are so vapid.
01:15:04 Actually, I'm ingenious and philanthropic,
01:15:10 - Nice, Shelley. That was awesome.
01:15:13 I hope everybody at the old folks' home
01:15:16 And as for the Zeta girls,
01:15:19 Oliver, I hope you think of me
01:15:23 I hope they are good thoughts.
01:15:25 Pooter!
01:15:26 Love, Shelley.
01:15:29 There you are.
01:15:33 So we'll be half Shelley
01:15:38 Can we be 60% Shelley?
01:15:40 I mean, say what you want about her,
01:15:43 - What?
01:15:46 She still does. I mean, she just wants
01:15:50 Well, whatever we're gonna be,
01:15:52 We still need 30 pledges by October 15th,
01:15:57 Who wants to be a part of something real?
01:16:00 Hi. Zeta. Tell 29 of your friends.
01:16:02 Listen up, ladies! Zeta was founded
01:16:07 friendship and philanthropy.
01:16:09 Here you go.
01:16:10 Yeah, and since then, we've added some
01:16:13 Yeah, but instead of judging
01:16:15 we'll put all the pledges we get
01:16:18 Natalie? What'd you do to your hair?
01:16:21 - I could change it back.
01:16:23 Everyone gets haircuts.
01:16:25 People have lots of different styles
01:16:28 In China, they usually tend
01:16:32 This isn't China, though. So, I just...
01:16:35 Oh, no, no. Why, why, why? You look great.
01:16:39 - I do?
01:16:41 Well, I mean, you looked great before,
01:16:43 But, I mean, this feels more you.
01:16:46 I mean, besides, it's not like
01:16:49 just because of your hairstyle. So...
01:16:52 Your girlfriend?
01:16:54 Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...
01:16:57 It's kind of presumptuous.
01:16:58 It's like, "Hey, you wanna be
01:17:02 No, no. I mean,
01:17:04 You got guys falling from trees for you,
01:17:07 Here I am, just a goofy dude.
01:17:11 "Goofy dude"?
01:17:15 Colby, I want to be your girlfriend more
01:17:21 - That much?
01:17:28 Yeah?
01:17:37 What? What?
01:17:38 Did I mess that up?
01:17:42 No, I was just thanking Shelley.
01:17:46 Oh. Thank you, Shelley.
01:17:56 Okay, guys. Close your eyes.
01:18:04 This is it. We're gonna keep the Zeta house.
01:18:07 - Oh, my gosh.
01:18:11 Lilly, go mail the bids.
01:18:20 Hi.
01:18:22 Are you new on campus?
01:18:23 I don't think we've ever met.
01:18:25 I'm Cole. Cole Trickle.
01:18:30 Yes. Yes, I just transferred.
01:18:34 My name is Lilly.
01:18:37 - Hi.
01:18:39 That girl over there just
01:18:42 and she's really into that guy.
01:18:44 - And I don't want to interrupt her.
01:18:46 - Can you mail these out for her?
01:18:49 Thank you.
01:18:50 You should totally
01:18:54 Okay.
01:18:55 Just give it to me.
01:18:59 Where are my envelopes?
01:19:00 Oh, you dropped them, but I got it,
01:19:04 Oh, thank you so much.
01:19:06 - Okay, my number's 7-6...
01:19:11 Oh, but my name is Lilly, actually.
01:19:14 Yeah, whatever.
01:19:16 Bye.
01:19:20 Now can I see your pizzanties?
01:19:22 No.
01:19:34 I don't get it.
01:19:36 Why didn't anyone show up?
01:19:39 You guys, come here and look at this.
01:19:47 I'm Ashley. Come on in.
01:19:54 You did send out the invitations,
01:19:57 Yes.
01:19:59 But there was this boy there.
01:20:01 And I never talked to a boy before.
01:20:03 And he distracted me. Just for a minute.
01:20:06 And then I saw him talking to Ashley.
01:20:08 And they knew each other. I could tell
01:20:11 And...
01:20:14 I'm sorry.
01:20:28 People, all right.
01:20:30 We're done. We're shooting Miss November,
01:20:33 Give me the fog. Wind, let's go.
01:20:36 Let's shoot this. Miss November.
01:20:40 All right, here we go. It's Shelley time.
01:20:43 Oh, yeah. Sexy.
01:20:46 You're gorgeous, Shelley. So hot!
01:20:47 Come on, work it, Shelley!
01:20:50 Shelley?
01:20:51 Stop. Stop the fog, Dave.
01:20:54 What's wrong, babe?
01:20:57 I don't think I'm your Miss November.
01:20:59 What?
01:21:01 I'm sorry.
01:21:05 Shelley, wait. Shelley.
01:21:08 Is she serious?
01:21:10 Shelley! Shell-monkey!
01:21:12 Should we take a shower
01:21:22 Natalie?
01:21:23 Oh, my gosh. How did you find me?
01:21:26 Oh, just... A little bird told me.
01:21:30 What bird?
01:21:31 Marvin called us. I thought...
01:21:34 We didn't think you liked us anymore.
01:21:36 Oh, my gosh, no. I've missed you so much.
01:21:39 Oh, hi, girls. Oh, my gosh.
01:21:41 You guys look beautiful!
01:21:43 Oh, I've missed you guys so much.
01:21:46 You're the best housemother
01:21:48 I'm really sorry
01:21:50 I know. We really miss you, Shelley.
01:21:52 - Yeah.
01:21:53 So, how'd the rest of rush go?
01:21:57 Zeta had a ton of people interested,
01:22:00 But nobody showed up
01:22:03 No. So the house is gone?
01:22:06 They'll make it official today
01:22:07 at the Panhellenic Council meeting
01:22:10 So there's still a chance.
01:22:12 Shelley, it's too late.
01:22:13 I mean, I don't think there's anything
01:22:16 Natalie! Together we can do anything!
01:22:20 Today's meeting is tinged with sadness.
01:22:23 Unfortunately, not all of us will be
01:22:29 Yes, that's true. So with that said,
01:22:36 Stop!
01:22:37 Oh, dear.
01:22:39 We're here to save our house.
01:22:41 I don't know how this
01:22:44 Enough with the freak show.
01:22:46 What I was saying, before I was
01:22:50 Hold on! Wait.
01:22:55 I have something to say.
01:23:05 Shelley, say something.
01:23:07 I'm allergic to erythromycin.
01:23:09 Oh, for God's sake, Dean Simmons.
01:23:13 Shelley? The council has come here today
01:23:18 No! No! This is germane to our predicament.
01:23:22 Oh, well, as long as it's germane.
01:23:27 Just give her a minute.
01:23:30 I'm allergic to erythromycin.
01:23:35 I took it once when I had a cold.
01:23:40 I mean, everything itched.
01:23:44 And other stuff, too, but I can't say,
01:23:47 and you can't say "ass cheeks," right?
01:23:50 You just did.
01:23:52 But I said it kind of quietly, I think.
01:23:57 But besides the itching,
01:24:03 It gave me, like, this glowing tan.
01:24:06 And I suddenly felt like another person.
01:24:09 Different.
01:24:11 Better.
01:24:13 Prettier, I guess.
01:24:16 - What's your name?
01:24:19 Michelle.
01:24:20 Michelle, do you know that feeling
01:24:23 Where you suddenly feel pretty...
01:24:24 and, next thing you know,
01:24:27 Well, that was what was happening to me.
01:24:30 My allergic reaction made me feel pretty...
01:24:33 and so I ignored all the bad side effects,
01:24:38 and they were noticing me.
01:24:40 And even though I was itching like crazy...
01:24:43 it was worth it to feel accepted.
01:24:47 And so I couldn't wait to get a cold
01:24:53 But underneath that beautiful, glowing skin,
01:25:00 Well, that's a meteor.
01:25:03 The word is "Metaphor."
01:25:06 Can you really be that dumb?
01:25:09 She's not dumb.
01:25:12 Thank you, Natalie.
01:25:16 And, Mrs. Hagstrom, I meant "Meteor."
01:25:20 It flashes by and burns bright,
01:25:25 And that was what was happening to me.
01:25:28 The real me just disappeared.
01:25:32 Is anyone buying this?
01:25:35 I am not an expert speech-giver.
01:25:38 But I do know that one day,
01:25:42 if everything you have is based on looks,
01:25:46 You need your friends
01:25:49 to love you for who you are,
01:25:53 At the Zeta house, our new motto is,
01:25:57 Because we're a family.
01:25:59 We're a family
01:26:04 So we need you to stand forward
01:26:10 We need 30 people right now
01:26:15 Hey, honey!
01:26:19 Me too! Me too!
01:26:21 Me too!
01:26:23 - I'll be a Zeta!
01:26:25 - Me, too.
01:26:26 - Six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven!
01:26:30 - I'll pledge!
01:26:33 - I'll do it!
01:26:34 - Get your hand down.
01:26:37 Seventeen, 18, 19, 20.
01:26:40 - Twenty-two. Twenty-three. Come on!
01:26:43 - Twenty-four, 25.
01:26:45 Twenty-six, on top.
01:26:47 New pledger, right there.
01:26:49 Twenty-eight, 29!
01:26:51 Need more. Just need one more.
01:26:53 Need more. Need more. Get your hand up.
01:26:57 Come on!
01:26:58 Come on! Come on, one more!
01:27:02 Need more, one more. Come on!
01:27:04 Pound the gavel!
01:27:06 There's nobody else! It's over.
01:27:09 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha on you, Zetas.
01:27:13 Wait!
01:27:16 There's one more new Zeta!
01:27:27 No. Sorry.
01:27:29 Can't be a baby pledging a sorority.
01:27:33 That's right!
01:27:34 Rules are rules. Oh, well. Bye-bye.
01:27:37 Time to pound that gavel.
01:27:40 Dunzo. Pound that gavel, Dean.
01:27:42 I'm really very sorry, girls.
01:27:46 It hurts me to do this, but I...
01:27:49 Stop! I would like to pledge Zeta.
01:27:52 What?
01:27:53 I like everything that Shelley said.
01:27:56 Are you out of your mind?
01:27:59 And, God, do you know
01:28:04 F... Phi Betha Mu?
01:28:06 I've been in Phi Betha Mu hell!
01:28:08 I want to be a Zeta.
01:28:14 No!
01:28:21 Okay, so Zetas keep their house.
01:28:24 Meeting adjourned.
01:28:26 Now, go study something.
01:28:33 What are we supposed to do now?
01:28:35 Let's start with this.
01:28:45 Oh, I love my weird home.
01:28:48 Things that I like!
01:28:49 Ottoman! Oh, I love you, Ottoman.
01:28:53 - This house is so nice!
01:28:55 I mean, so cool.
01:28:57 - Hey, do you want me to show you upstairs?
01:29:00 This is so great.
01:29:02 Everything worked out so perfectly.
01:29:06 Well, not perfectly.
01:29:08 I mean, I messed up things with Oliver
01:29:14 Well, Shelley,
01:29:16 I know that, but he doesn't.
01:29:21 Oliver.
01:29:24 I was literally just talking about you.
01:29:30 Let's just say a little bird told me.
01:29:34 I gotta meet this frickin' bird!
01:29:37 It's me, Shell.
01:29:40 I'm the bird. I called Oliver.
01:29:45 Thank you.
01:29:47 It's so great to have such nice friends.
01:29:52 And, Oliver, I have to admit,
01:29:56 - I know.
01:29:58 You're welcome.
01:30:01 And I was in Playboy.
01:30:03 I know that, too. And I don't care.
01:30:07 I would like to try this again.
01:30:10 Except this time,
01:30:15 You know, just see where this goes.
01:30:19 Yes.
01:30:21 - I'd like that.
01:30:26 Oliver.
01:30:28 Oliver.
01:30:30 - I'm Shelley.
01:30:34 Dear Hef, everything worked out!
01:30:37 We got 30 new Zeta sisters,
01:30:42 And Oliver and I started dating again.
01:30:45 Oliver is kind
01:30:48 I see stars and he sees fireworks.
01:30:50 And he says that means
01:30:53 Because otherwise, when we kiss
01:30:54 we'd see stuff like pencils
01:30:57 Oh, and the Zetas decided to throw
01:31:01 and I felt just like that girl
01:31:03 You know the one. What's her name?
01:31:05 Oh, yeah. Cinderella.
01:31:19 Where my Zetas at? Where my Zetas at?
01:31:21 Where my, where my...