|
How to Make Love to a Woman
|
| 00:00:11 |
Snoring |
| 00:00:13 |
Dog barks |
| 00:00:29 |
CLIVE: Well, it sounds |
| 00:00:31 |
in the right direction, man. |
| 00:00:32 |
What about this new girl |
| 00:00:35 |
I'm teIIin' you, this girI Nomi |
| 00:00:38 |
She Iooks great, she sounds great. |
| 00:00:39 |
I got interest from media outIets, |
| 00:00:42 |
I might have another |
| 00:00:44 |
-[ Knocking ] |
| 00:00:46 |
-[ Dog barking ] |
| 00:00:47 |
Hey, boss. I got so many demos |
| 00:00:50 |
If it's aII the same to you, couId we |
| 00:00:52 |
-Of course. l'll see you in the A.M. |
| 00:00:54 |
-Hi there. |
| 00:00:56 |
-Oh, you Iook great. |
| 00:00:58 |
Sorry I'm workin' Iate. |
| 00:01:00 |
He says he's sick. |
| 00:01:02 |
WeII, I'II be your intern. |
| 00:01:04 |
-Wow. |
| 00:01:05 |
I can start you off |
| 00:01:07 |
Maybe some MongoIian beef. |
| 00:01:09 |
You got yourseIf a deaI. |
| 00:01:11 |
Are you sure you're ready for this? |
| 00:01:12 |
This is reaIIy |
| 00:01:20 |
Nah. |
| 00:01:22 |
DEMO #2: |
| 00:01:25 |
DEMO #3: |
| 00:01:27 |
l'm going to kill your-- |
| 00:01:29 |
Oh, I'm sorry you had to hear that. |
| 00:01:31 |
Oh, seems like a day ago |
| 00:01:34 |
Not quite like the last |
| 00:01:37 |
And now l see him |
| 00:01:40 |
Blasting down the street tonight |
| 00:01:43 |
One more reason |
| 00:01:46 |
lt's a cold from the season |
| 00:01:49 |
And l know that she'll be |
| 00:01:56 |
She takes all my pains away |
| 00:01:58 |
She takes all my pains away |
| 00:01:59 |
Relieves all my cravings |
| 00:02:02 |
She loves when l feel awake |
| 00:02:04 |
She loves when l feel awake |
| 00:02:05 |
She loves when l peel off |
| 00:02:10 |
Now it's seeming |
| 00:02:14 |
Right around the street |
| 00:02:16 |
And all of a sudden |
| 00:02:20 |
She offers me a ride around |
| 00:02:24 |
One more reason |
| 00:02:27 |
lt's a cold from the season |
| 00:02:30 |
And l know that she'll be |
| 00:02:37 |
She takes all my pains away |
| 00:02:39 |
She takes all my pains away |
| 00:02:40 |
Relieves all my cravings |
| 00:02:43 |
She loves when l feel awake |
| 00:02:45 |
She loves when l feel awake |
| 00:02:46 |
She loves when l peel off |
| 00:02:49 |
She takes all my pains away |
| 00:02:51 |
She takes all my pains away |
| 00:02:52 |
Relieves all my cravings |
| 00:02:55 |
She loves when l feel awake |
| 00:02:57 |
She loves when l feel awake |
| 00:02:58 |
She loves when l peel off |
| 00:03:04 |
You think it's all |
| 00:03:07 |
You think it's all about you |
| 00:03:13 |
About you |
| 00:03:17 |
You think it's all |
| 00:03:20 |
You think it's all about you |
| 00:03:27 |
You think it's all |
| 00:03:33 |
You think it's all about you |
| 00:03:38 |
Ooh, it's just Iike Christmas. |
| 00:03:41 |
She takes all my pains away |
| 00:03:42 |
[ Screams ] |
| 00:03:44 |
Yeah! |
| 00:03:45 |
Relieves all my cravings |
| 00:03:48 |
She loves when l feel awake |
| 00:03:50 |
She loves when l peel off |
| 00:03:53 |
She takes all my pains away |
| 00:03:56 |
Relieves all my cravings |
| 00:03:59 |
She loves when l feel awake |
| 00:04:02 |
She loves when l peel off |
| 00:04:05 |
She takes all my pains away |
| 00:04:08 |
Relieves all my cravings |
| 00:04:11 |
She loves when l feel awake |
| 00:04:14 |
She loves when l peel off |
| 00:04:17 |
She takes all my pains away |
| 00:04:20 |
Relieves all my cravings |
| 00:04:23 |
CLEANING WOMAN: |
| 00:04:25 |
And don't Ieave me any surprises. |
| 00:04:29 |
Good night, Estaire. |
| 00:04:30 |
[ Laughs ] |
| 00:04:38 |
[ TeIephone rings ] |
| 00:04:43 |
-Hi, is Andy in? |
| 00:04:46 |
Well, l was wondering if-- |
| 00:04:54 |
It's not that bad. |
| 00:04:56 |
''Nomi sings with the emotionaI depth |
| 00:04:59 |
See? |
| 00:05:00 |
It's not that bad. |
| 00:05:01 |
Just wait tiII the message boards |
| 00:05:04 |
-ProbabIy wanna kiII yourseIf. |
| 00:05:06 |
Layne caIIed, |
| 00:05:10 |
-You're doing great work here. |
| 00:05:13 |
My stomach is aII messed up now. |
| 00:05:17 |
Nomi, a 1 2-year-oId? |
| 00:05:20 |
You are so taIented. |
| 00:05:22 |
That's one person's opinion. |
| 00:05:23 |
WouId I have fought for you so hard |
| 00:05:26 |
You had to fight for me? |
| 00:05:29 |
No, not at first. |
| 00:05:32 |
But once you've soId him, it's over. |
| 00:05:35 |
And then he's gonna put you |
| 00:05:37 |
He's going to dump my aIbum, |
| 00:05:40 |
He's gonna Iove you, Nomi. |
| 00:05:42 |
You're pIaying this weekend, |
| 00:05:45 |
He'II Iove it. |
| 00:05:46 |
-Andy. |
| 00:05:49 |
You can do it, and you wiII do it. |
| 00:05:58 |
Surprise! |
| 00:05:59 |
Lauren. What's aII this? |
| 00:06:02 |
Did you Iight candIes? |
| 00:06:04 |
Drinking wine? |
| 00:06:05 |
HeIIo, what does it Iook Iike |
| 00:06:07 |
I made your favorite dinner. |
| 00:06:08 |
Oh, my goodness. |
| 00:06:10 |
WeII, of course you did. |
| 00:06:12 |
You Iook super sexy. |
| 00:06:14 |
Thank you very much. |
| 00:06:16 |
Wow. |
| 00:06:17 |
Wow. |
| 00:06:23 |
And you have no idea |
| 00:06:26 |
Uh. . . . |
| 00:06:27 |
Wait. |
| 00:06:30 |
I know it's not your birthday |
| 00:06:35 |
My birthday's in June. |
| 00:06:38 |
'Cause we went to Big Bear. |
| 00:06:40 |
We went to CataIina. |
| 00:06:42 |
Right. |
| 00:06:45 |
Is it my birthday? |
| 00:06:49 |
It's our anniversary, genius. |
| 00:06:51 |
It is? |
| 00:06:52 |
Yeah, it's been a year. |
| 00:06:54 |
WeII, no wonder you made dinner. |
| 00:06:56 |
We have to ceIebrate |
| 00:06:59 |
Mm-hmm. |
| 00:07:00 |
Lauren, I'm sorry. |
| 00:07:03 |
I've been crazy busy at work. |
| 00:07:09 |
Oh, grumpy. |
| 00:07:13 |
GrumpziIIa. |
| 00:07:15 |
Sourasaurus. |
| 00:07:17 |
I'm so sorry, sweetheart. |
| 00:07:20 |
Oh, you got bugs in your hair. |
| 00:07:23 |
[ Laughs ] |
| 00:07:24 |
When's the Iast time |
| 00:07:25 |
I just had one. |
| 00:07:26 |
I don't know about that. |
| 00:07:29 |
Hey. |
| 00:07:31 |
You know you're the most |
| 00:07:36 |
I reaIIy am sorry. |
| 00:07:40 |
Okay. |
| 00:07:42 |
Happy anniversary. |
| 00:07:44 |
Happy anniversary. |
| 00:07:46 |
Um, Ioser, the Ieast you can do |
| 00:07:53 |
You reaIize I'm gonna punch you |
| 00:07:55 |
if you knock one more thing over. |
| 00:08:01 |
Oh, you reaIIy think you can do this? |
| 00:08:04 |
Oh, you took too Iong there. |
| 00:08:05 |
[ Lauren screams, Iaughs ] |
| 00:08:07 |
No. What, you think |
| 00:08:10 |
Come on. |
| 00:08:12 |
No! Oh, put me down! |
| 00:08:14 |
[ Breathing heaviIy ] |
| 00:08:17 |
[ Both moaning ] |
| 00:08:18 |
LAUREN: I Iove you. |
| 00:08:20 |
AND Y: Oh, thanks. |
| 00:08:22 |
[ Andy moans ] |
| 00:08:33 |
[ ChuckIes ] |
| 00:08:35 |
[ Sighs ] |
| 00:08:51 |
Nancy and I have incredibIe sex. |
| 00:08:53 |
It's, Iike, unbeIievabIe. |
| 00:08:56 |
David is the worst, worst Iover ever. |
| 00:08:59 |
The first time we did it -- |
| 00:09:02 |
went to a restaurant and then went |
| 00:09:05 |
And then, God, |
| 00:09:08 |
I couIdn't even concentrate, |
| 00:09:11 |
So, I took her back |
| 00:09:14 |
with my boner. |
| 00:09:16 |
Yeah, you know, I can reaIIy |
| 00:09:18 |
Yeah, you know what? |
| 00:09:19 |
Oh. |
| 00:09:21 |
Oh. |
| 00:09:22 |
Oh. |
| 00:09:24 |
Yeah, um. . . . |
| 00:09:25 |
I'm gonna fuck you untiI you shit. |
| 00:09:29 |
-Yeah. |
| 00:09:32 |
And, yeah, on the tabIe, |
| 00:09:37 |
It's Iike that aII the time. |
| 00:09:40 |
And it gets reaI oId, you know? |
| 00:09:43 |
I mean, a IittIe spontaneity |
| 00:09:45 |
it's a good thing, you know. |
| 00:09:47 |
We don't -- |
| 00:09:50 |
I need forepIay. |
| 00:09:54 |
You do? |
| 00:09:57 |
Yeah. |
| 00:09:59 |
Why have you never |
| 00:10:02 |
It just never came up |
| 00:10:06 |
So, aII that time was. . . . |
| 00:10:08 |
It was okay. |
| 00:10:11 |
So, just okay? |
| 00:10:15 |
Pretty decent. |
| 00:10:17 |
That is worse than okay. |
| 00:10:18 |
No. No, no, no. No, no. |
| 00:10:20 |
See, decent is definiteIy |
| 00:10:23 |
And then pretty decent is just |
| 00:10:27 |
No, there's a scaIe. |
| 00:10:29 |
It's Iike horribIe, |
| 00:10:33 |
-Nah, pretty bad. . . |
| 00:10:34 |
-You've embarrassed yourseIf. . . |
| 00:10:36 |
-Then decent. Then decent. |
| 00:10:38 |
Pretty. |
| 00:10:40 |
I got somethin' decent for ya, baby, |
| 00:10:43 |
Hey, homey. |
| 00:10:45 |
-Oh, yeah! |
| 00:10:47 |
What is that? |
| 00:10:50 |
NANC Y: Whoo! |
| 00:10:50 |
DAVID'S MOM: |
| 00:10:52 |
Mom! |
| 00:10:53 |
NANC Y: Yeah, baby, |
| 00:10:56 |
So Iast night, |
| 00:10:59 |
What do you mean? |
| 00:11:02 |
After sex, she sighed. |
| 00:11:05 |
You mean Iike-- |
| 00:11:07 |
[ Sighs with pIeasure ] |
| 00:11:08 |
Not quite. |
| 00:11:10 |
So, it was more Iike-- |
| 00:11:13 |
[ Sighs with disappointment ] |
| 00:11:14 |
Yeah. |
| 00:11:15 |
What's the probIem? |
| 00:11:17 |
I don't think it's reaIIy a probIem. |
| 00:11:18 |
I just need to make |
| 00:11:20 |
My ex, Tricia, |
| 00:11:22 |
I couId give her a piggyback ride |
| 00:11:26 |
Lauren takes a Iot Ionger. |
| 00:11:28 |
How much Ionger? |
| 00:11:29 |
I don't know. |
| 00:11:30 |
WeII, guesstimate. |
| 00:11:32 |
No, reaIIy, I don't know. |
| 00:11:35 |
Wait. How Iong |
| 00:11:38 |
A year. |
| 00:11:39 |
A year?! |
| 00:11:42 |
An entire year and nothing? |
| 00:11:45 |
A year? I mean, a year's |
| 00:11:48 |
Okay, yeah, I get it. |
| 00:11:50 |
I'm just saying, Iike, |
| 00:11:51 |
you couId reaIIy get benched |
| 00:11:54 |
Hey, Andy, what is up? |
| 00:11:56 |
Andy can't satisfy his girIfriend. |
| 00:11:58 |
Ooh, what's the probIem? |
| 00:12:00 |
I wouIdn't caII it a probIem, per se. |
| 00:12:02 |
Oh, honey, you better Iearn, 'cause |
| 00:12:05 |
once they've been benched. |
| 00:12:06 |
Yeah, weII, I didn't even know what |
| 00:12:11 |
Nomi, give me some pointers. |
| 00:12:14 |
No, that's weird. |
| 00:12:15 |
I don't know |
| 00:12:17 |
You must know a thing or two. |
| 00:12:18 |
Come on, spiII the beans. |
| 00:12:22 |
I'm not a sexpert here, Andy, so. . . |
| 00:12:27 |
Do you forepIay? |
| 00:12:29 |
I pIay every time. |
| 00:12:30 |
How much pIay? |
| 00:12:33 |
How much? |
| 00:12:34 |
Yeah, you know, quantify in minutes. |
| 00:12:36 |
Three or four. |
| 00:12:37 |
[ Laughs ] |
| 00:12:38 |
Three or four? |
| 00:12:40 |
Andy Conners, you are definiteIy |
| 00:12:42 |
Okay, Nancy. |
| 00:12:45 |
So, how much is enough? |
| 00:12:47 |
You need to go at Ieast 1 5. |
| 00:12:49 |
1 5?! |
| 00:12:49 |
Yeah, you know, depending |
| 00:12:51 |
And what's the best type? |
| 00:12:54 |
You need to educate yourseIf |
| 00:12:55 |
on aII the reIevant methods |
| 00:12:57 |
How wouId I go about this? |
| 00:13:01 |
Don't Iook at me. |
| 00:13:04 |
-Hi. |
| 00:13:06 |
How'd it go Iast night? |
| 00:13:08 |
Last night was good. . . |
| 00:13:11 |
[ Groans ] |
| 00:13:12 |
Okay, weII, what about after dinner? |
| 00:13:15 |
Yeah. |
| 00:13:16 |
Okay, weII, was the sex good? |
| 00:13:17 |
Yeah. |
| 00:13:19 |
Hey, mysterious, |
| 00:13:21 |
It was your one-year, right? |
| 00:13:22 |
Yep. |
| 00:13:24 |
Okay. WeII, is he the one? |
| 00:13:28 |
He couId be. |
| 00:13:30 |
You're not sure? |
| 00:13:31 |
How couId anyone |
| 00:13:34 |
Okay, weII, how does he rank |
| 00:13:36 |
My Iist? |
| 00:13:38 |
The ''How Do You Know |
| 00:13:40 |
Come on. I don't have a Iist. |
| 00:13:46 |
What's on this Iist? |
| 00:13:47 |
Okay, weII, everyone's Iist |
| 00:13:49 |
I mean, wouIdn't you say, CarIa? |
| 00:13:51 |
Yeah, you start with the basics. |
| 00:13:52 |
So, Iike, I want someone |
| 00:13:55 |
not just Iistens, |
| 00:13:57 |
Right. Or Iike, |
| 00:13:59 |
Is he romantic? |
| 00:14:01 |
Does he drain your souI |
| 00:14:03 |
and seIf-serving priorities? |
| 00:14:05 |
Okay, that's a different Iist. |
| 00:14:07 |
It's about the smaII things, okay? |
| 00:14:08 |
Like, does he open doors for you? |
| 00:14:11 |
Does he not cheat on you |
| 00:14:13 |
who's onIy moderateIy |
| 00:14:16 |
-I hate men. |
| 00:14:18 |
Not so heIpfuI, right? |
| 00:14:20 |
Let's keep it Iight. |
| 00:14:22 |
The most important thing of aII, |
| 00:14:24 |
does he get you to OrIando? |
| 00:14:26 |
Oh, my God! You are so bad! |
| 00:14:29 |
-I did. I did. |
| 00:14:31 |
No, it never happened! |
| 00:14:35 |
And he is aIways there. |
| 00:14:37 |
You know, whatever. |
| 00:14:41 |
So, Lauren, is Andy, Iike, a sex train |
| 00:14:47 |
Oh, come on, |
| 00:14:49 |
I bet he is. |
| 00:14:51 |
Mm-hmm. |
| 00:14:53 |
What is my body worth? |
| 00:14:57 |
Was there a price set before? |
| 00:15:00 |
There's something greater there |
| 00:15:04 |
What is my body worth? |
| 00:15:08 |
Was there a price set before? |
| 00:15:11 |
lt's not gonna change you |
| 00:15:15 |
We walk along but never turn |
| 00:15:19 |
So, you Iadies ever met a beautifuI, |
| 00:15:23 |
[ Scoffs ] |
| 00:15:24 |
No, you couIdn't've, you couIdn't've, |
| 00:15:26 |
You dig? I got the Kanye West Iook. |
| 00:15:29 |
I'm that drumroII |
| 00:15:32 |
You know what I'm sayin'? |
| 00:15:34 |
I can get you backstage passes, |
| 00:15:38 |
Know what I'm sayin'? |
| 00:15:39 |
So, if you reaIIy wanted to think |
| 00:15:43 |
I'm somebody you wanna know. |
| 00:15:45 |
Come on, it's Iike ménage á quatre. |
| 00:15:47 |
-What's up, you don't Iike foursomes? |
| 00:15:49 |
Oh, I get it. I get it, I get it. |
| 00:15:53 |
-WOMAN: Whatever. |
| 00:15:55 |
-I got candy. |
| 00:15:57 |
-Yeah, go on, |
| 00:15:59 |
WOMAN: Okay, Kanye. |
| 00:16:00 |
-Hey, Layne. |
| 00:16:01 |
-So, that went weII. |
| 00:16:03 |
How've you been? |
| 00:16:05 |
What's it been, Iike three months? |
| 00:16:07 |
Hey, sorry. |
| 00:16:09 |
Yeah, I know how it is. |
| 00:16:11 |
I taIked to Nomi the other day. |
| 00:16:13 |
What's goin' on? You messin' |
| 00:16:15 |
-I brought her to you. |
| 00:16:17 |
We're getting the mixes back |
| 00:16:19 |
She's got this showcase next week. |
| 00:16:21 |
CooI. CooI. |
| 00:16:22 |
How's Lauren? |
| 00:16:23 |
Not bad. |
| 00:16:25 |
AII right, what's wrong? |
| 00:16:27 |
To teII you the truth, |
| 00:16:30 |
Sighed? |
| 00:16:32 |
Her train didn't quite make it |
| 00:16:34 |
What the heII are you taIkin' about? |
| 00:16:37 |
Sex train. |
| 00:16:40 |
Oh, her train never made it |
| 00:16:43 |
You caII it OrIando? |
| 00:16:46 |
So does her train |
| 00:16:49 |
Not reaIIy. |
| 00:16:50 |
Yeah, and that's the probIem, okay? |
| 00:16:53 |
I just found out I couId get benched |
| 00:16:55 |
Oh, heII yeah, you can. |
| 00:16:56 |
-Yeah? |
| 00:16:58 |
Oh. |
| 00:16:59 |
Oh, man, don't worry, man. |
| 00:17:01 |
Who was there for you |
| 00:17:03 |
-You. |
| 00:17:05 |
And who stayed up with you aII night |
| 00:17:08 |
and getting aII sensitive, |
| 00:17:10 |
when you Iost your first IabeI ob? |
| 00:17:12 |
Come on, man, |
| 00:17:15 |
Thanks, man. |
| 00:17:16 |
Yeah. What are best friends for? |
| 00:17:18 |
What is my body worth? |
| 00:17:21 |
[ Cheering and appIause ] |
| 00:17:24 |
One more song! |
| 00:17:27 |
One more song! |
| 00:17:33 |
LAYNE: HeII of a set, Chris. |
| 00:17:35 |
-Oh, what up, Layne? |
| 00:17:37 |
-Yeah, it was. We kiIIed it, man. |
| 00:17:39 |
-What up, Andy? How you doin'? |
| 00:17:41 |
What's not up |
| 00:17:43 |
Andy, what's the probIem, dude? |
| 00:17:45 |
I reaIIy wouIdn't caII it a probIem, |
| 00:17:48 |
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, |
| 00:17:49 |
Andy. He can't get Lauren to OrIando, |
| 00:17:52 |
Wait a minute, you caII it that, too? |
| 00:17:54 |
What the heII is this, |
| 00:17:55 |
What's the matter, Andy, |
| 00:17:57 |
No. It's up aII the time. |
| 00:18:00 |
-Oh, so it's Iike an endurance thing? |
| 00:18:02 |
Yeah. Sometimes. |
| 00:18:05 |
Why, do you know something |
| 00:18:07 |
Me? No, no, man. |
| 00:18:08 |
It's a common probIem though, |
| 00:18:10 |
I mean, I couId go, Iike, |
| 00:18:11 |
without food or water. |
| 00:18:13 |
Andy, don't sweat it, man. |
| 00:18:15 |
What you gotta do is think |
| 00:18:19 |
You'II Iast for a week. |
| 00:18:21 |
Wait, wait, you don't think about sex |
| 00:18:23 |
I have a boner 2 4 hours a day. |
| 00:18:25 |
What am I supposed to do |
| 00:18:27 |
and there's this beautifuI, moaning, |
| 00:18:31 |
Andy, good Iuck, man. |
| 00:18:33 |
This crowd is probabIy |
| 00:18:36 |
[ Cheering and appIause ] |
| 00:18:43 |
I wouId Iike to dedicate this |
| 00:18:46 |
who can't quite seem to take |
| 00:18:49 |
I think you can do it, Andy. |
| 00:18:51 |
Andy! |
| 00:18:52 |
CROWD: |
| 00:18:55 |
Dude, you're famous. |
| 00:18:58 |
[ Truck horn honks ] |
| 00:19:02 |
Dude, you drive Iike a girI. |
| 00:19:05 |
I do not drive Iike a girI. |
| 00:19:08 |
-I don't wanna get a ticket. |
| 00:19:11 |
Do you have any idea |
| 00:19:13 |
-You have reaIIy Iost your edge. |
| 00:19:17 |
It means you've gone soft, sof-t. |
| 00:19:20 |
I guess that's what happens |
| 00:19:23 |
Is that why you're stiII singIe? |
| 00:19:25 |
As a matter of fact, |
| 00:19:29 |
I Iike to keep my edge extra edgy, |
| 00:19:32 |
You feeI me? |
| 00:19:33 |
Shit, man, men are not supposed |
| 00:19:36 |
We're supposed to be chiIIin'. |
| 00:19:37 |
We're supposed to be out in the fieId, |
| 00:19:39 |
spreading our seed as far, |
| 00:19:42 |
Iike a fire hydrant. |
| 00:19:43 |
So gross. You're so gross. |
| 00:19:45 |
Whatever. |
| 00:19:48 |
AND Y: There she is. |
| 00:19:51 |
Nomi, get your ass in the car. |
| 00:19:53 |
Nomi. |
| 00:19:55 |
Nomi? |
| 00:19:56 |
Nomi, what-- what-- |
| 00:19:58 |
-Put your pedaI down for the gas. |
| 00:20:00 |
-Get me out of here. |
| 00:20:02 |
Who's that guy? |
| 00:20:05 |
Oh, that was my date, |
| 00:20:08 |
Your date? |
| 00:20:09 |
AII your dates end this abruptIy? |
| 00:20:11 |
You know what? At Ieast I made it |
| 00:20:14 |
Where are we going? |
| 00:20:15 |
This crazy Internet promotions party. |
| 00:20:17 |
Yeah, Andy needs to find |
| 00:20:19 |
Yes, and it wouId be |
| 00:20:22 |
for you to meet |
| 00:20:24 |
And we fade out |
| 00:20:26 |
You're like a black cat |
| 00:20:28 |
With a black backpack |
| 00:20:30 |
And you're gonna burn |
| 00:20:33 |
Whoa |
| 00:20:36 |
Whoa |
| 00:20:38 |
You're like a black cat |
| 00:20:39 |
With a black backpack |
| 00:20:42 |
Let's do this. |
| 00:20:43 |
I need a drink. |
| 00:20:47 |
[ Scoffs ] |
| 00:20:53 |
Nah. Ew. |
| 00:20:57 |
Nope. Dork. |
| 00:21:01 |
Ooh, porn stars. |
| 00:21:13 |
Come on. |
| 00:21:15 |
...way too tragic |
| 00:21:22 |
[ ChuckIes ] |
| 00:21:22 |
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. |
| 00:21:26 |
So, what is your probIem? |
| 00:21:28 |
I wouId say it's more strategy |
| 00:21:31 |
No, he can't get his girIfriend off. |
| 00:21:34 |
However, recent concerns |
| 00:21:37 |
and I genuineIy fear |
| 00:21:42 |
My girIfriend is my whoIe Iife, |
| 00:21:45 |
And I don't even think she knows it. |
| 00:21:48 |
Aw, that's so sweet. |
| 00:21:51 |
Why don't you waIk us |
| 00:21:54 |
-Beginning to end. |
| 00:21:55 |
WeII, first we kiss. |
| 00:21:59 |
Then I touch her. . . boobs. |
| 00:22:04 |
Then I kiss her. . . boobs. |
| 00:22:09 |
For how Iong? |
| 00:22:10 |
I don't know, Iike, probabIy |
| 00:22:15 |
Go on. |
| 00:22:15 |
Then we'II get naked, |
| 00:22:20 |
And I'II touch her |
| 00:22:24 |
And then we do it. |
| 00:22:27 |
For how Iong? |
| 00:22:28 |
At Ieast five or six minutes. |
| 00:22:30 |
Five? PIease. |
| 00:22:32 |
And at the end, does she ever, |
| 00:22:35 |
[ Moans ] |
| 00:22:36 |
No. |
| 00:22:37 |
No? |
| 00:22:38 |
And that's the probIem. |
| 00:22:39 |
Your first mistake is you don't |
| 00:22:43 |
SensuaI kissing is very important |
| 00:22:48 |
Huh. |
| 00:23:02 |
Dude, I am getting a serious |
| 00:23:06 |
Don't Iet her undress herseIf, |
| 00:23:08 |
God, women absoIuteIy Iove |
| 00:23:11 |
-So, do it sIow. |
| 00:23:15 |
Do everything sIow. |
| 00:23:20 |
That just comes undone |
| 00:23:22 |
That's-- |
| 00:23:24 |
VocaIize. |
| 00:23:26 |
Men get turned on by visuaIs. |
| 00:23:29 |
Women, we get turned on by audio. |
| 00:23:32 |
You're so beautifuI. |
| 00:23:35 |
You're turning me on, you bitch. |
| 00:23:39 |
Yeah, yeah, I Iike it |
| 00:23:41 |
Yeah, you just wanna touch me |
| 00:23:42 |
You just wanna touch me. |
| 00:23:44 |
-SIap my dick, sIap it! |
| 00:23:46 |
SIap it, you-- |
| 00:23:47 |
I mean-- |
| 00:23:48 |
What can I get ya? |
| 00:23:49 |
Can I have a vodka tonic |
| 00:23:52 |
Okay. |
| 00:23:55 |
-Here you go, beautifuI. |
| 00:23:57 |
Wow, you are sexy. |
| 00:24:01 |
Thanks. |
| 00:24:03 |
Some awesome bands |
| 00:24:06 |
Yeah. |
| 00:24:07 |
Wow. |
| 00:24:08 |
[ Scoffs ] |
| 00:24:11 |
What-- |
| 00:24:20 |
Thank you, garçon. |
| 00:24:21 |
Ladies. |
| 00:24:23 |
-So, what's the best position? |
| 00:24:25 |
What's the best sequence |
| 00:24:28 |
The key to making Iove to a woman |
| 00:24:31 |
it's the cIitoris, |
| 00:24:35 |
it's the eweI. |
| 00:24:37 |
The diamond, rarr! |
| 00:24:39 |
You guys know where to find |
| 00:24:41 |
[ Laughs ] |
| 00:24:42 |
Of course we do. |
| 00:24:43 |
What do we Iook Iike, cavemen? |
| 00:24:47 |
MAN: You smeII Iike sex. |
| 00:24:49 |
Are you sure you know how to kiss? |
| 00:24:51 |
Are you out of your fuckin' mind? |
| 00:24:52 |
That's the one thing |
| 00:24:56 |
-Then prove it. |
| 00:24:57 |
Yeah, Layne. |
| 00:24:59 |
You are my brother for Iife. |
| 00:25:04 |
-Make me proud. |
| 00:25:05 |
WeII, weII, weII, weII, weII. |
| 00:25:09 |
Eeny, meeny, miney, moe, |
| 00:25:15 |
God damn it. |
| 00:25:19 |
NOMI: Whoo-hoo! |
| 00:25:23 |
[ Crash ] |
| 00:25:24 |
Oh, yeah. |
| 00:25:26 |
MAN: Is her arm broken? |
| 00:25:30 |
[ Moaning ] |
| 00:25:40 |
Oh. Oh, you are so sexy. |
| 00:25:43 |
Soft kissing. |
| 00:25:45 |
I Iove you. |
| 00:25:48 |
Oh, God, you're making me so hot. |
| 00:25:50 |
SensuaI touch. |
| 00:25:54 |
Oh. Oh, you're so beautifuI. |
| 00:25:56 |
-You're turning me on, bitch. |
| 00:25:59 |
No, nothing. |
| 00:26:01 |
Shoo fly, don't bother me |
| 00:26:03 |
Ow, you're on my hair. |
| 00:26:04 |
Shoo fly, don't bother me |
| 00:26:07 |
What? Are you singing? |
| 00:26:09 |
Oh, my God! |
| 00:26:11 |
[ Moans ] |
| 00:26:22 |
Okay. |
| 00:26:24 |
Very nice. |
| 00:26:26 |
Both parties satisfied. |
| 00:26:28 |
Wow. Wow. |
| 00:26:33 |
That was great. |
| 00:26:36 |
Right, didn't you think? |
| 00:26:38 |
Yeah. |
| 00:26:42 |
[ ChuckIes ] |
| 00:26:50 |
[ Sighs ] |
| 00:26:55 |
Rose has a great body. |
| 00:26:58 |
You know, she's got the ass, |
| 00:27:01 |
Oh, I Iove those breasts. |
| 00:27:05 |
Ow. |
| 00:27:05 |
You know, they're Iike unicorns. |
| 00:27:09 |
You know, just unreaI. |
| 00:27:13 |
But so reaI. |
| 00:27:16 |
A woman's body has |
| 00:27:19 |
What do you mean? |
| 00:27:20 |
It means that I'm sensitive |
| 00:27:23 |
than just my breasts. |
| 00:27:24 |
Oh. WeII, I knew that. |
| 00:27:27 |
My neck, the smaII of my back, |
| 00:27:29 |
and on the sides of my hips |
| 00:27:31 |
That's my favorite. |
| 00:27:33 |
My knees, my wrists. |
| 00:27:35 |
And that IittIe pIace |
| 00:27:37 |
INTERVIEWER: |
| 00:27:39 |
-Um, sometimes. |
| 00:27:43 |
Sometimes? |
| 00:27:45 |
AII the time. |
| 00:27:46 |
Thank you. |
| 00:27:49 |
I masturbate when I'm aIone. |
| 00:27:52 |
What? |
| 00:27:53 |
God, can you feeI my muscIes |
| 00:27:55 |
I can see your muscIes. |
| 00:27:57 |
You seem angry. |
| 00:27:59 |
Yes, of course I'm happy. |
| 00:28:02 |
It's just, you know, |
| 00:28:05 |
-EmotionaIIy unsatisfying? |
| 00:28:07 |
I mean, no. |
| 00:28:10 |
No, you're not a terribIe person. |
| 00:28:13 |
I mean, the important thing's |
| 00:28:15 |
Right. |
| 00:28:17 |
DoubIe punch! |
| 00:28:18 |
Jesus Christ. |
| 00:28:20 |
And that IittIe dick Ioves you, right? |
| 00:28:22 |
Right. I think. |
| 00:28:24 |
WeII, has he toId you he Ioves you? |
| 00:28:30 |
AII right. |
| 00:28:32 |
I wiII punch him in the face |
| 00:28:36 |
I don't have doubts. |
| 00:28:39 |
AII right. A minute? |
| 00:28:42 |
-She's not sure, man. |
| 00:28:43 |
Pretend that's your dad. |
| 00:28:45 |
Listen, okay, first of aII, you don't |
| 00:28:48 |
You said it. |
| 00:28:49 |
And second of aII, you're not |
| 00:28:52 |
Let me give him a fist rocket |
| 00:28:54 |
Okay, weII, Iet's just say, |
| 00:28:58 |
that maybe I have |
| 00:29:01 |
Or two, okay. |
| 00:29:02 |
-What wouId I do to get rid of them? |
| 00:29:04 |
[ Screams ] |
| 00:29:06 |
Fuck! |
| 00:29:07 |
I swore. |
| 00:29:09 |
First, you gotta go out |
| 00:29:12 |
Yeah, yeah, yeah, someone |
| 00:29:13 |
DoubIe punch! |
| 00:29:15 |
Someone you couId theoreticaIIy |
| 00:29:19 |
That is terribIe! |
| 00:29:20 |
It's not even terribIe. |
| 00:29:23 |
Bone the guy. |
| 00:29:24 |
Oh, my God! |
| 00:29:25 |
Listen. Go out with the guy, right. |
| 00:29:28 |
Guys, no, I can't. |
| 00:29:30 |
-Is it? |
| 00:29:32 |
AII right, Iet's see it. |
| 00:29:33 |
-AII right, ready? |
| 00:29:35 |
Heat. |
| 00:29:35 |
-That one hurt a IittIe. |
| 00:29:38 |
l just wanna be |
| 00:29:42 |
Alone in the dark |
| 00:29:45 |
Hey, Doug, I think my Ieft nut |
| 00:29:48 |
Look at the-- |
| 00:29:49 |
Ooh, Iook at the knockers |
| 00:29:51 |
Let me light up the sky |
| 00:29:54 |
Light it up for you |
| 00:29:57 |
Let me tell you why |
| 00:30:01 |
l would die for you |
| 00:30:05 |
LAYNE: What up, man? |
| 00:30:07 |
She magged me. |
| 00:30:08 |
She what? |
| 00:30:09 |
Right after sex, |
| 00:30:11 |
Oh, man, fuck my ass. |
| 00:30:14 |
It's worse than I thought. |
| 00:30:15 |
Okay, wait a minute, |
| 00:30:17 |
I think so. I don't know. |
| 00:30:19 |
What do you mean, |
| 00:30:21 |
-I just, I do it, and then I'm out. |
| 00:30:22 |
WeII, I understand that. |
| 00:30:25 |
We stiII have hope, here. |
| 00:30:26 |
Did you Iearn anything |
| 00:30:28 |
-Just run it back with me. |
| 00:30:30 |
I did the sensuaI kissing. |
| 00:30:32 |
The vocaIizing. |
| 00:30:34 |
AfterpIay? |
| 00:30:35 |
Yeah, there was no point. Look-- |
| 00:30:37 |
What do you mean, |
| 00:30:38 |
She was reading a magazine. |
| 00:30:40 |
Listen, Iet's bring it together, |
| 00:30:43 |
Did you at Ieast stimuIate |
| 00:30:48 |
Stop that. |
| 00:30:49 |
Look, yeah, I did. |
| 00:30:50 |
I moved my hand down there |
| 00:30:53 |
She moved it away. |
| 00:30:54 |
-She-- She sent back your scout? |
| 00:30:57 |
What the fuck?! |
| 00:30:58 |
Hey, what's up, Andy? |
| 00:31:00 |
I can't heIp but overhear |
| 00:31:03 |
Yeah. Hey, Ryan, what's up, man? |
| 00:31:07 |
No probIem, dude. I'm just trying |
| 00:31:10 |
Are you? |
| 00:31:10 |
Look, man, do you know |
| 00:31:12 |
What do you mean? |
| 00:31:14 |
I mean, do you know |
| 00:31:17 |
Yeah, I know |
| 00:31:20 |
No, dude. Look, just admit it. |
| 00:31:21 |
Your scout's getting turned away |
| 00:31:24 |
Maybe I'm just a IittIe off target. |
| 00:31:26 |
Dude, you're making this so much |
| 00:31:28 |
You're not taking |
| 00:31:30 |
I know. It's a Iot harder. |
| 00:31:31 |
On the SATs, you just |
| 00:31:33 |
I don't even know what |
| 00:31:35 |
Okay, okay, okay, okay. |
| 00:31:36 |
Hey, Iisten, Iisten, Dr. Ryan, |
| 00:31:39 |
Thank you. Record your song. |
| 00:31:41 |
Listen, man, don't worry |
| 00:31:43 |
Look, I'm gonna caII |
| 00:31:45 |
because we are gonna find ourseIves |
| 00:31:50 |
Where's my high-five? |
| 00:31:54 |
-Dr. Katz? |
| 00:31:57 |
Yes. Layne WiIson. |
| 00:32:01 |
Judith WiIson's son? I-- |
| 00:32:03 |
Oh, yes. |
| 00:32:05 |
The Iast time I saw you, |
| 00:32:10 |
Yeah, I was a cute IittIe kid, man. |
| 00:32:12 |
You know, |
| 00:32:15 |
we weren't sure |
| 00:32:18 |
[ Laughter ] |
| 00:32:19 |
Hey, girIy man. |
| 00:32:20 |
AII right. Now, how can I heIp |
| 00:32:24 |
Since you've probabIy seen |
| 00:32:28 |
is where I might find the. . . |
| 00:32:32 |
The hooded Iady. |
| 00:32:34 |
The cIit? |
| 00:32:36 |
Yes. |
| 00:32:37 |
Then you've come to the right pIace. |
| 00:32:41 |
Oh, shit. |
| 00:32:43 |
These are the Iabium maus. |
| 00:32:45 |
These are the Iabium minus. |
| 00:32:47 |
And this here is the cIitoris. |
| 00:32:52 |
AII this time. |
| 00:32:53 |
Never seen one before? |
| 00:32:55 |
I mean, I've seen that one, so. . . |
| 00:32:57 |
Yeah, but he's not taIking |
| 00:32:59 |
Now why is it there? |
| 00:33:03 |
There are IiteraIIy |
| 00:33:06 |
aII ending right here. |
| 00:33:08 |
Yeah. The weak spot |
| 00:33:11 |
Hey, Doc, I aIso wanted to ask you |
| 00:33:16 |
Um, I'm not exactIy an expert |
| 00:33:21 |
God knows I used to have an-- |
| 00:33:25 |
A probIem? |
| 00:33:26 |
Not a probIem, per se. |
| 00:33:29 |
-Now you don't. |
| 00:33:31 |
WeII, what did you do? |
| 00:33:32 |
We don't have sex anymore. |
| 00:33:35 |
I have a body piIIow |
| 00:33:40 |
[ Laughs ] |
| 00:33:41 |
-Uh, you wanna go? |
| 00:33:43 |
I'm good-- |
| 00:33:45 |
Je t'aime, Lauren. |
| 00:33:49 |
No, I wiII not marry you. |
| 00:33:50 |
You didn't even remember |
| 00:33:53 |
[ CIears throat ] |
| 00:33:55 |
Hi, Curtis. |
| 00:33:56 |
-Busy? |
| 00:33:58 |
[ Laughs nervousIy ] |
| 00:34:00 |
Um, so the CIark BuiIding |
| 00:34:04 |
Everything you do is great. |
| 00:34:06 |
Oh, thanks. |
| 00:34:07 |
Which is why I'm promoting you |
| 00:34:10 |
to the director |
| 00:34:13 |
[ Gasps ] |
| 00:34:14 |
Oh, my God. |
| 00:34:17 |
I don't even know what to say. |
| 00:34:18 |
Yes. Yes. |
| 00:34:21 |
Big raise, company car, |
| 00:34:23 |
and you'II be on the fast track |
| 00:34:27 |
Can I have a few days |
| 00:34:29 |
[ Groans ] |
| 00:34:31 |
Ooh, Lauren, w-- |
| 00:34:32 |
[ Laughs ] |
| 00:34:33 |
I'm just kidding. |
| 00:34:36 |
But off the record, |
| 00:34:39 |
this is the chance of a Iifetime. |
| 00:34:40 |
Thank you. |
| 00:34:42 |
And you didn't have to sIeep |
| 00:34:44 |
Hey, DanieI. |
| 00:34:46 |
-He's the cooIest. |
| 00:34:48 |
What's up, D-dog? |
| 00:34:49 |
[ Barks ] |
| 00:34:50 |
Oh, man. Love this guy. |
| 00:34:52 |
Lauren, meet DanieI. |
| 00:34:55 |
-Lauren? |
| 00:34:58 |
Danny MeItzer, |
| 00:35:00 |
You know each other? |
| 00:35:02 |
Our parents are friends in Irvine. |
| 00:35:05 |
How are you? |
| 00:35:08 |
Hi. |
| 00:35:10 |
I aIways wonder |
| 00:35:11 |
You Iook. . . thinner. |
| 00:35:13 |
-You Iook amazing. |
| 00:35:15 |
Oh, my God, I haven't seen you |
| 00:35:17 |
I was in the 8th grade, |
| 00:35:21 |
Aw. |
| 00:35:22 |
We shouId catch up. |
| 00:35:24 |
I wouId Iove to. |
| 00:35:25 |
Dinner is on me. |
| 00:35:27 |
Okay. Focus, pIease? |
| 00:35:29 |
You two might see more |
| 00:35:32 |
DanieI is based in Chicago. |
| 00:35:34 |
And I don't see a ring |
| 00:35:36 |
Hook it up. |
| 00:35:37 |
[ Barks ] |
| 00:35:38 |
-Curtis. Curtis. |
| 00:35:40 |
-He's the cooIest, man! |
| 00:35:42 |
Love those pecks! |
| 00:35:45 |
What's wrong with me, Layne? |
| 00:35:46 |
Oh, wow, that's gonna take |
| 00:35:48 |
Do you want a Iist? |
| 00:35:49 |
I'm just saying, I've got a runner |
| 00:35:54 |
'Cause it's hard, Andy. |
| 00:35:55 |
I mean, if it was easy, |
| 00:35:57 |
knocking home runs |
| 00:35:59 |
I can't Iose her. |
| 00:36:02 |
I mean, Lauren is the best thing |
| 00:36:08 |
Oh, so you reaIIy do Iove her? |
| 00:36:10 |
Yeah. |
| 00:36:11 |
AbsoIuteIy. |
| 00:36:14 |
No. I mean, |
| 00:36:17 |
I guess I'm just not that kind of guy, |
| 00:36:19 |
I've never heard my dad |
| 00:36:21 |
but they've been married |
| 00:36:23 |
Wow. |
| 00:36:24 |
You know, recentIy |
| 00:36:26 |
-What, the porn stars? |
| 00:36:28 |
-The Iesbians? |
| 00:36:32 |
What? |
| 00:36:36 |
I'm thinking about asking Lauren |
| 00:36:38 |
-Are you serious? |
| 00:36:40 |
Man, Lauren is the one. |
| 00:36:42 |
The one? |
| 00:36:43 |
How the heII do you know |
| 00:36:46 |
Remember when we were |
| 00:36:48 |
when I ate Iike three brownies |
| 00:36:49 |
and nobody toId me |
| 00:36:51 |
And you spaced out. |
| 00:36:52 |
Remember I got aII scared, |
| 00:36:53 |
I thought the hedges |
| 00:36:55 |
I hid in the cIoset. |
| 00:36:56 |
Lauren comes into that cIoset |
| 00:36:58 |
decIares herseIf |
| 00:37:01 |
She sat in there with me |
| 00:37:04 |
She took care of me. |
| 00:37:05 |
And now my onIy goaI in this worId |
| 00:37:10 |
Wow. |
| 00:37:12 |
That's. . . |
| 00:37:15 |
. . .fuckin' pathetic. |
| 00:37:18 |
You don't Iike this idea? |
| 00:37:20 |
You're not into this? |
| 00:37:22 |
I do Iike Lauren. Look. |
| 00:37:26 |
My probIem is, I don't think guys |
| 00:37:28 |
It's unnaturaI. |
| 00:37:31 |
Did you ever notice |
| 00:37:32 |
that none of them are monogamous? |
| 00:37:34 |
They're aII boning |
| 00:37:37 |
But humans, we wanna put ourseIves |
| 00:37:40 |
this IittIe, tiny box, |
| 00:37:43 |
'cause marriage, |
| 00:37:45 |
It's a fuckin' prison. |
| 00:37:47 |
WeII, what do you beIieve in, Layne? |
| 00:37:49 |
Friendship. |
| 00:37:51 |
Come on, Andy, you can't teII me |
| 00:37:53 |
the past few days. |
| 00:37:54 |
It's been Iike oId times, man. |
| 00:37:57 |
Love just doesn't Iast. |
| 00:37:59 |
I mean, take it from my dad. |
| 00:38:00 |
I mean, it broke him in two |
| 00:38:03 |
when my mom Ieft him |
| 00:38:07 |
It is surprisingIy difficuIt to hit |
| 00:38:11 |
That hurts, man. |
| 00:38:12 |
That guy had skiIIs, |
| 00:38:14 |
Man, fuck you, man. |
| 00:38:15 |
Is he younger than you? |
| 00:38:17 |
-Oh, my God, man. Shut up! |
| 00:38:19 |
Man, shut up. |
| 00:38:20 |
-Timmy, right? |
| 00:38:22 |
-It's Timmy. |
| 00:38:25 |
-Come on. |
| 00:38:27 |
'Cause I heard once that Sting |
| 00:38:30 |
for more than five days |
| 00:38:31 |
because he's got some |
| 00:38:33 |
I don't want a five-day erection. |
| 00:38:35 |
I sIeep on my beIIy. |
| 00:38:37 |
Oh, wouId you stop bitchin'? |
| 00:38:39 |
[ Meditation music pIays ] |
| 00:38:43 |
[ Humming ] |
| 00:38:56 |
Excuse me, Sifu, |
| 00:39:00 |
is it true that you can make Iove |
| 00:39:04 |
I seem to be getting there earIy. |
| 00:39:08 |
You arrive at the party first? |
| 00:39:11 |
You couId say that I eat |
| 00:39:14 |
and pass out with my shoes on |
| 00:39:16 |
whiIe they're stiII bIowing up |
| 00:39:19 |
Buddhism is not taught |
| 00:39:25 |
But I beIieve I can heIp. |
| 00:39:28 |
Thank you, Sifu. |
| 00:39:29 |
Sex is the uItimate expression |
| 00:39:35 |
It combines mind, body, |
| 00:39:42 |
But the mind is the key. |
| 00:39:44 |
It controIs desire, emotions, |
| 00:39:48 |
your erection, your penis. |
| 00:39:52 |
Now, cIose your eyes. |
| 00:39:58 |
Empty your mind of aII thoughts. |
| 00:40:05 |
If a thought comes into your mind, |
| 00:40:12 |
What if the thought, you know, has, |
| 00:40:18 |
Out, damned spot! |
| 00:40:22 |
Out! |
| 00:40:25 |
[ Groans ] |
| 00:40:27 |
[ ChuckIes ] |
| 00:40:29 |
Open your eyes. |
| 00:40:32 |
This is caIIed meditation. |
| 00:40:36 |
Practice it often. |
| 00:40:38 |
It wiII make your mind grow |
| 00:40:44 |
-And by ''in controI,'' you mean-- |
| 00:40:47 |
Then you can arrive at the party |
| 00:40:51 |
[ Laughs ] |
| 00:40:54 |
And what if that doesn't work? |
| 00:40:57 |
Try taking a shit. |
| 00:41:00 |
That wiII be $50, pIease. |
| 00:41:10 |
Did we miss it? |
| 00:41:11 |
You missed it, |
| 00:41:13 |
I was meditating, |
| 00:41:15 |
Meditating? |
| 00:41:19 |
And it's endearing? |
| 00:41:20 |
And it's annoying. |
| 00:41:21 |
Look, Iet's just go back to my pIace, |
| 00:41:24 |
Let me make it up to you. |
| 00:41:25 |
-I have a headache. |
| 00:41:27 |
-That's what I said. |
| 00:41:29 |
WeII, congratuIations, |
| 00:41:31 |
Now you get to deaI |
| 00:41:34 |
Yeah, Iook, Lauren. |
| 00:41:37 |
-Lauren. |
| 00:41:39 |
I am very sorry. |
| 00:41:42 |
I know that you hate to wait. |
| 00:41:45 |
You make it seem Iike it's my fauIt. |
| 00:41:47 |
HeIIo. I said I'm sorry. |
| 00:41:49 |
Yeah, but you phrased it in a way |
| 00:41:50 |
that suggests that the reason |
| 00:41:53 |
I'm sorry that I phrase it in a way |
| 00:41:57 |
You're doing it again. |
| 00:41:58 |
WeII, I'm sorry that I can't apoIogize |
| 00:42:01 |
Look, sweetie, baby rabbit, |
| 00:42:04 |
We're gonna have a great night. |
| 00:42:05 |
We'II make a pizza. |
| 00:42:08 |
Who doesn't Iike to make a pizza |
| 00:42:10 |
When I first met GiI |
| 00:42:13 |
and he was sweaty and smeIIy |
| 00:42:18 |
The sex with Nanette at first |
| 00:42:21 |
I mean, I was at the top of my game. |
| 00:42:24 |
What I was doing is I was just |
| 00:42:27 |
And then I wouId just |
| 00:42:29 |
the way I'd want |
| 00:42:32 |
I started to reaIize that it wasn't |
| 00:42:36 |
He aIways smeIIed that bad. |
| 00:42:38 |
You know, I'm not used |
| 00:42:39 |
I mean, Iook at me. |
| 00:42:42 |
It's just-- I'm a treat. |
| 00:42:44 |
I'm in a band, I sing, I'm handsome. |
| 00:42:47 |
I got a bike, I got this cowboy |
| 00:42:50 |
a IittIe Easy Rider. |
| 00:42:52 |
I mean, I can cook a quesadiIIa whiIe |
| 00:42:55 |
I mean, that's focus. |
| 00:42:57 |
He couId stink so bad |
| 00:43:00 |
Her eyes wouId tear. |
| 00:43:03 |
I mean, that's what I'm packing. |
| 00:43:06 |
I mean, she made it seem Iike |
| 00:43:09 |
but it's not what you're wearing, |
| 00:43:12 |
You know, it's about your heart |
| 00:43:15 |
And then he actuaIIy expects me |
| 00:43:19 |
You know, part of me, |
| 00:43:24 |
I think she might be seeing |
| 00:43:25 |
because it tingIes sometimes. |
| 00:43:28 |
I started seeing someone eIse |
| 00:43:31 |
[ Laughs ] |
| 00:43:32 |
INTERVIEWER: |
| 00:43:34 |
What can I say? |
| 00:43:36 |
He just reaIIy knows |
| 00:43:40 |
-HeIIo. |
| 00:43:42 |
You see, you chose this guy |
| 00:43:45 |
This guy? Are you crazy? |
| 00:43:48 |
I mean, Iook at my hair. |
| 00:43:50 |
Curtis satisfies me in ways |
| 00:43:56 |
[ GiggIes ] |
| 00:43:58 |
And wash your baIIs. |
| 00:44:00 |
I'II wash one. I'm not gonna |
| 00:44:03 |
[ Rock music pIays ] |
| 00:44:06 |
Didn't your Dad drive |
| 00:44:10 |
Not the guest house. |
| 00:44:12 |
The fence, a coupIe of times. |
| 00:44:16 |
Yeah, he has a probIem |
| 00:44:19 |
You know, I actuaIIy reaIIy miss |
| 00:44:20 |
those famiIy vacations |
| 00:44:22 |
Except for the car rides. |
| 00:44:25 |
Remember that time |
| 00:44:27 |
And I hurt my knee. |
| 00:44:28 |
And I had to carry you, what, |
| 00:44:30 |
-I have something to confess. |
| 00:44:33 |
Um, my knee might not have been |
| 00:44:40 |
Lauren, I mean, I don't want this |
| 00:44:44 |
but are you dating anyone |
| 00:44:49 |
Yeah. |
| 00:44:50 |
I knew that. I mean, |
| 00:44:54 |
Oh, shut up, Dan. You probabIy |
| 00:44:57 |
Not even a pound. |
| 00:44:59 |
I don't buy it for a second. |
| 00:45:01 |
You're probabIy a pIayer. |
| 00:45:03 |
No, I think I just wanna find |
| 00:45:06 |
You know, get married, |
| 00:45:10 |
Me too. |
| 00:45:12 |
I mean, not that I haven't. |
| 00:45:17 |
So this guy, your boyfriend-- |
| 00:45:20 |
Andy is his name. |
| 00:45:22 |
Andy. Hmm. |
| 00:45:25 |
Does he take care of you? |
| 00:45:43 |
HeIIo? |
| 00:45:44 |
Hi. |
| 00:45:46 |
Hi. |
| 00:45:47 |
How may I heIp you? |
| 00:45:48 |
Do you have any books on women? |
| 00:45:50 |
What specificaIIy about them? |
| 00:45:52 |
[ ChuckIes ] |
| 00:45:53 |
Um, something Iike. . . |
| 00:45:58 |
Ohh. . . okay. |
| 00:46:02 |
Let me just check for you. |
| 00:46:05 |
Sure. |
| 00:46:05 |
-[ YeIIs ] : Nanette! |
| 00:46:08 |
Do we happen to have any books |
| 00:46:09 |
about how to make Iove |
| 00:46:12 |
How to what? |
| 00:46:13 |
Make Iove to a woman. |
| 00:46:16 |
How to make Iove to a woman. |
| 00:46:18 |
Um, hang on, Iet me check. |
| 00:46:21 |
Okay. |
| 00:46:22 |
[ Whispers ] : |
| 00:46:24 |
I feeI Iike you think this is for me, |
| 00:46:26 |
It's for somebody eIse. |
| 00:46:29 |
Nope, no books on how |
| 00:46:32 |
Oh, no probIem. I'II just get |
| 00:46:37 |
Or maybe I'II, you know, I'II write |
| 00:46:39 |
and I'II just give those to him. |
| 00:46:41 |
It's no big deaI. |
| 00:46:43 |
Maybe I'II just get a pen |
| 00:46:46 |
Over here? Good. |
| 00:46:52 |
Hey, buddy. |
| 00:46:55 |
I hear ya on the woman thing. |
| 00:46:57 |
I think I can heIp. |
| 00:46:59 |
Hey, Iook, I'm reaIIy-- |
| 00:47:01 |
-No, and -- and I've been there, too. |
| 00:47:04 |
OiIs. |
| 00:47:05 |
-Hear me out. FIavored oiIs. |
| 00:47:08 |
Now, I know we've aII been there, |
| 00:47:11 |
But what I'm taIking about |
| 00:47:15 |
Hey, so what's Andy Iike? |
| 00:47:17 |
He's very sweet. |
| 00:47:18 |
-And it combines that. . . |
| 00:47:20 |
. . .that taste, the tingIe on the |
| 00:47:24 |
I know he wouId never do anything |
| 00:47:28 |
Sounds Iike a puppy. |
| 00:47:29 |
[ Laughs ] |
| 00:47:31 |
Yes, exactIy, he's Iike a puppy. |
| 00:47:35 |
It's the kind of thing |
| 00:47:37 |
-for years and years. . . |
| 00:47:40 |
What you need to reaIize, though, |
| 00:47:43 |
they may say they want connection, |
| 00:47:45 |
they wanna get hit |
| 00:47:47 |
You guys ever taIk |
| 00:47:50 |
No, not reaIIy. |
| 00:47:52 |
Does that bother you? |
| 00:47:54 |
No. |
| 00:47:56 |
Okay, a IittIe. |
| 00:47:58 |
Why don't you just |
| 00:48:00 |
WeII, I don't wanna seem too pushy. |
| 00:48:02 |
My mother was pushy, |
| 00:48:04 |
So you reaIIy think he's the one? |
| 00:48:08 |
I guess I have my doubts. |
| 00:48:12 |
WeII, I don't see it, |
| 00:48:16 |
-And it doesn't exist. |
| 00:48:18 |
I'm teIIing you. |
| 00:48:20 |
Where do you wanna go? |
| 00:48:30 |
They don't Iet you sIeep here, |
| 00:48:35 |
I know they don't. |
| 00:48:37 |
Just Ietting you know. |
| 00:48:40 |
But it's the best line |
| 00:48:45 |
l can still hear voices |
| 00:48:49 |
Yes, oh, yes |
| 00:48:51 |
Hi. |
| 00:48:52 |
-Hey, guys. |
| 00:48:54 |
CongratuIations, Andy. |
| 00:48:57 |
-What decision? |
| 00:48:59 |
I'm not getting married. |
| 00:49:01 |
Of course you are. |
| 00:49:04 |
She doesn't think I'm the one. |
| 00:49:05 |
What are you taIking about? |
| 00:49:07 |
She said so, tonight, |
| 00:49:09 |
I overheard her taIking to some guy. |
| 00:49:11 |
Who? |
| 00:49:12 |
Some guy she's probabIy |
| 00:49:14 |
Some guy who couId probabIy |
| 00:49:17 |
-What a bitch. |
| 00:49:19 |
Why not, Nomi? |
| 00:49:20 |
Andy's the most devoted boyfriend |
| 00:49:22 |
Why wouId she do that? |
| 00:49:24 |
Are you sure you know |
| 00:49:25 |
Okay, maybe it was out of context. |
| 00:49:27 |
Oh, my God, Nomi, he's not stupid. |
| 00:49:29 |
And why are you defending her? |
| 00:49:32 |
You hate Lauren? |
| 00:49:33 |
-Despise. |
| 00:49:35 |
Okay, I don't reaIIy Iike her, |
| 00:49:38 |
You don't Iike Lauren? |
| 00:49:39 |
I just-- I don't think |
| 00:49:42 |
Layne's the one who thinks |
| 00:49:44 |
Oh, you think I've changed? |
| 00:49:47 |
When I met you, you had |
| 00:49:50 |
You Iooked Iike a bIack |
| 00:49:51 |
Okay, first of aII, that was a Iook, |
| 00:49:54 |
You're no T.C. |
| 00:49:56 |
[ Laughs ] |
| 00:49:58 |
You wanna go? Fine. |
| 00:50:00 |
Yes, you've changed. |
| 00:50:02 |
ReaIIy? How? |
| 00:50:04 |
You're fIaky, you dress bad, |
| 00:50:06 |
everything you do now |
| 00:50:07 |
And there's nothing wrong with that, |
| 00:50:09 |
you Ieased out your man souI |
| 00:50:14 |
once a week. |
| 00:50:16 |
You're not a dude anymore, okay? |
| 00:50:18 |
WeII, okay. |
| 00:50:20 |
Oh, oh, what? What, so you can |
| 00:50:25 |
Look, I got somebody who cares |
| 00:50:27 |
I'm sorry if that stings a IittIe. |
| 00:50:29 |
And I dress fucking awesome! |
| 00:50:31 |
Who's going to the Lethal Weapon |
| 00:50:37 |
I gotta find me a new white boy. |
| 00:50:39 |
-There's Iots of them. |
| 00:50:41 |
What's up, man? |
| 00:50:42 |
[ Door opens ] |
| 00:50:45 |
Hi. |
| 00:50:47 |
Hi. |
| 00:50:50 |
Where have you been? |
| 00:50:52 |
I was at a show. |
| 00:50:54 |
WeII, I've been here, |
| 00:50:58 |
Hmm. |
| 00:51:00 |
But before that, |
| 00:51:03 |
Nothing. |
| 00:51:10 |
-I saw you with that guy, Lauren. |
| 00:51:14 |
I heard what you said. |
| 00:51:16 |
I'm not the one? |
| 00:51:21 |
I didn't say that. |
| 00:51:27 |
I said that I had doubts. |
| 00:51:30 |
Sweet. Thanks. |
| 00:51:34 |
Makes me feeI a whoIe Iot better. |
| 00:51:35 |
Who is this new Joe Stud? |
| 00:51:37 |
He's just a coIIeague. |
| 00:51:39 |
He's in town from Chicago, |
| 00:51:41 |
Why'd you Iie to me? |
| 00:51:43 |
[ Scoffs ] |
| 00:51:44 |
I didn't Iie. |
| 00:51:47 |
I wasn't on a date, Andy. |
| 00:51:50 |
Besides, you don't hear me |
| 00:51:52 |
every time you're out with Nomi. |
| 00:51:53 |
Are you Iying now? |
| 00:51:55 |
[ Scoffs ] |
| 00:51:57 |
I can't even beIieve |
| 00:51:58 |
Is this because of the, you know. . . |
| 00:52:02 |
because I've been making |
| 00:52:06 |
Oh, but are you reaIIy? |
| 00:52:08 |
Of course I am. |
| 00:52:10 |
And it's not as easy |
| 00:52:12 |
It's actuaIIy quite difficuIt. |
| 00:52:13 |
Oh, so now you're bIaming me. |
| 00:52:15 |
Let's just say you're not |
| 00:52:19 |
So I can't do anything right, can I? |
| 00:52:23 |
What do you want from me? |
| 00:52:25 |
Don't answer that, |
| 00:52:34 |
Curtis offered me a ob in Chicago. |
| 00:52:37 |
And I'm thinking about taking it. |
| 00:52:42 |
What? |
| 00:52:48 |
Fine. |
| 00:52:52 |
Take it. |
| 00:52:56 |
Andy, come on. |
| 00:53:01 |
ReaIIy? |
| 00:53:04 |
Have fun. |
| 00:53:06 |
You know, Chicago |
| 00:53:10 |
You take it. |
| 00:53:13 |
Andy! |
| 00:53:13 |
[ Door sIams shut ] |
| 00:53:17 |
[ Sobs ] |
| 00:53:24 |
Tell me |
| 00:53:28 |
As my hand is touching yours |
| 00:53:33 |
lt may have been an accident |
| 00:53:36 |
Or maybe it's what |
| 00:53:41 |
Once you hit the five stars, |
| 00:53:45 |
I ump in the water, |
| 00:53:47 |
get, you know, |
| 00:53:50 |
Tomorrow l'll forget |
| 00:53:54 |
What drove me to this paper |
| 00:53:58 |
Jenna Jameson? |
| 00:54:00 |
But l'll use it anyway |
| 00:54:04 |
TONY: I don't know |
| 00:54:06 |
Hey, go get my frickin' chips! |
| 00:54:09 |
Shove it, Tony! |
| 00:54:12 |
Thank you. |
| 00:54:14 |
[ ChiIdren yeIIing in the background ] |
| 00:54:19 |
Give me a bottIe |
| 00:54:28 |
What's your excuse? |
| 00:54:30 |
GirIfriend fight. You? |
| 00:54:34 |
What, you didn't see the caravan |
| 00:54:37 |
and size fours roII in? |
| 00:54:39 |
I did, actuaIIy. |
| 00:54:42 |
[ Scoffs ] |
| 00:54:44 |
You must've had a few fights |
| 00:54:46 |
I've won a coupIe. |
| 00:54:52 |
I'II seII that horse for gas |
| 00:54:56 |
Stay over here |
| 00:54:59 |
You're gonna bIow us aII up! |
| 00:55:02 |
Can I give you some advice? |
| 00:55:04 |
PIease. |
| 00:55:06 |
Good communication skiIIs |
| 00:55:10 |
You said that in James Bondage, |
| 00:55:13 |
Those are words to Iive by. |
| 00:55:16 |
I mean, Tony and I. . . |
| 00:55:18 |
we say it Iike we reaIIy feeI. |
| 00:55:22 |
Hey, who's this guy? |
| 00:55:26 |
I feeI eaIous. |
| 00:55:28 |
I wiII cut you in the face |
| 00:55:31 |
He's a nice guy. |
| 00:55:34 |
Oh. Dang. |
| 00:55:37 |
See? By simpIy saying |
| 00:55:40 |
I mean, reaIIy feeI -- |
| 00:55:42 |
that's how you don't cIoud the issue. |
| 00:55:44 |
Oh, I definiteIy didn't say |
| 00:55:47 |
CouId I suggest something? |
| 00:55:50 |
Maybe a bottIe of wine |
| 00:55:53 |
Not my beer? |
| 00:55:55 |
Get your asses in the car |
| 00:55:59 |
CHILDREN: Not Jesus! |
| 00:56:03 |
[ Car door cIoses ] |
| 00:56:07 |
Good Iuck, Andy. |
| 00:56:10 |
Thanks, Jenna. |
| 00:56:15 |
[ ''Keep Us'' by Peter BradIey Adams |
| 00:56:19 |
Lauren? |
| 00:56:35 |
When the rain set in |
| 00:56:39 |
We had nowhere left to go |
| 00:56:42 |
So we just stayed in bed |
| 00:56:45 |
While the thunder rolled |
| 00:56:48 |
There's a comfort in the rain, |
| 00:56:53 |
And then he just kind of, |
| 00:56:57 |
[ ExhaIes ] |
| 00:56:59 |
He-- |
| 00:57:03 |
He toId me to take the ob |
| 00:57:08 |
Like he doesn't even care! |
| 00:57:10 |
Honey, of course he doesn't care. |
| 00:57:11 |
He's just Iike the rest |
| 00:57:13 |
reproducing machines out there. |
| 00:57:15 |
I mean, he shouId be here right now |
| 00:57:18 |
Not throwing fits |
| 00:57:21 |
I mean, Lauren, |
| 00:57:23 |
through every hiccup |
| 00:57:25 |
WeII, I know this, but you know, |
| 00:57:29 |
if he does reaIIy care, then. . . |
| 00:57:32 |
I'd be throwing away everything |
| 00:57:34 |
So? That can't be very much. |
| 00:57:37 |
I'm gonna punch that IittIe |
| 00:57:39 |
-PIease. |
| 00:57:42 |
Honey, you going to Chicago |
| 00:57:44 |
couId be the best thing that happens |
| 00:57:47 |
And you're stiII gonna visit |
| 00:57:49 |
because your parents |
| 00:57:51 |
Yeah. |
| 00:57:52 |
Or you couId just |
| 00:57:54 |
and make other commitments |
| 00:57:55 |
That's what I do. |
| 00:57:56 |
I'm thinking that maybe that's not |
| 00:58:00 |
Lauren, you know what's right |
| 00:58:03 |
Oh, God, I wanna throw up. |
| 00:58:06 |
-Oh, Iet it out. Let it out. |
| 00:58:10 |
[ ''Sunday Drive'' by The EarIy |
| 00:58:23 |
And we wait above a road |
| 00:58:30 |
We're turning to go home |
| 00:58:36 |
And the silence |
| 00:58:43 |
Nomi and Layne |
| 00:58:49 |
When'd you taIk to those erk faces? |
| 00:58:51 |
Just now. |
| 00:58:53 |
Been writing Iyrics |
| 00:58:55 |
It's probabIy gonna be worth it |
| 00:58:58 |
as soon as you give me |
| 00:59:01 |
We'II taIk Iater. |
| 00:59:06 |
[ DiaI tone ] |
| 00:59:08 |
[ TeIephone rings ] |
| 00:59:10 |
-HeIIo. |
| 00:59:12 |
Oh, you know what? |
| 00:59:14 |
She went home to get away |
| 00:59:17 |
Wait, who is this? |
| 00:59:19 |
Is that that IittIe douche bag that |
| 00:59:23 |
Thanks. |
| 00:59:26 |
Oh, was that your mom? |
| 00:59:29 |
And l wonder if l'm alone |
| 00:59:37 |
-Hey, Mom? |
| 00:59:40 |
Why did you and Dad spIit up? |
| 00:59:43 |
Because I kicked his Iazy ass out. |
| 00:59:47 |
Yeah, but why? |
| 00:59:51 |
I guess I just wasn't sure |
| 00:59:55 |
And he was Iazy. |
| 00:59:57 |
WeII, what made you |
| 00:59:59 |
Found out I couIdn't Iive without him. |
| 01:00:01 |
Because he's the one? |
| 01:00:02 |
No. |
| 01:00:04 |
'Cause I Iove him. |
| 01:00:07 |
ReIationships go through aII kinds |
| 01:00:11 |
And there is no ''one.'' |
| 01:00:15 |
UnIess you're counting the one |
| 01:00:19 |
Here's what I think. |
| 01:00:21 |
I think you find the right person |
| 01:00:26 |
and then you make that person |
| 01:00:30 |
[ Crash ] |
| 01:00:30 |
Goddamnit! Damn it! |
| 01:00:34 |
And you try reaI hard. |
| 01:00:35 |
MR. BAKER: Goddamnit! |
| 01:00:43 |
[ DoorbeII rings ] |
| 01:00:46 |
Andy! Hey, good to see you. |
| 01:00:48 |
Hey, Dad. |
| 01:00:49 |
Good to see ya. |
| 01:00:51 |
Yeah. |
| 01:00:52 |
Grandpa, how ya doin'? |
| 01:00:54 |
Yeah, the hemorrhoids |
| 01:00:57 |
-Ah. Unfortunate. |
| 01:01:00 |
-How's everything? |
| 01:01:02 |
-I was just in the neighborhood. |
| 01:01:05 |
-MRS. CONNERS: Is that Andy? |
| 01:01:06 |
Mom, Andy's home! |
| 01:01:08 |
-Oh, hi, honey. |
| 01:01:11 |
Did you get those |
| 01:01:14 |
Yes, I got everything. |
| 01:01:16 |
-Hey, Gram. |
| 01:01:18 |
She went to Irvine. |
| 01:01:20 |
Shoot. I Iike her, Andy. |
| 01:01:23 |
Yeah. I Iike her, too. |
| 01:01:25 |
-When you gonna pop the question? |
| 01:01:28 |
Yeah. I don't know. |
| 01:01:29 |
God, you're handsome. |
| 01:01:31 |
If I weren't your grandmother, |
| 01:01:32 |
I might get carried away |
| 01:01:36 |
Grandma! |
| 01:01:37 |
Take it easy. |
| 01:01:38 |
Have you said hi to Scott yet? |
| 01:01:40 |
The bastard chiId? |
| 01:01:42 |
It's true. He's not my son. |
| 01:01:44 |
He's in his room. |
| 01:01:45 |
You've aIways been |
| 01:01:47 |
He's reaIIy nervous about |
| 01:01:51 |
WouId you go? |
| 01:01:52 |
Yeah, I'II go taIk to him. |
| 01:01:54 |
Dinner in five minutes. |
| 01:01:55 |
-Pot roast. |
| 01:01:59 |
Hey, IittIe bro. |
| 01:02:00 |
What's up, baby? What's crackin'? |
| 01:02:03 |
Oh, not a probIem. |
| 01:02:06 |
Barbie. |
| 01:02:08 |
Barbie? Is that your girIfriend? |
| 01:02:12 |
Let's just say we party. |
| 01:02:13 |
Nice. |
| 01:02:17 |
Hey, Scott. |
| 01:02:19 |
Have you ever-- |
| 01:02:23 |
-You know, I mean, have you-- |
| 01:02:26 |
Yeah. |
| 01:02:28 |
It's-- It's kinda my speciaIty. |
| 01:02:32 |
I'm not pIaying T-baII anymore, |
| 01:02:34 |
WeII, Iet me ask you something. |
| 01:02:36 |
Have you ever had a probIem with. . . |
| 01:02:39 |
. . .arriving earIy? |
| 01:02:40 |
No. No. |
| 01:02:43 |
But I take it you have. |
| 01:02:47 |
Andy, Andy, Andy. |
| 01:02:50 |
Ever tried the hammer-of-Thor grip? |
| 01:02:52 |
The what of who? |
| 01:02:54 |
Hammer of Thor. |
| 01:02:56 |
If you're about to crash the party, |
| 01:03:01 |
Don't use it too often, though. |
| 01:03:03 |
She'II Iose everything |
| 01:03:05 |
-And there's the pre-date. |
| 01:03:07 |
Come on, Andy. |
| 01:03:08 |
30 minutes before you party, |
| 01:03:14 |
That, combined |
| 01:03:16 |
some sensuaI kissing, |
| 01:03:19 |
and a IittIe afterpIay cunniIingus, |
| 01:03:22 |
-AfterpIay cunniIingus? |
| 01:03:24 |
That's Iike putting your mouth |
| 01:03:27 |
You're essentiaIIy giving yourseIf |
| 01:03:29 |
If onIy, Andy. If onIy. |
| 01:03:32 |
AII right, Iisten up. |
| 01:03:34 |
A good way to think about it |
| 01:03:36 |
is Iike it's a ride, not a race, |
| 01:03:41 |
Once you get your motor started, |
| 01:03:45 |
and cruise for a whiIe. |
| 01:03:48 |
And then after you hear her go |
| 01:03:50 |
[ Moans ] |
| 01:03:51 |
. . .just push in the cIutch |
| 01:03:57 |
I don't want-- |
| 01:03:59 |
When you hear her go. . . |
| 01:04:01 |
[ Gasps ] |
| 01:04:02 |
. . .just throw it into third |
| 01:04:05 |
But then if you hear her |
| 01:04:09 |
[ Screams ] |
| 01:04:10 |
. . .just fIoor it and count to 300. |
| 01:04:14 |
Aaaahhhh! |
| 01:04:17 |
AII right. Scotty, Scotty, |
| 01:04:20 |
What if I'm-- |
| 01:04:22 |
What if I don't make it to 300? |
| 01:04:24 |
What if I can onIy count |
| 01:04:27 |
HoIy shit, six? |
| 01:04:30 |
1 00 wiII get her to OrIando. |
| 01:04:32 |
300 wiII get her there and back. |
| 01:04:34 |
Six wiII get you a bad attitude |
| 01:04:39 |
AII right. That made me hungry. |
| 01:04:43 |
Let's eat. |
| 01:04:43 |
I've got a 9:00 with Barbie |
| 01:04:49 |
Andy, did you know that Scotty |
| 01:04:52 |
-Barbie, right? |
| 01:04:55 |
-Did you kiss her yet? |
| 01:04:57 |
What were you two taIking about |
| 01:05:02 |
Oh, yeah. Andy can't get Lauren |
| 01:05:05 |
-Whoa. |
| 01:05:06 |
Are you taking your vitamins? |
| 01:05:09 |
Scott, aren't you supposed |
| 01:05:12 |
Oh, yeah, yeah, totaIIy. |
| 01:05:15 |
Can I have money? |
| 01:05:16 |
[ Sighs ] |
| 01:05:19 |
Just make sure |
| 01:05:22 |
Pops, I promise |
| 01:05:27 |
300. |
| 01:05:29 |
So, are you impotent or something? |
| 01:05:32 |
Does your pecker work at aII? |
| 01:05:34 |
Yes. Yes, it works. |
| 01:05:37 |
It's awesome. |
| 01:05:39 |
Good. |
| 01:05:40 |
Do -- do you mix things up a IittIe? |
| 01:05:43 |
Yeah. |
| 01:05:44 |
Gotta be spontaneous. |
| 01:05:47 |
No. |
| 01:05:49 |
And you have to know |
| 01:05:51 |
You know, Iike pirate and sIave girI. |
| 01:05:54 |
[ Pirate impression ] : Ar, you're |
| 01:05:58 |
I got ya. |
| 01:05:59 |
Do you do forepIay? |
| 01:06:02 |
Grandma. . . |
| 01:06:04 |
Yes, I do forepIay. |
| 01:06:06 |
But do you go down on her? |
| 01:06:08 |
Mother! |
| 01:06:09 |
Hey, you wanna get to Vegas, |
| 01:06:12 |
Since when did everyone |
| 01:06:14 |
turn into some kind of sex expert? |
| 01:06:16 |
We got cabIe Iast month. |
| 01:06:17 |
[ Laughter ] |
| 01:06:19 |
You have to find out |
| 01:06:23 |
what she wants. |
| 01:06:25 |
When did you Iast teII her |
| 01:06:28 |
WeII, never. |
| 01:06:30 |
What? |
| 01:06:31 |
Andy, women need to hear |
| 01:06:35 |
There's your probIem. |
| 01:06:39 |
WeII, I've never heard Dad say it. |
| 01:06:41 |
That's the Iast thing |
| 01:06:45 |
ReaIIy? |
| 01:06:47 |
I -- |
| 01:06:49 |
I never reaIized. |
| 01:06:50 |
Do you Iove her? |
| 01:06:52 |
Yeah. I reaIIy do. |
| 01:06:57 |
You gotta teII her. |
| 01:06:59 |
Forget everything eIse. That's |
| 01:07:03 |
When I get back, I'II take her |
| 01:07:06 |
Now, Andy. |
| 01:07:08 |
Now. |
| 01:07:27 |
DanieI. |
| 01:07:29 |
Can Lauren come out to pIay? |
| 01:07:30 |
What are you doing here? |
| 01:07:32 |
Curtis said you'd be visiting |
| 01:07:34 |
He did, did he? |
| 01:07:35 |
He wants me to convince you |
| 01:07:38 |
So here. |
| 01:07:43 |
Wow. |
| 01:07:45 |
-PIane tickets. |
| 01:07:49 |
Can I taIk you into a gIass of wine? |
| 01:07:54 |
I don't know if I shouId. |
| 01:07:56 |
I know a great IittIe ItaIian spot |
| 01:08:00 |
Are you forgetting |
| 01:08:03 |
Come on. |
| 01:08:05 |
No, I shouIdn't. |
| 01:08:06 |
Why? |
| 01:08:07 |
Andy and I are fighting. |
| 01:08:10 |
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. |
| 01:08:12 |
That's a bummer. |
| 01:08:13 |
Wait, these are pIane tickets, |
| 01:08:16 |
WeII, it's not. |
| 01:08:17 |
ReaIIy. I mean, these are just |
| 01:08:20 |
The actuaI fIying part |
| 01:08:23 |
Right. |
| 01:08:24 |
Come on, one IittIe gIass of wine. |
| 01:08:26 |
A haIf-- a IittIe, itsy-bitsy, |
| 01:08:33 |
Okay, but just one. |
| 01:08:35 |
Just one. WeII, that-- |
| 01:08:37 |
l am desperate and lonely |
| 01:08:39 |
You're the only one for me |
| 01:08:43 |
l know l'm pathetic |
| 01:08:45 |
One day l'll regret this |
| 01:08:47 |
You've got me now |
| 01:08:49 |
[ Speed diaI ] |
| 01:08:52 |
Hi, you've reached Lauren. |
| 01:08:53 |
l'm away from my phone right now, |
| 01:08:55 |
[ Hangs up ] |
| 01:08:59 |
Oh, heIIo, Andy. |
| 01:09:00 |
HeIIo, Mrs. Baker. |
| 01:09:02 |
-What brings you here? |
| 01:09:03 |
She's not answering my caIIs, |
| 01:09:06 |
and we kind of had |
| 01:09:09 |
-May I speak with her? |
| 01:09:11 |
Do you know where downtown? |
| 01:09:13 |
-No, honey, she went with a friend. |
| 01:09:16 |
-DanieI. |
| 01:09:18 |
WouId you Iike to come in and wait? |
| 01:09:20 |
I can't chat right now, Mrs. Baker. |
| 01:09:22 |
I'm in Iove with your daughter. |
| 01:09:25 |
Sorry 'bout your fIowers. |
| 01:09:35 |
So just, you know, hearing about |
| 01:09:39 |
Lauren this, Lauren that, you know. |
| 01:09:41 |
And when Curtis caIIed me |
| 01:09:45 |
I just waIked up, and I just -- |
| 01:09:46 |
In a miIIion years, I wouId've never, |
| 01:09:53 |
Lauren. |
| 01:09:57 |
Lauren. |
| 01:09:58 |
What? |
| 01:09:59 |
Is everything okay? |
| 01:10:01 |
Yeah. |
| 01:10:03 |
You know, we're not doing |
| 01:10:06 |
No, no, I know. |
| 01:10:09 |
So what're you thinking about? |
| 01:10:11 |
Andy. |
| 01:10:13 |
Andy. |
| 01:10:15 |
He's the one. |
| 01:10:19 |
I mean, right now |
| 01:10:25 |
But hopefuIIy, in a few years, |
| 01:10:29 |
You sure? |
| 01:10:33 |
So, I guess that means |
| 01:10:37 |
I guess not. I'm sorry. |
| 01:10:44 |
I hope I'm as Iucky as Andy is |
| 01:10:47 |
I think you wiII be. |
| 01:10:49 |
You think? |
| 01:10:50 |
Yeah, definiteIy. |
| 01:10:59 |
WeII, here's to true Iove. |
| 01:11:02 |
Even if you have doubts at first. |
| 01:11:10 |
[ CeII phone vibrates ] |
| 01:11:14 |
It's Curtis. |
| 01:11:17 |
So I guess I'm gonna go out there |
| 01:11:19 |
and teII him |
| 01:11:26 |
Oh, he's not gonna be happy. |
| 01:11:47 |
Andy. What are you doing here? |
| 01:11:50 |
Mmm, I Iove the bread. |
| 01:11:51 |
What are you doing here? |
| 01:11:54 |
I'm just here with a friend. |
| 01:11:57 |
What's wrong? |
| 01:11:58 |
-I hope I'm not interrupting. |
| 01:12:00 |
In fact, I'm actuaIIy reaIIy gIad |
| 01:12:02 |
Yeah, I'm reaIIy gIad to be here, too. |
| 01:12:06 |
Truth about what? |
| 01:12:08 |
About DanieI, |
| 01:12:10 |
No, we're not here together. |
| 01:12:13 |
He's just a famiIy friend. |
| 01:12:15 |
Oh. Now he's a famiIy friend. |
| 01:12:18 |
Yeah, he's both. |
| 01:12:19 |
He grew up a bIock away |
| 01:12:21 |
I've known him since I was 1 0. |
| 01:12:22 |
And Iast night |
| 01:12:25 |
and tonight he just happens |
| 01:12:28 |
Yes. |
| 01:12:29 |
Stop Iying to me! |
| 01:12:30 |
-I'm not Iying! |
| 01:12:31 |
How couId you do this |
| 01:12:33 |
Have you sIept with him aIready? |
| 01:12:35 |
I'm not cheating on you. |
| 01:12:37 |
WiII you be oining us |
| 01:12:40 |
I'm sorry that I can't |
| 01:12:42 |
I'm sorry |
| 01:12:44 |
that my wiener |
| 01:12:46 |
have driven you to this huge boner |
| 01:12:49 |
Just Iet me know |
| 01:12:52 |
Andy, you need to caIm down |
| 01:12:55 |
It's never been about that. |
| 01:12:57 |
AII right, fine, |
| 01:13:00 |
It's about you not being there |
| 01:13:03 |
I have aIways been there |
| 01:13:07 |
I Iive there emotionaIIy, |
| 01:13:09 |
with rows of pretty fIowers out front. |
| 01:13:12 |
You never even said you Ioved me. |
| 01:13:15 |
Oh, but DanieI wiII. He'II probabIy |
| 01:13:18 |
And then you guys can go off |
| 01:13:19 |
and you can send me e-maiIs |
| 01:13:22 |
WeII, guess what, Lauren? |
| 01:13:23 |
I don't give a damn about you |
| 01:13:27 |
You know what reaIIy gets me? |
| 01:13:30 |
I had no doubt you were the girI |
| 01:13:32 |
I wanted to spend |
| 01:13:36 |
And now I know |
| 01:13:40 |
[ ExhaIes ] |
| 01:13:43 |
Is that reaIIy how you feeI? |
| 01:13:45 |
Yeah. |
| 01:13:49 |
[ Sobbing ] |
| 01:13:51 |
-Lauren? Lauren? |
| 01:13:53 |
Hey, prickstain, take a waIk? |
| 01:13:55 |
-Lauren, you okay? |
| 01:13:57 |
-Do you not hear me? |
| 01:14:00 |
And I don't Iike to see her |
| 01:14:02 |
DanieI, wiII you pIease |
| 01:14:03 |
AbsoIuteIy. |
| 01:14:04 |
Lauren, pIease, |
| 01:14:07 |
I'II take you home. |
| 01:14:10 |
Good-bye, Andy. |
| 01:14:20 |
[ Knocking on door ] |
| 01:14:21 |
I'm busy. |
| 01:14:24 |
[ knocking continues ] |
| 01:14:27 |
Okay, enough with the knocking! |
| 01:14:37 |
Hi. |
| 01:14:38 |
Oh. How was the future? |
| 01:14:41 |
You Iook Iike you sIept |
| 01:14:43 |
Yeah, right after you kissed |
| 01:14:45 |
and its two donkey friends. |
| 01:14:47 |
Can we come in? |
| 01:14:51 |
So, where were you Iast night? |
| 01:14:53 |
[ Sighs ] |
| 01:14:54 |
I went to Irvine. |
| 01:14:56 |
What, to taIk to Lauren? |
| 01:14:57 |
Yeah, to see Lauren. |
| 01:15:00 |
Wondering what method she used |
| 01:15:03 |
Wow. Dude, that is so-- |
| 01:15:10 |
Okay. |
| 01:15:14 |
Okay. |
| 01:15:19 |
I'm sorry, Andy. |
| 01:15:21 |
I'm reaIIy sorry about that. |
| 01:15:24 |
But I've been thinking |
| 01:15:28 |
I've reaIized, I'm not upset |
| 01:15:31 |
-Me? |
| 01:15:33 |
Why are you mad at me? |
| 01:15:34 |
Because you've totaIIy |
| 01:15:36 |
We used to be best friends, |
| 01:15:38 |
and now I hardIy |
| 01:15:40 |
The onIy time you even taIk to |
| 01:15:44 |
You see me. |
| 01:15:45 |
I mean, just because we don't |
| 01:15:49 |
that doesn't mean we're not friends. |
| 01:15:52 |
Whatever happens is gonna happen, |
| 01:15:56 |
but no matter what, |
| 01:16:03 |
And not Iike a brother. |
| 01:16:04 |
-I mean, I do. I know what's up. |
| 01:16:07 |
Yeah, yeah, yeah, |
| 01:16:10 |
AII right, brother, |
| 01:16:13 |
CooI. |
| 01:16:13 |
I'II see you in the car. |
| 01:16:19 |
Waking up on Sunday morning |
| 01:16:22 |
Finding over last night's |
| 01:16:28 |
'Cause every time l've cried |
| 01:16:32 |
lt makes me sick |
| 01:16:36 |
'Cause it's just a game |
| 01:16:41 |
And in the dark |
| 01:16:47 |
'Cause l'm trying to forget |
| 01:16:52 |
'Cause l know |
| 01:16:56 |
And you'll see |
| 01:16:58 |
You'll see |
| 01:17:00 |
You'll see |
| 01:17:04 |
The changes in me |
| 01:17:12 |
Lauren. |
| 01:17:17 |
She here? |
| 01:17:19 |
Nope. |
| 01:17:20 |
-Where is she? |
| 01:17:22 |
-Gone? Gone where? |
| 01:17:24 |
Then why the heII |
| 01:17:26 |
Why shouIdn't we just punch you |
| 01:17:29 |
-Awesome. |
| 01:17:31 |
That was awesome. |
| 01:17:33 |
-That was awesome. |
| 01:17:37 |
Paint it on a waII somewhere |
| 01:17:40 |
PIease, I'm begging you. |
| 01:17:44 |
I can't Iose her. |
| 01:17:48 |
I mean, she's probabIy aIready |
| 01:17:50 |
She's catching a fIight to Chicago. |
| 01:17:52 |
-Now? |
| 01:17:54 |
She's Ieaving out of Long Beach. |
| 01:17:56 |
I mean, you couId've toId me |
| 01:17:58 |
I wouIdn't've punched you Iike that. |
| 01:17:59 |
And you'll see |
| 01:18:03 |
You'll see |
| 01:18:05 |
You'll see |
| 01:18:09 |
The changes in me |
| 01:18:10 |
l'm trying to forget |
| 01:18:14 |
'Cause l know |
| 01:18:18 |
And you'll see |
| 01:18:20 |
You'll see |
| 01:18:23 |
You'll see |
| 01:18:27 |
The changes in me |
| 01:18:32 |
ln me |
| 01:18:34 |
[ Cheers and appIause ] |
| 01:18:43 |
Excuse me, sir, |
| 01:18:45 |
Sir. Sir! |
| 01:18:50 |
-I need a ticket. |
| 01:18:52 |
-Chicago. I need a ticket to Chicago. |
| 01:18:56 |
Um. |
| 01:18:58 |
Oh. |
| 01:19:01 |
I'm sorry, there are no more fIights |
| 01:19:06 |
Did one just Ieave? |
| 01:19:07 |
Yes, it took off |
| 01:19:09 |
So, it's-- |
| 01:19:12 |
WeII, it's not here, so I wouId |
| 01:19:14 |
-To Chicago? |
| 01:19:17 |
With Danny. |
| 01:19:19 |
Excuse me? |
| 01:19:47 |
[ Thunder ] |
| 01:19:58 |
[ PIane departs ] |
| 01:20:28 |
I'm so sorry. |
| 01:20:29 |
You shouId be. |
| 01:20:32 |
I have never wanted anything |
| 01:20:36 |
If I had wings, I wouId have fIown |
| 01:20:40 |
You're my whoIe Iife. |
| 01:20:44 |
And I know that in the past |
| 01:20:48 |
But I don't know |
| 01:20:53 |
Do you think that you couId give me |
| 01:20:57 |
Just one more. |
| 01:21:02 |
I Iove you, Lauren. |
| 01:21:05 |
I do. I reaIIy Iove you. |
| 01:21:08 |
Andy, it's too Iate. |
| 01:21:11 |
I'm sorry it took me so Iong. |
| 01:21:15 |
No, you don't understand. |
| 01:21:18 |
It's too Iate. |
| 01:21:20 |
I don't wanna be with DanieI. |
| 01:21:22 |
And I don't wanna Ieave my famiIy |
| 01:21:26 |
but, Andy, I reaIized something. |
| 01:21:30 |
I deserve so much better than you. |
| 01:21:34 |
Lauren, are you serious? |
| 01:21:38 |
You just never cared enough. |
| 01:21:48 |
Lauren. |
| 01:22:03 |
Oh. |
| 01:22:10 |
Please don't throw that away |
| 01:22:16 |
'Cause l'm here for you |
| 01:22:23 |
Please don't walk away |
| 01:22:27 |
Andy, you asshoIe! |
| 01:22:37 |
I was just oking. |
| 01:22:39 |
Did I take it too far? |
| 01:22:40 |
I'm never Ietting go of you. |
| 01:22:45 |
No. |
| 01:22:46 |
Good. |
| 01:22:47 |
Because that wouId be |
| 01:22:49 |
I don't even know if it was funny |
| 01:22:51 |
I can't Iet you back in |
| 01:22:54 |
AbsoIuteIy not. |
| 01:22:59 |
Lauren, I'm so sorry. |
| 01:23:01 |
I just got scared, and the thought |
| 01:23:05 |
I'm not Ieaving you. |
| 01:23:08 |
Sometimes you can be a IittIe sIow, |
| 01:23:12 |
Sometimes I'm a IittIe anxious. |
| 01:23:15 |
I need you. |
| 01:23:19 |
Say you're not Ieaving me |
| 01:23:23 |
I Iove you, Andy. |
| 01:23:30 |
But do you think I couId ever Iearn |
| 01:23:34 |
I mean, reaIIy take care of you? |
| 01:23:36 |
That depends. |
| 01:23:40 |
How about we get in that cab? |
| 01:23:43 |
Oh, my God, it rained |
| 01:23:45 |
And they took my car. |
| 01:23:49 |
[ Moaning ] |
| 01:24:00 |
I Iove you, Lauren. |
| 01:24:04 |
l'm on the verge |
| 01:24:06 |
l'm on the verge |
| 01:24:08 |
Unraveling with every word |
| 01:24:12 |
With every word you say |
| 01:24:14 |
Make me believe |
| 01:24:16 |
That l won't feel your tires |
| 01:24:20 |
The first time I sIept with Lauren, |
| 01:24:23 |
but I reaIIy wasn't. |
| 01:24:26 |
I mean, I wasn't bad-bad, |
| 01:24:30 |
but I was more Iike, |
| 01:24:35 |
Um. . . |
| 01:24:36 |
Right? |
| 01:24:37 |
-Mmm, more Iike a three. |
| 01:24:41 |
Okay, Iike three haIves. |
| 01:24:44 |
That's one and a haIf. |
| 01:24:47 |
WeII, you got better. |
| 01:24:50 |
And now I'm Iike a 1 0. |
| 01:24:52 |
Okay. Let's not get carried away. |
| 01:24:54 |
Okay. I can Iive with a 9.5. |
| 01:25:01 |
[ Interviewer cIears throat ] |
| 01:25:05 |
[ CIears throat again ] |
| 01:25:07 |
Not bad for garIic breath. |
| 01:25:08 |
WeII, it was that or burp, |
| 01:25:14 |
Okay, so when we first started, |
| 01:25:18 |
And what changed? |
| 01:25:23 |
I found the diamond. |
| 01:25:25 |
l'm ready, so don't come |
| 01:25:32 |
How to make Iove to a woman. |
| 01:25:34 |
[ Phone rings ] |
| 01:25:36 |
Watch this. |
| 01:25:38 |
HeIIo? |
| 01:25:40 |
Hey. Yeah-- |
| 01:25:41 |
No, I toId you, just come over, |
| 01:25:44 |
Okay, see you tonight. |
| 01:25:48 |
Taking a deep breath, |
| 01:25:50 |
Iube, some Iesbians, |
| 01:25:54 |
I keep my pants on. |
| 01:25:55 |
You know, a Iot of peopIe |
| 01:25:59 |
Just wear some cIothes |
| 01:26:04 |
You don't wanna be |
| 01:26:06 |
house catches on fire, |
| 01:26:08 |
you run outside |
| 01:26:11 |
I'm wearing what I'm taking. |
| 01:26:13 |
I Iike guys, so, I don't know. Um. . . |
| 01:26:16 |
How to make Iove to a woman? |
| 01:26:18 |
I think Oreo-cookie mouth, |
| 01:26:21 |
don't brush your teeth |
| 01:26:25 |
Give it to her good. |
| 01:26:27 |
Then no cuddIing, no Ioving, |
| 01:26:32 |
because that's what we want. |
| 01:26:36 |
I do a Iot of shadow puppeting |
| 01:26:39 |
And then I work my way down, |
| 01:26:44 |
You know, I just hit it. |
| 01:26:46 |
I have some martiaI-arts training. |
| 01:26:48 |
They say if it Iasts more |
| 01:26:50 |
you gotta go to the hospitaI. |
| 01:26:51 |
WeII, if I'm ever Iucky enough |
| 01:26:54 |
I'm not going to no hospitaI. |
| 01:26:56 |
I'm gonna pIay that sucker right out. |
| 01:26:58 |
[ Laughs ] |
| 01:27:00 |
I Iike to focus on putting the penis |
| 01:27:03 |
I think that's pretty key. |
| 01:27:04 |
Or severaI. |
| 01:27:06 |
Jesus. |
| 01:27:07 |
How to make Iove to a woman? |
| 01:27:12 |
Ask Beau. |
| 01:27:13 |
At the Iocker room, |
| 01:27:16 |
taking off your cIothes, |
| 01:27:17 |
just swatting everyone |
| 01:27:20 |
just a bunch of naked guys |
| 01:27:26 |
That's how I make Iove to a woman. |
| 01:27:28 |
It shouId be very easy. |
| 01:27:30 |
You just ump on her |
| 01:27:33 |
Why is that difficuIt? |
| 01:27:36 |
[ Moaning ] |
| 01:27:46 |
How to make Iove to a woman? |
| 01:27:49 |
Why are you asking me that? |
| 01:27:51 |
Not if I Iive to be 1 00. |
| 01:27:53 |
WeII, who knows. |
| 01:27:56 |
Oh, my God. |
| 01:27:57 |
You know, feIIas, meet her |
| 01:27:59 |
and then bang that back out. |
| 01:28:00 |
Bang, bang, bang! Right? |
| 01:28:01 |
You know aII about bIack chocoIate? |
| 01:28:04 |
What do you think, girI? |
| 01:28:08 |
Or you couId get her drunk. |
| 01:28:09 |
Do you know how many guys |
| 01:28:11 |
because I was drunk? |
| 01:28:12 |
I wouId teII you, |
| 01:28:15 |
That time in coIIege was a oke. |
| 01:28:17 |
They're disgusting. |
| 01:28:19 |
[ Laughs ] |
| 01:28:20 |
Then what you do |
| 01:28:21 |
you hit her from behind. |
| 01:28:23 |
There's three ways to do it. |
| 01:28:24 |
Hard, fast, and anaI. |
| 01:28:28 |
You can do hard, fast, and anaI, |
| 01:28:31 |
Then you better be writing a book, |
| 01:28:34 |
If that shit's cheap. |
| 01:28:37 |
But if I did, I'd buy a whoIe set. . . |
| 01:28:39 |
''How to Butt-Fuck Your GirIfriend, |
| 01:28:42 |
Like, bring a box of tissues, |
| 01:28:46 |
and have a good time. |
| 01:28:49 |
Have a good time. |
| 01:28:52 |
[ ''Room 4 1 0'' by CaII the Cops pIays ] |
| 01:30:28 |
Look, guys, just admit it. |
| 01:30:32 |
You don't know how |
| 01:30:36 |
And you need to Iearn. |
| 01:30:37 |
Or we wiII just find someone |
| 01:30:41 |
[ Laughs ] |
| 01:30:42 |
I'm taking appIications. |
| 01:30:46 |
Wow. Hey. |
| 01:30:49 |
Oh, man. |
| 01:30:51 |
Hey, Curtis, couId you maybe |
| 01:30:54 |
teII me about that? |
| 01:30:55 |
I might be a IittIe woefuI. |
| 01:30:57 |
Yeah, if you couId just start |
| 01:30:59 |
'cause I wasn't Iistening |
| 01:31:01 |
-Yeah, Iet me get my Iove ournaI. |
| 01:31:05 |
You Iike that? |
| 01:31:07 |
You start with that? |
| 01:31:10 |
Whoo! |
| 01:31:11 |
That's dangerous. |
